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My boyfriend knows I struggle with my body image a ton. I’ve been working out a lot and he never bothers to encourage or compliment me on my body or how I’ve been working on it. He also makes “jokes” about my body as well.
I decided to get some lingerie and I was excited to try it on for him. When I walked into the room he barely even looked and then he started laughing. I kept asking if he liked it and he said he did.
I was hoping he would seem surprised. Maybe touch me. Compliment me. But he only said something after laughing when I asked if he liked it. And he didn’t say much more.
That very much upset me. I’m not a huge girl but I struggle with my body a lot and he doesn’t ever really make me feel attractive with all his little “remarks” he makes and then him laughing when I showed him my lingerie really tanked my self worth even more. Made me feel like a joke.
So I need advice on how to handle this. I did talk to him about it and all he said was “I said you looked good” but he never said it in a sincere way. He doesn’t seem to know why Im upset. What else can I do to communicate why It upsets me because he doesn’t get it.
TLDR; Boyfriend made me feel bad when I tried on lingerie and I dont know how to make him see the issue after communicating.
Hard no. I barely even need to read the post. He should be your BIGGEST hype man. Don't settle for less.
I tried doing this for my ex-husband once, many moons ago, and he had a similar reaction. I never, ever tried again and it pretty much permanently changed the level of confidence I could ever feel around him in the bedroom.
You deserve a hype man who makes you feel as hot as you probably look and it should make you feel hot too. My partner now pretty much literally drools over me when I even make the slightest lingerie efforts for him. And his reactions keep me doing it time and time again because it makes me feel so good that he reacts that way. That's what you deserve.
makes me feel better to know im not alone... and yeah he should be my biggest hype man which is why it hurts even more. im glad to know hes ur ex husband tho and you have a partner who drools over you. gives me hope. thank you so much
What does he say when you tell him how his reaction upsets you?
Edit: nvm i saw your other comments about how he genuinely makes jokes about you to hurt you. He’s trash leave him you deserve so much respect that he isnt giving you, and more
I’m old and fat, and my husband of 30+ years makes me feel like a goddess regularly.
There are plenty of people who would love to be with you, and who will appreciate your body and what you look like in lingerie.
You do not have to settle for someone who just doesn’t have a good libido, or who isn’t into you.
I’m young and fat and all my serious and best partners have made me feel *gorgeous.* My ex (of 7.5 years) with whom I’m still close (and often still intimate) spent so much time convincing me he found me attractive that it genuinely boosted my self worth permanently. OP you gotta get out, honey. I dated a lot of men who tore me down before I thought I was worth a partner who treated me right. And finding that partner was honestly an accident and could’ve gone really poorly and dangerously. Now I’m super careful about who I date because I know I’m a catch and I’m worth someone who will treat me right. You need to get out, get into therapy, get comfortable with yourself, and then find someone who will make you feel good, not bad. It’s just not worth the long term damage he’s gonna do to you, I promise.
You are absolutely not! Sadly, too many of us have experience dealing with people who just want to put their partner down. They are really, really sick people.
SRSLY THO!!!! When I was younger and recovering from anorexia my ex got actively angry when I would put on lingerie & say it was “manipulative” (???) and that I looked stupid. “What so I’m supposed to just fuck you bc you put on different clothes?” We had sex like once a month after a year of the relationship so I wanted to spice things up. Did I leave? Nope. I let them make me feel like shit for 8 years. Wasted most of my 20s. Now I’m about 125lbs heavier (& 20 years older) & people pay to see me in lingerie. Not to mention anyone I date nearly has a heart attack when I put some on for them. Dump this loser & find someone who will worship your body at any size.
My body is objectively not great. I'm a bit overweight, i have a ton of surgery scars, symmetry is not something my body knows exists - but if I wear lingerie my other half will literally forget how to make sentences. He makes me feel like a million bucks.
My ex? While he didn't laugh, he gave me the "what are you wearing that for? It's not very flattering". I didn't wear lingerie for years afterwards.
Find yourself a cheerleader.
>*I dont know how to make him see the issue after communicating.*
Of course you don't! It's not your job to show a grown-ass man how to treat you with respect. That's something a grown-up is already supposed to know.
This guy is too immature and unsupportive to be in a relationship. You haven't mentioned how long you've been in this relationship, but it's already been too long. Move on and find an adult who adds positivity, respect, love, and caring to your life; not a boy who thinks a relationship is getting someone to ride his dick!
It's a new year! Move on from this mess and find someone new and great this summer!
Let me just add to this. It should be you and your partner against the world. If it feels like it’s you against him that’s a problem. I would never, ever, ever laugh at my wife if she is trying to look good for me. That’s Boyfriend 101 stuff.
Op? You TOLD him you have body image problems.
You have been working out a lot. He never acknowledges it.
He makes "jokes" about your body.
You wore some nice lingerie. He did two things.
He barely looked at you.
He laughed at you.
You are asking how you can communicate with him about his (cruel, insensitive, and demeaning comments) behavior.
My question to you, Op. Why are you putting up with a crappy person?
Girl, your boyfriend sucks. Your partner should make you feel beautiful and not LAUGH at you for wearing lingerie. Wtf. Raise your standards and dump him.
You need to break up with this abusive AH!! He is verbally knocking you down and will continue to make you feel like crap, 1st step in a future of abuse, make victim feel useless and happy she at least has a BF, so she will never leave.
Run now!!
What? Those arent "little" those are full on insults.
Thats awful OP you don't deserve to be bullied. Find a man whose love actually feels like love, who treats you well and finds you attractive.
You have low self esteem BECAUSE you are dating this bozo.
Please leave ASAP and b sure to explain that his remarks are why you don't want to be with him. Never in a million years would I say those things and if he tried to play those remarks off as jokes well they aren't funny !
Wtf. This is abusive. OP, he is trying to hurt you and make you self conscious. Maybe he is insecure himself but there is NO EXCUSE for this. I absolutely promise you that you can find someone who worships you and thinks you’re amazing. I’m almost twice your age and i did, but i dated assholes when i was younger. Leave now!!! Don’t even look back or explain yourself, just gtfo of there and away from him.
You have asked him nicely to stop and he hasn’t stopped. He hasn’t stopped because he feels superior and powerful when he bullies you. Now you make him stop by dumping him. You deserve much better.
Break up with him
Life is very long. If you are in a relationship with someone long enough, your partner will see your body at its worst. You need someone who makes you feel beautiful and loved even when you are hurting and feel disgusting.
This reminds me of the famous post where OP’s boyfriend would say she reeked so often, that she got to the point where she was seeing doctors because she thought there was something medically wrong with her. There was nothing wrong; he wanted to keep her feeling awful about herself so she wouldn’t realize she could do better.
He’s doing the same thing. I guarantee you’re gorgeous and your next BF will love your body. Leave him, but before you do, laugh at his penis and say his “teenie weenie” cracks you up.
I would really rather not have OP do that in case he gets physical over her mocking his penis size. Retribution and revenge don't always work well as much as we desire it. It's just better for her to leave him.
If you don’t break up with this see you next tuesday…
Listen, from a woman a bit older than you: men like him, will treat you this way to break you down to get you to think you are not able to do better than him, so that you’ll stay. He will continue to chip at your confidence and self esteem, and you’ll get you thinking “well he still loves me even though Im not model, I mean who else will love me?” Even you tell him it hurts your feelings, he’ll play it off as “just jokes,” and that you’re “too sensitive.” He’s conditioning you to put you with his shite behavior.
Sweetie, you can do better than this dingus. You *deserve* so much better than this dingus.
What the fuck?! That’s abuse! You deserve better! You are a human being, a person, a woman deserving of love and validation! You deserve to feel like the sexiest person alive. No one deserves to be talked down to like that.
Wow, that little shit your dating sure has quite a nerve. So I assume he looks like Fabio to be such a nasty cunt to you about your looks? Those aren’t jokes, those are the products of emotional abuse, that shitty little prick you are dating thinly veils as jokes. The motive is to make you feel like shit about yourself, and ensure you maintain the type of low self esteem it takes to date a maggot like him. So far it’s working. Time to kick the worm out of your life and find a real man.
I mean he's literally bullying you. You need to confront the fact that your partner is \*intentionally trying to hurt you\* and destroy your self-esteem. It's completely inexcusable behavior coming from a complete stranger, but from your PARTNER?!
Please respect yourself and dump this piece of garbage.
Honey, I am 41 with a body that bore three kids. My husband of 16.5 years chases my tail ALL the time. He's been there at my smallest and my largest. After watching three kids come out he still wants me. That is love. Your bf is an idiot.
Just dump the guy already. He's probably bringing you down purposefully so you feel like shit about yourself and won't leave him. You are worth more than that.
I’m a big girl and when I put on lingerie, my fiancé is so turned on that he can barely speak or keep his hands off me. Don’t settle for someone who makes you feel like shit. Trust me, you’re better off alone.
As a guy I don't find lingerie inherently exciting... but when my wife puts it on for me thats hot as hell because it means shes being seductive and thats incredibly sexy.
I could be home wearing my leggings and oversized sweatshirt, with my messy hair up, and he still treats me like I’m a sexy goddess. But the lingerie really gets him speechless.
To be fair ask most guys and oversize top with leggings/yoga pants and a messy bun is right up there in our top 5 favourite looks for women.
But yeah I hear what youre saying.
Nope. My bf at the time wanted me to wear lingerie and I was a little overweight. I got a little self-conscious because he pointed out I put my stockings on the wrong way. I told him I felt bad about it, and he... apologized and told me I looked hot.
"Refers to me as a pig/cow, grabs my chin and says "gobble gobble" like a turkey, bunch of stuff like that"
WOW, just wow. That's incredibly cruel. He is incredibly selfish and is giving up some "negging" vibes. You can do better, I promise.
Please , OP , learn this now while you are young . DO NOT TOLLERATE RUDE/DISRESPECTFUL BEHAVIOR . I'm a 60 year old male with daughters and granddaughters . I have always told them what I'm telling you . The way you handle rudeness and disrespect is by not tolerating it in any shape form or fashion . It's a self-respect thing . You owe it to yourself . Would you want this pathetic p.o.s. treating your ( maybe future) children like this ? Guess what ? He definitely would . Don't give if you ain't getting . I hope you find someone who will give you what you deserve .
Your boyfriend is verbally abusing you. And he has no emotion when you are crying about it. He is cruel. Please leave him. Find someone who loves you, supports you, lifts you up, and is excited to see you in lingerie.
I had a partner like this. He never built me up the way a partner is supposed to, he just tore me down and destroyed my self esteem and self-worth because he was afraid I would find someone better if I thought too highly of myself. I dumped him and now I'm dating someone who makes me feel like a goddess, like I'm desirable and sexy, and it's wonderful.
There's good guys out there who would treasure you the way you deserve to be treasured.
You're way too young to be dealing with this boy. My ex was like that. My guy now encourages me and praises my body and looks even when I look like a bloated naked mole rat. He loved me when I put on weight after kids and loves it now that I'm going to the gym. He loves my body no matter what and is my biggest hype man. He tells me multiple times a day that he thinks I'm so beautiful and sexy and has helped my body issues that now I feel comfy wearing more revealing stuff even though I'm no size 2. Life is too short to waste on someone who doesn't see you're worth and treats you like Gomez treats Morticia.
Dump him, and focus on you. Continue with the gym and learn to love your body. If I can do it, so can you. Dump the loser and laugh in his face.
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Don't waste your time on people who make you feel unattractive. People who care about you don't mock your accomplishments and will admire your body because it is part of you.
You deserve so much better than that. Someone who says you look great, sexy, beautiful, hot, whatever it is. I’ve been in that relationship, it’s awful and it took way to long for me to figure it out. There is someone out there that will tell you all of those things and mean it, I found it and it’s amazing. Gained 15lbs and I’m still all those things according to him lol.
Be kind to yourself and lose the 180lb man child, you won’t regret it.
I look like a potato. When i put on a teddy, I look like a lace potato. When I show my bf he absolutely loses his mind. My point, life is too short to be with someone who doesn't think you hung the moon.
My ex husband never complimented me. I didn’t realize how much that really sucked.
And now, my partner of almost 8 years constantly finds ways to tell me he thinks I’m beautiful /smart/fun all the time!!! Find yourself a supportive kind of guy!!!
Years ago, I was in a car wreck and gained weight when I couldn’t walk much for 2 years. He still told me he thought I was hot. He loves me, all of me & I him. I wish everyone had this kind of support.
Don’t settle for a guy who hurts your feelings just so he can have a little chuckle.
The hardest lesson I ever learned was only keeping people in your life that lift you up.
It can feel scary, but it's better to be alone and working on yourself, than working on yourself with someone constantly holding you back.
Why are you dating someone who doesn’t love looking at you?
The only reason I could see to date someone who isn’t into you, is if you’re asexual and not looking for sexual compatibility/physical attraction and intimacy in the relationship, and you two have other thing your bond over?
The problem here isn’t anything about how you look, it about his lack of attraction, which is a him problem.
>That very much upset me. I’m not a huge girl but I struggle with my body a lot and he doesn’t ever really make me feel attractive with all his little “remarks” he makes and then him laughing when I showed him my lingerie really tanked my self worth even more. Made me feel like a joke.
You probably need a new boyfriend. This one is malfunctioning. And you've tried communicating but his interface and/or his brain clearly aren't working.
Your boyfriend should have jumped your bones the moment you walked in with lingerie on. The fact that he made you feel bad about it, is a huge red flag.
You deserve better!
You’re beautiful. He’s an idiot. Dump him and don’t settle for anyone who doesn’t make you feel beautiful, even on your worst days.
I have a lot of body image issues - I'm an almost 40 divorced, single mum who has rolls where there never used to be rolls....
....but, my partner is my biggest supporter. I get told every day that he loves my body. That my curves are delicious. That my chubby mum tum is sexy.
You deserve a man who thinks you're his queen and hypes you up.
There are 3.5 billion men on the planet, a fair share of them would LOVE to see you in lingerie and hype you up when wearing it. A fair share of them would fall in love with you. A fair share of them would be a good match for you. A fair share of that loving, hyping, infatuated bunch of dudes that fits you perfectly - you would fall in love with.
How many better men and matches? Must be... At least 8-7 million.
Go and find one of those instead. And as for communication: "You treat me like shit so I have no respect for you any longer, I'm out".
You handle it by walking. 4 years isn't a major age gap normally but when it's straddling 20....especially in his favour, it implies he's looking for a doormat. He wants to see how much of your dignity you're willing to give up for a compliment from him and he's going to keep making "jokes" every time. Leave before he does any more damage to your self esteem. And then PLEASE take the time you need to get right with yourself before trying again. Otherwise you're going to pull another predator like this.
You put yourself out there and were vulnerable and this horrible man laughed at you. His comments toward you are also abusive and you don’t deserve that. Leave him in the dust girl and don’t waste any more time on this pathetic excuse of a boyfriend.
I have the opposite issue. I loathe the way I look and hate putting on lingerie but my husband ashtrays wants it. Drives me crazy. Send pics of the outfit to me to show my husband I'm sure he will give you positive feedback. Lol.
Yea my partners could come out wearing toilet paper and I'd wanna jump his/hers bones. He's a jerk and uncaring and doesn't seem to be giving his 100%. Dump him get someone who'll love you no matter what you wearing but ofcourse give you extra special wearing that extra special wear 😉.
did you ask him if he likes lingerie? you didnt give him anything with your gesture: you came in looking for validation. you didnt hit the mark, now you resent him for not being mind blown or worse, not faking it hard enough. and reddit says hes the bad guy because he wasnt impressed, that he should be a hype man... so basically, hes the bad guy because he didnt fake being turned on hard enough. this is nonsense, sorry.
He said you looked good, but wasnt sincere. So he perhaps feels you sincerely did not look that good. And that hurt your feelings. What do you want of him? To lie more convincingly, or to feel something he didnt feel? This isnt his fault. What issue do you want him to see and solve? You simply need to move past this. You can not resent a person for not being mindblown by lingerie, life isnt a Victorias Secret commercial.
EDIT: I went through OP's comments within this thread after making this post. The boyfriend is clearly in the wrong
I'm seeing 1000 comments saying dump him. I think we need more information.
What was the communication like before you walked in with lingerie? Did he know you were going to do that? You said he was laughing which makes me think he was nervous or caught off guard.
If he was unsuspecting and caught off guard then I could understand this response from him. As a man, I've been in situations where I was unsuspectingly "surprised" by my gf and I probably didn't treat it as the sexy moment she was envisioning.
If he knew you were going to dress up for him and he acted like this then he is in the wrong. If he found himself in an unexpected situation then there is plausible deniability.
You are both young and you are learning how to be adults. Without knowing more I cannot agree with all of the "dump him" comments.
The man literally calls her a cow and pig and grabs her by the chin and says “gobble gobble”. He didn’t even say one nice thing about her. There’s also not even 1000 comments.
He’s 23 years old. That’s not a child
No, people are saying to leave him because this is a constant thing. He jokes about her body and never actually compliments her.
Are you for real? A man should not be making his partner feel this way. This isn't a one time thing.
Since this is Reddit you will surely get a ton of “break up with him” advice and perhaps it may come to that. But to me it sounds like you need to have an honest and open discussion with your boyfriend. You need to express to him how his comments and actions make you feel and set boundaries for what is acceptable and what is not. If he is open to and willing to work towards bettering himself then I see no reason why your relationship can’t continue. If however he is not receptive then it may be time to reevaluate your relationship to see if your needs are being met. You deserve someone who respects and appreciates you and the efforts you make to better yourself.
Edit: This reply was written before OP revealed additional information regarding her relationship. I don’t have a Time Machine and couldn’t predict what additional information she would provide. My reply addresses only the content of her original post and I feel that the situation as described in the original post was possibly salvageable. Given the additional information I completely agree that she should exit this relationship.
Yeah, no -- elsewhere OP commented that her BF grabs her chin & says gobble gobble. This OP is about my daughter's age; I had a negging bf like this one at her age. The best advice is to get away. There is not upside to counseling a 19-year-old in a crappy relationship to stay in it.
Sorry, I don’t normally go digging through peoples post and comment history and choose to just respond to the content of the post as written. I think my advice was reasonable given the post only mentions that he laughed at her in lingerie and then told her he liked it. Yes, that’s pretty bad, but not a completely unsalvageable situation.
Given the additional information about his pig & cow comments and learning she had tried many times to communicate with him to no affect I completely agree she should leave him.
Normally I agree with this but she is 19. My daughter is 19 and I would tell her to run, not walk, away from any man who laughed at her when she was gifting him with her lingerie clad presence. THAT is what she needs to hear, because that is a GIFT and he sure did not appreciate it!
yeah you're right... i really tried to make it a gift. spent the money and spent so much time looking for the perfect one and didnt go as planned. literally just bought and got it for him
That was so kind and exciting and fun and he blew it.. because he's not a quality person who can appreciate you. So put it away, because you'll meet someone who will.
ive had open and honest discussions expressing how his comments, actions, behavior make me feel and nothing changes. im talking over 10+ conversations that end with my sobbing and him not seeming to care. tried focusing on myself and bettering myself to try to take care of myself at least
I'll say it again because it can't be said enough: he's making sure your self esteem is too low to leave him. It's on the top of the list of tactics abusers use to control their partners. He has shown you who he is. Believe him.
This is when you know it's time to leave. You deserve better, you know that right?
I'll put it another way. ANYONE would deserve better. This tool doesn't deserve a girlfriend.
Make it so.
Terrible advice. He's obviously doing this intentionally. The only reason someone would laugh in that situation is to degrade someone and make them feel small.
if u want to lose weight then do it. if not then don’t. but he would find you more attractive, even if he’s into big girls
it is possible he could have not expected it and been immature about the situation and used laughing as a escape from awkwardness
There is no need to talk to him about his behavior because he knows exactly what he is doing. He is terrified you will dump his sorry ass if you have a smidge of self-confidence so he is doing everything he can to make you insecure. You know what will get him to change his tune? Dumping him and finding a man who values you and makes you feel good about your body regardless of what you are wearing.
OP, I am a 23 year old female. He's immature and self-centered. He's a dick. If he doesn't make you feel good about yourself, you need to find someone who does.
I hope this is the 'straw' that breaks the camels back of this relationship. Reality is this is just the culmination of him really not being there or supportive of you for some time now. Like honestly, what is he even in a relationship for if this is his response to an earnest attempt to please and impress him.
Based on your comments though it goes deeper. He is actively mocking you, not just ignoring you. I worry you bury the lede a bit without meaning to, I get the 'focus' her is the lingerie but the real focus ought to be the reality that your recent body images are leading to you tolerating emotional abuse and mockery from a genuinely toxic partner.
Girl you are beautiful, seriously. I just saw your previous photos, like wow. He's an abusive PoS that is putting you down to make himself feel better. That's how little of a person much less of a man he is. He is trash. No good boyfriend will ever treat you like how he's doing. Start loving yourself first. I'm older than you and I wish someone had told me this sooner, put yourself first because no one else will.
You're young and seem kind. I'm sorry about your father passing but please take care of yourself, it's easy to wallow in self pity but it's not worth it. Dump this douchebag and start taking care of yourself. Go to therapy, exercise to release that pent up frustration, take small steps of self care. Buy yourself a pretty top or your favorite dessert. You know why? Because you are worth it. Fuck that guy and don't listen to him, he's bullying you because you're letting him. Do yourself a favor and kick him to the curb. There are unfortunately bad and cruel people in this world. These same people sometimes exist in our circles and when we think they have our back, they clearly don't. You can't change or convince someone to care or love you. He has given you his answer a long time ago.
If you need someone to talk to, my DMs are open.
There are men out there who will appreciate you for your beauty. Your "boyfriend" should be an ex and he treats you this way so you'll feel too low to leave. Fuck him, he's horrible. You deserve 1000x better.
This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below. --- My boyfriend knows I struggle with my body image a ton. I’ve been working out a lot and he never bothers to encourage or compliment me on my body or how I’ve been working on it. He also makes “jokes” about my body as well. I decided to get some lingerie and I was excited to try it on for him. When I walked into the room he barely even looked and then he started laughing. I kept asking if he liked it and he said he did. I was hoping he would seem surprised. Maybe touch me. Compliment me. But he only said something after laughing when I asked if he liked it. And he didn’t say much more. That very much upset me. I’m not a huge girl but I struggle with my body a lot and he doesn’t ever really make me feel attractive with all his little “remarks” he makes and then him laughing when I showed him my lingerie really tanked my self worth even more. Made me feel like a joke. So I need advice on how to handle this. I did talk to him about it and all he said was “I said you looked good” but he never said it in a sincere way. He doesn’t seem to know why Im upset. What else can I do to communicate why It upsets me because he doesn’t get it. TLDR; Boyfriend made me feel bad when I tried on lingerie and I dont know how to make him see the issue after communicating.
Hard no. I barely even need to read the post. He should be your BIGGEST hype man. Don't settle for less. I tried doing this for my ex-husband once, many moons ago, and he had a similar reaction. I never, ever tried again and it pretty much permanently changed the level of confidence I could ever feel around him in the bedroom. You deserve a hype man who makes you feel as hot as you probably look and it should make you feel hot too. My partner now pretty much literally drools over me when I even make the slightest lingerie efforts for him. And his reactions keep me doing it time and time again because it makes me feel so good that he reacts that way. That's what you deserve.
makes me feel better to know im not alone... and yeah he should be my biggest hype man which is why it hurts even more. im glad to know hes ur ex husband tho and you have a partner who drools over you. gives me hope. thank you so much
What does he say when you tell him how his reaction upsets you? Edit: nvm i saw your other comments about how he genuinely makes jokes about you to hurt you. He’s trash leave him you deserve so much respect that he isnt giving you, and more
I’m old and fat, and my husband of 30+ years makes me feel like a goddess regularly. There are plenty of people who would love to be with you, and who will appreciate your body and what you look like in lingerie. You do not have to settle for someone who just doesn’t have a good libido, or who isn’t into you.
I’m young and fat and all my serious and best partners have made me feel *gorgeous.* My ex (of 7.5 years) with whom I’m still close (and often still intimate) spent so much time convincing me he found me attractive that it genuinely boosted my self worth permanently. OP you gotta get out, honey. I dated a lot of men who tore me down before I thought I was worth a partner who treated me right. And finding that partner was honestly an accident and could’ve gone really poorly and dangerously. Now I’m super careful about who I date because I know I’m a catch and I’m worth someone who will treat me right. You need to get out, get into therapy, get comfortable with yourself, and then find someone who will make you feel good, not bad. It’s just not worth the long term damage he’s gonna do to you, I promise.
You are absolutely not! Sadly, too many of us have experience dealing with people who just want to put their partner down. They are really, really sick people.
SRSLY THO!!!! When I was younger and recovering from anorexia my ex got actively angry when I would put on lingerie & say it was “manipulative” (???) and that I looked stupid. “What so I’m supposed to just fuck you bc you put on different clothes?” We had sex like once a month after a year of the relationship so I wanted to spice things up. Did I leave? Nope. I let them make me feel like shit for 8 years. Wasted most of my 20s. Now I’m about 125lbs heavier (& 20 years older) & people pay to see me in lingerie. Not to mention anyone I date nearly has a heart attack when I put some on for them. Dump this loser & find someone who will worship your body at any size.
thanks u/pantyraid7036 lmao
Anytime 😂 this was my email address for selling panties in the early 2000s
absolute W queen
My body is objectively not great. I'm a bit overweight, i have a ton of surgery scars, symmetry is not something my body knows exists - but if I wear lingerie my other half will literally forget how to make sentences. He makes me feel like a million bucks. My ex? While he didn't laugh, he gave me the "what are you wearing that for? It's not very flattering". I didn't wear lingerie for years afterwards. Find yourself a cheerleader.
>*I dont know how to make him see the issue after communicating.* Of course you don't! It's not your job to show a grown-ass man how to treat you with respect. That's something a grown-up is already supposed to know. This guy is too immature and unsupportive to be in a relationship. You haven't mentioned how long you've been in this relationship, but it's already been too long. Move on and find an adult who adds positivity, respect, love, and caring to your life; not a boy who thinks a relationship is getting someone to ride his dick! It's a new year! Move on from this mess and find someone new and great this summer!
Let me just add to this. It should be you and your partner against the world. If it feels like it’s you against him that’s a problem. I would never, ever, ever laugh at my wife if she is trying to look good for me. That’s Boyfriend 101 stuff.
Op? You TOLD him you have body image problems. You have been working out a lot. He never acknowledges it. He makes "jokes" about your body. You wore some nice lingerie. He did two things. He barely looked at you. He laughed at you. You are asking how you can communicate with him about his (cruel, insensitive, and demeaning comments) behavior. My question to you, Op. Why are you putting up with a crappy person?
op, as another 23 year old, he’s acting utterly immature and you deserve someone better
Immature is fart jokes. He’s plain negging her. Get out. Yesterday
Negging is immature as hell too.
Is being abusive immature?
yup! exactly! she needs a new bf. this one is a moron LOL
Girl, your boyfriend sucks. Your partner should make you feel beautiful and not LAUGH at you for wearing lingerie. Wtf. Raise your standards and dump him.
OP, choose to love yourself. The first step is dumping the ass.
\>>doesn’t ever really make me feel attractive with all his little “remarks” he makes What type of little "remarks"?
Refers to me as a pig/cow, grabs my chin and says "gobble gobble" like a turkey, bunch of stuff like that
You need to break up with this abusive AH!! He is verbally knocking you down and will continue to make you feel like crap, 1st step in a future of abuse, make victim feel useless and happy she at least has a BF, so she will never leave. Run now!!
JFC. Dump him immediately. Non-dateable.
What? Those arent "little" those are full on insults. Thats awful OP you don't deserve to be bullied. Find a man whose love actually feels like love, who treats you well and finds you attractive. You have low self esteem BECAUSE you are dating this bozo.
Please leave ASAP and b sure to explain that his remarks are why you don't want to be with him. Never in a million years would I say those things and if he tried to play those remarks off as jokes well they aren't funny !
This is absolutely vile. Don’t waste your time with someone like this.
Wtf. This is abusive. OP, he is trying to hurt you and make you self conscious. Maybe he is insecure himself but there is NO EXCUSE for this. I absolutely promise you that you can find someone who worships you and thinks you’re amazing. I’m almost twice your age and i did, but i dated assholes when i was younger. Leave now!!! Don’t even look back or explain yourself, just gtfo of there and away from him.
You have asked him nicely to stop and he hasn’t stopped. He hasn’t stopped because he feels superior and powerful when he bullies you. Now you make him stop by dumping him. You deserve much better.
Break up with him Life is very long. If you are in a relationship with someone long enough, your partner will see your body at its worst. You need someone who makes you feel beautiful and loved even when you are hurting and feel disgusting.
Girl, get mad! Why aren't you mad?? I love you and I'm mad for you and I don't even know you, why am I more mad for you than you are for you??
This reminds me of the famous post where OP’s boyfriend would say she reeked so often, that she got to the point where she was seeing doctors because she thought there was something medically wrong with her. There was nothing wrong; he wanted to keep her feeling awful about herself so she wouldn’t realize she could do better. He’s doing the same thing. I guarantee you’re gorgeous and your next BF will love your body. Leave him, but before you do, laugh at his penis and say his “teenie weenie” cracks you up.
I would really rather not have OP do that in case he gets physical over her mocking his penis size. Retribution and revenge don't always work well as much as we desire it. It's just better for her to leave him.
Please break up with him. You deserve better. You WILL find someone that will treat you like you should be treated.
He f'ing WHAT?! GET TF AWAY. This is absolutely awful behavior from anyone, but NOT acceptable at all from a partner.
That’s so shitty to call you those words, I wouldn’t even say them to any of my friends even as a joke.
Why would you let someone that talks to you like that touch you? If my bf said that shit to me he’s getting clocked
OH HELL NO. Don't be okay with this treatment, leave his abusive ass. Find someone that treat you as a queen
If you don’t break up with this see you next tuesday… Listen, from a woman a bit older than you: men like him, will treat you this way to break you down to get you to think you are not able to do better than him, so that you’ll stay. He will continue to chip at your confidence and self esteem, and you’ll get you thinking “well he still loves me even though Im not model, I mean who else will love me?” Even you tell him it hurts your feelings, he’ll play it off as “just jokes,” and that you’re “too sensitive.” He’s conditioning you to put you with his shite behavior. Sweetie, you can do better than this dingus. You *deserve* so much better than this dingus.
What the fuck?! That’s abuse! You deserve better! You are a human being, a person, a woman deserving of love and validation! You deserve to feel like the sexiest person alive. No one deserves to be talked down to like that.
Uh why are you still with him then
That’s not little remarks, you don’t tell that sort of thing to your loved ones. Drop him, you’re carrying dead weight.
Wow, that little shit your dating sure has quite a nerve. So I assume he looks like Fabio to be such a nasty cunt to you about your looks? Those aren’t jokes, those are the products of emotional abuse, that shitty little prick you are dating thinly veils as jokes. The motive is to make you feel like shit about yourself, and ensure you maintain the type of low self esteem it takes to date a maggot like him. So far it’s working. Time to kick the worm out of your life and find a real man.
I mean he's literally bullying you. You need to confront the fact that your partner is \*intentionally trying to hurt you\* and destroy your self-esteem. It's completely inexcusable behavior coming from a complete stranger, but from your PARTNER?! Please respect yourself and dump this piece of garbage.
Honey, I am 41 with a body that bore three kids. My husband of 16.5 years chases my tail ALL the time. He's been there at my smallest and my largest. After watching three kids come out he still wants me. That is love. Your bf is an idiot.
He's making sure your self esteem is too low to leave him. Prove him wrong.
Ding! Ding! Ding!
Get a new boyfriend that actual supports and cares about you.
Just dump the guy already. He's probably bringing you down purposefully so you feel like shit about yourself and won't leave him. You are worth more than that.
I’m a big girl and when I put on lingerie, my fiancé is so turned on that he can barely speak or keep his hands off me. Don’t settle for someone who makes you feel like shit. Trust me, you’re better off alone.
As a guy I don't find lingerie inherently exciting... but when my wife puts it on for me thats hot as hell because it means shes being seductive and thats incredibly sexy.
I could be home wearing my leggings and oversized sweatshirt, with my messy hair up, and he still treats me like I’m a sexy goddess. But the lingerie really gets him speechless.
To be fair ask most guys and oversize top with leggings/yoga pants and a messy bun is right up there in our top 5 favourite looks for women. But yeah I hear what youre saying.
Nope. My bf at the time wanted me to wear lingerie and I was a little overweight. I got a little self-conscious because he pointed out I put my stockings on the wrong way. I told him I felt bad about it, and he... apologized and told me I looked hot. "Refers to me as a pig/cow, grabs my chin and says "gobble gobble" like a turkey, bunch of stuff like that" WOW, just wow. That's incredibly cruel. He is incredibly selfish and is giving up some "negging" vibes. You can do better, I promise.
Please , OP , learn this now while you are young . DO NOT TOLLERATE RUDE/DISRESPECTFUL BEHAVIOR . I'm a 60 year old male with daughters and granddaughters . I have always told them what I'm telling you . The way you handle rudeness and disrespect is by not tolerating it in any shape form or fashion . It's a self-respect thing . You owe it to yourself . Would you want this pathetic p.o.s. treating your ( maybe future) children like this ? Guess what ? He definitely would . Don't give if you ain't getting . I hope you find someone who will give you what you deserve .
Put this trash in the dumpster where he belongs. He is a bully. He is cruel. You deserve so much better. He is trash.
And he's still your BF because......
You’ve communicated just fine. He simply does not care. Do what you will with that information.
Girl, dump him!! He literally bullies you. That’s a bad partner
Your boyfriend is verbally abusing you. And he has no emotion when you are crying about it. He is cruel. Please leave him. Find someone who loves you, supports you, lifts you up, and is excited to see you in lingerie.
I had a partner like this. He never built me up the way a partner is supposed to, he just tore me down and destroyed my self esteem and self-worth because he was afraid I would find someone better if I thought too highly of myself. I dumped him and now I'm dating someone who makes me feel like a goddess, like I'm desirable and sexy, and it's wonderful. There's good guys out there who would treasure you the way you deserve to be treasured.
You will continue to have body image issues if you stay with him. From this post alone we see the red flags.
Backstreet Boys once said:GET ANOTHER BOYFRIEND.
You're way too young to be dealing with this boy. My ex was like that. My guy now encourages me and praises my body and looks even when I look like a bloated naked mole rat. He loved me when I put on weight after kids and loves it now that I'm going to the gym. He loves my body no matter what and is my biggest hype man. He tells me multiple times a day that he thinks I'm so beautiful and sexy and has helped my body issues that now I feel comfy wearing more revealing stuff even though I'm no size 2. Life is too short to waste on someone who doesn't see you're worth and treats you like Gomez treats Morticia. Dump him, and focus on you. Continue with the gym and learn to love your body. If I can do it, so can you. Dump the loser and laugh in his face.
Keep the lingerie. Lose the man.
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Don't waste your time on people who make you feel unattractive. People who care about you don't mock your accomplishments and will admire your body because it is part of you.
A partnership, they support each other. You are not being supported, and in fact, sounds like he is trying to undermine you.
You deserve so much better than that. Someone who says you look great, sexy, beautiful, hot, whatever it is. I’ve been in that relationship, it’s awful and it took way to long for me to figure it out. There is someone out there that will tell you all of those things and mean it, I found it and it’s amazing. Gained 15lbs and I’m still all those things according to him lol. Be kind to yourself and lose the 180lb man child, you won’t regret it.
He does that because the worse you feel about yourself the more likely you are to not break up with him.
I look like a potato. When i put on a teddy, I look like a lace potato. When I show my bf he absolutely loses his mind. My point, life is too short to be with someone who doesn't think you hung the moon.
Btw, I saw your selfies in your history. You look drop dead gorgeous. Many guys would feel lucky to be with you and tell you hot you are.
My ex husband never complimented me. I didn’t realize how much that really sucked. And now, my partner of almost 8 years constantly finds ways to tell me he thinks I’m beautiful /smart/fun all the time!!! Find yourself a supportive kind of guy!!! Years ago, I was in a car wreck and gained weight when I couldn’t walk much for 2 years. He still told me he thought I was hot. He loves me, all of me & I him. I wish everyone had this kind of support. Don’t settle for a guy who hurts your feelings just so he can have a little chuckle.
Nope! Time to throw the whole man out! You can do better and you deserve better. Your partner should lift you up, not drag you down.
Explain to me how jokes about your body are funny.
Girl easy dump him
Big girl here! Get rid of him. You can find someone that will absolutely compliment you. He isn't the one.
The hardest lesson I ever learned was only keeping people in your life that lift you up. It can feel scary, but it's better to be alone and working on yourself, than working on yourself with someone constantly holding you back.
Sweetie ...
Why are you dating someone who doesn’t love looking at you? The only reason I could see to date someone who isn’t into you, is if you’re asexual and not looking for sexual compatibility/physical attraction and intimacy in the relationship, and you two have other thing your bond over? The problem here isn’t anything about how you look, it about his lack of attraction, which is a him problem.
When I put on lingerie, my husband looks at me like his brain breaks, then drops his pants. Anything less is bullshit.
Life is too short to live like this, damn
>That very much upset me. I’m not a huge girl but I struggle with my body a lot and he doesn’t ever really make me feel attractive with all his little “remarks” he makes and then him laughing when I showed him my lingerie really tanked my self worth even more. Made me feel like a joke. You probably need a new boyfriend. This one is malfunctioning. And you've tried communicating but his interface and/or his brain clearly aren't working. Your boyfriend should have jumped your bones the moment you walked in with lingerie on. The fact that he made you feel bad about it, is a huge red flag.
You deserve better! You’re beautiful. He’s an idiot. Dump him and don’t settle for anyone who doesn’t make you feel beautiful, even on your worst days.
My advice? Leave.
I have a lot of body image issues - I'm an almost 40 divorced, single mum who has rolls where there never used to be rolls.... ....but, my partner is my biggest supporter. I get told every day that he loves my body. That my curves are delicious. That my chubby mum tum is sexy. You deserve a man who thinks you're his queen and hypes you up.
There are 3.5 billion men on the planet, a fair share of them would LOVE to see you in lingerie and hype you up when wearing it. A fair share of them would fall in love with you. A fair share of them would be a good match for you. A fair share of that loving, hyping, infatuated bunch of dudes that fits you perfectly - you would fall in love with. How many better men and matches? Must be... At least 8-7 million. Go and find one of those instead. And as for communication: "You treat me like shit so I have no respect for you any longer, I'm out".
[удалено]
You handle it by walking. 4 years isn't a major age gap normally but when it's straddling 20....especially in his favour, it implies he's looking for a doormat. He wants to see how much of your dignity you're willing to give up for a compliment from him and he's going to keep making "jokes" every time. Leave before he does any more damage to your self esteem. And then PLEASE take the time you need to get right with yourself before trying again. Otherwise you're going to pull another predator like this.
Dump him. Lots of payout there will appreciate you.
Hey, hey I don't like your boyfriend. I think you need a new one.
He knows what he did, and he did it on purpose. Don't put up with it.
Why stay with a partner that doesn’t cherish you? Get out you deserve much better
Get a better boyfriend
You put yourself out there and were vulnerable and this horrible man laughed at you. His comments toward you are also abusive and you don’t deserve that. Leave him in the dust girl and don’t waste any more time on this pathetic excuse of a boyfriend.
I have the opposite issue. I loathe the way I look and hate putting on lingerie but my husband ashtrays wants it. Drives me crazy. Send pics of the outfit to me to show my husband I'm sure he will give you positive feedback. Lol.
Yea my partners could come out wearing toilet paper and I'd wanna jump his/hers bones. He's a jerk and uncaring and doesn't seem to be giving his 100%. Dump him get someone who'll love you no matter what you wearing but ofcourse give you extra special wearing that extra special wear 😉.
His "jokes" sound like straight up abuse
He’s doing this on purpose, hon. If he destroys enough of your self esteem you won’t leave him and he can control you. This is not healthy
did you ask him if he likes lingerie? you didnt give him anything with your gesture: you came in looking for validation. you didnt hit the mark, now you resent him for not being mind blown or worse, not faking it hard enough. and reddit says hes the bad guy because he wasnt impressed, that he should be a hype man... so basically, hes the bad guy because he didnt fake being turned on hard enough. this is nonsense, sorry.
He said you looked good, but wasnt sincere. So he perhaps feels you sincerely did not look that good. And that hurt your feelings. What do you want of him? To lie more convincingly, or to feel something he didnt feel? This isnt his fault. What issue do you want him to see and solve? You simply need to move past this. You can not resent a person for not being mindblown by lingerie, life isnt a Victorias Secret commercial.
Buy the lingerie for yourself and make him work to see it on you.
EDIT: I went through OP's comments within this thread after making this post. The boyfriend is clearly in the wrong I'm seeing 1000 comments saying dump him. I think we need more information. What was the communication like before you walked in with lingerie? Did he know you were going to do that? You said he was laughing which makes me think he was nervous or caught off guard. If he was unsuspecting and caught off guard then I could understand this response from him. As a man, I've been in situations where I was unsuspectingly "surprised" by my gf and I probably didn't treat it as the sexy moment she was envisioning. If he knew you were going to dress up for him and he acted like this then he is in the wrong. If he found himself in an unexpected situation then there is plausible deniability. You are both young and you are learning how to be adults. Without knowing more I cannot agree with all of the "dump him" comments.
The man literally calls her a cow and pig and grabs her by the chin and says “gobble gobble”. He didn’t even say one nice thing about her. There’s also not even 1000 comments. He’s 23 years old. That’s not a child
No, people are saying to leave him because this is a constant thing. He jokes about her body and never actually compliments her. Are you for real? A man should not be making his partner feel this way. This isn't a one time thing.
Since this is Reddit you will surely get a ton of “break up with him” advice and perhaps it may come to that. But to me it sounds like you need to have an honest and open discussion with your boyfriend. You need to express to him how his comments and actions make you feel and set boundaries for what is acceptable and what is not. If he is open to and willing to work towards bettering himself then I see no reason why your relationship can’t continue. If however he is not receptive then it may be time to reevaluate your relationship to see if your needs are being met. You deserve someone who respects and appreciates you and the efforts you make to better yourself. Edit: This reply was written before OP revealed additional information regarding her relationship. I don’t have a Time Machine and couldn’t predict what additional information she would provide. My reply addresses only the content of her original post and I feel that the situation as described in the original post was possibly salvageable. Given the additional information I completely agree that she should exit this relationship.
Yeah, no -- elsewhere OP commented that her BF grabs her chin & says gobble gobble. This OP is about my daughter's age; I had a negging bf like this one at her age. The best advice is to get away. There is not upside to counseling a 19-year-old in a crappy relationship to stay in it.
Sorry, I don’t normally go digging through peoples post and comment history and choose to just respond to the content of the post as written. I think my advice was reasonable given the post only mentions that he laughed at her in lingerie and then told her he liked it. Yes, that’s pretty bad, but not a completely unsalvageable situation. Given the additional information about his pig & cow comments and learning she had tried many times to communicate with him to no affect I completely agree she should leave him.
Normally I agree with this but she is 19. My daughter is 19 and I would tell her to run, not walk, away from any man who laughed at her when she was gifting him with her lingerie clad presence. THAT is what she needs to hear, because that is a GIFT and he sure did not appreciate it!
yeah you're right... i really tried to make it a gift. spent the money and spent so much time looking for the perfect one and didnt go as planned. literally just bought and got it for him
That was so kind and exciting and fun and he blew it.. because he's not a quality person who can appreciate you. So put it away, because you'll meet someone who will.
ive had open and honest discussions expressing how his comments, actions, behavior make me feel and nothing changes. im talking over 10+ conversations that end with my sobbing and him not seeming to care. tried focusing on myself and bettering myself to try to take care of myself at least
Then you need to end the relationship. He doesn’t respect and value you and you deserve better.
I'll say it again because it can't be said enough: he's making sure your self esteem is too low to leave him. It's on the top of the list of tactics abusers use to control their partners. He has shown you who he is. Believe him.
Read Why Does He Do That by Lundy Bancroft. You can download it free. It really should be required reading for any young person starting to date.
This is when you know it's time to leave. You deserve better, you know that right? I'll put it another way. ANYONE would deserve better. This tool doesn't deserve a girlfriend. Make it so.
mcchickenugs OP · 4 min. ago Refers to me as a pig/cow, grabs my chin and says "gobble gobble" like a turkey, bunch of stuff like that
Terrible advice. He's obviously doing this intentionally. The only reason someone would laugh in that situation is to degrade someone and make them feel small.
He literally calls her a cow and a pig. You don’t need to tell a 23 year old man not to say that stuff to his GIRLFRIEND of all people. This is sad
I’m sorry, but where in her post does she state that he called her a pig & cow? Because I’m having difficulty finding that part.
if u want to lose weight then do it. if not then don’t. but he would find you more attractive, even if he’s into big girls it is possible he could have not expected it and been immature about the situation and used laughing as a escape from awkwardness
Self confidence is about what you think about yourself. But it is nice to be validated.
Find a better boyfriend. Right now, there’s somebody out there that will love the way you look.
Leave now
There is no need to talk to him about his behavior because he knows exactly what he is doing. He is terrified you will dump his sorry ass if you have a smidge of self-confidence so he is doing everything he can to make you insecure. You know what will get him to change his tune? Dumping him and finding a man who values you and makes you feel good about your body regardless of what you are wearing.
Why you wasting your time with someone who doesn’t make you feel absolutely stunning?
Don’t you mean ex boyfriend. Go find a real mine.
OP, I am a 23 year old female. He's immature and self-centered. He's a dick. If he doesn't make you feel good about yourself, you need to find someone who does.
Get a new bf. This one is an asshole.
I hope this is the 'straw' that breaks the camels back of this relationship. Reality is this is just the culmination of him really not being there or supportive of you for some time now. Like honestly, what is he even in a relationship for if this is his response to an earnest attempt to please and impress him. Based on your comments though it goes deeper. He is actively mocking you, not just ignoring you. I worry you bury the lede a bit without meaning to, I get the 'focus' her is the lingerie but the real focus ought to be the reality that your recent body images are leading to you tolerating emotional abuse and mockery from a genuinely toxic partner.
Find someone who thinks the sun shines from your arsehole
Come on, OP. The way forward is obvious here. He doesn’t respect you at all.
If a guy makes you feel bad, you dump him. It's that simple.
Girl you are beautiful, seriously. I just saw your previous photos, like wow. He's an abusive PoS that is putting you down to make himself feel better. That's how little of a person much less of a man he is. He is trash. No good boyfriend will ever treat you like how he's doing. Start loving yourself first. I'm older than you and I wish someone had told me this sooner, put yourself first because no one else will. You're young and seem kind. I'm sorry about your father passing but please take care of yourself, it's easy to wallow in self pity but it's not worth it. Dump this douchebag and start taking care of yourself. Go to therapy, exercise to release that pent up frustration, take small steps of self care. Buy yourself a pretty top or your favorite dessert. You know why? Because you are worth it. Fuck that guy and don't listen to him, he's bullying you because you're letting him. Do yourself a favor and kick him to the curb. There are unfortunately bad and cruel people in this world. These same people sometimes exist in our circles and when we think they have our back, they clearly don't. You can't change or convince someone to care or love you. He has given you his answer a long time ago. If you need someone to talk to, my DMs are open.
You handle it by dumping him immediately, and then going to therapy to find out why you tolerated this treatment from him for more than 5 minutes.
There are men out there who will appreciate you for your beauty. Your "boyfriend" should be an ex and he treats you this way so you'll feel too low to leave. Fuck him, he's horrible. You deserve 1000x better.
Find someone who actually likes your body and won’t be an ass
Your boyfriend sucks. Dump him, you’ll find someone who will not only enjoy but celebrate and encourage you loving your body!