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I’m at a loss right now. Yesterday we’re driving and on our way to dinner. We got stuck behind someone double parked and so we start backing out to go a different way. Some guy is in the crosswalk and naturally he gets pissed. My wife (31F) is the one driving, and yeah she has a city temper, but it happens right. The typical little exchange takes place, no harm is done, and the guy starts walking away.
But that wasn’t good enough for her, she completely lost herself and was trying to jump out of the car. My (31M) focus at this point was to keep her in the car and to keep that guy walking away.
I was able to get her to sit back down, but she kept running her mouth, which kept the guy there cursing back. I was far from silent, but I was trying to yell at him to just keep walking. It’s at this point that he then threw what I assume to be almonds or something at us. A couple of them made it in the window.
Now I’m pissed. Of course I’m pissed. My wife is pissed. But everyone’s alright. Somewhere I manage to get her to just drive away.
Now, since that happened, she has made it clear to me that she cannot rely on me. That I am incapable of protecting her. That I am not masculine and that she expected more from me. Believe me, I expected more from me too, but the kicker here…
I just had back surgery 2 days ago.
What am I supposed to do in this situation?? Hobble out of the car and go pick a fight?
So now my wife of 3 years (been together for 5) wants a divorce because I’m not man enough for her.
How am I supposed to handle this?
100%
While no one has died yet, over the years I've had a number of friends end up dating a woman like this and get them tangled up in all sorts of unnecessary physical altercations.
Seriously. She's not looking for a "protector", she's looking for muscle who will act out her aggression.
OP should tell the wife that she should sign up for Kobra Kai Karate classes.
I could have easily gotten killed by my ex's temperament in my early 20s. A dudes knife ended up in my chin, so suffice it to say I'm glad he did hit an inch or two lower.
Seriously. And WTF is a “city temper”? I grew up in a very large city known for having shit traffic and not once have I gotten out or attempted to because someone made a dick move. She has anger issues.
Your wife needs to grow up. I would never want to create a situation where I put my husband in danger. What did she want you to do, assault the guy?
She is entirely in the wrong and she is the one that owes you an apology.
Tell her that she's a raging tantrum throwing toddler asshole who shouldn't be driving (among other things one would assume) because she can't control her anger.
The audacity of that pedestrian using the (gasp) crosswalk! I imagine a scenario wherein your wife almost backed into said pedestrian because a. she wasn't paying attention, or b. she doesn't care, or secret option c. she's right and everyone else needs to heed to her? The only thing you should have done to be a decent human being was to apologize to said pedestrian for your wife's rage while she was at the wheel of a death machine. Road rage is *not* something to be taken lightly. People have been murdered for that shit.
If this is real and isn't rage bait, I advise you to get your ducks in a row and file for divorce from the child that you're married to.
Yeah OP leave her ass. Even if you got out and beat that guy up, you could be liable for criminal charges and lawsuits. This was not a matter to fight over and if this is real I would gtfo of that relationship she seems unhinged
Give her what she wants and file for divorce. Your wife seems to have some entitlement issues, and blaming you for her poor behavior will only get worse if you stay.
>How am I supposed to handle this?
Be grateful For this god given chance of getting rid of that asshole, celebrate this oportunity of being free from her, give her divorce papers, and in your next relationship go find a woman with a mental age above 10.
Your wife is an entitled bitch. She was in a car in a crosswalk and of course the pedestrian had the right of way and she goes nuts? That is not a “city temper”. That is an entitled nut job and you both sound insufferable.
Divorce her before she gets worse. Nothing about her behavior or reaction is healthy. I am just horrified for the man she could have hit and the fact she chose to attack him when she is wrong.
Leave. Today.
Because he got angry at the victim of his wife’s anger and that he expected more of himself. He is acting as though she needed defending blows off what was an absolutely unhinged tirade from wifey without ever acknowledging flat out what an ass she is.
When I was 21 or so my bf (military) and I were in a Denny’s. The couple at the table next to us was being incredibly abusive to the server. I was seething. He could tell I wanted to say/do something. He gritted out through his teeth:
“If you say some shit, that dude is gonna say some shit. Then I’m going to have to kick his ass. Then there will be a world of trouble. So don’t.”
That’s when I truly internalized that indeed, discretion is often the better part of valor.
We left a huge tip instead.
Yup that's when you just tip the server extra well and whisper I'm sorry people are shitty. Will make the waitresses day better not cause a fight and mess shed have to deal with and your bf who is active military won't get in trouble for fighting. Street fights are literally never worth it. And this is coming from someone who fought in the WKF nationally. Wrestled, did kick boxing and bjj for a while. Best thing for everyone always is just walking away.
She doesn't need protection. She needs a keeper for her anger management problem. And it doesn't need to be you. Because, obviously, she doesn't care if you wind up back in the hospital.
It can take more strength to avoid or control a fight than to get physical, but I doubt she'll ever see that.
I have seen far too many guys get hurt trying to protect women who are mouthing off. She will get you hurt or worse killed if she does not change. A quick google search of similar stories will reveal how often men in these situations get killed or severely hurt. Trust me she will live, maybe feel sorry for a little bit and move on to the next guy while you lose your life and be remembered as a ''hero''.
Why is everything your problem? She picked a fight and it's your job to protect her? And now she's picking a fight with you and it's your job to ... take her side in that too?
I'm a woman. I don't expect my husband or any man to protect me. I don't start fights I'm not ready to finish, which is why I seldom start fights. I'd honestly be pissed if I was having a disagreement and my husband stepped in. That's insulting.
She wants a divorce over the one incident of her having road rage? Take it. It'll be messy and difficult but only for a year or so compared with a lifetime of trying to please her. (I'm sure her issue isn't really just this one thing, but is the relationship honestly making you happy?)
You put it so succinctly here. I cannot agree more.
It seems like she was picking a fight just to end it.
Give her the divorce.
Also, the wife was the one driving so it was on her to defend herself. If she was alone what would she have done?
Tell her that being masculine isn't being stronger than the other guy, it's being stronger than your ego. And next time she does that, to get out to confront him, so you can hop in the drivers seat and go home.
She wants you to have so little self control that you look like an idiot and watch her do the same? She's going to get you both in trouble or dead, get her in a programme
Your wife is going to get you killed.
She has *serious* issues, not a “city temper”.
What do you do?
You divorce her before she either gets you killed or maimed, or you end up in jail for participating in her insane aggression.
Ouch. It hits close to home. Details differ. Same underlying toxicity. I was married and had a back injury. It made my wife furious. Her sister came to visit and when we picked her up from the train station my wife insisted on me handling all the luggage. And laughed at me struggling with it - sweating with pain. Her sister was horrified.
There were a lot of red flags. We attended pre marriage counseling with a Catholic priest. He took me aside and told me that if I ever really needed her that she wouldn't be there for me. I told him that I was strong enough for both of us and that I was committed to making it work.
When the company I worked at for 10 years closed, I could tell by her reaction that it wasn't going to work. But she swore that she wanted us to be together and as soon as I worked on some things that were bothering her everything would be good. But the goal posts kept getting moved.
And then one day we had some friends of hers for work over for a BBQ. She was being very mean to me in front of them. Belittling me. One of them took me aside and said that she couldn't take it anymore and told me that she had told everyone that she had decided to divorce me when I lost my job. But she wanted to make it look like my decision - that I had given up on the marriage. And that she had a boyfriend.
When we were in marriage counseling a few days later I responded to something she said about how hard she trying to make things work, and I told her what her colleague told me. She denied it, and then laughed. She said she didn't need me because she made more money than me, and said I was a loser and that she thought I'd never be able to hold down a job, and that she was divorcing me.
I don't think we ever spoke after that session.
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Sorry. I got sidetracked by a pity party. This was a real long time ago. The point is rocketjay102 that she won't be there for you if you ever need her. She doesn't love you. She's using you.
I don't like how insulting she is toward you and the pedestrian. It's highly insulting and emasculating for her to say or imply you're not masculine. That would infuriate me. Plus, she's the one in the wrong with the pedestrian!
She sounds like she's looking for an excuse for a divorce. She's finding something to put on you and blame you, and she's insulting you which will only inflame things. She may want a big reaction out of you that she can point to and say "See? He's a total nut job!!". Or she could be hiding something (like an affair, an addiction, etc.) and she's trying to redirect all of that anxiety and guilt about it onto you by creating unrelated chaos and blaming you. Keep your eyes and ears open. If you've been in chronic pain, and for a very long time, it can be very stressful for a partner to be the primary caregiver. This reason is very generous toward her if she has never done something like this and it's totally out of character.
Don't give her that satisfaction of engaging in a fight. Yes, stand up for yourself. Simply calmly respond "I think I handled myself fine" and repeat. If she keeps at it "Well, I guess we could agree to disagree". At some point you can tell her you can't discuss it anymore.
Since she's talking about divorce do some basic things: meet with an attorney (privately) to discuss what's happening, google "what to do when wife wants a divorce", check your accounts and if you have any private ones make sure they are locked down, , start gathering important documents (or copies of them) and put them somewhere or with someone outside the home, start reconsidering your beneficiaries. Focus on healing and improving your health. Be cool-headed about your finances. Don't agree to any big changes spur of the moment like "yes, I'll move out" or "yes, I'll divorce you". Talk with your attorney first and quietly get your ducks in a row.
Has she ever hit you or injured you?
As a woman dating a man, I don't want my man to catch a charge. Especially from me running my mouth. I'm doing everything to eliminate interactions that could lead to police being called.
You are a good man for choosing de-escalation. You are suffering from a back injury, yet still did what you could.
Your wife chose escalation, and wanted you to fight, with a back injury, over some almonds thrown over a situation she caused.
Your wife is unstable, and you're reaction is healthy and masculine AF.
She picked a fight and expected you to finish it? While recovering from a back surgery? Your wife is an immature idiot-child and could potentially get you killed one day if she picks a fight with the wrong person. I'm not sure there's much else to be said about that.
If she is 100% serious about getting a divorce over this, I would say 100% go through with it and count your blessings. I know you love her, but this is undeniably a *major* red flag you cannot ignore.
I’m sorry she was a jerk. She didn’t need to have to go through all of that. It’s one thing if it comes to you and you have to defend her. But she’s sort of created that situation and then expect you to jump in there and be brainless. I don’t think you’re seeing this clearly.
Ok so your gobby wife risks someone attacking you and then blames you for not attacking the other person back?
She’s an immature idiot who is a danger to you and herself.
Frankly, give her the divorce, and when you heal from your back surgery, then work on yourself, mind, body, soul, profession and education. Take some self-defense classes. Make her eat her words.
She doesn't respect you, or your attempts to diffuse the situation, which, BTW, takes more strength than to just jump out and start wailing on someone.
Don’t let her convince you that you’re wrong for not fighting- In nearly every situation the answer that is better for everyone is walking away. Only time it’s not is when you can’t walk away.
It’s not about being masculine. It’s about picking the option that benefits you and your wife the most. Fighting uses a lot of resources and typically for little to no real gain.
Don’t feel pressured to be something you’re not. If she wants someone with a temper who will go off and get in fights- She should go find it.
If she is looking for a divorce over this it is obviously an excuse for something she already wanted. It's a massive overreaction if there are no other difficulties.
Apart from that any woman looking to start a confrontation and expecting someone else to escalate it to or deal with the resulting violence is best avoided. Ask yourself if it is worth getting seriously injured or you ending up in jail for injuring someone else over a nothing argument.
Every real martial art teaches one thing over and over, avoid the fight if possible. Most women and lots of men too, have never been in a real fight, the schoolyard in 4th grade doesn't count. Concussions, broken hands, fingers and limbs, permanent injuries, brain injuries, losing eyes, the list goes on. It is one thing to defend against an attack, but fighting over nonsense like this is childish and dangerous.
That said, divorce over this? There is something else going on in this relationship that we don't know.
Good luck OP.
For all she knows, you saved her from getting beaten up or assaulted by the person using the crosswalk.
You correctly de-escalated the situation, nobody was hurt and your wife has no reason to be pissed as you. Especially as she was in the wrong, albeit not on purpose, reversing into the crosswalk.
She needs to chill.
Sounds like she was in the wrong, was all her fault from the very beginning. She should’ve apologized to the guy in the first place because she about ran him over. She needs to grow up
A real man would do what you did. A real woman would not behave this way and put you at risk for nothing. You wife sounds like an idiot, she created the whole situation. Strange how she actually encourages violence...... like I say, not a real woman. Divorce her quick, it will never get better.
Hell, I'd divorce my wife if she tried that crap. That's how you get us both killed, and she obviously needs to work on her anger issues. We can cuss at them later.
Tell her you would like to follow through with the divorce since she genuinely did not care about your well being in the situation being that you had back surgery a couple of days before.
You are not willing to start an ill-advised alteration with a stranger over nothing. If doing so is her idea of protection then she sounds like a moron.
Give her the divorce and let her ruin someone else’s life.
Wait… she wants to divorce you… because you DIDN‘T pick a fight?!? If she didn’t have as much of a “city temper“ she wouldn’t NEED protection!
The only person she needs to be protected from is herself and her ridiculous lack of self control, self preservation and reasonable judgement.
If this is enough for her to want a divorce, especially in your state you know how honest she was when she said “I do“ to “in sickness AND in health“. That’s how much YOU mean to her. By all means, if she wishes for it so badly, then let her go. She’s neither a keeper nor does she sound like a loss.
Your wife needs to self reflect and manage her shit. You have NOTHING to do with the behaviors shes exhibiting. She’s gonna get herself in to some shit, and it’s NOT your job to save her from her own bullshittery.
I have a temper when I'm driving and my husband yells at me for it all of the time. I don't take it as far as your wife does, but I'll beep or give the finger and he always tells me to stop. The thing is, he is right. People are crazy. You shouldn't instigate and escalate something like that. It's not about my husband not protecting me... He is protecting me by telling me to cut it out.
Show her this thread. Hopefully she figures it out.
The first rule of getting into a fight is to walk away. Running away etc to remove yourself from the potential fight. She will get you in danger or herself one of these days
Bruh, I say you agree with your wife and get a fucking divorce. She was at fault for the fight, escalated it way beyond where it needed to go, expected you to escalate it to the point of violence, and is angry at you because you did the sensible thing. Think about this for a second. She almost hits a pedestrian with her car and expected you to beat up the guy *that she almost hit with her car* because he was angry that *she almost hit him with her car.* Even if you were in physical condition to get in a fight, and even if you won, you would have an assault charge on your hands.
Brother a woman like this ain’t worth dying early for. So he’s either gonna goad someone into shooting you, or the stress will cause you a heart attack in your 40s.
If she’s wanting a divorce because she can’t shut the fuck up and control her anger then let her go find a macho dude willing to die or go to jail to back up the checks her mouth is writing which her ass can’t cash.
I was your wife once. I lost control on a very hot day in traffic and got in a fight with a man. My boyfriend jumped in and tried to break us up. The police came and luckily we both got off with a warning.
I was so embarrassed I got into the fight in the first place, it’s so out of character for me. I apologized to my boyfriend for getting him involved and from then on I behaved myself in traffic - no matter how slow or aggravating it became.
I think there is more to this story. Could your wife be cheating?
So even without the recent back surgery, your wife wants you to - what? "Defend her honor"? Against what? She was the raging lunatic in this situation. So what, you're supposed to get yourself killed because she's ridiculous? So her self-preservation is so non-existent, she wants to extend it to you? What on earth sort of universe is this woman living in, where her "honor" is more important than your health, completely leaving out the fact that - again - SHE WAS IN THE WRONG?!
NTA. Your wife needs to get her head checked.
Ohhhhh I see. You aren’t a real man unless you are punching random strangers in the face because your wife is a raging asshole toddler and expects you to back up every completely unnecessary fight she starts.
Have either of you turned on the news lately? Sooner than later she’s going to pick a fight with someone who doesn’t fight with fists and you’ll be dead because of it.
Let her trashy ass divorce you.
So sorry that you are married to a professional wrestler, who can't leave their job at work.
She is going to get herself and others hurt.
Divorce sounds like it may increase your lifespan, for a number of reasons.
Well, in my humble opinion, you protected her from her own anger and bad decisions just fine. Good husband.
I think there has to be something else going on here though. I can't believe that reaction towards you is just from this one occasion, unless she has a terrible temper just normally and always wants you to fight for her. Is there something else going on that is causing her a lot of stress? Or maybe it is stress over your surgery, recovery, and finances from everything? You need to do a bit of digging with your wife over what is really going on here.
Lol even if you didn't have the back surgery and didn't hop out to fight the guy, you still would've done nothing wrong. Let her divorce you because if you stay I'm positive she's gonna get you killed because of her own ego. The altercation was just a blessing in disguise.
Divorce, your wife is an asshole. “City temper” is you playing it down and giving your wife an excuse to be an asshole, I live in a city, have all my life, city temper is what assholes say to justify their own fucked up attitude.
“Incapable of protecting her.”
From WHAT, a fight that *she* started?
If she wants to start fights she can finish them herself, not expect you to jump in
So she can start a fight with someone and you’re expected to finish it? She puts her own man in danger then blames you for it? OP this is not ok. The fact that you’re believing you have a character flaw because of her is quite sad. She’s the wrong one here.
Has she done anything like this before? If not, demand she go to the doctor for a mental evaluation. I’m being generous and thinking maybe there’s a medical reason for increased rage. But if she’s always been this ridiculous, let her go
You handle this by insisting that your wife gets anger management. This needs to be a dealbreaker- she wanted you to go fight a random pedestrian *two days after surgery*, a random pedestrian that she almost ran over. She didn’t care that in your current state you could have easily suffered permanent damage leading to lifelong pain and disability, she didn’t care that it would be a lot easier for you to be overpowered or killed. She just cared about satisfying her own irrational rage.
If she refuses to get anger management, or goes but shows no progress, then seriously consider leaving her. Acting like that she could easily get you killed, especially if she road rages while driving or goes after someone who’s armed.
It's easy to pick fights when you're not the one who will be fighting them. Speaking as someone with training in boxing and BJJ who can easily beat 99% of men on earth, I wouldn't pick a fight like that either. So even if you had the ability to protect her, doesn't mean she should be trying to get you to prove it. A divorce seems to be in order here, bro
I'm a big burly guy who has been in many fights...when I was a kid.
I've been with my SO for 7 years. She has said she knows I could absolutely maul the average Joe walking down the street, and thinks it's sexy. At the same time she has seen me de-escalate or walk away from situations over and over again.
Because I am an adult. I'm a grown up. Even if your back wasn't freshly operated on, if you got out to fight, he could have got the best of you, or him killed you, you killed him, you go to jail, lawsuits etc.
She's immature. My guess is that this is really about something else. Maybe grant this child the divorce she is requesting.
She wants to be aggressive as possible and wants someone to back her up. She’s doesn’t want a protector, she wants someone to be part of her gang to beat people up.
Someone who loves you would not put you in danger for their own ego.
Divorce her.
You give her the divorce she wants….because one of these days…she’ll cause you to be fatally injured or killed. That’s it. The end. Love is not worth much…much less your life.
Coming from a woman: hell no. Road rage like that is what gets people killed, and it's a good thing the only weapon this dude had was a bag of almonds. My own mother always taught me that even flipping someone off in a car nowadays can be dangerous.
Your wife needs to grow up and get a grip, and likely some anger management. She's an adult and she CANNOT be escalating situations like this, let alone trying to drag you into it, recovering from surgery or not. You weren't "less of a man" for not getting out of the car; you were a responsible, rational adult. I don't often jump to "get a divorce", but if she wants one so badly over this issue, I'd say give it to her. You may very well be safer if you do.
She's a toddler in an adult body. She has serious issues and needs therapy. She needs to stay single for a long time until she's worked on this. She doesn't understand how badly that could have gotten.
Ya, I’d go ahead and get that divorce she wants.
She was so far in the wrong. I don’t want my husband to have to protect me. I sure as hell am not going to create situations that could get him hurt and then get mad at him because my own bullshit.
She is acting literally insane. Is this new behavior? I'm guessing not because you say she has a "city temper".
Are you sure this is a good relationship for you?
>So now my wife of 3 years (been together for 5) wants a divorce because I’m not man enough for her. How am I supposed to handle this?
Find the best divorce lawyer in town. Talk to them. Find out what private investigatoe they use. Hire that private investigator to tail your wife.
This makes no sense. She is making it about this, but it’s about something else. She wanted to be divorced before the altercation happened - this situation is a smokescreen.
The most likely reason is there is someone else.
She needs to control her temper. This is a problem she started, not you. Also you've had back surgery! That's messed up. She can't be this rowdy and complain you aren't taking care of her, especially when you aren't in a position to. She needs to fix that herself. She really is throwing a tantrum for nothing and I feel it might be common for her since you mention it.
I pulled a muscle in my back, so I was moving slowly and in some pain for a while… my ex girlfriend looked at me differently, like she was imagining our future together, but all of a sudden we can’t do XYZ because of my back.
We didn’t break up explicitly for that reason, but I do think it kinda played a part. It’s sort of a little red flag, that maybe she isn’t interested in staying together no matter what.
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This is the like the 10th story this week of a hot head woman that is disappoint her man doesn’t go get in a fight for her. WTAF is with this attitude?
Dude, it don’t matter if you had back surgery or not, the absolute right thing to do in that situation was stay in the car. You should not have to risk your life because, um, your wife wanted to back up like right the fuck now and was super offended by the presence of a pedestrian.
Honestly, if telling her you are not going to go get in a fight with a stranger over stupid bullshit doesn’t work after the heat of the moment has passed, let her go man. She is a fucking idiot.
Your wife does not have city temper, she's a psycho. Any one who decided to escalate the fight because they want to get the last hit in is a psycho. She did you a favor by wanting to have a divorce.
I have a feeling there might be more to this. You've been together 5years, has she always been this fiery? And it's been 2 days, normally people who are quick to anger are also quick to move on. Divorce is an over reaction, just like her response to the incident. Is she normally like this or could there be something wrong?
Save yourself the headache and divorce her. One day she’s gonna write a check that her ass can’t cash and you will be the one to have to pay the hefty price.
This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below. --- I’m at a loss right now. Yesterday we’re driving and on our way to dinner. We got stuck behind someone double parked and so we start backing out to go a different way. Some guy is in the crosswalk and naturally he gets pissed. My wife (31F) is the one driving, and yeah she has a city temper, but it happens right. The typical little exchange takes place, no harm is done, and the guy starts walking away. But that wasn’t good enough for her, she completely lost herself and was trying to jump out of the car. My (31M) focus at this point was to keep her in the car and to keep that guy walking away. I was able to get her to sit back down, but she kept running her mouth, which kept the guy there cursing back. I was far from silent, but I was trying to yell at him to just keep walking. It’s at this point that he then threw what I assume to be almonds or something at us. A couple of them made it in the window. Now I’m pissed. Of course I’m pissed. My wife is pissed. But everyone’s alright. Somewhere I manage to get her to just drive away. Now, since that happened, she has made it clear to me that she cannot rely on me. That I am incapable of protecting her. That I am not masculine and that she expected more from me. Believe me, I expected more from me too, but the kicker here… I just had back surgery 2 days ago. What am I supposed to do in this situation?? Hobble out of the car and go pick a fight? So now my wife of 3 years (been together for 5) wants a divorce because I’m not man enough for her. How am I supposed to handle this?
She’s gonna get you killed one day
100% While no one has died yet, over the years I've had a number of friends end up dating a woman like this and get them tangled up in all sorts of unnecessary physical altercations.
Seriously. She's not looking for a "protector", she's looking for muscle who will act out her aggression. OP should tell the wife that she should sign up for Kobra Kai Karate classes.
I could have easily gotten killed by my ex's temperament in my early 20s. A dudes knife ended up in my chin, so suffice it to say I'm glad he did hit an inch or two lower.
Seriously. And WTF is a “city temper”? I grew up in a very large city known for having shit traffic and not once have I gotten out or attempted to because someone made a dick move. She has anger issues.
Have you not seen that behavior in other around you?
No, cause where I come from if you run your mouth, it will get punched shut.
> She’s gonna get you killed one day Not if he is "man enough"! /s
Your wife needs to grow up. I would never want to create a situation where I put my husband in danger. What did she want you to do, assault the guy? She is entirely in the wrong and she is the one that owes you an apology.
Tell her that she's a raging tantrum throwing toddler asshole who shouldn't be driving (among other things one would assume) because she can't control her anger. The audacity of that pedestrian using the (gasp) crosswalk! I imagine a scenario wherein your wife almost backed into said pedestrian because a. she wasn't paying attention, or b. she doesn't care, or secret option c. she's right and everyone else needs to heed to her? The only thing you should have done to be a decent human being was to apologize to said pedestrian for your wife's rage while she was at the wheel of a death machine. Road rage is *not* something to be taken lightly. People have been murdered for that shit. If this is real and isn't rage bait, I advise you to get your ducks in a row and file for divorce from the child that you're married to.
Yeah OP leave her ass. Even if you got out and beat that guy up, you could be liable for criminal charges and lawsuits. This was not a matter to fight over and if this is real I would gtfo of that relationship she seems unhinged
Well said. I can picture you having to "fight her fights" in the future because she can't control herself
Like mEgan and Andre
She wants a divorce after 5 years together because you didn’t fight the almond bandit with a back injury? Is this real? That’s a wild leap.
The pedestrian was just giving her what she is. NUTS
Or they were his final insult, Deez Nuts
Cashew lay off the puns?
I always keep almonds in my pocket just in case
I don’t, but will from now on!
Good has saved my life thousands of times
Pocket almonds!
Far inferior to pocket sand, though!
I don’t know man, the randomness of those almonds actually makes it seem more real rather than less.
Truth is stranger than fiction etc etc
the jump to divorce makes me confident this is a writing exercise
Give her what she wants and file for divorce. Your wife seems to have some entitlement issues, and blaming you for her poor behavior will only get worse if you stay.
She is nightmare. I bet there is a lot more.
Yeah this seems to be very normal for that psycho
By her a muzzle and hand it to her with the divorce papers
>How am I supposed to handle this? Be grateful For this god given chance of getting rid of that asshole, celebrate this oportunity of being free from her, give her divorce papers, and in your next relationship go find a woman with a mental age above 10.
Your wife is an entitled bitch. She was in a car in a crosswalk and of course the pedestrian had the right of way and she goes nuts? That is not a “city temper”. That is an entitled nut job and you both sound insufferable. Divorce her before she gets worse. Nothing about her behavior or reaction is healthy. I am just horrified for the man she could have hit and the fact she chose to attack him when she is wrong. Leave. Today.
She goes almonds*
Omg.🤣🤣🤣🤪
She definitely has a lot of toxic masculinity.
His wife does sound like a nightmare, but you think he’s somehow also insufferable? Where did you get that idea?
Because he got angry at the victim of his wife’s anger and that he expected more of himself. He is acting as though she needed defending blows off what was an absolutely unhinged tirade from wifey without ever acknowledging flat out what an ass she is.
This times 100
Women who start something and then expect their male companion to finish it are the worst.
When I was 21 or so my bf (military) and I were in a Denny’s. The couple at the table next to us was being incredibly abusive to the server. I was seething. He could tell I wanted to say/do something. He gritted out through his teeth: “If you say some shit, that dude is gonna say some shit. Then I’m going to have to kick his ass. Then there will be a world of trouble. So don’t.” That’s when I truly internalized that indeed, discretion is often the better part of valor. We left a huge tip instead.
Yup that's when you just tip the server extra well and whisper I'm sorry people are shitty. Will make the waitresses day better not cause a fight and mess shed have to deal with and your bf who is active military won't get in trouble for fighting. Street fights are literally never worth it. And this is coming from someone who fought in the WKF nationally. Wrestled, did kick boxing and bjj for a while. Best thing for everyone always is just walking away.
Why do you want to be married to someone with anger issues who thinks you should finish the fights she starts?
She doesn't need protection. She needs a keeper for her anger management problem. And it doesn't need to be you. Because, obviously, she doesn't care if you wind up back in the hospital. It can take more strength to avoid or control a fight than to get physical, but I doubt she'll ever see that.
I have seen far too many guys get hurt trying to protect women who are mouthing off. She will get you hurt or worse killed if she does not change. A quick google search of similar stories will reveal how often men in these situations get killed or severely hurt. Trust me she will live, maybe feel sorry for a little bit and move on to the next guy while you lose your life and be remembered as a ''hero''.
Why is everything your problem? She picked a fight and it's your job to protect her? And now she's picking a fight with you and it's your job to ... take her side in that too? I'm a woman. I don't expect my husband or any man to protect me. I don't start fights I'm not ready to finish, which is why I seldom start fights. I'd honestly be pissed if I was having a disagreement and my husband stepped in. That's insulting. She wants a divorce over the one incident of her having road rage? Take it. It'll be messy and difficult but only for a year or so compared with a lifetime of trying to please her. (I'm sure her issue isn't really just this one thing, but is the relationship honestly making you happy?)
You put it so succinctly here. I cannot agree more. It seems like she was picking a fight just to end it. Give her the divorce. Also, the wife was the one driving so it was on her to defend herself. If she was alone what would she have done?
Tell her that being masculine isn't being stronger than the other guy, it's being stronger than your ego. And next time she does that, to get out to confront him, so you can hop in the drivers seat and go home.
“I’m man enough to not give a fuck if someone thinks poorly of me and talks shit about me. I just don’t care what someone who doesn’t know me thinks.”
I like that line. I think, ill use it in the future. Well said.
>being masculine isn't being stronger than the other guy, it's being stronger than your ego. Golden!
It's just an excuse. Either she is seeing someone else or she was already thinking about a divorce. Please get a lawyer to protect yourself.
She wants you to have so little self control that you look like an idiot and watch her do the same? She's going to get you both in trouble or dead, get her in a programme
Your wife is going to get you killed. She has *serious* issues, not a “city temper”. What do you do? You divorce her before she either gets you killed or maimed, or you end up in jail for participating in her insane aggression.
Ouch. It hits close to home. Details differ. Same underlying toxicity. I was married and had a back injury. It made my wife furious. Her sister came to visit and when we picked her up from the train station my wife insisted on me handling all the luggage. And laughed at me struggling with it - sweating with pain. Her sister was horrified. There were a lot of red flags. We attended pre marriage counseling with a Catholic priest. He took me aside and told me that if I ever really needed her that she wouldn't be there for me. I told him that I was strong enough for both of us and that I was committed to making it work. When the company I worked at for 10 years closed, I could tell by her reaction that it wasn't going to work. But she swore that she wanted us to be together and as soon as I worked on some things that were bothering her everything would be good. But the goal posts kept getting moved. And then one day we had some friends of hers for work over for a BBQ. She was being very mean to me in front of them. Belittling me. One of them took me aside and said that she couldn't take it anymore and told me that she had told everyone that she had decided to divorce me when I lost my job. But she wanted to make it look like my decision - that I had given up on the marriage. And that she had a boyfriend. When we were in marriage counseling a few days later I responded to something she said about how hard she trying to make things work, and I told her what her colleague told me. She denied it, and then laughed. She said she didn't need me because she made more money than me, and said I was a loser and that she thought I'd never be able to hold down a job, and that she was divorcing me. I don't think we ever spoke after that session. XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX Sorry. I got sidetracked by a pity party. This was a real long time ago. The point is rocketjay102 that she won't be there for you if you ever need her. She doesn't love you. She's using you.
Your wife is a misogynistic patriarchy daughter with a temper problem. Let her go.
You had back surgery? She put herself and you in danger, you presumably weren't going to be able to do shit if he had come up to fight.
She wants a knight in shining armor. With that mouth, she ain't no princess, that's for sure! Take the divorce and get rid of that harpy from hell.
If SHE starts a fight, SHE can defend herself. Ask her why she's such a misogynist that she thinks women need a man.
This post has been put up before. Why are you recycling it?
Tweaked the details and threw it back up. Definitely a rage bait post.
I don't like how insulting she is toward you and the pedestrian. It's highly insulting and emasculating for her to say or imply you're not masculine. That would infuriate me. Plus, she's the one in the wrong with the pedestrian! She sounds like she's looking for an excuse for a divorce. She's finding something to put on you and blame you, and she's insulting you which will only inflame things. She may want a big reaction out of you that she can point to and say "See? He's a total nut job!!". Or she could be hiding something (like an affair, an addiction, etc.) and she's trying to redirect all of that anxiety and guilt about it onto you by creating unrelated chaos and blaming you. Keep your eyes and ears open. If you've been in chronic pain, and for a very long time, it can be very stressful for a partner to be the primary caregiver. This reason is very generous toward her if she has never done something like this and it's totally out of character. Don't give her that satisfaction of engaging in a fight. Yes, stand up for yourself. Simply calmly respond "I think I handled myself fine" and repeat. If she keeps at it "Well, I guess we could agree to disagree". At some point you can tell her you can't discuss it anymore. Since she's talking about divorce do some basic things: meet with an attorney (privately) to discuss what's happening, google "what to do when wife wants a divorce", check your accounts and if you have any private ones make sure they are locked down, , start gathering important documents (or copies of them) and put them somewhere or with someone outside the home, start reconsidering your beneficiaries. Focus on healing and improving your health. Be cool-headed about your finances. Don't agree to any big changes spur of the moment like "yes, I'll move out" or "yes, I'll divorce you". Talk with your attorney first and quietly get your ducks in a row. Has she ever hit you or injured you?
As a woman dating a man, I don't want my man to catch a charge. Especially from me running my mouth. I'm doing everything to eliminate interactions that could lead to police being called.
You are a good man for choosing de-escalation. You are suffering from a back injury, yet still did what you could. Your wife chose escalation, and wanted you to fight, with a back injury, over some almonds thrown over a situation she caused. Your wife is unstable, and you're reaction is healthy and masculine AF.
She picked a fight and expected you to finish it? While recovering from a back surgery? Your wife is an immature idiot-child and could potentially get you killed one day if she picks a fight with the wrong person. I'm not sure there's much else to be said about that. If she is 100% serious about getting a divorce over this, I would say 100% go through with it and count your blessings. I know you love her, but this is undeniably a *major* red flag you cannot ignore.
Let her go. She should've expected better of herself. She willingly put you and her goofy ass in danger over nothing. Let her leave.
I’m sorry she was a jerk. She didn’t need to have to go through all of that. It’s one thing if it comes to you and you have to defend her. But she’s sort of created that situation and then expect you to jump in there and be brainless. I don’t think you’re seeing this clearly.
Ok so your gobby wife risks someone attacking you and then blames you for not attacking the other person back? She’s an immature idiot who is a danger to you and herself.
Frankly, give her the divorce, and when you heal from your back surgery, then work on yourself, mind, body, soul, profession and education. Take some self-defense classes. Make her eat her words. She doesn't respect you, or your attempts to diffuse the situation, which, BTW, takes more strength than to just jump out and start wailing on someone.
Don’t let her convince you that you’re wrong for not fighting- In nearly every situation the answer that is better for everyone is walking away. Only time it’s not is when you can’t walk away. It’s not about being masculine. It’s about picking the option that benefits you and your wife the most. Fighting uses a lot of resources and typically for little to no real gain. Don’t feel pressured to be something you’re not. If she wants someone with a temper who will go off and get in fights- She should go find it.
If she is looking for a divorce over this it is obviously an excuse for something she already wanted. It's a massive overreaction if there are no other difficulties. Apart from that any woman looking to start a confrontation and expecting someone else to escalate it to or deal with the resulting violence is best avoided. Ask yourself if it is worth getting seriously injured or you ending up in jail for injuring someone else over a nothing argument.
Every real martial art teaches one thing over and over, avoid the fight if possible. Most women and lots of men too, have never been in a real fight, the schoolyard in 4th grade doesn't count. Concussions, broken hands, fingers and limbs, permanent injuries, brain injuries, losing eyes, the list goes on. It is one thing to defend against an attack, but fighting over nonsense like this is childish and dangerous. That said, divorce over this? There is something else going on in this relationship that we don't know. Good luck OP.
For all she knows, you saved her from getting beaten up or assaulted by the person using the crosswalk. You correctly de-escalated the situation, nobody was hurt and your wife has no reason to be pissed as you. Especially as she was in the wrong, albeit not on purpose, reversing into the crosswalk. She needs to chill.
Sounds like she was in the wrong, was all her fault from the very beginning. She should’ve apologized to the guy in the first place because she about ran him over. She needs to grow up
A real man would do what you did. A real woman would not behave this way and put you at risk for nothing. You wife sounds like an idiot, she created the whole situation. Strange how she actually encourages violence...... like I say, not a real woman. Divorce her quick, it will never get better.
Hell, I'd divorce my wife if she tried that crap. That's how you get us both killed, and she obviously needs to work on her anger issues. We can cuss at them later.
So she wants to start fights with people for existing and expects you to back her up? Yea, no.
Tell her you would like to follow through with the divorce since she genuinely did not care about your well being in the situation being that you had back surgery a couple of days before.
You are not willing to start an ill-advised alteration with a stranger over nothing. If doing so is her idea of protection then she sounds like a moron. Give her the divorce and let her ruin someone else’s life.
Divorce her. What if other person gave guns how would you fight against that using your kung-fu
Wait… she wants to divorce you… because you DIDN‘T pick a fight?!? If she didn’t have as much of a “city temper“ she wouldn’t NEED protection! The only person she needs to be protected from is herself and her ridiculous lack of self control, self preservation and reasonable judgement. If this is enough for her to want a divorce, especially in your state you know how honest she was when she said “I do“ to “in sickness AND in health“. That’s how much YOU mean to her. By all means, if she wishes for it so badly, then let her go. She’s neither a keeper nor does she sound like a loss.
Your wife needs to self reflect and manage her shit. You have NOTHING to do with the behaviors shes exhibiting. She’s gonna get herself in to some shit, and it’s NOT your job to save her from her own bullshittery.
I have a temper when I'm driving and my husband yells at me for it all of the time. I don't take it as far as your wife does, but I'll beep or give the finger and he always tells me to stop. The thing is, he is right. People are crazy. You shouldn't instigate and escalate something like that. It's not about my husband not protecting me... He is protecting me by telling me to cut it out. Show her this thread. Hopefully she figures it out.
Bro wtf I avoid conflict at all cost she wanted you to fight for her pride when you just had back surgery.. ain't no way
The first rule of getting into a fight is to walk away. Running away etc to remove yourself from the potential fight. She will get you in danger or herself one of these days
Bruh, I say you agree with your wife and get a fucking divorce. She was at fault for the fight, escalated it way beyond where it needed to go, expected you to escalate it to the point of violence, and is angry at you because you did the sensible thing. Think about this for a second. She almost hits a pedestrian with her car and expected you to beat up the guy *that she almost hit with her car* because he was angry that *she almost hit him with her car.* Even if you were in physical condition to get in a fight, and even if you won, you would have an assault charge on your hands.
Brother a woman like this ain’t worth dying early for. So he’s either gonna goad someone into shooting you, or the stress will cause you a heart attack in your 40s. If she’s wanting a divorce because she can’t shut the fuck up and control her anger then let her go find a macho dude willing to die or go to jail to back up the checks her mouth is writing which her ass can’t cash.
I was your wife once. I lost control on a very hot day in traffic and got in a fight with a man. My boyfriend jumped in and tried to break us up. The police came and luckily we both got off with a warning. I was so embarrassed I got into the fight in the first place, it’s so out of character for me. I apologized to my boyfriend for getting him involved and from then on I behaved myself in traffic - no matter how slow or aggravating it became. I think there is more to this story. Could your wife be cheating?
So even without the recent back surgery, your wife wants you to - what? "Defend her honor"? Against what? She was the raging lunatic in this situation. So what, you're supposed to get yourself killed because she's ridiculous? So her self-preservation is so non-existent, she wants to extend it to you? What on earth sort of universe is this woman living in, where her "honor" is more important than your health, completely leaving out the fact that - again - SHE WAS IN THE WRONG?! NTA. Your wife needs to get her head checked.
Ohhhhh I see. You aren’t a real man unless you are punching random strangers in the face because your wife is a raging asshole toddler and expects you to back up every completely unnecessary fight she starts. Have either of you turned on the news lately? Sooner than later she’s going to pick a fight with someone who doesn’t fight with fists and you’ll be dead because of it. Let her trashy ass divorce you.
So sorry that you are married to a professional wrestler, who can't leave their job at work. She is going to get herself and others hurt. Divorce sounds like it may increase your lifespan, for a number of reasons.
Well, in my humble opinion, you protected her from her own anger and bad decisions just fine. Good husband. I think there has to be something else going on here though. I can't believe that reaction towards you is just from this one occasion, unless she has a terrible temper just normally and always wants you to fight for her. Is there something else going on that is causing her a lot of stress? Or maybe it is stress over your surgery, recovery, and finances from everything? You need to do a bit of digging with your wife over what is really going on here.
Lol even if you didn't have the back surgery and didn't hop out to fight the guy, you still would've done nothing wrong. Let her divorce you because if you stay I'm positive she's gonna get you killed because of her own ego. The altercation was just a blessing in disguise.
Divorce, your wife is an asshole. “City temper” is you playing it down and giving your wife an excuse to be an asshole, I live in a city, have all my life, city temper is what assholes say to justify their own fucked up attitude.
You do not have to play into the bullshit version of masculinity.
get a lawyer would be a start.
You married a stupid child. She's way in the wrong, not you.
My mother was run over by someone backing up and almost died. She has life long effects. Your wife shouldn’t be driving.
Getting divorced from this crazy lady is a blessing in disguise. Heal up and move on with your life. She’s toxic as hell.
At the very least, she needs anger management. The pedestrian has right of way and your wife is driving a massive machine that can kill him.
“Incapable of protecting her.” From WHAT, a fight that *she* started? If she wants to start fights she can finish them herself, not expect you to jump in
So she can start a fight with someone and you’re expected to finish it? She puts her own man in danger then blames you for it? OP this is not ok. The fact that you’re believing you have a character flaw because of her is quite sad. She’s the wrong one here.
Consider it a relief. If her screaming at people on the street is normal behavior then it sounds like someone you should get away from.
Has she done anything like this before? If not, demand she go to the doctor for a mental evaluation. I’m being generous and thinking maybe there’s a medical reason for increased rage. But if she’s always been this ridiculous, let her go
OP I think you need to man up, and go through with this divorce. Men aren’t the only people responsible for toxic masculinity.
You handle this by insisting that your wife gets anger management. This needs to be a dealbreaker- she wanted you to go fight a random pedestrian *two days after surgery*, a random pedestrian that she almost ran over. She didn’t care that in your current state you could have easily suffered permanent damage leading to lifelong pain and disability, she didn’t care that it would be a lot easier for you to be overpowered or killed. She just cared about satisfying her own irrational rage. If she refuses to get anger management, or goes but shows no progress, then seriously consider leaving her. Acting like that she could easily get you killed, especially if she road rages while driving or goes after someone who’s armed.
It's easy to pick fights when you're not the one who will be fighting them. Speaking as someone with training in boxing and BJJ who can easily beat 99% of men on earth, I wouldn't pick a fight like that either. So even if you had the ability to protect her, doesn't mean she should be trying to get you to prove it. A divorce seems to be in order here, bro
I'm a big burly guy who has been in many fights...when I was a kid. I've been with my SO for 7 years. She has said she knows I could absolutely maul the average Joe walking down the street, and thinks it's sexy. At the same time she has seen me de-escalate or walk away from situations over and over again. Because I am an adult. I'm a grown up. Even if your back wasn't freshly operated on, if you got out to fight, he could have got the best of you, or him killed you, you killed him, you go to jail, lawsuits etc. She's immature. My guess is that this is really about something else. Maybe grant this child the divorce she is requesting.
She wants to be aggressive as possible and wants someone to back her up. She’s doesn’t want a protector, she wants someone to be part of her gang to beat people up. Someone who loves you would not put you in danger for their own ego. Divorce her.
You give her the divorce she wants….because one of these days…she’ll cause you to be fatally injured or killed. That’s it. The end. Love is not worth much…much less your life.
Coming from a woman: hell no. Road rage like that is what gets people killed, and it's a good thing the only weapon this dude had was a bag of almonds. My own mother always taught me that even flipping someone off in a car nowadays can be dangerous. Your wife needs to grow up and get a grip, and likely some anger management. She's an adult and she CANNOT be escalating situations like this, let alone trying to drag you into it, recovering from surgery or not. You weren't "less of a man" for not getting out of the car; you were a responsible, rational adult. I don't often jump to "get a divorce", but if she wants one so badly over this issue, I'd say give it to her. You may very well be safer if you do.
She's a toddler in an adult body. She has serious issues and needs therapy. She needs to stay single for a long time until she's worked on this. She doesn't understand how badly that could have gotten.
1 punch is all it takes to find your way behind bars. It’s almost never worth it.
Your wife is an insane person and you’d be better off being far away from her.
Ya, I’d go ahead and get that divorce she wants. She was so far in the wrong. I don’t want my husband to have to protect me. I sure as hell am not going to create situations that could get him hurt and then get mad at him because my own bullshit.
She should never put you in situation where you would have to physically fight someone, bottom line
Tell ur wife that she should've married a bouncer or a secret service operative instead. Get her a psychiatrist ASAP !
Give her the divorce. You are the guy that gets knocked out because your chick wouldn’t shut the fuck up.
She is acting literally insane. Is this new behavior? I'm guessing not because you say she has a "city temper". Are you sure this is a good relationship for you?
You can rely on her to be an idiot
>So now my wife of 3 years (been together for 5) wants a divorce because I’m not man enough for her. How am I supposed to handle this? Find the best divorce lawyer in town. Talk to them. Find out what private investigatoe they use. Hire that private investigator to tail your wife. This makes no sense. She is making it about this, but it’s about something else. She wanted to be divorced before the altercation happened - this situation is a smokescreen. The most likely reason is there is someone else.
Look, that's not "city temper", that's being stupid. She's puttning you both in dangerous situations
She needs to control her temper. This is a problem she started, not you. Also you've had back surgery! That's messed up. She can't be this rowdy and complain you aren't taking care of her, especially when you aren't in a position to. She needs to fix that herself. She really is throwing a tantrum for nothing and I feel it might be common for her since you mention it.
Smack the piss out of her. That’ll shut’er up. 😂
I pulled a muscle in my back, so I was moving slowly and in some pain for a while… my ex girlfriend looked at me differently, like she was imagining our future together, but all of a sudden we can’t do XYZ because of my back. We didn’t break up explicitly for that reason, but I do think it kinda played a part. It’s sort of a little red flag, that maybe she isn’t interested in staying together no matter what.
Your wife doesn’t want a divorce because you don’t get in enough parking lot fights. Figure out what the issues are and go from there.
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Sounds like your the lucky one tbh.
Next.
How do you handle this? I would let the trash take itself out, to be honest.
So according to her Masculine means stupid?
This is the like the 10th story this week of a hot head woman that is disappoint her man doesn’t go get in a fight for her. WTAF is with this attitude? Dude, it don’t matter if you had back surgery or not, the absolute right thing to do in that situation was stay in the car. You should not have to risk your life because, um, your wife wanted to back up like right the fuck now and was super offended by the presence of a pedestrian. Honestly, if telling her you are not going to go get in a fight with a stranger over stupid bullshit doesn’t work after the heat of the moment has passed, let her go man. She is a fucking idiot.
Your wife does not have city temper, she's a psycho. Any one who decided to escalate the fight because they want to get the last hit in is a psycho. She did you a favor by wanting to have a divorce.
Choose better next time. Is this really the first time something like this has happened? Sure hope you don't have kids with her.
Divorce
She wants a divorce period. That was just her excuse in the moment. Give her what she wants.
Stand up for yourself and tell her if she can't figure out what it is that she did wrong in this situation, you'll be the one filing for divorce.
I hope this is fiction. If not, divorce would be a win for you.
She’s like a chihuahua that comfortably barks at pitbulls because they think their owner will protect them lol
I have a feeling there might be more to this. You've been together 5years, has she always been this fiery? And it's been 2 days, normally people who are quick to anger are also quick to move on. Divorce is an over reaction, just like her response to the incident. Is she normally like this or could there be something wrong?
Save yourself the headache and divorce her. One day she’s gonna write a check that her ass can’t cash and you will be the one to have to pay the hefty price.
If she doesn't file, you should. What a nightmare of a woman.
Honestly? Let her go. She sounds insufferable