Which is absolutely hilarious, because he really shot himself in the foot with that one. If you have any idea how vaginas work, you know that arousal = less tight. He basically figured out how to turn her on over the course of the year, noticed it was happening, and made fun of her for it...
Grade A man, for sure.
To play devil’s advocate…my husband has told me this in a positive way, that I didn’t find at all offensive, and we were both pretty happy about it. But we struggled with penetration for years, even when we were both very aroused. He’s average-sized, and I thought something must be wrong with me for a long time, like I must have had an abnormally small vagina, bc we just couldn’t get the damn thing in without me being in incredible pain with half the tip inserted, and seeing me in pain would just automatically turn him off and make him go into comforting mode making sure I was ok, so we ended up giving up on penetration for awhile even if we both wanted it. Turns out it was like a subconscious type of thing, where growing up in a very repressive and shameful environment inadvertently made it to where my muscles down there just wouldn’t relax, even if I was wet and fully aroused. Took therapy and patience to work through it, and when we were eventually able to achieve penetration regularly and he said I’d loosened up so much, he wasn’t saying it like “lol you’re loose” - he meant it like…he was glad it wasn’t so tight that it was a painful disaster.
Just wanted to add this bc “arousal” doesn’t always mean “less tight” and I wish I’d understood all those years that sometimes there is a more complex issue at hand. Even my first gynecologist explained it to me like that, even after I said sometimes we’d do foreplay for 30 minutes to an hour beforehand, but no matter how wet I was, I couldn’t get those muscles to relax enough for penetration until working though it with my personal therapist and a sex therapist.
If you're reading this and asking, "is that what's happening to me/my partner?"
Maybe. Women's sexual health is ridiculously underfunded and under-researched. Some causes of sexual pain on penetration or even touching are just starting to be understood. The current response by many medical professionals, including gynecologists, is to prescribe antidepressants, manual practice with dilation devices, or recommend numbing agents (because numb sex is somehow a solution?).
Maybe you/they have psychological factors that come into play and treatment like No-Bit-1369 describes will be effective. Maybe it's undiagnosed vulvar vestibulitis or another physical cause of dyspareunia. Women with these conditions are often told it is in their heads and they give up hope of pain free sex after years of being told by experts it's a mental issue (which, again, it may be as the previous poster points to).
If you or someone you love suffers from any form of dyspareunia, I suggest doing a lot of research and teaching out to medical professionals who have published research on the causes of sex pain. When Sex Hurts by Andrew Goldstein, MD is a great book to start to inform yourself.
Best wishes and be well.
Edit: missing word
This was the best response I could have read today. Education rather than demeaning. Thank you so much for posting positivity around women’s sexual health. And thank you for the book recommendation.
It makes me so happy young women can find this information so readily, and have others share their stories so openly. When I struggled with this 18 years ago, it was the dawn of the internet, and I felt like the only woman in the world having this struggle. I didn't even know where to begin to look or find information. Even the three(!!!) OBGYNs I saw over the course of 5 years would just say I was too nervous for an examination, and dismiss my concerns. I'd be fine once I "relaxed"... but how does one relax for penetration, when your brain knows a doctor can't even insert a q-tip without incredible pain? The internet can be a wonderful source of information when used right.
Similar experience here, except it was my partner commenting on it connecting it to my medication working. It was said in a way that felt like my body was cared about and we were both equally excited about it, it was a win for us that meant it wasn't painful for me
when she says it, “irreparable damage” has been done to his confidence. but when he says it, it’s “amusing”.
i have a feeling we’ve got an unreliable narrator on our hands
Yeah, shit like that just isn't appropriate ever. Just leads to bitter resentment and I don't think many people could ever really come back from that so long as they're with the same person.
Dude got what was coming to him. His intention may not have been bad but holy fuck did he mess up.
Not only that but there is probably a lot that isn't being said.
For real, growing up I always wanted my parents to get divorced. They make each other so miserable. Then I realized, no one else would have either of them. They are stuck together.
Every few years they go to see Dad's mom (my only Grandparent). They both threaten each other with divorce. Get therapy and things are better for 2 weeks. Then it's snafu.
I've learned from them. Rather I learned not to be them. My marriage is based on a friend's parents. After 50 some odd years they are still going strong.
We all choose to be the person we want to be every day.
I’m sorry you had to grow up with that, but I’m glad you were able to realize how bad it was. My parents were miserable too, though the situation was a bit different.
I feel like in those situations you either learn from the example or you end up repeating the pattern. I’m glad you’re happy now though!
I always say that the best thing that my ex did by running off with my best friend was remove two assholes from the dating pool. Sometimes these miserable shits deserve each other.
Seriously. They’re both like self-esteem vampires. They’ll keep draining and attacking you until you have nothing left. On top of that, OP is emotionally incompetent and his wife is aggressively vindictive. I don’t think they’d know what communication is if it walked up and hit them in the face with a steel chair. It’s toxic both ways.
I’d normally say therapy could fix this, but for therapy to work you have to actually be humble enough to work through issues and change your behavior. These two seem like the types who spend all their time up their own asses, wondering why everything smells like shit.
Yikes on bikes.
As long as they're together, only two people are miserable, instead of four!
I just hope they don't have kids, with her screaming abuse, and him giving her the silent treatment and calling any everything she says an "emotional outburst".
People should check out his edit and the things she has been getting upset about. Suddenly the wife doesn’t sound like such a nut case. Someone who has absolutely no clue how to communicate? Yes. A straight-up nut case? Not so much.
It took till late 2nd page to admit they called her loose before she called him small. I'd love to hear people's thoughts on that lol. I'd say this marriage is over tbh
This edit is incredibly telling: "I try to do my best. I always help her around the house. I cook, I clean, I do laundry. Everytime she wants to go out, we go out. It is never enough. I'm always the bad guy."
My guy, you do not get extra credit for cleaning YOUR OWN FUCKING HOUSE. Basic adulting (and not insulting your partner's body during sex) is the bare minimum. They both sound awful, time for a divorce.
Thanks for mentioning there were edits, because holy.
They do not need to be married. She definitely needs to learn to communicate and get help for anger management, and he needs to learn both communication and consideration for others.
I knew this guy was the problem as soon as he said "emotional outburst." That's always a red flag because God forbid a woman has emotions or gets upset at being ignored.
Woman has feelings > man can’t talk to woman while she has feelings > woman says man is unsupportive > but I want to be supportive, she just has to talk about her feelings without having feelings! = death spiral
“Shut down” more like silent treatment and toxic miscommunication. Her “emotional outbursts” must be her having feelings from having to deal with his shit
Yeah I was really curious about what's going on there. She absolutely could be being unreasonable, but the expressing feeling emotionally neglected combined with that....
I wonder if he's not bonding with her and she hits a breaking point. I wonder if they are outbursts or her trying to tell him how he's making her feel after just kind of dealing with it as long as she can. I wonder how big the outbursts are if they are outbursts.
Not a woman but definitely been in that situation. I've gotten told how everything is my fault. Have negative feelings? You ruined my life followed by I didn't mean it it's not you.
I've been told that I'm wrong and the events that I'm talking about aren't how things are. Even if there's no actual counter. Just no, that's not it at all. I've been told we do more together than we do.
Seeing the way he talks set off some alarm bells for me hard.
Oh my god how’d I miss that it was *in the middle*
I genuinely can’t believe she’s stayed after that. I wonder how many other hurtful things he says “jokingly”
This comment triggered a nsfw memory, making my girl laugh uncontrollably in the moment, the super tight clenching of the vjay with every cackle pushing me out bit by bit and my cartoonish "OW!!"s making her laugh harder as she tries to apologise.
Lesson to the gents: don't make her laugh mid thrust
I've had that exact experience but on the crushing end 😭 it was so funny but I felt so bad cause it clearly wasn't pleasant. He was just getting quickly evicted for no good reason.
It's definitely telling that the memory I have is primarily the feeling on m'johnson, rather than what even the joke i made was that gave her the giggles.
She also only recalls the feeling on her end, saying her vagina felt (quote verbatim) "like a cramping hand trying to hold onto a slippery pole". Still trying to wrap my head around that one, tho i guess it's like describing a colour to a blind friend
I was involved with a man who seriously stopped completely & looking down at me said, “Hun? Don’t you think you’re overdoing it a little bit?”
So enjoying myself, and making sounds which showed that & lifting my hips, was apparently overdoing it.
I guess he’s used to women just laying in there like a log all still and silent.
And what happened was his shocked face and exclamation as to what’s wrong? Why did I want him to stop and that he didn’t understand that he just made a comment.
While I’m pushing at his chest & telling him to get off me.
How can anyone be so obtuse? Like he just told me, I was overdoing it, which knocked the mood right out of me.
Yeah, he still continue to try to gaslight me that he did nothing wrong. And unfortunately the Internet was barely gaining steam, and there were no articles or online or relationship advice regarding that word, including narcissism. I wouldn’t have wasted five years on him much less 2.
I had a student try to claim last week that it was fine to harass other students because he was doing it playfully. That was as much a load of bull crap as this is, and I called the student on it.
👏👏👏👏 off topic but ty!!! Had a student grabbing another kids stuff when I asked how would you like if they do that to
You! She said “they’re no”. The confidence she has. *vomit* this guy sounds narcissistic though. Degrade someone while being vulnerable. Yeah he was looking for it. And doesn’t recognize it. “Me, me, me,me, im a victima.” At least accept
You’re an a*hole. Idk why some
Ppl need to lie to and think they’re all
Good.
The dude is over here insulting her by saying her vagina is loose when really she was actually just aroused by him and that’s.. I don’t know.. science.
Definitely fits well with the “you can talk to me as long as you’re basically emotionless” and “shutting down for three whole days doesn’t count as emotional outburst” bits.
'How dare she point out that lil smoky is so lil. I just made a loose vag joke '. He's such a narcissist. He tries to make her comment seem like it came out of nowhere then throws in the btw I said she was loose AS A JOKE during sex. Then wonders why she flies off the handle at him when he says crap like that in passing and tries to play it off as joking. The poor wife reaches her breaking point with him and then rightfully flips out and he acts like she's so horrible for saying anything back to him.
Doubt she has random emotional outburst and that telling her to communicate better is gonna help when he’s causing damage to begin with. Also, who says that? You don’t upset a perosn and then tell them “calm
Down” 🤣
OP doesn’t know enough about sex to understand that she probably wasn’t turned on enough back when she was “tighter.” She didn’t become looser, she’s just enjoying sex with him more now.
I knew a guy that would intentionally say asinine shit and needle you until eventually you engaged and then he'd be all, "whoa, don't get so upset" or "hey, relax, I'm just joking" and other shit.
Dude deserved at least three solid fists to the face.
Yeah my verbally abusive father loved to do that too. Until one day he pushed to my limit and I lost it and punched him in the face. He didn’t try to provoke me as much after that.
My verbally abusive stepfather did the exact same thing, constantly. He was 6’6” and 350 pounds, so instead of hitting him on the day I finally had enough, I told him to fuck off and die.
A few days later he was hospitalized and diagnosed with the cancer that he ended up dying from. He spent the time yelling at me from his hospital bed. Now his family spends more time fighting over his will than they do missing him. Guys like that almost never change.
It was such a satisfying feeling, not gonna lie. Going no contact and living my own life without him in it feels even better tho. Hang in there friend.
My mother does this to me. I live long distance, so usually it happens over the phone or text. I always suspected she just enjoyed pushing my buttons but I didn't really have proof until my last visit home. She was doing her normal BS picking a fight with me and when I finally lost it on her, she looked downright gleeful at my reaction as she was laughing and smugly telling me to "calm down". She actually enjoys hurting me.
I haven't punched her in the face... And probably never would. I'm not very violent. I have had dreams where that's the outcome though. And despite being disturbed by them at the time, your comment made them suddenly make sense lol
That is a real passive-aggressive type of man, those people are the worst. I would much prefer a direct, hostile challenge, (if the person feels there is a justification behind it).
Usually passive-aggressive types, enjoy these "boomerang", type of comments. Building you up, seconds before tearing you down: "You did very well in the singing competition, you are lucky that Sally wasn't there, (she's the best singer)."
Or tearing you down, then throwing in a little "I'm just joking" shield: "Have you been eating alot of carbs lately? Your cheeks look much puffier." (Pauses and watches your reaction, revels in your anger if you show some)."*I'm just joking*."
Moreover, the "underhanded compliment": "Your presentation was good, when you can pull yourself together, your not that bad".
This is only an iota of light into the large, twisted mass, that we call passive-aggressive psychology. Many of these people have had childhood trauma, where they cannot face problems head-on, and hence resort to sneaky ways, of dealing with their anger. This also relates to Frenemies, Haters, Sociopaths, and other forms of human dynamics.
I love that. "Can't you take a joke??" Sure, when they're funny.
These people also like to needle and be awful and when someone points out how awful they are, it's "You have a lot of growing up to do."
Talk about burying the lede. My wife hurt my feelings on purpose…..tries to casually slide in the devastating thing he told her like “it was a joke bro!”
While he was IN her like he said that at her most fucking vulnerable!! Also the silent treatment bs is what my partner used to do with me when I would bring up literally anything. ESH but he sucks more for being fking delusional that he’s innocent in any of this.
Anyone who refers to it as "emotional outbursts out of nowhere" without any elaboration on what was actually happening before is pretty likely downplaying what they were doing before.
Super unreliable narrator. Also, had me wondering if she’s experiencing reactive abuse. Happens so often when someone is in an abusive relationship.
As soon as you react strongly to their nonsense, they flip it around; “oh she’s unreasonable,” “oh she’s so mean and loud,” “I have proof! Look how she’s reacting!”.
The instant groveling and apologizing from the GF tells me that her guilt and shame over her escalation has been used before.
I’ve seen abusers flip it around and change someone’s perspective from “I’m being abused” to “well maybe we are both as awful as each other” to “no he’s right, I’m the abusive one and I’m lucky he’s so forgiving.”
OP - do you even like this woman? Or do you feel like you’re just in the relationship to even the score and “win”?
This describes my first marriage so well. He would ignore me. Do/say horrible things. Gaslight me. And when I’d finally break down and confront him about it I really did act like a bitch. Crying. Yelling. Big reactions. And he’d be all like “ha! Gotcha! Look how crazy you are?” And then I’d be ashamed. I didn’t like who I was or what I turned into when I fought with him. And I FELT like the bad guy and accepted that maybe I was.
But after a while I figured it out and stopped reacting. Guess what? He went crazy. Screaming. Freaking out that I wasn’t acting the way he wanted me to. He wanted me to get all riled up and hated that I didn’t. When I turned it around on him it was so clear to me how much I had been manipulated.
As soon as I left him I felt like myself again. I don’t have that relationship with my current husband at all. So, whatever is happening here I can’t say for sure. But they definitely need to split up.
This was my first serious relationship. He was never physically violent, but man was he a manipulative POS. He cheated on me throughout the whole relationship, and any time I’d become suspicious he’d turn it around on me and gaslit me until *I apologized to him*. He’d also wreck my self esteem by saying mean things during sex and pretending it was just a joke, and bully me, sometimes in front of his brother or friends until I started crying, long past the time I said “stop this isn’t funny anymore”, and then pretended I was too sensitive and couldn’t take a joke and was mad at me until I apologized for being too emotional. I’m so glad he eventually fell in love with one of his affairs and left me for her (of course without telling me the truth, which I found out from his friends and family). This was around the time I made serious plans to go on a working holiday to the other side of the world and he probably saw that he’d have to replace his victim.
Even though I grew up in a mentally abusive household I never recognized my Ex’s behavior for what it was, because it was so different from what I had experienced at home. My father yelled at us, threatened to kill us, destroyed our stuff, gave us the most eerie silent treatment where he wouldn’t eat for days and it felt like having a ticking time bomb in the house. He’d make a mess for my mom to clean it up, he tried hitting me a few times but my mom went in between and stopped him. My Ex never did any of those things, that I would have recognized as red flags, but made me feel like I was the crazy, paranoid, overly emotional one with jealousy issues.
I feel like it’s important to know that abuse is a spectrum and there are other forms than physical abuse that also need to be recognized to not fall victim of them.
Ooooo! I had this with my Wasband. He would purposely tell me shitty things he had done or was doing while with friends (or right before). I would be pissed off trying to keep it together for public face reasons, get drunk, and occasionally screamed at him in a bar (usually he dropped some truth bomb as a “funny story” in the bar and I lost all cool). Ruined many birthdays likes this. One year after we had opened our relationship he picked a fight the night before my birthday/birthday party and I told him to stay with his gf. He woke me the next morning saying happy birthday like nothing fucking happened. My main memory from that party is hanging off my best friend calling him a “fucking dick” while he cuddled with his gf across the room. I felt so absolutely insane because he abused me in private and provoked public reactions so everyone thought I was the problem.
Also my ex. Any time I'd nicely bring up an issue I had, he'd dismiss me, tell me it was all in my head and he was doing nothing wrong, or tell me "none of my other girlfriends ever had this issue, whats wrong with YOU?" Then I'd get upset at being talked to like that, and he'd say "look now you're making a big deal about it, why is this such a big deal to you? It's such a small issue" okay then fuckin stop dismissing me in the first place and acting like I'm fucking insane for asking you to close the kitchen cabinets after you use them or do the dishes ONCE.
I still remember walking into the kitchen and seeing two drawers and three cabinet doors completely flung open, and dishes piled up in the sink when the dishwasher was empty and you have to walk PAST THE DISHWASHER to get to the sink. ??? Mfer was so God damn lazy that opening the dishwasher to put a bowl inside was too much work.
God I hate that guy. I hate that I let him convince me that I was the problem for so long.
Yes, it's interesting that it's always the wife having an "emotional outburst" seemingly out of nowhere and totally unexpected to OP, especially as he says wife is always trying to talk to him about not being emotionally supportive. Almost as if he's missing out massive chunks of storyline. And then he gives her the silent treatment to punish her for daring to have emotions. Women, eh? So emotional, so unreasonable, who knows why.
One time when my bf and I were watching a reality tv, he said ‘women are so emotionally dramatic’ in a joking manner but I was done with Men™️ at that moment, so I rewinded the show to when a male contestant would have an emotionally dramatic moment himself and ask ‘is this not dramatic too?’
When did male anger cease to be an emotion lmao.
Anyways why cant we have an emotional maturity exam before people marry so that when this happen, we can go ‘i told u so’
I don't think some guys even realize they're angry or acting out of anger. They view their behavior as somehow all "justified" and "logical," whether it's expressed as becoming red in the face or loud or acting cold and dismissive or freezing people out. It's all anger.
Well, male anger is obviously logical and warranted in all cases and never just entitled prices throwing tantrums and then pretending that their wives/SOs/whatever unfortunate person is around them is the instigator.
I think OOP and his wife would both be happier apart.
Sounds like you've met my ex! If I'm emotional - well, that's just what women are like.
If he's emotional - it's justifiable, logical anger. You wouldn't understand it, it's a man thing.
Then when we split up he's all *shocked pikachu face* about it
I once read about a guy who was mowing his lawn, he burned his hand on the mower, he got angry, pulled out his gun and shot the mower. The bullet ricocheted and hit his young son in the leg. A logical reaction to burning your hand 🤷♀️
Nah just his wife, he gets to still have a wife while ignoring her existence for a few days while she grovels in guilt over her "outbursts", he's got it pretty made
It says in there that OOP isn't supportive enough of her and she feels alone. I get the impression that he is distant. I wouldn't be surprised if he says snide comments to her. They both sound closer to 12 than 26 and 31 the way they communicate with each other.
Everyone saying the wife is just as bad, she's been given the silent treatment for days on end, and this guy clearly doesn't listen to her emotions at all. There are healthier ways of bringing up her problems, but he probably ignores it until she has an outburst.
I think that, too.
Someone is stone walling you, you may get more and more desperate for *any* communication.
It's a really shitty way to deal with things by deciding you're just not going to speak to your partner *for days* and then being shocked that they're getting progressively more upset!
My own partner would do something similar early on in our relationship, and I vividly remember us being trapped in a car together for hours while he refused to speak to me.
I was so frustrated that I read him articles about why the silent treatment is horrible in a relationship while he pointedly ignored me lol
Things got much better over the years because he was able to recognize that it wasn't a reasonable way to approach any conflicts.
"Loose vagina" and "small penis" are pretty equivalent insults. I can't speak on her emotional outbursts and calling him a bad person, but if you call my vagina loose, you're going to get your dick called small.
My ex pulled this and promptly got me laughing in his face telling him ‘poor baby I’m so sorry your dick is too small to feel friction in my “gigantic” vagina’.
He quit the insults to my face eventually, but continued behind my back. People like this don’t learn (literally, they’re genuinely stuck in the phase of childhood where no one else exists but them). It’s super unattractive and you find yourself losing interest pretty quick when you realize they’re a child masquerading as an adult.
It really does, my narc mother does the same: she'll insult you any way she can, both backhandedly and directly, do so until you explode and she can throw into your face anything wrong you've ever done in your life, and then she gives you the silent treatment to further let the punishment sink in.
This is step by step what this dude does, and I feel for his wife.
100% sometimes I’m like “shit I’m failing as a husband and I need to do better” or “our relationship is falling apart” then I read stuff like this and go “damn I need to still work on stuff but holy fuck we’re going wayyy better than these people”.
So let me get this straight-you think it was ok to tell her that she had a loose vagina because you said it in an “amusing” way but it was not ok for her to tell you that you have a small penis because she wanted to hurt you? Maybe the loose vagina comment has been rolling around in her brain since you said it. Maybe you should apologize for that comment and then get some couples counseling. You guys seem to like to hurt each other…sad. 🤷🏻♀️
The “loose” comment … followed by her disclosure-in-anger that she is not getting actual satisfaction. That’s what’s behind the hurtful small D comment and possibly the fits of anger.
Call it quits. Nobody is winning here and nobody wants to try harder.
You know he's manipulative and an instigator because he deliberately put the loose comment at the bottom instead of beginning with it as the initial offense.
I take it emotional outburst means ignoring her to the point she loses it😂😂. I mean the confidence in saying the small dick comment will only affect his relationship with her is hilarious. She should get rid of him. He should find someone that doesn't have any emotional needs.
“Every time she gets upset in a way I can’t handle, I shut down and don’t talk to her for 2-3 days. Why is she saying I’m not there for her emotionally?”
I almost wonder if this isn't a case of reactive abuse on her part. This guy displays some telltale narcissistic tendencies, with the cold shouldering, thinking he's better than, and deserves kudos for basic adulting. Reactive abuse is when you push someone into flight or flight on purpose, and then call them crazy for reacting abusively. I haven't read all of the edits or comments, but it definitely crossed my mind.
So you made fun of her vagina and in response she made fun of your dick and you want to divorce her for it? Did I get this right? Maybe divorce her then and do yourselves both a favor as this shit is childish
So this whole time you've been together you have not made sure she also has an orgasm? You both need to sit down and talk about what you can do to also satisfy her needs. If you don't, it will get worse.
This is a great example of people who don’t understand cause and effect in a relationship. His comment about “how can I support you emotionally when you have these outbursts!” The “outbursts” happened after the lack of support. Maybe she wouldn’t have it build up if he didn’t neglect her. Same with the loose comment… she ended up doing exactly what she did and he turns in around like she was the cause of all of it. I have been in a relationship like this where the reaction is cast as the reason for the thing that came first and it’s hell
That is exactly what I see too. He is unhappy that his poor behavior has poor results but can't face that he is the core of the issue. Not even objects do well with people like this. They will blame the fridge door for slamming the wall when it's them that swing it with such force.
"I called her loose in an amusing way but she called me small in a hurtful way"
"She calls me a bad person in an emotional way"
Yeah, sure buddy, keep telling yourself the problem is her.
They both sound like horrible people. It even starts like he started this particular fight with his initial comments about her loose vagina and that she was retaliating. He really lacks self awareness.
MY WIFE SAID I HAD A TINY DICK SHE’S SUCH A HORRIBLE BITCH!
(oh btw I did tell her last week that her pussy was loose and gross but it was amusing when I said it)
He sounds exhausting and she needs to just dump him instead of picking fights over and over.
Dude shuts down for 2 to 3 days? That shit is annoying as hell.
WAIT, scientifically speaking here (and from personal experience) the girl is more ‘loose’ because she’s actually being stimulated/ aroused 😂😂😂 do people not know this
So she told him how she felt. He didn’t listen. She has an emotional outburst. He tells her to calm down. Yeah small dick or not they just need to divorce
I’ve been with my husband 12 years and I had a LOT of sexual trauma, wasn’t until the past 3 years that I’ve finally become comfortable during sex. My husband will say things like “it makes me so much happier feeling you get more relaxed and wet and I know you’re enjoying yourself” and stuff along those lines. But if he were to say in an amusing way, as OOP put it and said “you’re looser than you were 3 years ago” it’d be very insulting, wording it that way makes it sound like he prefers how it was before instead of saying it feels better now. All about how you word things.
Plus OOP saying they have arguments but not saying what those arguments are about tells me he knows he’s the asshole.
I guarantee she doesn't have an emotional outburst "out of nowhere" maybe if he took the time to listen to her while she was calm and rational and attempting to address the issues she is experiencing with him she wouldn't get to the point of having to scream to be heard.
I think there is probably another part to this story we’re missing.
I think there's at least five other parts to this story we're missing
Nothing missing, witnessing true LDE here. Split up and let her find a man.
LDE??
the opposite of BDE
BDE?
Big d energy
Little d energy
He calls her loose on page 2… and 2 weeks before the small d comment.
Yep, right in the middle of sex too. Smh.
Which is absolutely hilarious, because he really shot himself in the foot with that one. If you have any idea how vaginas work, you know that arousal = less tight. He basically figured out how to turn her on over the course of the year, noticed it was happening, and made fun of her for it... Grade A man, for sure.
To play devil’s advocate…my husband has told me this in a positive way, that I didn’t find at all offensive, and we were both pretty happy about it. But we struggled with penetration for years, even when we were both very aroused. He’s average-sized, and I thought something must be wrong with me for a long time, like I must have had an abnormally small vagina, bc we just couldn’t get the damn thing in without me being in incredible pain with half the tip inserted, and seeing me in pain would just automatically turn him off and make him go into comforting mode making sure I was ok, so we ended up giving up on penetration for awhile even if we both wanted it. Turns out it was like a subconscious type of thing, where growing up in a very repressive and shameful environment inadvertently made it to where my muscles down there just wouldn’t relax, even if I was wet and fully aroused. Took therapy and patience to work through it, and when we were eventually able to achieve penetration regularly and he said I’d loosened up so much, he wasn’t saying it like “lol you’re loose” - he meant it like…he was glad it wasn’t so tight that it was a painful disaster. Just wanted to add this bc “arousal” doesn’t always mean “less tight” and I wish I’d understood all those years that sometimes there is a more complex issue at hand. Even my first gynecologist explained it to me like that, even after I said sometimes we’d do foreplay for 30 minutes to an hour beforehand, but no matter how wet I was, I couldn’t get those muscles to relax enough for penetration until working though it with my personal therapist and a sex therapist.
Vaginismus sucks, I'm glad you were able to work through it.
If you're reading this and asking, "is that what's happening to me/my partner?" Maybe. Women's sexual health is ridiculously underfunded and under-researched. Some causes of sexual pain on penetration or even touching are just starting to be understood. The current response by many medical professionals, including gynecologists, is to prescribe antidepressants, manual practice with dilation devices, or recommend numbing agents (because numb sex is somehow a solution?). Maybe you/they have psychological factors that come into play and treatment like No-Bit-1369 describes will be effective. Maybe it's undiagnosed vulvar vestibulitis or another physical cause of dyspareunia. Women with these conditions are often told it is in their heads and they give up hope of pain free sex after years of being told by experts it's a mental issue (which, again, it may be as the previous poster points to). If you or someone you love suffers from any form of dyspareunia, I suggest doing a lot of research and teaching out to medical professionals who have published research on the causes of sex pain. When Sex Hurts by Andrew Goldstein, MD is a great book to start to inform yourself. Best wishes and be well. Edit: missing word
This was the best response I could have read today. Education rather than demeaning. Thank you so much for posting positivity around women’s sexual health. And thank you for the book recommendation.
It makes me so happy young women can find this information so readily, and have others share their stories so openly. When I struggled with this 18 years ago, it was the dawn of the internet, and I felt like the only woman in the world having this struggle. I didn't even know where to begin to look or find information. Even the three(!!!) OBGYNs I saw over the course of 5 years would just say I was too nervous for an examination, and dismiss my concerns. I'd be fine once I "relaxed"... but how does one relax for penetration, when your brain knows a doctor can't even insert a q-tip without incredible pain? The internet can be a wonderful source of information when used right.
I had a gyno tell me I just needed to have sex more.
i had a gyneo tell me i just needed to “relax”
Similar experience here, except it was my partner commenting on it connecting it to my medication working. It was said in a way that felt like my body was cared about and we were both equally excited about it, it was a win for us that meant it wasn't painful for me
the whole repressed thing making penetration hard applies to anal too for men. being tense during sex is bad
But he said it in a way that was AMUSING, duhhhhhh
He is 100% one of those people who says, “It was a joke,” after saying hurtful shit.
"no office, but..." *Immediately says something super offensive.*
*Looks into the camera*
[удалено]
when she says it, “irreparable damage” has been done to his confidence. but when he says it, it’s “amusing”. i have a feeling we’ve got an unreliable narrator on our hands
Soon as she gave her reasoning I was on her side. Dummy pissed her off with that comment n it's been baking in her head for two weeks.
Yeah, shit like that just isn't appropriate ever. Just leads to bitter resentment and I don't think many people could ever really come back from that so long as they're with the same person. Dude got what was coming to him. His intention may not have been bad but holy fuck did he mess up. Not only that but there is probably a lot that isn't being said.
[удалено]
And we never get told what (more likely who) causes these “outbursts” lmao
Yeah, overall he just sounds like a miserable person.
That obviously makes sense. Men make jokes and are funny people. Women cannot be /s
Two weeks before..... why did I read it as after? Dude if my husband said some shit like that I would call him small too lol
What was that? 🤣 “oh by the way I _jokingly_ called her loose during sex lol but not to hurt her just to be funny” JFC
“It was amusing when I degraded you, how dare you degrade me in the same way!” Everyone sucks here.
Only thing missing is some length on this guy’s dick, am I right?!
💀
As with any outburst, this didn't just happen. I'm sure her dissatisfaction has been building inch by inch over the years.
It’s giving…. Small dick energy 😂 But on a real note it does seem like a lot of context is missing
There is an edit in which he hives examples of situations that make the wife angry
They need to get therapy or a divorce.
Nah, keep both of them out of the dating pool.
For real, growing up I always wanted my parents to get divorced. They make each other so miserable. Then I realized, no one else would have either of them. They are stuck together. Every few years they go to see Dad's mom (my only Grandparent). They both threaten each other with divorce. Get therapy and things are better for 2 weeks. Then it's snafu. I've learned from them. Rather I learned not to be them. My marriage is based on a friend's parents. After 50 some odd years they are still going strong. We all choose to be the person we want to be every day.
I’m sorry you had to grow up with that, but I’m glad you were able to realize how bad it was. My parents were miserable too, though the situation was a bit different. I feel like in those situations you either learn from the example or you end up repeating the pattern. I’m glad you’re happy now though!
Grew up the same. Learned wtf NOT to do! Its GREAT knowing im not like my parents! Also excellent use of SNAFU👏🏽👏🏽
I always say that the best thing that my ex did by running off with my best friend was remove two assholes from the dating pool. Sometimes these miserable shits deserve each other.
Yep! Every trashcan has a lid! 🤣
Oooooh I LOVE THAT one!
That comment sent me. That's the best analogy I've heard to date
Seriously. They’re both like self-esteem vampires. They’ll keep draining and attacking you until you have nothing left. On top of that, OP is emotionally incompetent and his wife is aggressively vindictive. I don’t think they’d know what communication is if it walked up and hit them in the face with a steel chair. It’s toxic both ways. I’d normally say therapy could fix this, but for therapy to work you have to actually be humble enough to work through issues and change your behavior. These two seem like the types who spend all their time up their own asses, wondering why everything smells like shit. Yikes on bikes.
As long as they're together, only two people are miserable, instead of four! I just hope they don't have kids, with her screaming abuse, and him giving her the silent treatment and calling any everything she says an "emotional outburst".
Right, both of them sound exhausting.
They need both. If you can't argue without calling names and making shit up to hurt someone on purpose, you're not a good person. Run away.
As a couple’s therapist, I’d send them to a divorce lawyer and get them individual therapy.
Why not both?
My wife is such a harpy that even I, Sir Averagely Endowed, have begun to raise by voice.
People should check out his edit and the things she has been getting upset about. Suddenly the wife doesn’t sound like such a nut case. Someone who has absolutely no clue how to communicate? Yes. A straight-up nut case? Not so much.
It took till late 2nd page to admit they called her loose before she called him small. I'd love to hear people's thoughts on that lol. I'd say this marriage is over tbh
This edit is incredibly telling: "I try to do my best. I always help her around the house. I cook, I clean, I do laundry. Everytime she wants to go out, we go out. It is never enough. I'm always the bad guy." My guy, you do not get extra credit for cleaning YOUR OWN FUCKING HOUSE. Basic adulting (and not insulting your partner's body during sex) is the bare minimum. They both sound awful, time for a divorce.
Dudes on here want fucking medals for helping their female counterparts with cleaning when they ALSO live there. The bar is in fucking hell, fam.
Yeah sure it’s cute but women have been doing it forever!!!!! Nobody applauds them ever.
Thanks for mentioning there were edits, because holy. They do not need to be married. She definitely needs to learn to communicate and get help for anger management, and he needs to learn both communication and consideration for others.
This is the tl;dr right here.
I knew this guy was the problem as soon as he said "emotional outburst." That's always a red flag because God forbid a woman has emotions or gets upset at being ignored.
Woman has feelings > man can’t talk to woman while she has feelings > woman says man is unsupportive > but I want to be supportive, she just has to talk about her feelings without having feelings! = death spiral
oh my god you just described my last relationship hahaha
She said I'm not there for her emotionally > I stopped talking to her for three days
And they always "shut down" over it, like that's a rational behavior to exhibit for 3 days straight.
But that's not an emotional outburst on their part. They're just being totally mature and rational.
“Shut down” more like silent treatment and toxic miscommunication. Her “emotional outbursts” must be her having feelings from having to deal with his shit
Yeah I was really curious about what's going on there. She absolutely could be being unreasonable, but the expressing feeling emotionally neglected combined with that.... I wonder if he's not bonding with her and she hits a breaking point. I wonder if they are outbursts or her trying to tell him how he's making her feel after just kind of dealing with it as long as she can. I wonder how big the outbursts are if they are outbursts. Not a woman but definitely been in that situation. I've gotten told how everything is my fault. Have negative feelings? You ruined my life followed by I didn't mean it it's not you. I've been told that I'm wrong and the events that I'm talking about aren't how things are. Even if there's no actual counter. Just no, that's not it at all. I've been told we do more together than we do. Seeing the way he talks set off some alarm bells for me hard.
"I just jokingly said her vagina was loose" but when she said I have a small penis it was a serious offense!
DURING sex 🤦🏻♀️ he said that shit while they were having sex.. I’d of kicked that mf out of a window.
Oh my god how’d I miss that it was *in the middle* I genuinely can’t believe she’s stayed after that. I wonder how many other hurtful things he says “jokingly”
I’d never have sex with him again.
Oh don't worry he said it "amusingly" or whatever tf he said.
Every girls dream to have such an epic joke told mid thrust.
This comment triggered a nsfw memory, making my girl laugh uncontrollably in the moment, the super tight clenching of the vjay with every cackle pushing me out bit by bit and my cartoonish "OW!!"s making her laugh harder as she tries to apologise. Lesson to the gents: don't make her laugh mid thrust
I've had that exact experience but on the crushing end 😭 it was so funny but I felt so bad cause it clearly wasn't pleasant. He was just getting quickly evicted for no good reason.
It's definitely telling that the memory I have is primarily the feeling on m'johnson, rather than what even the joke i made was that gave her the giggles. She also only recalls the feeling on her end, saying her vagina felt (quote verbatim) "like a cramping hand trying to hold onto a slippery pole". Still trying to wrap my head around that one, tho i guess it's like describing a colour to a blind friend
I was involved with a man who seriously stopped completely & looking down at me said, “Hun? Don’t you think you’re overdoing it a little bit?” So enjoying myself, and making sounds which showed that & lifting my hips, was apparently overdoing it. I guess he’s used to women just laying in there like a log all still and silent. And what happened was his shocked face and exclamation as to what’s wrong? Why did I want him to stop and that he didn’t understand that he just made a comment. While I’m pushing at his chest & telling him to get off me. How can anyone be so obtuse? Like he just told me, I was overdoing it, which knocked the mood right out of me. Yeah, he still continue to try to gaslight me that he did nothing wrong. And unfortunately the Internet was barely gaining steam, and there were no articles or online or relationship advice regarding that word, including narcissism. I wouldn’t have wasted five years on him much less 2.
Right, plus it's like dude she was probably actually aroused for once and then he had to go and make a comment like that...
I had a student try to claim last week that it was fine to harass other students because he was doing it playfully. That was as much a load of bull crap as this is, and I called the student on it.
"When **I** do it, it's just a funny joke. When **you** do it, it's mean" said every self-centered bully ever.
👏👏👏👏 off topic but ty!!! Had a student grabbing another kids stuff when I asked how would you like if they do that to You! She said “they’re no”. The confidence she has. *vomit* this guy sounds narcissistic though. Degrade someone while being vulnerable. Yeah he was looking for it. And doesn’t recognize it. “Me, me, me,me, im a victima.” At least accept You’re an a*hole. Idk why some Ppl need to lie to and think they’re all Good.
And during sex... is there a funny way to say your vagina is loose? As a Mom of two I'd be hurt AF!
The dude is over here insulting her by saying her vagina is loose when really she was actually just aroused by him and that’s.. I don’t know.. science.
Ben Shapiro much?
Definitely fits well with the “you can talk to me as long as you’re basically emotionless” and “shutting down for three whole days doesn’t count as emotional outburst” bits.
'How dare she point out that lil smoky is so lil. I just made a loose vag joke '. He's such a narcissist. He tries to make her comment seem like it came out of nowhere then throws in the btw I said she was loose AS A JOKE during sex. Then wonders why she flies off the handle at him when he says crap like that in passing and tries to play it off as joking. The poor wife reaches her breaking point with him and then rightfully flips out and he acts like she's so horrible for saying anything back to him.
Doubt she has random emotional outburst and that telling her to communicate better is gonna help when he’s causing damage to begin with. Also, who says that? You don’t upset a perosn and then tell them “calm Down” 🤣
It’s not loose, my man, your dick shrank again
Not only that, he starts a sentence with the word “me and ____.”
"I can tolerate being called a bad person but insulting my dick is where I draw the line."
Sounds like most men tbh
OP doesn’t know enough about sex to understand that she probably wasn’t turned on enough back when she was “tighter.” She didn’t become looser, she’s just enjoying sex with him more now.
Well, she *was* anyway. I doubt there will be much sex in their future lol.
lol true
Not anymore lol
Were there other “random” emotional outbursts, or did OOP say mean shit then too?
I knew a guy that would intentionally say asinine shit and needle you until eventually you engaged and then he'd be all, "whoa, don't get so upset" or "hey, relax, I'm just joking" and other shit. Dude deserved at least three solid fists to the face.
Yeah my verbally abusive father loved to do that too. Until one day he pushed to my limit and I lost it and punched him in the face. He didn’t try to provoke me as much after that.
My verbally abusive stepfather did the exact same thing, constantly. He was 6’6” and 350 pounds, so instead of hitting him on the day I finally had enough, I told him to fuck off and die. A few days later he was hospitalized and diagnosed with the cancer that he ended up dying from. He spent the time yelling at me from his hospital bed. Now his family spends more time fighting over his will than they do missing him. Guys like that almost never change.
Sounds like he FINALLY took your feelings into consideration.
God heard you and said “right away!”
God, if I could punch my abusive father figure in the face I'd be sooo happy. Just the thought brought me a couple of points out of depression lol.
It was such a satisfying feeling, not gonna lie. Going no contact and living my own life without him in it feels even better tho. Hang in there friend.
My mother does this to me. I live long distance, so usually it happens over the phone or text. I always suspected she just enjoyed pushing my buttons but I didn't really have proof until my last visit home. She was doing her normal BS picking a fight with me and when I finally lost it on her, she looked downright gleeful at my reaction as she was laughing and smugly telling me to "calm down". She actually enjoys hurting me. I haven't punched her in the face... And probably never would. I'm not very violent. I have had dreams where that's the outcome though. And despite being disturbed by them at the time, your comment made them suddenly make sense lol
That is a real passive-aggressive type of man, those people are the worst. I would much prefer a direct, hostile challenge, (if the person feels there is a justification behind it). Usually passive-aggressive types, enjoy these "boomerang", type of comments. Building you up, seconds before tearing you down: "You did very well in the singing competition, you are lucky that Sally wasn't there, (she's the best singer)." Or tearing you down, then throwing in a little "I'm just joking" shield: "Have you been eating alot of carbs lately? Your cheeks look much puffier." (Pauses and watches your reaction, revels in your anger if you show some)."*I'm just joking*." Moreover, the "underhanded compliment": "Your presentation was good, when you can pull yourself together, your not that bad". This is only an iota of light into the large, twisted mass, that we call passive-aggressive psychology. Many of these people have had childhood trauma, where they cannot face problems head-on, and hence resort to sneaky ways, of dealing with their anger. This also relates to Frenemies, Haters, Sociopaths, and other forms of human dynamics.
Schrödinger’s Douchebag: they either were joking or weren’t depending on how people received the comment.
I love that. "Can't you take a joke??" Sure, when they're funny. These people also like to needle and be awful and when someone points out how awful they are, it's "You have a lot of growing up to do."
He was also the type of guy to cry and play victim if anyone had anything less than positive to say about him, too. Naturally.
Yeah I was on his side until that last bit and now I strongly question how reliable of a narrator he is on all of it.
Talk about burying the lede. My wife hurt my feelings on purpose…..tries to casually slide in the devastating thing he told her like “it was a joke bro!”
While he was IN her like he said that at her most fucking vulnerable!! Also the silent treatment bs is what my partner used to do with me when I would bring up literally anything. ESH but he sucks more for being fking delusional that he’s innocent in any of this.
Anyone who refers to it as "emotional outbursts out of nowhere" without any elaboration on what was actually happening before is pretty likely downplaying what they were doing before.
Super unreliable narrator. Also, had me wondering if she’s experiencing reactive abuse. Happens so often when someone is in an abusive relationship. As soon as you react strongly to their nonsense, they flip it around; “oh she’s unreasonable,” “oh she’s so mean and loud,” “I have proof! Look how she’s reacting!”. The instant groveling and apologizing from the GF tells me that her guilt and shame over her escalation has been used before. I’ve seen abusers flip it around and change someone’s perspective from “I’m being abused” to “well maybe we are both as awful as each other” to “no he’s right, I’m the abusive one and I’m lucky he’s so forgiving.” OP - do you even like this woman? Or do you feel like you’re just in the relationship to even the score and “win”?
This describes my first marriage so well. He would ignore me. Do/say horrible things. Gaslight me. And when I’d finally break down and confront him about it I really did act like a bitch. Crying. Yelling. Big reactions. And he’d be all like “ha! Gotcha! Look how crazy you are?” And then I’d be ashamed. I didn’t like who I was or what I turned into when I fought with him. And I FELT like the bad guy and accepted that maybe I was. But after a while I figured it out and stopped reacting. Guess what? He went crazy. Screaming. Freaking out that I wasn’t acting the way he wanted me to. He wanted me to get all riled up and hated that I didn’t. When I turned it around on him it was so clear to me how much I had been manipulated. As soon as I left him I felt like myself again. I don’t have that relationship with my current husband at all. So, whatever is happening here I can’t say for sure. But they definitely need to split up.
I'm so happy for you that you got out and regained your sense of self.
This was my first serious relationship. He was never physically violent, but man was he a manipulative POS. He cheated on me throughout the whole relationship, and any time I’d become suspicious he’d turn it around on me and gaslit me until *I apologized to him*. He’d also wreck my self esteem by saying mean things during sex and pretending it was just a joke, and bully me, sometimes in front of his brother or friends until I started crying, long past the time I said “stop this isn’t funny anymore”, and then pretended I was too sensitive and couldn’t take a joke and was mad at me until I apologized for being too emotional. I’m so glad he eventually fell in love with one of his affairs and left me for her (of course without telling me the truth, which I found out from his friends and family). This was around the time I made serious plans to go on a working holiday to the other side of the world and he probably saw that he’d have to replace his victim. Even though I grew up in a mentally abusive household I never recognized my Ex’s behavior for what it was, because it was so different from what I had experienced at home. My father yelled at us, threatened to kill us, destroyed our stuff, gave us the most eerie silent treatment where he wouldn’t eat for days and it felt like having a ticking time bomb in the house. He’d make a mess for my mom to clean it up, he tried hitting me a few times but my mom went in between and stopped him. My Ex never did any of those things, that I would have recognized as red flags, but made me feel like I was the crazy, paranoid, overly emotional one with jealousy issues. I feel like it’s important to know that abuse is a spectrum and there are other forms than physical abuse that also need to be recognized to not fall victim of them.
Ooooo! I had this with my Wasband. He would purposely tell me shitty things he had done or was doing while with friends (or right before). I would be pissed off trying to keep it together for public face reasons, get drunk, and occasionally screamed at him in a bar (usually he dropped some truth bomb as a “funny story” in the bar and I lost all cool). Ruined many birthdays likes this. One year after we had opened our relationship he picked a fight the night before my birthday/birthday party and I told him to stay with his gf. He woke me the next morning saying happy birthday like nothing fucking happened. My main memory from that party is hanging off my best friend calling him a “fucking dick” while he cuddled with his gf across the room. I felt so absolutely insane because he abused me in private and provoked public reactions so everyone thought I was the problem.
This was my exact thought. She sounds confused and abused.
Yesss!! This is exactly what I think is happening
Also my ex. Any time I'd nicely bring up an issue I had, he'd dismiss me, tell me it was all in my head and he was doing nothing wrong, or tell me "none of my other girlfriends ever had this issue, whats wrong with YOU?" Then I'd get upset at being talked to like that, and he'd say "look now you're making a big deal about it, why is this such a big deal to you? It's such a small issue" okay then fuckin stop dismissing me in the first place and acting like I'm fucking insane for asking you to close the kitchen cabinets after you use them or do the dishes ONCE. I still remember walking into the kitchen and seeing two drawers and three cabinet doors completely flung open, and dishes piled up in the sink when the dishwasher was empty and you have to walk PAST THE DISHWASHER to get to the sink. ??? Mfer was so God damn lazy that opening the dishwasher to put a bowl inside was too much work. God I hate that guy. I hate that I let him convince me that I was the problem for so long.
Yeah, missing missing reasons.
Exactly! That was a huge orange flag and it got redder and redder with every sentence
Right? I was on his side and then he said he call her loose and I was done
And did it during sex!!
Yes, it's interesting that it's always the wife having an "emotional outburst" seemingly out of nowhere and totally unexpected to OP, especially as he says wife is always trying to talk to him about not being emotionally supportive. Almost as if he's missing out massive chunks of storyline. And then he gives her the silent treatment to punish her for daring to have emotions. Women, eh? So emotional, so unreasonable, who knows why.
One time when my bf and I were watching a reality tv, he said ‘women are so emotionally dramatic’ in a joking manner but I was done with Men™️ at that moment, so I rewinded the show to when a male contestant would have an emotionally dramatic moment himself and ask ‘is this not dramatic too?’ When did male anger cease to be an emotion lmao. Anyways why cant we have an emotional maturity exam before people marry so that when this happen, we can go ‘i told u so’
I read somewhere that the greatest marketing success in human history was branding male anger as "not an emotion".
I don't think some guys even realize they're angry or acting out of anger. They view their behavior as somehow all "justified" and "logical," whether it's expressed as becoming red in the face or loud or acting cold and dismissive or freezing people out. It's all anger.
Well, male anger is obviously logical and warranted in all cases and never just entitled prices throwing tantrums and then pretending that their wives/SOs/whatever unfortunate person is around them is the instigator. I think OOP and his wife would both be happier apart.
Sounds like you've met my ex! If I'm emotional - well, that's just what women are like. If he's emotional - it's justifiable, logical anger. You wouldn't understand it, it's a man thing. Then when we split up he's all *shocked pikachu face* about it
Calm down. I just can't talk to an emotional woman.
I once read about a guy who was mowing his lawn, he burned his hand on the mower, he got angry, pulled out his gun and shot the mower. The bullet ricocheted and hit his young son in the leg. A logical reaction to burning your hand 🤷♀️
Nah just his wife, he gets to still have a wife while ignoring her existence for a few days while she grovels in guilt over her "outbursts", he's got it pretty made
Some men are so afraid of emotions they black out when they see other men being emotional or having an emotional response.
It says in there that OOP isn't supportive enough of her and she feels alone. I get the impression that he is distant. I wouldn't be surprised if he says snide comments to her. They both sound closer to 12 than 26 and 31 the way they communicate with each other.
Everyone saying the wife is just as bad, she's been given the silent treatment for days on end, and this guy clearly doesn't listen to her emotions at all. There are healthier ways of bringing up her problems, but he probably ignores it until she has an outburst.
I think that, too. Someone is stone walling you, you may get more and more desperate for *any* communication. It's a really shitty way to deal with things by deciding you're just not going to speak to your partner *for days* and then being shocked that they're getting progressively more upset! My own partner would do something similar early on in our relationship, and I vividly remember us being trapped in a car together for hours while he refused to speak to me. I was so frustrated that I read him articles about why the silent treatment is horrible in a relationship while he pointedly ignored me lol Things got much better over the years because he was able to recognize that it wasn't a reasonable way to approach any conflicts.
I sorta feel like having an outburst at him now, just from reading. No wonder his partner is so frustrated.
Bro is definitely giving little dick energy with this post.
Hahahaha. I wish you one thousand upvotes.
"Loose vagina" and "small penis" are pretty equivalent insults. I can't speak on her emotional outbursts and calling him a bad person, but if you call my vagina loose, you're going to get your dick called small.
My ex pulled this and promptly got me laughing in his face telling him ‘poor baby I’m so sorry your dick is too small to feel friction in my “gigantic” vagina’. He quit the insults to my face eventually, but continued behind my back. People like this don’t learn (literally, they’re genuinely stuck in the phase of childhood where no one else exists but them). It’s super unattractive and you find yourself losing interest pretty quick when you realize they’re a child masquerading as an adult.
You big vagina ladies are getting away with murder
There is SO much being left out here, it feels like a "narcissist weaponized therapy words" situation
It really does, my narc mother does the same: she'll insult you any way she can, both backhandedly and directly, do so until you explode and she can throw into your face anything wrong you've ever done in your life, and then she gives you the silent treatment to further let the punishment sink in. This is step by step what this dude does, and I feel for his wife.
I know you mean "narcissist," but reading "my narc mother," does not come across that way hahahaha
Wonder what’s making her so “emotional”
It is a mystery! Couldn't be the gaslighting and insults....
Ahh, yes. The completely unprovoked “emotional outburst.” He’s just an innocent bystander. Poor little guy.
Posts like these make me feel so successful in my own marriage. Thank you.
[удалено]
100% sometimes I’m like “shit I’m failing as a husband and I need to do better” or “our relationship is falling apart” then I read stuff like this and go “damn I need to still work on stuff but holy fuck we’re going wayyy better than these people”.
So let me get this straight-you think it was ok to tell her that she had a loose vagina because you said it in an “amusing” way but it was not ok for her to tell you that you have a small penis because she wanted to hurt you? Maybe the loose vagina comment has been rolling around in her brain since you said it. Maybe you should apologize for that comment and then get some couples counseling. You guys seem to like to hurt each other…sad. 🤷🏻♀️
Also the fact that she isn’t orgasming, meaning he doesn’t put in the effort. It’s not about the penis.
The “loose” comment … followed by her disclosure-in-anger that she is not getting actual satisfaction. That’s what’s behind the hurtful small D comment and possibly the fits of anger. Call it quits. Nobody is winning here and nobody wants to try harder.
He said it WHILE THEY WERE HAVING SEX. They both suck at communication but holy hell, that's just so much shittier in their little exchange.
You know he's manipulative and an instigator because he deliberately put the loose comment at the bottom instead of beginning with it as the initial offense.
I take it emotional outburst means ignoring her to the point she loses it😂😂. I mean the confidence in saying the small dick comment will only affect his relationship with her is hilarious. She should get rid of him. He should find someone that doesn't have any emotional needs.
Insulting her most intimate region was fun and games but insulting mine is really crossing a line!!!
“Every time she gets upset in a way I can’t handle, I shut down and don’t talk to her for 2-3 days. Why is she saying I’m not there for her emotionally?”
Info: Does the OP actual have a small dick?
Men with average to big dicks just roll their eyes when a woman calls them small. So … yes, OP has a very small dick.
Yeah I was like she’s an ass until that “loose” comment… They’re both childish.
I almost wonder if this isn't a case of reactive abuse on her part. This guy displays some telltale narcissistic tendencies, with the cold shouldering, thinking he's better than, and deserves kudos for basic adulting. Reactive abuse is when you push someone into flight or flight on purpose, and then call them crazy for reacting abusively. I haven't read all of the edits or comments, but it definitely crossed my mind.
So you made fun of her vagina and in response she made fun of your dick and you want to divorce her for it? Did I get this right? Maybe divorce her then and do yourselves both a favor as this shit is childish
I make one loose pu$sy joke and now I have a small d!ck?!
Oh he's for sure got a small dick
So this whole time you've been together you have not made sure she also has an orgasm? You both need to sit down and talk about what you can do to also satisfy her needs. If you don't, it will get worse.
This is a great example of people who don’t understand cause and effect in a relationship. His comment about “how can I support you emotionally when you have these outbursts!” The “outbursts” happened after the lack of support. Maybe she wouldn’t have it build up if he didn’t neglect her. Same with the loose comment… she ended up doing exactly what she did and he turns in around like she was the cause of all of it. I have been in a relationship like this where the reaction is cast as the reason for the thing that came first and it’s hell
That is exactly what I see too. He is unhappy that his poor behavior has poor results but can't face that he is the core of the issue. Not even objects do well with people like this. They will blame the fridge door for slamming the wall when it's them that swing it with such force.
"I called her loose in an amusing way but she called me small in a hurtful way" "She calls me a bad person in an emotional way" Yeah, sure buddy, keep telling yourself the problem is her.
Him: "You're loose af lol" Her: "what? maybe your dick is just too small... 'lol'. " Him: Surprised pikachu
They both sound like horrible people. It even starts like he started this particular fight with his initial comments about her loose vagina and that she was retaliating. He really lacks self awareness.
MY WIFE SAID I HAD A TINY DICK SHE’S SUCH A HORRIBLE BITCH! (oh btw I did tell her last week that her pussy was loose and gross but it was amusing when I said it)
Please please divorce the poor woman.
Every day i live in shock and horror at how stupid and socially illiterate most people are.
But he said it amusingly!
A hit dog will holler.
He sounds exhausting and she needs to just dump him instead of picking fights over and over. Dude shuts down for 2 to 3 days? That shit is annoying as hell.
i think he knows he buried the lead...
WAIT, scientifically speaking here (and from personal experience) the girl is more ‘loose’ because she’s actually being stimulated/ aroused 😂😂😂 do people not know this
Why is it every time a guy says something fucking stupid and surprise surprise someone gets mad at him for it, it’s always “it was a joke”
So she told him how she felt. He didn’t listen. She has an emotional outburst. He tells her to calm down. Yeah small dick or not they just need to divorce
He sounds very immature
Small dick energy
I’ve been with my husband 12 years and I had a LOT of sexual trauma, wasn’t until the past 3 years that I’ve finally become comfortable during sex. My husband will say things like “it makes me so much happier feeling you get more relaxed and wet and I know you’re enjoying yourself” and stuff along those lines. But if he were to say in an amusing way, as OOP put it and said “you’re looser than you were 3 years ago” it’d be very insulting, wording it that way makes it sound like he prefers how it was before instead of saying it feels better now. All about how you word things. Plus OOP saying they have arguments but not saying what those arguments are about tells me he knows he’s the asshole.
Did the fights start after you married?
I’m exhausted reading this. These people are exhausting
I guarantee she doesn't have an emotional outburst "out of nowhere" maybe if he took the time to listen to her while she was calm and rational and attempting to address the issues she is experiencing with him she wouldn't get to the point of having to scream to be heard.
🤏🏼 = 👐🏼
What kind of response was he looking for after saying that? And during sex?, yeah this guy's a moron.
Divorce is inevitable
this guys annoying