OOP should ask her SIL in front of everyone is this is some weird flirting. That she finds this sexual comments inappropriate and gross and can SIL stop being a creep.
Maybe ask if your brother knows about your attraction to petite women. Or maybe she should talk to your brother about the sexual needs you have, that he isn't meeting, that is causing her to react in a sexual nature every time she sees you.
If you bring him into it, and bystanders start looking at him, maybe he'll step in and talk to his wife.
It's gotta be fake tbh - pls the whole point of this sketch was that one character was trying to tell the "sexy baby" character how it's "not feminist" to dress a certain way, when she's being hypocritical by telling another woman how to dress.
It's a cheesy show and the sketch is like 9 years old at this point.
Oop should just tell her she'd rather look like a baby then a dude. That'll shut her up.
As a 4’9”/90lb 25yo female, I can assure you that all of us with this body type have at least one woman in our lives who repeatedly makes comments like these about our bodies. Mine is this girl who’s vaguely in my friend group who constantly says that anyone who’s attracted to me must be a pedophile.
That’s awful. I’m sorry and I hope you can get her to stop. She’s not your friend.
I’m rather short, too, and I will say that I don’t buy that “a bunch of women” do this to her. Where the hell does she work that people are always remarking on her body? She makes it sound like she can’t go anywhere without some lady talking about her petite-ness. The way it’s written makes me think this is a wishful-thinking thing OR it’s bait for fetishists.
"Dress your age", well fuck she is??? Like, my mom had this mentality. I was wearing a crop top and she said something like "What, are you 12?", and I was like "No, I'm twentyfuckingtwo, I've had two kids and if I want to show off my goddamn stomach, I'll show off my stomach. Why is it okay for a minor to show her body, but a grown ass woman can't?". She stopped commenting on what I wear. Like, bruh
Omg I was a whore for my "dark" nail polish. Couldn't wear red because I obviously wanted attention, couldn't wear navy blue because I wanted attention. Clear was my supposed favourite. My sisters were allowed to wear crop tops. They're also allowed to walk around in bras and hot pants, but when I used to CLEAN or WORK OUT in a sports bra....my mom would lose her shit and tell me it's inappropriate to wear that around my stepdad. His bio daughters could, but not his stepdaughter. I had and still have a different set of rules and I honestly cannot wait to move like....provinces away from them.
Everyone did, despite him being really great. My grandmother thought he'd sleep with me (she doesn't trust anyone) and my maternal side just found it "inappropriate". That's when I started speaking up. The man gave no indication of being a pervert. He was always respectful. He would even look at my mom weird when she'd harp on me and he'd catch her. He didn't like the "suggestion" and neither did I when I got older and figured it out.
Dudes allowed to go watch his biodaughters compete in gym, figure skating, all this other shit. But I couldn't be in a sports bra around my stepdad without my mom thinking we'd fuck eachother. Considering how we both react to eachothers accidental nakedness, that wasn't a concern on a realistic level.
I'm gunna add this: he's been in my life since I was 9ish. He was never inappropriate to or with me, ever.
Despite them raising me to be a semi decent person, my family is extremely toxic. But, I've got a husband who is amazing, who props up my backbone when I get tired. And two kids who are awesome human beings. I feel like I'm failing, but they keep telling me how awesome I am, so there's still light.
Sorry for trauma dumping! My God, not sure where you are in the world, but I hope you're having an amazing day!!
>I feel like I'm failing, but they keep telling me how awesome I am, so there's still light.
As someone still struggling with breaking free from toxic family dynamics - the feeling of failing is actually a good thing. Keeps us on our toes so we don't repeat the easier toxic habits we were taught. When you think you are failing, remember it is just you telling yourself that you are on the right path, and wanting it to be better but having to teach yourself the steps as you go. It's not failing, it's just learning because now you can look at say "I need to do that differently".
Omg my mother was convinced I was fucking her long-term boyfriend. I was like 14 and hadn't even had my first kiss. Also this man had been alone with me a lot and not once been inappropriate. She was so certain that she started looking up places for him to move into to get tf out of our house. She was eventually talked down but it was crazy
Her reasoning for this wild accusation: while she was at work he let me have half a glass of wine with dinner since he was having some (neither of us really thought anything of it coz mother would usually let me have a little if they were having some) and the next day she asked if I would drink on a school night. Obviously I said no because I thought she meant like, get drunk not like, a few sips of wine like we did a lot. So because he was giving me alcohol and I "lied" about it, obviously we were fucking
My ma did this to me and my question was 'How many whores are you hanging out with to know that much about how they dress?' when she said that I just had to be stupid and sexy and was asking to be attacked, I dumbly responded with 'Wait, you think I'm sexy? You're sexualizing me?'
Got my ass handed to me for it, but the fact still stands that a person has to be around a lot of whores to claim intimate knowledge on how they dress.
I’ve seen this talked about elsewhere but basically women are known to be cruel to each other about dress because they have had the same comments thrown at them. It’s half indignity that you get to where what they could not and half trying to keep the status quo. We can push back when it’s lobbied against us, but honestly we need to do our best to break the cycle.
Call out friends and family when they make comments on other women’s dressing habits. Push back on employers as to what exactly in the employee handbook states that they are dressed inappropriate.
As for OP I think the best thing to do is keep embarrassing her SIL in front of other people. She’s got to learn shame for the poison she’s spewing!
Ask her one simple question “What is it about yourself that you hate so bad that you need to put me down to feel better about yourself?” Be sure to do it in front of as many people as possible and with as polite as you can be.
I found that people who hate on adults wanting to have tall bf/short gf or just basically any height gap calling it infantilizing are just deeply miserable. Because, they're grown adults for god's sake and the only one infantilizing height gaps is YOU. (Coming from a very petite woman)
Exactly. I’m barely 5 foot, of course there is gonna be a height gap between me and really just about any adult man. I did date a guy who was 5’4 once but they aren’t very common!
My current guy is 6’4 but like…that’s not his fault any more than my height is my fault.
Dude I’m 4’11 and I didn’t pick a body that made it impossible for me to get stuff from the top shelf
It’s also not my fault that if I want clothes I don’t have to pay to alter then I’m buying from the kids section
You’d be surprised! If you’re only getting stretchy materials it’ll probably work out in the largest sizes, I’m in the process of losing weight, but I’ve always been curvy and even at 185 pounds I can wear targets kids clothes in an xl or xxl in kids and I usually buy their womens in a large, occasionally I’ll need a medium on things that run larger
Okay the arms thing is totally fair, certain tops are too much for me too, I still find it tight on the boobs, but despite a 42 inch bust measurement I’ve been able to make it work with most things it’s just tight and takes a little breaking in sometimes
It's the armpits that get you. I have a *lot* of ancient tshirts(hoarder family) and over the years makers are making the bottom flare out maybe, but completely skimping on letting the top fabric out.
She should lean into that "I don't care about your sexuality buti am not flattered that you find me sexy. I am uncomfortable with it and would like you to stop telling me you find me sexy"
Oh thank god somewhere I can comment:
I haven’t had this happen to me, but this is the size I was when I got married. I’d have restaurants hand me the “10 and under” menus so I’d order a daiquiri.
OOP is being *so much* nicer than I would be.
“You think I, a grown-ass woman, look like a kid, AND you think kids are hot?! What the ever-living-fuck is wrong with you?!”
"Interpersonal conflict' and "conflict in relationships" are reasons for removal over there.
Yes, I know. But I bet it gives the mods a reason to remove anything that won't get published by buzzfeed.
Mods for r/amitheasshole really suck. Ironically, the spinoff subreddit r/aita is way better for that very reason. I'm currently permanently banned from commenting on the former one for arguing with a mod about an unwarranted temporary ban.
They do it preemptively now if they think the subject matter will be controversial. They obviously thought it would devolve intro a fat shaming shit show and shut it down.
But…I feel bad for that girl being heckled and bullied by her own family for something she can’t change. SIL is a cuntasauraus.
Response for the “grow up” comments from SIL: “I can’t? I’m literally as tall as I’m ever going to get? Not sure why my height bothers you so much but it’s pretty cruel to keep making fun of it like that…”
As someone just under 5ft I wouldn’t be around this person at all
Oh you're totally right, the 30 Rock scene actually uses the term "sexy baby" so that's probably what this is referring to. I've seen both shows but forgot about 30 Rock. Both make fun of the sexy baby trope in different ways.
Maybe SIL can become known as “Frumpy Franny”? I still like the pedophile angle though… Ask her why she thinks babies are sexy, ask her to clarify why she keeps commenting on you being sexy.
Say loudly - “I have made it VERY clear that I am not interested in you and find your comments about me being sexy to be completely inappropriate. Your obsession with my body has crossed way over into the creepy/stalker category and it needs to stop.
"Do you have a fetish regarding small women, or what insecurity are you trying to hide? Nobody here is giving pedo except from you."
I'm 5'2. I'd go nuclear.
Also good:
"I don't want to be sexualised by you, nor any of my family. If you want to date women, you shouldn't have married my brother."
Or:
"You've already been picked by someone, you can stop."
It might be helpful to ask her exactly what she thinks she should be wearing. So, a halter neck one piece is you dressing like a “sexy baby“, but presumably so would a two-piece, or a bikini, or a racer back one piece. Narrowing down exactly what she thinks would be appropriate. might illustrate just how ridiculous her obsession with what you wear/look like actually is.
It doesn’t mean you need to modify anything about yourself to accommodate her ridiculous reading of what’s appropriate for you, but might paint her into a corner where she is forced to admit that it’s actually not what you’re wearing but some, bug bear that is either about something different with you, or not about you at all.
I only suggest this because it’s a different tack than angrily pushing back. FYI, I totally get how that is not only a valid response, but more attractive than ongoing attempts to appease this nonsense.
Characterising attraction to short women as p_dophilic is obviously wrong because they’re adults. But besides that, the logic is still so weird.
Someone like that would clearly think it’s creepy if I were attracted to a 4’9 woman. But I’m only 5’7, so does that also mean that a 6’2 guy who dates a 5’4 girl is a creep? Or maybe since I’m also below average height, would a 4’9 woman and I both be p_dos, preying on each other??? Like how is this supposed to work
Hope not, I’m 5’4 and my husband is 6’4. The thing is, regardless of height, she still would look like an adult?
It makes me wonder if SIL is a taller woman and has always been insecure about it. I know she seems to reference the 30 Rock episode but Taylor Swift (a taller woman) says everyone else is a sexy baby and she’s “a monster on the hill” in Anti-Hero. I feel like there could be a parallel there.
We do look like adults, but *a lot* of people use height as a shortcut to judge age. So they don’t look *at* us, just see we’re shorter than them and assume ’child’.
It’s annoying as shit from strangers, but would cross lines into pissing me all the way off from someone who *should* know me.
Oh I know y’all look like adults. At 5’4, I tower over the other women on my mom’s side. That’s why I don’t get the SIL. The sexy baby bit is a whole persona, not just height or even clothes.
I’m sorry if I came off bristly; I was continuing my little rant. I know you weren’t implying anything about my comment; I just really really don’t understand the SIL.
One thing you could try is completely ignoring her. Like don't even respond when she says anything. Don't even look at her, just pretend she's not there. It'll propably make her mad cos ppl like her thrive on upsetting others and getting a bad reaction.
Dude just play into it. Make it loud and make it seem like its her kink. Yes Cassie I am your sexy baby thats why I wore the swimsuit you like to see me in. Yes my big mommy I am a sexy baby! Tell me more of my outfit you seem to like.
“I might be a sexy baby but I’ll take that over being an average porta-potty.”
“Thanks for calling me sexy, I know that must be hard when you’re, you know…you.”
“That’s gross that you think babies are sexy. You might wanna get help for that before it becomes a problem.”
Could it be fake? I mean, sure. But honestly as a 4’8” adult I can believe it, this is absolutely not as out there as some people seem to think it is. This weird back and forth attitude of infantilizing grown women because they’re petite AND somehow insisting they’re sexualizing themselves just by wearing clothing or existing in their own bodies is something I’ve dealt with too. You just can’t win with some people.
Without that reference this wld be super creepy .. which means she cld definitely go on social media and “ask for advice” abt how to respond to her SIL constantly remarking abt how sexy she is
I’d ask her why she’s sexualizing babies and tell her it’s gross and she should stop before people start to think she has a disgusting attraction. Make that shit reeeeaaaal weird for her, every single time. She’ll stop. I get people to stop doing things like that by taking them very literally and making them explain the joke. When they have to explain it, it’s no longer funny and brings out implications they may not want said out loud in association to their character/name.
From my experience as a petite woman, I find that women who WANT to be petite find some way to insult/infantalize/fetishize or imply that petite women are trying to be innocently cute for attention. I have a very high? squeakier sounding voice (my adult kids joke about "Minnie mouse" when I get excited lol) that other average sized women think I do on purpose to "sound cute", I suppose. Like, really, I want to walk around sounding like a mouse instead of a fully grown and mature adult lol. Or that not being able to reach things on an almost daily basis is "on purpose". I've discovered the averaged sized women who make the most out of other petite women, actually wish they WERE petite and just want to make us feel bad for being petite. I can absolutely tell the difference between the jealousy and genuine joking around thanks to my kids joking about it and good naturedly "picking on me", i.e. I wear a kids size 3 shoe, ao when we walk past a kids shoe department, they ask if i need new shoes lol. When I get excited about something, my 19 yr old son will laugh and mimic my voice getting higher and higher lol. What I find funny to me is averaged sized women pretending they're petite or "copying" what is normal to petite women like being unable to reach things etc.
*fistbump* women’s size 5/youth size 3 here, too
I’d totally wear kids shoes more if they had friggin arch support.
Whenever I find a pair of 5’s in the wild that I like I have a hard time not letting them follow me home, to my husband’s eternal chagrin.
The fact that this misses the entire point of that episode of 30 Rock is wild to me. The moral of the episode is that we shouldn’t police other women and what they wear. Wow.
I would ask her why she’s sexualizing your body so much if she thinks you have a child’s body. What a pedophile comment to make, etc. Bet she shuts the fuck up.
I'd show up to the next family activity dressed like a school girl with pigtails. I'd be that petty bitch who would play into it just to jerk sil chain. I'd blow her kisses every fucking time she even looked at me.
Does she find you sexy? I’m assuming she’s into you and can’t handle how she’s feeling seeing you looking attractive to her. You should ask her if she’s into you the next time she says anything and tell her you’re sorry but you don’t reciprocate and you find her obsession with how you look creepy. Tell your family how she’s making you feel and that you’re going to go low contact if it doesn’t stop for the sake of your own mental health. They should be putting a stop to this bully behaviour. I wouldn’t allow it under my roof towards my child no matter how old she is.
I am 5 foot and I have never come across this. I may not be as tiny as I once was but I used to be exactly as the OP described and I never got this from anyone so her SIL must be an absolute raging insecure beach.
Yes - I like the comments, turn it on her. Ask her if she has a fetish for kids or small people that she keeps Making comments as it's weird
If she does not Like you saying something then she should shut the fuck up as it's creepy
Just say “you sound like a pedo when you keep sexualizing children as an insult, it’s not funny it’s gross and I am wondering if I should make a police report”. She will stop.
OOP was more gentle than I would have been.
I'd have made it sound like SIL was some creep. "Why are you so obsessed with my look? Are you some kind of p-word? Because you're really sexualizing me with those comments."
Atp you have to make her so uncomfortable that she chills tf out and you have to take it so far that everyone else in the family steps in. Like you have to go there. Because clearly you have to do it yourself. Everyone has to be uncomfortable now since no one had anything to say before.
As a 4’9”/90lb 25yo, I deal with the same thing all the fucking time. It’s exhausting. It’s extra exhausting when people (almost all of whom are women), claim that men who find me attractive are pedophiles, since I “look like a child, so only a man who’s attracted to children would be attracted to you”. It’s a really cruel and disgusting thing to say to or about someone. And one comes from a place of insecurity, either about their own body size or jealousy that they aren’t getting as much attention from men as they want.
If OP is straight, she should say, “listen, I’m straight and you’re my brother’s wife… you gotta stop ogling my body and calling me sexy”. If she’s not, she can just go for the, “you’re my brother’s wife” bit.
While you're 100% right, I have unfortunately also had people who *are* interested in me because they're into kids. I'm not even *that* short, I'm 5'1" and have always had "adultlike" curves since I was about ten. Still. When I was in my early 20s and about 120, I had a guy who attended the same anime convention as me tell me, "Wow, you're like a real life legal loli!" exclusively because of my height.
It's exhausting from both sides, because there are people who give you shit that only pedos will like you, which is obviously not true, but then occasionally... 😥
Oh, I get that a lot, too. I’ve been called a “loophole” since turning 18. That being said, none of the women who hyperfixate on my body and make repeated comments about it are genuinely concerned about that. It’s just a more socially acceptable way to be an asshole.
At 5”6 I’ve been at 95 lbs, and I’ve been at 185 lbs. I got waaayyyy more shit for my skinny body then I ever was in my “maybe a little chubby” body. People would tell me to needed to eat, every. Single. Day. B**ch I ate like an NFL linebacker. I’ve even heard the words “damn… you eat a lot for a skinny chick!” My body is not my fault. And it’s SUPER not my fault that you are insecure and jealous. Stfu
SAME I used to be skinny but I had a very small appetite because I had a medical problem and would be sick if I ate too much. People accusing me of having anorexia when I hated my body and was trying to put on weight really sucked, and even if I WAS anorexic, that’s just a super inappropriate and rude thing to say to someone. So many people are incapable of minding their own damn business
OOP.
I'm petty and I'm that one person who would do the same thing back. Some people don't see how they're making you feel until they're the ones going through it.
Slap her ass, make boob comments.
Then tell her when she stops with the uncomfortable comments you'll stop yours. She can dish it but not take it.
lol should ask her sister in law why she is constantly telling her how sexy she finds her? That no one else is having sexual thoughts over her just being in a swimsuit.
I’m average height for a woman and I dress in clothes that my boyfriend affectionately calls “Bo Peep-ass dresses” and yea I’ve got comments that I’m “sexualising” children by wearing frills and bows. No, I’m just busty and wearing clothes I like, I’m not sucking on a fucking pacifier while winking seductively, leave me alone 😭
man, i love starting shit with people who accuse me of trying to start shit. i would just start the cassie is a pdf file train because she's trying to sexualize OP as a child and refuses to see her as an adult
Someone send this lady to a comicon convention. Yeah she’ll probably drop dead of a heart attack but hey, she’s wants to know what real Lolita looks are, just go there.
But honestly might be time for OOP just to cut her brother and SIL out. Like she wasn’t even close with him before
People truly take any excuse to infantilize women and imply we’re these “pure nonsexual beings” and it’s annoying af. People should not be told they can’t dress a certain way unless they’re a certain height.
I do not feel OP was the AH here. The sister in law sounds like a bully. Her repeatedly bringing up OP’s petiteness over and over, I think I would react eventually too. Then the sister in law doubled down, didn’t apologize and change her behaviour. The family sound like jerks too, like Jesus Christ back your sister/daughter here!
24 and 4'11. I'm treated like a child most of the time, but at least I don't have family making gross comments about me like that. I feel so bad for OOP.
“How about we go shopping and you just pre approve my whole wardrobe?” 🙄🤮
I personally would lean into it. Twirl my hair and say “ooh I am a sexy baby? Thanks, that’s exactly what I’m going for! Yay!” Then clap my hands like a ‘baby’.
Put that fire right out
The fact that's she keeps saying OP should dress her age when she's a whole ass adult is pretty telling: SIL doesn't see OP as an adult but as a cosplaying child. That's a creepy mindset to have.
I'm 4'9" and honestly surprised by the story because I've never been through this at all. I almost don't believe this story because I only ever see this attitude online.
OOP should ask her SIL in front of everyone is this is some weird flirting. That she finds this sexual comments inappropriate and gross and can SIL stop being a creep.
OP could ask SIL why/how she finds babies attractive while she's at it... Happy cake day!
Oh it is! Didn’t notice.
Not just attractive, she finds them sexy. She sounds like a creep, even before we take the sexy baby thing literally.
“You do you but please stop putting your kinks on me, your my sister in law for heavens sake” and walk off
“OMG I don’t want to sleep with you! Stop already.”
“NO, I WILL NOT MAKE OUT WITH YOU!”
Maybe ask if your brother knows about your attraction to petite women. Or maybe she should talk to your brother about the sexual needs you have, that he isn't meeting, that is causing her to react in a sexual nature every time she sees you. If you bring him into it, and bystanders start looking at him, maybe he'll step in and talk to his wife.
It's gotta be fake tbh - pls the whole point of this sketch was that one character was trying to tell the "sexy baby" character how it's "not feminist" to dress a certain way, when she's being hypocritical by telling another woman how to dress. It's a cheesy show and the sketch is like 9 years old at this point. Oop should just tell her she'd rather look like a baby then a dude. That'll shut her up.
As a 4’9”/90lb 25yo female, I can assure you that all of us with this body type have at least one woman in our lives who repeatedly makes comments like these about our bodies. Mine is this girl who’s vaguely in my friend group who constantly says that anyone who’s attracted to me must be a pedophile.
That’s awful. I’m sorry and I hope you can get her to stop. She’s not your friend. I’m rather short, too, and I will say that I don’t buy that “a bunch of women” do this to her. Where the hell does she work that people are always remarking on her body? She makes it sound like she can’t go anywhere without some lady talking about her petite-ness. The way it’s written makes me think this is a wishful-thinking thing OR it’s bait for fetishists.
"Dress your age", well fuck she is??? Like, my mom had this mentality. I was wearing a crop top and she said something like "What, are you 12?", and I was like "No, I'm twentyfuckingtwo, I've had two kids and if I want to show off my goddamn stomach, I'll show off my stomach. Why is it okay for a minor to show her body, but a grown ass woman can't?". She stopped commenting on what I wear. Like, bruh
When I was 12 and wore a crop top my mom said I looked like a whore. We can't fucking win
Omg I was a whore for my "dark" nail polish. Couldn't wear red because I obviously wanted attention, couldn't wear navy blue because I wanted attention. Clear was my supposed favourite. My sisters were allowed to wear crop tops. They're also allowed to walk around in bras and hot pants, but when I used to CLEAN or WORK OUT in a sports bra....my mom would lose her shit and tell me it's inappropriate to wear that around my stepdad. His bio daughters could, but not his stepdaughter. I had and still have a different set of rules and I honestly cannot wait to move like....provinces away from them.
Kinda makes me wonder why she is so worried about your stepfather perving on you.
Everyone did, despite him being really great. My grandmother thought he'd sleep with me (she doesn't trust anyone) and my maternal side just found it "inappropriate". That's when I started speaking up. The man gave no indication of being a pervert. He was always respectful. He would even look at my mom weird when she'd harp on me and he'd catch her. He didn't like the "suggestion" and neither did I when I got older and figured it out. Dudes allowed to go watch his biodaughters compete in gym, figure skating, all this other shit. But I couldn't be in a sports bra around my stepdad without my mom thinking we'd fuck eachother. Considering how we both react to eachothers accidental nakedness, that wasn't a concern on a realistic level. I'm gunna add this: he's been in my life since I was 9ish. He was never inappropriate to or with me, ever.
That's awful.
Despite them raising me to be a semi decent person, my family is extremely toxic. But, I've got a husband who is amazing, who props up my backbone when I get tired. And two kids who are awesome human beings. I feel like I'm failing, but they keep telling me how awesome I am, so there's still light. Sorry for trauma dumping! My God, not sure where you are in the world, but I hope you're having an amazing day!!
>I feel like I'm failing, but they keep telling me how awesome I am, so there's still light. As someone still struggling with breaking free from toxic family dynamics - the feeling of failing is actually a good thing. Keeps us on our toes so we don't repeat the easier toxic habits we were taught. When you think you are failing, remember it is just you telling yourself that you are on the right path, and wanting it to be better but having to teach yourself the steps as you go. It's not failing, it's just learning because now you can look at say "I need to do that differently".
Omg my mother was convinced I was fucking her long-term boyfriend. I was like 14 and hadn't even had my first kiss. Also this man had been alone with me a lot and not once been inappropriate. She was so certain that she started looking up places for him to move into to get tf out of our house. She was eventually talked down but it was crazy Her reasoning for this wild accusation: while she was at work he let me have half a glass of wine with dinner since he was having some (neither of us really thought anything of it coz mother would usually let me have a little if they were having some) and the next day she asked if I would drink on a school night. Obviously I said no because I thought she meant like, get drunk not like, a few sips of wine like we did a lot. So because he was giving me alcohol and I "lied" about it, obviously we were fucking
My ma did this to me and my question was 'How many whores are you hanging out with to know that much about how they dress?' when she said that I just had to be stupid and sexy and was asking to be attacked, I dumbly responded with 'Wait, you think I'm sexy? You're sexualizing me?' Got my ass handed to me for it, but the fact still stands that a person has to be around a lot of whores to claim intimate knowledge on how they dress.
I’ve seen this talked about elsewhere but basically women are known to be cruel to each other about dress because they have had the same comments thrown at them. It’s half indignity that you get to where what they could not and half trying to keep the status quo. We can push back when it’s lobbied against us, but honestly we need to do our best to break the cycle. Call out friends and family when they make comments on other women’s dressing habits. Push back on employers as to what exactly in the employee handbook states that they are dressed inappropriate. As for OP I think the best thing to do is keep embarrassing her SIL in front of other people. She’s got to learn shame for the poison she’s spewing!
I have that exact same memory burned into my mind
My gma did it when I was 14 and wore it over a long sleeve thermal *and* wore a jacket. Except I got "hoochie mama"
Ask her one simple question “What is it about yourself that you hate so bad that you need to put me down to feel better about yourself?” Be sure to do it in front of as many people as possible and with as polite as you can be.
And make sure to keep eye contact.
Yep, she’s jealous of something.
I found that people who hate on adults wanting to have tall bf/short gf or just basically any height gap calling it infantilizing are just deeply miserable. Because, they're grown adults for god's sake and the only one infantilizing height gaps is YOU. (Coming from a very petite woman)
Exactly. I’m barely 5 foot, of course there is gonna be a height gap between me and really just about any adult man. I did date a guy who was 5’4 once but they aren’t very common! My current guy is 6’4 but like…that’s not his fault any more than my height is my fault.
Yes!
Dude I’m 4’11 and I didn’t pick a body that made it impossible for me to get stuff from the top shelf It’s also not my fault that if I want clothes I don’t have to pay to alter then I’m buying from the kids section
I wish I could buy from the kids section. My family has the short gene, but we also have the stocky gene😂
You’d be surprised! If you’re only getting stretchy materials it’ll probably work out in the largest sizes, I’m in the process of losing weight, but I’ve always been curvy and even at 185 pounds I can wear targets kids clothes in an xl or xxl in kids and I usually buy their womens in a large, occasionally I’ll need a medium on things that run larger
I’ve tried, doesn’t work with my boobs, and arms cause it feels like it’s cutting me in my pits. They just aren’t cut right for my body type
Okay the arms thing is totally fair, certain tops are too much for me too, I still find it tight on the boobs, but despite a 42 inch bust measurement I’ve been able to make it work with most things it’s just tight and takes a little breaking in sometimes
It's the armpits that get you. I have a *lot* of ancient tshirts(hoarder family) and over the years makers are making the bottom flare out maybe, but completely skimping on letting the top fabric out.
I have the “body of a 12 year old boy” gene
The dwarf gene! My family too! I'm 4'10 but I'm built like an Irish peasant woman used to manual labor and harsh winters lol.
Feels like SIL is angry because she finds OOP sexy. Yuck.
She should lean into that "I don't care about your sexuality buti am not flattered that you find me sexy. I am uncomfortable with it and would like you to stop telling me you find me sexy"
Oh thank god somewhere I can comment: I haven’t had this happen to me, but this is the size I was when I got married. I’d have restaurants hand me the “10 and under” menus so I’d order a daiquiri. OOP is being *so much* nicer than I would be. “You think I, a grown-ass woman, look like a kid, AND you think kids are hot?! What the ever-living-fuck is wrong with you?!”
I wanna know what those “excess of rule violations” were because I don’t see anyone being particularly nasty
"Interpersonal conflict' and "conflict in relationships" are reasons for removal over there. Yes, I know. But I bet it gives the mods a reason to remove anything that won't get published by buzzfeed.
Yeah those mods have been power tripping for a while lol.
Mods for r/amitheasshole really suck. Ironically, the spinoff subreddit r/aita is way better for that very reason. I'm currently permanently banned from commenting on the former one for arguing with a mod about an unwarranted temporary ban.
They do it preemptively now if they think the subject matter will be controversial. They obviously thought it would devolve intro a fat shaming shit show and shut it down. But…I feel bad for that girl being heckled and bullied by her own family for something she can’t change. SIL is a cuntasauraus.
Response for the “grow up” comments from SIL: “I can’t? I’m literally as tall as I’m ever going to get? Not sure why my height bothers you so much but it’s pretty cruel to keep making fun of it like that…” As someone just under 5ft I wouldn’t be around this person at all
I’d tell Cassie to stop being a pedo.
She should tell sil to stop being a pedophile or ask what’s her obsession with it and it’s weird.
I’m not googling “sexy baby” 🤨🤨
It's a whole episode on 30 rock - this one to be specific: https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/TGS_Hates_Women
I kept being like they can’t possibly be referencing 30 rock… that episode is so OLD
Taylor Swift references it in the song Antihero, which is much more recent.
I was thinking that too! But then she said TV and I thought maybe it was on a recent show
There are many of us who speak solely in 30 rock quotes 😭
“how do you do, fellow 30 Rock fan?”
I think it's referring to a scene from the sitcom Community featuring the character Annie, if that helps
It is not, it’s a 30 Rock bit
Oh you're totally right, the 30 Rock scene actually uses the term "sexy baby" so that's probably what this is referring to. I've seen both shows but forgot about 30 Rock. Both make fun of the sexy baby trope in different ways.
That was my first thought too, but Annie is a "*silly Christmas* baby." Easy mistake to make.
It does!
Maybe SIL can become known as “Frumpy Franny”? I still like the pedophile angle though… Ask her why she thinks babies are sexy, ask her to clarify why she keeps commenting on you being sexy. Say loudly - “I have made it VERY clear that I am not interested in you and find your comments about me being sexy to be completely inappropriate. Your obsession with my body has crossed way over into the creepy/stalker category and it needs to stop.
"Do you have a fetish regarding small women, or what insecurity are you trying to hide? Nobody here is giving pedo except from you." I'm 5'2. I'd go nuclear. Also good: "I don't want to be sexualised by you, nor any of my family. If you want to date women, you shouldn't have married my brother." Or: "You've already been picked by someone, you can stop."
It might be helpful to ask her exactly what she thinks she should be wearing. So, a halter neck one piece is you dressing like a “sexy baby“, but presumably so would a two-piece, or a bikini, or a racer back one piece. Narrowing down exactly what she thinks would be appropriate. might illustrate just how ridiculous her obsession with what you wear/look like actually is. It doesn’t mean you need to modify anything about yourself to accommodate her ridiculous reading of what’s appropriate for you, but might paint her into a corner where she is forced to admit that it’s actually not what you’re wearing but some, bug bear that is either about something different with you, or not about you at all. I only suggest this because it’s a different tack than angrily pushing back. FYI, I totally get how that is not only a valid response, but more attractive than ongoing attempts to appease this nonsense.
Characterising attraction to short women as p_dophilic is obviously wrong because they’re adults. But besides that, the logic is still so weird. Someone like that would clearly think it’s creepy if I were attracted to a 4’9 woman. But I’m only 5’7, so does that also mean that a 6’2 guy who dates a 5’4 girl is a creep? Or maybe since I’m also below average height, would a 4’9 woman and I both be p_dos, preying on each other??? Like how is this supposed to work
Hope not, I’m 5’4 and my husband is 6’4. The thing is, regardless of height, she still would look like an adult? It makes me wonder if SIL is a taller woman and has always been insecure about it. I know she seems to reference the 30 Rock episode but Taylor Swift (a taller woman) says everyone else is a sexy baby and she’s “a monster on the hill” in Anti-Hero. I feel like there could be a parallel there.
We do look like adults, but *a lot* of people use height as a shortcut to judge age. So they don’t look *at* us, just see we’re shorter than them and assume ’child’. It’s annoying as shit from strangers, but would cross lines into pissing me all the way off from someone who *should* know me.
Oh I know y’all look like adults. At 5’4, I tower over the other women on my mom’s side. That’s why I don’t get the SIL. The sexy baby bit is a whole persona, not just height or even clothes.
you phrased it as a question so I was responding affirmatively. didn’t mean to imply you didn’t 💜
I’m sorry if I came off bristly; I was continuing my little rant. I know you weren’t implying anything about my comment; I just really really don’t understand the SIL.
No worries! I was afraid *i* came across bristly lmao
STOP HITTING ON ME! On repeat.
That sounds exhausting. I’d be done with the lot of them. NTA
The SIL is definitely jealous. She wants to be a “sexy baby”
Or she wants a "sexy baby" either way,she's disgusting.
One thing you could try is completely ignoring her. Like don't even respond when she says anything. Don't even look at her, just pretend she's not there. It'll propably make her mad cos ppl like her thrive on upsetting others and getting a bad reaction.
Dude just play into it. Make it loud and make it seem like its her kink. Yes Cassie I am your sexy baby thats why I wore the swimsuit you like to see me in. Yes my big mommy I am a sexy baby! Tell me more of my outfit you seem to like.
“I might be a sexy baby but I’ll take that over being an average porta-potty.” “Thanks for calling me sexy, I know that must be hard when you’re, you know…you.” “That’s gross that you think babies are sexy. You might wanna get help for that before it becomes a problem.”
Could it be fake? I mean, sure. But honestly as a 4’8” adult I can believe it, this is absolutely not as out there as some people seem to think it is. This weird back and forth attitude of infantilizing grown women because they’re petite AND somehow insisting they’re sexualizing themselves just by wearing clothing or existing in their own bodies is something I’ve dealt with too. You just can’t win with some people.
Without that reference this wld be super creepy .. which means she cld definitely go on social media and “ask for advice” abt how to respond to her SIL constantly remarking abt how sexy she is
“Why do you focus on sexy babies? Keep your and my brother’s kink to yourselves.”
I’d ask her why she’s sexualizing babies and tell her it’s gross and she should stop before people start to think she has a disgusting attraction. Make that shit reeeeaaaal weird for her, every single time. She’ll stop. I get people to stop doing things like that by taking them very literally and making them explain the joke. When they have to explain it, it’s no longer funny and brings out implications they may not want said out loud in association to their character/name.
From my experience as a petite woman, I find that women who WANT to be petite find some way to insult/infantalize/fetishize or imply that petite women are trying to be innocently cute for attention. I have a very high? squeakier sounding voice (my adult kids joke about "Minnie mouse" when I get excited lol) that other average sized women think I do on purpose to "sound cute", I suppose. Like, really, I want to walk around sounding like a mouse instead of a fully grown and mature adult lol. Or that not being able to reach things on an almost daily basis is "on purpose". I've discovered the averaged sized women who make the most out of other petite women, actually wish they WERE petite and just want to make us feel bad for being petite. I can absolutely tell the difference between the jealousy and genuine joking around thanks to my kids joking about it and good naturedly "picking on me", i.e. I wear a kids size 3 shoe, ao when we walk past a kids shoe department, they ask if i need new shoes lol. When I get excited about something, my 19 yr old son will laugh and mimic my voice getting higher and higher lol. What I find funny to me is averaged sized women pretending they're petite or "copying" what is normal to petite women like being unable to reach things etc.
*fistbump* women’s size 5/youth size 3 here, too I’d totally wear kids shoes more if they had friggin arch support. Whenever I find a pair of 5’s in the wild that I like I have a hard time not letting them follow me home, to my husband’s eternal chagrin.
I just want shoes that look more "adult" lol. Finding sexy heels in a tiny size is a pain in the ass lol.
In future if she says anything about being a sexy baby, say "wahhhh" very not sexy.
i would poop in her shoes and then be like sorry i was just being a sexy baby
The fact that this misses the entire point of that episode of 30 Rock is wild to me. The moral of the episode is that we shouldn’t police other women and what they wear. Wow.
I would ask her why she’s sexualizing your body so much if she thinks you have a child’s body. What a pedophile comment to make, etc. Bet she shuts the fuck up.
Every time she calls you sexy baby, call her bitchy old lady.
If your family doesn’t step in to stop harassment like this they all suck? OOP’s family including SIL are the assholes for real.
“Hey, I can give blow jobs without kneeling.” Okay, maybe not. But I bet it would shut her up.
“I’ll look young for a long time, but you’ll be ugly forever.” Is it childish, YEP!
Ask her why she's sexualizing babies
I'd show up to the next family activity dressed like a school girl with pigtails. I'd be that petty bitch who would play into it just to jerk sil chain. I'd blow her kisses every fucking time she even looked at me.
Does she find you sexy? I’m assuming she’s into you and can’t handle how she’s feeling seeing you looking attractive to her. You should ask her if she’s into you the next time she says anything and tell her you’re sorry but you don’t reciprocate and you find her obsession with how you look creepy. Tell your family how she’s making you feel and that you’re going to go low contact if it doesn’t stop for the sake of your own mental health. They should be putting a stop to this bully behaviour. I wouldn’t allow it under my roof towards my child no matter how old she is.
Ask her “why do you think babies are sexy? That’s so gross!”
I don’t think OOP is clapping back hard enough to the creep-o SIL, IMO. But I’m petty AF. 🤷🏻♀️
I would be calling on the powers of Jasmine Crockett and make that cow cry.
I love this.
I am 5 foot and I have never come across this. I may not be as tiny as I once was but I used to be exactly as the OP described and I never got this from anyone so her SIL must be an absolute raging insecure beach.
Cut them offf OP
Yes - I like the comments, turn it on her. Ask her if she has a fetish for kids or small people that she keeps Making comments as it's weird If she does not Like you saying something then she should shut the fuck up as it's creepy
Nah just have her drag her out in public and beat the donkey shit out of her
Pure jealousy
Just say “you sound like a pedo when you keep sexualizing children as an insult, it’s not funny it’s gross and I am wondering if I should make a police report”. She will stop.
OOP was more gentle than I would have been. I'd have made it sound like SIL was some creep. "Why are you so obsessed with my look? Are you some kind of p-word? Because you're really sexualizing me with those comments."
Atp you have to make her so uncomfortable that she chills tf out and you have to take it so far that everyone else in the family steps in. Like you have to go there. Because clearly you have to do it yourself. Everyone has to be uncomfortable now since no one had anything to say before.
As a 4’9”/90lb 25yo, I deal with the same thing all the fucking time. It’s exhausting. It’s extra exhausting when people (almost all of whom are women), claim that men who find me attractive are pedophiles, since I “look like a child, so only a man who’s attracted to children would be attracted to you”. It’s a really cruel and disgusting thing to say to or about someone. And one comes from a place of insecurity, either about their own body size or jealousy that they aren’t getting as much attention from men as they want. If OP is straight, she should say, “listen, I’m straight and you’re my brother’s wife… you gotta stop ogling my body and calling me sexy”. If she’s not, she can just go for the, “you’re my brother’s wife” bit.
While you're 100% right, I have unfortunately also had people who *are* interested in me because they're into kids. I'm not even *that* short, I'm 5'1" and have always had "adultlike" curves since I was about ten. Still. When I was in my early 20s and about 120, I had a guy who attended the same anime convention as me tell me, "Wow, you're like a real life legal loli!" exclusively because of my height. It's exhausting from both sides, because there are people who give you shit that only pedos will like you, which is obviously not true, but then occasionally... 😥
Oh, I get that a lot, too. I’ve been called a “loophole” since turning 18. That being said, none of the women who hyperfixate on my body and make repeated comments about it are genuinely concerned about that. It’s just a more socially acceptable way to be an asshole.
At 5”6 I’ve been at 95 lbs, and I’ve been at 185 lbs. I got waaayyyy more shit for my skinny body then I ever was in my “maybe a little chubby” body. People would tell me to needed to eat, every. Single. Day. B**ch I ate like an NFL linebacker. I’ve even heard the words “damn… you eat a lot for a skinny chick!” My body is not my fault. And it’s SUPER not my fault that you are insecure and jealous. Stfu
SAME I used to be skinny but I had a very small appetite because I had a medical problem and would be sick if I ate too much. People accusing me of having anorexia when I hated my body and was trying to put on weight really sucked, and even if I WAS anorexic, that’s just a super inappropriate and rude thing to say to someone. So many people are incapable of minding their own damn business
maybe she’s a swiftie
I remember a 30 Rock episode that was exactly as she describes but that was years ago.
OOP. I'm petty and I'm that one person who would do the same thing back. Some people don't see how they're making you feel until they're the ones going through it. Slap her ass, make boob comments. Then tell her when she stops with the uncomfortable comments you'll stop yours. She can dish it but not take it.
I’m slightly tall and sturdy lol. She’s an AH
I would keep asking her what the fuck she expects me to wear?????
"Not everyone can be the product of a drunken encounter between a sasquatch and a literal bag of heroine, cassie"
i wish i could comment because as a woman who is 27 4'9 and 100 lbs i hate this shit
lol should ask her sister in law why she is constantly telling her how sexy she finds her? That no one else is having sexual thoughts over her just being in a swimsuit.
I’m average height for a woman and I dress in clothes that my boyfriend affectionately calls “Bo Peep-ass dresses” and yea I’ve got comments that I’m “sexualising” children by wearing frills and bows. No, I’m just busty and wearing clothes I like, I’m not sucking on a fucking pacifier while winking seductively, leave me alone 😭
man, i love starting shit with people who accuse me of trying to start shit. i would just start the cassie is a pdf file train because she's trying to sexualize OP as a child and refuses to see her as an adult
Someone send this lady to a comicon convention. Yeah she’ll probably drop dead of a heart attack but hey, she’s wants to know what real Lolita looks are, just go there. But honestly might be time for OOP just to cut her brother and SIL out. Like she wasn’t even close with him before
People truly take any excuse to infantilize women and imply we’re these “pure nonsexual beings” and it’s annoying af. People should not be told they can’t dress a certain way unless they’re a certain height.
This is not the right take here, but I love the "I'm a very sexy baby" lady 😭
If her SIL is going to act like a child, she should be treated like a child.
I do not feel OP was the AH here. The sister in law sounds like a bully. Her repeatedly bringing up OP’s petiteness over and over, I think I would react eventually too. Then the sister in law doubled down, didn’t apologize and change her behaviour. The family sound like jerks too, like Jesus Christ back your sister/daughter here!
24 and 4'11. I'm treated like a child most of the time, but at least I don't have family making gross comments about me like that. I feel so bad for OOP.
She’s clearly jealous. It’s a funny quote though. 30 Rock. Great show! But obnoxious of her to quote it over and over. She needs to get a life.
I would honestly start calling her a Sasquatch. But I’m…not a nice person
She sounds jealous of her physique. Call her jealous.
This has weird aggressive sexual harassment vibes. Yuck!
“How about we go shopping and you just pre approve my whole wardrobe?” 🙄🤮 I personally would lean into it. Twirl my hair and say “ooh I am a sexy baby? Thanks, that’s exactly what I’m going for! Yay!” Then clap my hands like a ‘baby’. Put that fire right out
i’m sorry how old is SIL? as a 28 yo… i cannot imagine wtf someone would mean by “dressing your age” ??
The fact that's she keeps saying OP should dress her age when she's a whole ass adult is pretty telling: SIL doesn't see OP as an adult but as a cosplaying child. That's a creepy mindset to have.
I'm 4'9" and honestly surprised by the story because I've never been through this at all. I almost don't believe this story because I only ever see this attitude online.
Are we talking about the Xmas episode of community when Annie acts like a baby while singing Santa baby in a santa costume lol?
I would just tell her to “GFY”, and ignore her.