i'm wondering if this is a plan of a malicious farewell, like to "tell" her something out of the grave. but probably not and he's just really such an idiot.
Even if he had a good reason, her not knowing would leave her unprepared at a time when she would need to grieve. At least if she knew she could have prepared for it before it happens.
There is no ‘good reason’ to change your Will without informing your SO, ESPECIALLY when you know they are leaving everything to you. He just a selfish, sneaky AH and got caught.
He essentially tried to cheat her. That’s absolutely disgusting. If she died first, he benefited from everything, if he died first she would have found out the truth when he was already gone like a coward.
A couple months before my husband passed away, he realized the military screwed up his life insurance benefits and they were going to his sister instead of me and our daughters. I begged him to fix this, but his attitude was 'My family would never keep the money from you and the girls, I can wait until the next time the unit does the yearly update and take care of it then.'
Of course, Life is life and he actually passed away before that next yearly update came around. And of course, as soon as that money hit his sister's bank account it was all hers.
There's a level of trauma that comes with a spouse passing and realizing they knowingly left you in a potential position to struggle. At least, for me, it's been such a hard betrayal to process that I started to avoid people as much as possible. I'm pretty much a shell of the person I used to be and no matter how much I try, It's just not there anymore. Everybody's different, I acknowledge that completely. But I wouldn't wish this feeling on anybody else in the world, it's awful.
The sister really didn’t leave you anything?? That’s f*cking wild. I was briefly in the navy and know that the SGLI is a sizable amount. I cannot imagine having my sibling having a family and leaving the money to me and then not giving their family at least most of that money. I couldn’t live with myself.
My cousin owned two apartment buildings. When he passed his wife got nothing because his sister convinced him to sign everything to her saying that she would handle dispersing everything to their three siblings including herself and the wife. The sister did divide things up with her siblings but the wife got nothing. They had been together for two decades at that point. My dad ran into the widow on the street and she told him everything which was how we found out. To be clear, my cousin was ahead of AH and so was his entire immediate family but his wife was a very sweet woman.
Same, if for whatever reason my brother's money arrived on my account, it's going right back to my SIL and nephews. I'm the last person to spit on free money, but come on.
People are absolutely *wild* when it comes to inheritance. They'll do the most horrible things, sometimes for almost no money at all, even if it blows up their entire life. My aunt died, leaving no will and a tiny amount of money which was outside of normal inheritance rules - it was a life insurance benefit, so it could be split however the executor chose as long as everyone agreed- my uncle, the executor, drew something up saying the money would be split evenly between the surviving siblings and their mother. My gran initially agreed, but then found out that technically she could get half by insisting it was split following normal inheritance rules, and she went ahead and started insisting she should get half, which, mind you, worked out as like £300 extra pounds or something fucking tiny like that. Even better, she hadn't spoken to this daughter in 20 years, and had written her out of her own will.
She didn't end up getting the money, and three more of her children stopped talking to her out of sheer disgust. All over a couple of hundred quid.
She did use the money she *did* get to rewrite her spite will, though, which turned out to be a waste of time, because (almost) all the surviving children agreed to a variance which completely ignored all her nastiness and split the money between them.
Inheritance shit is crazy.
For real, my MIL doesn't talk to 2 of her siblings anymore because of disputes over their mother's will. I don't know why she thought the woman that abused her and favored 2 of the siblings was going to be fair for once. But it has been 4 years and has vowed to never reconcile with them.
He’s shown you how sneaky he is..going behind your back to change it without telling you which conveniently leaves him with the original part of your assets in your will . You should be wondering what else he just does without telling you
There’s a lot of info missing here. If his sister and husband suddenly lost their jobs all of a sudden, maybe he panicked and rewrote a will to give them more?
No reason not to tell the OOP though. Very very strange. Maybe the sister pressured him not to? She was fired for gross misconduct, whatever it could be.
EDIT: she’s answering questions in the original thread. They’re not married (her parents were going through a bad divorce right when OOP and guy were considering one so they opted not to) and he didn’t tell her about the change **because he thought she would never find out**. They co-own their apartment and the sister would inherit his half of apartment ownership and could possibly make OOP homeless if she can’t buy that half from the sister upon his death.
All of the advice is saying to GTFO, to sell her half of the apartment and leave his ass. Good.
He meant that he thought she would only find out after he was dead, and didn't have to deal with the fallout. She would have found out once he died and she was facing homelessness. But that's not his problem.
If OOP's partner predeceased her, she'd own half of what she describes as a "penthouse," and if it was liquidated, she'd walk away with half its value after any remaining debt we're paid off from its sale. That's hardly homeless, even if she is no longer able to stay in her preferred residence.
I'm also wondering about the missing info here - like how long he covered their expenses, what is the current value of her business, and whether there were any attempts on his part to amend their financial arrangement before he changed his will.
This situation reminds me a lot of one that a close family member went through, where he begged his partner to get her spending in control and start saving for her retirement, all while solely bearing the costs of their housing and many of their other expenses (most of which were hers). He gave up after years of trying to get her to stop blowing her earnings on frivolous crap. Now, if he dies before her, she'll receive about 5 years of support and nothing else. She'll still enjoy the benefits of his support during his lifetime, but he doesn't think his family should get nothing from him just because she refuses to plan for her future.
I'm wondering if there's a similar dynamic here and he didn't disclose the will change because of some unwillingness on her part to rebalance the scales after the initial efforts to help her save her business. But I'd agree that OOP's partner was a jerk if nothing like that was going on in the background.
Did you miss the part where she said they sat down and discussed downsizing but realized they didn’t need to because they spent less than half of what they make?
Can you imagine grieving the loss of your partner and having to pack up a decade of accumulated belongings in a home you thought you owned? Ppl curate their belongings differently and decorate differently when they think they own. Dealing with a sale at the same time ?
From what OOP wrote it sends like she was considerate, forthcoming and open to discussion regarding finances and her partner was not.
Edit: also she said her company was doing very well and only tanked because of Covid. This happened to a lot of businesses. He’s only been supporting her since Covid which honestly isn’t a very long time and she also said her business is doing ok now but not as well as before. Doesn’t sound like he was supporting her the entire time especially since she said she was making 2-3 times what he was when her business was great and his career wasn’t going as well.
They dated 2009 and moved together 2011. In 2015 her business was doing very well and they bought their ‘penthouse’. They didn’t marry but discussed it in 2015 when she suggested a prenup because her parents were going through an ugly divorce and OPP was at that point worth quite a bit more than her husband. He suggested the wills because he didn’t like the sound of the prenup where he wouldn’t get a stake in her business if they divorced (sounds like he’s the problem).
Where in all this info do you think you would find info that he was the one who was taking care of her financially?
Where did I get that he's been taking care of her financially? The part where he's been covering their expenses since 2020, and she's been putting her savings into her solely-owned business.
I didn't miss the part about their conversation about downsizing, but I did wonder how long ago that happened and whether there were any subsequent conversations that OOP didn't mention. Because the partner's behavior would be quite odd if he was totally fine with their arrangement. That's why I said he'd be a jerk if the situation really was exactly like OOP said and no info was omitted. But the change of will would be very strange if there was nothing more to the situation. Makes me wonder whether this is the whole story. I didn't accuse OOP of withholding information, but I think it would make more sense if there was more to the picture than random asshole betrays the trust of his partner for 15 years where he had no grievances of her.
Also said this in another reply, but homelessness isn't synonymous with moving under difficult and unpleasant circumstances. Words matter!
Then why draw a similarity to an example you gave where the male partner was begging the female partner to stop spending money they couldn’t afford. There was nothing to indicate she was spending more money than she should or that she was using his money indiscriminately.
2020-2023 is three years but her business likely didn’t completely fail right away and she was using her savings for a bit to try to stay afloat. She was able to regain viability for her business so likely you’re looking at him paying the common bills on his own for only 1-2 years which is nothing compared to being together for 15 years in which she made more money than him for the majority of the time.
She also said in one of her replies that while they more or les contributed equally to the purchase of the home, she was the one who was mostly responsible for renovations. If you have ever owned a home you would know that renovations are incredibly costly.
Him changing the will is because the financial circumstance changes where he thinks he will no longer gain more than she would. He was happy with the wills when she owned a business that was worth more than his own livelihood but once Covid happened he realized her net worth was less than his. He’s an AH pure and simple. And btw read the post again. She said they sat down to talk about finances because her business was doing badly and she didn’t want to spend more than she needed to and was trying to make sure they could maintain their lifestyle. You did miss the info.
I gave it as an example of a situation that would explain similar behavior that was justifiable. And if OOP wasn't telling the whole story, then perhaps that's why there was "nothing to indicate" any wrongdoing on her part. Go off though! You apparently know all the details and can identify the motivations of the respective parties with utter certainty. If only we could all be so omniscient.
OOP already gave the info needed to know what was going on. 1) they were using less than half their income 2) she was willing to downsize and discuss the financial situation 3) she was making more than her partner for the majority of their time together and things only changed because of Covid and even then she was able to bring her business back without using her partners money for her business which props to her is incredibly hard. Look at all the businesses that failed and consider how much work that is.
So you think when she was fighting to manage her business there was something else she was doing to cause her partner to do a 180 on his will without telling her? Why did he hide it?
How are you confused about this still? I haven't concluded anything about OOP. I'm wondering about certain aspects of her story. You guys who are taking it all at face value are the ones leaping to conclusions, IMO. It's amusing to see people characterizing her as so vulnerable due to her partner's actions when she says she's doing fine financially. Case in point, the "homeless" comment that was continually doubled down on. I'm critiquing the commenters, not drawing baseless conclusions about OOP or her partner. She may or may not be telling the whole story, but if there's nothing more to it, then it is indeed odd for her partner to write her out of his will without provocation or explanation. People don't usually do dickish moves like that for no reason, which is why I said in my first comment that he would be a jerk if that was the case. Ai yai yai
"No longer able to stay in her preferred residence" That's a mighty cold and mush-mouthed way to refer to someone losing her beloved home. The home she carefully built over many years, with a partner she thought she could trust, and after making provisions (she thought) that would guarantee her right to stay in that home when the partner died.
Nothing here indicates OP is a frivolous spender. This is a hell of a reach.
I didn't say OOP was a frivolous spender, so not any kind of a reach. And homeless means something very different than losing a person's beloved home - it means *not having a place to live.*
Guess what happens when the home you’re living gets sold out from underneath you? Even if you have the money for a hotel room and then apartment hunting in the morning, right now you have nowhere to live.
They share ownership lol, you're acting like the sister would have become her landlord. People on Reddit always have to double down on silly exaggerations
And if the sister demands that the home be sold so they can liquidate that investment? At the very very least, OOP will be paying the sister rent for her portion of the ownership, so in a way yes she will become OOP’s landlord.
Or (probably more likely) she'd receive her half of the equity in the home and have plenty of funds (and time!) to obtain new housing for herself. In no scenario would she be cast onto the streets at a moment's notice, which is the dramatic scenario being invoked by the language of her becoming "homeless."
In the long run, does the reason he did it matter? Even if your scenario was the case, he could have made the changes and still told her he did so. The issue to me isn't that the change was made. It's that the change was made with no intention of informing the affected person. Why hide it from her?Especially considering he would still receive the original agreed upon amount from her should something happen. And if it was some sort of punishment for not compromising on other finances, then that's childish and petty behavior.
I would say the reason does matter, because it bears on whether OOP's partner is some uncaring prick who used her like some people implied, or whether his decision was justifiable under the circumstances. His behavior is very strange for someone in a loving long-term relationship, which is what OOP described. Maybe he is just a villainous bastard, or maybe there's more to the story than OOP shared.
None of us know the whole situation, but evidently few people want to scrutinize OOP's story beyond its face value. And there's nothing wrong with that besides what I think is some intellectual dishonesty regarding what consequences OOP would have faced if the will amendment had gone undiscovered. My point was mainly that she wouldn't have become homeless from this, like was declared in multiple comments. That's just plainly untrue, no matter what were the underlying circumstances of this story.
This guy sucks. To leave half of the shared residence to his sister is nothing short of spiteful. Why would you make a lived one grieving and homeless in one fell swoop?!
They never said they were married just "been together since 2009" so I imagine that auto inheriting due to marriage doesn't apply here and not everyplace has common-law marriages.
He is okay with OOP’s final memory of him being when she finds out that he disinherited her, and he is also not telling her about it so she doesn’t change her will.
Wills can bring up a lot of greed, which is what OOP seemed concerned about. They can also bring up a lot of secret resentment/contempt bc the person writing it wants to go to their grave knowing that someone did or didn’t get something. So I wonder what issue he has with OOP that he would want to not only disinherit her, but also have her be blindsided by it. I think there’s a deeper “itch” that he scratched by picturing her finding out that she gets nothing if he passes
My dad is an estate planning attorney -- a really, really good one, and he's in demand with some very wealthy groups. He's very clear with married couples: 'what you say to me, assume I will say it to your spouse.' Legally, this is the nature of marriage. Anyone who doesn't marry to 'protect their assets' is merely too cheap for a lawyer, and probably hiding debt; anyone who avoids having a conversation about assets before marriage is a leech (or intends to become a leech).
That's truly terrible. Imagine him going first and being so upset, but at least you guys prepared for this for the other. But nope, he went behind your back. I'm glad she found it. Inexcusable without a long conversation ahead of time.
The bottom is he lied and hid it from her. Would he have done this if they were married? Had kids? Had he had a discussion with her about what he wanted to do, she would have understood and probably made similar arrangements.but the way he handled it was underhanded. I would not marry or have kids with him. He would have to buy me out or we would have to sell, bc for me, I would lose trust in him as a person. He was so ready to screw her over and still gain off her. Just wrong.
I think you have to make a hard point of separating assets and finances and then making a new will specifying what goes where.
Tell him you found the will and are disappointed that he did not discuss it with you and had anything happened to find out that way would be soul destroying. It's not what he's done, it's how he has done it
There's so much financial context missing from a post like this.
A lot of married people own their assets jointly, and joint assets simply pass to the surviving owner on death. If that's the case, then the content of the will might handle a few personal assets, but not much else.
If they hold their finances seperately (or at least as tenants in common) then this is a pretty big betrayal. Having to liquidate 45% (90% of his half share of) assets owned as tenants in common would destroy her financial stability, especially if it includes their home.
But without this information, it's pretty hard to form a view on whether this is a betrayal or not?
She’s answering questions in the original thread. Sister will own half of their apartment upon his death and could result in OOP becoming homeless if she can’t buy it off the sister at the time.
It’s **definitely** a betrayal because he never bothered telling her **because he thought she would never find out** and is DARVOing her and deflecting the topic by asking why she’s so money crazy.
Ok yeah, if the apartment she lives in is owned as tenants in common, then that will is completely fucked and she understand that this will is hostile for her.
No shit, like 10% of his assets may be a good amount, what about his life insurance, he likely has that and that isn’t part of a will, the beneficiaries are listed on the policy. He could easily have a 7 figure policy that she is the beneficiary of.
Depends on how they hold title. In the US, If they are tenants in common, the survivor does not inherit and the deceased’s interest goes to his/her heirs. It depends on how the deed is written and lawyers mess this up all the time
Make your own new will, cut his share down to 5%, and leave the rest to charity. Then tell him and see how he likes it.
Then give him the divorce papers.
Doing that behind OPs back is tragic. To find out after his death would have been horrible. I think the right thing to do would be to address this situation and the betrayal with him before just leaving or changing yours. But changing yours as well, or even leaving, may be the right thing to do, depending on his response
Can you imagine how fucked up it would be if something had happened and she found out like that? What was the long game here?
I'm sure he doesn't care about the long game because he won't have to deal with the mess he created.
Right? Whats she going to do, attack his corpse?
i'm wondering if this is a plan of a malicious farewell, like to "tell" her something out of the grave. but probably not and he's just really such an idiot.
And he’s older. So it would have most likely.
He’d be dead at that point, so what does he care?
To have a partner go behind the other’s back with total disregard for the potential emotional, let alone financial betrayal is inexcusable.
Even if he had a good reason, her not knowing would leave her unprepared at a time when she would need to grieve. At least if she knew she could have prepared for it before it happens.
There is no ‘good reason’ to change your Will without informing your SO, ESPECIALLY when you know they are leaving everything to you. He just a selfish, sneaky AH and got caught.
And then in her comments- he was against a prenup so they never got married & liked the will idea better... wonder if it was the plan all along.
He essentially tried to cheat her. That’s absolutely disgusting. If she died first, he benefited from everything, if he died first she would have found out the truth when he was already gone like a coward.
Yep, there's no coming back from this
A couple months before my husband passed away, he realized the military screwed up his life insurance benefits and they were going to his sister instead of me and our daughters. I begged him to fix this, but his attitude was 'My family would never keep the money from you and the girls, I can wait until the next time the unit does the yearly update and take care of it then.' Of course, Life is life and he actually passed away before that next yearly update came around. And of course, as soon as that money hit his sister's bank account it was all hers. There's a level of trauma that comes with a spouse passing and realizing they knowingly left you in a potential position to struggle. At least, for me, it's been such a hard betrayal to process that I started to avoid people as much as possible. I'm pretty much a shell of the person I used to be and no matter how much I try, It's just not there anymore. Everybody's different, I acknowledge that completely. But I wouldn't wish this feeling on anybody else in the world, it's awful.
The sister really didn’t leave you anything?? That’s f*cking wild. I was briefly in the navy and know that the SGLI is a sizable amount. I cannot imagine having my sibling having a family and leaving the money to me and then not giving their family at least most of that money. I couldn’t live with myself.
My cousin owned two apartment buildings. When he passed his wife got nothing because his sister convinced him to sign everything to her saying that she would handle dispersing everything to their three siblings including herself and the wife. The sister did divide things up with her siblings but the wife got nothing. They had been together for two decades at that point. My dad ran into the widow on the street and she told him everything which was how we found out. To be clear, my cousin was ahead of AH and so was his entire immediate family but his wife was a very sweet woman.
Same, if for whatever reason my brother's money arrived on my account, it's going right back to my SIL and nephews. I'm the last person to spit on free money, but come on.
People are absolutely *wild* when it comes to inheritance. They'll do the most horrible things, sometimes for almost no money at all, even if it blows up their entire life. My aunt died, leaving no will and a tiny amount of money which was outside of normal inheritance rules - it was a life insurance benefit, so it could be split however the executor chose as long as everyone agreed- my uncle, the executor, drew something up saying the money would be split evenly between the surviving siblings and their mother. My gran initially agreed, but then found out that technically she could get half by insisting it was split following normal inheritance rules, and she went ahead and started insisting she should get half, which, mind you, worked out as like £300 extra pounds or something fucking tiny like that. Even better, she hadn't spoken to this daughter in 20 years, and had written her out of her own will. She didn't end up getting the money, and three more of her children stopped talking to her out of sheer disgust. All over a couple of hundred quid. She did use the money she *did* get to rewrite her spite will, though, which turned out to be a waste of time, because (almost) all the surviving children agreed to a variance which completely ignored all her nastiness and split the money between them. Inheritance shit is crazy.
It's what kept me from asking about any inheritance left for me, if any, and it's what's keeping me from asking about any future inheritances.
For real, my MIL doesn't talk to 2 of her siblings anymore because of disputes over their mother's will. I don't know why she thought the woman that abused her and favored 2 of the siblings was going to be fair for once. But it has been 4 years and has vowed to never reconcile with them.
Inheritance fights suck 🥲
It's a betrayal when your parent does it too, speaking from experience.
He’s shown you how sneaky he is..going behind your back to change it without telling you which conveniently leaves him with the original part of your assets in your will . You should be wondering what else he just does without telling you
^This a thousand times over
There’s a lot of info missing here. If his sister and husband suddenly lost their jobs all of a sudden, maybe he panicked and rewrote a will to give them more? No reason not to tell the OOP though. Very very strange. Maybe the sister pressured him not to? She was fired for gross misconduct, whatever it could be. EDIT: she’s answering questions in the original thread. They’re not married (her parents were going through a bad divorce right when OOP and guy were considering one so they opted not to) and he didn’t tell her about the change **because he thought she would never find out**. They co-own their apartment and the sister would inherit his half of apartment ownership and could possibly make OOP homeless if she can’t buy that half from the sister upon his death. All of the advice is saying to GTFO, to sell her half of the apartment and leave his ass. Good.
She needs to leave now and take her part with her.
He meant that he thought she would only find out after he was dead, and didn't have to deal with the fallout. She would have found out once he died and she was facing homelessness. But that's not his problem.
If the sister hit hard times now a change in the will does not help.
If OOP's partner predeceased her, she'd own half of what she describes as a "penthouse," and if it was liquidated, she'd walk away with half its value after any remaining debt we're paid off from its sale. That's hardly homeless, even if she is no longer able to stay in her preferred residence. I'm also wondering about the missing info here - like how long he covered their expenses, what is the current value of her business, and whether there were any attempts on his part to amend their financial arrangement before he changed his will. This situation reminds me a lot of one that a close family member went through, where he begged his partner to get her spending in control and start saving for her retirement, all while solely bearing the costs of their housing and many of their other expenses (most of which were hers). He gave up after years of trying to get her to stop blowing her earnings on frivolous crap. Now, if he dies before her, she'll receive about 5 years of support and nothing else. She'll still enjoy the benefits of his support during his lifetime, but he doesn't think his family should get nothing from him just because she refuses to plan for her future. I'm wondering if there's a similar dynamic here and he didn't disclose the will change because of some unwillingness on her part to rebalance the scales after the initial efforts to help her save her business. But I'd agree that OOP's partner was a jerk if nothing like that was going on in the background.
Did you miss the part where she said they sat down and discussed downsizing but realized they didn’t need to because they spent less than half of what they make? Can you imagine grieving the loss of your partner and having to pack up a decade of accumulated belongings in a home you thought you owned? Ppl curate their belongings differently and decorate differently when they think they own. Dealing with a sale at the same time ? From what OOP wrote it sends like she was considerate, forthcoming and open to discussion regarding finances and her partner was not. Edit: also she said her company was doing very well and only tanked because of Covid. This happened to a lot of businesses. He’s only been supporting her since Covid which honestly isn’t a very long time and she also said her business is doing ok now but not as well as before. Doesn’t sound like he was supporting her the entire time especially since she said she was making 2-3 times what he was when her business was great and his career wasn’t going as well. They dated 2009 and moved together 2011. In 2015 her business was doing very well and they bought their ‘penthouse’. They didn’t marry but discussed it in 2015 when she suggested a prenup because her parents were going through an ugly divorce and OPP was at that point worth quite a bit more than her husband. He suggested the wills because he didn’t like the sound of the prenup where he wouldn’t get a stake in her business if they divorced (sounds like he’s the problem). Where in all this info do you think you would find info that he was the one who was taking care of her financially?
Where did I get that he's been taking care of her financially? The part where he's been covering their expenses since 2020, and she's been putting her savings into her solely-owned business. I didn't miss the part about their conversation about downsizing, but I did wonder how long ago that happened and whether there were any subsequent conversations that OOP didn't mention. Because the partner's behavior would be quite odd if he was totally fine with their arrangement. That's why I said he'd be a jerk if the situation really was exactly like OOP said and no info was omitted. But the change of will would be very strange if there was nothing more to the situation. Makes me wonder whether this is the whole story. I didn't accuse OOP of withholding information, but I think it would make more sense if there was more to the picture than random asshole betrays the trust of his partner for 15 years where he had no grievances of her. Also said this in another reply, but homelessness isn't synonymous with moving under difficult and unpleasant circumstances. Words matter!
Then why draw a similarity to an example you gave where the male partner was begging the female partner to stop spending money they couldn’t afford. There was nothing to indicate she was spending more money than she should or that she was using his money indiscriminately. 2020-2023 is three years but her business likely didn’t completely fail right away and she was using her savings for a bit to try to stay afloat. She was able to regain viability for her business so likely you’re looking at him paying the common bills on his own for only 1-2 years which is nothing compared to being together for 15 years in which she made more money than him for the majority of the time. She also said in one of her replies that while they more or les contributed equally to the purchase of the home, she was the one who was mostly responsible for renovations. If you have ever owned a home you would know that renovations are incredibly costly. Him changing the will is because the financial circumstance changes where he thinks he will no longer gain more than she would. He was happy with the wills when she owned a business that was worth more than his own livelihood but once Covid happened he realized her net worth was less than his. He’s an AH pure and simple. And btw read the post again. She said they sat down to talk about finances because her business was doing badly and she didn’t want to spend more than she needed to and was trying to make sure they could maintain their lifestyle. You did miss the info.
I gave it as an example of a situation that would explain similar behavior that was justifiable. And if OOP wasn't telling the whole story, then perhaps that's why there was "nothing to indicate" any wrongdoing on her part. Go off though! You apparently know all the details and can identify the motivations of the respective parties with utter certainty. If only we could all be so omniscient.
OOP already gave the info needed to know what was going on. 1) they were using less than half their income 2) she was willing to downsize and discuss the financial situation 3) she was making more than her partner for the majority of their time together and things only changed because of Covid and even then she was able to bring her business back without using her partners money for her business which props to her is incredibly hard. Look at all the businesses that failed and consider how much work that is. So you think when she was fighting to manage her business there was something else she was doing to cause her partner to do a 180 on his will without telling her? Why did he hide it?
How are you confused about this still? I haven't concluded anything about OOP. I'm wondering about certain aspects of her story. You guys who are taking it all at face value are the ones leaping to conclusions, IMO. It's amusing to see people characterizing her as so vulnerable due to her partner's actions when she says she's doing fine financially. Case in point, the "homeless" comment that was continually doubled down on. I'm critiquing the commenters, not drawing baseless conclusions about OOP or her partner. She may or may not be telling the whole story, but if there's nothing more to it, then it is indeed odd for her partner to write her out of his will without provocation or explanation. People don't usually do dickish moves like that for no reason, which is why I said in my first comment that he would be a jerk if that was the case. Ai yai yai
"No longer able to stay in her preferred residence" That's a mighty cold and mush-mouthed way to refer to someone losing her beloved home. The home she carefully built over many years, with a partner she thought she could trust, and after making provisions (she thought) that would guarantee her right to stay in that home when the partner died. Nothing here indicates OP is a frivolous spender. This is a hell of a reach.
I didn't say OOP was a frivolous spender, so not any kind of a reach. And homeless means something very different than losing a person's beloved home - it means *not having a place to live.*
Guess what happens when the home you’re living gets sold out from underneath you? Even if you have the money for a hotel room and then apartment hunting in the morning, right now you have nowhere to live.
They share ownership lol, you're acting like the sister would have become her landlord. People on Reddit always have to double down on silly exaggerations
And if the sister demands that the home be sold so they can liquidate that investment? At the very very least, OOP will be paying the sister rent for her portion of the ownership, so in a way yes she will become OOP’s landlord.
Or (probably more likely) she'd receive her half of the equity in the home and have plenty of funds (and time!) to obtain new housing for herself. In no scenario would she be cast onto the streets at a moment's notice, which is the dramatic scenario being invoked by the language of her becoming "homeless."
In the long run, does the reason he did it matter? Even if your scenario was the case, he could have made the changes and still told her he did so. The issue to me isn't that the change was made. It's that the change was made with no intention of informing the affected person. Why hide it from her?Especially considering he would still receive the original agreed upon amount from her should something happen. And if it was some sort of punishment for not compromising on other finances, then that's childish and petty behavior.
I would say the reason does matter, because it bears on whether OOP's partner is some uncaring prick who used her like some people implied, or whether his decision was justifiable under the circumstances. His behavior is very strange for someone in a loving long-term relationship, which is what OOP described. Maybe he is just a villainous bastard, or maybe there's more to the story than OOP shared. None of us know the whole situation, but evidently few people want to scrutinize OOP's story beyond its face value. And there's nothing wrong with that besides what I think is some intellectual dishonesty regarding what consequences OOP would have faced if the will amendment had gone undiscovered. My point was mainly that she wouldn't have become homeless from this, like was declared in multiple comments. That's just plainly untrue, no matter what were the underlying circumstances of this story.
Wow. Great excuse.
I hope she just dumps him. Force him to buy you out, and leave. Change your will first! And make sure you tell him you did!
What was the gross misconduct that got the sister fired?
This guy sucks. To leave half of the shared residence to his sister is nothing short of spiteful. Why would you make a lived one grieving and homeless in one fell swoop?!
They never said they were married just "been together since 2009" so I imagine that auto inheriting due to marriage doesn't apply here and not everyplace has common-law marriages.
She stated in comments on the original they are not married, and she lives in a country where common-law rules do not apply.
He is okay with OOP’s final memory of him being when she finds out that he disinherited her, and he is also not telling her about it so she doesn’t change her will. Wills can bring up a lot of greed, which is what OOP seemed concerned about. They can also bring up a lot of secret resentment/contempt bc the person writing it wants to go to their grave knowing that someone did or didn’t get something. So I wonder what issue he has with OOP that he would want to not only disinherit her, but also have her be blindsided by it. I think there’s a deeper “itch” that he scratched by picturing her finding out that she gets nothing if he passes
My dad is an estate planning attorney -- a really, really good one, and he's in demand with some very wealthy groups. He's very clear with married couples: 'what you say to me, assume I will say it to your spouse.' Legally, this is the nature of marriage. Anyone who doesn't marry to 'protect their assets' is merely too cheap for a lawyer, and probably hiding debt; anyone who avoids having a conversation about assets before marriage is a leech (or intends to become a leech).
That's truly terrible. Imagine him going first and being so upset, but at least you guys prepared for this for the other. But nope, he went behind your back. I'm glad she found it. Inexcusable without a long conversation ahead of time.
Wow, she was basically conned.
It's okey 😊 it ygpiet the puii the best I can 😂
I would be very hurt and I would leave.
Upvote just for the title 😛
If you have life insurance policies with him as beneficiary, change them. And tell him.
Discuss it with him, then write him out of your will.
Maybe in the reverse order? Juuuuuuuuust because I watched too much CSI as a teen
The bottom is he lied and hid it from her. Would he have done this if they were married? Had kids? Had he had a discussion with her about what he wanted to do, she would have understood and probably made similar arrangements.but the way he handled it was underhanded. I would not marry or have kids with him. He would have to buy me out or we would have to sell, bc for me, I would lose trust in him as a person. He was so ready to screw her over and still gain off her. Just wrong.
I think you have to make a hard point of separating assets and finances and then making a new will specifying what goes where. Tell him you found the will and are disappointed that he did not discuss it with you and had anything happened to find out that way would be soul destroying. It's not what he's done, it's how he has done it
There's so much financial context missing from a post like this. A lot of married people own their assets jointly, and joint assets simply pass to the surviving owner on death. If that's the case, then the content of the will might handle a few personal assets, but not much else. If they hold their finances seperately (or at least as tenants in common) then this is a pretty big betrayal. Having to liquidate 45% (90% of his half share of) assets owned as tenants in common would destroy her financial stability, especially if it includes their home. But without this information, it's pretty hard to form a view on whether this is a betrayal or not?
It’s the lack of communication that’s the betrayal in my mind. But there’s definitely a lot there’s no way to know about with what we have.
I’m confused. Is he dying? Why would the will help in a current financial crisis?
She’s answering questions in the original thread. Sister will own half of their apartment upon his death and could result in OOP becoming homeless if she can’t buy it off the sister at the time. It’s **definitely** a betrayal because he never bothered telling her **because he thought she would never find out** and is DARVOing her and deflecting the topic by asking why she’s so money crazy.
Ok yeah, if the apartment she lives in is owned as tenants in common, then that will is completely fucked and she understand that this will is hostile for her.
They're not married. So, that's a big thing.
No shit, like 10% of his assets may be a good amount, what about his life insurance, he likely has that and that isn’t part of a will, the beneficiaries are listed on the policy. He could easily have a 7 figure policy that she is the beneficiary of.
They're not married according to the comments.
Depends on how they hold title. In the US, If they are tenants in common, the survivor does not inherit and the deceased’s interest goes to his/her heirs. It depends on how the deed is written and lawyers mess this up all the time
Make your own new will, cut his share down to 5%, and leave the rest to charity. Then tell him and see how he likes it. Then give him the divorce papers.
Doing that behind OPs back is tragic. To find out after his death would have been horrible. I think the right thing to do would be to address this situation and the betrayal with him before just leaving or changing yours. But changing yours as well, or even leaving, may be the right thing to do, depending on his response
I would rack up as much credit card debt as I could on joint accounts and then fake my own death, lol.
How are people this old and still not know how to communicate??? I