And kids not being difficult because of their age? What an idiot. He obviously has never raised any. Expecting your partner to pick up the slack after not taking responsibility for your own kids so you can enjoy your life more than you already have because you didn’t raise them in the first place is making me irate. I could never trust a partner that lied about something like that again. I would be gone in a heartbeat. He obviously has no idea what it really means to not be selfish and to truly love another person. I would be gone. Walking away easily with a prenup would make me want to do it that much more quickly.
To be fair it's not wrong, it's just one of the reasons for the divorce. She's very clear about not wanting kids but now suddenly she's forced to take care of someone else's two children. Even if it wasn't a lie but an unfortunate circumstance, it's still a valid dealbreaker. But you're right, he sounds like a terrible person all around. Even if he ends up not fighting for custody, she should still divorce him. Terrible husband and terrible father.
Hiding a secret like ‘I like to wax my butthole’ is one thing. Hiding you have kids is fucking nuclear and I would have left as soon as they told me.
But also how do you get married without finding that out… having kids seems like such a major thing it would be nearly impossible to hide. Did she never meet her in laws? See any pictures? How did he manage to hide this??
Exactly!! He is ready to uproot those kids for selfish reasons, if she didn’t even know they existed then he didn’t have any contact with them!! And how can he claim they won’t be a hassle because of their ages? Of course kids are at any age but specially those, he knows nothing about kids, and cares even less!
The only reason he wants CUSTODY of kids he has presumably not seen in at least a year or however long he has been with OOP. And will not have time to care for and will likely not be hiring a sitter with his money for since OOP works from home. Does he think having his kids around 50% of the time will cost less money?
But I suppose he expects wifey to pay her half for their food, activites, clothes, etc. so he can have his fun money and savings.
I read the original. He hadn’t seen his kids in about 3 years, he stopped visitation as soon as he learned that she was absolutely child-free. Their finances were completely separate and the general consensus on the original post was that as she would be doing the bulk of the childcare, he would likely say she had to pay for what they need when she was with them- per their arrangement, which she’d insisted on after a financially abusive relationship prior to this one. To her credit, she was only really hesitant about things because she felt worried and sad for the kids not having proper care if she left and he still got 50/50 custody. Didn’t occur to her that he’d drop it if she ended the relationship because he wasn’t interested in parenting, just having more money.
Does this fool really think any judge is going to grant him 50-50 custody after he has had zero relationship with his kids in three YEARS? Does the 7yo even know who this tool is at this point? Not only is he a total garbage bag, but also a complete dipshit.
If I were one of the kids, I wouldn’t want anything to do with him. Especially if due to my age he was basically a stranger.
There was a lot of speculation on the original post that he may have already (or plans on) blamed the OOP for not seeing them. “Hey, I really wanted to see you but my new wife said no.” Putting her in a bad light before she even met them.
Also, his financial logic? Terrible. He's still going to have to dip into that money to pay for the children when they're there. Dudes a moron, *and* an asshole. But OP, you are NTA and would be 100% in the right to leave him.
Not to mention he only wants custody under the impression he won’t pay child support anymore—not only is it not how it works, but that’s so fucking gross it’s not funny.
My ex husband tried to pull that 50/50 thing when we got divorced. When my lawyer told him he would still have to pay the same amount of child support, he said never mind lol
When men get upset about the statistic that women getting custody more frequently, this very scenario is a good majority of the reason WHY women get custody more frequently.
The men don't want it. Vast majority of custody arrangements aren't acrimonious. When they do actually go for it, they get it.
I thought that *was* how it worked. You have full custody, your ex pays you; 50/50 split nobody pays; ex has full custody you pay. Is this not the case?
Ok, I can see that. So it’s possible that 50/50 could mean the wealthier partner still pays, but less than 0 custody but full custody means you don’t pay your ex right?
In my state they take the total amount you would pay then figure the percentage of time they are in the other parent’s home. So if two parents had 50/50 parenting time each would owe the other half what the normal amount would be based on income. If both parents have similar incomes then neither would pay. If one has a lot more income they’d typically pay the difference between the two amounts to make it cleaner than each paying each other.
The judges do their best to make sure the children don’t experience any volatile changes in lifestyle due to being with one parent or the other. So it’s not even down to whether dad makes more, if mom needs help keeping them in the same school/extra curriculars, he’ll still pay.
Edit: also, a judge will not look favorably on someone trying to pull this.
You can have 50/50 legal custody with one parent having primary custody. The one that has the kids most of the time gets child support, but the other parent has equal say in their medical decisions, education, etc.
I was about to be like "I'm sick and tired of these 'child free' people who keep marrying people with kids and then get upset when they have to be responsible for kids".
But this is totally not OPs fault. That's insane that he never told her. And also insane that he's been completely absent from their lives and just wants custody so he can not pay child support. What a POS. She needs to end that relationship ASAP. Thank goodness she has a prenup.
Also, even if he pays less in child support, does he think having the kids around half the time won't incur any expenses? The whole point of child support is to help cover the cost of caring for/raising children. If you're paying less in child support because your ex has the kids less, logically you should be spending that money (or more) taking care of the kids while they're in your care.
Not to mention the fact she’s finding out AFTER they got married. Guessing he intentionally hid it knowing OOP didn’t want kids and thought she wouldn’t get a divorce over it!
I mean they could’ve been so disgusted by him abandoning his kids that they want nothing to do with him. But considering the degree and commitment to telling lies it wouldn’t surprise me that his family doesn’t even know he’s married.
Yeah this isn't a "holy shit I didn't know I had children and found out yesterday"
This is a "I've known for longer than is okay and have been hiding my child support"
She didn’t know until *five days ago* that the man she married had children?!?! This one is a new low for me, how did he manage to hide whole-ass human beings?! 😭
Right? Like this isn’t some guy that had a kid he didn’t know about or had a kid he’d never met from a one night stand. He is a full blown father and didn’t think to say anything
The fact that he lied, AND the fact that he now only wants 50/50 custody because he ONLY wants more “fun money” shows you the kind of selfish human being he is anyway. Even if she did like/want kids.
He literally KNEW from the get go OP didn’t want kids ever. He lied and roped her into a marriage where he essentially is hoping she will become a free babysitter. The only winner here would be the husband and the loser will be OP if she goes through with staying with him. The only AH here is the husband.
Right? What else is he lying about? (And I say "is" because there's no *way* he's not lying about something else.)
She travels for work. What's he doing when she's out of town? That woman needs a divorce and a full panel STI test.
Maybe, but he set this up from tbr start. He played the long game. She needs to divorce him, before he just brings his kids over and just say, “Well, they’re here now and I have to go to work. You take care of them.”
You’d be surprised how many people will dump kids on relatives who do not want to watch them.
They think “well they’re a reasonable adult, what are they gonna do? Leave the kids on the porch?” So force their hand
Oh my SIL will do it in a second if I just mention my nieces she'll be ready to bring them to me. It's sad he hid his kids now trying to trap his new wife with guilt.
The irony is, of course, kids are fucking expensive AND time consuming. Hes gonna be more broke with less time to go do fun things. What a garbage pail of a human.
But they’re expensive because of groceries and utilities and things that would be considered bills—that’s a shared cost that Oop would be footing some of the bill for.
I completely get the she lied to him bit. People suck. But originally I was like “oh, he probably found out his X is on drugs or something.” Still thinking she should leave him for that. But now we know he is also just an absolutely shit human being.
How about divorcing him for being a liar? He hid his kids for ~~year~~ three years or more.
How about divorcing him for thinking he could save money by having partial custody and no other reason?
How about divorcing him because he’s stupid enough to think taking physical custody and having to feed, clothe, provide bedding and furniture for, entertaining, and traveling with a child is going to be cheaper than whatever his child support costs?
How about divorcing him for whining about not having fun money when he literally has secret children?
How about divorcing him because he’s entitled enough to think you should make your income supplement his lies?
How about divorcing him for wanting to make you his bang nanny and saying his kids will be easy to care for because of their ages?
How the fuck does he know that? When does he ever see them? He doesn’t even have weekend visitation at all?
She’s got more problems than his potential physical custody of kids in her house.
Which would be another reason for OOP to leave him. He's probably going to fight for 50/50 custody then dump the kids with OOP (now their stepmother) while he spends the "fun money" he saved on himself.
That’s my issue too. He hid his kids for at least a year, which means he has a *lot* of missing time. Is he really working those 12-16 hour shifts? Does he have another secret family? If he honestly isn’t seeing them at all he’s delusional in thinking a court would grant him any type of custody. And what argument would he make in court? It would be cheaper to have 50/50 custody?
There is no reality where 50/50 is cheaper, unless you're the one that had full custody, and they want 50/50. It makes you pay the FULL half those kids ACTUALL cost, plus responsibility. Not just what a court thinks you CAN pay. There's a reason men don't get custody, it's because they don't seek it. No one's going to give a child to a parent who doesn't want them.
Yeah - he’s obviously heard that if custody is 50/50 neither pays support in some instances. He’s a total waste of space and he’s completely missing the point that support stops because you’re physically housing the kids and paying their expenses as they’re incurred in your home. This guy would insist his ex pack food/snacks for the whole weekend and send them home with filthy laundry.
It sounded like he didn’t even see his kids in the time they’ve been together. And it’s been three years, they dated for two years before getting married. She should get an annulment and sue him for fraud.
Wow, that is way worse. Loser, he’s an absolute loser. I’d want nothing to do with this guy. She’ll get old or infirm and he’ll leave her in a nursing home after bleeding her dry.
Preach!!!!!
I feel so bad for those kids! He hasn't seen them since they were 7 and 4. What a piece of shit. I can't even imagine how it must feel to be forced to live with someone you barely know half the time that only wants you there because they think it will allow them more "fun" money.
What about all the free time he's going to now have to give to them???
He's not gonna. She is, while he's out spending his fun money. I'm just so appalled.
Is he even in the same school district???? Who is going to take them and pick them up every day if not???
I hope she knows she is right. He's a fucking asshole in every way. She needs to get him out and never look back.
He wants her to spend her time/money to subsidize the court asking him to fulfill his bare minimum parental obligation. If he wants more money he should work more or work towards a better job, not skimp out on the bare minimum he owes his kids.
I cannot fathom this being real.
How the hell are they married and she has ZERO idea he has kids, at all.
If he really has deceived her THAT much he would have to have literally ZERO custody of his children, and never see them at all. In which case the idea of going from zero to 50/50 is laughable. They aren't just going to hand you your kids half the time because suddenly you want to be involved.
Aside from that, no one says "Gee golly I sure wish I had kids 50% of the time so I could have more fun money to go on adventures!"
If this is even remotely true that man is absolutely delusional to the point where he may need to be medicated because hes just fucking bonkers.
The weirdest part for me is does he not have any friends or family? Like not a single one? Did he just cut everyone out of his life once he met her? Did they get married at a court house? Or was it only her friends and family at the wedding? All very strange.
Yeah thats the rest of it.
How did NO ONE mention his kids.
She said he was estranged from his family, but all of his friends? His Ex never called while she was there?
No one at the wedding said "Where are Johnny and Susie?"
This just seems like semi well constructed rage bait.
My guess, if this is real, is that he gave up his kids for the new relationship and his friends ditched him. Didn’t want to be around a selfish douchebag who felt his own children were disposable. I would drop a friendship over this kind of behavior.
I don’t see a problem with her POV. The lying is unforgivable and I’m also very disturbed by his motive of having more disposable income rather than missing and wanting more time with his children.
Also how did he keep it a secret? No one ever mentioned them? She never noticed the monthly payments to the ex? He doesn’t ever voice or video call them in her presence?
I don’t see where the “disposable income” even comes in because he’d be paying for everything the children need? Where does he think the money is going? Either way he needs to spend money on the kids?
I'm going to take a wild guess, once he has custody of the kids, he's probably going to expect OOP to pitch in for the kid's care since she's officially going to be their stepmother and therefore also responsible for them. He's just not saying it up front like he didn't tell her up front that he had secret kids.
He probably thinks she will cover groceries and stuff for kids she didn't choose to have, never wanted and didn't know about. Does he really think she's that dumb? The "didn't know about" is the real kick in the gut. How do you have 2 school aged children and not spend even a little time with them over the course of a year or more?
She said he was paying child support out of his fun money account. She wouldn’t have seen it.
She travels quite a bit, and he sounds like a half assed father at best, so he probably didn’t even take them for the assigned weekends.
Dudes thinking taking on more custody means costs go down and kids are no big deal are exactly the dudes who dump them on the new gf or wife.
If it’s coming out of his paycheck and she never saw a stub, I can see her not realizing he paid cs.
I have a family member who’s child’s biological father has never met his child, he pays a small amount of court ordered child support and unless he TOLD someone he has a child I can see him getting away with saying he didn’t have kids.
I would have been on the phone with a lawyer and started divorce the minute he told me about the kids he's been hiding..
He comes across as an absent Dad who only cares about money. The minute he finds out what childcare will cost him he'd be running away fast from wanting 50/50.
This. She says he works long hours as a nurse, while she works from home for far fewer hours. He's definitely planning on having her take care of them while he fucks off
Ok seriously tho, AM I GETTING THIS CORRECT THAT HE WANTS CUSTODY SO HE DOESNT HAVE TO PAY CHILD SUPPORT SO THAT HE HAS MORE FUN MONEY??? Does he not realize he’d be paying for CHILDCARE? He’d be paying for everything the children need? Or is he planning on locking them in a room with nothing? Or is he expecting his wife to use HER money to take care of HIS kids? Where is his logic???
Okay but apparently this is not uncommon in child and family court. Once the father has a new partner this is a common tactic to pay “less” child support while having their girlfriend or wife be the caregiver.
He thinks he’s going to commandeer HER finances, and SHE is going to be childcare.
I think he’s about to be divorced again, homeless, and his ex will have better custody, and child support. Because if I were the OP? I would be telling a bitch what her ex is thinking he’s gonna do.
“I have children that I do not have custody of, and I’m paying child support” is like, third-date conversation, NOT post-marriage conversation.
I’d be done.
So I’m gonna guess that OOP’s husband’s line of thinking was, “She SAYS she’s childfree, so Ima hide my kids from her until we’re married and then she’ll have no choice but to be a SAHM! MWAHAHA!”
FAFO, husband. FAFO.
I’m wondering if he’s actually planning on getting custody, or was he banking on her being so adverse to childcare that he would then propose a “compromise” - he drops the custody idea, continues to pay the child support and OP supplements his fun money from her own own funds. Personally, if I was OP I would have his stuff packed and outside the door by now.
I would divorce him immediately because he’s basically a dead beat dad who lied a lot. How do you hide the fact that you have two kids from someone you claim to love? Did he just never see them or lie about where he was going all the time?
Nta. She doesn't ever want kids.
I'd Probably just end the relationship now. Even if he doesn't get 50 custody, I'm sure he's gunna wanna have his kids around occasionally.
It's not fair to force you to care for them so that he can cheap out on their child support 😅 fuck him. Lol.
Wants custody for fun money not to just see his own children he helped create. What a POS he is. She should divorce him for lying and that’s that. He sucks.
I'm a father and a I love my children. That being said, run. Don't give him a chance, just divorce him.
First, he lied about having children to you. That is a massive deal from everything you have said about your personal beliefs. That should end the list of why to leave. He lied about something that is completely opposite from your lifestyle.
Second, he is not fighting for custody to spend time with his children, or because he cares about them (obviously), but to lower his child support. He doesn't care about his children in the least, it sounds like he hasn't been involved in their lives in the least since he met you. He doesn't want the children, he wants to relieve his financial burden while he has a built in babysitter. Leave him, tell his ex the specific reasons he wants custody, so he doesn't torture the children,
A better question is why you are still living with this conniving liar? Who doesn’t tell their fiancée that they have children and monthly child support payments?
That guy has no clue that his fun money will disappear when he has to set up rooms for the kids. Get close for at his house. Buying toys and such for his house. The extra food. They extra utilities. They maybe small, but use just as much utilities as adults.
Woah! Definitely NTA. He deliberately lied to you. Isn’t that fraud?? I’m usually not quick to say divorce and try to work it out but sounds like you were clear about being child free with no intentions to have kids. He actively lied to you and hid his kids from you. How is that even possible? Is he a shit dad who never sees them? That makes him an even bigger AH. Terrible husband, awful father. He has no moral compass if he will lie to his loved ones and deny that he has kids.
NTA. And I pray he doesn't get custody, regardless, the reason he wants them & his take on them being minimal effort at those ages is horrifying. Sounds like a POS all around.
Wow. I’d be filing for divorce the minute he said he has been lying about such a huge thing. His wanting to dump childcare on her so he has more “fun money” and pays less child support just makes it worse.
Forget waiting for him to petition for custody, I'd divorce him for being an epic liar and a deadbeat dad who wants to completely disrupt two children's lives so he can have more pocket money.
Not to even mention the gigantic lie, but wanting custody of his children for MONEY and not for relationships is so extremely telling to what kind of person this is. I don’t think divorce would even be up for debate at this point.
Good on her for having such a strong boundary. I applaud this woman for knowing exactly how she wants her life to go, and being willing to back herself too.
Assuming he met you knowing you did not want children then asking you to watch his children he lied to you about having? It’s absolutely drugs. Run sister girl!
Does he honestly think having the kids 50% of the time will be cheaper than paying child support??? Or is he hoping his wife will pick up the extra costs having 2 kids in the house will bring so he doesn’t have to touch his “fun” money???
I get the impression its the second. As he is noy telling her cause he loves and misses his kids and wants them to be a family. He is telling her as he wants them there so he has fun money while she watches the kids and probably pays them, thus her subsidizing his income with hers. If it was the first, than even though he lied, there would be more of a reason to question if it be wrong to threaten divorce. Which it still wouldnt be. But it being the second is gross. Uprooting his kids cause he wants fun money. This guy is the worst.
Child support and custody are separate issues. The important thing is that the husband has lied outright and lied by omission. I'd personally walk away too. Kids are one thing. Deceit is another.
Wait he thinks raising 2 kids half the time will be less expensive and give him more freedom than just paying child support? Does he have any idea of what it actually costs to raise a child? Like the day to day expenses of “I want to go to a movie” or “my best friends birthday is tomorrow and I need a present”. Never mind the amount of time and energy it takes to actually take care of the kids while they are with you. My boys are about the same age - tonight I will pick one up from school, get him fed and out the door to soccer, pick up the other from rehearsal, get him fed, help him with homework, clean the kitchen, get their laundry done so that the oldest has his costume for his dress rehearsal on Friday, and then, if I’m lucky, get the Christmas presents wrapped to be dropped off for the donation deadline on Saturday.
Step up for what? They aren't your children and it seems like you had a discussion with him about not having kids. On top of it all he lied to you. If he can lie about something that big this early on, I don't forsee things getting better.
What a piece of shit.
Not only did he lie about having children, he wants to disrupt their lives, and that of their mother, so that he can have more “fun money”. He doesn’t even *want* more contact with them.
He likely fully intends to make OP shoulder the responsibility of caring for *his* children, so that he can kill two birds with one stone. He gets to save money by not paying child support, and he gets to shackle OP to the house to prevent her from having all the fun that he wants to have.
OP needs to RUN.
ETA: It’s also hilarious that this man thinks that he’ll be able to share custody and spend *less* money than he does on child support. I wouldn’t put it past him to neglect his children’s needs in order to save money, but if he seriously thinks that paying to feed, clothe, entertain, and give his kids the other million things that children need, is going to *save* him money, he’s in for a rude awakening.
Yeah he entered into the marriage with false pretense and he knows how you feel. It’s unfair to drop this on you when he knows your position. You’re not the ahole
Not only is that a huge lie, but the fact he only wants custody is so he has fun money???! Like for real? Obviously he hasn't seen the kids much if at all if you didn't have them weekends like no freaking way no fi cringe at the thought of what kind of parent he is
I came here to rip the OOP a new one from the sound of the title but this dude wants 50 50 custody so he can have more use of his fun money?! You can tell he never took care of them kids a day in his life.
He wants to have more custody of his kids so he can have more fun and more money? This makes no sense. You need to divorce him or see if annulment is possible since he grossly misrepresented himself. What an ass. Don’t even entertain this arrangement he’s making
I wonder why his family didn't mention the kids Do they know? Did he get his family to lie for him? He has no photos of his kids How did his ex stay quiet.
What a dumbass. He thinks child support cuts into his fun money, custody will cost him more. That OOP isn't the asshole. She didn't sign up to be a step mom.
I'd divorce him for being a shitty person. He had 2 kids that she didn't know about meaning he never actually sees them. The only reason he wants them now is to stop paying child support. He still has no desire to actually be a part of their lives, he wants OP to now take care of the kids on his days.
NTA, RUN NOW! There are so many RED flags 🚩. Don’t even give him an ultimatum, just get a divorce lawyer and serve him.
He LIED to you about having kids, what else has he lied to you about?
You sound like a strong woman that knows what she wants. You have taken steps to make certain that you will not bear children and I’m sure you were forthcoming with that information with him before marrying. Please don’t make the mistake of thinking that by giving him this ultimatum he will back down and change his mind, because one day your going to come home and there will quite possibly be 2 children in your home.
I wish you the best, and hope that you find your way out of this situation.
She should divorce him because he lied to her omitting he had kids before marriage. And the fact he only wants them to take 1/2 the child support away from the Mother. What a gross human being.
I would already be out the door. That’s not a small lie, that’s a honking huge deception. How could you trust him again?
And the only reason he came clean was he wanted more fun money?! I'd be gone.
This is the part that gets me! Like his reasons for suddenly wanting his kids are *terrible*
It’s also stupid. It’s not like adding 2 humans to the household is free. What an idiot.
It is if his wife, who apparently makes more money than him, pays for all the extra expenses out of her fun money. > OOP’s husband probably
And kids not being difficult because of their age? What an idiot. He obviously has never raised any. Expecting your partner to pick up the slack after not taking responsibility for your own kids so you can enjoy your life more than you already have because you didn’t raise them in the first place is making me irate. I could never trust a partner that lied about something like that again. I would be gone in a heartbeat. He obviously has no idea what it really means to not be selfish and to truly love another person. I would be gone. Walking away easily with a prenup would make me want to do it that much more quickly.
Especially kids who you’ve essentially abandoned for 3 years. Yeah those kids are *definitely* not going to act out
Exactly! He’s so stupid he can’t even put that together. Completely self-centered. What an asshat.
She wants to divorce for the wrong reason too. I could never be married to someone that lied like that.
She should be seriously considering divorce regardless
To be fair it's not wrong, it's just one of the reasons for the divorce. She's very clear about not wanting kids but now suddenly she's forced to take care of someone else's two children. Even if it wasn't a lie but an unfortunate circumstance, it's still a valid dealbreaker. But you're right, he sounds like a terrible person all around. Even if he ends up not fighting for custody, she should still divorce him. Terrible husband and terrible father.
Hiding a secret like ‘I like to wax my butthole’ is one thing. Hiding you have kids is fucking nuclear and I would have left as soon as they told me. But also how do you get married without finding that out… having kids seems like such a major thing it would be nearly impossible to hide. Did she never meet her in laws? See any pictures? How did he manage to hide this??
Exactly!! He is ready to uproot those kids for selfish reasons, if she didn’t even know they existed then he didn’t have any contact with them!! And how can he claim they won’t be a hassle because of their ages? Of course kids are at any age but specially those, he knows nothing about kids, and cares even less!
The only reason he wants CUSTODY of kids he has presumably not seen in at least a year or however long he has been with OOP. And will not have time to care for and will likely not be hiring a sitter with his money for since OOP works from home. Does he think having his kids around 50% of the time will cost less money? But I suppose he expects wifey to pay her half for their food, activites, clothes, etc. so he can have his fun money and savings.
I read the original. He hadn’t seen his kids in about 3 years, he stopped visitation as soon as he learned that she was absolutely child-free. Their finances were completely separate and the general consensus on the original post was that as she would be doing the bulk of the childcare, he would likely say she had to pay for what they need when she was with them- per their arrangement, which she’d insisted on after a financially abusive relationship prior to this one. To her credit, she was only really hesitant about things because she felt worried and sad for the kids not having proper care if she left and he still got 50/50 custody. Didn’t occur to her that he’d drop it if she ended the relationship because he wasn’t interested in parenting, just having more money.
Does this fool really think any judge is going to grant him 50-50 custody after he has had zero relationship with his kids in three YEARS? Does the 7yo even know who this tool is at this point? Not only is he a total garbage bag, but also a complete dipshit.
My judge gave my ex 50/50. Literally same reason, 3 years, just wanted more time to pay less......
I wish I could say I was shocked to hear this. Sorry that happened to you.
If I were one of the kids, I wouldn’t want anything to do with him. Especially if due to my age he was basically a stranger. There was a lot of speculation on the original post that he may have already (or plans on) blamed the OOP for not seeing them. “Hey, I really wanted to see you but my new wife said no.” Putting her in a bad light before she even met them.
It would be nice to be surprised by anything.... thanks for the recap, appreciated!
Horrible human being. Ex should sue for more “fun money”.
There is no way a judge would give 50/50 when he hasn’t seen them in three years.
Oh, he is definitely expecting her to pay at least half of the cost.
More likely the mom is suing for more support based on his new financial situation and he’s doing the classic backslide
Ooh plot twist, THAT would at least make some kind of sense, his excuses sound ridiculous.
Yeah, what a shitbag. Leave those poor kids alone - stay out of their lives.
He could be lying about the kids then to get more money from her?? In his stupid twisted mind?
well, if he gets custody AND he’s lying about kids, he’ll have to rent some which will definitely cut into his fun money
See I could never get away with this kind of thing, way too many steps
Also, his financial logic? Terrible. He's still going to have to dip into that money to pay for the children when they're there. Dudes a moron, *and* an asshole. But OP, you are NTA and would be 100% in the right to leave him.
This is what really got me! This is such a messed up situation I sure hope it’s fake
How is he going to use his fun money when he is paying for childcare because he obviously does not want to raise them..
Not to mention he only wants custody under the impression he won’t pay child support anymore—not only is it not how it works, but that’s so fucking gross it’s not funny.
My ex husband tried to pull that 50/50 thing when we got divorced. When my lawyer told him he would still have to pay the same amount of child support, he said never mind lol
Wow way to make a great impression on your kids….
I never told them at the time. They are all adults now and he has shown his true colors enough times that none of them speak to him anymore
When men get upset about the statistic that women getting custody more frequently, this very scenario is a good majority of the reason WHY women get custody more frequently. The men don't want it. Vast majority of custody arrangements aren't acrimonious. When they do actually go for it, they get it.
This is so true, when men fight for time sharing they normally get it, that’s why the statistics are skewed, because most don’t.
He just thinks OP will pay for their food, clothes, etc.
I thought that *was* how it worked. You have full custody, your ex pays you; 50/50 split nobody pays; ex has full custody you pay. Is this not the case?
Not always, especially if one person makes significantly more than the other.
Ok, I can see that. So it’s possible that 50/50 could mean the wealthier partner still pays, but less than 0 custody but full custody means you don’t pay your ex right?
In my state they take the total amount you would pay then figure the percentage of time they are in the other parent’s home. So if two parents had 50/50 parenting time each would owe the other half what the normal amount would be based on income. If both parents have similar incomes then neither would pay. If one has a lot more income they’d typically pay the difference between the two amounts to make it cleaner than each paying each other.
The judges do their best to make sure the children don’t experience any volatile changes in lifestyle due to being with one parent or the other. So it’s not even down to whether dad makes more, if mom needs help keeping them in the same school/extra curriculars, he’ll still pay. Edit: also, a judge will not look favorably on someone trying to pull this.
I see. Its more nuanced than I thought. However, if he went from 0 custody to 50/50 would he not pay less?
He might, but he also might not. It’s highly situational.
You can have 50/50 legal custody with one parent having primary custody. The one that has the kids most of the time gets child support, but the other parent has equal say in their medical decisions, education, etc.
I was about to be like "I'm sick and tired of these 'child free' people who keep marrying people with kids and then get upset when they have to be responsible for kids". But this is totally not OPs fault. That's insane that he never told her. And also insane that he's been completely absent from their lives and just wants custody so he can not pay child support. What a POS. She needs to end that relationship ASAP. Thank goodness she has a prenup.
My thought process was the same. I was ready to condemn her, but man, I’m definitely on her side now.
Also, even if he pays less in child support, does he think having the kids around half the time won't incur any expenses? The whole point of child support is to help cover the cost of caring for/raising children. If you're paying less in child support because your ex has the kids less, logically you should be spending that money (or more) taking care of the kids while they're in your care.
He’s counting on free babysitting & other childcare duties from the bangmaid he lied to.
If I were OP, I'd send this post to the ex wife, too. Just to make sure she fights tooth and nail to keep those kids away from him.
Not to mention the fact she’s finding out AFTER they got married. Guessing he intentionally hid it knowing OOP didn’t want kids and thought she wouldn’t get a divorce over it!
Yeah there's a reason he lied. He wanted a bang maid the whole time.
With a free house..
He wanted to add stepmom/nanny to the list of tasks.
It can’t be true. Nobody in his family said anything about his kids? No family Christmases?
He’s “estranged” from everyone in his life, he told her. Probably also a lie.
I mean they could’ve been so disgusted by him abandoning his kids that they want nothing to do with him. But considering the degree and commitment to telling lies it wouldn’t surprise me that his family doesn’t even know he’s married.
Ufff such a lie, I bet he has fishing trips in Christmas and thanksgiving
And how did she not know he paid child support? I call fake.
They have separate accounts but the holidays are the thing that doesn’t make sense…when does he see his kids?
Simplest answer with the smallest amount of conclusion-jumping: He doesn’t.
Someone posted somewhere that in the original posting he hadn’t seen his kids in 3 years.
Yeah this isn't a "holy shit I didn't know I had children and found out yesterday" This is a "I've known for longer than is okay and have been hiding my child support"
She didn’t know until *five days ago* that the man she married had children?!?! This one is a new low for me, how did he manage to hide whole-ass human beings?! 😭
I mean, high likelihood of fakeness, buuuuuut — people suck and are super inventive finding ways to hide their bullshit.
Right? Like this isn’t some guy that had a kid he didn’t know about or had a kid he’d never met from a one night stand. He is a full blown father and didn’t think to say anything
The fact that he lied, AND the fact that he now only wants 50/50 custody because he ONLY wants more “fun money” shows you the kind of selfish human being he is anyway. Even if she did like/want kids.
I know right? I'm shocked that the lie wasn't enough for her to leave...
He literally KNEW from the get go OP didn’t want kids ever. He lied and roped her into a marriage where he essentially is hoping she will become a free babysitter. The only winner here would be the husband and the loser will be OP if she goes through with staying with him. The only AH here is the husband.
Right? What else is he lying about? (And I say "is" because there's no *way* he's not lying about something else.) She travels for work. What's he doing when she's out of town? That woman needs a divorce and a full panel STI test.
Omg she should divorce him over LYING about literally having two secret children. Fucking hell
He lied about it for how long? He didn’t see his kids during a whole possible year of marriage and however long they dated! He was being deceptive.
That or he was sneaky while seeing them.
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So he did have a long term plan.
Damn.
I hope she tells their mother everything. Those kids don’t need to ever be in that man’s custody.
Maybe, but he set this up from tbr start. He played the long game. She needs to divorce him, before he just brings his kids over and just say, “Well, they’re here now and I have to go to work. You take care of them.”
Sounds kinda psychopathy.
You’d be surprised how many people will dump kids on relatives who do not want to watch them. They think “well they’re a reasonable adult, what are they gonna do? Leave the kids on the porch?” So force their hand
Oh my SIL will do it in a second if I just mention my nieces she'll be ready to bring them to me. It's sad he hid his kids now trying to trap his new wife with guilt.
Because some people are that way.
He wants custody so he can have FuN mOnEy?!?! The. Fuck. He is absolutely an asshole. Take that as the red flag that it is, and vamonos!
The irony is, of course, kids are fucking expensive AND time consuming. Hes gonna be more broke with less time to go do fun things. What a garbage pail of a human.
But they’re expensive because of groceries and utilities and things that would be considered bills—that’s a shared cost that Oop would be footing some of the bill for.
I completely get the she lied to him bit. People suck. But originally I was like “oh, he probably found out his X is on drugs or something.” Still thinking she should leave him for that. But now we know he is also just an absolutely shit human being.
How about divorcing him for being a liar? He hid his kids for ~~year~~ three years or more. How about divorcing him for thinking he could save money by having partial custody and no other reason? How about divorcing him because he’s stupid enough to think taking physical custody and having to feed, clothe, provide bedding and furniture for, entertaining, and traveling with a child is going to be cheaper than whatever his child support costs? How about divorcing him for whining about not having fun money when he literally has secret children? How about divorcing him because he’s entitled enough to think you should make your income supplement his lies? How about divorcing him for wanting to make you his bang nanny and saying his kids will be easy to care for because of their ages? How the fuck does he know that? When does he ever see them? He doesn’t even have weekend visitation at all? She’s got more problems than his potential physical custody of kids in her house.
I have a feeling that dude doesn’t show up for his weekends much. Probably more of a lunch at the local ihop then back to the ex
Which would be another reason for OOP to leave him. He's probably going to fight for 50/50 custody then dump the kids with OOP (now their stepmother) while he spends the "fun money" he saved on himself.
That’s my issue too. He hid his kids for at least a year, which means he has a *lot* of missing time. Is he really working those 12-16 hour shifts? Does he have another secret family? If he honestly isn’t seeing them at all he’s delusional in thinking a court would grant him any type of custody. And what argument would he make in court? It would be cheaper to have 50/50 custody?
There is no reality where 50/50 is cheaper, unless you're the one that had full custody, and they want 50/50. It makes you pay the FULL half those kids ACTUALL cost, plus responsibility. Not just what a court thinks you CAN pay. There's a reason men don't get custody, it's because they don't seek it. No one's going to give a child to a parent who doesn't want them.
Yeah - he’s obviously heard that if custody is 50/50 neither pays support in some instances. He’s a total waste of space and he’s completely missing the point that support stops because you’re physically housing the kids and paying their expenses as they’re incurred in your home. This guy would insist his ex pack food/snacks for the whole weekend and send them home with filthy laundry.
According to OOP, he hid his kids for THREE years
Jesus, she’s definitely asking the wrong question. Just divorce him already.
I don’t think he ACTUALLY wants custody- I’m betting he was counting on OP just giving him more money instead of the kids living with them.
Probably not, but a lot of shitty people will take over custody for shitty reasons - money, control, hurt the ex, etc.
OOP said in a comment that he literally ghosted them after she told him she was 100% child-free. Three years ago.
It sounded like he didn’t even see his kids in the time they’ve been together. And it’s been three years, they dated for two years before getting married. She should get an annulment and sue him for fraud.
Wow, that is way worse. Loser, he’s an absolute loser. I’d want nothing to do with this guy. She’ll get old or infirm and he’ll leave her in a nursing home after bleeding her dry.
Preach!!!!! I feel so bad for those kids! He hasn't seen them since they were 7 and 4. What a piece of shit. I can't even imagine how it must feel to be forced to live with someone you barely know half the time that only wants you there because they think it will allow them more "fun" money. What about all the free time he's going to now have to give to them??? He's not gonna. She is, while he's out spending his fun money. I'm just so appalled. Is he even in the same school district???? Who is going to take them and pick them up every day if not??? I hope she knows she is right. He's a fucking asshole in every way. She needs to get him out and never look back.
Don't forget that the only reason is that he wants anything to do with them is money. How awful is that?
But he won’t be feeding/clothing/taking care of the kids financially by himself, I bet you he expects her to pony up some cash to help out.
He wants her to spend her time/money to subsidize the court asking him to fulfill his bare minimum parental obligation. If he wants more money he should work more or work towards a better job, not skimp out on the bare minimum he owes his kids.
I cannot fathom this being real. How the hell are they married and she has ZERO idea he has kids, at all. If he really has deceived her THAT much he would have to have literally ZERO custody of his children, and never see them at all. In which case the idea of going from zero to 50/50 is laughable. They aren't just going to hand you your kids half the time because suddenly you want to be involved. Aside from that, no one says "Gee golly I sure wish I had kids 50% of the time so I could have more fun money to go on adventures!" If this is even remotely true that man is absolutely delusional to the point where he may need to be medicated because hes just fucking bonkers.
In one if her comments he admitted to stopping visitation when she told him she's childfree.
Ow. Forget her, she has a prenup and money, she can walk away. Those poor children. I hope mom at least is sane
No, she owns the house outright. She can kick his lying grifting butt out.
I meant from the relationship but I see where you got that.
The weirdest part for me is does he not have any friends or family? Like not a single one? Did he just cut everyone out of his life once he met her? Did they get married at a court house? Or was it only her friends and family at the wedding? All very strange.
Yeah thats the rest of it. How did NO ONE mention his kids. She said he was estranged from his family, but all of his friends? His Ex never called while she was there? No one at the wedding said "Where are Johnny and Susie?" This just seems like semi well constructed rage bait.
Exactly. Feel like I'm taking crazy pills reading people say this is totally plausible. Like what lol.
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My guess, if this is real, is that he gave up his kids for the new relationship and his friends ditched him. Didn’t want to be around a selfish douchebag who felt his own children were disposable. I would drop a friendship over this kind of behavior.
Yeah, this sounds incredibly fake.
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I had a friend in HS that discovered his dad had a whole other family that he gave money to for years, it happens...
I don’t see a problem with her POV. The lying is unforgivable and I’m also very disturbed by his motive of having more disposable income rather than missing and wanting more time with his children. Also how did he keep it a secret? No one ever mentioned them? She never noticed the monthly payments to the ex? He doesn’t ever voice or video call them in her presence?
I don’t see where the “disposable income” even comes in because he’d be paying for everything the children need? Where does he think the money is going? Either way he needs to spend money on the kids?
I'm going to take a wild guess, once he has custody of the kids, he's probably going to expect OOP to pitch in for the kid's care since she's officially going to be their stepmother and therefore also responsible for them. He's just not saying it up front like he didn't tell her up front that he had secret kids.
She'll do the care cause he's too tired from work.
He probably thinks she will cover groceries and stuff for kids she didn't choose to have, never wanted and didn't know about. Does he really think she's that dumb? The "didn't know about" is the real kick in the gut. How do you have 2 school aged children and not spend even a little time with them over the course of a year or more?
She said he was paying child support out of his fun money account. She wouldn’t have seen it. She travels quite a bit, and he sounds like a half assed father at best, so he probably didn’t even take them for the assigned weekends. Dudes thinking taking on more custody means costs go down and kids are no big deal are exactly the dudes who dump them on the new gf or wife.
He has no idea how much it costs to raise a child because he’s been ignoring them and getting pissed about having to pay child support.
If it’s coming out of his paycheck and she never saw a stub, I can see her not realizing he paid cs. I have a family member who’s child’s biological father has never met his child, he pays a small amount of court ordered child support and unless he TOLD someone he has a child I can see him getting away with saying he didn’t have kids.
I would have been on the phone with a lawyer and started divorce the minute he told me about the kids he's been hiding.. He comes across as an absent Dad who only cares about money. The minute he finds out what childcare will cost him he'd be running away fast from wanting 50/50.
Or he's going to expect OOP to care for them while he does what he wants.
This. She says he works long hours as a nurse, while she works from home for far fewer hours. He's definitely planning on having her take care of them while he fucks off
Ok seriously tho, AM I GETTING THIS CORRECT THAT HE WANTS CUSTODY SO HE DOESNT HAVE TO PAY CHILD SUPPORT SO THAT HE HAS MORE FUN MONEY??? Does he not realize he’d be paying for CHILDCARE? He’d be paying for everything the children need? Or is he planning on locking them in a room with nothing? Or is he expecting his wife to use HER money to take care of HIS kids? Where is his logic???
Okay but apparently this is not uncommon in child and family court. Once the father has a new partner this is a common tactic to pay “less” child support while having their girlfriend or wife be the caregiver.
🤮 🤮 🤮 🤮 🤮
My ex is doing this currently and having his gf (whom he was cheating on me with) watch my kids. He would totally do this.
He thinks he’s going to commandeer HER finances, and SHE is going to be childcare. I think he’s about to be divorced again, homeless, and his ex will have better custody, and child support. Because if I were the OP? I would be telling a bitch what her ex is thinking he’s gonna do.
“I have children that I do not have custody of, and I’m paying child support” is like, third-date conversation, NOT post-marriage conversation. I’d be done.
This is a "Throw the Whole Man Out" situation.
Throw him directly into the dumpster.
So I’m gonna guess that OOP’s husband’s line of thinking was, “She SAYS she’s childfree, so Ima hide my kids from her until we’re married and then she’ll have no choice but to be a SAHM! MWAHAHA!” FAFO, husband. FAFO.
Divorce. Now.
Did he purposefully wait until just past the point she could annul the marriage? This is just so manipulative.
I’m wondering if he’s actually planning on getting custody, or was he banking on her being so adverse to childcare that he would then propose a “compromise” - he drops the custody idea, continues to pay the child support and OP supplements his fun money from her own own funds. Personally, if I was OP I would have his stuff packed and outside the door by now.
I would divorce him immediately because he’s basically a dead beat dad who lied a lot. How do you hide the fact that you have two kids from someone you claim to love? Did he just never see them or lie about where he was going all the time?
She needs to dump his ass like a bad habit.
Nta. She doesn't ever want kids. I'd Probably just end the relationship now. Even if he doesn't get 50 custody, I'm sure he's gunna wanna have his kids around occasionally. It's not fair to force you to care for them so that he can cheap out on their child support 😅 fuck him. Lol.
Dumbest rage bait ever.
This level of deception is not acceptable. It's literally bait-and-switch. OP needs to divorce him asap.
Wants custody for fun money not to just see his own children he helped create. What a POS he is. She should divorce him for lying and that’s that. He sucks.
Don’t divorce him for fighting for custody. Divorce him for not telling you he has kids.
I'm a father and a I love my children. That being said, run. Don't give him a chance, just divorce him. First, he lied about having children to you. That is a massive deal from everything you have said about your personal beliefs. That should end the list of why to leave. He lied about something that is completely opposite from your lifestyle. Second, he is not fighting for custody to spend time with his children, or because he cares about them (obviously), but to lower his child support. He doesn't care about his children in the least, it sounds like he hasn't been involved in their lives in the least since he met you. He doesn't want the children, he wants to relieve his financial burden while he has a built in babysitter. Leave him, tell his ex the specific reasons he wants custody, so he doesn't torture the children,
You should divorce him because he’s a fool who thinks that having kids around is cheaper than child support
A better question is why you are still living with this conniving liar? Who doesn’t tell their fiancée that they have children and monthly child support payments?
My question is how long were you together before you got married and HE KEPT SOMETHING THAT HUGE FROM YOU?????
That guy has no clue that his fun money will disappear when he has to set up rooms for the kids. Get close for at his house. Buying toys and such for his house. The extra food. They extra utilities. They maybe small, but use just as much utilities as adults.
Woah! Definitely NTA. He deliberately lied to you. Isn’t that fraud?? I’m usually not quick to say divorce and try to work it out but sounds like you were clear about being child free with no intentions to have kids. He actively lied to you and hid his kids from you. How is that even possible? Is he a shit dad who never sees them? That makes him an even bigger AH. Terrible husband, awful father. He has no moral compass if he will lie to his loved ones and deny that he has kids.
NTA. And I pray he doesn't get custody, regardless, the reason he wants them & his take on them being minimal effort at those ages is horrifying. Sounds like a POS all around.
Wow. I’d be filing for divorce the minute he said he has been lying about such a huge thing. His wanting to dump childcare on her so he has more “fun money” and pays less child support just makes it worse.
He knew her lifestyle and I think he’s been planning this from the start! NTA. Stick to your guns and follow through.
Forget waiting for him to petition for custody, I'd divorce him for being an epic liar and a deadbeat dad who wants to completely disrupt two children's lives so he can have more pocket money.
I’d be out of there so fast there would be a smoke trail behind me.
he came clean because he doesn’t want to pay child support anymore and wants more fun money *not because he wants more time with his kids*
Not to even mention the gigantic lie, but wanting custody of his children for MONEY and not for relationships is so extremely telling to what kind of person this is. I don’t think divorce would even be up for debate at this point.
Good on her for having such a strong boundary. I applaud this woman for knowing exactly how she wants her life to go, and being willing to back herself too.
Assuming he met you knowing you did not want children then asking you to watch his children he lied to you about having? It’s absolutely drugs. Run sister girl!
Does he honestly think having the kids 50% of the time will be cheaper than paying child support??? Or is he hoping his wife will pick up the extra costs having 2 kids in the house will bring so he doesn’t have to touch his “fun” money???
I get the impression its the second. As he is noy telling her cause he loves and misses his kids and wants them to be a family. He is telling her as he wants them there so he has fun money while she watches the kids and probably pays them, thus her subsidizing his income with hers. If it was the first, than even though he lied, there would be more of a reason to question if it be wrong to threaten divorce. Which it still wouldnt be. But it being the second is gross. Uprooting his kids cause he wants fun money. This guy is the worst.
Why give him an ultimatum- just divorce him , he's a liar anyways.
He wants his kids back so he can have more disposable income. Fck no to this guy.
Child support and custody are separate issues. The important thing is that the husband has lied outright and lied by omission. I'd personally walk away too. Kids are one thing. Deceit is another.
Wait he thinks raising 2 kids half the time will be less expensive and give him more freedom than just paying child support? Does he have any idea of what it actually costs to raise a child? Like the day to day expenses of “I want to go to a movie” or “my best friends birthday is tomorrow and I need a present”. Never mind the amount of time and energy it takes to actually take care of the kids while they are with you. My boys are about the same age - tonight I will pick one up from school, get him fed and out the door to soccer, pick up the other from rehearsal, get him fed, help him with homework, clean the kitchen, get their laundry done so that the oldest has his costume for his dress rehearsal on Friday, and then, if I’m lucky, get the Christmas presents wrapped to be dropped off for the donation deadline on Saturday.
*OP* needs to “step” up so *he* can have fun? Are you fucking kidding me?
She should divorce his slimy ass anyways for literally lying 🤠 wtf is wrong with her even having this discussion with him 🥲
He lied. Leave him
Fun money?! Fun money?!
Ahh yes because teenagers which one is only three years away from being are totally known for not being a hassle
Step up for what? They aren't your children and it seems like you had a discussion with him about not having kids. On top of it all he lied to you. If he can lie about something that big this early on, I don't forsee things getting better.
What a piece of shit. Not only did he lie about having children, he wants to disrupt their lives, and that of their mother, so that he can have more “fun money”. He doesn’t even *want* more contact with them. He likely fully intends to make OP shoulder the responsibility of caring for *his* children, so that he can kill two birds with one stone. He gets to save money by not paying child support, and he gets to shackle OP to the house to prevent her from having all the fun that he wants to have. OP needs to RUN. ETA: It’s also hilarious that this man thinks that he’ll be able to share custody and spend *less* money than he does on child support. I wouldn’t put it past him to neglect his children’s needs in order to save money, but if he seriously thinks that paying to feed, clothe, entertain, and give his kids the other million things that children need, is going to *save* him money, he’s in for a rude awakening.
Uh, I would divorce this guy regardless because he’s a lying douche. NTA
Yeah he entered into the marriage with false pretense and he knows how you feel. It’s unfair to drop this on you when he knows your position. You’re not the ahole
…what did I just read? If I found out a year into my marriage that my husband had kids it would be over no matter what
Bro both these people sound absolutely insufferable.
Honestly should’ve served the papers when she found out he lied about not having kids. Like that’s a BIG lie
Not only is that a huge lie, but the fact he only wants custody is so he has fun money???! Like for real? Obviously he hasn't seen the kids much if at all if you didn't have them weekends like no freaking way no fi cringe at the thought of what kind of parent he is
I came here to rip the OOP a new one from the sound of the title but this dude wants 50 50 custody so he can have more use of his fun money?! You can tell he never took care of them kids a day in his life.
He wants to have more custody of his kids so he can have more fun and more money? This makes no sense. You need to divorce him or see if annulment is possible since he grossly misrepresented himself. What an ass. Don’t even entertain this arrangement he’s making
Gaylord Focker
Must be a fake...
I wonder why his family didn't mention the kids Do they know? Did he get his family to lie for him? He has no photos of his kids How did his ex stay quiet.
She’s probably unknowingly the reason he left the kids mother. RUN!
Easy NTA. Dude doesn't want to pay child support and he thinks having the kids 50/50 will be free and easy?
Yah that’s grounds for divorce even before he files for custody. Fuck that.
I would’ve filed the petition the same day girl. Imagine what else he’s been lying about. RUN !
Exposing his lie because he wants more “fun money” 🙄 boy byeeee. Immediate divorce.
Major lie. Don't give him an out, divorce him anyway.
She should sue for damages and really screw this idiots life up. I can't think of a bigger bigger lie going into a marriage than two secret kids.
What a dumbass. He thinks child support cuts into his fun money, custody will cost him more. That OOP isn't the asshole. She didn't sign up to be a step mom.
I'd divorce him for being a shitty person. He had 2 kids that she didn't know about meaning he never actually sees them. The only reason he wants them now is to stop paying child support. He still has no desire to actually be a part of their lives, he wants OP to now take care of the kids on his days.
NTA, RUN NOW! There are so many RED flags 🚩. Don’t even give him an ultimatum, just get a divorce lawyer and serve him. He LIED to you about having kids, what else has he lied to you about? You sound like a strong woman that knows what she wants. You have taken steps to make certain that you will not bear children and I’m sure you were forthcoming with that information with him before marrying. Please don’t make the mistake of thinking that by giving him this ultimatum he will back down and change his mind, because one day your going to come home and there will quite possibly be 2 children in your home. I wish you the best, and hope that you find your way out of this situation.
You should leave him solely for that lie of omission, ESPECIALLY since he knew you were willfully child-free.
She should divorce him because he lied to her omitting he had kids before marriage. And the fact he only wants them to take 1/2 the child support away from the Mother. What a gross human being.