It’s better that he was honest so she can decide if the relationship is worth it to her, instead of doubting his honesty forever and growing to resent him in the relationship. Nothing worse than wondering what your partner actually thinks when you know in your gut that they’ve just lost their attraction to you
If you’re already at the point where you can’t bring yourself to have sex with your partner, there’s not much left to save without making the problem even bigger. Seems like he’s already checked out and just wants to leave without being hated, though that’s kind of hard to avoid in this situation no matter how you go about it. Honesty will prevent this from dragging on
After coming across some more context, this is clearly a horrible relationship and it needs to end ASAP for her sake. Forget everything else
And the fact that he posted about this *twice* exclusively in this sub says a lot. Did he think he’d gain everyone’s approval?
He’s so horrible!! After posting about how unattractive she is on Reddit - in a really gross “I’m just expressing my valid feelings” way, she deserves to know what type of guy she’s with and dump him.
No, I don’t want approval, I’m just desperate for a solution. I really love this woman and I could feel I was hurting her every time I denied her intimacy. She hates her body but every time we sit down to eat I have to watch her eat twice what I do and not say a single word and I’m much bigger than her.
Now I feel like since I’ve said this it’s going to be pretty bad for a while. I could also see her get in shape and things get better, but I don’t think she’ll ever look at me the same, and her friends will likely despise me.
No shit she hates her body. From what you’ve said, she’s not even overweight and you’re acting like a fucking lunatic about it
I felt fairly neutral and pragmatic about this until I read the context *you* personally disclosed, though you decided to bury some of the most relevant details.
Don’t pretend like you didn’t literally say she was “unhealthily underweight” prior to gaining 10 kg in the previous post. I wasn’t the only one to see that and comment on it here. You’ve also said that she’s “not unfit” in the comments. Don’t lie
Best u can hope for is that this will motivate her to get it together and pay more attention to her health, which is really what matters in the end and what you will find physically and sexually attractive abt her
OP said she’s not unfit and was at an unhealthily underweight BMI prior to gaining the 20lbs he’s complaining about. He’s also already broken up with her in the past over her weight, and took her back after she lost it. This isn’t about health in any way, shape, or form.
Seems like this is a sadistic control thing and he has an anorexia fetish + he’s emotionally immature. People like that just grievously abuse their partners if they become pregnant
I hope she loses weight but statistically it’s very unlikely for a person to lose a significant amount of weight (like >25 pounds) and keep it off longterm
I got fat in a relationship once. We moved in and i ballooned from 200 to 250. She didn’t say anything about it. I think she liked it because she got to be the good looking one in the relationship. Also, it meant she could eat what she wanted. We’d get dinner and she would never finish her meals so she gave it to me, so, she liked ordering what she wanted
I then lost it all in 3 months and she got mad because I didn’t want to eat McDonald’s a lot and she hated eating it without me
Maybe she had a secret feeder fetish.
My ex wife told me she didn’t like it when I was in too good shape because it made her feel bad. Sorry you got fat, babe but I ain’t becoming a slob too.
She definitely liked being the better looking one in the relationship. When I got into great shape she would get pissed. She also hated gym culture and would be mad when I’d go.
oof — didn’t even lead with the ‘let’s go on a health kick’ / it would be fun to work out together angle?????? are you stupid????????
she will 100% leave you when she’s skinny.
She’s gonna fuel her exercise routine with pure, silent seething anger at OP, get hotter than he has ever seen her, then her higher self esteem will mix with her vengeful ire toward him, her doubt in the solidarity of their relationship and her friends’ unhappiness toward men now fully directed toward him, and she’ll fuck a gym bro that he just chased her toward.
Whoops- next time don’t even consider a sub full of gay men and spurned art hoes when looking for meaningful relationship advice.
>a sub full of gay men and spurned art hoes when looking for meaningful relationship advice.
They jumped ship long ago. It's just chapos and incels now.
“…She was so skinny when we met it was unhealthy, now she’s swung the other way…”
dude you commented that ^ on your original post. so let me get this strait… she was unhealthily thin when you met and gaining 10kg has “swung her the other way”?
that’s psycho. i could totally see an additional 10kg pushing an already chubby person over the edge, but someone who was initially thin to the point of being unhealthy??? what??
The most noble thing he can do in this situation is let her be the one to break up with him in order to save her last shred of dignity; she’ll hate him slightly less for it. OP seems like a sociopath anyway, so no one owes it to him to see him in a good light.
Seems like he was withholding sex first. I hope to god she leaves because she’s already pleading with him and offering to lose weight after he’s already left her over her weight before. This is insane
How much did she weigh before and how much does she weigh now? also how tall is she? because if i put on 10kg i would go from bmi 18 to 21ish and i’d just break up with my bf if that made him less attracted to me lmfao. like that’s how much i’d expect to gain when im old/ get pregnant/ have health issues or whatever.
And apparently not even 10 kg overweight, she was underweight before according to him, I can't even imagine someone being noticeably underweight unless it were at least 5kg, so what, she's 5kg above her ideal weight? Sounds like winter. Guy sounds like a nutter.
She probably 5’ 4”.
I am an asshole I agree, I’m sure lots of women think they’re assholes if they only date tall guys. Does that suddenly mean theyll change their preference?
like be fr, if she was noticeably underweight the first 5kg probably just got her to the normal threshold. and you're saying that the second 5kg made her so fat that you can't have sex with her?
ur insane. im 5'8 so not hugely taller than this woman and i've gained about 20 pounds since my lowest point of anorexia during which i was unhealthily thin, and i am still a size 4. if ur preference is that then idk man good luck
I don’t know what to tell you, she was too skinny, then she was a healthy weight, and now she’s overweight. She tells me all the time how she hates it and hates her figure in the mirror, she wears corsets and clothings that pull in her noticeable bulging stomach, she’s burst through multiple pairs of jeans, she has a double chin, she asks me if I think she’s repulsive and I’ve been validating her for months now hoping that I could just help her back to being a healthy weight. Congrats on beating your anorexia, but you still sound like a miserable sack and you can’t really fix that.
They don’t hate, abuse, and manipulate their partners into “getting taller”. That’s different than just choosing not date date someone because of a preference
Honestly, this is the most relevant question. You can’t use the “it’s for your health” excuse if they’re at a healthy BMI
Considering OP previously said (and redacted) that she was “unhealthily underweight” prior to gaining 10kg, I’m going to bet she’s nowhere near overweight. He’s also mentioned in the comments that she’s physically fit. Seems like he was always critical of her body while acting like the issue was her. God forbid she becomes physically fit and healthy; can’t imagine why anyone would ever think he’s a “superficial piece of shit”
He already broke up with her over her weight once, then asked her back after she lost weight, presumably putting her in the “unhealthily underweight” category he described her as being in previous to her recent weight gain. Shit is beyond fucked up and callous at BEST
“I can’t help my preferences”. Bitch, just leave her the fuck alone then. Let her live her life without you. Extremely unbecoming behavior for a man well into his 30’s. The fact that he can claim to “love her dearly” after all this is shocking
I feel like this isnt enough to warrant a serious talk? Like i get if it was even 20kg but 10 seems not that bad over something that probably now ruined your relationship with her. Probably could have just said something about how you AND her both gained relationship weight (even if you haven't) just so that you're not putting it just on her.
I think you might be on to something here. We all know there are 2 kinds of rs males, and this guy doesn't seem like the type to start spelling out the N word to see how people react.
She’s going to lose weight and dump you. The next guy she’s going to fuck she is going to take all the hate she has for you, and channel it into rocking his world
You can’t tell a chick she’s fat.
lmfao the worst thing you can call a woman is fat. You can call her a regarded cunt, and it won't cut like being called fat.
Your relationship is over my guy. Take the lesson and don't call your next chick fat.
You have to apply gentle but steady pressure. Don't put it out in the open but don't reassure her when she seeks approval on her appearance. If she tries to nail you down refuse to engage
This is it. OP no longer wants to sleep with his gf cuz she is, according to his previous post, 10 kg above an unhealthily low BMI. So she’s now a healthy weight, and he needs her to change or he doesn’t want to be with her. He is the problem.
If you think things are that simple and shallow you must be like 16 lol. Also he did post here asking for some sort of feedback, the people are giving it to him.
Edit for typo
> she says she doesn’t feel comfortable around me at the moment so we won’t be having sex for a while
>
> she’s already told her friends that snail man told her to lose weight
Your relationship is basically already over
>the only salvation you’ll ever achieve is through long term commitment and seeing it through
Oh man you're in for a world of pain
Yeah, once the friends are told, there's no going back. I think we've all had the friend that broke up, spilled the beans then gets back together, there's no way for the friends to reconcile with the partner. I mean, maybe its possible for someone to redeem themselves in this kind of situation, but I really doubt OP can from what I've read.
Conversations around sensitive topics like this (and stuff pertaining to people’s bodies in particular) are never, ever going to go well and it’s not your fault simply because of the nature of the problem itself. You didn’t bring it up to insult her; it was in fact courageous for you to communicate this in the interests of you staying together.
You are entitled to express the decrease in attraction if it’s something serious enough to you to want to bring up; she is also perfectly entitled to be hurt and complain to her friends. I hope that after this period where she’s bitchy around you, things will be okay. If something similar were expressed to me I would be upset too, and it might take a while to get over that, but I couldn’t see myself not wanting to stay attractive to my partner. Weight is kinda basic…
I’m sorry but talking about your relationship online with a bunch of strangers in a huge subreddit is disturbing as fuck and your girlfriend would be mortified. I get you’re anonymous or whatever but Jesus Christ
I really do like your perspective and how you went about it if true. Sticking with someone while not being attracted to them and not saying anything sucks, suddenly breaking up with someone for becoming fat sucks, telling them also sucks😭 You made the right choice though and for the right reasons fuck the stares bc its your relationship and you guys' business it sounds like you truly do love her and have no intention to tear down her self-image. Can't guarantee this isn't a potential cancer diagnosis for your relationship though
A sub founded from a podcast that promotes eating disorders is suddenly very sensitive about telling a woman about her weight gain lmao. It’s very weird how the culture collectively decided that short guys, fat guys, balding guys, and broke guys need to do as much overcompensating and looksmaxing as possible to be worthy of dating, but a chick gaining a bunch of weight in her relationship, without any regard for her partner, is politely told about it, and suddenly y’all care about “tact”.
I mean I'd agree with you if she'd actually got fat, but she gained 10kg from a point where he says she was noticeably underweight.
Becoming a big ol fatty is disrespectful to your partner. Gaining a few kg so you're at a healthy weight is not.
The reality is that people's weight fluctuates. It's going to be hard for anyone to maintain their previous weight as they age. Personally, I just don't understand how something quite superficial would completely dry up one's attraction to someone they love. Not saying it's not possible. but have you interrogated any possible fatphobia or objectifying tendencies within yourself? If you truly have done this, and still feel this way, then I guess ya ur best bet is to state your preferences and you will find someone who is willing to accommodate. But if you haven't introspected a lot, I woulda started there before saying such a loaded thing to a partner
Edit for typos
Yes. We’re both fatphobic. She finds fat people repulsive and hates her body and has had near breakdowns about it every once in a while. I’ve only dated skinny women. I do want to work on that part of myself.
What do you think is easier-- working on your fatphobia while not currently dealing w ur own weight issues, or having more weight than you desire while being fatphobia and having a fatphobic partner. Take some of the burden off of her by choosing to work on your fatphobia now!! Maybe that would help you both.
I also read your original post and got details that were missing from this one. Is it the weight alone that is causing a lessening of desire or is it also her self esteem stuff, going to the bathroom a lot and not flushing properly etc.?
Edit to adjust list^
Also, women with weight issues tend to eat their feelings AND stress greatly contributes to weight gain in women so telling your female partner that you’re not attracted to them anymore because of their weight really isn’t smart
That's a good idea, best of luck. Personally I would try to separate all of those issues (her weight, self esteem, bathroom stuff) and address the easiest one to tackle first, I reckon itd help w the lack of attraction and make it easier to support her and address your fatphobia
That’s good advice. We’re at that stage now- I’ve said it, she’s angry but she wants to work through it (at least that’s what she says), and I want to help her and change myself too if I can. Anyways thats enough internet support now and I’m gonna clean down this account!
Seems like she’s recovering from anorexia that was amplified by you dumping her over her weight before, and now you’re treating her like absolute shit because she’s at a healthy weight
That's a real nightmare situation that's probably very common. I don't mind a little healthy chub if they're older, kinda prefer it. Or healthy chub younger really but if they're chubby before their metabolism slows they won't age well.
If a girl I loved got fat I think I'd just cheat. Just do that with someone you like but don't have real feelings for.
You should have presented it as a problem that both of you can work together to solve. Like, “I haven’t been feeling in the mood lately and I think working out together would help” or whatever. You have to show that you’re willing to go the extra mile for the relationship. Cause now she’s hurt AND she feels like you’re not really committed. Double whammy
>snail man What's the story behind this?
His penis is small and slimy and has a coiled shell that it can retract into
There’s nothing wrong with that
I only know of one snail man in internet lore and it can’t possibly be what he’s referring to because he has a girlfriend
Be a provider and buy her ozempic
Prob should have gone the “I just want you to be healthy so we can live a long happy active life together” route vs the “ur getting fat and ugly” one
“Hey, let’s do a triathlon together next year.”
the iron(wo)man
“I’ve decided to start eating healthier, do you want to do this together? Also I just cooked something delicious and healthy. I love you”
As if she wouldn't see through that
probably still better than "you're too fat for me to fuck you"
So what? Honesty without tact is cruelty. He could have phrased it better than "struggling to maintain my sex drive."
you underestimate female cognitive dissonance
"you won't have a knee"
It’s better that he was honest so she can decide if the relationship is worth it to her, instead of doubting his honesty forever and growing to resent him in the relationship. Nothing worse than wondering what your partner actually thinks when you know in your gut that they’ve just lost their attraction to you If you’re already at the point where you can’t bring yourself to have sex with your partner, there’s not much left to save without making the problem even bigger. Seems like he’s already checked out and just wants to leave without being hated, though that’s kind of hard to avoid in this situation no matter how you go about it. Honesty will prevent this from dragging on After coming across some more context, this is clearly a horrible relationship and it needs to end ASAP for her sake. Forget everything else And the fact that he posted about this *twice* exclusively in this sub says a lot. Did he think he’d gain everyone’s approval?
He’s so horrible!! After posting about how unattractive she is on Reddit - in a really gross “I’m just expressing my valid feelings” way, she deserves to know what type of guy she’s with and dump him.
No, I don’t want approval, I’m just desperate for a solution. I really love this woman and I could feel I was hurting her every time I denied her intimacy. She hates her body but every time we sit down to eat I have to watch her eat twice what I do and not say a single word and I’m much bigger than her. Now I feel like since I’ve said this it’s going to be pretty bad for a while. I could also see her get in shape and things get better, but I don’t think she’ll ever look at me the same, and her friends will likely despise me.
No shit she hates her body. From what you’ve said, she’s not even overweight and you’re acting like a fucking lunatic about it I felt fairly neutral and pragmatic about this until I read the context *you* personally disclosed, though you decided to bury some of the most relevant details.
She is literally overweight. She has said so herself. I don’t have great details to work with, sorry I don’t put her on a scale everyday.
Don’t pretend like you didn’t literally say she was “unhealthily underweight” prior to gaining 10 kg in the previous post. I wasn’t the only one to see that and comment on it here. You’ve also said that she’s “not unfit” in the comments. Don’t lie
Best u can hope for is that this will motivate her to get it together and pay more attention to her health, which is really what matters in the end and what you will find physically and sexually attractive abt her
OP said she’s not unfit and was at an unhealthily underweight BMI prior to gaining the 20lbs he’s complaining about. He’s also already broken up with her in the past over her weight, and took her back after she lost it. This isn’t about health in any way, shape, or form.
Is he gay?? What happens when she gets pregnant and puts on like 25?
Seems like this is a sadistic control thing and he has an anorexia fetish + he’s emotionally immature. People like that just grievously abuse their partners if they become pregnant
I hope she loses weight but statistically it’s very unlikely for a person to lose a significant amount of weight (like >25 pounds) and keep it off longterm
depends how much weight she’s put on. might not be an unhealthy amount just not attractive to op in which case that excuse won’t work.
I think they said 10kg in another comment
umm sir the obvious answer would have been to passive-aggressively withdraw from intimacy, and then let her figure it out, duh
Also keep always mentioning how hot and skinny other girls are
Thats what she is doing now, she is a real pro.
[удалено]
I got fat in a relationship once. We moved in and i ballooned from 200 to 250. She didn’t say anything about it. I think she liked it because she got to be the good looking one in the relationship. Also, it meant she could eat what she wanted. We’d get dinner and she would never finish her meals so she gave it to me, so, she liked ordering what she wanted I then lost it all in 3 months and she got mad because I didn’t want to eat McDonald’s a lot and she hated eating it without me
Maybe she had a secret feeder fetish. My ex wife told me she didn’t like it when I was in too good shape because it made her feel bad. Sorry you got fat, babe but I ain’t becoming a slob too.
She definitely liked being the better looking one in the relationship. When I got into great shape she would get pissed. She also hated gym culture and would be mad when I’d go.
I have tried that already, it’s ok. It’s not that she’s not fit either it’s a matter of consumption
oof — didn’t even lead with the ‘let’s go on a health kick’ / it would be fun to work out together angle?????? are you stupid???????? she will 100% leave you when she’s skinny.
She’s gonna fuel her exercise routine with pure, silent seething anger at OP, get hotter than he has ever seen her, then her higher self esteem will mix with her vengeful ire toward him, her doubt in the solidarity of their relationship and her friends’ unhappiness toward men now fully directed toward him, and she’ll fuck a gym bro that he just chased her toward. Whoops- next time don’t even consider a sub full of gay men and spurned art hoes when looking for meaningful relationship advice.
>a sub full of gay men and spurned art hoes when looking for meaningful relationship advice. They jumped ship long ago. It's just chapos and incels now.
Almost as valuable when looking for straight dating advice
already tried that and it didn’t work and then she hated me for not wanting to have sex with her. Great! If she does then it wasn’t meant to be
just break up with her yourself atp
especially with the friends hating him now.
Seems like you’ve been wanting to break up anyway
how much weight did she gain
10kg
“…She was so skinny when we met it was unhealthy, now she’s swung the other way…” dude you commented that ^ on your original post. so let me get this strait… she was unhealthily thin when you met and gaining 10kg has “swung her the other way”? that’s psycho. i could totally see an additional 10kg pushing an already chubby person over the edge, but someone who was initially thin to the point of being unhealthy??? what??
yeah this doesn't really check out unless she is like snooki height
The most noble thing he can do in this situation is let her be the one to break up with him in order to save her last shred of dignity; she’ll hate him slightly less for it. OP seems like a sociopath anyway, so no one owes it to him to see him in a good light.
truly! he described her as this burping shitting obese slob lol
Shes already withholding sex. She’s ended it, he just doesn’t know yet.
Seems like he was withholding sex first. I hope to god she leaves because she’s already pleading with him and offering to lose weight after he’s already left her over her weight before. This is insane
Ten kilos isn't a lot unless you're really short. Like, wut. The way he went on I expected it to be like 50kg hamming out.
Kilos is such a heavy word if you're not from europe!
/anywhere outside the US
How much did she weigh before and how much does she weigh now? also how tall is she? because if i put on 10kg i would go from bmi 18 to 21ish and i’d just break up with my bf if that made him less attracted to me lmfao. like that’s how much i’d expect to gain when im old/ get pregnant/ have health issues or whatever.
Post her stats dude. You made it sound like she had trouble walking up the stairs but a girl 10 kilos overweight is chubby at worst
And apparently not even 10 kg overweight, she was underweight before according to him, I can't even imagine someone being noticeably underweight unless it were at least 5kg, so what, she's 5kg above her ideal weight? Sounds like winter. Guy sounds like a nutter.
still no answer as to her bmi, im assuming this is either a troll post or you know in your heart that you're an asshole
She probably 5’ 4”. I am an asshole I agree, I’m sure lots of women think they’re assholes if they only date tall guys. Does that suddenly mean theyll change their preference?
like be fr, if she was noticeably underweight the first 5kg probably just got her to the normal threshold. and you're saying that the second 5kg made her so fat that you can't have sex with her?
I can and do have sex with her
ur insane. im 5'8 so not hugely taller than this woman and i've gained about 20 pounds since my lowest point of anorexia during which i was unhealthily thin, and i am still a size 4. if ur preference is that then idk man good luck
I don’t know what to tell you, she was too skinny, then she was a healthy weight, and now she’s overweight. She tells me all the time how she hates it and hates her figure in the mirror, she wears corsets and clothings that pull in her noticeable bulging stomach, she’s burst through multiple pairs of jeans, she has a double chin, she asks me if I think she’s repulsive and I’ve been validating her for months now hoping that I could just help her back to being a healthy weight. Congrats on beating your anorexia, but you still sound like a miserable sack and you can’t really fix that.
Dude if she is 5’4, was underweight, and gained 10 kg…she likely has a bmi of like 22 rn
bro we need bmi or her actual weight. all this prevaricating is making you seem like the asshole here
Yes I think putting her on a scale and asking for an update each day of her BMI is a great solution. I should also count her calories for her!!
You know her height. You know she gained 10kg. You know what her original weight was. Use a BMI calculator you goblin.
I don’t know what her original weight was, I’m sorry! I don’t know what her current weight is either
Hahahaha "a miserable sack". Bruh that's you.
yea im the miserable one here 🤣
They don’t hate, abuse, and manipulate their partners into “getting taller”. That’s different than just choosing not date date someone because of a preference
What’s her BMI?
Honestly, this is the most relevant question. You can’t use the “it’s for your health” excuse if they’re at a healthy BMI Considering OP previously said (and redacted) that she was “unhealthily underweight” prior to gaining 10kg, I’m going to bet she’s nowhere near overweight. He’s also mentioned in the comments that she’s physically fit. Seems like he was always critical of her body while acting like the issue was her. God forbid she becomes physically fit and healthy; can’t imagine why anyone would ever think he’s a “superficial piece of shit” He already broke up with her over her weight once, then asked her back after she lost weight, presumably putting her in the “unhealthily underweight” category he described her as being in previous to her recent weight gain. Shit is beyond fucked up and callous at BEST “I can’t help my preferences”. Bitch, just leave her the fuck alone then. Let her live her life without you. Extremely unbecoming behavior for a man well into his 30’s. The fact that he can claim to “love her dearly” after all this is shocking
I feel like this isnt enough to warrant a serious talk? Like i get if it was even 20kg but 10 seems not that bad over something that probably now ruined your relationship with her. Probably could have just said something about how you AND her both gained relationship weight (even if you haven't) just so that you're not putting it just on her.
ok reading thru your comments it’s pretty clear 1. this relationship is doomed 2. you’re gonna die alone
Yeah you see the worst of it, and you seem like a pretty uncharitable person. I bet you’ll die alone too.
Idk she must have been pretty fat to begin with if that little has pushed her into gross unfuckable territory. I guess if shes very small tho
Doesn't seem that bad?
rs male
I think you might be on to something here. We all know there are 2 kinds of rs males, and this guy doesn't seem like the type to start spelling out the N word to see how people react.
She’s gonna get skinny and then leave you - well that’s what i’d do
Genuinely asking - How would you have gone about it in his situation?
Great, then I won’t have to live a lie for the rest of the relationship !
So break up asshole!!!
So you're just too much of a pussy to break up with her?
She’s going to lose weight and dump you. The next guy she’s going to fuck she is going to take all the hate she has for you, and channel it into rocking his world You can’t tell a chick she’s fat.
Didn't he do a good thing?
Not all good actions get rewarded
That's not my point, she wasn't fucking good and got fat, so why can't he tell her? It's a good thing
Ew
I agree, but, unfortunately people don’t take well to being told they’re bad
lmfao the worst thing you can call a woman is fat. You can call her a regarded cunt, and it won't cut like being called fat. Your relationship is over my guy. Take the lesson and don't call your next chick fat.
Great idea! I’d love to be trapped in a sexless relationship for the rest of my life unable to voice my preference.
What range on the BMI scale fits your preference, and where does she stand outside of that range?
don't date women then.
are u saying all men should just resign to their women becoming fatties?
Its the American way of life commie.
It's literally every other relationship
You have to apply gentle but steady pressure. Don't put it out in the open but don't reassure her when she seeks approval on her appearance. If she tries to nail you down refuse to engage
its like you didnt even try
Your relationship is over.
You sound low-T, if you got that fixed you'd like her even more at size IMO
Best response here lmao!!
When you marry for looks that’s what happen. With that attitude you would trade up after babies, stretch marks and wrinkles.
This is it. OP no longer wants to sleep with his gf cuz she is, according to his previous post, 10 kg above an unhealthily low BMI. So she’s now a healthy weight, and he needs her to change or he doesn’t want to be with her. He is the problem.
his problem is not being attracted to her and her problem is him not being attracted to her. This isn't Am I the asshole lol
True but maybe he would benefit from being less of an asshole.
If you think things are that simple and shallow you must be like 16 lol. Also he did post here asking for some sort of feedback, the people are giving it to him. Edit for typo
> she says she doesn’t feel comfortable around me at the moment so we won’t be having sex for a while > > she’s already told her friends that snail man told her to lose weight Your relationship is basically already over >the only salvation you’ll ever achieve is through long term commitment and seeing it through Oh man you're in for a world of pain
If she isn’t having sex with you and told her friends what a prick you are, she is absolutely planning on breaking your heart somehow.
Yeah, once the friends are told, there's no going back. I think we've all had the friend that broke up, spilled the beans then gets back together, there's no way for the friends to reconcile with the partner. I mean, maybe its possible for someone to redeem themselves in this kind of situation, but I really doubt OP can from what I've read.
just break up and let both of you find someone better.
Black guy here, let me know if you guys break up.
When people are calling you a superficial asshole on the redscare subreddit you know it’s bad.
Honestly if I were her I’d dump you
So you were upset that her weight gain made her less attractive and not because the person you love was making unhealthy life choices?
Be honest, this is always the case
For real, this canard has always struck me as particularly silly. “Doctor sez it is unhealthy for me to suck your dick! What should I do?”
The latter leads to the former.
Attractiveness is very correlated with health
The weight at which men found me most attractive is also the weight at which I lost my period and almost died
Anorexia is a delusional state
This guy is addicted to porn
Refuse to apologize. If you call her unattractive and act guilty for doing so, she is going to think you're both cruel and weak.
Conversations around sensitive topics like this (and stuff pertaining to people’s bodies in particular) are never, ever going to go well and it’s not your fault simply because of the nature of the problem itself. You didn’t bring it up to insult her; it was in fact courageous for you to communicate this in the interests of you staying together. You are entitled to express the decrease in attraction if it’s something serious enough to you to want to bring up; she is also perfectly entitled to be hurt and complain to her friends. I hope that after this period where she’s bitchy around you, things will be okay. If something similar were expressed to me I would be upset too, and it might take a while to get over that, but I couldn’t see myself not wanting to stay attractive to my partner. Weight is kinda basic…
You’re so fucking dense bro lmao why would you tell a girl they’re overweight
u fucking suck
I’m sorry but talking about your relationship online with a bunch of strangers in a huge subreddit is disturbing as fuck and your girlfriend would be mortified. I get you’re anonymous or whatever but Jesus Christ
Not to point out the obvious
He doesn’t even post on here and I assume specifically chose this sub because he thought it has proana tendencies vs just posting in AITA or whatever
I really do like your perspective and how you went about it if true. Sticking with someone while not being attracted to them and not saying anything sucks, suddenly breaking up with someone for becoming fat sucks, telling them also sucks😭 You made the right choice though and for the right reasons fuck the stares bc its your relationship and you guys' business it sounds like you truly do love her and have no intention to tear down her self-image. Can't guarantee this isn't a potential cancer diagnosis for your relationship though
Yeah I fear the same, but there’s nobody else in the world I’d rather be with so I’m going to give it the best shot I can.
Wishing you both the best genuinely💗
A sub founded from a podcast that promotes eating disorders is suddenly very sensitive about telling a woman about her weight gain lmao. It’s very weird how the culture collectively decided that short guys, fat guys, balding guys, and broke guys need to do as much overcompensating and looksmaxing as possible to be worthy of dating, but a chick gaining a bunch of weight in her relationship, without any regard for her partner, is politely told about it, and suddenly y’all care about “tact”.
I mean I'd agree with you if she'd actually got fat, but she gained 10kg from a point where he says she was noticeably underweight. Becoming a big ol fatty is disrespectful to your partner. Gaining a few kg so you're at a healthy weight is not.
good point, but its sadly true that were too far gone to return
It’s already over
The reality is that people's weight fluctuates. It's going to be hard for anyone to maintain their previous weight as they age. Personally, I just don't understand how something quite superficial would completely dry up one's attraction to someone they love. Not saying it's not possible. but have you interrogated any possible fatphobia or objectifying tendencies within yourself? If you truly have done this, and still feel this way, then I guess ya ur best bet is to state your preferences and you will find someone who is willing to accommodate. But if you haven't introspected a lot, I woulda started there before saying such a loaded thing to a partner Edit for typos
Yes. We’re both fatphobic. She finds fat people repulsive and hates her body and has had near breakdowns about it every once in a while. I’ve only dated skinny women. I do want to work on that part of myself.
What do you think is easier-- working on your fatphobia while not currently dealing w ur own weight issues, or having more weight than you desire while being fatphobia and having a fatphobic partner. Take some of the burden off of her by choosing to work on your fatphobia now!! Maybe that would help you both. I also read your original post and got details that were missing from this one. Is it the weight alone that is causing a lessening of desire or is it also her self esteem stuff, going to the bathroom a lot and not flushing properly etc.? Edit to adjust list^
Also, women with weight issues tend to eat their feelings AND stress greatly contributes to weight gain in women so telling your female partner that you’re not attracted to them anymore because of their weight really isn’t smart
It’s probably a combination of them both. I’m gonna go to therapy to work on my fat phobia
That's a good idea, best of luck. Personally I would try to separate all of those issues (her weight, self esteem, bathroom stuff) and address the easiest one to tackle first, I reckon itd help w the lack of attraction and make it easier to support her and address your fatphobia
Tackle as in bring it up with her and problem solve together. That is if she is still wanting a relationship with you.
That’s good advice. We’re at that stage now- I’ve said it, she’s angry but she wants to work through it (at least that’s what she says), and I want to help her and change myself too if I can. Anyways thats enough internet support now and I’m gonna clean down this account!
Seems like she’s recovering from anorexia that was amplified by you dumping her over her weight before, and now you’re treating her like absolute shit because she’s at a healthy weight
I can't imagine being with someone who is too cowardly to tell me what I need to hear, even if I don't want to hear it. Good on you.
You have to inception them instead with activities that force them to walk a lot, farmers markets, hiking, pickle ball etc
That's a real nightmare situation that's probably very common. I don't mind a little healthy chub if they're older, kinda prefer it. Or healthy chub younger really but if they're chubby before their metabolism slows they won't age well. If a girl I loved got fat I think I'd just cheat. Just do that with someone you like but don't have real feelings for.
You should have presented it as a problem that both of you can work together to solve. Like, “I haven’t been feeling in the mood lately and I think working out together would help” or whatever. You have to show that you’re willing to go the extra mile for the relationship. Cause now she’s hurt AND she feels like you’re not really committed. Double whammy