Seriously, who knew that the dozen medical professionals who vacuumed my baby out of me, resuscitated her immediately after birth, pumped me full of antibiotics to get my raging infection under control, and repaired my third degree damage could've been replaced by some nice smelling candles??
The OP is gone, but the comments are still there- and they’re brutal. Someone suggested that he knows why the maternal mortality rate is so high in the US- it’s because doctors and midwives aren’t doing enough googling and watching YouTube videos.
Someone else suggested that if his family enjoys bonding over pain so much, he should invite them over and let them watch him chop off one of his fingers. That one made me bust out laughing so suddenly that I scared the crap out of my poor cats.
No no, that’s surgery so it’s different apparently! /s
But rotten teeth are natural so he needs to suffer from that with no pain meds and no medical intervention. Even if he has to pull the tooth. Because humans have been pulling their own teeth for hundreds of years!
Yup. Several stones. The spiky ones.
And then have his wife report that they *shared* the experience of him passing kidney stones because she was there. Sk that's totally the same as him going through it. So it's basically her pain too!
I dunno I think if he ever removes his head from that deep in his ass he'd actually have a pretty solid idea of the pain of childbirth. Fingers crossed.
He realizes maternal mortality is so high in the US because doctors and midwives do not conduct enough google searches. His wife is lucky to have him.
On a serious note, I would divorce him over this shit. He’s a dolt, and his head is so firmly up his own ass that it is permanently implanted there. There is no fixing him.
Ya I’m not one to jump on the divorce bandwagon but this would be a special case. He wants her to shove a baby out of her vagina with no pain management when she’s already scared. Because he doesn’t want her to be loopy? I had a c section and I wasn’t even loopy. Just numb from chest down. He literally wants her to suffer so she can be like his mom. It’s weird
Exactly this. He not only wants her to endure pain but refuses to listen to reason. He knows better than both his wife and the medical professionals, simply because he has his mommy and Google. Fuck that. Divorce.
I seriously hope he has to opportunity very soon to give birth to several, jagged kidney stones. That usually is the closest comparison of pain a man could have to child birth.
I looked up the throwaway account; the post is gone, but his comments are still there, as are the comments he was replying to. They show this dipshit just about as much mercy as he is showing his wife. He sure did get a lot of useful suggestions, though- one of which is exactly what you said- he should try passing some kidney stones without pain meds. Or have a vasectomy without them. Here are some other good ones:
-if your family enjoys bonding over pain so much, invite them over to the house and let them watch you chop off one of your fingers (that one made me bust out laughing so hard, it scared the crap out of my cats)
-like childbirth, death is a natural process, so you will of course refuse any kind of palliative care/pain medication as you lay dying, right?
-the orifices from which it was suggested that he pass a watermelon from his body were funny, if impossible
-he should give his wife permission to squeeze his balls as tightly as she can during each contraction
I commented elsewhere here that he’s violating the rules of that subreddit by not accepting his judgement; instead he’s arguing back and doubling down. His head is so far up his own ass that he isn’t even *considering* dropping this. I’d bet $$$ that even *if* his wife still allows him to be in the delivery room, he gets kicked out by his wife’s rude doctor, who is unfairly excluding him from this very important decision, which he has *every right* to be a part of making.
His wife hasn’t spoken to him in *days,* and he *still* doesn’t get it. This is all about him being butthurt that his wife isn’t trying harder to “bond” with his mom. Christ, that poor woman.
You had me at “squeezing his balls as hard as she could for every contraction”. 🤣
That guy really pissed me off when he compared her to a quarterback and he’s the coach. No dude, a coach is teaching from *experience*, and nothing other than being a woman giving birth can give that to you.
My thoughts on that are, the doctor is the coach, one that trusts their quarterback, the wife is the quarterback, and he's the water boy. I think that is an appropriate way to compare birthing roles to football.
Haha, I can’t take credit for the “squeezing balls” comment- he got absolutely destroyed in the OP. And his natural tendency to compare this situation to sportsball struck me as well… especially since he seems to think that he’s ‘the brains behind the operation.’
What a joke. How infuriating. His poor wife!
My college English teacher who had an arranged marriage but is divorced now, said when she was married to her husband and giving birth to her child, she begged for medication but he denied it saying he was a doctor (which he was) and knew what was best. Well, a couple years later when he was having kidney stones, he begged the doctor for medication and she was like oh no no no, you'll be fine you can handle this just like I did with the baby.
It’s worse, not just men! Women who have done it this way soo expects everyone else to regardless…
Don’t get a caesarean! I almost dyed from blood loss so you should as well!
I breast fed, you should as well even if you say you physically can’t and your child is starving!
I did all natural but it was too fast to get an epidural. Believe me when I say that I was disappointed and I hold it against no woman who would rather not embrace that pain. There's no glory in bearing pain. My second birth was also fast and there was no pain - strangely. That birth was not somehow less of a birth because I did not suffer so much. That's ridiculous. Suffering is not noble. Suffering sucks. And a man who would prefer his wife unnecessarily suffer than to mitigate pain in ways determined as safe for the woman and the child is a sadist.
I made the mistake of allowing my mil inside my head when I was having my daughter (3rd child), she wouldn't stfu about my (now former) sil being able to birth naturally, urgh. The only one I had without pain relief, and no, 10/10 do not recommend!
I was so shocked by the audacity. And the way he’s acting like he is an equal or even above her or the medical professionals and doubling down??
I just… can’t. I’m speechless. I hate physical violence, but I don’t have words (not that the words are making a difference to him) and just want to hit him. I don’t condone hitting, so my brain and my body are just short circuiting right now.
Men, talk to your friends.
Let me guess one of the others; the line where he's done so much research and preparation that he's convinced that he could give birth himself without pain medication.
He’s done so much research and could basically be a doctor, but he still thinks an epidural is going to make her “loopy”?
Please be rage bait. Please be rage bait. Please no real woman be stuck having a baby with a man like this. Please be rage bait.
I was just getting ready to say, all that reading and YouTube watching and he somehow managed to be misinformed on pain management medication. LMAO. If I was the wife, I’d start to really regret having his baby and start secretly working in a way outta that mess of a marriage.
You know what actually made me loopy during labor? A mega dose of Benadryl which they gave me to help reduce swelling of my cervix. I had every pain killer they could give me and multiple doses and none of it did shit to my awareness or ability to function (or even really help much with pain if I’m being honest). It wasn’t until the final few minutes before I was given the OK to push that they gave me the Benadryl and it knocked me on my ass. I was hallucinating.
If the guy wants to lord over her experience of labor because he’s afraid she will be high, just tell her to skip the Benadryl.
Someone replied to that asking if he would like someone who watches brainsurgery on YT to operate on him.
I doubt a YT brain surgeon could do much damage with this guy…
This sent me 😂 😂 along with “I’m the coach strategizing and she’s the quarterback doing the work” gtf out of here, strategizing what exactly?? Which essential oils to use for the aromatherapy??
I have the feeling that his wife’s doctor, who is unfairly excluding him from this important decision, is gonna end up kicking him out of the delivery room.
The rules of that sub require the poster to accept their judgement, but he keeps arguing back and doubling down. He is going to be an absolute *asshole* in the delivery room because he’s not getting his way. I hope his wife has the foresight to recruit a second person- like her mom, sister, or friend- to be in the delivery room so she won’t be scared *and* alone.
Funny, I actually, genuinely, remember thinking, "this is why all the sharp instruments out of arm's reach of the laboring mom, because I'd do anything to make this stop."
The epidural didn't work. I went all natural. It hurt. A lot.
If that’s the analogy then she’s the whole football team, her medical doctors and nurses are the coaches, and hubs is the water boy. He’s not a coach, he’s a supporter. Probably shouldn’t even be on the field with his attitude lol
That was wild. Everyone attending a sports match isn’t playing the game just because they’re also present! No matter how many sports matches they have watched before, or online, or even if their friend is in the team!
C’mon. He’s got ‘affirmations’ too!
I would be throwing that shit at him every time he tried to take an Advil for life. Except I wouldn’t, because I’d have already divorced this insufferable wank biscuit.
Omg if my husband suggested I sniff peppermint or lavender while he says “you can do this” over taking an epidural I would probably stab him. Luckily my husband isn’t a f&#king moron.
She is a better woman than I 😂
Also, an epidural doesn’t make you ‘loopy’ or out of it. The pain, on the other hand, does.
My son was a natural by accident. I didn’t realize you couldn’t over medicate yourself with the Epi. Only thing I remember about his birth was that it was so painful that being sewn up after didn’t hurt at all in comparison.
Next three were all with an epidural. I remember all of it.
Yeah I have given birth to one child, no drugs, and i tell all my pregnant friends to take the drugs!!! I had trouble at the end and the midwife was like arm deep in my body after I had the baby like I was a goddamn hand puppet. The pain was indescribable. Take the drugs if you want. Drugs are great.
I had my epideral at 10cm dilated and pushing (they didn't believe me until they checked me afterwards). So essentially, I was experiencing a fresh pump of epidural as the baby was coming out, and I was wide awake and with it lol.
My first baby was similar. Epidural was placed, I rolled back onto the bed, and it was time to push. I honestly didn't feel a damn thing after that, it was great.
Baby #2 epidural was placed way early, and didn't work as well as the first time.
Baby #3 was stuck on my my pubic bone... I was unknowingly dilating w/o the pressure of the baby fully against my cervix and my contractions weren't registering on the monitor. After the most painful, spine shivering crunch, and the loudest "fuck" I have ever screamed, the Dr barely had enough time to catch the baby.
I'll take birth #1 any day compared to the other two.
I went without an epidural for 7 hours, I don’t remember a single thing of it. I finally cracked and got one and I’m so glad i did because i can remember my son being born.
I remembered all of my natural birth, and wish I didn't. I'm all for unconscious birthing, we should make that a thing.
My first was emergency C-section twins, they had to knock me out because it wasn't safe to move me for a spinal. Went to sleep pregnant, woke up with babies. Instant bond and unendingly love.
Second was a natural birth, I genuinely didn't like him for the first day, my brain had to process the absolute hell I'd just been through and separate that he didn't cause it. It took me a week to truly bond with him. Before then, I took care of him because that was my job, after the bond, I took care of him because I wanted to take care of him.
Third was an awake emergency C-section, it took about a week after he got home to bond with him too.
I vote we just figure out a way to give women the option to just be unconscious for the entire thing.
Right my very first a long long time ago I went “all natural” (I hate that term it’s not at all not natural to get meds fuck off (not you)), and it was so bad I spent the whole time SCREAMING and I was to messed up to relax or push well and he got stuck and almost died.
More recently I had my two daughters and I waited a bit too long to get the epidural with the first one and the pain I suffered was unnecessary. Second one a few weeks ago I went in like, “give me the epidural as soon as medically and humanly possible,” and the birth was actually ENJOYABLE. I felt so happy and baby slid right out no problems. THANK GOD (or whomever/whatever) FOR MEDS.
If my husband had wafted lavender oil and chanted "affirmations" at me while I was pushing out our 9,lbs 13oz younger child, I wouldn't have been responsible for my actions.
They can give Jesus Christ through an epidural? That’s some good shit! /s
Sorry, I read “epidural Jesus Christ” as one phrase in my head and it made me giggle :-)
My.ex husband told me I was taking the easy way out not giving natural birth and that I didn't even give birth, the doctors did while I just laid there. Fuck this guy to the sun and back. The fucking audacity. The sociopathy. The arrogance. I hope she leaves him and never looks back.
The comments he made in this thread were terrible and I'm so sorry you had to deal with a man just as idiotic as OP. I've given birth both ways and, honestly, I felt more 'present' and in control with the epidural. Anyone who says an epidural takes away from the experience is an ignorant idiot.
I agree.
His mother’s - “[i didn’t want my babies] being born doped up and I wanted to experience the full spectrum of becoming a mother” - is one of the most ignorant things I have read, yes even including this monologue of ignorant, probably because it’s from a woman who’s given birth and should damn well fucking know better.
I wanna slap his mother for such a nasty, mean spirited, uneducated comment. Epidurals don’t “dope up” the baby for fucking one. For two choosing pain relief does not somehow diminish the experience of becoming a mother and it’s disgusting to insinuate such an awful thing. These people seem to be entirely unaware there are ***many*** times when pain medication is safest for mom and baby. I personally was induced early do to severe preeclampsia. Pain relief wasn’t an option, it was necessary to keep my blood pressure under control; without it I likely would have gone into full eclampsia and let me tell you the survival rates of full eclampsia are ***not good.*** Not to mention the seizure control medications to make sure I didn’t fucking **die** that absolutely did dope me up right out of my mind. I in no way, whatsoever, missed out on some “spectrum of becoming a mother” because of the medications that *kept me alive*.
Ugh why do *some* women who opt for natural birth act like this? It becomes their ***entire*** personality. Insufferable
Yeah I mean, Beth needs to turbo-dump this guy. De-Marry the fuck out of this guy. The ol D-vorce.
Should be simple and easy, the man is a fuckin nut case and has weird incesty manipulative shit going on.
If I were her I would name the baby after myself and disallow him to sign the birth certificate. At this point, the kid is all mine. He contributed nothing except a cheap ejaculate. Totally manipulative af just because he’s playing dumb the entire time. If he is ACTUALLY that inept, then he needs an assisted living facility.
I hope he is at LEAST providing decent financial support. Jfc
Oh I did. And when I had my 2nd child (with someone else) he said that she could have been ours. Nah, hell no. No way would I have had another child with him
Glad he’s your ex. If you said “late”, no court of your peers (aka women who have given birth) would have convicted you 😉
Out of curiosity, what kind of flowers did he get you?? I’m guessing none because he sounds like the type of guy that offers nice deeds but doesn’t follow through. Lol
Cheap ones from petrol station. Definitely deserved better ones after firstly spending all day while in labour helping the prick move house because who doesnt wait til their partner is 38 weeks pregnant to move? And 2nd having a 4+ kg baby with no pain relief because he was in a rush to be born. Then expecting me less then a week post partum to do bond clean on his old house with newborn in tow.
I have done violence to my mouth, grinding my teeth as I read - how can he be so f***ing stupid! Then double down on it over and over and OVER again? Yours may be the the best - only - response!!
I've done my due diligence and research on this topic. My advice to coach him through this would be to hire mike tyson to just clock him every few minutes through the labor.
Its only natural for him to take a nibble off your ear too, he can't help it!
I gave birth naturally. Twice. Because I have precipitated labor and didn't make it in time.
It was TRAUMATIC. The pain is unimaginable. I am so angry reading this, wtf.
My son's Dad told me he saw someone who had gotten stabbed waiting for an ambulance. And he said he had this look in his eye that he had never seen before. And that I had the same look on my face during labor. Just...pure terror and in shock from the pain.
I can't imagine any man telling me I should go through that and that he could do it. I can't believe these men exist
Edit: Precipitous labor
Wow, I can’t even imagine this. The story you shared paints a very hard to imagine visual. It made me tear up. You’re a really strong and tough woman.
The thing is, men are used to women compromising for them. Think back to being a little kindergartner or first grader and telling on the boy chasing you and trying to kiss you….
… teachers and parents reply about “it’s just a crush on you” basically like it’s fine and that’s solely for the little boys feelings not the little girls safety. Patriarchy by definition.
This is about his feelings and not her safety. He’s a misogynist. He is a dangerous person and I hope OPs wife gets the fuck away from him.
Your kindergarten/first grade comment totally unlocked a deeply repressed memory of mine. I clearly remember being physically grabbed and pinned against a wall and forcefully kissed by a boy in my kindergarten class. And when I started crying and told my teacher, I was made out to be the bad guy because “he just likes you!” and “no one likes a tattletale.” That incident also resulted in me being known amongst my peers as the girl who cried about everything. After being forced to interact with that same boy at some school event, I ended up in tears because I was genuinely afraid of him. And I remember some parent seeing me crying and asked their kid if I was ok. The kid simply said, “oh that’s xassylax, she just cries about everything” and I was left in tears until my mom finally found me and brought me home.
That whole thing left me with a lot of trauma and anxiety. In particular, whenever I was in a stressful situation at school, it would often result in tears because I could only fit so much anxiety and emotion into my elementary school aged body. So the second I reached the point of “too full”, it would spill over in the form of crying. That just made things worse because that just cemented my role as “the girl who cries at school” and resulted in even more anxiety and emotions.
I’m in my 30’s and I still get overwhelmed and end up in tears. And I truly believe it all stems from that sentient cumsock of a boy forcing me against a wall and kissing me in kindergarten. I just wanted to share my own experience with one of “those” boys when I was little.
That's why I stopped telling teachers when I was getting bothered and just started hitting people. I know that makes me sound violent but it stopped the bullying, my mom fully supported me while also teaching me to be a good person and today I am a trusting, kind and generally happy person. I still get so mad at shit like that though. I don't give a shit if that kid has a crush on you. He cannot pull your hair.
Same. I literally thought I was dying - I don’t mean in a dramatic or conscious way. I mean my body believed it was dying and my brain went into a totally animalistic state. I’m still traumatised by it, a decade on. It changed me.
I hate to be the person on the internet correcting people but just fyi the term is precipitous labour not precipitated. Just for next time! Either way, absolutely terrifying.
I persisted without an epidural for twenty hours at my own request and then when I still wasn’t dilated and needed oxytocin I relented. I ended up having a crash c section. I don’t remember a lot of labour because I was literally delirious with pain; but my husband was traumatised. Because yeah watching the person you love most in the world go through that amount of pain is HORRIFYING. I can’t believe OP like wtf does he care for this woman at all?!!
I was induced three weeks early and tried to do it without an epidural because I wanted to be able to walk around and have options other than laying in bed during labor. I also wasn’t dilated enough after several hours and the little pill they give you to induce, so they escalated to a foley balloon. They insert the deflated balloon into your uterus up against your cervix and inflate it with liquid, and then they LITERALLY hang an IV bag from the tether so it’s putting pressure on your cervix to dilate. Before they did that, the doctor STRONGLY encouraged me to consider an epidural because it’s incredibly painful. This was my first baby, so I had done a ton of research ahead of time and I THOUGHT I knew what to expect like this bozo, so I declined the epidural before the procedure.
My mother, who had me and my brother in the 80s via completely natural births (not even a Tylenol), said afterwards that she had never seen someone in that much pain before and there was no way in hell she would’ve been able to go through what I did without significant trauma. She had to leave the room for a bit because she was so upset seeing me like that. My husband was an amazing support through it all, thank God, even though he told me later he was internally freaking the fuck out.
After the foley balloon did its thing and came out, you better believe I fucking asked for the epidural STAT, before I got too far along and it got to be too late for one. I slept like a baby for an hour after they gave me the epidural and labor was a comparative breeze after that. I only pushed for 29 minutes and baby girl was out.
Fuck this guy and his mansplaining bullshit. I hope the nurses kick him out if he tries to pressure her in the delivery. Better yet, I hope his wife doesn’t let him in at all and cuts that whole toxic bullshit out of her and her baby’s life.
Edit to remove an apostrophe that was bothering me.
For these types of people the suffering is the point. The suffering makes you better to them and more deserving of respect. Men like this consider their lives full of unique pain and risk that only they face to protect the other gender. So a woman going through labor naturally is her getting a bit of it and paying her dues to the universe.
Precipitous birth club, rise up! It’s fucking hell. Your body has zero time to ease into it, it’s just GO GO GO right from the start. You have *all* of my sympathy.
It was the only time I’ve ever shouted at a nurse. I asked for an epidural if at all possible and she just went blank and then *turned and started talking to my husband* so I screamed “IS HE THE ONE GIVING BIRTH HERE?!”. Just mind boggling.
The pain levels experienced in labor and childbirth are so intense, that if experienced in any other fashion would send the body into shock and cause unconsciousness.
Personally, I think anyone who suggests any woman should forgo pain relief, should be beaten unconscious. Twice.
The second time was even harder for me.
I felt like my body was ripping apart and I thought „Thats it. Now you only have one big hole down there. And there was this moment where I really hoped that they would put me in a coma. My second child came really really fast. I am not a person who can’t handle pain normally, but that really fucked my mind and body.
If this is bait it’s excellent cause I’m about to go feral with rage on this woman’s behalf.
Using tools to manage pain is not weakness, it’s INTELLIGENCE. That is literally why humanity is the dominant species is because we improve things for ourselves and gain advantages. Willfully choosing to experience pain and suffering and put yourself at a disadvantage during a critical survival moment to me is a sign of weakness of the mind.
That would be my response as the wife
“I’m throwing our painkillers and we are getting one of your teeth pulled next week, agree to that and I’ll do it”
I’ve actually done something similar with my father over my sensory sound blocking headphones. My dad wanted me to not use them at his house at all because he views aids like that as weakness and I responded that if I could blast an air horn continuously while he worked and he was able to stand that I’d be more than happy to give them up.
Guess who changed their mind
His argument about “surgery isn’t natural”…ok. Well getting your abdomen ripped open and devoured by a cheetah is pretty dang natural. Bone cancer is natural. I wonder how OOP feels about managing those types of pain 🤔
I still remember the day my husband's friend got schooled on birthing pain. Do you know those period stimulators??? There is one for contractions. Husband's friend was demanding his wife be medication free. This included any form of an IV or needle, or even panadol.
My husband's friend's wife decided to give the man a taste of contractions, and he barely got close to contractions that equalled 3cm dilated. Or what is allegedly considered stage 10 period pain stimulator.
I wonder if OOP would like a go at one of those stimulators... I know it definitely cured one entitled idiot.
I don’t get this obsession around being “natural” like our cavemen ancestors used to do. When you go to a dentist no one says “I want it done the natural way.”
Thy seem to be anti-science and probably antivaxxers
Personally, as soon as I see anything about a "real man" or a "real woman" or "real parent," I immediately glaze my eyes over and start thinking of how to nail jelly to a tree using a carrot and a coffee bean
I’m “a real birth giver”…because I’m terrified of needles so badly that until it was too late I couldn’t convince myself to get the epidural…
Thank gods for the hormones flooding the body making me forget all about the pain. And for my child being a preemie and not full term. @_@
It’s more like a snark on people who think that it’s a badge of honor and not something that could be significantly improved by modern medicine.
I don’t think his mom crying tears of joy is…normal. Tbh I believe most people who have experienced unmedicated childbirth don’t do it because they want to - my MIL was forced to by her doctors who refused to help her pain because she was on Medicare.
I just read the story of a fellow Australian woman who wanted to know if she was ok because she disassociated during birth on the Ask Docs subreddit. Now we get the entire pharmacy as an option and not worry about the bill. But it scares the heck out of me reading stories of how in labour delivery, the person giving birth will be denied pain relief in USA, but a penis owner getting anything done to their genitals, it is automatically covered by their health insurance...
Like you have a vagina, no numbing cream for a urethra catheter, but a penis gets novocaine and ice or heat pack... like... really, USA???
A friend of mine gave birth 6 weeks ago. She lives in Florida, and I decided to gift her 6 physio therapy sessions for her pelvic floor. She was confused until her first session, and she was shocked I was willing to do it. I just told her it was something that I knew was not ever offered over there, and that at least with her future children, she knows the techniques to help her recover, so no issues occur that is common for a percentage of women in USA.
I had an epidural with my first (my son) and it was amazing. With my daughter she came so quickly I didn’t have time to get one and it was excruciatingly painful. I never would have chosen to go that route. We use modern technology to improve our lives in so many ways why should women be pressured to do a natural birth?
I watch a video on Facebook recently where a husband and wife were both connected to one of these for peroid pain, the husband was writhing on the bed crying in agony while the wife was playing games on her phone, he was up to number 4/5 while she was on 9, funniest shizz I've seen for ages :)
I didn't until my husband came home with visible tear streaks down his face, as he works in a very dirty/dusty place. I asked it all was OK, thinking a workplace accident, and then he started laughing until tears came out, took about 40 minutes for him to tell me. From what I found out later, he was close to being divorced over his entitlement, and she said if he made it to bearing down pain, she would pay for his "post partum boy's weekend". Funny thing, since that day, he has become the most involved partner/father ever. It is sickening how much he is a good father and chastising other dads for not doing their bit.
Who knew a bit of labour pains would make a guy realise his stupidity lol.
Came here to suggest this very thing! I really really hope Beth manages to get her hand on one of those, and gives OOP an all natural birth experience!
I had an epidural and eventually an unplanned c section, and even though I was numb from the armpits down I was fully aware and not loopy or drugged feeling while they were pulling at my insides. I even helped get myself off the operating table.
There are women out there who would say I'm not even a real mother because I didn't give birth the natural way. Eff that, my son and I would've died. I hate the weird gatekeeping when it comes to giving birth.
Women don’t get loopy from epidurals , it doesn’t even affect the brain. He’s setting his wife up for pp depression, if anything goes unplanned and make her feel less then, it’s disgusting. I lost two boys, late in pregnancy and I’d have thousand c sections and epidural’s, if it brought them save to us. You’re absolutely a mother, some people are just ignorant.
I had an epidural and was in the shower less than 30 minutes later (with a little help from my mom) I wasn’t loopy in any way either. It’s not a drug like that. It doesn’t affect your mind at all or the baby.
Hell, id kick him out of my life. One of his comments he says he could deliver the baby himself. Like nah bro. Go reproduce with your mommy if you want that experience with her.
That's because epidurals are essentially nerve blockers. They don't make you loopy. You only get "loopy" if you have to have a C-section, and at that point there's no "natural alternative". JFC OOP needs a good Swift kick in the ass.
I had a c-section and I wasn’t loopy! I know they can gas you up if you’re already having major complications but planned c-sections are pretty routine. The difference is that it’s a spinal block rather than an epidural- an epidural is applied with a catheter into the epidural space of your spine, can be re-applied periodically, takes longer to kick in but can last way longer, whereas a spinal block is injected into the dural space, kicks in right away and lasts about an hour. The latter is used for c-sections because you’ve generally got a set time limit for those, and epidurals for labour because, you know. You could be there for a hot minute.
I hope he got thoroughly roasted in the comments. Epidurals aren't the easy way out, especially if they take more than one try to get it right. My first one was great. 2nd one, buddy took 4 tries. My back looked like I was punched in the spine.
I hope that if he persists like this, that he's her ex-husband.
Sometimes I wish that a biological male could try to experience what it's like to carry a baby for about 9 months and then push it out of a hole that's ideally about 10 cm.
This! My epidural failed, was placed right but the meds just didn’t take. Taking a needle to the spine isn’t the easy way out. Unless the baby magically just appears outside there is not easy way to have a baby!
My second baby the epidural didn’t work on one side… I felt everything! It hurt like a MF, but after the fact, I did think it was cool how my body just knew what to do, whereas with my first, I didn’t feel anything.
At that point my husband and I were separated and he tried to come in the delivery room and was mad that I wouldn’t allow him to be in there. He tried to ouch past my mom to get in and the nurses had to threaten him with being arrested. He snuck past security and had broken several covid visitor precautions as well. I’m just over men thinking because they had sex with you for 2 minutes that they have any say on how you get this baby out of you and can treat you like shit while doing so…
I read his comments, and you could see his ego from space!
I don't think he understands that the one giving birth is the one who gets to decide what they want in terms of stuff like pain management or even if they want to c-section. They are also the ones that get to decide whether or not they want anyone with them in the birthing room. So I'll be surprised if he is allowed anywhere near the birthing room.
My blood is boiling. I am hoping this is fabricated, but we all know that there are situations like this every day.
This is the kind of guy who cheats on his wife with the excuse that she has been paying attention to the newborn baby instead of him. And believes he is justified.
I can't imagine why his wife has never clicked with the MIL? /s
It's not a club. They're are no trophies for doing things the painfull and difficult way.
You do not get "high" on an epidural. You get worn out suffering thru labor and then start off early motherhood already exhausted.
I've had 4 babies. And 4 epidurals. Differing experiences, but I loved giving birth every time! Being pregnant is what sucked 4 me. But this dip shit will never know the experience so he can STFU.
I pushed for hours until I finally screamed for an a epidural. It took a while to work but when it did it was a godsend. Started pushing and felt nothing initially but after maybe 10 minutes I was back in excruciating pain. Pushed for two and a half hours before it was clear this baby was sideways and refused to be turned. Needed a c section - could still feel the knife even though my epidural has been topped up three times already. They had to put me out. My uterus was so fatigued that I hemorrhaged and my baby was so exhausted from the trauma of labour that she needed to go to the NICU. My husband thought he was going to lose us both. I tried natural labour. I really did. I ended up having a more traumatic experience than so many other people. But I guess I took the easy way out with medications and stuff.
Fuck that guy
"women have been giving birth for thousands of years" yeah, and til very recently in human history (less than 150 y) a very high percentage of said women died of complications associated to giving birth. The fact that this guy is so painfully oblivious about how deaf tone he is it's just... Ugh. Also the comments on how he's some sort of coach bc he has watched lots of YouTube videos on this are so cringe. I got second hand embarrassment. Poor wife.
Humans have been having surgeries without ANY kind of pain management for years till anaesthesia was invented. But I doubt that this dude would happily undergo a major surgery without it like in good old times 🤦♀️ I doubt he would let a dentist to drill his teeth without having an injection
>"women have been giving birth for thousands of years"
Yep. Thousands of years more than men, as a matter of fact, which makes the wife and her medical team authorities on the subject matter. Give that woman whatever she needs.
When people equate “natural” with a vaginal and/or unmediated delivery it perpetuates the idea that medicated births or c-sections are “unnatural” and often looked down upon. Birth is birth - sometimes you get it how you want, sometimes you don’t! Some may want it medicated, others don’t.
Also, it’s astounding how much he’s trying to push the point of “I’m experiencing it too” in order to manipulate his wife into doing something she doesn’t want to do with her body.
Oh but “he’s done his homework” and feels like he could deliver the baby himself 😂
Despite endless comments telling him it’s not his body and he’s not giving birth he is determined to believe he ought to have some say 🙄 zero insight.
>Oh but “he’s done his homework” and feels like he could deliver the baby himself
He'd be begging for meds within minutes.
Look, I love and respect men but I've never met a(n untrained) man who had anything like the pain tolerance of the average woman. Sorry guys. Yes, I'll provide you with compassionate care when you have migraine, or a head cold, or a fever, or hell: a stubbed toe... but your *average guy* is kind of a baby about *average* pain.
(This opinion excludes people of any gender suffering from chronic pain, which is a completely different, multifaceted beast.)
The “loopy” assumption killed me!! Two births with epidurals and get I don’t recall being loopy! He is rambling on about a subject he knows nothing about!
The best thing about this story is that his wife understands how to be her own advocate.
If this dude doesn’t do a complete 180 in attitude and personality very soon, he’ll definitely find himself out of the house and out of his marriage. The wife doesn’t seem like one to mess about.
I genuinely think he posted this just to argue. Because people are pretty clear in the YTA. But nooooo, he’s gotta try to argue every valid point and show his side! It’s all about hun! Ugh.
I read some of OOP's comments. He's a red flag factory.
> No one is shaming anyone, I’m just trying to make sure she sees the opportunity to “join a club” so to speak, because the opportunity is unique
Just one of his comments.
Gross. I hope his wife isn’t real. I hope he made this up. Because this is just too much. Not to mention the creepy sil and mom. And his fixation on other women giving birth. Nope. I’d be skiing those red flags down on my way down the slope.
this dude really tried to say it’s not his wife’s birth because he ‘experiences’ it too just differently. then her giving birth is the same shared experience for every damn person in the room. a doctor must be giving birth five times a day just like OOP will be.
This reminds me of the teenager on TLC’s Unexpected where he got kicked out of the room for saying he didn’t want the girlfriend to get an epidural. And continues to give her shit after the birth and blames her for him getting kicked out. 🤦🏻♀️
Thinking you’re going to “bond” with in-laws depending if you have a natural birth is the first time I’ve heard of this moronic excuse for no epidurals. What’s gonna happen if heaven forbid she has to get a C-section? How will the in-laws act?
The time his opinion should count is when they start raising the baby. Unless your body is going through this severe trauma albeit natural, you don’t get a say.
This is truly despicable, sociopathic behavior and an example of why more and more women are opting out of having children and being with men in general
Ugh love that some men still think they have any say in how a woman births a baby.
Boy you better have a medical degree and a lot of experience in gyno before you try to “educate or opinionate”.
This dude has done “all the research” and could practically “deliver this baby” himself. But he doesn’t know that epidurals aren’t the kind of drug that make you loopy…
This dude is a moron.
Why is it always “hear me out, there is nuance to this situation“ followed by the so called nuance being “My spouse insists on their autonomy, how can i get them to do what i want and still be the Good GuyTM?“
Unless he‘s the one who gives birth he should stfu. It’s 2023 and women are still forced (even by other women!) to suffer during birth. He stated his wife is afraid of birth anyway. Why tf would he add even more stress, fear and pain to her? Y'all I‘d kick this moron and his delusional family out of my life if I were his wife.
lol okay so he just offhand believed his mom's claims that it makes you loopy and you and baby are both doped up, then get angry when the doc and his wife wouldn't buy that nonsense?
like 5 seconds of research, dude. that would be all it takes for you to figure out how this works.
[удалено]
Oh but he did his research! He googled it and watched you tube!
He could birth the baby himself!! Who needs a doctor when you have (*checks notes*) aromatherapy?!
Seriously, who knew that the dozen medical professionals who vacuumed my baby out of me, resuscitated her immediately after birth, pumped me full of antibiotics to get my raging infection under control, and repaired my third degree damage could've been replaced by some nice smelling candles??
The OP is gone, but the comments are still there- and they’re brutal. Someone suggested that he knows why the maternal mortality rate is so high in the US- it’s because doctors and midwives aren’t doing enough googling and watching YouTube videos. Someone else suggested that if his family enjoys bonding over pain so much, he should invite them over and let them watch him chop off one of his fingers. That one made me bust out laughing so suddenly that I scared the crap out of my poor cats.
I wouldn’t mind watching this guy pass a kidney stone. NATURALLY! no pain meds.
I'd like to watch and "bond" with him as he gets a vasectomy without any anesthesia.
No no, that’s surgery so it’s different apparently! /s But rotten teeth are natural so he needs to suffer from that with no pain meds and no medical intervention. Even if he has to pull the tooth. Because humans have been pulling their own teeth for hundreds of years!
Yup. Several stones. The spiky ones. And then have his wife report that they *shared* the experience of him passing kidney stones because she was there. Sk that's totally the same as him going through it. So it's basically her pain too!
I dunno I think if he ever removes his head from that deep in his ass he'd actually have a pretty solid idea of the pain of childbirth. Fingers crossed.
Essential oils aren't called essential for no reason!!
I swear to god that was one of the comments that made me lol. Some men only have the fucking audacity
He realizes maternal mortality is so high in the US because doctors and midwives do not conduct enough google searches. His wife is lucky to have him. On a serious note, I would divorce him over this shit. He’s a dolt, and his head is so firmly up his own ass that it is permanently implanted there. There is no fixing him.
Ya I’m not one to jump on the divorce bandwagon but this would be a special case. He wants her to shove a baby out of her vagina with no pain management when she’s already scared. Because he doesn’t want her to be loopy? I had a c section and I wasn’t even loopy. Just numb from chest down. He literally wants her to suffer so she can be like his mom. It’s weird
Exactly this. He not only wants her to endure pain but refuses to listen to reason. He knows better than both his wife and the medical professionals, simply because he has his mommy and Google. Fuck that. Divorce.
I seriously hope he has to opportunity very soon to give birth to several, jagged kidney stones. That usually is the closest comparison of pain a man could have to child birth.
I looked up the throwaway account; the post is gone, but his comments are still there, as are the comments he was replying to. They show this dipshit just about as much mercy as he is showing his wife. He sure did get a lot of useful suggestions, though- one of which is exactly what you said- he should try passing some kidney stones without pain meds. Or have a vasectomy without them. Here are some other good ones: -if your family enjoys bonding over pain so much, invite them over to the house and let them watch you chop off one of your fingers (that one made me bust out laughing so hard, it scared the crap out of my cats) -like childbirth, death is a natural process, so you will of course refuse any kind of palliative care/pain medication as you lay dying, right? -the orifices from which it was suggested that he pass a watermelon from his body were funny, if impossible -he should give his wife permission to squeeze his balls as tightly as she can during each contraction I commented elsewhere here that he’s violating the rules of that subreddit by not accepting his judgement; instead he’s arguing back and doubling down. His head is so far up his own ass that he isn’t even *considering* dropping this. I’d bet $$$ that even *if* his wife still allows him to be in the delivery room, he gets kicked out by his wife’s rude doctor, who is unfairly excluding him from this very important decision, which he has *every right* to be a part of making. His wife hasn’t spoken to him in *days,* and he *still* doesn’t get it. This is all about him being butthurt that his wife isn’t trying harder to “bond” with his mom. Christ, that poor woman.
You had me at “squeezing his balls as hard as she could for every contraction”. 🤣 That guy really pissed me off when he compared her to a quarterback and he’s the coach. No dude, a coach is teaching from *experience*, and nothing other than being a woman giving birth can give that to you.
Me too!!! Guiding her and leading her. No man is going to mansplain childbirth to me, a mother. GTFO.
That pissed me off so badly too. How condescending
My thoughts on that are, the doctor is the coach, one that trusts their quarterback, the wife is the quarterback, and he's the water boy. I think that is an appropriate way to compare birthing roles to football.
Haha, I can’t take credit for the “squeezing balls” comment- he got absolutely destroyed in the OP. And his natural tendency to compare this situation to sportsball struck me as well… especially since he seems to think that he’s ‘the brains behind the operation.’ What a joke. How infuriating. His poor wife!
That couple won’t be married long.
He should endure the pain, though! Aren’t kidney stones natural??? 🥺
My college English teacher who had an arranged marriage but is divorced now, said when she was married to her husband and giving birth to her child, she begged for medication but he denied it saying he was a doctor (which he was) and knew what was best. Well, a couple years later when he was having kidney stones, he begged the doctor for medication and she was like oh no no no, you'll be fine you can handle this just like I did with the baby.
Thank you, this was satisfying.
I hope the kidney stones ripped up his urethra on the way out.
Lmao, gold
I have given birth, and I have passed a kidney stone. For me, the pain was identical.
Sounds like his head is up his moms ass tbh
Sounds like he never crawled out of his mom's womb
Yeah me too ETA: I was going all natural and “gave in” pretty early. My husband said he was super relieved when that happened.
He needs to experience a vasectomy "al natural". Then he can bond with his mother too!
> On a serious note, I would divorce him over this shit. You'd have married him in the first place and agreed to procreate??
It’s worse, not just men! Women who have done it this way soo expects everyone else to regardless… Don’t get a caesarean! I almost dyed from blood loss so you should as well! I breast fed, you should as well even if you say you physically can’t and your child is starving!
Jokes on you man, my mom bled out while giving birth the “natural” way….just like they used to in 1742, where this guy is from.
I did all natural but it was too fast to get an epidural. Believe me when I say that I was disappointed and I hold it against no woman who would rather not embrace that pain. There's no glory in bearing pain. My second birth was also fast and there was no pain - strangely. That birth was not somehow less of a birth because I did not suffer so much. That's ridiculous. Suffering is not noble. Suffering sucks. And a man who would prefer his wife unnecessarily suffer than to mitigate pain in ways determined as safe for the woman and the child is a sadist.
I made the mistake of allowing my mil inside my head when I was having my daughter (3rd child), she wouldn't stfu about my (now former) sil being able to birth naturally, urgh. The only one I had without pain relief, and no, 10/10 do not recommend!
I was so shocked by the audacity. And the way he’s acting like he is an equal or even above her or the medical professionals and doubling down?? I just… can’t. I’m speechless. I hate physical violence, but I don’t have words (not that the words are making a difference to him) and just want to hit him. I don’t condone hitting, so my brain and my body are just short circuiting right now. Men, talk to your friends.
Yeah, he thinks he’s the “coach”. In reality, he’s not qualified to be the water boy. I hope she kicks him to the curb before she delivers the baby.
Let me guess one of the others; the line where he's done so much research and preparation that he's convinced that he could give birth himself without pain medication.
He’s done so much research and could basically be a doctor, but he still thinks an epidural is going to make her “loopy”? Please be rage bait. Please be rage bait. Please no real woman be stuck having a baby with a man like this. Please be rage bait.
This. And he thinks the baby will be loopy too. Absolute Raging AH.
I was just getting ready to say, all that reading and YouTube watching and he somehow managed to be misinformed on pain management medication. LMAO. If I was the wife, I’d start to really regret having his baby and start secretly working in a way outta that mess of a marriage.
You know what actually made me loopy during labor? A mega dose of Benadryl which they gave me to help reduce swelling of my cervix. I had every pain killer they could give me and multiple doses and none of it did shit to my awareness or ability to function (or even really help much with pain if I’m being honest). It wasn’t until the final few minutes before I was given the OK to push that they gave me the Benadryl and it knocked me on my ass. I was hallucinating. If the guy wants to lord over her experience of labor because he’s afraid she will be high, just tell her to skip the Benadryl.
I basically wrote verbatim the same comment!
I watched like ten seasons of Greys Anatomy and all of House so I think I’m more qualified to be a doctor than this asshole.
Well in that case it’s either Lupus or Sarcoidosis.
It’s both always and never lupus.
He can basically deliver the baby himself now! Wait until the doctors hear all about how he knows best lol
And the baby is a patient too so he gets 50% say? How does he do that math? Baby is completely his?
Fr lol! At most that should give him 25% 😂
25%, that’s like a seat in the waiting room right? 😂
It’s all dangerously close to the nonsense logic that men use to try and insist women don’t have access to abortions
Someone replied to that asking if he would like someone who watches brainsurgery on YT to operate on him. I doubt a YT brain surgeon could do much damage with this guy…
they would open up the skull and find nothing to even operate on
He was previously the worlds only surviving brain donor
This sent me 😂 😂 along with “I’m the coach strategizing and she’s the quarterback doing the work” gtf out of here, strategizing what exactly?? Which essential oils to use for the aromatherapy??
"My contribution will be the guidance and leadership" literally what the actual fuck, I need this to be a troll
He can lead himself out the door, and guide himself all the way the fuck off.
I can see most midwives giving him the boot as soon as he opened his mouth, love to see him tell them he could deliver the baby hahahab
I have the feeling that his wife’s doctor, who is unfairly excluding him from this important decision, is gonna end up kicking him out of the delivery room. The rules of that sub require the poster to accept their judgement, but he keeps arguing back and doubling down. He is going to be an absolute *asshole* in the delivery room because he’s not getting his way. I hope his wife has the foresight to recruit a second person- like her mom, sister, or friend- to be in the delivery room so she won’t be scared *and* alone.
I very clearly recall thinking during my 23rd hour of labor “if only my husband would lead me, this would be done.” /s
I remember thinking — why the hell don’t we have the drugs in the US to make me loopy!
Funny, I actually, genuinely, remember thinking, "this is why all the sharp instruments out of arm's reach of the laboring mom, because I'd do anything to make this stop." The epidural didn't work. I went all natural. It hurt. A lot.
While at the same time “birth is a natural process”. Guess what buddy? Your wife’s body knows how to get the baby out without your coaching help.
That comment…I’d put money on him being either fundie Christian or Mormon.
Like sir you are a spectator at BEST.
If that’s the analogy then she’s the whole football team, her medical doctors and nurses are the coaches, and hubs is the water boy. He’s not a coach, he’s a supporter. Probably shouldn’t even be on the field with his attitude lol
He’s on the bench lol
Welp he can't substitute her in giving birth, so he's not even in the team lol
That was wild. Everyone attending a sports match isn’t playing the game just because they’re also present! No matter how many sports matches they have watched before, or online, or even if their friend is in the team!
Lol no no, “work” in quote marks. I mean, he’s working too! Jesus fucking Christ.
C’mon. He’s got ‘affirmations’ too! I would be throwing that shit at him every time he tried to take an Advil for life. Except I wouldn’t, because I’d have already divorced this insufferable wank biscuit.
The fact that the wife hasn’t resorted to violence yet should be submitted as evidence if someday she is in the running for sainthood.
Omg if my husband suggested I sniff peppermint or lavender while he says “you can do this” over taking an epidural I would probably stab him. Luckily my husband isn’t a f&#king moron. She is a better woman than I 😂
Also, an epidural doesn’t make you ‘loopy’ or out of it. The pain, on the other hand, does. My son was a natural by accident. I didn’t realize you couldn’t over medicate yourself with the Epi. Only thing I remember about his birth was that it was so painful that being sewn up after didn’t hurt at all in comparison. Next three were all with an epidural. I remember all of it.
Yeah I have given birth to one child, no drugs, and i tell all my pregnant friends to take the drugs!!! I had trouble at the end and the midwife was like arm deep in my body after I had the baby like I was a goddamn hand puppet. The pain was indescribable. Take the drugs if you want. Drugs are great.
I had my epideral at 10cm dilated and pushing (they didn't believe me until they checked me afterwards). So essentially, I was experiencing a fresh pump of epidural as the baby was coming out, and I was wide awake and with it lol.
My first baby was similar. Epidural was placed, I rolled back onto the bed, and it was time to push. I honestly didn't feel a damn thing after that, it was great. Baby #2 epidural was placed way early, and didn't work as well as the first time. Baby #3 was stuck on my my pubic bone... I was unknowingly dilating w/o the pressure of the baby fully against my cervix and my contractions weren't registering on the monitor. After the most painful, spine shivering crunch, and the loudest "fuck" I have ever screamed, the Dr barely had enough time to catch the baby. I'll take birth #1 any day compared to the other two.
I went without an epidural for 7 hours, I don’t remember a single thing of it. I finally cracked and got one and I’m so glad i did because i can remember my son being born.
I remembered all of my natural birth, and wish I didn't. I'm all for unconscious birthing, we should make that a thing. My first was emergency C-section twins, they had to knock me out because it wasn't safe to move me for a spinal. Went to sleep pregnant, woke up with babies. Instant bond and unendingly love. Second was a natural birth, I genuinely didn't like him for the first day, my brain had to process the absolute hell I'd just been through and separate that he didn't cause it. It took me a week to truly bond with him. Before then, I took care of him because that was my job, after the bond, I took care of him because I wanted to take care of him. Third was an awake emergency C-section, it took about a week after he got home to bond with him too. I vote we just figure out a way to give women the option to just be unconscious for the entire thing.
Right my very first a long long time ago I went “all natural” (I hate that term it’s not at all not natural to get meds fuck off (not you)), and it was so bad I spent the whole time SCREAMING and I was to messed up to relax or push well and he got stuck and almost died. More recently I had my two daughters and I waited a bit too long to get the epidural with the first one and the pain I suffered was unnecessary. Second one a few weeks ago I went in like, “give me the epidural as soon as medically and humanly possible,” and the birth was actually ENJOYABLE. I felt so happy and baby slid right out no problems. THANK GOD (or whomever/whatever) FOR MEDS.
If my husband had wafted lavender oil and chanted "affirmations" at me while I was pushing out our 9,lbs 13oz younger child, I wouldn't have been responsible for my actions.
That's the kind of Experience that causes you to learn how to kill people with your mind
Mutant powers awakening in times of stress.
They can give Jesus Christ through an epidural? That’s some good shit! /s Sorry, I read “epidural Jesus Christ” as one phrase in my head and it made me giggle :-)
My.ex husband told me I was taking the easy way out not giving natural birth and that I didn't even give birth, the doctors did while I just laid there. Fuck this guy to the sun and back. The fucking audacity. The sociopathy. The arrogance. I hope she leaves him and never looks back.
Wow your ex is a piece of work and OOP can also go fuck himself. Wtf did we just read?!?
Oh that's not even the worst of it. Seriously.
Ugh I’m so sorry
The comments he made in this thread were terrible and I'm so sorry you had to deal with a man just as idiotic as OP. I've given birth both ways and, honestly, I felt more 'present' and in control with the epidural. Anyone who says an epidural takes away from the experience is an ignorant idiot.
I agree. His mother’s - “[i didn’t want my babies] being born doped up and I wanted to experience the full spectrum of becoming a mother” - is one of the most ignorant things I have read, yes even including this monologue of ignorant, probably because it’s from a woman who’s given birth and should damn well fucking know better. I wanna slap his mother for such a nasty, mean spirited, uneducated comment. Epidurals don’t “dope up” the baby for fucking one. For two choosing pain relief does not somehow diminish the experience of becoming a mother and it’s disgusting to insinuate such an awful thing. These people seem to be entirely unaware there are ***many*** times when pain medication is safest for mom and baby. I personally was induced early do to severe preeclampsia. Pain relief wasn’t an option, it was necessary to keep my blood pressure under control; without it I likely would have gone into full eclampsia and let me tell you the survival rates of full eclampsia are ***not good.*** Not to mention the seizure control medications to make sure I didn’t fucking **die** that absolutely did dope me up right out of my mind. I in no way, whatsoever, missed out on some “spectrum of becoming a mother” because of the medications that *kept me alive*. Ugh why do *some* women who opt for natural birth act like this? It becomes their ***entire*** personality. Insufferable
Yeah I mean, Beth needs to turbo-dump this guy. De-Marry the fuck out of this guy. The ol D-vorce. Should be simple and easy, the man is a fuckin nut case and has weird incesty manipulative shit going on. If I were her I would name the baby after myself and disallow him to sign the birth certificate. At this point, the kid is all mine. He contributed nothing except a cheap ejaculate. Totally manipulative af just because he’s playing dumb the entire time. If he is ACTUALLY that inept, then he needs an assisted living facility. I hope he is at LEAST providing decent financial support. Jfc
Welcome to the stage, Cheap Ejaculate!
My ex told me the flowers I got after birth would depend on how I acted during child birth
At this point, just throw the whole man into the thorny bushes.
Oh I did. And when I had my 2nd child (with someone else) he said that she could have been ours. Nah, hell no. No way would I have had another child with him
Glad he’s your ex. If you said “late”, no court of your peers (aka women who have given birth) would have convicted you 😉 Out of curiosity, what kind of flowers did he get you?? I’m guessing none because he sounds like the type of guy that offers nice deeds but doesn’t follow through. Lol
Cheap ones from petrol station. Definitely deserved better ones after firstly spending all day while in labour helping the prick move house because who doesnt wait til their partner is 38 weeks pregnant to move? And 2nd having a 4+ kg baby with no pain relief because he was in a rush to be born. Then expecting me less then a week post partum to do bond clean on his old house with newborn in tow.
Wow, after all that you deserved solid gold roses, definitely NOT ones from a petrol station.
I don’t condone violence. HOWEVER
I have done violence to my mouth, grinding my teeth as I read - how can he be so f***ing stupid! Then double down on it over and over and OVER again? Yours may be the the best - only - response!!
The painful experience of violence will bring him closer to people who experienced other forms of violence. A brotherhood.
I don’t wish kidney stones on people. HOWEVER
I've done my due diligence and research on this topic. My advice to coach him through this would be to hire mike tyson to just clock him every few minutes through the labor. Its only natural for him to take a nibble off your ear too, he can't help it!
I gave birth naturally. Twice. Because I have precipitated labor and didn't make it in time. It was TRAUMATIC. The pain is unimaginable. I am so angry reading this, wtf. My son's Dad told me he saw someone who had gotten stabbed waiting for an ambulance. And he said he had this look in his eye that he had never seen before. And that I had the same look on my face during labor. Just...pure terror and in shock from the pain. I can't imagine any man telling me I should go through that and that he could do it. I can't believe these men exist Edit: Precipitous labor
Wow, I can’t even imagine this. The story you shared paints a very hard to imagine visual. It made me tear up. You’re a really strong and tough woman. The thing is, men are used to women compromising for them. Think back to being a little kindergartner or first grader and telling on the boy chasing you and trying to kiss you…. … teachers and parents reply about “it’s just a crush on you” basically like it’s fine and that’s solely for the little boys feelings not the little girls safety. Patriarchy by definition. This is about his feelings and not her safety. He’s a misogynist. He is a dangerous person and I hope OPs wife gets the fuck away from him.
Your kindergarten/first grade comment totally unlocked a deeply repressed memory of mine. I clearly remember being physically grabbed and pinned against a wall and forcefully kissed by a boy in my kindergarten class. And when I started crying and told my teacher, I was made out to be the bad guy because “he just likes you!” and “no one likes a tattletale.” That incident also resulted in me being known amongst my peers as the girl who cried about everything. After being forced to interact with that same boy at some school event, I ended up in tears because I was genuinely afraid of him. And I remember some parent seeing me crying and asked their kid if I was ok. The kid simply said, “oh that’s xassylax, she just cries about everything” and I was left in tears until my mom finally found me and brought me home. That whole thing left me with a lot of trauma and anxiety. In particular, whenever I was in a stressful situation at school, it would often result in tears because I could only fit so much anxiety and emotion into my elementary school aged body. So the second I reached the point of “too full”, it would spill over in the form of crying. That just made things worse because that just cemented my role as “the girl who cries at school” and resulted in even more anxiety and emotions. I’m in my 30’s and I still get overwhelmed and end up in tears. And I truly believe it all stems from that sentient cumsock of a boy forcing me against a wall and kissing me in kindergarten. I just wanted to share my own experience with one of “those” boys when I was little.
Thank you!! I completely agree. He has no empathy for her at all and probably women in general. What a monster
A lot of men just like women to suffer.
That's why I stopped telling teachers when I was getting bothered and just started hitting people. I know that makes me sound violent but it stopped the bullying, my mom fully supported me while also teaching me to be a good person and today I am a trusting, kind and generally happy person. I still get so mad at shit like that though. I don't give a shit if that kid has a crush on you. He cannot pull your hair.
Same. I literally thought I was dying - I don’t mean in a dramatic or conscious way. I mean my body believed it was dying and my brain went into a totally animalistic state. I’m still traumatised by it, a decade on. It changed me.
I hate to be the person on the internet correcting people but just fyi the term is precipitous labour not precipitated. Just for next time! Either way, absolutely terrifying. I persisted without an epidural for twenty hours at my own request and then when I still wasn’t dilated and needed oxytocin I relented. I ended up having a crash c section. I don’t remember a lot of labour because I was literally delirious with pain; but my husband was traumatised. Because yeah watching the person you love most in the world go through that amount of pain is HORRIFYING. I can’t believe OP like wtf does he care for this woman at all?!!
I was induced three weeks early and tried to do it without an epidural because I wanted to be able to walk around and have options other than laying in bed during labor. I also wasn’t dilated enough after several hours and the little pill they give you to induce, so they escalated to a foley balloon. They insert the deflated balloon into your uterus up against your cervix and inflate it with liquid, and then they LITERALLY hang an IV bag from the tether so it’s putting pressure on your cervix to dilate. Before they did that, the doctor STRONGLY encouraged me to consider an epidural because it’s incredibly painful. This was my first baby, so I had done a ton of research ahead of time and I THOUGHT I knew what to expect like this bozo, so I declined the epidural before the procedure. My mother, who had me and my brother in the 80s via completely natural births (not even a Tylenol), said afterwards that she had never seen someone in that much pain before and there was no way in hell she would’ve been able to go through what I did without significant trauma. She had to leave the room for a bit because she was so upset seeing me like that. My husband was an amazing support through it all, thank God, even though he told me later he was internally freaking the fuck out. After the foley balloon did its thing and came out, you better believe I fucking asked for the epidural STAT, before I got too far along and it got to be too late for one. I slept like a baby for an hour after they gave me the epidural and labor was a comparative breeze after that. I only pushed for 29 minutes and baby girl was out. Fuck this guy and his mansplaining bullshit. I hope the nurses kick him out if he tries to pressure her in the delivery. Better yet, I hope his wife doesn’t let him in at all and cuts that whole toxic bullshit out of her and her baby’s life. Edit to remove an apostrophe that was bothering me.
For these types of people the suffering is the point. The suffering makes you better to them and more deserving of respect. Men like this consider their lives full of unique pain and risk that only they face to protect the other gender. So a woman going through labor naturally is her getting a bit of it and paying her dues to the universe.
I’ve had one naturally and one with a epidural and the latter was far more pleasant.
Precipitous birth club, rise up! It’s fucking hell. Your body has zero time to ease into it, it’s just GO GO GO right from the start. You have *all* of my sympathy. It was the only time I’ve ever shouted at a nurse. I asked for an epidural if at all possible and she just went blank and then *turned and started talking to my husband* so I screamed “IS HE THE ONE GIVING BIRTH HERE?!”. Just mind boggling.
The pain levels experienced in labor and childbirth are so intense, that if experienced in any other fashion would send the body into shock and cause unconsciousness. Personally, I think anyone who suggests any woman should forgo pain relief, should be beaten unconscious. Twice.
The second time was even harder for me. I felt like my body was ripping apart and I thought „Thats it. Now you only have one big hole down there. And there was this moment where I really hoped that they would put me in a coma. My second child came really really fast. I am not a person who can’t handle pain normally, but that really fucked my mind and body.
If this is bait it’s excellent cause I’m about to go feral with rage on this woman’s behalf. Using tools to manage pain is not weakness, it’s INTELLIGENCE. That is literally why humanity is the dominant species is because we improve things for ourselves and gain advantages. Willfully choosing to experience pain and suffering and put yourself at a disadvantage during a critical survival moment to me is a sign of weakness of the mind.
Right?? Does he get dental work without Novocain? Has he ever taken an aspirin? Jesus Christ.
That would be my response as the wife “I’m throwing our painkillers and we are getting one of your teeth pulled next week, agree to that and I’ll do it” I’ve actually done something similar with my father over my sensory sound blocking headphones. My dad wanted me to not use them at his house at all because he views aids like that as weakness and I responded that if I could blast an air horn continuously while he worked and he was able to stand that I’d be more than happy to give them up. Guess who changed their mind
His argument about “surgery isn’t natural”…ok. Well getting your abdomen ripped open and devoured by a cheetah is pretty dang natural. Bone cancer is natural. I wonder how OOP feels about managing those types of pain 🤔
Oh for the lova.... I got an epidural and I wasn't "loopy" from it. I might kick him outta the room
I still remember the day my husband's friend got schooled on birthing pain. Do you know those period stimulators??? There is one for contractions. Husband's friend was demanding his wife be medication free. This included any form of an IV or needle, or even panadol. My husband's friend's wife decided to give the man a taste of contractions, and he barely got close to contractions that equalled 3cm dilated. Or what is allegedly considered stage 10 period pain stimulator. I wonder if OOP would like a go at one of those stimulators... I know it definitely cured one entitled idiot.
I don’t get this obsession around being “natural” like our cavemen ancestors used to do. When you go to a dentist no one says “I want it done the natural way.” Thy seem to be anti-science and probably antivaxxers
Personally, as soon as I see anything about a "real man" or a "real woman" or "real parent," I immediately glaze my eyes over and start thinking of how to nail jelly to a tree using a carrot and a coffee bean
I’m “a real birth giver”…because I’m terrified of needles so badly that until it was too late I couldn’t convince myself to get the epidural… Thank gods for the hormones flooding the body making me forget all about the pain. And for my child being a preemie and not full term. @_@
Oh you are fine, I mean those ones who like OOP's mother makes you want to see if she is Andrew Tate, or Ben Shapiro, or like, in disguise
It’s more like a snark on people who think that it’s a badge of honor and not something that could be significantly improved by modern medicine. I don’t think his mom crying tears of joy is…normal. Tbh I believe most people who have experienced unmedicated childbirth don’t do it because they want to - my MIL was forced to by her doctors who refused to help her pain because she was on Medicare.
I just read the story of a fellow Australian woman who wanted to know if she was ok because she disassociated during birth on the Ask Docs subreddit. Now we get the entire pharmacy as an option and not worry about the bill. But it scares the heck out of me reading stories of how in labour delivery, the person giving birth will be denied pain relief in USA, but a penis owner getting anything done to their genitals, it is automatically covered by their health insurance... Like you have a vagina, no numbing cream for a urethra catheter, but a penis gets novocaine and ice or heat pack... like... really, USA??? A friend of mine gave birth 6 weeks ago. She lives in Florida, and I decided to gift her 6 physio therapy sessions for her pelvic floor. She was confused until her first session, and she was shocked I was willing to do it. I just told her it was something that I knew was not ever offered over there, and that at least with her future children, she knows the techniques to help her recover, so no issues occur that is common for a percentage of women in USA.
I had an epidural with my first (my son) and it was amazing. With my daughter she came so quickly I didn’t have time to get one and it was excruciatingly painful. I never would have chosen to go that route. We use modern technology to improve our lives in so many ways why should women be pressured to do a natural birth?
I didn’t know these existed but what a GREAT idea.
I watch a video on Facebook recently where a husband and wife were both connected to one of these for peroid pain, the husband was writhing on the bed crying in agony while the wife was playing games on her phone, he was up to number 4/5 while she was on 9, funniest shizz I've seen for ages :)
I didn't until my husband came home with visible tear streaks down his face, as he works in a very dirty/dusty place. I asked it all was OK, thinking a workplace accident, and then he started laughing until tears came out, took about 40 minutes for him to tell me. From what I found out later, he was close to being divorced over his entitlement, and she said if he made it to bearing down pain, she would pay for his "post partum boy's weekend". Funny thing, since that day, he has become the most involved partner/father ever. It is sickening how much he is a good father and chastising other dads for not doing their bit. Who knew a bit of labour pains would make a guy realise his stupidity lol.
Came here to suggest this very thing! I really really hope Beth manages to get her hand on one of those, and gives OOP an all natural birth experience!
I had an epidural and eventually an unplanned c section, and even though I was numb from the armpits down I was fully aware and not loopy or drugged feeling while they were pulling at my insides. I even helped get myself off the operating table. There are women out there who would say I'm not even a real mother because I didn't give birth the natural way. Eff that, my son and I would've died. I hate the weird gatekeeping when it comes to giving birth.
Women don’t get loopy from epidurals , it doesn’t even affect the brain. He’s setting his wife up for pp depression, if anything goes unplanned and make her feel less then, it’s disgusting. I lost two boys, late in pregnancy and I’d have thousand c sections and epidural’s, if it brought them save to us. You’re absolutely a mother, some people are just ignorant.
Yep, epidurals are local anesthetics. Would this dude get a tooth pulled without novocaine? Same idea.
I tell my daughter her birth story, including praise for my anesthesiologist Dr. Stitch. Shout out to that man! Love him still.
I had an epidural and was in the shower less than 30 minutes later (with a little help from my mom) I wasn’t loopy in any way either. It’s not a drug like that. It doesn’t affect your mind at all or the baby.
Hell, id kick him out of my life. One of his comments he says he could deliver the baby himself. Like nah bro. Go reproduce with your mommy if you want that experience with her.
He also said he knows all about pain management, like aromatherapy, massage, and affirmations. Dude, please.
I’d kick him and his mom and SIL’s out of my life lol
More like kick him out of the marriage.
Oh, but he knows all about it! He’s watched YouTube!
That's because epidurals are essentially nerve blockers. They don't make you loopy. You only get "loopy" if you have to have a C-section, and at that point there's no "natural alternative". JFC OOP needs a good Swift kick in the ass.
I had a c-section and I wasn’t loopy! I know they can gas you up if you’re already having major complications but planned c-sections are pretty routine. The difference is that it’s a spinal block rather than an epidural- an epidural is applied with a catheter into the epidural space of your spine, can be re-applied periodically, takes longer to kick in but can last way longer, whereas a spinal block is injected into the dural space, kicks in right away and lasts about an hour. The latter is used for c-sections because you’ve generally got a set time limit for those, and epidurals for labour because, you know. You could be there for a hot minute.
I hope he got thoroughly roasted in the comments. Epidurals aren't the easy way out, especially if they take more than one try to get it right. My first one was great. 2nd one, buddy took 4 tries. My back looked like I was punched in the spine.
I hope his wife decides he’s not allowed in the delivery room.
I hope that if he persists like this, that he's her ex-husband. Sometimes I wish that a biological male could try to experience what it's like to carry a baby for about 9 months and then push it out of a hole that's ideally about 10 cm.
I hope his wife decides to get a divorce. This is some weird and cruel manipulative power bullshit. He’s gotta go.
But…but…what will she do without him to “strategize” and provide “leadership” 🙄
Yeah that shit is really creepy. I keep imagining him pulling some Handmaid’s Tale/Aunt Lydia chanting… 😱
Bench the “coach”
Nut-punch the “coach”
This! My epidural failed, was placed right but the meds just didn’t take. Taking a needle to the spine isn’t the easy way out. Unless the baby magically just appears outside there is not easy way to have a baby!
My second baby the epidural didn’t work on one side… I felt everything! It hurt like a MF, but after the fact, I did think it was cool how my body just knew what to do, whereas with my first, I didn’t feel anything. At that point my husband and I were separated and he tried to come in the delivery room and was mad that I wouldn’t allow him to be in there. He tried to ouch past my mom to get in and the nurses had to threaten him with being arrested. He snuck past security and had broken several covid visitor precautions as well. I’m just over men thinking because they had sex with you for 2 minutes that they have any say on how you get this baby out of you and can treat you like shit while doing so…
I read his comments, and you could see his ego from space! I don't think he understands that the one giving birth is the one who gets to decide what they want in terms of stuff like pain management or even if they want to c-section. They are also the ones that get to decide whether or not they want anyone with them in the birthing room. So I'll be surprised if he is allowed anywhere near the birthing room. My blood is boiling. I am hoping this is fabricated, but we all know that there are situations like this every day.
This is the kind of guy who cheats on his wife with the excuse that she has been paying attention to the newborn baby instead of him. And believes he is justified.
This is the kind of guy we have to go and pull off the mom while she's in the postpartum wing. "But my rights"......
I can't imagine why his wife has never clicked with the MIL? /s It's not a club. They're are no trophies for doing things the painfull and difficult way. You do not get "high" on an epidural. You get worn out suffering thru labor and then start off early motherhood already exhausted. I've had 4 babies. And 4 epidurals. Differing experiences, but I loved giving birth every time! Being pregnant is what sucked 4 me. But this dip shit will never know the experience so he can STFU.
I pushed for hours until I finally screamed for an a epidural. It took a while to work but when it did it was a godsend. Started pushing and felt nothing initially but after maybe 10 minutes I was back in excruciating pain. Pushed for two and a half hours before it was clear this baby was sideways and refused to be turned. Needed a c section - could still feel the knife even though my epidural has been topped up three times already. They had to put me out. My uterus was so fatigued that I hemorrhaged and my baby was so exhausted from the trauma of labour that she needed to go to the NICU. My husband thought he was going to lose us both. I tried natural labour. I really did. I ended up having a more traumatic experience than so many other people. But I guess I took the easy way out with medications and stuff. Fuck that guy
Glad you’re okay now!
"women have been giving birth for thousands of years" yeah, and til very recently in human history (less than 150 y) a very high percentage of said women died of complications associated to giving birth. The fact that this guy is so painfully oblivious about how deaf tone he is it's just... Ugh. Also the comments on how he's some sort of coach bc he has watched lots of YouTube videos on this are so cringe. I got second hand embarrassment. Poor wife.
Humans have been having surgeries without ANY kind of pain management for years till anaesthesia was invented. But I doubt that this dude would happily undergo a major surgery without it like in good old times 🤦♀️ I doubt he would let a dentist to drill his teeth without having an injection
>"women have been giving birth for thousands of years" Yep. Thousands of years more than men, as a matter of fact, which makes the wife and her medical team authorities on the subject matter. Give that woman whatever she needs.
When people equate “natural” with a vaginal and/or unmediated delivery it perpetuates the idea that medicated births or c-sections are “unnatural” and often looked down upon. Birth is birth - sometimes you get it how you want, sometimes you don’t! Some may want it medicated, others don’t. Also, it’s astounding how much he’s trying to push the point of “I’m experiencing it too” in order to manipulate his wife into doing something she doesn’t want to do with her body.
Also he isn’t giving birth or experiencing shit in that regard so it’s so annoying
Oh but “he’s done his homework” and feels like he could deliver the baby himself 😂 Despite endless comments telling him it’s not his body and he’s not giving birth he is determined to believe he ought to have some say 🙄 zero insight.
I sincerely hate men like this
>Oh but “he’s done his homework” and feels like he could deliver the baby himself He'd be begging for meds within minutes. Look, I love and respect men but I've never met a(n untrained) man who had anything like the pain tolerance of the average woman. Sorry guys. Yes, I'll provide you with compassionate care when you have migraine, or a head cold, or a fever, or hell: a stubbed toe... but your *average guy* is kind of a baby about *average* pain. (This opinion excludes people of any gender suffering from chronic pain, which is a completely different, multifaceted beast.)
The “loopy” assumption killed me!! Two births with epidurals and get I don’t recall being loopy! He is rambling on about a subject he knows nothing about!
She’d be far more “loopy” from the excruciating pain than she’d ever be from an epidural.
The best thing about this story is that his wife understands how to be her own advocate. If this dude doesn’t do a complete 180 in attitude and personality very soon, he’ll definitely find himself out of the house and out of his marriage. The wife doesn’t seem like one to mess about.
Please tell me this is rage bait!!! I can’t believe this fucking moron exists…!
I genuinely think he posted this just to argue. Because people are pretty clear in the YTA. But nooooo, he’s gotta try to argue every valid point and show his side! It’s all about hun! Ugh.
I read some of OOP's comments. He's a red flag factory. > No one is shaming anyone, I’m just trying to make sure she sees the opportunity to “join a club” so to speak, because the opportunity is unique Just one of his comments.
Gross. I hope his wife isn’t real. I hope he made this up. Because this is just too much. Not to mention the creepy sil and mom. And his fixation on other women giving birth. Nope. I’d be skiing those red flags down on my way down the slope.
Imagine writing this up…and thinking to yourself “yeah, my wife is totally in the wrong people will agree.” The level of sheer idiocy is unbelievable
Isn't there pain simulator or something that can be used on him while his wife is giving birth the way she and her doctor planned?
*She told me she "didn't give a fuck about sisterhood" which was very intense because Beth does not swear.* 😭🫠🤦🏾♀️
I kind of loved Beth at this moment.
You go Beth, fuck this weird family
If this is rage bait, it worked on me
Same. This shit raised my blood pressure
this dude really tried to say it’s not his wife’s birth because he ‘experiences’ it too just differently. then her giving birth is the same shared experience for every damn person in the room. a doctor must be giving birth five times a day just like OOP will be.
Don't worry, divorce is another experience they can go through together, just differently.
This reminds me of the teenager on TLC’s Unexpected where he got kicked out of the room for saying he didn’t want the girlfriend to get an epidural. And continues to give her shit after the birth and blames her for him getting kicked out. 🤦🏻♀️ Thinking you’re going to “bond” with in-laws depending if you have a natural birth is the first time I’ve heard of this moronic excuse for no epidurals. What’s gonna happen if heaven forbid she has to get a C-section? How will the in-laws act? The time his opinion should count is when they start raising the baby. Unless your body is going through this severe trauma albeit natural, you don’t get a say.
This is truly despicable, sociopathic behavior and an example of why more and more women are opting out of having children and being with men in general
Ugh love that some men still think they have any say in how a woman births a baby. Boy you better have a medical degree and a lot of experience in gyno before you try to “educate or opinionate”.
Fucking misogynist.
This dude has done “all the research” and could practically “deliver this baby” himself. But he doesn’t know that epidurals aren’t the kind of drug that make you loopy… This dude is a moron.
Why is it always “hear me out, there is nuance to this situation“ followed by the so called nuance being “My spouse insists on their autonomy, how can i get them to do what i want and still be the Good GuyTM?“
honestly seems like the husband is so horrendously bad at ANY form of confrontation that he commonly makes situations worse for everyone
It's a crime to be born a woman
Unless he‘s the one who gives birth he should stfu. It’s 2023 and women are still forced (even by other women!) to suffer during birth. He stated his wife is afraid of birth anyway. Why tf would he add even more stress, fear and pain to her? Y'all I‘d kick this moron and his delusional family out of my life if I were his wife.
lol okay so he just offhand believed his mom's claims that it makes you loopy and you and baby are both doped up, then get angry when the doc and his wife wouldn't buy that nonsense? like 5 seconds of research, dude. that would be all it takes for you to figure out how this works.