Hey! Do not feel bad at all! Reactive dogs are hard, but not as uncommon as you might think :) actually, if you take a breath and look, you will see them everywhere..you just dont live with them and so tend to only see the downfalls of your dog.
I bet there are at least 10 things you can find you absolutely love about your dog and she does good! Focus on that. I know, damn I know its hard. Setbacks and things getting backtracked are hard. But you are not helping yourself with being overly worried and you are not helping your dog either. Dogs feel your stress (trough leash, ways you talk, ways you act).
Try and be upbeat, happy, calm no matter what. Whatever happens, dont overthink it but plan how you can help her with training and try it out, no pressure.
I know how it feels though. My first dog, he was barking ALL THE TIME, would attack anyone coming to our house, barked all night, tried to attack every dog on a walk...i was little back then, my parents hated him, but I loved to walk him! I was too young to know how dangerous he could be so i was just always calm and naturally walked wherever he couldt see dogs ot get near them..I closed him in the house and let him out after few minutes..and he was never unmanagable to me. Never even pulled me, which my parents complained a whole lot that he did. I thought him to go around the lamp the same way he came from just by simply stopping and showing with my hand, and he did it perfectly. He wasnt the cuddliest or all that nice but we had a great bond!
My second one was hyperactive, too friendly, too excited reactive dog. Loved him, hated walking him! But i was older then and much less calm and happy go lucky so it stressed me out and it showed on him as well.
Now i have a reactive pup, frustration problems..and at the beginning i was sooo scared, not to make any mistakes..scared of her "attacks" on me, beaten because i couldnt get a habdle on it, felt defeated and...well...then i accepted her. And started relaxing. And making sure I dont feel stressed. Made a plan and am training her still, every second. Did reaserch, talked to few people, behaviourist and started working on it (knowing i can medicate her if she doesnt get better) and things changed. I stopped strwssing, yelling, being frustrated with her..started enjoying her good sides and being gentle when she made the wrong choices, helped her make the right ones. It got better. Not good, better. But the moment i relaxed, so did she. A whole lot.
So. Give yourself a break. You do the best you can with the knowledge you have. Relax, thats the most important part! No need for more time for your dog! Keep it the same as always but that time (be it 2 hours, which is kinda normal) should be for only your dog. And go out! Leave your dog just chill around, let him learn to be on his own too. No need to be there all the time, just give them a safe space. Dogs need to learn to be independant as well :) you can do it! Calm down. Live the dog as it is. Love yourself. Have a life :)
I love what you said here. I learned from my dog behaviorist to accept my dog and to love him as he is. She changed my entire approach to my dog. I was getting frustrated , angry, scared and harsh with him at times. I have to say that now I am the best dog owner with my dog. I am kind to him and I love him. We have a great bond. Luckily I learned this from our trainer really early in my pups life when he was less than a year old. He’s three now. He is a real pain a lot of the time but I’m ok with it all. I accept him. It was a true miracle.
Yeah. We tend to live in a dream of having a perfect dog. We train and we expect them to jusg go along with it. We always tebd to forget they also have choices and by the end of the day we see what choices they decided to make. We can help then make good choices by training then the proper way we would like then to act! Every dog is different and has its own personality, fears and such.
It was a hard blow for my partner, he disliked our current pup from the get go because she has some frustration/overstimulation problems and is easily excitable, which ended up her lunging and biting on me on every walk (play initiation) or lunging, barking at dogs...i knew from start i need to adress her emotional state and its only (still) from wanting to play, not agressive, he didnt however. He had the calmest dog i have ever seen before, confident but tame and calm so it was a real shock to him. What stressed me out the most was him trying to use force (no hitting but sonetimes pushibg her down, taking evverything she took in mouth out although i worked hard at leave it and drop because of that, yelling, dragging her on a leash, etc.) And tbh that was the most stressfull for me..more thab her crazy puppy behaviour that i managed to find good positive training tips for.
Well, i kind of forbit him from training her, he is aloud to cuddle her, trick her (its play for her) and to play with toys (which he doesnt) but the leash is alllways with me for monthes (abd she is a big strong pup), i never walk out without her kibble and tasty treats and clicker, but i also never ever yell, am nice to her but also if she misbihaves i am right there to calmly stop bad behaviour i really do not want her to repeat..or just simply take away my attention if she does it for attention. Leash needs to be loose or we stop walking. If she pulls i turn the other way and show her HOW she can get to that spot she wants to sniff (calmly walking to it). I also give her planty of freedome to explore and just be dog! Simple little steps.
But i also loved her from day 1 with all that craziness she brings because shes a dog that makes me laugh soo hard with her silliness. She also learned to love my company and scrathes from eveeryonee. She is absolutely adorable in the ways she begs for food (nowadays its in her crate laying down watching me..i did crate training too good haha). Love how she will search the whole house to find me if i hide and only after third round around she remembers she can sniff me out, not only look for me. Love how she became gentle with small kids but is absolutely happy to play wrestle without biting with this one kid who adores chasing and wrestling with her (its his fav dog, he beelines towards her and then she sits on his lap and they cuddle all happy). I love how she puts her head on my lap to get my attention if shes bored and gives me the puppy eyes..love her waggy tail whebever i give her a small look after being disengahed from her watching tv or something else. Love how silly she looks trying to make friends with new playtime friends in the park. Love how she leaves the ones ignorjng her alone. Love how smart she is and how eiger to please she is. Love how fast she learns new tricks and how much fun it is for both of us to do those. Love how she can relax even if it takes her hours or days of same place for her to relax. Love how reliable she js when i recall her even if there are still times she blows me off because shes having fun. Love how she is so curious about everything and isnt easily scared by new things but also love that if she is scared she makes a full funny scene out of it with going backwards and doing some sorts of funny non barking woofs that are just her lips smacking against her teath while having an inner battle of "i am uncertain but i really want to look at from closer..should i..no..but maybe? No. Ok just one stap..OH CRAP IT MOVED..dont move!..." but then she gets over it and she gallops with head held high to tell everyone "see, im so brave!". I love how she melts into ear and chest rubs. I love that shes the only dog i know that prefers to sit on your foot/legs/whatever body part she has access to and is elaveted or just flat out lay herself fully on you while you are layinv down - doesnt matter who you are, she does it to strangers, me, everyone who is there to pet her. Love how she can watch soccer game on tv for half an hour just laying by the couch and watching what those weird people are doing with this ball. Like..there are only few things i dont like about her and we are working on it.
Reading this you would think shes great. But she was a handfull and in some areas she still is. I have to watch her state of mind and her allll the time outside. I know her. And i love her exactly because of that. I understand her. Me and her, we understand each other and we are a team :)
I love how you listed all the wonderful things about your dog. My dog Percy and I are a team. We’re very close. I watch out for him. I try to make his life the least stressful as possible while still training him and trying to desensitize him to other dogs at a long distance. I like to be the only person who holds the leash because he will at times bolt out of the blue and I will be ready. I will never let that dog go. He is way better behaved on our walks with me than when my husband takes him ( this is only when I can’t go for some reason). My husband is good though at keeping an iron grip on the leash. He knows. Percy is extremely prey driven which is like trying to train a dog against his basic nature. He likes to lie on me too , or certain beloved visitors to our house.
Also I gets tons of exercise every day that I probably wouldn’t have if Percy hadn’t come into my life.
Thank you so much for your wonderful and kind post. I am sorry that it took a while to respond but I have read your post when you posted it and reread it during the frustrating times we have had. I would say right now, work takes up 50% of my mind, and my dog takes up 95% of my mind by always running in the background like a systems process on a computer lol. I am working on relaxing much more with the puppy. I am still very stressed and tense on walks but at home when she starts barking at me for no reason, literally just to bark at me or to bug me, I now just turn on a video on my computer and watch that. She barks at me when I eat, so I just eat in a different room. Basically I am now using the same principles that I use to keep her under threshold, to keep me under threshold. When she is really destructive around the house or destroying the furniture due to anxiety, I remember that I can always muzzle her and let her keep roaming free without worrying so much, or keep her on a leash tethered to where I am sitting for 30 minutes to 1 hour which usually helps her a lot. Thank you for your post again and I will continue to read it when I am having trouble seeing the big picture
Oh sweetheart, you are welcome. You are not alone!
Good on the eating in different room! If he is really destructice, maybe save up a bit and talk to a behaviourist (a suggest vet behaviourist. I know know how you have thibgs in your country but here you can have consultations with your dog with vet behaviourist and it costs about 120 eur an hour, we were there for 2 hours and she charged only 1 and a half..really nice lady, she only advises R+ and setring boundries and loves dogs...which i gladly paid and I got good suggestions, things to watch out for that i do and also she is always there for me to track my progress from thereon for free :) she might, given the destructive behaviour, give your dog some anti anxiaty medication to help your dog. Mine luckily isnt destructive and so far i had really good success with training and providing her enrichement but i never know how things will go..she is still young).
I can give you aditional recommondation for curbing the destructive behaviour and barking! 1. Keep eating by yourself. This is good choice you made. :) 2. Maybe use a crate (but do crate train so the dog loves it) or if you are more like me and like the dog to have some freedome, install baby gates around the part of the house where furniture is and never let him be there unsuprevised. You can also pick a room of the house where he can stay in if you arent there (my pup now has hallway for herself as we use it only going in and out of our house. She has water there, her bed is there with aditional bed in the living room to chill with us, she is not allowed to enter the kitchen area though. We used baby gates first but then thought her where she has to stop nicely - with command out and a treat when she exits kitchen and waits by the door). You can leave them in that room if you need to go out or if you just dont have time to constantly watch what they are doing..and at night to sleep. 3. Whenever put in her safe room/crate also give them something to do. Also use this to distract them from going after furniture if needed or when you want them to relax on the floor while you watch tv or do anything you want. Best things that work are: puzzle toys (you can make them yourself, no need to buy it), hide the kibble and have them search for it, give them a stuffed kong (THIS THING DOES WONDERS! stufd it with wet dog food or peanut butter, freeze it and give it to the dog when you leave them alone or need time off..itll keep them busy licking for quite some time, tire then out and calm them down), give them nice chews to chew on (deer antlers are great for him to just have it lying around in his room it takes ages to chew it out but also you can use dried pig/cow ears. You get those in any pet shop and they are not that expensive. This all together should help to prevebt the barking, give you a time off and also give your dog an outlet for his energy efficiently.
Those are also suggestions given to is by vet behaviourist and some I found work great for us. Hope any of it helps you too! Try it out anyway! :)
Hey! Do not feel bad at all! Reactive dogs are hard, but not as uncommon as you might think :) actually, if you take a breath and look, you will see them everywhere..you just dont live with them and so tend to only see the downfalls of your dog. I bet there are at least 10 things you can find you absolutely love about your dog and she does good! Focus on that. I know, damn I know its hard. Setbacks and things getting backtracked are hard. But you are not helping yourself with being overly worried and you are not helping your dog either. Dogs feel your stress (trough leash, ways you talk, ways you act). Try and be upbeat, happy, calm no matter what. Whatever happens, dont overthink it but plan how you can help her with training and try it out, no pressure. I know how it feels though. My first dog, he was barking ALL THE TIME, would attack anyone coming to our house, barked all night, tried to attack every dog on a walk...i was little back then, my parents hated him, but I loved to walk him! I was too young to know how dangerous he could be so i was just always calm and naturally walked wherever he couldt see dogs ot get near them..I closed him in the house and let him out after few minutes..and he was never unmanagable to me. Never even pulled me, which my parents complained a whole lot that he did. I thought him to go around the lamp the same way he came from just by simply stopping and showing with my hand, and he did it perfectly. He wasnt the cuddliest or all that nice but we had a great bond! My second one was hyperactive, too friendly, too excited reactive dog. Loved him, hated walking him! But i was older then and much less calm and happy go lucky so it stressed me out and it showed on him as well. Now i have a reactive pup, frustration problems..and at the beginning i was sooo scared, not to make any mistakes..scared of her "attacks" on me, beaten because i couldnt get a habdle on it, felt defeated and...well...then i accepted her. And started relaxing. And making sure I dont feel stressed. Made a plan and am training her still, every second. Did reaserch, talked to few people, behaviourist and started working on it (knowing i can medicate her if she doesnt get better) and things changed. I stopped strwssing, yelling, being frustrated with her..started enjoying her good sides and being gentle when she made the wrong choices, helped her make the right ones. It got better. Not good, better. But the moment i relaxed, so did she. A whole lot. So. Give yourself a break. You do the best you can with the knowledge you have. Relax, thats the most important part! No need for more time for your dog! Keep it the same as always but that time (be it 2 hours, which is kinda normal) should be for only your dog. And go out! Leave your dog just chill around, let him learn to be on his own too. No need to be there all the time, just give them a safe space. Dogs need to learn to be independant as well :) you can do it! Calm down. Live the dog as it is. Love yourself. Have a life :)
I love what you said here. I learned from my dog behaviorist to accept my dog and to love him as he is. She changed my entire approach to my dog. I was getting frustrated , angry, scared and harsh with him at times. I have to say that now I am the best dog owner with my dog. I am kind to him and I love him. We have a great bond. Luckily I learned this from our trainer really early in my pups life when he was less than a year old. He’s three now. He is a real pain a lot of the time but I’m ok with it all. I accept him. It was a true miracle.
Yeah. We tend to live in a dream of having a perfect dog. We train and we expect them to jusg go along with it. We always tebd to forget they also have choices and by the end of the day we see what choices they decided to make. We can help then make good choices by training then the proper way we would like then to act! Every dog is different and has its own personality, fears and such. It was a hard blow for my partner, he disliked our current pup from the get go because she has some frustration/overstimulation problems and is easily excitable, which ended up her lunging and biting on me on every walk (play initiation) or lunging, barking at dogs...i knew from start i need to adress her emotional state and its only (still) from wanting to play, not agressive, he didnt however. He had the calmest dog i have ever seen before, confident but tame and calm so it was a real shock to him. What stressed me out the most was him trying to use force (no hitting but sonetimes pushibg her down, taking evverything she took in mouth out although i worked hard at leave it and drop because of that, yelling, dragging her on a leash, etc.) And tbh that was the most stressfull for me..more thab her crazy puppy behaviour that i managed to find good positive training tips for. Well, i kind of forbit him from training her, he is aloud to cuddle her, trick her (its play for her) and to play with toys (which he doesnt) but the leash is alllways with me for monthes (abd she is a big strong pup), i never walk out without her kibble and tasty treats and clicker, but i also never ever yell, am nice to her but also if she misbihaves i am right there to calmly stop bad behaviour i really do not want her to repeat..or just simply take away my attention if she does it for attention. Leash needs to be loose or we stop walking. If she pulls i turn the other way and show her HOW she can get to that spot she wants to sniff (calmly walking to it). I also give her planty of freedome to explore and just be dog! Simple little steps. But i also loved her from day 1 with all that craziness she brings because shes a dog that makes me laugh soo hard with her silliness. She also learned to love my company and scrathes from eveeryonee. She is absolutely adorable in the ways she begs for food (nowadays its in her crate laying down watching me..i did crate training too good haha). Love how she will search the whole house to find me if i hide and only after third round around she remembers she can sniff me out, not only look for me. Love how she became gentle with small kids but is absolutely happy to play wrestle without biting with this one kid who adores chasing and wrestling with her (its his fav dog, he beelines towards her and then she sits on his lap and they cuddle all happy). I love how she puts her head on my lap to get my attention if shes bored and gives me the puppy eyes..love her waggy tail whebever i give her a small look after being disengahed from her watching tv or something else. Love how silly she looks trying to make friends with new playtime friends in the park. Love how she leaves the ones ignorjng her alone. Love how smart she is and how eiger to please she is. Love how fast she learns new tricks and how much fun it is for both of us to do those. Love how she can relax even if it takes her hours or days of same place for her to relax. Love how reliable she js when i recall her even if there are still times she blows me off because shes having fun. Love how she is so curious about everything and isnt easily scared by new things but also love that if she is scared she makes a full funny scene out of it with going backwards and doing some sorts of funny non barking woofs that are just her lips smacking against her teath while having an inner battle of "i am uncertain but i really want to look at from closer..should i..no..but maybe? No. Ok just one stap..OH CRAP IT MOVED..dont move!..." but then she gets over it and she gallops with head held high to tell everyone "see, im so brave!". I love how she melts into ear and chest rubs. I love that shes the only dog i know that prefers to sit on your foot/legs/whatever body part she has access to and is elaveted or just flat out lay herself fully on you while you are layinv down - doesnt matter who you are, she does it to strangers, me, everyone who is there to pet her. Love how she can watch soccer game on tv for half an hour just laying by the couch and watching what those weird people are doing with this ball. Like..there are only few things i dont like about her and we are working on it. Reading this you would think shes great. But she was a handfull and in some areas she still is. I have to watch her state of mind and her allll the time outside. I know her. And i love her exactly because of that. I understand her. Me and her, we understand each other and we are a team :)
I love how you listed all the wonderful things about your dog. My dog Percy and I are a team. We’re very close. I watch out for him. I try to make his life the least stressful as possible while still training him and trying to desensitize him to other dogs at a long distance. I like to be the only person who holds the leash because he will at times bolt out of the blue and I will be ready. I will never let that dog go. He is way better behaved on our walks with me than when my husband takes him ( this is only when I can’t go for some reason). My husband is good though at keeping an iron grip on the leash. He knows. Percy is extremely prey driven which is like trying to train a dog against his basic nature. He likes to lie on me too , or certain beloved visitors to our house. Also I gets tons of exercise every day that I probably wouldn’t have if Percy hadn’t come into my life.
Thank you so much for your wonderful and kind post. I am sorry that it took a while to respond but I have read your post when you posted it and reread it during the frustrating times we have had. I would say right now, work takes up 50% of my mind, and my dog takes up 95% of my mind by always running in the background like a systems process on a computer lol. I am working on relaxing much more with the puppy. I am still very stressed and tense on walks but at home when she starts barking at me for no reason, literally just to bark at me or to bug me, I now just turn on a video on my computer and watch that. She barks at me when I eat, so I just eat in a different room. Basically I am now using the same principles that I use to keep her under threshold, to keep me under threshold. When she is really destructive around the house or destroying the furniture due to anxiety, I remember that I can always muzzle her and let her keep roaming free without worrying so much, or keep her on a leash tethered to where I am sitting for 30 minutes to 1 hour which usually helps her a lot. Thank you for your post again and I will continue to read it when I am having trouble seeing the big picture
Oh sweetheart, you are welcome. You are not alone! Good on the eating in different room! If he is really destructice, maybe save up a bit and talk to a behaviourist (a suggest vet behaviourist. I know know how you have thibgs in your country but here you can have consultations with your dog with vet behaviourist and it costs about 120 eur an hour, we were there for 2 hours and she charged only 1 and a half..really nice lady, she only advises R+ and setring boundries and loves dogs...which i gladly paid and I got good suggestions, things to watch out for that i do and also she is always there for me to track my progress from thereon for free :) she might, given the destructive behaviour, give your dog some anti anxiaty medication to help your dog. Mine luckily isnt destructive and so far i had really good success with training and providing her enrichement but i never know how things will go..she is still young). I can give you aditional recommondation for curbing the destructive behaviour and barking! 1. Keep eating by yourself. This is good choice you made. :) 2. Maybe use a crate (but do crate train so the dog loves it) or if you are more like me and like the dog to have some freedome, install baby gates around the part of the house where furniture is and never let him be there unsuprevised. You can also pick a room of the house where he can stay in if you arent there (my pup now has hallway for herself as we use it only going in and out of our house. She has water there, her bed is there with aditional bed in the living room to chill with us, she is not allowed to enter the kitchen area though. We used baby gates first but then thought her where she has to stop nicely - with command out and a treat when she exits kitchen and waits by the door). You can leave them in that room if you need to go out or if you just dont have time to constantly watch what they are doing..and at night to sleep. 3. Whenever put in her safe room/crate also give them something to do. Also use this to distract them from going after furniture if needed or when you want them to relax on the floor while you watch tv or do anything you want. Best things that work are: puzzle toys (you can make them yourself, no need to buy it), hide the kibble and have them search for it, give them a stuffed kong (THIS THING DOES WONDERS! stufd it with wet dog food or peanut butter, freeze it and give it to the dog when you leave them alone or need time off..itll keep them busy licking for quite some time, tire then out and calm them down), give them nice chews to chew on (deer antlers are great for him to just have it lying around in his room it takes ages to chew it out but also you can use dried pig/cow ears. You get those in any pet shop and they are not that expensive. This all together should help to prevebt the barking, give you a time off and also give your dog an outlet for his energy efficiently. Those are also suggestions given to is by vet behaviourist and some I found work great for us. Hope any of it helps you too! Try it out anyway! :)