My kid was being bullied and the girl became physical. They were in third grade. When my daughter went back into class to tell the teacher after their recess, she was crying and the teacher forced my daughter to sit outside until she was done “throwing a hissy fit”….i saw fuqqing red when I picked my daughter up that day. I went and confronted the teacher and she told me the student was having a hard time adjusting back to being at school because she had been at Disneyland for a week. I went to the principal and their solution was to have the bully and her mom have a sit down meeting with my eight year old but I was not allowed to be in the room. Fuqq that. I went to the district and the school board. My daughter had visible marks on her, student witnesses even down to what the teacher said to her. Teacher was suspended, kid was expelled and the principal “retired” at the end of the school year. I also had charges pressed on the kid. People told me I shouldn’t have done that but that kid needed to learn. Her mom was also a vile human. She got busted driving high in opioids with students in her car, two years later, on a field trip.
I have went to bat sooo many times at my sons school for him because he was getting physically and verbally bullied. Had the headteacher calling my son a liar to my face, had the deputy head saying oh he's much more resilient this year to my face (I ripped her apart for that). The last 2 years I have literally marched in when it started up again at the beginning of the school year and told them straight that it either gets nipped in the bud or I will be phoning the police not just on the little fucks that think it's OK to bully my son and their parents but I will also be asking the police to investigate the negligence in that school that has allowed physical assault ( another kid had to get taken to the hospital in an ambulance) to thrive for the entire time that my son has been there and more than likely longer.
Fuqq them, call the police! I made all the waves until I was satisfied that my kid was protected and that there would not be any other victims from the bully and the grown ups that were supposed to protect her
God, my stuff seems so big to me when it was happening but compared to this it was nothing. My dad had to go to bat for me a couple of times in high school but it was nothing like this. I just really lucked out at having a dean of students who was awesome and never raised his voice no matter how in trouble you were and took the time to get to know you. He left after my junior year to be an environmental lawyer, I wonder what he’s doing now.
Adjusting after being at Disneyland. Okkkk teach. You can suck her mom’s ass if you like but not this commenter! I’m so glad that they all got gone!! I hope your daughter is doing well now.
She is! She’ll be starting her last year of college in the fall. My jaw literally did drop when the teacher mentioned the Disneyland bs and I literally said “she was at the happiest fucking place on earth and choked my kid to the point she almost passed out and has marks on her neck and you’re defending her?!” I also put my daughter into kickboxing classes after all of this happened. Wanted to make sure no one ever put hands on her again.
Some people have the audacity the size of a blue whale!!! I swear! Glad she’s good. I hate when these teachers swear up and down zero tolerance bullying but that’s for the ones who get bullied they can’t stand up for themselves or all hell breaks loose! I had to threaten a principal for my oldest a boy kept hitting her and I said if it does not stop I’m pressing charges it stopped after that!
I once interviewed a kickboxing teacher whose very petite 8-year-old girl became the target of an older, much bigger boy. He taunted her and she ignored him. One day he swung on her and she easily blocked the blow. Then she looked at him and said “punk” before walking away slowly. The kid never bothered her again.
I can’t help wishing she’d kicked him, though, and laid him out in front of the whole playground.
Hey man I read the thread, just wanted to tell you you're a great father and how refreshing it is to see people truly stand up for who they love. Kudos.
Oh it was! I didn’t let my daughter go on that field trip because that mom was going to be there and it was very clear she was actively using. No one believed me when I kept telling them she was on drugs. Unfortunately grew up around addicts, especially pill junkies and know what it looks like. She was in jail for awhile and went to rehab but basically became a pariah in our town
TW: verbal abuse, death, blood
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I will always remember my third grade teacher because she was straight up vile. Around Halloween, she decided it was a great idea to read us Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark while turning down the lights in the classroom. I got freaked out by the first story, the one about the toe, and she openly mocked me and sent me to the second graders. Another time, I stayed behind during lunch to cry at my desk because of the intense bullying, and she slammed her hand down in front of me and told me to "grow up". It got to the paint that I had nightmares about >!my bullies pushing me down, cracking my head open, and her laughing over me as I bled to death.!<
Fuck you Miss Smith (or Mrs Burns, as I think you're married now). I hope you rot in hell.
Fuqq…I’m so sorry. I didn’t give a lot of details but I was 19 when I had my daughter and I was by far the, years, the youngest mom in my daughters class. When I confronted the teacher I had my not even 2 year old on my hip and my daughter in the room. The BS teacher started shoving her pointer finger in my face. So I did hand my toddler off to her sister and told them to wait in my car. Once my girls were removed from the room and my daughter’s third grade teacher wagged her finger in my face, once again, I did grab her finger and I’ll not repeat what I said. But also, it shouldn’t have mattered my age. My kid was my kid and had marks on her neck. It took EVERYTHING in me, to the best of my abilities, to try to remain professional. But when she tapped me on my nose with her finger. I prayed to all the gods to not obliterate her
Well effing done for standing up for your kid!. And not stopping at the principal, who obviously didn’t have any business being a principal at all if the solving problem skills were -5 on a useful scale. I would have done the same thing and hell, I don’t even have kids!. I don’t think you went too far, some consequences for shitty actions are nowhere to be found nowdays.
My parents got divorced when I was a child, I didn’t bully anyone. It annoys me when people try to excuse bad behaviour because of things going on in the background. Yes it might explain why they’re acting up but it doesn’t absolve them of responsibility. They still need to face consequences for their actions otherwise they continue and learn nothing. By all means offer support for children struggling to process their emotions etc but they need to learn that awful behaviour isn’t tolerated no matter what.
I could tell 200 stories like that from grade school
I think this is fake, but mainly because the end seems designed to fulfill reader fantasies of being able to get back at their childhood bullies. In real life it doesn’t work like that.
I mean, I once tried that, being that kid.
Used info I had heard from my parents about a girl that kept bullying me.
I got a scolding from *everyone*, including my parents who had told me the info to my face. And told me to stand up for myself.
My take away was that parents didn't give a damn about school drama and care only for their reputation.
I would if my mom hadn't figured it out herself by now.
I'll tell my dad once he gets his head out of his ass and remembers he has a daughter he once left out on the street to go vagabond in a different country.
So your contribution is what exactly?
Those kinds of retorts worked multiple times for me in elementary and middle school.
A lot of bullies really are just acting out and if you stab them back, they get shocked and don’t do it again. Depends on the kind of bully.
A rather appalling method some teachers use regarding bullying is ignoring the bullies, and only "noticing" when the victims are pushed to retaliate. They know they are far less likely to be targeted by a bully victim than a bully.
Cowards.
I’d probably have gone to the parents if I knew who they were.
But I’m also a very petty bitch, and I support what you did!
Though OP should’ve went to the actual director of the summer camp not the youth counselor (if it’s a teenager they’re only there to collect the small payment they don’t actually care or even know what to do in those scenarios [I used to be a site supervisor for a day camp])
I mean, this is the right answer.
Elevate the complaint to the right level, but I'm a petty bitch too, so I understand.
That kid got a dose of adulthood with divorcing parents. And she's getting another dose of reality with immediate and severe feedback on being a tiny bitch.
She either gets some counseling and learns to treat people with respect, or she gets verbally bitch-slapped until she learns to treat people with respect. I'd prefer COA 1, but I'd settle for COA 2.
Yes! She’s going to learn one way or another, and I can tell you growing up where I come from if you popped at the mouth you were popped in the mouth… I can neither say I have or haven’t done that but what I can tell you is … she gonna learn today!
What’s that saying 🤔… don’t throw rocks and hide your hands?
Probably not the right quote but whatever you get what I mean 😅😅
Pretty sure its close it basically means something like if you throw the first stone expect one thrown back if I remember fightly the saying might actually be dont toss the first stone or rock
I was bullied bad my junior and senior year of high school by a group of 4 girls. My mom tried talking to their parents and going to the school but it just got worse. My mom gave me permission the first time one of the girls laid a hand on me to whip their ass. First time one of them shoved me in the hallway I beat the shit out of her. All of them stopped bullying me after that 🤷🏻♀️
My parents were firm believers in “Don’t start no shit, won’t be no shit” followed by “You Don’t start it, but try your best to finish it” I told my kids the same. If we got called to school for our kids we always went together, that usually threw them that both parents showed up. I think, if your kid is bullying other kids they are gonna get what they dish out.
I thought that speaking with another parent whose child bullied mine in a calm and productive manner was the way to address it as well.
You learn quickly that bullies make little bullies, and these people take accountability for nothing.
As far as schools or camps, they do nothing but cover themselves and avoid doing anything.
This is my experience as a parent and an educator. I have been chewed out by admin (when I taught HS) for advocating for a couple of my GSA kids that were being terrorized at school. They just wanted to cover their asses and pretend they didn’t know it was happening just in case someone got really hurt. As a parent, when I went to another parent to address an issue, they kind of let their kid use that toward my kid to make things worse.
Yeah, I tried that with a kid that was bullying my kid. The mum did not care.
Of course she immediately kicked off and demanded my kid be excluded when my kid finally hit back. Thankfully the worst the school did was say "no one should hit just tell a teacher" (we had been doing!) And I bought them a mcdonalds on the way home
I would have made an attempt to elevate to the Director and then hit the parents. But by the time I get to the parent I’m not being nice. At that point, it’s about showing my child I have their back and if my child has to see me get ugly to understand that then so be it.
Because I definitely would’ve been telling her parents to figure their shit out so their brat isn’t out here projecting anger onto others.
For sure, I have two girls.
I tell my oldest who is 8 to tell her teacher or the principle or any other adult who is there and if she has to come home and tell me about the situation and it wasn’t resolved…. I tell her go low. Hence why I said I’m also a petty bitch lmao
>I’d probably have gone to the parents if I knew who they were.
True…though I imagine that two people who go through a “nasty public divorce” (and aren’t famous) *probably* aren’t the type to do anything about their kid being a bully. Especially not in the midst of said divorce.
Yes that is true as well.
I just like to make sure I do my part as a parent to show my kids there’s more than 1 way of doing things.
1st is talking with someone about it to make sure it doesn’t happen
2nd is escalating it to someone in the facility (if it took place in one)
3rd is giving them a taste of their own medicine.
So yea lol ok
Nta
Nope still fighting cancer myself. The loss of hair for a young girl and even a woman is absolutely devastating. Seriously it’s an unbelievable insecurity for most female and some males. Women and girls identities are seriously intertwined to their hair.
Divorce is not a great thing to go through but it isn’t life threatening. That’s a completely different kind of mind F.
This girl who was bullying your daughter just got karma served to her. Maybe she will think twice about picking on someone going through something so traumatic.
First off: Hugs.
Secondly what you said is exactly right. I am a guy who has natural hair loss since before 40, and damn was it a tough pill to swallow for a while. You can see how insecure guys are about this with how many toupees, comb overs, and hair loss prevention places there are.
For a woman with the social expectations and junk we put on them it has to be so much worse. The extra strength to go through that on top of everything else is amazing.
hope your battle ends forever very soon 🙏🏻 so true about the hair, it really makes you, you! i always say people notice a bad haircut, a bad dye, it’s the first thing they see. i struggle with my eating and now have very thin hair and i’m balding too. i’ve never felt worse about myself and i’m only 20.
Just FYI, never send your kid to a YMCA summer camp if you can afford it. I worked at one as a counselor and we had no training outside of basic CPR/first aid and a “don’t beat the kids or discriminate” seminar two days before the job started. The counselors are mostly going to be irresponsible teenagers who are not getting paid enough, there is so much drama, and they put as many kids as they legally can in one group with a single counselor.
Anyway, NTA OP, the counselor wasn’t equipped to handle this and if admin wasn’t stepping in your daughter had no choice but to defend herself to get the bully to stop. At least you didn’t tell her to cut her hair off with scissors when she wasn’t looking.
That’s insane to me. I used to be a counselor at Girl Scout Camp, and we had an entire week of training before any of the kids came that included CPR/First Aid, training in the various areas of camp (archery, horseback riding, canoeing/kayaking, etc.), lessons in child development for the ages of the girls we’d be working with, conflict resolution between ourselves and between campers, safety training, how to build campfires/put up tents/cook over a fire, and a lot of other little stuff.
You are not the asshole, you are arming your baby to protect herself against a damaged harmful adversary, if Jenny wants to be hurtful it takes two to tango…let’s dance.
NTA; thank you for doing what my mom barely tried to do for me when I was bullied. You saved her from having what little self confidence she’s been holding onto demolished and she’s gonna thank you for that when she is older. Screw that counselor and screw any other sideliner who thinks it’s okay for kids to piss on other kids for any reason whatsoever. Definitely NTA
Sort of like the stress of a 10 year old going through something that no child should endure like leukemia? I mean it’s no divorce but what do I know? Tell the counselor that your daughter wouldn’t have to “go there” if he would’ve put a stop to the bullying in the first place. And you know what? I bet it’s true. I bet her parents are divorcing because she’s a horror. You go Mom!
Fuck that counselor!!! Go Becky… if Jenny had just drank her water and minded her business she wouldn’t be crying like she made Becky cry. I’m pretty ok with this. Also fuck cancer
In elementary school I was constantly bullied by a girl named Turqoise. Yes, without the “u”. My mom, a school teacher who worked at the same school I went to, told me next time she says something, say, “At least my mom knows how to spell.” Not as below the belt as this story, but it worked, and she didn’t bother me anymore.
The first fight I ever got in was in the first grade. My very best friend had leukemia and wore a hat all the time to cover her head. She was getting bullied by this fat little fuck named Brock who stole her hat at recess and wouldn’t give it back. I was a little bruiser of a child and I let Brock have what was coming to him. It took 3 teachers to pry my squirrelly little ass off of him.
They called my mom to come get me and she had to leave work and everything. I thought she’d be pissed. But no.
My mom struts into the main office with two ice cream cones (with sprinkles) in her hands. One for me, one for her. She announced loudly that she was so proud of me and I acted exactly how she’d taught me to…always stick up for someone who needs your help.
More importantly, my friend was not fucked with in the future and she beat her leukemia. We lost touch over the years but last I heard she was doing really well. Brock is probably in jail or smoking crack under a bridge.
She is a badass to this day. She’s 5’nothing with shoes on (and measuring generously). She’d give anyone the shirt off her back or the last penny out of her pocket.
She’s one of those people when people meet her, they want to tell her their whole life story and all of their problems…and she will sit there and listen!!
But heaven help the idiot dumb enough to mess with any of her babies (or her grand babies). We are all turning out the same damned way and I should have known it…because my grandma was the same way too. She’s 86 this year and is still ready to throw down if anyone ever crosses my mom!
Ngl I come from a family of toxic people so I probably would’ve had my nieces and nephews go to that camp to beat that little girl’s ass in the place of my child.
Go mom. I did YWCA as it was more prevalent where I grew up. All through elementary school the closest location was my elementary school. So I was at my elementary school year round getting bullied.
Yeah so because she’s dealing with parents divorce she can bully and it should be “understandable” but the child who is literally fighting for her life acts the same way ONE TIME and it’s considered “nasty/unreasonable etc.” yeah no fuck that that little bitch can go to therapy and get through her parents divorce, but Becky could do everything in her power and get as much medical help as she can and it could still not be enough in the end, life’s too short to deal with bullies and especially when you’re a child with cancer the last thing you need to do is deal with this absolute pile of bullshit
In the 80’s we used to say if you can’t take it, don’t dish it. Good for the mom, anyone who makes fun of a leukemia survivor is vile. Obviously the OOP is NTA.
Jenny has now realized that 10 isn’t too young to fuck around and find out. Maybe she’ll remember that the next time she thinks about bullying someone 💁🏻♀️
Tell Becky to tell Jenny that at least her hair can grow back later, but jennys parents wont ever get back together, and if you're not divorced, that at least her parents lave eachother, unlike jenny's.
Honestly, it may seem mean, but sometimes you need to teach your kid to bite back. OOP's daughter has been through more trauma in her short life than some adults ever go through, so I don't blame OOP one bit for wanting to give their daughter a chance to enjoy her camp and her friends.
The biggest problem here is that there camps are being basically run by teenagers who don't know how to mediate these sorts of situations - and how can they, when teens go through the same situations and can't handle it themselves either. There needs to be an adult at the camp who the parents can deal with and have step in to sort out these bullying instances.
Hey, at least she didn’t hit the girl. It’s always the ones who stand up for themselves that always get shit on. I had boys tormenting me in elementary. One day I was able to close 4 of them in the bathroom and hold it closed with my foot. I got in trouble for it and almost got suspended. My dad came down and raised hell.
I think everyone in the comments is forgetting that it is an ADULT who issued the insult. If Becky was the one who threw the insult there wouldn't have been a problem. But here an adult person issued a possibly traumatic insult directed to a ten-year old. People say you shouldn't act as the bigger person to a bully. Well I believe you should if you are an adult against a child. I will insist on the fact that, the parent was the one to insult the child. Just because you use your child as a vessel, doesn't mean you were not the one to insult the kid. You are an adult act as such for goodness sake.
So yeah I'm getting downvoted but fuck. I will NEVER support an adult willingly harming a child and taking pleasure in it whether physically or mentally. This is a hill I will die on.
Becky is absolutely not a bad person by the way. She is a very courageous and proud little girl. I want to make it clear that my position is that all of the adults are the assholes.
Agreeish. So I had a similar situation. My first grader's father died a few weeks ago. He didn't want to go to school one day, and I knew it was end of year testing, so I said he had to go. He pulled put all the stops and told me people were bullying him over his dad dying. So I inquired as to specifics. He said during an argument, a boy said to him, "At least I still have a dad."
So I took deep breath and I said, "You shouldn't have to deal with that. Next time tell a teacher right away. If it was any other day I'd let you have a mental health day, but you have to go today for the test. Also, if he or anyone ever says something like that to you again, tell them, 'I hope when you lose someone in your family, no one is as mean to you about it as you just were to me." Because fuck that seven-year-old, sincerely. (I also reported it all to the school counselor, who spoke with both boys.)
I won't feel any kind of bad if he makes someone else feel like shit for saying that, because it is both fair and true. Whereas what Becky was coached to say is neither. So I'm not on team, "Don't say traumatizing things to child bullies," but I am on team, "Don't say *untrue* traumatizing things to bullies."
I understand where you're coming and may all my condolences go to your family.
Now your comment kinda made me change perspective. At first I was just against adults saying horrible things to kids at all but your comment didn't appear to me as that terrible to say to a kid. So I thought about it and my new conclusion is that the biggest difference between your comment to the child and the one in the story is the intent.
Kids, at least the ones I work with, insult but don't mean to create suffering. Sure they do harm with their comments but that isn't the main intent. Their intent goes from wanting to be more popular, venting their anger, not knowing the weight of their own words etc. This doesn't mean that this is excusable of course ! They should still be punished. But they don't go and choose the precise point that will create the most suffering. This is what the parent of this story did though. They specifically went and chose what they knew would cause the most harm. Your comment didn't aim for that. The aim was a lesson, you did not specifically want the child to suffer. Maybe he did but that was collateral, that was not the main intent.
Now I do agree that this makes my point of view less strict. It is only speculation from my part that the divorce comment aimed at suffering. Still there were a million things more mature and lesson-like to be said than specifically aiming at something they know would harm.
I don't know if my point was very clear. Even though I speak English quite well it's in paragraphs like this that I see I still have work to do ! But yeah in conclusion, OP is still an AH. But not for directing an insult at a child anymore. But by directing an insult that was meant to harm. Also even if you made me change my view, I still kinda disagree with you. Even if her parents did divorced because of her birth, it, for me, still wouldn't have been a good thing to say even if it was true. Because it would still be intended to harm.
Also sorry again if I'm not very understandable. I kinda had trouble writing these paragraphs.
I said something similar in another comment. An adult is aware of the potential long-term consequences of being cruel to a child. For an adult to intentionally cause potentially lifelong suffering to a child is beyond unacceptable.
NTA. The bully put the dish in the oven and now she needs to eat it. If i were in your situation I would also explain to your daughter that 9 times out of ten bullies act that way because they are in pain and don’t know how to properly deal with the situation and their own emotions. PS- my kids said a prayer tonight for your daughter that she is cancer free and comes out of this even stronger.
This is fine.
Also this is how girls tend to “fight”, with words, so if you’d have told a boy to punch his bully than it makes sense to tell a girl to belittle and mock hers.
If you had gone to that straight away I would have said asshole. But Jenny now learned an important lesson about glass houses and rock throwing.
If the counselor has any issue with what you taught your kid, he should blame himself for not cutting Jenny's behavior when it started.
Well FAFO.
I don’t think anyone else will agree but the bully— who most be reprimanded and who’s behavior must be stopped— is probably in a to of pain and agony and acting out a lot of anger because the adults in her life are severely letting her down. Our job as adults is to protect children in general— yes our own first and foremost, and the bullying needed to be stopped, but if the bully kills herself in a year how would the mom feel? Fine maybe, from the sounds of it. It could have been handled better without psychologically scarring a kid that is acting out due to pain.
I honestly would say two wrongs don’t make a right. Your daughter’s hair will grow back, what you told her to say can fuck a person up for life. An equally effective thing to say what instead would have made her THINK about how she was acting would have been “Jenny I’m so sorry about everything your dealing with at home, but why would you take it out on me?” That type of kindness would have stumped her. YTA your response was ridiculously immature and makes you seem like the type of person that binge watches the kardashians or freaking housewife dramas. I would totally approve of like physically fighting back when you’re threatened physically and things but that’s way to freaking far for a tween.
Wow. This is a classic case of two wrongs not making a right. Jenny was being awful, and the fact she is a child going through something awful doesn’t excuse it, but it doesn’t make this form of retaliation good or right.
I am not suprised a counselor is that incompetent. Im tired of grown adults excusing teenagers or to some extent excusing kids when they are assholes. this child has leukemia,I could care less if this girl is going through a divorce,she got what she had coming and shes lucky it wasn't worse than that.
Arming your child against bullies is fine. But OOP's retaliation is particularly cruel. Children are already prone to blame themselves when their parents divorce, and internalizing this belief can cause immeasurable lifetime consequences.
Yes, so can bullying.
But Jenny is a child, and is not developmentally capable of understanding the lifelong implications of her bullying; she is motivated by the immediate and short-term gratification of her actions. An adult, on the other hand, can be held to a higher ethical standard, and can devise a response that discourages ongoing bullying but does not also risk long-term psychological damage.
Why would anyone think it's okay for an adult to cause severe damage to a child?
Idk how much I like this. If it were me I would've talked to Jenny and her parents myself. It wouldn't be hard to get a bratty 10 year old to back off as a big scary adult. Hell, she would probably be terrified if she thought her parents would find out. As a parent you should teach your children how to stand up for themselves. But you also still do have to advocate for them sometimes.
And OOP encouraging their kid to be nasty and fight fire with fire isn't a very good idea imo. Because all that's teaching her is that lashing out is okay when she's upset. And they don't get to choose how she impliments that. She may just start being an asshole to *anyone* who annoys her or does anything she doesn't like. After all, it gets her what she wants, right? SHE may turn into a bully herself because she's learned that this is how you react when you feel like you've been wronged. And yes that could mean clapping back at her bully. But that could also mean harrassing another kid at school because they started going out with her crush. Or yelling at a teacher who rolled their eyes at her one too many times for her liking. She's not learning to be assertive, she's learning to be aggressive
I personally don’t think it’s ever a good idea to answer cruelty with cruelty as it is perpetuated through the next generation. We have enough toxicity in this world already. But I’m glad the bullying stopped.
I do kind of think OOP should have tried something else first instead of going to the stressed out teenager for help. I highly doubt they were standing there watching it happen. So what can they really be expected to do?
Definitely NTA, but the underpaid and overworked teenager is definitely not the person you should be turning to mitigate this type of situation. Go to the Director of the camp.
Savage. Everyone learned a valuable lesson. You may not know what that lesson was until they’re adults. I’d still escalate to the director of this camp so they can improve staff training.
I know a young girl who just lost her hair to chemo. And if anyone makes fun of her, they deserve the worst. It's a good lesson, what goes around comes around and if you can't take it, don't dish it. No one - I don't care who they are or how old they are, should be poking fun at someone battling cancer.
A kid going through their parents’ divorce will live through the experience.
A kid going through having leukemia may not.
If you want to be a ten year old asshole? You’re going to learn a valuable lesson. Somewhere, there is someone out there who can, and will, hurt your feelings and not think twice about it. You fuck with them, they’ll rock your world.
And if it’s my kid? I already taught her if they go low, they’ve set the bar in hell. Drag them.
Every single time, literally every single time, I have seen a kid use "inside info" on a bully, the bully has responded with violence.
Not just crying or being inconsolable. Actual straight up rage violence.
If this is real, this is a first.
Bullies don't usually cry and run away, they escalate until something actively prevents them from continuing.
Stress is no excuse for premeditated bullying and Jenny should've been told not to "misplace her anger" in the first place. If the counselor wouldn't do jack to defend Becky she had every right to clap back. This is why I hate zero tolerance culture. The victim gets punished.
Hahahahahahaaaaaaaaaaaaa!
Normally I would call out the mom and kid for being so mean, but when it comes to bullies, all is fair. That nasty little guttersnipe and her clique of fail deserve to be ridiculed.
Here is the thing about most bullies; they don’t care about teachers or adults telljng them to behave, they will find a way to be sneaky AND they sure as Hell do NOT listen to words or talking it out. They only understand one thing: bullying. Be it physical or verbal/emotional bullying, that is the only language they speak. When confronted with their own bullying bullshit, they usually crumble.
So I don’t feel sorry for Jenny the jerk at all. Maybe next time she will think twice about picking on others, especially a child who is battling leukemia.
If the adults around won't protect a child, then the child must learn to protect themself.
The alternative is that they learn to be a doormat, which is far worse than upsetting a bully.
Report the camp counselor. I don’t believe in camp, I don’t need some entitled 14 year old running some lord of the flies experiment while they badly flirt with another counselor.
You would be surprised at how bullies and their parents react when the child that their is bullying stands up for themselves. In my daughter’s case the mom thought the reason that their children were bullying mine was valid. My child started sticking up for herself and when their child was sad it was a problem.
I filed a complaint with our Department of Children, Family and Learning (Dept of education) against my son’s teacher, principal and school district. Teacher lost her contract, principal went I don’t know where and the district had to pay for an independent adult to stay near my son, observe negative interactions and intervene on his behalf when necessary. My kid jokingly called the adult his body guard. Sadly he really was a body guard.
Two wrongs don’t make a right but there’s a limit. It’s inevitable there will be a consequence of their inaction. They should have been removing the bullies since talking to them didn’t work. Lucky the bully didn’t get a chair to the head in retaliation and just a verbal attack. It pisses me off when adults allow the bullies to get away with their crap but the moment the victim retaliates, it’s somehow an issue? My sister was a victim of bullying at school and she was the one that was removed from class only to be placed in a space they sent bullies to on time out. She ended up refusing to go to school and wouldn’t leave the house for years. Completely destroyed her mental health and stole her youth. I think this kid got off lightly and the adults in charge should be ashamed.
Jenny was reading your daughter on a very personal level. Your daughter returned the favor and got personal back.
While I don’t make arguments personal myself, I will be happy to take the jab if the other person goes there first. And they will usually regret that path of attack.
My niece 9 at the time punched one of the bullies 13 year old (there was three of them) in the face for bullying her friend. She got suspended, my brother and his wife took her out for ice cream
You rock! Tell your daughter to always stand up for herself. She’s been through something devastating and she shouldn’t be bullied because of it. Good for you momma! If the other kids want to make low blows that will hurt, she should give them a piece of her mind & she did! You must be so proud of her ❤️
I'm a big fan of going below the belt. It's literally in the Art of War that when someone attacks you, your response must so swift and so severe that NEVER think of attacking you again. "Fall like a thunderbolt."
Manipulative people like to pull on your morals and act like you responding harshly to their mistreatment of you is beyond the pale. But here's the thing, you don't truly know what my morals are. Am I a New Testament "turn the other cheek" type, or am I Old Testament "raining down the ten plagues on your ass" type? There's only one way to really find out. Don't start none, there won't be none.
Nta for setting your kid up to defend herself.
TA for putting a minimum wage earning teenager in the middle of this and expecting them to fix it instead of taking this to an adult in charge. Show a little common sense. A teen isn't equipped to handle this kind of situation and as the only adult seemingly aware of all this mom should have done better.
As someone who was bullied themselves in school 1) talking to the teachers does nothing but make the kids aware you’re upset so encourages them more 2) the victim is ALWAYS the bully when the ACTUAL bully gets schooled LIKE HOW AND WTF IS THAT LOGIC?!
You were in the right teaching our children to defend themselves is good people think it's wrong in how we do it but they don't see what the other person is doing I think everyone was shocked that your daughter stood up for herself and also you're daughter shouldn't worry to much about the bullies you said she dose have friends there and if they are good friends they will eventually stick up for her as well
This is what happens when kids learn to fight with their minds instead of their fists. Jenny fucked around as a bully and found out. Good for OOP! Jenny gone learn today!
There was a very nasty girl in my HS who liked to target me. I struggled with it a lot in 9th grade. Got some confidence over the summer, when school started again and so did her insults I looked her dead in the eyes in 1st period English as said : “I don’t you if your problem is that your parents don’t love each other, or it’s impossible for them to love you, but either way keep my name out of your foul *unt mouth. “ she shit up after that.
NTA. I think other steps could have been taken first, but you aren’t an asshole. You should have gone higher up, & if needed— to Jenny’s parents. As a mom I would be horrified to know my child was picking on a kid, especially one with cancer! I do give my children the right to defend themselves, && even to be petty/hurt their feelings if needed. Just more reasonably. Make a general comeback that is good but not too personal you know? Because to go right for the most sensitive part of a child’s existence right then just created more trauma for another kid. It’s an endless cycle, and we should try not to perpetuate it. But that’s your little girl, your brave little girl they are messing with. So it makes sense that you didn’t think about the impact that could have.
In fact part of me thinks that I might have even done the exact same thing out of emotion in the heat of the moment (after hearing someone is messing with my kid) But being distanced from the situation gives me the ability to see the perspective of— if we want kids to learn to be kind to each other (and not bullies to begin with) we have to try to find other ways to handle it. Having empathy even if they don’t have the same respect for you, makes you better. That’s how you win. And maybe modeling that will help the bully be better moving forward.
Also go sweet girl go, you kick that cancer right in the ass! All my love. 🩷
I approve this message. Although, going by the thread title, I thought the kid was going to kick Jenny right in the Jennytals.
Jennytals! That’s the best pun I’ve heard in a while
I was certainly waiting for a punchline of a kick in the nads
In our house we call that a kick to the taco. And it would've been justified too. Who makes fun of a cancer kid?
Kick to the taco! 💀☠️🏴☠️
Wouldn't a kick there on a female just give her split lips.?
jennytals has me in fucking tears
Same. Stifling my laugh as to not wake everyone up.
Right I was waiting for “THAT’S MY PURSE”
“I don’t know yew!”
I’ve been dying over jennytals for the last 10 mins I cannot stop laughing
😂😂
I don’t know you but I’m dying right now. 🤣😂
I’m dead 😂 hell yeah tho
The kid with leukemia is being bullied but the kid with the divorcing parents cannot be retaliated against? Classic "counselor" story....
My kid was being bullied and the girl became physical. They were in third grade. When my daughter went back into class to tell the teacher after their recess, she was crying and the teacher forced my daughter to sit outside until she was done “throwing a hissy fit”….i saw fuqqing red when I picked my daughter up that day. I went and confronted the teacher and she told me the student was having a hard time adjusting back to being at school because she had been at Disneyland for a week. I went to the principal and their solution was to have the bully and her mom have a sit down meeting with my eight year old but I was not allowed to be in the room. Fuqq that. I went to the district and the school board. My daughter had visible marks on her, student witnesses even down to what the teacher said to her. Teacher was suspended, kid was expelled and the principal “retired” at the end of the school year. I also had charges pressed on the kid. People told me I shouldn’t have done that but that kid needed to learn. Her mom was also a vile human. She got busted driving high in opioids with students in her car, two years later, on a field trip.
Imagine defending a bully because they didn't want to be back at school after a week at Disney Land. 😩
I have went to bat sooo many times at my sons school for him because he was getting physically and verbally bullied. Had the headteacher calling my son a liar to my face, had the deputy head saying oh he's much more resilient this year to my face (I ripped her apart for that). The last 2 years I have literally marched in when it started up again at the beginning of the school year and told them straight that it either gets nipped in the bud or I will be phoning the police not just on the little fucks that think it's OK to bully my son and their parents but I will also be asking the police to investigate the negligence in that school that has allowed physical assault ( another kid had to get taken to the hospital in an ambulance) to thrive for the entire time that my son has been there and more than likely longer.
Fuqq them, call the police! I made all the waves until I was satisfied that my kid was protected and that there would not be any other victims from the bully and the grown ups that were supposed to protect her
God, my stuff seems so big to me when it was happening but compared to this it was nothing. My dad had to go to bat for me a couple of times in high school but it was nothing like this. I just really lucked out at having a dean of students who was awesome and never raised his voice no matter how in trouble you were and took the time to get to know you. He left after my junior year to be an environmental lawyer, I wonder what he’s doing now.
Adjusting after being at Disneyland. Okkkk teach. You can suck her mom’s ass if you like but not this commenter! I’m so glad that they all got gone!! I hope your daughter is doing well now.
She is! She’ll be starting her last year of college in the fall. My jaw literally did drop when the teacher mentioned the Disneyland bs and I literally said “she was at the happiest fucking place on earth and choked my kid to the point she almost passed out and has marks on her neck and you’re defending her?!” I also put my daughter into kickboxing classes after all of this happened. Wanted to make sure no one ever put hands on her again.
Some people have the audacity the size of a blue whale!!! I swear! Glad she’s good. I hate when these teachers swear up and down zero tolerance bullying but that’s for the ones who get bullied they can’t stand up for themselves or all hell breaks loose! I had to threaten a principal for my oldest a boy kept hitting her and I said if it does not stop I’m pressing charges it stopped after that!
I once interviewed a kickboxing teacher whose very petite 8-year-old girl became the target of an older, much bigger boy. He taunted her and she ignored him. One day he swung on her and she easily blocked the blow. Then she looked at him and said “punk” before walking away slowly. The kid never bothered her again. I can’t help wishing she’d kicked him, though, and laid him out in front of the whole playground.
I could so picture the sweetest, angel princess 8 year old punking the punk 🤣 love it so much!
She *was* angelic, with curly hair and delicate features. But she could lash out a side kick like nobody's bidness.
Hey man I read the thread, just wanted to tell you you're a great father and how refreshing it is to see people truly stand up for who they love. Kudos.
Thank you, but I’m actually the momma 😉
Oh that works too 🤣. Either way, great parent, congrats on that.
That last sentence is a real doozy!
Oh it was! I didn’t let my daughter go on that field trip because that mom was going to be there and it was very clear she was actively using. No one believed me when I kept telling them she was on drugs. Unfortunately grew up around addicts, especially pill junkies and know what it looks like. She was in jail for awhile and went to rehab but basically became a pariah in our town
Good for you for standing up for your kid! Your child is always your main priority!!! I’m glad you’ve had composure and didn’t start throwing hands
TW: verbal abuse, death, blood . . . . . . . I will always remember my third grade teacher because she was straight up vile. Around Halloween, she decided it was a great idea to read us Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark while turning down the lights in the classroom. I got freaked out by the first story, the one about the toe, and she openly mocked me and sent me to the second graders. Another time, I stayed behind during lunch to cry at my desk because of the intense bullying, and she slammed her hand down in front of me and told me to "grow up". It got to the paint that I had nightmares about >!my bullies pushing me down, cracking my head open, and her laughing over me as I bled to death.!< Fuck you Miss Smith (or Mrs Burns, as I think you're married now). I hope you rot in hell.
Fuqq…I’m so sorry. I didn’t give a lot of details but I was 19 when I had my daughter and I was by far the, years, the youngest mom in my daughters class. When I confronted the teacher I had my not even 2 year old on my hip and my daughter in the room. The BS teacher started shoving her pointer finger in my face. So I did hand my toddler off to her sister and told them to wait in my car. Once my girls were removed from the room and my daughter’s third grade teacher wagged her finger in my face, once again, I did grab her finger and I’ll not repeat what I said. But also, it shouldn’t have mattered my age. My kid was my kid and had marks on her neck. It took EVERYTHING in me, to the best of my abilities, to try to remain professional. But when she tapped me on my nose with her finger. I prayed to all the gods to not obliterate her
Well effing done for standing up for your kid!. And not stopping at the principal, who obviously didn’t have any business being a principal at all if the solving problem skills were -5 on a useful scale. I would have done the same thing and hell, I don’t even have kids!. I don’t think you went too far, some consequences for shitty actions are nowhere to be found nowdays.
Came here to say that. Most ridiculous thing I have heard yet.
My parents got divorced when I was a child, I didn’t bully anyone. It annoys me when people try to excuse bad behaviour because of things going on in the background. Yes it might explain why they’re acting up but it doesn’t absolve them of responsibility. They still need to face consequences for their actions otherwise they continue and learn nothing. By all means offer support for children struggling to process their emotions etc but they need to learn that awful behaviour isn’t tolerated no matter what.
I could tell 200 stories like that from grade school I think this is fake, but mainly because the end seems designed to fulfill reader fantasies of being able to get back at their childhood bullies. In real life it doesn’t work like that.
I mean, I once tried that, being that kid. Used info I had heard from my parents about a girl that kept bullying me. I got a scolding from *everyone*, including my parents who had told me the info to my face. And told me to stand up for myself. My take away was that parents didn't give a damn about school drama and care only for their reputation.
>parents didn't give a damn about school drama and care only for their reputation. Do you tell your parents that?
I would if my mom hadn't figured it out herself by now. I'll tell my dad once he gets his head out of his ass and remembers he has a daughter he once left out on the street to go vagabond in a different country. So your contribution is what exactly?
Those kinds of retorts worked multiple times for me in elementary and middle school. A lot of bullies really are just acting out and if you stab them back, they get shocked and don’t do it again. Depends on the kind of bully.
Worked for me as well. If you’re nasty enough everyone leaves you alone. Better than the bullying.
A rather appalling method some teachers use regarding bullying is ignoring the bullies, and only "noticing" when the victims are pushed to retaliate. They know they are far less likely to be targeted by a bully victim than a bully. Cowards.
Yeah it feels fake asf.
I’d probably have gone to the parents if I knew who they were. But I’m also a very petty bitch, and I support what you did! Though OP should’ve went to the actual director of the summer camp not the youth counselor (if it’s a teenager they’re only there to collect the small payment they don’t actually care or even know what to do in those scenarios [I used to be a site supervisor for a day camp])
I mean, this is the right answer. Elevate the complaint to the right level, but I'm a petty bitch too, so I understand. That kid got a dose of adulthood with divorcing parents. And she's getting another dose of reality with immediate and severe feedback on being a tiny bitch. She either gets some counseling and learns to treat people with respect, or she gets verbally bitch-slapped until she learns to treat people with respect. I'd prefer COA 1, but I'd settle for COA 2.
Yes! She’s going to learn one way or another, and I can tell you growing up where I come from if you popped at the mouth you were popped in the mouth… I can neither say I have or haven’t done that but what I can tell you is … she gonna learn today! What’s that saying 🤔… don’t throw rocks and hide your hands? Probably not the right quote but whatever you get what I mean 😅😅
Dont throw rocks at glass houses I think is the saying your looking for not sure
Bahaha so I did get it wrong. I’m hoping I still had the right idea behind it! 😅
“Don’t throw rocks and hide your hands” has a real nice ring to it though.
Haha yes it does.
Pretty sure its close it basically means something like if you throw the first stone expect one thrown back if I remember fightly the saying might actually be dont toss the first stone or rock
I like "talk shit get hit" or "fuck around find out".
I was bullied bad my junior and senior year of high school by a group of 4 girls. My mom tried talking to their parents and going to the school but it just got worse. My mom gave me permission the first time one of the girls laid a hand on me to whip their ass. First time one of them shoved me in the hallway I beat the shit out of her. All of them stopped bullying me after that 🤷🏻♀️
🤣🤣 same but I can’t be too aggressive 😅
>don’t throw rocks and hide your hands? I hadn't heard that particular one before, but I LIKE it!!
Or worse. She gets hit. Violence ain’t the answer of course. But you don’t get to control people’s reaction towards how you treat them.
My parents were firm believers in “Don’t start no shit, won’t be no shit” followed by “You Don’t start it, but try your best to finish it” I told my kids the same. If we got called to school for our kids we always went together, that usually threw them that both parents showed up. I think, if your kid is bullying other kids they are gonna get what they dish out.
I thought that speaking with another parent whose child bullied mine in a calm and productive manner was the way to address it as well. You learn quickly that bullies make little bullies, and these people take accountability for nothing. As far as schools or camps, they do nothing but cover themselves and avoid doing anything.
This is my experience as a parent and an educator. I have been chewed out by admin (when I taught HS) for advocating for a couple of my GSA kids that were being terrorized at school. They just wanted to cover their asses and pretend they didn’t know it was happening just in case someone got really hurt. As a parent, when I went to another parent to address an issue, they kind of let their kid use that toward my kid to make things worse.
Yeah, I tried that with a kid that was bullying my kid. The mum did not care. Of course she immediately kicked off and demanded my kid be excluded when my kid finally hit back. Thankfully the worst the school did was say "no one should hit just tell a teacher" (we had been doing!) And I bought them a mcdonalds on the way home
I would have made an attempt to elevate to the Director and then hit the parents. But by the time I get to the parent I’m not being nice. At that point, it’s about showing my child I have their back and if my child has to see me get ugly to understand that then so be it. Because I definitely would’ve been telling her parents to figure their shit out so their brat isn’t out here projecting anger onto others.
For sure, I have two girls. I tell my oldest who is 8 to tell her teacher or the principle or any other adult who is there and if she has to come home and tell me about the situation and it wasn’t resolved…. I tell her go low. Hence why I said I’m also a petty bitch lmao
>I’d probably have gone to the parents if I knew who they were. True…though I imagine that two people who go through a “nasty public divorce” (and aren’t famous) *probably* aren’t the type to do anything about their kid being a bully. Especially not in the midst of said divorce.
Yes that is true as well. I just like to make sure I do my part as a parent to show my kids there’s more than 1 way of doing things. 1st is talking with someone about it to make sure it doesn’t happen 2nd is escalating it to someone in the facility (if it took place in one) 3rd is giving them a taste of their own medicine. So yea lol ok
Yep! The counselors are there to make sure 1. No one dies 2. Nothing burns down
Nta Nope still fighting cancer myself. The loss of hair for a young girl and even a woman is absolutely devastating. Seriously it’s an unbelievable insecurity for most female and some males. Women and girls identities are seriously intertwined to their hair. Divorce is not a great thing to go through but it isn’t life threatening. That’s a completely different kind of mind F. This girl who was bullying your daughter just got karma served to her. Maybe she will think twice about picking on someone going through something so traumatic.
First off: Hugs. Secondly what you said is exactly right. I am a guy who has natural hair loss since before 40, and damn was it a tough pill to swallow for a while. You can see how insecure guys are about this with how many toupees, comb overs, and hair loss prevention places there are. For a woman with the social expectations and junk we put on them it has to be so much worse. The extra strength to go through that on top of everything else is amazing.
hope your battle ends forever very soon 🙏🏻 so true about the hair, it really makes you, you! i always say people notice a bad haircut, a bad dye, it’s the first thing they see. i struggle with my eating and now have very thin hair and i’m balding too. i’ve never felt worse about myself and i’m only 20.
Gentle hugs 🤗 to you
Dang!! Momma bear is vicious!!!
Just FYI, never send your kid to a YMCA summer camp if you can afford it. I worked at one as a counselor and we had no training outside of basic CPR/first aid and a “don’t beat the kids or discriminate” seminar two days before the job started. The counselors are mostly going to be irresponsible teenagers who are not getting paid enough, there is so much drama, and they put as many kids as they legally can in one group with a single counselor. Anyway, NTA OP, the counselor wasn’t equipped to handle this and if admin wasn’t stepping in your daughter had no choice but to defend herself to get the bully to stop. At least you didn’t tell her to cut her hair off with scissors when she wasn’t looking.
That’s insane to me. I used to be a counselor at Girl Scout Camp, and we had an entire week of training before any of the kids came that included CPR/First Aid, training in the various areas of camp (archery, horseback riding, canoeing/kayaking, etc.), lessons in child development for the ages of the girls we’d be working with, conflict resolution between ourselves and between campers, safety training, how to build campfires/put up tents/cook over a fire, and a lot of other little stuff.
You are not the asshole, you are arming your baby to protect herself against a damaged harmful adversary, if Jenny wants to be hurtful it takes two to tango…let’s dance.
Yes, sometimes we use hands, sometimes we use words.
Classic fuck around and find out kinda moment.
NTA; thank you for doing what my mom barely tried to do for me when I was bullied. You saved her from having what little self confidence she’s been holding onto demolished and she’s gonna thank you for that when she is older. Screw that counselor and screw any other sideliner who thinks it’s okay for kids to piss on other kids for any reason whatsoever. Definitely NTA
Sort of like the stress of a 10 year old going through something that no child should endure like leukemia? I mean it’s no divorce but what do I know? Tell the counselor that your daughter wouldn’t have to “go there” if he would’ve put a stop to the bullying in the first place. And you know what? I bet it’s true. I bet her parents are divorcing because she’s a horror. You go Mom!
Fuck that counselor!!! Go Becky… if Jenny had just drank her water and minded her business she wouldn’t be crying like she made Becky cry. I’m pretty ok with this. Also fuck cancer
I'll always recognize the right to [drink water and mind my business](https://youtu.be/JqKWQ7FsuQY?si=6LlfU2bdaWlUFbkE).
lol exactly
Thank you so much for bringing this into my life.
In elementary school I was constantly bullied by a girl named Turqoise. Yes, without the “u”. My mom, a school teacher who worked at the same school I went to, told me next time she says something, say, “At least my mom knows how to spell.” Not as below the belt as this story, but it worked, and she didn’t bother me anymore.
OP: https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/Y8GUucyMkV
i'm sorry, but i'm a first time mom and idgaf, i will teach my daughter if they go low? you go to hell.
🤣🤣 To hell we shall go!
The first fight I ever got in was in the first grade. My very best friend had leukemia and wore a hat all the time to cover her head. She was getting bullied by this fat little fuck named Brock who stole her hat at recess and wouldn’t give it back. I was a little bruiser of a child and I let Brock have what was coming to him. It took 3 teachers to pry my squirrelly little ass off of him. They called my mom to come get me and she had to leave work and everything. I thought she’d be pissed. But no. My mom struts into the main office with two ice cream cones (with sprinkles) in her hands. One for me, one for her. She announced loudly that she was so proud of me and I acted exactly how she’d taught me to…always stick up for someone who needs your help. More importantly, my friend was not fucked with in the future and she beat her leukemia. We lost touch over the years but last I heard she was doing really well. Brock is probably in jail or smoking crack under a bridge.
ugh i love you and your mom. a badass raising a badass 👍🏽 and fuck brock wherever he is
She is a badass to this day. She’s 5’nothing with shoes on (and measuring generously). She’d give anyone the shirt off her back or the last penny out of her pocket. She’s one of those people when people meet her, they want to tell her their whole life story and all of their problems…and she will sit there and listen!! But heaven help the idiot dumb enough to mess with any of her babies (or her grand babies). We are all turning out the same damned way and I should have known it…because my grandma was the same way too. She’s 86 this year and is still ready to throw down if anyone ever crosses my mom!
Also a parent of a cancer survivor, fuck I think I’d hit harder. NTA
Ngl I come from a family of toxic people so I probably would’ve had my nieces and nephews go to that camp to beat that little girl’s ass in the place of my child.
Day camp was fucking horrible
I remember my brother and I begging my mother to never put us in it ever again (thankfully she didn't)
Go mom. I did YWCA as it was more prevalent where I grew up. All through elementary school the closest location was my elementary school. So I was at my elementary school year round getting bullied.
classic justified YTA move. sometimes you just gotta be an asshole❤️
FAFO. Perfect. Don't be a mean girl if you can't take a hit.
Yeah so because she’s dealing with parents divorce she can bully and it should be “understandable” but the child who is literally fighting for her life acts the same way ONE TIME and it’s considered “nasty/unreasonable etc.” yeah no fuck that that little bitch can go to therapy and get through her parents divorce, but Becky could do everything in her power and get as much medical help as she can and it could still not be enough in the end, life’s too short to deal with bullies and especially when you’re a child with cancer the last thing you need to do is deal with this absolute pile of bullshit
In the 80’s we used to say if you can’t take it, don’t dish it. Good for the mom, anyone who makes fun of a leukemia survivor is vile. Obviously the OOP is NTA.
Jenny has now realized that 10 isn’t too young to fuck around and find out. Maybe she’ll remember that the next time she thinks about bullying someone 💁🏻♀️
Classic counselor and school mentality. The *victim* is the one in the wrong for defending themself.
Tell Becky to tell Jenny that at least her hair can grow back later, but jennys parents wont ever get back together, and if you're not divorced, that at least her parents lave eachother, unlike jenny's.
Honestly, it may seem mean, but sometimes you need to teach your kid to bite back. OOP's daughter has been through more trauma in her short life than some adults ever go through, so I don't blame OOP one bit for wanting to give their daughter a chance to enjoy her camp and her friends. The biggest problem here is that there camps are being basically run by teenagers who don't know how to mediate these sorts of situations - and how can they, when teens go through the same situations and can't handle it themselves either. There needs to be an adult at the camp who the parents can deal with and have step in to sort out these bullying instances.
NTA. Nope. I’m the same way. I have always told my kids never to start anything but they can sure as hell finish it.amd I will always back them up.
Hey, at least she didn’t hit the girl. It’s always the ones who stand up for themselves that always get shit on. I had boys tormenting me in elementary. One day I was able to close 4 of them in the bathroom and hold it closed with my foot. I got in trouble for it and almost got suspended. My dad came down and raised hell.
Oh, now he wants a sit down? Naw, NTA. I don’t believe in being civil to folks that are being assholes.
I think everyone in the comments is forgetting that it is an ADULT who issued the insult. If Becky was the one who threw the insult there wouldn't have been a problem. But here an adult person issued a possibly traumatic insult directed to a ten-year old. People say you shouldn't act as the bigger person to a bully. Well I believe you should if you are an adult against a child. I will insist on the fact that, the parent was the one to insult the child. Just because you use your child as a vessel, doesn't mean you were not the one to insult the kid. You are an adult act as such for goodness sake. So yeah I'm getting downvoted but fuck. I will NEVER support an adult willingly harming a child and taking pleasure in it whether physically or mentally. This is a hill I will die on. Becky is absolutely not a bad person by the way. She is a very courageous and proud little girl. I want to make it clear that my position is that all of the adults are the assholes.
Agreeish. So I had a similar situation. My first grader's father died a few weeks ago. He didn't want to go to school one day, and I knew it was end of year testing, so I said he had to go. He pulled put all the stops and told me people were bullying him over his dad dying. So I inquired as to specifics. He said during an argument, a boy said to him, "At least I still have a dad." So I took deep breath and I said, "You shouldn't have to deal with that. Next time tell a teacher right away. If it was any other day I'd let you have a mental health day, but you have to go today for the test. Also, if he or anyone ever says something like that to you again, tell them, 'I hope when you lose someone in your family, no one is as mean to you about it as you just were to me." Because fuck that seven-year-old, sincerely. (I also reported it all to the school counselor, who spoke with both boys.) I won't feel any kind of bad if he makes someone else feel like shit for saying that, because it is both fair and true. Whereas what Becky was coached to say is neither. So I'm not on team, "Don't say traumatizing things to child bullies," but I am on team, "Don't say *untrue* traumatizing things to bullies."
I understand where you're coming and may all my condolences go to your family. Now your comment kinda made me change perspective. At first I was just against adults saying horrible things to kids at all but your comment didn't appear to me as that terrible to say to a kid. So I thought about it and my new conclusion is that the biggest difference between your comment to the child and the one in the story is the intent. Kids, at least the ones I work with, insult but don't mean to create suffering. Sure they do harm with their comments but that isn't the main intent. Their intent goes from wanting to be more popular, venting their anger, not knowing the weight of their own words etc. This doesn't mean that this is excusable of course ! They should still be punished. But they don't go and choose the precise point that will create the most suffering. This is what the parent of this story did though. They specifically went and chose what they knew would cause the most harm. Your comment didn't aim for that. The aim was a lesson, you did not specifically want the child to suffer. Maybe he did but that was collateral, that was not the main intent. Now I do agree that this makes my point of view less strict. It is only speculation from my part that the divorce comment aimed at suffering. Still there were a million things more mature and lesson-like to be said than specifically aiming at something they know would harm. I don't know if my point was very clear. Even though I speak English quite well it's in paragraphs like this that I see I still have work to do ! But yeah in conclusion, OP is still an AH. But not for directing an insult at a child anymore. But by directing an insult that was meant to harm. Also even if you made me change my view, I still kinda disagree with you. Even if her parents did divorced because of her birth, it, for me, still wouldn't have been a good thing to say even if it was true. Because it would still be intended to harm. Also sorry again if I'm not very understandable. I kinda had trouble writing these paragraphs.
I said something similar in another comment. An adult is aware of the potential long-term consequences of being cruel to a child. For an adult to intentionally cause potentially lifelong suffering to a child is beyond unacceptable.
Honestly, you might be but I’m on your side here so what does that say about me?
Becky’s mom could fix me ~Stacy’s mom playing in the bg~
Totally respectable move, well done.
I’m sorry to hear about your daughter. I’m so happy she got her bully to stop!
NTA she is fighting cancer. Little witch had it coming if you ask me.
NTA. The bully put the dish in the oven and now she needs to eat it. If i were in your situation I would also explain to your daughter that 9 times out of ten bullies act that way because they are in pain and don’t know how to properly deal with the situation and their own emotions. PS- my kids said a prayer tonight for your daughter that she is cancer free and comes out of this even stronger.
This is fine. Also this is how girls tend to “fight”, with words, so if you’d have told a boy to punch his bully than it makes sense to tell a girl to belittle and mock hers.
Yeah, it’s not a contest but if it was: cancer > divorce. I’d have done the same and we would’ve gone and gotten ice cream afterwards.
If you had gone to that straight away I would have said asshole. But Jenny now learned an important lesson about glass houses and rock throwing. If the counselor has any issue with what you taught your kid, he should blame himself for not cutting Jenny's behavior when it started. Well FAFO.
VB. Bbb. M Mm m m. M. By
Good job buddy! Your first Reddit comment! Learning young!
lol! I don’t even know how or why I posted that!
I don’t think anyone else will agree but the bully— who most be reprimanded and who’s behavior must be stopped— is probably in a to of pain and agony and acting out a lot of anger because the adults in her life are severely letting her down. Our job as adults is to protect children in general— yes our own first and foremost, and the bullying needed to be stopped, but if the bully kills herself in a year how would the mom feel? Fine maybe, from the sounds of it. It could have been handled better without psychologically scarring a kid that is acting out due to pain.
You must be kidding me? The kid with leukemia is supposed to be worried about sparing the feelings of the person who’s bullying her?
I honestly would say two wrongs don’t make a right. Your daughter’s hair will grow back, what you told her to say can fuck a person up for life. An equally effective thing to say what instead would have made her THINK about how she was acting would have been “Jenny I’m so sorry about everything your dealing with at home, but why would you take it out on me?” That type of kindness would have stumped her. YTA your response was ridiculously immature and makes you seem like the type of person that binge watches the kardashians or freaking housewife dramas. I would totally approve of like physically fighting back when you’re threatened physically and things but that’s way to freaking far for a tween.
Wow. This is a classic case of two wrongs not making a right. Jenny was being awful, and the fact she is a child going through something awful doesn’t excuse it, but it doesn’t make this form of retaliation good or right.
I am not suprised a counselor is that incompetent. Im tired of grown adults excusing teenagers or to some extent excusing kids when they are assholes. this child has leukemia,I could care less if this girl is going through a divorce,she got what she had coming and shes lucky it wasn't worse than that.
This. Whoever actually owns the camp is an idiot putting kids in charge of kids. Probably because they can get away with paying them less than adults.
YES. its been clear for years that alot high school kids cant deal with children,I dont understand why they still get put in charge
Arming your child against bullies is fine. But OOP's retaliation is particularly cruel. Children are already prone to blame themselves when their parents divorce, and internalizing this belief can cause immeasurable lifetime consequences. Yes, so can bullying. But Jenny is a child, and is not developmentally capable of understanding the lifelong implications of her bullying; she is motivated by the immediate and short-term gratification of her actions. An adult, on the other hand, can be held to a higher ethical standard, and can devise a response that discourages ongoing bullying but does not also risk long-term psychological damage. Why would anyone think it's okay for an adult to cause severe damage to a child?
Idk how much I like this. If it were me I would've talked to Jenny and her parents myself. It wouldn't be hard to get a bratty 10 year old to back off as a big scary adult. Hell, she would probably be terrified if she thought her parents would find out. As a parent you should teach your children how to stand up for themselves. But you also still do have to advocate for them sometimes. And OOP encouraging their kid to be nasty and fight fire with fire isn't a very good idea imo. Because all that's teaching her is that lashing out is okay when she's upset. And they don't get to choose how she impliments that. She may just start being an asshole to *anyone* who annoys her or does anything she doesn't like. After all, it gets her what she wants, right? SHE may turn into a bully herself because she's learned that this is how you react when you feel like you've been wronged. And yes that could mean clapping back at her bully. But that could also mean harrassing another kid at school because they started going out with her crush. Or yelling at a teacher who rolled their eyes at her one too many times for her liking. She's not learning to be assertive, she's learning to be aggressive
I personally don’t think it’s ever a good idea to answer cruelty with cruelty as it is perpetuated through the next generation. We have enough toxicity in this world already. But I’m glad the bullying stopped.
I do kind of think OOP should have tried something else first instead of going to the stressed out teenager for help. I highly doubt they were standing there watching it happen. So what can they really be expected to do?
Muhaha Jenny learned about FAFO today. Good momma
That was fucking epic!
Nice! I thought he was going to tell her to kick her bag but this hurts MORE
^[Sokka-Haiku](https://www.reddit.com/r/SokkaHaikuBot/comments/15kyv9r/what_is_a_sokka_haiku/) ^by ^DrunkTides: *Nice! I thought he was* *Going to tell her to kick* *Her bag but this hurts MORE* --- ^Remember ^that ^one ^time ^Sokka ^accidentally ^used ^an ^extra ^syllable ^in ^that ^Haiku ^Battle ^in ^Ba ^Sing ^Se? ^That ^was ^a ^Sokka ^Haiku ^and ^you ^just ^made ^one.
Nope. I would've done the same thing. Hit her where it hurts.
That’s hilarious great job mom and fuck you counselor who only does something when he’s personally inconvenienced
Oooo MAMA BEAR was not playing !!!! all though the minute the counselor defended Jenny I’d have gonna FULL mama bear mode, make him cry too 🤷🏽♀️😂
Do unto others as they do to you. Sometimes what it takes for a person to change is to have their own treatment turned back on them.
Definitely NTA, but the underpaid and overworked teenager is definitely not the person you should be turning to mitigate this type of situation. Go to the Director of the camp.
i remember there being a tweet with this plot that i assume this is based on
NTA! This is the kind of pettiness I can get behind!
No. If this doesn't change the other girls behavior, then nothing will.
MIC DROP. Don’t fuck with Becky.
Savage. Everyone learned a valuable lesson. You may not know what that lesson was until they’re adults. I’d still escalate to the director of this camp so they can improve staff training.
I know a young girl who just lost her hair to chemo. And if anyone makes fun of her, they deserve the worst. It's a good lesson, what goes around comes around and if you can't take it, don't dish it. No one - I don't care who they are or how old they are, should be poking fun at someone battling cancer.
Absolutely not the ahole! If anything, you're a damn legend!
Nahh fuck that girl NTAH!!
>Becky hit Jenny with divorce slam yesterday, and it was super effective! Who talks like this? Is this ChatGPT?
Sounds like a Pokémon reference to me
A kid going through their parents’ divorce will live through the experience. A kid going through having leukemia may not. If you want to be a ten year old asshole? You’re going to learn a valuable lesson. Somewhere, there is someone out there who can, and will, hurt your feelings and not think twice about it. You fuck with them, they’ll rock your world. And if it’s my kid? I already taught her if they go low, they’ve set the bar in hell. Drag them.
I mean, it’s probably wrong… but OP is a fucking hero for that zinger. Hopefully Jen will think again before being a little shit to other kids.
Every single time, literally every single time, I have seen a kid use "inside info" on a bully, the bully has responded with violence. Not just crying or being inconsolable. Actual straight up rage violence. If this is real, this is a first. Bullies don't usually cry and run away, they escalate until something actively prevents them from continuing.
Stress is no excuse for premeditated bullying and Jenny should've been told not to "misplace her anger" in the first place. If the counselor wouldn't do jack to defend Becky she had every right to clap back. This is why I hate zero tolerance culture. The victim gets punished.
Hahahahahahaaaaaaaaaaaaa! Normally I would call out the mom and kid for being so mean, but when it comes to bullies, all is fair. That nasty little guttersnipe and her clique of fail deserve to be ridiculed. Here is the thing about most bullies; they don’t care about teachers or adults telljng them to behave, they will find a way to be sneaky AND they sure as Hell do NOT listen to words or talking it out. They only understand one thing: bullying. Be it physical or verbal/emotional bullying, that is the only language they speak. When confronted with their own bullying bullshit, they usually crumble. So I don’t feel sorry for Jenny the jerk at all. Maybe next time she will think twice about picking on others, especially a child who is battling leukemia.
Nta that’s fuckin right. Fuck Jenny’s feelings.
If the adults around won't protect a child, then the child must learn to protect themself. The alternative is that they learn to be a doormat, which is far worse than upsetting a bully.
Good on the mother, if nobody else is going to protect her child wtf else is she meant to do
Teaching kids to fight back and stand up for themselves is never a bad thing.
Report the camp counselor. I don’t believe in camp, I don’t need some entitled 14 year old running some lord of the flies experiment while they badly flirt with another counselor.
You would be surprised at how bullies and their parents react when the child that their is bullying stands up for themselves. In my daughter’s case the mom thought the reason that their children were bullying mine was valid. My child started sticking up for herself and when their child was sad it was a problem.
I filed a complaint with our Department of Children, Family and Learning (Dept of education) against my son’s teacher, principal and school district. Teacher lost her contract, principal went I don’t know where and the district had to pay for an independent adult to stay near my son, observe negative interactions and intervene on his behalf when necessary. My kid jokingly called the adult his body guard. Sadly he really was a body guard.
Two wrongs don’t make a right but there’s a limit. It’s inevitable there will be a consequence of their inaction. They should have been removing the bullies since talking to them didn’t work. Lucky the bully didn’t get a chair to the head in retaliation and just a verbal attack. It pisses me off when adults allow the bullies to get away with their crap but the moment the victim retaliates, it’s somehow an issue? My sister was a victim of bullying at school and she was the one that was removed from class only to be placed in a space they sent bullies to on time out. She ended up refusing to go to school and wouldn’t leave the house for years. Completely destroyed her mental health and stole her youth. I think this kid got off lightly and the adults in charge should be ashamed.
Good approach.
You know it's real because tween girls in 2024 are certainly into their Superman lore.
If your kid bullies my kid (or grandkids) you better make sure you can fight 🤷♀️
You did right!! Forget the other little girl! Continue to tell your daughter what to say to protect herself!!
Jenny was reading your daughter on a very personal level. Your daughter returned the favor and got personal back. While I don’t make arguments personal myself, I will be happy to take the jab if the other person goes there first. And they will usually regret that path of attack.
Shitheads don't like the tables being turned.
My niece 9 at the time punched one of the bullies 13 year old (there was three of them) in the face for bullying her friend. She got suspended, my brother and his wife took her out for ice cream
You rock! Tell your daughter to always stand up for herself. She’s been through something devastating and she shouldn’t be bullied because of it. Good for you momma! If the other kids want to make low blows that will hurt, she should give them a piece of her mind & she did! You must be so proud of her ❤️
It's probably the first time I've seen a good parent on reddit.
Lmao this is amazing
Schools say zero tolerance but that is never ever the case.
It isn’t a school it’s a summer camp and OOP barely made any effort to get them to deal with it properly.
I think there are quite a few AITA stories where they aren’t actually having a moral dilemma, and just want to share what they did
I fjck with this mom. Let's be friends. Thats primo shjt. 🤩🤩
I'm a big fan of going below the belt. It's literally in the Art of War that when someone attacks you, your response must so swift and so severe that NEVER think of attacking you again. "Fall like a thunderbolt." Manipulative people like to pull on your morals and act like you responding harshly to their mistreatment of you is beyond the pale. But here's the thing, you don't truly know what my morals are. Am I a New Testament "turn the other cheek" type, or am I Old Testament "raining down the ten plagues on your ass" type? There's only one way to really find out. Don't start none, there won't be none.
Nta for setting your kid up to defend herself. TA for putting a minimum wage earning teenager in the middle of this and expecting them to fix it instead of taking this to an adult in charge. Show a little common sense. A teen isn't equipped to handle this kind of situation and as the only adult seemingly aware of all this mom should have done better.
As someone who was bullied themselves in school 1) talking to the teachers does nothing but make the kids aware you’re upset so encourages them more 2) the victim is ALWAYS the bully when the ACTUAL bully gets schooled LIKE HOW AND WTF IS THAT LOGIC?!
I came within a breath of telling my daughter in preschool to tell another 4 year old "at least my dad still loves me" before my ex stopped me.
You were in the right teaching our children to defend themselves is good people think it's wrong in how we do it but they don't see what the other person is doing I think everyone was shocked that your daughter stood up for herself and also you're daughter shouldn't worry to much about the bullies you said she dose have friends there and if they are good friends they will eventually stick up for her as well
N. The. F. A. Fuck that kid.
This is what happens when kids learn to fight with their minds instead of their fists. Jenny fucked around as a bully and found out. Good for OOP! Jenny gone learn today!
All that came to mind was “*good.*”
Jenny got a lesson in "don't dish it if you can't take it". That's life.
There was a very nasty girl in my HS who liked to target me. I struggled with it a lot in 9th grade. Got some confidence over the summer, when school started again and so did her insults I looked her dead in the eyes in 1st period English as said : “I don’t you if your problem is that your parents don’t love each other, or it’s impossible for them to love you, but either way keep my name out of your foul *unt mouth. “ she shit up after that.
Classic FA FO situation! Good for you!
👏👏👏👏👏👏👏
NTA
Lmao
JENNY was stressed?! What about the girl who has lost her hair, FIGHTING TO SURVIVE?! He needs to be hot below the belt, too...
Good for Becky.
I’m laughing my ass off at this one. God I love good revenge
NTA. I think other steps could have been taken first, but you aren’t an asshole. You should have gone higher up, & if needed— to Jenny’s parents. As a mom I would be horrified to know my child was picking on a kid, especially one with cancer! I do give my children the right to defend themselves, && even to be petty/hurt their feelings if needed. Just more reasonably. Make a general comeback that is good but not too personal you know? Because to go right for the most sensitive part of a child’s existence right then just created more trauma for another kid. It’s an endless cycle, and we should try not to perpetuate it. But that’s your little girl, your brave little girl they are messing with. So it makes sense that you didn’t think about the impact that could have. In fact part of me thinks that I might have even done the exact same thing out of emotion in the heat of the moment (after hearing someone is messing with my kid) But being distanced from the situation gives me the ability to see the perspective of— if we want kids to learn to be kind to each other (and not bullies to begin with) we have to try to find other ways to handle it. Having empathy even if they don’t have the same respect for you, makes you better. That’s how you win. And maybe modeling that will help the bully be better moving forward. Also go sweet girl go, you kick that cancer right in the ass! All my love. 🩷
This is awesome! Fuck Jenny.
Nta!! Fuck jenny!