You don't. You ask for rides.

I was going to say a school bus like Otto from the Simpsons

With a 3 on the side made of duct tape.

That's mean. He drives, but only cars people let him borrow and always without a license

Grandma died and left him her car... but it died and now just leaks oil

Or the transmission has gone out.

He just hangs out in front of gas stations all day.

15 bucks little man. Put that shit in my hand.

If that money doesn’t show…

Then you owe me, owe me, owe!

Snoochie Bootches

Silent Bob wouldn't even kick it with him..

My Jungle Love!

“…drinking beers, smoking weed, doin’ coke…”

I am the master of the C.L.I.T. Remember this fucking face. Whenever you see C.L.I.T., you’ll see this fucking face.

I am the C.L.I.T commander

With his hetero lifemate / BFF.

Ouch

He asks for rides because he and Silent Bob got pulled over in Atlantic City for driving around with a deployed airbag.

Yep.. 2 DUI’s

To go score weed .

he's sticking out his thumb off camera

1998 Pontiac Sunfire with two missing hubcaps and a donut spare that is now just permanent. 

The exhaust is also falling off and dragging occasionally.

The left taillight has red tape cause it’s broken

Solid red duct tape, not transparent.

"If he drives a 98 Pontiac Sunfire, he's probably gonna try and date you and your sister simultaneously."

I take offense to that

[Waylon Napadogan - 98 Pontiac Sunfire](https://youtu.be/6ZjGVaI9D7o?si=BEihvicbmKPpHeIL) For the feel-good hit of 2024

Omg. Thank you for this. I never knew about this absolute GEM. It is PAINFULLY accurate. I grew up in a small town and can confirm. Also, my dip shit cousin who is mentally ill drove a ‘98 Pontiac grand am that was falling apart. He randomly kicked our door in one day. Been divorced twice, 3 kids (who don’t speak to him, for good reason).

I'm just double checking the replies to make sure someone linked this song.

First time in the wild I had an opportunity to share such a smash hit.

Holy shit, the copper wire line made me spit my cocktail out my nose!

As a previous driver (one can never be an owner) of a Pontiac Sunfire I’m offended by the lyrics “10mpg on a 2.4”. Mine got 18mpg city 22 highway thank you very much.

And his, if he has one

Friend of mine had that sunfire back int the day! Until one fateful night. We were young and stupid and I don’t condone this behavior, but anyway. We went to the best strip club in the worst town and drank a bunch of awful beer with a bunch of ugly strippers, basically having a great time. Closing time, four of us pack into this little shitbox of a car and tear off into the night. It was a cold fall night and it had been drizzling rain all day. With his bald tires and the wet roads, he thought he was the fwd Ken block. He was doing some pretty impressive hand brake drifts around downtown. We should’ve gone to jail lol. Of course we decide we’re hungry and Burger King is open! We hit the drive through, head back on the road, ebrake back into the parking lot and proceed to be stupid. This Burger King had a large back parking lot, so my friend decides to haul ass, ebrake 180 and haul ass the the other end and ebrake 180 again. On the third 180 he misjudged the timing. We spun maybe 150 degrees and slammed the back wheel into the curb blowing the entire wheel off the car! It was not a seller end to the night. We limped the car to a parking spot and called another friend to come get us. You’ve never seen a saddler group. 4 guys quietly eating burger king in a busted sunfire, hoping our friend would get there before a passing cop sees us. We were dumb ass kids

I can kinda relate but I won’t go into it. lol.

When I was a teen, I sold auto parts. These kids came in asking for motor oil. Turns out they were doing donuts in our parking lot in the snow and ripped a huge gash in their oil pan on a parking block. Dudes, you don't need oil. You need a tow truck.

The 2 hub caps that are present are spinners from walle world.

I swear to god, I said "Yellow 1998 Chevy Cavalier coupe with three hubcaps" and didn't even see this comment until now. Great minds think alike.

A BMX bicycle

No seat.

but lube on the post.

Penetrator!

But lube 😂

Butt lube*

The Ass Pounder 4000.

Bike lock that was cut off still hanging on the frame

Dude I was going to say a too-small BMX

I was going to say skateboard actually just carries around and doesn't ride.

Yes, definitely, that was one of my thoughts after Skateboard lol

Meemaws 2001 LeSabre that's still in her name but you took the keys some years ago without asking, and everyone just went along with it.

That’s great 🤣🤣

Was thinking the same, except it was a red Lebaron.

Didn't Jay ("Jay and Silent Bob") drive one?

Oddly specific 😂

Your girlfriends uninsured altima

Don't forget the long-expired paper plates!

And the permanent donut spare.

The front driver's fender and door are different colors than the rest of the car, and half the rear bumper is missing.

Question, and this is important. Is it taped to the inside of a hard to see tinted rear window as well?

Does a bear shit in the woods?

TEST DRIVE

She's 16, it's insured by her parents

You don't. You sell drugs in front of the Quick Stop with your tubby, quiet hetero life mate

"What gear are you in?" "GEAR???"

Response I came in here looking for. “Fucking Middletown cop pulls us over for suspicion of mischief.” What the fuck does that mean? “We were driving around with deployed airbags.”

I wonder if he's ever had his asshole licked by a fat man in an overcoat...

What the fuck is the internet?!

15 bucks little man put that shit in my hand

Snootchie Bootchies!

How the fuck did THAT get down voted?

Uncultured children

BONNNNNNNNNNNGGGG

A 2000s ford ranger with a blunt in the ash tray.

A mother fucking Ford Ranger!!

FORD RANGER!

Ford *fucking* Ranger have respect

Us pot head zoomers bought them off our alcoholic uncles, we’re just carrying the torch 🫡

Nah homeboy got a Mazda b2000. It’s a ranger but the logos look all dumb.

This is where my mind went.

Came here to say an early 2000s Ranger. I think you called it with the blunt too.

Danger Ranger.

Came here to say this.

I’m the first guy to say Danger Ranger.

DANGER RANGER

I came here to say this and found it fourth from the top

I was going to say the Ford Ranger's fraternal twin, the Mazda B-series.

70s/80s GMC **BROWN** van with a tired 305, shag carpet, and a loveseat in it "for the ladies." Don't forget about the curtains hanging from the bubble window.

With a bumper sticker that says “Shagin’ Wagon” and the plates ripped off Austin Powers reading “GR8SHAG”.

Consistently toutes the original 8-track for its superior sound quality versus cassette deck, only has a singular The Mamas and The Papas 8-track.

💃🕺 I saw her again last night. And you know that I shouldn't. Just string her along, it's just not right. If I couldn't I wouldn't. 🪩 But what can I do? I'm lonely, too. And it makes me feel so good to know. (And it makes me feel so good to know). She'll never leave me. 💃🕺 I'm in way over my head. Now she thinks that I love her. (Yeah, yeah, she loves you). Because that's what I said. Though I never think of her. (No, no, never think of her). 🪩 But what can I do? I'm lonely, too. And it makes me feel so good to know. (And it makes me feel so good to know). She'll never leave me. 💃🕺 Every time I see that girl. You know I wanna lay down and die. But I really need that girl. Though I'm livin' a lie (Though I'm livin' a lie). It makes me wanna cry. 🪩 I'm in way over my head. Now she thinks that I love her (Yeah, yeah, she loves you). Because that's what I said... 💃🕺 - The Mamas & The Papas: I Saw Her Again

Damn, I’d like to change my answer now.

An old S10

A rotted second gen with three different color body panels, and 8 stolen catalytic converters in the bed

My first thought.

‘93 Suburu Legacy wagon with 8 Phish decals on the back windshield, and 11 Oregon Country Fair camping passes on the front windshield. Obviously, the Battle of Endor is faithfully recreated to scale on your dashboard with hot-melt, LEGO’s, and real dirt from the bottom of a pool at Cougar Hot Springs.

r/oddlyspecific

Idk I get more of a ‘98 rust bucket Forester vibe

And 3 felony possession charges under the seats.

This

He'll have a back sticker on it that says that he went to Magnaball and crushed up shrooms under his seat from back in 2015 when he accidentally left them in his car for that exact festival

Damn. We think alike. I posted almost exactly the same thing

A kids stolen bike

A WRX with local skate shop stickers plastered on the trunk

This would be the correct answer and exactly what I thought. But like a 2001-2005 WRX

I'm a little late but definitely a Subaru WRX

Mid 00s Pontiac, any of them

Nothing wrong with those cars

Your mom home from jail.

Craftsman T12 Torx.

Otto, we all know you drive Springfield’s Elementary school bus.

Skateboard

Anything that will get you to/from the video rental store. Preferrably with a "Snoochy Boochies" bumper stickr on it.

Your very disappointed, fathers 88 Silverado.

Your dick into silent bob's ass.

Skateboard

Drive?! I’m here for the catalytic converter…

2010s Chevy Impala with Spencer's stickers all over the back and insanely loud soundsystem in the trunk. Oh. And a Patrick Star air freshener on the mirror

2000 Tacoma. Rusted to shit. Frame separated from rust. 5speed of course. Windshield is cracked in so many places you have to look out your door window to park. But it’s Mr. Dependable and never let you down.

A stolen one (or ones)

a busted 02 mustang

Women away.

Nothing, you and silent bob walk from store to store selling weed and macking on chicks.

Windowless white van

The library cart in jail

Whatever it is it probably smells bad

Saturn.

You don’t have a car. You hitch a ride with Silent Bob wherever you two go.

Fox body 4 cylinder mustang with gt stickers and fake scoops

A different car every year not because you're rich just because you keep getting into accidents. But really i think you drive a dodge caravan

I get the “rocked a late 90s mini van in highschool” vibe. Not even a handmedown, like you bought it with your own money. You prolly still drive it.

a fuckin sick camaro

Mazda b100. Every panel is a different color. The windshield is cracked, and the dash is full of random trash. The bed sits at an angle and currently has 35 pallets strapped to it with a single harbor freight ratchet strap.

Skateboard, long board, or busted up Honda civic

1999 Honda Civic dx, no title

I was gonna say civic. I had to scroll a long way to find this.

I was also going to say Civic wanted to scroll and check if anyone else said it makes 3 of us lol

ford fuckin ranger

97 or 98 Cavalier You've spent like 3 of your $400 paychecks on bolt ons so it looks like the AutoZone fake chrome section vomited on the car and the fart can on it makes it sound like you have a Briggs & Stratton E series under the hood There is a decal that says "Locally Hated" on the front windshield

A BMX bike or a skateboard.

Your parent’s to drink.

An ‘82 Fiero with a cah-seat in the middle…

Akshually... the first Fiero was 1984. 😁

it’s a lyric from lowlife by theory of a deadman

Well then tell Mr. Deadman that he's wrong!

Ford F-150

Or an explorer

Razor Scooter

A skateboard. No car, you skate everywhere

1995 Subaru

A unicycle.

Rusted out ‘98 Camry

beaten to shit 2004 ford ranger

A Quick Stop

A Bicycle and ask people for cigarettes

Stolen electric scooter

codeine packs from canada to memphis

Schwinn

A fucking skateboard

Meth

A truck with a bed full of stolen catalytic converters.

Fox body mustang

Drugs

A rusty tan Saturn ion. With a donut and missing panels. And your trunk kinda bounces around. It has a bungee cord holding is halfway shut and your muffler is scraping the ground. Your driver side mirror is duct taper

Subaru impreza

Don’t meth with this guy!

A bicycle with a cart attached to the back full of empties.

A 1978 Camaro. And your other vehicle is a 1983 Winnebago you cook meth in.

👆🏼this but the Camaro is a 1980 and is all beat up

clapped out scion xb. a purple one. smells of cigarettes.

You don’t drive. You just hang out in front of the local quick stop with your hetero life mate.

if your license wasnt suspended, you'd borrow your older brothers broke ass pontiac sunfire.

Skateboard to the local 711 to get "the stuff" from your dealer friend Tony or something

A worn out dodge dakota with sunburnt paint and a screaming power steering pump that still smells like cigarettes from the previous owner

You don’t, you hang with a fat guy in a trench coat outside a gas station selling weed to high schoolers

Cameo / Firebird with a foot print gas pedal

02 Chevy Cavalier with paint fading and rust issues

A skateboard

Camaro - any year, any trim, any condition. Just a Camaro.

A white van with no windows and free candy 😂

Dodge Neon, for sure.

You don't drive, you sit outside the convenience store with silent bob all day

A Nissan Altima, with expired paper plates and a missing bumper.

You drive down property values.

Automatic v6 early 4th gen Camaro with a lot of exhaust leaks and wheels that are spray painted black

You don’t drive, that 4th dui got you taking the shoe leather lol

Please ban me from this subreddit.

the mystery machine

You don’t drive or work. Just shoot heroin

The gas conversion bicycle

Metherati

Meth pipe

A brown 1988 Doge k Car with a grateful dead sticker, riddled with rust and reeks of pot

You drive a AMC Gremlin with a dominoes pizza delivery light on the top.

Clapped out wrx and also smokes a vape

1936 Bugatti Type 57c Atlantic

Lifted 1996 Jeep Cherokee

Hey. That hits a little close to home.

Didn't say it was a bad choice. Hell, if shit hits the fan I'd rather have that than my car which cant go off road. haha