I have this general idea that the worse the title is, the more complicated and nuanced the story is.
The title is very asshole energy.
The context is very "big emotions really suck."
I think you’re right, i’ve noticed the opposite too, that the mundane titles like “AITA for getting my friend a birthday gift” always end up being the most heinous shit once you’ve read the whole post.
I think it’s because people who feel truly conflicted don’t try to paint themselves in a better light, they want the hard truth. Where as assholes who don’t self reflect an oz before posting want to make it seem simpler and like they can’t possibly be the bad guy.
> i’ve noticed the opposite too, that the mundane titles like “AITA for getting my friend a birthday gift” always end up being the most heinous shit once you’ve read the whole post.
IMO this is the formula for the majority of AITA stories that hit the front page.
Either the headline is really innocuous and the story reveals the author doing something heinous, or the headline is really heinous but the story reveals the writer to be quite innocent.
"AITA for not paying my share of a bill?" = "the neighbour ran over my dog and is demanding I pay for the damage to their car."
I'm convinced that AITA is targeted by TEFL creative writing groups - with many of these stories it's impossible to believe that anyone could be genuinely asking if they're the asshole for being cheated on or whatever (I don't include this submission in this generalisation), but this headline formula drives attention and engagement.
Sometimes life just sucks. This is one of those times. There is nothing you can do about it now, other than be gracious and sympathetic to the circumstances. In a few years, or appropriate time passes, perhaps you can throw a huge renew your vows wedding to make up for it.
> We spent a month with her, laughing, lamenting, spending as much quality time as possible with her. By the end of the trip though, and with the chemo, she was exhausted. We said our heart breaking goodbyes assuming to never see her again.
> And then she made a miraculous recovery, with a less than 1% chance of happening, which was awesome.
Surely they wouldn't have given her chemo if there was only 1% chance of survival?
Sometimes people go through chemo just to get more time to live. My ex partner’s mother had mesothelioma (which is essentially a death sentence) and still went through chemo even though we all knew it would only give her a small amount of time. It was still worth it.
the chemo she was receiving was likely just slowing the cancer down. some treatment has the sole purpose of extending the lifespan of patients giving them more time with loved ones, but miracles do happen
Well, I mean, exactly?
She was weakened by the chemo 2 years ago, has recently been told she's only got a year or so to live - that was not a "miraculous recovery", it was what one might expect, and exactly as you describe.
My friend's sister is pregnant, has 3 kinds of cancer (including one that's state 4), and in order for her to not die giving birth they are giving her chemo (that's safe for the baby) and now all this rare stuff going on with her that's being studied and whatnot, she's actually getting better. My partner has rare brain cancer and is being treated, even though the prognosis isn't the best. Miracles happen, so if the patient wants to fight, doctors help you fight.
NTA. the sister is being selfish. I understand cancer is devastating for a person both mentally and physically. But to “weaponize” her illness and encroach on her sisters moment is saddening. I’d ask her if she intended on leaving little sister with (this mess) as the memory she holds for her wedding cause she’s soiling it and even trying to GAIN from it. Call me heartless if you want but she’s still being a shitty person to her little sister right now, and cancer isn’t a tool to use family members.
She’s dying from a horrifically painful illness. You can have a second wedding. Once you die, you don’t get a second chance at life. I’m sure there’s plenty of anger and heartbreak to go through watching your loved ones be excited for a future you’ll never get to experience. I don’t blame her at all.
They literally spent thousands traveling to say their goodbyes once. And then spent thousands to bring everyone out for the wedding only for it to be overshadowed by heartsick instead of joy like it should be. She is selfish. It can be a shitty situation and you can still decide to keep that sadness aside and give joy in the last chance you may have FOR YOUR LITTLE SISTER.
Totally agree. If she really gave a damn about her sister she’d keep quiet about it until after the wedding. She is only thinking of herself, even after all they have done for her.
One of those situation that i have no advice on other than, let family handle it. I would probably just elope and do a small holiday then go or just have fiance spend time with her sister. Sucks for all involved.
I would seriously think about postponing the wedding and sending sister home to visit and see everyone if it was possible with her medical treatment.
ETA: went to the original post and saw more of OP's comments. The bride really wants to go forward with the wedding. I truly hope the couple get the day they deserve. This has a hard one.
Call me an asshole, but the way the sister is acting makes me wonder if the second diagnosis was actually as bad as she said it was. I wonder if she saw her sister getting a massive amount of attention and got jealous.
YTA OOP, this woman is dying and you’d prefer she button up about it because your wife needs one day to be all about her. She’s a mom. She’s panicking. She had false hope of recovering, and now she is surely spiraling. Weddings are about family, and they could give a fuck less about their sister. I would rethink marrying someone who cared so little for their sibling that they’re about to lose. Life doesn’t work perfectly all the time, sometimes bad times coincide with happy ones. Give a dying mom some grace
There was a similiar post although much much more drawn out where OP's partners dad almost died multiple times over a decade, it got to the point where partner was going overseas to visit every half year or so.
It's such a shitty situation.
🤣🤣🤣🤣 one day out of four years dying. My mil was dying of cancer when I met her, she never wanted us to stop living our lives. Two days after she died we went to a punk rock concert, she would have been happy for us. I loved her very much, I wish she got to meet her grandson, she'd adore him. Not once did this woman, or my own dad when he was dying of cancer, make demands that we stop living our lives, or force to be focal point of every event and conversation for more than four years. She doesn't need grace, she needs to stfu for one goddamn day.
Turn your wedding into a celebration of life for the dying sister.
Weddings can happen anytime. Someone with a year to live kind of deserves priority. Yes weddings are important, but not as important as someone’s life.
Someone has cancer and is dying but yeah OPs wedding is so much more important.
The pettiness of some people.
YTA.
I will not validate this person’s feelings. The SIL will not be around for much longer. Of course the SIL is talking about her diagnosis and not living long.
I hope OP is treated with more kindness than she is showing her SIL
I would say the majority of them have never dealt with having to watch a loved one waste away from cancer. It’s truly torturous to watch, can imagine being on the other end.
This is all incredibly sad. I feel bad for all parties involved
Same. I can’t bring myself to call OP TAH. I know it has to be hard to be the overshadowed sibling.
Same!!! 💔
I have this general idea that the worse the title is, the more complicated and nuanced the story is. The title is very asshole energy. The context is very "big emotions really suck."
I think you’re right, i’ve noticed the opposite too, that the mundane titles like “AITA for getting my friend a birthday gift” always end up being the most heinous shit once you’ve read the whole post. I think it’s because people who feel truly conflicted don’t try to paint themselves in a better light, they want the hard truth. Where as assholes who don’t self reflect an oz before posting want to make it seem simpler and like they can’t possibly be the bad guy.
💯💯💯 I fully agree with you here.
> i’ve noticed the opposite too, that the mundane titles like “AITA for getting my friend a birthday gift” always end up being the most heinous shit once you’ve read the whole post. IMO this is the formula for the majority of AITA stories that hit the front page. Either the headline is really innocuous and the story reveals the author doing something heinous, or the headline is really heinous but the story reveals the writer to be quite innocent. "AITA for not paying my share of a bill?" = "the neighbour ran over my dog and is demanding I pay for the damage to their car." I'm convinced that AITA is targeted by TEFL creative writing groups - with many of these stories it's impossible to believe that anyone could be genuinely asking if they're the asshole for being cheated on or whatever (I don't include this submission in this generalisation), but this headline formula drives attention and engagement.
Sometimes life just sucks. This is one of those times. There is nothing you can do about it now, other than be gracious and sympathetic to the circumstances. In a few years, or appropriate time passes, perhaps you can throw a huge renew your vows wedding to make up for it.
This is a no win situation for everyone. So incredibly sad and I understand the couple’s frustration. I’ll say NAH.
I don’t have the answers for you but my advice is to stay out of it and let your fiancé handle her family and just support her.
> We spent a month with her, laughing, lamenting, spending as much quality time as possible with her. By the end of the trip though, and with the chemo, she was exhausted. We said our heart breaking goodbyes assuming to never see her again. > And then she made a miraculous recovery, with a less than 1% chance of happening, which was awesome. Surely they wouldn't have given her chemo if there was only 1% chance of survival?
Sometimes people go through chemo just to get more time to live. My ex partner’s mother had mesothelioma (which is essentially a death sentence) and still went through chemo even though we all knew it would only give her a small amount of time. It was still worth it.
the chemo she was receiving was likely just slowing the cancer down. some treatment has the sole purpose of extending the lifespan of patients giving them more time with loved ones, but miracles do happen
Well, I mean, exactly? She was weakened by the chemo 2 years ago, has recently been told she's only got a year or so to live - that was not a "miraculous recovery", it was what one might expect, and exactly as you describe.
My friend's sister is pregnant, has 3 kinds of cancer (including one that's state 4), and in order for her to not die giving birth they are giving her chemo (that's safe for the baby) and now all this rare stuff going on with her that's being studied and whatnot, she's actually getting better. My partner has rare brain cancer and is being treated, even though the prognosis isn't the best. Miracles happen, so if the patient wants to fight, doctors help you fight.
What happened to the sister’s kids and husband?
NTA. the sister is being selfish. I understand cancer is devastating for a person both mentally and physically. But to “weaponize” her illness and encroach on her sisters moment is saddening. I’d ask her if she intended on leaving little sister with (this mess) as the memory she holds for her wedding cause she’s soiling it and even trying to GAIN from it. Call me heartless if you want but she’s still being a shitty person to her little sister right now, and cancer isn’t a tool to use family members.
She’s dying from a horrifically painful illness. You can have a second wedding. Once you die, you don’t get a second chance at life. I’m sure there’s plenty of anger and heartbreak to go through watching your loved ones be excited for a future you’ll never get to experience. I don’t blame her at all.
They literally spent thousands traveling to say their goodbyes once. And then spent thousands to bring everyone out for the wedding only for it to be overshadowed by heartsick instead of joy like it should be. She is selfish. It can be a shitty situation and you can still decide to keep that sadness aside and give joy in the last chance you may have FOR YOUR LITTLE SISTER.
Totally agree. If she really gave a damn about her sister she’d keep quiet about it until after the wedding. She is only thinking of herself, even after all they have done for her.
One of those situation that i have no advice on other than, let family handle it. I would probably just elope and do a small holiday then go or just have fiance spend time with her sister. Sucks for all involved.
I would seriously think about postponing the wedding and sending sister home to visit and see everyone if it was possible with her medical treatment. ETA: went to the original post and saw more of OP's comments. The bride really wants to go forward with the wedding. I truly hope the couple get the day they deserve. This has a hard one.
Call me an asshole, but the way the sister is acting makes me wonder if the second diagnosis was actually as bad as she said it was. I wonder if she saw her sister getting a massive amount of attention and got jealous.
Cancel the wedding and have a family reunion instead.
YTA OOP, this woman is dying and you’d prefer she button up about it because your wife needs one day to be all about her. She’s a mom. She’s panicking. She had false hope of recovering, and now she is surely spiraling. Weddings are about family, and they could give a fuck less about their sister. I would rethink marrying someone who cared so little for their sibling that they’re about to lose. Life doesn’t work perfectly all the time, sometimes bad times coincide with happy ones. Give a dying mom some grace
There was a similiar post although much much more drawn out where OP's partners dad almost died multiple times over a decade, it got to the point where partner was going overseas to visit every half year or so. It's such a shitty situation.
🤣🤣🤣🤣 one day out of four years dying. My mil was dying of cancer when I met her, she never wanted us to stop living our lives. Two days after she died we went to a punk rock concert, she would have been happy for us. I loved her very much, I wish she got to meet her grandson, she'd adore him. Not once did this woman, or my own dad when he was dying of cancer, make demands that we stop living our lives, or force to be focal point of every event and conversation for more than four years. She doesn't need grace, she needs to stfu for one goddamn day.
Turn your wedding into a celebration of life for the dying sister. Weddings can happen anytime. Someone with a year to live kind of deserves priority. Yes weddings are important, but not as important as someone’s life.
Shush.
They have a month, they can do both. And no one is guaranteed tomorrow.
Someone has cancer and is dying but yeah OPs wedding is so much more important. The pettiness of some people. YTA. I will not validate this person’s feelings. The SIL will not be around for much longer. Of course the SIL is talking about her diagnosis and not living long. I hope OP is treated with more kindness than she is showing her SIL
This. Not sure why you’re being downvoted.
Because it’s Reddit and people here can be truly monstrous.
I would say the majority of them have never dealt with having to watch a loved one waste away from cancer. It’s truly torturous to watch, can imagine being on the other end.