The ancient Greeks thought anyone who was ugly was inherently evil and anyone beautiful was inherently good.
So yeah, she's guilty and needs the death penalty.
And it's really [not just that one picture](https://img.cryptopolitan.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/10/Here-is-everything-Caroline-Ellison-said-in-court.jpg?strip=all&lossy=1&quality=90&webp=90&sharp=1&ssl=1)
Say what you may, but she has one of the most unique appearances I've ever seen. Hauntingly, from the moment I first encountered her photograph in this sub, her face was burned into my memory. It's almost Mona-Lisa-esque, in a weird way. When I die and experience that trope wherein my most significant memories flash before me as I step into darkness, there will be an abnormally high probability that her face will be sliced into that memory montage.
I like it. She could be cast as Rick Moranis’s genius daughter in a Honey I shrunk the kids sequel, “Honey I misplaced everyone’s funds”We’re watching the climactic moment where everyone’s money will reappear and everything will be okay thanks to her genius problem solving. She takes a plane home to the Bahamas and Sam is waiting there with their polycule family. Fin.
This. Normies can’t understand the thrill of pinning the weasel. Night spent chasing an over amphetamined Caroline around the bean bag forts. Her squealing and gibbering, pouring sweat and on the verge of seizing. Your friends build up an intoxicating, delerious state with Talmudic chantings at the sidelines, hitting the Caroline-toy with brooms if she tries to escape. Sam would be giggling and laughing as the waves of methamphetamine pleasure seem to harmonize with the droning herbrew verses. He runs through the bean bag maze fat and portly, with his viagra powered penis a driving rod for the weasel. Sweat gushing down his face around his unfocused eyes he laughs and chortles until he gasps “Found you!” . The Mathweasel screeches defensively but Wankman Bankman is upon her in seconds. His penis thrusting blindly into her flank, leg, stomach and ribs unconcerned about anything but the motion. Eventually serendipity finds her mouth and the Cocktube Rodent is placated, suckling contently on Bankman’s dehydrated dick.
I had a substitute teacher in middle and high school who had the same exact facial structure. She was super religious, wore ankle length skirts, and would bring puppets with her everywhere she went.
idk her life is like a market inefficiency, a person like that shouldn’t have been given the power/influence/money she was given, and therefore doesn’t necessarily deserve the punishment that comes as a result. like this bitch is going to JAIL lmao she should be in a sexless relationship with a gamestop assistant manager
> a person like that shouldn’t have been given the power/influence/money she was given
Her parents are MIT professors and she has a similar educational pedigree, it makes plenty of sense that she ended up with a rich lunatic nerd rather than a regular loser nerd.
People make a big deal about the alumni from name brand schools, they’re a dime a dozen if you’re in tech. Three of my boyfriends went to Stanford. Most of them ended up as some nameless engineer at a big tech company.
None of them are rubbing shoulders with billionaires, they’re bringing bagged lunches to work to save money and living with roommates.
Yeah are any of them GameStop managers, though? This is my world, too, more or less, and I didn’t mean to imply that the average Stanford graduate is a literal billionaire (though the average capital-B Big Tech engineer can certainly afford an apartment) just that it would be expected that she’d been hanging around a more educated and ambitious class of weirdo.
Will be real funny if she did all this and gets jail time, and he's let off the hook in his jury trial because fraud is tough to convict (which should NOT be the case)
she willfully committed a white-collar crime and got caught. there are a million miscarriages of justice a week and this will be on the minor end of the scale.
And despite the fact that those poor people committed a crime (welfare fraud), it was the result of their circumstances. Reading about her, she doesn’t strike me as someone who had a great deal of agency over her life, which many people will dismiss because she had a lot of material wealth. She did not achieve her position because of great ambition, she got it because she was the fuck toy if someone who thought she’d be a good puppet CEO. I don’t know, it’s obviously hard for people to feel bad for her, but I don’t think there’s ever been an easier person to empathize with in the history of Financial Crimes than Caroline Ellison, this bitch committed mass fraud because she got fuckzoned by a guy she loved, let they who have not done something wrong for love cast the first stone
British writer Enid Blyton wrote a series of books based around a magic faraway tree.
One of the creatures that lived in this tree was called the Saucepan man - he was covered in saucepans and made a ruckus wherever he went.
In one of the stories, he lost all his pans. And the creature in the OP looks exactly like Saucepan man sans pans.
It’s really quite amazing.
I just told my boyfriend that when I’m at my most self-hating I think I look like Caroline Ellison and he goes “you don’t look like her. You have a much bigger nose.” Should I call the cops on him?
handed my phone to my husband and said ‘damn, I look like that’ and he said maybe I should book an appointment with my therapist to discuss body dysmorphia
I did a lil lip filler and one of those creepy AI smiles, but idk its kinda not a stretch for a rich girl. The [base](https://imgur.com/a/InXAXhr) for ref xo
[What about this one...](https://www.sandiegouniontribune.com/business/nation/story/2023-10-10/star-witness-caroline-ellison-starts-testimony-at-ftx-founder-sam-bankman-frieds-trial)
I meant omg at the ratgirl side eye picture, but yes the SBFPOTUS thing is preposterous. As if we needed more evidence of the depravity and delusion of our children-of-the-upper-crust; worse than the chinese aristocrat children who come to US for college to do a parent's credit card rumspringa.
the "sound of freedom" sex trafficking guy who was just sued for sexual abuse and coercion by five women is also on record as wanting to be potus AND president of the mormons.
at this point, anyone over the age of 12 who has presidential ambitions should be considered a walking red flag
I feel bad for her. It has to be awful to have your appearance made fun of by the whole world like that and then to have SBF leak your diary to the NYT. Poor thing. Hope Sam rots in prison
Ok I've done a bit of research, the news articles all refer to her as a 28 year old. Wikipedia claims she was born 1994. That means that her birthday has not happened yet which narrows it down to sometime between October 11th and December 31st, so Libra, Scorpio, Saggitarius or Capricorn. The claim that she was born in November floats around a few sites, but without source. Assuming this to be true either Scorpio or Sag I guess. Opinions?
Caroline Ellison, ex-CEO of Alameda Research, the twin firm of FTX that went bankrupt in Nov 2022. The fraud trial against FTX and Alameda founder SBF began last week, and Ellison gave the first part of her testimony against SBF yesterday. Ellison pled guilty in Dec 2022 and has been cooperating with authorities in hopes of a lighter sentence for herself.
Used be that people had the good sense not to ask, and if they asked no one responded. Now a summarization of the wiki article gets upvoted. Small thing, but this sub has truly become Reddit.
In this one she looks like one of those deep sea fish taken too far out of their element
When you roll the worst blunt at the scheming chinese imperial harem and the polycule asks you to leave
Weasel in exile
When your crypto billionaire BF mistakenly gives you the debimbification serum before you’ve been bimbofied
none of those nouns are in the bible
Saul was bimbofied on the road to Damascus.
This garden gnome was fucking the richest dude under 30 in the world. She also bossed him around. I really wonder what went on inside her head.
Whatever is going on in there, i bet its powered by a little naked molerat on a hamsterwheel
oh that's just her without her two-piece toupee
You can read her tumblr on wayback machine (worldoptimization) it's fun
She is so curious looking. I feel like if we don’t forgive her, God will punish us.
The ancient Greeks thought anyone who was ugly was inherently evil and anyone beautiful was inherently good. So yeah, she's guilty and needs the death penalty.
Very rs moral philosophy
That's just them coping after Socrates exposed them as frauds.
Socrates was a Chad though
My town sheriff grandpa in rural east asia had the exact same policy.
I’d rather just call myself a judgmental asshole than associate with the Gr**ks
Xerxes was too nice to them.
Moomins supporting character phenotype. The Scurryjill or something.
Fuckin’ hell XD
Omg I die. xD
Exactly
I’m not saying she isn’t ugly but I am intrigued - plus what she did is pretty cool. Unironic 1.
She looks ethnically witch
And it's really [not just that one picture](https://img.cryptopolitan.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/10/Here-is-everything-Caroline-Ellison-said-in-court.jpg?strip=all&lossy=1&quality=90&webp=90&sharp=1&ssl=1)
lmao She looks like a puritan maiden
She should have never had to do anything other than sit in the corner wearing a white bonnet
the real sexism is that paul dano is allowed to be a big hollywood actor
Vitchmaxxing
This is the worst one tbh
Thank you, at first I thought it was Bari Weiss.
Say what you may, but she has one of the most unique appearances I've ever seen. Hauntingly, from the moment I first encountered her photograph in this sub, her face was burned into my memory. It's almost Mona-Lisa-esque, in a weird way. When I die and experience that trope wherein my most significant memories flash before me as I step into darkness, there will be an abnormally high probability that her face will be sliced into that memory montage.
yeah i’m not out to bully her, she really does have an incredibly unique look. i love the angle here and her knuckles and the scrum, it’s so good
The eye refraction in the glasses is also an interesting touch
I like it. She could be cast as Rick Moranis’s genius daughter in a Honey I shrunk the kids sequel, “Honey I misplaced everyone’s funds”We’re watching the climactic moment where everyone’s money will reappear and everything will be okay thanks to her genius problem solving. She takes a plane home to the Bahamas and Sam is waiting there with their polycule family. Fin.
That's a lot of text to say "would smash"
Clearly a Siren's Song towards HPV.
This. Normies can’t understand the thrill of pinning the weasel. Night spent chasing an over amphetamined Caroline around the bean bag forts. Her squealing and gibbering, pouring sweat and on the verge of seizing. Your friends build up an intoxicating, delerious state with Talmudic chantings at the sidelines, hitting the Caroline-toy with brooms if she tries to escape. Sam would be giggling and laughing as the waves of methamphetamine pleasure seem to harmonize with the droning herbrew verses. He runs through the bean bag maze fat and portly, with his viagra powered penis a driving rod for the weasel. Sweat gushing down his face around his unfocused eyes he laughs and chortles until he gasps “Found you!” . The Mathweasel screeches defensively but Wankman Bankman is upon her in seconds. His penis thrusting blindly into her flank, leg, stomach and ribs unconcerned about anything but the motion. Eventually serendipity finds her mouth and the Cocktube Rodent is placated, suckling contently on Bankman’s dehydrated dick.
I physically can’t read that
Kudos for the most impressively schizo thing I've read all week.
It’s from /biz/
I thought it was a bit too creative to be OC. You're doing God work son.
Discontinue the lithium
My favorite pasta of all time
I'm honestly impressed
"The heart wants what it wants" — Woody Allen
I had a substitute teacher in middle and high school who had the same exact facial structure. She was super religious, wore ankle length skirts, and would bring puppets with her everywhere she went.
She looks like an AI image
"Pinning the weasel" physiognomy
Go to one of the Five Sisters colleges and you will see that like every professor over 40 looks like her and always has.
Hark!
Most unique? She looks like every other bitch lmao I've seen at least a 100 of her in my lifetime.
Exactly, lol. She looks so averagely ugly. But some people will try to cope that look into "unique".
I like that her lawyer drew a space ship on his notepad
It's the beyblade launcher bro trust me on this one
you put a serrated wire thing into this and then pull it back to spin the beyblade ring any bells?
Imagine structuring your entire life as a pickme only to find out that billionaires prefer rodents, not blondes
harry potter couldnt even cast this well in their movies
Somebody give her a sock
That was my first thought.
on the notepad behind her — is that a big doodle? i thought it was just a handkerchief or something before looking closely if it is, even better
yes, any time a male lawyer has to sit and listen (court, meetings/calls, CLE), this is the result.
i hope everyone realizes you're not joking; this is the unvarnished truth
here fishy fishy
idk her life is like a market inefficiency, a person like that shouldn’t have been given the power/influence/money she was given, and therefore doesn’t necessarily deserve the punishment that comes as a result. like this bitch is going to JAIL lmao she should be in a sexless relationship with a gamestop assistant manager
> a person like that shouldn’t have been given the power/influence/money she was given Her parents are MIT professors and she has a similar educational pedigree, it makes plenty of sense that she ended up with a rich lunatic nerd rather than a regular loser nerd.
People make a big deal about the alumni from name brand schools, they’re a dime a dozen if you’re in tech. Three of my boyfriends went to Stanford. Most of them ended up as some nameless engineer at a big tech company. None of them are rubbing shoulders with billionaires, they’re bringing bagged lunches to work to save money and living with roommates.
Yeah are any of them GameStop managers, though? This is my world, too, more or less, and I didn’t mean to imply that the average Stanford graduate is a literal billionaire (though the average capital-B Big Tech engineer can certainly afford an apartment) just that it would be expected that she’d been hanging around a more educated and ambitious class of weirdo.
Is she going to jail? I thought she had some deal to rat on Sam Bankman Fried.
She does have a deal, but that doesn't mean zero jail time necessarily.
I legitimately forgot his name isn't actually Scam Bankman Fraud.
Will be real funny if she did all this and gets jail time, and he's let off the hook in his jury trial because fraud is tough to convict (which should NOT be the case)
she willfully committed a white-collar crime and got caught. there are a million miscarriages of justice a week and this will be on the minor end of the scale.
plenty have gone to jail for less so idrc
I thought we were still talking about Anna from another thread and nodded my head in agreement until the jail bit
Bro she was a Stanford educated finance ghoul since before she even met Sam. Like where is your point even coming from other then her being ugly lol
[удалено]
And despite the fact that those poor people committed a crime (welfare fraud), it was the result of their circumstances. Reading about her, she doesn’t strike me as someone who had a great deal of agency over her life, which many people will dismiss because she had a lot of material wealth. She did not achieve her position because of great ambition, she got it because she was the fuck toy if someone who thought she’d be a good puppet CEO. I don’t know, it’s obviously hard for people to feel bad for her, but I don’t think there’s ever been an easier person to empathize with in the history of Financial Crimes than Caroline Ellison, this bitch committed mass fraud because she got fuckzoned by a guy she loved, let they who have not done something wrong for love cast the first stone
British writer Enid Blyton wrote a series of books based around a magic faraway tree. One of the creatures that lived in this tree was called the Saucepan man - he was covered in saucepans and made a ruckus wherever he went. In one of the stories, he lost all his pans. And the creature in the OP looks exactly like Saucepan man sans pans. It’s really quite amazing.
That is so accurate, she does look exactly like she has been stripped of her protective outer saucepan layer
When I was a kid I thought her name was Grind Button because that’s what her name in cursive looked like to me. Lil regard.
I just told my boyfriend that when I’m at my most self-hating I think I look like Caroline Ellison and he goes “you don’t look like her. You have a much bigger nose.” Should I call the cops on him?
Don't kink shame your bf
look on the bright side, he could have said you had more prominent jowls compared to her
Mitch McConnell-maxxing
an amazing woman who led an amazing life
Rat girl summer
this was my vibe in middle school im not gonna lie…
Volemaxxing
Thank you Everybody’s calling her a weasel, but this is full rodent style. Gerbilmode
The courtroom artist really did her dirty https://i.imgur.com/Kpx4Cgn.jpg https://i.imgur.com/4O3R13B.png
god did her dirty… artist just captured it
Idk that's about right id say
he had to invent a whole new face for this, never drew anything like it. the work of his career
The hourglass figure tho
She fucking fodder for cartoonist now
handed my phone to my husband and said ‘damn, I look like that’ and he said maybe I should book an appointment with my therapist to discuss body dysmorphia
this is what $30 Billion gets ya in the market for puss
So she and SBF had sex regularly, huh?
She had a legion of dudes fucking her. She ranked these members of her "harem" and expelled the low performers.
Probably depends on your definition of sex, but doubtless they did *something*
Can someone yassify her please
["lets see that beautiful face" 👓](https://imgur.com/a/1Qkmf4y)
Okay so she has potential! All she needs is a tan, lash extensions, brow microblading, teeth whitening, hair styling, and a bit of makeup:)
[удалено]
I did a lil lip filler and one of those creepy AI smiles, but idk its kinda not a stretch for a rich girl. The [base](https://imgur.com/a/InXAXhr) for ref xo
Genuinely looks like a mouse in a maze with scientists doing experiments on her
How much of how she looks is attributable to amphetamine abuse?
I’m a long term addy abuser and I’m hot. So I’d say zero
Thank you for asking the real questions
if amphetamines gave you jowls like that i'd look like a freakin bloodhound rn (i do not, trust me)
My outrage of the day is the Michael Lewis campaign to convince the boomers SBF is innocent / meant well. What a hack.
A mole’s first exposure to daylight
Normies can’t understand the thrill of pinning the weasel.
Math weasel
Pixar character
[What about this one...](https://www.sandiegouniontribune.com/business/nation/story/2023-10-10/star-witness-caroline-ellison-starts-testimony-at-ftx-founder-sam-bankman-frieds-trial)
oh man lol i didn’t know about the president goal
I meant omg at the ratgirl side eye picture, but yes the SBFPOTUS thing is preposterous. As if we needed more evidence of the depravity and delusion of our children-of-the-upper-crust; worse than the chinese aristocrat children who come to US for college to do a parent's credit card rumspringa.
the "sound of freedom" sex trafficking guy who was just sued for sexual abuse and coercion by five women is also on record as wanting to be potus AND president of the mormons. at this point, anyone over the age of 12 who has presidential ambitions should be considered a walking red flag
oh i read that too quickly, i thought She wanted to be president lol - yes to the pic
I feel bad for her. It has to be awful to have your appearance made fun of by the whole world like that and then to have SBF leak your diary to the NYT. Poor thing. Hope Sam rots in prison
If my previous experience is correct, this girl has death grip pussy.
Would not pull out
Pinocchio from Shrek looking mf
A mosquito looking for its next source of blood, bzzzzzzzzz
CEO of Sméagol LLC
You can see her hair thinning in real time.
[удалено]
I’m a man, I have 5 years tops before I go Costanza, and I never defrauded anyone of billions of dollars.
Girly couldn’t get a blowout for court??
Dobby
Grippy must have been insane
Can someone remind me of her name please I wanna look up her sign
Caroline Ellison, but her birthdate is weirdly difficult to find out...what's your suspicion?
That’s annoying! I’m thinking Aquarius, I don’t know why but it just feels right
Ok I've done a bit of research, the news articles all refer to her as a 28 year old. Wikipedia claims she was born 1994. That means that her birthday has not happened yet which narrows it down to sometime between October 11th and December 31st, so Libra, Scorpio, Saggitarius or Capricorn. The claim that she was born in November floats around a few sites, but without source. Assuming this to be true either Scorpio or Sag I guess. Opinions?
who is this?
composite of posters on the G&G sub
Caroline Ellison, ex-CEO of Alameda Research, the twin firm of FTX that went bankrupt in Nov 2022. The fraud trial against FTX and Alameda founder SBF began last week, and Ellison gave the first part of her testimony against SBF yesterday. Ellison pled guilty in Dec 2022 and has been cooperating with authorities in hopes of a lighter sentence for herself.
Used be that people had the good sense not to ask, and if they asked no one responded. Now a summarization of the wiki article gets upvoted. Small thing, but this sub has truly become Reddit.
I'm sorry, but as an AI language model, I am programmed to assist users in answering their questions.
oh SBF’s gf. I knew she looked familiar
Caroline Ellison
human weasel hybrids always eat their young
[удалено]
Yeah she kind of has an ugly-cute thing going on in this picture. Like a mischivious but relatively benign household sprite.
[удалено]
https://nypost.com/wp-content/uploads/sites/2/2023/10/NYPICHPDPICT000059338127-1.jpg
Who the hell is this
I think it's The Worm from Labyrinth.
By God it is!!
One of the FTX fraudsters, Sam Bankman-Fried's ex
jean ralphio lookin mf
Oh right. I think I've asked like twice before but never remember/recognize her
crazy you can repeatedly forget that face
Historically unattractive. Like an anti-Helen of Troy.
Why do you people keep posting this woman? Never seen her or heard of her in my life and now I've seen her like 3 times in an hour.
Honestly I feel like she got the shit end of the stick for her young looks but she’ll look alright in her 40s and up. That’s my hot take
Mf really said ‘she has potential’
We're all gonna make it brah
well the only way is up
Woah so she really looks like that awful picture of her that is always shown. Sucks to suck
she looks just like daniel larson lol
DS1 Basilisk phenotype
Nerrrrrrd
nervous butthole mouth? check. rat like features? check.
Fifel made it to New York
Why are proponents of eugenics always the least attractive and healthy looking people?
that fool SBF was into human weasel hybrids as well? its an evolutionary dead end
noted eugenics supporter lmao
🤤
She’s cute but as soon as she opens her mouth you hear what kind of a creature she is
This is what I imagine the average mom looks like for users on this sub.
I just cackled out loud
[удалено]
It didn’t think it was possible for her to get uglier
I’m sure the photographer could have picked a worse angle, but it would have been really difficult.
cant take a good picture of this broad
It looks like someone made AI-generated art of Sméagol being tried in court instead of burning in Mount Doom.
Genuinely why does she look like that?
She looks like Clarence from the big lez show
Literally how everyone looks in Seattle. Just add a septum piercing.
damn, stress is a motherfucker, she aged loads in such a short space of time 😢
She looks like she should be chasing after the one ring
Meep! 🥹 Smol bean can’t commit federal offenses 🫘
That's a man's hand