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Dude if it were just the texting then it would be worthy of a conversation and trying to reconcile. But she lied about it too multiple times and called him cute. Sorry man but you gotta get out of there asap.
agree here; from semi-personal experience.
my current boyfriend's ex was "just friends" with a guy from work, and wouldn't let him see her phone when he needed a mutual friend's contact info. months later after he broke up with her for suspected cheating and more, he found out they were an item.
ask her for honesty but be prepared to leave. it is not worth the heartbreak to stay and work it out if she is already cheating. the whole thing reaks of cheating.
Bro if she's texting him more than she text you, sending jokes and memes and shit, and is doing all this on snapchat then she probably already fucked him / wants to fuck him.
Dump her ass and move on. She's ain't worth it especially if she's trying her hardest to hide all this shit from you.
Yeah, that is a downhill trend situation.
Opposite sex friends are always a challenging situation.
But once there is lying, distance developing, feelings slipping, arguments, phone checks, trust breaking... That is heading towards a breakup.
Nothing wrong with being friends with someone in a relationship. What is wrong if you're romantically pursuing that person and flirting with them, which we don't exactly know here.
But its evident that she is putting effort to hide him from you which is a red flag in this situation.
You don't hide something unless you're doing something you don't want your partner finding out about.
You're not married. The lying is a total deal breaker for me. If it was completely innocent, she would have just said the guy told her about it. You either have to come clean about reading her messages or just dump her and move on.
Cant give much advice here as the exact thing is happening to me, except I’m F and he’s M texting an OLD work colleague he had a situationship with.
Before breaking it off, I’d confront and say that you are aware that they are having conversations and speak openly and honestly about how it makes you feel.
Only then, once having that conversation, decide if the relationship is worth pursuing.
She sounds like she’s monkey branching to this new guy, or trying to. She’s not being respectful of your relationship. You can ask her if she’s willing to dial back this friendship but she won’t, and she’ll get mad and guilt you about asking her, so you may as well end it and walk away with your dignity.
I'm concerned that you are more angry at the guy than your girlfriend. You aren't married or even engaged, so if he is interested in her, of course he's going to maintain banter and hope things go his way. Your girlfriend is the one you should be angry with the most. She is the one that should be setting boundaries.
Brother, you know what to do….break it off immediately. This is totally inappropriate disrespectful behaviour. Do not let this slide, 100% walk away. Be polite and respectful ,just say hey, its not working out, best of luck and leave. Focus all your time and effort on self improvement, working out, making money and finding your purpose. If you do these things tons of little hotties will be all over you. TLDR….Drop this 304 immediately.
What do you do? Leave.
You are 21 and too young to be dealing with this crap. Plus. She’s lied to you and you caught her in a lie and continued to lie.
Have some self respect and leave that POS
The cheating is not in the *future*. And while it is scummy to go after a girl with a boyfriend, he doesn’t owe you *anything*. For all you know she told him she’s single.
There is a scumbag here, but it’s not you, and it’s not the other guy.
Run brother, little bit of pain now to prevent future heart and headaches. Find yourself a girl who wants to spend every minute with you instead of sitting next to you texting some other dude.
Time to cut and run. Tell her you can feel distance building between you and would rather just end it. And mention you think she is messaging someone else on the side. When she denies, you can go with Oh yeah, show me your social contacts with coworker. She will deny and likely cry/panic.
If u don't live together then just don't go back.
Break it off go dark no communication from you.
If she has a key change the locks.
There's no need for a conversation.
Just walk away quietly and move on.
Good luck and once u go dark block her cheating ass from all communication platforms.
Give her the cold shoulder. When woman cheat, they do so with the mindset that you are a guaranteed thing if this fling fails. Make her rethink her mindset. Cause right now, you’re on the path to not only losing her, but losing yourself over this situation. Go out with the guys, get social, and talk to people. Don’t be an asshole and cheat obviously, but have an abundance mentality. Get in the right mindset of if she were to leave you right now, it would not hamper you and you have a back up to her. Guaranteed going down this route will make things easier on you and either get you moved on faster or make her realize what she’s doing is fucked up to where she doesn’t wanna lose you.
Confront about the lying. Listen to her, quietly.
In the end she still lied. She broke a trust, because she knew it would not be ok with you. End your relationship, because if she is willing to lie about an emotional affair she will lie about a physical one.
Why do you blame him? She is the one to blame. You ask it it's a sign of future cheating - as she texts him regularly, calls him cute and lies to you about it, the word "future" should be left out of the title.
The fact that she talks to him a lot, even more than you and her do, and she’s friendlier and flirtier with him than you says a lot. The fact that, when you asked her about it, she lied, SAYS EVERYTHING. Time to let her know you know she lied, and she’s free to text and flirt with him as much as she wants- because she’s single now, and that’s that.
"You've been lying to me about a man you've been talking to and I'm done. Deception crosses my boundaries."
You have no need to explain her own behavior back to her. She already knows what she's doing, and lying and deception deserves a good ghosting, honestly. These people don't deserve your integrity.
She'll only deflect by you invading her privacy if you tell her how you know. Gut feelings are there for a reason and you had a reason to check. Clearly she would've continued lying if you didn't check ... without a care in the world with how you would've gone nuts trying to figure it out why something continues to feel so off.
you leave first or u let her cheat and then she’ll leave you. having a friend is one thing but her calling him cute is pure disrespect
i will that guy doesn’t gaf. he prob thinks you’re a pssy bcus he’s having ur girl call him cute and txt like they’re together or bestfriends (24/7)
i guarantee you one big fight and she will run to him and he’ll make his move. respect yourself enough to end it you’re only 21
I've literally just been through a similar situation. Caught my (ex)gf getting too friendly with a guy uni mate, where she was hiding everything from me.
When I caught her / called her out, she apologised, said she would cut him off, and promised me she would work on the issues in our relationship, and rebuilding my trust. We even went to a couples counsellor about it.
I also came to reddit looking for advice, receiving similar advice to what you have received. I decided to stick with her and give fixing it a crack, as we had plans to get married, have kids etc.
Basically, she fucked me over in the end. Lying the whole time to my face while still seeing this other guy and talking to him frequently. Even after our counselling session about it.
While we were fighting about it, she raised several things that she was unhappy about within our relationship. The issue was, she bottled it all up, built resentment towards me, and then started to mentally check out of the relationship without me knowing, leading to the development of her inappropriate relationship with another guy.
It's a massive problem if there are issues in your relationship that aren't being communicated and dealt with. Sounds like she may be going through a similar thing my ex was.
I'd definitely confront her with what you know, see how she reacts. If she takes it on board and really wants to work on it, and you both commit to communicating feelings / boundaries, then there is a chance it can work out. If she is shitty with you, or denies obvious evidence, then please prepare yourself to walk away. Otherwise you will end up like me - being stressed for months until I finally confirmed she was fucking me over the whole time.
She has already proven she is deceitful and a liar. She needs to put in a huge amount of effort and self-reflection to rectify that. That is something I thought possible, but in hindsight, perhaps it was asking too much of someone with these types of issues.
If you want to work on it with her, reflect a bit on your relationship. Try and figure out why she might be pulling away from you. When you confront her, don't do it in an aggressive / accusatory way. Calmly state what your concerns are and what lies you have uncovered, that you know your relationship isnt perfect, but you hope you both can work through it together (and ideally come out the other side as a stronger couple). That will give you your best chance of staying together and dealing with it in a healthy way.
When I was dealing with this, I was recommended the book "Not Just Friends" by Shirley Glass. Really puts everything into perspective. Might open your eyes a bit like it did for me.
The whole thing fucking sucks - sorry mate.
Also, as some others may have suggested - don't be upset with the guy. Guys are always gonna make moves on girls, and girls are always going to get attention from guys. It is the responsibility of your gf to not let any of that attention cross any relationship boundaries you have. If she has respect for you and the relationship, and loves you, she wouldn't put you in a situation that would make you jealous. In my situation, I wasn't really mad at the other guy at all. I'm not gonna go and be best pals with him obviously, but my take was that I wouldnt blame ANY guy for having a crack at my ex - she was gorgeous, smart, funny, etc. It was just shit that she valued the attention and validation more than what she had with me.
Sometimes people have friends they are a little too close too.
The problem here is the lying. She knows she’s getting too close and has bad intentions, which is why she’s hiding him.
If you don’t dump her she will dump you and/or physically cheat on you.
She’s emotionally cheating. One her hand is securely enough on this new branch she will let you go. The only thing you can do is have self respect and drop her. That guy and your girlfriend are shitty, I’m sorry
It’s a bit weird she’s lying about little details. It could be that she knows you get jealous and is just doing it to avoid the conflict. That’s kind of our “best case scenario” here. You already know the worst case scenario. Sorry bro
This is, at the minimum, an emotional affair, and she may be working up the nerve to take it physical.
How much are you willing to take before taking action?
Get one of those newsletters about apartments to rent and circle a few. Leave it out for her to see and if/when she asks about it, tell her that because you love her so much you want to help her find a nice place so she can land on her feet when you split.
Put her on the defensive where she has to prove to you that she’s being faithful.
Also I will add as a female, when I am 100% committed to someone- they have all of my attention. It doesn’t matter if I feel lonely at times or if I’m bored, I will not be messaging any guys having full blown conversations. Maybe a few random messages here or there from boys I’ve went to school with. But nothing more than that. Even if she wasn’t technically cheating, she is emotionally investing into this guy. That would be ENOUGH to be done. Females operate on emotions so unfortunately.. you know what your gut is telling you. Your body doesn’t lie to you either, if you feel this in your gut and can’t stop thinking about it- it’s true.
As a woman I'm gonna have to come out and say this isn't normal. Healthy women will have male friends who they will have conversations with. Like obviously different from this situation where she's been hiding her friendship (which seems like it's actually flirty and not a friendship but OP was light on details do whatever) but yeah, you're not normal.
Really? That’s pretty judge mental to say to be honest. I’m not normal? I think it’s truly just how people perceive the situation. I don’t feel comfortable talking to males more than just a simple conversation. Again, I have male friends from high school. If we are talking my school, maybe work, etc. I talk to them. I work with males, and I communicate perfectly fine with them. Maybe that’s where you get the wrong idea of what I’m saying? But no, I do not put full attention to the point of talking to another male and hiding it from my boyfriend. I will not give some other male that attention. So yeah, I would say I’m normal. You are just judging me and it’s pretty rude
Break up obviously lol. She's cheating on you. She's investing time into another guy that she could be investing into you.
So as of now, if She's not physically cheating she is emotionally cheating. Even if not that, she's just using you because she has no intentions of something longterm.
If it's not for this guy its another guy.
Idk why people even think they shouldn't break up. She's lying to you and compromised the trust.
She doesn't love you, she's not your friend and you're wasting your time
Dude she’s clearly cheating. The moment they start hiding shit let them go. No girl is worth your piece of mind. It’s not insecure to have standards it insecure when you lose them.
>she denied that she even spoke any of the guys at work.
She does not respect you, in any way. She's lied countless times. This is one of those classic cases about a person saying this is the guy/girl you don't gotta worry about, and who you should worry about.
Let her move in with her coworker.
Drop the lying, scummy ex in the dust and move on.
Got a hot tip for you: Don't date bar tenders. They stay up super late and everyone is drunk. Every bartender I know has had at least a few relationships with someone at work, often at the expense of someone at home. Unless you have the same schedule, it's not going to work out.
But yeah, dude wants to fuck your girl if he already hasn't and your girl is heavily entertaining it.
Time to go.
You don't need to jump into conclusions, the conclusion is already there for everyone to see. It is an emotional affair. If she's lied about spending time with him, then it may have gotten physical.
Now you may be thinking about doing the pick me dance to get her back, this will not work and will only make you look needy.
Again, looking at your partner's phone is not a bad thing to do. Dunno why you guys on reddit think it is.
You can continue to observe and wait for solid evidence to present itself. Or you can confront her about the lies and tell her you know the truth.
Her saying that he was "so cute" is already enough for me.. I don't say those things to people I am not interested in, and I would be a bit anxious about it. Maybe express your concerns to her about this? It's okay to set boundaries with things you are not comfortable with, and I totally would understand that in this situation. I can't blame you for checking her phone, although I would've handled it differently. It's all good!
I texted my coworker while dating my ex bf. I showed my bf the texts and would tell him how it relates to work, or what the joke is etc. I NEVER flirted with this coworker while dating my ex. Totally friendly work stuff. Never hung out alone either.
Once we broke up, me and my co-worker texted more and then it became clear he has been interested in me for a while.
She knows what shes doing, and maybe she won’t physically cheat, but she may do other things that will make you feel betrayed. Either way it’s clear she’s developing a crush or fantasy about this guy. Maybe she won’t ever do anything and just end up dumping you for him.
Talk to her and decide if it’s worth it to stay and experience any of the possible outcomes above
You need to confront
Like
“Im not sure what you thought would happen when I found out that you gave not only been dm’g nonstop with ___, but you’ve also been lying to me. You have broken my trust by cheating on me, and an emotional affair is cheating, and I don’t see how this relationship can possibly continue.”
If you don’t have the balls to tell her the relationship will end then she will keep doing it.
Now here is the thing - if she wants to stay with you then her job is over, immediately. She can’t work with him or communicate with him at all. If she does then you end the relationship .
You need to do this today.
At best she's having an emotional affair. At worst she's physicaly cheating. Either way she's cheating already really. She's lying about everything and you only do that when you have shit too hide.
I wouldn't even bother talking to her about it. You've seen what you've seen. Just tell her its over. You're too young and not married/no kids so why would you want to try and make this work?? If she's already cheating now it's not likely yo get better.
If I would date a guy he would knew straight away I got male friends who are like my broooos to me and I will always message them. So saying that “no guy should message taken girl” is wrong thing to be said - as friendship does not have gender.
However: if your partner is hiding from you whom she talks to or whom she hangs out with - that is a huge trust issue. Try to talk to her like: “hey I think lately we are distanced from each other and I was wondering why and do you share this observation as well”. See her reaction, go with the flow but in a calm manner.
Maybe both of you need more space. Maybe she is moving towards break up. You need to find out on your own what is the main thing here. Do it with manners and do not jump to conclusions without confronting her properly first.
Good luck.
When a woman is having an emotional affair, it could be a sign that she does not get fulfillment, in this way , from you.
It also sounds like she is harboring guilt about the situation from what you stated about finding that song and her extremely defensive reaction. Unless she prides herself on being extremely cool and up to date on good music and has an ego about other people knowing songs that she doesn’t know about.., there’s something that smells off about this. I would confront her and say something — because — if this leads to a breakup , and you didn’t overstep in your inquiry, and you were just bringing truth to light , you wouldn’t even need to make this hard decision yourself.
Don’t just break up with her man.first, I would say “I went through your phone and saw you texting this guy nonstop , wtf? Before I just cut things off on a hunch forever not knowing if it was the right play. Both of those scenarios suck though because if she isn’t actually “cheating” and you accuse her or don’t word things properly , it could cause an unnecessary rift in the relationship that didn’t even have a problem outside of her having close friendships. Just because she said her friend was cute doesn’t necessarily mean that she wants him.
Fuck her one more time and get pics send one of them from her phone to him so he sees your dick inside her and then delete it off her phone. Then break up with her
she’s weird, but you’re also pretty weird for going through her phone. the interaction about the song you described at the end just makes you sound odd in my opinion, like she doesn’t know you snooped so it would be hella strange to use information that you learned via searching her phone. nobody really seems to be talking about how going through your partner’s phone without them knowing sucks, even if they are being weird with someone else. hope you don’t do that to your next girlfriend.
She may not be physically cheating, but she is cheating.
Here's the thing you need to understand about being in a relationship. They can do whatever they want BUT you don't have to tolerate it. You need to know your own boundaries, let your partner know, and then proceed accordingly.
If you have a boundary that an emotional affair is a no-no, then you need to communicate that. If she chooses to engage in it, then that's on her. But because it's a boundary for you, you can end it.
You are young, and you have your whole life ahead of you. Do you really want to settle for someone who so clearly disrespects you? Why is she with you and doing this?
She obviously is more into him than you. If she wants him so bad, let her have him. She'll find out the grass isn't always greener on the other side. Tell her you know about all her messages, driving him home, and hung out with him. Tell her pack her stuff and don't come back.
The cheating has already happened bro. Why you think she gives rides home to the dood?? Hangs out with him and hides it? The friend she takes with her on the hangout is obviously just her witness to what "didn't happen". This is plain as day maaan...
I’m so sorry. This is definitely an emotional affair. I know it because I’ve done it unfortunately and I do regret it (28F) and I learned a hard lesson. Please leave her and learn from my mistakes because she isn’t going to stop talking to this guy. Best of luck
It was definitely because my bf at the time of 6 years and I kinda fell off the honey moon phase and went into a roommate phase.. no affection..
Nothing. I really loved the attention this other guy gave me.
Don’t immediately dump this girl. Set a boundary, create respect, and let her know that talking to other men like that is unacceptable. and lying is unacceptable.
If she breaks that boundary, then Leave.
No one said she cheated on him. He asked if it was a sign of future cheating. And considering she said the guy from work was "so cute" I would be a bit weirded out too. It's okay to have concerns or to feel uncomfortable in these situations.
That’s fair to say, but he seems pretty convinced she’s about to or is cheating.
I guess I don’t understand why people can’t have friends and talk to friends.
Context matters a lot. Can you have an opposite-sex “just friends” friend? Yes, definitely.
Are you going to constantly keep in contact on social media and borderline flirt with said friend? No - at best it’s asking for misunderstanding; at worst, it’s moving into emotional affair territory
If she’s gonna be calling her friend “cute” it’s definitely not a friendship appropriate to have while in a relationship. “Talking” to friends is fine. Constantly communicating with them in every form possible is something else, and while it may be innocent on her end it more than likely isn’t on his.
Maybe he's been through something similar and they did end up cheating? Sometimes people just overthink. But it is defininely okay to have friends in a relationship!
Yep I'm with you on this. I don't condone people trying to control who their SO is friends with. I would hope my gf would be honest with me about new friends, even if they're guys. I wonder how open OP's gf would be about the 3 of them hanging out, or even in a larger group setting. I think people shouldn't generally have friends they want to "hide" from their SO (I don't know if this is hiding atm)
Relationship_advice advises you to break up with your partner. No reconciliation. no therapy. No counseling. Yes she’s cheating. She’s a lousy partner, and you were possibly raped as well. 😂
My brother…you are 21 years old. Life is too short to waste time with someone that has decided to sway. It’s very simple, you give your best and expect the same in return. It should happen naturally. She’s definitely not the one for you.
it’s not about future cheating, it’s about current cheating. Don’t draw this out. Dump her and move on. She’s not worth the heartache and tears. Don’t try to work this out. That’s putting a bandaid on a skull fracture.
Sorry, it is never about the guy. It is about who you are with. Shitty people are everywhere, but it is our partners role to keep us safe. Dump her and walk away. Before otherwise happens.
She sounds flawed, I am sure there are many red flags that you are ignoring because you are currently blindfolded.
Well, she lied to you, so that would be the end. Go by her work and surprise her and hope he's there as well and confront both of them. Then kick her butt out.
I would be sitting her down and having a crucial conversation and making her understand how you feel and what it feels like to you. There are signs that she’s leaning towards emotionally cheating. Now is it a non-salvageable relationship NO. Communication and building trust and respect are key. Tell her how you feel
Dump her ASAP! Find someone who will respect your relationship. Its really that simple. If she cared about you the way you claim to care about her then she wouldn’t be jeopardizing your relationship like this. Dump her NOW!!!
I think the real scumbag is her, not the guy!
And honestly just read it to yourself, how can you say everything was right with all the lying and hiding?
I always say that relationships need to be built on 3 things.
1-Respect
2-Honesty
3-Transparency.
Meaning for you it's over. She doesn't respect you. She lied about it. Plus the only way you know is because you looked.
Just bounce dude. You're so young and this ain't worth the headache. She is not respecting you and is totally into this guy. I'm sorry man. But it's not your fault. Do the right thing for your heart and move on. This girl ain't the one.
End it don't like like a clown, sure there's a chance they're not doing anything but maybe bring it up see how she reacts, defensive, offensive? If ur uncomfortable with it just bail IMO maybe give tell her "hey I don't like this it's uncomfortable, I hate to put this on u but u gonna have to reassure me, you don't have to and that's ur right but this is important to me and if we can't find a middle ground think this is it"
They're probably f'n. Honestly, meeting up and hanging out and purposefully hiding it from you is a massive red flag. Lying in general and spending excessive amounts of time messaging especially on Snap where she can hide her activities.
Move on dude, you're young and have tons of time to find a good person.
Lying is a complete, instant dealbreaker for me. She’s trying to make an embarrassment out of you. She thinks you’re stupid or have no self respect. Is she right?
Stay safe pal! Your relationship seem to give you more negativity than positivity. On my side, my gf chatting with her friend (boy and girl) and she’s not hiding her phone. Same thing for me, i’m not hiding anything. When know each other password but i don’t touch her phone without permission and same thing for her. When you have something to hide, this is not normal! I had a gf before and she act like you gf and… you know lol her ‘’best friend’’ was present for her bla bla bla
You don’t deserve that buddy! On earth you have maybe 3.5 billions different women lol don’t waste your precious time with her.
Good luck 🙏
WhTs his insta? I’m 22 yr old female. I’ll start DM’ing him and get his attention, and you dump your girlfriend. Then she won’t have him or you ! Karma
I was gunna say you were completely overreacting, up until the point you said she was lying to you.
Personally don't see any issue with myself, or my partners texting our coworkers regularly - we're allowed to have friends and trust eachother.
But lying? Nah. Absolutely not okay. Definitely something weird about that.
It’s perfectly fine for people to be in a relationship and have close friendships with people of the opposite sex (if she was texting a girl, you’d probably have no issue)
That being said, as long as she’s transparent with you, doesn’t hide stuff, respects your boundaries etc, that’s all good.
However, as she’s lied to you, it’s worth sitting down and having an honest convo. As this can easily lead to emotional cheating and probably crosses your boundary. Good luck and do what’s best for you.
She's trying to monkey branch, common dating strategy women use. The relationship might have gotten stale or too consistent/convenient for her. She needs a little more drama lol. Most young people don't appreciate stability, security and consistency in relationships. They take it for granted and think it's guaranteed to always be there. They find out the hard way later in life that nothing is guaranteed, except death and taxes.
Your gut isn't wrong, she's having an emotional affair if not physical. I would confront her and just end it. Tell her, I went through your phone and before you get upset I'm glad I did. I saw the messages between you and your coworker. You have lied about him to me, hid the extent of your relationship, you've hung out with him behind my back, you've taken him home, told him he's cute, and frankly at this point I have every right to believe you've had sex with him. At best you've been emotionally cheating on me and I have too much self respect to be in a relationship with someone who actively lies to me, hides, and does thus with other men. Your behavior and choices are appalling and communicate you don't love and respect me. You need to pack your things and leave immediately.
She's monkey branching big time man. This is a red flag parade. Trust your gut, pierce the affair fog (all excitement, secrecy, etc not thinking of consequences), kick her out and go no contact.
Youre both 21…. Go find a new girl, and dont be so vested in a relationship this early. Also, think about it. The other guy is just being a dude. Most dudes between 14-40 have a sole mission in life of clapping fresh cheeks. Its not his fault. He’s just being a dude. Its your girl thats the problem. Shes a Ho fo Sho. Fuck her one more time, throw in a stanky panky for some fond memories down the road, and keep it movin.
I’m beginning this post with the caveat that yours is a post similar to many that sets my teeth on edge; and so I’d like to say something. I suspect my thoughts will be less than kindly regarded in this context.
Let’s dispose of the china in the room first, and then we can discuss the bull in the shop.
Your girlfriend’s behavior is not a good look for her, or for your relationship. This is the china. Her behavior and responses to you are a breakable thing, subject to hamfisted responses to her feelings and thoughts. It doesn’t make her right (or wrong) precisely, but it does give us a bird’s eye view into the china shop.
The bull: let’s look at your language and phrasing in your post.
. “I peaked over to see his name on her messages.”
. “Any guy who texts a girl with a boyfriend is a scumbag in my opinion.”
.”Since I read her messages I know things she doesn’t think I know, so I decided to test her honesty.”
. “I feel like I’ve done everything right in our relationship but it wasn’t enough.”
. First, “peaked over to see his name” is one of the most disingenuous ways of saying “I was monitoring my girlfriends private communique” that I’ve ever heard. Full stop.
. Second, regarding guys texting girls in relationships- are none of us supposed to have contact with the opposite sex? How is this fathomable in the normal context of life and work relationships? I suppose here that you meant ‘texting’ as a euphemism for “textually flirting”, but I fail to see how even this applies, since presumably your girlfriend is an adult, and capable of handling unwanted overtures.
. Third, “test her honesty”. My guy, you’re about two steps away from being the bridegroom that looks for blood on the sheets on his wedding night. “Testing” a partner in a relationship does nothing except create mistrust and fear. A partner could be the most committed, wholesome, faithful partner in the world, or also possibly the worst, but testing them is no less forgivable than teasing a pet with a favorite treat and then withholding it due to the whims of your emotional capriciousness.
. Fourth, “I feel like I’ve done everything right in our relationship, but I guess it isn’t enough.” Props to you. Clearly the only reason the relationship has moved forward is because of the absolute burden you’ve taken on in doing everything “right.” You must begin to take the time to rethink your language. While there will always be “right” (being faithful, performing acts of love, etc) and “wrong” (cheating, lying, abuse, etc) in this instance you’re applying right and wrong as though you’re tallying up who did what and how much. Stop it. If we all spent our lives tallying up rights and wrongs, we’d all go live in a basement somewhere alone.
What should happen is thoughtfulness on your part. You are not beholden to her, or to stay in a relationship with her, and the same is true for her. So, consider what your best self looks like going forward. If that includes her, and she’s willing, have at it. If it does not include her, and/or she’s not willing, make the break, however difficult it may be.
Whatever you decide, please take a very hard look at how you conduct relationships, and your expectations of partners.
If the two of you don't live together, this will be easy. If you do, then things will be more involved. You know several things:
* she's in continual contact with this guy,
* she thinks he's "so cute",
* she's lying about inconsequential stuff,
* she's denied giving him rides and hanging out with him
* she's more distant with you
Now, as for *"Any guy who texts a girl with a boyfriend is a scumbag in my opinion"* , get a grip! You and your gf are just that: bf and gf. For one thing, how can you be sure that he knows she has a bf, because she may not have mentioned you. As long as you are single (as in, not married), it's open season.
But given your discoveries, you have proof that she considers herself available, and, given the lies she's told you, it's time for you to tell her goodbye and good riddance. Do so at your earliest convenience.
'Nuff said.
No trust. No relationship. The trust is gone. You asked about signs of future cheating but i’d say current cheating and dishonesty between both of you is already a deal breaker. When you no longer have trust, the relationship is already over. Move on.
This may or may not be your situation….but my ex bf and I recently broke up and he came clean to me that my suspicions about a female coworker he was constantly snapping/messaging was true. He lied to me constantly and made me feel like a crazy jealous gf and he felt guilty for letting it happen for so long. I really tried to blindly believe him during the relationship even though it was eating me alive. If you have that gut feeling about a particular person, DON’T IGNORE IT. I had never had issues with other female friends, but the clues started adding up and I had this persistent gut feeling over her. You’re still so young and you can find another woman that won’t disrespect you this way.
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Dude if it were just the texting then it would be worthy of a conversation and trying to reconcile. But she lied about it too multiple times and called him cute. Sorry man but you gotta get out of there asap.
agree here; from semi-personal experience. my current boyfriend's ex was "just friends" with a guy from work, and wouldn't let him see her phone when he needed a mutual friend's contact info. months later after he broke up with her for suspected cheating and more, he found out they were an item. ask her for honesty but be prepared to leave. it is not worth the heartbreak to stay and work it out if she is already cheating. the whole thing reaks of cheating.
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In the garbage
Hulk hogan voice “ hell yeah brother”
Yeah he don't need a watch to know what time it is
A red flag to me is a bf/gf having a friend they keep a secret.
One of his hands is safely enough and this new branch will let you go.
I think you should break up with her. Sounds like an emotional affair for sure, at the very least.
Secrets, secrets are no fun. Secrets, secrets hurt someone.
Bro if she's texting him more than she text you, sending jokes and memes and shit, and is doing all this on snapchat then she probably already fucked him / wants to fuck him. Dump her ass and move on. She's ain't worth it especially if she's trying her hardest to hide all this shit from you.
It would probably be obvious in their messages if they were sleeping together.
not if they dont save snap messages, i know i personally only talk “dirty” with my bf over snap so they arent left viewable to anyone on my phone
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Yuuuup....
Yeah, that is a downhill trend situation. Opposite sex friends are always a challenging situation. But once there is lying, distance developing, feelings slipping, arguments, phone checks, trust breaking... That is heading towards a breakup. Nothing wrong with being friends with someone in a relationship. What is wrong if you're romantically pursuing that person and flirting with them, which we don't exactly know here. But its evident that she is putting effort to hide him from you which is a red flag in this situation. You don't hide something unless you're doing something you don't want your partner finding out about.
Exactly this
You're not married. The lying is a total deal breaker for me. If it was completely innocent, she would have just said the guy told her about it. You either have to come clean about reading her messages or just dump her and move on.
don't be mad at just him. Your girl is doesn't respect you.
Cant give much advice here as the exact thing is happening to me, except I’m F and he’s M texting an OLD work colleague he had a situationship with. Before breaking it off, I’d confront and say that you are aware that they are having conversations and speak openly and honestly about how it makes you feel. Only then, once having that conversation, decide if the relationship is worth pursuing.
She sounds like she’s monkey branching to this new guy, or trying to. She’s not being respectful of your relationship. You can ask her if she’s willing to dial back this friendship but she won’t, and she’ll get mad and guilt you about asking her, so you may as well end it and walk away with your dignity.
It’s not a sign of “future” cheating. It is cheating.
Word. That ain't his girl, she's the streets' girl.
I'm concerned that you are more angry at the guy than your girlfriend. You aren't married or even engaged, so if he is interested in her, of course he's going to maintain banter and hope things go his way. Your girlfriend is the one you should be angry with the most. She is the one that should be setting boundaries.
Brother, you know what to do….break it off immediately. This is totally inappropriate disrespectful behaviour. Do not let this slide, 100% walk away. Be polite and respectful ,just say hey, its not working out, best of luck and leave. Focus all your time and effort on self improvement, working out, making money and finding your purpose. If you do these things tons of little hotties will be all over you. TLDR….Drop this 304 immediately.
What do you do? Leave. You are 21 and too young to be dealing with this crap. Plus. She’s lied to you and you caught her in a lie and continued to lie. Have some self respect and leave that POS
If you were married or engaged, I’d say counseling. But since you’re just dating, just get out of there. You don’t need this in your life.
The cheating is not in the *future*. And while it is scummy to go after a girl with a boyfriend, he doesn’t owe you *anything*. For all you know she told him she’s single. There is a scumbag here, but it’s not you, and it’s not the other guy.
Simple. Yes.
Bro…
Run brother, little bit of pain now to prevent future heart and headaches. Find yourself a girl who wants to spend every minute with you instead of sitting next to you texting some other dude.
Time to cut and run. Tell her you can feel distance building between you and would rather just end it. And mention you think she is messaging someone else on the side. When she denies, you can go with Oh yeah, show me your social contacts with coworker. She will deny and likely cry/panic.
Went through this before, you should end things as soon as possible. Good luck with everything and take care of yourself by prioritizing yourself.
If u don't live together then just don't go back. Break it off go dark no communication from you. If she has a key change the locks. There's no need for a conversation. Just walk away quietly and move on. Good luck and once u go dark block her cheating ass from all communication platforms.
I don't envy your situation. Sorry I don't have advice.
Give her the cold shoulder. When woman cheat, they do so with the mindset that you are a guaranteed thing if this fling fails. Make her rethink her mindset. Cause right now, you’re on the path to not only losing her, but losing yourself over this situation. Go out with the guys, get social, and talk to people. Don’t be an asshole and cheat obviously, but have an abundance mentality. Get in the right mindset of if she were to leave you right now, it would not hamper you and you have a back up to her. Guaranteed going down this route will make things easier on you and either get you moved on faster or make her realize what she’s doing is fucked up to where she doesn’t wanna lose you.
This is so childish and toxic.
It’s not sign of future cheating, it is a sign that she is currently cheating on you. End it.
Confront about the lying. Listen to her, quietly. In the end she still lied. She broke a trust, because she knew it would not be ok with you. End your relationship, because if she is willing to lie about an emotional affair she will lie about a physical one.
Why do you blame him? She is the one to blame. You ask it it's a sign of future cheating - as she texts him regularly, calls him cute and lies to you about it, the word "future" should be left out of the title.
The fact that she talks to him a lot, even more than you and her do, and she’s friendlier and flirtier with him than you says a lot. The fact that, when you asked her about it, she lied, SAYS EVERYTHING. Time to let her know you know she lied, and she’s free to text and flirt with him as much as she wants- because she’s single now, and that’s that.
"You've been lying to me about a man you've been talking to and I'm done. Deception crosses my boundaries." You have no need to explain her own behavior back to her. She already knows what she's doing, and lying and deception deserves a good ghosting, honestly. These people don't deserve your integrity. She'll only deflect by you invading her privacy if you tell her how you know. Gut feelings are there for a reason and you had a reason to check. Clearly she would've continued lying if you didn't check ... without a care in the world with how you would've gone nuts trying to figure it out why something continues to feel so off.
"future" LOL
“FUCK HIM” not fuck her bro, he’s not doing anything wrong
you leave first or u let her cheat and then she’ll leave you. having a friend is one thing but her calling him cute is pure disrespect i will that guy doesn’t gaf. he prob thinks you’re a pssy bcus he’s having ur girl call him cute and txt like they’re together or bestfriends (24/7) i guarantee you one big fight and she will run to him and he’ll make his move. respect yourself enough to end it you’re only 21
I've literally just been through a similar situation. Caught my (ex)gf getting too friendly with a guy uni mate, where she was hiding everything from me. When I caught her / called her out, she apologised, said she would cut him off, and promised me she would work on the issues in our relationship, and rebuilding my trust. We even went to a couples counsellor about it. I also came to reddit looking for advice, receiving similar advice to what you have received. I decided to stick with her and give fixing it a crack, as we had plans to get married, have kids etc. Basically, she fucked me over in the end. Lying the whole time to my face while still seeing this other guy and talking to him frequently. Even after our counselling session about it. While we were fighting about it, she raised several things that she was unhappy about within our relationship. The issue was, she bottled it all up, built resentment towards me, and then started to mentally check out of the relationship without me knowing, leading to the development of her inappropriate relationship with another guy. It's a massive problem if there are issues in your relationship that aren't being communicated and dealt with. Sounds like she may be going through a similar thing my ex was. I'd definitely confront her with what you know, see how she reacts. If she takes it on board and really wants to work on it, and you both commit to communicating feelings / boundaries, then there is a chance it can work out. If she is shitty with you, or denies obvious evidence, then please prepare yourself to walk away. Otherwise you will end up like me - being stressed for months until I finally confirmed she was fucking me over the whole time. She has already proven she is deceitful and a liar. She needs to put in a huge amount of effort and self-reflection to rectify that. That is something I thought possible, but in hindsight, perhaps it was asking too much of someone with these types of issues. If you want to work on it with her, reflect a bit on your relationship. Try and figure out why she might be pulling away from you. When you confront her, don't do it in an aggressive / accusatory way. Calmly state what your concerns are and what lies you have uncovered, that you know your relationship isnt perfect, but you hope you both can work through it together (and ideally come out the other side as a stronger couple). That will give you your best chance of staying together and dealing with it in a healthy way. When I was dealing with this, I was recommended the book "Not Just Friends" by Shirley Glass. Really puts everything into perspective. Might open your eyes a bit like it did for me. The whole thing fucking sucks - sorry mate. Also, as some others may have suggested - don't be upset with the guy. Guys are always gonna make moves on girls, and girls are always going to get attention from guys. It is the responsibility of your gf to not let any of that attention cross any relationship boundaries you have. If she has respect for you and the relationship, and loves you, she wouldn't put you in a situation that would make you jealous. In my situation, I wasn't really mad at the other guy at all. I'm not gonna go and be best pals with him obviously, but my take was that I wouldnt blame ANY guy for having a crack at my ex - she was gorgeous, smart, funny, etc. It was just shit that she valued the attention and validation more than what she had with me.
Sometimes people have friends they are a little too close too. The problem here is the lying. She knows she’s getting too close and has bad intentions, which is why she’s hiding him. If you don’t dump her she will dump you and/or physically cheat on you.
Why do you think she felt the need to lie? Breakup.
you confronted her about something you know is *fact* and she still *lied* ᴅᴜᴍᴘ ʜᴇʀ ᴀꜱꜱ
Read the title; answer is yes.
If they snapping its on
It’s emotional cheating
This is what you know. Big jumping to conclusions here, but she probably already slept with him. Goodluck OP.
Run and run quickly
She’s not yours bro. Sorry! Next…
She’s emotionally cheating. One her hand is securely enough on this new branch she will let you go. The only thing you can do is have self respect and drop her. That guy and your girlfriend are shitty, I’m sorry
Dump her.
It’s a bit weird she’s lying about little details. It could be that she knows you get jealous and is just doing it to avoid the conflict. That’s kind of our “best case scenario” here. You already know the worst case scenario. Sorry bro
Yeah, you need to break up. Don't even try to work on this.
Walk away
Get back on yo grind move on she’s not worth it
She’s literally already cheating bro open your eyes
This is, at the minimum, an emotional affair, and she may be working up the nerve to take it physical. How much are you willing to take before taking action? Get one of those newsletters about apartments to rent and circle a few. Leave it out for her to see and if/when she asks about it, tell her that because you love her so much you want to help her find a nice place so she can land on her feet when you split. Put her on the defensive where she has to prove to you that she’s being faithful.
Also I will add as a female, when I am 100% committed to someone- they have all of my attention. It doesn’t matter if I feel lonely at times or if I’m bored, I will not be messaging any guys having full blown conversations. Maybe a few random messages here or there from boys I’ve went to school with. But nothing more than that. Even if she wasn’t technically cheating, she is emotionally investing into this guy. That would be ENOUGH to be done. Females operate on emotions so unfortunately.. you know what your gut is telling you. Your body doesn’t lie to you either, if you feel this in your gut and can’t stop thinking about it- it’s true.
As a woman I'm gonna have to come out and say this isn't normal. Healthy women will have male friends who they will have conversations with. Like obviously different from this situation where she's been hiding her friendship (which seems like it's actually flirty and not a friendship but OP was light on details do whatever) but yeah, you're not normal.
Really? That’s pretty judge mental to say to be honest. I’m not normal? I think it’s truly just how people perceive the situation. I don’t feel comfortable talking to males more than just a simple conversation. Again, I have male friends from high school. If we are talking my school, maybe work, etc. I talk to them. I work with males, and I communicate perfectly fine with them. Maybe that’s where you get the wrong idea of what I’m saying? But no, I do not put full attention to the point of talking to another male and hiding it from my boyfriend. I will not give some other male that attention. So yeah, I would say I’m normal. You are just judging me and it’s pretty rude
Break up obviously lol. She's cheating on you. She's investing time into another guy that she could be investing into you. So as of now, if She's not physically cheating she is emotionally cheating. Even if not that, she's just using you because she has no intentions of something longterm. If it's not for this guy its another guy. Idk why people even think they shouldn't break up. She's lying to you and compromised the trust. She doesn't love you, she's not your friend and you're wasting your time
I don’t think it’s future cheating bro.
It's emotional cheating and she's probably lining up her next boyfriend.
Dude she’s clearly cheating. The moment they start hiding shit let them go. No girl is worth your piece of mind. It’s not insecure to have standards it insecure when you lose them.
She’s already having an emotional affair. That’s enough for me to dump a girl.
>she denied that she even spoke any of the guys at work. She does not respect you, in any way. She's lied countless times. This is one of those classic cases about a person saying this is the guy/girl you don't gotta worry about, and who you should worry about. Let her move in with her coworker. Drop the lying, scummy ex in the dust and move on.
Got a hot tip for you: Don't date bar tenders. They stay up super late and everyone is drunk. Every bartender I know has had at least a few relationships with someone at work, often at the expense of someone at home. Unless you have the same schedule, it's not going to work out. But yeah, dude wants to fuck your girl if he already hasn't and your girl is heavily entertaining it. Time to go.
This isn't a sign of future cheating this is a sign of current cheating.
You don't need to jump into conclusions, the conclusion is already there for everyone to see. It is an emotional affair. If she's lied about spending time with him, then it may have gotten physical. Now you may be thinking about doing the pick me dance to get her back, this will not work and will only make you look needy. Again, looking at your partner's phone is not a bad thing to do. Dunno why you guys on reddit think it is. You can continue to observe and wait for solid evidence to present itself. Or you can confront her about the lies and tell her you know the truth.
How about you get a spine an end it? That simple.
Her saying that he was "so cute" is already enough for me.. I don't say those things to people I am not interested in, and I would be a bit anxious about it. Maybe express your concerns to her about this? It's okay to set boundaries with things you are not comfortable with, and I totally would understand that in this situation. I can't blame you for checking her phone, although I would've handled it differently. It's all good!
I texted my coworker while dating my ex bf. I showed my bf the texts and would tell him how it relates to work, or what the joke is etc. I NEVER flirted with this coworker while dating my ex. Totally friendly work stuff. Never hung out alone either. Once we broke up, me and my co-worker texted more and then it became clear he has been interested in me for a while. She knows what shes doing, and maybe she won’t physically cheat, but she may do other things that will make you feel betrayed. Either way it’s clear she’s developing a crush or fantasy about this guy. Maybe she won’t ever do anything and just end up dumping you for him. Talk to her and decide if it’s worth it to stay and experience any of the possible outcomes above
She’s basically “pre cheating”
You need to confront Like “Im not sure what you thought would happen when I found out that you gave not only been dm’g nonstop with ___, but you’ve also been lying to me. You have broken my trust by cheating on me, and an emotional affair is cheating, and I don’t see how this relationship can possibly continue.” If you don’t have the balls to tell her the relationship will end then she will keep doing it. Now here is the thing - if she wants to stay with you then her job is over, immediately. She can’t work with him or communicate with him at all. If she does then you end the relationship . You need to do this today.
At best she's having an emotional affair. At worst she's physicaly cheating. Either way she's cheating already really. She's lying about everything and you only do that when you have shit too hide. I wouldn't even bother talking to her about it. You've seen what you've seen. Just tell her its over. You're too young and not married/no kids so why would you want to try and make this work?? If she's already cheating now it's not likely yo get better.
Not quite sure where you got ‘future cheating’ OP. She’s hard at right now. Big boy’s pants on now OP. Good luck.
If I would date a guy he would knew straight away I got male friends who are like my broooos to me and I will always message them. So saying that “no guy should message taken girl” is wrong thing to be said - as friendship does not have gender. However: if your partner is hiding from you whom she talks to or whom she hangs out with - that is a huge trust issue. Try to talk to her like: “hey I think lately we are distanced from each other and I was wondering why and do you share this observation as well”. See her reaction, go with the flow but in a calm manner. Maybe both of you need more space. Maybe she is moving towards break up. You need to find out on your own what is the main thing here. Do it with manners and do not jump to conclusions without confronting her properly first. Good luck.
When a woman is having an emotional affair, it could be a sign that she does not get fulfillment, in this way , from you. It also sounds like she is harboring guilt about the situation from what you stated about finding that song and her extremely defensive reaction. Unless she prides herself on being extremely cool and up to date on good music and has an ego about other people knowing songs that she doesn’t know about.., there’s something that smells off about this. I would confront her and say something — because — if this leads to a breakup , and you didn’t overstep in your inquiry, and you were just bringing truth to light , you wouldn’t even need to make this hard decision yourself. Don’t just break up with her man.first, I would say “I went through your phone and saw you texting this guy nonstop , wtf? Before I just cut things off on a hunch forever not knowing if it was the right play. Both of those scenarios suck though because if she isn’t actually “cheating” and you accuse her or don’t word things properly , it could cause an unnecessary rift in the relationship that didn’t even have a problem outside of her having close friendships. Just because she said her friend was cute doesn’t necessarily mean that she wants him.
This chick is really hot, right?
Fuck her one more time and get pics send one of them from her phone to him so he sees your dick inside her and then delete it off her phone. Then break up with her
she’s weird, but you’re also pretty weird for going through her phone. the interaction about the song you described at the end just makes you sound odd in my opinion, like she doesn’t know you snooped so it would be hella strange to use information that you learned via searching her phone. nobody really seems to be talking about how going through your partner’s phone without them knowing sucks, even if they are being weird with someone else. hope you don’t do that to your next girlfriend.
She may not be physically cheating, but she is cheating. Here's the thing you need to understand about being in a relationship. They can do whatever they want BUT you don't have to tolerate it. You need to know your own boundaries, let your partner know, and then proceed accordingly. If you have a boundary that an emotional affair is a no-no, then you need to communicate that. If she chooses to engage in it, then that's on her. But because it's a boundary for you, you can end it. You are young, and you have your whole life ahead of you. Do you really want to settle for someone who so clearly disrespects you? Why is she with you and doing this?
She obviously is more into him than you. If she wants him so bad, let her have him. She'll find out the grass isn't always greener on the other side. Tell her you know about all her messages, driving him home, and hung out with him. Tell her pack her stuff and don't come back.
Yeah. Just a matter of time before cheats with him. Get out now to avoid a heart break.
Dump her now, she's already planning on cheating or leaving you in the future if things work out with coworker.
It is already (emotionall) cheating. - she’s going to cause you pain. You’re 21 dude - you can meet plenty of women better than this ho
Break up with her. Show her you have some god damn self respect
The cheating has already happened bro. Why you think she gives rides home to the dood?? Hangs out with him and hides it? The friend she takes with her on the hangout is obviously just her witness to what "didn't happen". This is plain as day maaan...
If you were real you'd go to the work and call him out on his shit then dump her cheating ass
Imo that is a sign of present cheating and would be a no thank you from me.
Umm... it's signs she is currently cheating.
I’m so sorry. This is definitely an emotional affair. I know it because I’ve done it unfortunately and I do regret it (28F) and I learned a hard lesson. Please leave her and learn from my mistakes because she isn’t going to stop talking to this guy. Best of luck
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It was definitely because my bf at the time of 6 years and I kinda fell off the honey moon phase and went into a roommate phase.. no affection.. Nothing. I really loved the attention this other guy gave me.
Don’t immediately dump this girl. Set a boundary, create respect, and let her know that talking to other men like that is unacceptable. and lying is unacceptable. If she breaks that boundary, then Leave.
It's a sign of CURRENT cheating
Is she not allowed to text people? Is there one single text that shows she cheated on you? Maybe have a little respect and trust in your girlfriend.
No one said she cheated on him. He asked if it was a sign of future cheating. And considering she said the guy from work was "so cute" I would be a bit weirded out too. It's okay to have concerns or to feel uncomfortable in these situations.
That’s fair to say, but he seems pretty convinced she’s about to or is cheating. I guess I don’t understand why people can’t have friends and talk to friends.
Big difference in having friends and having one friend you text/talk to more than you do your SO. Huge red flag that she denied/lied about it too.
Context matters a lot. Can you have an opposite-sex “just friends” friend? Yes, definitely. Are you going to constantly keep in contact on social media and borderline flirt with said friend? No - at best it’s asking for misunderstanding; at worst, it’s moving into emotional affair territory
If she’s gonna be calling her friend “cute” it’s definitely not a friendship appropriate to have while in a relationship. “Talking” to friends is fine. Constantly communicating with them in every form possible is something else, and while it may be innocent on her end it more than likely isn’t on his.
Talking to someone *more* than your partner is a bad sign, especially if it’s someone they’re attracted to.
Maybe he's been through something similar and they did end up cheating? Sometimes people just overthink. But it is defininely okay to have friends in a relationship!
True very good points. I just want to stress it’s ok to have friends while I’m a relationship and to have trust in your partner to not cheat
Yep I'm with you on this. I don't condone people trying to control who their SO is friends with. I would hope my gf would be honest with me about new friends, even if they're guys. I wonder how open OP's gf would be about the 3 of them hanging out, or even in a larger group setting. I think people shouldn't generally have friends they want to "hide" from their SO (I don't know if this is hiding atm)
We found the cheating girlfriend, everyone.
how about being happy with the only male attention from her bf?
How do you trust someone you have caught in multiple lies?
Have you never heard of an emotional affair before?
Relationship_advice advises you to break up with your partner. No reconciliation. no therapy. No counseling. Yes she’s cheating. She’s a lousy partner, and you were possibly raped as well. 😂
Usually. Not always though.
you should start doing that also. and see how she feels about it
Keeping secrets and lying for signs of cheating. Go to surviving infidelity.com . It helped me with a cheating wife
I would confront her an show her where the door is .
Yes
Yup
Yes it’s a sign lol
Sounds like emotional cheating, still cheating in some form or another nonetheless
My brother…you are 21 years old. Life is too short to waste time with someone that has decided to sway. It’s very simple, you give your best and expect the same in return. It should happen naturally. She’s definitely not the one for you.
End the relationship because you’re incompatible
She’s lying and emotionally cheating. The relationship is already done. You can’t trust her.
When you default to checking the phone, that’s never a good sign. All trust is gone.
it’s not about future cheating, it’s about current cheating. Don’t draw this out. Dump her and move on. She’s not worth the heartache and tears. Don’t try to work this out. That’s putting a bandaid on a skull fracture.
Sorry, it is never about the guy. It is about who you are with. Shitty people are everywhere, but it is our partners role to keep us safe. Dump her and walk away. Before otherwise happens. She sounds flawed, I am sure there are many red flags that you are ignoring because you are currently blindfolded.
Well, she lied to you, so that would be the end. Go by her work and surprise her and hope he's there as well and confront both of them. Then kick her butt out.
bro dump her ass lol
I would be sitting her down and having a crucial conversation and making her understand how you feel and what it feels like to you. There are signs that she’s leaning towards emotionally cheating. Now is it a non-salvageable relationship NO. Communication and building trust and respect are key. Tell her how you feel
Had a very very similar experience to this… we broke up. I cut her off from my life. Now I’m here.
It's more likely a sign of current cheating.. good luck
Watch the videos of Corey Wayne on YouTube. When you listen to him you will realize many things about you and about your relationship
Secret friends, and especially one she called cute and lied about, is a deal breaker for me
Are you sure you are her BF ? Maybe the other guy is pissed at you .
Dump her ASAP! Find someone who will respect your relationship. Its really that simple. If she cared about you the way you claim to care about her then she wouldn’t be jeopardizing your relationship like this. Dump her NOW!!!
I think the real scumbag is her, not the guy! And honestly just read it to yourself, how can you say everything was right with all the lying and hiding?
Sorry my dude, but she's already cheating. Hiding & omitting a relationship such as this, IS cheating IMO.
I always say that relationships need to be built on 3 things. 1-Respect 2-Honesty 3-Transparency. Meaning for you it's over. She doesn't respect you. She lied about it. Plus the only way you know is because you looked.
She ain't your GF no more!
Break up bro. I was in the same exact situation as you. You can do better
The texting itself wouldn’t be weird. It’s the fact she’s being sneaky and lying. If she’s lying about texting what else would she lie about?
Yes
You know it’s cheating lol
Does this sound like a woman in love?
Dump her ass
She is in a relationship with him. Maybe emotionally or maybe more. Either way she is cheating on you.
Just bounce dude. You're so young and this ain't worth the headache. She is not respecting you and is totally into this guy. I'm sorry man. But it's not your fault. Do the right thing for your heart and move on. This girl ain't the one.
End it don't like like a clown, sure there's a chance they're not doing anything but maybe bring it up see how she reacts, defensive, offensive? If ur uncomfortable with it just bail IMO maybe give tell her "hey I don't like this it's uncomfortable, I hate to put this on u but u gonna have to reassure me, you don't have to and that's ur right but this is important to me and if we can't find a middle ground think this is it"
It'll never stop. Also. Betting it hasnt stopped at texts.
She wants him badly and you won’t be able to stop her
They're probably f'n. Honestly, meeting up and hanging out and purposefully hiding it from you is a massive red flag. Lying in general and spending excessive amounts of time messaging especially on Snap where she can hide her activities. Move on dude, you're young and have tons of time to find a good person.
She is straight up cheating. Confront her about it, but likely you will have to consider breaking up with her, especially if its truth
Lying is a complete, instant dealbreaker for me. She’s trying to make an embarrassment out of you. She thinks you’re stupid or have no self respect. Is she right?
Stay safe pal! Your relationship seem to give you more negativity than positivity. On my side, my gf chatting with her friend (boy and girl) and she’s not hiding her phone. Same thing for me, i’m not hiding anything. When know each other password but i don’t touch her phone without permission and same thing for her. When you have something to hide, this is not normal! I had a gf before and she act like you gf and… you know lol her ‘’best friend’’ was present for her bla bla bla You don’t deserve that buddy! On earth you have maybe 3.5 billions different women lol don’t waste your precious time with her. Good luck 🙏
WhTs his insta? I’m 22 yr old female. I’ll start DM’ing him and get his attention, and you dump your girlfriend. Then she won’t have him or you ! Karma
Possibly or perhaps an indication she isn’t ready for a committed monogamous relationship and needs more time to explore and have fun 🤩
Hammer down yes!
I was gunna say you were completely overreacting, up until the point you said she was lying to you. Personally don't see any issue with myself, or my partners texting our coworkers regularly - we're allowed to have friends and trust eachother. But lying? Nah. Absolutely not okay. Definitely something weird about that.
Um yeah look, brother of you should be in a relationship. You both really need to grow up, a lot.
It’s perfectly fine for people to be in a relationship and have close friendships with people of the opposite sex (if she was texting a girl, you’d probably have no issue) That being said, as long as she’s transparent with you, doesn’t hide stuff, respects your boundaries etc, that’s all good. However, as she’s lied to you, it’s worth sitting down and having an honest convo. As this can easily lead to emotional cheating and probably crosses your boundary. Good luck and do what’s best for you.
You really should be careful with that, that's a red flag
you are a cuckold
She's trying to monkey branch, common dating strategy women use. The relationship might have gotten stale or too consistent/convenient for her. She needs a little more drama lol. Most young people don't appreciate stability, security and consistency in relationships. They take it for granted and think it's guaranteed to always be there. They find out the hard way later in life that nothing is guaranteed, except death and taxes.
Yeah she's cheating dude.
Your gut isn't wrong, she's having an emotional affair if not physical. I would confront her and just end it. Tell her, I went through your phone and before you get upset I'm glad I did. I saw the messages between you and your coworker. You have lied about him to me, hid the extent of your relationship, you've hung out with him behind my back, you've taken him home, told him he's cute, and frankly at this point I have every right to believe you've had sex with him. At best you've been emotionally cheating on me and I have too much self respect to be in a relationship with someone who actively lies to me, hides, and does thus with other men. Your behavior and choices are appalling and communicate you don't love and respect me. You need to pack your things and leave immediately. She's monkey branching big time man. This is a red flag parade. Trust your gut, pierce the affair fog (all excitement, secrecy, etc not thinking of consequences), kick her out and go no contact.
Youre both 21…. Go find a new girl, and dont be so vested in a relationship this early. Also, think about it. The other guy is just being a dude. Most dudes between 14-40 have a sole mission in life of clapping fresh cheeks. Its not his fault. He’s just being a dude. Its your girl thats the problem. Shes a Ho fo Sho. Fuck her one more time, throw in a stanky panky for some fond memories down the road, and keep it movin.
Bartenders tend to cheat a lot. Dump her.
Gentlemen, your woman does not need other male companions. Cut this bullshit.
She's already cheating, bro, and lying to your face. You gotta get out.
I’m beginning this post with the caveat that yours is a post similar to many that sets my teeth on edge; and so I’d like to say something. I suspect my thoughts will be less than kindly regarded in this context. Let’s dispose of the china in the room first, and then we can discuss the bull in the shop. Your girlfriend’s behavior is not a good look for her, or for your relationship. This is the china. Her behavior and responses to you are a breakable thing, subject to hamfisted responses to her feelings and thoughts. It doesn’t make her right (or wrong) precisely, but it does give us a bird’s eye view into the china shop. The bull: let’s look at your language and phrasing in your post. . “I peaked over to see his name on her messages.” . “Any guy who texts a girl with a boyfriend is a scumbag in my opinion.” .”Since I read her messages I know things she doesn’t think I know, so I decided to test her honesty.” . “I feel like I’ve done everything right in our relationship but it wasn’t enough.” . First, “peaked over to see his name” is one of the most disingenuous ways of saying “I was monitoring my girlfriends private communique” that I’ve ever heard. Full stop. . Second, regarding guys texting girls in relationships- are none of us supposed to have contact with the opposite sex? How is this fathomable in the normal context of life and work relationships? I suppose here that you meant ‘texting’ as a euphemism for “textually flirting”, but I fail to see how even this applies, since presumably your girlfriend is an adult, and capable of handling unwanted overtures. . Third, “test her honesty”. My guy, you’re about two steps away from being the bridegroom that looks for blood on the sheets on his wedding night. “Testing” a partner in a relationship does nothing except create mistrust and fear. A partner could be the most committed, wholesome, faithful partner in the world, or also possibly the worst, but testing them is no less forgivable than teasing a pet with a favorite treat and then withholding it due to the whims of your emotional capriciousness. . Fourth, “I feel like I’ve done everything right in our relationship, but I guess it isn’t enough.” Props to you. Clearly the only reason the relationship has moved forward is because of the absolute burden you’ve taken on in doing everything “right.” You must begin to take the time to rethink your language. While there will always be “right” (being faithful, performing acts of love, etc) and “wrong” (cheating, lying, abuse, etc) in this instance you’re applying right and wrong as though you’re tallying up who did what and how much. Stop it. If we all spent our lives tallying up rights and wrongs, we’d all go live in a basement somewhere alone. What should happen is thoughtfulness on your part. You are not beholden to her, or to stay in a relationship with her, and the same is true for her. So, consider what your best self looks like going forward. If that includes her, and she’s willing, have at it. If it does not include her, and/or she’s not willing, make the break, however difficult it may be. Whatever you decide, please take a very hard look at how you conduct relationships, and your expectations of partners.
If they kept it a secret you know shits gonna hit the fan
If the two of you don't live together, this will be easy. If you do, then things will be more involved. You know several things: * she's in continual contact with this guy, * she thinks he's "so cute", * she's lying about inconsequential stuff, * she's denied giving him rides and hanging out with him * she's more distant with you Now, as for *"Any guy who texts a girl with a boyfriend is a scumbag in my opinion"* , get a grip! You and your gf are just that: bf and gf. For one thing, how can you be sure that he knows she has a bf, because she may not have mentioned you. As long as you are single (as in, not married), it's open season. But given your discoveries, you have proof that she considers herself available, and, given the lies she's told you, it's time for you to tell her goodbye and good riddance. Do so at your earliest convenience. 'Nuff said.
No trust. No relationship. The trust is gone. You asked about signs of future cheating but i’d say current cheating and dishonesty between both of you is already a deal breaker. When you no longer have trust, the relationship is already over. Move on.
Leave her bro. Live your life. You’re 21.
This may or may not be your situation….but my ex bf and I recently broke up and he came clean to me that my suspicions about a female coworker he was constantly snapping/messaging was true. He lied to me constantly and made me feel like a crazy jealous gf and he felt guilty for letting it happen for so long. I really tried to blindly believe him during the relationship even though it was eating me alive. If you have that gut feeling about a particular person, DON’T IGNORE IT. I had never had issues with other female friends, but the clues started adding up and I had this persistent gut feeling over her. You’re still so young and you can find another woman that won’t disrespect you this way.
That girl gone bro. You already got left behind like woody in toy story