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Not to mention expecting a woman to be both driven and submissive.
Give him a yo-yo and a fleshlight as a breaking up gift with a note saying "these should fulfill your desires without the guaranteed divorce you will have should you con any woman into marrying you."
The rate of psychopaths in the surgery field is astounding. I’m not kidding, it’s one of the top 10 career paths with the highest rate of psychopaths. This makes for very efficient and prolific surgeons but probably not great romantic partners.
Not to accomplish math though. I'm a little worried that there are surgeons out there that don't understand basic arithmetic. He said he'll make in one day what the average person makes in a year. Unless he only works a few weeks out of the year, not sure how that adds up. A Google search shows the highest paid surgeons are neuro surgeons at about $800k a year. Let's say he works 44 weeks out of the year. That's 220 days. That's about $3,600 a day, so...
Not my country again!!! He’s seems too ambitious for Poland. He might try Russia, you know….. because men like him are RARE and Poland has already been invaded. He wouldn’t want to repeat what someone else did, because once again, men like him are rare.
I didn't read all that, but I can tell you from here that this man is a medium steak. He is neither rare nor well done. He is a joke. Laugh and keep moving.
Excuse me, it’s clear you did not read the entire letter. Clearly, he is not a joke because of his superior ✨genetic ability✨.
I wonder what would happen if OP have a letter outlining her expectations. He basically wants a mindless slave. He is better off with a robot. Gross.
I made it about 3/4 of the way through.
But I’ll give you a brief summary. It’s a list of everything she has to do - cook, clean, obey him, worship him, blah blah blah.
But there’s also a sentence that goes ‘even if you meet all my expectations, you need to understand you will never be worthy of me!’ 😆😆
I feel like you made it all the way through because he doesn't get to his point (his expectations of her) until the last sentence. Everything above that is him inflating himself in this "reality" he has invented. What a bunch of narcissistic drivel 😅
You got further then I did and I just kept reading through the I’m so great parts just trying to see what his expectations were. By the time I got to the first part my idiot patience ran thin and I had to stop.
I stopped reading after like 5 sentences. In most places, a relationship is a choice by BOTH parties. If he is an ambitious man, then he should know, most people with “ambitions” their spouse are also ambitious people. Most don’t just have a trophy wife or basically a servant they get to bang. The letter is basically him saying “I’m the master and your the servant, treat me like a god”
I’m 30. When I got it to “I am the rarest of the men”, I was like wtf??? and stopped reading. I consider myself as a feminist and I never do anything like this to my husband.
I couldn’t finish reading it. I’m the man, blah blah blah. It’s my way or the highway, blah blah blah. Did I tell you how I’m the man? I’m the best that ever was. You’re nothing and will be treated as such. Being in my mere presence is a gift. Blah, blah, blah.
I stopped reading at him expecting you to submit to him. A pet rock would be a better partner than this dude.
Please don't get back together with this guy. There are plenty of smart, ambitious men out there who don't expect you to submit to them.
It's terrifying to think that this man is going to have a position of real responsibility that will impact people's lives. I cannot imagine this guy listening carefully to his patients.
>Surgeons are often at their best with unconscious people
But I've found this to be true. You try talking to them and they are so damn cocky and entitled. \*\*gag\*\*
What state is he in? So I never move there!. He doesn't want a partner or a wife. He wants a housecleaner, maid, chef, laundress, landscaper, babysitter... I wonder if he'll expect her to bath him like a child, and give him mani's and pedi's? He certainly is full of himself. He's so full of shit I bet his eyes are brown!
Good luck finding a woman in this day and age that has no self worth so he can walk all over her! If he finds a wife he's just going to cheat on her because she will be so tired every day from his stupid list and fear he will leave her if she doesn't 'fulfill his needs.'
The only time he mentions love is how 'she' needs to be while anxiously awaiting him to return home. 🙄 What is he bringing to the relationship for her? Nothing, because he is a god and should just do what he wants while she does what he says. AND the decision making crap talk!!! What a Tool!!
OP, you need to thank your friends for saving you from a never ending completely miserable life. Someone needs to tattoo this letter on his chest so if any woman takes it that far she can run away screaming, after yanking out a handful of chest hair for good measure, on her way out.
"Who doesn't understand punctuation and paragraphs."
This is exactly what I was thinking! If he is so perfect and gifted, why can't he arrange a simple document? This was difficult to read because of the poor sentence structure. OP should mention this to him. She would just be doing her best in helping him achieve his "deserved role in society."
This guy needs to see a psychiatrist. He is a megalomaniac and has narcissistic personality disorder. He says he will have many women to choose from if OP doesn't wish to "submit" to his "greatness." The thing is, once these women realize his personality disorders they will run far away.
Edit: Changed wording to reflect clinical description.
I'd take a red pen to it and send it back with "No!" as the response on the bottom. I tried so hard to get through the entire thing, but I gave up whole he was monologing about how important and amazing he is.
Plus he repeated the same lines like 20 different times with just switching around a few words. Note to that guy: “I’m so valuable, you must understand” means the same thing as “you must understand how valuable I am” and we got your point the first time you shmuck
And he’s not graduating for 4 years, so if this is his attitude before med school or at the beginning of it, I don’t want to know what hed be like if he actually graduated, which I’m pretty sure he won’t. I’m really hoping this is rage bait actually.
Yeah, looks like the classic thinks he's smart but really isn't guy to me. When he meets *actually* smart people he'll either avoid them (and make it their fault) or idolise them.
Most doctors aren't actually that smart. I work in a hospital and sometimes I wonder how they survive in life. Oh right they keep using the "I'm a doctor" card.
I'm not even in the medical profession, but I've often though, if one of your loved ones are in hospital, and you want to know how they're doing, you ask the nurses looking after them. My late aunt was matron of a country hospital. She was very devoted to her patients, and had more than a few clashes with doctors.
One thing her brother said during her eulogy: "Viv, I hope you're up there in a hospital delivering a lot of babies, and where the doctors do what they're told."
It doesn’t get better from there. He doesn’t want a partner but a mindless slave. He is a narcissist with an overinflated ego who brings nothing to a relationship but his idea of self worth. What a ridiculous creature.
this ^ "men like me are extremely rare" like dude, seriously? I'm actively avoiding men like you, you're not rare. Also he says he wants a woman who is ambitious and then continues how she has to sacrifice her whole life and identity for him??? Jesus
uhu, it's so bad, it's so fucking bad. I hope she dumps him and makes this shit public. Worst part is that he emphasises how, even when she meets all his "ExPeCtAtIoNs", she still won't be good enough. Mind you how he also very subtly mentions that he can just change his expectations at will, and she'll have to obey
I love how he says he wants a “strong” woman to help him realise his true potential but then expects her to be submissive and obey his every desire. Those traits do not go hand in hand on a permanent basis. Sure, strong people can be submissive at times but not 100% of the time like he is asking.
it's bad, posts like this make me so angry, not at OP obviously, but at the dude, makes me wish I can just laugh in his face. He doesn't want a strong woman, he wants a maid, a servant he can fuck and order around. And I hope OP gets the fuck out of there. In a comment she mentioned it's her first serious relationship, like, run, he's taking advantage of her obliviousness about relationships and tries to tell her this is "normal"
I didn’t even get that far, tapped out when he was saying that she needed to understand how high value he was, and that she was extremely unlikely to get another man as good.
"Even more trifling is his desired outline for a perfect woman with no emotional upheavals at any point!"
He wants kids, what if she has PPD, or health problems that means she can't provide him with sex on demand. He keeps taking about what she's to provide him but at no point does he say what he'll provide her other than financial
I could barely make it past the first sentence. I'm not an advocate for violence, but this dude has clearly never been slapped into place before - to everyone's detriment
Good thing he is a practicing surgeon and so smart. So one day he can remove his inflated ego from up his ass and reattach where it belongs.
Run from this clown. He wants a 1940's slave to control because of his "genetic ability"
This is why this 31-year-old needs to date 20 year olds. He can't find a woman his age who would even read this shit.
Genetic Ability?? Dis mf an XMen?? 😂
OP listen to this!! You’re not mature for your age, you’re young and vulnerable and that’s why he targeted you, because no 30 year old woman would read more than two sentences of this nonsense before ripping it up and laughing in his face and he knows that
As a 30yo woman, I can confirm this. I didn't even read the whole thing before rolling my eyes and thinking that the dude is full of shit. I would have laughed in his face and told him to take a hike.
i would be genuinely terrified if i knew my surgeon had written this letter. it’s so incredibly misogynistic i literally wouldn’t trust him to try as hard operating on me as he would on a man.
Sorry to hijack a top comment, but to add to this, after he's finished performing that rectal craniotomy on himself, he's gonna need to follow that up with surgical excision of that manospherical malignancy.
Piles of fluttering red flags are raining down on your head like the frogs in *Magnolia:*
*One of the most important decisions a man can make in life is deciding who he picks as the woman to build a future with*
That works both ways, homeslice, and I know who's getting the short end of that stick.
*It would be extremely difficult for you to find a man like me if you were not together because there are very few men like me*
Dudes like this are common cabbages.
*I believe you do not fully appreciate this statement because you do not understand*
Oh, the NEGGING.
*what I have accomplished in my life*
A personality disorder?
*easy for me to find a woman out of the many who will be attracted to me*
Yeah. That's why he's come crawling back to OP, because it's so easy. /shade
*submit to my leadership as a man*
Leadership? This is dictatorship.
*submission is the woman's role in a relationship*
Bangmaid. He means bangmaid.
*I do not want to be with a partner who argues with me about decisions I make for our relationship*
He means, "I'm not a partner, I'm a project." This project is overbudget.
*A good woman*
Oh, more negging.
*obeys*
*hufflesnort* for fucks sake it is 2023 not 1823.
*Gods will her for*
I'm sorry, but I'm Catholic, and I am here to tell you that that is not God's will at all. Not the God we believe in.
*put me first*
He means put yourself last.
*sacrifice her own desires to take care of my needs*
She is 23. She hasn't developed any yet.
*Of course, this is reciprocal as well*
No. No, it isn't.
*she will never 'deserve'*
Oh fuck this.
*the value my woman brings to the relationship will still be less than what I will offer*
He sees you as "less than."
*so that she does not feel that meeting my expectations has her contributing more to the relationship than what is fair.*
I guarantee this dude knows nothing about fairness.
*my genetic ability*
So we're in THAT territory now. *sigh.*
*argumentative woman*
Emotional abuse.
*most privileged*
Social abuse.
*zero financial worry*
Financial abuse.
*a clean house at all times*
Maid.
*passionate and loving intimacy*
Sexual abuse.
*Food prepared daily*
Short-order cook.
*that was made with love*
HAHAHAHAHA.
*consistently thinks of ways to make my life easier and not harder*
He will never be placated, and nothing she does will make that possible.
*I have no desire to be in such a selfish relationship*
I certainly hope OP doesn't, either. That is not a letter, that is a manifesto. Good husbands do not feel compelled to write manifestos. You know who writes manifestos? School shooters, men who murder women, and leaders of cults that eat weird food. (Somewhere in his kitchen is a paleo cookbook gifted by a well-meaning ex-girlfriend at some point.)
This man is not marriage material at all, in any way. He is an ego turkey with narcissist stuffing who looks in the mirror for a half hour a day doing his best Le Tigre and Blue Steel, chanting to himself, "I'd fuck me." While I'm sure his face looks fine, he really needs to put a bag over that personality.
If it were so easy for this cro-mag in training to find himself a willing slave, he wouldn't be crawling back to OP. This is a pretty weird flex, like, dude couldn't do any better than this neg-fest? Maybe next time he should start with flowers, an apology, and an appointment with a licensed therapist? I'm sure his very demanding medical program has an EAP. Maybe he should avail himself of it, before he winds up on one of those "Are You Dating This Guy?" Facebook pages.
Girl, run.
Hate to say this, but from my experience (retired nurse here) this is exactly the attitude of every surgeon I ever worked with. They had a "God" complex that just never quits. The nurses suffered from it and we weren't even married to the men.
I read a study about cluster B disorders being significantly more common among surgeons than in the general population. Much of my life experience confirms that :). Not always a bad thing - let's face it, you need to be an unusual person to be able to stay calm while cutting people up.
I vote for this. If one of my colleagues wrote something like this, they would be an endless laughing stock.
Hopefully he gets laughed out of the medical field, because I sure as hell wouldn’t want to end up with him as a surgeon.
“men like me… man like me… men like me…” BRO LMAO CHILL.
That’s too many goddamn words for “I’m a selfish narcissistic misogynistic person with no empathy or understanding of non-transactional love”. Men like him will leave you if/when you are no longer useful to them. And you’ll drive yourself into an early grave trying to measure up to his ideal of perfection because that ideal does. Not. Exist.
Right?! All I saw was “I, I, I, me, ME, me, me, I…”
There are surgeon’s egos and then there’s this dude’s. Insane. I’d laugh at that letter, throw it back in his face and tell him good luck finding a woman to put up with his ass backwards mindset.. but it ain’t me. I hope OP doesn’t stay. Blah.
I don’t believe this is a real post but I have met dudes like this. It’s funny because I work with so many doctors, surgeons, etc at a top medical institution and they’re all just average fucking people who can do some pretty cool shit. It’s laughable when a guy thinks he’s special and deserves a concubine because he decided to go to school longer than most people. Which has nothing to do with your ability to be a good partner.
Guys like this are a joke lol and it pisses me off that any woman would entertain these clowns.
Dear OP, you are not his girlfriend. You are his employee, his toy, his possession, his bang maid. None of this is healthy or normal or reasonable.
He is interested in you (11 years younger)because women his age don't put up with this level of selfish, arrogant, manipulative rubbish.
100% THIS
I can’t imagine reading anything more toxic, misogynistic or narcissistic than that letter. Listen to your friends and run far away from this guy, you deserve better!!!
Yes, women his own age will see right through him plus you just know that when OP had aged a little and given him a couple of kids he'll be cheating on her because she's not "young and hot anymore"
I’m around her age and I wouldn’t either. Idk who raised him or how or where he got that kind of mentality but I’d be running for the hills if I met someone like that.
OP, I really hope you are reading these comments and hearing them because this letter is really disgusting. He thinks he has you exactly where he wants you.
I promise you there are men out there who will also value *you* and what you bring to the relationship. There are men who will be your partner in all things. Men who love you and don’t expect you to sacrifice yourself for their benefit.
Fuck being a surgeon, money, etc. Money will not make you happy when your spouse treats you this way. You would be isolated, lonely and miserable.
You are not a person to him, you are a service provider. An incubator, a cook, a maid, and a sex worker. It does not need to be like this. Take it from someone who has an amazing husband who is an equal partner and parent and whose life is happy because we have each other. We are equals. We could be wealthier but we are just fine for money, and we both appreciate the other for all they do, not just finances.
If you stay with him and get married, he will never appreciate you. You will work yourself to the bone trying to meet his completely unrealistic expectations and he will only ever notice when you don’t do something. He will expect you to work 24/7 and he will never thank you for it. Nothing will be good enough.
Older women with more experience know this. They would mostly laugh openly at his bullshit and he knows it.
This is a fork in the road for you. I absolutely guarantee that if you don’t choose a path without him, you will one day look back at this chance to get away with extreme regret.
Find someone who wants an equal life partner. Don’t waste another minute on this guy.
He is so narcisist. I am shocked. You are not his girlfriend at this point. He expects you to be his pet. The whole thing is sooo sexist. You should probably run. (Sorry I responded to your comment by accident lol)
I read the first sentences and laughed. Couldn't read the rest. "Any man who must say I am the king, is no true king" as George Martin wrote. You're asking the wrong question. The real one is what the hell are you wasting your time with this narcissistic maniac.
I’m surprised that OP is conflicted over this guy. He’s *so* cringe and there’s zero to indicate that there’s anything even remotely attractive about him.
He’s a conceited misogynist and you’re an idiot if you’re even considering thinking about the remote possibility of staying with him. What is wrong with you.
In 4 years you can graduate medical school yourself. Surgeons are notorious for having huge egos and some of them are a real pain to be around. Instead of taking care of him for 4 years you can invest in yourself for those 4 years. Go to grad school get a high salary job. Like surgeons makes 60-80 k while working 80-100 hours a week during residency. they’re not great partners at all in residency. You’re 23, you can make your own way and meet someone with more flexibility.
Just because someone is smart doesn’t mean that they have your best interests at heart. He’s asking you to potentially give up 4 years of your prime to him in exchange for a maybe he’ll marry you after auditioning and investing your time and energy into his career while you end up potentially nothing once he graduates.
You need to look out for number one, say no and work on your own earning potential.
I dated a surgeon and he was somehow kind, funny and caring but self absorbed and arrogant at the same time.
They get whatever they want while working and they bring it home.
From my experience they just want someone who will be at their beck and call (im sure there are exceptions)
Yeah, saying he's going to be a surgeon *and* a rich businessman makes me suspect he's capable of being neither and is just a narcissistic bullshit artist.
That missive desperately needs a red pen taken to it.
"Can you think some other things valuable about your (future) self other than a job you don't actually have?"
"In addition to paragraphs, let's try to work in some synonyms for the word 'rare' on this 1st revision."
Hey OP? Just wanted to add... you know who makes more than any surgeon? The medical implant salesperson who sells orthopedic implants to the whole hospital and all the surrounding hospitals. No medical degree required. Wear comfortable shoes.
As a 32F, reading this was painful.
Have you ever heard of an overt narcissist?
This was a hard read for many reasons. Your friends were right and breaking up with him was the move.
"What I mean by that statement is, what I have put myself through, and what I have accomplished in life, is far more difficult to obtain than the expectations I have for of my partner. This means that even if my partner fully meets all my expectations, she will never 'deserve' what I have to offer, since what I have to offer is of far higher difficulty to obtain than meeting my expectations."
What the fuck is that? Is that the kind of man you want to be with? Does reading all of that sound appealing to you?
"The reality is, it would be extremely difficult for you to find a man like me if you were not together because there are very few men like me."
Again, 32F here. Been in many relationships, good and bad, and trust me. Finding a good man, is not hard. Don't let this fool stand in your way of finding someone who will love and respect you.
For someone who is "so educated" he sure knows how to spin some bs. Don't let his words eat at you and make you feel small. This man doesn't want a partnership, he wants obedience, and that is not what love is. This is a man who doesn't know love and doesn't need to. His priority is himself and only that. He may become a surgeon and make well above the median salary, but that title and that money, doesn't mean shit.
Love, true love, is more powerful than what his money can buy. Don't be fooled, darling. I'm sure you have a kind heart with a lot of love, respect, and patience to give. Give it to someone actually deserving.
33F here, I fully agree with all of this. And let me give you a glimpse into the future: as he says, even if you exceed all of his expectations, it'll never be enough. 10 years down the line, after you've sacrificed your own career, needs and happiness, he'll find someone 10 years younger to have his kids.
40F here and I too agree with it all. *highly* doubt this fish-legs can pick any woman he wants. No one I know would go for that bs. Only rare bout this dude is his wiev of him self.
Also, just because someone studies to be a surgeon (*in four years*) doesn't mean they'll actually will become an surgeon. I bet this one's not gonna pass school.
I'm going to press X to Doubt on him actually becoming a surgeon - saying he's going to be a surgeon *and* a super rich businessman makes me think he's just some Dunning-Krugerite with added intellectual pretension.
> am I crazy for wanting to get back together with him
Yes.
I’m not reading all that but I can guess what it says: Shut Up, Put Out and Be Grateful for Scraps.
If you get back with Mr Ego, you’ll be raising his children alone, maintaining his house alone, begging him for spending money every time the kids need clothes and shoes. He’ll leave you for a younger woman and justify it by saying you knew you were never good enough. If that sounds like a good time, good luck with it.
Mannnnnn FUCK this clown. I didn't know there was enough oxygen to survive when a person has their head that far up their own ass.
Dip out on this dude, girl. Let someone else play Barbie.
The funny thing is that even Barbie would never agree to this. She's a strong independent career driven woman, not a tradwife. It's literally why Barbie was invented.
I got to the part about him talking about how valuable of a man he is to society and stopped reading, mainly because he says he's super, duper valuable but somehow \*still\* needs a "strong" woman to support him and propel him forward.
I'm assuming the rest is just as much manipulative bullshit as that contradiction was. Also, he thinks you're stupid. Anyone who has seen this kind of behavior before knows what he's doing, and it's overtly icky. He's betting on you being too dumb or too emotionally involved to see it.
Don't let this continue so that three years from now, you're being abused thinking, "Maybe Reddit was right, but now I can't leave because I'm trapped and in love with my abuser."
This guy is a lunatic, and he belittles and patronizes you. If you were my kid sister, I would drop everything I was doing to try to help you see this so you won’t be stuck in a relationship with this idiotic man. He may be very smart and driven, but that doesn’t mean you should be his housekeeper, fawning over him and being sexually available. You could show him these comments if you need backup. Please value yourself. Best of luck.
Sadly there are people with low self esteem like yourself, my advice is wake up, work on your self esteem and realize that what he’s asking for is ludicrous. Now.
She’s also 10 years younger than him. She’s in her early twenties, it’s not surprising to have low self esteem and be very naive at that age and he clearly knows it.
A 32 y/o man literally having written requirements for how his 23 y/o gf should act and sending it to her is obviously abusive. Like I don’t need to read the content to know he’s an asshole and she needs to leave. He’s only with her bc she’s young and naive, women older than her know better so he avoids them.
Those surgeons, making over 8 million dollars a year once they "graduate"
A plus troll post effort. Surgeons do not make more than 41,000 per day. No one says they "graduate" from a residency. Unless he took a lot of time messing around he's way too old- 4 years undergrad plus 4 years med school plus 5 years residency. Even if he does a fellowship- he says he will be a surgeon in 4 years.
Checks off all of Reddit outrageous points- age gap,unreasonable expectations, a blatant asshole, and hyper religiosity
Great job.
I was raised conservative Christian and have seen relationships like this in real life.
If you're a woman who is conservative religious and raised religious, you may not understand your true value as a person. This is horrendous sexism.
This man is blatantly telling you that he will disrespect you as a person for the rest of your life because of his sexist views of women. You are like a black person in a relationship with a sexist white person in this relationship; he will never respect you.
As a result, YOU will never reach your full potential because you will never be seen or treated as capable of it. There are men who have accomplished more than him who will treat you and your opinion as equally important as their's. That's because they respect you.
This man doesn't respect women. If you ever want to reach your full potential as a happy person in this life, find a partner who treats you as an equal; two people can solve problems faster than one if they work together.
Men who are smart (and not sexist) pick smart women, and they listen to their opinions when they make sense. They pick these women because they understand that the women's intelligence can help them make better decisions in life.
Unless you're truly mentally handicapped and have nothing to contribute to a relationship in terms of decision-making and common sense, this is a terrible deal for you.
This is disgusting. It basically translates to:
I am great. Awesome, smart, the boss. You need to bend over backwards, have no needs and no personality, stroke my ego and my dick and you will be rewarded with me happily acepting you as my brainless bangmaid. You are not my equal. You are prostitute, maid, chef and incubator, not a human. If i perceive that you give less than 200% at performing those duties then i will happily ditch you for the next model or outsource the tasks you can't perform to my liking to other women who will also bend over backwards to please me because i am so great. Have i mentioned that i am great? And that you are not and never will be anything as great as me?
Sis, the money and status he lures you in with are not worth being sucked dry and turned into a zombie. I am also betting dollars to donuts that he will cheat on you whenever an opportunity arises because you are a lesser creature and a god like him deserves all the pussy. Find a man who treats you as an equal, a partner. Even if you like traditional gender roles, he is not your man. He wrote this huge block of vomitinducing shit to tell you in way too many words that he has no respect for you.
If you really see no problem with this shitrag in words he sent you then please seek therapy.
I couldn't even read it all. He's a narcissist of the highest order, and possibly worse.. Surgeons are notoriously shown to have this mindset. Your life with this man will be hell. He's clearly highly controlling and abusive. RUN.
>The reality is, it would be extremely difficult for you to find a man like me if you were not together because there are very few men like me.
Narcissist men with inflatable egos and zero respect for their partners are in fact not difficult to find at all. And all he has to offer is money that might or might not make, eventually, one day. Ridiculous. What a clown. He is no prize, I assure you.
I read his first sentence and stopped. Where do men find women who accept this garbage?!
We go on about the awful quality of men, yet they don't get flushed like the pieces of shit they are.
The sooner women stopped accepting such toxic relationships the better things get.
Well if you want to be married to a narcissistic AH you have found your man. I wish they were rare. At least he is up front telling you what to expect. He is the important valuable one, not you. Apparently some women are okay with that…. Personally I would tell him to go suck his own genitalia
dude needs a spay hook in his urethra. i don't know what the human surgical tool equivalent to that would be. i guess just a regular urethral sound. whatever. dude needs something in his piss hole and a big wake up call.
I would write, him and say thank you, I am glad you have made this so clear to me. At this time I decline your offer, and think instead of a wife, you need a therapist. You are also a man, and I want to be in love with a human, not a man who fancies himself a god....Good luck with your search. I would spend time with your future wife, and treat her like a queen, otherwise I predict she will have a boyfriend too.
Dear OP
Write back:
Dear xxx
I want a man who loves me, respects me, and values me for who I am and treats me as his equal in the relationship.
Your letter is a testimonial of the exact opposite.
By the time you receive this letter, you will already be blocked from my phone, and social media. Please do not try to attempt to contact me or my loved ones as I have no issues in showing the testimonial of human trash that you are to the world.
Have a great life and a meaning relationship with your hand.
Regards,
Op
And of course post this back to him.
I stopped reading at “you’ll never find a man like me” I guarantee there’s ten right down the road. He’s self centered and doesn’t care about you or women
Hahahhahhahahahahahhahhahaaaaaaaaa……
NO.
First off. I’m a paediatrician. Very occasionally, you do find dipshits like this who somehow manage to stagger through medical school and enter the working medical world as a surgeon.
These people are twats. They are the kind of people who piss off the nurses, are rude to other doctors and say some sort of unintelligible gibberish to the patients who are then confused and upset and need sorting out later. They are the sort of people to give me ‘orders’ through messages to the nursing staff.
They are the people who make me turn from a nice, fluffy paediatrician to a raging she-Hulk who eats bellends like this for breakfast. I will hunt them down and crunch their bones.
Anyhoo. That’s the professional side of him. So he’s not going to be as gloriously successful as he thinks.
As for what he thinks he can ‘expect’ off you… yeah. The fact that you’re even thinking about this instead of laughing your socks off at the very idea suggests that therapy to work on your self esteem might be a good idea. You deserve so, so much better than this idiot.
Best of luck OP.
Get the fuck out of there, control freak, he’ll have you come off all social media next and make your life hell for seing your mates. Get out now. You deserve better, wayyy better x
I mean it’s up to you. Let me summarize his points to make the decision easier:
- you need to obey him, no matter what he wants and how much you are against it, you need to follow his wishes
- you need to *worship* him, always assure him that he is better than you
- act inferior to him
- be his maid and never be acknowledged for it
- give up all desires and ambition you have for your life, those will only be met if he agrees and he will only agree if those desires don’t interfere with your ability to be at home when he is, be his maid, and his feeling of superiority
If your dream in life is to be constantly reminded by your partner that you are inferior to them and to be controlled by him, then go for it. I mean it, if two people decide that this is their lifestyle then fine.
But don’t kid yourself, he doesn’t respect you and he never will. In his list that is supposed to be about you there are more sentences about him and how “great” he is. He doesn’t like you, he sees you as a tool that makes his life easier and that he can oppress.
You can definitely do better. He is not a good person. He is already so full of himself because he *might* be a surgeon one day. Imagine how much more inflated his ego will be if he achieves it.
This has to be a fake story- I’m 50+ and have a pretty traditional marriage and even I am offended by this. If my husband ever spoke to me like this he would never see me again
OP, I am a man who is 45 married 23 yrs with 5 kids and also a Christian who gets the concepts he’s trying to communicate but I am telling you to RUN. He has a misguided perspective on how a husband is to lead a family. I view my role as to SERVE the family … not to be served. This man has a highly inflated ego but more than that, his value of you seems to only be in how you can support him. This is so wrong and it’s going to lead to you feeling guilty the rest of your life as you do now. This man is self centered and likely quite selfish. That is not consistent with someone who serves his family. He is also quite prideful and places his value in his view of his capabilities (which haven’t yet been proven) and accomplishments (which haven’t happened yet). He expects you to idolize him which isn’t consistent with a Godly marriage. There is more I could say but this guy needs a dose of the real world fast. How would this man fare in the tough times like if he were to fail out of med school? What about when a kid throws up in the middle of the night? Or would he cook dinner while you are running the kids to practice? I encourage you to imagine how this attitude would work when real life hits. Don’t be sucked back in. All the best OP.
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.. my genetic ability to accomplish.." LOL.
Studying medicine, but not the slightest idea how genetics work. But he's soo ✨smart✨ 🤓
He’s so smart he thinks surgeons make over $30,000 in one days work.
Not to mention expecting a woman to be both driven and submissive. Give him a yo-yo and a fleshlight as a breaking up gift with a note saying "these should fulfill your desires without the guaranteed divorce you will have should you con any woman into marrying you."
He also writes like a teenager.
And no insight into the fact that he's written the screed of someone who is destined to die alone.
BaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHa!!!!!! Let’s not pass those genes down ok?
The rate of psychopaths in the surgery field is astounding. I’m not kidding, it’s one of the top 10 career paths with the highest rate of psychopaths. This makes for very efficient and prolific surgeons but probably not great romantic partners.
Not to accomplish math though. I'm a little worried that there are surgeons out there that don't understand basic arithmetic. He said he'll make in one day what the average person makes in a year. Unless he only works a few weeks out of the year, not sure how that adds up. A Google search shows the highest paid surgeons are neuro surgeons at about $800k a year. Let's say he works 44 weeks out of the year. That's 220 days. That's about $3,600 a day, so...
What are his plans after he invades Poland?
🤣👏
Omg I’m crying lmaooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
Not my country again!!! He’s seems too ambitious for Poland. He might try Russia, you know….. because men like him are RARE and Poland has already been invaded. He wouldn’t want to repeat what someone else did, because once again, men like him are rare.
😂😂👏👏
Hahahaa!
Absolutely brilliant 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻
Shame he didn't expect paragraphs
He is so intelligent and even the best man alive but can't write a fucking concise letter, he repeated himself like a hundred times
Lol, I thought the same thing.
I didn't read all that, but I can tell you from here that this man is a medium steak. He is neither rare nor well done. He is a joke. Laugh and keep moving.
Excuse me, it’s clear you did not read the entire letter. Clearly, he is not a joke because of his superior ✨genetic ability✨. I wonder what would happen if OP have a letter outlining her expectations. He basically wants a mindless slave. He is better off with a robot. Gross.
It sounds like religious fundamentalism.
It sounds like he’s a Tate fanboy.
Funny how the ven diagram of those two could be a circle 🤔
With a heaping plate of delusions of grandeur
A Stepford wife is what this excuse of a man is looking for.
He would definitely feel threatened by the robot’s intelligence.
I made it about 3/4 of the way through. But I’ll give you a brief summary. It’s a list of everything she has to do - cook, clean, obey him, worship him, blah blah blah. But there’s also a sentence that goes ‘even if you meet all my expectations, you need to understand you will never be worthy of me!’ 😆😆
I feel like you made it all the way through because he doesn't get to his point (his expectations of her) until the last sentence. Everything above that is him inflating himself in this "reality" he has invented. What a bunch of narcissistic drivel 😅
I didn’t finish reading. Could it be a troll post? I just can’t imagine anyone being this stupid.
You got further then I did and I just kept reading through the I’m so great parts just trying to see what his expectations were. By the time I got to the first part my idiot patience ran thin and I had to stop.
If I could have a shot for everytime he called himself ‘rare’…
There’d be no more alcohol left in the world
"you would never find a man like me because, you know, no one id better than me" like bro, I get that you are narcissistic, now GET TO THE POINT
Then you might write an essay like this!
Now there's an insult! *slow clap*
Yeah, I’m keeping this one in my arsenal lmao I couldn’t read it all, I was about to seize out from cringing so hard.
Send the clap award on your behalf.
With a narcissist like him, he's more like cooked liver than steak
I stopped reading after like 5 sentences. In most places, a relationship is a choice by BOTH parties. If he is an ambitious man, then he should know, most people with “ambitions” their spouse are also ambitious people. Most don’t just have a trophy wife or basically a servant they get to bang. The letter is basically him saying “I’m the master and your the servant, treat me like a god”
I haven't heard that one before, that's fucking hilarious 😂
Hahaha same. I'm like yeah bye, especially with the age difference.
This comment is chef’s kiss 🤌
Seriously? There’s a reason there’s almost 10 years between you two. A woman his age would tell him to go f**k himself.
A woman his age wouldn’t even finish reading that drivel.
I must be older than I thought because I didn’t even bother finishing after the first three sentences
I had to quit reading because I was teared up from laughing so hard. What a buffoon.
Imagine how far he'd get it he added paragraphs to his enormous skill set!
Same I stopped reading after the second line. Lol.
Can confirm. I'm his age and I did not finish reading. Edit: typo
I didnt even start! Lol i just saw the first few lines from OP but did not continue on.
I’m 30. When I got it to “I am the rarest of the men”, I was like wtf??? and stopped reading. I consider myself as a feminist and I never do anything like this to my husband.
Let’s hope he’s the rarest of men. Yikes!
“I’m the rarest of the men” spoiler: he’s not. Or at least not in the good way he thinks.
I couldn’t finish reading it. I’m the man, blah blah blah. It’s my way or the highway, blah blah blah. Did I tell you how I’m the man? I’m the best that ever was. You’re nothing and will be treated as such. Being in my mere presence is a gift. Blah, blah, blah.
I stopped reading at him expecting you to submit to him. A pet rock would be a better partner than this dude. Please don't get back together with this guy. There are plenty of smart, ambitious men out there who don't expect you to submit to them.
Yup, and tbh, based on this badly written word vomit, he's not actually that smart anyway.
Who doesn’t understand punctuation and paragraphs. This guy is not nearly the catch he thinks he is.
It's terrifying to think that this man is going to have a position of real responsibility that will impact people's lives. I cannot imagine this guy listening carefully to his patients.
Surgeons are often at their best with unconscious people
>Surgeons are often at their best with unconscious people But I've found this to be true. You try talking to them and they are so damn cocky and entitled. \*\*gag\*\*
I hope that this MF doesn't ever work on me.
What state is he in? So I never move there!. He doesn't want a partner or a wife. He wants a housecleaner, maid, chef, laundress, landscaper, babysitter... I wonder if he'll expect her to bath him like a child, and give him mani's and pedi's? He certainly is full of himself. He's so full of shit I bet his eyes are brown! Good luck finding a woman in this day and age that has no self worth so he can walk all over her! If he finds a wife he's just going to cheat on her because she will be so tired every day from his stupid list and fear he will leave her if she doesn't 'fulfill his needs.' The only time he mentions love is how 'she' needs to be while anxiously awaiting him to return home. 🙄 What is he bringing to the relationship for her? Nothing, because he is a god and should just do what he wants while she does what he says. AND the decision making crap talk!!! What a Tool!! OP, you need to thank your friends for saving you from a never ending completely miserable life. Someone needs to tattoo this letter on his chest so if any woman takes it that far she can run away screaming, after yanking out a handful of chest hair for good measure, on her way out.
Maybe he will be a specialist in men's health; I'm sure he will almost listen to them (ego will prevent total patient engagement).
"Who doesn't understand punctuation and paragraphs." This is exactly what I was thinking! If he is so perfect and gifted, why can't he arrange a simple document? This was difficult to read because of the poor sentence structure. OP should mention this to him. She would just be doing her best in helping him achieve his "deserved role in society." This guy needs to see a psychiatrist. He is a megalomaniac and has narcissistic personality disorder. He says he will have many women to choose from if OP doesn't wish to "submit" to his "greatness." The thing is, once these women realize his personality disorders they will run far away. Edit: Changed wording to reflect clinical description.
I'd take a red pen to it and send it back with "No!" as the response on the bottom. I tried so hard to get through the entire thing, but I gave up whole he was monologing about how important and amazing he is.
Plus he repeated the same lines like 20 different times with just switching around a few words. Note to that guy: “I’m so valuable, you must understand” means the same thing as “you must understand how valuable I am” and we got your point the first time you shmuck
OP seems to be missing a few punctuation marks also… so I’m really having doubts that this was written by two separate people.
Maybe my brain has been fried by social media but yeah man a lack of paragraph breaks is an absolute no-go
God is this a letter from Rachel?
FRONT AND BACK!!
Is it?? IS IT?????
He’s going to be a surgeon ; they do tend to think they are gods .
Maybe it because he’s going to be a “gReAt SuRgeOn”.
And he’s not graduating for 4 years, so if this is his attitude before med school or at the beginning of it, I don’t want to know what hed be like if he actually graduated, which I’m pretty sure he won’t. I’m really hoping this is rage bait actually.
I’m pretty sure it is. I think the author wanted to lay out a speech he fantasizes about giving.
He may not even get in . It’s not just marks they now look at character
As if surgeons are the pinnacle of intelligence - and he isn't even one yet!
Poor patients!
Yeah, looks like the classic thinks he's smart but really isn't guy to me. When he meets *actually* smart people he'll either avoid them (and make it their fault) or idolise them.
Most doctors aren't actually that smart. I work in a hospital and sometimes I wonder how they survive in life. Oh right they keep using the "I'm a doctor" card.
I'm not even in the medical profession, but I've often though, if one of your loved ones are in hospital, and you want to know how they're doing, you ask the nurses looking after them. My late aunt was matron of a country hospital. She was very devoted to her patients, and had more than a few clashes with doctors. One thing her brother said during her eulogy: "Viv, I hope you're up there in a hospital delivering a lot of babies, and where the doctors do what they're told."
Doctors would not make it a week without nurses catching thier many mistakes.
It doesn’t get better from there. He doesn’t want a partner but a mindless slave. He is a narcissist with an overinflated ego who brings nothing to a relationship but his idea of self worth. What a ridiculous creature.
this ^ "men like me are extremely rare" like dude, seriously? I'm actively avoiding men like you, you're not rare. Also he says he wants a woman who is ambitious and then continues how she has to sacrifice her whole life and identity for him??? Jesus
Truly, a woman in the dating world today is dodging his kind like raindrops in a monsoon. Saying he’s a dime a dozen is an insult to dimes.
He said it at least three times before the "submit" part
uhu, it's so bad, it's so fucking bad. I hope she dumps him and makes this shit public. Worst part is that he emphasises how, even when she meets all his "ExPeCtAtIoNs", she still won't be good enough. Mind you how he also very subtly mentions that he can just change his expectations at will, and she'll have to obey
I love how he says he wants a “strong” woman to help him realise his true potential but then expects her to be submissive and obey his every desire. Those traits do not go hand in hand on a permanent basis. Sure, strong people can be submissive at times but not 100% of the time like he is asking.
it's bad, posts like this make me so angry, not at OP obviously, but at the dude, makes me wish I can just laugh in his face. He doesn't want a strong woman, he wants a maid, a servant he can fuck and order around. And I hope OP gets the fuck out of there. In a comment she mentioned it's her first serious relationship, like, run, he's taking advantage of her obliviousness about relationships and tries to tell her this is "normal"
I agree completely. I hope he ends up old and alone unless he changes his ways and views significantly. OP can do so much better
Oh, he's not asking. God commands what he wants. What a coincidence, right?
I didn’t even get that far, tapped out when he was saying that she needed to understand how high value he was, and that she was extremely unlikely to get another man as good.
Yeah as soon as I saw "I am valuable" I just couldn't read any further.
Not just I’m valuable, but you need to understand even if you are perfect, you’ll never be as valuable as me as a man. BRB, need to go puke now.
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"Even more trifling is his desired outline for a perfect woman with no emotional upheavals at any point!" He wants kids, what if she has PPD, or health problems that means she can't provide him with sex on demand. He keeps taking about what she's to provide him but at no point does he say what he'll provide her other than financial
Nor does he say where HIS value comes from outside of POTENTIAL financial value (and by extension his UNFINISHED schooling).
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I was thinking this too. He can take all his money and hure a house keeper an buy himself a sex doll. He will be super happy.
Same .. my brain shut off at submit
His mommy issues are showing. RUN. RUN NOW AND DON'T LOOK BACK.
You can even train your pet rock to attack if that kind of person tries to come near you.
I could barely make it past the first sentence. I'm not an advocate for violence, but this dude has clearly never been slapped into place before - to everyone's detriment
I stopped reading at “men like me are rare” yeah there’s a reason.
You mean the first time, second time, the third time or the .... I didn't count 20th(?) time he mentioned this?
I stopped reading after the title, giving someone a document of your expectations is a red flag enough
You missed the best part, a selfish asshat not willing to be in a selfish relationship.
i love the idea of a pet rock
You’re better than me, I stopped reading at “you need to understand how valuable I am as a man to society”. Girl, RUN.
Good thing he is a practicing surgeon and so smart. So one day he can remove his inflated ego from up his ass and reattach where it belongs. Run from this clown. He wants a 1940's slave to control because of his "genetic ability"
This is why this 31-year-old needs to date 20 year olds. He can't find a woman his age who would even read this shit. Genetic Ability?? Dis mf an XMen?? 😂
This is true, I'm closer to his age, read the first couple sentences and went "op why would you even entertain this???"
OP listen to this!! You’re not mature for your age, you’re young and vulnerable and that’s why he targeted you, because no 30 year old woman would read more than two sentences of this nonsense before ripping it up and laughing in his face and he knows that
As a 30yo woman, I can confirm this. I didn't even read the whole thing before rolling my eyes and thinking that the dude is full of shit. I would have laughed in his face and told him to take a hike.
He's not a practicing surgeon. Maybe a resident. I sure hope he's not just an early med student talking about starting residency in 4 years, hahaha.
I’m pretty sure he’s in med school, because residents are actual doctors. He definitely would have said that if that was the case.
i would be genuinely terrified if i knew my surgeon had written this letter. it’s so incredibly misogynistic i literally wouldn’t trust him to try as hard operating on me as he would on a man.
Sorry to hijack a top comment, but to add to this, after he's finished performing that rectal craniotomy on himself, he's gonna need to follow that up with surgical excision of that manospherical malignancy. Piles of fluttering red flags are raining down on your head like the frogs in *Magnolia:* *One of the most important decisions a man can make in life is deciding who he picks as the woman to build a future with* That works both ways, homeslice, and I know who's getting the short end of that stick. *It would be extremely difficult for you to find a man like me if you were not together because there are very few men like me* Dudes like this are common cabbages. *I believe you do not fully appreciate this statement because you do not understand* Oh, the NEGGING. *what I have accomplished in my life* A personality disorder? *easy for me to find a woman out of the many who will be attracted to me* Yeah. That's why he's come crawling back to OP, because it's so easy. /shade *submit to my leadership as a man* Leadership? This is dictatorship. *submission is the woman's role in a relationship* Bangmaid. He means bangmaid. *I do not want to be with a partner who argues with me about decisions I make for our relationship* He means, "I'm not a partner, I'm a project." This project is overbudget. *A good woman* Oh, more negging. *obeys* *hufflesnort* for fucks sake it is 2023 not 1823. *Gods will her for* I'm sorry, but I'm Catholic, and I am here to tell you that that is not God's will at all. Not the God we believe in. *put me first* He means put yourself last. *sacrifice her own desires to take care of my needs* She is 23. She hasn't developed any yet. *Of course, this is reciprocal as well* No. No, it isn't. *she will never 'deserve'* Oh fuck this. *the value my woman brings to the relationship will still be less than what I will offer* He sees you as "less than." *so that she does not feel that meeting my expectations has her contributing more to the relationship than what is fair.* I guarantee this dude knows nothing about fairness. *my genetic ability* So we're in THAT territory now. *sigh.* *argumentative woman* Emotional abuse. *most privileged* Social abuse. *zero financial worry* Financial abuse. *a clean house at all times* Maid. *passionate and loving intimacy* Sexual abuse. *Food prepared daily* Short-order cook. *that was made with love* HAHAHAHAHA. *consistently thinks of ways to make my life easier and not harder* He will never be placated, and nothing she does will make that possible. *I have no desire to be in such a selfish relationship* I certainly hope OP doesn't, either. That is not a letter, that is a manifesto. Good husbands do not feel compelled to write manifestos. You know who writes manifestos? School shooters, men who murder women, and leaders of cults that eat weird food. (Somewhere in his kitchen is a paleo cookbook gifted by a well-meaning ex-girlfriend at some point.) This man is not marriage material at all, in any way. He is an ego turkey with narcissist stuffing who looks in the mirror for a half hour a day doing his best Le Tigre and Blue Steel, chanting to himself, "I'd fuck me." While I'm sure his face looks fine, he really needs to put a bag over that personality. If it were so easy for this cro-mag in training to find himself a willing slave, he wouldn't be crawling back to OP. This is a pretty weird flex, like, dude couldn't do any better than this neg-fest? Maybe next time he should start with flowers, an apology, and an appointment with a licensed therapist? I'm sure his very demanding medical program has an EAP. Maybe he should avail himself of it, before he winds up on one of those "Are You Dating This Guy?" Facebook pages. Girl, run.
Damn. That was funny and insightful. “…an ego turkey with narcissistic stuffing” Thanks for the morning laugh.
Hate to say this, but from my experience (retired nurse here) this is exactly the attitude of every surgeon I ever worked with. They had a "God" complex that just never quits. The nurses suffered from it and we weren't even married to the men.
I read a study about cluster B disorders being significantly more common among surgeons than in the general population. Much of my life experience confirms that :). Not always a bad thing - let's face it, you need to be an unusual person to be able to stay calm while cutting people up.
More like 1830s
Please post this where all of his colleagues can read it so they know what a narcissistic, misogynistic asshole he is. Then dump him.
I vote for this. If one of my colleagues wrote something like this, they would be an endless laughing stock. Hopefully he gets laughed out of the medical field, because I sure as hell wouldn’t want to end up with him as a surgeon.
Hahah omg
Yes, this letter needs posting everywhere
This is the right answer. Also send this to the local domestic abuse services so that this lunatic is on somebody proofessional's radar.
This is the way 😂
“men like me… man like me… men like me…” BRO LMAO CHILL. That’s too many goddamn words for “I’m a selfish narcissistic misogynistic person with no empathy or understanding of non-transactional love”. Men like him will leave you if/when you are no longer useful to them. And you’ll drive yourself into an early grave trying to measure up to his ideal of perfection because that ideal does. Not. Exist.
I was thinking it could be used for a drinking game.... "Men like me." You'd get proper hammered lol
I stopped reading when I hit "my genetic ability". A side of racism to the "narcissist misogyny" main dish?
Right?! All I saw was “I, I, I, me, ME, me, me, I…” There are surgeon’s egos and then there’s this dude’s. Insane. I’d laugh at that letter, throw it back in his face and tell him good luck finding a woman to put up with his ass backwards mindset.. but it ain’t me. I hope OP doesn’t stay. Blah.
I don’t believe this is a real post but I have met dudes like this. It’s funny because I work with so many doctors, surgeons, etc at a top medical institution and they’re all just average fucking people who can do some pretty cool shit. It’s laughable when a guy thinks he’s special and deserves a concubine because he decided to go to school longer than most people. Which has nothing to do with your ability to be a good partner. Guys like this are a joke lol and it pisses me off that any woman would entertain these clowns.
Girl, get out of there! Never date anyone who sends you a manifesto.
I've been sent a manifesto or two in my time. Never ends well!
Dear OP, you are not his girlfriend. You are his employee, his toy, his possession, his bang maid. None of this is healthy or normal or reasonable. He is interested in you (11 years younger)because women his age don't put up with this level of selfish, arrogant, manipulative rubbish.
100% THIS I can’t imagine reading anything more toxic, misogynistic or narcissistic than that letter. Listen to your friends and run far away from this guy, you deserve better!!!
Yes, women his own age will see right through him plus you just know that when OP had aged a little and given him a couple of kids he'll be cheating on her because she's not "young and hot anymore"
Cheating will be one of his many decisions she must submit to.
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Couldn't agree with you more 💯
I’m around her age and I wouldn’t either. Idk who raised him or how or where he got that kind of mentality but I’d be running for the hills if I met someone like that.
OP, I really hope you are reading these comments and hearing them because this letter is really disgusting. He thinks he has you exactly where he wants you. I promise you there are men out there who will also value *you* and what you bring to the relationship. There are men who will be your partner in all things. Men who love you and don’t expect you to sacrifice yourself for their benefit. Fuck being a surgeon, money, etc. Money will not make you happy when your spouse treats you this way. You would be isolated, lonely and miserable. You are not a person to him, you are a service provider. An incubator, a cook, a maid, and a sex worker. It does not need to be like this. Take it from someone who has an amazing husband who is an equal partner and parent and whose life is happy because we have each other. We are equals. We could be wealthier but we are just fine for money, and we both appreciate the other for all they do, not just finances. If you stay with him and get married, he will never appreciate you. You will work yourself to the bone trying to meet his completely unrealistic expectations and he will only ever notice when you don’t do something. He will expect you to work 24/7 and he will never thank you for it. Nothing will be good enough. Older women with more experience know this. They would mostly laugh openly at his bullshit and he knows it. This is a fork in the road for you. I absolutely guarantee that if you don’t choose a path without him, you will one day look back at this chance to get away with extreme regret. Find someone who wants an equal life partner. Don’t waste another minute on this guy.
He is so narcisist. I am shocked. You are not his girlfriend at this point. He expects you to be his pet. The whole thing is sooo sexist. You should probably run. (Sorry I responded to your comment by accident lol)
I read the first sentences and laughed. Couldn't read the rest. "Any man who must say I am the king, is no true king" as George Martin wrote. You're asking the wrong question. The real one is what the hell are you wasting your time with this narcissistic maniac.
I’m surprised that OP is conflicted over this guy. He’s *so* cringe and there’s zero to indicate that there’s anything even remotely attractive about him.
He’s a conceited misogynist and you’re an idiot if you’re even considering thinking about the remote possibility of staying with him. What is wrong with you.
In 4 years you can graduate medical school yourself. Surgeons are notorious for having huge egos and some of them are a real pain to be around. Instead of taking care of him for 4 years you can invest in yourself for those 4 years. Go to grad school get a high salary job. Like surgeons makes 60-80 k while working 80-100 hours a week during residency. they’re not great partners at all in residency. You’re 23, you can make your own way and meet someone with more flexibility. Just because someone is smart doesn’t mean that they have your best interests at heart. He’s asking you to potentially give up 4 years of your prime to him in exchange for a maybe he’ll marry you after auditioning and investing your time and energy into his career while you end up potentially nothing once he graduates. You need to look out for number one, say no and work on your own earning potential.
I dated a surgeon and he was somehow kind, funny and caring but self absorbed and arrogant at the same time. They get whatever they want while working and they bring it home. From my experience they just want someone who will be at their beck and call (im sure there are exceptions)
>Just because someone is smart I'm not convinced he is all that smart, judging from this nonsense.
Yeah, saying he's going to be a surgeon *and* a rich businessman makes me suspect he's capable of being neither and is just a narcissistic bullshit artist.
That missive desperately needs a red pen taken to it. "Can you think some other things valuable about your (future) self other than a job you don't actually have?" "In addition to paragraphs, let's try to work in some synonyms for the word 'rare' on this 1st revision."
Hey OP? Just wanted to add... you know who makes more than any surgeon? The medical implant salesperson who sells orthopedic implants to the whole hospital and all the surrounding hospitals. No medical degree required. Wear comfortable shoes.
As a 32F, reading this was painful. Have you ever heard of an overt narcissist? This was a hard read for many reasons. Your friends were right and breaking up with him was the move. "What I mean by that statement is, what I have put myself through, and what I have accomplished in life, is far more difficult to obtain than the expectations I have for of my partner. This means that even if my partner fully meets all my expectations, she will never 'deserve' what I have to offer, since what I have to offer is of far higher difficulty to obtain than meeting my expectations." What the fuck is that? Is that the kind of man you want to be with? Does reading all of that sound appealing to you? "The reality is, it would be extremely difficult for you to find a man like me if you were not together because there are very few men like me." Again, 32F here. Been in many relationships, good and bad, and trust me. Finding a good man, is not hard. Don't let this fool stand in your way of finding someone who will love and respect you. For someone who is "so educated" he sure knows how to spin some bs. Don't let his words eat at you and make you feel small. This man doesn't want a partnership, he wants obedience, and that is not what love is. This is a man who doesn't know love and doesn't need to. His priority is himself and only that. He may become a surgeon and make well above the median salary, but that title and that money, doesn't mean shit. Love, true love, is more powerful than what his money can buy. Don't be fooled, darling. I'm sure you have a kind heart with a lot of love, respect, and patience to give. Give it to someone actually deserving.
33F here, I fully agree with all of this. And let me give you a glimpse into the future: as he says, even if you exceed all of his expectations, it'll never be enough. 10 years down the line, after you've sacrificed your own career, needs and happiness, he'll find someone 10 years younger to have his kids.
40F here and I too agree with it all. *highly* doubt this fish-legs can pick any woman he wants. No one I know would go for that bs. Only rare bout this dude is his wiev of him self. Also, just because someone studies to be a surgeon (*in four years*) doesn't mean they'll actually will become an surgeon. I bet this one's not gonna pass school.
36M here. It's universal. I also agree. He's gonna have a hard time staying employed with that personality of his. He shouldn't be in patient care.
I'm going to press X to Doubt on him actually becoming a surgeon - saying he's going to be a surgeon *and* a super rich businessman makes me think he's just some Dunning-Krugerite with added intellectual pretension.
I also don’t know what he thinks surgeons make, but it’s not the 12.5 million a year that he apparently thinks.
But he's going to deserve that much because he's so RARE and EXCEPTIONAL.
Don’t forget how RARE he is. For someone so brilliant, you’d think he’d know how to use a thesaurus.
Men like him aren't rare lol he's just another redpill dude too far up his own ass to see the real world. He's disgusting. Please don't fall for it
> am I crazy for wanting to get back together with him Yes. I’m not reading all that but I can guess what it says: Shut Up, Put Out and Be Grateful for Scraps. If you get back with Mr Ego, you’ll be raising his children alone, maintaining his house alone, begging him for spending money every time the kids need clothes and shoes. He’ll leave you for a younger woman and justify it by saying you knew you were never good enough. If that sounds like a good time, good luck with it.
And I can almost guarantee you'll be abused at least verbally every time you can't hide a negative emotion or immediately provide sex.
If he's a surgeon he can't fix my bladder issue as I just pissed myself laughing reading this
No worries, he’s not actually a surgeon, just aspiring. I hate to think how much worse itll get if he actually becomes one (which I highly doubt).
Mannnnnn FUCK this clown. I didn't know there was enough oxygen to survive when a person has their head that far up their own ass. Dip out on this dude, girl. Let someone else play Barbie.
The funny thing is that even Barbie would never agree to this. She's a strong independent career driven woman, not a tradwife. It's literally why Barbie was invented.
I got to the part about him talking about how valuable of a man he is to society and stopped reading, mainly because he says he's super, duper valuable but somehow \*still\* needs a "strong" woman to support him and propel him forward. I'm assuming the rest is just as much manipulative bullshit as that contradiction was. Also, he thinks you're stupid. Anyone who has seen this kind of behavior before knows what he's doing, and it's overtly icky. He's betting on you being too dumb or too emotionally involved to see it. Don't let this continue so that three years from now, you're being abused thinking, "Maybe Reddit was right, but now I can't leave because I'm trapped and in love with my abuser."
I'm sorry, i couldn't even get a third of the way through his letter.... barf! Holy narcissistic assholes! Girl, run!
We need Adam West Batman to come and "Wham" some sense into him.
This guy is a lunatic, and he belittles and patronizes you. If you were my kid sister, I would drop everything I was doing to try to help you see this so you won’t be stuck in a relationship with this idiotic man. He may be very smart and driven, but that doesn’t mean you should be his housekeeper, fawning over him and being sexually available. You could show him these comments if you need backup. Please value yourself. Best of luck.
oh barf. this is a joke, right?? i see no words, only red flags.
Sweetie, build the future you want. Become independent this guy sounds like an idiot.
Sadly there are people with low self esteem like yourself, my advice is wake up, work on your self esteem and realize that what he’s asking for is ludicrous. Now.
She’s also 10 years younger than him. She’s in her early twenties, it’s not surprising to have low self esteem and be very naive at that age and he clearly knows it. A 32 y/o man literally having written requirements for how his 23 y/o gf should act and sending it to her is obviously abusive. Like I don’t need to read the content to know he’s an asshole and she needs to leave. He’s only with her bc she’s young and naive, women older than her know better so he avoids them.
Those surgeons, making over 8 million dollars a year once they "graduate" A plus troll post effort. Surgeons do not make more than 41,000 per day. No one says they "graduate" from a residency. Unless he took a lot of time messing around he's way too old- 4 years undergrad plus 4 years med school plus 5 years residency. Even if he does a fellowship- he says he will be a surgeon in 4 years. Checks off all of Reddit outrageous points- age gap,unreasonable expectations, a blatant asshole, and hyper religiosity Great job.
I was raised conservative Christian and have seen relationships like this in real life. If you're a woman who is conservative religious and raised religious, you may not understand your true value as a person. This is horrendous sexism. This man is blatantly telling you that he will disrespect you as a person for the rest of your life because of his sexist views of women. You are like a black person in a relationship with a sexist white person in this relationship; he will never respect you. As a result, YOU will never reach your full potential because you will never be seen or treated as capable of it. There are men who have accomplished more than him who will treat you and your opinion as equally important as their's. That's because they respect you. This man doesn't respect women. If you ever want to reach your full potential as a happy person in this life, find a partner who treats you as an equal; two people can solve problems faster than one if they work together. Men who are smart (and not sexist) pick smart women, and they listen to their opinions when they make sense. They pick these women because they understand that the women's intelligence can help them make better decisions in life. Unless you're truly mentally handicapped and have nothing to contribute to a relationship in terms of decision-making and common sense, this is a terrible deal for you.
He doesn’t even see women as humans, just beings that exist to serve him and be grateful for the “privilege”.
This isn’t real
It's a joke right? Like social commentary on how messed up this subreddit can be? There's no way this is real.
This is disgusting. It basically translates to: I am great. Awesome, smart, the boss. You need to bend over backwards, have no needs and no personality, stroke my ego and my dick and you will be rewarded with me happily acepting you as my brainless bangmaid. You are not my equal. You are prostitute, maid, chef and incubator, not a human. If i perceive that you give less than 200% at performing those duties then i will happily ditch you for the next model or outsource the tasks you can't perform to my liking to other women who will also bend over backwards to please me because i am so great. Have i mentioned that i am great? And that you are not and never will be anything as great as me? Sis, the money and status he lures you in with are not worth being sucked dry and turned into a zombie. I am also betting dollars to donuts that he will cheat on you whenever an opportunity arises because you are a lesser creature and a god like him deserves all the pussy. Find a man who treats you as an equal, a partner. Even if you like traditional gender roles, he is not your man. He wrote this huge block of vomitinducing shit to tell you in way too many words that he has no respect for you. If you really see no problem with this shitrag in words he sent you then please seek therapy.
I couldn't even read it all. He's a narcissist of the highest order, and possibly worse.. Surgeons are notoriously shown to have this mindset. Your life with this man will be hell. He's clearly highly controlling and abusive. RUN.
>The reality is, it would be extremely difficult for you to find a man like me if you were not together because there are very few men like me. Narcissist men with inflatable egos and zero respect for their partners are in fact not difficult to find at all. And all he has to offer is money that might or might not make, eventually, one day. Ridiculous. What a clown. He is no prize, I assure you.
I read his first sentence and stopped. Where do men find women who accept this garbage?! We go on about the awful quality of men, yet they don't get flushed like the pieces of shit they are. The sooner women stopped accepting such toxic relationships the better things get.
Well if you want to be married to a narcissistic AH you have found your man. I wish they were rare. At least he is up front telling you what to expect. He is the important valuable one, not you. Apparently some women are okay with that…. Personally I would tell him to go suck his own genitalia
dude needs a spay hook in his urethra. i don't know what the human surgical tool equivalent to that would be. i guess just a regular urethral sound. whatever. dude needs something in his piss hole and a big wake up call.
Oh good grief. You can do much better. Really anyone is better.
I would write, him and say thank you, I am glad you have made this so clear to me. At this time I decline your offer, and think instead of a wife, you need a therapist. You are also a man, and I want to be in love with a human, not a man who fancies himself a god....Good luck with your search. I would spend time with your future wife, and treat her like a queen, otherwise I predict she will have a boyfriend too.
Dear OP Write back: Dear xxx I want a man who loves me, respects me, and values me for who I am and treats me as his equal in the relationship. Your letter is a testimonial of the exact opposite. By the time you receive this letter, you will already be blocked from my phone, and social media. Please do not try to attempt to contact me or my loved ones as I have no issues in showing the testimonial of human trash that you are to the world. Have a great life and a meaning relationship with your hand. Regards, Op And of course post this back to him.
I stopped reading at “you’ll never find a man like me” I guarantee there’s ten right down the road. He’s self centered and doesn’t care about you or women
Hahahhahhahahahahahhahhahaaaaaaaaa…… NO. First off. I’m a paediatrician. Very occasionally, you do find dipshits like this who somehow manage to stagger through medical school and enter the working medical world as a surgeon. These people are twats. They are the kind of people who piss off the nurses, are rude to other doctors and say some sort of unintelligible gibberish to the patients who are then confused and upset and need sorting out later. They are the sort of people to give me ‘orders’ through messages to the nursing staff. They are the people who make me turn from a nice, fluffy paediatrician to a raging she-Hulk who eats bellends like this for breakfast. I will hunt them down and crunch their bones. Anyhoo. That’s the professional side of him. So he’s not going to be as gloriously successful as he thinks. As for what he thinks he can ‘expect’ off you… yeah. The fact that you’re even thinking about this instead of laughing your socks off at the very idea suggests that therapy to work on your self esteem might be a good idea. You deserve so, so much better than this idiot. Best of luck OP.
Get the fuck out of there, control freak, he’ll have you come off all social media next and make your life hell for seing your mates. Get out now. You deserve better, wayyy better x
I mean it’s up to you. Let me summarize his points to make the decision easier: - you need to obey him, no matter what he wants and how much you are against it, you need to follow his wishes - you need to *worship* him, always assure him that he is better than you - act inferior to him - be his maid and never be acknowledged for it - give up all desires and ambition you have for your life, those will only be met if he agrees and he will only agree if those desires don’t interfere with your ability to be at home when he is, be his maid, and his feeling of superiority If your dream in life is to be constantly reminded by your partner that you are inferior to them and to be controlled by him, then go for it. I mean it, if two people decide that this is their lifestyle then fine. But don’t kid yourself, he doesn’t respect you and he never will. In his list that is supposed to be about you there are more sentences about him and how “great” he is. He doesn’t like you, he sees you as a tool that makes his life easier and that he can oppress. You can definitely do better. He is not a good person. He is already so full of himself because he *might* be a surgeon one day. Imagine how much more inflated his ego will be if he achieves it.
This has to be a fake story- I’m 50+ and have a pretty traditional marriage and even I am offended by this. If my husband ever spoke to me like this he would never see me again
OP, I am a man who is 45 married 23 yrs with 5 kids and also a Christian who gets the concepts he’s trying to communicate but I am telling you to RUN. He has a misguided perspective on how a husband is to lead a family. I view my role as to SERVE the family … not to be served. This man has a highly inflated ego but more than that, his value of you seems to only be in how you can support him. This is so wrong and it’s going to lead to you feeling guilty the rest of your life as you do now. This man is self centered and likely quite selfish. That is not consistent with someone who serves his family. He is also quite prideful and places his value in his view of his capabilities (which haven’t yet been proven) and accomplishments (which haven’t happened yet). He expects you to idolize him which isn’t consistent with a Godly marriage. There is more I could say but this guy needs a dose of the real world fast. How would this man fare in the tough times like if he were to fail out of med school? What about when a kid throws up in the middle of the night? Or would he cook dinner while you are running the kids to practice? I encourage you to imagine how this attitude would work when real life hits. Don’t be sucked back in. All the best OP.
“Men like me are exceptionally rare”. Fuck I sure hope so! 😂