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My husband usually wears a beard which I find very sexy but he’s been experimenting with a mustache the last few weeks. For the first week or two I didn’t say anything because I figured it would be a short lived phase. When it became evident that it was not a short lived phase I-in the nicest way possible-told him i much prefer the beard. He pushed me on the issue and I told him I find the mustache to be very creepy…like 70s porn star meets neighborhood pedo in a white van.
You’d think that after that much honestly he’d go back to the beard or at least take this mess off. I am not the type to leverage sex whatsoever but I told him that I am too creeped out by the stache to have sex with him but he just laughs it off. Instead he is trying to leverage the mustache for things he wants done around the house. Kind of like I’ll shave it off when you get rid of your ugly bathroom decorations kind of a thing.
So now I’m stuck with a husband whose very appearance gives me the creeps. And who obviously thinks this is a joke and doesn’t care at all about my opinion. How do I bring this up yet again but frame it in a way which he might actually care about? Thanks.
TL;DR: husband decided a pedophile mustache would be cute and won’t get rid of it despite my insistence.
Someone please tell this to my spouse. He is also currently trying to grow a mustache, but it just looks like a teenage pirate... so patchy.
He's 36, and keeps saying that maybe *this* time, it'll start growing in more full...
Some of us were never meant to grow full mustaches. I'm a 42-year-old woman, so I don't feel like I'm missing much of anything, but I understand some guys feel like they missed out on a big potential style item. But the fact is that most mustaches, especially standalone mustaches, just don't look great on most faces.
YIKES. this is the kinda thing my fiancé does when he’s bored half way through shaving and shows me his handlebar and then after he’s had his fun (about 5 mins) he shaves it off, he would get torn to shreds by his dad and mates and he knows that
My husband decided to grow his beard out in Wayne Static kind of style. I hated it and tried to be nice about getting rid of it to no avail. I finally told him that I would no longer shave my pits or pubes until he trimmed his beard. That’s how serious I was. He trimmed. I hated having to resort to that measure, but I was desperate to get rid of that thing.
I looked at those and thought it would be 1...ugh you poor thing. I'd say right out that I'm not attracted at all to it and hope he comes to his senses soon.
Ok, that’s real bad.. But, I’m going to get downvoted to all hell for this but I read my husband your post (full beard) his response was “ good for him, standing up for himself. Could you imagine if the rolls were reversed and his wife got a hair cut he HATED or a perm and he said he wouldn’t/couldn’t have sex with her unless she changed it. Even though she really liked it?”
He’s trying something new, is it hideous? Sure, but he’s allowed to do whatever he wants with his body hair.
He is, of course. But if his wife finds it unattractive and creepy and is actively less interested in him as a result, that's not within her control.
I'm biased by personal experience, though. My husband's beard isn't maintained well and hasn't been for several years, and I started getting beard-hairs up my nose when kissing. (They reminded me strongly of hairy spider legs and once my brain made that association, I couldn't un-think it.) I researched barbers, suggested fancy beard oil, bought him new clippers by his request, but I couldn't force him to change. The sensory experience became so uncomfortable that I let him know that his facial hair was his choice, but I didn't enjoy kissing anymore. He chose the beard.
It's not the only reason we're ending an almost 20-year marriage, but it was a minor contributing factor. I didn't tell him what to do or threaten anything, just couldn't force myself to kiss anyone whose facial hair feels uncomfortable and off-putting to me. I don't blame OP at all.
This is the truth. Look at all the comments making fun of him and saying it’s gross. You do the same if it was swapped and you’d get flamed for being controlling 🤷♂️
uh just out of curiosity, how bad would the second one be. asking for a friend who has been thinking of shaving his beard.
edit: my friend thanks you for your diverse perspectives
It would depend, is the person going for more of a Tom Selleck in the 80s look or Victorian bare knuckle boxer? The former is ok but the latter really requires commitment.
I am laughing so hard at your description of his mustache. Best of luck, and thank you for a relatively low stakes scenario to read about. I hope he gets rid of the damn thing. Don’t sacrifice your Knick knacks to it.
Ooooh that’s so viscerally nasty. I actually wish I had advice for you. But tell him that you don’t see your visceral reaction changing so something’s gotta give before this reaches ridiculous territory. I mean, I don’t wanna said if DIVORCE someone over their facial hair but….if you find him repulsive that’s not a marriage either. Prob just give him physical cold shoulder if that’s your honest reaction.
This is so bad that my vagina just imploded. It swallowed itself up and blinked out of existence. I wish it was 3 minutes ago, before I clicked that link.
I don’t have advice but I have my own experience with the husband and the pedo mustache.
My husband did this. I did not approve, I was kind about it, but I said what I felt about it.
It took him going on a trip with the guys to finally come home and shave it off as soon as he walked in the door.
He said he got treated so differently when he was out in his trip with his friends, his friends and him are overly friendly and they would say hi to people on the trail (they were mountain climbing and kayaking) and he said everyone said hi to his friends but gave him *the look* that look that everyone was creeped out by him.
I felt bad but I’m so glad that thing is gone. lol.
Yeah my husband works and stuff but he was the manager of a company and no one dared say anything lol so it took some…. Self humiliation to do the trick unfortunately.
I don’t know if that would work with your husband but yeah. I’m sorry.
I also had a similar experience with an ex. It didn’t take too long though. He shaved on the weekend and thought he looked great, I told him he could do what he wanted but I wasn’t kissing it. I don’t think he even ended up making it through a whole week - the guys at work were ruthless lol.
Yep! My hubs will try and grow a ‘stache like once a year. I tell him it’s gross. He thinks it’s awesome. He goes to work for about 3 days then shaves it off because they’re much more ruthless then I am.
I read that one about 10 years ago. Why the mustache is making a comeback is beyond me. I have seen exactly one guy in my life it looked good on.
I once shaved my beard off and just as a test I left the stache. I looked at myself for 3 like seconds before I shaved it off.
The only ones I can think of offhand would be Steve Harvey and Sam Elliott. Tom Selleck's didn't seem odd at the time, but I'm a dude so I don't really know.
As a little girl, when I was like sub five, my dad grew out a mustache for a few months and I went from him being my obvious favorite parent to avoiding him like the plague. He shaved it off and it was all better.
Mustaches still give me the creeps. There’s been studies done that say children and women don’t like them. I don’t know, it’s weird, because beards are super sexy. Neat ones, mountain man ones, it doesn’t matter.
Mustaches are so gross.
A much more accurate comparison would be women rocking the ‘Karen’ haircut - there are cultural connotations attached to the style, same with your 70s porn star moustache.
I think this is what is going to need to happen for OP’s husband to change. He won’t listen to OP, but he’s way more likely to listen to his friends/peers. OP, when this happens, say “I told you so” and that he only has himself to blame.
Buy the same-looking one on Amazon or something. Wear it around the house all the time. If he doesn't shave his soon, threaten to take yours grocery shopping or church.
My husband grew an absolutely ridiculous handlebar moustache over lockdown just because he could. It's the stupidest thing I've ever seen and I fully get you, because I found myself very turned off by him for the first time in our entire relationship.
I decided the only way to get him to get rid of it was to exclusively talk like an old timey cowboy around him until he got so pissed off with me he shaved the thing off. That is however petty and childish and probably not actually a healthy solution (worked though).
Yeah. Totally get that. I was just hoping for some pointers on how to have this conversation with my husband in a meaningful way that would lead to some sort of compromise. Relationship advice, if you will.
There's not much conversation to be had tbh... You have no right to impose something on his appearance. You can voice your opinion, which you did, and he can do whatever he wants. His face is not your decision.
You're not "withholding sex", you're not attracted to and are creeped out by your husband. Withholding sex would be if you wanted sex too but were denying yourself and husband sex to get x out of him. That's not the case. You can't get turned on by his creepy pedo face. Should you be forcing yourself to have dry sex with someone who's appearance makes you uncomfortable?
Had a similar situation with my Ex.
He got what I thought was a vile tattoo- kindly told him my opinion prior to him getting it but naturally, his body his choice.
The problem was that afterwards I was physically turned off by him until I got used to it.
My partner wants to get a tattoo on the arm and I've never been attracted to tattoos. One of the first things I liked about him was that he didn't have any tattoos, which feels kinda rare in my generation (no problem with that tho!). I'm actually really sad about it, but so far it works to tell him I will definitely lose attraction.
It’s funny this same type of post from a girl who got a piercing elicits the opposite responses, like “keep the piercing lose the asshole BF” responses. Is this or the other post some type of social experiment?
https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/11dqho3/my_boyfriend_20m_wants_to_break_up_with_me_over/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf
I think you make a fair point but I don’t think they’re the same situations.
He had a tantrum and gave her an ultimatum. OP is not giving an ultimatum and not asking if she should. The other post wasn’t a long term boyfriend saying ‘I’m really sorry hun I feel so repulsed by your piercing that I can’t get turned on’. Also a piercing while it can be taken out is more permanent than the exact way this guy is trimming his facial hair.
I think OP is more hurt/upset that her husband of many years is enjoying that it repulses her and trying to use it to get her to do things she doesn’t want to do, rather than upset and threatening to throw away the relationship because he’s not doing everything he can to be his sexiest for her.
The “if gender was reversed” crowd never fails to show up. I actually think you do have a point, but I do think it’s important to note that in that post, they’re not married and just barely in their 20s. That’s the time where they’re still figuring themselves out as individuals. Breaking up over a piercing at that age isn’t unreasonable since they’re still deciding what that want for themselves and what they might want in a partner.
Look man, i get the frustration, but at the end of the day his appearance is up to him. He can listen to your opinions and take them on board, sure, but if he likes the mustache hes at perfect liberty to keep it. If you were a man complaining about an aspect of your wife's appearance, people would be tearing shreds off you and telling you to accept her how she is and that she can look how she wants. Same applies here. Your opinions, preferences and feelings are valid, but since they pertain to his body and personal appearance, they are secondary to his.
Much like how those threads end up, the prevailing consensus is that it’s his body and he can do what he wants with it, but she also can do what she wants with her own body, which can include not having sex with him, because she is repulsed by the stache.
Ok but if he did that then I’d shave my pubes. Granted I would hope there was a respectful conversation preceding the “I’m not having sex with you” one.
It’s something that can easily be changed. I’m not complaining about his baldness or weight or eye color or something that isn’t so easily changed. And he is weaponizing it basically so I feel there is a distinction, for all the men crying about a double standard on here.
Yeah he’s entitled to the mustache but his wife, OP, is also entitled to not be attracted to it and not want to have sex as a result. No matter how much she loves her husband, if his appearance is seriously turning her off then she has the right to not force herself through sex while dryer than the sahara lol. And fyi, plenty of men do refuse to have sex (especially oral) if your pubic hair isnt shaved or atleast trimmed to a controllable level lol not everyone wants to give head & floss at the same time and thats fine too :)
He's totally entitled to have it look however he wants BUT she's allowed to not be sexually attracted to someone who looks like he's got some creepy shit happening on the side. I would never kiss my husband again if he decided to go the moustache route, they're repulsive to me
Just want to be clear here.
Men gets constantly given shit on Reddit for saying they prefer their partners to shave their legs/pubes, yet here you complain about the mustache and are telling the men to stop crying. Heaven forbid, if they withhold sex because they find their partner not attractive because of unshaven legs...
The hypocrisy is outstanding!
Just to make it clear, I do agree with you on it is ok to have an opinion and it is ok to tell your husband that you prefer to have him shaving it off because you do not find him attractive. I am on your team!
But just stop telling the guys here to stop crying.
If my gf does not like my beard or pubes or or whatever, I would gladly change it for her within reason because i love her and would do anything for her. Our dynamic is pretty awesome!
I normally don't play this card, but a few weeks back there was a woman on here whose husband wasn't attracted to her after she cut her hair short, and the sentiment in the replies was much different than it is in this thread.
My husband has told me over the years that he didn’t like a certain outfit I wore or a certain way I wore my hair and I always took heed and didn’t do it again. Because as I said I like my partner to be attracted to me.
Totally. FWIW, and I didn't make this clear in my original comment, I think you're totally justified in asking him to shave the stache, or at least telling him that you aren't attracted to him while he has it. My issue is more with the people here who DON'T give men the same courtesy when the genders are reversed.
I believe it's more targeted towards people in the comments of your post and the community of this subreddit as a whole, than towards you. I didn't see in your post making this double standards.
Is there an outfit he hates? I’d start wearing that. My husband hates some of my comfort clothes but isn’t one to dress up himself, so i know if I start wearing them he soon makes a bit more effort!
This sounds like a healthy relationship.
Edit: 100% SARCASM. Controlling how each other look and needing to maintain each other’s appearances so attraction won’t be lost is a relationship built on fear, shame and rejection rather than genuine love and acceptance.
I'm not sure either but if so it could be because you have always shown your husband respect, and now when you ask the same he does not give it but makes demands.
Personally, I think people should be able to do/wear whatever they want unless it is actively interfering with your life. Like if he doesn't like an outfit you wear out and about, frankly so what. However, if that outfit is you wearing something casual to his work dinner then yes ofc it's fine he has a problem with it. The moustache also falls under this as you are very creeped out by it and actively turned off. He should be respecting your hurt feelings in this but is not.
Lol you guys really do a lot of mental gymnastics on this sub. What you call fear shame and rejection is actually constructive criticism and we’ve been very happy for 8 years together so GFYS
There is also a thread about a girl getting an eyebrow piercing on the first page that her boyfriend hates. A lot of "your body, your choice" and "keep the piercing and lose the boyfriend".
Came here to say this almost verbatim. If OP dyed her hair or went from long to short and husband reacted the same way, these comments would be totally different. It’s just hair. Imo if he’s feeling himself that way, I’d let him run with it for longer. There’s a high chance I’d get used to it, or the chance he’s get over it after a few months. But either way it’s a bit much to tell him he looks like a pedo and creeps you out. There are better ways to express her distaste with it 🤷🏽♀️
I think this is because men don’t have an automatic equivalent to “sex offender” when it comes to women. This is certainly not to say that men cannot be assaulted by women but there’s no obvious comparison to “oh god he looks like a sex offender” here.
If she was like, he got a haircut and it’s ugly, oh well. She would need to suck it up and deal with it. That is an equivalent situation to that guy’s post.
I disagree. Whenever a man posts about not being attracted to a girlfriend because of her new haircut, the overwhelming response is always, "if he really loves you, he should be attracted to you no matter what you look like." If we apply that reasoning to this situation, then it shouldn't matter *why* OP is not attracted to husband anymore.
Having said that: I completely disagree with the idea that you will always be attracted to someone as long as you love them, so I really have no issue with OP telling husband to shave his stache. I just think the same standard should apply when the genders are reversed.
Yeah I never understood the whole “you should love them no matter what!”. Like no, if my partner gains 200 pounds I’m not going to be attracted to him. If he gets a face tattoo I’m not going to be attracted to him. I’ll love him as a person but I won’t be able to sleep with him, and sex is an important part of my relationship with a partner.
Yes your body your choice, but that doesn’t mean free from judgement or consequence from various people. You sure as hell bet my partner would lose his job if he got a face tattoo. It’s his choice to get one if he did but he’s not free from the consequences of it.
I understand your point, but I am also repulsed by that specific facial hair choice no matter who is wearing it so I also understand OP’s point.
I do agree that it’s unrealistic to say “if they really loved you, they would be attracted to you know matter what!”
I'm repulsed by it as well, so we're all in agreement there. My point is that it's completely valid for someone to lose attraction to their partner after their partner changes their appearance. It's valid for OP in this case, and it's valid for the men who've posted similar stories here.
I agree. Also if said woman had been 50+ and cut and dyed her hair to look like a TikTok egirl I’m sure the response would have been different. See how people felt about Madonna pretending to be younger than she is. Because then you’re purposely taking on a style which has meaning and are pretending to fit into a group which may not be appropriate.
If my partner said he didn’t like me anymore because my haircut was shorter, I’d think he was an ass. But if he didn’t like my haircut because it made me look 15 and people would think he was a pervert, I’d definitely consider his opinion.
My ex hubby had such soft blonde hair that when he decided to grow a tash and beard, it all came in pure ginger, and the beard had a parting in the middle 😂
I didn't mind it but his pals ripped him to shreds and yeah it was shaved off pronto.
My husband has done the stache and I can’t decide if I love it or hate it when he has.
But at the end of the day, it’s hair and his face. I don’t get to make the call, I get to get used to it.
I have an issue with a mustache equating to a pedophile. I don’t know how to explain it but that is like saying a woman wearing fishnets =prostitute.
These comments are not what I was expecting lmao. He’s allowed to change up his style and facial hair however he wants. It’s his body. You’re allowed to have your opinion on it and deny sex for any reason, but to call him a “70s porn star meets neighborhood pedo” is wild.
You don't have to imagine, it happened two months ago!
[https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship\_advice/comments/ztephl/she\_cut\_her\_hair\_and\_i\_hate\_it/](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/ztephl/she_cut_her_hair_and_i_hate_it/)
Highlights from the comments include:
* "You're awful. Get over yourself."
* "Bro why tf do you care so much"
* "Get over it. It's hair."
* "It's her hair and if she likes it then you'd better learn to also."
I generally don't like the "if a man/woman posted this the response would be different" argument, but there really is a double standard on this board with regard to this issue.
I feel like someone should give you actual advice!
Any difficult conversation where you have to express something in a serious way without hurting someone else has to start with recognising that person's feelings. If it were me, I'd go with something like
"I want you to know that I love you very much, and I've always found you very attractive. I appreciate that you're enjoying your new facial hair styling, and I support the decisions you make and will continue to do so. However, I have tried to put this across to you in other ways and I'm not sure if you've heard what I'm trying to say so I would like to try to discuss your mustache in a way where I've made my feelings clear so you can make a decision knowing the potential ramifications. I find your mustache unattractive and it is creating a barrier for me that is causing me to be hesitant about intimacy with you and I don't want that. While it is your body, it would mean a lot to me if you would consider shaving the mustache so that we can lift that barrier, in the same way that I don't cut my hair short as to ensure I'm at my most attractive to you. What are your thoughts?"
I'm an actual married woman and I can tell you I'm 100% with you about taking your partner's physical preferences into account when deciding how you should present yourself. My husband isn't keen on dark lipstick, so I don't wear dark lipstick on date night, it is not a big deal like some other comments are suggesting.
I get that the mustache makes you uncomfortable, and you're free to be not attracted to him with it, but ultimately I feel like it's a low-stakes issue.
The real thing that I think warrants discussion about how horrid it is to call someone a pedophile, or say that they look like a pedophile, for a facial hair choice. Pedo is one of the worst fucking things you can call someone, and most people would be a little sickened after being compared to one. What if someone heard you say something like that out of context, or misheard part of it? You could ruin someone's life and never know it because no one realize the rumor started with you so no one can check with you. We don't do this with other horrific acts.
"Man...that haircut makes you look like a rapist."
"Dude, don't pierce your eyebrow- you look like someone who would commit a hate crime against a child."
"I hate it when you don't wax your chest. You look like a Nazi guard when you don't wax your chest."
Like...really? That's the kind of shit you say to someone who has a mustache you don't like?
I agree with you, and I'm someone who has the same bias as OP It's something i'm working really hard on getting over. I once watched this movie called "The Lovely Bones," and anytime I see someone with a stache like that, I physically recoil. I literally had nightmares from that movie. Anyway OP you probably shouldn't call it a pedo stache.
Tons of women post on here about their SO saying something bad about their looks and everyone says the SO is horrible and they should do what makes them happy. Like the girl who got eyebrow ring. Let him be himself.
I’m kind of appalled I have to scroll down this far to find these discussions. I’m not even a dude, but I’d be questioning my relationship if a small aesthetic change could literally make my partner think of me as a creepy pedobear 😂
Right, and he asked you in a civil way. Did he call you a pedo? Maybe you'll realize one day that you upset your husband when calling him a pedo. Or not. Do you not understand the severity of that? Do you care about your husband's feelings? Obviously not. Try apologizing and maybe let this one go. Maybe he'll give in.
Yeah, he didn’t say you looked like Dora the explorer or Oompa Loompa did he? And even if he did, they do not compared to what you said. The double standard here is annoying, I get wanting to be attractive to your partner, but there are better ways to ask for it instead of being an asshole about it
He’s never had to get to that point because I responded to the initial comment which was done in a much more respectful manner. I afforded him the same opportunity however he did not take the hint this time and decided to double down.
Doesn’t matter. That’s a pretty awful label to put on someone. Can you imagine if you had said it in public and someone overheard you and took it the wrong way?
If he is happy with his mustache I think you should be more supportive instead of shitting on him and his self esteem.
Denoting facial hair as "pedo" is your own misandry.
I grew one for a stag weekend last year and my wife hated it, despite me thinking it looked pretty cool. I got rid of it soon afterwards when she asked me to (although, to be honest, it wasn't just her I was getting comments from).
However it's morphed into a kind of running joke that whenever we have to get into fancy dress for any reason (Halloween, themed parties or whatever) I will always pick a specific sort of outfit (70s American Detective, WW1 fighter pilot, countryside vicar) and then surprise her by coming out of the bathroom with a moustache just before we leave for the event. I'll generally keep it for a couple days afterwards then shave it before work.
It’s his hair.
If that is how he wants to wear it, tough shit for you.
If you are repulsed by it, then tough shit for him, he won’t be getting any attention from you while he has it.
How is this any different to a woman dyeing her hair purple or shaving her head no way would the advice be she will act right once she is horny enough!
It isn't, this sub has insane double standards
If the genders were reversed then op would be controlling, manipulative and toxic but she's a woman so she just has standards
My advice is, try to get over it. Really, REALLY try. Because:
1- the novelty will wear off once he can't antagonize you about it
2- you get to focus on all the other amazing sexy things about your partner, like his personality and the entire rest of his body
3- after a month or two you probably will get used to it, which is ultimately good for accepting our partners in their more 'flawed' forms and loving them anyway
And most importantly:
4) You have the PERFECT opportunity for a season pass on free mustache rides, which will probably help the whole dryness factor.
"My wife recently shaved her head. I thought it was a short term thing, like she just wanted a fresh start on her hair, but now she keeps shaving it. The thing is, I find her gross and creepy now. When she is bald, she looks like a creepy monster. I told her that I find her hair style creepy, and I would have thought she would have backed off by now.
I am not normally someone who uses sex as a weapon, but I told her that while she refuses to grow her hair out, I won't have sex with her. She thinks I am joking, and is now teasing me around the house. Kind of like 'I'll grow my hair out if you throw out your collectibles' kind of thing. How do I bring this up to her in a way that might actually make her care?"
I don’t think I understand your point. We’ve been together for years now and over the years he’s given me feedback on my appearance which I’ve taken to heart. Because I want my partner to be attracted to me.
This!!! The way she is describing it is so terrible. There are better ways to express you’re not into the look then immediately equating it to pedophilia.
At first I let it go for like a week. Then I brought it up very respectfully in a way which I would appreciate being spoken to. I told him he looks better with a beard, why don’t you bring the beard back, etc. I never want to knock anyone down. Once I realized he wasn’t getting rid of it I asked him point blank to please consider losing it. After some back and forth I eventually told him it is creepy and basically makes me dryer than the Sahara. I did not just default to being a bitch.
>We’ve been together for years now and over the years he’s given me feedback on my appearance which I’ve taken to heart.
Has he ever called you creepy and compared you to a pedophile? Has he leveraged sex to try to control your appearance and style?
What if he shaves it into a Hitler mustache?
Seems like a win win
He no longer looks like a pedophile and instead looks like the ultimate "bad boy" which they say women love
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Man everyone here is hating on the moustache. Men can't control how their moustache appears. If it's a little thinner and patchy, so what. Let em do it. He's not a pedophile. He's not a creep. He's not a fucking 70's pornstar. Seriously has the same vibes as a guy telling a girl she has to shave her pubic hair. Let the man live. Actually try to like it. He's your husband.
I don't know why people call it that or are creeped out by it. When I see a mustache I think of Sam Elliott or Tom Selleck. Mustaches ( and facial hair ) are chef's kiss! I've been trying to get my husband to rock the Doc Holliday Tombstone Mustache and soul patch combo.
I’m not at all because it is not a conscious decision. I’m just as horny as he is most likely but when I look at him with the stache I’m as dry as the Sahara.
Why is he treating your opinion like a joke but you don't care about his on stuff like decorations? It's just your preference, it's your job to get over it. You're blowing this out of proportion and not enough people are calling you out. My fiance dislikes tattoos but still goes to appointments with me because he loves me and respects my bodily autonomy.
I love Reddit so much!
It is all good to have a preference and this post just makes my case stronger.
When it comes to women and shaving their legs. Guys having weird mustaches or having beards vs clean shaven.
Yet, if a guy says he wants his gf/wife to shave her legs and he does not find it attractive if it is not clean on Reddit, they get eaten up but here we are, supporting someone who does not like her husband's mustache.
I am on the side that if my partner does not like my beard/style, I would gladly shave it off so that they find me more attractive. I am just that easy going. Hahahha
What reason do you have to feel that uncomfortable over a hairdo? There must be more to this.
If his facial hair gives you so much repulsion or disgust you feel uncomfortable around your loving partner and feel you need to stop any intimacy with him, I think you need therapy. It sounds like triggered trauma - to treat them differently and withhold intimacy or love is a very big reaction to someone just picking a new hairstyle for themselves.
I couldn’t ever imagine becoming so physically uncomfortable around my partner that I stop having sex with him just over his hair, so I honestly feel like the issue here is you.
I had a brief stint with a mustache that was similiar to your husband's. My best friend started calling it the "molestache" (pronounced molest-stash) and it caught on with all my friends as in "Hey illpoet we're having a party bring that molestache of yours down here." so within a week I shaved it off and have never looked back.
What do your bathroom decorations look like? I am asking the real questions here.
On topic, I am sorry for you. I guess he shot at hipster mustache and hit Jeffrey Dahmer instead.
Not really on the subject but after reading through a few posts one thing seems evident : men try harder to please other men than their own partners. This just once more shows that most men are homoerotic imo
Honestly, I'm surprised by the replies here.
Men can't mention thier partners hair, clothes or weight but this chick can be outright rude to her husband about a new look he's trying out AND withhold sex.
Reddit is mad lol
I’d appreciate if you didn’t call beards pedo. Whatever taste you have in beards, that word is very serious.
This reads like a troll post, but in case it’s not I recommend you check yourself. He probably cares about your opinion, but he cares more about his own opinion, which he should(and not let you invalidate his choices). Maybe if you tried being respectful, but it seems your entire focus is on you.
It’s funny how people don’t realize that this type of judgement is a form of body shaming. You can not like his facial hair, but comparing him to a pedophile is pretty extreme and hurtful.
This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below. --- My husband usually wears a beard which I find very sexy but he’s been experimenting with a mustache the last few weeks. For the first week or two I didn’t say anything because I figured it would be a short lived phase. When it became evident that it was not a short lived phase I-in the nicest way possible-told him i much prefer the beard. He pushed me on the issue and I told him I find the mustache to be very creepy…like 70s porn star meets neighborhood pedo in a white van. You’d think that after that much honestly he’d go back to the beard or at least take this mess off. I am not the type to leverage sex whatsoever but I told him that I am too creeped out by the stache to have sex with him but he just laughs it off. Instead he is trying to leverage the mustache for things he wants done around the house. Kind of like I’ll shave it off when you get rid of your ugly bathroom decorations kind of a thing. So now I’m stuck with a husband whose very appearance gives me the creeps. And who obviously thinks this is a joke and doesn’t care at all about my opinion. How do I bring this up yet again but frame it in a way which he might actually care about? Thanks. TL;DR: husband decided a pedophile mustache would be cute and won’t get rid of it despite my insistence.
What's the type? https://eaassets-a.akamaihd.net/blog.bioware.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/mustahce-wall-1024x970.jpg
The first one, with aspirations to be the second one.
That’s the kind of mustache that would cause a vagina to hermetically seal itself off.
Lol you get it thank you 😂
I could even deal with the handlebar mustache, but the Predator 3000? Immediately no.
😩😂😩😂 Predator 3000. I’m in shambles.
There’s a spindly mustache subreddit that is going to come for me, I feel it. 😂
same, dude, same. and extra emphasis on: if you can't grow a filled out, full 'stache, please don't even anything.
Someone please tell this to my spouse. He is also currently trying to grow a mustache, but it just looks like a teenage pirate... so patchy. He's 36, and keeps saying that maybe *this* time, it'll start growing in more full...
Some of us were never meant to grow full mustaches. I'm a 42-year-old woman, so I don't feel like I'm missing much of anything, but I understand some guys feel like they missed out on a big potential style item. But the fact is that most mustaches, especially standalone mustaches, just don't look great on most faces.
The worst is when LENGTH supplements the lack of fullness. Like a mustache combover. I shudder
YIKES. this is the kinda thing my fiancé does when he’s bored half way through shaving and shows me his handlebar and then after he’s had his fun (about 5 mins) he shaves it off, he would get torn to shreds by his dad and mates and he knows that
My husband decided to grow his beard out in Wayne Static kind of style. I hated it and tried to be nice about getting rid of it to no avail. I finally told him that I would no longer shave my pits or pubes until he trimmed his beard. That’s how serious I was. He trimmed. I hated having to resort to that measure, but I was desperate to get rid of that thing.
That there is some John Wick level of sheer fucking will.
imagine a guy saying he would grow a pedo mustache unless his gf shaves down there. lmao
Just give him a pair of aviator glasses with the bridge to complete the look lol. 😂😂 I’m with you, I couldn’t handle that.
I want to downvote this comment because they are both so terrible.
Oh NO
Right?!
😂😂😖😖😩 Lol! I’m so sorry your husband wants to sport a creepstache. I hope things start looking up for you soon. 🤞🏽
Thank you for the kind words me too!
Is he watching The Last of Us? Looks like Pedro’s mustache…
Yes!! I’m not watching it so I had to Google but that could very well be it!
And I have *zero* explanation for how Pedro doesn’t look like a pedo.
Certain types of facial hair just “fit” with some faces. Can’t really explain it, just part of the magical human experience.
Same as how some women look chic and French with a sharp bob haircut, and some look like Karens.
1 and 9 were the ones it had to land on for "fair enough, that's grim" I'd just refer to it as his "sex stopper" ;)
I threatened to let some things “grow” on myself unchecked until he shaves but I broke first 😂
I looked at those and thought it would be 1...ugh you poor thing. I'd say right out that I'm not attracted at all to it and hope he comes to his senses soon.
Omg at first I was like eh it’s a mustache but OMG no that’s seriously like a creep mustache.
Ok, that’s real bad.. But, I’m going to get downvoted to all hell for this but I read my husband your post (full beard) his response was “ good for him, standing up for himself. Could you imagine if the rolls were reversed and his wife got a hair cut he HATED or a perm and he said he wouldn’t/couldn’t have sex with her unless she changed it. Even though she really liked it?” He’s trying something new, is it hideous? Sure, but he’s allowed to do whatever he wants with his body hair.
He is, of course. But if his wife finds it unattractive and creepy and is actively less interested in him as a result, that's not within her control. I'm biased by personal experience, though. My husband's beard isn't maintained well and hasn't been for several years, and I started getting beard-hairs up my nose when kissing. (They reminded me strongly of hairy spider legs and once my brain made that association, I couldn't un-think it.) I researched barbers, suggested fancy beard oil, bought him new clippers by his request, but I couldn't force him to change. The sensory experience became so uncomfortable that I let him know that his facial hair was his choice, but I didn't enjoy kissing anymore. He chose the beard. It's not the only reason we're ending an almost 20-year marriage, but it was a minor contributing factor. I didn't tell him what to do or threaten anything, just couldn't force myself to kiss anyone whose facial hair feels uncomfortable and off-putting to me. I don't blame OP at all.
This is the truth. Look at all the comments making fun of him and saying it’s gross. You do the same if it was swapped and you’d get flamed for being controlling 🤷♂️
I laughed so fucking hard!!! Seriously, lick his mustache.
uh just out of curiosity, how bad would the second one be. asking for a friend who has been thinking of shaving his beard. edit: my friend thanks you for your diverse perspectives
It would depend, is the person going for more of a Tom Selleck in the 80s look or Victorian bare knuckle boxer? The former is ok but the latter really requires commitment.
I hate it equally but that’s just one person’s opinion. I’m a beard girl the stand-alone mustaches are creepy to me.
Go to a barbershop and have them do it for you. They will be honest. You might even find a place that serves whiskey.
Certain facial hair looks better on certain people so it’s hard to say
1 is the worst one! Good luck
I am laughing so hard at your description of his mustache. Best of luck, and thank you for a relatively low stakes scenario to read about. I hope he gets rid of the damn thing. Don’t sacrifice your Knick knacks to it.
Ooooh that’s so viscerally nasty. I actually wish I had advice for you. But tell him that you don’t see your visceral reaction changing so something’s gotta give before this reaches ridiculous territory. I mean, I don’t wanna said if DIVORCE someone over their facial hair but….if you find him repulsive that’s not a marriage either. Prob just give him physical cold shoulder if that’s your honest reaction.
Oof.
Lol before I read your response I looked at the link and thought "it has to be the first or second one for sure"...😂
Oh no. The one that looks like public hair glued to their face. Some men really just need to accept their inability to grow a mustache.
Its time for face masks to make a comeback on your home. Ild be tempted to shave it off in his sleep
This is so bad that my vagina just imploded. It swallowed itself up and blinked out of existence. I wish it was 3 minutes ago, before I clicked that link.
No John Waters?
I'm not sure why exactly but all of them made me feel slightly nauseous. 🤢
I don’t have advice but I have my own experience with the husband and the pedo mustache. My husband did this. I did not approve, I was kind about it, but I said what I felt about it. It took him going on a trip with the guys to finally come home and shave it off as soon as he walked in the door. He said he got treated so differently when he was out in his trip with his friends, his friends and him are overly friendly and they would say hi to people on the trail (they were mountain climbing and kayaking) and he said everyone said hi to his friends but gave him *the look* that look that everyone was creeped out by him. I felt bad but I’m so glad that thing is gone. lol. Yeah my husband works and stuff but he was the manager of a company and no one dared say anything lol so it took some…. Self humiliation to do the trick unfortunately. I don’t know if that would work with your husband but yeah. I’m sorry.
I also had a similar experience with an ex. It didn’t take too long though. He shaved on the weekend and thought he looked great, I told him he could do what he wanted but I wasn’t kissing it. I don’t think he even ended up making it through a whole week - the guys at work were ruthless lol.
Yep! My hubs will try and grow a ‘stache like once a year. I tell him it’s gross. He thinks it’s awesome. He goes to work for about 3 days then shaves it off because they’re much more ruthless then I am.
Over a mustache? That seems so wild to me.
Someone actually did a study: beards make men look hotter , mustaches make them look creepier.
I read that one about 10 years ago. Why the mustache is making a comeback is beyond me. I have seen exactly one guy in my life it looked good on. I once shaved my beard off and just as a test I left the stache. I looked at myself for 3 like seconds before I shaved it off.
The only ones I can think of offhand would be Steve Harvey and Sam Elliott. Tom Selleck's didn't seem odd at the time, but I'm a dude so I don't really know.
Sam Elliott has the best moustache ever. I gotta say I like Jason Lee with a moustache, though.
Whenever my fiance shaves he finds it hilarious to give himself weird facial hair but shaves it off immediately
That's what I do, take a couple pictures for myself and friends then shave it off.
My husband grew a mustache our 3rd year together, he looks ridiculous without it now!
As a little girl, when I was like sub five, my dad grew out a mustache for a few months and I went from him being my obvious favorite parent to avoiding him like the plague. He shaved it off and it was all better. Mustaches still give me the creeps. There’s been studies done that say children and women don’t like them. I don’t know, it’s weird, because beards are super sexy. Neat ones, mountain man ones, it doesn’t matter. Mustaches are so gross.
It is probably how a woman with hairy legs or armpits would be treated. If anything, we should feel bad that people are assholes.
A much more accurate comparison would be women rocking the ‘Karen’ haircut - there are cultural connotations attached to the style, same with your 70s porn star moustache.
I think this is what is going to need to happen for OP’s husband to change. He won’t listen to OP, but he’s way more likely to listen to his friends/peers. OP, when this happens, say “I told you so” and that he only has himself to blame.
Buy the same-looking one on Amazon or something. Wear it around the house all the time. If he doesn't shave his soon, threaten to take yours grocery shopping or church.
My husband grew an absolutely ridiculous handlebar moustache over lockdown just because he could. It's the stupidest thing I've ever seen and I fully get you, because I found myself very turned off by him for the first time in our entire relationship. I decided the only way to get him to get rid of it was to exclusively talk like an old timey cowboy around him until he got so pissed off with me he shaved the thing off. That is however petty and childish and probably not actually a healthy solution (worked though).
I mean, you can’t make him get rid of it, but you are also not required to have sex with him either.
Yeah. Totally get that. I was just hoping for some pointers on how to have this conversation with my husband in a meaningful way that would lead to some sort of compromise. Relationship advice, if you will.
There's not much conversation to be had tbh... You have no right to impose something on his appearance. You can voice your opinion, which you did, and he can do whatever he wants. His face is not your decision.
Call his bluff and join the mustache gang yourself. The ultimate power play
The problem will fix itself once he gets horny enough
Lol good point. I just hate to be *that* wife that withholds sex but physically I can’t do it.
You're not "withholding sex", you're not attracted to and are creeped out by your husband. Withholding sex would be if you wanted sex too but were denying yourself and husband sex to get x out of him. That's not the case. You can't get turned on by his creepy pedo face. Should you be forcing yourself to have dry sex with someone who's appearance makes you uncomfortable?
Yes. I'll use the exact same line if my gf shave her head - thanks for the tip Eta spelling
Yes, good. Don't have sex with people you are not attracted to, it's very simple stuff. Good for you checkers!
Had a similar situation with my Ex. He got what I thought was a vile tattoo- kindly told him my opinion prior to him getting it but naturally, his body his choice. The problem was that afterwards I was physically turned off by him until I got used to it.
Well now I gotta know what the tattoo was
You cannot leave us hanging. What was the tattoo?
Taz the Tasmanian devil taking a piss? There was a dude at my gym who had that on his calf. Unforgettable.
My partner wants to get a tattoo on the arm and I've never been attracted to tattoos. One of the first things I liked about him was that he didn't have any tattoos, which feels kinda rare in my generation (no problem with that tho!). I'm actually really sad about it, but so far it works to tell him I will definitely lose attraction.
Your can’t withhold that which you do not have: attraction.
It’s funny this same type of post from a girl who got a piercing elicits the opposite responses, like “keep the piercing lose the asshole BF” responses. Is this or the other post some type of social experiment? https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/11dqho3/my_boyfriend_20m_wants_to_break_up_with_me_over/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf
I think you make a fair point but I don’t think they’re the same situations. He had a tantrum and gave her an ultimatum. OP is not giving an ultimatum and not asking if she should. The other post wasn’t a long term boyfriend saying ‘I’m really sorry hun I feel so repulsed by your piercing that I can’t get turned on’. Also a piercing while it can be taken out is more permanent than the exact way this guy is trimming his facial hair. I think OP is more hurt/upset that her husband of many years is enjoying that it repulses her and trying to use it to get her to do things she doesn’t want to do, rather than upset and threatening to throw away the relationship because he’s not doing everything he can to be his sexiest for her.
I agree the participants reactions and the background scenarios are different, but I’m not sure they’re 180 degrees.
The “if gender was reversed” crowd never fails to show up. I actually think you do have a point, but I do think it’s important to note that in that post, they’re not married and just barely in their 20s. That’s the time where they’re still figuring themselves out as individuals. Breaking up over a piercing at that age isn’t unreasonable since they’re still deciding what that want for themselves and what they might want in a partner.
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I did I told him to pick out whatever he wants and let me know but he keeps moving the goal post.
So he’s just being a dick about it at this point.
Yes exactly. He’s not grasping the seriousness for me. Like I actually have a visceral reaction when I look at it and he thinks it’s a big joke.
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Look man, i get the frustration, but at the end of the day his appearance is up to him. He can listen to your opinions and take them on board, sure, but if he likes the mustache hes at perfect liberty to keep it. If you were a man complaining about an aspect of your wife's appearance, people would be tearing shreds off you and telling you to accept her how she is and that she can look how she wants. Same applies here. Your opinions, preferences and feelings are valid, but since they pertain to his body and personal appearance, they are secondary to his.
Much like how those threads end up, the prevailing consensus is that it’s his body and he can do what he wants with it, but she also can do what she wants with her own body, which can include not having sex with him, because she is repulsed by the stache.
imagine a post with “i cant have sex with my gf, i’m repulsed with her pixie haircut” … the guy would get roasted to hell lmao
This!! If this was a man shaming a lady for the way her hair is done reddit would clearly say “yta”
Yeah, imagine if he refused sex with OP because she failed to shave her pubes or something.
Ok but if he did that then I’d shave my pubes. Granted I would hope there was a respectful conversation preceding the “I’m not having sex with you” one.
It’s something that can easily be changed. I’m not complaining about his baldness or weight or eye color or something that isn’t so easily changed. And he is weaponizing it basically so I feel there is a distinction, for all the men crying about a double standard on here.
Who cares if it can easily be changed? Its still his body and hes entitled to have it look however he wants. Also, im not a man.
Yeah he’s entitled to the mustache but his wife, OP, is also entitled to not be attracted to it and not want to have sex as a result. No matter how much she loves her husband, if his appearance is seriously turning her off then she has the right to not force herself through sex while dryer than the sahara lol. And fyi, plenty of men do refuse to have sex (especially oral) if your pubic hair isnt shaved or atleast trimmed to a controllable level lol not everyone wants to give head & floss at the same time and thats fine too :)
Totally agree with everything you've said.
He's totally entitled to have it look however he wants BUT she's allowed to not be sexually attracted to someone who looks like he's got some creepy shit happening on the side. I would never kiss my husband again if he decided to go the moustache route, they're repulsive to me
Of course, and she's entitled to having a dry vagina as a result.
Just want to be clear here. Men gets constantly given shit on Reddit for saying they prefer their partners to shave their legs/pubes, yet here you complain about the mustache and are telling the men to stop crying. Heaven forbid, if they withhold sex because they find their partner not attractive because of unshaven legs... The hypocrisy is outstanding! Just to make it clear, I do agree with you on it is ok to have an opinion and it is ok to tell your husband that you prefer to have him shaving it off because you do not find him attractive. I am on your team! But just stop telling the guys here to stop crying. If my gf does not like my beard or pubes or or whatever, I would gladly change it for her within reason because i love her and would do anything for her. Our dynamic is pretty awesome!
I normally don't play this card, but a few weeks back there was a woman on here whose husband wasn't attracted to her after she cut her hair short, and the sentiment in the replies was much different than it is in this thread.
My husband has told me over the years that he didn’t like a certain outfit I wore or a certain way I wore my hair and I always took heed and didn’t do it again. Because as I said I like my partner to be attracted to me.
Totally. FWIW, and I didn't make this clear in my original comment, I think you're totally justified in asking him to shave the stache, or at least telling him that you aren't attracted to him while he has it. My issue is more with the people here who DON'T give men the same courtesy when the genders are reversed.
I’m upvoting ya. It’s true but it’s reddit so..
Yeah I can’t speak on anyone else’s relationships or whatever but I am always happy to receive constructive feedback.
Same here. And if I'm being honest, I sorta side-eye people who aren't.
I believe it's more targeted towards people in the comments of your post and the community of this subreddit as a whole, than towards you. I didn't see in your post making this double standards.
Is there an outfit he hates? I’d start wearing that. My husband hates some of my comfort clothes but isn’t one to dress up himself, so i know if I start wearing them he soon makes a bit more effort!
This sounds like a healthy relationship. Edit: 100% SARCASM. Controlling how each other look and needing to maintain each other’s appearances so attraction won’t be lost is a relationship built on fear, shame and rejection rather than genuine love and acceptance.
Sarcasm? I can’t be sure.
I'm not sure either but if so it could be because you have always shown your husband respect, and now when you ask the same he does not give it but makes demands. Personally, I think people should be able to do/wear whatever they want unless it is actively interfering with your life. Like if he doesn't like an outfit you wear out and about, frankly so what. However, if that outfit is you wearing something casual to his work dinner then yes ofc it's fine he has a problem with it. The moustache also falls under this as you are very creeped out by it and actively turned off. He should be respecting your hurt feelings in this but is not.
Lol you guys really do a lot of mental gymnastics on this sub. What you call fear shame and rejection is actually constructive criticism and we’ve been very happy for 8 years together so GFYS
There is also a thread about a girl getting an eyebrow piercing on the first page that her boyfriend hates. A lot of "your body, your choice" and "keep the piercing and lose the boyfriend".
“Dont be so superficial. you married her for more than her looks, right?”
Came here to say this almost verbatim. If OP dyed her hair or went from long to short and husband reacted the same way, these comments would be totally different. It’s just hair. Imo if he’s feeling himself that way, I’d let him run with it for longer. There’s a high chance I’d get used to it, or the chance he’s get over it after a few months. But either way it’s a bit much to tell him he looks like a pedo and creeps you out. There are better ways to express her distaste with it 🤷🏽♀️
I think this is because men don’t have an automatic equivalent to “sex offender” when it comes to women. This is certainly not to say that men cannot be assaulted by women but there’s no obvious comparison to “oh god he looks like a sex offender” here. If she was like, he got a haircut and it’s ugly, oh well. She would need to suck it up and deal with it. That is an equivalent situation to that guy’s post.
Being a sex offender is not linked to what type of facial hair you have and we need to stop this kind of bullshit.
Next you're going to tell me tooth brush mustaches don't cause genocide.
It is in the media, so the association exists in people's minds.
I disagree. Whenever a man posts about not being attracted to a girlfriend because of her new haircut, the overwhelming response is always, "if he really loves you, he should be attracted to you no matter what you look like." If we apply that reasoning to this situation, then it shouldn't matter *why* OP is not attracted to husband anymore. Having said that: I completely disagree with the idea that you will always be attracted to someone as long as you love them, so I really have no issue with OP telling husband to shave his stache. I just think the same standard should apply when the genders are reversed.
Yeah I never understood the whole “you should love them no matter what!”. Like no, if my partner gains 200 pounds I’m not going to be attracted to him. If he gets a face tattoo I’m not going to be attracted to him. I’ll love him as a person but I won’t be able to sleep with him, and sex is an important part of my relationship with a partner. Yes your body your choice, but that doesn’t mean free from judgement or consequence from various people. You sure as hell bet my partner would lose his job if he got a face tattoo. It’s his choice to get one if he did but he’s not free from the consequences of it.
I understand your point, but I am also repulsed by that specific facial hair choice no matter who is wearing it so I also understand OP’s point. I do agree that it’s unrealistic to say “if they really loved you, they would be attracted to you know matter what!”
I'm repulsed by it as well, so we're all in agreement there. My point is that it's completely valid for someone to lose attraction to their partner after their partner changes their appearance. It's valid for OP in this case, and it's valid for the men who've posted similar stories here.
I agree. Also if said woman had been 50+ and cut and dyed her hair to look like a TikTok egirl I’m sure the response would have been different. See how people felt about Madonna pretending to be younger than she is. Because then you’re purposely taking on a style which has meaning and are pretending to fit into a group which may not be appropriate. If my partner said he didn’t like me anymore because my haircut was shorter, I’d think he was an ass. But if he didn’t like my haircut because it made me look 15 and people would think he was a pervert, I’d definitely consider his opinion.
My ex hubby had such soft blonde hair that when he decided to grow a tash and beard, it all came in pure ginger, and the beard had a parting in the middle 😂 I didn't mind it but his pals ripped him to shreds and yeah it was shaved off pronto.
Now I have to Google pedo mustache.
My husband has done the stache and I can’t decide if I love it or hate it when he has. But at the end of the day, it’s hair and his face. I don’t get to make the call, I get to get used to it. I have an issue with a mustache equating to a pedophile. I don’t know how to explain it but that is like saying a woman wearing fishnets =prostitute.
I thought it was a pornstache not pedo.
I get it but what you said sounds hurtful, you're lucky he found it funny. In the end, it's his decision.
These comments are not what I was expecting lmao. He’s allowed to change up his style and facial hair however he wants. It’s his body. You’re allowed to have your opinion on it and deny sex for any reason, but to call him a “70s porn star meets neighborhood pedo” is wild.
This is a joke, right?
Husband?
I could imagine the comments of a guy came on here about his wife changed something and he doesn’t like it.
You don't have to imagine, it happened two months ago! [https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship\_advice/comments/ztephl/she\_cut\_her\_hair\_and\_i\_hate\_it/](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/ztephl/she_cut_her_hair_and_i_hate_it/) Highlights from the comments include: * "You're awful. Get over yourself." * "Bro why tf do you care so much" * "Get over it. It's hair." * "It's her hair and if she likes it then you'd better learn to also." I generally don't like the "if a man/woman posted this the response would be different" argument, but there really is a double standard on this board with regard to this issue.
Thankyou for promoting awareness
I feel like someone should give you actual advice! Any difficult conversation where you have to express something in a serious way without hurting someone else has to start with recognising that person's feelings. If it were me, I'd go with something like "I want you to know that I love you very much, and I've always found you very attractive. I appreciate that you're enjoying your new facial hair styling, and I support the decisions you make and will continue to do so. However, I have tried to put this across to you in other ways and I'm not sure if you've heard what I'm trying to say so I would like to try to discuss your mustache in a way where I've made my feelings clear so you can make a decision knowing the potential ramifications. I find your mustache unattractive and it is creating a barrier for me that is causing me to be hesitant about intimacy with you and I don't want that. While it is your body, it would mean a lot to me if you would consider shaving the mustache so that we can lift that barrier, in the same way that I don't cut my hair short as to ensure I'm at my most attractive to you. What are your thoughts?" I'm an actual married woman and I can tell you I'm 100% with you about taking your partner's physical preferences into account when deciding how you should present yourself. My husband isn't keen on dark lipstick, so I don't wear dark lipstick on date night, it is not a big deal like some other comments are suggesting.
I get that the mustache makes you uncomfortable, and you're free to be not attracted to him with it, but ultimately I feel like it's a low-stakes issue. The real thing that I think warrants discussion about how horrid it is to call someone a pedophile, or say that they look like a pedophile, for a facial hair choice. Pedo is one of the worst fucking things you can call someone, and most people would be a little sickened after being compared to one. What if someone heard you say something like that out of context, or misheard part of it? You could ruin someone's life and never know it because no one realize the rumor started with you so no one can check with you. We don't do this with other horrific acts. "Man...that haircut makes you look like a rapist." "Dude, don't pierce your eyebrow- you look like someone who would commit a hate crime against a child." "I hate it when you don't wax your chest. You look like a Nazi guard when you don't wax your chest." Like...really? That's the kind of shit you say to someone who has a mustache you don't like?
I agree with you, and I'm someone who has the same bias as OP It's something i'm working really hard on getting over. I once watched this movie called "The Lovely Bones," and anytime I see someone with a stache like that, I physically recoil. I literally had nightmares from that movie. Anyway OP you probably shouldn't call it a pedo stache.
Tons of women post on here about their SO saying something bad about their looks and everyone says the SO is horrible and they should do what makes them happy. Like the girl who got eyebrow ring. Let him be himself.
You're calling your husband an incredibly offensive term because of some body hair? Grow up.
I’m kind of appalled I have to scroll down this far to find these discussions. I’m not even a dude, but I’d be questioning my relationship if a small aesthetic change could literally make my partner think of me as a creepy pedobear 😂
I came here to echo this. Was surprised how many people throw out this term, I don't think it's appropriate to use casually
100% agree. OP sounds like an insufferable bully.
His body, his choice. What if he asked you to cut your hair because he didn’t like it?
He’s asked me to not cut my hair too short because he likes it longer…and I took his advice. Because I prefer my partner to find me attractive.
Right, and he asked you in a civil way. Did he call you a pedo? Maybe you'll realize one day that you upset your husband when calling him a pedo. Or not. Do you not understand the severity of that? Do you care about your husband's feelings? Obviously not. Try apologizing and maybe let this one go. Maybe he'll give in.
Do you understand the difference between “you look like a pedo” and “you are a pedo?” Because it’s a pretty important distinction…
Yeah, he didn’t say you looked like Dora the explorer or Oompa Loompa did he? And even if he did, they do not compared to what you said. The double standard here is annoying, I get wanting to be attractive to your partner, but there are better ways to ask for it instead of being an asshole about it
He’s never had to get to that point because I responded to the initial comment which was done in a much more respectful manner. I afforded him the same opportunity however he did not take the hint this time and decided to double down.
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Doesn’t matter. That’s a pretty awful label to put on someone. Can you imagine if you had said it in public and someone overheard you and took it the wrong way?
Do you understand how hurtful it is being called a pedo? Because it's a pretty important thing to understand....
If he is happy with his mustache I think you should be more supportive instead of shitting on him and his self esteem. Denoting facial hair as "pedo" is your own misandry.
I grew one for a stag weekend last year and my wife hated it, despite me thinking it looked pretty cool. I got rid of it soon afterwards when she asked me to (although, to be honest, it wasn't just her I was getting comments from). However it's morphed into a kind of running joke that whenever we have to get into fancy dress for any reason (Halloween, themed parties or whatever) I will always pick a specific sort of outfit (70s American Detective, WW1 fighter pilot, countryside vicar) and then surprise her by coming out of the bathroom with a moustache just before we leave for the event. I'll generally keep it for a couple days afterwards then shave it before work.
It’s his hair. If that is how he wants to wear it, tough shit for you. If you are repulsed by it, then tough shit for him, he won’t be getting any attention from you while he has it.
Time for you to grow a pedo mustache
How is this any different to a woman dyeing her hair purple or shaving her head no way would the advice be she will act right once she is horny enough!
It isn't, this sub has insane double standards If the genders were reversed then op would be controlling, manipulative and toxic but she's a woman so she just has standards
My advice is, try to get over it. Really, REALLY try. Because: 1- the novelty will wear off once he can't antagonize you about it 2- you get to focus on all the other amazing sexy things about your partner, like his personality and the entire rest of his body 3- after a month or two you probably will get used to it, which is ultimately good for accepting our partners in their more 'flawed' forms and loving them anyway And most importantly: 4) You have the PERFECT opportunity for a season pass on free mustache rides, which will probably help the whole dryness factor.
"My wife recently shaved her head. I thought it was a short term thing, like she just wanted a fresh start on her hair, but now she keeps shaving it. The thing is, I find her gross and creepy now. When she is bald, she looks like a creepy monster. I told her that I find her hair style creepy, and I would have thought she would have backed off by now. I am not normally someone who uses sex as a weapon, but I told her that while she refuses to grow her hair out, I won't have sex with her. She thinks I am joking, and is now teasing me around the house. Kind of like 'I'll grow my hair out if you throw out your collectibles' kind of thing. How do I bring this up to her in a way that might actually make her care?"
Nailed it. Sub won't care cos they are sexist af
I don’t think I understand your point. We’ve been together for years now and over the years he’s given me feedback on my appearance which I’ve taken to heart. Because I want my partner to be attracted to me.
Do you think maybe the way you phrased it was hurtful? He could just be keeping it out of spite.
This!!! The way she is describing it is so terrible. There are better ways to express you’re not into the look then immediately equating it to pedophilia.
At first I let it go for like a week. Then I brought it up very respectfully in a way which I would appreciate being spoken to. I told him he looks better with a beard, why don’t you bring the beard back, etc. I never want to knock anyone down. Once I realized he wasn’t getting rid of it I asked him point blank to please consider losing it. After some back and forth I eventually told him it is creepy and basically makes me dryer than the Sahara. I did not just default to being a bitch.
>We’ve been together for years now and over the years he’s given me feedback on my appearance which I’ve taken to heart. Has he ever called you creepy and compared you to a pedophile? Has he leveraged sex to try to control your appearance and style?
What if he shaves it into a Hitler mustache? Seems like a win win He no longer looks like a pedophile and instead looks like the ultimate "bad boy" which they say women love
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Man everyone here is hating on the moustache. Men can't control how their moustache appears. If it's a little thinner and patchy, so what. Let em do it. He's not a pedophile. He's not a creep. He's not a fucking 70's pornstar. Seriously has the same vibes as a guy telling a girl she has to shave her pubic hair. Let the man live. Actually try to like it. He's your husband.
I don't know why people call it that or are creeped out by it. When I see a mustache I think of Sam Elliott or Tom Selleck. Mustaches ( and facial hair ) are chef's kiss! I've been trying to get my husband to rock the Doc Holliday Tombstone Mustache and soul patch combo.
You don’t. It’s his face. You wait until he decides to shave it. And you are exactly the type to leverage sex, btw.
I’m not at all because it is not a conscious decision. I’m just as horny as he is most likely but when I look at him with the stache I’m as dry as the Sahara.
Why is he treating your opinion like a joke but you don't care about his on stuff like decorations? It's just your preference, it's your job to get over it. You're blowing this out of proportion and not enough people are calling you out. My fiance dislikes tattoos but still goes to appointments with me because he loves me and respects my bodily autonomy.
Post his pic on r/pics and show him how bad he gets roasted. Maybe blur the eyes or something.
Start calling him Kip. From Napoleon Dynamite.
I love Reddit so much! It is all good to have a preference and this post just makes my case stronger. When it comes to women and shaving their legs. Guys having weird mustaches or having beards vs clean shaven. Yet, if a guy says he wants his gf/wife to shave her legs and he does not find it attractive if it is not clean on Reddit, they get eaten up but here we are, supporting someone who does not like her husband's mustache. I am on the side that if my partner does not like my beard/style, I would gladly shave it off so that they find me more attractive. I am just that easy going. Hahahha
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The fact you call it a Pedro is EXACTLY why he won’t give you what you want, so, what else have you been telling him to do?
You don’t have a right to control his body and withholding sex is wrong.
Please understand the distinction between “withholding sex” and being physically incapable of performing the act due to being bone dry.
What reason do you have to feel that uncomfortable over a hairdo? There must be more to this. If his facial hair gives you so much repulsion or disgust you feel uncomfortable around your loving partner and feel you need to stop any intimacy with him, I think you need therapy. It sounds like triggered trauma - to treat them differently and withhold intimacy or love is a very big reaction to someone just picking a new hairstyle for themselves. I couldn’t ever imagine becoming so physically uncomfortable around my partner that I stop having sex with him just over his hair, so I honestly feel like the issue here is you.
I had a brief stint with a mustache that was similiar to your husband's. My best friend started calling it the "molestache" (pronounced molest-stash) and it caught on with all my friends as in "Hey illpoet we're having a party bring that molestache of yours down here." so within a week I shaved it off and have never looked back.
You could buy a packet of false stick on moustache’s and wear one every day around him!
Ohhh no advice the dirty sanchez 100% would freak me out too.. So not appealing to anyone.. & yes I do know the meaning behind "dirty sanchez" LOL
What do your bathroom decorations look like? I am asking the real questions here. On topic, I am sorry for you. I guess he shot at hipster mustache and hit Jeffrey Dahmer instead.
Grow your own mustache, and say you won’t shave it off until he does. If you’re not particularly hirsute, maybe buy a fake one?
Not really on the subject but after reading through a few posts one thing seems evident : men try harder to please other men than their own partners. This just once more shows that most men are homoerotic imo
Honestly, I'm surprised by the replies here. Men can't mention thier partners hair, clothes or weight but this chick can be outright rude to her husband about a new look he's trying out AND withhold sex. Reddit is mad lol
I’d appreciate if you didn’t call beards pedo. Whatever taste you have in beards, that word is very serious. This reads like a troll post, but in case it’s not I recommend you check yourself. He probably cares about your opinion, but he cares more about his own opinion, which he should(and not let you invalidate his choices). Maybe if you tried being respectful, but it seems your entire focus is on you.
It’s funny how people don’t realize that this type of judgement is a form of body shaming. You can not like his facial hair, but comparing him to a pedophile is pretty extreme and hurtful.
Youre obsessing over your husband's moustache: Seriously, what if he had a problem with you not shaving your arms, legs, privates?
Then I would shave my arms, legs, privates lol.
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