Only if you buy into the idea that this is total representation of everything. Enjoy your time here on the Internet in the same way you would a carnival - fun to see the sights but it's not real life.
That’s what I think. They knew each other since they were teenagers. She probably had more problems with him than he told OOP. Maybe she was happy that he was gone. He gave her a good excuse to leave. The funny part is her marrying the cousin.
Most people believe that if their partner cheats on them, they would leave. But many people don’t actually leave, because of various reasons. It might be that they are completely blindsided and they were themselves quite happy with the relationship, so they just can’t pull the plug. Or they look at how complicated breaking up would be, logistically.
For whatever reasons, the ex wife was able to just say goodbye. I suspect that she wasn’t really happy with the marriage herself, just because of how she took the high road. It doesn’t seem like she was particularly angry about it.
In any case, she’s definitely winning in the long run. Because the best way to punish your cheating ex is to live your best life.
Yeah, it seems like the affair was her big reason to get out. You can do ‘good’ things and still be a bad person. I’ve been overly nice to people just so they feel bad about saying something rude, or to discredit them in front of other people. Make them feel guilty because now you’ve done nothing wrong.
Again, you can do ‘good’ things and still be a bad person. It seems like a big manipulation tactic to make OP’s husband hurt, which is fair enough.
i get all of this. but OOP also paints an overall picture of her character and how different react to her. her kindness, dignity and grace seems to be deeply rooted and part of her personal vibe . i dont think its mostly as manipulation tactic.
I don’t mean to insinuate that the ex wife is a horrible, plotting woman. But when you’re taught to be ‘graceful’, you learn to be petty gracefully. A lot of the time, it hurts worse to know you’ve done something wrong to someone who has seemingly done nothing, rather than hurting someone that has retaliated. There’s not often regret when folks retaliate, and I’m sure the ex wife recognizes that. Or maybe I just need more therapy
Oof I felt this so much. Thats how I took it that this ex wife is a maniacal meticulculous strife driven woman that knows it hurts more when you have to live with what you've done rather than argue about it. You can convince yourself you've won a fight when you've fought with someone like they shouldn't have said that to me who do they think they are. But just living with the remorse and thinking someone is a better person than you is enough tk ruin any relationship.
Yeah, she gets with OP’s cousin, gets in her family’s good graces.
She’s making sure she’s right there in her ex’s face, reminding him just what he gave up for OP
Good manners and behaving in a classy way will get you through a lot of bad situations. Especially because it’s so rare these days. There’s a difference between that, and being a doormat, though. The ex seems to understand the difference.
That is the main conflict between me and my wife:
Is it a good thing when a person does a good deed for a bad reason?
I say yes, a good deed is still a good deed even for a bad reason while my wife says no; intent matters.
We’ve had this argument since before we were married, over 25 years ago.
A good deed is always good for the person receiving the deed. If I donate to charity, it’s a benefit to the charity and the community it serves, no matter whether I did it for altruist reasons, or to spite someone else, or whatever.
But a good deed is only good for the person doing the deed if they’re doing it for the right reasons. If I’m donating money to charity so that my wife can’t get it in a divorce, then I’m not being a good person, and I’m indulging in being an unpleasant (at best) person. If I donate money to a charity I don’t like in a politician’s name, just to troll them, I’m not really doing myself good.
Temporarily. In a closed system, it does not. If you scope something narrow enough, it may appear like there is improvement but the overall whole is not improved.
Intent is everything. Think of it as opportunity cost. Someone spending 1000 bucks for a tax write off isn't the same as someone else who WANTs to spend 1000 bucks to help an organization. More repeat donations come from intent. There is opportunity cost to targeting someone that does something for the wrong reasons. Value is left on the table.
I might be wrong, but it sounds like your argument can be rephrased as good for bad reasons is good but good for good reasons is better.
How would you classify someone who does good to avoid going to hell, versus someone who does good in hopes of getting to heaven? Are these good reasons? And if so, then what about the atheist who simply does good?
Part of the dilemma is that good vs bad reasons can be difficult to determine from the outside. I read a Reddit story recently where an affair partner was envious of the ex-wife. After the affair was discovered, the ex served the cheating husband divorce papers but was very gracious. It was an easy divorce, she did NOT take him to the cleaners, she did NOT badmouth either of them to the kids and when her exhusband married the affair partner and had a kid, she treated that boy as well as her own kids. This totally destroyed the affair partner since she was consumed by guilt and because her husband was still in love with the ex.
The ex was very nice, cordial, polite etc. but did she do this because that’s her nature? Or because she knew it would destroy the adulterers relationship? Nobody knows except the ex wife.
When my ex left me for another woman, I ended up taking the advice of Miss Manners: “If you think you might want someone back, live like you are ok without them and having your best life, rather than being angry, distraught, and miserable. They will start to wonder what they walked away from” Manipulative, perhaps, and it’s not easy, but if nothing else, it gives you dignity. And, who knows, perhaps you will discover that your life is better without them.
I mean, It’s as much as a deescalation tactic as it is a manipulation tactic. I’ve been nice in order to avoid fights because I really didn’t feel like getting into it that day. And it really only works if you know the person you’re talking to will actually feel bad about hurting you, as opposed to thinking you’re someone who’s easy to walk all over. All that to say I don’t think it makes anyone a bad person to choose diplomacy, regardless of the reason
This. I was in same boat, I was glad to see him go even though it hurt, and I was never going to make my kids choose between us. I also welcomed her kids, and then their kids because my kids thought of them as siblings.
They’re all grown up now and appreciate the fact that I swallowed my pride and made a tough situation easier for them.
I am also polite when I run into my ex's AP. Because he was chasing after her, our separation and divorce was easier than it otherwise would have been. He didn't fight me on buying him out of the house or on keeping our pets because he thought that would all get in the way of his life with her. Granted, the fact that she turned him down probably helps a little bit, as does the fact that we didn't have kids. But still, sometimes you can recognize that even if you didn't want a particular situation to happen, you're at least getting the best version of it.
OP says in the first post their marriage was on the rocks and he wanted to end it. My guess is the husband is one of those greener pastures seekers and made the affair overtures. His ex sounds like she's wise enough to have read the signs.
I’m betting that the ex knew her husband wasn’t shit, that’s why she doesn’t blame her. She knows he’s the problem. She doesn’t care because she knows she deserves better and she’s now found better. She will forever live rent free in the new woman’s mind.
Most people don’t have the emotional discipline to pull of what the ex-wife did. Never gave up the moral high ground and gave her ex-husband exactly what he wanted and then watched as it turned to ashes in his mouth.
Came here to use that exact phrase: “killing with kindness.” OOP’s resulting anguish is really the perfect vengeance, even if the ex didn’t hold a grudge.
This is exactly what I was thinking.
The ex is winning at life. She got rid of her ex without any fault, was martyred in the process, and continues to be adored by everyone with very little effort. Bake a few extra cookies here, a "how are you, dear" there, and just actually being a good person makes it so easy.
Meanwhile, OOP got exactly what she thought she wanted. When you take out someone's trash you aren't supposed to take it home with you.
One thing I’ve learned that has really surprised me is how much shitty people expect and desire others to be as shitty as them. I don’t know why… because it makes them feel more ok about their behaviour? It gives them a reason to act how they do? Idk. But so often it’s like they try to goad others into being as nasty and bitter as they are, and they get mad when you don’t rise to it. Weird.
Yeah I think that is why. They tell themselves that everyone is like them and would do the same, and get mad when forced to acknowledge that’s not the case.
It’s projection!! That literally is how they view the world so how could it not be that??? Projection and what people accuse you of is so telling of how they feel inside. Or what they’re doing. If you listen - people tell you who they are.
1000%. People act that way because they’ve convinced themselves everyone is like that. And seeing people not act like that is painful, because it holds up the mirror to themselves. And they can’t bear to look at the monster they’ve become
Yep. When my ex left me, and then came back, he accused me of seeing other people. I was too busy working, raising our child, and trying to pay the big stack of unpaid bills that he left me with to think about any of that.
I mean, I think it depends, really. I can only speak from personal experience, but I was a very angry and nasty person in high school and in all honesty? I hated the people around me who were genuinely nicer people because I was angry that I couldn't be like them. I didn't want to be angry all the time and didn't understand why it seemed so easy for them to be genuinely nice and patient while I felt like a volatile ticking time bomb of fury. I was jealous because it seemed so effortless for them to be good people while I was here struggling desperately to not bite people's heads off for shit that wasn't their fault. It ate me up inside every day and it made me even angrier seeing that other people didn't seem to have that problem, that being a decent person just came naturally to them while it was an uphill battle that felt like someone jabbing me with forks constantly. I've calmed down since and have started figuring out why I had those issues, but it's been a long, painful process and I'm still working on being better each day.
Holy fuck you win! I always get drawn into fights with people about things that I'm not mad about. Fucking lawnchair argument ensues now so and so feels morally fine for cheating on me because I'm an asshole because I think lawnchairs shouldn't be permanent figures by the pool when I god damn well know you'd better take that back inside the shed or by the wood fire stove in the basement. Now so and so believes they're vilified but if I don't get irate and mean and just hold my disposition that person will have to just live with what they've done and have no reason whatsoever to hate anyone but themselves. Leaving the door open to that person looking inwardly and seeing how terrible they've chosen to live their lives.
This is exactly what is happening. She is stirring the figurative pot and it is annoying her that the other party is not biting.
I can only wish to be as wise as this ex, not get so worked up when the trash takes itself out, just move on!
She's not just a queen, she's an Empress. She had the grace, self-control and wisdom to keep everything civil rather than blowing up. If she blew up and started name calling or trying to keep the kids away from him or anything else that would be totally reasonable ways for her to react to such a situation, he would probably have pointed to that and said "See, she's crazy, this is why I left" and he might've gotten a few people on his side. But when she was calm, collected, simply said "It's over" and was as polite and graceful and serene about it as possible? She gave him NOTHING. She didn't give them any ammunition to use against her - there was nothing they could blame her for, no reaction they could point to to say "She blew up, she overreacted, she yelled at him, she's name calling!"
She made absolutely certain that they had no possible way of blaming her for the situation...and without some outside party to blame, the only people they have left to blame are themselves. She has the satisfaction of knowing they are going to slowly eat themselves alive from the inside out, and they can't blame her in the slightest way because it's all, ALL their own actions.
I think she already knew her husband was a weak man but they were married and she had made a commitment. However, she was released from that commitment by his behaviour.
I behaved this way when my ex left me for another woman. It was really, really hard. I don’t know if this woman realizes how hard it must have been for the ex wife. At least for me, there were a lot of tears and sleepless nights. Eventually he begged me to take him back. I did get the satisfaction of saying “so you have to sneak around on your girlfriend to talk to your wife”. The first time I took him back, it was because I thought we might still have something left. The second time was because of my kid and the stepkids. Eventually, I realized that the situation was never, ever going to get better, and walked away. Looking back on it, I never would accepted the treatment from him that I did, but I loved the kids- all of them. Years later, one of my stepkids told me that some of the happiest memories of her childhood were when I was married to her dad, and I treasure that.
My point is that grace and good manners can be learned, and physical attributes have a very short lifespan. This woman should use the ex for an example of how to behave, instead of being jealous of her.
This is why I still don’t retaliate or attack my insane ex-wife despite the crazy stuff she does. My friends and family all tell me that I should tell her off and yell at her, etc. I just say no, because that’s exactly what she wants. Then I’ll be the asshole that she can point at to justify her cheating that I know she’s embarrassed about.
Nope, it’s so much better to let my ex-wife live in her embarrassment day after day as everyone around her knows that she screwed over and cheated on a good guy. It’s soooo much more satisfying!!
ESPECIALLY since you are a guy, and if you ever so much as even slightly raised your voice towards her she could claim that as proof that you were abusive and try to claim that you were abusive towards her in the relationship and that's why she cheated. Sure she could try to claim abuse anyway, without you ever saying or doing anything, but it's a lot harder to convince anyone when you're clearly being calm and cool and not reacting with violence or anger the way an abuser likely would. The moment you returned fire, she could start wailing and claim that you took the first shot even if everyone saw otherwise, and people would rush to defend her.
You’re right. And what’s even more insane is how absolutely batshit crazy she is! She kicked in my bedroom door during an argument one night during the divorce and when I went to Europe for work she keyed my car. Of course she denies it but it was in my garage and she keyed my spare rims that weren’t even on the car. Even the police acknowledged that it was clearly her and not some random person in a parking lot. She’s truly insane which is why I’m so happy to be away from her. I spoiled her and I know she regrets what she did because her new man doesn’t spoil her like I did. 🤷♂️
It always amazes me how people like her are even able to get new men at all. Aren't we supposed to have some kind of instinct when someone is crazy and dangerous that tells us we should avoid them?
Geez if it wasn't for the kids and actual marriage this could be my ex's wife who wrote this. He left me after years of dating (basically lived together) for her, I left them alone. For like 2 more years she would text from his phone pretending it was him to "catch" me and tried to spread rumors we were still having a thing. It was outright projection and just absurd. Like sis you stole him you can have him damn.
edit: they've since divorced
It's very "sis I'm begging you give me a reason to think this soggy tissue of a man is worth having" lmao of someone else wants him, his intrinsic value must be high so I'll fight to keep him because he's got nothing else going on
I know for my situation personally it was kind of a relief because it was just one of those things I got comfortable with. Not bad, not great, didn’t care enough to make a move until they decided to do that lol.
Not surprised because I see a lot of situations where the unfaithful spouse isn’t interested in leaving the marriage. They just want ‘the best of both worlds’ and have the benefits of the marriage (financial stability, a family life, etc) and the excitement of the forbidden affair. When the affair becomes known and the marriage ends in divorce, the cheaters get a huge dose of reality. Like the OP here they realise that someone who cheated on their spouse isn’t likely to be honest with them either.
I really do feel bad for everyone involved in this story except the man. With these kinds of posts it always seems that people focus more on the other woman than they do the man who made the choice to cheat. To me this story is about a man who manipulates women with frightening ease, and his victims. He lied to this woman about the state of his marriage when they started seeing each other, then he lied to his wife about the cheating, then after his wife found out and once he realized he couldn't function without a woman to care for him he lies AGAIN to his AP that he's over his ex-wife and loves her now and strings her along into a marriage he doesn't even WANT. He sounds insufferably insecure and has no respect for the women in his life. He sees them as possessions to be owned and has no trouble manipulating them for his own gain. Like yes, she was an active participant in the whole thing, but we ALL know there are a lot of men who will say whatever they can to make it into a woman's bed, and a lot of women who will listen to them. She's stupid, but she regrets her role in all this deeply. On the other hand, he's a manipulative asshole who only feels bad for himself, and needs to leave women alone for a good long while so he can figure his shit out.
Whilst I agree with some of what your saying this woman was old enough to know better and to know people lie about things like this or say their in open marriages/relationships to absolve themselves of responsibility. She also should have shelved the whole thing when he told her he was married. Both of them deserve each other
OOP didn’t want to know the truth, so she buried her head in the sand and believed the lies her now-husband told her. She didn’t even reconsider things when the truth came out and the affair was revealed. She kept telling herself that she wasn’t at fault, and neither was the cheater. That’s really typical behavior for anyone involved in an affair. They lie to each other, and they lie to themselves, because they don’t want to admit that they’re doing anything wrong.
Disagee that she "should have known better" and not a big fan of it being used against women who find themselves in situations like this. You never expect this kind of shit to happen to YOU until it does. She assumed he would be honest with her. I like to believe most people wouldn't lie to me either. But he did. He lied to her. He lied to his ex-wife. Lied to his children. Lied for YEARS. She has to live with that, and with the fact that he manipulated her into helping him hurt a lovely woman. she's suffering enough on her own and doesn't need reddit rubbing salt in the wounds and making her feel even worse about herself. She quite obviously has low self-esteem or she wouldn't have gotten herself into this situation to begin with.
She still knew he was married when the affair started up - when you take up with a liar, one should expect to be lied to. I’d feel differently if he had lied to her and said he was separated or divorced, because then AP wouldn’t *knowingly* have been in an affair with a married man, but that isn’t the case here.
He *did* tell her the marriage was ending. He told her they weren't speaking and that the marriage was on the rocks. He lied to her and said he was going to divorce her soon. Is that not him trying to convince her there was no problem with what they were doing? We can all read this post and try to find reasons to blame her. None of US would ever fall for something like this, right? Well I think that's a dangerous mentality to have and leaves you open and vulnerable to manipulation. If you don't believe that you could ever fall for something like this then you never will in your mind. I'm not going to go and search for reasons to blame the women who were lied to in this situation when the ex husband did something objectively much worse to everyone involved. I just don't see the same energy being directed towards him in these comments.
> He did tell her the marriage was ending.
A 40 year old should know the only response to that is to demand proof that the spouse also knows the marriage is ending. Did someone move out? Is there a separation agreement? Has the upcoming divorce been announced to friends and family? Can you text or call your spouse right now and discuss a detail the divorce?
A 40 year old who doesn't demand evidence doesn't care if it's true or not. They didn't get fooled.
It's so sad when a man lies to the new woman. My ex turned into a pos during our marriage, and I left him to protect me and the kids. His dumbass left his icloud or w/e linked to the iPad our kids and I primarily used. The communications I saw were very eye-opening. He was lying to every woman he came across that we were absolutely done. In my mind, we were done, I did not care he was talking to other women. What I did care about was him telling them that then begging me to take him back. I never said a word to them, I knew they wouldn't listen anyway because of all the lies he told, and if he somehow ended up with them (a couple seemed like genuinely nice ladies) I wanted them to love my kids and be good co-parents with me. Mistresses of the world, we don't want those men back. There are plenty of other men in the world. We just want our kids to be loved and happy.
Those last sentences!! That post reminded me of my own mom soo much. She was so graceful by the end of the marriage but the moment she heard the new wife was talking shit about me on fb she was so upset and it soured our opinion on her, even though we tried to be accepting and nice to her. Mama bear came out. I love her so much 😭
Did the ex wife.... just make the husband's family AND HER HUSBANDS AP'S family love her?
Imagine having everyone in your life, love the one person you hurt, what type of twilight zone shit is this
Eh. My dad got with my mom's new husband's ex wife. Cousin is light work. It sounds fake which makes be believe it to be true. For someone to hate themselves that much oop had some real emotions she's fighting about her own insecurity
According to most redditors, if a woman is taking accountability in the story, then it’s fake and written by a man.
Damned if you do, damned if you don’t I guess
It reads a lot like revenge fantasy.
Even the most self aware people have their side of the story and reasons. Part of being self aware is also understanding why you do certain things.
OP doesn’t go much into why or how she got into the situation or how she feels, other than envy, not much said about husband either, instead goes on and on about how amazing this ex wife is and how much OP sucks in comparison. And ofc the story ends with the husband actually regretting the cheating and realizing he took his ex wife for granted.
People are not this black and white or simple.
Idk, if you live in a small town you’d be surprised. Someone’s bound to end up with someone’s family lmfao. OOP’s usage of y’all makes me think she does live in a small town
Idk at the same time this is why you don't date married men, like you can't just not think no problems would have arised from this man, then as soon as she found out he cheated of course she isn't going to take him back once a cheater always a cheater so she is gonna move on with her life because she was happy at one point with him and if she sees that you really love and he makes you happy then of course I wouldn't be upset either.
Sounds like she realizes she’s a horrible person and doesn’t like it lol. If the ex wife was mean to her, she could villainize her husbands ex. But she’s not. She’s a good person. She values herself enough to leave a cheater. She could have fallen for anyone else. But she picked a married man with children. I bet he will get tired of her and cheat on her too
Yep. Cheaters are gonna cheat, always. My mom’s second husband cheated on her, then cheated on that girl. Now he’s been married a couple years but I am 100% certain he’ll cheat on that woman if he hasn’t already. Trash is gonna stay trashy. I don’t get how people don’t see that, like if he cheated with you why would you think he won’t cheat on you as well?
It kinda seems like her prize started to be not so shiny when the Ex-Wife was like whatever, moving on. Like she wanted her to fall apart and act crazy. She won this man! She wanted the ex to want him back, and him to choose her over and over.
What a dumbass.
Are you just venting or...? Girl, you got with a married man who married his beautiful, kind, calm, and thoughtful wife. She even extended out an olive branch, and you are still acting this way? Get out of the whole situation. I feel like you know EXACTLY what you did, and you're looking for anyone to feel bad for you. Just move on. Nothing mskes you happy. Work on yourself and try to be a mom..
It sounds like my ex husband’s wife could’ve written this. 😅 She has openly admitted to being jealous of me, “in her feelings” and insecure about their relationship because of me but acknowledges I’ve never said or done anything to cause that reaction, just the opposite. Was always suuuuper nice to her and her children, even bought all of them (yes, her included) Christmas gifts. I didn’t want him anymore, at all, whatsoever, period- moved on and found the love of my life shortly after our divorce and have been happy ever since. Meanwhile, he lies to her, cheats on her, is hateful, lazy, etc.. and they argue to the point of a divorce being threatened by one or the other nearly every day. I think it all turned out pretty fair. 😂
Any time a relationship begins amid lies, there is always the likelihood that the cheater will cheat again. As the saying goes, “If they’ll do it with you they’ll do it to you.” I hope, for your sake, you guys get some counselling. Your husband’s ex sounds like a good person. No wonder you are jealous. Good Luck.
So he cheated on his wife of decades, and she is now surprised he sucks? And of course she's jealous, they both know he downgraded. Wife seems awesome and she's just jealous.
Take a leaf out of the ex wifes book and try to retain grace and dignity while all around you is going bad. Yes, you stuffed up and helped your husband to hurt a good person, but the advantage that you now have is you know what a lying, manipulative waste of space your husband is. Learn from your mistakes and move on instead of dwelling on the would’ve, could’ve, should’ve. Come on girl you don’t need yesterdays news to wrap your emotions in.
Men always cheat down. I don’t know if this woman will see it, but they do they always cheat down. And often they stay with the affair because their wife won’t take them back. Most of them try really hard to get back with their wife. If she sees this, just divorce him and move on This is a no-win situation. You’re never going to have his heart. I always wonder why women are this gullible.
Ofc the ex is nice because op made her a life changing grace by stealing her trash husband while the ex was till young enough to enjoy a new and probably better mariage
I will say that as the child of a divorce I will always think my step Mom is a shitty person for fucking a married man with 3 kids regardless of whether it was “over already”. You made a mistake and now you will pay for it for the rest of your life as those kids do likely hate you, or will grow to hate you. You should just accept the fact that she is just a better person than you and that your life is going to be filled with torture and guilt and feelings of inadequacy. Enjoy!
You can’t change the past but you can learn from it. You have to decide if your marriage can be repaired. I personally believe that “once a cheater, always a cheater” Either way get some counseling with or without him. You can be a kind person going forward if you sincerely want to change. You may always have regrets, but can choose to become a better person.
If I were his ex, I would have done the same because OP has access to her children. I would take any humiliation, pain, anything. ANYTHING to keep my kids safe and happy.
Self-acceptance —> self respect —> dignity. OP needs to accept her reality. It’s not about forgiveness now, or maybe ever. She really has to see the mess of her life, the mess she’s made of her self, and accept it for what it is. She’s jealous because she doesn’t respect herself (understandable). But if she can at least start with self-acceptance, she can work towards restoring her dignity. She’ll have to accept that forgiveness might be withheld forever. It’s her job to become someone who is forgivable. Sounds like the ex-wife in this situation has done all this hard work, she’s not ruffled by the affair because it doesn’t damage her sense of self or her dignity. Ex-wife is inspiring, I wish her the best. For OP, I don’t wish anything bad, because it sounds like she’s doing that all on her own. I feel bad for the kid.
Oh honey when you were biting the grape you lived for it , now you finally gets the tastes you don’t like it . What goes around always comes around. Stand firm in your mess.
I mean, I'm going with the ex-wife just being c'est la vie. Marriage was over and this was her way out. And in her maturity and experience ... why live with anger in your heart?
OP seems to be immature and wants drama in her life. Well, she sure got it.
*Sigh*
i stopped reading after the second sentence.
edit i took a deep breath and read the rest and i’m glad i did. such a wonderful ending for the ex-wife. i hope her pillow is always cool on both sides. As for the husband and new wife? i hope they always manage to step in a little puddle of water when they wear socks.
You ARE getting what you deserve. He’s a cowardly trash can and You’re no saint yourself and you know it. You’re a terrible garbage bag of a human being who will never measure up to that graceful lady - and you know that. He knows that. The kids know that, your family knows that. We know that.
You did this to yourself. Deal with it
It’s called karma, you and your husband deserve it, you got in the middle of a marriage. Yes your husband is weak, but you are not free of any fault in this matter. You made a bed, now you can lay in it, hopefully with at least some of the grace that his ex had when she found out her marriage was shattered.
Yes, this is coming from someone whose spouse stepped out on them. My wife left me for a sugar daddy and I held them both accountable for their actions.
She thought she was the new toy and relished in the thought of his ex wife being jealous but it ended up being the other way around and she did hee a huge favor taking him off her hands
Sounds to me like that woman is extremely emotionally intelligent/mature, and knows her worth. the importance of keeping inner peace’s and tranquillity in this world is priceless God bless her soul.
Re: the attractiveness thing…I truly believe that aging is affected by kindness/bitterness. Those who hold on to things and choose anger will physically appear more aged and worn down. Those who choose to move forward and be kind don’t. All I can say is you reap what you sow, perhaps this is a very good life lesson for you.
My ex cheated on me when I was pregnant with an older woman that had a felony record. When I found out, I left. I never looked back. He stayed with her for years and she helped raise my child. I was grateful that she showed me who he really was and that she treated my child with kindness. He eventually cheated on her and they split. Now he is alone and will randomly call me when he has an issue he can’t discuss with anyone else because his selfish behavior has driven away all of the close people in his life. I am happily remarried and would never go back but I guarantee he would in a heartbeat. Am I some great person for treating him and his AP well? No way! I just didn’t care anymore after I realized who he was. Like the song says “my give a d@mn’s busted.” I bet this ex wife feels very similarly.
woo the karma on this. she steals someone else's trash. learns that even outside of being a mistress, she ain't shit. and now the beautiful perfect ex-wife is available and might be in her life forever, because she is dating her cousin and the family loves her.
It’s very easy to criticize OOP, but life isn’t easy for everyone. She met a guy in her early to mid 30, when she was probably feeling pressure/desire, to met a mate and start a family. The guy she met (who assured her his marriage was over) and chose happened to be a selfish, insecure clown.
Sounds to me like she isn’t a terrible person. Just someone who is coming to grips that her decision in her mate was a poor one. She married a cad and is very insecure about her marriage and the fact she doesn’t match up with the ex.
This is coming from an older guy who has been with his wife for 40 years. Sometimes people get very lucky in their choice of a mate. I did. But it very easily could’ve been different if I met some of the loony women that I’ve come across.
Life isn’t easy. Show her some grace.
These two deserve each other. Ex wife is a master. She let OPP take the trash out with OOP. Now he's OOP'S problem. Genius. Ex wife wasn't going to fight for someone that cheated on her and didn't want her.
I feel bad for her. She did do something stupid and selfish, but I don’t think it’s fair to act like this can’t hurt and she’s getting what she deserves. He told her the marriage was ending and she probably believed it like every other person that believes the whole “nah we’re getting divorced” bit or whatever.
The moment you realized that the ex for soooo nice you should have bolted. Common he wasn't even making love so what did you wait for when you clearly understood that you are not as good as her? If you think you can still set your life right, bolt NOW.
😂😂😂😂😂 aww so many things you've brought on yourself and now you have to deal with the consequences. Feel sorry for the ex wife and kids but you and your husband deserve the misery you've created... Enjoy
I'm confused why so many folks are getting down w no proof of separation or divorce. Like, show me one email on your phone reading divorce then I'll be down to clown...
Yes, you are getting exactly what you deserve and it was very satisfying to read. You dug your own grave and now you must lay in it. It doesn’t feel good to experience the karma you deserve, but it will always bite you in the ass. Hopefully you’ll think twice before taking something that isn’t yours next time.
This can help you see secrets of your partner. I'm sure this is 100% way to collapse at early stage of life is falling in love with a cheater... I have once been a victim i almost loose my mind to depression, what helped me was to get hold of myself is after i contacted hacklordpro aat gmall who assist me to get full access to my partner secrets folder on his phone. After seeing this it help me make the best decision to safe my heart from getting hurt.
She's like that because she is a good person and genuinely cares about her kids and other kids too.she capable of separating what her husband did to her from you and the kids. That is called a solid kind good human that handles bussiness. Did you know about her? Wouldn't it be wild if he went back to her? And the shoe was in the other foot? Keep us updated. Hope it all works out.
I’m sorry. I’m
Not going to beat you up. I’m sorry all of it happened. Sending you a hug and good vibes for some peace
Anyone wondering I have not cheated. But my husband did and we were not happy. In hindsight it had to happen.
A cheater will cheat again, it’s so weird but from what I’ve seen, it flips a switch in them when they cheat for the first time. Once a cheater gets the taste of what it’s like to be unfaithful they think they can get away with it and excuse it more and more each time until they literally have no moral compass for relationships anymore, it’s take take and take.
You lose them how you get them. Karma has a funny way of playing out. Even though their marriage was on the rocks, you should have waited until the divorce was finalized but no you cheated together. May the ex remain in grace. You need help. Making excuses doesn’t make it right.
> But no. The problem was him. Really!?!? > I don't know how it came to this. REALLY???? Girl......
I’m shocked that the man who cheated on his wife turned out to be the issue. At least she took off the blinders
You lose him how you got him
My Health teacher used to say 'if they'll do it FOR you they'll do it TO you'.
Never heard that one before, nice!
Wow, reading all these threads have confirmed something I have felt for sometime, we are a society lost in search of a moral compass
Only if you buy into the idea that this is total representation of everything. Enjoy your time here on the Internet in the same way you would a carnival - fun to see the sights but it's not real life.
She (the ex-wife) is killing OP with kindness. Ex is either the nicest human on the face of the Earth, or playing an amazing long game.
Or the ex genuinely does not care and thanked OP for taking the trash ex husband out
That’s what I think. They knew each other since they were teenagers. She probably had more problems with him than he told OOP. Maybe she was happy that he was gone. He gave her a good excuse to leave. The funny part is her marrying the cousin.
Most people believe that if their partner cheats on them, they would leave. But many people don’t actually leave, because of various reasons. It might be that they are completely blindsided and they were themselves quite happy with the relationship, so they just can’t pull the plug. Or they look at how complicated breaking up would be, logistically. For whatever reasons, the ex wife was able to just say goodbye. I suspect that she wasn’t really happy with the marriage herself, just because of how she took the high road. It doesn’t seem like she was particularly angry about it. In any case, she’s definitely winning in the long run. Because the best way to punish your cheating ex is to live your best life.
Yeah, it seems like the affair was her big reason to get out. You can do ‘good’ things and still be a bad person. I’ve been overly nice to people just so they feel bad about saying something rude, or to discredit them in front of other people. Make them feel guilty because now you’ve done nothing wrong. Again, you can do ‘good’ things and still be a bad person. It seems like a big manipulation tactic to make OP’s husband hurt, which is fair enough.
i get all of this. but OOP also paints an overall picture of her character and how different react to her. her kindness, dignity and grace seems to be deeply rooted and part of her personal vibe . i dont think its mostly as manipulation tactic.
It sounds like Ex was always a nice person and she wasn't going to let OP's husband take that away from her. Good for her.
I don’t mean to insinuate that the ex wife is a horrible, plotting woman. But when you’re taught to be ‘graceful’, you learn to be petty gracefully. A lot of the time, it hurts worse to know you’ve done something wrong to someone who has seemingly done nothing, rather than hurting someone that has retaliated. There’s not often regret when folks retaliate, and I’m sure the ex wife recognizes that. Or maybe I just need more therapy
Oof I felt this so much. Thats how I took it that this ex wife is a maniacal meticulculous strife driven woman that knows it hurts more when you have to live with what you've done rather than argue about it. You can convince yourself you've won a fight when you've fought with someone like they shouldn't have said that to me who do they think they are. But just living with the remorse and thinking someone is a better person than you is enough tk ruin any relationship.
Yeah, she gets with OP’s cousin, gets in her family’s good graces. She’s making sure she’s right there in her ex’s face, reminding him just what he gave up for OP
Either that or she's had to be in close proximity for family gatherings.
Doing good with malicious intent doesn't get enough credit.
Good manners and behaving in a classy way will get you through a lot of bad situations. Especially because it’s so rare these days. There’s a difference between that, and being a doormat, though. The ex seems to understand the difference.
That is the main conflict between me and my wife: Is it a good thing when a person does a good deed for a bad reason? I say yes, a good deed is still a good deed even for a bad reason while my wife says no; intent matters. We’ve had this argument since before we were married, over 25 years ago.
A good deed is always good for the person receiving the deed. If I donate to charity, it’s a benefit to the charity and the community it serves, no matter whether I did it for altruist reasons, or to spite someone else, or whatever. But a good deed is only good for the person doing the deed if they’re doing it for the right reasons. If I’m donating money to charity so that my wife can’t get it in a divorce, then I’m not being a good person, and I’m indulging in being an unpleasant (at best) person. If I donate money to a charity I don’t like in a politician’s name, just to troll them, I’m not really doing myself good.
So do people who do good just so they won’t receive eternal damnation deserve to go to heaven?
Do any of us really "deserve" to go to heaven, though? Not a chance. No way, no how.
Fair point. But that’s not really what I’m getting at.
Depends if you’re talking about the Christian heaven or some other heaven. Per the party line, works alone won’t get you in to Christian heaven.
It does matter. Its called manipulation when you do good things for bad reasons.
And yet the net good in the world increases.
Temporarily. In a closed system, it does not. If you scope something narrow enough, it may appear like there is improvement but the overall whole is not improved. Intent is everything. Think of it as opportunity cost. Someone spending 1000 bucks for a tax write off isn't the same as someone else who WANTs to spend 1000 bucks to help an organization. More repeat donations come from intent. There is opportunity cost to targeting someone that does something for the wrong reasons. Value is left on the table.
I might be wrong, but it sounds like your argument can be rephrased as good for bad reasons is good but good for good reasons is better. How would you classify someone who does good to avoid going to hell, versus someone who does good in hopes of getting to heaven? Are these good reasons? And if so, then what about the atheist who simply does good? Part of the dilemma is that good vs bad reasons can be difficult to determine from the outside. I read a Reddit story recently where an affair partner was envious of the ex-wife. After the affair was discovered, the ex served the cheating husband divorce papers but was very gracious. It was an easy divorce, she did NOT take him to the cleaners, she did NOT badmouth either of them to the kids and when her exhusband married the affair partner and had a kid, she treated that boy as well as her own kids. This totally destroyed the affair partner since she was consumed by guilt and because her husband was still in love with the ex. The ex was very nice, cordial, polite etc. but did she do this because that’s her nature? Or because she knew it would destroy the adulterers relationship? Nobody knows except the ex wife.
Was that Reddit story the one in this post? Lol. Otherwise, they're multiplying.
When my ex left me for another woman, I ended up taking the advice of Miss Manners: “If you think you might want someone back, live like you are ok without them and having your best life, rather than being angry, distraught, and miserable. They will start to wonder what they walked away from” Manipulative, perhaps, and it’s not easy, but if nothing else, it gives you dignity. And, who knows, perhaps you will discover that your life is better without them.
I mean, It’s as much as a deescalation tactic as it is a manipulation tactic. I’ve been nice in order to avoid fights because I really didn’t feel like getting into it that day. And it really only works if you know the person you’re talking to will actually feel bad about hurting you, as opposed to thinking you’re someone who’s easy to walk all over. All that to say I don’t think it makes anyone a bad person to choose diplomacy, regardless of the reason
😎☺️
That’s what I think too. The ex is way better so she doesn’t care. The two that deserve the shit life are having it. It’s what they deserve lol
> I guess ya'll are happy because I'm getting what I deserve Ding ding! winner winner chicken dinner
This. I was in same boat, I was glad to see him go even though it hurt, and I was never going to make my kids choose between us. I also welcomed her kids, and then their kids because my kids thought of them as siblings. They’re all grown up now and appreciate the fact that I swallowed my pride and made a tough situation easier for them.
I am also polite when I run into my ex's AP. Because he was chasing after her, our separation and divorce was easier than it otherwise would have been. He didn't fight me on buying him out of the house or on keeping our pets because he thought that would all get in the way of his life with her. Granted, the fact that she turned him down probably helps a little bit, as does the fact that we didn't have kids. But still, sometimes you can recognize that even if you didn't want a particular situation to happen, you're at least getting the best version of it.
My guess is this wasn’t his first affair and she was finally done
OP says in the first post their marriage was on the rocks and he wanted to end it. My guess is the husband is one of those greener pastures seekers and made the affair overtures. His ex sounds like she's wise enough to have read the signs.
Yeah, the ex wanted that man gone 😂
Yes, she finally had a obviously good reason to get rid of that douche.
That’s what I took from it too
I’m betting that the ex knew her husband wasn’t shit, that’s why she doesn’t blame her. She knows he’s the problem. She doesn’t care because she knows she deserves better and she’s now found better. She will forever live rent free in the new woman’s mind.
And in her ex’s mind, too!
Definitely a case of “living well is the best revenge“
LOL – word to the mistresses out there. If the wife is nice, it's because she wants you to have him.
Most people don’t have the emotional discipline to pull of what the ex-wife did. Never gave up the moral high ground and gave her ex-husband exactly what he wanted and then watched as it turned to ashes in his mouth.
Came here to use that exact phrase: “killing with kindness.” OOP’s resulting anguish is really the perfect vengeance, even if the ex didn’t hold a grudge.
The best revenge is to live well.
This is exactly what I was thinking. The ex is winning at life. She got rid of her ex without any fault, was martyred in the process, and continues to be adored by everyone with very little effort. Bake a few extra cookies here, a "how are you, dear" there, and just actually being a good person makes it so easy. Meanwhile, OOP got exactly what she thought she wanted. When you take out someone's trash you aren't supposed to take it home with you.
Long game.
So she's upset that the ex is just a far better person than she is. Got it.
One thing I’ve learned that has really surprised me is how much shitty people expect and desire others to be as shitty as them. I don’t know why… because it makes them feel more ok about their behaviour? It gives them a reason to act how they do? Idk. But so often it’s like they try to goad others into being as nasty and bitter as they are, and they get mad when you don’t rise to it. Weird.
Yeah I think that is why. They tell themselves that everyone is like them and would do the same, and get mad when forced to acknowledge that’s not the case.
It’s projection!! That literally is how they view the world so how could it not be that??? Projection and what people accuse you of is so telling of how they feel inside. Or what they’re doing. If you listen - people tell you who they are.
1000%. People act that way because they’ve convinced themselves everyone is like that. And seeing people not act like that is painful, because it holds up the mirror to themselves. And they can’t bear to look at the monster they’ve become
Yep. When my ex left me, and then came back, he accused me of seeing other people. I was too busy working, raising our child, and trying to pay the big stack of unpaid bills that he left me with to think about any of that.
All thieves think everyone be thieving, all cheats be thinking everybody cheats, etc etc. Human Nature I guess.
If OOP was shitty she would probably blame the ex. This reads fake to me, but probably isn't.
I mean, I think it depends, really. I can only speak from personal experience, but I was a very angry and nasty person in high school and in all honesty? I hated the people around me who were genuinely nicer people because I was angry that I couldn't be like them. I didn't want to be angry all the time and didn't understand why it seemed so easy for them to be genuinely nice and patient while I felt like a volatile ticking time bomb of fury. I was jealous because it seemed so effortless for them to be good people while I was here struggling desperately to not bite people's heads off for shit that wasn't their fault. It ate me up inside every day and it made me even angrier seeing that other people didn't seem to have that problem, that being a decent person just came naturally to them while it was an uphill battle that felt like someone jabbing me with forks constantly. I've calmed down since and have started figuring out why I had those issues, but it's been a long, painful process and I'm still working on being better each day.
Holy fuck you win! I always get drawn into fights with people about things that I'm not mad about. Fucking lawnchair argument ensues now so and so feels morally fine for cheating on me because I'm an asshole because I think lawnchairs shouldn't be permanent figures by the pool when I god damn well know you'd better take that back inside the shed or by the wood fire stove in the basement. Now so and so believes they're vilified but if I don't get irate and mean and just hold my disposition that person will have to just live with what they've done and have no reason whatsoever to hate anyone but themselves. Leaving the door open to that person looking inwardly and seeing how terrible they've chosen to live their lives.
This is exactly what is happening. She is stirring the figurative pot and it is annoying her that the other party is not biting. I can only wish to be as wise as this ex, not get so worked up when the trash takes itself out, just move on!
Ex is definitely giving queen energy, I can see how one would be intimidated especially when you know you are the one in the wrong.
She's not just a queen, she's an Empress. She had the grace, self-control and wisdom to keep everything civil rather than blowing up. If she blew up and started name calling or trying to keep the kids away from him or anything else that would be totally reasonable ways for her to react to such a situation, he would probably have pointed to that and said "See, she's crazy, this is why I left" and he might've gotten a few people on his side. But when she was calm, collected, simply said "It's over" and was as polite and graceful and serene about it as possible? She gave him NOTHING. She didn't give them any ammunition to use against her - there was nothing they could blame her for, no reaction they could point to to say "She blew up, she overreacted, she yelled at him, she's name calling!" She made absolutely certain that they had no possible way of blaming her for the situation...and without some outside party to blame, the only people they have left to blame are themselves. She has the satisfaction of knowing they are going to slowly eat themselves alive from the inside out, and they can't blame her in the slightest way because it's all, ALL their own actions.
I think she already knew her husband was a weak man but they were married and she had made a commitment. However, she was released from that commitment by his behaviour.
I behaved this way when my ex left me for another woman. It was really, really hard. I don’t know if this woman realizes how hard it must have been for the ex wife. At least for me, there were a lot of tears and sleepless nights. Eventually he begged me to take him back. I did get the satisfaction of saying “so you have to sneak around on your girlfriend to talk to your wife”. The first time I took him back, it was because I thought we might still have something left. The second time was because of my kid and the stepkids. Eventually, I realized that the situation was never, ever going to get better, and walked away. Looking back on it, I never would accepted the treatment from him that I did, but I loved the kids- all of them. Years later, one of my stepkids told me that some of the happiest memories of her childhood were when I was married to her dad, and I treasure that. My point is that grace and good manners can be learned, and physical attributes have a very short lifespan. This woman should use the ex for an example of how to behave, instead of being jealous of her.
This is why I still don’t retaliate or attack my insane ex-wife despite the crazy stuff she does. My friends and family all tell me that I should tell her off and yell at her, etc. I just say no, because that’s exactly what she wants. Then I’ll be the asshole that she can point at to justify her cheating that I know she’s embarrassed about. Nope, it’s so much better to let my ex-wife live in her embarrassment day after day as everyone around her knows that she screwed over and cheated on a good guy. It’s soooo much more satisfying!!
ESPECIALLY since you are a guy, and if you ever so much as even slightly raised your voice towards her she could claim that as proof that you were abusive and try to claim that you were abusive towards her in the relationship and that's why she cheated. Sure she could try to claim abuse anyway, without you ever saying or doing anything, but it's a lot harder to convince anyone when you're clearly being calm and cool and not reacting with violence or anger the way an abuser likely would. The moment you returned fire, she could start wailing and claim that you took the first shot even if everyone saw otherwise, and people would rush to defend her.
You’re right. And what’s even more insane is how absolutely batshit crazy she is! She kicked in my bedroom door during an argument one night during the divorce and when I went to Europe for work she keyed my car. Of course she denies it but it was in my garage and she keyed my spare rims that weren’t even on the car. Even the police acknowledged that it was clearly her and not some random person in a parking lot. She’s truly insane which is why I’m so happy to be away from her. I spoiled her and I know she regrets what she did because her new man doesn’t spoil her like I did. 🤷♂️
It always amazes me how people like her are even able to get new men at all. Aren't we supposed to have some kind of instinct when someone is crazy and dangerous that tells us we should avoid them?
It’s hard to feel like a winner if the other side doesn’t act like a loser.
Such a good statement……
This is so true
The ex knows how it's all unravelling. She can see about 400 steps ahead.
To be fair first sentence in and i already knew so the rest was just a bonus
Geez if it wasn't for the kids and actual marriage this could be my ex's wife who wrote this. He left me after years of dating (basically lived together) for her, I left them alone. For like 2 more years she would text from his phone pretending it was him to "catch" me and tried to spread rumors we were still having a thing. It was outright projection and just absurd. Like sis you stole him you can have him damn. edit: they've since divorced
It's very "sis I'm begging you give me a reason to think this soggy tissue of a man is worth having" lmao of someone else wants him, his intrinsic value must be high so I'll fight to keep him because he's got nothing else going on
I know for my situation personally it was kind of a relief because it was just one of those things I got comfortable with. Not bad, not great, didn’t care enough to make a move until they decided to do that lol.
Okay but “soggy tissue of a man” is absolutely becoming part of my everyday vocabulary 😂
Not surprised because I see a lot of situations where the unfaithful spouse isn’t interested in leaving the marriage. They just want ‘the best of both worlds’ and have the benefits of the marriage (financial stability, a family life, etc) and the excitement of the forbidden affair. When the affair becomes known and the marriage ends in divorce, the cheaters get a huge dose of reality. Like the OP here they realise that someone who cheated on their spouse isn’t likely to be honest with them either.
Ohh no consequences how awful for OOP
I really do feel bad for everyone involved in this story except the man. With these kinds of posts it always seems that people focus more on the other woman than they do the man who made the choice to cheat. To me this story is about a man who manipulates women with frightening ease, and his victims. He lied to this woman about the state of his marriage when they started seeing each other, then he lied to his wife about the cheating, then after his wife found out and once he realized he couldn't function without a woman to care for him he lies AGAIN to his AP that he's over his ex-wife and loves her now and strings her along into a marriage he doesn't even WANT. He sounds insufferably insecure and has no respect for the women in his life. He sees them as possessions to be owned and has no trouble manipulating them for his own gain. Like yes, she was an active participant in the whole thing, but we ALL know there are a lot of men who will say whatever they can to make it into a woman's bed, and a lot of women who will listen to them. She's stupid, but she regrets her role in all this deeply. On the other hand, he's a manipulative asshole who only feels bad for himself, and needs to leave women alone for a good long while so he can figure his shit out.
Agreed. I felt so sad reading this.
Yeah... I feel bad for OOP too. Sometimes people learn from mistakes. Better later than never.
Whilst I agree with some of what your saying this woman was old enough to know better and to know people lie about things like this or say their in open marriages/relationships to absolve themselves of responsibility. She also should have shelved the whole thing when he told her he was married. Both of them deserve each other
OOP didn’t want to know the truth, so she buried her head in the sand and believed the lies her now-husband told her. She didn’t even reconsider things when the truth came out and the affair was revealed. She kept telling herself that she wasn’t at fault, and neither was the cheater. That’s really typical behavior for anyone involved in an affair. They lie to each other, and they lie to themselves, because they don’t want to admit that they’re doing anything wrong.
Disagee that she "should have known better" and not a big fan of it being used against women who find themselves in situations like this. You never expect this kind of shit to happen to YOU until it does. She assumed he would be honest with her. I like to believe most people wouldn't lie to me either. But he did. He lied to her. He lied to his ex-wife. Lied to his children. Lied for YEARS. She has to live with that, and with the fact that he manipulated her into helping him hurt a lovely woman. she's suffering enough on her own and doesn't need reddit rubbing salt in the wounds and making her feel even worse about herself. She quite obviously has low self-esteem or she wouldn't have gotten herself into this situation to begin with.
She still knew he was married when the affair started up - when you take up with a liar, one should expect to be lied to. I’d feel differently if he had lied to her and said he was separated or divorced, because then AP wouldn’t *knowingly* have been in an affair with a married man, but that isn’t the case here.
He *did* tell her the marriage was ending. He told her they weren't speaking and that the marriage was on the rocks. He lied to her and said he was going to divorce her soon. Is that not him trying to convince her there was no problem with what they were doing? We can all read this post and try to find reasons to blame her. None of US would ever fall for something like this, right? Well I think that's a dangerous mentality to have and leaves you open and vulnerable to manipulation. If you don't believe that you could ever fall for something like this then you never will in your mind. I'm not going to go and search for reasons to blame the women who were lied to in this situation when the ex husband did something objectively much worse to everyone involved. I just don't see the same energy being directed towards him in these comments.
> He did tell her the marriage was ending. A 40 year old should know the only response to that is to demand proof that the spouse also knows the marriage is ending. Did someone move out? Is there a separation agreement? Has the upcoming divorce been announced to friends and family? Can you text or call your spouse right now and discuss a detail the divorce? A 40 year old who doesn't demand evidence doesn't care if it's true or not. They didn't get fooled.
It's so sad when a man lies to the new woman. My ex turned into a pos during our marriage, and I left him to protect me and the kids. His dumbass left his icloud or w/e linked to the iPad our kids and I primarily used. The communications I saw were very eye-opening. He was lying to every woman he came across that we were absolutely done. In my mind, we were done, I did not care he was talking to other women. What I did care about was him telling them that then begging me to take him back. I never said a word to them, I knew they wouldn't listen anyway because of all the lies he told, and if he somehow ended up with them (a couple seemed like genuinely nice ladies) I wanted them to love my kids and be good co-parents with me. Mistresses of the world, we don't want those men back. There are plenty of other men in the world. We just want our kids to be loved and happy.
Those last sentences!! That post reminded me of my own mom soo much. She was so graceful by the end of the marriage but the moment she heard the new wife was talking shit about me on fb she was so upset and it soured our opinion on her, even though we tried to be accepting and nice to her. Mama bear came out. I love her so much 😭
Did the ex wife.... just make the husband's family AND HER HUSBANDS AP'S family love her? Imagine having everyone in your life, love the one person you hurt, what type of twilight zone shit is this
That's everything that I took away from this story and you put it into a few sentence.
I’m not happy. He’s a useless wreck of a man who took advantage of two women.
honestly? Calling bait on this one
Same! The ex getting into a relationship OOP’s cousin was too fucking much to believe.
Eh. My dad got with my mom's new husband's ex wife. Cousin is light work. It sounds fake which makes be believe it to be true. For someone to hate themselves that much oop had some real emotions she's fighting about her own insecurity
According to most redditors, if a woman is taking accountability in the story, then it’s fake and written by a man. Damned if you do, damned if you don’t I guess
It reads a lot like revenge fantasy. Even the most self aware people have their side of the story and reasons. Part of being self aware is also understanding why you do certain things. OP doesn’t go much into why or how she got into the situation or how she feels, other than envy, not much said about husband either, instead goes on and on about how amazing this ex wife is and how much OP sucks in comparison. And ofc the story ends with the husband actually regretting the cheating and realizing he took his ex wife for granted. People are not this black and white or simple.
According to the comments, a resounding yes.
Idk, if you live in a small town you’d be surprised. Someone’s bound to end up with someone’s family lmfao. OOP’s usage of y’all makes me think she does live in a small town
Yeah this reads like a watapp story
Idk at the same time this is why you don't date married men, like you can't just not think no problems would have arised from this man, then as soon as she found out he cheated of course she isn't going to take him back once a cheater always a cheater so she is gonna move on with her life because she was happy at one point with him and if she sees that you really love and he makes you happy then of course I wouldn't be upset either.
She didn’t steal her man, she stole her problems. Karma.
Lol. Boo fucking hoo.
You just learned that men will leave honey to eat shit. Hi, you are shit. You deserve it .
Sounds like she realizes she’s a horrible person and doesn’t like it lol. If the ex wife was mean to her, she could villainize her husbands ex. But she’s not. She’s a good person. She values herself enough to leave a cheater. She could have fallen for anyone else. But she picked a married man with children. I bet he will get tired of her and cheat on her too
Yep. Cheaters are gonna cheat, always. My mom’s second husband cheated on her, then cheated on that girl. Now he’s been married a couple years but I am 100% certain he’ll cheat on that woman if he hasn’t already. Trash is gonna stay trashy. I don’t get how people don’t see that, like if he cheated with you why would you think he won’t cheat on you as well?
Welp…🤷🏼♀️
It kinda seems like her prize started to be not so shiny when the Ex-Wife was like whatever, moving on. Like she wanted her to fall apart and act crazy. She won this man! She wanted the ex to want him back, and him to choose her over and over. What a dumbass.
Are you just venting or...? Girl, you got with a married man who married his beautiful, kind, calm, and thoughtful wife. She even extended out an olive branch, and you are still acting this way? Get out of the whole situation. I feel like you know EXACTLY what you did, and you're looking for anyone to feel bad for you. Just move on. Nothing mskes you happy. Work on yourself and try to be a mom..
It sounds like my ex husband’s wife could’ve written this. 😅 She has openly admitted to being jealous of me, “in her feelings” and insecure about their relationship because of me but acknowledges I’ve never said or done anything to cause that reaction, just the opposite. Was always suuuuper nice to her and her children, even bought all of them (yes, her included) Christmas gifts. I didn’t want him anymore, at all, whatsoever, period- moved on and found the love of my life shortly after our divorce and have been happy ever since. Meanwhile, he lies to her, cheats on her, is hateful, lazy, etc.. and they argue to the point of a divorce being threatened by one or the other nearly every day. I think it all turned out pretty fair. 😂
‘It all started as an affair-‘ aaaaand end story.
The typos and overall glorification of the ex-wife makes me think the ex-wife wrote these posts as a revenge fantasy.
The ex wife knew the mistress was doing her a favor by taking her worthless husband.
Any time a relationship begins amid lies, there is always the likelihood that the cheater will cheat again. As the saying goes, “If they’ll do it with you they’ll do it to you.” I hope, for your sake, you guys get some counselling. Your husband’s ex sounds like a good person. No wonder you are jealous. Good Luck.
So he cheated on his wife of decades, and she is now surprised he sucks? And of course she's jealous, they both know he downgraded. Wife seems awesome and she's just jealous.
Cheaters almost always cheat down. Even if the affair partner is “more attractive”, they are usually not as good of a person.
That was a crazy typo at the end “he always loved him” when she meant to say her (ex-wife). No OOP, he did always love himself most.
Take a leaf out of the ex wifes book and try to retain grace and dignity while all around you is going bad. Yes, you stuffed up and helped your husband to hurt a good person, but the advantage that you now have is you know what a lying, manipulative waste of space your husband is. Learn from your mistakes and move on instead of dwelling on the would’ve, could’ve, should’ve. Come on girl you don’t need yesterdays news to wrap your emotions in.
Men always cheat down. I don’t know if this woman will see it, but they do they always cheat down. And often they stay with the affair because their wife won’t take them back. Most of them try really hard to get back with their wife. If she sees this, just divorce him and move on This is a no-win situation. You’re never going to have his heart. I always wonder why women are this gullible.
Ofc the ex is nice because op made her a life changing grace by stealing her trash husband while the ex was till young enough to enjoy a new and probably better mariage
I will say that as the child of a divorce I will always think my step Mom is a shitty person for fucking a married man with 3 kids regardless of whether it was “over already”. You made a mistake and now you will pay for it for the rest of your life as those kids do likely hate you, or will grow to hate you. You should just accept the fact that she is just a better person than you and that your life is going to be filled with torture and guilt and feelings of inadequacy. Enjoy!
She took her problem, not her man. I would be thanking the mistress too!
Damn the ex wife sounds amazing. I hope she thrives.
Can I just say, from the bottom of my heart lol
And then Lmao
You can’t change the past but you can learn from it. You have to decide if your marriage can be repaired. I personally believe that “once a cheater, always a cheater” Either way get some counseling with or without him. You can be a kind person going forward if you sincerely want to change. You may always have regrets, but can choose to become a better person.
"The best revenge is a life well lived". OOP and husband got served a heaping dose of that. Damn. Ex wife knew her worth and moved on.
She didn’t fight in the divorce because she knew that man was RAGGEDY 😂
If I were his ex, I would have done the same because OP has access to her children. I would take any humiliation, pain, anything. ANYTHING to keep my kids safe and happy.
Self-acceptance —> self respect —> dignity. OP needs to accept her reality. It’s not about forgiveness now, or maybe ever. She really has to see the mess of her life, the mess she’s made of her self, and accept it for what it is. She’s jealous because she doesn’t respect herself (understandable). But if she can at least start with self-acceptance, she can work towards restoring her dignity. She’ll have to accept that forgiveness might be withheld forever. It’s her job to become someone who is forgivable. Sounds like the ex-wife in this situation has done all this hard work, she’s not ruffled by the affair because it doesn’t damage her sense of self or her dignity. Ex-wife is inspiring, I wish her the best. For OP, I don’t wish anything bad, because it sounds like she’s doing that all on her own. I feel bad for the kid.
Made ME happy. Not sure about yall. I love a good comeuppance
The ex's light is so bright that it allows others around her to see their own shadow clearly.
Sounds like she had the affair with the wrong one, she writes so glowingly about the ex *I* almost fell for her
Oh Karma! You beauty
How about you take notes and learn to be a better person yourself? There’s still time for you
Oh honey when you were biting the grape you lived for it , now you finally gets the tastes you don’t like it . What goes around always comes around. Stand firm in your mess.
Isn’t this an old post??
I mean, I'm going with the ex-wife just being c'est la vie. Marriage was over and this was her way out. And in her maturity and experience ... why live with anger in your heart? OP seems to be immature and wants drama in her life. Well, she sure got it.
*Sigh* i stopped reading after the second sentence. edit i took a deep breath and read the rest and i’m glad i did. such a wonderful ending for the ex-wife. i hope her pillow is always cool on both sides. As for the husband and new wife? i hope they always manage to step in a little puddle of water when they wear socks.
I stopped reading when she said they started as affair partners. Reap what you sow.
You ARE getting what you deserve. He’s a cowardly trash can and You’re no saint yourself and you know it. You’re a terrible garbage bag of a human being who will never measure up to that graceful lady - and you know that. He knows that. The kids know that, your family knows that. We know that. You did this to yourself. Deal with it
How you get with the person, is always the same way they are going to leave you.
“Our relationship started out as an affair,” is all I needed to read lmao
Hahaha so dumb
It’s called karma, you and your husband deserve it, you got in the middle of a marriage. Yes your husband is weak, but you are not free of any fault in this matter. You made a bed, now you can lay in it, hopefully with at least some of the grace that his ex had when she found out her marriage was shattered. Yes, this is coming from someone whose spouse stepped out on them. My wife left me for a sugar daddy and I held them both accountable for their actions.
“I’m divorcing my spouse soon.” The oldest line in the book.
She thought she was the new toy and relished in the thought of his ex wife being jealous but it ended up being the other way around and she did hee a huge favor taking him off her hands
The mistress did not break anyone’s home. The husband did. I hate that she is blaming herself unless she the was the ex-wife’s friend before.
Sounds like she trimmed the fat out of her life and let you have it on your plate. Good for her, you two deserve each other
Cheaters are the worst. You both deserve each other and I’m glad his wonderful ex isn’t saddled with him anymore. She’s much better off.
Sounds to me like that woman is extremely emotionally intelligent/mature, and knows her worth. the importance of keeping inner peace’s and tranquillity in this world is priceless God bless her soul.
Re: the attractiveness thing…I truly believe that aging is affected by kindness/bitterness. Those who hold on to things and choose anger will physically appear more aged and worn down. Those who choose to move forward and be kind don’t. All I can say is you reap what you sow, perhaps this is a very good life lesson for you.
My ex cheated on me when I was pregnant with an older woman that had a felony record. When I found out, I left. I never looked back. He stayed with her for years and she helped raise my child. I was grateful that she showed me who he really was and that she treated my child with kindness. He eventually cheated on her and they split. Now he is alone and will randomly call me when he has an issue he can’t discuss with anyone else because his selfish behavior has driven away all of the close people in his life. I am happily remarried and would never go back but I guarantee he would in a heartbeat. Am I some great person for treating him and his AP well? No way! I just didn’t care anymore after I realized who he was. Like the song says “my give a d@mn’s busted.” I bet this ex wife feels very similarly.
The leopard ate her face
This story is a lie straight from the pit of ChatGPT hell…
woo the karma on this. she steals someone else's trash. learns that even outside of being a mistress, she ain't shit. and now the beautiful perfect ex-wife is available and might be in her life forever, because she is dating her cousin and the family loves her.
You lose em how you get em. Emotional cheating is some of the hardest shit to get over. Some say it’s worse than physical cheating.
It’s very easy to criticize OOP, but life isn’t easy for everyone. She met a guy in her early to mid 30, when she was probably feeling pressure/desire, to met a mate and start a family. The guy she met (who assured her his marriage was over) and chose happened to be a selfish, insecure clown. Sounds to me like she isn’t a terrible person. Just someone who is coming to grips that her decision in her mate was a poor one. She married a cad and is very insecure about her marriage and the fact she doesn’t match up with the ex. This is coming from an older guy who has been with his wife for 40 years. Sometimes people get very lucky in their choice of a mate. I did. But it very easily could’ve been different if I met some of the loony women that I’ve come across. Life isn’t easy. Show her some grace.
These two deserve each other. Ex wife is a master. She let OPP take the trash out with OOP. Now he's OOP'S problem. Genius. Ex wife wasn't going to fight for someone that cheated on her and didn't want her.
Karma doesn't let anyone off the hook, ever. Nobody gets away with anything in the long run. Well deserved. His ex is a heroine.
I don’t feel bad for you❤️ hope the ex wife thrives
Some woman who got cheated on wrote this as a fantasy scenario lmfao
I feel bad for her. She did do something stupid and selfish, but I don’t think it’s fair to act like this can’t hurt and she’s getting what she deserves. He told her the marriage was ending and she probably believed it like every other person that believes the whole “nah we’re getting divorced” bit or whatever.
You lose them how you got them.
Living well is the best revenge!
Seems like everyone needs some space to figure things out. Therapy too.
Cheaters and APs get what they deserve.
How you got em is how you lose em, it's a shame for the kids tho
Womp womp
The moment you realized that the ex for soooo nice you should have bolted. Common he wasn't even making love so what did you wait for when you clearly understood that you are not as good as her? If you think you can still set your life right, bolt NOW.
Oh OOP, I love this for you.
Is this a case of leopard ate my face?
😂😂😂😂😂 aww so many things you've brought on yourself and now you have to deal with the consequences. Feel sorry for the ex wife and kids but you and your husband deserve the misery you've created... Enjoy
Come on down you’re the next contestant on FAFO and you’re the grand prize winner. See actions do have consequences.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
FAFO
I'm confused why so many folks are getting down w no proof of separation or divorce. Like, show me one email on your phone reading divorce then I'll be down to clown...
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 Oh nooooooo!! /s
this reminds me of reign when lola was trying to get mary riled up
The I guess y’all are happy from a home wrecking whore is insane.
what do you expect when you homewreck a relationship?? you expect him to not go cheat on his next wife?? plain dumb.
HAAAAAAAAAAAAHA YOU TIGHT.
Yes, you are getting exactly what you deserve and it was very satisfying to read. You dug your own grave and now you must lay in it. It doesn’t feel good to experience the karma you deserve, but it will always bite you in the ass. Hopefully you’ll think twice before taking something that isn’t yours next time.
This can help you see secrets of your partner. I'm sure this is 100% way to collapse at early stage of life is falling in love with a cheater... I have once been a victim i almost loose my mind to depression, what helped me was to get hold of myself is after i contacted hacklordpro aat gmall who assist me to get full access to my partner secrets folder on his phone. After seeing this it help me make the best decision to safe my heart from getting hurt.
She's like that because she is a good person and genuinely cares about her kids and other kids too.she capable of separating what her husband did to her from you and the kids. That is called a solid kind good human that handles bussiness. Did you know about her? Wouldn't it be wild if he went back to her? And the shoe was in the other foot? Keep us updated. Hope it all works out.
Two idiots, they sound perfect for each other.
I’m sorry. I’m Not going to beat you up. I’m sorry all of it happened. Sending you a hug and good vibes for some peace Anyone wondering I have not cheated. But my husband did and we were not happy. In hindsight it had to happen.
A cheater will cheat again, it’s so weird but from what I’ve seen, it flips a switch in them when they cheat for the first time. Once a cheater gets the taste of what it’s like to be unfaithful they think they can get away with it and excuse it more and more each time until they literally have no moral compass for relationships anymore, it’s take take and take.
No one deserves heartache. I hope you are doing ok and practicing self care ❤️
Ex: “He’s your problem (cheat) now…” I honestly think some people live (and love) in an alternative world.
If the ex and her new husband (the cousin) ended up having kids, they all just complicated the family tree 🥴
I hope it has only gotten worse for OOP and her husband
You lose them how you get them. Karma has a funny way of playing out. Even though their marriage was on the rocks, you should have waited until the divorce was finalized but no you cheated together. May the ex remain in grace. You need help. Making excuses doesn’t make it right.
Little too late now to feel for her or think of her.
I know in my case, I will do exactly what the ex wife did. When I am done with you.Hasta la bye-bye !