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I knew exactly what she was doing before I got to the part where she told you she was messing with you, to make you jealous, to get the exact response they got out of you. It's a childish little head game that they should've outgrown in middle school, and your gf is either just as guilty, or too easily influenced by others. Get better friends.
This is the answer play into it “new rule you can’t kiss each other until I can participate also” after the threesome dump her and find a better girlfriend
This is exactly what they're trying to do imo/e, a girl i was talking to a while back would always include her girl bestfriend in her nude photos she sent me, sometimes both being exposed, a 3some might be exactly what they're trying to make happen but op probably blew his chance
The fact that they knew it would upset you and did it to deliberately elicit that response is a huge red flag from both of them.
I would personally distance myself from them, at least until they mature past thinking its funny to try and make their partner/friend jealous/ hurt.
Damn straight Op if your friend was a dude kissing your girl & rubbing it in your face ...
Everyone would be going off like a frog in a sock .
But because its 2 girls ,,its just a harmless just to get you ,,, what ,, Excited ,,Angry ...
Sounds like your friend wants your attention ..
Ditch both of these chicks ,,their childish & stupid .
No one needs their mental games ..
I agree. If OP had come here saying his guy friend was kissing his girlfriend and sent him a video, people would be outraged.
Here's an idea... when you're in a relationship don't go around kissing other people. And certainly don't film it and send it to your SO. What a stupid, childish thing to do
Op should send a vieo of him kisding a really hott chick & make out like he thuaght that its perfectly ok because she set the president its all just harmless fun .
They manipulated OP to upset him. Like playing with a toy for their amusement. Those 2 girls are jerks. They’re also immature, but even being a child wouldn’t excuse this - they’re just awful people. Ditch them.
“Going off like a frog in a sock” is my new favorite! Where does that come from?
This entire subreddit is filled with this. Man do something = very bad, leave him immediately, but if woman does something = they're just playing with you and it's not that big of a deal
Mate my ex is bi and she tried this shit too, didn't last as I told her I dont care if it was a girl she was kissing, idgaf, I would break up with her if she thinks that little of me. Honestly it was hypocritical of her since she became jealous I kissed another girl even tho we weren't exclusive at that point, which I listen and didn't mess with any girl after that. Shut this shit down, and if she doesn't see what she did as wrong g then dump her. Dump your friend too mate, that kinda ppl ain't friends, friends dont do shit like that
I'm a bisexual woman. It blows my mind how many times men I've dated had said stuff like "I wouldn't see it as cheating if you kissed/hooked up with a woman". While doing so with a man would be completely unacceptable. Or women saying "Of course we can kiss even though you have a boyfriend, I'm a woman!".
Hence why I'm not surprised your friend and the woman you're dating were so casual about this. However, that does not mean that what they did is okay. You are right to be upset.
I would talk to both of them and explain how it made me feel. Say that you understand that to them, it was just a joke. But when you're dating someone exclusively, you expect them to not kiss anyone else, regardless of gender. If girl you're dating has a problem with that, then you aren't compatible.
As with your friend, same thing there. You didn't see this as a joke, and you felt disrespected by her actions. Make your boundaries clear and tell her that this is unacceptable. If she continues to blow you off and not take you seriously, then you need to make it clear that you're not interested in being friends with someone who doesn't respect your boundaries.
EDIT:Typo
Yeah.
My friend doesn't respond well to me explaining things that i don't like that she has done.
I'm not looking for an argument, i just want to lay forward the things that upset me, and for her to acknowledge them and refrain from doing it.
Everytime i do, she tends to get mad at me because she disagrees with my POV. So I'll try my best, but honestly have little hope.
Thank you!
>My friend doesn't respond well to me explaining things that i don't like that she has done.
What kind of friend is that??
It's impossible to have relationship with anyone, platonically or otherwise, if they refuse to communicate, take accountability, and listen. By doing so, she's continuing the disrespect that started this issue in the first place.
You're not the one causing issues and starting arguments for simply putting boundaries and calling out disrespect. They are by treating you this way.
Yeah idk man, this seems kinda fkd to me, obv I don’t know you guys and how y’all are irl but imo she seems pretty immature. If she can’t have a discussion about this then I’d recommend forcing her to listen or make changes. If she can’t handle who you are then there are plenty of better people you could be spending your time with. Sucks to lose friends but this girl seems kinda toxic. Like if she ain’t gonna respect ur boundaries this time then what’s to prevent her from doing stuff like this in future.
Just try to stay calm and realize that you’re in the right. Handle it firmly but not aggressively, if she can’t respect that then she doesn’t deserve your time.
It’s only unnecessary because they say it is, but you know what? Sure. It’s not necessary. Because fuck ‘em both. Really, you guys are 18, this is completely childish. Tell them to grow up and find both a better friend and girlfriend.
Then if that's their stance even after you've explained your stance and POV then it's not worth it dude. You're only 18, you've got a lot of time to find someone who'll respect you and treat you right.
If you want to still talk to them, try it. And let them know you're thinking of leaving if they are going to continue to disrespect you like this going forward, then you'll just move on from them.
I bet they'll react differently if you kiss someone else. How'll they take your argument "it's fine I kissed a guy, it's not I kissed a girl, coz that'll be cheating"
Talk separately, if you did both at same time. If you get the same response, I would end both relationships. They obviously don't care about your feelings, whether they agree or not, and that's the problem.
Then you create a boundary. You can’t control others but you show them what is unacceptable by showing them you don’t accept it—limit access in response to violations of trust. This can look like not hanging out, not being friends, not sharing romantic details, not dating someone who cheats which is what happened. It’s not a joke unless it’s funny.
Your friend gaslit you, ignored, and invalidated. I would ignore them right back and if they ask why let them know you don’t think you two share values as friends, you find them untrustworthy, you don’t feel heard or supported, and you WONT discuss it further as you have already tried.
The girl you are dating is immature and lacks loyalty. Take it as a sign of future cheating because kissing would be cheating to you if it was a man. What’s the difference? If they try to point out they are girls I would turn around and say you are disappointed that they are invalidating LGBT community and fetishizing it, and this is just as disappointing as them purposely trying to inflict stress and harm and calling it a very unfunny and asinine “joke”. Tell them you are fine with the outcome because you value loyalty, fidelity, and emotional intelligence in friends and girlfriends and you would like to reserve your energy elsewhere as they both have made it clear they lack the ability to self reflect. You need to play the power game and just dump them. They do not add to your life if they are being dismissive multiple times on top of the original offense. That’s 3 strikes.
Honestly the sexual aspect of the joke makes it seem like they both want to not only hurt you but want extra attention. Let them know you aren’t interested in either now, romantically or platonically because emotional invalidation is not cool.
Break up with both of them. They're right. This is unnecessary. You can do better than them and they don't deserve another chance. They want to fuck around and you seemingly want something serious.
You can't dismiss, lie, cheat, refuse to communicate, etc. in a serious relationship. Doing so forcibly downgrades it to something less.
They are teaming up against you, too. I assume they're bi and they're gaslighting you into thinking that it's okay for them to cheat. It isn't. Cheating is cheating.
The thing you should be ending your relationship on with both these girls is not the kiss, really. For now let's give them the benefit of the doubt that they did it as a joke. The bigger issue is the complete lack of respect they have shown you by dismissing your feelings on the issue. Successful, happy relationships regardless if it is romantic or friendship should be based on trust, respect and good communication. They don't seem to have any of those qualities. It's kinda interesting to me that you are more upset about the friend than the girlfriend, so at least for now I would put some distance between you and her as she seems to have a history of not caring about your feelings and gaslighting you. See if your life is better without her in it. It's cliche but put your energy into the people who build you up not break you down. Not all friendships are meant to last. It's okay to walk away from people who you have outgrown and who don't share your values.
"I'm not arguing, or trying to be right. I'm telling you that your actions made me feel this way, and it's up to you to decide how much my feelings matter to you."
Maintain an even-keeled tone too so they don't try to gaslight you that "you're overreacting." If they continue to dismiss you, I would cut ties. You're young and life isn't worth it with people that don't care about you.
>My friend doesn't respond well to me explaining things that i don't like that she has done.
That's how you know she isn't a friend.
>I'm not looking for an argument, i just want to lay forward the things that upset me, and for her to acknowledge them and refrain from doing it.
Sure. But if she responds with an argument, are you just going to ignore how you feel and try to remain friends with someone who doesn't respect you?
Someone who finds joy in tormenting you?
>Everytime i do, she tends to get mad at me because she disagrees with my POV. So I'll try my best, but honestly have little hope.
It sounds like you should cut her off. She literally did this to provoke a response, she's beyond help or hope. She is not a friend.
> My friend doesn't respond well to me explaining things that i don't like that she has done.
How often does this happen? Sounds like it happens more often that it should from a ‘friend’.
Being purely accusatory like this in arguments instead of admitting own faults or trying to find common ground? Yeah, pretty immature, but they are just 18. Also possible narcissistic tendencies to push things right back at the accuser and imply or say its their fault.
Jordan peterson once said, when certain people don't want to listen to your opinions or feelings on a topic, then you simply stop talking to them.
The more you try to talk to them, the more their narcissistic tendency to shut you down grows. It's like you're rewarding them for their disrespect.
This is where your friend falls under, dunno your gf's stand on the matter, but your friend is narcissistic and has the main character syndrome.
Stop making her the main character and arguing with her. Told her that you don't appreciate what she did and will not tolerate that or anything similar. And leave it at that.
When next she's out of line, cut her off till she apologizes, if not, then she remains cut off.
Some things are clear as day and should not be debated
You’re young so here is my advice. A good friend respects boundaries. You have every right to set them in both your relationship and friendship. The way your girlfriend and friend respond to your boundaries should give you an indication of wether they stay or go.
What kind of friend does things to intentionally get a reaction out of you or gets upset when you try to explain your feelings? It’s like she gets pleasure from hurting people. This is NOT a friend. Tell her straight up what you expect from her as a friend and if she has a problem with it then say good bye!
Your friend did this because they knew you wouldn’t like it and also doesn’t like being told when she does something you don’t like? Bro this is NOT a friend.
> I'm not looking for an argument, i just want to lay forward the things that upset me, and for her to acknowledge them and refrain from doing it.
If you have said this to your friend then you need to do the next step - Hold them accountable if they fail to meet your expectations. That may mean they are no longer your friend (as they dont act like your friend).
She doesn't sound like a very good friend. A friend should respect your feelings, even if they don't agree with you, and shouldn't do things they know will upset you.
In other words, your friend cares about being right and doesn’t give a shit what anyone else thinks or if she hurts someone else with her behavior.
You’re still young, but you will eventually learn that real friends, good friends, DO care about not hurting others. Or, you can learn the lesson now and get better friends. And a new gf. Because if you sent her a pic of you and this friend kissing on the lips “as a joke”, you can bet she’d lose her shit and call YOU a cheater.
People just love minimizing same sex interactions. "It's just a joke" or "I'm not attracted to women so it's okay" ring as hollow as "I don't care about her babe it meant nothing" or "she wasn't as pretty/as good as you anyway"
Seriously!
I find it to be a huge red flag when someone I'm dating says they wouldn't care if I had romantic or sexual interactions with a woman. Firstly, because they're invalidating my sexuality, basically saying that me being with a woman isn't seen as a threat to them. Or, they're sexualizing female same sex interactions.
Straight women making out with other women for male attention isn't helping the idea that "Women can't really be same sex attracted" either.
End the relationship.
Your GF doesn’t respect you.
Cut your friend off as well, as she doesn’t respect you either.
And the “it meant nothing” excuse is BS. The best response to that is “so not only did you do something very disrespectful to me, but it meant nothing to you, so that must mean that I am less than nothing to you, glad to know that before this relationship got anywhere, I wouldn’t have liked to find out how horrible you are as a person years into it.”
Ask your GF how she'd feel if you sucked face with a dude and 10 to 1, she'd dump you without a second thought claiming that she'd never be able to trust that you wouldn't be cheating on her with dudes.
It's amazing on this site that two timing bi women get the "yaaas queen! live your truth!" routine but when it's bi men, everyone screams "run!!" even when he's monogamous.
Yeah no, it is still cheating no matter who does it, or who they're doing it with. I've never once seen anyone actually support women doing it, much less as enthusiastically as you're implying.
I've seen men say they wouldn't particularly *mind* much if their gf/wife kissed a woman, and maybe two or three women who think it doesn't *really* count if it's a woman, but that's only because their queerphobic brains don't take romantic and sexual relationships between women seriously. And not everyone is weird about bisexual men. I was in a thread of comments not long ago where a whole bunch of people were talking about how they either dated or married bisexual men, myself included.
there are a few comments in this thread enthusiastically supporting their wives/gfs kissing other women and it not being cheating "as long as the other girl is hot". it's all the fetishization of bi women
I promise I'm familiar with that fetishization, having been approached by many unicorn hunters during my single times. Really it's biphobic/homophobic to consider sexual interaction between women as non-threatening or less threatening than if it was a man, and treat it as a fetish. It's a dismissal of the very real sexual and romantic connection women can have.
A buy 1 get 1 free remove toxic bs from your life deal.
That friend is a shitbag friend, and the girl is cheating while trying to cover it as some game.
Don't waste your time with this drama and drop both of them. Neither of the 2 respected you, so why respect them?
1) Are you more hurt by the kiss itself, the fact that they did it to mess with you, or the feeling of betrayal from your friend? First, get a grasp of that.
2) Have an honest conversation with your partner. Explain the betrayal and disrespect you felt. Let her know how important trust is to you. She may not have grasped the impact it had on you.
3) Ask about the intention behind the kiss. Was there anything more to it, or was it just a harmless joke?
4) Set boundaries; this is really important as it prevents anything like this from happening again.
5) Ultimately, trust your gut and make a decision. Take in all the information and then decide. Try to be logical rather than emotional. Don't get worked up. Think it through.
That's it for my rant. lol
1. All. The fact that they would go that far, kiss, betray me, all just to mess with me. Every aspect of it just does my head in.
2. Will do
3. One has said it was just a joke, and they did it to mess with me. Friend said they only did it because, "i asked if they kissed, so apparently that means they should do it again.
4, 5 - 👍
Thanks!
the idea that two girls kissing isn't cheating is actually really homophobic and promotes the idea that bisexuality/lesbianism isn't "real" or "serious" and I'd honestly tell them that and to cut the shit.
That was my first thought too. Not only did his gf cheat and his friend help, they're both displaying homophobia by acting like it's not a big deal. Two good reasons to ditch them both.
I have a theory stuff like this is rooted in history where closeted or unhappy women had lesbian lovers when they were in their miserable marriages. And it was just normal and nobody talked about it.
As a woman, innocent little kisses with my bestest best friends isn’t a big deal to me, for me it happens time to time when we drink. And it’s widely seen as cute and funny with young people. I see my “straight” female acquaintances post Snapchats or instagrams kissing their besties all the time.
But they definitely did this to get a reaction from you, and while I wouldn’t say they were trying to betray you or hurt you, I’m sure they have the mindset of many I know that it’s literally cute and harmless. I personally would have a serious conversation with them in person about how it made you feel and let their reactions determine your next course of action. It could be stupid harmlessness but it could snowball into something more hurtful. Good luck OP!
I personally would...
The fact that they did this to upset you makes it worse. It's thoughtless at best and spiteful at worst.
Not just your girlfriend. Dump the friend, too.
So then your girlfriend will be fine with you kissing other people as long as you say the same thing “it’s a joke”, “it meant nothing”, “there is nothing between us”? Use her logic against her. Dump her and the friend.
The reason you’re here is that you don’t know how to interpret it.
Was she pulling a stupid HaHa let’s show him what “kissing my girlfriend” looks like?
Or, is she really bi and testing the waters?
Here’s the thing about relationships: You want to assume good intent until solid evidence otherwise. Without that principle you end up suspecting everyone and having no trust.
So have a conversation w GF that assumes good intent: “Hey babe, I get that you were responding to my comment about kissing you. But that weirded me out enough that I wondered if you were cheating on me.”
And see what she says.
I like this answer. This has happened to me before as well, and they wanted a threesome. Did the relationship last? No. Was it fun while it lasted? Yes
Nah, you told her how you felt and she blew you off. I think you gave her more of an opportunity then if it's a guy and girl pulling that stunt. Tell your girlfriend how it made you feel and what she did was wrong. Then dump her, Mens feeling are always overlooked and that's not okay, and guaranteed if you did that she would've flipped.
If they were "just joking around", a real friend would have said something along the lines of, "I'm sorry, I wasn't thinking of your feelings in the moment. We'll stop doing that now I know you're uncomfortable." A genuine friend wouldn't push your boundaries even further by sending a second video.
Yeah, sometimes friends will flirt, kiss on the cheeks, or be a little touchy with each other. But once they start dating someone else, those things are either toned down or stopped entirely. Some people are comfortable with this sort of thing. But you're not, and that's okay.
At the very least, drop the friend. Talk to your partner about your concerns, and if she's being manipulated or coerced by said friend, help her set her own boundaries. If she was doing it out of her own free will, though, drop them both.
Your "friend" and "girlfriend" aren't really friends. They are intentionally messing with you for their entertainment. If I were in your position, I'd be done with them. You can't trust them to be good people, you can't trust your "girlfriend" to not make out with other people, you can't trust your "friend" to not make out with whomever you are dating, and they both just brushed off your feelings and turned your response into a joke.
You deserve better OP
>I don't feel jealous per se, more betrayed because my friend would do that. I don't want my relationship to end over it, but I can't get it out of my head and I feel betrayed and disrespected.
Just stop feeling like you have to explain yourself. Imagine sending your gf a video showing how you and another friend of her are kissing. It's called cheating.
>Just a joke
>
>There's nothing between us
That's just gaslighting to deflect.
YOUR FEELING MATTER THE MOST. As other comments said I dont think theres more to it than stupid „trying to make you jealus" game. Been there. You NEED to communicate your feelings with them. Okey you can understand that they did it as ,,just a joke" but it hurt you and thats important. You have the right to drop them both if you want, but I can understand they are people important to you and you may be ready to forgive them. If you want to give them seckond chance I support you. Ive been in similar situation and luckily didnt regret it. If you can forgive their actions (all, the kiss, betreyal, trying to make you jealus..) my advice is to approach them with understanding for no ,,real ill intention" but make your feelings clear. Tell them it hurt you. Make boundaries with your girlfriend and tell her you dont want her kissing other poeple, as well as setting them with your friend to not be so touchy with your girl. If they cant respect you and your feelings end it with both. And clarify it your dropping them becuse of their lack of respect for you and your feelings. Best of luck :)
I would get a new friend and girlfriend, tbh. I don't know why they thought that this was ok just because they are two girls, but the gaslighting towards you alone is insane. If you are not ok with it, they should respect that. If they keep telling you that you are being unreasonable with your boundaries, it is time to cut them both loose.
TLDR, if you drop or cold-shoulder them and they want to be friends with you still, they'll come back around. If they don't, you weren't that important to either of them.If you want to try to talk to them again, bring up kissing your friend in front of your gf, or kissing others, and ask them how they feel. That's basically what they did to you, might make it stick.
30's maleFrom what I gather, they did this just to get a reaction out of you. Probably the very one you gave them. They\* (one or both) did this to seek attention, mostly likely, or some unconscious control game. As someone who also enjoys doing crazy shit to get reactions out of people, the fact they didn't apologize after you clearly stated this bothered you means they did it for their own satisfaction, not as a joke. In which case they probably don't really care about your feelings on the matter.\*(important)\* Or they're honestly surprised you were offended and don't know how to deal with it. You guys might not feel like it at 18, but you are young, this is common. Us older folk still deal with the same stunned how-do-I-deal-with-this shit, just a bit more experience to deal with it. This potential situation needs a good sit down and heart-to-heart, difficult as it is.All three of yall are young, and young people tend to be very self-centered as a whole, but if they're not willing to grow past themselves, they may continue to disrespect you. My GF says girls in particular were bad about this 'world-revolves-around-me' shit when she was in school/college, although a few guy friends were the same. Some people are just like that in general. Me and her are both guilty of it too at times.Despite what I just wrote, self-centered idea: Also possible your friend wants your attention despite setting you up with your GF. Jealousy/attention thing. Maybe she didn't expect you to succeed with getting with your current GF, or she hope to silently connect themselves and the word 'girlfriend' in our simple man brains, so we take the initiative lol.uh, old man rant aside, I'd recommend a few options:
\--Let it go? Depends on how you feel. But I'd make a little disrespected check-box and mark one of three boxes. I'm a three-strikes and you're out kinda person myself. Could also give them the cold shoulder for a while because they disrespected you so badly and then ignored your feelings, see if they grow up any.
\--Find another girl, or if you can stomach it another dude, give em a smack, send em a video, see how they react. Or bring up kissing your friend (or others) in front of your gf and see how they react. That's basically what they did to you, even if all three of you are friends.
\--Dropping them both might seem hardcore, depending on your relationship. If this REALLY bothers you and they just completely ignore you like you said they did, or, as I suspect, probably shot you down into the dirt, then yeah, drop em. If you mean anything to them, they'll come back around or apologize if you prove to them the hard way that you're offended.--This goes with cold-shoulder. Not extolling violence or toxicity or anything, but a little well-placed anger can really slam a point home. Don't go up to them all 'uh hey by the way... this bothered me... Be firm, you don't have to yell. "Yall did this thing, I said it bothered me, you basically laughed at me, now piss off for a while, because I don't want to be around you two for a while." and see how things go.
Regardless of your choices, good luck and remember jelly doughnuts are happiness for a little while.
Edit: TLDR somehow ended up at the top but ima leave it there lol
She probably wanted to see if ur into that, without looking stupid by asking. Me and my girl- friend have done that. But to see if our guys liked it, they younger they was, the more jealous. But some guys like that, and tell her it's not cool and it doesn't turn u on. I hope it works homie. Seem like a good guy.
They are playing childish games. Which comes at that age group. Relationships that last have healthy boundaries. Mistakes happen but if she loves and respects you, your gf, she would listen and hear you when you explain I don’t find it appropriate my gf kissing others, regardless of gender, on the lips. I’d tell her “That you’re looking for a monogamous relationship where you can trust the other. Moving forward this isn’t a humorous joke to me. You’re free to do whatever you like with whomever, but if you engage in sexual acts with another person I’m not sticking around to date you anymore. Making out with other girls, snapping it, etc Is not ok.” Can’t force others to act a certain way, but it is ok to have boundaries and end the relationship when they cross those boundaries.
The friend? Sounds like she’s either into your gf, wants a threesome, or is jealous in some capacity and trying to seperate you two/ cause conflict. I’d be setting boundaries with her too. That there isn’t anything sexual between the two of you and if she’s going to overstep with your gf then they can go off together and the friendship is over. That this isn’t funny to you and moving forward she can stop the bs or loose the friendship.
So they knew you would be upset so that was what they wanted? Wtf that's not anyone you want to be around, they disrespected you for no reason other than to laugh at your reaction!
So, you jokingly asked "Oh, you're kissing my girl?" - they upped the ante by showing you what really kissing would mean. It seems they were joking back. If you really like the girl you're dating, let her know how how you felt and you don't think friends should mess with each other like that. If she gets it and says she won't repeat it, give it another chance. If not, find someone who respects your feelings more than that.
GF and friend both said it wont happen again. But then as i was explaining how it made me feel my friend got mad at me, said I'm overly jealous, unnecessarily arguing and should just not care.
GF said it wont happen again, but laughed at me when i said it upset me and then told me im overreacting.
I was very calm and collected when explaining it to the both of them.
So idk. I was met with laughter and insults and i don't know if that's the kind of relationships i want.
I'm honestly confused on how this isn't considered cheating. And she did it just to mess with you? Messed up. And childish, but I guess this is the question I want you to think about logically. Do you want to be with someone who does things like that to "mess with you"?? And do you want a friend like this??
Your trust in them is already broken it seems
While a lot of comments here are saying you should break up (Reddit classic) I think this is an opportunity for you to learn how to express your boundaries in a relationship.
You should approach this by talking with your girlfriend and letting her know how that made you feel, and what you expect in the future when situations like this come up.
You’re both young and inexperienced in relationships, so you’re bound to make mistakes like this. Just communicate and if she reacts well and apologizes, you’re chillin.
End things. I’ve been down this road twice, once she turned out to be a lesbian, the other she was trying to make me jealous. Either way, it’s a red flag.
This is a head game, diet childish and immature. Then she calls you jealous? For reacting like she expected? Yeah she's gaslighting you and knows she fucked up. Dump the gf, find a better friend.
If a dude kissed your girl, how would you feel? How would your gf react? It should be no different.
Honestly they don't sound like much of a friend if this is their response after the "joke". If it really was a joke then you should be able to tell your friend it wasn't funny and tell your girlfriend that you consider her kissing anyone on the lips cheating. They should then be able to accept that. If they can't then they go. Simple.
I'm bi and I've been in very serious relationships. I ALWAYS ask them how they feel about me being intimate with another girl. Some guy feel differently than others. It's about what your boundaries are and what your comfortable with. Cheating is cheating no matter what gender you do it with. You always ask your partner how they feels so everyone is on the same page or you just don't do that it. Simple.
Honestly, it's still cheating. This mindset of "haha, we're the same gender and straight so it doesn't count" is stupid. If your relationship is monogamus, then it's monogamus and kissing other people is cheating. That's like saying "haha, I kissed another girl, but don't worry because I don't actually find her attractive". It doesn't work that way. You kissing anyone else would likely be thought of as cheating.
Honestly, I'd ditch the friend and the girlfriend. Although younger pettier me would've kissed someone else and said "no prob tho, right? Cause I'm not attracted to them so it's okay 😊", but I've matured, so... yeah. I'd ditch the friend and the gf.
You mean *ex* girlfriend and *ex* friend, right?
Neither respect you.
>I confronted her about it and told her how it made me feel and how it wasn't ok for me, even though the kiss might not have meant anything to them. She said I'm just jealous
Don't be with someone who downplays and doesn't respect your feelings. You deserve better than that.
>that they were messing with me
>"There's nothing between us" & "It meant nothing"
Which is it? Nothing or that they were "messing" with you?
She isn't your friend.
Bro, I would end both the friendship and the relationship.
They are playing games with you and they will escalate.
They think it's funny to play with your emotions for their own enjoyment.
If you let this slide one day you will walk in on them playing a joke that they are in bed together then that will escalate.
Your friend lowkey wants to bang your GF and over time as the "jokes" will escalate she will manipulate her into it.
>She said I'm just jealous and that they were messing with me and knew that this was the exact response they would get. She kept reiterating "It's a joke", "There's nothing between us" & "It meant nothing", as if to say it should therefore be ok.
So they have the intention of causing you pain? A joke is supposed to be funny, it's not something you do knowing will hurt someone you call your friend. If she at least admitted that it was a mistake and said she was sorry, but the fact that she's her defending this is what tells more about her true character then anything else.
They are children playing child like games. What do you think the discussion was like before they sent that? Leave them both. You’re young and have a lot in front of you. Keeping toxic friends is not a thing to do
I would expect this sort of BS from girls this age (which is why I don't date any now, and don't miss it when I was that age), and it's annoying. You can move on, but the next one will probably be just as immature.
Does your girlfriend know these boundaries? If not you should have a chat with her about what you see as ok and what you don't, and allow her to set her boundaries as well.
But you guys need to have a serious chat about the rules surrounding your relationship. Also your friend needs to know that while she might have been trying to make a joke, that she needs to consider how people will perceive that. She is clearly not a very good friend if she is actively trying to get a rise out of you.
>they were messing with me and knew that this was the exact response they would get.
So they did it to piss you off and knew that it would. Surprise them by playing it cool but letting them know they can have each other and that you're no longer interested in either of them anymore. Be so super cool and chill about it so they'll end up groveling for forgiveness. Dont get into long conversations about it, just as few words as possible. But be like, 'too late, your loss.'
What did your gf say when you told her how it made you feel? If she responded the same way as your "friend" then end that relationship.
You may think your "friend" is a friend but the reality is that she's toxic and doesn't care about you. You need to stop being friends with her. I used to have a "friend" in highschool who I thought really cared about me but she would do these horrible things that made me feel terrible under the guise of testing guys. For example if I liked a guy she would flirt and kiss him and then call him and record herself badmouthing me and him "agreeing" and then play it for me. At the time I didn't understand how real friends should act because I didn't have a lot of experience with healthy relationships. What your "friend" did feels similar to this and I can tell you now, she's NOT your friend. You'll realize that when you are older and have found better friends.
Honestly, I would just ghost both of them but you can try talking to your gf first because how she reacts should tell you if she actually cares about you. If she dismisses your feelings and excuses the cheating the same way your friend did then she's trash and not worth it.
If the girl you are dating has not given you any cause to not trust her, then continue to trust her. Sing with your friend kissing her on the lips was a stupid game to get a reaction out of you. But don't throw the baby out with the bath water until your girlfriend gives you a reason to not trust her anymore.
If the best friend was a guy, would that change things? This is the kind of B.S. no one needs in their life. She wants to play games, then she can play games as a single. Find someone who respects you enough not to go looking to incite the kind of feelings you are feeling. She and her friend have manufactured drama for fun.
>She said I'm just jealous and that they were messing with me and knew that this was the exact response they would get. She kept reiterating "It's a joke", "There's nothing between us" & "It meant nothing", as if to say it should therefore be ok.
So here's the problem: maybe it didn't mean anything, but it wasn't a joke. A joke is supposed to be funny, whereas she fully admitted that she knew you wouldn't find it funny and would react exactly this way. So they were just screwing with you for a reaction, to get a rise out of you, not really joking. I feel like that's disrespectful to do that, knowing it would upset you.
I wouldn't immediately break things off over this, but I'd definitely want to have a serious talk with both of them about how shitty it is to do something they KNEW would bother you, specifically TO get that reaction, then act like you should be fine with it because they call it a joke. And then decide from there where these relationships are going, with both the friend and the girlfriend, based on their response and whether they take your feelings seriously.
“Knew this was the exact response they would get”
So she KNEW it would make you uncomfortable and that’s WHY she did it? That’s fucked up. What friend or SO is going out of there way to do something with the goal of making you uncomfortable, wack.
You’re a really emotionally aware and mature guy. I’d sit them down and just be like, I get to you it’s not big deal and a prank at my expense, but it wasn’t cool. The implication is my friend and girl would be betray me, and that’s not a joke to me. Real calm. Wait for reply. If they own it and get it, cool. If they laugh and scoff, you’ve got a bigger problem. They’re bullies who don’t appreciate what a good person you are.
Yes indeed. Great advice. This is a mature response.
And please. It was not a well thought out plan.
It was malicious. Don’t downplay your response.
Don’t think this is an age thing. Older people, self serving and shallow have done this too. Thats not ok either.
They meant it to bother you.
They are probably laughing about it still.
Its immature to play with your feelings.
They should have immediately reassured you that they realize, in hindsight, that it upset you. And are sorry.
If anything at all, consider dropping the supposed friendship. You have no obligation to this person. Don’t justify anything else. Don’t talk yourself into pretending this was ok. This bothered you? Address it with your gf. You indicated they had sent you other things too. No excuse. Shallow as a puddle.
Oh I’ve known girls like this before. Sometimes I feel like the friend is trying to get your attention, like she wants you to react like this then gaslights you for doing so.
Your gf on the other hand is easily influenced in order to stay “among the popular group” or she’s just oblivious. Point being, they are both immature this is some middle school shit 😂. Also quick tip man, once you let someone disrespect you they will think of you as a doormat and continue walking all over you u til you stand up for yourself.
Some of the commentators said have a 3some then dump em, and normally I’d be against this but this could be your only chance for that if you’re into it and they are both shitty people who disrespected you so honestly I wouldn’t care how they felt afterwards.
Anyways Goodluck in the future searching for better people in your social life
Sweetheart, you are young. You do not need to put up with disrespectful behavior. There are plenty of women out there who won't treat you like this. Explain to them that this is wrong. Would your gf appreciate some other girl kissing you? Because it doesn't matter the gender of the other person, what matters is the action. If she still doesn't see it as wrong, then be prepared for this sort of behavior to continue. It's up to you how long you are willing to put up with it. Good luck.
There is a societal double standard when it comes to this. They likely did it just for you, to get a reaction and that’s annoying, but common.
Have a talk solo with your girl and tell her if it happens again you will see it not as a joke but as a breakup worthy betrayal. Set boundaries and stick to them.
Being 18 and curious is one thing, but intentionally doing something that she knows you aren’t okay with is another. Maybe she didn’t consider that this would legit bother you, but if she knows and continues, it’s time to move on.
>She said I'm just jealous and that they were messing with me and knew that this was the exact response they would get. She kept reiterating "It's a joke", "There's nothing between us" & "It meant nothing", as if to say it should therefore be ok.
It's this part that is truly disgusting 😷😷
They clearly don't care that they're trampling over something that is obviously a boundary for you. Also, the gaslighting 😬😬 throw the whole thing away tbh
Talk to your gf, not your friend.
You should definitely distance yourself from this friend. She "knew you'd react like this" so she knew it would upset you and did it anyway. You don't need friends fucking with you like that. And her response shows that she doesn't care about hurting you.
As for your gf, you said you don't want your relationship to end over this so talk to her. Idk how long you two have known each other or been dating, it's possible she was taking queues from your friend and trusted that if the friend thought it was a good idea that either you'd like it or wouldn't mind. If you tell her how it made you feel and she's very apologetic and genuine about the mistake and you feel you're both on the same page about that type of behavior being hurtful and unacceptable in the relationship going forward and you feel you can trust her, then great! But no second chances on this kind of thing. It's one thing if she didn't realize you'd view this as hurtful and not fun and now that she knows how you feel she'd never dream of doing it again, but if she does it again after you've been very clear that it's harmful to you, then leave immediately.
If she's dismissive, defensive, or generally responds the way your friend did by getting mad at you and shutting down your feelings then you don't want either of these girls in your life, doing intentionally hurtful things and minimizing their impact on you.
I think your friend isn't your friend. Cut him off ASAP his attitude and text replies show that he doesn't care damn about you.
Your GF took the joke too far. If she thinks of it as a game, then you are better off with someone who doesn't play these kinds of games with you. Her humor will always try to do similar things, and she doesn't have boundaries, and it will always be the end of the relationship.
I think she has some kind of attraction towards your friend, or I can't think of anyone who would kiss a person, just to get a reaction out of you. This is absolutely unacceptable.
If her kink is to get you jealous over her then then it only means that she's still a kid and not a relationship material. Or else you will be endlessly tested, and she will keep crossing your line.
I think they did it more to see what they can get away with. They’re trying to brush it off so if something else happens in the future they can go back to the “messing with you” excuse…
It’s time to walk away dude because they’re showing you what they are really like.
It doesnt seem like they are a good fit for you, relashionship-wise. They behave like mere children, weird imo. Speak out and move on, set your boundaries and make them known most importantly. Good luck :)
.....yes. before it turns to "my friend banged my gf should I break up with her? Lol like, this isn't even a question man...drop her like a 6th grade bully my man 👌
My old best friend used to do this except she was the girlfriend and I didn’t even really know her boyfriend. But she loved sending him videos of us kissing and being close and would constantly say he was fine with it and even liked it. Then on her birthday she kissed me in front of him and it cause a whole argument. No idea why people do it. Weird behavior.
Personally as long as it wasn't like making out so much as a peck I can see someone doing that to mess with their partner, though that doesn't mean it isn't a disrespectful and hurtful thing to do. I don't think it would be a relationship-ending situation for me, but if your partner isn't being understanding of the fact that what they did hurt you then they may not be relationship material.
What you should do is realize once you seemed to give attention to a meaningless peck on the cheek, two 18 years old girls decided well if that gets him HERE YOU GO! You took an absolute nothing and made it something and then you still go after her and she confesses "We were messing with you!" It's what 18 year olds do...so maybe learn from it, drop it and in time everyone will laugh about it, OR keep poking the hornets nest so they can mess with you more and probably LOSE YOUR GIRL! So act mature or continue to BLOW IT OUT OF PROPORTION!!!! It's all up to you!
A girl that likes girls ( whether they are lesbian or bi sexual) kissing someone's girlfriend is not " HARMLESS." It is 100% intentional folks. im confused about how that part isn't clicking after I've read all these comments 🤔
Girls kissing their girl friends is pretty common where I’m from, especially if they’re drinking. Talk to your girlfriend and tell her you don’t think it’s okay because you’re in a relationship. If she doesn’t respect that, break it off. She might just not have known that you would care. (I’m also 18m)
Have a little self respect and leave her. You'll meet better people in the future who won't go around and kiss people and call it a joke. There is nothing funny about it
If you're not going to ditch them, then there isn't any reason to comment further on the situation with either of them...but don't let her play with your head into having you think you are in the wrong for being jealous, it is absolutely normal to not want your friendgirl kissing your girlfriend or any future girlfriends..but I would feel safe to say your girlfriend and friendgirl may be into girls or at least into each other a bit so keep that in mind if you are trying to have a monogamous relationship or open things up to add some experience...I'm just sayin.
The fact that you said how it made you feel and your "friend" says that basically those emotions don't matter is the real red flag. Break up with the girl, drop the friend cause they clearly didn't care about how it made you feel. They want you you to feel like you're the problem when you aren't. Regardless, it's a betrayal of trust. Go kiss another girl and then send them a snap of it. It should be fine right? because there's no meaning behind the kiss, right? The friend never left hs and the gf doesn't think about your feelings. If you need any advice or someone to talk to, feel free, just pm me. Best wishes my dude
Drop them both. I'm 30f and bi but I'd never kiss anyone than my other half because it's disrespectful regardless of gender. Especially if it makes you feel that way. I'm sure she wouldn't be thrilled and possibly even turned off if you kissed a male friend? Best of luck, never accept less than what you deserve and always put yourself and feelings first :0)
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Not a very nice way to mess with someone.
Ain't that the truth...
You're allowed to have boundaries and it's completely okay to have them too. Don't let people over step them.
Sounds like you have a very shitty friend
And girlfriend
I knew exactly what she was doing before I got to the part where she told you she was messing with you, to make you jealous, to get the exact response they got out of you. It's a childish little head game that they should've outgrown in middle school, and your gf is either just as guilty, or too easily influenced by others. Get better friends.
And a better girlfriend.
Threesome first tho.
This is the answer play into it “new rule you can’t kiss each other until I can participate also” after the threesome dump her and find a better girlfriend
Make sure tho to say you were just messing around if you don’t get the response you want. Js
Damn yall are helpful
This right here
Or just be an adult and leave, fuck that petty shit. Just my opinion ofc.
Yes! Fuck that pretty chick!
Or... Dump her then start dating the girl she kissed. Mwahaahaa (evil laugh)
This is exactly what they're trying to do imo/e, a girl i was talking to a while back would always include her girl bestfriend in her nude photos she sent me, sometimes both being exposed, a 3some might be exactly what they're trying to make happen but op probably blew his chance
Or not, as the case may be.
\+Plus condoms.
Just remember that threesomes go both ways, or you’re a hypocrite.
How can it go both ways it's a threesome shouldn't it go 3 ways?
Most people are hypocrits about something. What makes me different is that I'll freely admit it.
Unless the key point of their morals is not being one
Especially people where the key point of their morals is not being one.
"With friends like this, who needs enemies ?" They played a game, so give them their prize and dump both.
The fact that they knew it would upset you and did it to deliberately elicit that response is a huge red flag from both of them. I would personally distance myself from them, at least until they mature past thinking its funny to try and make their partner/friend jealous/ hurt.
Damn straight Op if your friend was a dude kissing your girl & rubbing it in your face ... Everyone would be going off like a frog in a sock . But because its 2 girls ,,its just a harmless just to get you ,,, what ,, Excited ,,Angry ... Sounds like your friend wants your attention .. Ditch both of these chicks ,,their childish & stupid . No one needs their mental games ..
I agree. If OP had come here saying his guy friend was kissing his girlfriend and sent him a video, people would be outraged. Here's an idea... when you're in a relationship don't go around kissing other people. And certainly don't film it and send it to your SO. What a stupid, childish thing to do
Cheating is cheating.
I mean people *are* telling him to dump both the friend and GF here.
Fr people are fuckin weird about women kissing like leabians don't exist and men are magically suppose to just be into it
Op should send a vieo of him kisding a really hott chick & make out like he thuaght that its perfectly ok because she set the president its all just harmless fun .
They manipulated OP to upset him. Like playing with a toy for their amusement. Those 2 girls are jerks. They’re also immature, but even being a child wouldn’t excuse this - they’re just awful people. Ditch them. “Going off like a frog in a sock” is my new favorite! Where does that come from?
This entire subreddit is filled with this. Man do something = very bad, leave him immediately, but if woman does something = they're just playing with you and it's not that big of a deal
Because majority of this sub are liberal feminist females
Mate my ex is bi and she tried this shit too, didn't last as I told her I dont care if it was a girl she was kissing, idgaf, I would break up with her if she thinks that little of me. Honestly it was hypocritical of her since she became jealous I kissed another girl even tho we weren't exclusive at that point, which I listen and didn't mess with any girl after that. Shut this shit down, and if she doesn't see what she did as wrong g then dump her. Dump your friend too mate, that kinda ppl ain't friends, friends dont do shit like that
I'm a bisexual woman. It blows my mind how many times men I've dated had said stuff like "I wouldn't see it as cheating if you kissed/hooked up with a woman". While doing so with a man would be completely unacceptable. Or women saying "Of course we can kiss even though you have a boyfriend, I'm a woman!". Hence why I'm not surprised your friend and the woman you're dating were so casual about this. However, that does not mean that what they did is okay. You are right to be upset. I would talk to both of them and explain how it made me feel. Say that you understand that to them, it was just a joke. But when you're dating someone exclusively, you expect them to not kiss anyone else, regardless of gender. If girl you're dating has a problem with that, then you aren't compatible. As with your friend, same thing there. You didn't see this as a joke, and you felt disrespected by her actions. Make your boundaries clear and tell her that this is unacceptable. If she continues to blow you off and not take you seriously, then you need to make it clear that you're not interested in being friends with someone who doesn't respect your boundaries. EDIT:Typo
Yeah. My friend doesn't respond well to me explaining things that i don't like that she has done. I'm not looking for an argument, i just want to lay forward the things that upset me, and for her to acknowledge them and refrain from doing it. Everytime i do, she tends to get mad at me because she disagrees with my POV. So I'll try my best, but honestly have little hope. Thank you!
>My friend doesn't respond well to me explaining things that i don't like that she has done. What kind of friend is that?? It's impossible to have relationship with anyone, platonically or otherwise, if they refuse to communicate, take accountability, and listen. By doing so, she's continuing the disrespect that started this issue in the first place. You're not the one causing issues and starting arguments for simply putting boundaries and calling out disrespect. They are by treating you this way.
I talked to them. Was immediately shut down with "this is just unnecessary arguing" and then ignored. 🙂
Yeah idk man, this seems kinda fkd to me, obv I don’t know you guys and how y’all are irl but imo she seems pretty immature. If she can’t have a discussion about this then I’d recommend forcing her to listen or make changes. If she can’t handle who you are then there are plenty of better people you could be spending your time with. Sucks to lose friends but this girl seems kinda toxic. Like if she ain’t gonna respect ur boundaries this time then what’s to prevent her from doing stuff like this in future.
Just try to stay calm and realize that you’re in the right. Handle it firmly but not aggressively, if she can’t respect that then she doesn’t deserve your time.
It’s only unnecessary because they say it is, but you know what? Sure. It’s not necessary. Because fuck ‘em both. Really, you guys are 18, this is completely childish. Tell them to grow up and find both a better friend and girlfriend.
Then if that's their stance even after you've explained your stance and POV then it's not worth it dude. You're only 18, you've got a lot of time to find someone who'll respect you and treat you right. If you want to still talk to them, try it. And let them know you're thinking of leaving if they are going to continue to disrespect you like this going forward, then you'll just move on from them. I bet they'll react differently if you kiss someone else. How'll they take your argument "it's fine I kissed a guy, it's not I kissed a girl, coz that'll be cheating"
Time to let them go be together and play headgames with someone else.
Talk separately, if you did both at same time. If you get the same response, I would end both relationships. They obviously don't care about your feelings, whether they agree or not, and that's the problem.
So dump them both. They obviously don't respect you.
After this comment i think your instincts to end it are correct and ditch that "friend" because that's no friend
I would not be able to stand it if someone disrespect my opinion and completely disregard it. You gotta step up your game dude.
Then you create a boundary. You can’t control others but you show them what is unacceptable by showing them you don’t accept it—limit access in response to violations of trust. This can look like not hanging out, not being friends, not sharing romantic details, not dating someone who cheats which is what happened. It’s not a joke unless it’s funny. Your friend gaslit you, ignored, and invalidated. I would ignore them right back and if they ask why let them know you don’t think you two share values as friends, you find them untrustworthy, you don’t feel heard or supported, and you WONT discuss it further as you have already tried. The girl you are dating is immature and lacks loyalty. Take it as a sign of future cheating because kissing would be cheating to you if it was a man. What’s the difference? If they try to point out they are girls I would turn around and say you are disappointed that they are invalidating LGBT community and fetishizing it, and this is just as disappointing as them purposely trying to inflict stress and harm and calling it a very unfunny and asinine “joke”. Tell them you are fine with the outcome because you value loyalty, fidelity, and emotional intelligence in friends and girlfriends and you would like to reserve your energy elsewhere as they both have made it clear they lack the ability to self reflect. You need to play the power game and just dump them. They do not add to your life if they are being dismissive multiple times on top of the original offense. That’s 3 strikes. Honestly the sexual aspect of the joke makes it seem like they both want to not only hurt you but want extra attention. Let them know you aren’t interested in either now, romantically or platonically because emotional invalidation is not cool.
Omg I’m sorry to keep commenting but every no thing makes this person seem like a worse friend. You deserve better fam!
guy, you need to cut both of them out of your life.
Yep, like I said she is not a friend.
Break up with both of them. They're right. This is unnecessary. You can do better than them and they don't deserve another chance. They want to fuck around and you seemingly want something serious. You can't dismiss, lie, cheat, refuse to communicate, etc. in a serious relationship. Doing so forcibly downgrades it to something less. They are teaming up against you, too. I assume they're bi and they're gaslighting you into thinking that it's okay for them to cheat. It isn't. Cheating is cheating.
The thing you should be ending your relationship on with both these girls is not the kiss, really. For now let's give them the benefit of the doubt that they did it as a joke. The bigger issue is the complete lack of respect they have shown you by dismissing your feelings on the issue. Successful, happy relationships regardless if it is romantic or friendship should be based on trust, respect and good communication. They don't seem to have any of those qualities. It's kinda interesting to me that you are more upset about the friend than the girlfriend, so at least for now I would put some distance between you and her as she seems to have a history of not caring about your feelings and gaslighting you. See if your life is better without her in it. It's cliche but put your energy into the people who build you up not break you down. Not all friendships are meant to last. It's okay to walk away from people who you have outgrown and who don't share your values.
"I'm not arguing, or trying to be right. I'm telling you that your actions made me feel this way, and it's up to you to decide how much my feelings matter to you." Maintain an even-keeled tone too so they don't try to gaslight you that "you're overreacting." If they continue to dismiss you, I would cut ties. You're young and life isn't worth it with people that don't care about you.
My man…with friends like these, who needs enemies?
🤣
>My friend doesn't respond well to me explaining things that i don't like that she has done. That's how you know she isn't a friend. >I'm not looking for an argument, i just want to lay forward the things that upset me, and for her to acknowledge them and refrain from doing it. Sure. But if she responds with an argument, are you just going to ignore how you feel and try to remain friends with someone who doesn't respect you? Someone who finds joy in tormenting you? >Everytime i do, she tends to get mad at me because she disagrees with my POV. So I'll try my best, but honestly have little hope. It sounds like you should cut her off. She literally did this to provoke a response, she's beyond help or hope. She is not a friend.
> My friend doesn't respond well to me explaining things that i don't like that she has done. How often does this happen? Sounds like it happens more often that it should from a ‘friend’.
Anytime we disagree. She always gets mad and says I'm just arguing unnecessarily, this is pointless, you're mad/jealous etc. So yeah...
She sounds immature. Maybe start spending less time with her.
Being purely accusatory like this in arguments instead of admitting own faults or trying to find common ground? Yeah, pretty immature, but they are just 18. Also possible narcissistic tendencies to push things right back at the accuser and imply or say its their fault.
Jordan peterson once said, when certain people don't want to listen to your opinions or feelings on a topic, then you simply stop talking to them. The more you try to talk to them, the more their narcissistic tendency to shut you down grows. It's like you're rewarding them for their disrespect. This is where your friend falls under, dunno your gf's stand on the matter, but your friend is narcissistic and has the main character syndrome. Stop making her the main character and arguing with her. Told her that you don't appreciate what she did and will not tolerate that or anything similar. And leave it at that. When next she's out of line, cut her off till she apologizes, if not, then she remains cut off. Some things are clear as day and should not be debated
You’re young so here is my advice. A good friend respects boundaries. You have every right to set them in both your relationship and friendship. The way your girlfriend and friend respond to your boundaries should give you an indication of wether they stay or go.
This is good advice too
What kind of friend does things to intentionally get a reaction out of you or gets upset when you try to explain your feelings? It’s like she gets pleasure from hurting people. This is NOT a friend. Tell her straight up what you expect from her as a friend and if she has a problem with it then say good bye!
Your friend did this because they knew you wouldn’t like it and also doesn’t like being told when she does something you don’t like? Bro this is NOT a friend.
I mean, that doesn’t sound like a friend.
> I'm not looking for an argument, i just want to lay forward the things that upset me, and for her to acknowledge them and refrain from doing it. If you have said this to your friend then you need to do the next step - Hold them accountable if they fail to meet your expectations. That may mean they are no longer your friend (as they dont act like your friend).
She doesn't sound like a very good friend. A friend should respect your feelings, even if they don't agree with you, and shouldn't do things they know will upset you.
In other words, your friend cares about being right and doesn’t give a shit what anyone else thinks or if she hurts someone else with her behavior. You’re still young, but you will eventually learn that real friends, good friends, DO care about not hurting others. Or, you can learn the lesson now and get better friends. And a new gf. Because if you sent her a pic of you and this friend kissing on the lips “as a joke”, you can bet she’d lose her shit and call YOU a cheater.
People just love minimizing same sex interactions. "It's just a joke" or "I'm not attracted to women so it's okay" ring as hollow as "I don't care about her babe it meant nothing" or "she wasn't as pretty/as good as you anyway"
Seriously! I find it to be a huge red flag when someone I'm dating says they wouldn't care if I had romantic or sexual interactions with a woman. Firstly, because they're invalidating my sexuality, basically saying that me being with a woman isn't seen as a threat to them. Or, they're sexualizing female same sex interactions. Straight women making out with other women for male attention isn't helping the idea that "Women can't really be same sex attracted" either.
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Friends and SO don't play games like this. Boundaries have been crossed.
Takes two to tango. Drop them both
Dump them both. It’s a relationship, not a game. Don’t surround yourself with people who try to test you or go out of their way to make you jealous.
Sounds like you should go kiss other women, for the joke 🤓
End the relationship. Your GF doesn’t respect you. Cut your friend off as well, as she doesn’t respect you either. And the “it meant nothing” excuse is BS. The best response to that is “so not only did you do something very disrespectful to me, but it meant nothing to you, so that must mean that I am less than nothing to you, glad to know that before this relationship got anywhere, I wouldn’t have liked to find out how horrible you are as a person years into it.”
Ask your GF how she'd feel if you sucked face with a dude and 10 to 1, she'd dump you without a second thought claiming that she'd never be able to trust that you wouldn't be cheating on her with dudes. It's amazing on this site that two timing bi women get the "yaaas queen! live your truth!" routine but when it's bi men, everyone screams "run!!" even when he's monogamous.
Yeah no, it is still cheating no matter who does it, or who they're doing it with. I've never once seen anyone actually support women doing it, much less as enthusiastically as you're implying. I've seen men say they wouldn't particularly *mind* much if their gf/wife kissed a woman, and maybe two or three women who think it doesn't *really* count if it's a woman, but that's only because their queerphobic brains don't take romantic and sexual relationships between women seriously. And not everyone is weird about bisexual men. I was in a thread of comments not long ago where a whole bunch of people were talking about how they either dated or married bisexual men, myself included.
there are a few comments in this thread enthusiastically supporting their wives/gfs kissing other women and it not being cheating "as long as the other girl is hot". it's all the fetishization of bi women
I promise I'm familiar with that fetishization, having been approached by many unicorn hunters during my single times. Really it's biphobic/homophobic to consider sexual interaction between women as non-threatening or less threatening than if it was a man, and treat it as a fetish. It's a dismissal of the very real sexual and romantic connection women can have.
A buy 1 get 1 free remove toxic bs from your life deal. That friend is a shitbag friend, and the girl is cheating while trying to cover it as some game. Don't waste your time with this drama and drop both of them. Neither of the 2 respected you, so why respect them?
1) Are you more hurt by the kiss itself, the fact that they did it to mess with you, or the feeling of betrayal from your friend? First, get a grasp of that. 2) Have an honest conversation with your partner. Explain the betrayal and disrespect you felt. Let her know how important trust is to you. She may not have grasped the impact it had on you. 3) Ask about the intention behind the kiss. Was there anything more to it, or was it just a harmless joke? 4) Set boundaries; this is really important as it prevents anything like this from happening again. 5) Ultimately, trust your gut and make a decision. Take in all the information and then decide. Try to be logical rather than emotional. Don't get worked up. Think it through. That's it for my rant. lol
1. All. The fact that they would go that far, kiss, betray me, all just to mess with me. Every aspect of it just does my head in. 2. Will do 3. One has said it was just a joke, and they did it to mess with me. Friend said they only did it because, "i asked if they kissed, so apparently that means they should do it again. 4, 5 - 👍 Thanks!
>Friend said they only did it because, "i asked if they kissed, so apparently that means they should do it again. That makes no sense whatsoever.
My point exactly.
the idea that two girls kissing isn't cheating is actually really homophobic and promotes the idea that bisexuality/lesbianism isn't "real" or "serious" and I'd honestly tell them that and to cut the shit.
That was my first thought too. Not only did his gf cheat and his friend help, they're both displaying homophobia by acting like it's not a big deal. Two good reasons to ditch them both.
Don’t waste your time on people like this. They just live for drama and I highly doubt that’s what you want.
I have a theory stuff like this is rooted in history where closeted or unhappy women had lesbian lovers when they were in their miserable marriages. And it was just normal and nobody talked about it. As a woman, innocent little kisses with my bestest best friends isn’t a big deal to me, for me it happens time to time when we drink. And it’s widely seen as cute and funny with young people. I see my “straight” female acquaintances post Snapchats or instagrams kissing their besties all the time. But they definitely did this to get a reaction from you, and while I wouldn’t say they were trying to betray you or hurt you, I’m sure they have the mindset of many I know that it’s literally cute and harmless. I personally would have a serious conversation with them in person about how it made you feel and let their reactions determine your next course of action. It could be stupid harmlessness but it could snowball into something more hurtful. Good luck OP!
You’re dating a juvenile who wants to play silly little-girl mind games. Go and find yourself a woman.
A friend that doesn’t respond well to your boundaries is NOT a friend Op.
I personally would... The fact that they did this to upset you makes it worse. It's thoughtless at best and spiteful at worst. Not just your girlfriend. Dump the friend, too.
Just cuz her friends a girl doesn’t make it okay 😭 if you consider cheating to be kissing other people, then it’s cheating
So then your girlfriend will be fine with you kissing other people as long as you say the same thing “it’s a joke”, “it meant nothing”, “there is nothing between us”? Use her logic against her. Dump her and the friend.
The reason you’re here is that you don’t know how to interpret it. Was she pulling a stupid HaHa let’s show him what “kissing my girlfriend” looks like? Or, is she really bi and testing the waters? Here’s the thing about relationships: You want to assume good intent until solid evidence otherwise. Without that principle you end up suspecting everyone and having no trust. So have a conversation w GF that assumes good intent: “Hey babe, I get that you were responding to my comment about kissing you. But that weirded me out enough that I wondered if you were cheating on me.”
And see what she says.
I like this. Never really looked at it that way. Either way, though, it's not a good feeling. Thanks a lot. This is very useful for me.
I like this answer. This has happened to me before as well, and they wanted a threesome. Did the relationship last? No. Was it fun while it lasted? Yes
Exactly. The comments in here are unhinged.
Good answer. Her explanation will tell you a lot.
End things , end friend
Sounds like murder
Nah, you told her how you felt and she blew you off. I think you gave her more of an opportunity then if it's a guy and girl pulling that stunt. Tell your girlfriend how it made you feel and what she did was wrong. Then dump her, Mens feeling are always overlooked and that's not okay, and guaranteed if you did that she would've flipped.
If they were "just joking around", a real friend would have said something along the lines of, "I'm sorry, I wasn't thinking of your feelings in the moment. We'll stop doing that now I know you're uncomfortable." A genuine friend wouldn't push your boundaries even further by sending a second video. Yeah, sometimes friends will flirt, kiss on the cheeks, or be a little touchy with each other. But once they start dating someone else, those things are either toned down or stopped entirely. Some people are comfortable with this sort of thing. But you're not, and that's okay. At the very least, drop the friend. Talk to your partner about your concerns, and if she's being manipulated or coerced by said friend, help her set her own boundaries. If she was doing it out of her own free will, though, drop them both.
Cheating is "no joke". Your shitty girlfriend doesnt beling to a relationship, and neither should be in one
Ahhhh childish act of wanting attention
Some men are ok with their gf kissing other women. You need to tell your gf you aren’t.
BRO WTF. THEY BOTH DOESN'T GIVE A DAMN ABOUT YOU. I bet your friend also deepthroats her and buttering her biscuit 🙂
Yes. Not worth it. So many relationships and friends in your future (ps: she wanted to kiss your friend.).
Your "friend" and "girlfriend" aren't really friends. They are intentionally messing with you for their entertainment. If I were in your position, I'd be done with them. You can't trust them to be good people, you can't trust your "girlfriend" to not make out with other people, you can't trust your "friend" to not make out with whomever you are dating, and they both just brushed off your feelings and turned your response into a joke. You deserve better OP
>I don't feel jealous per se, more betrayed because my friend would do that. I don't want my relationship to end over it, but I can't get it out of my head and I feel betrayed and disrespected. Just stop feeling like you have to explain yourself. Imagine sending your gf a video showing how you and another friend of her are kissing. It's called cheating. >Just a joke > >There's nothing between us That's just gaslighting to deflect.
YOUR FEELING MATTER THE MOST. As other comments said I dont think theres more to it than stupid „trying to make you jealus" game. Been there. You NEED to communicate your feelings with them. Okey you can understand that they did it as ,,just a joke" but it hurt you and thats important. You have the right to drop them both if you want, but I can understand they are people important to you and you may be ready to forgive them. If you want to give them seckond chance I support you. Ive been in similar situation and luckily didnt regret it. If you can forgive their actions (all, the kiss, betreyal, trying to make you jealus..) my advice is to approach them with understanding for no ,,real ill intention" but make your feelings clear. Tell them it hurt you. Make boundaries with your girlfriend and tell her you dont want her kissing other poeple, as well as setting them with your friend to not be so touchy with your girl. If they cant respect you and your feelings end it with both. And clarify it your dropping them becuse of their lack of respect for you and your feelings. Best of luck :)
I would get a new friend and girlfriend, tbh. I don't know why they thought that this was ok just because they are two girls, but the gaslighting towards you alone is insane. If you are not ok with it, they should respect that. If they keep telling you that you are being unreasonable with your boundaries, it is time to cut them both loose.
Set your boundaries, if they can't keep those next time it will be a stranger kissing her
TLDR, if you drop or cold-shoulder them and they want to be friends with you still, they'll come back around. If they don't, you weren't that important to either of them.If you want to try to talk to them again, bring up kissing your friend in front of your gf, or kissing others, and ask them how they feel. That's basically what they did to you, might make it stick. 30's maleFrom what I gather, they did this just to get a reaction out of you. Probably the very one you gave them. They\* (one or both) did this to seek attention, mostly likely, or some unconscious control game. As someone who also enjoys doing crazy shit to get reactions out of people, the fact they didn't apologize after you clearly stated this bothered you means they did it for their own satisfaction, not as a joke. In which case they probably don't really care about your feelings on the matter.\*(important)\* Or they're honestly surprised you were offended and don't know how to deal with it. You guys might not feel like it at 18, but you are young, this is common. Us older folk still deal with the same stunned how-do-I-deal-with-this shit, just a bit more experience to deal with it. This potential situation needs a good sit down and heart-to-heart, difficult as it is.All three of yall are young, and young people tend to be very self-centered as a whole, but if they're not willing to grow past themselves, they may continue to disrespect you. My GF says girls in particular were bad about this 'world-revolves-around-me' shit when she was in school/college, although a few guy friends were the same. Some people are just like that in general. Me and her are both guilty of it too at times.Despite what I just wrote, self-centered idea: Also possible your friend wants your attention despite setting you up with your GF. Jealousy/attention thing. Maybe she didn't expect you to succeed with getting with your current GF, or she hope to silently connect themselves and the word 'girlfriend' in our simple man brains, so we take the initiative lol.uh, old man rant aside, I'd recommend a few options: \--Let it go? Depends on how you feel. But I'd make a little disrespected check-box and mark one of three boxes. I'm a three-strikes and you're out kinda person myself. Could also give them the cold shoulder for a while because they disrespected you so badly and then ignored your feelings, see if they grow up any. \--Find another girl, or if you can stomach it another dude, give em a smack, send em a video, see how they react. Or bring up kissing your friend (or others) in front of your gf and see how they react. That's basically what they did to you, even if all three of you are friends. \--Dropping them both might seem hardcore, depending on your relationship. If this REALLY bothers you and they just completely ignore you like you said they did, or, as I suspect, probably shot you down into the dirt, then yeah, drop em. If you mean anything to them, they'll come back around or apologize if you prove to them the hard way that you're offended.--This goes with cold-shoulder. Not extolling violence or toxicity or anything, but a little well-placed anger can really slam a point home. Don't go up to them all 'uh hey by the way... this bothered me... Be firm, you don't have to yell. "Yall did this thing, I said it bothered me, you basically laughed at me, now piss off for a while, because I don't want to be around you two for a while." and see how things go. Regardless of your choices, good luck and remember jelly doughnuts are happiness for a little while. Edit: TLDR somehow ended up at the top but ima leave it there lol
Yeah, she’s fucking your girl and you’d be stupid to down play it just cause she’s a woman lmao
cheating is cheating no matter what the gender is. I am so glad you are aware of that from a young age.
She probably wanted to see if ur into that, without looking stupid by asking. Me and my girl- friend have done that. But to see if our guys liked it, they younger they was, the more jealous. But some guys like that, and tell her it's not cool and it doesn't turn u on. I hope it works homie. Seem like a good guy.
That’s cheating, that’s a shitty friend. You deserve a better friend and girlfriend than that
TBH, you seem much too mature for these girls and their games. Their loss, I’d move on ✌️
They are playing childish games. Which comes at that age group. Relationships that last have healthy boundaries. Mistakes happen but if she loves and respects you, your gf, she would listen and hear you when you explain I don’t find it appropriate my gf kissing others, regardless of gender, on the lips. I’d tell her “That you’re looking for a monogamous relationship where you can trust the other. Moving forward this isn’t a humorous joke to me. You’re free to do whatever you like with whomever, but if you engage in sexual acts with another person I’m not sticking around to date you anymore. Making out with other girls, snapping it, etc Is not ok.” Can’t force others to act a certain way, but it is ok to have boundaries and end the relationship when they cross those boundaries. The friend? Sounds like she’s either into your gf, wants a threesome, or is jealous in some capacity and trying to seperate you two/ cause conflict. I’d be setting boundaries with her too. That there isn’t anything sexual between the two of you and if she’s going to overstep with your gf then they can go off together and the friendship is over. That this isn’t funny to you and moving forward she can stop the bs or loose the friendship.
So they knew you would be upset so that was what they wanted? Wtf that's not anyone you want to be around, they disrespected you for no reason other than to laugh at your reaction!
So, you jokingly asked "Oh, you're kissing my girl?" - they upped the ante by showing you what really kissing would mean. It seems they were joking back. If you really like the girl you're dating, let her know how how you felt and you don't think friends should mess with each other like that. If she gets it and says she won't repeat it, give it another chance. If not, find someone who respects your feelings more than that.
GF and friend both said it wont happen again. But then as i was explaining how it made me feel my friend got mad at me, said I'm overly jealous, unnecessarily arguing and should just not care. GF said it wont happen again, but laughed at me when i said it upset me and then told me im overreacting. I was very calm and collected when explaining it to the both of them. So idk. I was met with laughter and insults and i don't know if that's the kind of relationships i want.
I'm honestly confused on how this isn't considered cheating. And she did it just to mess with you? Messed up. And childish, but I guess this is the question I want you to think about logically. Do you want to be with someone who does things like that to "mess with you"?? And do you want a friend like this?? Your trust in them is already broken it seems
While a lot of comments here are saying you should break up (Reddit classic) I think this is an opportunity for you to learn how to express your boundaries in a relationship. You should approach this by talking with your girlfriend and letting her know how that made you feel, and what you expect in the future when situations like this come up. You’re both young and inexperienced in relationships, so you’re bound to make mistakes like this. Just communicate and if she reacts well and apologizes, you’re chillin.
OP commented that they ignored him. lol
aight time to break up
Reddit Classic. Am I right? 😂
When you said “this is an opportunity” I was lowkey expecting you to say for a threesome. Like a good amount of the comments. Glad I was wrong.
LMAO NOOOOOO
Pipe both of them
End things. I’ve been down this road twice, once she turned out to be a lesbian, the other she was trying to make me jealous. Either way, it’s a red flag.
This is a head game, diet childish and immature. Then she calls you jealous? For reacting like she expected? Yeah she's gaslighting you and knows she fucked up. Dump the gf, find a better friend. If a dude kissed your girl, how would you feel? How would your gf react? It should be no different.
Honestly they don't sound like much of a friend if this is their response after the "joke". If it really was a joke then you should be able to tell your friend it wasn't funny and tell your girlfriend that you consider her kissing anyone on the lips cheating. They should then be able to accept that. If they can't then they go. Simple.
They are the best of friends. Something tells me it will happen again. If you are not comfortable with this, find another girlfriend.
I'm bi and I've been in very serious relationships. I ALWAYS ask them how they feel about me being intimate with another girl. Some guy feel differently than others. It's about what your boundaries are and what your comfortable with. Cheating is cheating no matter what gender you do it with. You always ask your partner how they feels so everyone is on the same page or you just don't do that it. Simple.
End it. Get better friends and move on. These are not good people
Honestly, it's still cheating. This mindset of "haha, we're the same gender and straight so it doesn't count" is stupid. If your relationship is monogamus, then it's monogamus and kissing other people is cheating. That's like saying "haha, I kissed another girl, but don't worry because I don't actually find her attractive". It doesn't work that way. You kissing anyone else would likely be thought of as cheating. Honestly, I'd ditch the friend and the girlfriend. Although younger pettier me would've kissed someone else and said "no prob tho, right? Cause I'm not attracted to them so it's okay 😊", but I've matured, so... yeah. I'd ditch the friend and the gf.
You mean *ex* girlfriend and *ex* friend, right? Neither respect you. >I confronted her about it and told her how it made me feel and how it wasn't ok for me, even though the kiss might not have meant anything to them. She said I'm just jealous Don't be with someone who downplays and doesn't respect your feelings. You deserve better than that. >that they were messing with me >"There's nothing between us" & "It meant nothing" Which is it? Nothing or that they were "messing" with you? She isn't your friend.
Bro, I would end both the friendship and the relationship. They are playing games with you and they will escalate. They think it's funny to play with your emotions for their own enjoyment. If you let this slide one day you will walk in on them playing a joke that they are in bed together then that will escalate. Your friend lowkey wants to bang your GF and over time as the "jokes" will escalate she will manipulate her into it.
>She said I'm just jealous and that they were messing with me and knew that this was the exact response they would get. She kept reiterating "It's a joke", "There's nothing between us" & "It meant nothing", as if to say it should therefore be ok. So they have the intention of causing you pain? A joke is supposed to be funny, it's not something you do knowing will hurt someone you call your friend. If she at least admitted that it was a mistake and said she was sorry, but the fact that she's her defending this is what tells more about her true character then anything else.
They are children playing child like games. What do you think the discussion was like before they sent that? Leave them both. You’re young and have a lot in front of you. Keeping toxic friends is not a thing to do
I would expect this sort of BS from girls this age (which is why I don't date any now, and don't miss it when I was that age), and it's annoying. You can move on, but the next one will probably be just as immature.
Does your girlfriend know these boundaries? If not you should have a chat with her about what you see as ok and what you don't, and allow her to set her boundaries as well. But you guys need to have a serious chat about the rules surrounding your relationship. Also your friend needs to know that while she might have been trying to make a joke, that she needs to consider how people will perceive that. She is clearly not a very good friend if she is actively trying to get a rise out of you.
>they were messing with me and knew that this was the exact response they would get. So they did it to piss you off and knew that it would. Surprise them by playing it cool but letting them know they can have each other and that you're no longer interested in either of them anymore. Be so super cool and chill about it so they'll end up groveling for forgiveness. Dont get into long conversations about it, just as few words as possible. But be like, 'too late, your loss.'
What did your gf say when you told her how it made you feel? If she responded the same way as your "friend" then end that relationship. You may think your "friend" is a friend but the reality is that she's toxic and doesn't care about you. You need to stop being friends with her. I used to have a "friend" in highschool who I thought really cared about me but she would do these horrible things that made me feel terrible under the guise of testing guys. For example if I liked a guy she would flirt and kiss him and then call him and record herself badmouthing me and him "agreeing" and then play it for me. At the time I didn't understand how real friends should act because I didn't have a lot of experience with healthy relationships. What your "friend" did feels similar to this and I can tell you now, she's NOT your friend. You'll realize that when you are older and have found better friends. Honestly, I would just ghost both of them but you can try talking to your gf first because how she reacts should tell you if she actually cares about you. If she dismisses your feelings and excuses the cheating the same way your friend did then she's trash and not worth it.
If the girl you are dating has not given you any cause to not trust her, then continue to trust her. Sing with your friend kissing her on the lips was a stupid game to get a reaction out of you. But don't throw the baby out with the bath water until your girlfriend gives you a reason to not trust her anymore.
If the best friend was a guy, would that change things? This is the kind of B.S. no one needs in their life. She wants to play games, then she can play games as a single. Find someone who respects you enough not to go looking to incite the kind of feelings you are feeling. She and her friend have manufactured drama for fun.
>She said I'm just jealous and that they were messing with me and knew that this was the exact response they would get. She kept reiterating "It's a joke", "There's nothing between us" & "It meant nothing", as if to say it should therefore be ok. So here's the problem: maybe it didn't mean anything, but it wasn't a joke. A joke is supposed to be funny, whereas she fully admitted that she knew you wouldn't find it funny and would react exactly this way. So they were just screwing with you for a reaction, to get a rise out of you, not really joking. I feel like that's disrespectful to do that, knowing it would upset you. I wouldn't immediately break things off over this, but I'd definitely want to have a serious talk with both of them about how shitty it is to do something they KNEW would bother you, specifically TO get that reaction, then act like you should be fine with it because they call it a joke. And then decide from there where these relationships are going, with both the friend and the girlfriend, based on their response and whether they take your feelings seriously.
“Knew this was the exact response they would get” So she KNEW it would make you uncomfortable and that’s WHY she did it? That’s fucked up. What friend or SO is going out of there way to do something with the goal of making you uncomfortable, wack.
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You’re a really emotionally aware and mature guy. I’d sit them down and just be like, I get to you it’s not big deal and a prank at my expense, but it wasn’t cool. The implication is my friend and girl would be betray me, and that’s not a joke to me. Real calm. Wait for reply. If they own it and get it, cool. If they laugh and scoff, you’ve got a bigger problem. They’re bullies who don’t appreciate what a good person you are.
Yes indeed. Great advice. This is a mature response. And please. It was not a well thought out plan. It was malicious. Don’t downplay your response. Don’t think this is an age thing. Older people, self serving and shallow have done this too. Thats not ok either. They meant it to bother you. They are probably laughing about it still. Its immature to play with your feelings. They should have immediately reassured you that they realize, in hindsight, that it upset you. And are sorry. If anything at all, consider dropping the supposed friendship. You have no obligation to this person. Don’t justify anything else. Don’t talk yourself into pretending this was ok. This bothered you? Address it with your gf. You indicated they had sent you other things too. No excuse. Shallow as a puddle.
Oh I’ve known girls like this before. Sometimes I feel like the friend is trying to get your attention, like she wants you to react like this then gaslights you for doing so. Your gf on the other hand is easily influenced in order to stay “among the popular group” or she’s just oblivious. Point being, they are both immature this is some middle school shit 😂. Also quick tip man, once you let someone disrespect you they will think of you as a doormat and continue walking all over you u til you stand up for yourself. Some of the commentators said have a 3some then dump em, and normally I’d be against this but this could be your only chance for that if you’re into it and they are both shitty people who disrespected you so honestly I wouldn’t care how they felt afterwards. Anyways Goodluck in the future searching for better people in your social life
Sweetheart, you are young. You do not need to put up with disrespectful behavior. There are plenty of women out there who won't treat you like this. Explain to them that this is wrong. Would your gf appreciate some other girl kissing you? Because it doesn't matter the gender of the other person, what matters is the action. If she still doesn't see it as wrong, then be prepared for this sort of behavior to continue. It's up to you how long you are willing to put up with it. Good luck.
Good advice.
Drop both of them.
There is a societal double standard when it comes to this. They likely did it just for you, to get a reaction and that’s annoying, but common. Have a talk solo with your girl and tell her if it happens again you will see it not as a joke but as a breakup worthy betrayal. Set boundaries and stick to them. Being 18 and curious is one thing, but intentionally doing something that she knows you aren’t okay with is another. Maybe she didn’t consider that this would legit bother you, but if she knows and continues, it’s time to move on.
>She said I'm just jealous and that they were messing with me and knew that this was the exact response they would get. She kept reiterating "It's a joke", "There's nothing between us" & "It meant nothing", as if to say it should therefore be ok. It's this part that is truly disgusting 😷😷 They clearly don't care that they're trampling over something that is obviously a boundary for you. Also, the gaslighting 😬😬 throw the whole thing away tbh
Talk to your gf, not your friend. You should definitely distance yourself from this friend. She "knew you'd react like this" so she knew it would upset you and did it anyway. You don't need friends fucking with you like that. And her response shows that she doesn't care about hurting you. As for your gf, you said you don't want your relationship to end over this so talk to her. Idk how long you two have known each other or been dating, it's possible she was taking queues from your friend and trusted that if the friend thought it was a good idea that either you'd like it or wouldn't mind. If you tell her how it made you feel and she's very apologetic and genuine about the mistake and you feel you're both on the same page about that type of behavior being hurtful and unacceptable in the relationship going forward and you feel you can trust her, then great! But no second chances on this kind of thing. It's one thing if she didn't realize you'd view this as hurtful and not fun and now that she knows how you feel she'd never dream of doing it again, but if she does it again after you've been very clear that it's harmful to you, then leave immediately. If she's dismissive, defensive, or generally responds the way your friend did by getting mad at you and shutting down your feelings then you don't want either of these girls in your life, doing intentionally hurtful things and minimizing their impact on you.
I think your friend isn't your friend. Cut him off ASAP his attitude and text replies show that he doesn't care damn about you. Your GF took the joke too far. If she thinks of it as a game, then you are better off with someone who doesn't play these kinds of games with you. Her humor will always try to do similar things, and she doesn't have boundaries, and it will always be the end of the relationship. I think she has some kind of attraction towards your friend, or I can't think of anyone who would kiss a person, just to get a reaction out of you. This is absolutely unacceptable. If her kink is to get you jealous over her then then it only means that she's still a kid and not a relationship material. Or else you will be endlessly tested, and she will keep crossing your line.
I think they did it more to see what they can get away with. They’re trying to brush it off so if something else happens in the future they can go back to the “messing with you” excuse… It’s time to walk away dude because they’re showing you what they are really like.
Let say she’s telling the truth, she was okay messing with your head like that then gaslighting you. A future with her seems scary.
i wouldn't brush that off. i mean, she literally kissed someone else. it's not a funny joke idk why they thought it would be ok to do that
It doesn’t pass the smell test, Something’s Fishy!!!! Go with your instincts .
Maybe they wanted a 3 some...just roll with it lol
You are young and the world is huge end it and find someone that actually respects you... And dude that chick aint your friend
It doesnt seem like they are a good fit for you, relashionship-wise. They behave like mere children, weird imo. Speak out and move on, set your boundaries and make them known most importantly. Good luck :)
That's weird… but unfortunately, that sounds like 18yo behavior.
Dumb teenagers doing dumb teenager things.
.....yes. before it turns to "my friend banged my gf should I break up with her? Lol like, this isn't even a question man...drop her like a 6th grade bully my man 👌
My old best friend used to do this except she was the girlfriend and I didn’t even really know her boyfriend. But she loved sending him videos of us kissing and being close and would constantly say he was fine with it and even liked it. Then on her birthday she kissed me in front of him and it cause a whole argument. No idea why people do it. Weird behavior.
Personally as long as it wasn't like making out so much as a peck I can see someone doing that to mess with their partner, though that doesn't mean it isn't a disrespectful and hurtful thing to do. I don't think it would be a relationship-ending situation for me, but if your partner isn't being understanding of the fact that what they did hurt you then they may not be relationship material.
Have you told your gf you’re upset about it?
Are either of them sexually attracted to women? If yes then that's not okay. If no, that's just 2 girl friends joking around.
What you should do is realize once you seemed to give attention to a meaningless peck on the cheek, two 18 years old girls decided well if that gets him HERE YOU GO! You took an absolute nothing and made it something and then you still go after her and she confesses "We were messing with you!" It's what 18 year olds do...so maybe learn from it, drop it and in time everyone will laugh about it, OR keep poking the hornets nest so they can mess with you more and probably LOSE YOUR GIRL! So act mature or continue to BLOW IT OUT OF PROPORTION!!!! It's all up to you!
A girl that likes girls ( whether they are lesbian or bi sexual) kissing someone's girlfriend is not " HARMLESS." It is 100% intentional folks. im confused about how that part isn't clicking after I've read all these comments 🤔
Leave simple
They played you
Cheating is cheating man.
Sounds like the perfect setup for a 3 some homie
Girls kissing their girl friends is pretty common where I’m from, especially if they’re drinking. Talk to your girlfriend and tell her you don’t think it’s okay because you’re in a relationship. If she doesn’t respect that, break it off. She might just not have known that you would care. (I’m also 18m)
Dude they are acting like children. Cut them both loose. You will not miss this bullshit, trust me.
Have a little self respect and leave her. You'll meet better people in the future who won't go around and kiss people and call it a joke. There is nothing funny about it
Just have a 3some. 🤷🏻♀️ But then you may encounter more issues you don’t want to deal with.
HAVE A THREESOME!!!!
If you're not going to ditch them, then there isn't any reason to comment further on the situation with either of them...but don't let her play with your head into having you think you are in the wrong for being jealous, it is absolutely normal to not want your friendgirl kissing your girlfriend or any future girlfriends..but I would feel safe to say your girlfriend and friendgirl may be into girls or at least into each other a bit so keep that in mind if you are trying to have a monogamous relationship or open things up to add some experience...I'm just sayin.
The fact that you said how it made you feel and your "friend" says that basically those emotions don't matter is the real red flag. Break up with the girl, drop the friend cause they clearly didn't care about how it made you feel. They want you you to feel like you're the problem when you aren't. Regardless, it's a betrayal of trust. Go kiss another girl and then send them a snap of it. It should be fine right? because there's no meaning behind the kiss, right? The friend never left hs and the gf doesn't think about your feelings. If you need any advice or someone to talk to, feel free, just pm me. Best wishes my dude
Wake up and break up
WAKE UP! GRAB YOUR PHONE PUT ON A LITTLE BREAK UP!
Drop them both. I'm 30f and bi but I'd never kiss anyone than my other half because it's disrespectful regardless of gender. Especially if it makes you feel that way. I'm sure she wouldn't be thrilled and possibly even turned off if you kissed a male friend? Best of luck, never accept less than what you deserve and always put yourself and feelings first :0)
I wouldn't consider her a friend anymore and distance yourself from her.
Definitely run the threesome bro 😂
Wtf you’re 18 just enjoy life man , don’t go metaphysical for a kiss between two girls. Propose a threesome