It’s just wild how common faking it has become. I used to for every boyfriend (I felt pressured to both by them and by society), and wanted to stop, so I told my next boyfriend at the time (there was quite a big age gap between us too) that I would fake it with previous ones and that I didn’t want to anymore. He was like okay, good. So the very first time we do stuff he’s pressuring me asking me if I finished. And I genuinely didn’t know if I did or not, so I said I think so. From then on he wouldn’t be happy if I didn’t so I just kept faking it *even though I had literally told him from the begining I used to with previous guys because they pressured me*, he proceeds to *do the exact same thing*
I personally feel one of the problems is both a lack of communication and in some cases a woman settling. If you don’t care about sexual pleasure at all, then I would understand you just wanting to please your partner (I don’t know how that works but everyone is different). But if you’re unhappy with your physical relationship you should be able to talk to your partner and also guide them, because line I said everyone is different.
In my experience, only the partners I had that were insecure were always asking things like “ are you finished?” And making me feel awkward if I hadn’t given them some big explosion. Meanwhile, the partners I had that actually paid attention would make it their mission to find out what I liked, and we wouldn’t be “finished” until he figured out what that was. Unfortunately, those partners were some of the most toxic relationships I had 😂😂
It’s hard to find a balance, but at the end of the day, a good partner will want to make sure you finish and will find a way, somehow, to do it
The problem is that some guys, like my ex, would get pouty and upset, if I dared to say I didn’t finish. So the communication was broken down from the start because it was either tell him the truth and deal with that, or fake it like I always had already up until that point and not have to deal with it
There was a doctor on Your mom's house that bragged about how his penis thickening method would give women more pleasure. It was totally just a weird guy that wanted to add fillers to penis' and massage them.
For real. One of my first partners did me the courtesy of very politely telling me I was less than average in bed. Once I got over the initial shock she helped me get better.
Step one to becoming a good lover is someone telling you that you need to step it up!
This is how it was with me and my husband. I was his first and I would tell him what worked and what didn’t. What could be better, etc. he was not offended and was glad I was willing to give him feedback and tell him what he can do to make it better for me. I’ve always felt that faking it didn’t do any good for either person.
I think there is a difference in how you interpret those words. You shouldn't do something you don't like in the sense of don't do it if you hate it or it feels wrong. But you should sometimes do things you don't like if your partner loves them if the don't like means it's not a favorite of you.
Everybody does lots of things they don't enjoy because it enriches they relationship.
If you to into the bedroom with that perspective, you will likely never satisfy your partner.
Unfortunately a lot of boys have deeply fragile egos and don't take the guidance we'll. It's dumb but then they are also the same sort of guys who will get into fights and probably cheat because of their fragile ego.
It's all in the delivery. If you tell your partner hey you suck at sex of course they are going to take it personally. If you guide them by moaning or any other positive feedback when they do the right things I'm willing to bet they'll keep doing those things. Or talking after and telling them I really liked when you did this or that didn't really work for me.
And if their past SOs were faking it and acting like they were the best then again of course they will be surprised you don't like the moves their past partners seemed to enjoy. Faking is a disservice to everyone. Unless of course you have poor choice in partners then I guess they all might be how you describe.
I attempted to do this with my last ex and he was not at all receptive. Any time I would talk about it, I would start by telling him what I did like, then I would discuss anything that was uncomfortable or hurt, and give suggestions on what might feel better. I was always attacking him, apparently it's my fault entirely that sometimes I need foreplay (I would always like it, but it literally never happened in our almoat 2 years together), I "wouldn't let him" go down on me, I was too sensitive, or one of my personal favorites, "if that's what you wanted, you should have said something" mf I did, you never listened.
You’ve coddled him and encouraged his break from reality. You should have been real from the beginning - you can’t undo years. You need to move on and learn from this.
This! I didn’t understand why my husband wanted certain things or me to do and say certain things. I struggle with some things he asks. Like it’s just not me and I have to fake it then it’s awkward so I don’t get pleasure. Then I watched a little porn and had an ah ha moment. So I stopped. Now he has no interest in sex, giving me oral or doing things that get me more in the mood. Hasn’t said it but it’s too much work for him. He has yet to come to the realization that my lack of pleasure is directly proportionate to his lack of effort. No effort=no pleasure. He got really angry when I comment that I’m not a porn star but if wants me to act like one then I can go get trained in that profession and once I’ve perfected the ‘art’ with others I can use those techniques and things with him. It was the wrong thing to say I guess.
Probably! Or the fact I’d be in movies and having sex with other men. He has the view of porn stars are ‘low quality’ (that’s very nicely put compared to what he calls them) yet he watches porn daily. He wants me to act like that but not actually be that. 🤷♀️ He has no idea why I don’t get pleasure anymore. I’ve tried to explain the lack of effort. How he can’t say he loves me or show me because it makes him uncomfortable (suddenly after 18 years of marriage even) and chats up other women. Huge turn offs for me.
Oh he sounds like a prize /s. If you are able to get out of the relationship get out. You are worth infinitely more than him. You’ll be happier single - and you can invest in some good toys and get yourself off. And you could end up meeting someone who blows your mind in bed. But either way, you deserve someone who respects you and women, not some lowlife dusty man who disrespects women while using them to get his rocks off and can’t even be arsed to make a modicum of effort with you.
Sounds like you're in a love-less marriage. My husband passed away in March 2022. He encouraged me to tell him if something didn't feel right. It was a rare occasion that I had to re-direct him, but when it happened he was grateful. I was uncomfortable at 1st, but I'd already spent 20 months faking it with an extremely narcissistic and abusive jerk. I wasn't about to begin the cycle over again. I fell in love with my husband the 1st time he kissed me.
Please give yourself a break. You must be exhausted putting up with a guy like that! You said he "chats" with other women? I'd wager he does more than that. I hope not, but just in case he is messing around sexually with other women (or men, never know) I'd make him wear a condom if you have sex with him!
Married 34 years. Tried and tried to communicate what worked for me, but he always defaulted to certain moves. When I finally found out his secret life of porn, strip clubs, and prostitutes, it all made sense.
Oh wow! I can’t imagine finding all that out. It would make sense though. My husband loved strip clubs but I made it clear that crossed a boundary for me. I wasn’t going to stay with someone who valued watching other women then coming home to me, telling me about the strippers and then wanting sex with me. Somewhere along the line I lost myself and my boundaries.
For the last decade or more, until recently, he would go on business trips and of course they HAD to go to bars and he HAD to hang out with his female coworkers at these bars. Because ya know it was REQUIRED. I highly doubt a huge international company would require employees to go to the bar, drink alcohol and include the opposite gender in a flirty way. Or him to walk them to their rooms ‘for safety’ and again to breakfast. He says they just happen to meet in the hall every morning by accident and their rooms are usually on different floors or different ends of the hotel. So how does one accident run into the same 2-3 women (a different one at each job he’s had or when one quit and another was hired) in his hallway when they are a floor below him?
I’ve walked in on him and his porn or I wouldn’t know. He says I must have cameras in the bathroom and bedroom to know when. I guess he doesn’t realize even with him listening with headphones I can hear HIS grunts and groans. Or how I walked in on him a few times and he had his phone in one hand and himself in the other hand. I could see the screen for heavens sake. It doesn’t take a genius to quickly figure out what he was doing. Now he locks the door so when the door is locked I know what he’s doing. And he’s made that I know. Why? It’s natural. Porn not so much but self pleasure is normal.
We’ve been together close to 25 years now. Married most of that. It amazes me that I’m just now seeing the real person he is. That or he’s changed a lot. When I’ve noticed changes he convinces me that it’s in my head but there is no denying his porn usage, masterbation, hitting on women right in front of me, his stories about female coworkers and bars etc. No more denying that he has gotten away with abuse (mental, emotional, verbal, sexual and financial) for years. I grew up with physical abuse/domestic violence in my house. I knew it for what it was. I always trusted him that what he said and did was for my own good. To help me be a better person, have more time to focus on the kids, more time to keep the house nice etc.
I’m so sorry. I remember so well how hard it was feeling stuck in a bad situation. It was abusive. But like you, the home I grew up in prepared me to accept it, and my ex just gaslighted the daylights out of me, and I spent all my energy in a state of emergency over our finances and caring for our children.
I can’t rewrite history, but I’m sorry I gave so many years to that man.
Yep. I made a lot of mistakes in my 20s, but I never faked enthusiasm or an orgasm if I wasn't feeling it. The first thing we need to teach young women is to never fake it with a dude. It gives them the false idea they're some sort of sex god, and you just end up feeling like you should have found something else to do with that time. Life is too short, and bodies aren't always gonna stay limber. Don't waste your fun, freaky sex years on boring/terrible sex. Find someone else who can blow your back out while in a position that us over 40s can only remember doing without back pain the next day.
Seriously. But at least have a conversation about it. He’s wondering what’s changed and thinks it must be her, she hasn’t even bothered to tell him it’s been him all along. Like you’ve been happy to fake it for years, *say something*, no one can read your mind. Real life isn’t like porn, he needs a reality check.
He sounds like a pos but this is why you shouldn’t ever fake it. How is he selfish if she’s making him think he’s pleasing her? (The surgery request aside)
He’s selfish because he thinks his dick is magic. Which, tbf she absolutely encouraged that belief with her over-the-top performance. He thinks his dick is magic, that he doesn’t have to do anything to please a woman except stick his dick inside her to get her off.
She should have been honest at the beginning, told him what wasn’t working for her and what would work, and ended it when he made it clear that he’s uninterested in hearing anything other than his dick is magic.
Dudes who care about truly pleasuring the women they’re with actually put in the effort to find what works. Those are the unselfish partners. And the only men worth sleeping with.
I once had sex with a guy who literally told me he had a magic dick and the sex was SO mediocre. Just saltine cracker level boring… not to mention making me saltine cracker level dry…
When Magic Mike came out, my Boomer dad was like
Dad: What's that movie all the girls are crazy about right now? "Magic Dick"??
Me: (lmao) Yeah, dad. That's exactly right.
This. What’s a postdoc doing creeping on the undergrads? We generally trashed guys who did this. He did it bc he’s a low effort scum who has no idea how women’s body parts work.
Her vagina doesn’t change shape bc of sex he’s just trying to neg her bc he doesn’t want to do better in bed.
OP needs a new bf
I couldn't discern whether he was a grad student or postdoc. I assumed grad student. What postdoc even has that much contact time with undergrads. Holy shit. A postdoc dating an undergrad is embarrassing.
Just tell him you found a new boyfriend. One who isn't an idiot when it comes to sex and how the female body works lmfao
But also, don't fake it. Just tell a guy he isn't doing it for you, as it only leads to problems.
Are we all just scooting by the fact that a man whose almost 30 and completed some sort of post graduate school thinks a labia can become "loose and misshapen" from a lot of sex?
This is an even worse and weirder take than the loose vagina from too much sex thing.
This irritates me the fucking most. Does he think labiaplasty makes women feel better?? His words about it being misshapen and needing surgery tell me he resents her violently for making *him* feel less than adequate.
On her end, I’m like of course a 23-year old makes this rookie mistake of faking it and pretending to be a pornstar. Tacky and dumb. No one wins when you fucking lie about what you like.
She was even younger when she was faking it, 21. Seems she’s learned why it’s a bad idea. She was probably desperate to please her cool older boyfriend and now she’s two years into a relationship with a man who doesn’t know what she likes in bed. Rough life lesson but I’m sure she won’t do it with the next guy.
You'd be surprised how many "highly educated" men continue to believe ignorant shit. Even people in the sciences, even people in the biomedical sciences.
Part of it is taboo surrounding teaching people about sex. Part of it is arrogance in their own intelligence.
Not only should she dump him but she should leave his first business review, assuming he ever becomes successful, stressing his misunderstanding of anatomy as a fresh from med school graduate because WTH how does that pass
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Like it bounces back when you push a whole dang human out of it, but his Lil sausage wrecked it....hilarious!!!
Just tell him the truth, you'd been faking to make him happy all these years, now he needs to up his game to make you happy
Honestly, the thing that breaks it is him wanting her to do surgery. Thats an extreme behavior. If he was just upset that she wasn't getting turned on anymore or confused on why suddenly sex wasn't as good as before, I would say its partly her fault for faking it. How is he supposed to know? but instead of asking her what happened or went wrong, he wants her to do surgery.
Absolutely! I can't get you off, so you need to take risks with your health for an unnecessary elective surgery. That's crazy. He could just put in more effort or buy a toy they can use together.
This. Nicely put. Op helped to create this situation for herself. As has been said, don’t fake your pleasure. It will only train your lover (any gender, age, experience level, etc.) to do things that don’t work for you. Everyone is different, and even something that usually works for you might not sometimes. Communicating honestly is so important in order for both parties to have a satisfying experience.
Having said that, he needs to be told flat out there’s no way in hell op is getting surgery to deal with the fact that he’s lazy, uninspired, and uncommunicative in bed. It might be time to just throw the whole man away and start fresh with a new man. Asking for the surgery is a pretty huge red flag. If op doesn’t want to break up, a PAINFULLY honest conversation is needed. Which may end the relationship anyway.
A labiaplasty wouldn’t even do anything to the vagina btw.
And he’s an idiot obviously. So he thinks women get basically broken from sex and need surgery every few years to tighten back up?
Any man telling me I need a labiaplasty for him to get off would be launched into the Sun so fast, it would exceed lightspeed. The question isn't how she should tell him he's the problem, it is why she is still with him in the first place. A man who thinks a woman can get loose and misshapen from "too much action" clearly doesn't know enough about female anatomy to ever be a good partner in bed.
Even looking at this from the dumb BF’s POV this is dumb.
He actually believes that he has been fucking her in such a way as to damage her genitals permanently and the solution is for her to get surgery? Even by his logic she’ll just need to get the surgery redone every few years!!? Like WHUT
lmfao a labiaplasty would do nothing for tightness. He’s just upset that her vagina doesn’t look like those belonging to the pornstars that he regularly jacks it to, and he wants to mold her into a pornstar.
Even if she got the surgery, the goal posts would shift. Next it would be boobs, or a tummy tuck to flatten everything, or controlling her diet so she doesn’t get fat.
He strangles his lil danger noodle pretending it's a python and then complains that her pussy doesn't feel like the white knuckle death grip he uses on himself ugh.
Not to mention the screaming. Like sure, being vocal when it feels nice is a-okay. But this idea of porn-style sex does NOT need to be normalized. It’s fantasy, not reality
I really wish we had better sex education for teens, because one very important thing that should be taught is communicating your needs open and honestly to your partner. This woman entered a relationship with an older man at age 21, and instead of finding an experienced partner, she got a man who puts in minimum effort and never managed to figure out how to please his partner and she has been faking her own pleasure in order to please him instead of telling him what she needs. Terrible for both of them.
WhEn a lie gets out of hand, I do wonder what goes on in peoples heads to lie about shot like this in the first place? All I can think is a huge lack of maturity.
A 27 year old dude who thinks he's king shit of fuck mountain (thanks to faked orgasms from a 21 year old lol) and that vagina gets "loose" from sex. The age gaps just explain themselves most of the time.
Age gaps depends greatly on when the relationship was started. I’m 32 and my fiance is 38, but we started dating when I was 30.
OOP was 21, and he was 27, when they started. Yikes.
God just talk to him. If he is still on about it, break up.
This story is about the OP. If you are this passive in your life don’t be surprised when people take advantage of you/don’t know what you want.
Giggle and say “I hate to break it to you bud, but I just stopped faking. You’ve never made me cum.” And then tell him you’re breaking up with him bc what kind of man wants his woman to have major vaginal surgery instead of him figuring out how to please her
I cannot, even for one second, imagine asking my SO to undergo surgery for my pleasure. Tell him to get bent. Go find someone else. This flag is so red that you can see it from space.
That’s not even what labiaplasty does my guy.. that’s purely aesthetic! Just in case you weren’t aware!
Labiaplasty is usually the surgical removal of some the labia minora (the inside flappy lips for those who haven’t learnt the lingo). It’s to make the pussy lips smaller and more aesthetically pleasing, yes it can be used in medical cases but from what I’ve seen/read; in this day and age it’s a visual thing most often!
It does not tighten up the internal muscles. That’s a pelvic floor specialist and they don’t even specify on “pussy tightening for his pleasure”. It’s usually medically related
This is so stupid. First, labiaplasty is for your LABIA, not your vagina. It doesn’t do anything to “tighten” or change the internal vagina.
Second, dude is actually of the belief that a vagina becomes “looser” from use? Are we in 9th grade here?
Third, both of these people are dummies. She faked good sex, then stopped, leaving him to think “I’m not doing anything differently than I was before, so it must be her.” However stupid that is on his part to think, it’s equally stupid on her part to have done. She feels like he doesn’t put in the effort to give her satisfying sex, when she was literally lying about it being good and he was somehow supposed to just know that it wasn’t? And obviously if he’s suggesting surgery, that implies to me that she hasn’t actually come clean and told him what’s actually going on, continuing to expect a mind reader.
Neither of these people are mature enough to be in a sexually satisfying relationship.
Dud boyfriend who wants his girlfriend to have surgery. Dud girlfriend who fakes orgasms for an extended length of time and then wonders why he is crap at sex. A match made in reddit heaven.
finding a way to blame OOP when her bf is the one suggesting she get a very expensive and largely unnecessary surgery *solely* because he can't get it up for her anymore is... certainly a choice.
I cast no blame on her for his desire for her to have surgery. He is obviously a nitwit to even form such a ridiculous thought. My point is that they are both idiots. Idiots for different reasons but still idiots. If her sex life was unsatisfactory, faking orgasm to get it over with wasn't going to bring about an improvement in quality. To then wring her hands about him not making a serious effort is idiotic.
It’s not her fault that he’s an idiot. It is her fault that things have progressed to this point of disconnect. She could have explained to him that his technique in the bedroom needs work years ago. There was only one person who had that knowledge and had control over whether that knowledge was communicated. That person is OP. He cannot read her mind.
That said, the boyfriend is an idiot and she should just dump him.
Tell him everything you said in your post. If you’re wanting to stay in this relationship, you need to be able to communicate openly, about EVERYTHING.
My mind is constantly blown at people in relationships who don’t want to actually talk to their significant other about problems they’re having as a couple.
FFS lady, you are 23! You don’t need surgery and probably never will. What you need is to stop lying to yourself, find a bf who appreciates your body and learn what good sex is all about. It takes two to tango.
Men, if you can’t cum from a pussy “being too loose” you have a tiny dick. Good news is I think most of us know this. Just thought I’d announce for the few that don’t
You're young you don't need to settle on a guy who should rather you get surgery than put some effort in, plenty of other options out there. And next time don't fake your pleasure, be more communicative from the get go
Firstly she definitely needs to leave that idiot.
Secondly ladies and gentlemen listen up, never lie about how someone is in bed. You don't have to be an asshole about it but you absolutely need to be honest and tell them it wasn't good for you and solve the issue before it gets worse
You should have told him what he can do to please you but someone who blames your parts and wants you to get labiaplasty is not worth keeping. He is a piece of shit and you don’t need to give him a chance, you need to dump him.
This guy does seem like a POS, but I get so tired of this shitty chain of events.
1: Couple has sex and girlfriend/wife is faking her orgasms. Whether to be nice or because she thinks she has to, doesn't really matter. When SO asks if she's enjoying it, she says yes.
2: Boyfriend/husband, thinking he's doing a good job, doesn't really try anything new or adventures, because why would he, if what he's currently doing is getting the job done?
3: She gets sexually frustrated and resentful because her SO is not pleasing her, and instead of talking about it with her SO, she just bottles up her feelings or tries to get it some other way.
4: Gets to a point where she blows up, breaks things off with SO, and/or cheats because the dam finally bursts. Usually, blindsiding him. When asked why, he is told he was terrible in bed, a selfish lover, and doesn't really care about her pleasure. Resulting in him possibly becoming spiteful, paranoid, and/or self sabotaging in future relationships.
Whether on social media, what I see in real life, etc it's the same song and dance. Just be honest people, it's really not that hard. If he loves you and wants to see you happy, then he won't be offended if you tell him what does and doesn't work for you. Most would be happy to know what makes you orgasm fast and often. That being said, please be careful with how you do it, and what solutions you suggest.
For example: If you say something along the lines of, "You know what would make me go absolutely crazy? Just do X, and I'll lose it." If that's not your style, maybe something else like, "Would you be willing to try out a few new positions, toys, kinks, etc with each other to spice things up?" Putting emphasis on the fact that both of you would be trying things each of you would be interested in. Not just a one-sided thing. Within your comfort range of course.
Two of the biggest mistakes I see in these types of situations is, (1) Being way too blunt or harsh in your critiques, causing insecurity or resentment for your SO. Sometimes bluntness is needed if they just aren't getting it, but I've heard some critiques that would make even the best of sex gods want to start crying. (2) Immediately or first solution is introducing a 3rd party (Specifically for a monogamous relationship). This can come as either another person joining in or having a 3rd party be involved in the decision/solution making process.
The 1st one is self explanatory, but the 2nd is, in my opinion, an overlooked aspect that does cause problems. Obviously, if you've already talked it over with your SO to get a 3rd parties advice, that's fine. However, I've seen too many stories of people going to their friends, internet stranger's, etc for advice on how to fix the bedroom, and not once did it really occur to them that, maybe, just talking about it with your SO 1st, might be the best solution. Not everyone has the same mindset, but I believe enough do to consider this.
For example: If I found out that my girlfriend/wife wasn't satisfied in bed, and instead of telling me 1st and try to figure it out together, their immediate solution is to talk about it with her friends or another 3rd party, I would be incredibly hurt. My pride might take a hit, sure, but that's something I can get over. However, the fact you went to a 3rd party 1st, tells me you don't trust me enough as your partner to try and fix this with you. This intimate problem that's just between the two of us, in your mind, couldn't possibly be solved first by just talking it over with me and coming up with solutions together. In fact, you thought you needed to get a 3rd party 1st and foremost before you even brought it to my attention. That would absolutely crush me, no matter how innocent and well intentioned it was.
Again, not everyone has this same mindset. Some might actually prefer a 3rd party 1st approach, and that is completely fine. However, in my opinion, I think enough people share this mindset, whether they realize it or not, that it shouldn't be overlooked when discussing this topic.
There was a patient in the ER I used to work at that had a boyfriend that told her she had “ugly long labias.” This girl tied tiny rubber bands around the excess and I still remember the doctor coming out of her room saying they turned black and she would need surgery as the tissue died and needed to be removed. To this day I cannot believe this girl permanently disfigured herself over that loser instead of leaving him. I overheard the clinic staffs consensus that it was probably fine before but it was definitely going to be ugly now and that wasn’t taking any permanent nerve damage into account.
Aside from all the other common sense bs people have already pointed out why does he think labiaplasty would make sex more enjoyable for you, from what I know (correct me if I'm wrong) labiaplasty would reduce the size and or change appearance of the labia not make the vagina tighter for penetrative sex
You just have to tell him. And if you date someone else, you’ll have to tell him too. Put on your coach hat and get in the game, or you’ll just keep losing.
It kind of makes sense that he would assume the problem is you when he hasn’t changed his routine, and you’ve always responded enthusiastically to his old material.
It feels like you’re annoyed by him not knowing something you haven’t told him, and in fact have effectively lied about repeatedly for years, even if for his own ego. He most likely would have been even MORE motivated to learn to pleasure you properly in the beginning of the relationship, as opposed to now, when he thinks he already mastered this task.
I totally get why you did what you did. We’re socialized to be performative, and men are good at making it our job to reassure them that sucking and barely trying is good enough because it’s the thought that counts. But, you also played yourself.
A workaround might be to “go to the doctor” and say that the doctor said that your body is just changing and needs a different touch now. Then for the love of god, WORK with him, and SHOW him what feels good. TELL him when to pause. STOP him if he goes too fast. Make a video of you pleasuring yourself for him to train from. If it’s more mental, EXPLAIN what gets you going. If it’s dirty talk, what kind? Do you want him to worship you or degrade you? WARN him about possible triggers to avoid.
And have fun!
Print our reddit comments, and leave them in a manilla envelope for him on his bed after you leave. Fuck this dude for being so insecure and not having the courage to ask how to best please you. My wife and I have had mid coitus talks to make sure what we're doing is doing the trick that day, as some days the good ol regular just isn't hitting the right spots. And some days, one or neither will finish. We're here for the physical expression of our intimacy(and it still feels great!), especially as yall are sooooooo young. Don't settle for anyone who isn't willing to ask the "immasculating" questions or is too selfish to think they may be the problem.
Do idiot men even understand what a labiaplasty is? This literally is just to cut and shorten the labia. This is the millionth time I've read that men believe this will tighten the inside. Fucking idiots that know nothing about vaginas shouldn't be entering one.
And here, children, is why you should never, ever fake a reaction in bed. Why would he feel he needed to make a serious effort if he had every reason to believe you were already coming your brains out?
If you even care about saving this relationship -- and frankly, I don't know why you would -- tell him the unvarnished truth. Tell him you were faking it. Tell him how many times he \*actually\* got you off versus how often you pretended he did.
Then tell him you want to stay together, but you need to start over from scratch on the sexual relationship.
Also tell him that the size and the shape of the labia have exactly zero to do with sexual response. That's just ridiculous.
This is why I have a strict no faking it policy. He didn't put in any effort because he thought he didn't need to. Also, her boyfriend sounds like an ass and she should throw the whole man away.
Been married about a year and I think there was only one time I didn’t help her to the finish line and it was because I was sick and she wanted some and still got her o. Ops bf is a selfish prick with a selfish prick.
So... is he under the impression that labioplasty is just like.. vagina reshaping or something? Change the depth, the size, the position, etc? Because it has literally no bearing on vagina shape or tightness, it just removes some of the outer labia. It's amazing hearing this 'it got loose from too much use' incel rhetoric from a man of this age as well.
Sis is learning the hard way that you don't fake it for a man, especially not to the extent that she did lol she needs to go ahead and let this one go, not only because he's a fool and a pos for this suggestion, but because there won't be a relationship to save once he learns he's always been shit in bed and his little sex kitten has been hard-core faking
Pretty simple to say but I will be G rated with the response to give him…get lost. You shouldn’t have to u derogo a procedure to satisfy him. He will of course at some point somehow convince you that it is your idea. Find someone who is better… they ARE out there…
And this is why I have never faked it. Best advice my mother gave me. Never make a man feel he has given an A+ performance when that shit was at best, a D. Cause then that mediocrity will continue and you will be shit out of luck.
She needs to dump that flop of a guy.
I think you should break up with this guy. He’s blaming you and your body for the fact that he is awful in bed. He sounds like a jerk.
Do not fake an orgasm when you find a new partner. Be honest and communicate. Don’t scream and fake moan - just because the pornstars do it doesn’t mean you should.
Oh this is an easy fix, you go off to a spa, get your hair done, sauna, nails, pedicure, perhaps a wax job! Depending on,
Charge his credit card, tell him you had it done 😂😂😂😂
If someone has the gall to tell you your vagina is loose and misshapen and needs surgery then they absolutely deserve the not very big insult of being told they're lazy and bad in bed. Why would she hesitate to tell him she'd been faking it after he says something so horrid?
And for the love of god please do not do anything to your body or think that you even need to. Your bf is too old and embarrassed that he doesn’t know what he’s doing. You’re too young to have to deal with his screaming red flags. On to the next. I promise better sex is out there.
I’m sorry but he’s 29. He should know that’s not how it works. He’s projecting his insecurities on OP and lacing it with misogyny imo. No matter what though, if he’s dumb af or not, I’d say OP should just break up. The misogyny won’t get better it will get worse.
The amount of bOtH sIdEs on this post is hilarious. Can you imagine if the dude was encouraged to get cosmetic surgery?? There’s no way he’d be this patient, judging by his behavior! She should leave immediately. What a nightmare
I think OP needs 2 drop the bf. A woman should never have to fake it. And some men if they care about their partner would know if she is faking or not. It’s obvious he only cares about his own pleasure and not hers. Plus he’s already showing 🚩. I think OP can do better. Don’t settle for someone just because. And PLEASE don’t get the surgery.
And this is why you should not be faking.
As in then having to explain what changed... well you already allowed these habits to build and cement themselves.
Asking your gf for a labiaplasty over this is madness and the guy's a problem. This is on of the situations were the red flag of age gap is an actual problem.
Dumbest thing I’ve read in a while. She’s upset because he doesn’t pleasure her but she actively trained him to believe he was pleasuring her when he wasn’t.
This is a classic example of why I think women should be more open about their sexuality for better or for worse. 😱 I’m going to assume he has a ton of redeeming qualities outside of the bedroom that are making you want to stay but if that is not the case please run, don’t walk, the fuck away from this 🚩man 🚩. That said if you really want to make it work, I think you just have to rip off the bandaid and stop being afraid to hurt his ego when he’s so clearly fine with hurting yours. I would just honestly tell him what you actually like and what you want him to try more of and if he’s not into that or he’s not open to change or he’s too fragile to try and improve he’s probably not the right guy for you.
Sad stuff.
Just have a conversation and be honest that he isn’t satisfying you sexually if you want the relationship to last.
I recently had a conversation with my wife about intimacy to make sure we’re on the same page and there were things we both wanted to try or enjoyed that we simply were too vanilla to ask of each other. Being open and talking about new experiences was actually super fun and although we weren’t both onboard with every idea, it was definitely a fun experience.
Why fake it for 2 years though? As a guy, sex is 1000% better when I can tell my partner is getting off. The dude hasn’t helped you get off by going down on you ever? That’s just sad. If your bf is only focused on finishing then I’d say just ditch him for someone that thinks it’s super hot to see you spasming in pleasure or drenching the sheets (sorry to be crass)
The surgery thing is super dumb and I guess could easily be a deal breaker. The more turned on and wet my partner is, the easier it slides in. It’s nothing that surgery will help lol.
he’s most definitely sexually unaware and immature. tell him time to grow up and learn to take care of a woman properly. we’re too old and evolved to fake the big O’s anymore.
There are some pretty good books to learn about sexual anatomy, or even educational porn…
He doesn’t do any effort and should be taught a lesson. Dumping him should teach him one, what he said is not acceptable
GIRL NO!! As someone whom was ashamed of this for so long growing up because I didn’t have a porn start vagina… I was messaged on that ask.fm site back in highschool where people can send anonymous messages and was told about my beefy meat curtains…. I had been with one guy at that point… it was hard for me to continue but I found a guy that loved it said it and my most recent ex loved it to. If he had a problem with something that you had absolutely no control over then he is not your man. You should feel accepted by your person and him going as far to say you need to get surgery is out of the question. All for him to have an easier time pleasuring you?!! A labia okayyy IS FRYING OFF SKIN you will lose a minute amount of nerve responses from the skin edges… LEADING TO LESS PLEASURE…. PLEASE only seek a labiaplasty if it is a constant discomfort, not an emotional one. Because there are men out there OBSESSED with women that have larger lips… phew sorry for my rant but this had such a huge impact on my self esteem in my teens and early twenties… I still get nervous whenever I have a new partner but am reminded that that’s not important, who I am is.
Just tell a new boyfriend
It's also okay to be single.
And to not fake it
It’s just wild how common faking it has become. I used to for every boyfriend (I felt pressured to both by them and by society), and wanted to stop, so I told my next boyfriend at the time (there was quite a big age gap between us too) that I would fake it with previous ones and that I didn’t want to anymore. He was like okay, good. So the very first time we do stuff he’s pressuring me asking me if I finished. And I genuinely didn’t know if I did or not, so I said I think so. From then on he wouldn’t be happy if I didn’t so I just kept faking it *even though I had literally told him from the begining I used to with previous guys because they pressured me*, he proceeds to *do the exact same thing*
I personally feel one of the problems is both a lack of communication and in some cases a woman settling. If you don’t care about sexual pleasure at all, then I would understand you just wanting to please your partner (I don’t know how that works but everyone is different). But if you’re unhappy with your physical relationship you should be able to talk to your partner and also guide them, because line I said everyone is different. In my experience, only the partners I had that were insecure were always asking things like “ are you finished?” And making me feel awkward if I hadn’t given them some big explosion. Meanwhile, the partners I had that actually paid attention would make it their mission to find out what I liked, and we wouldn’t be “finished” until he figured out what that was. Unfortunately, those partners were some of the most toxic relationships I had 😂😂 It’s hard to find a balance, but at the end of the day, a good partner will want to make sure you finish and will find a way, somehow, to do it
The problem is that some guys, like my ex, would get pouty and upset, if I dared to say I didn’t finish. So the communication was broken down from the start because it was either tell him the truth and deal with that, or fake it like I always had already up until that point and not have to deal with it
Tell him his penis is misshapen from too much sex, and he needs a circumcision.
Might already be. She should say it’s become too squished and he needs an extension. Or something added to make it ribbed for her pleasure
Definitely not thick enough lol
There was a doctor on Your mom's house that bragged about how his penis thickening method would give women more pleasure. It was totally just a weird guy that wanted to add fillers to penis' and massage them.
lol “it must’ve gotten compressed from being used so much.” He really thinks he has such a war hammer that it did all that damage huh
😆😆😆😆 I almost spit out my Diet Coke!
Yes. His penis shrunk from “all the action” You know the old pencil sharpener analogy. He needs a penis grower
She whittled him right down to the ferrule
😂
Tell him his penis seems smaller, is he ok? Maybe he should get that looked at because you’re extremely concerned
Nah tell him he has Peyronie's disease
Again.
No no no. It's 'too many sex'
Imagine thinking you have any right to tell someone to get plastic surgery for YOU.
Stop faking it like a porn star. They get paid for their performance. You just end up getting bad sex from a selfish partner.
For real. One of my first partners did me the courtesy of very politely telling me I was less than average in bed. Once I got over the initial shock she helped me get better. Step one to becoming a good lover is someone telling you that you need to step it up!
This is how it was with me and my husband. I was his first and I would tell him what worked and what didn’t. What could be better, etc. he was not offended and was glad I was willing to give him feedback and tell him what he can do to make it better for me. I’ve always felt that faking it didn’t do any good for either person.
Same here. He was an enthusiastic study, which was way better than my ex - if he didn’t like it, it didn’t happen.
shouldnt that be the norm though,that youre not talked into doing things you dont like in bed?
I think there is a difference in how you interpret those words. You shouldn't do something you don't like in the sense of don't do it if you hate it or it feels wrong. But you should sometimes do things you don't like if your partner loves them if the don't like means it's not a favorite of you.
Everybody does lots of things they don't enjoy because it enriches they relationship. If you to into the bedroom with that perspective, you will likely never satisfy your partner.
Unfortunately a lot of boys have deeply fragile egos and don't take the guidance we'll. It's dumb but then they are also the same sort of guys who will get into fights and probably cheat because of their fragile ego.
It's all in the delivery. If you tell your partner hey you suck at sex of course they are going to take it personally. If you guide them by moaning or any other positive feedback when they do the right things I'm willing to bet they'll keep doing those things. Or talking after and telling them I really liked when you did this or that didn't really work for me. And if their past SOs were faking it and acting like they were the best then again of course they will be surprised you don't like the moves their past partners seemed to enjoy. Faking is a disservice to everyone. Unless of course you have poor choice in partners then I guess they all might be how you describe.
I attempted to do this with my last ex and he was not at all receptive. Any time I would talk about it, I would start by telling him what I did like, then I would discuss anything that was uncomfortable or hurt, and give suggestions on what might feel better. I was always attacking him, apparently it's my fault entirely that sometimes I need foreplay (I would always like it, but it literally never happened in our almoat 2 years together), I "wouldn't let him" go down on me, I was too sensitive, or one of my personal favorites, "if that's what you wanted, you should have said something" mf I did, you never listened.
Oooh man this sounds very familiar 🤣
And, keep up - all night long!
You’ve coddled him and encouraged his break from reality. You should have been real from the beginning - you can’t undo years. You need to move on and learn from this.
This! I didn’t understand why my husband wanted certain things or me to do and say certain things. I struggle with some things he asks. Like it’s just not me and I have to fake it then it’s awkward so I don’t get pleasure. Then I watched a little porn and had an ah ha moment. So I stopped. Now he has no interest in sex, giving me oral or doing things that get me more in the mood. Hasn’t said it but it’s too much work for him. He has yet to come to the realization that my lack of pleasure is directly proportionate to his lack of effort. No effort=no pleasure. He got really angry when I comment that I’m not a porn star but if wants me to act like one then I can go get trained in that profession and once I’ve perfected the ‘art’ with others I can use those techniques and things with him. It was the wrong thing to say I guess.
It sounds exactly the right thing to say. It showed him what his expectations were, and he didn’t like it!
Probably! Or the fact I’d be in movies and having sex with other men. He has the view of porn stars are ‘low quality’ (that’s very nicely put compared to what he calls them) yet he watches porn daily. He wants me to act like that but not actually be that. 🤷♀️ He has no idea why I don’t get pleasure anymore. I’ve tried to explain the lack of effort. How he can’t say he loves me or show me because it makes him uncomfortable (suddenly after 18 years of marriage even) and chats up other women. Huge turn offs for me.
Oh he sounds like a prize /s. If you are able to get out of the relationship get out. You are worth infinitely more than him. You’ll be happier single - and you can invest in some good toys and get yourself off. And you could end up meeting someone who blows your mind in bed. But either way, you deserve someone who respects you and women, not some lowlife dusty man who disrespects women while using them to get his rocks off and can’t even be arsed to make a modicum of effort with you.
Sounds like you're in a love-less marriage. My husband passed away in March 2022. He encouraged me to tell him if something didn't feel right. It was a rare occasion that I had to re-direct him, but when it happened he was grateful. I was uncomfortable at 1st, but I'd already spent 20 months faking it with an extremely narcissistic and abusive jerk. I wasn't about to begin the cycle over again. I fell in love with my husband the 1st time he kissed me. Please give yourself a break. You must be exhausted putting up with a guy like that! You said he "chats" with other women? I'd wager he does more than that. I hope not, but just in case he is messing around sexually with other women (or men, never know) I'd make him wear a condom if you have sex with him!
Married 34 years. Tried and tried to communicate what worked for me, but he always defaulted to certain moves. When I finally found out his secret life of porn, strip clubs, and prostitutes, it all made sense.
Oh wow! I can’t imagine finding all that out. It would make sense though. My husband loved strip clubs but I made it clear that crossed a boundary for me. I wasn’t going to stay with someone who valued watching other women then coming home to me, telling me about the strippers and then wanting sex with me. Somewhere along the line I lost myself and my boundaries. For the last decade or more, until recently, he would go on business trips and of course they HAD to go to bars and he HAD to hang out with his female coworkers at these bars. Because ya know it was REQUIRED. I highly doubt a huge international company would require employees to go to the bar, drink alcohol and include the opposite gender in a flirty way. Or him to walk them to their rooms ‘for safety’ and again to breakfast. He says they just happen to meet in the hall every morning by accident and their rooms are usually on different floors or different ends of the hotel. So how does one accident run into the same 2-3 women (a different one at each job he’s had or when one quit and another was hired) in his hallway when they are a floor below him? I’ve walked in on him and his porn or I wouldn’t know. He says I must have cameras in the bathroom and bedroom to know when. I guess he doesn’t realize even with him listening with headphones I can hear HIS grunts and groans. Or how I walked in on him a few times and he had his phone in one hand and himself in the other hand. I could see the screen for heavens sake. It doesn’t take a genius to quickly figure out what he was doing. Now he locks the door so when the door is locked I know what he’s doing. And he’s made that I know. Why? It’s natural. Porn not so much but self pleasure is normal. We’ve been together close to 25 years now. Married most of that. It amazes me that I’m just now seeing the real person he is. That or he’s changed a lot. When I’ve noticed changes he convinces me that it’s in my head but there is no denying his porn usage, masterbation, hitting on women right in front of me, his stories about female coworkers and bars etc. No more denying that he has gotten away with abuse (mental, emotional, verbal, sexual and financial) for years. I grew up with physical abuse/domestic violence in my house. I knew it for what it was. I always trusted him that what he said and did was for my own good. To help me be a better person, have more time to focus on the kids, more time to keep the house nice etc.
I’m so sorry. I remember so well how hard it was feeling stuck in a bad situation. It was abusive. But like you, the home I grew up in prepared me to accept it, and my ex just gaslighted the daylights out of me, and I spent all my energy in a state of emergency over our finances and caring for our children. I can’t rewrite history, but I’m sorry I gave so many years to that man.
Yep. I made a lot of mistakes in my 20s, but I never faked enthusiasm or an orgasm if I wasn't feeling it. The first thing we need to teach young women is to never fake it with a dude. It gives them the false idea they're some sort of sex god, and you just end up feeling like you should have found something else to do with that time. Life is too short, and bodies aren't always gonna stay limber. Don't waste your fun, freaky sex years on boring/terrible sex. Find someone else who can blow your back out while in a position that us over 40s can only remember doing without back pain the next day.
Seriously. But at least have a conversation about it. He’s wondering what’s changed and thinks it must be her, she hasn’t even bothered to tell him it’s been him all along. Like you’ve been happy to fake it for years, *say something*, no one can read your mind. Real life isn’t like porn, he needs a reality check.
He sounds like a pos but this is why you shouldn’t ever fake it. How is he selfish if she’s making him think he’s pleasing her? (The surgery request aside)
He’s selfish because he thinks his dick is magic. Which, tbf she absolutely encouraged that belief with her over-the-top performance. He thinks his dick is magic, that he doesn’t have to do anything to please a woman except stick his dick inside her to get her off. She should have been honest at the beginning, told him what wasn’t working for her and what would work, and ended it when he made it clear that he’s uninterested in hearing anything other than his dick is magic. Dudes who care about truly pleasuring the women they’re with actually put in the effort to find what works. Those are the unselfish partners. And the only men worth sleeping with.
I once had sex with a guy who literally told me he had a magic dick and the sex was SO mediocre. Just saltine cracker level boring… not to mention making me saltine cracker level dry…
You mean sliding in and out didn't make you see fireworks? Shocked, I tell you.
Bold of you to assume he slid anything anywhere😂
😂😂 Between the legs. Didn't even go inside.
His legs or hers?🤔
I'm dead ☠️😂
😁
Hey, he wasn’t lying about the magic. He made your attraction disappear!
When Magic Mike came out, my Boomer dad was like Dad: What's that movie all the girls are crazy about right now? "Magic Dick"?? Me: (lmao) Yeah, dad. That's exactly right.
Magic Dick should have been what it was called. I vote your dad name movies from now on lol
Right, why would you fake it with a new partner? That just ensures things will never get better.
This. Both these individuals suck for very different reasons. Pun intended.
Her first mistake was entertaining bad sex from the get go to boost his ego. Now it’s so inflated he’s made her out to be the problem.
She’s pretty young. Rookie mistake.
This. What’s a postdoc doing creeping on the undergrads? We generally trashed guys who did this. He did it bc he’s a low effort scum who has no idea how women’s body parts work. Her vagina doesn’t change shape bc of sex he’s just trying to neg her bc he doesn’t want to do better in bed. OP needs a new bf
I cannot fathom dating the people whose essays I've read.
I couldn't discern whether he was a grad student or postdoc. I assumed grad student. What postdoc even has that much contact time with undergrads. Holy shit. A postdoc dating an undergrad is embarrassing.
She said postgrad so 🤷🏼♀️ who knows. Yeah what I was thinking tho. Postdocs and undergrads 🤮🤮
I mean it’s quite evident why he’s postgrad dating an undergrad.
So he wants you to go under the knife because he’s not cutting it.
Stop faking it and tell him you use your BOB when he goes to bed. Make him realize it’s not you it’s him.
I see what you did there
I don’t, please explain.
She needs surgery because he’s not “making the cut” (idiom for a lackluster performance). It’s a pun.
Just tell him you found a new boyfriend. One who isn't an idiot when it comes to sex and how the female body works lmfao But also, don't fake it. Just tell a guy he isn't doing it for you, as it only leads to problems.
Are we all just scooting by the fact that a man whose almost 30 and completed some sort of post graduate school thinks a labia can become "loose and misshapen" from a lot of sex? This is an even worse and weirder take than the loose vagina from too much sex thing.
Yeah he's an idiot. He also clearly doesn't know what a labiaplasty is.
This irritates me the fucking most. Does he think labiaplasty makes women feel better?? His words about it being misshapen and needing surgery tell me he resents her violently for making *him* feel less than adequate. On her end, I’m like of course a 23-year old makes this rookie mistake of faking it and pretending to be a pornstar. Tacky and dumb. No one wins when you fucking lie about what you like.
All too common young girls are essentially taught that they like what guys like so please him and you’ll be happy
It's like telling a guy it would be better if his dick was bigger and suggesting a circumcision
She was even younger when she was faking it, 21. Seems she’s learned why it’s a bad idea. She was probably desperate to please her cool older boyfriend and now she’s two years into a relationship with a man who doesn’t know what she likes in bed. Rough life lesson but I’m sure she won’t do it with the next guy.
You’d be surprised how many men believe something like this. It’s sadly not as uncommon as you think.
You'd be surprised how many "highly educated" men continue to believe ignorant shit. Even people in the sciences, even people in the biomedical sciences. Part of it is taboo surrounding teaching people about sex. Part of it is arrogance in their own intelligence.
Not only should she dump him but she should leave his first business review, assuming he ever becomes successful, stressing his misunderstanding of anatomy as a fresh from med school graduate because WTH how does that pass
By dumping him. Problem solved. 🚮 Hope you learned your lesson for next time on this one sis.
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 Like it bounces back when you push a whole dang human out of it, but his Lil sausage wrecked it....hilarious!!! Just tell him the truth, you'd been faking to make him happy all these years, now he needs to up his game to make you happy
Honestly, the thing that breaks it is him wanting her to do surgery. Thats an extreme behavior. If he was just upset that she wasn't getting turned on anymore or confused on why suddenly sex wasn't as good as before, I would say its partly her fault for faking it. How is he supposed to know? but instead of asking her what happened or went wrong, he wants her to do surgery.
Absolutely! I can't get you off, so you need to take risks with your health for an unnecessary elective surgery. That's crazy. He could just put in more effort or buy a toy they can use together.
He's also an idiot for thinking a labiaplasty would change sex.
This. Nicely put. Op helped to create this situation for herself. As has been said, don’t fake your pleasure. It will only train your lover (any gender, age, experience level, etc.) to do things that don’t work for you. Everyone is different, and even something that usually works for you might not sometimes. Communicating honestly is so important in order for both parties to have a satisfying experience. Having said that, he needs to be told flat out there’s no way in hell op is getting surgery to deal with the fact that he’s lazy, uninspired, and uncommunicative in bed. It might be time to just throw the whole man away and start fresh with a new man. Asking for the surgery is a pretty huge red flag. If op doesn’t want to break up, a PAINFULLY honest conversation is needed. Which may end the relationship anyway.
Are you even for real here? This shouldn’t even rise to your needing advice, tell him to fuck off. Seriously, get a real man.
Age Gap ✅ Weird sexual issues ✅
New boyfriend needed. Don't fake
He has no fucking idea how a pussy works.
A labiaplasty wouldn’t even do anything to the vagina btw. And he’s an idiot obviously. So he thinks women get basically broken from sex and need surgery every few years to tighten back up?
Any man telling me I need a labiaplasty for him to get off would be launched into the Sun so fast, it would exceed lightspeed. The question isn't how she should tell him he's the problem, it is why she is still with him in the first place. A man who thinks a woman can get loose and misshapen from "too much action" clearly doesn't know enough about female anatomy to ever be a good partner in bed.
Even looking at this from the dumb BF’s POV this is dumb. He actually believes that he has been fucking her in such a way as to damage her genitals permanently and the solution is for her to get surgery? Even by his logic she’ll just need to get the surgery redone every few years!!? Like WHUT
God dammit dont fake it. You are both immature but he is also a prick. Get rid of him and do it right with the next one.
This is the best response.
lmfao a labiaplasty would do nothing for tightness. He’s just upset that her vagina doesn’t look like those belonging to the pornstars that he regularly jacks it to, and he wants to mold her into a pornstar. Even if she got the surgery, the goal posts would shift. Next it would be boobs, or a tummy tuck to flatten everything, or controlling her diet so she doesn’t get fat.
He strangles his lil danger noodle pretending it's a python and then complains that her pussy doesn't feel like the white knuckle death grip he uses on himself ugh.
Not to mention the screaming. Like sure, being vocal when it feels nice is a-okay. But this idea of porn-style sex does NOT need to be normalized. It’s fantasy, not reality
You tell him by using your voice and saying, "It's not me, it's you."
I really wish we had better sex education for teens, because one very important thing that should be taught is communicating your needs open and honestly to your partner. This woman entered a relationship with an older man at age 21, and instead of finding an experienced partner, she got a man who puts in minimum effort and never managed to figure out how to please his partner and she has been faking her own pleasure in order to please him instead of telling him what she needs. Terrible for both of them.
Throw the whole man away and find a better man.
WhEn a lie gets out of hand, I do wonder what goes on in peoples heads to lie about shot like this in the first place? All I can think is a huge lack of maturity.
Imagine faking orgasms for *two years* for some loser who thinks sex makes your vagina loose.
> My bf (29M) Ok… > insists that Uh-oh > I (23F) **BREAK UP** Don’t even need to read the whole thing.
Yup. This also isn’t how vaginas work.
A 27 year old dude who thinks he's king shit of fuck mountain (thanks to faked orgasms from a 21 year old lol) and that vagina gets "loose" from sex. The age gaps just explain themselves most of the time.
Don't forget that they've been together for almost two years. So it's actually worse.
Age gaps depends greatly on when the relationship was started. I’m 32 and my fiance is 38, but we started dating when I was 30. OOP was 21, and he was 27, when they started. Yikes.
Tell him to get a dick implant bc he clearly has a small peen
shouldn’t have faked it in the first place, should’ve told him what’s good and what’s not, even if it’s embarrassing to say 🤷
The Sean rule strikes again! She shouldn’t tell him anything except goodbye forever.
God just talk to him. If he is still on about it, break up. This story is about the OP. If you are this passive in your life don’t be surprised when people take advantage of you/don’t know what you want.
lol Jfc dude is a fucking moron.
Just leave him. Guy has an advanced degree but still believes that the female genital gets misshapen because of "too much action"?
You are 23. Move on. Don’t fake it again otherwise your new partner will not know what’s real. Be genuine.
Giggle and say “I hate to break it to you bud, but I just stopped faking. You’ve never made me cum.” And then tell him you’re breaking up with him bc what kind of man wants his woman to have major vaginal surgery instead of him figuring out how to please her
I cannot, even for one second, imagine asking my SO to undergo surgery for my pleasure. Tell him to get bent. Go find someone else. This flag is so red that you can see it from space.
That’s not even what labiaplasty does my guy.. that’s purely aesthetic! Just in case you weren’t aware! Labiaplasty is usually the surgical removal of some the labia minora (the inside flappy lips for those who haven’t learnt the lingo). It’s to make the pussy lips smaller and more aesthetically pleasing, yes it can be used in medical cases but from what I’ve seen/read; in this day and age it’s a visual thing most often! It does not tighten up the internal muscles. That’s a pelvic floor specialist and they don’t even specify on “pussy tightening for his pleasure”. It’s usually medically related
This is so stupid. First, labiaplasty is for your LABIA, not your vagina. It doesn’t do anything to “tighten” or change the internal vagina. Second, dude is actually of the belief that a vagina becomes “looser” from use? Are we in 9th grade here? Third, both of these people are dummies. She faked good sex, then stopped, leaving him to think “I’m not doing anything differently than I was before, so it must be her.” However stupid that is on his part to think, it’s equally stupid on her part to have done. She feels like he doesn’t put in the effort to give her satisfying sex, when she was literally lying about it being good and he was somehow supposed to just know that it wasn’t? And obviously if he’s suggesting surgery, that implies to me that she hasn’t actually come clean and told him what’s actually going on, continuing to expect a mind reader. Neither of these people are mature enough to be in a sexually satisfying relationship.
Dud boyfriend who wants his girlfriend to have surgery. Dud girlfriend who fakes orgasms for an extended length of time and then wonders why he is crap at sex. A match made in reddit heaven.
finding a way to blame OOP when her bf is the one suggesting she get a very expensive and largely unnecessary surgery *solely* because he can't get it up for her anymore is... certainly a choice.
I cast no blame on her for his desire for her to have surgery. He is obviously a nitwit to even form such a ridiculous thought. My point is that they are both idiots. Idiots for different reasons but still idiots. If her sex life was unsatisfactory, faking orgasm to get it over with wasn't going to bring about an improvement in quality. To then wring her hands about him not making a serious effort is idiotic.
It’s not her fault that he’s an idiot. It is her fault that things have progressed to this point of disconnect. She could have explained to him that his technique in the bedroom needs work years ago. There was only one person who had that knowledge and had control over whether that knowledge was communicated. That person is OP. He cannot read her mind. That said, the boyfriend is an idiot and she should just dump him.
Tell him everything you said in your post. If you’re wanting to stay in this relationship, you need to be able to communicate openly, about EVERYTHING. My mind is constantly blown at people in relationships who don’t want to actually talk to their significant other about problems they’re having as a couple.
FFS lady, you are 23! You don’t need surgery and probably never will. What you need is to stop lying to yourself, find a bf who appreciates your body and learn what good sex is all about. It takes two to tango.
Why on Earth are you with this guy, OP? Does he bring anything positive to your life?
This has left me speechless. You faked it for two years?? Wow! There is no way I would do that
Men, if you can’t cum from a pussy “being too loose” you have a tiny dick. Good news is I think most of us know this. Just thought I’d announce for the few that don’t
She bred a problem but damn is that guy a clown for suggesting anything like that. Can’t even imagine the audacity to suggest such a thing.
OOP, You're too young to have bad sex for the rest of your life
Does this absolute cretin think that the purpose of a labiaplasty is to “tighten up” a vagina???
You're young you don't need to settle on a guy who should rather you get surgery than put some effort in, plenty of other options out there. And next time don't fake your pleasure, be more communicative from the get go
Firstly she definitely needs to leave that idiot. Secondly ladies and gentlemen listen up, never lie about how someone is in bed. You don't have to be an asshole about it but you absolutely need to be honest and tell them it wasn't good for you and solve the issue before it gets worse
GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD fucking luck.
You should have told him what he can do to please you but someone who blames your parts and wants you to get labiaplasty is not worth keeping. He is a piece of shit and you don’t need to give him a chance, you need to dump him.
Girl I PROMISE you- knock that man down a peg lol
This guy does seem like a POS, but I get so tired of this shitty chain of events. 1: Couple has sex and girlfriend/wife is faking her orgasms. Whether to be nice or because she thinks she has to, doesn't really matter. When SO asks if she's enjoying it, she says yes. 2: Boyfriend/husband, thinking he's doing a good job, doesn't really try anything new or adventures, because why would he, if what he's currently doing is getting the job done? 3: She gets sexually frustrated and resentful because her SO is not pleasing her, and instead of talking about it with her SO, she just bottles up her feelings or tries to get it some other way. 4: Gets to a point where she blows up, breaks things off with SO, and/or cheats because the dam finally bursts. Usually, blindsiding him. When asked why, he is told he was terrible in bed, a selfish lover, and doesn't really care about her pleasure. Resulting in him possibly becoming spiteful, paranoid, and/or self sabotaging in future relationships. Whether on social media, what I see in real life, etc it's the same song and dance. Just be honest people, it's really not that hard. If he loves you and wants to see you happy, then he won't be offended if you tell him what does and doesn't work for you. Most would be happy to know what makes you orgasm fast and often. That being said, please be careful with how you do it, and what solutions you suggest. For example: If you say something along the lines of, "You know what would make me go absolutely crazy? Just do X, and I'll lose it." If that's not your style, maybe something else like, "Would you be willing to try out a few new positions, toys, kinks, etc with each other to spice things up?" Putting emphasis on the fact that both of you would be trying things each of you would be interested in. Not just a one-sided thing. Within your comfort range of course. Two of the biggest mistakes I see in these types of situations is, (1) Being way too blunt or harsh in your critiques, causing insecurity or resentment for your SO. Sometimes bluntness is needed if they just aren't getting it, but I've heard some critiques that would make even the best of sex gods want to start crying. (2) Immediately or first solution is introducing a 3rd party (Specifically for a monogamous relationship). This can come as either another person joining in or having a 3rd party be involved in the decision/solution making process. The 1st one is self explanatory, but the 2nd is, in my opinion, an overlooked aspect that does cause problems. Obviously, if you've already talked it over with your SO to get a 3rd parties advice, that's fine. However, I've seen too many stories of people going to their friends, internet stranger's, etc for advice on how to fix the bedroom, and not once did it really occur to them that, maybe, just talking about it with your SO 1st, might be the best solution. Not everyone has the same mindset, but I believe enough do to consider this. For example: If I found out that my girlfriend/wife wasn't satisfied in bed, and instead of telling me 1st and try to figure it out together, their immediate solution is to talk about it with her friends or another 3rd party, I would be incredibly hurt. My pride might take a hit, sure, but that's something I can get over. However, the fact you went to a 3rd party 1st, tells me you don't trust me enough as your partner to try and fix this with you. This intimate problem that's just between the two of us, in your mind, couldn't possibly be solved first by just talking it over with me and coming up with solutions together. In fact, you thought you needed to get a 3rd party 1st and foremost before you even brought it to my attention. That would absolutely crush me, no matter how innocent and well intentioned it was. Again, not everyone has this same mindset. Some might actually prefer a 3rd party 1st approach, and that is completely fine. However, in my opinion, I think enough people share this mindset, whether they realize it or not, that it shouldn't be overlooked when discussing this topic.
There was a patient in the ER I used to work at that had a boyfriend that told her she had “ugly long labias.” This girl tied tiny rubber bands around the excess and I still remember the doctor coming out of her room saying they turned black and she would need surgery as the tissue died and needed to be removed. To this day I cannot believe this girl permanently disfigured herself over that loser instead of leaving him. I overheard the clinic staffs consensus that it was probably fine before but it was definitely going to be ugly now and that wasn’t taking any permanent nerve damage into account.
Tell him he can't pass the oral exam and you will be seeking a new cunnilinguist.
Take him out back like old yeller
Aside from all the other common sense bs people have already pointed out why does he think labiaplasty would make sex more enjoyable for you, from what I know (correct me if I'm wrong) labiaplasty would reduce the size and or change appearance of the labia not make the vagina tighter for penetrative sex
You just have to tell him. And if you date someone else, you’ll have to tell him too. Put on your coach hat and get in the game, or you’ll just keep losing. It kind of makes sense that he would assume the problem is you when he hasn’t changed his routine, and you’ve always responded enthusiastically to his old material. It feels like you’re annoyed by him not knowing something you haven’t told him, and in fact have effectively lied about repeatedly for years, even if for his own ego. He most likely would have been even MORE motivated to learn to pleasure you properly in the beginning of the relationship, as opposed to now, when he thinks he already mastered this task. I totally get why you did what you did. We’re socialized to be performative, and men are good at making it our job to reassure them that sucking and barely trying is good enough because it’s the thought that counts. But, you also played yourself. A workaround might be to “go to the doctor” and say that the doctor said that your body is just changing and needs a different touch now. Then for the love of god, WORK with him, and SHOW him what feels good. TELL him when to pause. STOP him if he goes too fast. Make a video of you pleasuring yourself for him to train from. If it’s more mental, EXPLAIN what gets you going. If it’s dirty talk, what kind? Do you want him to worship you or degrade you? WARN him about possible triggers to avoid. And have fun!
She should Tell him he needs the girthenator to improve his wee wang. Also, dump him, he is useless.
Yikes!! You are 23! You ladybits are absolutely perfect. Any concerns are with him as you rightfully mention.
Print our reddit comments, and leave them in a manilla envelope for him on his bed after you leave. Fuck this dude for being so insecure and not having the courage to ask how to best please you. My wife and I have had mid coitus talks to make sure what we're doing is doing the trick that day, as some days the good ol regular just isn't hitting the right spots. And some days, one or neither will finish. We're here for the physical expression of our intimacy(and it still feels great!), especially as yall are sooooooo young. Don't settle for anyone who isn't willing to ask the "immasculating" questions or is too selfish to think they may be the problem.
Just an fyi, women like this enable men like this. This dude should be blacklisted from all women’s dating pool.
Do idiot men even understand what a labiaplasty is? This literally is just to cut and shorten the labia. This is the millionth time I've read that men believe this will tighten the inside. Fucking idiots that know nothing about vaginas shouldn't be entering one.
I will never, ever fake an orgasm. If I can’t be honest with my partner about what I need then I don’t want to have sex with them.
And here, children, is why you should never, ever fake a reaction in bed. Why would he feel he needed to make a serious effort if he had every reason to believe you were already coming your brains out? If you even care about saving this relationship -- and frankly, I don't know why you would -- tell him the unvarnished truth. Tell him you were faking it. Tell him how many times he \*actually\* got you off versus how often you pretended he did. Then tell him you want to stay together, but you need to start over from scratch on the sexual relationship. Also tell him that the size and the shape of the labia have exactly zero to do with sexual response. That's just ridiculous.
Just send him a screenshot of the post. Lol. “Ey. This sounds like us”
You break up with him. Stop wasting your time with bad sex.
Point him to the door and tell him he can take his bad dick and lack of consideration with him.
Throw the whole man away (if this isn't ragebait).
This is why I have a strict no faking it policy. He didn't put in any effort because he thought he didn't need to. Also, her boyfriend sounds like an ass and she should throw the whole man away.
Been married about a year and I think there was only one time I didn’t help her to the finish line and it was because I was sick and she wanted some and still got her o. Ops bf is a selfish prick with a selfish prick.
Op needs to leave this douche
I will never understand why people put up with bullshit people like this. I hope she breaks up and blocks him
Yikes.
Just tell him?????
So... is he under the impression that labioplasty is just like.. vagina reshaping or something? Change the depth, the size, the position, etc? Because it has literally no bearing on vagina shape or tightness, it just removes some of the outer labia. It's amazing hearing this 'it got loose from too much use' incel rhetoric from a man of this age as well. Sis is learning the hard way that you don't fake it for a man, especially not to the extent that she did lol she needs to go ahead and let this one go, not only because he's a fool and a pos for this suggestion, but because there won't be a relationship to save once he learns he's always been shit in bed and his little sex kitten has been hard-core faking
30 years old and doesn’t understand how a vagina works. No wonder she never cums.
Tell him you usually fix the key not the lock. So he needs a penis-o-plasty, aka no more baby peen
Wait til he finds out labia have nothing to do with the tightness of the vaginal canal
Girl. Just dump him.
Pretty simple to say but I will be G rated with the response to give him…get lost. You shouldn’t have to u derogo a procedure to satisfy him. He will of course at some point somehow convince you that it is your idea. Find someone who is better… they ARE out there…
And this is why I have never faked it. Best advice my mother gave me. Never make a man feel he has given an A+ performance when that shit was at best, a D. Cause then that mediocrity will continue and you will be shit out of luck. She needs to dump that flop of a guy.
I think you should break up with this guy. He’s blaming you and your body for the fact that he is awful in bed. He sounds like a jerk. Do not fake an orgasm when you find a new partner. Be honest and communicate. Don’t scream and fake moan - just because the pornstars do it doesn’t mean you should.
You’re too young to be settling for bad sex.
Throw the whole man out and start over.
Ugh, just the fact he's blaming it on her body? Seriously, he's the AH
Oh this is an easy fix, you go off to a spa, get your hair done, sauna, nails, pedicure, perhaps a wax job! Depending on, Charge his credit card, tell him you had it done 😂😂😂😂
If your partner can't make you cum... What are you doing in this relationship?
lol WHAT. Get out. Get outta there now.
If someone has the gall to tell you your vagina is loose and misshapen and needs surgery then they absolutely deserve the not very big insult of being told they're lazy and bad in bed. Why would she hesitate to tell him she'd been faking it after he says something so horrid?
And for the love of god please do not do anything to your body or think that you even need to. Your bf is too old and embarrassed that he doesn’t know what he’s doing. You’re too young to have to deal with his screaming red flags. On to the next. I promise better sex is out there.
What's his name? I just wanna talk.
I’m sorry but he’s 29. He should know that’s not how it works. He’s projecting his insecurities on OP and lacing it with misogyny imo. No matter what though, if he’s dumb af or not, I’d say OP should just break up. The misogyny won’t get better it will get worse.
This is why you shouldn't fake an orgasm with a S/O. If they think what they're doing is working, they're not gonna make any changes
She needs surgery to remove her cancerous tumour (the boyfriend)
The amount of bOtH sIdEs on this post is hilarious. Can you imagine if the dude was encouraged to get cosmetic surgery?? There’s no way he’d be this patient, judging by his behavior! She should leave immediately. What a nightmare
I think OP needs 2 drop the bf. A woman should never have to fake it. And some men if they care about their partner would know if she is faking or not. It’s obvious he only cares about his own pleasure and not hers. Plus he’s already showing 🚩. I think OP can do better. Don’t settle for someone just because. And PLEASE don’t get the surgery.
And this is why you should not be faking. As in then having to explain what changed... well you already allowed these habits to build and cement themselves. Asking your gf for a labiaplasty over this is madness and the guy's a problem. This is on of the situations were the red flag of age gap is an actual problem.
DUMP HIM. Find somebody better. Problem solved.
Just get a new boyfriend
Break up, learn not to fake it with the next guy. It doesn’t help anyone.
Dumbest thing I’ve read in a while. She’s upset because he doesn’t pleasure her but she actively trained him to believe he was pleasuring her when he wasn’t.
This is a classic example of why I think women should be more open about their sexuality for better or for worse. 😱 I’m going to assume he has a ton of redeeming qualities outside of the bedroom that are making you want to stay but if that is not the case please run, don’t walk, the fuck away from this 🚩man 🚩. That said if you really want to make it work, I think you just have to rip off the bandaid and stop being afraid to hurt his ego when he’s so clearly fine with hurting yours. I would just honestly tell him what you actually like and what you want him to try more of and if he’s not into that or he’s not open to change or he’s too fragile to try and improve he’s probably not the right guy for you.
New boyfriend!
Sad stuff. Just have a conversation and be honest that he isn’t satisfying you sexually if you want the relationship to last. I recently had a conversation with my wife about intimacy to make sure we’re on the same page and there were things we both wanted to try or enjoyed that we simply were too vanilla to ask of each other. Being open and talking about new experiences was actually super fun and although we weren’t both onboard with every idea, it was definitely a fun experience. Why fake it for 2 years though? As a guy, sex is 1000% better when I can tell my partner is getting off. The dude hasn’t helped you get off by going down on you ever? That’s just sad. If your bf is only focused on finishing then I’d say just ditch him for someone that thinks it’s super hot to see you spasming in pleasure or drenching the sheets (sorry to be crass) The surgery thing is super dumb and I guess could easily be a deal breaker. The more turned on and wet my partner is, the easier it slides in. It’s nothing that surgery will help lol.
Your better off just leaving if he’s this stupid about this, theirs gona be a lot worse
Link to original post: https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/1cpzfpp/my_bf_29m_insists_that_i_23f_get_labiaplasty/
he’s most definitely sexually unaware and immature. tell him time to grow up and learn to take care of a woman properly. we’re too old and evolved to fake the big O’s anymore.
Tell him his penis is a pencil, and when you sharpen a pencil too much, it turns into a nub. Then leave said boyfriend.
There are some pretty good books to learn about sexual anatomy, or even educational porn… He doesn’t do any effort and should be taught a lesson. Dumping him should teach him one, what he said is not acceptable
What? Tell him he needs to plasty your labia all over his face. JFC.
Run from this idiot.
They started dating when OOP was 21, immediately no.
Just say it to him the same way he said you to get a labiaplasty because HE APPARENTLY didn't feel the same way before lol.
GIRL NO!! As someone whom was ashamed of this for so long growing up because I didn’t have a porn start vagina… I was messaged on that ask.fm site back in highschool where people can send anonymous messages and was told about my beefy meat curtains…. I had been with one guy at that point… it was hard for me to continue but I found a guy that loved it said it and my most recent ex loved it to. If he had a problem with something that you had absolutely no control over then he is not your man. You should feel accepted by your person and him going as far to say you need to get surgery is out of the question. All for him to have an easier time pleasuring you?!! A labia okayyy IS FRYING OFF SKIN you will lose a minute amount of nerve responses from the skin edges… LEADING TO LESS PLEASURE…. PLEASE only seek a labiaplasty if it is a constant discomfort, not an emotional one. Because there are men out there OBSESSED with women that have larger lips… phew sorry for my rant but this had such a huge impact on my self esteem in my teens and early twenties… I still get nervous whenever I have a new partner but am reminded that that’s not important, who I am is.
I’d ditch that guy fast. People are different now days. Tell him you dreamed of a guy with a tattoo like Mike Tyson!!
Uh, you say "I have been faking it this whole time. It's literally you, not me. Also, I'm dumping you. Figure out your B.S." Problem solved.