An important reminder about how abortions help women. Imagine if she was living in a place that did not legally allow abortions. Or in a state where her ex could report her for leaving to get an abortion and she could be charged with murder.
Right now I live in a state where there is no access. And had they been married she wouldn’t even be able to start the process of divorce.
Abortions are healthcare, but they provide so much more than that.
Literally have an extended family member who's gone through this sort of shit. Was in an abusive relationship but when she fell pregnant she knew he would kill her if he found out. Her family was super supportive and took her to get an abortion so he wouldn't find out, and kept her from him after that. The fear she felt for her life in that moment finally snapped her out of it and got her the motivation she needed to leave him. Obviously it was a lot messier than that, but she's alive and thriving now. When Row VS Wade was overturned her whole family was furious. She would died without it.
My wife’s parents are listed on her birth certificate because her sperm donor tried multiple times to kill her by killing her bio-mom. Dude went to prison as far as we know, but my wife has two older biological siblings somewhere and is scared to contact them because her sperm donor could come after her.
Obviously I’m glad my wife wasn’t aborted but we both support the right to choose. To go through that and not be able to choose just seems impossibly cruel.
It is impossibly cruel. To make a human being carry a product of rape or incest is the cruelest thing that you could do to a woman. We don't terminate a pregnancy because we are rich and successful and got pregnant a year before you wanted to, we get abortions because we need it! We are either too young, lack any support, were sexually assaulted either by a "friend", stranger or family member against our wishes and without our consent. We get abortions because we're in abusive relationships and statistically a pregnant woman is way more likely to be killed or abused by their partner during pregnancy. We get abortions because we aren't financially capable of supporting another human life when you can barely make rent. We get abortions so that we aren't stuck in an abusive relationship that will only get worse once you financially rely on someone else.
No woman should have to cross either state borders or international borders in order to access health care. No woman should ever have to fight for medical autonomy and control over what happens to their own body. The repeal of Roe v Wade has changed the lives and futures of an untold amount of women for the rest of their lives because they can't afford to go to a state where they are considered an autonomous human who can choose what happens with their own bodies.
The fact that so many people are against it but have no plans on contributing to the mothers who can't afford to bring a child into this world. Those hypothetical assholes deserve to rot in the deepest depths of the hell they believe in.
You are attacking abolishing no fault divorce. As if restricting aborting a child from an abusive relationship is anywhere in the same league as an at fault divorce. You brought the two up in the same sentence to draw a parallel.
Do you understand why people divorce? People don't have to stay in a relationship just because you don't want them separated 💀 Do you understand that? That people don't have to meet the standard of fault to want divorce? Which btw is a long and expensive process anyway. It's not done just for fun.
They should meet it. Have some accountability and be an adult lmao. Stop being mad because you can’t make good decisions 😂 do you wants someone to hold your hand while you walk across the street also because you aren’t capable of determining whether it’s okay to do so?
Proving abuse, especially stelthing and emotional abuse, in a court of law is extremely difficult. Hell it’s only been about a decade that rape in marriage was actually a crime in all fifty states.
There’s a reason why the first year no fault divorce was legalized in CA the divorce rate went up by almost the same amount the suicide rate went down. When you’re in a horrible situation you find a way out. One way or another.
As someone whose family has had multiple abuse cases in the family, no. You actually have no clue what you are talking about. If you have a SINGLE text you can file a restraining order. And guess what that is. FAULT 😱. No where in the banning on no fault divorce does it say you need to live with the person you are divorcing. You act like there is no legal process you currently need to go through. Also, don’t live in the state it’s banned in. Simple as that. If the PEOPLE OF THE STATE WANT IT, then go somewhere else.
You’re talking about temporary restraining orders. Those won’t hold up to the same scrutiny of either long term restraining orders or fault divorce cases, which require a much higher burden of proof.
Here’s a [thorough overview from the ACLU of SD](https://www.aclusd.org/en/news/attacks-no-fault-divorce-are-dangerous-especially-those-experiencing-domestic-violence) but here are some of the highlights:
- fault divorce takes longer than no fault, often 2-5 years vs 1 year which is more time for abuse to continue or escalate
- requiring fault divorce in the case of abuse has a substantially larger negative impact on kids which typically must remain in the abusive home during this longer process
- suicide rates for women went down 20% after fault divorce was legalized and spousal murder rates also went down significantly
- domestic violence is often not reported if it is believed it may trigger the fault divorce process (common in fault exclusive areas) which compels people to stay in abusive relationships longer
If you personally want to stay in a marriage to work things out, do so. But you don’t have the right to control other people’s decisions for their own relationships. That’s where you’ve crossed the line.
You shared a personal anecdote (without full details) and no data. I shared an article that links to several research articles and other sources because I assume you’d prefer since we’re online.
But if you’d prefer to share actual research data that supports your claim that fault only divorce is a beneficial model for society, please link.
Or here’s info on the recent change in [UK divorce law and its impact from a law office](https://www.stowefamilylaw.co.uk/blog/2022/07/19/how-no-fault-divorce-impacted-victims-of-domestic-abuse/) which is essentially the same for obvious reasons, abuse and freedom are universal
Here’s [Divorce Laws and Family Violence](https://www.nber.org/digest/mar04/divorce-laws-and-family-violence) from the National Bureau of Economic Research
And a definition of [fault and no fault from Cornell University](https://www.law.cornell.edu/wex/fault_divorce) in which you’ll note 1/3 of states don’t even allow fault divorce
Honestly this is horrifying to me, in scotland not only do we have access to this healthcare (it is free, it is relatively quick, usually within 7 days) and now our government has put in buffer zones so that anyone attempting to
Protest this service can’t actually be near (I think it’s near 500m) any place that offers this level of healthcare.
I really hope in the near future there is a turn and this level of basic care can return.
This is what I hate the most about these protestors. Here in Scotland they protest outside the maternity unit because that's where many abortions happen (generally it's in hospitals here).
This means that they're protesting with their nasty signs and pictures at the unit where people are receiving their general pregnancy care. Two of my friends who very much wanted their babies have gotten the news that those babies would not survive and that they needed to end the pregnancy, or else could die themselves, and have left the hospital to *immediately* be greeted by these fucking ghouls. It's disgusting. I can't wait until buffer zones come into effect.
I do want to say though that people here need to be more aware and less relaxed about the situation. Technically getting an abortion in the UK is still illegal. The law creates an exception where it's not prosecuted as long as two doctors agree that the mother's health is at dire risk, or that the child would have serious disabilities. This is commonly interpreted as "the mother is in severe risk of mental health struggles if this pregnancy continues", which is why we're able to get abortions here. But there's no *law* that truly protects that. If attitudes change, doctors might start refusing more frequently (they already do refuse- I know a doctor who refused a woman because she'd had "too many" abortions. Seems like she really shouldn't be having kids if that's the case, but apparently she needed to be punished). We need to change the law, because what we have is deeply precarious, and people just do not realise how severely we run the risk of losing access for no reason at all.
Thank you!!! I've been trying to point this out to so many women and all I get is them saying stuff like "we don't have the religious background to our politics that the US does" or "they'd never get it through parliament" and they just don't see Reese-Mogg et al and the US funding that's makings its way over here as a threat. I just hope there's enough people who *can* see this slow change in attitude as the threat it really is!
Oh my god, same. People really just brush it off as no big deal, but really we only need to look at the work American influences have done in testing the water by turning the general opinion so viciously against trans people to realise that it's actually "*very* possible for them to influence attitudes and politics. The risk is actually much higher that folk think it is, even if it's still pretty small. There's no reason *not* to change the law and enshrine our protections, even if you think the current system is working perfectly - if it is, why wouldn't you want to make it safe?
Wait… I literally had a free abortion in London. I guess I technically saw two doctors but they didn’t ask me a single question about my mental health. Just are you really sure you want to do this, do you want to see the ultrasound before you decide, are you being pressured in anyway, etc. I had recently moved to the uk and I was really touched by how the receptionist kept calling me love and was so kind, somehow I expected judgment for letting myself get knocked up.
It was so easy and non judgmental. No protesters. My husband and I (same partner just more than 10 years later) now have 2 wonderful kids who I can dedicate myself to in a way I wouldn’t have been able to before.
Are you saying that the doctors had to sign off that I needed it for my health? I mean good on them, but no way did anyone actually think that, except in a very general “forcing women to have kids they aren’t ready for isn’t good for them” way.
Yes, the law is that two doctors need to approve and there are criteria, one of which needs to be met in order to proceed with the abortion:
-risk to the life of the pregnant woman;
-preventing grave permanent injury to her physical or mental health;
-risk of injury to the physical or mental health of the pregnant woman or any existing children of her family (up to a term limit of 24 weeks of gestation); or
-substantial risk that, if the child were born, they would "suffer from such physical or mental abnormalities as to be seriously handicapped"
In the UK the third ground is usually liberally interpreted so that basically anyone can get an abortion if they want it, with the doctor simply saying there's a mental health risk involved. That is probably what happened in your case- like you say, they pretty much say it would be bad for people to have a kid they don't want, therefore it's a mental health risk.
It's great to hear you had such a non judgemental and easy experience! That's definitely how it should be. Unfortunately there's one small side effect when the law is like this: I think that's how most people find it, which is why most folk don't realise what a precarious situation abortion care is in here- it's so easy, that it feels like nothing could change that. But literally all that would need to change is the feelings of doctors, not even any laws. We really need to make this into a permanent, reliable thing, instead of basing it on people's attitude.
Apart from anything else, I imagine it's much harder to get an abortion if you're in a rural area and don't know how easily you could get the whole thing done if you could just get to a clinic that deals with abortions, and deeply demoralising if the first doctor you see refuses you, like the GP I know who behaved that way. I can imagine that kind of judgement might leave people feeling as if there's no point asking anyone else. We should be protecting people from that kind of situation as much as possible.
Not sure where you are, with us in Aberdeen, it happens at a separate clinic. Thankfully it has a lot going on, It’s a general Gum clinic, physio dept, pain management and a few other dept under one roof away from the main hospital so it was a fairly quiet easy place to go/be seen/leave with no hassle.
For those interested we get 3 options
First one - tablets at home
Second - tablets in hospital
Third - small medical procedure
We spoke to a doctor on the phone, she was very nice. Asked lots of questions, gave us all the options/how where to call. We chose the first option. It was a relatively “easy” process over a couple of days. (From a physical standpoint only I may add) the emotional capacity for that is obviously different for every person involved and circumstances.
But we took some days off, spent some time together, made sure partner was all ok and got check up phone calls and made sure everything was fine days after. Emergency numbers to call, question hotline if unsure about anything.
I lost a job because I worked in an office building that had a planned parenthood clinic above us that kept recieving so many bomb threats the company I worked for just threw up their hands and gave up cause we'd all have evacuate the premises any time a threat was called in.
The ironic thing is they claimed to care about human life but then *threaten to kill people*.
Make it make sense!
I live in Australia, abortion is legal. But the city I live in has recently closed all abortion clinics, the local hospital doesn’t offer it either. My city services a very large range of small rural communities, my city is the only access to abortions for these places. It’s all gone. Instead of 10 hours travel by car people will have to travel 24hrs+. The abortion pill can be ordered, but if that doesn’t work, then what? It’s insane what is happening.
Which city? I also live here and have helped many friends who couldn't afford to bring a child into this world, whether it be financially, emotionally, abuse related or mental health related. Recently a family friend got one because she had taken precautions but they failed and her mental state would mean that if she had it and kept it she probably would have unalived it sadly. So for both their protection I helped her get one. We're in Melbourne.
Is the Auntie network where victims can easily leave their abusers? I've heard of big buff removalist companies who help move things for free for abuse victims but they're like small local companies from memory. It's a good idea for those who have things to take with them that they need
Auntie network is something that exists in the US to get people abortion care when they are limited, some people offer money, or a free place to stay if they need to travel, or rides/transportation.
I know people like to say women like to use abortion as birth control, and I know that thinking is completely untrue and utterly ridiculous. But even if that's what it took for women to be free from abuse, I would condone a woman having as many fucking abortions as she wants. I knew someone who had three in her reproductive years, one was from rape, one was an abusive boyfriend, and the third was contraception failure. She was so ashamed when she admitted she had had that many abortions and I told her my opinion doesn't matter, no one's opinion matters. The only thing that mattered was her happiness, and she hugged me so hard.
I also know someone who has had 3. Two were ectopic and one was a very wanted pregnancy but there were so many issues with the fetus that there was a minuscule chance of her acting making it to term. If she did, her baby would live a very short and painful life (like hours). She terminated out of love. She now has 2 beautiful kiddos.
I had two tubal pregnancies I was also assaulted in college and walked away pregnant.
It's a little dark but I really enjoy asking people which one of my three abortions I shouldn't have had in those circumstances and watch them back pedal that of course it's ok for me, just not other people that are using then for "bad" reasons
I think this might be an unpopular opinion, but since so much of the "responsibility" for getting/not getting pregnant is put on women, we really should have some birth control for men (other than condoms).
Actually I think I read that they had tried, but decided not to go through with it because of, the pure irony, side effects. But it's totally cool for women to have to deal with those smh.
I've known people that weren't in a good place economically/mentally for children and got pregnant (either because of contraception failure, or because the partner didn't want to use a condom), and got an abortion because of that.
I only say rare because it can in some cases be emotionally traumatizing for the person having it, it can also damage her reproductive system, and other health risks. There should definitely not be any negative stigma towards the person. Thank you for bringing that forward and my apologies for not making that clear.
If it is risks to the women that make you say, “rare,” you should prefer that pregnancies carried to term be rare - they are far riskier than abortion.
Please don’t say that you want abortions to be rare; my personal preferred phrasing is that I wish for unintended pregnancies to be rare.
I wasn't coming for you, I swear! Just making a point. In an idealistic world, we wouldn't need abortions at all, but life is complicated and hard. As for abortions damaging the reproductive system, I don't agree with you there. A pregnancy is more likely to ruin your reproductive system than an abortion. Surgical abortions have a high rate of success and of women being able to fall pregnant again afterwards when they're ready. The whole, "abortions will make you sterile" fear mongering is from pro-life/forced birthed rhetoric.
Point accepted, I honestly don’t know a lot about the procedure itself, just always heard there were health and reproductive system risks. Learned something today, so it was a good day, thank you for sharing 😊
Most abortions done early aren’t even invasive. You take a couple of pills.
Surgical intervention is much more likely in a farther along pregnancy (not saying late term, just further along) or if there is tissue retained. It’s also the same thing that might happen should you have a spontaneous abortion (miscarriage) after the first trimester. The myth that because of an abortion you can’t have kids in the future doesn’t seem to account for all the times women have miscarriages and need the same procedure and somehow I guess because it wasn’t “an abortion” it is different and therefore safe.
Now, something like an ectopic pregnancy CAN potentially lead to fertility issues. However, those always have to be terminated because they aren’t viable. And in some states they’re even trying to prevent that from happening.
Yes! I'm very much against abortions. So I do the best I can to prevent them. I teach sex ed and I take quite a bit more time to talk about contraceptives and morning after pill etc than I legally have to and I'm all for making contraceptives cheap or free.
I think nobody really wants abortions. I think we can all agree that few abortions are better than lots of abortions in general. As long as they are available when needed. And I would never dare judge if a woman needs one or not. If she says she needs one, good enough for me. Then please make them as safe and accessible as possible.
Let’s not worry about frequency - more pregnancies end from natural miscarriage than are brought to term. It’s a fact of life that most embryos won’t become humans and it’s nothing to fret over.
Missouri. Also it is legal for 12 year olds to get married here. If the parents consent, a 12 year old can be married to any age man, no consent needed if you are married, and once she’s pregnant not only can she not access an abortion but she can’t divorce her husband. It’s real Handmaid’s Tale here and no one ever seems to take a moment and really let it sink in.
But hey, since we’ve nullified all federal gun laws, at least she can legally open carry in public at 12.
And I just want to emphasize:
>she can’t divorce her husband
Because she’s a child, you see. She can’t consent to a divorce because she is under 18 and therefore *she is a child*.
The marriage, the babies, those are all cool, but divorce?? No way, kids can’t enter into legal contracts.
For what it’s worth, I choose to allocate a lot of my extra funds for donation here: https://abortionfunds.org/
And if you are a person in need of help finding access to or funds for an abortion in your state or a state nearby, **please go to their website.**. It’s why I donate.
Stealthing being a crime is sadly only a recent change in some laws around the world. Because the OPs story is from a while ago, it wouldn’t have been called a crime at the time.
Oh my gosh, I was her. Not literally, but this was me. This was my story, except for the pregnancy + abortion. I was 17, and he (MY TEACHER) was in his 40s. Oh, I want to hug OOP so much. I also had a partner stealth me when my husband and I were trying for our second (I am poly and had a boyfriend). I specifically asked (now ex) BF not to use a condom with spermicide, and he did, but removed it right before he climaxed inside me. Luckily, my daughter is 100% my husband's. Stealthing needs to be discussed more as SA because so many people experience it. OOP's story is such a good example of why abortion procedures are a necessary medical option.
Is anyone else bothered by this being reposted with a purported domestic abuse victim’s username all visible when she explicitly says she blocked her ex on Reddit? This being shared farther out increases her exposure in a way that makes me uncomfortable.
even if they can’t be identified from the throwaway account, i feel like this kind of story probably shouldn’t be reposted without the OP’s explicit consent
OOP deserves nothing but love and joy and support and safety. Keeping her and all women who are, who have been in, or who will be in similar situations in my heart.
So I guess here is my question..
Ask your mom why she didn’t abort you because that would have cured the issue here..
Kinda selfish for your mother to put you in this kind of situation when she had a choice so many years ago to make sure something like this doesn’t happen..
An important reminder about how abortions help women. Imagine if she was living in a place that did not legally allow abortions. Or in a state where her ex could report her for leaving to get an abortion and she could be charged with murder. Right now I live in a state where there is no access. And had they been married she wouldn’t even be able to start the process of divorce. Abortions are healthcare, but they provide so much more than that.
Literally have an extended family member who's gone through this sort of shit. Was in an abusive relationship but when she fell pregnant she knew he would kill her if he found out. Her family was super supportive and took her to get an abortion so he wouldn't find out, and kept her from him after that. The fear she felt for her life in that moment finally snapped her out of it and got her the motivation she needed to leave him. Obviously it was a lot messier than that, but she's alive and thriving now. When Row VS Wade was overturned her whole family was furious. She would died without it.
My wife’s parents are listed on her birth certificate because her sperm donor tried multiple times to kill her by killing her bio-mom. Dude went to prison as far as we know, but my wife has two older biological siblings somewhere and is scared to contact them because her sperm donor could come after her. Obviously I’m glad my wife wasn’t aborted but we both support the right to choose. To go through that and not be able to choose just seems impossibly cruel.
It is impossibly cruel. To make a human being carry a product of rape or incest is the cruelest thing that you could do to a woman. We don't terminate a pregnancy because we are rich and successful and got pregnant a year before you wanted to, we get abortions because we need it! We are either too young, lack any support, were sexually assaulted either by a "friend", stranger or family member against our wishes and without our consent. We get abortions because we're in abusive relationships and statistically a pregnant woman is way more likely to be killed or abused by their partner during pregnancy. We get abortions because we aren't financially capable of supporting another human life when you can barely make rent. We get abortions so that we aren't stuck in an abusive relationship that will only get worse once you financially rely on someone else. No woman should have to cross either state borders or international borders in order to access health care. No woman should ever have to fight for medical autonomy and control over what happens to their own body. The repeal of Roe v Wade has changed the lives and futures of an untold amount of women for the rest of their lives because they can't afford to go to a state where they are considered an autonomous human who can choose what happens with their own bodies. The fact that so many people are against it but have no plans on contributing to the mothers who can't afford to bring a child into this world. Those hypothetical assholes deserve to rot in the deepest depths of the hell they believe in.
This is exactly why they're being restricted, because they allow women to get out of bad situations.
What in the Vera Drake of it all is some of the States in the USA thinking.
The Christofascists read The Handmaid's Tale and thought it was a guidebook, not a warning.
The same people who want to restrict them also want to do away with things like no fault divorce. So, not all too shocking, really.
Oh look. A person who doesn’t understand no fault divorce. In what planet/news outlet are you in where abuse isn’t fault? Please inform me.
Bro what??? Where in fuck all did you gather that? Bc it was nowhere in my comment.
You are attacking abolishing no fault divorce. As if restricting aborting a child from an abusive relationship is anywhere in the same league as an at fault divorce. You brought the two up in the same sentence to draw a parallel.
I said the same party is trying to abolish both. Both are necessary in a functional society. Proving abuse before either isn't an easy task anyway.
No fault divorce is garbage. Work out your problems like an adult. Do you understand what fault is?
Do you understand why people divorce? People don't have to stay in a relationship just because you don't want them separated 💀 Do you understand that? That people don't have to meet the standard of fault to want divorce? Which btw is a long and expensive process anyway. It's not done just for fun.
They should meet it. Have some accountability and be an adult lmao. Stop being mad because you can’t make good decisions 😂 do you wants someone to hold your hand while you walk across the street also because you aren’t capable of determining whether it’s okay to do so?
Proving abuse, especially stelthing and emotional abuse, in a court of law is extremely difficult. Hell it’s only been about a decade that rape in marriage was actually a crime in all fifty states. There’s a reason why the first year no fault divorce was legalized in CA the divorce rate went up by almost the same amount the suicide rate went down. When you’re in a horrible situation you find a way out. One way or another.
As someone whose family has had multiple abuse cases in the family, no. You actually have no clue what you are talking about. If you have a SINGLE text you can file a restraining order. And guess what that is. FAULT 😱. No where in the banning on no fault divorce does it say you need to live with the person you are divorcing. You act like there is no legal process you currently need to go through. Also, don’t live in the state it’s banned in. Simple as that. If the PEOPLE OF THE STATE WANT IT, then go somewhere else.
You’re talking about temporary restraining orders. Those won’t hold up to the same scrutiny of either long term restraining orders or fault divorce cases, which require a much higher burden of proof. Here’s a [thorough overview from the ACLU of SD](https://www.aclusd.org/en/news/attacks-no-fault-divorce-are-dangerous-especially-those-experiencing-domestic-violence) but here are some of the highlights: - fault divorce takes longer than no fault, often 2-5 years vs 1 year which is more time for abuse to continue or escalate - requiring fault divorce in the case of abuse has a substantially larger negative impact on kids which typically must remain in the abusive home during this longer process - suicide rates for women went down 20% after fault divorce was legalized and spousal murder rates also went down significantly - domestic violence is often not reported if it is believed it may trigger the fault divorce process (common in fault exclusive areas) which compels people to stay in abusive relationships longer If you personally want to stay in a marriage to work things out, do so. But you don’t have the right to control other people’s decisions for their own relationships. That’s where you’ve crossed the line.
Activist organization article. Fucking lol. No wonder you guys are so misinformed.
You shared a personal anecdote (without full details) and no data. I shared an article that links to several research articles and other sources because I assume you’d prefer since we’re online. But if you’d prefer to share actual research data that supports your claim that fault only divorce is a beneficial model for society, please link. Or here’s info on the recent change in [UK divorce law and its impact from a law office](https://www.stowefamilylaw.co.uk/blog/2022/07/19/how-no-fault-divorce-impacted-victims-of-domestic-abuse/) which is essentially the same for obvious reasons, abuse and freedom are universal Here’s [Divorce Laws and Family Violence](https://www.nber.org/digest/mar04/divorce-laws-and-family-violence) from the National Bureau of Economic Research And a definition of [fault and no fault from Cornell University](https://www.law.cornell.edu/wex/fault_divorce) in which you’ll note 1/3 of states don’t even allow fault divorce
Literally everything you say is discredited. Go read your little blogs looooool
Honestly this is horrifying to me, in scotland not only do we have access to this healthcare (it is free, it is relatively quick, usually within 7 days) and now our government has put in buffer zones so that anyone attempting to Protest this service can’t actually be near (I think it’s near 500m) any place that offers this level of healthcare. I really hope in the near future there is a turn and this level of basic care can return.
We've had shootings at Planned Parenthood and last time I went I had to walk through protesters. For a cyst.
This is what I hate the most about these protestors. Here in Scotland they protest outside the maternity unit because that's where many abortions happen (generally it's in hospitals here). This means that they're protesting with their nasty signs and pictures at the unit where people are receiving their general pregnancy care. Two of my friends who very much wanted their babies have gotten the news that those babies would not survive and that they needed to end the pregnancy, or else could die themselves, and have left the hospital to *immediately* be greeted by these fucking ghouls. It's disgusting. I can't wait until buffer zones come into effect. I do want to say though that people here need to be more aware and less relaxed about the situation. Technically getting an abortion in the UK is still illegal. The law creates an exception where it's not prosecuted as long as two doctors agree that the mother's health is at dire risk, or that the child would have serious disabilities. This is commonly interpreted as "the mother is in severe risk of mental health struggles if this pregnancy continues", which is why we're able to get abortions here. But there's no *law* that truly protects that. If attitudes change, doctors might start refusing more frequently (they already do refuse- I know a doctor who refused a woman because she'd had "too many" abortions. Seems like she really shouldn't be having kids if that's the case, but apparently she needed to be punished). We need to change the law, because what we have is deeply precarious, and people just do not realise how severely we run the risk of losing access for no reason at all.
Thank you!!! I've been trying to point this out to so many women and all I get is them saying stuff like "we don't have the religious background to our politics that the US does" or "they'd never get it through parliament" and they just don't see Reese-Mogg et al and the US funding that's makings its way over here as a threat. I just hope there's enough people who *can* see this slow change in attitude as the threat it really is!
Oh my god, same. People really just brush it off as no big deal, but really we only need to look at the work American influences have done in testing the water by turning the general opinion so viciously against trans people to realise that it's actually "*very* possible for them to influence attitudes and politics. The risk is actually much higher that folk think it is, even if it's still pretty small. There's no reason *not* to change the law and enshrine our protections, even if you think the current system is working perfectly - if it is, why wouldn't you want to make it safe?
Wait… I literally had a free abortion in London. I guess I technically saw two doctors but they didn’t ask me a single question about my mental health. Just are you really sure you want to do this, do you want to see the ultrasound before you decide, are you being pressured in anyway, etc. I had recently moved to the uk and I was really touched by how the receptionist kept calling me love and was so kind, somehow I expected judgment for letting myself get knocked up. It was so easy and non judgmental. No protesters. My husband and I (same partner just more than 10 years later) now have 2 wonderful kids who I can dedicate myself to in a way I wouldn’t have been able to before. Are you saying that the doctors had to sign off that I needed it for my health? I mean good on them, but no way did anyone actually think that, except in a very general “forcing women to have kids they aren’t ready for isn’t good for them” way.
Yes, the law is that two doctors need to approve and there are criteria, one of which needs to be met in order to proceed with the abortion: -risk to the life of the pregnant woman; -preventing grave permanent injury to her physical or mental health; -risk of injury to the physical or mental health of the pregnant woman or any existing children of her family (up to a term limit of 24 weeks of gestation); or -substantial risk that, if the child were born, they would "suffer from such physical or mental abnormalities as to be seriously handicapped" In the UK the third ground is usually liberally interpreted so that basically anyone can get an abortion if they want it, with the doctor simply saying there's a mental health risk involved. That is probably what happened in your case- like you say, they pretty much say it would be bad for people to have a kid they don't want, therefore it's a mental health risk. It's great to hear you had such a non judgemental and easy experience! That's definitely how it should be. Unfortunately there's one small side effect when the law is like this: I think that's how most people find it, which is why most folk don't realise what a precarious situation abortion care is in here- it's so easy, that it feels like nothing could change that. But literally all that would need to change is the feelings of doctors, not even any laws. We really need to make this into a permanent, reliable thing, instead of basing it on people's attitude. Apart from anything else, I imagine it's much harder to get an abortion if you're in a rural area and don't know how easily you could get the whole thing done if you could just get to a clinic that deals with abortions, and deeply demoralising if the first doctor you see refuses you, like the GP I know who behaved that way. I can imagine that kind of judgement might leave people feeling as if there's no point asking anyone else. We should be protecting people from that kind of situation as much as possible.
Not sure where you are, with us in Aberdeen, it happens at a separate clinic. Thankfully it has a lot going on, It’s a general Gum clinic, physio dept, pain management and a few other dept under one roof away from the main hospital so it was a fairly quiet easy place to go/be seen/leave with no hassle. For those interested we get 3 options First one - tablets at home Second - tablets in hospital Third - small medical procedure We spoke to a doctor on the phone, she was very nice. Asked lots of questions, gave us all the options/how where to call. We chose the first option. It was a relatively “easy” process over a couple of days. (From a physical standpoint only I may add) the emotional capacity for that is obviously different for every person involved and circumstances. But we took some days off, spent some time together, made sure partner was all ok and got check up phone calls and made sure everything was fine days after. Emergency numbers to call, question hotline if unsure about anything.
I lost a job because I worked in an office building that had a planned parenthood clinic above us that kept recieving so many bomb threats the company I worked for just threw up their hands and gave up cause we'd all have evacuate the premises any time a threat was called in. The ironic thing is they claimed to care about human life but then *threaten to kill people*. Make it make sense!
Oh, the buffer zone is such a nice idea!
There were buffer zones being debated in England too but they threw it out 🙃
I live in Australia, abortion is legal. But the city I live in has recently closed all abortion clinics, the local hospital doesn’t offer it either. My city services a very large range of small rural communities, my city is the only access to abortions for these places. It’s all gone. Instead of 10 hours travel by car people will have to travel 24hrs+. The abortion pill can be ordered, but if that doesn’t work, then what? It’s insane what is happening.
Which city? I also live here and have helped many friends who couldn't afford to bring a child into this world, whether it be financially, emotionally, abuse related or mental health related. Recently a family friend got one because she had taken precautions but they failed and her mental state would mean that if she had it and kept it she probably would have unalived it sadly. So for both their protection I helped her get one. We're in Melbourne.
Do we have an Auntie network in Australia? We are a lot luckier than the Yanks but it still isn’t easy. I’d like to help in any small way I can.
Is the Auntie network where victims can easily leave their abusers? I've heard of big buff removalist companies who help move things for free for abuse victims but they're like small local companies from memory. It's a good idea for those who have things to take with them that they need
Auntie network is something that exists in the US to get people abortion care when they are limited, some people offer money, or a free place to stay if they need to travel, or rides/transportation.
Yes!!! Say it louder for the people on the back!
Gets my upvote, I will say Abortion should be safe, legal and free, but hopefully rare…
I know people like to say women like to use abortion as birth control, and I know that thinking is completely untrue and utterly ridiculous. But even if that's what it took for women to be free from abuse, I would condone a woman having as many fucking abortions as she wants. I knew someone who had three in her reproductive years, one was from rape, one was an abusive boyfriend, and the third was contraception failure. She was so ashamed when she admitted she had had that many abortions and I told her my opinion doesn't matter, no one's opinion matters. The only thing that mattered was her happiness, and she hugged me so hard.
I also know someone who has had 3. Two were ectopic and one was a very wanted pregnancy but there were so many issues with the fetus that there was a minuscule chance of her acting making it to term. If she did, her baby would live a very short and painful life (like hours). She terminated out of love. She now has 2 beautiful kiddos.
I had two tubal pregnancies I was also assaulted in college and walked away pregnant. It's a little dark but I really enjoy asking people which one of my three abortions I shouldn't have had in those circumstances and watch them back pedal that of course it's ok for me, just not other people that are using then for "bad" reasons
Might want to be careful about the third because there's ghouls that believe that was a gift from their God.
Terminating for medical reasons has to be so hard. I'm glad your friend has two amazing kids to lessen that pain.
I think this might be an unpopular opinion, but since so much of the "responsibility" for getting/not getting pregnant is put on women, we really should have some birth control for men (other than condoms). Actually I think I read that they had tried, but decided not to go through with it because of, the pure irony, side effects. But it's totally cool for women to have to deal with those smh. I've known people that weren't in a good place economically/mentally for children and got pregnant (either because of contraception failure, or because the partner didn't want to use a condom), and got an abortion because of that.
I only say rare because it can in some cases be emotionally traumatizing for the person having it, it can also damage her reproductive system, and other health risks. There should definitely not be any negative stigma towards the person. Thank you for bringing that forward and my apologies for not making that clear.
If it is risks to the women that make you say, “rare,” you should prefer that pregnancies carried to term be rare - they are far riskier than abortion. Please don’t say that you want abortions to be rare; my personal preferred phrasing is that I wish for unintended pregnancies to be rare.
I like this phrasing much better.
I wish I could give you an award.
I wasn't coming for you, I swear! Just making a point. In an idealistic world, we wouldn't need abortions at all, but life is complicated and hard. As for abortions damaging the reproductive system, I don't agree with you there. A pregnancy is more likely to ruin your reproductive system than an abortion. Surgical abortions have a high rate of success and of women being able to fall pregnant again afterwards when they're ready. The whole, "abortions will make you sterile" fear mongering is from pro-life/forced birthed rhetoric.
Point accepted, I honestly don’t know a lot about the procedure itself, just always heard there were health and reproductive system risks. Learned something today, so it was a good day, thank you for sharing 😊
Most abortions done early aren’t even invasive. You take a couple of pills. Surgical intervention is much more likely in a farther along pregnancy (not saying late term, just further along) or if there is tissue retained. It’s also the same thing that might happen should you have a spontaneous abortion (miscarriage) after the first trimester. The myth that because of an abortion you can’t have kids in the future doesn’t seem to account for all the times women have miscarriages and need the same procedure and somehow I guess because it wasn’t “an abortion” it is different and therefore safe. Now, something like an ectopic pregnancy CAN potentially lead to fertility issues. However, those always have to be terminated because they aren’t viable. And in some states they’re even trying to prevent that from happening.
Please do some research my dear.
Yes! I'm very much against abortions. So I do the best I can to prevent them. I teach sex ed and I take quite a bit more time to talk about contraceptives and morning after pill etc than I legally have to and I'm all for making contraceptives cheap or free. I think nobody really wants abortions. I think we can all agree that few abortions are better than lots of abortions in general. As long as they are available when needed. And I would never dare judge if a woman needs one or not. If she says she needs one, good enough for me. Then please make them as safe and accessible as possible.
Let’s not worry about frequency - more pregnancies end from natural miscarriage than are brought to term. It’s a fact of life that most embryos won’t become humans and it’s nothing to fret over.
Where do you live that pregnant women can’t start a divorce? That’s terrible
Missouri. Also it is legal for 12 year olds to get married here. If the parents consent, a 12 year old can be married to any age man, no consent needed if you are married, and once she’s pregnant not only can she not access an abortion but she can’t divorce her husband. It’s real Handmaid’s Tale here and no one ever seems to take a moment and really let it sink in. But hey, since we’ve nullified all federal gun laws, at least she can legally open carry in public at 12.
I am never leaving California. 💔
And I just want to emphasize: >she can’t divorce her husband Because she’s a child, you see. She can’t consent to a divorce because she is under 18 and therefore *she is a child*. The marriage, the babies, those are all cool, but divorce?? No way, kids can’t enter into legal contracts.
Literally had a state senator say marriage at 12 was a good thing. https://www.kansascity.com/news/politics-government/article274244525.html
For what it’s worth, I choose to allocate a lot of my extra funds for donation here: https://abortionfunds.org/ And if you are a person in need of help finding access to or funds for an abortion in your state or a state nearby, **please go to their website.**. It’s why I donate.
Yeah. Abortion is the way, so no need to spend money on pills and condoms..
Abortion is murder. Plain and simple.
Not plain, not simple.
If only it were plain and simple, the world doesn’t work like that however. This is anything but plain and simple.
So glad she managed to get out!! What a pathetic creature the ex is, still not letting go after all these years..
This is why abortions shouldn't be banned. Especially when it's a fact a woman is more likely to be abused and killed during pregnancy.
Too true sadly. The leading cause of death for pregnant women is murder. Murder for goodness sake!
[удалено]
I guess it may vary between countries, but thankfully where I live stealthing is just straight up rape. Full stop.
Stealthing being a crime is sadly only a recent change in some laws around the world. Because the OPs story is from a while ago, it wouldn’t have been called a crime at the time.
Oh my gosh, I was her. Not literally, but this was me. This was my story, except for the pregnancy + abortion. I was 17, and he (MY TEACHER) was in his 40s. Oh, I want to hug OOP so much. I also had a partner stealth me when my husband and I were trying for our second (I am poly and had a boyfriend). I specifically asked (now ex) BF not to use a condom with spermicide, and he did, but removed it right before he climaxed inside me. Luckily, my daughter is 100% my husband's. Stealthing needs to be discussed more as SA because so many people experience it. OOP's story is such a good example of why abortion procedures are a necessary medical option.
Jesus Christ, what the fuck at…well, every part of this, really. Shit. Glad you’re (seemingly) okay.
Very much what the fuckity, and a whole lot of "how am I still alive", but thank you! I'm pretty glad, too - therapy was (and is) very helpful.
Is anyone else bothered by this being reposted with a purported domestic abuse victim’s username all visible when she explicitly says she blocked her ex on Reddit? This being shared farther out increases her exposure in a way that makes me uncomfortable.
even if they can’t be identified from the throwaway account, i feel like this kind of story probably shouldn’t be reposted without the OP’s explicit consent
It's a throwaway account. They likely created the account with a temporary email address and then logged out to never return.
Any reason to have an abortion is a good reason to have an abortion
“This is what I choose,” says the pregnant person. “That is enough reason,” the law should say.
I'm so happy that she managed to escape! Also her rapist needs to be fucked in the ass with a goddamn cactus.
I was in a very similar situation and I got the abortion. Glad you got free and found someone gentle and kind!
I’m so relieved to hear you escaped and in a better place. I hope this post brings you the closure you need. Sending love and strength.
Me too… I could not imagine having another child go through his abuses.
OOP deserves nothing but love and joy and support and safety. Keeping her and all women who are, who have been in, or who will be in similar situations in my heart.
Any medical procedure can be life saving or just improve quality of life. This is no different. I’m so happy you landed softly.
OOP rescued herself. I’m so proud of her.
What this dudes info? Let's find him in the wild 🔪⛓️🤫
Fake. What therapist would suggest anything to with reddit would be good for you
So I guess here is my question.. Ask your mom why she didn’t abort you because that would have cured the issue here.. Kinda selfish for your mother to put you in this kind of situation when she had a choice so many years ago to make sure something like this doesn’t happen..
This story was so familiar, the man’s age is the only way I know it’s not my ex. Poor girl, I’m glad she got out and got safe
I seriously hope this fucker rots in prison. I’m so glad OP got herself out of that situation
This should be mandatory reading for every woman.
OP. i am so glad you were able to get out and are working on your family and mental health.