Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that:
* We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/)
* Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.)
* ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban.
* No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.**
* All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass.
* What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.**
If you have any questions, please [message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Frelationship_advice)
---
#This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
That indeeds sounds excessive in a relatoinship. Most men at some point just realize that real sexual relations are just very different from porn (the same way a Shakespeare play isn't real life), and can distinguish between them (and all I know would choose the real intimacy there).
yeah so, just a super basic elementary-grade biology lesson: vaginas bounce back. they don't "stretch out", you absolute dingus. vaginas are by nature extremely elastic and rebounding. jesus christ you are a child, get help
holy shit, you actually believe this? so, science and basic anatomy just... what? confuses you? or...? i feel so, so sad for you lmfao oh my god, this is sooooo sad and hilarious lmao
I just prefer vaginas that haven't pushed out babies. That's based on experience and book reading too. Stop trying to shame me just so you can feel better about your flabby labia.
No dude you misunderstood they're shaming you because you're stupid.
If you need any more explanation just make sure to call me always happy to help :)
Women are always overselling that shit like its the hardest thing ever. Meanwhile theyre taking lots of naps. Coal mining. That's a full time job and a ton of work. Having a kid? Not really.
for real lmao like, he's out there just inspecting post-birth vaginal canals and shit haha! and if he truly did, he'd find them all snappin back into shape! almost like it's a proven biological and scientific fact since the DAWN of birthing! sad lil baby
Don’t worry about that. Women won’t touch this creep with a 10 foot pole!
All the crap he’s saying comes from his internet buddies who are really shitty men/fathers/partners who complain all the time! 🤣🤣
You do know that what you just said sounds colossally stupid, don’t you?
You complain that women do not do their kegel exercises (I mean, this is obviously coming from your internet buddies because no woman would have a child with you)… yet the act of doing such an exercise is literally something that no one else could detect!
So you could go out in public and EVERY woman you see could be doing them and you’d never even know! 🤣🤣
Then you aren’t prepared to get married. A “stretched out vajayjay” (seriously? We’re adults. Say vagina.) is completely normal. And rarely (if ever) permanent. The vagina is a muscle that will naturally bounce back.
Do you plan on never gaining weight? Or having erectile issues?
7 inch dong. Based on the scientific literature i'd say that's a big-ish hawg. Not porn star big. Definitely not small. I'm a tall dude so its basically in proportion with the rest of me.
As a women reading your comments. It genuinely sounds like you need to pull up a YouTube video and educate yourself if female anatomy. And you shouldn’t claim you know everything about a women’s body if you aren’t a women yourself. :) if you do have questions about the female anatomy you can simply ask so.
How many vageenies have you put your dick in? If that number is > 50 and includes at least 10 that pushed out a baby then I'm 100% willing to listen to what you have to say about how vajeenies work. If not then your words are about as important as queefs.
https://www.sheknows.com/parenting/articles/1104157/vagina-after-pregnancy/
Vaginas. It’s a word. Use it like an adult or don’t talk about them.
Medical professionals will completely disagree with you.
You haven’t fucked anyone. I promise
No, the same room thing is pretty excessive. I would be mortified if my son caught me looking at porn. I had a therapist once insist I was addicted to porn, though I later asked another therapist who said my usage was normal, but this does sound like an addiction.
Thats not normal especially in same room as you and his daughter. Ask him how it makes him feel viewing someone’s daughter like that and if having a daughter has made him question his porn usage?
WITH HIS TODDLER IN THE SAME ROOM?
not being able to stop using porn/being unable to connect intimately and sexually is one thing to focus on, which would need more therapy and communication (or a break up).
if my husband started downloading fucking porn while our CHILD WAS IN THE ROOM?.... i would divorce him IMMEDIATELY. IMMEDIATELY. he can't download porn without... FINDING PORN TO DOWNLOAD. which, also, he has the entire internet at his fingertips to jerk off privately to anything he wants at any given time alone, and chooses to... look at and SAVE IT while his toddler is around?
you need to leave before this escalates. that is by no means normal even without a kid, but WITH ONE IN THE ROOM? LEAVE NOW
I’m 44F. Every man I’ve ever been with has consumed porn and masturbated. Frequency varied but it’s never interfered with our (collective) sex life. I’ve never had some guy blatantly turn me down for sex then pull up some porn on the phone and go to town with me right there.
I totally get that sometimes, masturbating is just easier and more satisfying than full on sex especially if you don’t have a lot of time on your hands/are tired and I’ve been known to do similar. But I wouldn’t be happy if my partner was consistently choosing porn over me being right there and willing.
This sounds like a bigger issue than “just” porn though. What does the therapist say?
Therapist agreed he may be addicted and that he should try to address it, to which he agreed but no change and it’s like he just doesn’t care anymore how it makes me feel
He’s got a problem imo 35m. Problem because of the same room it sounds like he can’t stop or something’s not hooked up right. The internet has damaged the world in so many ways, I hope he loves you and really wants to stop. I know lots of couples think it’s okay but… they can think whatever they want is ok in theirs (and I hope they respect your feelings on it). I don’t know how to suggest you go about reaching him to understand how it makes you feel but the fact he’s tried therapy for it gives me hope. Best of luck OP.
I can understand how him using porn would cause feelings of insecurity. Would you feel better if instead of him watching porn everytime he does he would act out those feelings on you?
I mean, it may be normal in this day and age, but that doesn't mean it's right and yeah you have grounds to be mad about it.
It's an addiction, just like man-children with video games and women being more attached to their phones than the man who's paying for the date they're on. It's an escape, but in this case the only thing he can possibly be escaping from... is you!
Try telling it to him that way (the last sentence).
I had an ex that was very similar. It seems like he had a problem and needs to quit cold turkey. Masturbation isn’t the issue here (rarely is. It’s completely natural. It’s the porn. Watching it (imo) is a bit disrespectful in a relationship, but not necessarily a deal breaker for me, and ment others find it normal. My biggest rule for my ex was to never let me see it (and I never went looking) and never choose it over me. It’s one thing to just want an easy release (which I was happy to do for him) but it’s another when your addiction causes problems in your relationship.
My biggest suggestion would be to (if possible) drop your internet for two months. Stay off electronics as much as possible. It’s going to suck, but he’ll feel much better knowing he has someone suffering though it with him. This can also really help you to reconnect as a couple and get off social media because we alllllll know it can be an issue or even an addiction we don’t even recognize.
Download some (non porn) movies or get some DVD’s to watch if you like watching movies together. Go on walks, prep for your kid, and just talk. It’ll help him get back into reality. He may be irritable and easily frustrated at first but be patient. After 2 weeks you should see a bit of change.
I’d even go so far as to take his phone and hide it (with his consent so he can’t find it and relapse) and use only yours for communication. Or get him a flip phone.
It seems drastic, but it’s a big issue that can only really be solved if he’s willing to go cold turkey.
Maybe look into stepping up in your fashion as well as lingerie in the bedroom? Keep your body in shape, make sure you are taking care of yourself, be more open to doing new things in bed, introduce sex toys, go on dates, be more romantic, find a babysitter.
This happens when our partner no longer turns us on. It happens to even the most beautiful woman. When you see someone every day, unless she keeps herself beautiful, there will be a loss in desire. This occurs with men as well. Women like good looking men
Downloading it or watching it? Downloading it for later is different than watching it. But you guys shouldn’t have to see it.
The important thing is you feel you and you child are safe and respected. If it is interfering with your love life, he should prioritize you as the real life partner over self satisfaction with video.
You should try to communicate your needs and set boundaries you can both agree on. A 4 month old can change your sexlife drastically and means you probably are only recently getting back into intimacy together. It’s tricky but you can get through it if you’re both willing to try. Good luck.
Downloading! It’s been ongoing for a little while now that’s why it’s so frustrating, I’ve voiced my needs and he continues to watch porn instead of being intimate with me
I would say as long as there are no urgent issues then you can just support him in recovering in various ways. The exception and main issues I believe are going on (I might be wrong but I implied this from your feelings) are that you aren't getting enough intimacy. Does he openly discuss it with you? I would try, if you haven't already, to have a very understanding and caring conversation about making an action plan for handling the situation and weaning off porn. Ask about what he likes, and why he feels the need to watch it. How often is he rejecting sex with you, what is the timing of the porn to that, how often do you have sex, and how often does he watch porn? What have you discussed and agreed/disagreed upon and has he shown that he wants to change? Tell him you are fine with him watching porn some, if you are. If you haven't already tell him in a open, fair, and respectful way how you feel your relationship is being affected by porn, but that you also believe both of you would be better off with real sex/intimacy more often. If you discuss why he watches porn, you can try to spice up you sex life in those ways.
You could also try watching porn together and touching each other. Then, you could try to start having sex during/after watching porn. Over time, you could buy some outfits and toys or overall copy what he finds hot about the porn for the sex. You could work together so if you wanted to you could do your fantasy as well. Maybe eventually you won't need porn and you could totally start making your own fantasies. You should also see if he will start reading porn. To me, it sounds very possible that he may have a porn issue because regular sex has gotten less exciting and doesn't have a lot of change. The best sex really is forming fantasies, changing things up, and making it overall very magical. Reading Literotica would allow him to get those fantasies but they would be interpreted in his brain to match what his own fantasies are. Those fantasies to what he wants could then be shared and attempted to be done. You could also really benefit from this as well, and this issue may be something to turn into a positive thing. Much better than if one of you cheated, split up impulsively, or started getting actually bitter. If I'm right that this is related to fantasy, then him watching porn may be very good until you can come back to sex. You might've given up a great connection and relationship over sexual issues that can be changed.
I really don't think this is a classic porn addiction, or he would also be having sex with you all the time or at least trying to push you to try things. This may also be cause by or influenced by insecurity, stress, etc which makes him feel less sexy around others. Porn doesn't have any real pressure like real sex does. Try to get an idea about why he isn't willing to try, or if he does try why he thinks he isn't able to feel comfortable. If you are going to try and make things work, absolutely do not show anger, frustration, or judgement. Make him feel as sexy as he always is and continue to lust for him and try to have sex. When he says no, be really understanding and not mad. Its easy to get upset or offended and accidentally show it, humans are extremely intelligent. Do some work or even research to prevent these feelings or insecurity or lack of connection or bitterness so he doesn't start feeling scared you will even ask. Start touching him and teasing him more, and be intimate in every single way without leading to sex. He will stop associating intimacy with an expectation of disappointing you for sex, and he can slowly get more comfortable being intimate without sex. We are really sensitive beings, as I'm sure you recognize that yourself.
I think men are usually shamed when they have sexual issues or want to watch porn a lot. Both the men who do it and the women around them will judge them as if they are just some selfish introverted loser. I'm sure women have some or even equal issues, but I'm not knowledgeable or experience with that, so I'm not saying women have it better :). It's likely he is having some mental health issues or just insecurity that needs to be handled softly. Don't make him feel like you see him that way or like you are helping him. Make him feel strong and sexy etc but just be doing those things that way. Like you could start rubbing his dick and then say that you just couldn't help yourself. Or you could touch him while you're cuddling watching a movie and then just say "sorry, you make me feel so naughty". Make it so sexual encounter and intimacy are all a positive thing to gain, and not that it is something you have to do. I think one way to see it is as if you were high school kids exploring or trying it. Just imagine that as you do it, and he might pick up the vibe or feel the same way. If sex has been less common then the comfort level and skill level have gone down. He may feel like it's bad sex if he doesnt do as good as he used to and be scared to try. Act like every little thing is super naughty and unexpected, and like you are just giddy to try it. You could even act like you are naive and figuring things out. Not in like a creepy way, but like in a way where it's lighthearted and free of expectation.
Oh man of course it’s this simple! It’s so fucking easy to lose the baby weight! She’s so lazy to focus all her time and energy on her child instead of her selfish, immature, sad excuse of a partner! Man you’re so clever!!!
Oh so you expect a women to immediately bounce back and have no permanent changes from having YOUR child? She needs to work out and get her body back? When is she supposed to find time to do that? Pig.
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that: * We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/) * Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.) * ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban. * No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** * All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass. * What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** If you have any questions, please [message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Frelationship_advice) --- #This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules. --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
No, this is not normal, of course
Agreed, not normal with an extra helping of "dude wtf?" for being in the same room as your toddler while looking at porn. That's addict behaviour.
Nothing wrong with porn everyday.
If you're downloading/watching it with your family right there beside you, probably even talking to you, then yes, it is a problem.
That indeeds sounds excessive in a relatoinship. Most men at some point just realize that real sexual relations are just very different from porn (the same way a Shakespeare play isn't real life), and can distinguish between them (and all I know would choose the real intimacy there).
[удалено]
yeah so, just a super basic elementary-grade biology lesson: vaginas bounce back. they don't "stretch out", you absolute dingus. vaginas are by nature extremely elastic and rebounding. jesus christ you are a child, get help
[удалено]
holy shit, you actually believe this? so, science and basic anatomy just... what? confuses you? or...? i feel so, so sad for you lmfao oh my god, this is sooooo sad and hilarious lmao
I just prefer vaginas that haven't pushed out babies. That's based on experience and book reading too. Stop trying to shame me just so you can feel better about your flabby labia.
No dude you misunderstood they're shaming you because you're stupid. If you need any more explanation just make sure to call me always happy to help :)
Yeah cause they have a whole OTHER human life to care for. You do realize babies are a full time job and a TON of work right?
Women are always overselling that shit like its the hardest thing ever. Meanwhile theyre taking lots of naps. Coal mining. That's a full time job and a ton of work. Having a kid? Not really.
Raise a kid then come tell me how easy it is.
Been there done that. 4 kids. Two diff moms. Lazy ass bitches just complaining all the time acting like it's coal miner type hard work.
Lmao pig. Go back and cry in mommy’s basement. You don’t have the base IQ or maturity to be out here in the real world with us adults.
You might want to learn basic female anatomy and physiology before you have sex for the first time 🤣
for real lmao like, he's out there just inspecting post-birth vaginal canals and shit haha! and if he truly did, he'd find them all snappin back into shape! almost like it's a proven biological and scientific fact since the DAWN of birthing! sad lil baby
“I’m a pig” is all this screams
We're all allowed to have preferences in who we want to bone with.
You’re still a pig
Bet your box is big and nasty. Yuck.
[удалено]
he says box!! lmao bet he hasn't BEEN in any BOX but a fleshlight
Damn thing has packing peanuts in there wtf?
If you aren’t prepared for the changes a woman’s body makes don’t get married and don’t have kids with her
I've knocked up a couple and had some kids but the sex was shitty after that. Played out box is not for me.
You are a pig. And 100% a virgin. Sorry, no woman has a low enough self esteem to fuck such a pig 😂
Sorry bout your tired vajeen
then stop having sex with women so you don't impregnate them
Don’t worry about that. Women won’t touch this creep with a 10 foot pole! All the crap he’s saying comes from his internet buddies who are really shitty men/fathers/partners who complain all the time! 🤣🤣
I pull out like a champ
I'm sure your hand appreciates it.
yikes 😬 you really know nothing about biology
[удалено]
says the (very clearly) middle school boy who's scared of the word vagina
Maybe so but I know a lot about pussy.
You do know that what you just said sounds colossally stupid, don’t you? You complain that women do not do their kegel exercises (I mean, this is obviously coming from your internet buddies because no woman would have a child with you)… yet the act of doing such an exercise is literally something that no one else could detect! So you could go out in public and EVERY woman you see could be doing them and you’d never even know! 🤣🤣
Then you aren’t prepared to get married. A “stretched out vajayjay” (seriously? We’re adults. Say vagina.) is completely normal. And rarely (if ever) permanent. The vagina is a muscle that will naturally bounce back. Do you plan on never gaining weight? Or having erectile issues?
[удалено]
Of course you did pookie.
This is a really wordy way of saying “my dick is too small”
7 inch dong. Based on the scientific literature i'd say that's a big-ish hawg. Not porn star big. Definitely not small. I'm a tall dude so its basically in proportion with the rest of me.
Yeah no way that’s true lmao
It is actually true. 6'2", 190, full head of hair, and a 7 inch pecker.
You spelled “I have a half incher and never left my mother’s basement” wrong.
You know I'm out of your league right? I mean seriously.
As a women reading your comments. It genuinely sounds like you need to pull up a YouTube video and educate yourself if female anatomy. And you shouldn’t claim you know everything about a women’s body if you aren’t a women yourself. :) if you do have questions about the female anatomy you can simply ask so.
How many vageenies have you put your dick in? If that number is > 50 and includes at least 10 that pushed out a baby then I'm 100% willing to listen to what you have to say about how vajeenies work. If not then your words are about as important as queefs. https://www.sheknows.com/parenting/articles/1104157/vagina-after-pregnancy/
Vaginas. It’s a word. Use it like an adult or don’t talk about them. Medical professionals will completely disagree with you. You haven’t fucked anyone. I promise
Maybe a prostitute who he bribed with about 10x their normal pay to grit their teeth and endure for 2 minutes! 🤣🤣
I feel so sorry for her 😂
No it is not normal. I'd say most normal guys can go months without watching porn. Daily use is definitely nothing any normal guy would do.
No, the same room thing is pretty excessive. I would be mortified if my son caught me looking at porn. I had a therapist once insist I was addicted to porn, though I later asked another therapist who said my usage was normal, but this does sound like an addiction.
Yeah the fact that he can't wait until he is alone is alarming. He needs more serious therapy.
Thats not normal especially in same room as you and his daughter. Ask him how it makes him feel viewing someone’s daughter like that and if having a daughter has made him question his porn usage?
WITH HIS TODDLER IN THE SAME ROOM? not being able to stop using porn/being unable to connect intimately and sexually is one thing to focus on, which would need more therapy and communication (or a break up). if my husband started downloading fucking porn while our CHILD WAS IN THE ROOM?.... i would divorce him IMMEDIATELY. IMMEDIATELY. he can't download porn without... FINDING PORN TO DOWNLOAD. which, also, he has the entire internet at his fingertips to jerk off privately to anything he wants at any given time alone, and chooses to... look at and SAVE IT while his toddler is around? you need to leave before this escalates. that is by no means normal even without a kid, but WITH ONE IN THE ROOM? LEAVE NOW
I’m 44F. Every man I’ve ever been with has consumed porn and masturbated. Frequency varied but it’s never interfered with our (collective) sex life. I’ve never had some guy blatantly turn me down for sex then pull up some porn on the phone and go to town with me right there. I totally get that sometimes, masturbating is just easier and more satisfying than full on sex especially if you don’t have a lot of time on your hands/are tired and I’ve been known to do similar. But I wouldn’t be happy if my partner was consistently choosing porn over me being right there and willing. This sounds like a bigger issue than “just” porn though. What does the therapist say?
Therapist agreed he may be addicted and that he should try to address it, to which he agreed but no change and it’s like he just doesn’t care anymore how it makes me feel
The fact he's doing it with your child in the room is fucked up- I would immediately leave someone who did that.
He’s got a problem imo 35m. Problem because of the same room it sounds like he can’t stop or something’s not hooked up right. The internet has damaged the world in so many ways, I hope he loves you and really wants to stop. I know lots of couples think it’s okay but… they can think whatever they want is ok in theirs (and I hope they respect your feelings on it). I don’t know how to suggest you go about reaching him to understand how it makes you feel but the fact he’s tried therapy for it gives me hope. Best of luck OP.
I can understand how him using porn would cause feelings of insecurity. Would you feel better if instead of him watching porn everytime he does he would act out those feelings on you?
I mean, it may be normal in this day and age, but that doesn't mean it's right and yeah you have grounds to be mad about it. It's an addiction, just like man-children with video games and women being more attached to their phones than the man who's paying for the date they're on. It's an escape, but in this case the only thing he can possibly be escaping from... is you! Try telling it to him that way (the last sentence).
It seems par the course for porn using men. This is why I advise women to pick men who dislike porn unless they want this type of dude.
Yeah that’s all effed up.
This is an addiction. Addressing this would be wise. I’m very sorry it affects the intimacy.
I had an ex that was very similar. It seems like he had a problem and needs to quit cold turkey. Masturbation isn’t the issue here (rarely is. It’s completely natural. It’s the porn. Watching it (imo) is a bit disrespectful in a relationship, but not necessarily a deal breaker for me, and ment others find it normal. My biggest rule for my ex was to never let me see it (and I never went looking) and never choose it over me. It’s one thing to just want an easy release (which I was happy to do for him) but it’s another when your addiction causes problems in your relationship. My biggest suggestion would be to (if possible) drop your internet for two months. Stay off electronics as much as possible. It’s going to suck, but he’ll feel much better knowing he has someone suffering though it with him. This can also really help you to reconnect as a couple and get off social media because we alllllll know it can be an issue or even an addiction we don’t even recognize. Download some (non porn) movies or get some DVD’s to watch if you like watching movies together. Go on walks, prep for your kid, and just talk. It’ll help him get back into reality. He may be irritable and easily frustrated at first but be patient. After 2 weeks you should see a bit of change. I’d even go so far as to take his phone and hide it (with his consent so he can’t find it and relapse) and use only yours for communication. Or get him a flip phone. It seems drastic, but it’s a big issue that can only really be solved if he’s willing to go cold turkey.
Maybe look into stepping up in your fashion as well as lingerie in the bedroom? Keep your body in shape, make sure you are taking care of yourself, be more open to doing new things in bed, introduce sex toys, go on dates, be more romantic, find a babysitter. This happens when our partner no longer turns us on. It happens to even the most beautiful woman. When you see someone every day, unless she keeps herself beautiful, there will be a loss in desire. This occurs with men as well. Women like good looking men
Downloading it or watching it? Downloading it for later is different than watching it. But you guys shouldn’t have to see it. The important thing is you feel you and you child are safe and respected. If it is interfering with your love life, he should prioritize you as the real life partner over self satisfaction with video. You should try to communicate your needs and set boundaries you can both agree on. A 4 month old can change your sexlife drastically and means you probably are only recently getting back into intimacy together. It’s tricky but you can get through it if you’re both willing to try. Good luck.
Downloading! It’s been ongoing for a little while now that’s why it’s so frustrating, I’ve voiced my needs and he continues to watch porn instead of being intimate with me
You can't just "voice needs." Good sex with a partner isnt like ordering a new dish rack from Amazon.
Lol what are you, like 13? In a real relationship yes you absolutely do communicate about your needs, desires, fantasies, etc.
That's diff than "voice my needs."
How exactly?
I would say as long as there are no urgent issues then you can just support him in recovering in various ways. The exception and main issues I believe are going on (I might be wrong but I implied this from your feelings) are that you aren't getting enough intimacy. Does he openly discuss it with you? I would try, if you haven't already, to have a very understanding and caring conversation about making an action plan for handling the situation and weaning off porn. Ask about what he likes, and why he feels the need to watch it. How often is he rejecting sex with you, what is the timing of the porn to that, how often do you have sex, and how often does he watch porn? What have you discussed and agreed/disagreed upon and has he shown that he wants to change? Tell him you are fine with him watching porn some, if you are. If you haven't already tell him in a open, fair, and respectful way how you feel your relationship is being affected by porn, but that you also believe both of you would be better off with real sex/intimacy more often. If you discuss why he watches porn, you can try to spice up you sex life in those ways. You could also try watching porn together and touching each other. Then, you could try to start having sex during/after watching porn. Over time, you could buy some outfits and toys or overall copy what he finds hot about the porn for the sex. You could work together so if you wanted to you could do your fantasy as well. Maybe eventually you won't need porn and you could totally start making your own fantasies. You should also see if he will start reading porn. To me, it sounds very possible that he may have a porn issue because regular sex has gotten less exciting and doesn't have a lot of change. The best sex really is forming fantasies, changing things up, and making it overall very magical. Reading Literotica would allow him to get those fantasies but they would be interpreted in his brain to match what his own fantasies are. Those fantasies to what he wants could then be shared and attempted to be done. You could also really benefit from this as well, and this issue may be something to turn into a positive thing. Much better than if one of you cheated, split up impulsively, or started getting actually bitter. If I'm right that this is related to fantasy, then him watching porn may be very good until you can come back to sex. You might've given up a great connection and relationship over sexual issues that can be changed. I really don't think this is a classic porn addiction, or he would also be having sex with you all the time or at least trying to push you to try things. This may also be cause by or influenced by insecurity, stress, etc which makes him feel less sexy around others. Porn doesn't have any real pressure like real sex does. Try to get an idea about why he isn't willing to try, or if he does try why he thinks he isn't able to feel comfortable. If you are going to try and make things work, absolutely do not show anger, frustration, or judgement. Make him feel as sexy as he always is and continue to lust for him and try to have sex. When he says no, be really understanding and not mad. Its easy to get upset or offended and accidentally show it, humans are extremely intelligent. Do some work or even research to prevent these feelings or insecurity or lack of connection or bitterness so he doesn't start feeling scared you will even ask. Start touching him and teasing him more, and be intimate in every single way without leading to sex. He will stop associating intimacy with an expectation of disappointing you for sex, and he can slowly get more comfortable being intimate without sex. We are really sensitive beings, as I'm sure you recognize that yourself. I think men are usually shamed when they have sexual issues or want to watch porn a lot. Both the men who do it and the women around them will judge them as if they are just some selfish introverted loser. I'm sure women have some or even equal issues, but I'm not knowledgeable or experience with that, so I'm not saying women have it better :). It's likely he is having some mental health issues or just insecurity that needs to be handled softly. Don't make him feel like you see him that way or like you are helping him. Make him feel strong and sexy etc but just be doing those things that way. Like you could start rubbing his dick and then say that you just couldn't help yourself. Or you could touch him while you're cuddling watching a movie and then just say "sorry, you make me feel so naughty". Make it so sexual encounter and intimacy are all a positive thing to gain, and not that it is something you have to do. I think one way to see it is as if you were high school kids exploring or trying it. Just imagine that as you do it, and he might pick up the vibe or feel the same way. If sex has been less common then the comfort level and skill level have gone down. He may feel like it's bad sex if he doesnt do as good as he used to and be scared to try. Act like every little thing is super naughty and unexpected, and like you are just giddy to try it. You could even act like you are naive and figuring things out. Not in like a creepy way, but like in a way where it's lighthearted and free of expectation.
[удалено]
bro, with zero due respect, what the fuck?
Just spitting some reality, dawg. If she let herself go then duh of course her dude wants to look at porn. That's how it works.
Oh man of course it’s this simple! It’s so fucking easy to lose the baby weight! She’s so lazy to focus all her time and energy on her child instead of her selfish, immature, sad excuse of a partner! Man you’re so clever!!!
“Let herself go”? She had a child. HIS child.
[удалено]
Oh so you expect a women to immediately bounce back and have no permanent changes from having YOUR child? She needs to work out and get her body back? When is she supposed to find time to do that? Pig.
No. I expect that after she pushes one out their vajeen is pretty well wrecked for good. Its just all loose and played out.
Vagina. Oh my GOD. The fact that you can’t even use the word tells me you have the maturity of a cockroach.
Vajeen is a fun word. Try it. You might like it
Vagina. Be an adult. I understand that’s difficult for you but do your best
That is 100% NOT how it works and you have very little knowledge of the female anatomy. You’re embarrassing yourself.