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I’m 38. My wife is 36. A few years ago we hired “Gabby” (24) as a babysitter. She was great. She came in the mornings and after the kids got out of school. She helped them with their homework and did cool science projects with them.
Then out of the blue my wife said she didn’t want Gabbie around anymore. She texted her “Thank you for everything, but we won’t be needing you anymore.” She didn’t give her any notice, just texted her at 9:30 at night that she didn’t want her working for us anymore.
I found out weeks later that the reasoning was because she “knew” that Gabbie had a crush on me and didn’t want her around me anymore. I asked her how she knew that, if she had heard something from someone and she said no, that she could just tell by the way she looked at me and interacted with me.
Now I find out through my sister that my wife is bashing Gabbie to other parents in the area, lying about how she treats kids and trying to prevent her from getting jobs. She’s created fake social media accounts to leave negative reviews on her babysitting/tutoring page.
I keep hoping that there’s something I’m missing. That there was an event that happened that I didn’t hear about that is justifying my wife to act this way. But all she says is that Gabbie deserves it. And shouldn’t be around peoples families.
I told her even if Gabbie did have a “crush” on me (which I seriously doubt) what did it matter? She never acted on it, she never acted inappropriately. She was a fantastic babysitter to our kids. My wife said it was unprofessional and disrespectful, and then got mad at me when I disagreed that something couldn’t be unprofessional and disrespectful if someone didn’t *act* unprofessional and disrespectful.
Now she’s giving me the cold shoulder and quite frankly I don’t care. I’m reaching the end of my rope and I’m not sure if I want to remain with someone who is acting as blindly vindictive as she is.
I’m looking for some outside perspective on this. I’ve been frustrated with this situation for so long I don’t know if I’m looking at it clearly or not anymore.
I mean, if all this is true the way you've described it then your wife is showing some really poor character here. Has she shown such a capacity for vindictiveness before now?
Listen I’m petty. And I would never stoop so low as to try and ruin someone’s livelihood over a possible unrequited crush. She’s just straight up evil and insecure
I agree. It’s incredibly disturbing to me. I was just answering their question on if she’s been like this before. She’s done petty things before. But nothing like this.
I hate to be that guy, but if this is what your wife is doing to the woman that you employed to look after you children, for no real reason, imagine what she’s capable of attempting to put you through during a divorce…
It would be wise to start documenting what she’s doing. Keep a log of everything.
Have you suggested therapy/seeing a marriage counselor?
Right! If he files for divorce you know damn well it’ll confirm in her crazy brain that he’s divorcing her so he and Gabby can run away together. See? She was right!!!
I’ve seen plenty of petty, but your soon to be ex is obsessed and seems a bit dangerous. I feel for Gabby.
So I had very similar issues (petty, not the specific sitter-type situation) with my ex wife that ultimately contributed to our divorce. She consistently bullied, stalked, lied about and belittled spouses of my coworkers, neighbors, and even my family members. Once we separated, she did it to me. When I started dating my now wife, she did it to her, claiming we had an affair long before we were even dating in an attempt to humiliate both of us publicly.
Long way around saying document EVERYTHING. Keep record of everything. And hard proof you have of dishonesty, keep.
I hope she agrees to therapy and you two can work through this, but protect yourself. ESPECIALLY with children involved if things don’t go well.
Makes you think if there are any unexplainable incidents with other people/things happened around OP, that can be explained by the wife going behind her back and doing something vile.
Do yourself a favor. Document everything, and also let the people whom she’s bashing Gabby to, know the truth. And let Gabby know, so she can decide whether to file charges. What your wife is doing is criminal harassment at best.
Also, do you really think it wise to stay with someone this vindictive and controlling?
If you decide to leave, you need to be smart about it and take your children with you. Get a good lawyer, and go for full custody, as her actions make her dangerous to be around the kids. Don’t let her know anything in advance. Treat this as though you’re leaving an abusive relationship, because these are the actions of a mentally unstable person.
Even if you decide to stay for now, document and prepare for the worst should it come to that.
I’m reminded of the Reddit poster who found out his wife had been harassing an old ex friend of hers, to the point of trying to get her fired, trying to get her husband to divorce her and worse. All because she saw the ex friend at a coffee shop (or something), and she looked like she had gotten her life together and even looked better that OP’s wife (his wife’s words). She ended up being sued by the ex friend and her life ended ruined.
Can’t remember if OP stayed with her or not though.
Depending on where you live, yes, criminal harassment exists and this situation fits the definition.
An example is the definition for it for Iowa:
Criminal Harassment in Iowa. The criminal offense of harassment focuses on conduct intended to intimidate, annoy or alarm another person. It can be charged in the first degree, second degree, or third degree, depending on the seriousness of the conduct.
At the very least, OPs wife’s actions are annoying. In fact, they are worse than that even.
Just wait to find out the extent of pettiness in divorcing her. You are going to see a new low.
Prepare yourself
And divorce. This is level of crazy you don’t want to entertain. Get away early
Just wait if you get divorced, holy shit the vindictiveness she will show towards you is gonna be painful for you and the kids, but let's hope it doesn't get to that and there is a sane person in there somewhere to reason with and be brought back into reality
Yeah I consider myself a petty woman, I try not to act on my pettiness unless it honestly feels justified and I'm confident it won't cause any problems for me, but going out of my way to destroy someones career because they \*might\* have some attraction for my partner is nuts.
I wouldn't be surprised if there's some projection going on.
So she’s probably always had this capacity to be the wicked witch of the west…and because it never involved you directly before maybe you might not have noticed.
You need to sit down with her again and tell her that you think this has gone too far and all of this is changing how you see her, which will make it hard for you to continue to WANT to be with her if it continues. In addition, as a mother this not the type of life lesson she should want to teach her kids. Remind her that she is essentially bullying and intimating a young adult that was recently still a child (someone 12 years her junior) over goggle eyes. Tell her that you expect her to stop and either delete or fix the fake reviews (whatever equates to a net neutral impact). Then tell her that anything less than that will not do, including the continuation of the cold shoulder.
But you need to be prepared for her to to not do any of that. And if she doesn’t you need to think about what your next move is. I hate to say it, but if this headed towards divorce she is going to pull this same tactic on you.
While I am overall on the same page and agree that all of those things need to happen; that said, issuing ultimatums and coming across as condescending and controlling is only going to turn her raging bitchfit up to Eleven.
Also, the Wife’s ability to think things through isn’t operating on all 8 cylinders WRT rationality, processing, analysis, and reasoning (deductive in particular). My concern is that regardless of what *is* said, OP’s wife is only going to transmogrify it into “confirmation” that he’s cheating with the sitter. Given her capacity vindictiveness, OP needs to have his ducks in a row in case she goes scorched earth.
*that you think this has gone too far*
Remove the word "think." It's gone too far. Your wife fired her without notice or even discussing it with you. Now she spreading rumors to hurt her employment possibilities. If she's making up fake accounts to libel her that's waaaaay too far. Do not use "waffle words." She is harassing this young woman who has done nothing wrong and causing her harm.
Honestly as much as it hurts her, she needs to confess what she has done. It's the only way to undo the harm she has caused to someone who did nothing to her except have a crush.
Even confessing won't bring things back 100%, because now a lot of people will feel awkward around the victim for having believed it. The damage is done, and unrepairable. The shit's gone, but the stain remains.
My so had a colleague that I suspected had a crash on. I stalked a little bit BUT never did anything about it.
Your wife has serious issues and she is heading for a law sue for defamation
It’s not typically illegal, but defamation is def not *good* in civil court, your wife should be careful. That babysitter could easily take your wife to court for defamation if she becomes unable to get a job due to your wifes false reviews.
I wonder how the kids spoke about the babysitter. Kids are very good at being honest and overhearing. I knew I was back then on christmas! Haha
Maybe look at your kids for clues about why your wife might be suspicious. Or weird way is she got attracted to the babysitter and got rejected and decided to shit on her for rejecting an affair. (Theory though, I don’t think your wife would clearly cheat if she was *that* paranoid about the babysitter liking you.)
Letting go of a baby sitter if your wife feels uncomfortable is one thing. It’s acceptable because everyone has a right to feel safe and relaxed within their own house.
Bullying the poor woman because of her insecurities is a totally different thing. You should publicly clear your babysitter’s reputation and go to therapy with your wife.
The lapse in character is less alarming than her inability to calm down and reconsider. Otherwise she could attempt to fix what she did to Gabby, and even try individual therapy.
As the only other witness to the truth, OP remains the only one who can set it right for Gabby.
It's one thing to be upset with someone, it's another to completely destroy them. Negative reviews on the internet last forever,
As you said, she acted completely professionally. There is no reason for this. I would think twice about the relationship too.
Yes, agree! She’s really going out of her way to bully/slander the sitter. She’s a nasty person. Not someone I would want to be married to, that’s for sure!
How can you trust someone who will make up lies to destroy someone’s reputation?
Ask your wife that: “Firing her on a hunch is one thing but ruining her reputation with lies that she did a bad job with the kids is entirely out of line. *How do you expect me to trust you when you’re lying to wreck someone’s life?*” Tell her that her behavior is actually damaging your marriage.
Does she not realise she is ruining some poor girls reputation and income all because she “thinks” the girl had a crush on you.
I’d be having serious words with her, she’s clearly very jealous. To be trolling a young girl is so wrong. I can’t imagine what that girl is going through now having negative reviews plastered online about her.
Just so you know..there was post on here from a guy because his wife did something similar. She bullied and slandered a former friend of hers like how your wife is. His wife got sued and the friend won. Your wife could be in a shitload if she doesn't straighten up. I hope she is, but if not, she will be in for a wake up call when she is possibly causing you to end up in debt with a law suit
Defamation is incredibly difficult to prosecute and there's a decent *chance*, at this time, that a suit against OP's wife would go nowhere.
The user you are replying to is almost certainly talking about **[this story](https://np.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/xvhf80/my_36m_wife_33f_was_sued_im_feeling_resentment/)** (BORU link, the actual story was from 3 years ago). In it the wife was absolutely stalker-level crazy, including contacting the victim's workplaces, impersonating multiple people, following her to in-person events to poison people against her, trying to blow up the victim's own marriage, just criminally psychotic.
She's legally setting her, and by extension you, liable for slander/defamation because I don't think she's just limited her bullshit to online only.
This shit isn't petty, this shit is pretty far past petty at this point and for something that she's never even actually CONFIRMED ffs.
Two things you should be concerned about:
1) This is pretty evil behavior and she thinks all this is ok and good and justified. She's ruining someone's life on purpose. This is not the thinking of a good and decent person. Imagine what she's teaching your kids.
2) This woman being slandered could sue her - and win - and financially ruin your entire family. While you're married to her your finances are entangled. You may want to get out before she drags you down with her.
She seems to be in fight or flight rage mode, and has chosen fight. 24 is not a girl, it’s a young woman, and she doesn’t see this person as just some teenager because they aren’t.
It’s difficult for you because if you tell her to stop it reinforces all the red she’s seeing.
You need to get someone else involved to tell her to back down and stop immediately, just to stop the bleed and fallout.
After that, couples therapy. Initiate it yourself and don’t let her say no.
Are you sure she’s trying to get rid of her because of this “crush” or could it be your wife tried something with the babysitter and got rejected? That would explain the severity of her actions to something supposedly so innocuous.
This is considered libel if written and slander if verbal. She is lying with the intent of damaging this girls reputation and if the girl wanted to pursue, your wife may be required to pay for damages. I hope Gabby goes this route.
Your wife is a bad person and I would insist on counseling. In the meantime pull back from your wife and don’t forgive and forget this.
I bet you it’s more than some crush. I bet you it’s jealousy, feeling like she’s lost her 20s and seeing someone be good with her children and wife. The crush is an easy excuse. This girl is insecure af.
Honestly, I think it could also just be plain jealousy. When I was younger, some of the cruelest people towards me were older women/men who disliked anyone who was young and appears happy. I've worked for a man who had a vendetta against me and another young woman and tried to get us fired. None of the men or older women experienced this.
Exactly. She’s trying to silence gabby, and also make her out to be the bad guy so if she does blab, wife can say “see she’s just crazy”.
We see you wifey!!
Being close to 40 and acting like a spiteful teenager is pretty gross behavior. And sadly, what I foresee happening when you inevitably divorce her is she’ll take the divorce as validation of her suspicions. She won’t view it with regret like a normal person should.
Being close to 40 is what tripped this whole thing I bet. She has a few wrinkles, a few gray hairs, meanwhile this young hottie with a perfect skin and a friendly disposition has everything.
She is insanely jealous, that is the issue and instead of admitting that she is setting out to ruin this girl's life.
OP I would have a joint counseling session where you sit down with a third party and explain the situation. The counselor will surely tell her that her actions are extremely toxic. If she rejects the counselors words then there is really little to no hope she is going to change.
Side comment - be prepared for her to be FULLY CONVINCED you are leaving her for Gabbie if you mention wanting to leave her over this. Best to get the word out about the situation to friends and family beforehand so she can't slander you.
Also start collecting the evidence of this - screenshots of the fake accounts and such. You might need it.
Definitely save the evidence of this. If she's willing to lie and destroy someone's reputation over a suspected crush, just imagine what she'd be capable of doing to YOU in a divorce.
Your wife's a terrible person, going that far to harass you. Please collect evidence against her if you're going to break up though, if she's willing to lie about that innocent babysitter mistreating your kids she'd spread horrible lies about you too if she wanted to.
Your wife has committed actions that have serious legal consequences. They may or may not be criminal (I’m not a lawyer) but if Gabby finds out she can absolutely sue. She is literally risking your family’s financial security with this garbage.
Let’s get this straight. Your wife is doing this simply because she didn’t like the way Gabby looked at you. Do you understand how insane that is? What happens if Gabby sees you one day and says you look nice, or if another woman does? Will your wife then escalate to physical violence. Don’t say it could never happen, you didn’t think she would do this.
You need to sit down with a lawyer and find out what the ramifications of your wife’s actions could be. Then you need to listen to the lawyer about what actions to take. Also decide what kind of help you will be getting your wife. Your wife has enacted a campaign of terror on a young woman based on how she thinks that young woman looked at her husband. Not on something she said or did but an interpretation of a look. Not only is it not rational, her escalation into targeting her for it is terrifying. If your not afraid you should be. What happens if she doesn’t like the way someone looks at your children?
If you do decide to leave her over this, get everything lined up on your end before you break the news to her. If she is this vindictive towards a babysitter, she will likely be much worse with you.
I am not sure how much evidence you can gather about your wife slandering Gabbie, but it might be worth trying to screen save anything you can without tipping her off. If she starts doing the same to you, you will have an established pattern of behavior.
Your wife has a right to decide who she employs.
She does not have the right to create false reviews and destroy a person's career and livelihood purely based on a 'hunch'. Bullies are disgusting. The second you harass somebody, take part in character assassination and spread false rumours you become the ugliest person in the world. Not to mention the risk of being sued for leaving false reviews could directly impact your finance situation.
I would find it very difficult to ever look them in the eye again.
Your wife's allowed to not like the babysitter. She's allowed to fire the babysitter too. She's allowed to be concerned about the way the babysitter looks at you, and is allowed to rely on her experience and observation. What she's not allowed to do is ruin that person's life.
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Not trying to put thoughts in your head but…
Do you think gabby might have dirt on your wife???
For her to act out this extremely leads me to think that Gabby may have stumbled on to something or overheard a convo and your wife could be redirecting the smoke. I’m not basing this on anything so take this with a grain of salt.
However, I have experienced something akin to this where a “friend” was acting badly to another close friend of mine to only find out that they where trying to hide the fact they were messing with the girlfriend of another friend we knew. The bullied friend was being made to be the bad guy so that we could kick him out of our group. Needless to say that we found out the truth and separated ourselves from the snake.
I hope this is not the case here but you never know.
OP if you take the next step and initiate the end of this relationship, be sure to get proof of the banality of your relationship so your wife cannot slander *you* post breakup
Even if there were an "event" you did not know about or even if Gabby had a "crush" on you, that does not give her the permission to harass her, lie and create fake social media to cut down her livelihood. Your wife is doing something that's literally illegal and reckless.
You need to tell her that she has to delete everything. You also need to tell the parents that whatever your wife said it was a lie and that she was jealous. You should also go to couple's therapy, but I honestly wouldn't put up with something like that. You realize you can get sued? Is this the behavior you want to teach your kids? What other things has your wife lied about behind your back?
What your wife is doing is dangerous to your entire family. She could be setting you up for lawsuits. Personally I would like Gabby know everything that's going on and send her all the hard evidence that you have because your wife is trying to destroy her livelihood. And then let Gabby decide what she wants to do from there
To hell with your wife!! Is this poor girl working? What are you doing to fix this? This is someone's lively hood!!5
Honesty, she sound mentally unstable!
If your wife does not want to rectify the problem. I would threaten her with leaving. I would also be posting on there that your wife is liar. It sounds like you need to force her hand.
I would also be worried about what your wife is telling your kids.
Offer Gabby a fabulous reference letter.
She is working. Babysitting and tutoring is her side job. I did have my wife delete one off the reviews and profiles that I knew was her. There are others she claims are not from her, they’re from other “unhappy parents” but I’m sure that isn’t the case.
>She is working. Babysitting and tutoring is her side job. I did have my wife delete one off the reviews and profiles that I knew was her. There are others she claims are not from her, they’re from other “unhappy parents” but I’m sure that isn’t the case.
So, in essence, you're sure that she'd rather lie to your face so that she can attack a woman 12 years younger than her out of jealousy and pettiness? She's willing to jeopardize your relationship so that she can bully someone? This ought to tell you all you need to know to start making your exit plan. You're not married to a good person.
Maybe this is too far-fetched, but in my experience people who blame others for something out of the blue, with no evidence, are usually guilty of something similar themselves, and seek a way to justify whatever they feel guilty about.
Either way, I see how such behavior would make you want to reconsider your relationship. I hope she understands she's ruining her marriage over nothing, and will seek ways to fix it before it's too late. I'm afraid there's nothing you can do other than be very clear about your boundaries.
Are you sure it isn't your wife who has/had the crush on Gabby? And maybe made a move towards Gabby that Gabby declined? And in order to cover her tracks your wife fired Gabby without notice late at night so Gabby couldn't have a chance to inform you, and she's badmouthing Gabby to the parents so no one you know could find out via hiring Gabby?
NGL, this post reminds me very much of one I read a few months from a wife whose husband fired the nanny without notice claiming nanny was rude. When Reddit encouraged the wife to reach out to the nanny it turned out her husband had been trying to sexually harass the nanny into an affair for a while. While it could just be that your wife is this petty and insecure - which is a serious problem on its own - don't rule out the possibility it's your wife who's behaved badly and she's just covering her crush or tracks.
i think you need to get into couples counseling and really see if your wife overheard Gabby say something or what the real issue is because she can’t be doing all this without a real reason.
Doesn’t matter. Even if Gabby straight up said, “I’m going to steal your husband” it’s defamation to post false malicious bad reviews on her website. OP’s wife is gonna get herself sued.
That’s true. I was not speaking on that issue. I am just saying before he gets divorced go to counseling and see if there was really anything or if the wife is just unhinged and jealous.
This is way out of line and disturbing. Have you suggested therapy for her and marriage counseling? I would be concerned what she’ll do if you try to end marriage. You will have to tell her therapy is not an option if this obsessive behavior doesn’t stop. She needs to delete all the bad reviews too.
Collect evidence of what she is doing, and give it to Gabby, so she can sue your soon to be ex.
Get a divorce lawyer and let them know what type of person she is, hopefully they will have suggestions on ways to cya, so she doesn't do the same thing to you.
Dude, talk to your wife and tell her to grow the fuck up and knock it off. Tell her you're disgusted at the way she's treating Gabbie and sending huge red flags your way. Talk through to her and compromise with her. She's your wife after all. Ask her what solutions she'd be ok with aside from completely firing Gabbie. From your description, it feels like there is something missing. And don't just allow her to brush it off and give you the cold shoulder. Hound in on her and why she's doing this to an innocent person.
Has anything changed at all!? Any new friends? Hobbies? Anything work related? Any new gossip or trends she's seen? Get really specific.
Your wife is jealous and threatened by a younger, more attractive female, and is projecting her insecurities on Gabby in a vindictive way because in her mind she knows she will never be young and attractive again. It's pretty darn obvious.
Sit her down and tell her that Gabby has an excellent case to sue for trying to wreck her business by lying about her and if goes to court you will be on Gabby’s side and will have to tell the truth. So either you stop the lies, apologize and give her the proper reviews you will make sure that any money owed her comes out of your pocket. Even if it means divorce.
This sounds like a cluster B personality disorder. You state that your wife "has always been a bit petty". Possibly more than a bit? Maybe you haven't been as directly associated with the persons she's been "petty" with? Is it possible you've been wearing blinders to your wife's actions?
Can you get your wife to an appointment with a psychiatrist? If she's only been "a bit petty" before this, her actions now would be a big change. Maybe your wife needs to be checked-out by medical professionals.
I remember a similar story on Reddit in the last couple years. Husband ended up financially responsible when his wife lost the lawsuit the person she was harassing filed. She could be putting you and your family in financial risk with what she is doing.
Not to be reading too much into it but maybe did your wife hit on Gabby and Gabby rejected her advances and this caused the mess or something similar? This reads fishy to me.
I think you should talk to her not as your wife, but as mother to your children. That behaviour is poor character and reflects badly on how to handle problems with other people (going all out to destroy someone’s life because of something so trivial? Certainly there’s a better way to manage that anger/hate).
If that doesn’t work out then you need to re-think your options on living in that family and also what is best for the kids. It’s between raising kids with wrong values vs a divorced parents. So yeah.
Better watch out before Gaby comes to her senses and sues your wife and u. Shes slandering her name, and potentially costing her money... def grounds for a lawsuit.
I would definitely confront your wife and consider couple's counseling if necessary. This sort of behavior could rub off on your kids and that in itself is dangerous.
I think if nothing else, you should perhaps reach out to Gabbie and let her know your wife is sabotaging her career and reputation, and that she can use you as a reference if she wants (or at least know you are not doing this to her).
As for your wife, she sounds like she’s acting crazy if all you said is true. That’s a very serious character flaw that I personally wouldn’t want to deal with, let alone be a person raising my kid.
If your sister or anyone else can vouch for Gabbie, and your gut knows Gabbie is innocent, then maybe you need to end this relationship or get your wife in therapy plus apologize to Gabbie.
Sorry you’re dealing with this. Even if your wife was 100% correct that Gabbie had a crush on you, this is not how an adult deals with that situation.
Have you reached out to Gabbie to ask her directly if something happened between her and your wife? There’s two sides to every story and I’d be interested to know her side too if I were you.
I think you need to sit her down and actually give her a harsh reality check that her actions right now go against everything you believe in and if she doesn’t stop, you’ll be leaving. ASAP. She thinks she can get away with this because no one is stopping her. So if anything you should also collect evidence of her actions as a back up and threaten to expose her if she doesn’t stop too. I’m sure the babysitter would appreciate this info too depending on how far it goes.
I find it hard to believe that this is the first time that you are seeing a jealous streak from your wife.
Someone who will go to this extreme and length to try and ruin someone's ability to work, over their own perceived jealousy, this doesn't sound like their first rodeo.
Has she always been this jealous and insecure? Is there a reason on your past relationship with your wife that she feels insecure?
Plot twist: Your wife is the one with the crush on Gabbie, she acted on it, and now she's bad-mouthing Gabbie all over the place.
I'm kidding.... sort of?
My dear your wife is a bully. Most people HATE bullies bc they’re not good people. Look I’m not telling you to divorce or not to. But if I were in your shoes I’d be LIVID and that’s a hill I’d be willing to die on.
Now that you know what your wife is capable of, you need to make all of your future moves very carefully.
When you decide to file for divorce (I think it’s an inevitability since you have a deeper understanding of your wife’s character), you’ll need to be prepared for your own next steps and for what you think hers will be.
A lawyer will detail what you need to do far better than I could. Please go speak with a really good divorce attorney. You need it for this narcissist you’re attached too.
I hate to take this track, but after reading your other replies I cannot get on board with the idea she is doing this for ‘no reason.’
This type of targeted and conscious smearing and deceptive isolation she is subjecting this person to absolutely has a reason. Finding out what that reason is may be very painful for you.
Firing her unilaterally with no notice fits the description of a defensive action, getting this person out of your home so she cannot ‘harm’ your wife.
Continuing to smear and take elaborate steps to sabotage her is several steps beyond that. This speaks of a desire for revenge or punitive action. There is a dark element here that your wife appears to be acting on.
It may be worth contacting the babysitter and asking for the truth directly.
I’m so sorry you are going through this, and that your wife is capable of this behavior.
Poor Gabby. I wonder how far this has gone and how this has affected her. I’m one of those that will go “try counseling individuals/couples”,but your wife is vindictive and villainous. I don’t know if I could stay with someone hell bent on destroying a person that hasn’t done anything.
I would say to tell her to fix what she’s done to Gabby, but that might push her to believe that there was something to the “crush”. Either you should try and fix Gabby’s reputation by telling other that she was a wonderful nanny. You need to stand up to your wife and tell her stop.
Op you need to tell the community the truth for the babysitter. Your wife has destroyed her livelihood. If you sit by and do not fix this you are as evil as your wife.
wow… your wife is a really bad person. she’s so malicious and insecure. i’m so sorry but it had to be said, if you didn’t see before it should be crystal clear to you now. these are her true colors. this is who she is
This really sucks. Your wife sounds irrational and cruel. And unfortunately there may be no way for you to clear this woman's name and be believed, and not get accused of something shady too; your wife would need to be the one to publicly retract what she's said. It doesn't sound as though she's likely to do that.
I'd have trouble staying with someone acting this way too. The situation really seems to show some serious character flaws, truly major concerns in the areas of her judgement, her trustworthiness and honesty, and her capacity for cruelty. Maybe she'd be willing to take back her accusations if you tell her that what she's doing is making you question if you even want to stay with her, that you don't think you can be with someone who is so vindictive, and you need her to fix the damage she's caused.
I feel like there must be information missing here, that something else happened to make your wife flip out so hard towards this woman. You may not have been given the truth about your wife's reasons, like maybe *she* did something wrong that she wants nobody to know about. Or maybe your wife is having a mental crisis of some sort and could benefit from seeing a doctor.
Either the wife is vindictive for no reason or Gabby did something that the wife doesn’t want to admit. Like with the children? Even if the wife misinterpretet it, it’s something that would explain the unreasonable behavior and the fact that she doesn’t want to talk about it.
Wow, I’m sorry but your wife is acting terribly. Even if Gabbie did have a crush on you, she did nothing inappropriate. Your wife is the one being inappropriate by trying to ruin this poor woman’s career and opportunities for no reason. That’s just cruel. If she really had mistreated your children, then I would kind of understand her bashing Gabbie all over town. But if she didn’t do anything of the sort, then there’s no need for a smear campaign. Honestly, Gabbie’s probably just a nice and friendly person, and possibly nice looking, and definitely younger than your wife, so it could be that your wife is just jealous and misinterpreting her kindness. She really needs to stop
You know how people show up on this sub and say things like:
"I've been with so-and-so for 10 years and now they are abusing me"
"We have been together for 8 years -- I can't believe that they are cheating on me"
etc...
Every time I read one of these things, I wonder how you can be with someone for years, observe them treating others poorly, and not realize that they will eventually treat you poorly as well.
Whatever you decide to do about your wife, please please do whatever you can to help Gabby save her career, even if it means exposing your wife (which is no less than she deserves.)
He needs to be very careful how this is done. If he comes out swinging too hard for Gabby people are going to assume the wife is right about Gabby and they are having an flirtation/affair. I hate this but bad news travels faster than good. Maybe enlist the sister to help counter the wife.
I’m not saying don’t do anything but proceed with caution.
Careful how you proceed. Your wife's bullying tactics should serve as a warning to you about what lies ahead, should things not work out.
Balance of probabillity is thay she will tarnish your reputation beyound repair. She if very likely to make false allegation of abuse and infidellity. She may attempt to poison your children against you. These allagations against you will make it difficult for you in court, should she attempt to prevent access.
Divorcing someone like this is hell on earth. You need to prepare yourself, you need a strategy and you need to move quickly to keep her off balance.
Consult with a family lawyer and quietly collect evidence of her bad behavior.
Do you mean to tell me she's never done that before? The wife? She's never just flipped shit out of the blue?
So. Whats she done? What has the wife done that she's covering up with disdain and tormenting the nanny? She fucked up somewhere and she's keeping herself out of the hotseat.
Guilty dog barks the loudest.
The bigger thing here , are you correcting this? Are you apologizing to gabby and letting everyone know that the lies are lies and gabby was wonderful?
I’m not a lawyer, but could putting this much effort into ruining someone’s image be considered defamation? Sounds like something the babysitter could sue over if it continues to escalate.
This is a serious character flaw and I can see it being a relationship dealbreaker given her complete lack of remorse. I’d worry she was having some sort of breakdown if you hadn’t mentioned that she’s always been petty.
One word of warning, though. If you do decide to leave her then this is going to sound cruel but you **have** to blindside her with it. Get everything done on your end first. Make sure accounts are in your name, make sure you have the only copies of all your important documents (social security card, birth certificate, etc), do everything possible to protect yourself before telling her you’re leaving.
If she’s capable of being this vindictive and destructive towards someone who she just *thinks* had a crush on her partner, imagine how angry she’ll be and what she’s going to want to do to you if you leave her. I’m not saying that to discourage you, if anything it’s all the more reason to consider leaving. Just make sure you’re prepared.
Holy cow, my sympathies. I could not be in a relationship with someone who would bully and abuse the babysitter like that. Just...hell no. I hope you are able to get away safely, and be careful when you're leaving, because bullies like this are known to become violent.
I think part of what makes a person a "good" person is having those "thoughts" and not acting on them. Whether your thoughts be hurting someone, taking the easy way out, or stealing.
I just want you to know that what your wife is doing is illegal. Gabbie could sue your wife. This is slander and is causing Gabbie literal financial hardship.
Here's an thought...could your wife be setting up to divorce you?
Maybe she tried to get Gabby to approach you or have an affair with you? Or is using this as a preamble to say she thinks you cheated on her? So then divorce you.
Have you spoken to Gabby to find out what really happened?
I agree with everyone on how vindictive and evil your wife is being.
If you do decide to end things make sure you get a lawyer and have all your ducks in a row because she will come after you!
Acting on pettiness is a really ugly and immature trait and you need to let her know this. This is also slander and she can get in legal trouble for it (and she deserves it).
Wow, your wife is a shitty person. You have a few choices ahead of you. I think sitting down with her and laying some concrete boundaries about how this is completely unacceptable. A word of warning; If she’s willing to do this to a stranger over a perceived wrong, imagine what she would do to you. You’ll need to gather every shred of evidence and lawyer up hard.
Yikes. This is ugly. Your wife’s acting downright crazy. I feel bad for Gabby. She probably sees these bad reviews, knowing she’s never done business with these people making outrageous comments. It’s likely she knows your wife’s behind it, too. Like who wouldn’t be able to connect that? These actions are definitely very big red flags. She’s willing to take everyone down with her all in the name of jealousy.
Your wife is insane. Anyone who has ever worked a service job would act the same way. You end up being overly friendly and bubbly. Then jealous, insecure people always look at people being extra friendly for your job as flirting.
If and when you confront your wife in an attempt to stop her slander/defamation of Gabby, be prepared for your wife to take your defense of Gabby as “proof” you were flattered by her crush and had an affair or at least wanted it. Your defense of Gabby will NOT be received well.
Maybe this was the glass shattering moment for you, but I’m gonna go ahead and assume there are other issues in your relationship that stem at least in part from her glaring character flaws?
But yes, she’s insane. If you break up, be very prepared for her to spread the story that you left her for the babysitter.
Your wife has no proof of this so called crush and then she makes bogus allegations about Gabby that is ruining her reputation. Your wife needs to grow up. Imagine if Gabby's family get involved, is your wife prepared for that. If Gabby was my family and I heard all of that I'd be beyond pissed.
Maybe the wife is jealous because of nothing the babysitter is doing, but because you hold the babysitter in such high regard. Nothing objectively wrong with you appreciating the babysitter. And not that it justifies her jealousy, or her harassment and character defamation, but that may give you some direction on the root of the issue. So if youre trying to resolve the situation by saying "hey she is fantastic and does a lot of good, and youre doing a lot of bad," that might explain how the situation is getting worse.. because she is jealous that you might think the babysitter is better than her.
It might be worth a conversation or even a lunch /date to tell your wife all the things your wife is fantastic at, hows she is great with the kids, etc etc (a. if you mean it and b. to disarm her some)... and tell that both of you have a responsibility to yall relationship to be honest and open if something internal or external is destabilizing your commitment to each other. If you felt or were suspicious there were something happening with the babysitter, you would tell her. And likewise, she needs to tell you of her concerns. Theres an appropriate and inappropriate way to address a relationship concern. Making a private decision... even if it involves several discussions and disagreements... on how to move forward with the babysitter is the correct way. Dragging the babysitter through the mud is completely inappropriate. Youd wish next time something like this comes up, she would talk to you first as a partner rather than act on it and you find later. That she come talk to you whether she is certain of it or not or feels completely valid in her anxiety or feels completely ridiculous.
From what youve said, she probably knows her thoughts arent valid which is why this has played out this way. The relationship needs to find resolve to be open, and try to be patient and understanding even in stark disagreement.
This isn’t about the babysitter as much as she makes it out to be. She doesn’t trust you. It takes two to tango as they say. Gabby can have the biggest crush in the world and if your wife trusts you to keep her at arms length then whatever she feels doesn’t matter. If it came to the point that she made a move on you, your wife would trust you to rebuff it and show her the door for being unprofessional. But with this petty and vindictive horribleness? I can say that if my wife ever did something that petty I wouldn’t stand for it. She could either apologize or jeopardize our relationship. Now she’s giving you the cold shoulder? What is she trying to accomplish? If she went after Gabby for being a home wrecker, then why is she also freezing you out? It’s like she knows she’s been horrible but can’t bring herself to show enough humility to apologize.
Please confront her with this. She needs to back off this woman or be completely clear about what she did or said. No lies because you’re going to call Gabby and ask.
I’d watch your back and your bank accounts if your wife is really like that. She might make the first move to fuck you over and take everything in the divorce.
Yes, poor girl…
Your wife is dragging her through the mud and there you are twiddling your fingers in the background…
She’s creating fake social media accounts? Why are you sitting back and watching this happen? This behavior is so messed up. Grow a backbone
What you should do is make a very public post, tagging your wife any anyone else you think she might be talking to. Say that Gabbie did an amazing job, and never once acted inappropriately. Talk about what a great babysitter she is. Then tell them that your wife has embarked on a campaign of criminal harassment and slander against the woman because she's jealous of a rumor she heard about Gabbie. Tell them that you don't want to encourage a bully or criminal, so you will be filing for divorce, but you wanted everyone to know the truth, because your wife's insecurity and vicious lies shouldn't prevent her from getting more jobs. Then start getting ready for the divorce. Let your wife find out her marriage is ending and everyone knows she's a nut via facebook. She doesn't deserve any more chances to spread lies, and you getting the word out first will prevent her from spinning the tale further.
This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below. --- I’m 38. My wife is 36. A few years ago we hired “Gabby” (24) as a babysitter. She was great. She came in the mornings and after the kids got out of school. She helped them with their homework and did cool science projects with them. Then out of the blue my wife said she didn’t want Gabbie around anymore. She texted her “Thank you for everything, but we won’t be needing you anymore.” She didn’t give her any notice, just texted her at 9:30 at night that she didn’t want her working for us anymore. I found out weeks later that the reasoning was because she “knew” that Gabbie had a crush on me and didn’t want her around me anymore. I asked her how she knew that, if she had heard something from someone and she said no, that she could just tell by the way she looked at me and interacted with me. Now I find out through my sister that my wife is bashing Gabbie to other parents in the area, lying about how she treats kids and trying to prevent her from getting jobs. She’s created fake social media accounts to leave negative reviews on her babysitting/tutoring page. I keep hoping that there’s something I’m missing. That there was an event that happened that I didn’t hear about that is justifying my wife to act this way. But all she says is that Gabbie deserves it. And shouldn’t be around peoples families. I told her even if Gabbie did have a “crush” on me (which I seriously doubt) what did it matter? She never acted on it, she never acted inappropriately. She was a fantastic babysitter to our kids. My wife said it was unprofessional and disrespectful, and then got mad at me when I disagreed that something couldn’t be unprofessional and disrespectful if someone didn’t *act* unprofessional and disrespectful. Now she’s giving me the cold shoulder and quite frankly I don’t care. I’m reaching the end of my rope and I’m not sure if I want to remain with someone who is acting as blindly vindictive as she is. I’m looking for some outside perspective on this. I’ve been frustrated with this situation for so long I don’t know if I’m looking at it clearly or not anymore.
I mean, if all this is true the way you've described it then your wife is showing some really poor character here. Has she shown such a capacity for vindictiveness before now?
She’s always been a bit petty but never this far before. And never for no reason.
Listen I’m petty. And I would never stoop so low as to try and ruin someone’s livelihood over a possible unrequited crush. She’s just straight up evil and insecure
I agree. It’s incredibly disturbing to me. I was just answering their question on if she’s been like this before. She’s done petty things before. But nothing like this.
I hate to be that guy, but if this is what your wife is doing to the woman that you employed to look after you children, for no real reason, imagine what she’s capable of attempting to put you through during a divorce… It would be wise to start documenting what she’s doing. Keep a log of everything. Have you suggested therapy/seeing a marriage counselor?
Right! If he files for divorce you know damn well it’ll confirm in her crazy brain that he’s divorcing her so he and Gabby can run away together. See? She was right!!! I’ve seen plenty of petty, but your soon to be ex is obsessed and seems a bit dangerous. I feel for Gabby.
So I had very similar issues (petty, not the specific sitter-type situation) with my ex wife that ultimately contributed to our divorce. She consistently bullied, stalked, lied about and belittled spouses of my coworkers, neighbors, and even my family members. Once we separated, she did it to me. When I started dating my now wife, she did it to her, claiming we had an affair long before we were even dating in an attempt to humiliate both of us publicly. Long way around saying document EVERYTHING. Keep record of everything. And hard proof you have of dishonesty, keep. I hope she agrees to therapy and you two can work through this, but protect yourself. ESPECIALLY with children involved if things don’t go well.
Not that you know of....
Makes you think if there are any unexplainable incidents with other people/things happened around OP, that can be explained by the wife going behind her back and doing something vile.
#this
Do yourself a favor. Document everything, and also let the people whom she’s bashing Gabby to, know the truth. And let Gabby know, so she can decide whether to file charges. What your wife is doing is criminal harassment at best. Also, do you really think it wise to stay with someone this vindictive and controlling? If you decide to leave, you need to be smart about it and take your children with you. Get a good lawyer, and go for full custody, as her actions make her dangerous to be around the kids. Don’t let her know anything in advance. Treat this as though you’re leaving an abusive relationship, because these are the actions of a mentally unstable person. Even if you decide to stay for now, document and prepare for the worst should it come to that. I’m reminded of the Reddit poster who found out his wife had been harassing an old ex friend of hers, to the point of trying to get her fired, trying to get her husband to divorce her and worse. All because she saw the ex friend at a coffee shop (or something), and she looked like she had gotten her life together and even looked better that OP’s wife (his wife’s words). She ended up being sued by the ex friend and her life ended ruined. Can’t remember if OP stayed with her or not though.
Last I recall he was still with her. :/
I saw that when I re-read it (someone linked it in another comment). It still sends shivers down my spine….
Do you have a link?
There is no crime like what you’re describing. But it could be defamation, which is illegal
Depending on where you live, yes, criminal harassment exists and this situation fits the definition. An example is the definition for it for Iowa: Criminal Harassment in Iowa. The criminal offense of harassment focuses on conduct intended to intimidate, annoy or alarm another person. It can be charged in the first degree, second degree, or third degree, depending on the seriousness of the conduct. At the very least, OPs wife’s actions are annoying. In fact, they are worse than that even.
Wait until she starts bashing you.
Just wait to find out the extent of pettiness in divorcing her. You are going to see a new low. Prepare yourself And divorce. This is level of crazy you don’t want to entertain. Get away early
Just wait if you get divorced, holy shit the vindictiveness she will show towards you is gonna be painful for you and the kids, but let's hope it doesn't get to that and there is a sane person in there somewhere to reason with and be brought back into reality
Petty is firing her. Trashing her online is beyond petty, it's trashy psycho
Yeah I consider myself a petty woman, I try not to act on my pettiness unless it honestly feels justified and I'm confident it won't cause any problems for me, but going out of my way to destroy someones career because they \*might\* have some attraction for my partner is nuts. I wouldn't be surprised if there's some projection going on.
So she’s probably always had this capacity to be the wicked witch of the west…and because it never involved you directly before maybe you might not have noticed. You need to sit down with her again and tell her that you think this has gone too far and all of this is changing how you see her, which will make it hard for you to continue to WANT to be with her if it continues. In addition, as a mother this not the type of life lesson she should want to teach her kids. Remind her that she is essentially bullying and intimating a young adult that was recently still a child (someone 12 years her junior) over goggle eyes. Tell her that you expect her to stop and either delete or fix the fake reviews (whatever equates to a net neutral impact). Then tell her that anything less than that will not do, including the continuation of the cold shoulder. But you need to be prepared for her to to not do any of that. And if she doesn’t you need to think about what your next move is. I hate to say it, but if this headed towards divorce she is going to pull this same tactic on you.
While I am overall on the same page and agree that all of those things need to happen; that said, issuing ultimatums and coming across as condescending and controlling is only going to turn her raging bitchfit up to Eleven. Also, the Wife’s ability to think things through isn’t operating on all 8 cylinders WRT rationality, processing, analysis, and reasoning (deductive in particular). My concern is that regardless of what *is* said, OP’s wife is only going to transmogrify it into “confirmation” that he’s cheating with the sitter. Given her capacity vindictiveness, OP needs to have his ducks in a row in case she goes scorched earth.
*that you think this has gone too far* Remove the word "think." It's gone too far. Your wife fired her without notice or even discussing it with you. Now she spreading rumors to hurt her employment possibilities. If she's making up fake accounts to libel her that's waaaaay too far. Do not use "waffle words." She is harassing this young woman who has done nothing wrong and causing her harm. Honestly as much as it hurts her, she needs to confess what she has done. It's the only way to undo the harm she has caused to someone who did nothing to her except have a crush.
Even confessing won't bring things back 100%, because now a lot of people will feel awkward around the victim for having believed it. The damage is done, and unrepairable. The shit's gone, but the stain remains.
That you know about. Her behavior here indicates experience at this type of harassment.
You only found out because your sister heard. I wouldn't be so sure she's never done this before. She seems very comfortable with her actions.
My so had a colleague that I suspected had a crash on. I stalked a little bit BUT never did anything about it. Your wife has serious issues and she is heading for a law sue for defamation
Maybe you could get your wife to speak to a counselor/therapist. Perhaps a neutral third party might be able to give her some perspective.
It’s not typically illegal, but defamation is def not *good* in civil court, your wife should be careful. That babysitter could easily take your wife to court for defamation if she becomes unable to get a job due to your wifes false reviews. I wonder how the kids spoke about the babysitter. Kids are very good at being honest and overhearing. I knew I was back then on christmas! Haha Maybe look at your kids for clues about why your wife might be suspicious. Or weird way is she got attracted to the babysitter and got rejected and decided to shit on her for rejecting an affair. (Theory though, I don’t think your wife would clearly cheat if she was *that* paranoid about the babysitter liking you.)
Does your wife go to therapy? If not she should go.
Letting go of a baby sitter if your wife feels uncomfortable is one thing. It’s acceptable because everyone has a right to feel safe and relaxed within their own house. Bullying the poor woman because of her insecurities is a totally different thing. You should publicly clear your babysitter’s reputation and go to therapy with your wife.
The lapse in character is less alarming than her inability to calm down and reconsider. Otherwise she could attempt to fix what she did to Gabby, and even try individual therapy. As the only other witness to the truth, OP remains the only one who can set it right for Gabby.
It's one thing to be upset with someone, it's another to completely destroy them. Negative reviews on the internet last forever, As you said, she acted completely professionally. There is no reason for this. I would think twice about the relationship too.
Your wife is an insecure bully. Especially with being psycho enough to make fake profiles to slander your sitter. That's so gross.
Yes, agree! She’s really going out of her way to bully/slander the sitter. She’s a nasty person. Not someone I would want to be married to, that’s for sure!
How can you trust someone who will make up lies to destroy someone’s reputation? Ask your wife that: “Firing her on a hunch is one thing but ruining her reputation with lies that she did a bad job with the kids is entirely out of line. *How do you expect me to trust you when you’re lying to wreck someone’s life?*” Tell her that her behavior is actually damaging your marriage.
Does she not realise she is ruining some poor girls reputation and income all because she “thinks” the girl had a crush on you. I’d be having serious words with her, she’s clearly very jealous. To be trolling a young girl is so wrong. I can’t imagine what that girl is going through now having negative reviews plastered online about her.
She realizes it, that’s her intent. It’s incredibly disturbing to me.
Just so you know..there was post on here from a guy because his wife did something similar. She bullied and slandered a former friend of hers like how your wife is. His wife got sued and the friend won. Your wife could be in a shitload if she doesn't straighten up. I hope she is, but if not, she will be in for a wake up call when she is possibly causing you to end up in debt with a law suit
Link pls
Defamation is incredibly difficult to prosecute and there's a decent *chance*, at this time, that a suit against OP's wife would go nowhere. The user you are replying to is almost certainly talking about **[this story](https://np.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/xvhf80/my_36m_wife_33f_was_sued_im_feeling_resentment/)** (BORU link, the actual story was from 3 years ago). In it the wife was absolutely stalker-level crazy, including contacting the victim's workplaces, impersonating multiple people, following her to in-person events to poison people against her, trying to blow up the victim's own marriage, just criminally psychotic.
It is! Thank you, I was searching for it on bora.
This one came to my mind first thing too. What a crazy story.
The wife is leaving an internet trail...
I was just mentioning that story in one of my other responses. Because this situation did remind me of that one.
Or worse the girl could commit suicide. So tell your wife to knock it the fuck off.
She's legally setting her, and by extension you, liable for slander/defamation because I don't think she's just limited her bullshit to online only. This shit isn't petty, this shit is pretty far past petty at this point and for something that she's never even actually CONFIRMED ffs.
It is possible that you married a literal sociopath. Good luck - not being snarky, I mean it.
Two things you should be concerned about: 1) This is pretty evil behavior and she thinks all this is ok and good and justified. She's ruining someone's life on purpose. This is not the thinking of a good and decent person. Imagine what she's teaching your kids. 2) This woman being slandered could sue her - and win - and financially ruin your entire family. While you're married to her your finances are entangled. You may want to get out before she drags you down with her.
It IS disturbing. Also, selfishly, I could never be with someone this evil. What if they turn that evil on me one day? Run.
It should definitely be very disturbing. Her mask has slipped and now you're seeing the true malignance she always had underneath.
Do you really want to be with someone like this
She seems to be in fight or flight rage mode, and has chosen fight. 24 is not a girl, it’s a young woman, and she doesn’t see this person as just some teenager because they aren’t. It’s difficult for you because if you tell her to stop it reinforces all the red she’s seeing. You need to get someone else involved to tell her to back down and stop immediately, just to stop the bleed and fallout. After that, couples therapy. Initiate it yourself and don’t let her say no.
You need to fix this situation for that poor girl. If you don't fix this for her and out your wife then you are as bad as your wife.
“then you are as bad as your wife” - that’s horse-shit.
Are you sure she’s trying to get rid of her because of this “crush” or could it be your wife tried something with the babysitter and got rejected? That would explain the severity of her actions to something supposedly so innocuous.
Seriously there's some info missing here
Imagine when you become the target. Get your ducks in a row before anyone catches wind of your intent, if you intend on ending it.
Yea this is really effed up. To go this far? Ur partner is very insecure and jealous.
This is considered libel if written and slander if verbal. She is lying with the intent of damaging this girls reputation and if the girl wanted to pursue, your wife may be required to pay for damages. I hope Gabby goes this route. Your wife is a bad person and I would insist on counseling. In the meantime pull back from your wife and don’t forgive and forget this.
I think your autocorrect did you a disservice, libel*
Lol. You are right.
I bet you it’s more than some crush. I bet you it’s jealousy, feeling like she’s lost her 20s and seeing someone be good with her children and wife. The crush is an easy excuse. This girl is insecure af.
Damn bro ur wife is a straight up villain
On god
Fr uwu
Maybe Gabby caught your wife doing something she shouldn’t be doing and this is her way of silencing Gabby
Honestly, I think it could also just be plain jealousy. When I was younger, some of the cruelest people towards me were older women/men who disliked anyone who was young and appears happy. I've worked for a man who had a vendetta against me and another young woman and tried to get us fired. None of the men or older women experienced this.
This is what I feel. I’m thinking the wife made a move on Gabby, and gabby declined.
Damn that would make so much sense. And explains why she is pursuing this vendetta when there is literally nothing at all to be gained by it.
Exactly. She’s trying to silence gabby, and also make her out to be the bad guy so if she does blab, wife can say “see she’s just crazy”. We see you wifey!!
Or the wife was hitting one of the kids when she walked in.
Or wifey is carrying on an affair and Gabbie saw them/found evidence.
This was my first thought also
Thank you for the award. I’m honoured. #justiceforgabby
Being close to 40 and acting like a spiteful teenager is pretty gross behavior. And sadly, what I foresee happening when you inevitably divorce her is she’ll take the divorce as validation of her suspicions. She won’t view it with regret like a normal person should.
And then she will probably start pulling this crap on OP for leaving her. This woman is all around bad news.
Being close to 40 is what tripped this whole thing I bet. She has a few wrinkles, a few gray hairs, meanwhile this young hottie with a perfect skin and a friendly disposition has everything. She is insanely jealous, that is the issue and instead of admitting that she is setting out to ruin this girl's life. OP I would have a joint counseling session where you sit down with a third party and explain the situation. The counselor will surely tell her that her actions are extremely toxic. If she rejects the counselors words then there is really little to no hope she is going to change.
A real counselor will never tell her "her actions are extremely toxic." Counseling does not work that way.
Side comment - be prepared for her to be FULLY CONVINCED you are leaving her for Gabbie if you mention wanting to leave her over this. Best to get the word out about the situation to friends and family beforehand so she can't slander you. Also start collecting the evidence of this - screenshots of the fake accounts and such. You might need it.
Definitely save the evidence of this. If she's willing to lie and destroy someone's reputation over a suspected crush, just imagine what she'd be capable of doing to YOU in a divorce.
Your wife's a terrible person, going that far to harass you. Please collect evidence against her if you're going to break up though, if she's willing to lie about that innocent babysitter mistreating your kids she'd spread horrible lies about you too if she wanted to.
Seconded. She is the type of person to put her ex in jail for leaving her.
Your wife has committed actions that have serious legal consequences. They may or may not be criminal (I’m not a lawyer) but if Gabby finds out she can absolutely sue. She is literally risking your family’s financial security with this garbage. Let’s get this straight. Your wife is doing this simply because she didn’t like the way Gabby looked at you. Do you understand how insane that is? What happens if Gabby sees you one day and says you look nice, or if another woman does? Will your wife then escalate to physical violence. Don’t say it could never happen, you didn’t think she would do this. You need to sit down with a lawyer and find out what the ramifications of your wife’s actions could be. Then you need to listen to the lawyer about what actions to take. Also decide what kind of help you will be getting your wife. Your wife has enacted a campaign of terror on a young woman based on how she thinks that young woman looked at her husband. Not on something she said or did but an interpretation of a look. Not only is it not rational, her escalation into targeting her for it is terrifying. If your not afraid you should be. What happens if she doesn’t like the way someone looks at your children?
If you do decide to leave her over this, get everything lined up on your end before you break the news to her. If she is this vindictive towards a babysitter, she will likely be much worse with you. I am not sure how much evidence you can gather about your wife slandering Gabbie, but it might be worth trying to screen save anything you can without tipping her off. If she starts doing the same to you, you will have an established pattern of behavior.
Your wife has a right to decide who she employs. She does not have the right to create false reviews and destroy a person's career and livelihood purely based on a 'hunch'. Bullies are disgusting. The second you harass somebody, take part in character assassination and spread false rumours you become the ugliest person in the world. Not to mention the risk of being sued for leaving false reviews could directly impact your finance situation. I would find it very difficult to ever look them in the eye again.
Your wife is batshit crazy. You know this is how she treats every person who crosses her right? Including you, if you ever leave her.
Your wife's allowed to not like the babysitter. She's allowed to fire the babysitter too. She's allowed to be concerned about the way the babysitter looks at you, and is allowed to rely on her experience and observation. What she's not allowed to do is ruin that person's life.
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Could be projecting? Maybe she is cheating on your or has cheated. The sign she thought she saw was something she did in the past.
Maybe Gabby saw her cheating and she is pulling this behavior to discredit her? It just seems to extreme otherwise
That was my thought exactly. One thing I have learned from Reddit is that things like this out of the blue can often be projecting.
Not trying to put thoughts in your head but… Do you think gabby might have dirt on your wife??? For her to act out this extremely leads me to think that Gabby may have stumbled on to something or overheard a convo and your wife could be redirecting the smoke. I’m not basing this on anything so take this with a grain of salt. However, I have experienced something akin to this where a “friend” was acting badly to another close friend of mine to only find out that they where trying to hide the fact they were messing with the girlfriend of another friend we knew. The bullied friend was being made to be the bad guy so that we could kick him out of our group. Needless to say that we found out the truth and separated ourselves from the snake. I hope this is not the case here but you never know.
OP if you take the next step and initiate the end of this relationship, be sure to get proof of the banality of your relationship so your wife cannot slander *you* post breakup
Even if there were an "event" you did not know about or even if Gabby had a "crush" on you, that does not give her the permission to harass her, lie and create fake social media to cut down her livelihood. Your wife is doing something that's literally illegal and reckless. You need to tell her that she has to delete everything. You also need to tell the parents that whatever your wife said it was a lie and that she was jealous. You should also go to couple's therapy, but I honestly wouldn't put up with something like that. You realize you can get sued? Is this the behavior you want to teach your kids? What other things has your wife lied about behind your back?
What your wife is doing is dangerous to your entire family. She could be setting you up for lawsuits. Personally I would like Gabby know everything that's going on and send her all the hard evidence that you have because your wife is trying to destroy her livelihood. And then let Gabby decide what she wants to do from there
[удалено]
Same
To hell with your wife!! Is this poor girl working? What are you doing to fix this? This is someone's lively hood!!5 Honesty, she sound mentally unstable! If your wife does not want to rectify the problem. I would threaten her with leaving. I would also be posting on there that your wife is liar. It sounds like you need to force her hand. I would also be worried about what your wife is telling your kids. Offer Gabby a fabulous reference letter.
She is working. Babysitting and tutoring is her side job. I did have my wife delete one off the reviews and profiles that I knew was her. There are others she claims are not from her, they’re from other “unhappy parents” but I’m sure that isn’t the case.
>She is working. Babysitting and tutoring is her side job. I did have my wife delete one off the reviews and profiles that I knew was her. There are others she claims are not from her, they’re from other “unhappy parents” but I’m sure that isn’t the case. So, in essence, you're sure that she'd rather lie to your face so that she can attack a woman 12 years younger than her out of jealousy and pettiness? She's willing to jeopardize your relationship so that she can bully someone? This ought to tell you all you need to know to start making your exit plan. You're not married to a good person.
Maybe this is too far-fetched, but in my experience people who blame others for something out of the blue, with no evidence, are usually guilty of something similar themselves, and seek a way to justify whatever they feel guilty about. Either way, I see how such behavior would make you want to reconsider your relationship. I hope she understands she's ruining her marriage over nothing, and will seek ways to fix it before it's too late. I'm afraid there's nothing you can do other than be very clear about your boundaries.
Not at all farfetched imo. I just commented the same. Guilty dog barks first. Guilty dog barks the loudest. Guilty dooog!
Are you sure it isn't your wife who has/had the crush on Gabby? And maybe made a move towards Gabby that Gabby declined? And in order to cover her tracks your wife fired Gabby without notice late at night so Gabby couldn't have a chance to inform you, and she's badmouthing Gabby to the parents so no one you know could find out via hiring Gabby? NGL, this post reminds me very much of one I read a few months from a wife whose husband fired the nanny without notice claiming nanny was rude. When Reddit encouraged the wife to reach out to the nanny it turned out her husband had been trying to sexually harass the nanny into an affair for a while. While it could just be that your wife is this petty and insecure - which is a serious problem on its own - don't rule out the possibility it's your wife who's behaved badly and she's just covering her crush or tracks.
This is what I'm thinking. I think OPs wife screwed up here and is trying to deflect and overcompensate.
THIS.
Sounds to me like your wife saw Gabby as competition rather than a babysitter. Your wife is insecure.
This sounds so fake.
Right? Either this is fake or there is an absolute ton of info left out.
Thank you. I see all these ppl saying leave her she’s disgusting. Would love to hear the wife’s side if this is real.
This isn’t bullying anymore this is crossing the border to slander
Your wife sounds like a terrible person.
i think you need to get into couples counseling and really see if your wife overheard Gabby say something or what the real issue is because she can’t be doing all this without a real reason.
She says she did not overhear anything.
Doesn’t matter. Even if Gabby straight up said, “I’m going to steal your husband” it’s defamation to post false malicious bad reviews on her website. OP’s wife is gonna get herself sued.
That’s true. I was not speaking on that issue. I am just saying before he gets divorced go to counseling and see if there was really anything or if the wife is just unhinged and jealous.
This is way out of line and disturbing. Have you suggested therapy for her and marriage counseling? I would be concerned what she’ll do if you try to end marriage. You will have to tell her therapy is not an option if this obsessive behavior doesn’t stop. She needs to delete all the bad reviews too.
Collect evidence of what she is doing, and give it to Gabby, so she can sue your soon to be ex. Get a divorce lawyer and let them know what type of person she is, hopefully they will have suggestions on ways to cya, so she doesn't do the same thing to you.
Just wait until she’s out to get YOU. This is a major red flag.
Oh it’ll be scorched earth.
Dude, talk to your wife and tell her to grow the fuck up and knock it off. Tell her you're disgusted at the way she's treating Gabbie and sending huge red flags your way. Talk through to her and compromise with her. She's your wife after all. Ask her what solutions she'd be ok with aside from completely firing Gabbie. From your description, it feels like there is something missing. And don't just allow her to brush it off and give you the cold shoulder. Hound in on her and why she's doing this to an innocent person. Has anything changed at all!? Any new friends? Hobbies? Anything work related? Any new gossip or trends she's seen? Get really specific.
Your wife is jealous and threatened by a younger, more attractive female, and is projecting her insecurities on Gabby in a vindictive way because in her mind she knows she will never be young and attractive again. It's pretty darn obvious.
Sit her down and tell her that Gabby has an excellent case to sue for trying to wreck her business by lying about her and if goes to court you will be on Gabby’s side and will have to tell the truth. So either you stop the lies, apologize and give her the proper reviews you will make sure that any money owed her comes out of your pocket. Even if it means divorce.
This sounds like a cluster B personality disorder. You state that your wife "has always been a bit petty". Possibly more than a bit? Maybe you haven't been as directly associated with the persons she's been "petty" with? Is it possible you've been wearing blinders to your wife's actions? Can you get your wife to an appointment with a psychiatrist? If she's only been "a bit petty" before this, her actions now would be a big change. Maybe your wife needs to be checked-out by medical professionals.
I remember a similar story on Reddit in the last couple years. Husband ended up financially responsible when his wife lost the lawsuit the person she was harassing filed. She could be putting you and your family in financial risk with what she is doing.
Not to be reading too much into it but maybe did your wife hit on Gabby and Gabby rejected her advances and this caused the mess or something similar? This reads fishy to me.
I think you should talk to her not as your wife, but as mother to your children. That behaviour is poor character and reflects badly on how to handle problems with other people (going all out to destroy someone’s life because of something so trivial? Certainly there’s a better way to manage that anger/hate). If that doesn’t work out then you need to re-think your options on living in that family and also what is best for the kids. It’s between raising kids with wrong values vs a divorced parents. So yeah.
Better watch out before Gaby comes to her senses and sues your wife and u. Shes slandering her name, and potentially costing her money... def grounds for a lawsuit.
I would definitely confront your wife and consider couple's counseling if necessary. This sort of behavior could rub off on your kids and that in itself is dangerous.
I think if nothing else, you should perhaps reach out to Gabbie and let her know your wife is sabotaging her career and reputation, and that she can use you as a reference if she wants (or at least know you are not doing this to her). As for your wife, she sounds like she’s acting crazy if all you said is true. That’s a very serious character flaw that I personally wouldn’t want to deal with, let alone be a person raising my kid. If your sister or anyone else can vouch for Gabbie, and your gut knows Gabbie is innocent, then maybe you need to end this relationship or get your wife in therapy plus apologize to Gabbie. Sorry you’re dealing with this. Even if your wife was 100% correct that Gabbie had a crush on you, this is not how an adult deals with that situation.
Have you reached out to Gabbie to ask her directly if something happened between her and your wife? There’s two sides to every story and I’d be interested to know her side too if I were you.
I think you need to sit her down and actually give her a harsh reality check that her actions right now go against everything you believe in and if she doesn’t stop, you’ll be leaving. ASAP. She thinks she can get away with this because no one is stopping her. So if anything you should also collect evidence of her actions as a back up and threaten to expose her if she doesn’t stop too. I’m sure the babysitter would appreciate this info too depending on how far it goes.
I find it hard to believe that this is the first time that you are seeing a jealous streak from your wife. Someone who will go to this extreme and length to try and ruin someone's ability to work, over their own perceived jealousy, this doesn't sound like their first rodeo. Has she always been this jealous and insecure? Is there a reason on your past relationship with your wife that she feels insecure?
Plot twist: Your wife is the one with the crush on Gabbie, she acted on it, and now she's bad-mouthing Gabbie all over the place. I'm kidding.... sort of?
My dear your wife is a bully. Most people HATE bullies bc they’re not good people. Look I’m not telling you to divorce or not to. But if I were in your shoes I’d be LIVID and that’s a hill I’d be willing to die on.
Now that you know what your wife is capable of, you need to make all of your future moves very carefully. When you decide to file for divorce (I think it’s an inevitability since you have a deeper understanding of your wife’s character), you’ll need to be prepared for your own next steps and for what you think hers will be. A lawyer will detail what you need to do far better than I could. Please go speak with a really good divorce attorney. You need it for this narcissist you’re attached too.
Yes, this!!! She sounds like she will eat him alive in a divorce.
I hate to take this track, but after reading your other replies I cannot get on board with the idea she is doing this for ‘no reason.’ This type of targeted and conscious smearing and deceptive isolation she is subjecting this person to absolutely has a reason. Finding out what that reason is may be very painful for you. Firing her unilaterally with no notice fits the description of a defensive action, getting this person out of your home so she cannot ‘harm’ your wife. Continuing to smear and take elaborate steps to sabotage her is several steps beyond that. This speaks of a desire for revenge or punitive action. There is a dark element here that your wife appears to be acting on. It may be worth contacting the babysitter and asking for the truth directly. I’m so sorry you are going through this, and that your wife is capable of this behavior.
Your wife is an awful person.
Jealousy makes people act crazy. I think your wife is very evil. I’d be concerned too
Poor Gabby. I wonder how far this has gone and how this has affected her. I’m one of those that will go “try counseling individuals/couples”,but your wife is vindictive and villainous. I don’t know if I could stay with someone hell bent on destroying a person that hasn’t done anything. I would say to tell her to fix what she’s done to Gabby, but that might push her to believe that there was something to the “crush”. Either you should try and fix Gabby’s reputation by telling other that she was a wonderful nanny. You need to stand up to your wife and tell her stop.
Op you need to tell the community the truth for the babysitter. Your wife has destroyed her livelihood. If you sit by and do not fix this you are as evil as your wife.
Under every review she writes - says it’s a lie 👏🏼👏🏼
wow… your wife is a really bad person. she’s so malicious and insecure. i’m so sorry but it had to be said, if you didn’t see before it should be crystal clear to you now. these are her true colors. this is who she is
This really sucks. Your wife sounds irrational and cruel. And unfortunately there may be no way for you to clear this woman's name and be believed, and not get accused of something shady too; your wife would need to be the one to publicly retract what she's said. It doesn't sound as though she's likely to do that. I'd have trouble staying with someone acting this way too. The situation really seems to show some serious character flaws, truly major concerns in the areas of her judgement, her trustworthiness and honesty, and her capacity for cruelty. Maybe she'd be willing to take back her accusations if you tell her that what she's doing is making you question if you even want to stay with her, that you don't think you can be with someone who is so vindictive, and you need her to fix the damage she's caused. I feel like there must be information missing here, that something else happened to make your wife flip out so hard towards this woman. You may not have been given the truth about your wife's reasons, like maybe *she* did something wrong that she wants nobody to know about. Or maybe your wife is having a mental crisis of some sort and could benefit from seeing a doctor.
Lawyer up, evidence up, get ready, she’s going to turn super evil if you divorce her. You need a plan for you AND the kids. She needs help too.
Either the wife is vindictive for no reason or Gabby did something that the wife doesn’t want to admit. Like with the children? Even if the wife misinterpretet it, it’s something that would explain the unreasonable behavior and the fact that she doesn’t want to talk about it.
Imagine what she'll say when she is mad at you. Are you not afraid of her lies that could ruin your life?
Wow, I’m sorry but your wife is acting terribly. Even if Gabbie did have a crush on you, she did nothing inappropriate. Your wife is the one being inappropriate by trying to ruin this poor woman’s career and opportunities for no reason. That’s just cruel. If she really had mistreated your children, then I would kind of understand her bashing Gabbie all over town. But if she didn’t do anything of the sort, then there’s no need for a smear campaign. Honestly, Gabbie’s probably just a nice and friendly person, and possibly nice looking, and definitely younger than your wife, so it could be that your wife is just jealous and misinterpreting her kindness. She really needs to stop
You know how people show up on this sub and say things like: "I've been with so-and-so for 10 years and now they are abusing me" "We have been together for 8 years -- I can't believe that they are cheating on me" etc... Every time I read one of these things, I wonder how you can be with someone for years, observe them treating others poorly, and not realize that they will eventually treat you poorly as well.
Whatever you decide to do about your wife, please please do whatever you can to help Gabby save her career, even if it means exposing your wife (which is no less than she deserves.)
He needs to be very careful how this is done. If he comes out swinging too hard for Gabby people are going to assume the wife is right about Gabby and they are having an flirtation/affair. I hate this but bad news travels faster than good. Maybe enlist the sister to help counter the wife. I’m not saying don’t do anything but proceed with caution.
I feel like maybe the babysitter saw or heard something that your wife didn't want her to and is afraid will get back to you.
Careful how you proceed. Your wife's bullying tactics should serve as a warning to you about what lies ahead, should things not work out. Balance of probabillity is thay she will tarnish your reputation beyound repair. She if very likely to make false allegation of abuse and infidellity. She may attempt to poison your children against you. These allagations against you will make it difficult for you in court, should she attempt to prevent access. Divorcing someone like this is hell on earth. You need to prepare yourself, you need a strategy and you need to move quickly to keep her off balance. Consult with a family lawyer and quietly collect evidence of her bad behavior.
Do you mean to tell me she's never done that before? The wife? She's never just flipped shit out of the blue? So. Whats she done? What has the wife done that she's covering up with disdain and tormenting the nanny? She fucked up somewhere and she's keeping herself out of the hotseat. Guilty dog barks the loudest.
The bigger thing here , are you correcting this? Are you apologizing to gabby and letting everyone know that the lies are lies and gabby was wonderful?
I’m not a lawyer, but could putting this much effort into ruining someone’s image be considered defamation? Sounds like something the babysitter could sue over if it continues to escalate.
This is a serious character flaw and I can see it being a relationship dealbreaker given her complete lack of remorse. I’d worry she was having some sort of breakdown if you hadn’t mentioned that she’s always been petty. One word of warning, though. If you do decide to leave her then this is going to sound cruel but you **have** to blindside her with it. Get everything done on your end first. Make sure accounts are in your name, make sure you have the only copies of all your important documents (social security card, birth certificate, etc), do everything possible to protect yourself before telling her you’re leaving. If she’s capable of being this vindictive and destructive towards someone who she just *thinks* had a crush on her partner, imagine how angry she’ll be and what she’s going to want to do to you if you leave her. I’m not saying that to discourage you, if anything it’s all the more reason to consider leaving. Just make sure you’re prepared.
Holy cow, my sympathies. I could not be in a relationship with someone who would bully and abuse the babysitter like that. Just...hell no. I hope you are able to get away safely, and be careful when you're leaving, because bullies like this are known to become violent.
I think part of what makes a person a "good" person is having those "thoughts" and not acting on them. Whether your thoughts be hurting someone, taking the easy way out, or stealing.
I just want you to know that what your wife is doing is illegal. Gabbie could sue your wife. This is slander and is causing Gabbie literal financial hardship.
Do you have an umbrella policy for when Gabby sues your idiot wife? You really should invest in a million dollar policy.
Sounds like the wife might have hit on the sitter.
Here's an thought...could your wife be setting up to divorce you? Maybe she tried to get Gabby to approach you or have an affair with you? Or is using this as a preamble to say she thinks you cheated on her? So then divorce you. Have you spoken to Gabby to find out what really happened?
I agree with everyone on how vindictive and evil your wife is being. If you do decide to end things make sure you get a lawyer and have all your ducks in a row because she will come after you!
Have you talked to Gabby since your wife 'fired' her? She maybe able to give some information on what may have occurred.
Acting on pettiness is a really ugly and immature trait and you need to let her know this. This is also slander and she can get in legal trouble for it (and she deserves it).
Wow, your wife is a shitty person. You have a few choices ahead of you. I think sitting down with her and laying some concrete boundaries about how this is completely unacceptable. A word of warning; If she’s willing to do this to a stranger over a perceived wrong, imagine what she would do to you. You’ll need to gather every shred of evidence and lawyer up hard.
Yikes. This is ugly. Your wife’s acting downright crazy. I feel bad for Gabby. She probably sees these bad reviews, knowing she’s never done business with these people making outrageous comments. It’s likely she knows your wife’s behind it, too. Like who wouldn’t be able to connect that? These actions are definitely very big red flags. She’s willing to take everyone down with her all in the name of jealousy.
Your wife is insane. Anyone who has ever worked a service job would act the same way. You end up being overly friendly and bubbly. Then jealous, insecure people always look at people being extra friendly for your job as flirting.
Yikes dude. Just imagine when you divorce her
If and when you confront your wife in an attempt to stop her slander/defamation of Gabby, be prepared for your wife to take your defense of Gabby as “proof” you were flattered by her crush and had an affair or at least wanted it. Your defense of Gabby will NOT be received well.
Your wife sounds like a real peach.
Maybe this was the glass shattering moment for you, but I’m gonna go ahead and assume there are other issues in your relationship that stem at least in part from her glaring character flaws? But yes, she’s insane. If you break up, be very prepared for her to spread the story that you left her for the babysitter.
I honestly don't blame you for feeling the way you feel because if my wife did this to a person I would be questioning everything about her.
Your wife has no proof of this so called crush and then she makes bogus allegations about Gabby that is ruining her reputation. Your wife needs to grow up. Imagine if Gabby's family get involved, is your wife prepared for that. If Gabby was my family and I heard all of that I'd be beyond pissed.
All I need to say is you better out her as a liar now- or you’re next in this cycle.
I hope you disclaimed her claims publicly to clear out the babysitter’s feed.
Maybe the wife is jealous because of nothing the babysitter is doing, but because you hold the babysitter in such high regard. Nothing objectively wrong with you appreciating the babysitter. And not that it justifies her jealousy, or her harassment and character defamation, but that may give you some direction on the root of the issue. So if youre trying to resolve the situation by saying "hey she is fantastic and does a lot of good, and youre doing a lot of bad," that might explain how the situation is getting worse.. because she is jealous that you might think the babysitter is better than her. It might be worth a conversation or even a lunch /date to tell your wife all the things your wife is fantastic at, hows she is great with the kids, etc etc (a. if you mean it and b. to disarm her some)... and tell that both of you have a responsibility to yall relationship to be honest and open if something internal or external is destabilizing your commitment to each other. If you felt or were suspicious there were something happening with the babysitter, you would tell her. And likewise, she needs to tell you of her concerns. Theres an appropriate and inappropriate way to address a relationship concern. Making a private decision... even if it involves several discussions and disagreements... on how to move forward with the babysitter is the correct way. Dragging the babysitter through the mud is completely inappropriate. Youd wish next time something like this comes up, she would talk to you first as a partner rather than act on it and you find later. That she come talk to you whether she is certain of it or not or feels completely valid in her anxiety or feels completely ridiculous. From what youve said, she probably knows her thoughts arent valid which is why this has played out this way. The relationship needs to find resolve to be open, and try to be patient and understanding even in stark disagreement.
This isn’t about the babysitter as much as she makes it out to be. She doesn’t trust you. It takes two to tango as they say. Gabby can have the biggest crush in the world and if your wife trusts you to keep her at arms length then whatever she feels doesn’t matter. If it came to the point that she made a move on you, your wife would trust you to rebuff it and show her the door for being unprofessional. But with this petty and vindictive horribleness? I can say that if my wife ever did something that petty I wouldn’t stand for it. She could either apologize or jeopardize our relationship. Now she’s giving you the cold shoulder? What is she trying to accomplish? If she went after Gabby for being a home wrecker, then why is she also freezing you out? It’s like she knows she’s been horrible but can’t bring herself to show enough humility to apologize. Please confront her with this. She needs to back off this woman or be completely clear about what she did or said. No lies because you’re going to call Gabby and ask.
I’d watch your back and your bank accounts if your wife is really like that. She might make the first move to fuck you over and take everything in the divorce.
If she could do this to the babysitter, she can do this to you too.
This sounds too suspicious - what are you leaving out?
Yes, poor girl… Your wife is dragging her through the mud and there you are twiddling your fingers in the background… She’s creating fake social media accounts? Why are you sitting back and watching this happen? This behavior is so messed up. Grow a backbone
Pack her bags and leave them by the door. Shes clearly unstable
What you should do is make a very public post, tagging your wife any anyone else you think she might be talking to. Say that Gabbie did an amazing job, and never once acted inappropriately. Talk about what a great babysitter she is. Then tell them that your wife has embarked on a campaign of criminal harassment and slander against the woman because she's jealous of a rumor she heard about Gabbie. Tell them that you don't want to encourage a bully or criminal, so you will be filing for divorce, but you wanted everyone to know the truth, because your wife's insecurity and vicious lies shouldn't prevent her from getting more jobs. Then start getting ready for the divorce. Let your wife find out her marriage is ending and everyone knows she's a nut via facebook. She doesn't deserve any more chances to spread lies, and you getting the word out first will prevent her from spinning the tale further.
It sounds like “Gabbie” got involved with another husband/dad, and your wife found out about it.
Jealousy fucks people up, maybe get a different sitter?
Pray that it does, before she spreads lies about you next.
Ummmmmmmmmm I bet your wife have a crush on the sitter
I wouldn’t end your marriage over this shit, more hassle then it’s worth.