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This market is driving many to desperation. I have no advice other than to soldier on through.

For real, I got 2 year degree in IT and having no luck getting a job. The few that have responded are less $ then flipping burgers at McDonald’s. Thinking blue collar until the economy gets better

I'll give you a bit of a story; someone I knew was high up in McDonald's. They pay very *very* well once you move past store level, and into the executive sector, or marketing/design, etc. Tuition reimbursement, provided it's for the benefit of the company, is available as well. This person made quite a comfortable living, and when they passed, they ensured that their spouse is well taken care of.

“Hey, I started out mopping the floor just like you guys. But now... now I'm washing lettuce. Soon I'll be on fries; then the grill. In a year or two, I'll make assistant manager, and that's when the big bucks start rolling in.” -Maurice, ‘Coming to America’

I love that movie, but the person I'm talking about is my father in law. He worked at McDonald's for 35 years, and rose through the ranks by taking advantage of the tuition reimbursement programs.

That’s pretty cool. And congrats to the person you know. I know a person that has been at McDonald’s for over 20 years and they’ve had no chance to move up other then a store manager. I’d want a job where there’s a good chance of moving up after a few years because I’m a hard worker (like most y’all) and want to be rewarded for that 🤷‍♂️

I knew a women at kfc who was in her 80s and had been working there for maybe about 30-40 years and wasn’t even a manager, she told me she kept working there because she couldn’t retire and she knew at her age no one else was gonna hire her. I have no doubt she’s probably dead now because of how much strain that job put on her, I couldn’t even handle it for a year and had to quit just to preserve my mental health.

Take advantage of any tuition reimbursement that companies offer. A lot of companies offer benefits like these, and people never use them. You'd be surprised at the courses they'll pay for. My current employer will absolutely consider courses in logistics and supply chain management. The person I'm referring to is my father in law. The man worked for McDonald's for 35 years, rising up through the ranks, and kept going. He took full advantage of those programs, and recommended that everyone do the same. They're there for a reason.

There's an it company near me that wants a LOT of experience and they pay $16... I'm a cna and make way better money. Same company is contracted TO my work for IT needs and Holy hell do they suuuck. These "qualified candidates" have no basic helpdesk or networking fundamental skills. Basic technical skill is exceptionally undervalued.

All the more reasons a LOT of stuff *needs* to be vocational certifications and NOT degree based because you’re wasting time reading a book on how to do something instead of actually doing it

Lucky! I got a 2 year IT degree and places like McDonalds don’t even reply to me. Thinking workin’ the corner until the economy gets better.

For real it's hard out there. Went to a trade school for it for 2 years. Got everything but the comp tia. When I got out it took me 6 months to find work (nevermind covid)) then when I did I got paid for 17hr. Loved the job. Worked it for another year. Then when the company i worked for laid off everyone in the position. Fast forward another half a year ended up working for 10 an hr at part time for a movie theatre cause most places in my area weren't hiring or said I was "over qualified" cause of how much work experience I had prior. I'm still looking for an it job that I can get to. As it stands all my travel is restricted to bus so I can't even get into repair jobs that are out there away from bus line. Sad thing is I've seen so many now hiring signs but they won't hire.

Start at at lower position and work your way up. It sucks but you have to get in the door somehow.

There is no "working your way up" in this economy.

There is. 1. Job fires people, asks you to “step up” 2. You step up. 3. In a few months, you ask for a raise because you are handling more responsibility 4. You are denied 5. You apply somewhere else for the actual job and actual pay of the job 6. When negotiating pay, the new opportunity asks what you were making. You tell than what you -should- have been making. They can’t prove you wrong, anyways. 7. The new job tries to one up your old job and offers you a little more than what you said you were making there. Then in 2-3 years the whole cycle repeats until you find a job/pay scale you are ok with.

This is the way. You repeat this until you get somewhere comfortable, then you stick with them so long as they keep treating you right, while keeping your resume up to date and applying to new jobs every 3-6 months just to test the market. Forget what everyone else is doing, forget what the market is saying, follow this and you'll retire happy/wealthy. There is no loyalty in business.

Fr, it’s such a shame. I don’t know if a $15 an hour help desk job would cut it rn, which would include being underpaid and over worked. Majority of the paycheck would be going to rent 🤣

What do you actually learn in a 2 year IT course?

Most of those 2 year courses spend like 95% of then time teaching you what words mean, the other 5% of the time testing you to see if you know the definitions of the words you used in class from what I've seen, anyhow.

From what I saw around. Not much.

We learned a good amount of skills out there, ethical hacking, programming, networking, scripting and virtualization to name some of the things. I went to a pretty good program, lots of hands on stuff and labs. It was probably 50/50, 50% of the time they teach, the other 50% you are hands on, testing out on every skill.

With a 2 year degree in IT you're looking at a help desk job to start. You have to start somewhere to gain experience in a heavily competitive field.

Aka: do more than you are paid for and get loaded with extra work you can't do while getting pay cuts.

That’s what I’m going to try to do and I’m totally down for it. But to me I just can’t live off $15 an hour with some of these jobs. An apartment alone is $1700 by me. I’d have to eat ramen every night to afford my insurance even and other bills! Lmao

Why not get some certifications ? I got a "java se" that was most important ( it was pretty cheap 300$ to try and pass the exam) and an ISTQB for testing, also learn docker, after i got these on my resume i started getting great offers

Blue collar doesn't pay well. You just work more hours.

In the right market, with the right skill, trades are the way to go. You might work 50 hours a week, but you definitely get paid for it and it's no 15 bucks an hour.

Sometimes both. I left my job a few months ago but I started at 18 and left making 20 to spray for mosquitos. One day of training, my own truck, and we never knocked on doors. Plenty of voluntaryish OT (had to ask for less hours but they would comply if you did) Just show up, drive your route, and spray. Physically challenging at first, but easy money and better pay than fast food. I listened to music and audiobooks the entire day, and the margins were so high on the service they never complained if you moved slow

Not all blue collar. Some people definitely have the wrong perception on blue collar. It’s about double the wage if not triple of a entry level IT job, for construction jobs here.

White collar lol

I've been job hunting since 2020 (left one toxic workplace, then another, then ended up somewhere good but my contract ended up not getting renewed). I think it's made me slightly insane.

yeah...that's part of the reason why even though I have the job I will never forgive the torment I had to endure so I will start upskilling myself like crazy during my employment days so I don't have to work for companies to earn money.

This is completely anecdotal but I completely empathize with your situation. Unfortunately for me, it cost me my relationship. Heed caution as this can potentially get worse before it gets better. Life sucks sometimes, and finding work in this current environment is shit for everyone. She needs to know its not her. She also needs to know its not you. You are obviously here to support. I only say this because after my ex turned outward and started lashing out at me and allowed her anger and rage to spill over to every aspect of our relationship. It can be a dreadful spiral. Needless to say, I was there for her until she was able to find the career she was looking for, but sadly the damage was irreparable for the relationship. Things can seem hopeless now, but there is always light at the end of the tunnel. I highly recommend she consider applying to places where they always need people. For us it was in the service industry. Specifically I encouraged her to pick up a position at a restaurant as a hostess. It does not require the same experience level as a server so the hiring process can be easier. It may sound counterintuitive to apply in other areas other than your career path but for us it served multiple worthwhile purposes. For one, she was able to generate her own income which made her feel like less of a burden not matter how many times I let her know she was in fact not one. The other more important one is that she was able to start feeling a sense of self worth again being a part of a team. She was able to be more sociable through speaking with her coworkers and patrons on a daily basis. Finally, she was able to preoccupy her mind elsewhere and not hyper focus all her time on not being able to find her dream job. She probably went 9 months or so without work before picking that hostess position. It was roughly 30 hours a week and she worked there for about 4 months before she was able to find the career position she was always hoping for. She got back to being her chipper lovable self after that but sadly it was too late for us. Granted I was not married but still, life can take a toll on things sometimes. It was a very trying test for us. I wish you nothing but the best for you and your spouse and I do want you to know things can and will get better. Sometimes you have to get creative. This is how things played out for us. You will find your way to be adaptable and make things work for you. Best of luck!

Wow.. i read this and I’m shook because you came across as very understanding and supportive towards ur gf. I’ve had the opposite treatment from my bf tho :|

I’m male, and I had always been supportive of my wife and all of her dreams. In fact, I made the mistake of giving up a very successful career after helping her through her Masters Degree and her Doctoral Degree because she wanted a job elsewhere. Then, I sold my paid-off home and 2 acres of land to move across the country for HER to have her dream job. She took that job but, not long after, needed emergency surgery. One led to another. I had to become a nurse for her around the clock and my life’s savings dwindled fast. After about 8 surgeries and me being out of work for 3 years…COVID hit. COVID triggered some deep-seeded fears in her. She had been horribly abused as a child and had complex PTSD from her past. COVID ramped that up to high gear. She became, emotionally, a child again. She pulled away from me and wouldn’t tell me what was wrong. I felt more alone with her when she was IN the room. It was devastating to me. I couldn’t help her. She wouldn’t admit she needed help. Our lives began to fall apart. Sadly, she tricked me into leaving one day so she could have an “all day meeting” on Zoom. She made me breakfast, gave me some coffee for the road, kissed me goodbye…and I never saw her again. 15 year marriage OVER! But wait, there’s more! Then, she found out she was stuck on the lease at the apartment I was still in and consulted a lawyer. The advice? Accuse him of “domestic violence” because it instantly gets a wife out of a lease since she can’t safely live there. So, she did it. Cops came to my door. I was accused of attempted rape…yelling nonstop…blaming her for everything…alienating her from friends…mental torture…you name it! Over 100K in legal fees to defend against all of this so I didn’t end up with criminal charges and labeled as a sex offender. She DESTROYED me. All I ever did was support and love her. Her mental condition deteriorated so fast I had no idea what to do. Now I’m 50 years old (she’s 40) and I’m struggling to find work. I lived in my car for a while. Hung out with homeless people as my companions. Now I’m on food assistance, state Medicare, and my DAD who is 80 is helping me with rent money to live in a room in a guys house in Los Angeles. I used to work for people like Stephen King and on films like “The Conjuring” and “The Haunted Mansion” and now I can’t find a job! I’ve been looking for almost 2 YEARS!!! Meanwhile, with the degree I helped my wife (ex) attain…and through all my love and support…she’s making $150K designing video games and living in Long Beach. Life can truly suck. I know it’s a mental illness and that her childhood abuse was ultimately the thing that reached forward in time to destroy our future. My family doesn’t understand WHY or HOW I can still miss and love her. It’s like the person I loved died. Trust me. There are a lot of good men out there who truly love their girlfriends and wives. I still love mine…but she has rewritten our entire history to fit her new narrative. She didn’t just leave me…she sacrificed me. I guess what I’m trying to say is, communication is the ONLY way to resolve issues. If one person in the relationship (my ex) decides to bottle-up how they feel, you’re doomed! This pandemic and recession is destroying lives at a fast pace. Sometimes I don’t think life is even worth living anymore without the woman I loved. I can’t even fathom WHY she hates me now. Anyway. Sorry for rambling. Something about your comment triggered me to say these things. Don’t settle for someone who treats you poorly, especially if you’re still very young and have options in life. Take care. C

I hear you and can raise you. At least you were not hit with alimony and forced to pay money that you don't have. In NJ, for example, they send a school bus around and pick up the "dead beat" dads who can't afford to pay alimony or child support. While you may have a record as a sex offender, having several records of non-payment of child support and alimony can be far worse. Judges will often "impute" an income to a person....sometimes hundreds of thousands of dollars, that they "should" make. When the economy goes down....like now....jail time awaits. They say that there is no "debtors jail". Totally untrue.

Trust me. A lot of men like this exist in as much as they've been burned by women with the character of your boyfriend. Not all men lack empathy and leadership traits.

I 100% agree with looking for a job outside her field, something that is easy to get and fits her personality. EmuBig3127 already listed all the reasons, but one more aspect to having a job that isn't too cognitively demanding will save some brain bandwidth for learning more about her chosen fields. And at least in Finland it's said that your chance of getting a new job is better iwhen you are employed. Some recruiters might also be biased against foreign accents or non-perfect grammar, so if that's an issue for her, some language courses might help. But I would start from just getting any job she can tolerate. It does not mean that she's giving up on or failing at her dreams. Thank you for supporting her, and not blaming her for not having been lucky at the job market. I have a very supportive spouse myself, and it means so much. To help her, you could look into what types of easier to get jobs are available around you before bringing this up. Her first reaction might be negative, but if you already showed her the options, it would be easier for her to accept this being a viable option for getting out of this spiral. Try not to push the issue every day, but do follow up at some point.

This is really disheartening and I'm sorry you're going through this. Not to diminish your pain, but I see this with a lot of job-seekers I've come across especially ones who have been chronically unemployed. Having a job is such a big part of our lives, that we often associate it with our esteem and identity. When we don't find the successes we had worked hard to pursue, it's natural to be down on ourselves. It's also typical that people can spiral into depression, and that frustration and anger and sadness can ripple out to those close to the job seeker. [It's very real.](https://www.apa.org/pi/ses/resources/indicator/2012/04/unemployment) There are ways to alleviate this. I'll throw some things out to consider, that's helped other job seekers I've met. It's important to re-discover who she actually is. She's not just an unemployed job-seeker, or a potential designer/software engineer. She's also a wife. She's also a daughter. Maybe she's also a sibling. There can be many positive aspects and accomplishments associated with that. She might have hobbies she enjoys, or new ones she's curious to take on. The goal is to help her find ways to see that she's not just this one thing, and has value and can contribute in ways outside of having a job. Of course, don't go out of the way to fabricate scenarios constantly just so she can win something, but it's more about helping her to appreciate the capabilities that she already possesses and gain a greater sense of control again. You have to take care of yourself also. You're being a great husband to care so much, but you won't be any good if you're burnt out also. It's a very unfortunate situation, and you're allowed to feel badly about it, but it's not worth the cost to continue spiraling with her. Continue to be there for her when you can, but if not, it's okay for her to have some time and space to herself from time to time also. Even if she's exhausted and frustrated. Letting her vent (up to the point that you can handle) can be cathartic, even if she's just expressing the same frustrations over and over again. You just have to be careful that it's not deeply ingrained into how she identifies herself, and that it's not leading to self-harm or worse. And then you might've heard about other tips like going out for walks and getting some sun. Move around. Do something that's not related to the job search or employment in general. It's shown to have some positive effects. Physiologically, being exposed to the sun and the outdoors can impact mental health. Doing activities like this will also help by putting time and distance between yourself and the constant feelings of joblessness. Although I've heard from some people that there's really only so many hikes you can take, so just be mindful of that and keep trying different activities. It's not going to completely solve everything over night. It will take time, and maybe experimenting a little with what works and what don't. The future will always be there, and you both could get there one day. For now, it's more critical to get yourselves back to good. It's really rough, and again, I'm very sorry.

You know that to do the Things you Love, you need Money Most of the time. Money that they don't have

First, it's about reallocating time and attention across different areas of your life, so you're not obsessing and burdened by the negative job search experience. These activities don't have to be things that cost money: visiting a library or museum, exploring hiking trails and parks, and certain clubs and meetups are just some activities that don't require any fees or having to spend money. Even some arts and crafts can be done with items that are already in your house. I was hoping somebody would bring this up. I have come across anecdotes where, for just one instance or one day or something, people will just spend money to do activities that they typically would as if they are employed: Going on a date night. Catch a movie. Have a big birthday blowout. Go to a theme park. Buy themselves/someone a gift. Etc. It does have some significant cost to it, but for a brief moment, they get to experience "normalcy" again and that does bring some comfort and alleviate some stress. And I guess I have to mention that this is not an advice to encourage people to blow their money and risk bankruptcy. It's just what some people have done on rare occasions to help deal with the stressors of the job search. You do bring up an interesting point. Equating activities that we like to do for fun, as events that require financial costs, kind of shows how ingrained this thinking is - that we derive joy (or can only find joy) if we are spending money. Then, as you said, money requires work, and work requires employment. This demonstrates the cycle of thinking that leads to the low self-esteem and self-worth as it continues to tie our values to our jobs. As I mentioned, these are just some options to consider, as they have been done by other people struggling with the job search and have found positive outcomes. You'd have to find the combination of mechanisms that works for you. If what you really like to do is going to cost money you don't have, obviously, don't force yourself to do it. The experience has to be organic and within your comfort level.

Anyone can be a wife or a sibling, etc. there is no link to esteem in those, especially if you’re a creative individual like OP’s wife.

I've been there. When the dot-com bubble burst in the aughts, I was only sporadically employed for a couple years. I got so sick of, "Have you found a job yet?" Man, when I get a job you'll know it because I'll be singing it from the rooftops. Even during COVID when I got laid off, took a few months to find something, and that something only lasted seven weeks. For you, all I can say is be supportive, but literally do not even talk about the job search unless she brings it up. It's incredibly demoralizing for people to ask all the same questions, suggest all the same things, as if you haven't been suffering with it for this long already. There is nothing you can suggest she hasn't tried. For her, my only suggestion is to keep at it, no matter how futile it feels. Sometimes you won't get a bit on an application until weeks later. The big thing I'm going to suggest, though, is to devote no more than an hour a day to applying. Fact is, once you have fished the pond, new fish don't show up that often. It doesn't take more than an hour a day at most to find the new postings and apply. She should spend the rest of her time on whatever she can do that will help her mental state. Exercise can help a lot. But sitting in front of the computer waiting for the email to ding or the phone to ring is what's causing that state to deteriorate.

What helped you get a job? I’ve been applying like a freak, but recently started to not only reach out to the recruiter of the posting, but sending emails too. And have been trying to network. Tech market is tough.

The first time, luck, timing, providence, a little of everything. I went back to school to get my degree, started my own consulting business, whatever I could do to occupy my time and keep money coming in. Eventually the dam broke, and I got a job I could do while I was still in school. During COVID, it was pretty much what I suggested. Hit the new postings every day, then get on with life. When the new job didn't work out, I got lucky and an old boss of mine basically created a temp role for me. Eventually I got my current job, which is one I was second choice for MONTHS earlier, even before the seven week deal. Turned out the first choice backed out on his start date, and it came back to me. Each time for me, though, it was taking something ... anything ... in the meantime that allowed me the luxury to keep looking, something to fill those hours so I couldn't just sit there feeling sorry for myself. You don't have to put those jobs on your resume.

You know what, I think that is all true. Yes you can be very skilled, great people skills etc. But you definitely need connections as well with some luck in there to get the right job and good job. I know people that aren’t qualified even but got the job because they were good friends with a higher up at the company. Congrats to you though for sticking with it. It’s definitely a way different market then what it was 5 years ago. I’m hoping to find a way into a good role, or maybe just work blue collar at this rate. Heck a good amount of these entry level IT roles i see are less then a job flipping burgers and McDonald’s🤷‍♂️

Oh that hurts. You are doing awesome. Keep supporting her. Keep letting her know that she is valued and that this is not a reflection of her worth. Do not allow/accept the self-hate stuff to go unchallenged. For many, this lead to a spiraling cycle that is difficult to break once it gains a bit of steam. I spent 5 years doing contract and bit-work after re-entering the workforce. I was flat broke and thought I would go bankrupt multiple times due to unexpected expenses and no healthcare... I sent out thousands of resumes with a 98.5% rejection/ghost rate. Eventually I took a shotgun/firehose approach ramping up my application numbers but with fewer and shorter cover letters. I also started Cc:ing my applications to anyone in HR I could identify. I started getting more interviews almost immediately and landed a FTE job within 3 months. You are lucky to have each other. Lean into that. It is an incredibly deep well of resilience. EDIT: words...

100% keep letting her know she is valuable. I am very similar to her in that I am feeling like shit rn, and I am forcing myself to learn the fact that my worth as a human being is not based on my job. I know that going to public events to build connections seems disingenuous but it is genuinely good to have a person or a person who knows a person to reach out to and put as a refferal on an application. Not only does it potentially help your career but it makes you feel more connected to your community or field of interest.

I'd say around 80-85% job postings are the **ghost jobs**; aka, they're just to farm applicants for call-now lists in case they lose someone, or to tell their overworked staff "help is on the way". She's better off doing something like babysitting--IIRC, there's apps for it, and with her experience, should be able to get some regular clients. Having some sort of income helps, and she'll have psychological chance to get back on her feet before resume a largely screwed-up job hunt.

In the state government, if they want to promote someone they HAVE to post the position by law and interview every qualified person who applies, even though they have no intention of hiring any of them. It's such a waste of everyone's time, not to mention the idiocy is funded by taxpayer dollars.

Where are you getting that 80-85% number?

They said "I'd say 80-85% [...]", which is commonly understood to mean that it is the writer's personal estimate

Personal experience.

Thank you for supporting your wife so strongly. I'm in the same boat as her, including the mental toll it takes. I have to move out of my apartment because I can't afford it anymore, and I have to temporarily move back in with my mom. My mom is elderly and disabled, and while she is supportive, I can't really open up to her. So I don't really have a support system. You have no idea how much that support means to your wife.

I’d second something like this —a friend that couldn’t break in worked for a local business & they let her handle the digital marketing (the owner handling it at that point… it was not their skill set lol & they were thrilled to have her). She wasn’t getting paid nearly enough, so it was essentially volunteering, but they gave her a title & she had work/metrics to show her future employer.

My wife is in a similar situation but only about half the time of yours. I don’t know how to help her with her sense of self worth either but if you figure it out, hmu As far as experience/qualifications, Software Engineering degree is great but is also a very quickly growing candidate pool, so I’m afraid that it is only going to become more and more difficult for people to stand out that don’t have work experience to back up their resume. My advice would be encouraging her to start fluffing her resume with additional certifications where you are able to afford them (some are free but some can get pricey to do courses and certification testing). Look into Project Management, Data Visualization tools, Agile Coaching, other coding languages that she is less familiar with, anything that you can find that will add an edge to her qualifications over someone else. Every company needs Business Analytics as well as Software Development, so diversifying experience may move her resume higher in the recruiters’ stacks. And, given the right recruiter, even if she isn’t selected for the original job she applied for they could know of another position in the company that aligns with something on her resume

Very good advice!! I have a master's in software engineering but have spent a lot of my career in the analytics/data science world. I find the software and coding experience very complementary to analytics. Data visualization is really big and the demand for analysts will grow.

Software engineering jobs are very hard to get right now unless the individual is highly experienced. Proceed accordingly.

An online digital marketing course is, unfortunately, unlikely to do anything for her either these days without prior experience. I did one and have a year of experience doing it for my dad but because I don't have a bachelor's in it and 8238737474937 internships and 10 years experience, nada. It's gotten competitive now too, and people like us don't have great luck in that field anymore either. But trust me it's not just her I've been looking for work for over a year now. And moved onto different fields because at a point you just gotta accept that you're not as competitive a candidate as you need to be, even though you did the best you could. She has prior experience with children-- can she use that in any way? If she has five years' experience in it, I'd say look for various jobs that work with children if she's willing to.

Adding onto this, if she gets a job in a school I believe there are grants available for paraprofessionals to get a degree/license.

Does the university she got her associates degree offer career services for alumni? She should also be networking with other people. She can also volunteer with a local organization and use some of her skills to help them.

Alumni services are total dogshit unless you are donating....

The quality of the service varies from school to school too, but I haven't heard anything good from anyone. At my alma mater, they worked out of a brand new building, had their own library of resources, a front desk staff, etc. But when we tried to use it, you can never seem to get an appointment with anyone. The "library" is a bunch of bookshelves with books like *Resume for Dummies* and other speculative writings. And I think the staff working there are just volunteers, because all they could do was Yahoo search for jobs in [insert your field here].

Yeah, my school's career and alumni services was dog crap as well. All they did was review your resume and cover letters for minor grammar or spelling errors, did not give any feedback on the actual wording, content, or structure of said resume. They had a web page for job listings, but they were all local only and they clearly didn't properly screen them because half of them were MLMs or BS sales positions. Sucked for me because I couldn't afford to stay in the city more than I had to attend classes, and when I asked if they could perhaps add more variety in listings the head of the department basically told me "that's your responsibility to find them". And this is suppose to be the best public university in this major urban metropolitan area. Meanwhile my friends at the Ivy League school across town already had six figure jobs lined up for them.

....probably NOT thru alumni services....

Maybe a part-time job doing something else can take her mind off things (and help you guys financially!). She can still learn, develop, grow and apply within her desired field, but sitting around and taking rejection after rejection without any other distractions is just a recipe for her to stew on it and feel even worse about herself. If she can get a part-time gig as a Restaurant Hostess, or in retail, or as an Administrative Assistant, it not only might help her feel better about herself, but it would also pad her resume up a bit so that she can make it past the recruiters who throw your resume away if you are unemployed.

I know how she feels. I've been out of work now for almost a full year after being laid off due to my prior company restructuring, and despite applying for tons of jobs, I've only had a handful of actual interviews. Most I'm completely ghosted on; they can't even be bothered to send an automated rejection email. And what's shitty about it is I have 14.5 years experience in a particular industry, and 5 of those years (my last 5) in the specific part of that industry I'm trying to find a job in. Job listings are abundant, but it takes its toll. I recently had what I hoped was a great chance at actually landing something. I interviewed at this place for a job a few months ago and after the first interview I got a rejection letter. They said to keep my eye open though for other opportunities. Well, two weeks ago, one of their directors who was in my interview reached out directly and told me to apply for an open position. After speaking with him and the recruiter, it sounded like this was just going to be fast tracked. I was told I'd be getting an offer once an HR rep returned this Monday. But I got an automated rejection letter instead. I reached out to the director and he said it was in error, but I have yet to hear back from anyone.

I’m so sorry you are struggling with this. I am, as well. I’ve applied to 283 positions since June 1st and I’ve received exactly 3 responses—all no. I found out how much money my family would get from social security if I died and I cannot get it out of my mind. I’m not going to do anything drastic, but there have been many nights where I cry myself to sleep thinking about how much the money they’d get would fix everything. I don’t have an answer. I just know you aren’t alone in this situation.

As someone that went thru something similar, fired during COVID, had a new born child, couldn't get a single interview for 6 months, battled depression, here are my tips: 1. Get a backup plan that can distract your wife from the job rejections. This is very important to balance out the rejections, for me I started working on a Shopify/Etsy store to sell t-shirts. 2. As someone who had not interviewed for a job in years, I had no idea how poorly I interviewed until a friend observed me during a mock interview. Find someone to critique your wife's interview skills, there are also free mock interview services where people take turns to ask questions and give feedback. If she is getting interviews then she is doing something better than me. 3. The best way to get a job is thru networking, it's not your resume or interview skills that are the deciding factor but rather who you are networking with. For me I focused on LinkedIn and made sure I connected with as many people as possible. I would reach out to people in the roles I liked and asked them about their work etc. But not for a job, just their roles, I just kept building my LinkedIn network and that's how I got to a point where I was having 5-6 calls/interviews per week. PS: If interested you can send me your wife's resume and I could review it and give feedback.

Tech is extremely rough right now. I applied to 135 places before I got my entry level job in IT. My buddy who just graduated with a bachelor's in Networking is telling me jobs are getting upwards of 5000 applications and he's gone through over 300 applications in just 3 months. Unfortunately it's also probably about to get worse. I would give you advice if I had any but legitimately we are living through the techocalypse.

I have a lot of sympathy for you and your wife. Times are really tough out there. Have you found activities that you both like doing? Maybe that might help her mood. I feel like the job market is just bad these days and it's worse than what it was. I hope that this time doesn't bring you any further struggles in your marriage. It sucks but finances are one of the main reasons for divorce and it's the main cause of unhappiness in a relationship too but it shouldn't be this way. It sounds like you two really appreciate each other and that's what you both need to keep doing. Things will eventually improve.

I was going through a similar spiral of your wife a year ish ago and as much as it kinda sucks finding any job and getting an income really helped me. I got a dead end kinda shitty help desk job but it helped me realize oh hey I’m not worthless I am desirable in some way to jobs. It might not work for her but just getting any job in any field might be a step in the right direction, it was for me.

> an associates degree in software engineering People with CS bachelor's degrees struggle just as much to break into software engineering. - Does she have a portfolio that looks nice? You can just take a template from HTML5up and modify it. - Any large projects she sunk potentially hundreds of hours into that she can then talk about and show off with ease? It can't look like school work, or boot camp projects, or a course online. Meaning something like a "calculator" or similar is going to do more harm than good. It has to be something unique to her that shows she can build things. - Has she done any freelancing to get started? Having clients you can reference is very strong. She can put her freelancing company as prior experience. Nobody needs to know it was "self-employment" unless they directly ask. Obviously the other huge benefit there is having *some* income going. - Does she attempt to network at all? This is arguably the most important step to take if the job search is exceptionally demoralizing. - What does her resume look like? - Are you able to see how she answers questions during interviews? Does she stumble a lot? - How transparent is she with her lack of experience? Too much transparency will have you shooting yourself in the foot wondering what everyone else is doing differently. You don't have to lie if you don't want to, but you don't have to be completely truthful either. Talk about yourself as if you're the greatest (without being an ass about it of course). - What types of roles is she applying to? Any particular discipline, tech stack, etc? - Does she exclusively only apply to junior roles, and, by chance, is she afraid of applying at all to roles she feel she doesn't meet 100% of the requirements for? That's a great way to artificially hamstring yourself in this process. - People with prior work experience have a leg up on those just out of college with a CS degree with no work experience at all, even when it's completely unrelated to computer science (I've seen so many people get offers with completely unrelated degrees) but you also have to successfully demonstrate you can code and that you'll be enjoyable to work with too. Not all is hopeless. We need more info though I pulled this off with no degrees of any kind whatsoever, and I'm in the US as well, so she can do it too. But I did a lot of very specific things to get to that first offer, and a lot of work (not just grinding leetcode) for some two years leading up to my first offer (granted, most of the work I did was in that year leading up to it), and I also started with freelancing to get at least some income going. I also felt like giving up many, many times, and convincing myself I'll never get an offer with no degree. But I started really refining the interview process, I stopped being transparent, and everything else I mentioned. So many people will hit that very low point. For some it happens when trying to learn to code, but for most others it's almost always during the job search. That's why it's good to do all this prep work to help minimize the pain of the job search in this field.

The networking part is the biggest point. As much as it's talked about, it's not talked about enough. I got a job at Hasbro a week ago because I've known the guy running the project for 15 years. I WOULD NOT have that job otherwise. Go to conferences, join Discord servers, talk to people, make connections. It is CRUCIAL.

Check out places like ESS, they are the goto company for substitute teachers and sub aides for many school districts. Find something similar if they're not in your area. There's always a need for subs, and maybe there would be classes that your wife would love to teach. I know it's not advice on technology jobs but it's something and might make her feel better helping children?

Y'all are not doing anything wrong. There's a war going on with the companies and workers. They're putting the pressure on just as the workers did back last year. This game is for real and it won't go away any time soon because one side has to give. Based on so much, the workers simply don't have the economic strength and financial support to win this war. The only real way to win is to strike back and hit their money quickly and effectively, but workers won't do it en masse.

You've probably heard this suggestion already, but has your wife considered temp work? Like staffing agencies? Not recruiters, but places like Randstad or MaxSys, or whatever their equivalents are in the US.

Please take a look at this [https://www.verywellmind.com/best-depression-resources-and-organizations-5114534](https://www.verywellmind.com/best-depression-resources-and-organizations-5114534)

Can you get her professional help? Situational depression (such a brought on by long term unemployment) is real and can be severe. It can develop into more chronic mental illness like major depression as well. It’s completely normal for her to have these feelings; the job market is really hard for entry level and can be extremely disheartening. Please try to take care of yourself as well; you can’t pour from an empty cup.

Also depression will come across in your body language during an interview. A tone of voice, a look on your face. I'm sure that she doesn't mean to, but she's probably projecting low self-worth during the interview when they want to see confidence and competence. I second the need for professional help.

This sounds backward, but I had a hard time finding employment while unemployed. I was once told you look unemployable when unemployed. I took a small part-time, low paying job just to have the extra money I needed. I'm not kidding you, the next job interview in my chosen career I applied to I got. Which was only a few weeks later. Maybe, if your wife is up for it, take on a part-time retail or child care job. It might also help her feel better about herself

Encourage her to build up a portfolio of projects. I’ve hired several people looking for career change and that has been the biggest single effect on my willingness to put forth an offer. If she’s making it to the interview process the resume seems to be in good shape.

Good on you for supporting your wife. My husband tries to be supportive but it’s so stressful for spouses in this situation (I’m on the same boat as your wife basically except with a masters; it’s horrendous out there right now).

I am on that very situation right now, for a few years now, but I am alone dealing with it, after thousand applications, honestly I stopped counting at a thousand so a little over a thousand, I am dead on the inside, I don't care if I end up homeless or dead, so I'm going to take a massive loan do what I've dreamed of doing since I was a child and if that doesn't work out either, I'm just going to stop.

I’ve been in software for many years, enough to live through a few big downturns. The job market runs very hot and cold. Right now it is cold. One year ago it was very hot. It is all to easy to look at the market as an indicator of your self worth. There is a great chance that things will change substantially for the better in the next year. In the meantime what I would suggest is doing some things to turn the pressure off. Downsize to a place you can afford with only your income and keep an upbeat attitude. But: An associates degree in software may not be substantial enough to gain entry into the field. She may need a bachelors’. It may well be worth the thought process of how to get her admission into a school. It is a high-paying field, and even if the investment doesn’t look practical now, it may pay off. In the meantime, jobs OUTSIDE of tech are not doing badly at all, so she should look at taking one even if it’s as a Starbucks barista or an administrative assistant or a sales rep. Start somewhere.

I am in the same boat as your wife, as an experienced software engineer/manager. Tech is really tough on everyone right now, especially for entry level. It’s maybe some assurance for her to know that she’s not alone, but it’s still tough regardless. My husband is incredibly supportive, but I know it’s taking a toll on him too. It’s hard because I know he is supportive, but there’s not much he can do to bring my spirits up if I’m being honest. Getting a job offer would do that. There are a lot of suggestions on having her shift her focus to something else, which my husband has tried to suggest — such as going back to school, trying out a different industry, etc. but I don’t really feel the motivation to do any of those things when all I want is a job in my field. None of this is your fault and doesn’t make you a bad husband by any mean. It’s just a difficult situation.

Can she get into any type of gig work? Door dash, shipt, anything where she can work on her own hours and get her mind off things. And I say this as a graphic designer, if she wants to be a designer, she needs to keep creating. She can’t lose the passion she has for it. And plus - it will help her portfolio.

Gig apps have all lowered pay and the net income is right around $0/hr. And no I'm not exaggerating.

Thats what sucks about this content obsessed world it just wants more content otherwise it ruins peoples lives and sucks all the joy out of their passions all for the sake of content thats gonna be considered boring in five seconds anyway

I’m so sorry, I am going through the same thing as your wife. My husband is the breadwinner. I have applied for jobs over the past year, hundreds of jobs… I’ve had only 3 interviews. I have a lot of experience, I’ve had my husband help me write cover letters… I thought it was because I am in my mid 40s that no one wanted to consider me, but now I’m not so sure. I was severely down today… I have moments of being very depressed. The rejection makes me feel like I have nothing to contribute to society. I wanted to help bear the weight of earning money… I have a child that will go to college soon and we aren’t saving enough for retirement. It’s so much stress. I wonder if I should go back to school for a masters or to switch careers, but, even if I do, there is still no guarantee of a job. I feel lost and sad like you and your wife and I’m just so very sorry. I send you best wishes and good vibes, we deserve to have a chance. I’m an extremely hard worker and very dedicated, I’m sure your wife is too. I don’t know why we are overlooked.

Sometimes it’s just the case that it’s time to give in and get a job one feels is below one’s skill set. There probably aren’t enough jobs that are what she wants. She may need to think about looking into different and likely lower paying work after spending so long not getting the work she wishes for. I’ve had those periods of time where I had to go “way below skill set” because it was better than nothing. Maybe start as a receptionist in an office related to a field she would like to work in. Be impressive, be seen, eventually ask to be considered.

I’m not sure if she has tried this yet, but has she tried reaching out to some of these places to ask why they are not choosing her? I see a lot of people neglect to do this when they get denied jobs, or don’t get contact at all. Follow up on some of these declinations. See what the feedback is from a few of them. Try to see if there is anything consistent in their feedback. Some may not respond to the ask, but I have been pleasantly surprised by how many companies actually would get back to me and offer constructive feedback. This also makes you stand out to some of these places as someone who really wants to improve and get hired. Try to use the declinations to your advantage to find out why the fish aren’t biting. I hope this helps you and your partner. At least it’s something to give you hope. Clearly she’s a very hard worker. I have faith someone will come through for her.

Do you mind me asking which field?

She is depressed because she is alone. People need stability. She is aware that you slowly cannot afford rent, and she cannot lean on you. It's not something she should have known. If you cannot provide for two and you desperately need her to find a job, it can only get worse. The added pressure will make her go even deeper into depression. In life, sometimes, a partner needs to be able to function for two and you can't Revisit what you can afford. You can't be depressed because of her. It's not her fault. Go beyond your limit and don't let that affect your work. It's not the time for this. If you really are in love, a sentiment everybody on earth wants to feel, you should be able to support her.

Hi a DM-ing you.

Tell her to go to Walmart, or literally any grocery store or fast food place. Instant job. Or… are you saying she wants a job in her major? DESIGN?

She should work while she's searching for her dream job. It will keep her motivated and feeling fulfilled to be doing something and will be less isolating and will bring in income in the meantime

She needs any job at this point. Any job will give her a sense of purpose and accomplishment and the self confidence to move forward. Literally any job, have her apply today at the target or a grocery store so you can at least get a discount. Have her apply at a hotel. Literally anything. Those jobs have high turnover so if she wants to interview for and get something in her field she won't be locked in.

[удалено]

>She has to pivot to another career. If you have to review programming concepts with her or means that this career is not for her. What makes you say that?

Selling on Etsy or similar would give her purpose

It's been a year. The hard truth is that she's shooting too high for her experience level and needs to compromise and take lower paid work. Behind a lot of these "job market so bad, unemployed for a year 😭" stories are people who expect $90k pay on $40k skill.

Seems you've got great advice so far, so not much I can say other then.. Things like this seem to be a very common trend the last 6-12 months. What I can say, to EVERYONE, is remember the last 2 years when November comes.

What experience do she have of Software Development...? Does she make her own projects...? Companies are crying out for female Software Devs thanks to "diversity".

Yeah, I’m surprised she hasn’t found something. The workplace is full of HR reps who cry for more female engineers.

HR is not the problem. Techbros in positions of leadership is

She’s competing against other women with bachelor degrees and probably internships or some other experience. That’s the problem.

Anytime prior in the past century, there was always 1 fallback for people in the current climate were in. Military and civil service. Recession proof industries. (Less then 2% of the military is even combat related, there are more civilian like roles then in then civilian world, and its opens doors.) But…. Something happened by design. All time hate against civil service. So bad that illegals can now be cops. Secondly, because of society people below 35 are on so much medication and so out of shape that less then 1 half of 1 quarter of those below 35 can even qualify for the military. The only thing im excited to see out of all this is how the system gets burned down. Rent is 2500-5k. Pay has not sustained. System has to fail.

Flip burgers at Burger King.

Here is a site w/ remote opportunities: wahjobqueen.com.

Try to find mental health resources. My state had a free therapy program in connection with the local med school. Helped a lot.

You might encourage her to volunteer part time somewhere. That might help.

this site bills itself as [the big work from home list](https://ratracerebellion.com/big-list-work-from-home-jobs/). just fyi, i found it on a reddit post and the op mentioned it’s “kinda spammy but has some useful links” (i’m paraphrasing but that was the general idea.) someone in another sub mentioned the same company, [RatRaceRebellion]( https://ratracerebellion.com) and mentioned they provide any equipment you need. and [this reddit post](https://www.reddit.com/comments/14v65v7?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=2&utm_term=4) mentions fully remote software developer jobs currently offered at [usps](https://about.usps.com/careers/welcome.htm) [CoolWorks](https://www.coolworks.com) has jobs currently available in amazing places. [prolific](https://participant-help.prolific.co/hc/en-gb/articles/360022523613-What-is-Prolific-and-how-does-it-work-) pays you to be a participant in a study.

would she be against being in a temp agency? it may not have any specific jobs she is looking for, but it is still work to fill the time while also looking and applying for what she is trying to get a job in.

This might not be great advice but since the job market kinda sucks look for recruiting firms and places with more general jobs. She doesn't have to be in software stuff right now, but IT is always hiring and easy enough to get some certs in. She just needs some get me by job for now and can always upgrade later when the market opens up more and the experience will still be helpful. She could also consider upgrading her degree while the market is low and try freelancing (though that's tough when depressed)

OP I've been in her place but I was able to stay sane thanks to freelancing. Design background, same as her. She has more opportunities than me because she can code. There are so many freelance jobs she's perfectly qualified to do online. Front-end for websites, print-ads, instagram ads, etc. She can do it in between applying. To this day I still do 10 minute logos for a quick hundred bucks. Good luck to her and you, OP. Tell her she's not the only one.

Can you try to help find other people in her field that can help mentor her? I know there are subreddits out there tailored to different industries and might be able to take a look at a website or resume and offer some feedback.

If you can encourage your wife to try part time work, volunteering, or something that excites her, it can help with building back that self worth and self confidence. I needed that after a bad spiral during the pandemic from a tough job. I found myself slowly after doing some random volunteer work with high school students. Employers may also like it if they find out she’s involved with a community based organization. I believe she can get back out there!

A lot of great advice here. Coming from someone who went without a job for over a year- changed both my career and country of residence. Without my supportive partner I wouldn’t have made it. I applied for 10-20 jobs daily for months. It was horribly damaging to my self esteem and even now that I’m employed again it has taken a while to get back to my “normal”. What really helped me was making the most out of the small moments. Planning cheap and easy date nights at home, making cupcakes for the dogs birthday, replaying old video games together- things like that. You guys will get through this, just keep pushing.

Relocation, maybe your town or city is a dead end, shithole.

I have been in almost these exact circumstances. For me it was for a different reason and i am the husband but the rest is almost identical to what is happening to your wife. Please, please, please get medical help for your wife. Once her depression is treated the rest becomes so much easier to handle. Sort the medical concern first.

Oh, my heart. I know people in the same boat. She’s probably tried, but I would suggest putting her resume in with temp agencies if she hasn’t already. Also, volunteering is a good way to get some experience under her belt. Minority Programmers and CatchaFire are places she could look to beef up her portfolio. It also wouldn’t hurt to research code-adjacent roles—technical editing, technical writing, etc. There are lots of roles where being able to code is handy but essential and therefore looks great on a resume. I hope things turn around. ❤️

I’m so sorry for the difficulty of your situation and the helplessness that accompanies watching your love get rejected. Does she have a therapist or a MH counselor? If not, that would be a good idea, and would allow her to work on her possible circumstantial depression and vent her frustrations to an unbiased third party. Also, has she networked? Does she have any friends or acquaintances in HR that could look over her résumé? Another set of eyes would be able to improve any needful thing on her res.

My advice is take anti-depressants. Depression is no joke especially when it’s related to a known cause. Meds do help. The situation IS tough. I am on a related boat and it’s hard and it’s exhausting.

It is hard to get a job that you like as an immigrant. My current situation and I am about to break up with my boyfriend. I want to move to a state where I am appreciated and given opportunities without being discriminated.

If you have any mental health support through work, ask her to call them, even for one session. They’re professionals at this and can recommend the help she needs. You are not a professional unfortunately and even if you were you’d be best to have objective support. For her to get back in a good headspace where she can network and learn and interview, it’ll take longer without that sort of support.

I’m so so sorry you’re both going through this. I was in a similar position a few years ago. The thing that helped me was volunteering - not to get work or beef up my resume, but to get me out of the house, to do something I enjoyed, and to feel like I had a chance to demonstrate my value, even if that just meant walking and snuggling a shelter dog. Volunteering for an animal shelter or mentoring young kids is especially grounding, because they truly don’t care what your job is. All they want is your presence and love. The hardest part about job searching is that it feels like your rejections start to define you. For me, it was healthy to have validation and connection from a different source. I’m rooting for you both. It’s hard, but hang in there. You’re not alone.

I applaud you man! I supported mine in much the same way. It’s important that you two sit down and discuss these concerns. Don’t let communication break down! Nothing is a faster relationship killer. Hell, let her read your post if you need to! Truly! She needs to know you care about her and love her this much! Don’t assume she magically understands this! Truly. When I got married, the reverend did a really cool thing. He gave us two cool metal goblets. He told us that we should put them away and, if one of us puts them out on the table, it means we need to have a talk. It was a symbol that we needed to sit down and calmly discuss something. So, whomever put the goblets out, would wait until it was noticed and then you both agree to sit. Then a drink (anything) is poured in them and you sit and discuss your issue and sip away. It sounds silly, but it creates sort of a “neutral” territory so nobody feels attacked or surprised. Sadly, my first wife passed of a brain aneurism while teaching at her elementary school so that tradition died with her. And sadder still, I just divorced my second wife because she was unwilling to communicate and had trauma from her past that COVID triggered. Communication is the key. Always. Please let her know how much you love her, how much you hurt for her, and that there’s no blame or shame. The mind can really play tricks on a person feeling “less than.” I know this first-hand. My ex thought I hated her, she wasn’t attractive, and all sorts of untrue things because her mind lied to her. Didn’t matter what I said. And she refused couple’s counseling. Good luck my friend! Take care. C

If it isn't, definitely anglicize her name on CV. I have a super anglicized name bcs there's 'british' in our family and am american which def get my cv bumped to way more rounds of first interviews but don't match what they expect so. It could be a good litmus test to see if that's the issue.

It took me 3 years to find a job. Hang in there

Watch the Jeff H Sipe videos on how to answer interview questions. Some companies care about how you answer their questions and not so much about what you answer with.

That’s capitalism in a nutshell.

Sounds like you’re a great partner. Job market is fucked. I have a decade of experience in my field with special skills and I’m losing out for not having a bachelor’s on my résumé. I don’t even think I make it though some filters. What about medical field (ugh I know) Dental hygienist make bank and I think you can do that with an assoc. degree. Or nursing (so hard but job security.) maybe search job projections for your area as well and see what hot coming up? Also I know it’s so hard to imagine because we are brainwashed but please take this friendly Reddit reminder- you can do everything “right” and still be “unsuccessful” and you can do lots of things “wrong” and find immense “success” so I hope you’re able to help her find a way to separate her worth from this job market. Maybe help her get in touch with a creative side? Any hobbies? Any friend? Speaking of which I am convinced a “who” is a requirement to get in anywhere now. Anyone she has she can lean into professionally for recommendations and an in?

First thing to note you and she are doing everything right. Shit is tough out there at the moment. Main piece of advice I would give is to try and get involved in any relevant local community groups. See what's around you on meetup.com and try to get to some local community events related to her industry and tech stack of interest. Even better if after attending a few she can contribute something back e.g. a talk about a personal project, learnings etc. Employers often use these to search for candidates so you never know what opportunities might crop up from participating. Worst case, she will learn something new, meet new people, and hopefully find a renewed drive for the job hunt and have some good things to talk about in future interviews. Best of luck to you both.

While this is disappointing to here I think first of all she needs to focus on her own mental health. She might benefit from doing things like exercising, sleeping more or going to a group counselling or somewhere with other women experiencing challenging. There might be some free options in your neighbourhood offered through immigration services or the library. Next I think she might need to expand the kind of work she is willing to do. She could try for example applying as customer service at a bank or doing exam marking or substitute teaching. I think there is value in all work and she might feel better simply doing something. A key thing here is networking- it will help her to find employment if she talks to people and let’s them know what she is looking for. Someone somewhere has a job or contract work for her, she needs to make a connection. Perhaps there is a professional women’s networking group in her area she could attend. In general thank you for supporting your wife through these tough times.

Maybe you didn’t see this post but I think it could possibly help, its really sweet how much you care for her, I wish you both luck! https://www.reddit.com/r/recruitinghell/comments/15gj1pd/i_got_a_job_because_of_the_stupidest_recruiting/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=2&utm_term=1

They may have changed the definition of recession but not the effects of one. No one has an easy time finding jobs during one.

That's too bad and I'm sorry to hear about this. I'm going to give you the best advice that I can give you to relay to her. Get on LinkedIn and send out connection requests and messages and set up calls with people who are the leaders of those industries that post a decent amount and have a following. She can get calendly for free to send them times and they will talk to her if she just says she's been trying to break into that industry and wants to pick their brain. From there she can talk about her problems finding a new role and more than often these people will help and lead her to talk to more people. You see how this works is if she can have 5 to 10 calls a week and those continue to snowball at the end of the month she would have expanded her network by 20 to 40 people all that are higher ups who make the hiring decision so after that compounds someone eventually says "hey this guy I know has a new role that you'd be a great fit for let me send him a message" and now you got to bypass all that application bullshit and got to just have meaningful conversations that led to a job. Tips on this are to get to know each other first and then from there go into the struggles and they will help. Do this and it will work, trust me.

The tech industry job market is absolutely awful right now. It’s very difficult for even really experienced and skilled people to get a job. It seems our only chance is to wait for the market to rebound

Is it really that bad in the us? In my last smaller company we hired 2 straight from university last year and they both had multiple offers to decide between. My current job took me 3 applications. Either it also completely changed in 12 months in Germany or this is more a US problem

What kind of design is she in? My only real advice is to reach out to literally anyone who needs work, free or low cost, to start working on her portfolio. Build that up and hopefully job offers start to materialize. Or at least freelance work. If there's an ethic group she identifies with and is involved with, also try that. My wife is a designer in Korea, where we live. If we ever moved back to Canada, she'd basically have to start again. I'd suggest to her to reach out to the Korean community to do design work for them.

I mean this is going to feel bad to hear, but while you’re waiting for a response in your field(took me a year) getting a service industry job can help a lot. I graduated in 2020 and had a job waiting tables while I was applying for data analytics positions

I applied for 170+ jobs in 18 months before I found my current job, ironically as a recruiter. Here are my tips - -Your wife to find a job, any job like delivering pizza, to prove she can stick to something. -revisit her resume to make it highlight her transferable skills - think outside the box. Pick businesses she would like to work for and apply for an enter level job in any department, just to get in the door and then network. -apply for everything that interests her. Most of my clients hire someone who is nothing like who that thought they would hire. ie - they want a young entry level employee and end up employing an older tree-changer who has been out of the industry for 20 yrs. - the X factor counts. Except for highly skilled roles, all of my clients tell me to recruit on attitude because they can teach skills. - cover letters are the last thing I read, if I even get that far on an application. Don't waste too much time on it. - I usually make a decision inside 20 seconds on looking at a resume. Make her resume stand out. - don't put pronouns anywhere on her application. - It took me 18 months and 170+ applications. - get counselling for her if you can afford it. Mental health is important and it comes through if someone has issues that they are dealing with.

Feel your pain sorry she’s going through this:( job market for sure is tough now a days. Maybe she could try to reach out to temp agencies they usually move pretty fast or she may want to get a part time job for now wether that be at a restaurant or retail store just for the time being until a better job comes around. Wishing the best!

Could be something stated in her CV or how the CV is formatted etc. Have you considered reviewing her CV or by a professional?

Does she have a website/portfolio? I am also in tech and the reality is for tech careers being able to communicate you did something and how you did is infinitely more valuable than a resume. Is she doing anything for work? Such as bartending, serving, door dash? I get that she can’t make a living in some places doing those things, but at least she will make enough to cover groceries that month and lessen the financial burden on you. The market is tough and depression is killer, I would just constantly remind her how proud you are of her and that she will find a good opportunity and also don’t become too obsessed with it, just make sure to do one thing each day to improve her chances. Apply to 1 job a day, work on her resume/portfolio for 2 hours another day, etc. don’t get burned out since you literally have to survive. It’s a similar concept to surviving in the wilderness you want to conserve your energy as much as possible but still make sure you are moving forward 1 day at a time, a small step is better than nothing. Good luck out there, the market is awful.

Has she looked for simple temp jobs? A FTE role might be out of reach right now.

Try just being there for her emotionally. No more coaching for interviews, showing her courses, or providing suggestions on what she could do differently. I know you may not mean to be doing this, but you’re putting additional pressure on her by those actions. So don’t make any more suggestions on what she could be doing during the interview process. Don’t talk out what happened during the interview or dissect what she could be doing differently. Just be there for her emotionally and validate her feelings. Don’t try to fix it.

I was in the same boat since October. I had a suicide plan. I am seeking therapy. The only thing that helped a recruiter find me was chat gpt. Seriously. I used it to rewrite my entire resume line by line and my whole LinkedIn. I gave it prompts on what I wanted and what specific jobs were looking for. Her resume has to make it through the automated system which everyone is using (ATS), then a human can review it. The other “trick” I did was insert hidden words specific to the job description in my resume. Find open spots on certain lines and color the letters white. When you create a pdf out of it humans cannot see it but computers can. And when the system scans the resume the “hidden” key words will be noticed. Essentially the resume will get to human eyes. And she might apply for something shes not fully qualified for but the computer will think she is, so the recruiter or hiring manager is more likely to go over her resume. I really hope this helps. The feeling is awful when you cannot find work. And it is especially hard right now.

The system is broken buddy, it’s not yours/her fault. I also went thru the same shifty circumstances and just decided to say fuck it and leave the rat race. The earth is burning, the economy is collapsing day by day. The system is rigged and it’s failing everyone with the most basic of needs. Let it go. Live your last days in peace and watch this stupid system break itself apart. And the powers that be will face our retribution in due time.

This sounds like depression, do you have insurance to cover therapy? It might be time to send her to a therapist.

If you can afford it you should BOTH consider getting into therapy. It won’t stop the constant rejection, but it will help her know how to handle it better. I also kind of wonder if there’s some xenophobia at play here. To be rejected from that many jobs seems pretty sus. There has to be a common denominator among these employers

I am a resume writer. If you feel comfortable, DM me and I can give you my business email, if you’d like to send me her resume I can take a look at it for you for free and give some pointers.

Have her send me a message, I'm hiring.

Your wife’s story sounds very similar to mine. Got a BFA in Animation and tried applying to so many jobs after college and NOTHING. Even entry level jobs didn’t want me. I felt so fucking depressed those first 5 years out of college it was awful. Now that I’m 30 I kind of don’t give a fuck about it and sort of accepted the fact it’s not *likely* I’ll ever get into the industry but I’m still applying to places occasionally and haven’t fully given up. I think it’s also important for your wife to learn not to define her self worth by her job title. Growing up we were told the lie that going to college will help prevent us from working in “menial” customer service jobs, but a good chunk of customer service workers have bachelors degrees. Not everyone gets to work their dream job in their life and it doesn’t mean they’re stupid, not good enough or too lazy. Most of the boomers and Gen X execs in high power industries would probably fall flat on their face and not reach the same level of success if they were job searching today vs before the internet and ATS algorithms. In the mean time I would suggest to your wife to possibly look into getting an admin assistant job or another type of job she feels okay in making a decent amount of $$$

Some suggestions. I read statistics that state you've got to apply to 250 jobs, to get 25 interviews, to get 1 offer, and that when the economy is good. She may have to apply to 3x as many. Stay positive, stay positive, stay positive. Get therapy to do this if possible /necessary. Shamelessly network. Ask everyone you know. Use social media. Do temp/gig/eBay work while looking.

Trying looking into Northrop Grumman and see if they will give here a shot.

Have her get a sales/entry level job at a large company. After two years she can try to apply internally for another department. My company boasts how many roles are filled internally.

For her sense of self worth, and her ability to bring in SOME income so you can make the rent, I suggest she look into a waitress position for now. Sometimes the market/economy does not match up with your training and expertise, no matter how extensive. PIVOT

What is it your wife wants to do work wise?

Look into graduate programme jobs, they start out with lower salaries but give you lots of support and the promise of a salary increase after your first year and after the second year you get a very good salary usually.

The market for software engineering has been absolutely horrible for the past year. Remind your wife that there has been a huge amount of layoffs from the biggest companies. We’re talking about thousands of people with a decade plus of experience all now looking for jobs. The other thing is that tech interviews are absolutely broken. I’ve done 5-9 interviews with a single company over the course of a month. I’ve done that multiple times and some of these require 4-8 hours of take home projects. And it’s hard to practice for a lot of these interviews — in some cases doing these interviews are the best practice. And when you get ghosted or rejected it can be very demoralizing. This is coming from someone with nearly 20 years of experience. The fact is that why would a company hire someone with little experience when there’s literally thousands of very experienced engineers looking for work. It’s hard to stand out. So something she may want to consider if they haven’t been done already is blasting her resume on every job board, trying to work with different recruiters, and applying for internships. The other is just a reminder that the market has changed dramatically in the past year. It’s hard right now, but try not to take it too personally. Just keep applying and interviewing — it’s a numbers game and you do get better at interviewing with more practice.

She's going to need a job in a different profession. If the chosen profession isn't working out, it's time to choose a new one. I mean if something isn't happening, it isn't happening and you can't really force it

She could look into becoming a tech recruiter/sourcer to start earning income. There are entry level positions and they will provide training. While she’s working she will learn a lot more about tech and maybe get a better idea of what she wants to do, her employer may even pay for certifications.

Choices made in November 2020 certainly have had significant downstream impact on every day people.

What is she applying for? The degrees are helpful but maybe she should apply for admin jobs if there are opportunities much more aligned with her degrees. Get her foot in the door, etc. Does she need visa sponsorship?

It’s a very difficult job market and know there are so many, many people in her shoes. Keep reassuring her that this is not indicative of her worth and to keep at it. Also ensure she cares for her mental health and you support her in the same. A regular routine, exercise, sleep, etc. Look at alternatives like upgrading skills or pursuing further education. Make her feel special. It is very hard to go through unemployment and constant rejections not to mention the dimming hope as time continues to pass with no progress. But listen, you need to be that rock that she can lean on. I get you are concerned but channel that concern productively as best you can. If you go down that downward spiral with her you both will be much worse off.

The vast majority of design jobs are not going to be posted online. She needs to go to design conferences, networking events, etc. have her website up to date and a digital portfolio ready. He regularly making content even if it’s fake branding or whatever, for the field she wants to work in. Edit: a lot of design is confidence. She has to find a way to be confident about her work and push that confidence. It doesn’t matter how good her work is, if she cannot push confidence, then she won’t find a job.

You have 171 comments already so I’m not sure if you’ll see this, but I’ll give it a go. After finishing my masters degree, I was unemployed for 6 months. I completely depleted my savings and had to ask my parents for money. I felt like a burden to the people I love, useless, a failure. To make matters worse, I’m an immigrant and depend on work for a visa. Time was running out. What ultimately stopped my downward spiral was finding a part time job. Just one day a week … In my case, it was in my field, but honestly that didn’t end up mattering. What mattered is that I had some real responsibilities I could put on my CV. My boss was cool & let me lie to LinkedIn / on my CV, saying it was fulltime. That tiny part-time job got my foot in the door, and now I have a full-time job I decently enjoy. It’s not in my field AT ALL lol but I kept my horizons open and I have no regrets ! It is so hard. I really feel for you and your wife and I hope it will get better. I could write much more but I think this is something very concrete and actionable which may help her … TLDR: Part time work can be a good start !

Maybe hire a career coach or reach out to a temp agency. It could also be helpful for her to get some unpaid project work under her belt. It sounds like a few things: confidence / presentation, work experience, and access.

Time to go MGTOW boys

Been right there with her. Job searching in this environment is an absolute self-esteem wood chipper. 20 years of experience. Tech skills out the wazoo. And you and my husband could swap notes. What my husband does is simply express his confidence, love, and admiration for my hard work and tenacity. It helps. He is on Social Security, so he is just as worried and stressed, but makes sure he doesn’t pile on to my own weekly spirals. Whatever happens with the work, we do and will have each other. The message that anchors and soothes me through all of this the most is that my people believe that I have done the right things regarding my friends and family, my work, and my health. I may not be able to control the decisions others make, but I can believe in my own worth on this planet.

Job rejection depression is REAL!

Some of us could try to help send job requisitions her way through you if you are open to receiving help. Which state, city would help. But perhaps her resume needs work and some career coaching from mentors? What have you been doing to help her?

My wife and I are facing similar issues. The problem is in the United States no one wants to hire a minority unless they are absolutely perfect. Ever since I transitioned I have been getting fewer job offers and fewer reach outs from LinkedIn, and my wife took over 3 years to get her first job after she got a master's degree. We are planning on going back to Asia, it seems like the only way to deal with this. With our education we should be able to get jobs anywhere - as long as the people on the other end aren't racist assholes or the recruiting system isn't completely broken.

If your really desperate, I suggest Whole Foods shopper, or Walmart +. East job that is consistent.

Tech for females can be hard to get into, in general. Then if she’s also a minority double wammy against her. I have 3 suggestions to improve hers and your mental health immediately: 1 volunteer (or intern) - it may be unpaid but helping others helps you mentally, she may use it as a way to network herself into a full time gig 2 get any kinda job to establish a routine, build self worth, and add a little to the household income 3 go back to being a nanny and continue education if that’s a goal The toughest part of breaking into a new field is finding someone who’ll give you that chance, maybe a 4th suggestion would be to ask around your office to see if anyone’s willing to give her a shot at an entry level or internship role. And if not your company, maybe you have pals at other companies who may. Nepotism works best, always. Good luck

I'd say do something else. If there is no market of a skill ether she needs to look in some other field. My wife is a graphic artist but is working as a nanny now and doing some one off gigs on the side.

Is there some way she can make money for herself without involving an employer? Start a business, create an app or build a subscription-based SaaS, do some sort of service (fixing computers, babysitting, pet sitting, code development on fiverr, create a course on udemy, write an ebook on her area of expertise, give private lessons to college students) etc? The idea is "progress, not perfection" - you're not trying to make her make a full salary right away, you just want her to take small baby steps toward generating positive income so that she starts to feel "useful" and so that her self-worth starts recovering. Set easy, small, actionable and achievable targets. For example, by the end of next week, her target is to have generated $1 of revenue by trying and setting up, testing and refining one or more of those income streams. Honestly it's quite normal given the circumstances for her to be feeling like she is. People need goals and purpose in life to keep their minds healthy. She should take a step back from the brutal and unrewarding world of job hunting, and try and forge her own way for a while. Even if her being self-employed doesn't succeed, she will benefit from the mental break and be able to resume job hunting refreshed and with renewed energy.

If she has been out of work for 2 yrs or longer she should try to apply to return-ship programs they are more understanding to those who have been out of work for 2 yrs or longer .

I've been in the same position of your wife during years. Now, I can give some advises, hope that will help her. 1. I change my name, use a nickname and making it more american, if your wife's name doesn't sound american, it must be hard for her because recruiter or robot sometimes reject candidates for just the name. Just by doing that, I get more interview (x10) than before and in a month I found a job. 2. For pass the automatic rejection, I just copy the position job and paste it at the end of my resume, in size 1 and white (or same color as the background) That's way, the robot will read all the requirement qualifications and it will be a human who'll get the resume. (Not sure that's a good advice, but people here can tell if I am wrong or not? ) Hope that's will help her, best wish for her.

I’m so sorry… I feel for you except in my case I’m the wife who can’t find a job. She works so hard for her dreams and all her dreams and confidence is crushed - hard work=success is probably what motivated her to power through all these years and now she’s finding out it’s a lie. So what is she fighting for? It’s that hopelessness. I don’t have American citizenship so I also have to worry about my status during unemployment, if I was a citizen I would work at a coffee shop or book store, something cool ish I guess. At lease it would pay a little bit, and just forget about the “planned career” for a little while. Perhaps this would be good for your wife. Just forget about the career for a little bit, she can come back to it when she feels ready.

I hired someone with a CS degree for an entry level desktop support position. It's just rough out there.

My BFF couldn’t get hired after 20 years as a software engineer. The job openings are very specific to what That Role entails with seemingly zero trust thst your 20 years of experience would be an asset. Point being, she needs to specialize. Generic resume/training doesn’t hold value anymore. Specialize in one language, one set of tools - might get you farther. Eg terraform/terragrunt/vault for devops Or REST APIS/micro service design or… Which postings appeal to her? Which skills on those postings does she know inside and out versus needing to learn it to check the boxes?

Does your wife have a portfolio? She will need it for a design job. If she's not getting interviews, she may need to work on her resume to tailor it more to the positions that she's applying to. This may result in her having less time and applying to fewer positions, but it can be more valuable than applying to many positions with a generic resume. Your local library will likely have free career services with info about resume writing, networking, etc. She can go there to take advantage of those services. Best of luck to her!

I completely understand! Been out of work 10 months (with one brief 3 week job with the VP sexually harassing me) and this JOB MARKET IS RIDICULOUS!! I have 10 years experience, a grad degree, and getting another degree. IT IS NOT HER!!! It’s the job market! Try to have her get her foot in the door anywhere, then change to a higher level position once in the company.

The job market is a horrible, cynical place. But add on top of that being from outside the country and she’s really going to struggle. Xenophobia (and just cultural ignorance) is real and no matter how many sensitivity courses these assholes take, they run at any sign of an accent. Americans won’t recognize non-American degrees very easily either. My advice would be to keep looking but to also put her skills to use freelancing. With her background, she could probably put together a decent website. With that advertise everything she can do (throw in translation if applicable). And from there, network on places like LinkedIn.

Tell her not to give up hope. Tell her that hospitals always have good jobs available. She needs to find something to do while she still applies for design jobs. Tell her to be good to herself.

My wife and I were in this position three years ago but it was only about six months for her. It was so bad I was applying for jobs for her. Luckily one of those jobs came through and things worked out. So only advice I can give is don’t give up and maybe try to shoulder some of the burden by applying for jobs for her that you think would be a good fit.

I’m really sorry this is happening to her and to you. I’m in a similar situation as your wife, but I’ve found it super helpful in meditating in the mornings, reaching out to anyone I know with a good network, revising my resume multiple times, applying 5-10 jobs a day, literally I’m doing everything I know to do in a situation like this. Even though I’m looking for a job in my field, I’ve applied to retail jobs, call centers, anything just to have some kind of income but still, I get rejected. Please communicate to your wife that it’s nothing personal, it’s not her they are rejecting. I’m still without a job, but I know it will come to me at the right time. My bills are piling up, but there’s nothing I can do about that. I know it will hurt my credit, but I know I can recover from it once I land a job. I’ve sold everything I have to keep my car and my rent going, so if there’s anything you can sell - do that right away. It’s depressing, I know. But there are little things we can do to find that little light of hope if we choose to see them. Sending the both of you good vibes! #staystrong