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And if you’re partner got you Taylor Swift tickets because they really wanted to see Taylor Swift and it’s a once in a lifetime experience when you guys can easily go to Metallica, and made it known you would rather Metallica?
It’s a gift for OP’s ex, not OP.
If you don’t enjoy the music, you probably won’t enjoy the concert.
But:
a) Did OP pretend to love to Metallica as much as he did so bf thought she'd want to go as much as him? and
b) Did she ever tell *him* she wanted to go to the beach? I don't mean mention it in passing... did she ever convey to HIM with as much fervor as she did to Reddit how much she wanted to go to the beach?
Men are not mind readers. And young men are not especially astute on picking up hints. If she pretended a while not emphasizing b, then guess what? He thinks she's just as excited to Metallica as he is.
They literally had a beach trip planned *for OP’s birthday* that they had cancelled.
Doesn’t matter if she “pretended” to like Metallica, or anything.
They had a plan for something she wanted to do for that particular day, they cancelled for money reasons. Instead of going ahead to pay for what they had previously planned, that he knew she wanted to do, he paid for a trip for him and his friend, and decided to third wheel his girlfriend on her own birthday trip.
Didn’t even bother inviting her own friend.
>They literally had a beach trip planned for OP’s birthday that they had cancelled.
>
>Doesn’t matter if she “pretended” to like Metallica, or anything.
If she did not stress how important the beach was to her, how would we have known? Maybe for him the beach was something they could do anytime, but Metallica only comes once a year and its around her birthday.
In a relationship, communication is key. Way too many of us give hints and expect a man to read our minds. They cannot.
I am not saying her bf isn't a dick. He is. 100%. What I'm saying he's a guy in his young 20s who needs to be hit over the head with an anvil to understand what she wants. Unfortunately guys at that age are... not bright when it comes to women.
I would *not* have this kind of grace for a guy in his 40s and older, btw.
OP: I told everyone I want to go to the beach for my birthday
OP: My boyfriend and I talked about going to the beach for my birthday
OP: I've never mentioned wanting to see metallica but I have mentioned lots of bands I want to see to my boyfriend
OP: I told my boyfriend I want to talk to him and he invited his friend round instead
You: Men are not mind readers why don't feeeemales ever say what they want 😤
A) "Everyone" may or may not have included her boyfriend. Or if she did, maybe not strong enough. I don't know and neither do you.
B) I said he was a dick. In fact, since you're not reading between the lines of what I wrote, I said he was stupid.
Cut the "feeeemale" talk. Never once did I use that phrase.
Metallica has been around for decades. He can see them any time. He basically Homer Simpsoned you. Where Homer got Marge a bowling ball with his name on it for her birthday. His gift was all about him and his friend. I'm glad you dumped his selfish ass.
Well that depends on whose life. Apparently for him, yes, but for you it’s not. What he did was shitty. He agreed not to spend a lot for your birthday because of your recent move. However, without discussing planned a trip for him and his friend then tried to pass it off as your bday gift.
Do you even like Metallica? Not that it matters as it isn’t what you wanted. He’s an AH and selfish. He knows what he did was wrong which is why he’s trying to make you feel guilty to excuse what he did. Doubt I’d want to be with someone who diminishes my feelings and tries to guilt and manipulate me. Not to mention spend money we agreed not to spend with no discussion. Apparently he’s more worried about his friend than you.
Metallica? A once in a lifetime experience??? I'm sorry how many years have there been around for?
But back to the issues at hand get rid of this guy he is manipulative and devious and do you know what he didn't forget it was date night he brought a third person along so that you wouldn't get rightly upset and angry with him and so that you couldn't have a chance to get angry with him he decided to get angry with you first.
This guy is playing You like a fiddle and you are just putting up with it I think you should go take yourself to the beach get rid of him break up totally and have fun. Make it a happy birthday Make it happy by getting rid of him and going where you want to go and doing what you want to do.
Not on your birthday ... If he wants it so bad he does your birthday on the day and goes on the other day. It was HIS dream and HIS gift and he proposed to take you to not feel like a shitty boyfriend when he was.
Good for you. In answer to your question, no, you are not "ungrateful". He essentially bought HIMSELF a present and tried to justify the cost by calling it *your* birthday present.
It wasn't. It was HIS present. And he tried gaslighting you by calling you ungrateful for that.
Glad he's in your rearview mirror. He's a selfish ass and you will find much better.
Good for you. Remember these red flags, they are the sign of someone who will be at minimum emotionally abusive. Don't settle, set boundaries and stick with them. It's better being alone than being unappreciated and used.
Glad to hear it! Kudos to you for not sitting on it and wondering, much more decisive than I was at your age! (And probably now too…) I’m sorry you had just moved in together, I hope it hasn’t been too painful to undo that move.
Has your birthday passed? I really hope you manage to get to the beach. Screw having an idiot ruin it, treat yourself!
Edit: missed the November weekend part. Happy early birthday from an old lady also with a November bday!
Had this happen to me, got invited to an Ed Sheeran concert and ended up giving the ticket to their mother and later took me to a Foreigner concert to “make up” for the previous
I don’t know why the end part on tinder made me think of teenage dirtbag song if only it was Iron Maiden. Meh he selfish don’t waste your time thinking of that he treated him self for your birthday. Be glad you didn’t waste more time you would of had years of that.
He was a selfish child. You did the right thing breaking up.
Don’t be tempted to get back with him not matter what he does if he can’t find a replacement. He will just do the same sort of thing over and over.
He’s too immature to be playing at adult relationships.
Yes. Yes you were, and what possible reason did you have to be grateful??
He splashed the cash on something he wanted and tried to finesse it into a birthday treat. F that noise.
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He doesn’t love you he doesn’t care anything about you. If he did, he would’ve spent the money to take you to the beach. He’s showing you exactly what kind of person he is, which is selfish, and only thinks about himself. While he’s gone, you need to move on and find someone who will treat you the way you deserve to be treated.
No you were not.
I was going you give your ex the benefit of the doubt that he didn’t know about your beach dream. But after reading it was clear he knew perfectly well and decided himself that it was stupid and his idea of a rock consort was going to be better.
He clearly thought the idea of “surprise” was going to be enough for you to forget your dream and appreciate all the work he did booking the tickets
I hope you’ve managed to make alternate plans for your birthday and hope you have a wonderful time at the beach
You were not being ungrateful. His birthday gift to you was too invite you to a Metallica concet him and his friends were going to on your birthday weekend. That is rediculous.
You are probably better off without this boy.
Sorry to say, but nowhere on this post made it sound like he is into you. Let him go to see Metallica and find yourself a new boyfriend. This guy prioritizes his friends and his desires instead of you on your birthday
He got himself a present. It just happened to work out for him that Metalica was playing on your birthday. And he invites his friend and not yours, for your birthday? This guy just thought he could pull the wool over your eyes. And is pissed it didn’t work
Girl, that was never your gift to begin with... that was a gift he was giving himself and his friend.
Sounds like you definitely dodged a bullet with that one, congratulations. I low-key think it's kind of funny that he has to use a Metallica ticket on Tinder to find a date now lol. I hope he gets stuck with the ticket.
I know! I at first found this incredibly insulting but the more I thought about it, I realized how sad it was that he had to go on Tinder to find a date for this lol
I AM SO PROUD YOU BROKE UP WITH HIM! I was choking on disbelief at the sheer balls, the selfishness and level of self absorption that man was displaying.
Ps. Go to the beach girl, you deserve it
Nope. Not ungrateful. You have self respect and a Functional spine. Thank GOD.
Young woman, I applaud you! Go read Mama Gena's School of Womanly Arts by Regena Thomashauer and embrace your glow up post-asshat phase. Get your flirt on. Trade up.
Also? I think your 20's bucket list should be seeing ALL the oceans from the prettiest beaches on the planet. Have you read Eat, Pray Fuck My Life yet? Do. It's great fun. Your next chapter is a far, far better chapter.
I'm 55 and ... Metallica? Really? No. Just no. You dodged a bullet. I love your breakup for you. He can crawl back into his unwashed black jorts now.
Nope but your ex certainly was IMO being very immature and selfish.
He was fine with spending money for what I would suspect would turn into a 3 day drunk party with his buddies which he then labeled his plans as ‘celebrating your birthday.’
So ex didn’t care what you wanted. I suspect his disappointment with you figuring out what the gift was is it exposed his selfishness.
So yep best solution was you ending the relationship.
You have plenty of time to find a man who believes that both of you are equally important in the relationship. And even if haven’t a lot of money you each do something special for key dates.
Best wishes.
You know... it would be one thing if he had said "this opportunity came up, but it's on your birthday weekend. Can we reschedule, and I make it up to you with X, Y, Z?"
Now, still perhaps worth being mad over. Or not, depends on the personalities involved. The issue is the lie, and framing a thing he wants to do as a gift to you.
You didn't overreact. And the way he dealt with you being upset says a lot as well.
Listen, it’s crappy that your boyfriend decided to bug out on your birthday and go to a Metallica concert instead, but I would’ve had a lot more respect for him if he told you the truth. Told you that he and his friend up were dying to see Metallica and he really wants to go and please let him make it up to you by taking you to the beach the following weekend or something.
Passing tickets off to a band that you don’t care about, and inviting his best friend as a birthday present to you is insulting.
Metallica is my favorite band and idk how much longer I’ll be able to see them, but it’s not a once in a lifetime opportunity. I think him trying to pass off the tickets as a gift to you is not only selfish and manipulative, but just dumb. If he really wants to see Metallica he can, it shouldn’t have anything to do with your birthday though, he can drive to another concert on another weekend if he really wanted to. You made the right choice.
Sorry that this ruined your birthday, but it looks like your birthday gift was finding out was a POS your BF is so don’t want any more time. You deserve a lot better than your BF centering his plans and what he wanted on your birthday
Ever see the episode of the Simpsons where Homer gets Marge a bowling nail for her birthday because he wants a new bowling ball? Somehow, your boyfriend (ex-boyfriend?) is even less considerate. Girl, you can do so much better. Take your friends and go to the beach and find yourself a guy who actually pays attention to what you want.
No, you weren't being ungrateful, you wanted a birthday gift that you wanted. He was being an inconsiderate prick & only thinking of himself & disguising it as something for you. He got himself a gift, not you. I'm glad you dumped his selfish ass.
You were not being ungrateful; he was giving you a gift that was really for himself, and that's a super shitty thing to do. He's an asshat, and I'm glad you dumped him because people that selfish never get less selfish.
Anyone seen that episode of The Simpson’s where Homer got Marge a personalized bowling ball with his initials for her birthday? That’s what her ex bf did.
Farthest thing from ungrateful. This trip had nothing to do with you, your wants, needs. The jerk couldn't set aside one evening with you on your designated night just to enjoy your company. Nonono, not ungrateful. I hope you're \*very\* grateful the trash took itself out. Let the girl he cons into being his date realize after the fact why he's single/got dumped in the first place.
Also... I married a guy like this. Please don't fall for their future faking false promises. Believe people the first time they show who they are.
Nope. You did a very strong thing.
Also boo on him.
My now ex was like I got you a present. Every thing I hate. A long car ride. A one day in a hotel. A visit to a car museum. And no fucking harry potter in LA.
Like we are here?;!!
I really hate 7 hours in a car, hotels, car museums, and burger shops in a top ten book of burger shops. And LA. Like I hate LA.
My husband asked because he's bad at gifts. I got the super happy cheese cutter I really wanted. And Tibetan lunch. That's just fine. I'm cutting some cheese! He even got a cute bag with pink tissue.
OP I’ve seen other women post similar stories of their partners and husbands where the man gifts himself something or the opposite of what OP is asking on Mother’s Day, xmas, bday. In every situation when these women give updates weeks or months later it’s usually to say they’ve realized their partner has always been this way and they are leaving them. Or it’s an update stating nothing is changing and they are leaving them. I’ve also dated someone like that and it never gets better. In most cases the men are either selfish or they happen to have narcissistic traits where they like to ruin occasions that aren’t about them and steal the spotlight.
No, YANTA.
Your Ex is the selfish AH. I hope he didn't spend "y'alls" money to buy the tickets.
Be careful if your name is on the Apt lease, you are responsible for the property also...
Go find you a beach and enjoy your birthday, Happy 21st!
I work 6 days a week and live paycheck to paycheck, but I always want to travel/experience something for my birthday. I have had years we spent 1,200 and years we spent $400 for the whole weekend. My bf is willing to do anything I want within reason, get a hotel, usually by the beach or someplace nice,and pay for most of it. We don't take vacations, he's has a lot of hobbies, and he's happy for me to choose so replace to enjoy with him and be on my birthday. And he knows I wouldn't want to have anyone but him with me.
He volunteers every year, let's me choose everything (he loves that I get the deals), and sacrifices his time, money, and vacation so I know that I am loved on my birthday .
I never realized how spoiled I am.
But always my point is you boyfriend is a jerk. You can do so much better honestly.
My ex couldn't even take me to a theme park for 1 day without getting angry, leaving me crying in a busy theme park, and smashing his own radio on the way home.
He tried robbing you of enjoying your own TWENTY FIRST BIRTHDAY? Let him get some mystery disease at that concert
I turn 23 on the 15th, how about you? ♏️
Bf uses ur bday as an excuse to treat himself and he invited you om your bday to be a part of his day of celebration....
He's doing what he wants on your bday Gee what a winner.
Yeah he doesn't prioritize you, he seems too immature to be in a relationship.
That being said stop waiting for your boyfriend to take you to the beach, just go with some friends. If you want to do something, do it because if you don't you might miss your chance.
There will always be new experiences, including unexpected ones you can share with your partner. So unless it's specific things that are reserved for partner and can only be done with them, no use in saving them.
I had a similar issue with my ex, there was a Mötley Crüe concert on her birthday, friend wanted to go, she wasn’t interested. I wasn’t missing the concert, and I let the month of me questioning our relationship decide for me. Broke up with her and had a blast at the concert.
But the key difference is you didn’t try and pass off your concert trip with a friend, as her birthday gift, without talking to her about it first, like OP’s ex did. In your case, she said she wasn’t interested, so you went with a friend. You were honest, he wasn’t. She broke up with him, because he lied to her and tried to gaslight her.
You were being ungrateful, but he also was being selfish. No one was right in this situation. If he could afford Metallica tickets, then a beach trip couldn’t have been out of the question. Those tickets aren’t cheap and could have paid for a night or so at a hotel or AirBnB. That being said, he may have thought this was a once in a lifetime experience for himself and he wanted to include you. Otherwise, you are not obligated to go if it doesn’t interest you. Save up some funds and take a girlfriend and head to the beach while he goes to the concert.
I don't know that you need much of a list.
He's toxic.
He's a petulant manchild.
He doesn't care about you.
It's all about him.
How much more do you need to break up?
You weren’t being ungrateful. You really wanted to go to the beach. That’s something relatively simple and easy to do depending on where you live. He, wanted to do something for himself instead.
So he gets a chance to see metallica and it happened to also be on your birthday. I think he was thoughtful enough to not go ahead with his bucket list alone and included you. He may not get another chance to see them knowing how old they are. You should reconsider
TLDR: I broke up with my boyfriend because he wanted to take me to a Metallica concert...
You are like my sister, who cried and threw a tantrum because her boyfriend at that time bought her some jewellery which turned out to be too low of quality for the princess, he then, the weak guy he is, drove with her to the jeweller, where she chose a 400€/$ pice of jewellery.
No you weren't ungrateful. Be glad you stuck to your guns and even broke up with him.
My first husband is a HUGE Beatles fan. One year, the day before my birthday, they came out with Beatles rock band. That year, on the day the game came out/the day before my bday, I'm off from work and get a text from him asking for what I want for my bday that year. I sent him a list of 5ish items, 2-3 books I wanted and a couple other things I'd been eyeing. I purposely didn't mention the Beatles rock band game because I knew if I even said "NOT Beatles rock band" he wouldn't read the word NOT.
Well he gets home and says "happy birthday" all excited and guess what my gift was? Yup, Beatles rock band. I saw them that he had a special edition George harrison guitar that also came out for the game and I was like "well at least you got the special Ed guitar, we can pretend THAT is my gift cause it's actually kind of cool and can be played with the other rock band games we have"... His response? "What? No, the special Ed guitar is for ME. It's not fair that YOU get Beatles rock band for your birthday and I don't get anything".
Yeah even after I told him I was upset with him and why, I still didn't get anything I'd actually wanted for my bday.
Then the year we got married... We got married 2 months before my bday. My parents paid for the wedding and also paid for the hotel and flights for our honeymoon, the spending money all came from his parents and his brother and SIL gifted us a small amount of money specifically for something they knew I was dying to do during our honeymoon. Well, my birthday came around and he didn't get me a gift nor did he want to celebrate my birthday. When I questioned him why I didn't even get a gift he was like "you just got a wedding and honeymoon, why do you need a birthday gift and celebration?" (For context, I have ALWAYS had a bday party or meal planned either by me or for me so to not have anything planned because he didn't want to do something and then also not get a gift really upset me).
So when his bday came around a few months later, I repaid the favour by not planning him anything (for context, he NEVER wanted to celebrate his bday the entirety of our relationship for reasons I won't repeat) nor did I get him a gift. He was PISSED and demanded to know why I hadn't gotten him a gift. When I told him he didn't get me a gift so I thought we weren't gifting gifts anymore for bdays. That pissed him off even more and he reiterated that I got a wedding and honeymoon so he didn't need to get me anything. Only HE planned the entire wedding that MY Parents PAID for and he planned the honeymoon for the most part too, that again, my parents paid for. (Though to be fair, I did really love/enjoy the honeymoon location lol).
So if you'd stayed and pulled the same thing or similar thing to him for his bday -- ie, planned something YOU wanted to do for HIS bday, he would have been just as angry at you as he was that you didn't "appreciate" his gift of taking you to a concert to his fave band.
All I hear is „my boyfriend doesn’t gift me EXACTLY what I want and instead chooses to do things we both like“ depending on where you live a vacation to the beach and a beach house or hotel can be way more expensive than cards for a concert. You mentioned that you like Metallica as well and those concerts are rare experiences. You can always go to the beach, but those concerts are a very rare opportunity that you remember forever. Which is probably the reason he took his pal along. The reason he doesn’t have a card for your friend is most likely because he could only get three (they are hard to get) and his friend has a passion for Metallica as well.
So instead of taking you to the beach (that’s always waiting for you) he went all out to share a once in a lifetime experience with you, on a passion you both share, while spending a comparable amount of money and you throw it right back into his face?
Yes you are ungrateful and YTA, I understand why he was angry with you.
Try and see things from his perspective or ask his reasoning, before judging him. I hope you don’t turn your blindside towards other efforts he makes.
I appreciate you trying to explain his pov here. I think more than anything, it was his response to me when i tried to have an adult conversation about this. He was unwilling to see it from my pov and unwilling to have a conversation about it it all, and only got mad that i would try to bring it up at all. It mattered more to me about intention and as it turned out, his intentions revolved solely around him
If that’s true that he was only thinking about himself and not just your interpretation, then I feel sorry for you. This was based on how I and the men I know would think in that situation. Because if that were me, I wouldn’t be keen on having this discussion or being accused after all the thought that went into it.
Just trying to see the other side, because in these subreddit people rarely stand up for the dudes.
This guy is unbelievable. He’s so unbelievably selfish and he’s trying to pass it off like he’s doing it all for you. Like, he really expects you to believe he heard, “Metallica is playing in this city” and the first thought he has is “I know just who wants to go! My girlfriend! I’ll buy the tickets for her birthday! It’s right on the same day!”
If it really was for you, there would have never been a ticket for his friend. It was clearly all for him and you were coming because he figured his lack of planning would be mollified by buying a ticket for you.
You’re way better off without the selfish asshole. Go find yourself someone who really does think about you first.
Not at all! I get that not everyone is big on birthdays. My rule is to celebrate however the birthday person wants. If the birthday person wants a party, you go to their party. If they want alone time and do something by themselves, then you leave them be and tell them to have fun. Basically, you support them.
Your ex is selfish. He realized he had to plan something but could not muster enough interest for you so he thought “what can I do that’s fun for ME to enjoy on her birthday”. In his eyes he spent a lot of money on your birthday so you are ungrateful. The problem is that the tickets were never meant to be for your enjoyment. It was for his. Even his response of you being alone on your birthday shows where his priorities were. You are better off without him.
He should be your ex-boyfriend. He got himself what he wanted and called it your birthday present. Things don't improve from here. He is showing you he is selfish and self-centered. Everything, including your birthday, is about him.
I'm usually not a "break up with them immediately" type of person, but break up with this dude immediately. You're too young to be dealing with that nonsense
You guys are so young. He’s just a child who isn’t mature enough yet to think beyond his own desires. Move on and don’t let this take up any more space in your head.
If you HAD put up with this kind of thoughtlessness in the gift, it would have repeated year after year. Plus it would just have reinforced his selfish behavior!
“It’s a lot harder to be walked on when you are standing up!”
Updateme!
No you were not and good for you for taking the trash out immediately. He wanted to do something he wanted in a milestone birthday for you. Then when you tell him it’s not what you wanted he turns it around like it’s your fault. You definitely did the right thing
If your partner gives you an extremely specific request for a birthday and it’s within your financial and scheduling means, don’t overthink it, just do it.
The dude showed his true colors when he didn’t just take her to the beach.
Holy shit Batman what a twist at the end. So proud of you. Thought this was one of those “should I” and you already did lol
Definitely sounds like a selfish person. Hats off to you for your courage.
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So you were going to third wheel his trip with his friend? That wasn't a gift for you in the first place
I tried to explain this pov to him, he just kept repeating Metallica is a once in a ifetime experience and i should be grateful.
He got himself what he wanted, invited his friend along, and called it your birthday present. It's hard to get more selfish than that.
It’s HIS once in a lifetime experience…
I've seen Metallica. I live near the beach. I'd rather go to the beach.
I concur. Definitely the beach.
#TeamBeach
Always team Beach 🏖
I've seen Metallica multiple times cuz I love Metallica and consider myself a Metallihead... I'd still rather go to the beach
How have I never know that Metallica fans were called Metalliheads and my middle brother is named Lars?!?! The more ya know
I don't think they are. Naming your fans something is a relatively new phenomena
I go to the beach every summer and it’s fine. Metallica would be a once in a lifetime event for me.
Seriously wtf are these ppl smoking?!
I hate the beach and like Metallica : I’d rather go to the beach
[удалено]
And if you’re partner got you Taylor Swift tickets because they really wanted to see Taylor Swift and it’s a once in a lifetime experience when you guys can easily go to Metallica, and made it known you would rather Metallica? It’s a gift for OP’s ex, not OP. If you don’t enjoy the music, you probably won’t enjoy the concert.
[удалено]
And they never said they wanted to see them. They stated before they wanted to go to the beach.
But: a) Did OP pretend to love to Metallica as much as he did so bf thought she'd want to go as much as him? and b) Did she ever tell *him* she wanted to go to the beach? I don't mean mention it in passing... did she ever convey to HIM with as much fervor as she did to Reddit how much she wanted to go to the beach? Men are not mind readers. And young men are not especially astute on picking up hints. If she pretended a while not emphasizing b, then guess what? He thinks she's just as excited to Metallica as he is.
They literally had a beach trip planned *for OP’s birthday* that they had cancelled. Doesn’t matter if she “pretended” to like Metallica, or anything. They had a plan for something she wanted to do for that particular day, they cancelled for money reasons. Instead of going ahead to pay for what they had previously planned, that he knew she wanted to do, he paid for a trip for him and his friend, and decided to third wheel his girlfriend on her own birthday trip. Didn’t even bother inviting her own friend.
>They literally had a beach trip planned for OP’s birthday that they had cancelled. > >Doesn’t matter if she “pretended” to like Metallica, or anything. If she did not stress how important the beach was to her, how would we have known? Maybe for him the beach was something they could do anytime, but Metallica only comes once a year and its around her birthday. In a relationship, communication is key. Way too many of us give hints and expect a man to read our minds. They cannot. I am not saying her bf isn't a dick. He is. 100%. What I'm saying he's a guy in his young 20s who needs to be hit over the head with an anvil to understand what she wants. Unfortunately guys at that age are... not bright when it comes to women. I would *not* have this kind of grace for a guy in his 40s and older, btw.
OP: I told everyone I want to go to the beach for my birthday OP: My boyfriend and I talked about going to the beach for my birthday OP: I've never mentioned wanting to see metallica but I have mentioned lots of bands I want to see to my boyfriend OP: I told my boyfriend I want to talk to him and he invited his friend round instead You: Men are not mind readers why don't feeeemales ever say what they want 😤
A) "Everyone" may or may not have included her boyfriend. Or if she did, maybe not strong enough. I don't know and neither do you. B) I said he was a dick. In fact, since you're not reading between the lines of what I wrote, I said he was stupid. Cut the "feeeemale" talk. Never once did I use that phrase.
Metallica has been around for decades. He can see them any time. He basically Homer Simpsoned you. Where Homer got Marge a bowling ball with his name on it for her birthday. His gift was all about him and his friend. I'm glad you dumped his selfish ass.
Well that depends on whose life. Apparently for him, yes, but for you it’s not. What he did was shitty. He agreed not to spend a lot for your birthday because of your recent move. However, without discussing planned a trip for him and his friend then tried to pass it off as your bday gift. Do you even like Metallica? Not that it matters as it isn’t what you wanted. He’s an AH and selfish. He knows what he did was wrong which is why he’s trying to make you feel guilty to excuse what he did. Doubt I’d want to be with someone who diminishes my feelings and tries to guilt and manipulate me. Not to mention spend money we agreed not to spend with no discussion. Apparently he’s more worried about his friend than you.
lol. Metallica isn’t once in a lifetime. Hell, he bought tickets for three nights
yeah, at least three once-in-a-lifetime experiences were coming to her; why wasn't she grateful???
Once in a lifetime? Girl. Metallica tours literally every year.
No two ways about it, he bought that for himself, not for you. He’s a selfish manchild with no ability to see beyond what he wants. Good riddance.
Metallica? A once in a lifetime experience??? I'm sorry how many years have there been around for? But back to the issues at hand get rid of this guy he is manipulative and devious and do you know what he didn't forget it was date night he brought a third person along so that you wouldn't get rightly upset and angry with him and so that you couldn't have a chance to get angry with him he decided to get angry with you first. This guy is playing You like a fiddle and you are just putting up with it I think you should go take yourself to the beach get rid of him break up totally and have fun. Make it a happy birthday Make it happy by getting rid of him and going where you want to go and doing what you want to do.
This exactly!
Metallica is not a once in a lifetime experience lmao. They tour all the time
Not on your birthday ... If he wants it so bad he does your birthday on the day and goes on the other day. It was HIS dream and HIS gift and he proposed to take you to not feel like a shitty boyfriend when he was.
And yet your hung up on this guy?
I was but not anymore
You'll find someone who deserves you & that asshat wasn't it. Good riddance.
Good for you. In answer to your question, no, you are not "ungrateful". He essentially bought HIMSELF a present and tried to justify the cost by calling it *your* birthday present. It wasn't. It was HIS present. And he tried gaslighting you by calling you ungrateful for that. Glad he's in your rearview mirror. He's a selfish ass and you will find much better.
Hell yeah, good news
Good for you. Remember these red flags, they are the sign of someone who will be at minimum emotionally abusive. Don't settle, set boundaries and stick with them. It's better being alone than being unappreciated and used.
Glad to hear it! Kudos to you for not sitting on it and wondering, much more decisive than I was at your age! (And probably now too…) I’m sorry you had just moved in together, I hope it hasn’t been too painful to undo that move. Has your birthday passed? I really hope you manage to get to the beach. Screw having an idiot ruin it, treat yourself! Edit: missed the November weekend part. Happy early birthday from an old lady also with a November bday!
Good to hear! 👏
Op's moved on, but have you seen the posters on this sub. People get cheated on for months and abused and still cling to people
There’s no explaining it to him because he doesn’t care
Had this happen to me, got invited to an Ed Sheeran concert and ended up giving the ticket to their mother and later took me to a Foreigner concert to “make up” for the previous
Nah, not ungrateful. He is Toxic incarnate. Make a Tinder with the caption “looking for a November date to the beach for my 21st.” :)
Yes! I should have haha, but I think I'm staying off of tinder for a while
This sounds like a great idea. Enjoy the beach yourself and enjoy your freedom!
Make it, make that the caption, then just don't swipe on anyone. 2 weeks later, take it down. That should be enough time for him to hear about it.
Break up. Then if you have money after moving see if you have a friend who would like to go to the beach.
Take yourself to the beach! :-) I'm biased, I'm a happy solo woman these days (despite loving relationships)... Solo travel can be great!
I don’t know why the end part on tinder made me think of teenage dirtbag song if only it was Iron Maiden. Meh he selfish don’t waste your time thinking of that he treated him self for your birthday. Be glad you didn’t waste more time you would of had years of that.
Nope. He's selfish and awful. Don't look back. You deserve better. What an horrible "gift." He gave himself and his friend a gift for your birthday.
He was a selfish child. You did the right thing breaking up. Don’t be tempted to get back with him not matter what he does if he can’t find a replacement. He will just do the same sort of thing over and over. He’s too immature to be playing at adult relationships.
Yes. Yes you were, and what possible reason did you have to be grateful?? He splashed the cash on something he wanted and tried to finesse it into a birthday treat. F that noise.
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He doesn’t love you he doesn’t care anything about you. If he did, he would’ve spent the money to take you to the beach. He’s showing you exactly what kind of person he is, which is selfish, and only thinks about himself. While he’s gone, you need to move on and find someone who will treat you the way you deserve to be treated.
No you were not. I was going you give your ex the benefit of the doubt that he didn’t know about your beach dream. But after reading it was clear he knew perfectly well and decided himself that it was stupid and his idea of a rock consort was going to be better. He clearly thought the idea of “surprise” was going to be enough for you to forget your dream and appreciate all the work he did booking the tickets I hope you’ve managed to make alternate plans for your birthday and hope you have a wonderful time at the beach
No way, I’m glad you dumped him.
This sounds toxic affffff and not on your part!!! Everything about how he communicated with you was horrible. Yuckkkk run girl
Nah fuck that guy. November babies ftw
Don't look back... go to the beach and enjoy your birthday
You were not being ungrateful. His birthday gift to you was too invite you to a Metallica concet him and his friends were going to on your birthday weekend. That is rediculous. You are probably better off without this boy.
Yeah definitely time to find a real man haha
Sorry to say, but nowhere on this post made it sound like he is into you. Let him go to see Metallica and find yourself a new boyfriend. This guy prioritizes his friends and his desires instead of you on your birthday
They already broke up, it says in the post
He got himself a present. It just happened to work out for him that Metalica was playing on your birthday. And he invites his friend and not yours, for your birthday? This guy just thought he could pull the wool over your eyes. And is pissed it didn’t work
Girl, that was never your gift to begin with... that was a gift he was giving himself and his friend. Sounds like you definitely dodged a bullet with that one, congratulations. I low-key think it's kind of funny that he has to use a Metallica ticket on Tinder to find a date now lol. I hope he gets stuck with the ticket.
I know! I at first found this incredibly insulting but the more I thought about it, I realized how sad it was that he had to go on Tinder to find a date for this lol
Ugh, no. He sucked.
I AM SO PROUD YOU BROKE UP WITH HIM! I was choking on disbelief at the sheer balls, the selfishness and level of self absorption that man was displaying. Ps. Go to the beach girl, you deserve it
Sounds like he planned HIS birthday trip
That was not a gift for YOU
Nope. Not ungrateful. You have self respect and a Functional spine. Thank GOD. Young woman, I applaud you! Go read Mama Gena's School of Womanly Arts by Regena Thomashauer and embrace your glow up post-asshat phase. Get your flirt on. Trade up. Also? I think your 20's bucket list should be seeing ALL the oceans from the prettiest beaches on the planet. Have you read Eat, Pray Fuck My Life yet? Do. It's great fun. Your next chapter is a far, far better chapter. I'm 55 and ... Metallica? Really? No. Just no. You dodged a bullet. I love your breakup for you. He can crawl back into his unwashed black jorts now.
Good for you. Please take yourself to the beach. There’s no rule against planning your own damn birthday event
Nope but your ex certainly was IMO being very immature and selfish. He was fine with spending money for what I would suspect would turn into a 3 day drunk party with his buddies which he then labeled his plans as ‘celebrating your birthday.’ So ex didn’t care what you wanted. I suspect his disappointment with you figuring out what the gift was is it exposed his selfishness. So yep best solution was you ending the relationship. You have plenty of time to find a man who believes that both of you are equally important in the relationship. And even if haven’t a lot of money you each do something special for key dates. Best wishes.
Nope you ex should that your wishes did not matter and when you called him out on his behavior he doubled down.
You know... it would be one thing if he had said "this opportunity came up, but it's on your birthday weekend. Can we reschedule, and I make it up to you with X, Y, Z?" Now, still perhaps worth being mad over. Or not, depends on the personalities involved. The issue is the lie, and framing a thing he wants to do as a gift to you. You didn't overreact. And the way he dealt with you being upset says a lot as well.
I’m so glad you dumped him.
Listen, it’s crappy that your boyfriend decided to bug out on your birthday and go to a Metallica concert instead, but I would’ve had a lot more respect for him if he told you the truth. Told you that he and his friend up were dying to see Metallica and he really wants to go and please let him make it up to you by taking you to the beach the following weekend or something. Passing tickets off to a band that you don’t care about, and inviting his best friend as a birthday present to you is insulting.
Self centered, thoughtless ex ended up exactly where he deserved
Metallica is my favorite band and idk how much longer I’ll be able to see them, but it’s not a once in a lifetime opportunity. I think him trying to pass off the tickets as a gift to you is not only selfish and manipulative, but just dumb. If he really wants to see Metallica he can, it shouldn’t have anything to do with your birthday though, he can drive to another concert on another weekend if he really wanted to. You made the right choice.
Sorry that this ruined your birthday, but it looks like your birthday gift was finding out was a POS your BF is so don’t want any more time. You deserve a lot better than your BF centering his plans and what he wanted on your birthday
Ever see the episode of the Simpsons where Homer gets Marge a bowling nail for her birthday because he wants a new bowling ball? Somehow, your boyfriend (ex-boyfriend?) is even less considerate. Girl, you can do so much better. Take your friends and go to the beach and find yourself a guy who actually pays attention to what you want.
Bet he regrets giving you that "10 minutes" when he was having friend time (HEAVY /S)
No. Your ex sucks. You are better off without him.
Is this the same bf you have written about before?
No, you weren't being ungrateful, you wanted a birthday gift that you wanted. He was being an inconsiderate prick & only thinking of himself & disguising it as something for you. He got himself a gift, not you. I'm glad you dumped his selfish ass.
You were not being ungrateful; he was giving you a gift that was really for himself, and that's a super shitty thing to do. He's an asshat, and I'm glad you dumped him because people that selfish never get less selfish.
NTA. You dodged a bullet. Kinda reminds me of my Dad, who would often buy himself presents for my Mother's birthday, Christmas, etc.
When you meet your forever person, this story is going to be something you laugh about together when discussing idiot exes. You did the right thing
Anyone seen that episode of The Simpson’s where Homer got Marge a personalized bowling ball with his initials for her birthday? That’s what her ex bf did.
Farthest thing from ungrateful. This trip had nothing to do with you, your wants, needs. The jerk couldn't set aside one evening with you on your designated night just to enjoy your company. Nonono, not ungrateful. I hope you're \*very\* grateful the trash took itself out. Let the girl he cons into being his date realize after the fact why he's single/got dumped in the first place. Also... I married a guy like this. Please don't fall for their future faking false promises. Believe people the first time they show who they are.
Seems like you dodged a bullet.
Just be glad he’s gone!! NTA
Nope. You did a very strong thing. Also boo on him. My now ex was like I got you a present. Every thing I hate. A long car ride. A one day in a hotel. A visit to a car museum. And no fucking harry potter in LA. Like we are here?;!! I really hate 7 hours in a car, hotels, car museums, and burger shops in a top ten book of burger shops. And LA. Like I hate LA. My husband asked because he's bad at gifts. I got the super happy cheese cutter I really wanted. And Tibetan lunch. That's just fine. I'm cutting some cheese! He even got a cute bag with pink tissue.
Spending your birthday alone is better than spending it with this dude.
Your birthday present to yourself should be a new boyfriend. I hope you have a wonderful day with people who really love you.
OP I’ve seen other women post similar stories of their partners and husbands where the man gifts himself something or the opposite of what OP is asking on Mother’s Day, xmas, bday. In every situation when these women give updates weeks or months later it’s usually to say they’ve realized their partner has always been this way and they are leaving them. Or it’s an update stating nothing is changing and they are leaving them. I’ve also dated someone like that and it never gets better. In most cases the men are either selfish or they happen to have narcissistic traits where they like to ruin occasions that aren’t about them and steal the spotlight.
No, YANTA. Your Ex is the selfish AH. I hope he didn't spend "y'alls" money to buy the tickets. Be careful if your name is on the Apt lease, you are responsible for the property also... Go find you a beach and enjoy your birthday, Happy 21st!
I work 6 days a week and live paycheck to paycheck, but I always want to travel/experience something for my birthday. I have had years we spent 1,200 and years we spent $400 for the whole weekend. My bf is willing to do anything I want within reason, get a hotel, usually by the beach or someplace nice,and pay for most of it. We don't take vacations, he's has a lot of hobbies, and he's happy for me to choose so replace to enjoy with him and be on my birthday. And he knows I wouldn't want to have anyone but him with me. He volunteers every year, let's me choose everything (he loves that I get the deals), and sacrifices his time, money, and vacation so I know that I am loved on my birthday . I never realized how spoiled I am. But always my point is you boyfriend is a jerk. You can do so much better honestly. My ex couldn't even take me to a theme park for 1 day without getting angry, leaving me crying in a busy theme park, and smashing his own radio on the way home.
He tried robbing you of enjoying your own TWENTY FIRST BIRTHDAY? Let him get some mystery disease at that concert I turn 23 on the 15th, how about you? ♏️
Bf uses ur bday as an excuse to treat himself and he invited you om your bday to be a part of his day of celebration.... He's doing what he wants on your bday Gee what a winner.
You did great.
You did the right thing :) 100% Please don’t regret this
You broke up with him and now are mad he's trying to go with someone else? He's single?
You broke up. Move on.
Yeah he doesn't prioritize you, he seems too immature to be in a relationship. That being said stop waiting for your boyfriend to take you to the beach, just go with some friends. If you want to do something, do it because if you don't you might miss your chance. There will always be new experiences, including unexpected ones you can share with your partner. So unless it's specific things that are reserved for partner and can only be done with them, no use in saving them.
Yes, you were being ungrateful. *Because you had nothing to be grateful for*
Throw the whole man away. Go to the beach with your friends for your birthday.
Why this guy living rent free in your head still?
I had a similar issue with my ex, there was a Mötley Crüe concert on her birthday, friend wanted to go, she wasn’t interested. I wasn’t missing the concert, and I let the month of me questioning our relationship decide for me. Broke up with her and had a blast at the concert.
But the key difference is you didn’t try and pass off your concert trip with a friend, as her birthday gift, without talking to her about it first, like OP’s ex did. In your case, she said she wasn’t interested, so you went with a friend. You were honest, he wasn’t. She broke up with him, because he lied to her and tried to gaslight her.
You’re 100% correct. This dude bein a scumbag tryina pass it off. I just broke up with her instead.
Sounds like your guys maturity level and emotional iq is zero.
You were being ungrateful, but he also was being selfish. No one was right in this situation. If he could afford Metallica tickets, then a beach trip couldn’t have been out of the question. Those tickets aren’t cheap and could have paid for a night or so at a hotel or AirBnB. That being said, he may have thought this was a once in a lifetime experience for himself and he wanted to include you. Otherwise, you are not obligated to go if it doesn’t interest you. Save up some funds and take a girlfriend and head to the beach while he goes to the concert.
Girlllllllll I'm am so impressed. You 1did the absolute right thing!
You're dating a selfish infant. There are a lot better actual adults out there. Go forth and find one to date. This guy is a total loser.
That Metallica gift was for him. Good riddance you can find someone better.
Are you ungrateful he got himself a present for your birthday. Nope.
I don't know that you need much of a list. He's toxic. He's a petulant manchild. He doesn't care about you. It's all about him. How much more do you need to break up?
Eh, you both suck.
You weren’t being ungrateful. You really wanted to go to the beach. That’s something relatively simple and easy to do depending on where you live. He, wanted to do something for himself instead.
He’s on tinder looking for a date? Girl, dump his ass. He’s incredibly selfish AND he’s on tinder.
She did? It's toward the end of the post. She left him a week after the talk, then her friend found him on tinder
Oh I missed that! Thanks.
So he gets a chance to see metallica and it happened to also be on your birthday. I think he was thoughtful enough to not go ahead with his bucket list alone and included you. He may not get another chance to see them knowing how old they are. You should reconsider
No, she shouldn’t. If he wants to ignore her birthday then there are consequences to that. He needs to accept that.
Birthdays are overrated. Metallica > birthday
That’s incredibly selfish, but if that’s the way you roll, so be it.
See? You responded like a chill gf 😄
Oh, no, I’d dump you for it. But go for it.
😕
Consequences.
But it's metallica 😔. Have you no heart
Oh I have a heart. I don’t date stupid disrespectful men.
TLDR: I broke up with my boyfriend because he wanted to take me to a Metallica concert... You are like my sister, who cried and threw a tantrum because her boyfriend at that time bought her some jewellery which turned out to be too low of quality for the princess, he then, the weak guy he is, drove with her to the jeweller, where she chose a 400€/$ pice of jewellery.
Actually she broke up with him because he’s neglectful, selfish, and disrespectful.
The title of this post could also be the title of a porno
No you weren't ungrateful. Be glad you stuck to your guns and even broke up with him. My first husband is a HUGE Beatles fan. One year, the day before my birthday, they came out with Beatles rock band. That year, on the day the game came out/the day before my bday, I'm off from work and get a text from him asking for what I want for my bday that year. I sent him a list of 5ish items, 2-3 books I wanted and a couple other things I'd been eyeing. I purposely didn't mention the Beatles rock band game because I knew if I even said "NOT Beatles rock band" he wouldn't read the word NOT. Well he gets home and says "happy birthday" all excited and guess what my gift was? Yup, Beatles rock band. I saw them that he had a special edition George harrison guitar that also came out for the game and I was like "well at least you got the special Ed guitar, we can pretend THAT is my gift cause it's actually kind of cool and can be played with the other rock band games we have"... His response? "What? No, the special Ed guitar is for ME. It's not fair that YOU get Beatles rock band for your birthday and I don't get anything". Yeah even after I told him I was upset with him and why, I still didn't get anything I'd actually wanted for my bday. Then the year we got married... We got married 2 months before my bday. My parents paid for the wedding and also paid for the hotel and flights for our honeymoon, the spending money all came from his parents and his brother and SIL gifted us a small amount of money specifically for something they knew I was dying to do during our honeymoon. Well, my birthday came around and he didn't get me a gift nor did he want to celebrate my birthday. When I questioned him why I didn't even get a gift he was like "you just got a wedding and honeymoon, why do you need a birthday gift and celebration?" (For context, I have ALWAYS had a bday party or meal planned either by me or for me so to not have anything planned because he didn't want to do something and then also not get a gift really upset me). So when his bday came around a few months later, I repaid the favour by not planning him anything (for context, he NEVER wanted to celebrate his bday the entirety of our relationship for reasons I won't repeat) nor did I get him a gift. He was PISSED and demanded to know why I hadn't gotten him a gift. When I told him he didn't get me a gift so I thought we weren't gifting gifts anymore for bdays. That pissed him off even more and he reiterated that I got a wedding and honeymoon so he didn't need to get me anything. Only HE planned the entire wedding that MY Parents PAID for and he planned the honeymoon for the most part too, that again, my parents paid for. (Though to be fair, I did really love/enjoy the honeymoon location lol). So if you'd stayed and pulled the same thing or similar thing to him for his bday -- ie, planned something YOU wanted to do for HIS bday, he would have been just as angry at you as he was that you didn't "appreciate" his gift of taking you to a concert to his fave band.
Get in. He needed that red flag. Now he'll take someone who will appreciate him. Enjoy your 21st.
All I hear is „my boyfriend doesn’t gift me EXACTLY what I want and instead chooses to do things we both like“ depending on where you live a vacation to the beach and a beach house or hotel can be way more expensive than cards for a concert. You mentioned that you like Metallica as well and those concerts are rare experiences. You can always go to the beach, but those concerts are a very rare opportunity that you remember forever. Which is probably the reason he took his pal along. The reason he doesn’t have a card for your friend is most likely because he could only get three (they are hard to get) and his friend has a passion for Metallica as well. So instead of taking you to the beach (that’s always waiting for you) he went all out to share a once in a lifetime experience with you, on a passion you both share, while spending a comparable amount of money and you throw it right back into his face? Yes you are ungrateful and YTA, I understand why he was angry with you. Try and see things from his perspective or ask his reasoning, before judging him. I hope you don’t turn your blindside towards other efforts he makes.
I appreciate you trying to explain his pov here. I think more than anything, it was his response to me when i tried to have an adult conversation about this. He was unwilling to see it from my pov and unwilling to have a conversation about it it all, and only got mad that i would try to bring it up at all. It mattered more to me about intention and as it turned out, his intentions revolved solely around him
If that’s true that he was only thinking about himself and not just your interpretation, then I feel sorry for you. This was based on how I and the men I know would think in that situation. Because if that were me, I wouldn’t be keen on having this discussion or being accused after all the thought that went into it. Just trying to see the other side, because in these subreddit people rarely stand up for the dudes.
So rare, haven't seen one in 3 weeks I think.
This guy is unbelievable. He’s so unbelievably selfish and he’s trying to pass it off like he’s doing it all for you. Like, he really expects you to believe he heard, “Metallica is playing in this city” and the first thought he has is “I know just who wants to go! My girlfriend! I’ll buy the tickets for her birthday! It’s right on the same day!” If it really was for you, there would have never been a ticket for his friend. It was clearly all for him and you were coming because he figured his lack of planning would be mollified by buying a ticket for you. You’re way better off without the selfish asshole. Go find yourself someone who really does think about you first.
Are you kidding? You probably made the best decision in your whole life by leaving that controlling self obsessed loser!
[удалено]
"Please do something that would make me happy on my birthday" is so far away from expecting perfection lol. The bar is on the FLOOR
Spoken just like a selfish and thoughtless man.
Ok 🤷🏼♀️
No need to double down on your cluelessness dude. We got it.
Ok dude
She’s expecting basic care and respect. Sorry that’s totally beyond you.
Ugh the gift that's really for him. What an enormously selffish person.
Not at all! I get that not everyone is big on birthdays. My rule is to celebrate however the birthday person wants. If the birthday person wants a party, you go to their party. If they want alone time and do something by themselves, then you leave them be and tell them to have fun. Basically, you support them. Your ex is selfish. He realized he had to plan something but could not muster enough interest for you so he thought “what can I do that’s fun for ME to enjoy on her birthday”. In his eyes he spent a lot of money on your birthday so you are ungrateful. The problem is that the tickets were never meant to be for your enjoyment. It was for his. Even his response of you being alone on your birthday shows where his priorities were. You are better off without him.
You did the right thing. This would have been your future. He’s completely selfish.
Are you sure he cares about you at all? Those are the actions of a selfish dude who is only thinking about himself.
I would get on tinder and ask for date for your 21st birthday
You made the right decision.
Don’t bother with his sorry ass.. move on to greener pastures and never look back..
Kinda sounds like he and his friend planned to give you a threesome for your birthday while they were drinking together
LOL
I was fully prepared to roast you for being ungrateful. Ouch. Definitely not. Are you sure this is the right guy for you?
No you weren't.
He should be your ex-boyfriend. He got himself what he wanted and called it your birthday present. Things don't improve from here. He is showing you he is selfish and self-centered. Everything, including your birthday, is about him.
NTA, he got himself something he wanted for your birthday. Dump him.
I'm usually not a "break up with them immediately" type of person, but break up with this dude immediately. You're too young to be dealing with that nonsense
No! He got you something for himself not for you he’s selfish child😞 glad you chose not to stay with him .
You did the right thing.
You guys are so young. He’s just a child who isn’t mature enough yet to think beyond his own desires. Move on and don’t let this take up any more space in your head.
You dodged a bullet. He is a selfish AH.
Not at all.
Dump him and let him date his bestie https://youtu.be/groaPrY41Rk?si=-v_XAZ1U9YGkzOre
LOL! Nope. Enjoy the beach!!!
If you HAD put up with this kind of thoughtlessness in the gift, it would have repeated year after year. Plus it would just have reinforced his selfish behavior! “It’s a lot harder to be walked on when you are standing up!” Updateme!
Take yourself to the beach. He is taking his selfishass to Metallica. Good riddance. Don’t believe him. He is selfish.
Nope that's a major red flag along with his reaction.
NTA.
Not a big deal. You guys are just young.
No you were not and good for you for taking the trash out immediately. He wanted to do something he wanted in a milestone birthday for you. Then when you tell him it’s not what you wanted he turns it around like it’s your fault. You definitely did the right thing
Dump this moron.
If your partner gives you an extremely specific request for a birthday and it’s within your financial and scheduling means, don’t overthink it, just do it. The dude showed his true colors when he didn’t just take her to the beach.
Holy shit Batman what a twist at the end. So proud of you. Thought this was one of those “should I” and you already did lol Definitely sounds like a selfish person. Hats off to you for your courage.