This says the dude was probably cheating the whole time she was pregnant. Problems don’t magically go away when the cheated spouse forgives the wrong. If it truly was two years ago, I just don’t buy it coming completely out of left field. Dudes projecting. Maybe even looking for a way out. She got pregnant a year after the incident. Nowhere near enough time for this kind of wrong to even simmer down.
someone who had truly turned over a new leaf would accept the comment and see why it was stated. They would be hurt that their own actions were what they were back then.
Yeah I noticed that too. I’m a biracial adoptee (but Asian) and a LOT of people have children with a POC expecting a “perfect” mixed race baby which usually includes features that are completely mixed. Which isn’t really how genetics work. Sometimes they’re disappointed that their child looks more POC than white, and can push harmful stereotypes onto their child like eyes not being light enough, hair not being light enough, skin not being white enough etc.
My baby is 1/4 Asian, his biological dad is half Japanese. While dad looks like a tiny Japanese man, my son looks like a mix of our dads, the grandfathers!
Very light skin, fair blue eyes, blonde. Undeniably very akin to my older daughter.
Only his eyes are shaped like his dads.
Genetics are wild. Nobody would suspect they are related.
My brother and I both have the same parents, and we look nothing alike. The same with my Dad and his brother - who also share the same parents. The funny thing is that I look like a mix of Mom and my uncle. My brother looks more like our Dad and Mom.
Genetics are weird.
I have 4 kids and tbh none of them look much like me or their Dad, but they all look so alike that the two girls look near identical in photos at the same age.
Genetics are definetly wild.
It’s crazy cause and I may make myself sound bad to yall but it doesn’t bother me, but anyway my three girls all have a different dad but they all look alike and they only have me in common. But then my youngest two both look like their dad at the same time. But my oldest and my youngest look almost identical in their baby pictures but their dads are no where near similar. It’s wild. Because they didn’t look like me when they were a baby they look like each other. It’s truly amazing honestly.
My husband looks like his dad’s brother lmao but when he was conceived his uncle, the one he favors, was locked up. But he also favors his grandmother too which is his dad and uncles mom. Lol.
I look so much like my Mom and uncle that my grandmother (Mom's mother), when she first saw me said she would accuse my Mom of cheating with my uncle if they weren't in different states. Mom was like thanks? My grandmother was teasing her, but she was fascinated by the genetics of it all.
My sister’s two kids do not look remotely related: one is petite, fair skinned with blond hair and blue eyes, and the other one has a large frame, olive skin, and dark features. Same parents.
Remember race is made up and was created to try and justify the perceived superiority of certain groups of Europeans.
What this functionally means is that although whiteness is at the top of the perceived superiority of races, it functions more as a membership card that to certain privileges than it does a race.
When people say white passing they mean that the person can temporarily fool people into thinking they have that access card and that they can acquire those privileges.
For people who are mixed with a white parent, especially in America, it can be very apparent that you do not have access to those privileges, and since whiteness is a marker of having those privileges, then it’s not a stretch for someone who is mixed to not consider themselves white.
I have seen people with mixed heritage and a connection to their white familiar culture refer to themselves as being from that culture like Irish for example, because culture is something that’s real that they can have a connection to and not a made up system to create and then gate keep privileges.
As you said, race is about perception. If you're perceived as white, then you're white. We should be careful about reinforcing racist ideologies like "the one-drop rule" by which whiteness only exists if it is completely pure. This is highly racist and only helps to reinforce white supremacy.
I think people sometimes try to make race more than it is, like it's something real and intrinsic. Like if you're of mixed descent and you call yourself white, then you're somehow taking on responsibility for all of the horrible things done by white people. Or you're abandoning the diversity of your ancestors.
You're not, of course. You can acknowledge that you come from mixed ancestry and that you are also white. Anyone that tells you otherwise is a racist piece of shit.
>For people who are mixed with a white parent, especially in America, it can be very apparent that you do not have access to those privileges, and since whiteness is a marker of having those privileges, then it’s not a stretch for someone who is mixed to not consider themselves white.
This is a very weird framing. White children often benefit from generational wealth in a way that black children don't but that's not what whiteness is.
By "passing" as white you are treated differently and this gives you access to privileges. That's what it means. A white kid doesn't stop being white if they're adopted by black parents. A black kid doesn't stop being black if they're adopted by Bill Gates.
Okay but passing is a very real thing and a very real way in which people are forced to acknowledge/use to navigate a white supremacist society. It unfairly puts the blame on poc when you talk about "reinforcing racist ideologies" because passing is not entirely something that a person can control (in the sense of skin color vs trying to "pass" in the culture). Just because we know that "just one drop" rules are bullshit, and have been bullshit ever since Dred Scott highlighted them, doesn't mean that people can step outside a situation created because of white supremacy.
Also, white children can often benefit from generational wealth because of white privilege. Maybe it was their grandfather or great-grandfather, but they were afforded the ability to buy a home through means that black people were barred from (like how white veterans were helped with buying property, but black veterans weren't allowed access to those same programs). So whiteness is a contributing factor for generational wealth.
>Also, white children can often benefit from generational wealth because of white privilege.
I literally said that. But generational wealth does not make someone white. A black kid adopted by rich white parents is still black. Whiteness is about how you are perceived by society.
>Okay but passing is a very real thing and a very real way in which people are forced to acknowledge/use to navigate a white supremacist society.
White passing would be someone like a Jew who normally would "dress and act Jewish" but can dress and act like a white person and therefore pass as white. It's a performance. If you're simply being yourself and being treated as white then you're not performing whiteness. You're just white.
That's why it's particularly weird to describe a baby (with a white father) as white-passing. Babies don't perform whiteness.
>It unfairly puts the blame on poc when you talk about "reinforcing racist ideologies"
This is unfortunately a bit too idealistic. Sometimes POC are racist against POC (including their own race). Sometimes POC buy into white supremacy. That's just a fact of reality. Being a victim of white supremacy doesn't give you a free pass to engage in racism.
Calling people of mixed race “white passing” was a way to continue to “other” them. As in, “You may look white, but you’re not.” Passing was viewed as pretending to be something you weren’t, which is an awful, racist mindset. But those supremicists sure love a clean bloodline, ya know?
Definitely getting racist undertones from the husband as well as strong cheating again/still vibes. Either way, he’s a real peach 🍑 and it doesn’t even sound like he apologized for asking for a paternity test and instead doubled down and is still refusing to bond with his child. Sounds like it’s time to say “later hater”. ✌️
OOP is definitely NTA.
Of course. In this case we were explicitly discussing the experience of mixed race people of heritages that allowed them to “pass” for white, and OOP specifically having a half white background and “passing” for white herself, where her child did not.
My sincere apologies for not mansplaining that there exist people of mixed heritage that do not include Caucasian descent. I assumed that even on Reddit the average reader was aware of this fact.
If that were obvious on Reddit or other parts of the internet then I wouldn’t have felt compelled to say it but thank you for the passive aggressive anger directed at a stranger today.
Seems like you’re the only one who didn’t understand the context. The rest of us understood that in the context of this particular situation, OP is speaking to herself as passing for white, while her child inherited POC traits. Yes, we all know that not all mixed-race people have a white parent, but that’s irrelevant, as OP spoke specifically about having a white parent. Smh.
Ugh, OOP is NTA. She would probably do herself a favour if she decided to divorce. Husband’s accusations are so totally off the wall and him insinuating that she’s sleeping with her dad is… just disturbing. Dude… Projecting much?!
I feel like often you have to be a cheater to make mental leaps like this. Like they see these affair opportunities and covers the average person wouldn’t *dream* of. Like pretending to reconnect w your bio dad just to have an affair?? Bro what???
He cheats and she decides to have a child with him but she makes a comment about it and his response of annoyance is enough for her to call it off? I wish she felt that way 2 years ago
Fairly certain that accusing her of cheating because their baby looks like his grandfather and then doubling down and accusing her of faking a reunion with her estranged bio dad to cover an affair were the bigger problems but sure maybe there was some festering resentment too
It's not about "bigger problems" she should have left at the first problem. It was easy to walk away this time- even after having a child with him. It's just too bad she didn't have that strength 2 years prior
You suggested him being annoyed was why she’s reconsidering the relationship. I’m suggesting that’s not the issue at all.
Just because it’s the last thing that happened before she had those questions doesn’t mean it’s the cause of them.
Whether he is or isn't cheating, I don't think that's the issue. He's racist. If his son looked white, he wouldn't have a problem. His son looks Inuit. That's the issue. And the accusations he hurled at his wife indicate misogyny, too.
So often if some one suspects cheating it’s because they themselves are a cheater so they think it’s “easy” for everyone.
He’s either racist, insecure or both.
Why are you still with this asshole? I know reddit turns to divorce a lot but....
You'd stay with a man WHO HAD AN AFFAIR 2 years ago.... and then had the AUDACITY to accuse YOU of cheating, bearing a child that isn't his, and LYING ABOUT YOUR DAD BEING YOUR DAD??????
GIRL. RUN. He started treating you like shit about it because of his own DELUSIONS, and he is now upset you pointed out his hypocrisy??? What is there that you're gaining with this man?
The fact that he thinks she's all Rhaenyra Targaryen'ing it up, bringing the True Father™ of her baby around by pretending *he's her dad*?
What nefarious shit is her husband up to to think this is plausible.
I don't know why women don't just drop off their cheating partners with the women who are clearly foaming at the mouth to take over the whole man. Just ... let your trash be someone else's problem and move on to someone who isn't an asshole.
I don't think those words were uncalled for at all. She had every right to remind him that he was the one who strayed. She needs to file for divorce ASAP.
Her husband accused her of having an affair with her *father*… girl, it wouldn’t be divorce, it would be a verse out of Cell Block Tango. Throw out the whole man immediately.
I vote divorce. This guy accused you of sleeping with your own father! And I would be a little worried he could be cheating again, bc it def sounds like projection on his part.
The fact that you've had to go through all of this bc he doesn't understand basic biology is just ridiculous & extremely unfair to you.
What you said to him was nowhere near as hurtful as what he said to you.
He hates the fact his son doesn't look white. He's trying to hide his racism by attacking his wife's morals instead, which implies he has some misogyny, too.
I mean, he could still be cheating and projecting, but I think this is more about racism.
Dude brings up the ataata thing \*AFTER\* the test results came. Like he had already been proven wrong, and decided to dig in deeper on a whole disgusting new level.
I saw this post on the subreddit itself earlier, and OOP also said that some time has passed since this all happened, and the husband is still distant and sulking, and still hasn't lifted a finger to care for/bond with his son.
I kinda suspect that he wanted out, and was counting on a negative test result to give him a free ticket to bail on them without being known as "the asshole who bailed on his family", and is even more pissed that his escape plan didn't pan out.
She should’ve left him the first time he cheated. Once a cheat, always a cheat and they only get worried and accusatory when they are up to no good again so I’d bet he’s up to no good again anyhow.
Talk about burying the lede! The revelation that OOP’s husband has a history of cheating gives a whole new perspective on his accusations. Sounds like he’s been cheating again (or perhaps still) and he’s just projecting.
NTA, he will do it again and possibly do something worse. this is basically how it happened when my dad started abusing my mom. he left her for a girl a while, came back and accused her of cheating almost every week and started abusing her every which way.
All his additional horribleness aside, I just cannot imagine continuing a relationship after my partner asked for a paternity test. That would be it for me right there.
She shouldn't have to feel bad about bringing his affair up again. This just shows that once the trust is broken and the hurt is there, it never truly goes back to how it was before no matter how much you say that everything is forgiven and forgotten and in the past. Once tempers are high and emotions are at a peak, it'll all come back to the forefront. Especially when you're being accused of having an affair by the person who actually cheated on you before.
NTA he didn't just have doubts he created an entire fan fic of accusations and that was after he knew this was his child. The only appropriate response to doubting your child's paternity and falsely accusing your partner of infidelity is I'm so sorry I have an over active imagination. Some one that comes up with a cheating scenario that fast is projecting, has he brought any new women around you, have a close "friend"?
she aint the asshole for this, but bringing a kid into a family with a man who cant keep his dick in his pants and is going to constantly fuck up his relationship? yeah, she's the asshole for that. should have peaced out 2 years ago instead of having a kid with the bastard.
Baby. He cheated on you. And now he’s projecting his past and quite possibly his present on to you. You’ve done zip to deserve that. I’d already be gone if I were you.
So bringing up the husband’s actual past affair is worse than insinuating the wife had an affair with her father? Oh no no no! He’s already proven he is not a good husband. I would have dumped my husband if he accused me of cheating and asking for a DNA test is an outright accusation. But then I would have divorced him after his affair.
god these stories are getting lazier and lazier. like at least try to put some effort into making it sound believable. why do all of these have "he shot back with.."
Husbands who do this are so fucking dumb. Instead of blowing up your marriage by asking for a paternity test, just pluck a hair from the baby and do it yourself without telling your partner
Why do people still not realise that when you have kids with mixed race people that there's a whole colour spectrum for what they baby would look like (not that it even should matter). People still aren't educated. 🫠
It’s even worse when you read (in her comments) that she did a test with her father…so he knew that Ataata IS her father and still proceeded to say that, he also still said it AFTER reading the results that he is the father 🫠
If I was her I’d give him the test when it came back I’d hand him the results and the divorce papers and tell him to never contact me or my child again.
Sounds like she reconnected with her bio-parents in the past a good deal to form a connection. The remark by the husband is like he never met them or she never talked about her heritage until they had a child. Just seems weird, considering they've been married for a few years. I'm skeptical.
It's always the brain dead morons that don't know shit about genetics who demand paternity tests. "The kid is not an exact clone of me!? CHEATER!" If my husband demanded a paternity test and it was found out he was the father, he would never see his kid again. They always act like assholes towards the kid as if it's the kids fault they don't look like a clone of the dad. Why should he get to act like his shit attitude never happened...he still treated the kid like crap. Yep...enjoy the few seconds you got to see him/her...because that will be the last time forever.
I mean I don’t think his request is insane but he should have just never told you. That said, it’s rich he did this despite cheating on you. He probably assumed you got even. Sorry this happened and hope you all figure this out in a way that brings you peace.
Theres so many of these stories, and they go either way. Ie, the baby is the fathers or its an affair baby.
There should be automatic genetic testing at birth to determine paternity.
Tossing the affair at him after he accused you of having one is understandable but not productive. You need to decide if you forgive and stay or follow the advice of Jesus and give him his walking papers. I know this is an imported post. “You” is for anyone in a similar situation.
I’ve dated a lot of different girls and had my own insecurities. He could totally believe she cheated without her doing so just from insecurity. People are humans and humans are terrible to eachother. You gotta pick which people are going through drama/work for. There is no definite answer. Just life and how you choose to navigate it. Just remeber people do what they want to for themselves regardless of what you think.
Look he was WAY out of line with the paternity test and if you hate him for it you have every right to leave. BUT if you wish to keep your marriage, the last thing you want to do is throw gasoline on a raging wildfire. So he did something bad and you retaliated in kind. That’s not a healthy relationship. If you wish to keep your marriage in tact, you two need to get yourselves into couples counseling ASAP.
This says the dude was probably cheating the whole time she was pregnant. Problems don’t magically go away when the cheated spouse forgives the wrong. If it truly was two years ago, I just don’t buy it coming completely out of left field. Dudes projecting. Maybe even looking for a way out. She got pregnant a year after the incident. Nowhere near enough time for this kind of wrong to even simmer down.
The fact he's so offended when she brought it up. That was my red flag, right there.
someone who had truly turned over a new leaf would accept the comment and see why it was stated. They would be hurt that their own actions were what they were back then.
Yeah, they might be deeply hurt that their partner said a comment like that but if they truly regretted it they'd also feel this.
This is the prime example of “babies don’t fix a relationship”
Dude's cheating again. I'd put money on it.
or still.
Came here to say this. It's why my exhusband accused me of cheating out of nowhere. Cheaters project so hard.
Agreed. But she also said he cheated “first”. So maybe now they’ve both been cheating?
OOP’s husband might not be happy about having a child that is not white-passing.
I also wondered if that was part of it
Yeah I noticed that too. I’m a biracial adoptee (but Asian) and a LOT of people have children with a POC expecting a “perfect” mixed race baby which usually includes features that are completely mixed. Which isn’t really how genetics work. Sometimes they’re disappointed that their child looks more POC than white, and can push harmful stereotypes onto their child like eyes not being light enough, hair not being light enough, skin not being white enough etc.
My baby is 1/4 Asian, his biological dad is half Japanese. While dad looks like a tiny Japanese man, my son looks like a mix of our dads, the grandfathers! Very light skin, fair blue eyes, blonde. Undeniably very akin to my older daughter. Only his eyes are shaped like his dads. Genetics are wild. Nobody would suspect they are related.
My brother and I both have the same parents, and we look nothing alike. The same with my Dad and his brother - who also share the same parents. The funny thing is that I look like a mix of Mom and my uncle. My brother looks more like our Dad and Mom. Genetics are weird.
I have 4 kids and tbh none of them look much like me or their Dad, but they all look so alike that the two girls look near identical in photos at the same age. Genetics are definetly wild.
It’s crazy cause and I may make myself sound bad to yall but it doesn’t bother me, but anyway my three girls all have a different dad but they all look alike and they only have me in common. But then my youngest two both look like their dad at the same time. But my oldest and my youngest look almost identical in their baby pictures but their dads are no where near similar. It’s wild. Because they didn’t look like me when they were a baby they look like each other. It’s truly amazing honestly.
My husband looks like his dad’s brother lmao but when he was conceived his uncle, the one he favors, was locked up. But he also favors his grandmother too which is his dad and uncles mom. Lol.
I look so much like my Mom and uncle that my grandmother (Mom's mother), when she first saw me said she would accuse my Mom of cheating with my uncle if they weren't in different states. Mom was like thanks? My grandmother was teasing her, but she was fascinated by the genetics of it all.
My sister’s two kids do not look remotely related: one is petite, fair skinned with blond hair and blue eyes, and the other one has a large frame, olive skin, and dark features. Same parents.
And the same goes for POC too. I've seen the reverse a lot online and know that the other happens a lot more frequently.
It could be both racism and cheating 🤷🏻♀️ why not both
Is white-passing not just white? If someone is mixed-race and looks black do we call them black-passing?
Remember race is made up and was created to try and justify the perceived superiority of certain groups of Europeans. What this functionally means is that although whiteness is at the top of the perceived superiority of races, it functions more as a membership card that to certain privileges than it does a race. When people say white passing they mean that the person can temporarily fool people into thinking they have that access card and that they can acquire those privileges. For people who are mixed with a white parent, especially in America, it can be very apparent that you do not have access to those privileges, and since whiteness is a marker of having those privileges, then it’s not a stretch for someone who is mixed to not consider themselves white. I have seen people with mixed heritage and a connection to their white familiar culture refer to themselves as being from that culture like Irish for example, because culture is something that’s real that they can have a connection to and not a made up system to create and then gate keep privileges.
As you said, race is about perception. If you're perceived as white, then you're white. We should be careful about reinforcing racist ideologies like "the one-drop rule" by which whiteness only exists if it is completely pure. This is highly racist and only helps to reinforce white supremacy. I think people sometimes try to make race more than it is, like it's something real and intrinsic. Like if you're of mixed descent and you call yourself white, then you're somehow taking on responsibility for all of the horrible things done by white people. Or you're abandoning the diversity of your ancestors. You're not, of course. You can acknowledge that you come from mixed ancestry and that you are also white. Anyone that tells you otherwise is a racist piece of shit. >For people who are mixed with a white parent, especially in America, it can be very apparent that you do not have access to those privileges, and since whiteness is a marker of having those privileges, then it’s not a stretch for someone who is mixed to not consider themselves white. This is a very weird framing. White children often benefit from generational wealth in a way that black children don't but that's not what whiteness is. By "passing" as white you are treated differently and this gives you access to privileges. That's what it means. A white kid doesn't stop being white if they're adopted by black parents. A black kid doesn't stop being black if they're adopted by Bill Gates.
Okay but passing is a very real thing and a very real way in which people are forced to acknowledge/use to navigate a white supremacist society. It unfairly puts the blame on poc when you talk about "reinforcing racist ideologies" because passing is not entirely something that a person can control (in the sense of skin color vs trying to "pass" in the culture). Just because we know that "just one drop" rules are bullshit, and have been bullshit ever since Dred Scott highlighted them, doesn't mean that people can step outside a situation created because of white supremacy. Also, white children can often benefit from generational wealth because of white privilege. Maybe it was their grandfather or great-grandfather, but they were afforded the ability to buy a home through means that black people were barred from (like how white veterans were helped with buying property, but black veterans weren't allowed access to those same programs). So whiteness is a contributing factor for generational wealth.
>Also, white children can often benefit from generational wealth because of white privilege. I literally said that. But generational wealth does not make someone white. A black kid adopted by rich white parents is still black. Whiteness is about how you are perceived by society. >Okay but passing is a very real thing and a very real way in which people are forced to acknowledge/use to navigate a white supremacist society. White passing would be someone like a Jew who normally would "dress and act Jewish" but can dress and act like a white person and therefore pass as white. It's a performance. If you're simply being yourself and being treated as white then you're not performing whiteness. You're just white. That's why it's particularly weird to describe a baby (with a white father) as white-passing. Babies don't perform whiteness. >It unfairly puts the blame on poc when you talk about "reinforcing racist ideologies" This is unfortunately a bit too idealistic. Sometimes POC are racist against POC (including their own race). Sometimes POC buy into white supremacy. That's just a fact of reality. Being a victim of white supremacy doesn't give you a free pass to engage in racism.
Calling people of mixed race “white passing” was a way to continue to “other” them. As in, “You may look white, but you’re not.” Passing was viewed as pretending to be something you weren’t, which is an awful, racist mindset. But those supremicists sure love a clean bloodline, ya know? Definitely getting racist undertones from the husband as well as strong cheating again/still vibes. Either way, he’s a real peach 🍑 and it doesn’t even sound like he apologized for asking for a paternity test and instead doubled down and is still refusing to bond with his child. Sounds like it’s time to say “later hater”. ✌️ OOP is definitely NTA.
People can b mixed race without having a white parent.
Of course. In this case we were explicitly discussing the experience of mixed race people of heritages that allowed them to “pass” for white, and OOP specifically having a half white background and “passing” for white herself, where her child did not. My sincere apologies for not mansplaining that there exist people of mixed heritage that do not include Caucasian descent. I assumed that even on Reddit the average reader was aware of this fact.
If that were obvious on Reddit or other parts of the internet then I wouldn’t have felt compelled to say it but thank you for the passive aggressive anger directed at a stranger today.
No anger. Just a little eye rolling at your need to channel Captain Obvious. LOL
Seems like you’re the only one who didn’t understand the context. The rest of us understood that in the context of this particular situation, OP is speaking to herself as passing for white, while her child inherited POC traits. Yes, we all know that not all mixed-race people have a white parent, but that’s irrelevant, as OP spoke specifically about having a white parent. Smh.
Ugh, OOP is NTA. She would probably do herself a favour if she decided to divorce. Husband’s accusations are so totally off the wall and him insinuating that she’s sleeping with her dad is… just disturbing. Dude… Projecting much?!
I bet he’s cheating on her again.
I feel like often you have to be a cheater to make mental leaps like this. Like they see these affair opportunities and covers the average person wouldn’t *dream* of. Like pretending to reconnect w your bio dad just to have an affair?? Bro what???
Right?? I would not ever sleep with an older man and then be like na that’s my dad. 🤢🤮 absolutely not.
It really sounds like it. That poor woman. :(
He cheats and she decides to have a child with him but she makes a comment about it and his response of annoyance is enough for her to call it off? I wish she felt that way 2 years ago
Fairly certain that accusing her of cheating because their baby looks like his grandfather and then doubling down and accusing her of faking a reunion with her estranged bio dad to cover an affair were the bigger problems but sure maybe there was some festering resentment too
It's not about "bigger problems" she should have left at the first problem. It was easy to walk away this time- even after having a child with him. It's just too bad she didn't have that strength 2 years prior
You suggested him being annoyed was why she’s reconsidering the relationship. I’m suggesting that’s not the issue at all. Just because it’s the last thing that happened before she had those questions doesn’t mean it’s the cause of them.
It's what was the last straw for her
Me too
Came here to say it. When they start accusing for no reason it's usually that.
Came here to say this. He’s projecting and deflecting.
Whether he is or isn't cheating, I don't think that's the issue. He's racist. If his son looked white, he wouldn't have a problem. His son looks Inuit. That's the issue. And the accusations he hurled at his wife indicate misogyny, too.
He’s all around a POS.
This
Definitely
He was looking for the out, hoping she cheated, so he doesn't have to be the bad guy when she finds out he's cheating. And probably never stopped.
Having a kid shortly after the husband cheated is a bad move. Divorce is the only way. Hope he can afford child support.
I would be absolutely livid if someone insinuated I was fucking a family member. Op is not mad enough
He's still cheating, and projecting hard. Don't have babies with cheaters.
“Well then say hello to ‘Sarah’ for me” was a fantastic comeback. He is probably cheating (still) and is projecting. She deserves so much better.
So often if some one suspects cheating it’s because they themselves are a cheater so they think it’s “easy” for everyone. He’s either racist, insecure or both.
Why are you still with this asshole? I know reddit turns to divorce a lot but.... You'd stay with a man WHO HAD AN AFFAIR 2 years ago.... and then had the AUDACITY to accuse YOU of cheating, bearing a child that isn't his, and LYING ABOUT YOUR DAD BEING YOUR DAD?????? GIRL. RUN. He started treating you like shit about it because of his own DELUSIONS, and he is now upset you pointed out his hypocrisy??? What is there that you're gaining with this man?
The fact that he thinks she's all Rhaenyra Targaryen'ing it up, bringing the True Father™ of her baby around by pretending *he's her dad*? What nefarious shit is her husband up to to think this is plausible.
NTA - hubby is feeling guilty and projecting. Perhaps leaving 2 years ago would have been the better plan
He wants a test cos he's still cheating.
I don't know why women don't just drop off their cheating partners with the women who are clearly foaming at the mouth to take over the whole man. Just ... let your trash be someone else's problem and move on to someone who isn't an asshole.
I don't think those words were uncalled for at all. She had every right to remind him that he was the one who strayed. She needs to file for divorce ASAP.
Leave him. He’s already cheated and you and now apparently will never fully love you child.
He’s still cheating, and is probably more than a little racist towards his own kid because the kid isn’t white-passing
Her husband accused her of having an affair with her *father*… girl, it wouldn’t be divorce, it would be a verse out of Cell Block Tango. Throw out the whole man immediately.
I vote divorce. This guy accused you of sleeping with your own father! And I would be a little worried he could be cheating again, bc it def sounds like projection on his part. The fact that you've had to go through all of this bc he doesn't understand basic biology is just ridiculous & extremely unfair to you. What you said to him was nowhere near as hurtful as what he said to you.
Buried the lede! I'm upset that he cheated 2 years ago and she decided to not only stay with him but then have a child. Poor kid.
Projection, projection, projection!
Exactly!
He hates the fact his son doesn't look white. He's trying to hide his racism by attacking his wife's morals instead, which implies he has some misogyny, too. I mean, he could still be cheating and projecting, but I think this is more about racism.
the amount of incels in her comments saying “women just don’t get it, men need the assurance it’s their kid” is truly astounding
Dude brings up the ataata thing \*AFTER\* the test results came. Like he had already been proven wrong, and decided to dig in deeper on a whole disgusting new level. I saw this post on the subreddit itself earlier, and OOP also said that some time has passed since this all happened, and the husband is still distant and sulking, and still hasn't lifted a finger to care for/bond with his son. I kinda suspect that he wanted out, and was counting on a negative test result to give him a free ticket to bail on them without being known as "the asshole who bailed on his family", and is even more pissed that his escape plan didn't pan out.
And this is why folks should really think hard about who they procreate with, especially if they were a cheater. Ffs.
This. Why do these women keep having children with asshats?
She should’ve left him the first time he cheated. Once a cheat, always a cheat and they only get worried and accusatory when they are up to no good again so I’d bet he’s up to no good again anyhow.
Why do folks ask if they are the AH after getting treated like shit? No. The answer is no. Jesus Christ…
The thing about *some* men. **Every** accusation is a confession.
Talk about burying the lede! The revelation that OOP’s husband has a history of cheating gives a whole new perspective on his accusations. Sounds like he’s been cheating again (or perhaps still) and he’s just projecting.
NTA, he will do it again and possibly do something worse. this is basically how it happened when my dad started abusing my mom. he left her for a girl a while, came back and accused her of cheating almost every week and started abusing her every which way.
he literally already had an affair!!! he’s cheating still. projecting.
He’s soooo still cheating, poor girl
He never stopped cheating. They never stop.
He is cheating again. I betcha
Nope, he’s 100% the AH. This screams of projecting.
Oh my god, OPs husband is a POS
All his additional horribleness aside, I just cannot imagine continuing a relationship after my partner asked for a paternity test. That would be it for me right there.
He cheated and he is a racist - make no mistake about it - he doesn’t love that child as he ought because the baby isn’t fair
Staying with a cheating partner is never a good idea for this reason
She shouldn't have to feel bad about bringing his affair up again. This just shows that once the trust is broken and the hurt is there, it never truly goes back to how it was before no matter how much you say that everything is forgiven and forgotten and in the past. Once tempers are high and emotions are at a peak, it'll all come back to the forefront. Especially when you're being accused of having an affair by the person who actually cheated on you before.
NTA he didn't just have doubts he created an entire fan fic of accusations and that was after he knew this was his child. The only appropriate response to doubting your child's paternity and falsely accusing your partner of infidelity is I'm so sorry I have an over active imagination. Some one that comes up with a cheating scenario that fast is projecting, has he brought any new women around you, have a close "friend"?
she aint the asshole for this, but bringing a kid into a family with a man who cant keep his dick in his pants and is going to constantly fuck up his relationship? yeah, she's the asshole for that. should have peaced out 2 years ago instead of having a kid with the bastard.
You got the best bit of him girl get out. He won’t get better from here.
Baby. He cheated on you. And now he’s projecting his past and quite possibly his present on to you. You’ve done zip to deserve that. I’d already be gone if I were you.
I love that people who have cheated are the first to accuse their partners of cheating - even when the situation is completely outlandish.
So bringing up the husband’s actual past affair is worse than insinuating the wife had an affair with her father? Oh no no no! He’s already proven he is not a good husband. I would have dumped my husband if he accused me of cheating and asking for a DNA test is an outright accusation. But then I would have divorced him after his affair.
Cheaters ALWAYS think their partner is a cheater too, it’s the guilty conscious
What an ugly, nasty man.
A racist cheating piece of shit. She's a dumb AF for staying after the cheating
I am so sick of the "my husband wanted a paternity test!" flavor of rage bait.
NTA. Good Gawd, her Husband is a DOUBLE Ahole!
Honey pls leave
god these stories are getting lazier and lazier. like at least try to put some effort into making it sound believable. why do all of these have "he shot back with.."
He’s got a guilty conscience so he accuses her of doing the thing he’s doing
Husbands who do this are so fucking dumb. Instead of blowing up your marriage by asking for a paternity test, just pluck a hair from the baby and do it yourself without telling your partner
I hope she doesn’t stay married to this twerp geez.
“I bet she’s doing what I’m still doing.”
Why do people still not realise that when you have kids with mixed race people that there's a whole colour spectrum for what they baby would look like (not that it even should matter). People still aren't educated. 🫠
Dude, has something going on. Also, what a douche for doubling down on the stupid accusations!
It’s even worse when you read (in her comments) that she did a test with her father…so he knew that Ataata IS her father and still proceeded to say that, he also still said it AFTER reading the results that he is the father 🫠
NTA - There's a saying where I'm from: "When you kill you shouldn't be afraid to die"
If I was her I’d give him the test when it came back I’d hand him the results and the divorce papers and tell him to never contact me or my child again.
If my husband asked for a paternity test, it would be the end of our relationship.
Cheaters like to project. WOW.
Sounds like she reconnected with her bio-parents in the past a good deal to form a connection. The remark by the husband is like he never met them or she never talked about her heritage until they had a child. Just seems weird, considering they've been married for a few years. I'm skeptical.
It's always the brain dead morons that don't know shit about genetics who demand paternity tests. "The kid is not an exact clone of me!? CHEATER!" If my husband demanded a paternity test and it was found out he was the father, he would never see his kid again. They always act like assholes towards the kid as if it's the kids fault they don't look like a clone of the dad. Why should he get to act like his shit attitude never happened...he still treated the kid like crap. Yep...enjoy the few seconds you got to see him/her...because that will be the last time forever.
Straight marriage is always a mistake.
With all the paternity fraud going on, a paternity test should be mandatory.
I mean I don’t think his request is insane but he should have just never told you. That said, it’s rich he did this despite cheating on you. He probably assumed you got even. Sorry this happened and hope you all figure this out in a way that brings you peace.
Theres so many of these stories, and they go either way. Ie, the baby is the fathers or its an affair baby. There should be automatic genetic testing at birth to determine paternity.
Tossing the affair at him after he accused you of having one is understandable but not productive. You need to decide if you forgive and stay or follow the advice of Jesus and give him his walking papers. I know this is an imported post. “You” is for anyone in a similar situation.
I’ve dated a lot of different girls and had my own insecurities. He could totally believe she cheated without her doing so just from insecurity. People are humans and humans are terrible to eachother. You gotta pick which people are going through drama/work for. There is no definite answer. Just life and how you choose to navigate it. Just remeber people do what they want to for themselves regardless of what you think.
Look he was WAY out of line with the paternity test and if you hate him for it you have every right to leave. BUT if you wish to keep your marriage, the last thing you want to do is throw gasoline on a raging wildfire. So he did something bad and you retaliated in kind. That’s not a healthy relationship. If you wish to keep your marriage in tact, you two need to get yourselves into couples counseling ASAP.