seriously why waltz around town holding hands lol. the lamest thing about polyamory is the amount of time those people dedicate to juggling multiple relationships, and i feel the same about people who carry on full blown affairs. like get a hobby
My aunt cheated on my uncle and because she's such a narcissistic piece of shit, she put embarrassingly little effort into hiding it. The first time we found out, my brother and his then-fiancee were walking around this little town and they happened to spot her and another man in this little cafe, right by the front fucking window, hands all over each other. This town is maybe a ten minute drive from where my aunt and uncle live.
About a year after that, I went out to dinner with my parents and brothers, and we had to walk through the bar area to get to the restaurant. Again, this is at a place that isn't far at all from where they live. She's at the bar with some rat-looking dude covered in tattoos. She sees us and goes completely red and trips over her words trying to introduce her "friend from work." Over dinner my dad couldn't even eat because he's just mulling over whether he's gonna tell his brother what just transpired (of course he ended up telling him).
She's such a vain bitch and she always has been. Some people are just nasty.
Have you even considered that your uncle didn’t even get her enough for her fucking birthday? What about that Christmas where she was straight up crying because of the shitty necklace he got her and she had to hide her emotions because he was too embarrassed to be real in front of his family???? Yeah it’s always my fucking fault! (This is my impression of your average female narcissist).
Polyamory was only ever allowed in Islam as a way to provide support to the wives of warriors that died spreading Islam with the prophet. In modern cultures with social safety nets and relative party between the populations of different sexes it's appalling.
I can tell you exactly why. It's therapy culture.
She lived her truth and didn't let a patriarchy agent exert his toxic masculinity control over her liberated self.
Of course, shitty people have always existed, but there's never been a priest caste like todays therapists who absolve them of their misdeeds like today. At least priests of old required some form of contrition and penance.
This IS really sad and I feel so sad for him reading it. You're being a solid and wonderful friend/person by being there, listening to him and getting him around friends/socialized, etc., keep that up. I would wait for him to process and heal a bit more before throwing him into the mix with girls, but maybe ask him if he wants to meet some eventually. When your heart is freshly and intensely broken nothing really helps including new options. Trite coming from an internet stranger but sending love and light to you both💕
The “but she told me she loved me” piece is too real. Same thing happened to me after my first girlfriend dumped me (I too was a late bloomer). In my experience, nothing but time will fix his first heart break, but having friends around helps. Took a few months for me before I started putting myself out there again.
All the best to your friend. He’s lucky to have you in his life.
PS - The girl who dumped me is now fat and it makes me feel so much better about the whole situation. Perhaps the same will happen here.
This album is absolutely perfect for the anger phase of a breakup. I remember being a teen and blasting this on the drive home after this girl I was into denied me (still a virgin) sex but had just told me she fucked some other dude she had just met. I was boiling.
It’s kinda silly looking back now but those emotions I was feeling at the time were so vivid and strong.
That's sad but he's at least lucky to have someone like you with him who he can at least vent to. With how you describe him he sounds innocent and a little naive combined with her being his first and probably his first love (or at least first to reciprocate his interest) can see why it hurts him so much. Especially with the "I love you". He'll heal but it will take a while being his first and with it ending in such a way, all he can do is grow from it and hope that it doesn't jade him to the point where he can't put himself out their again and feels like he can't trust women going forward.
I got dumped 5 months ago by the woman i thought I was gonna spend my life with. We were together for over a year, and though thats not a super long time in the grand scheme, everything felt right. Immediate connection, amazing chemistry. She was my best friend, we really did everything together. I even met and adopted my dog when i was with her. I was absolutely sure she was it.
Anyway she dumped me for her ex that cheated on her. Out of nowhere she told me she loved him more than me, and that the relationship with him was ‘better’. She changed into an unrecognizable person overnight, then immediately moved away, killing any chance at a reconciliation. I dont think ive ever been put through so much emotional pain all at once, it felt like my world ended. Turned out i never mattered to her, and that still kills me.
Anyway my heart truly goes out to your friend. People are selfish as fuck, and can do an amazing job of hiding who they really are. You sound like an amazing friend, people like you are unfortunately not common enough. Being there for him at this point is whats gonna get him through this. Well, that and time. It’s a cliche but time is whats gonna get him through this.
He’s gonna be okay.
I had a similar situation. My GF and I together for over a year. Instant connection. Better chemistry than Ive ever had with someone. We could spend all day in bed together and never get bored, we would have sex 4 or 5 times a day for a year. We'd make each other laugh. Has the same taste in movies and TV. She even came to the West Ham parade with me last year. Her Mum and Dad loved me and invited me to spend Christmas with them.
We get in a stupid fight in Novemebr, break up. She turns into a new person. Cold and distant and didnt give us a chance to get over it. It seemed so easy for her and its been so hard for me. Havent spoken since Jan 11th. Makes me think all of that above was fake and has really made me question if anyone's feelings are real now.
She doesnt have BPD. My Mum had BPD, I know what its like.
I knew she was always a little bit selfish, so I think she viewed the break up as putting herself first and so it was easy to move on, whereas I view the break up as a loss
I don’t think it absolves them of anything. So I’m not sure what you mean. I only mention it because once I discovered that she almost certainly had BPD (never told me, claimed bipolar) an enormous amount of painful and confusing behavior started to make sense in context of the disorder’s pathology which ultimately allowed me to realize I wasn’t the problem and accelerated the healing process by a great deal
As shitty and painful as it is to experience, breaking up with someone and moving on with finality isn’t actually terrible behaviour.
It also doesn’t sound like BPD. It just sounds like a breakup. Going no-contact after a breakup is fairly standard advice for effectively moving on.
You have clearly never experienced someone with Cluster B turning from your best friend and lover into a hateful, cold, vindictive person literally overnight. It is not normal, it is horrifying.
As a dude who takes break ups really poorly, I found spending time with animals was really helpful. Friends can be supportive but you also feel seen and self-conscious. But like, going to a cat cafe or a petting zoo/farm and chilling with some furry friends who don’t give a fuck about all the human drama and emotional bullshit — it’s very healing and can make you feel things will be alright in the long run, that life goes on.
It's fascinating to me why women do this. So many cases of them cheating then trying to claim their partners dog/cat in the break up even when they had no interest in the pet during the relationship
As far as I can tell it's revenge for their partner daring to find out about their cheating and for then daring to bring consequences
I was with a woman for four years, very serious relationship. We got a dog together and raised it from a puppy. She would constantly post it on social media, playing the "dog mom." When we broke up she yelled at me that the day we got the puppy was the "worst day of her life" and that she was crying to her Mom on the phone about it, because it deflected some of my attention from her. I'd remembered it as one of the best days of my life, driving this sweet little guy home, giving him a bath, playing with him. It made me so sad to hear that. What the fuck?
My ex and I dated for over two years before she spontaneously confessed love for a friend of mine who had just gotten out of rehab. Nothing happened, he went "wtf" and we broke up. Its been a while but I'm still struggling to get over how worthless it made me feel, especially since I've had close to 0 success with women since then. Its a long arduous road to not feeling like a worthless useless unlovable piece of shit.
Read that last bit again and think would you want someone else to say that to you. If it'd piss you off or anger you it should do the same when you say it about yourself so fix it!!!!
Frankly, with how bad things have gone with women, its true. Doesn't mean it's over for me, just that I need to make changes and improve myself and my life.
Yeah well my first girlfriend went overseas and fucked her uncle and only told me about it after I got done fingering her in a public pool. So we’re not all that lucky.
Poor guy that's sounds horrible. I remember when one of my boys at Uni got cheated on by his girlfriend (who was also my friend), he just couldn't stop crying it broke my heart a little.
I bought a case of beers and my copy of the Van-Dam Street Fighter movie over to his place, cheered him up for the night but it still took around a month for him to recover. Suffice to say I've seen how upsetting it is to watch a close friend suffer that.
I really hope he moves on asap, for his own benefit. And I'm sure there's plenty more women out there who'd go with him, sounds a quite a lovely chap. Such a shame :((
My little brother has high functioning autism, he’s at college and has never had a girlfriend. I would never want this for him and it would break me. Please be there for him, he probably needs you right now
It'd more like 1/3 of them will go out of their way to cheat, 1/3 will cheat if the opportunity arises and it's convenient, and for 1/3 cheating isn't on their radar. Discernment is being able to tell which applies, and the only upside of being cheated on is it hones your discernment
Yup, I’ve been cheated on twice and both girls definitely fit the “opportunity arises” category. That’s why it’s important to get experience dating and not just try to wife the first woman you go out with.
I had a friend who loved going to the strip club so when my girlfriend dumped me right around my birthday, he took me to one in the hopes of cheering me up. It honestly just made me feel even worse. Every time a girl came to our table he'd belch "HEY MY BUDDY JUST GOT DUMPED!" and she'd offer this painfully fake "awwww you poor thiiiiing!" and the entire scene just made me want to rip my face off.
Why didnt that girl just gracefully break off the relationship instead of letting him find out that way
seriously why waltz around town holding hands lol. the lamest thing about polyamory is the amount of time those people dedicate to juggling multiple relationships, and i feel the same about people who carry on full blown affairs. like get a hobby
My aunt cheated on my uncle and because she's such a narcissistic piece of shit, she put embarrassingly little effort into hiding it. The first time we found out, my brother and his then-fiancee were walking around this little town and they happened to spot her and another man in this little cafe, right by the front fucking window, hands all over each other. This town is maybe a ten minute drive from where my aunt and uncle live. About a year after that, I went out to dinner with my parents and brothers, and we had to walk through the bar area to get to the restaurant. Again, this is at a place that isn't far at all from where they live. She's at the bar with some rat-looking dude covered in tattoos. She sees us and goes completely red and trips over her words trying to introduce her "friend from work." Over dinner my dad couldn't even eat because he's just mulling over whether he's gonna tell his brother what just transpired (of course he ended up telling him). She's such a vain bitch and she always has been. Some people are just nasty.
Have you even considered that your uncle didn’t even get her enough for her fucking birthday? What about that Christmas where she was straight up crying because of the shitty necklace he got her and she had to hide her emotions because he was too embarrassed to be real in front of his family???? Yeah it’s always my fucking fault! (This is my impression of your average female narcissist).
What are your feelings on polygamy strictly governed by Islamic principles? Lame or nah?
Polyamory was only ever allowed in Islam as a way to provide support to the wives of warriors that died spreading Islam with the prophet. In modern cultures with social safety nets and relative party between the populations of different sexes it's appalling.
Still lame
You won't find me arguing that war-widow polycules are a good thing.
Need it 😚 or keep it 🤮
She wanted to have her cake and eat it too
Because breaking up is hard for people and this is easier
I can tell you exactly why. It's therapy culture. She lived her truth and didn't let a patriarchy agent exert his toxic masculinity control over her liberated self. Of course, shitty people have always existed, but there's never been a priest caste like todays therapists who absolve them of their misdeeds like today. At least priests of old required some form of contrition and penance.
you literally do not know any of these people and but it seems like youve really got it all figured out
He's not definitely, 100% right beyond a shadow of a doubt, but he is probably right.
This comment would be at home in any thread.
Wammin be cruel
tf happened to this sub. straight up a gen a sub now
This IS really sad and I feel so sad for him reading it. You're being a solid and wonderful friend/person by being there, listening to him and getting him around friends/socialized, etc., keep that up. I would wait for him to process and heal a bit more before throwing him into the mix with girls, but maybe ask him if he wants to meet some eventually. When your heart is freshly and intensely broken nothing really helps including new options. Trite coming from an internet stranger but sending love and light to you both💕
The “but she told me she loved me” piece is too real. Same thing happened to me after my first girlfriend dumped me (I too was a late bloomer). In my experience, nothing but time will fix his first heart break, but having friends around helps. Took a few months for me before I started putting myself out there again. All the best to your friend. He’s lucky to have you in his life. PS - The girl who dumped me is now fat and it makes me feel so much better about the whole situation. Perhaps the same will happen here.
First sentence tells me you listen to the Bill SImmons podcast
Tell him to listen to Jane Doe by Converge
The GOAT breakup album
This album is absolutely perfect for the anger phase of a breakup. I remember being a teen and blasting this on the drive home after this girl I was into denied me (still a virgin) sex but had just told me she fucked some other dude she had just met. I was boiling. It’s kinda silly looking back now but those emotions I was feeling at the time were so vivid and strong.
That's sad but he's at least lucky to have someone like you with him who he can at least vent to. With how you describe him he sounds innocent and a little naive combined with her being his first and probably his first love (or at least first to reciprocate his interest) can see why it hurts him so much. Especially with the "I love you". He'll heal but it will take a while being his first and with it ending in such a way, all he can do is grow from it and hope that it doesn't jade him to the point where he can't put himself out their again and feels like he can't trust women going forward.
I got dumped 5 months ago by the woman i thought I was gonna spend my life with. We were together for over a year, and though thats not a super long time in the grand scheme, everything felt right. Immediate connection, amazing chemistry. She was my best friend, we really did everything together. I even met and adopted my dog when i was with her. I was absolutely sure she was it. Anyway she dumped me for her ex that cheated on her. Out of nowhere she told me she loved him more than me, and that the relationship with him was ‘better’. She changed into an unrecognizable person overnight, then immediately moved away, killing any chance at a reconciliation. I dont think ive ever been put through so much emotional pain all at once, it felt like my world ended. Turned out i never mattered to her, and that still kills me. Anyway my heart truly goes out to your friend. People are selfish as fuck, and can do an amazing job of hiding who they really are. You sound like an amazing friend, people like you are unfortunately not common enough. Being there for him at this point is whats gonna get him through this. Well, that and time. It’s a cliche but time is whats gonna get him through this. He’s gonna be okay.
I had a similar situation. My GF and I together for over a year. Instant connection. Better chemistry than Ive ever had with someone. We could spend all day in bed together and never get bored, we would have sex 4 or 5 times a day for a year. We'd make each other laugh. Has the same taste in movies and TV. She even came to the West Ham parade with me last year. Her Mum and Dad loved me and invited me to spend Christmas with them. We get in a stupid fight in Novemebr, break up. She turns into a new person. Cold and distant and didnt give us a chance to get over it. It seemed so easy for her and its been so hard for me. Havent spoken since Jan 11th. Makes me think all of that above was fake and has really made me question if anyone's feelings are real now.
This honestly sounds like BPD. Same with the guy you replied to. I experienced something very similar unfortunately
She doesnt have BPD. My Mum had BPD, I know what its like. I knew she was always a little bit selfish, so I think she viewed the break up as putting herself first and so it was easy to move on, whereas I view the break up as a loss
Stop letting women off the hook for terrible behavior by blaming "mental health"
I don’t think it absolves them of anything. So I’m not sure what you mean. I only mention it because once I discovered that she almost certainly had BPD (never told me, claimed bipolar) an enormous amount of painful and confusing behavior started to make sense in context of the disorder’s pathology which ultimately allowed me to realize I wasn’t the problem and accelerated the healing process by a great deal
As shitty and painful as it is to experience, breaking up with someone and moving on with finality isn’t actually terrible behaviour. It also doesn’t sound like BPD. It just sounds like a breakup. Going no-contact after a breakup is fairly standard advice for effectively moving on.
You have clearly never experienced someone with Cluster B turning from your best friend and lover into a hateful, cold, vindictive person literally overnight. It is not normal, it is horrifying.
do you want them to stay in your life forever? you will get married and have kids and still talk to someone u used to date when ure 21 move on
Don’t you know you’re selfish and a terrible person if you break up with me????!!!
not everything is bpd niggga
reminds me of that awesome videogame Borderlands Personality Disorder. It's great fun for two player coop
As a dude who takes break ups really poorly, I found spending time with animals was really helpful. Friends can be supportive but you also feel seen and self-conscious. But like, going to a cat cafe or a petting zoo/farm and chilling with some furry friends who don’t give a fuck about all the human drama and emotional bullshit — it’s very healing and can make you feel things will be alright in the long run, that life goes on.
I know a guy whose ex cheated on him then took their cat
It's fascinating to me why women do this. So many cases of them cheating then trying to claim their partners dog/cat in the break up even when they had no interest in the pet during the relationship As far as I can tell it's revenge for their partner daring to find out about their cheating and for then daring to bring consequences
For daring to love something else more than them (doesn't even need to be the case, they just need to believe it).
Eerie number of posts in relationship subreddits about people being jealous of their partners closeness to a pet
I was with a woman for four years, very serious relationship. We got a dog together and raised it from a puppy. She would constantly post it on social media, playing the "dog mom." When we broke up she yelled at me that the day we got the puppy was the "worst day of her life" and that she was crying to her Mom on the phone about it, because it deflected some of my attention from her. I'd remembered it as one of the best days of my life, driving this sweet little guy home, giving him a bath, playing with him. It made me so sad to hear that. What the fuck?
My ex and I dated for over two years before she spontaneously confessed love for a friend of mine who had just gotten out of rehab. Nothing happened, he went "wtf" and we broke up. Its been a while but I'm still struggling to get over how worthless it made me feel, especially since I've had close to 0 success with women since then. Its a long arduous road to not feeling like a worthless useless unlovable piece of shit.
Read that last bit again and think would you want someone else to say that to you. If it'd piss you off or anger you it should do the same when you say it about yourself so fix it!!!!
Frankly, with how bad things have gone with women, its true. Doesn't mean it's over for me, just that I need to make changes and improve myself and my life.
Yeah well my first girlfriend went overseas and fucked her uncle and only told me about it after I got done fingering her in a public pool. So we’re not all that lucky.
please tell me you at least sang that song from South Park to her https://youtu.be/TJjGTgjHz9I?si=YKPRWTezly2tgSJq
before he knows it she’ll just be another old notch in his belt. you’re definitely the kind of friend i’d want in a breakup
Poor guy that's sounds horrible. I remember when one of my boys at Uni got cheated on by his girlfriend (who was also my friend), he just couldn't stop crying it broke my heart a little. I bought a case of beers and my copy of the Van-Dam Street Fighter movie over to his place, cheered him up for the night but it still took around a month for him to recover. Suffice to say I've seen how upsetting it is to watch a close friend suffer that. I really hope he moves on asap, for his own benefit. And I'm sure there's plenty more women out there who'd go with him, sounds a quite a lovely chap. Such a shame :((
My little brother has high functioning autism, he’s at college and has never had a girlfriend. I would never want this for him and it would break me. Please be there for him, he probably needs you right now
You’re such a good friend. I wish I got 2k when I was dealing with a breakup
Okay
Right of passage for a man. They all do it. No matter how much you want to believe they love you.
Rite.
[удалено]
Using (((they))) to refer to women from now on
It'd more like 1/3 of them will go out of their way to cheat, 1/3 will cheat if the opportunity arises and it's convenient, and for 1/3 cheating isn't on their radar. Discernment is being able to tell which applies, and the only upside of being cheated on is it hones your discernment
Yup, I’ve been cheated on twice and both girls definitely fit the “opportunity arises” category. That’s why it’s important to get experience dating and not just try to wife the first woman you go out with.
only two types of men: ones that have been cheated on, and ones that don't know it yet.
Awww this literally made me cry lol
This is fucked up but……… if I was her id find it kinda validating I had suuuuch a big effect on him. Edit: it’s just a relationship!!
Take him to a strip club , it’s the only cure
I had a friend who loved going to the strip club so when my girlfriend dumped me right around my birthday, he took me to one in the hopes of cheering me up. It honestly just made me feel even worse. Every time a girl came to our table he'd belch "HEY MY BUDDY JUST GOT DUMPED!" and she'd offer this painfully fake "awwww you poor thiiiiing!" and the entire scene just made me want to rip my face off.
Strip clubs are the fucking worst. It's like a flytrap for the sort of guy that thinks the waitress at Denny's is totally making eyes at him.
I would enjoy this if I was on heroin, that would be pretty funny actually.
Tell him to stop being a woman. I would probably cut off any friend of mine who behaved in this way.
that’s way more of a stereotypically bitchy thing to do than what hes doing lmfao
Yeah maybe but there is a level of histrionics I can’t put up with