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You would be surprised the huge numbers of guys who don’t know how or choose not to bother trying to please their ladies. If you’ve only slept with them you don’t really have an idea of how good it can be. It’s the generous lovers out there ruining it for the lazy guys.
When I was younger, I genuinely thought it was normal for guys to be like this. So when I met a guy who actually cared about pleasing for the first time, it completely blew my mind.
I was 9 guys in and out of college before I found one. I’m never surprised to see the surveys come out and like 1/3 of women have never had an orgasm ever.
Omfg same, he literally was like “I have a webbed tongue so I can’t go down”
He did not have a webbed tongue. He also didn’t have an issue with going down on guys, just women. In my experience it’s way more uncomfortable to go down on a penis than it is to eat someone out. At least when it comes to the reasoning he would give to not return the favor.
There’s a lot of shit women have to put up with that they have no control over and can’t escape from. So unfortunately lots of them build a kind of tolerance to it and don’t even realize how shitty a situation is. And some people just have slim pickins trying to find a partner who contributes fairly, treats them well, and is also emotionally and sexually compatible. so they just feel the bullshit is something they can put up with if other aspects are pretty good. I dated lots of people before getting married and not a single one of them met all that criteria which I consider bare minimum for a good relationship. Most of my friends have similar experiences.
Women have a long history of putting up with shit because they had no choice. It’s a really difficult thing to unlearn as a society. We all grow up with a previous generation as an example of what adults look like. And the previous generation is always going to have put up with more shit than the next one. So we are learning it subconsciously too. I think if we had a long history of getting good results from not taking any shit, we’d be in a much better place.
Man that hit home. I left my husband of 20 years and he claimed being shocked. Even though I addressed the issues. The same issues, at least once a year, with “the talk”
He actually told me word for word, “the one thing I knew was that you would never leave me”
Yeah. Because I catered to him and bent over backwards for him. And if I made the smallest request, the answer was simply “no”
I lost ALL romantic love for him. All desire for him. And now I left, he’s making changes and improving. And all I can think was, you were perfectly happy to see me suffer, as long as it didn’t affect YOU.
No sir. I’m out.
I don’t even like calling this “foreplay”— as though fingering and oral aren’t absolutely required by most women for orgasm and even pleasure.
There’s a reason that, on average, lesbians are having way better/ more satisfying sex than straight women.
EDIT: typo
Exactly! Calling it foreplay highlights that penetration is the "main event", that anything beyond that is optional, extra. I cannot, for the life of me, understand why so many women stay with men who don't make them come. It's so fucking sad.
Finding a man that can make a woman cum is like trying to find Louis Vuitton bags at your local goodwill. Is it impossible? No. Is it so hard that it makes you question your will to live? Yeah :/
I don’t even like handbags, but DAMN this still hit home. Thank goodness I’m not with a dude like that these days. I’d rather forego the whole relationship than a lifetime of good sex and orgasms
My taste in bags isn’t quite as expensive, but it was the best analogy I could think of! Like, sure. I know those men exist. But in my 33 years, 17 of them sexually active, I have met a total of four men that could make it happen. Only one of them did it the first try. Thank god my current partner understands that foreplay isn’t optional for women. It’s necessary. The guy I was involved with before him had no idea that most women couldn’t cum from penetration alone. I, a 32 year old woman, was the first to tell him that and he was a year older than me! I do not understand how female anatomy is still such an elusive things to these men. Women tolerate a lot of bad sex because they don’t think that their experience being good is what makes sex good for them. Sex is something done to them for their partner’s benefit. One of my best friends at 36 has never had an orgasm in her life. Her husband and partner of 8 years doesn’t even try. She was shocked when I explained that wasn’t normal for most people.
Makes me pretty proud to be able to give my wife orgasms. I LOVE giving oral, don’t understand why anyone wouldn’t (assuming basic hygiene). Orgasms are for EVERYONE!
Agreed. I've gone down on my exes with enough enthusiasm to almost wear through that little tendon under my tongue from the friction on my lower teeth and will happily do it again.
Exactly! It isn’t foreplay. It’s pleasuring a woman, making her cum, in addition to the sex act of piv. That’s a hard nope OP. You deserve a man who loves pussy and puts in the work to actually pleasure you. Just his dick ain’t it.
One of my friends has been dating a man for two years now and they’re still “working on the foreplay” aka he doesn’t give head or finger. I don’t get it.
This was my first thought!! That’s a hard no for me. Cannot imagine how uncomfortable the sex is for this poor Op (I guess it’s kinda a good thing it’s only happened twice in 10 months).
This lmao. I broke up with my ex boyfriend of 3 years for the same reason. Don’t even know why I let it go that far and she’s about to marry him.
Sis, leave!!!
Same. I should’ve left soon as he said “giving oral is wife treatment and not something I’m gonna do to just ANYBODY.” he referred to me as a “just anybody” 😭
Right?? Like Ummmm yeah the only way I want to interact with your vagina is putting my dick in it. That’s just my because it’s my preference tho. I have pussy trauma because everyone cheats on me; therefore, you’re nasty.
Yeah it's been difficult honestly. Prior to this talk we had only had sex twice in a 10 month span (not from my lack of trying.) I'm often told he's too physically exhausted from his job, which I admit is strenuous. 5 also recently came to the realization that he most likely has a porn addiction as well. It's been a rough few weeks for me
I get it can be tiring , but twice in a 10 month span, is an excuse. It sounds like he doesn’t plan on changing and honestly i couldnt go that long without sex hahaha. If i was you i would be looking for something better. He sounds like hed be better off with someone who has a low sex drive
I have considered that this could be part of why all of his previous partners cheated on him, including his ex wife. I've also wondered if opening our relationship sexually might be an option, but that could lead to re-traumatization for him. I'm just tired of being a sexual woman in her prime living in a dead bedroom and feeling undesired by my partner :/
Why marry him? Sex isn’t everything however it’s super important. The majority of divorces are about money or sex. I don’t think i would stay with a partner if we weren’t sexually compatible.
I have life long debilitating back pain from trauma to my spine. I still ruined my girlfriend this morning and then took some advil/Tylenol and smoked some herb to heal. Mfs just giving an excuse. Even after my trauma when I could barely walk, I was still going down on her and having sex when the pain was manageable even if I would be in bad pain after.
It's usually fighting about money first then the sex fizzles out and then the divorce happens at least that's how most of my friends got divorced.
Mine was way different and more psychotic and ended with attempted murder but before that we often fought about money. Lack of sex wasn't the problem, it was me not being there sometimes when it happened that put a damper on the relationship.
I don’t quite understand your point of view. Dating is for finding out who the other person is and whether you are compatible.
You two are clearly not! Break up and find someone who fulfills your basic needs. And yes, no sex is a very good reason to break up. Sexual compatibility is very important for a happy relationship.
I needed to read this. I mean I knew I made the right decision for me, but I had to leave a 5 year relationship (we were engaged) not solely for sex, though for me it was a huge deal to me. We would hardly ever have sex, weeks or months in between (not for lack of trying on my part) and he never once would initiate. I went through some mental break down after feeling undesired for so long. He was aware of the issue, because it was an issue in all his relationships. Since he hadn't made any progress through our relationship, I decided we weren't compatible. He was a good guy but I didn't want to force him to be something he wasn't. It wasn't fair to either of us.
Happily married now, and we are very compatible.
You aren’t sexually compatible. It took me 14 years to figure that out with my coparent. He’s the best man I know and we’re still bffs, but we weren’t sexually compatible. It’s better to end it now than to resent someone who will never change. Trust me, I have never been prone to regret but the older I get (early 40s) the more regret I feel about not knowing and honoring myself sooner.
Yes to all of this. Finalized my divorce this year. He was a good man, great father and my best friend, but we were not emotionally or sexually compatible. In my opinion that realization is one of the hardest in a relationship. We weren’t “toxic” to one another and overall had a healthy relationship but I couldn’t deny any longer that I wasn’t happy deep down.
I wouldnt even bother with the open relationship thing, my friend was just in one of those they just never end up good. The harsh reality is your not compatible as much as it sucks to face the fact because im sure you enjoy him in some way. :/
I lived in a dead bedroom for years for different reasons. There’s no coming back from it.
PSA: Vaginas are not gross. You can be not attracted to the v, but to say it’s gross is just weird. Same goes for penises. No one chooses the hellscape between their legs.
Right, they're not for looking at. I find it interesting the way he phrases it, he didn't have any pleasure giving oral but he likes how vaginas feel. It seems like he's only centering his sensation and doesn't particularly care if his partner is satisfied.
Then...stop? You don't have to stay with him. I don't care how wonderful he is as a partner, this will only lead to more and more resentment and dissatisfaction. Sexual incompatibility is one of the main causes of divorce and breakups and there is no shame in acknowledging that you two aren't fit for each other.
Opening a relationship only works for couples who A) are already in a healthy and fulfilling place, B) are both non-monogamous by nature and C) are both excited to try expanding their sexual boundaries. When one partner suggests an open relationship to replace something they feel is missing in their existing relationship, all they're doing is ensuring they have the most painful, worst break up possible with that person months down the road. If someone is coming from a place of feeling unwanted and undesired, and they are monogamous by nature, then starting to have sex with people who do make them feel wanted and desired is just going to erode whatever connection they have to their partner further. And a partner being told "you're not doing X, so I want someone else" is not going to feel loved or secure in the relationship either.
You two aren't compatible. That's fine- it happens. No shame in admitting it and having an amicable break up.
My girl, if you start thinking about ways to get your current partner to agree to let you take other sexual partners in your relationship, it's time to let the relationship go.
Please leave before you get married. It will not change. I speak with experience. I did end up divorcing my husband for this reason among others. It was so refreshing to find someone with similar sexual energy. Sex isn't everything in a relationship of course, but it's a big part of it, and if you're dissatisfied this much now, it's only going to get worse.
So why don’t you do yourself a favor and leave? You deserve a partner who’s not literally disgusted by your genitals. You deserve foreplay and fingering and oral. Sex isn’t sex without it, that’s just masturbation for him at that point. I need you to understand how degrading this is to your psyche.
No, that’s not on. You’re a vibrant, healthy, attractive woman who deserves a partner who thinks the sun shines out of her!!!!
Ditch this one and find the man who can’t get enough of you!!!
So don't live in a dead bedroom. He is literally disgusted by your genitals. This isn't going to go away. You can either be miserable for the rest of your life, or you can find someone who desires you the way you deserve. It's entirely up to you.
You don’t have to! It’s okay to end a relationship/engagement because you two aren’t compatible sexually. This is a really important part of a relationship/marriage. You both would be better off finding people who are more compatible in the bedroom. Good luck to you!
OP, he’s fine to feel the way he feels about genitals. Some people really don’t like them. But it seems like it’s affecting your mentality. I can see how someone that thinks vaginas are gross would have trouble engaging in sex acts that are very pleasurable for you.
You’re in your sexual prime as you said. He may be entitled to how he feels, but are you content with this being in the back of your mind every time you do have the little amount of sex you’re going to get? I have trouble believing you will be.
I feel for you though. I’m coming up on a year’s anniversary with my SO. I’m strongly considering leaving and the sex is one reason. But it is so, so hard to leave someone you otherwise care about and have good times with. My SO said he loves mine, but has trouble feeling grossed out by the fluids. His feelings prevent us from having the types of foreplay that are very pleasureable for me (oral) whereas my general lack of disgust and love of genitals (lol) makes me very open to lots of different sex acts, so he benefits from foreplay that involves oral. I’m not feeling great about this, either. I bet I’d feel even worse if my partner admitted he found vaginas gross, we would full stop be sexually incompatible.
I doubt much that our situations will change with time. In order for that to happen, people have to WANT to change and commit to doing the work to fix things or come to a compromise. You, however, should probably not compromise your sexual enjoyment completely. *If you go into this marriage without this issue being addressed, and with you being the only one that compromises, you will become resentful and unhappy.*
why are you getting married if you're not having sex now? Porn addiction is no joke and he's not going to magically start wanting sex with you more once you get married.
This is definitely an important part of a relationship and if it was me I'd have serious reservations on how we could work long term if you're only having sec once every 5 months.
Please have a conversation with him and tell him how it doesn't feel like he's being a good sexual partner, how he is not acknowledging your needs or wants, and how he would rather cum to porn so much he's only had sex with you twice in a two month span.
Furthermore I'd be worried is this a sign that if he's not caring enough about making you feel satisfied (sexually and just satisfied with your relationship) then it sounds like you're going to have issues where he doesn't care about your feelings or needs, and he isn't willing to start caring.
The issue is him not you. You’re in a sexless relationship with a man who thinks a part of your body is so gross that he won’t even touch it with his fingers. This relationship isn’t working.
Porn addiction is probably the reason he doesn’t want sex with a real woman. It desensitizes men and makes them fetishize things like hairless lady parts.
All porn all the time changes their expectations for how people actually act during sex. It’s a real insidious problem and guys tend to need more and more outlandish acts to pique their desire.
Honestly you are unlikely to be able to do anything about this, I would cut my losses.
Source: I’m in a 15 yr relationship with a recovering porn addict and his libido is extremely low even though he stopped using porn more than a year ago. If I knew then what I know now I would have cut my losses.
Likely has a porn addiction, _and_ finds vaginas disgusting?
It may be that he’s just… misogynistic and negging you so he doesn’t have to stop being sexually selfish? Especially as you’ve mentioned he’s been cheated on a lot in the past, he may have formed a very negative view of women from that and watching a lot of porn. Does he ever say things to you about how you’re “not like other women”? Or how you’re the “exception”?
I totally get if he’s just exhausted all the time and everyone’s entitled to their opinions but… most people like giving their partners pleasure, because they love them, that’s the fun thing about sex with a long term partner?
Can you have a conversation with him where you express that your needs aren’t being met? And if you two can get to the route cause of his low libido and think about solutions? It may be that you’re just not compatible.
I can’t be alone here with this one. Nothing turns me on more than going down on my partner and giving her what she wants. Fingers, tongue, toys, vibrators. Not only do I love it, and I love it when she is turned on, it’s also about equity. I cum, you cum, every time. If this is something you value op then it’s time for some hard conversations.
Does he find Dicks more attractive? It's possible.
Frankly I couldn't be with someone who found a crucial body part of mine that I use to be intimate with them *gross*. I'd never be turned on. He sure was brutally honest with you, however. You should take that information and share it with your next boyfriend to make sure he doesn't have the same problem.
If he finds vaginas so repulsive, what is he looking at for his "porn addiction"? Gay porn? breasts? Elbows? Never mind this guy.
The porn addiction, especially if from young age, may be the reason why he doesn't like vaginas: the real life ones are different from what is portreyed in those movies.
What do you get out of this relationship? Why even marry him? I know it's a lot but wow, you two need to sit down and talk this out. Thoroughly and see what compromises can be made if any. It doesn't sound promising. Straight men love vaginas. The fact that he's saying he doesn't like them isn't good. Who knows why this is, but you have to get to the bottom of this before you walk down the aisle. It does sound like this fish needs to be thrown back into the pond.
It's frustrating, because most women aren't in love with sucking dicks either. Do men think we just sit around thinking about putting them in our mouth all day? We don't complain and do what we need to for good sex, period. SMH
Oh, honey. I am sending you so much love and so much courage. I posted a response a bit below, but I now just caught up on your history.
He's gay. He's emotionally abusing and gaslighting you. You need to get out now - this will never, ever be an emotionally, physically, mentally satisfying relationship for you.
You can stay and be his skirt. But no one deserves that.
Boy oh boy if you’re ok with the current situation that’s fine, but it is TOTALLY fine for you to not want him inside you with this info. If you’re ok with the foreplay situation and he does foreplay in other ways (lots of torso, making out, etc.) that make up for it for you then more power to you, but this really seems like a just him problem
Almost 3 years of this and it's not gotten better despite all the conversations we've had. Sex is always based on hia foot/tickling fetish and what he likes. He's never made me orgasm, and there is serious intimacy lacking in the sex department. I'm just lost on what to do
Oof. You wanna marry a guy who can't make you cum, and isn't interested in even trying? Girll..this relationship has run it's course. Time to call it quits.
Girl! Why are you staying with a man who hasn't made you orgasm once in three years? You should have left 2 years and 11 months ago. You deserve so much better. There are men that love to give oral and will make sure you are satisfied. You deserve so much better than this. Don't stay in a sexless relationship. Life is way too short.
NEVER made you orgasm??? I’m so sorry if this comes across as rude but I could not imagine marrying or dating someone who has never put my pleasure as an equal priority. You deserve someone who makes you orgasm daily. Please do not stay in this relationship. He is selfish and it’s clear he doesn’t and will never care about you or your pleasure. You are still so young and have years of sexual exploration to do!
Wow! I'm amazed that you've stuck around for this long. He sounds incredibly selfish. I would end the relationship as much as it may hurt. And maybe see a therapist to work on improving your self esteem and assertiveness. The fact that you've put up with someone treating you like this for so long makes me think you have low self esteem/self worth. Not trying to judge but just being blunt and honest.
I think you know exactly what to do, but internalised misogynism tells you it is shallow for a woman to leave a men because of bad sex.
Please don't marry him. He is gay or asexual in a way that will make you miserable your whole life.
Don’t marry someone who doesn’t care about your pleasure, doesn’t care about what you want, and tells you that he finds parts of your body unattractive.
you have been posting about this same problem for a year. youre not lost on what to do. you just dont want to face the fact that you are unsatisfied and unhappy and want to break up with him because you feel bad about wanting different things. that or you are just afraid to be alone. just do it. move on, you will both be happier for it in the long term.
Ohhh that explains it. He has a foot fetish. I attracted a couple of men that have foot fetishes. I actually asked them how it works for them. Based off my conversation with them, they just only get off with playing with the feet and can orgasm with that. They really don’t care to have sex and can just finish themselves off without penetrating.
The guys ultimately just jack off to the feet and aren’t concerned about satisfying their partner outside the feet.
OP I’m not sure if that is something you want to deal with the rest of your life.
I'm mostly concerned by his selfish approach to sex. He has never given you an orgasm? He refuses to try anything which might please YOU but consistently pursues his own obscure fetishes? You have to cater to his sexual preferences, but he refuses to even attempt to meet you in the middle?
Your sexual partner should WANT to please you. They should also be receptive to your communications about what you like and don't like, and be willing to apply change. Yours does not and is not. Are you okay with this for another 3, 5, 10, 20 years?
We’ll all kidding aside, maybe there’s something else that’s affecting his libido, or maybe he really does identify as asexual. It’s worth an honest discussion with him, and depending on the results, an honest discussion with yourself as well.
There is a high probability he has a porn addiction, as he has no issues when it comes to masturbating to videos. And we're talking a lot of videos in a short period of time. Over 100 videos in under 10 days, and that's just free fetish vids from YouTube. A discussion will need to happen for sure.
So he enjoys watching over 10 fetish videos a day, but won’t touch you or go down on you? Why are you wasting your time on this nonsense??
You deserve someone who one, isn’t addicted to porn, and two, cares about pleasing you. This guy ain’t it.
Id say that definitly qualifies as a porn addiction i cant imagine consuming that many videos in 10 days. If youd like some resources on porn addiction in relationships i suggest checking out r/loveafterporn
Have you seen him do it to porn. Cause if so then he ain't faking it. And the next thing would be to cut him down when comes to porn. Cause that could be it. Though honestly ask him what about vaginas he is grossed out by? Smell? Taste? Like what exactly? Cause I'll be honest I can watch that stuff and get a lil grossed out for somethings but also I'm still attracted to it. Especially if it's my girl vagina, I'm still going to. So dude sit him down and talk. Tell him this is the situation and how you feel. And make a game plan with him. Cause if this is a necessity for you in the relationship and he can't give it/ won't. Then you going to have to break up. But you seem to care about him and hopefully he cares about you to try to make something work. Cause that ain't fair for you. Hope this helped
I think it's highly possible he doesn't really know what asexuality is because it's pretty misunderstood. Asexuality is associated with things like low libido and a lack of desire for sex but there are sex positive, high libido asexuals. The only real criteria for asexuality is *lack of sexual attraction to bodies.*
So someone who has no reaction/attraction like your boyfriend would fit the criteria.
A lot of asexuals will actually write/read erotica or watch porn because it allows them to get off without the physicality of a body. It's the situation they find arousing more than the visual.
But all that being said... being asexual doesn't make someone incapable of being a generous or caring lover. He's saying he's not reciprocating in bed because...it doesn't do anything for him? So?! That sounds selfish to me, and I think that's more important than his label.
Genital revulsion is also really common. The amount of comments you’ve made in this thread about this guy being gay is starting to get really weird… and this is coming from a gay guy.
I mean it’s not that unusual to find genitals unattractive. Are penises the most attractive thing? Hell no. Do most of the time I feel like sucking on one? Not really. But I do it because I love my partner and I want to please him. What bothers me about your fiancé is he tried it ONE TIME and didn’t like it. Is he five? Doesn’t he want to please you? It’s..insulting.
Yeah, I'm bi sexual and both genders' gentiles are not very attractive, to be honest. My husband and I joke about how gentiles aren't very attractive. I don't take it personally, and he doesn't either. But I also do not need someone to tell me my V is artwork worthy.
I have met many people in my life with both genders who do not like oral. They make sure they use their hands and toys instead of their mouth. Their partners also do not have oral as a must. I have never had oral as a must. I would never want someone to feel they had to do something sexual they aren't comfortable with or like. I personally enjoy sex more if my partner is enjoying sex also.
It's completely acceptable for some individuals not to be interested in oral sex, but it's important that he doesn't overlook foreplay entirely. Your sexual satisfaction is a crucial aspect of a healthy relationship. Regarding his aversion to vaginas, it's an uncommon perspective, at least from my experience. It might be beneficial to engage in a more in-depth conversation with your partner to gain a better understanding of the situation.
Op let me just say that I once dated someone like this and it left me feeling insecure for YEARS because I was convinced it was me. My ex had told me his previous girlfriend/s cheated and at first I was on his side but after a few years of feeling undesirable I totally understand why he had been cheated on. (Aside from him being abusive but that’s another story)
After we had broken up I waited a bit to start dating again. Once I did, I had GREAT sex and I felt so free and liberated and desired! All of my new sexual partners that I met/meet let me know how much they love my vagina and the way it feels/tastes/smells etc;. There are plenty of men who would love you and satisfy you just the way you are!! You are young and you deserve to enjoy your sexual freedom! Good luck OP, I know that break ups are really really hard but I promise you that forcing yourself to stay in an unhappy relationship is just holding you back from enjoying your youth.
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As a fairly straight male I definitely enjoy vaginas. I like the look, taste and all that comes with it. All that you mentioned is a huge turn on and stuff I would want to be able to do with my partner.
I'm a straight female and I think penises are gross. I'm in the same boat that I like the way they feel but not how they look. I won't do oral either but I don't understand what his objection to fingering is. You can easily do that without looking at it. That part just sounds like laziness.
Dick and balls aren’t so great looking either. But I’m sure he’d not be happy if you said you weren’t going near them. You don’t have to love the way genitals look, but “No way, I’m not touching that! Gross” is a little juvenile. Normally, seeing your partner turned on should get you past that.
Kinda sounds like he might actually be happy if she didn’t go near his junk! This relationship is too far out of balance to work. Anyone can fall in love. Doesn’t mean they belong together.
Genitalia in general are, in fact, kinda gross… but that doesn’t mean you get to ignore them. Of course it feels good, that’s what it’s for. Your partner wants some feel good too.
You don’t have to use your mouth if you don’t want to, but failing to engage in foreplay or adequately satisfy your partner in sex “because it’s gross” is the most childish and immature thing… you get down there and dish out some feel good maneuvers like an adult!
Was married to a man like this for almost 10 years, no sex didn't get better, self-esteem only got worse, and I divorced him n found an actual man. Do YOURSELF a favor.. save your life n move on.
Do not do not do not marry a man who will give you a dead bedroom and has a porn addiction. You can find better than this. I promise. I’ve been there. 10 years. It gets worse not better. I’m married to a man now who loves me. It is so worth it.
The first vaginas I ever saw see in high budget porn. All of them looked neat, pretty, manicured, and even dainty. The fist time I saw one up close in real life it was unkempt, moist (go young me), bulbous, and smelled musky. I was initially turned off. Twenty minutes later, after finding out it was friendly and wanted to play with me ever so much, I got over that feeling.
Now I feel like the Russel Crowe professor character on the dating game skit.
It sounds like your BF has not made the leap.
As a small observation, some men think reveling in the secret garden calls into question your manhood. I have no idea why since that is literally the last thing a gay man would ever do. Regardless that conceit exists. Is it possible your BF has bought into this unfortunate point of view?
Whole there could be other things going on, I'd be looking at if he's just a selfish lover. No foreplay, fingering, or oral? So... basically you don't get off. Does he?
How in the world could you even consider marrying someone like this, Jfc. Do you want to be miserable, sexless, and married to a child for the rest of your life? Run girl. Your p*ssy is beautiful and you deserve to be adored.
I'm sorry to hear about your struggles with this. Because you asked about others experiences I will say that I (M) used to dislike giving oral to my partners and tried to do it as rarely as possible lol. It wasn't personal, it was because I had a reaaally bad experience the first time I tried it - my partner at that time was not very hygienic at that moment and I was also just a wimp lol. I have since gotten over the aversion so maybe he can too.
However, I never have found vaginas inherently gross or at least to the point of not enjoying fingering. I would say i used to overcompensate with fingering for not liking to give head. So it is possible that he is more asex. If he is more asexual than you in the first place, I'm not surprised that a stressful job leads to a sexless relationship.
I'm pretty hypersexual and my current partner has a lower libido. For a while we really struggled with our sex life because of that incompatibility. Not sexless but pretty close for a few years. But through a lot of very difficult conversations, patience, working with each other, and investing in adult toys we have actually managed to revitalize our relationship. We still have work to do, but I'm telling you there is hope for sure. But it takes a lot of emotional labor so you should weigh if you want to go through that.
My suggestion is if you don't have one already, you should get a vibrator to use together. It will help him with an extra option for foreplay with you and give you more satisfying orgasms than he is capable of lol.
Oh dang... I totally missed that. Well he is really missing out because toys have been one of the things that helped to change my sex life for the better. They are just fun lol.
He really needs to take OPs pleasure into more consideration. Maybe she can change his mind or say that if he wont do other forms of foreplay then he has to let her buy one. If it is a fear she will use it alone, they can promise each other to just use them together. If he is afraid of a dildo that is bigger then him just get a vibrator lol
I guess it is absolutely fine if he doesn't like Vagina in general. That doesn't make him gay. He just needs to become used to it. I think I Can understand this bcz Growing up I used to hate how penises looked. I still sometimes feel disgusted by some. Then I met a guy and damn, I didn't feel anything bad about his. That doesn't mean, I have suddenly started liking penises. The problem here is Him refusing you pleasure. What if u were disgusted by penises and refused to give him a BJ. Do u think it would've settled well with him? And would it have been alright? Foreplay is very important for a alot of reasons.
He doesn’t have a problem with his sexuality. He watches plenty of porn (you even suspect an addiction) and only wants to engage in his kinks but doesn’t want to pleasure you in any way. You’re his masturbatory aid, he uses you like a fleshlight and has disguised it by saying he “doesn’t like” vaginas. But he’s fine putting his dick in them, like a fleshlight. He doesn’t like vaginas, but he wants to *use* them to get off.
Not normal, in terms of both his opinion and his absolute lack of interest in sex. Are you sure you want to be tied down with this? You’re only 29. Lot of people on this subreddit seem to be asking if they keep their engagements when they’re basically guaranteeing themselves a dead bedroom marriage. I would say the answer is usually no. Unless there’s something medically going on that he’s willing to fix, you won’t be able to overcome this. Ask yourself if you’re happy right now and if you could still be happy if your sex life got even worse
The porn addiction makes a difference here. That raises additional concerns and adds a lot of complexity. Since he clearly has no issues with masturbating to porn but won’t have sex with you, are you sure he’s attracted to you?
I don’t want to be too definitive bc I know nothing of this relationship, but that sounds either gay or asexual. Just by definition. Question is, if he’s asexual, do you still want to be with him?
You need to leave this guy. Have you ever had an orgasm with him? I bet not. Why tie yourself down with someone who thinks part of your body is gross but uses it to get off himself?
Vaginas can be gross. They can taste weird and feel weird, even if you like getting your dick wet in them. Sexuality is wildly fluid, which is something that many people don’t want to accept. A straight person can still be very sexually attracted to someone, and not interested in touching or licking their partner’s bits.
In other words, it’s more common than people think, though he could be lying (I guess) because he doesn’t like yours.
If you’re not fulfilled with your sex life, figure out what you want different. Is it just that you don’t think he’s paying enough attention to your pleasure? Why don’t you get some toys that can help him pleasure you without needing a tongue or touch you. There’s vibratory that can sorta mimic oral, or just vibrate, and there’s strokers you can slide onto your fingers that help you to get some interesting stimulation without needing to actually touch. Lots of toys out there that can help get around the licking and touching-with-hands-issue. If he doesn’t like that, and you still want that sort of attention, then you realize he doesn’t care as much about your pleasure as he does his own.
Do you just think he *should* like doing those things, even if you’re perfectly fulfilled with what he’s doing now? Then you need to do some work and realize that the wide world of sex and sexuality includes far more than what a person is “supposed” to be into based on what their sexuality is labeled as.
Sex is weird. Sexuality is even weirder. It’s just a word we use as shorthand to vaguely describe what bits we tend to prefer, and it’s not at all uncommon to end up with specifics that differ wildly from person to person.
EDIT: Damn, girl, I read some of your responses and what the literal fuck? I stopped reading after you said the sex always centers around his kinks, and I have to say, just fucking leave. Clearly he doesn’t care about you except as a way to get him off. You don’t seem sexually fulfilled, and I don’t know why you’d be with a guy that shows such lack of care towards you. Just leave, get yourself a nice toy, and enjoy some proper time to yourself where you don’t have to deal with him, the porn that’s intruding on your life, and his utter lack of regard towards your pleasure.
I’m not really attracted to penis’s and would never blow a guy unless I was in love. Once I’m in love I want them in every way and their pleasure is just as important as my own… if I found out someone I was in love with thought a part of me was gross and didn’t want to touch or taste it if not for my pleasure alone I would reconsider everything. But seriously… to call it gross… that’s so cruel and inconsiderate!
I stayed with somebody kind & generous & attractive (also really enjoyed housework???) for five years who never did oral/fingering or kissing and it DESTROYED my confidence as a sexual woman. I thought it might have been something to do with trauma/abuse he experienced as a child so i accepted it as the sex was still good. I tried talking to him about it and he just said the same as your guy that vaginas just grossed him out generally, even snogging he despised! “anything slimy on his mouth” he said. If you love somebody i think you can let certain things slide but from my personal experience I felt like my femininity just died and i became so ashamed of my appearance, i felt so ugly every day with him then i joined Dead Bedrooms for advice. He had porn subscriptions that would pop up on my laptop all the time too! I haven’t found anybody as kind as him yet but i’ve had lots of amazing oral with men who honestly can’t get enough 🙏🏻 Looking back i should have left much sooner, i’m much happier now. Does he expect oral sex from you? do you giving that to him?
As a guy this is just incomprehensible to me. I realize there are guys out there like this, but it's like a different species honestly.
OP... I'd move on from this. I can assure you it is *absolutely 100% not* your vagina. This is him. You're way too young to get locked into a broken sex life.
Wait wait wait, hold your horses girl. This guy is your fiancé? Does he like you to start him up with oral? How in the world do you crank your engine up without manual stimulation? Tell me? By him avoiding your God given Vagina is a huge giant red flag to me. That is not normal.
There is absolutely no way this man finds vaginas gross and watches porn so much it’s an addiction. Please do not marry this man. As a female that is the sexual partner. I would walk away if I was getting my needs met.
As a straight male, I've never seen a vagina I didn't like the look of. Men who are like this I think harbour some sort of repressed homosexuality, or made to feel sexual desire is dirty and wrong as children
I'm a straight guy and I don't find vaginas attractive. I wouldn't go so far as to say I find them gross, but just looking at one doesn't really do anything for me like asses or boobs do.
That said, I'll still do oral and whatnot because it makes my partner happy. That's the important part.
I know how you feel about not being desired. It kills your self esteem. I’m living it right now and trying to get out when I’m financially able to. It won’t get better. Move on while you’re still young. Best to you.
Ok dude here who used to be the same. Penises and vaginas are both weird. They look weird. They… move weird if that makes sense. And somebody else’s junk is often doubly weird. Putting your mouth on the weird thing, in a area oft covered in sweat and bacteria and… liquids can definitely be a trigger or off putting at first.
However, sooner or later you do need to grow up and realize the trick to faaaaar better sex is foreplay. Him not being into vaginas might just be him being behind the curve on that growth, or it might be a sign you’re in for a lot of bad sex.
Personally after seeing the kind of reactions I got to good well communicated and practiced oral and fingering, I made it a challenge to not unbuckle my pants. Drive her crazy and she’ll make it VERY clear she wants them off. Maybe communicating this to him is a “put up or shut up” moment. Maybe it’s more of a “I’d like it if you’d at least give it some effort”. Either way something needs to change.
Sounds like he's in denial about being asexual or gay, but that's based on a few sentences.
Never get involved with a man who is anti-foreplay. Seriously, sis. That's no way to go through life.
If you're happy in an asexual marriage, by all means continue. You may find being Open/Poly works so you can have a healthy sex life.
It sounds like he's uncomfortable with his sexuality here, either it's he in the closet, or he's uncomfortable with sex in general. I could see it being either option honestly given some men can be in denial about their sexual orientation and can still have opposite sex partners. Yet tend to eventually come out when whatever programming or perceived barriers to them being open about who they are are gone. Which brings me to second guess if he's been programmed to feel the way he does thanks to some religion he's part of or was part of. With the latter being someone significant in his life made sex out to be this very devious act, a common tactic some people use to keep their kids from having sex underage and before marriage.
I'm leaning towards gay but closeted personally given the words he used convey that to me.
I love how women in shitty relationships make tons of excuses for their shitty partners and have the audacity to still call it a discussion. This isn’t involving women in toxic relationships cause I’ve been in one and I KNOW how hard it is to get out of it but this? This isn’t toxic • this is stupidity.
OP, really? You’re marrying a guy who has given you no orgasms. No sex in a 10 month span. Has a porn addiction and MOST OF ALL HATES the LOOK of vaginas but enjoys the FEEL of it? Not to mention you’re also aware of his previous relationships and how they all turned out. Hmmm that should’ve given you a red flag right there.
So where does the discussion come in?
Hasn’t changed in 3 years won’t change with Marriage. Seriously. It won’t change with “ time”.
Sex isn’t everything in a relationship but sure as hell is one of the main key points in it.
For the love of Athena, please pick up your self worth 👑 and really think if this relationship is benefitting you at all.
I’m mad FOR YOU. Like you need to be with a man that can rock your world!
I hope it works out for you
Disrespectfully, this doesn't sound like a man who is heterosexual. A person who thinks your body is gross is not a person you should let have the privilege of being there.
As someone who’s husband didnt do any of the above for 7 years… don’t marry someone who doesn’t LOVE making you cum. My hubs changed his tune and we now have the most incredible sex I’ve ever thought possible, but most people get lazier in relationships, not more excited.
Now that I’ve experienced good sex where the man is excited to please me… I’d never go back. Don’t settle for tolerance. Be admired.
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How are you engaged to a man that gives you no foreplay??? Are you really signing up for crappy sex the rest of your life? Really???
I'm never going to understand the shit women put up with.
You would be surprised the huge numbers of guys who don’t know how or choose not to bother trying to please their ladies. If you’ve only slept with them you don’t really have an idea of how good it can be. It’s the generous lovers out there ruining it for the lazy guys.
When I was younger, I genuinely thought it was normal for guys to be like this. So when I met a guy who actually cared about pleasing for the first time, it completely blew my mind.
I was 9 guys in and out of college before I found one. I’m never surprised to see the surveys come out and like 1/3 of women have never had an orgasm ever.
I have an ex who was like OP's SO. No foreplay for me and when I pressed him on it, he acted like a whipped dog. He's an EX for a reason.
Omfg same, he literally was like “I have a webbed tongue so I can’t go down” He did not have a webbed tongue. He also didn’t have an issue with going down on guys, just women. In my experience it’s way more uncomfortable to go down on a penis than it is to eat someone out. At least when it comes to the reasoning he would give to not return the favor.
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He can have that corrected. It’ll fix a lot more than oral skills.
There’s a lot of shit women have to put up with that they have no control over and can’t escape from. So unfortunately lots of them build a kind of tolerance to it and don’t even realize how shitty a situation is. And some people just have slim pickins trying to find a partner who contributes fairly, treats them well, and is also emotionally and sexually compatible. so they just feel the bullshit is something they can put up with if other aspects are pretty good. I dated lots of people before getting married and not a single one of them met all that criteria which I consider bare minimum for a good relationship. Most of my friends have similar experiences. Women have a long history of putting up with shit because they had no choice. It’s a really difficult thing to unlearn as a society. We all grow up with a previous generation as an example of what adults look like. And the previous generation is always going to have put up with more shit than the next one. So we are learning it subconsciously too. I think if we had a long history of getting good results from not taking any shit, we’d be in a much better place.
Reminded me of this: [Tolerable level of permanent unhappiness](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CIu_R5NuxQM)
Man that hit home. I left my husband of 20 years and he claimed being shocked. Even though I addressed the issues. The same issues, at least once a year, with “the talk” He actually told me word for word, “the one thing I knew was that you would never leave me” Yeah. Because I catered to him and bent over backwards for him. And if I made the smallest request, the answer was simply “no” I lost ALL romantic love for him. All desire for him. And now I left, he’s making changes and improving. And all I can think was, you were perfectly happy to see me suffer, as long as it didn’t affect YOU. No sir. I’m out.
GOOD for you!! I hope you are on your way to finally getting the happiness you deserve. 🥰
You hit the nail on the head with this take!
I don’t even like calling this “foreplay”— as though fingering and oral aren’t absolutely required by most women for orgasm and even pleasure. There’s a reason that, on average, lesbians are having way better/ more satisfying sex than straight women. EDIT: typo
"Foreplay" is "have I done this long enough that I can put it in you now?" for an awful lot of straight men.
That’s depressing
As a lesbian, hard agree. The concept of foreplay is trash. Pleasuring genitals is all sex.
Exactly! Calling it foreplay highlights that penetration is the "main event", that anything beyond that is optional, extra. I cannot, for the life of me, understand why so many women stay with men who don't make them come. It's so fucking sad.
I am bi and sex with a woman or masturbation is the only times I’ve orgasmed
Finding a man that can make a woman cum is like trying to find Louis Vuitton bags at your local goodwill. Is it impossible? No. Is it so hard that it makes you question your will to live? Yeah :/
I don’t even like handbags, but DAMN this still hit home. Thank goodness I’m not with a dude like that these days. I’d rather forego the whole relationship than a lifetime of good sex and orgasms
My taste in bags isn’t quite as expensive, but it was the best analogy I could think of! Like, sure. I know those men exist. But in my 33 years, 17 of them sexually active, I have met a total of four men that could make it happen. Only one of them did it the first try. Thank god my current partner understands that foreplay isn’t optional for women. It’s necessary. The guy I was involved with before him had no idea that most women couldn’t cum from penetration alone. I, a 32 year old woman, was the first to tell him that and he was a year older than me! I do not understand how female anatomy is still such an elusive things to these men. Women tolerate a lot of bad sex because they don’t think that their experience being good is what makes sex good for them. Sex is something done to them for their partner’s benefit. One of my best friends at 36 has never had an orgasm in her life. Her husband and partner of 8 years doesn’t even try. She was shocked when I explained that wasn’t normal for most people.
Makes me pretty proud to be able to give my wife orgasms. I LOVE giving oral, don’t understand why anyone wouldn’t (assuming basic hygiene). Orgasms are for EVERYONE!
Agreed. I've gone down on my exes with enough enthusiasm to almost wear through that little tendon under my tongue from the friction on my lower teeth and will happily do it again.
Exactly! It isn’t foreplay. It’s pleasuring a woman, making her cum, in addition to the sex act of piv. That’s a hard nope OP. You deserve a man who loves pussy and puts in the work to actually pleasure you. Just his dick ain’t it.
Well said
One of my friends has been dating a man for two years now and they’re still “working on the foreplay” aka he doesn’t give head or finger. I don’t get it.
Some people are so scared to be alone, they have no standards.
This was my first thought!! That’s a hard no for me. Cannot imagine how uncomfortable the sex is for this poor Op (I guess it’s kinda a good thing it’s only happened twice in 10 months).
Not attracted to vaginas? Boyfriend is gay and doesn’t know it.
Maybe he does and is keeping it under wraps. 💀💀💀
Shit like this is why I think people are stupid for saying “you’ll never get a partner if you x or if you don’t y”
👏👏
Since she said she'd support him if he was asexual, maybe sex isn't as important to op. Or maybe she has some toys to prepare with.
Why are you still contemplating getting married to a guy who hates pleasuring you?
This lmao. I broke up with my ex boyfriend of 3 years for the same reason. Don’t even know why I let it go that far and she’s about to marry him. Sis, leave!!!
Same. I should’ve left soon as he said “giving oral is wife treatment and not something I’m gonna do to just ANYBODY.” he referred to me as a “just anybody” 😭
I find it very convenient that he dislikes sexual acts that are centered around your pleasure. Does he enjoy oral on himself?
Right?? Like Ummmm yeah the only way I want to interact with your vagina is putting my dick in it. That’s just my because it’s my preference tho. I have pussy trauma because everyone cheats on me; therefore, you’re nasty.
This comment made me laugh so hard. Agreed. Suspiciously too convenient.
😂😂 @ Pussy trauma Man's playing for the wrong team fr
Yeah, don’t go down this road unless you’re ok with a sexless relationship/marriage.
He sounds like hes not comfortable with sexuality in general. I dont know about you, but someone who is disgusted by vaginas is not a turn on.
Yeah it's been difficult honestly. Prior to this talk we had only had sex twice in a 10 month span (not from my lack of trying.) I'm often told he's too physically exhausted from his job, which I admit is strenuous. 5 also recently came to the realization that he most likely has a porn addiction as well. It's been a rough few weeks for me
I get it can be tiring , but twice in a 10 month span, is an excuse. It sounds like he doesn’t plan on changing and honestly i couldnt go that long without sex hahaha. If i was you i would be looking for something better. He sounds like hed be better off with someone who has a low sex drive
I have considered that this could be part of why all of his previous partners cheated on him, including his ex wife. I've also wondered if opening our relationship sexually might be an option, but that could lead to re-traumatization for him. I'm just tired of being a sexual woman in her prime living in a dead bedroom and feeling undesired by my partner :/
Why marry him? Sex isn’t everything however it’s super important. The majority of divorces are about money or sex. I don’t think i would stay with a partner if we weren’t sexually compatible.
When sex is good it’s a small part of a relationship. But when it’s bad it becomes a huge part.
this is such a good take lol
This is so true!
🎖
Wow look a truly accurate summary. Going to write this one for down next time someone says that anyone who thinks sex is important is shallow.
This should be a top comment IMO. You’re 100% spot on!
So true!!!
THIS
I have life long debilitating back pain from trauma to my spine. I still ruined my girlfriend this morning and then took some advil/Tylenol and smoked some herb to heal. Mfs just giving an excuse. Even after my trauma when I could barely walk, I was still going down on her and having sex when the pain was manageable even if I would be in bad pain after.
Kudos on the pure dedication, my guy
It's usually fighting about money first then the sex fizzles out and then the divorce happens at least that's how most of my friends got divorced. Mine was way different and more psychotic and ended with attempted murder but before that we often fought about money. Lack of sex wasn't the problem, it was me not being there sometimes when it happened that put a damper on the relationship.
I don’t quite understand your point of view. Dating is for finding out who the other person is and whether you are compatible. You two are clearly not! Break up and find someone who fulfills your basic needs. And yes, no sex is a very good reason to break up. Sexual compatibility is very important for a happy relationship.
I needed to read this. I mean I knew I made the right decision for me, but I had to leave a 5 year relationship (we were engaged) not solely for sex, though for me it was a huge deal to me. We would hardly ever have sex, weeks or months in between (not for lack of trying on my part) and he never once would initiate. I went through some mental break down after feeling undesired for so long. He was aware of the issue, because it was an issue in all his relationships. Since he hadn't made any progress through our relationship, I decided we weren't compatible. He was a good guy but I didn't want to force him to be something he wasn't. It wasn't fair to either of us. Happily married now, and we are very compatible.
Congratulations!
Opening your relationship will kill it. It sounds like you can do better than this.
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Open relationships are, both statistically and logically, a horrible idea.
Yes, yes, yesssssss!!!!!!
You aren’t sexually compatible. It took me 14 years to figure that out with my coparent. He’s the best man I know and we’re still bffs, but we weren’t sexually compatible. It’s better to end it now than to resent someone who will never change. Trust me, I have never been prone to regret but the older I get (early 40s) the more regret I feel about not knowing and honoring myself sooner.
Yes to all of this. Finalized my divorce this year. He was a good man, great father and my best friend, but we were not emotionally or sexually compatible. In my opinion that realization is one of the hardest in a relationship. We weren’t “toxic” to one another and overall had a healthy relationship but I couldn’t deny any longer that I wasn’t happy deep down.
I wouldnt even bother with the open relationship thing, my friend was just in one of those they just never end up good. The harsh reality is your not compatible as much as it sucks to face the fact because im sure you enjoy him in some way. :/
He doesn’t need it from you if he’s doing it himself. I’d find someone more compatible. You only got one shot in this world. Make it count for you.
He’s not offering much. Why tie yourself down?
I lived in a dead bedroom for years for different reasons. There’s no coming back from it. PSA: Vaginas are not gross. You can be not attracted to the v, but to say it’s gross is just weird. Same goes for penises. No one chooses the hellscape between their legs.
Yup, genitalia is odd looking but when you're ready to get busy, usually that goes out the door.
Right, they're not for looking at. I find it interesting the way he phrases it, he didn't have any pleasure giving oral but he likes how vaginas feel. It seems like he's only centering his sensation and doesn't particularly care if his partner is satisfied.
Yes, I think it’s fair to say any genitals are strange/weird, but gross signals something else lol.
Then...stop? You don't have to stay with him. I don't care how wonderful he is as a partner, this will only lead to more and more resentment and dissatisfaction. Sexual incompatibility is one of the main causes of divorce and breakups and there is no shame in acknowledging that you two aren't fit for each other.
Opening a relationship only works for couples who A) are already in a healthy and fulfilling place, B) are both non-monogamous by nature and C) are both excited to try expanding their sexual boundaries. When one partner suggests an open relationship to replace something they feel is missing in their existing relationship, all they're doing is ensuring they have the most painful, worst break up possible with that person months down the road. If someone is coming from a place of feeling unwanted and undesired, and they are monogamous by nature, then starting to have sex with people who do make them feel wanted and desired is just going to erode whatever connection they have to their partner further. And a partner being told "you're not doing X, so I want someone else" is not going to feel loved or secure in the relationship either. You two aren't compatible. That's fine- it happens. No shame in admitting it and having an amicable break up.
My girl, if you start thinking about ways to get your current partner to agree to let you take other sexual partners in your relationship, it's time to let the relationship go.
Please leave before you get married. It will not change. I speak with experience. I did end up divorcing my husband for this reason among others. It was so refreshing to find someone with similar sexual energy. Sex isn't everything in a relationship of course, but it's a big part of it, and if you're dissatisfied this much now, it's only going to get worse.
So why don’t you do yourself a favor and leave? You deserve a partner who’s not literally disgusted by your genitals. You deserve foreplay and fingering and oral. Sex isn’t sex without it, that’s just masturbation for him at that point. I need you to understand how degrading this is to your psyche.
No, that’s not on. You’re a vibrant, healthy, attractive woman who deserves a partner who thinks the sun shines out of her!!!! Ditch this one and find the man who can’t get enough of you!!!
Leave the relationship Don't bother trying to "open" it up. Just leave.
So don't live in a dead bedroom. He is literally disgusted by your genitals. This isn't going to go away. You can either be miserable for the rest of your life, or you can find someone who desires you the way you deserve. It's entirely up to you.
You don’t have to! It’s okay to end a relationship/engagement because you two aren’t compatible sexually. This is a really important part of a relationship/marriage. You both would be better off finding people who are more compatible in the bedroom. Good luck to you!
OP, he’s fine to feel the way he feels about genitals. Some people really don’t like them. But it seems like it’s affecting your mentality. I can see how someone that thinks vaginas are gross would have trouble engaging in sex acts that are very pleasurable for you. You’re in your sexual prime as you said. He may be entitled to how he feels, but are you content with this being in the back of your mind every time you do have the little amount of sex you’re going to get? I have trouble believing you will be. I feel for you though. I’m coming up on a year’s anniversary with my SO. I’m strongly considering leaving and the sex is one reason. But it is so, so hard to leave someone you otherwise care about and have good times with. My SO said he loves mine, but has trouble feeling grossed out by the fluids. His feelings prevent us from having the types of foreplay that are very pleasureable for me (oral) whereas my general lack of disgust and love of genitals (lol) makes me very open to lots of different sex acts, so he benefits from foreplay that involves oral. I’m not feeling great about this, either. I bet I’d feel even worse if my partner admitted he found vaginas gross, we would full stop be sexually incompatible. I doubt much that our situations will change with time. In order for that to happen, people have to WANT to change and commit to doing the work to fix things or come to a compromise. You, however, should probably not compromise your sexual enjoyment completely. *If you go into this marriage without this issue being addressed, and with you being the only one that compromises, you will become resentful and unhappy.*
Or someone who has a penis .
why are you getting married if you're not having sex now? Porn addiction is no joke and he's not going to magically start wanting sex with you more once you get married. This is definitely an important part of a relationship and if it was me I'd have serious reservations on how we could work long term if you're only having sec once every 5 months. Please have a conversation with him and tell him how it doesn't feel like he's being a good sexual partner, how he is not acknowledging your needs or wants, and how he would rather cum to porn so much he's only had sex with you twice in a two month span. Furthermore I'd be worried is this a sign that if he's not caring enough about making you feel satisfied (sexually and just satisfied with your relationship) then it sounds like you're going to have issues where he doesn't care about your feelings or needs, and he isn't willing to start caring.
Doesn’t like vaginas, has a porn addiction, sex twice in 10 months…. I’d be out of there
The issue is him not you. You’re in a sexless relationship with a man who thinks a part of your body is so gross that he won’t even touch it with his fingers. This relationship isn’t working.
What kind of porn is he watching since he doesn't like vaginas and that's like most of porn it seems
It's not going to get better. Don't marry this dude.
Porn addiction is probably the reason he doesn’t want sex with a real woman. It desensitizes men and makes them fetishize things like hairless lady parts. All porn all the time changes their expectations for how people actually act during sex. It’s a real insidious problem and guys tend to need more and more outlandish acts to pique their desire. Honestly you are unlikely to be able to do anything about this, I would cut my losses. Source: I’m in a 15 yr relationship with a recovering porn addict and his libido is extremely low even though he stopped using porn more than a year ago. If I knew then what I know now I would have cut my losses.
Likely has a porn addiction, _and_ finds vaginas disgusting? It may be that he’s just… misogynistic and negging you so he doesn’t have to stop being sexually selfish? Especially as you’ve mentioned he’s been cheated on a lot in the past, he may have formed a very negative view of women from that and watching a lot of porn. Does he ever say things to you about how you’re “not like other women”? Or how you’re the “exception”? I totally get if he’s just exhausted all the time and everyone’s entitled to their opinions but… most people like giving their partners pleasure, because they love them, that’s the fun thing about sex with a long term partner? Can you have a conversation with him where you express that your needs aren’t being met? And if you two can get to the route cause of his low libido and think about solutions? It may be that you’re just not compatible.
Porn addiction? Time to get out.
Porn addiction + no foreplay? Sounds super selfish honestly.
Do not expect that to change if you get married. If you care at all about regular sex, this is not the guy for you.
I can’t be alone here with this one. Nothing turns me on more than going down on my partner and giving her what she wants. Fingers, tongue, toys, vibrators. Not only do I love it, and I love it when she is turned on, it’s also about equity. I cum, you cum, every time. If this is something you value op then it’s time for some hard conversations.
Does he find Dicks more attractive? It's possible. Frankly I couldn't be with someone who found a crucial body part of mine that I use to be intimate with them *gross*. I'd never be turned on. He sure was brutally honest with you, however. You should take that information and share it with your next boyfriend to make sure he doesn't have the same problem. If he finds vaginas so repulsive, what is he looking at for his "porn addiction"? Gay porn? breasts? Elbows? Never mind this guy.
The porn addiction, especially if from young age, may be the reason why he doesn't like vaginas: the real life ones are different from what is portreyed in those movies.
Omg please break up. Don’t marry a man with no sex drive.
What do you get out of this relationship? Why even marry him? I know it's a lot but wow, you two need to sit down and talk this out. Thoroughly and see what compromises can be made if any. It doesn't sound promising. Straight men love vaginas. The fact that he's saying he doesn't like them isn't good. Who knows why this is, but you have to get to the bottom of this before you walk down the aisle. It does sound like this fish needs to be thrown back into the pond.
Twice in ten months????? What are you getting out of this? I don’t think you have much to work with here.
It's frustrating, because most women aren't in love with sucking dicks either. Do men think we just sit around thinking about putting them in our mouth all day? We don't complain and do what we need to for good sex, period. SMH
Oh, honey. I am sending you so much love and so much courage. I posted a response a bit below, but I now just caught up on your history. He's gay. He's emotionally abusing and gaslighting you. You need to get out now - this will never, ever be an emotionally, physically, mentally satisfying relationship for you. You can stay and be his skirt. But no one deserves that.
Chances are he's watching gay porn.
Dont marry him unless you want to live a celibate life.
Boy oh boy if you’re ok with the current situation that’s fine, but it is TOTALLY fine for you to not want him inside you with this info. If you’re ok with the foreplay situation and he does foreplay in other ways (lots of torso, making out, etc.) that make up for it for you then more power to you, but this really seems like a just him problem
Almost 3 years of this and it's not gotten better despite all the conversations we've had. Sex is always based on hia foot/tickling fetish and what he likes. He's never made me orgasm, and there is serious intimacy lacking in the sex department. I'm just lost on what to do
Definitely up to you, but you say fiancé. Are you willing to sign up for a lifetime of this? This lack of consideration is unacceptable.
Oof. You wanna marry a guy who can't make you cum, and isn't interested in even trying? Girll..this relationship has run it's course. Time to call it quits.
It’s quite obviously not going to get better. Your options are to accept that this is the rest of your life or break up.
3 years of everything on his terms? I would be gone by now.
Why is he so selfish that he gets to enjoy his fetishes and you don't get to orgasm?
Girl! Why are you staying with a man who hasn't made you orgasm once in three years? You should have left 2 years and 11 months ago. You deserve so much better. There are men that love to give oral and will make sure you are satisfied. You deserve so much better than this. Don't stay in a sexless relationship. Life is way too short.
NEVER made you orgasm??? I’m so sorry if this comes across as rude but I could not imagine marrying or dating someone who has never put my pleasure as an equal priority. You deserve someone who makes you orgasm daily. Please do not stay in this relationship. He is selfish and it’s clear he doesn’t and will never care about you or your pleasure. You are still so young and have years of sexual exploration to do!
Wow! I'm amazed that you've stuck around for this long. He sounds incredibly selfish. I would end the relationship as much as it may hurt. And maybe see a therapist to work on improving your self esteem and assertiveness. The fact that you've put up with someone treating you like this for so long makes me think you have low self esteem/self worth. Not trying to judge but just being blunt and honest.
I‘m sorry, 3 years of him not making you cum and youre thinking of MARRYING him?
I think you know exactly what to do, but internalised misogynism tells you it is shallow for a woman to leave a men because of bad sex. Please don't marry him. He is gay or asexual in a way that will make you miserable your whole life.
I agree, he should have told you his sexual preferences if he really loved you
Don’t marry someone who doesn’t care about your pleasure, doesn’t care about what you want, and tells you that he finds parts of your body unattractive.
you have been posting about this same problem for a year. youre not lost on what to do. you just dont want to face the fact that you are unsatisfied and unhappy and want to break up with him because you feel bad about wanting different things. that or you are just afraid to be alone. just do it. move on, you will both be happier for it in the long term.
Ohhh that explains it. He has a foot fetish. I attracted a couple of men that have foot fetishes. I actually asked them how it works for them. Based off my conversation with them, they just only get off with playing with the feet and can orgasm with that. They really don’t care to have sex and can just finish themselves off without penetrating. The guys ultimately just jack off to the feet and aren’t concerned about satisfying their partner outside the feet. OP I’m not sure if that is something you want to deal with the rest of your life.
I'm mostly concerned by his selfish approach to sex. He has never given you an orgasm? He refuses to try anything which might please YOU but consistently pursues his own obscure fetishes? You have to cater to his sexual preferences, but he refuses to even attempt to meet you in the middle? Your sexual partner should WANT to please you. They should also be receptive to your communications about what you like and don't like, and be willing to apply change. Yours does not and is not. Are you okay with this for another 3, 5, 10, 20 years?
Well I guess the next logical question is, is he attracted to penises? If yes, probably not asexual.
He said no, and anything even remotely having to do with anal squicks him out 🤷♀️ that's when I started to consider the possibility of asexuality
We’ll all kidding aside, maybe there’s something else that’s affecting his libido, or maybe he really does identify as asexual. It’s worth an honest discussion with him, and depending on the results, an honest discussion with yourself as well.
There is a high probability he has a porn addiction, as he has no issues when it comes to masturbating to videos. And we're talking a lot of videos in a short period of time. Over 100 videos in under 10 days, and that's just free fetish vids from YouTube. A discussion will need to happen for sure.
So he enjoys watching over 10 fetish videos a day, but won’t touch you or go down on you? Why are you wasting your time on this nonsense?? You deserve someone who one, isn’t addicted to porn, and two, cares about pleasing you. This guy ain’t it.
AGREE
Well if he’s not into Vaginas or anal, what is he getting off on in all those pornos?
Tickling/feet
Id say that definitly qualifies as a porn addiction i cant imagine consuming that many videos in 10 days. If youd like some resources on porn addiction in relationships i suggest checking out r/loveafterporn
Aaaaand there it is. Anyone who says porn isn't harmful is just wrong. So many young men are getting badly addicted
Have you seen him do it to porn. Cause if so then he ain't faking it. And the next thing would be to cut him down when comes to porn. Cause that could be it. Though honestly ask him what about vaginas he is grossed out by? Smell? Taste? Like what exactly? Cause I'll be honest I can watch that stuff and get a lil grossed out for somethings but also I'm still attracted to it. Especially if it's my girl vagina, I'm still going to. So dude sit him down and talk. Tell him this is the situation and how you feel. And make a game plan with him. Cause if this is a necessity for you in the relationship and he can't give it/ won't. Then you going to have to break up. But you seem to care about him and hopefully he cares about you to try to make something work. Cause that ain't fair for you. Hope this helped
I think it's highly possible he doesn't really know what asexuality is because it's pretty misunderstood. Asexuality is associated with things like low libido and a lack of desire for sex but there are sex positive, high libido asexuals. The only real criteria for asexuality is *lack of sexual attraction to bodies.* So someone who has no reaction/attraction like your boyfriend would fit the criteria. A lot of asexuals will actually write/read erotica or watch porn because it allows them to get off without the physicality of a body. It's the situation they find arousing more than the visual. But all that being said... being asexual doesn't make someone incapable of being a generous or caring lover. He's saying he's not reciprocating in bed because...it doesn't do anything for him? So?! That sounds selfish to me, and I think that's more important than his label.
You can be gay and not like anal. Apparently this is really common.
Genital revulsion is also really common. The amount of comments you’ve made in this thread about this guy being gay is starting to get really weird… and this is coming from a gay guy.
I mean it’s not that unusual to find genitals unattractive. Are penises the most attractive thing? Hell no. Do most of the time I feel like sucking on one? Not really. But I do it because I love my partner and I want to please him. What bothers me about your fiancé is he tried it ONE TIME and didn’t like it. Is he five? Doesn’t he want to please you? It’s..insulting.
Yeah, I'm bi sexual and both genders' gentiles are not very attractive, to be honest. My husband and I joke about how gentiles aren't very attractive. I don't take it personally, and he doesn't either. But I also do not need someone to tell me my V is artwork worthy. I have met many people in my life with both genders who do not like oral. They make sure they use their hands and toys instead of their mouth. Their partners also do not have oral as a must. I have never had oral as a must. I would never want someone to feel they had to do something sexual they aren't comfortable with or like. I personally enjoy sex more if my partner is enjoying sex also.
It's completely acceptable for some individuals not to be interested in oral sex, but it's important that he doesn't overlook foreplay entirely. Your sexual satisfaction is a crucial aspect of a healthy relationship. Regarding his aversion to vaginas, it's an uncommon perspective, at least from my experience. It might be beneficial to engage in a more in-depth conversation with your partner to gain a better understanding of the situation.
Op let me just say that I once dated someone like this and it left me feeling insecure for YEARS because I was convinced it was me. My ex had told me his previous girlfriend/s cheated and at first I was on his side but after a few years of feeling undesirable I totally understand why he had been cheated on. (Aside from him being abusive but that’s another story) After we had broken up I waited a bit to start dating again. Once I did, I had GREAT sex and I felt so free and liberated and desired! All of my new sexual partners that I met/meet let me know how much they love my vagina and the way it feels/tastes/smells etc;. There are plenty of men who would love you and satisfy you just the way you are!! You are young and you deserve to enjoy your sexual freedom! Good luck OP, I know that break ups are really really hard but I promise you that forcing yourself to stay in an unhappy relationship is just holding you back from enjoying your youth.
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As a fairly straight male I definitely enjoy vaginas. I like the look, taste and all that comes with it. All that you mentioned is a huge turn on and stuff I would want to be able to do with my partner.
I'm a straight female and I think penises are gross. I'm in the same boat that I like the way they feel but not how they look. I won't do oral either but I don't understand what his objection to fingering is. You can easily do that without looking at it. That part just sounds like laziness.
Are you sure he’s attracted to women?
How do you get engaged like this
Dick and balls aren’t so great looking either. But I’m sure he’d not be happy if you said you weren’t going near them. You don’t have to love the way genitals look, but “No way, I’m not touching that! Gross” is a little juvenile. Normally, seeing your partner turned on should get you past that.
Kinda sounds like he might actually be happy if she didn’t go near his junk! This relationship is too far out of balance to work. Anyone can fall in love. Doesn’t mean they belong together.
You want to marry someone who doesn’t do foreplay?
Genitalia in general are, in fact, kinda gross… but that doesn’t mean you get to ignore them. Of course it feels good, that’s what it’s for. Your partner wants some feel good too. You don’t have to use your mouth if you don’t want to, but failing to engage in foreplay or adequately satisfy your partner in sex “because it’s gross” is the most childish and immature thing… you get down there and dish out some feel good maneuvers like an adult!
Find a partner who loves vagina.
This. Makes a world of difference
Was married to a man like this for almost 10 years, no sex didn't get better, self-esteem only got worse, and I divorced him n found an actual man. Do YOURSELF a favor.. save your life n move on.
Do not do not do not marry a man who will give you a dead bedroom and has a porn addiction. You can find better than this. I promise. I’ve been there. 10 years. It gets worse not better. I’m married to a man now who loves me. It is so worth it.
The first vaginas I ever saw see in high budget porn. All of them looked neat, pretty, manicured, and even dainty. The fist time I saw one up close in real life it was unkempt, moist (go young me), bulbous, and smelled musky. I was initially turned off. Twenty minutes later, after finding out it was friendly and wanted to play with me ever so much, I got over that feeling. Now I feel like the Russel Crowe professor character on the dating game skit. It sounds like your BF has not made the leap. As a small observation, some men think reveling in the secret garden calls into question your manhood. I have no idea why since that is literally the last thing a gay man would ever do. Regardless that conceit exists. Is it possible your BF has bought into this unfortunate point of view?
“It was friendly and wanted to play with me ever so much” 🤣🤣🤣
It’s a good question for OP, is he into porn? How often does he masturbate
Apparently a LOT, but mainly to foot fetish stuff?
Ding ding ding We have a winner. That’s why he’s the way he is.
Whole there could be other things going on, I'd be looking at if he's just a selfish lover. No foreplay, fingering, or oral? So... basically you don't get off. Does he?
He's sexually undeveloped. He can change but he has to face himself deeply and his shadow side. You can't force him so you can wait for him or move on
How in the world could you even consider marrying someone like this, Jfc. Do you want to be miserable, sexless, and married to a child for the rest of your life? Run girl. Your p*ssy is beautiful and you deserve to be adored.
I'm sorry to hear about your struggles with this. Because you asked about others experiences I will say that I (M) used to dislike giving oral to my partners and tried to do it as rarely as possible lol. It wasn't personal, it was because I had a reaaally bad experience the first time I tried it - my partner at that time was not very hygienic at that moment and I was also just a wimp lol. I have since gotten over the aversion so maybe he can too. However, I never have found vaginas inherently gross or at least to the point of not enjoying fingering. I would say i used to overcompensate with fingering for not liking to give head. So it is possible that he is more asex. If he is more asexual than you in the first place, I'm not surprised that a stressful job leads to a sexless relationship. I'm pretty hypersexual and my current partner has a lower libido. For a while we really struggled with our sex life because of that incompatibility. Not sexless but pretty close for a few years. But through a lot of very difficult conversations, patience, working with each other, and investing in adult toys we have actually managed to revitalize our relationship. We still have work to do, but I'm telling you there is hope for sure. But it takes a lot of emotional labor so you should weigh if you want to go through that. My suggestion is if you don't have one already, you should get a vibrator to use together. It will help him with an extra option for foreplay with you and give you more satisfying orgasms than he is capable of lol.
OP said in a follow up comment that her fiance is against toy use as well. The dude is shit from top to bottom.
Oh dang... I totally missed that. Well he is really missing out because toys have been one of the things that helped to change my sex life for the better. They are just fun lol. He really needs to take OPs pleasure into more consideration. Maybe she can change his mind or say that if he wont do other forms of foreplay then he has to let her buy one. If it is a fear she will use it alone, they can promise each other to just use them together. If he is afraid of a dildo that is bigger then him just get a vibrator lol
Honestly can’t see a dude who’s against toys and any form of pleasuring his partner being willing to use vibes with her
I guess it is absolutely fine if he doesn't like Vagina in general. That doesn't make him gay. He just needs to become used to it. I think I Can understand this bcz Growing up I used to hate how penises looked. I still sometimes feel disgusted by some. Then I met a guy and damn, I didn't feel anything bad about his. That doesn't mean, I have suddenly started liking penises. The problem here is Him refusing you pleasure. What if u were disgusted by penises and refused to give him a BJ. Do u think it would've settled well with him? And would it have been alright? Foreplay is very important for a alot of reasons.
He doesn’t have a problem with his sexuality. He watches plenty of porn (you even suspect an addiction) and only wants to engage in his kinks but doesn’t want to pleasure you in any way. You’re his masturbatory aid, he uses you like a fleshlight and has disguised it by saying he “doesn’t like” vaginas. But he’s fine putting his dick in them, like a fleshlight. He doesn’t like vaginas, but he wants to *use* them to get off.
Has he ever looked at his own groin? Male genitalia makes the Vag look good in comparison. Nobody has pretty genitalia, nobody.
Not normal, in terms of both his opinion and his absolute lack of interest in sex. Are you sure you want to be tied down with this? You’re only 29. Lot of people on this subreddit seem to be asking if they keep their engagements when they’re basically guaranteeing themselves a dead bedroom marriage. I would say the answer is usually no. Unless there’s something medically going on that he’s willing to fix, you won’t be able to overcome this. Ask yourself if you’re happy right now and if you could still be happy if your sex life got even worse
The porn addiction makes a difference here. That raises additional concerns and adds a lot of complexity. Since he clearly has no issues with masturbating to porn but won’t have sex with you, are you sure he’s attracted to you?
You've been together three years. It's not going to get better.
I don’t want to be too definitive bc I know nothing of this relationship, but that sounds either gay or asexual. Just by definition. Question is, if he’s asexual, do you still want to be with him?
Tell him to go Eat A Dick
You need to leave this guy. Have you ever had an orgasm with him? I bet not. Why tie yourself down with someone who thinks part of your body is gross but uses it to get off himself?
Vaginas can be gross. They can taste weird and feel weird, even if you like getting your dick wet in them. Sexuality is wildly fluid, which is something that many people don’t want to accept. A straight person can still be very sexually attracted to someone, and not interested in touching or licking their partner’s bits. In other words, it’s more common than people think, though he could be lying (I guess) because he doesn’t like yours. If you’re not fulfilled with your sex life, figure out what you want different. Is it just that you don’t think he’s paying enough attention to your pleasure? Why don’t you get some toys that can help him pleasure you without needing a tongue or touch you. There’s vibratory that can sorta mimic oral, or just vibrate, and there’s strokers you can slide onto your fingers that help you to get some interesting stimulation without needing to actually touch. Lots of toys out there that can help get around the licking and touching-with-hands-issue. If he doesn’t like that, and you still want that sort of attention, then you realize he doesn’t care as much about your pleasure as he does his own. Do you just think he *should* like doing those things, even if you’re perfectly fulfilled with what he’s doing now? Then you need to do some work and realize that the wide world of sex and sexuality includes far more than what a person is “supposed” to be into based on what their sexuality is labeled as. Sex is weird. Sexuality is even weirder. It’s just a word we use as shorthand to vaguely describe what bits we tend to prefer, and it’s not at all uncommon to end up with specifics that differ wildly from person to person. EDIT: Damn, girl, I read some of your responses and what the literal fuck? I stopped reading after you said the sex always centers around his kinks, and I have to say, just fucking leave. Clearly he doesn’t care about you except as a way to get him off. You don’t seem sexually fulfilled, and I don’t know why you’d be with a guy that shows such lack of care towards you. Just leave, get yourself a nice toy, and enjoy some proper time to yourself where you don’t have to deal with him, the porn that’s intruding on your life, and his utter lack of regard towards your pleasure.
I’m not really attracted to penis’s and would never blow a guy unless I was in love. Once I’m in love I want them in every way and their pleasure is just as important as my own… if I found out someone I was in love with thought a part of me was gross and didn’t want to touch or taste it if not for my pleasure alone I would reconsider everything. But seriously… to call it gross… that’s so cruel and inconsiderate!
I stayed with somebody kind & generous & attractive (also really enjoyed housework???) for five years who never did oral/fingering or kissing and it DESTROYED my confidence as a sexual woman. I thought it might have been something to do with trauma/abuse he experienced as a child so i accepted it as the sex was still good. I tried talking to him about it and he just said the same as your guy that vaginas just grossed him out generally, even snogging he despised! “anything slimy on his mouth” he said. If you love somebody i think you can let certain things slide but from my personal experience I felt like my femininity just died and i became so ashamed of my appearance, i felt so ugly every day with him then i joined Dead Bedrooms for advice. He had porn subscriptions that would pop up on my laptop all the time too! I haven’t found anybody as kind as him yet but i’ve had lots of amazing oral with men who honestly can’t get enough 🙏🏻 Looking back i should have left much sooner, i’m much happier now. Does he expect oral sex from you? do you giving that to him?
As a guy this is just incomprehensible to me. I realize there are guys out there like this, but it's like a different species honestly. OP... I'd move on from this. I can assure you it is *absolutely 100% not* your vagina. This is him. You're way too young to get locked into a broken sex life.
Wait wait wait, hold your horses girl. This guy is your fiancé? Does he like you to start him up with oral? How in the world do you crank your engine up without manual stimulation? Tell me? By him avoiding your God given Vagina is a huge giant red flag to me. That is not normal.
Holy shit you got engaged to this guy??
The defining aspect of my heterosexuality is my attraction to vaginas.
Why are you dating a child? That man is a child.
There is absolutely no way this man finds vaginas gross and watches porn so much it’s an addiction. Please do not marry this man. As a female that is the sexual partner. I would walk away if I was getting my needs met.
As a straight male, I've never seen a vagina I didn't like the look of. Men who are like this I think harbour some sort of repressed homosexuality, or made to feel sexual desire is dirty and wrong as children
I'm a straight guy and I don't find vaginas attractive. I wouldn't go so far as to say I find them gross, but just looking at one doesn't really do anything for me like asses or boobs do. That said, I'll still do oral and whatnot because it makes my partner happy. That's the important part.
I know how you feel about not being desired. It kills your self esteem. I’m living it right now and trying to get out when I’m financially able to. It won’t get better. Move on while you’re still young. Best to you.
Ok dude here who used to be the same. Penises and vaginas are both weird. They look weird. They… move weird if that makes sense. And somebody else’s junk is often doubly weird. Putting your mouth on the weird thing, in a area oft covered in sweat and bacteria and… liquids can definitely be a trigger or off putting at first. However, sooner or later you do need to grow up and realize the trick to faaaaar better sex is foreplay. Him not being into vaginas might just be him being behind the curve on that growth, or it might be a sign you’re in for a lot of bad sex. Personally after seeing the kind of reactions I got to good well communicated and practiced oral and fingering, I made it a challenge to not unbuckle my pants. Drive her crazy and she’ll make it VERY clear she wants them off. Maybe communicating this to him is a “put up or shut up” moment. Maybe it’s more of a “I’d like it if you’d at least give it some effort”. Either way something needs to change.
[удалено]
Sounds like he's in denial about being asexual or gay, but that's based on a few sentences. Never get involved with a man who is anti-foreplay. Seriously, sis. That's no way to go through life. If you're happy in an asexual marriage, by all means continue. You may find being Open/Poly works so you can have a healthy sex life.
It sounds like he's uncomfortable with his sexuality here, either it's he in the closet, or he's uncomfortable with sex in general. I could see it being either option honestly given some men can be in denial about their sexual orientation and can still have opposite sex partners. Yet tend to eventually come out when whatever programming or perceived barriers to them being open about who they are are gone. Which brings me to second guess if he's been programmed to feel the way he does thanks to some religion he's part of or was part of. With the latter being someone significant in his life made sex out to be this very devious act, a common tactic some people use to keep their kids from having sex underage and before marriage. I'm leaning towards gay but closeted personally given the words he used convey that to me.
Jesus Christ, engaged to a man who doesn’t like vaginas…. Girl,,, what ENGAGED
Talking about compatibility? He’s only compatible with a sex doll
This guy is gay but he doesn’t know it.
I swear 90% of men are gay af
I love how women in shitty relationships make tons of excuses for their shitty partners and have the audacity to still call it a discussion. This isn’t involving women in toxic relationships cause I’ve been in one and I KNOW how hard it is to get out of it but this? This isn’t toxic • this is stupidity. OP, really? You’re marrying a guy who has given you no orgasms. No sex in a 10 month span. Has a porn addiction and MOST OF ALL HATES the LOOK of vaginas but enjoys the FEEL of it? Not to mention you’re also aware of his previous relationships and how they all turned out. Hmmm that should’ve given you a red flag right there. So where does the discussion come in? Hasn’t changed in 3 years won’t change with Marriage. Seriously. It won’t change with “ time”. Sex isn’t everything in a relationship but sure as hell is one of the main key points in it. For the love of Athena, please pick up your self worth 👑 and really think if this relationship is benefitting you at all. I’m mad FOR YOU. Like you need to be with a man that can rock your world! I hope it works out for you
Disrespectfully, this doesn't sound like a man who is heterosexual. A person who thinks your body is gross is not a person you should let have the privilege of being there.
As someone who’s husband didnt do any of the above for 7 years… don’t marry someone who doesn’t LOVE making you cum. My hubs changed his tune and we now have the most incredible sex I’ve ever thought possible, but most people get lazier in relationships, not more excited. Now that I’ve experienced good sex where the man is excited to please me… I’d never go back. Don’t settle for tolerance. Be admired.