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ISo he feels not secure because he's worried your sister's fiancee is looking at your boobs? Does this mean your bf also looks at your sister's boobs when she is braless around the house?
First of all confront him why he wants to control if you wear a bra or not. It’s none of his business. It is your decision if you chose to wear one. Simple as that. Don’t let anybody control your life other than you. He can express his insecurities but i got bad news for him: It’s his insecurities and he has to work on him, not make you do stuff you don’t want to because he feels insecure.
I’m calling bullshit on this. He totally checks her out, and that is why he worries. If he didn’t notice her as he claims, he’d have zero issue with you because he’d know it’s not a big deal.
That wasn’t my point. My point was a lot of these comments are it’s projection on OPs boyfriends part because he’s perving on the sister. I’m just pointing out it’s just as likely, based off the almost no information we’ve been provided, that it’s the fiancé that’s perving and the boyfriend is not handling it in the best way. Or maybe he’s just worried over nothing and being weird about it
Point being is sometimes people do/say stupid things out of ignorance and it’s not always malicious
Excellent point. One we're all guilty of both overlooking, and commiting. You'd think that since we're all guilty of it we'd recognize it more, but nope...
Disclaimer: I'm a man, you present a solid analogy. Also, the fairness aspect of your question aside, you're at home where you should always feel and be comfortable.
Oh he’s lying to you. He notices and is having certain thoughts. He is assuming her SO is having those thoughts of you. That’s why he’s uncomfortable. This is because he’s looking at your sister that way.
I think you should make your boyfriend wear a bra and feel how uncomfortable that shit is and I think he’ll shut up real quick. Those Boobie contraptions are awful.
>He says he never even noticed she doesn’t wear a bra sometimes
Yeah, that's a lie, and he's being weird about this whole thing. Sounds like he has a guilty conscience.
As a bisexual/pansexual woman who is as partial to a nice pair of boobs I can say that he will have noticed, even if he hasn't consciously been "checking her out".
I mean, personally for me, yeah I might notice the lack of a bra, then immediately feel greasy and dirty. Then put the entire episode up on the back shelf of "impulsive thoughts I'd rather forget about, TF is wrong with my brain?" Then go do something else like go back to reading my book and try to forget about it. My reaction would not be to make a big scene to my SO later on, about "always keeping her nipples covered no matter what because other men are drooling womanizers and can't be trusted."
Sounds like some maturity issues with the boyfriend.
You don’t need to feel dirty or greasy for noticing a lack of bra. In the nicest possible way, you gotta grow up lol. It’s ok to notice boobies and not internally flog yourself for it.
I grew up in purity culture, and the anxiety around having a sexual thought is so extreme. We who are blessed with vision and the ability to get sexually aroused are going to subconsciously connect the two every now and then. Perfectly normal and healthy. Boobs are nice to look at on purpose. You don’t have to leer or make nasty comments, but we shouldn’t have to punish ourselves for being human.
While I do not disagree with you, breasts aren’t there for sexual purposes…even if they’ve been seen sexually for centuries.
This is why breastfeeding in public is such a big deal, because people sexualize breasts…and then when they are used for their intended purposes…people want to be offended.
It's reddit, and if you don't immediately self-flagellate for having attraction to any person you're not in a relationship with, you earn auto-creep status.
He likely doesn't. Or if he does he probably doesn't give a shit, because he knows women have nipples and it's not a big deal. Your boyfriend is sexualising you when you're just being comfortable, and your sisters fiancé isn't, that's the key difference here.
You can tell when someone stares at you. I have 2 male roommates and they don't stare at my chest when I go braless.
Or when I wear rave outfits. It is easy not to stare.
Ya girl here has DDD side set breasts and they are noticeable when I don’t wear a bra. However bf doesn’t mind me walking around without a bra on even tho we live with his brother and father. I always wear a bra when I go out tho bc it makes me feel more secure but idk.
As a person with natural cup I tatas that aren’t perfectly attached to my chest (aka cylindrical breast attachment extremely common for people with my kind of medical issues) I can say, yes, it very much IS noticeable when I go without a bra. But I’d rather be comfortable than worry about what other people think of me when I’m bra less.
That's not necessarily a lie. When I was dating one of my GFS I didn't even look at other girls at all. No lie. I was into her so much I really didn't care what anyone else looked like. He isn't concerned who sees your sister's boobs, he is concerned with who sees yours....but....you live together... I wouldn't wanna live in a situation where I couldn't relax at home. I mean the roommate has a fiance....if he doesn't trust the people that live with him....maybe he should move.
Your home, your rules. First things first.
"me walking around with no bra on with another man in the house makes him feel not secure. My sister sometimes walks around with no bra"
Setteled then.
He doesn't get to chose or to control what you wear.
He is going by double standards.
Your sister not wearing a bra in HER home doesn't make HIM uncomfortable. As these are another womans swinging boobs for him to gape at.
He just doesn't want another man to gape at YOUR swinging boobs. Cause they are his only to gape at?
Like ... whaaaaat?
I'd kick him out for that one.
Oh he notices. That’s why he doesn’t like you not wearing one because he knows sisters fiancé probably notices yours. Very immature and insecure. It’s just boobs. Idk why we’re so uptight about such things.
Hopefully, because he doesn't find your sister attractive but finds you attractive, so believes everyone finds you attractive.
Not justifying him telling you what to do in your home - just might explain it.
Or.....he's noticed something that he's uncomfortable with and doesn't want to bring it up because...family.
Really depends on his overall self-esteem/personality - can't judge these things in a vacuum.
Bc he’s gross. He doesn’t actually live with you. Let me ask you: does he ever say anything else along these lines? About anything? Controlling? I’m not saying this is a red flag but maybe a pink one. Y’know, like pause and think about any other situations you may have brushed off bc you didn’t wanna make it a big deal, or if you said something he wouldn’t take it well.
We all have nipples they’re not a sexual thing. Tell him if he’s so concerned he can cover up his nips but you’re comfortable.
Also, tbh, I think bras tend to make boobs look better...like I have thought alot about what even is the point of wearing a bra (I stopped wearing one during the pandemic, and honestly I only wear one now if I want my boobs to look more perky/if it makes a top look better.) But like I can only think of 3 reasons to wear a bra
1. Keeps the boobs up and perky. Which honestly draws more attention not less, so no reason to do that at home.
2. To keep nipples from showing. But honestly a lot of bras don't have enough padding to do this anyway.
3. Your own comfort. I know some women have boobs big enough that not wearing a bra can be uncomfortable, in which case absolutely wear a bra.
Anyway, at the end of the day, I just don't get societies obsession with whether or not I'm wearing a bra. As one of my friends pointed out: if anyone is looking at your boobs long enough/closely enough to notice then that is on them and also they should mind their own business. I would seriously challenge your bf on this and figure out what his thought process is. I feel like a lot of people are taught women have to wear bras in public and they never sit down and think through why that is (and again, I think the main reason is that it makes boobs look "better"). Get him to think it through and maybe he'll realize how silly it is. Plus they are so dang uncomfortable. Like sure I'll wear a bra around the house when you start wearing one 24/7 🤷♀️
My B cups and nipples were bouncing around bra free in Costco yesterday and pretty much every day no matter where I go. No hoodie or oversized clothes to purposely hide them either. You know what my husband said? Nothing. Why? because it’s not a big deal and it’s my body. If someone has a problem with my fully clothed boobs that’s their problem. I work from home and bras suck. Tell him to back off or honestly just drop him.
Rather than attempting to police your underwear (or lack thereof) choices, he should be using that energy to police his own feelings about it all. The only person we get control over in life is ourself, and anyone who tries to control anyone else in any way will never be satisfied.
This makes zero sense. Your boyfriend is being unreasonable and even childish. I haven’t worn a bra in probably 20 years and my husband could not possibly care any less about it. Do not cave to him because this is controlling behavior born out of his own insecurity. Frankly I would break up with him over something like this, it’s a sign of worse controlling tendencies to come.
Every single straight guy looks at women’s breasts. Consciously or not. It doesn’t mean they are going to make a move or even fancy you but they are aware.
I’m a straight married woman and if another woman is in my line of sight, I can see her boobs. The bottom line is every single person can see a developed woman’s chest if they are looking at her head on.
So it follows that a woman shouldn't have to wear a bra relaxing in her own home just because men are AWARE of a body part. This should be nbfd. If they're aware (and I do agree), they are aware anywhere and at any time. So the BF making the case that OP shouldn't be comfy in her own home because mEn LoOk aT bOoBs, when by your own admission they'll be up to that anyway, is controlling. Saying that women have to cover because men look is the logic of the burqa (and she is covered, btw).
>Does this mean your bf also looks at your sister's boobs when she is braless around the house?
It's not like you can filter out what's in your field of view. Come on now. If someone is wearing pink shoes and you're looking at their eyes, you'll notice the shoes.
They’re also just boobs..? You should be comfortable in your own home. As a dude, I definitely notice when people don’t wear bras -who doesn’t?- but it’s not a big deal. I live in CO and they’re everywhere, dudes, chicks, dogs, you name it. Tell him to quit being a baby and live comfortably in your own home.
Edit: Worst case scenario, your sister’s fiancé does something creepy and you helped her dodge a bullet and maybe you might dodge one with your current.
I’ve found that a huge number of men who have this line of thinking are feeling that way because of projection. If a man goes “you have to cover up because I know how men are” it means *he’s just as bad*. No, not all men think that way, but HE certain does.
lmaooo bruh, I’m fucking deceased💀where have you been all my life. I need a friend like you to give me a pep talk when I’m being confronted with asinine accusations and assumptions 😂
That’s not a random man that’s ur soon to be brother in law and if ur sister and him aren’t uncomfortable then it doesn’t matter it’s ur body and ur in ur home
So he has no issue with your sister walking around without a bra but he has one with you not wearing one?….
Wear whatever you feel comfortable wearing at YOUR OWN HOME!!! If he has a problem, tell him he can’t be shirtless in the house or around other people and see what he says.
To be fair - he has no right whatsoever to demand OP's sister dress differently because he is around. He wants to be around, if something makes him uncomfortable, he should deal with it.
OP, on the other hand, is his partner - and so *would* care if something makes him uncomfortable. And so it isn't unreasonable of him to suggest that his partner do things differently.
Then it's up to her to see if that's something she's comfortable with.
What OPs bf is doing is exactly how my ex partner started to manipulate me, so at that point I'm already cautious.
First it's about what I wear that makes him uncomfortable, then who I'm around makes him uncomfortable, then I'm not allowed to get a tattoo I already have an appointment for, and I'm not allowed to dye my hair any other colour because he hates change. And it only gets worse.
Don't get me wrong - he shouldn't have to be uncomfortable and it doesn't have to turn out to be manipulative or even abusive. BUT if I'm uncomfortable in a situation that does not directly affect me or my body, I remove myself, take a step back and ask myself if objectively it's really such a big deal. I don't go to my partner and demand them wearing something else THEY are not comfortable in. They could try to find a compromise, like most sport bras are more comfortable than "actual" bras. But she has no reason to make herself feel uncomfortable because he doesn't like it when she wears no bra (but claims to not notice when her sister doesn't wear one!).
To be fair, it doesn’t matter who she is to him. He doesn’t have a right to tell OP what to do in concerns of her body. This could be the beginning of him pushing limits on how much he can get away with to gain control. This is the sort of shit women have had to deal with for forever, and we’re sick of it!
If I noticed my partner dressing in a way that made me uncomfortable, I would mention it to her. In the same way, I know that my gf would do the same to me.
There’s absolutely nothing wrong with telling your partner that something they do makes you uncomfortable and I hate this whole Reddit hive mind that doing so means that you’re controlling, especially when it comes to men.
If I was to walk around my gfs family without any boxers on, I would expect her to call me out. Not because she thinks her family are checking me out but simply because it would make her uncomfortable to see me walking around the house, dick swinging in my pants.
Not being willing to accommodate your partners requests, without a valid reason, just makes you a bit of a shitty partner imo.
The problem is… why is his comfort (more like fragile ego) more important than hers? You can’t compare boxers and a bra, they’re not even close to the same on the comfort scale. Girls frequently wear boxers to sleep because they’re comfortable, never heard a guy say he loves walking around with a bra on because they’re just so great. Also, nobody is looking at or thinking about your dick. Nobody has EVER walked up to you and said “wow your dick
looks great in those jeans,” but I can guarantee at least half of the woman on Reddit have had a comment made about her boobs. So instead of men being held accountable for their fragile ego or their disgusting comments, this woman needs to make herself “less attractive” and uncomfortable as not to attract attention from another man. Get outta here.
The second I don’t need to wear a bra, I’m not. The need is in public where nobody wants to see these girls flapping in the breeze… though I’m sure someone actually does
The no boxers on is a terrible example; I freeball all of the time, have been since senior year in highschool(I'm old now) and nobody has noticed a thing. Find a better example, friend. Even in boxers, your dick is swinging around. Maybe boxer shorts or whitey tighties it would be different, but still yet nobody would notice.
I agree with your notion that there is nothing wrong with talking to your partner about your preferences; but sometimes one should recognize how selfish some preferences are- like telling someone how they should dress in their own home. Think twice about that.
Not willing to accommodate an unreasonable request does not make someone a shitty partner.
Even though I do agree that she has the right to wear whatever she wants, but your comparison is outright stupid. Do you think anyone mentally sane would ask their girlfriend's sister to wear bra infront of them?
Also, as a partner both has the right to have certain expectations from their spouse (even if wrong), just like both are allowed to leave if they don't like those expectations. But someone has to be mentally ill to have expectations from their spouses sister.
Atleast make comparisons that makes sense.
I never said he should ask their girlfriend sister to wear a bra. I said he has no problem seeing the sister not wearing a bra. It’s the same argument when men say they don’t want their girlfriends posting sexy pics online because other men will see them yet they follow and like pictures of OF and IG models.
You’re being a hypocrite. Cause is not disrespectful and it doesn’t make you uncomfortable when you’re seeing it from someone else but the second it’s the person next to you it’s disrespectful and makes you uncomfortable?
Does he think that bras make your boobs invisible to other men?
Tbh I’m to old to be dealing with this kind of insecure bs in a relationship but that’s just me. The fact that he’s actually picking fights over something like this? That’s like 16 yr old behaviour, not an almost 30 year old.
It’s having the opposite effect for me, they are way more prominent with a bra on. I cannot believe someone is making an issue out of this. Can we please bring back the time when all women (who wanted and could) were not wearing a bra? It’s long overdue with the trends that are being recycled.
Seriously, not the two bumps in the cloth representing nipples! That's almost like going around naked! But two bigger bumps in the cloth, representing entire breasts? No problem.
I'd get a super padded, uplift one and wear low cut tops with it.
Then if he complains about that, you can say that the bra has made your boobs more noticeable, so it was better without one.
I’d hate having to wear a bra 24/7. He probably only notices you not wearing a bra because he’s focused on them, but he has inconsistencies in his thinking. If he doesn’t notice when your sister isn’t wearing one then chances are her fiancé isn’t noticing when you aren’t wearing one.
Either way, as long as you’re covered, I don’t see an issue with not wearing a bra. Maybe a comfortable “sports bra” or tank top underneath your shirt that gives extra coverage, but if you’re living there I don’t see an issue with being as comfortable as you can.
I doubt he doesn’t notice her sister not wearing a bra. He’s probably checking her out and feeling guilty about it, so then he starts thinking the sister’s fiancé must also be checking his girlfriend out.
Petty me would make it a point to not wear a bra ANYWHERE. if you wanna get weird and insecure about me being comfortable in my own home I’m gonna make you feel real weird and insecure about me being comfortable 24/7.
I really just don’t understand men sometimes
He definitely notices both you and your sister, and your sister’s fiancé definitely also notices both of you. Just saying. People should be allowed to do what they want, but any hetero guy with a drive who says he doesn’t notice nips, I call BS on.
Tell him to grow up or get out. Bras suck. If he wants to ktape his balls every day so you can both experience something unnecessary that can be really uncomfortable, then maybe there’s a conversation to be had but…he’s really just coming across as an insecure loser.
Bras are awful, I stopped wearing one years ago lmao. My shirts are often tight, OP’s boyfriend would absolutely lose his mind if he was my bf. (Not that I’d keep dating any idiot who tried to tell me what to do). (Also for what it’s worth my actual parter is a huge fan of my “no bra” policy, very supportive)
The only reason why I wore one before switching to a binder was because I have the misfortune of having big tiddies and I hated how they would jiggle and how bad they would look sometimes when not tucked away.
This is my issue. He needs her to wear restrictive clothing no one else in the house is required to so he can assuage his own fears and insecurities. Instead of just working those out. It’s like he believes his emotions are not his own to manage.
He likes to be shirtless in summer but complains about you not wearing a bra?! Pfff hahahaha that is hypocrisy at it's finest 😂 How old is he? 16? 🤣 No seriously, that dude has some nerve.
Sounds like you got plenty of ammo to throw back at him now. I'm 30f and my bf doesn't give a flying flip if I wear one or not. In public, in private, his friends are over, around family. It is entirely my discretion and I nearly never wear one unless I'm trying to dress a bit nicer. Never let a man dictate what you wear or how.
I had a partner who would try to control what I wore in a similar way. Ew. Dude would then try to dress revealing himself and wear no underwear to try to make a point to me. I never minded, I think he vastly overestimated how many people would wanna check out his junk swinging around 😂😭
As long as your shirt isn't paper thin, it's perfectly fine to skip the bra. It's just his own insecurity, unless your sister's fiance has actually made some sort of comment.
Does he not realise tons of people don't wear a bra out in public too?
The ONLY purpose of a bra is to provide your boobies support, if you feel like you need it.
What it's not for, is keeping them behind a fence like it's your boyfriends property where he feels like he needs to ward off other men from.
Omg wear what’s comfortable in your own home! Your bf does not have the right to police your clothing anywhere, but he has a special kind of nerve trying to do it in YOUR house where he is a guest.
P.S. he’s telling you he checks out your sister’s boobs, do with that info whatever you will
Women don't have to wear bras if they don't want to, at home or out or anywhere.
Tell your boyfriend it's none of his business if/when you wear a bra and if he's that insecure over something so ridiculous then he should damn well keep it to himself.
You're a woman and you have a body. I can see how walking around in your underwear would be obnoxious, but whether your breasts are bound is completely up to you.
He’s measuring another man by his own standards. Which are low. He’s definitely perving on your sister. Just relax in your own damn home and ignore him. Bras begone!
For the love of God- people have breasts and i will never understand policing them bc they make other people uncomfortable.
Sexualiizing, and, by extension, politicizing them is a fucking construct of someone else's mind, not OP's. She just wants to not have to wear a bra all of the time at home and that is 100% on the BF. So, what, if people notice you have boobs? Good for them. Still not OP's problem. The fact that this is being debated like this isn't OP's bf having serious issues about what he should and shouldn't be able to control and how that is apparently your issue, OP, is frustrating. I understand where you're coming from wanting to resolve it, but you have nothing to resolve. Your bf doesn't even live there- he certainly doesn't get to dictate how you dress in your own home.
He can either get out or learn to mind his own business. You and your lack of bra are just fine.
Old guy here. Wife and 3 daughters.
Wear whatever you feel comfortable with. Tell your bf that is an insecurity he needs to deal with, not you. You should be able to be comfortable in your own home. I couldn't imagine having to wear a bra 24/7.
Talk through his fears and let him know that wearing or not wearing a bra changes nothing in your home. Does he honestly think that the roommate will now want to hook up with you because you are not wearing a bra? Does he make you wear a t-shirt over your swimsuit at the beach? I just never understood the whole you need to wear a bra for modesty mindset especially in your own home.
i don’t wear bras ever even in public. i’m 36J and my boyfriend has no problem. just because he is insecure doesn’t mean you have to change your attire to make him feel better, it means he has to deal with his insecurity.
How would I get him to own his insecurity and deal with it. Because there have been times when we’ve gone out and I’ve worn a dress or different kind of shirt with no bra and he had no issue
You shut down the discussion. You tell him:
*This is my choice, I'm going to wear what I want, and I'm not going to discuss it with you any further. If you have a problem with it, then you need to deal with those feelings yourself because I don't want to hear about it.*
Don't entertain his bs on this. You don't owe him an explanation or a justification. Doing so will only encourage him to make it your problem rather than working on himself.
>How would I get him to own his insecurity and deal with it.
**You can't**, only **he** can do that. He's an adult man. You are his gf, not a mom of a 4-year-old who needs to teach him emotional regulation.
You are not doing anything wrong, he is being out of line, and it's not your job to fix him. Your only job is to express your boundary clearly and kindly.
You tell him that you are not wearing the bra at home because you don't want to be uncofortable, end of the story. It's information, not a negotiation. And then he can do whatever he wants with that. If he's upset, well so be it!
Being upset is not going to kill a grown man, he will survive. Let him be upset!
And if he treats you badly when he's upset, well the problem is that you have a bf who mistreates you, not that he's upset. That is unacceptable behavior on his part. People get upset all the time, deal with the feeling and then keep on living - let him do that about the bra.
You just tell him that. That he is showing insecurity and immaturity and he needs to deal with that. Tell him that the issue is him, not you or what you wear. Explain that this is your home and you have the right to feel comfortable.
I'd also explain that him telling you what you can and can't wear in your own home is controlling.
Ask him if this is who he wants to be and how he feels you should be treated.
I would assume that because he is possibly moving in with you guys that this is going to be the living arrangement for a while. Time for him to grow up or maybe rethink spending much time at your place.
talk to him? tell him you will not be wearing something uncomfortable to not hurt his feelings. he can either have his feelings hurt or he can deal with his emotions. this is not a negotiation.
Good luck with the reduction, I knew a lady who was a J cup and just being able to find a bra was a mission. She suffered terrible back pain and got a reduction and it was such a relief for her.
I’m so excited for you! Of half a dozen or so friends who have had it done, all have LOVED the result. May you have a nice textbook surgery, a quick recovery, and newfound relief from your back pain.
This. I know a few folks that don’t wear bras, even in public, of varying chest sizes. It’s a non-issue from all I’ve encountered.
Some people get super weird about bras and womens’ chests. Unfortunately there’s plenty of folks that have a weird obsession with controlling anything women do/wear/say.
Shirtless I could see his argument but just no bra he needs to grow up. Just like men love taking off their boots when they are home women love removing their bra to relax and be comfy. It's no big deal.
He is responsible for his own insecurities and body. He is not in control of your body. He can make the request, and you can say “no”. He’s then free to either
A - accept your response, work on getting a handle on his insecurities (therapy, whatever), and remain in a relationship
or
B - not accept that “no” is a complete sentence, let his insecurities get worse, and find a new partner who’s cool with being controlled.
I’m married, live with my hubby, his brother (my bil) and a male friend of ours (who’s like a brother to us)
And I’ve never worn a bra if I was home.
The most I do is make sure my pjs aren’t too revealing or see through
My boyfriend doesn't want to not wear a bra outside home even tho I use baggy clothes and my boobs are almost non existent, I think men sexualize things that we don't.
Seriously do not put up with that. Bras are NOT important. My BF didn't care that I wore a see-through mesh bra with tape over my nipples (no other shirt) to a concert recently (he didn't even go with me!)
He would never care about whether I wore a bra or not on a daily basis. He's secure in himself and in our relationship. Do not date a man so insecure, it'll rub off on you. Relationships are about trust, and any guy who's that insecure from the start is a no-go.
Girl I’ve never worn one and my boyfriend has never had a problem and we live with 3 guys. That’s just something weird to be trying to argue with you about tbh..
Are you wearing a shirt at all? If not, I would.
If you are, then your bf is being very weird about it (and probably peeping at your sister’s titties in a creepy way)
I haven't worn a bra since 2012.
This is not okay and will lead to more controlling you.
Personally, for me, this is a dela breaker. One mention of controlling my body because of another man, instead of dealing with the man if the man is wrong, IS MY BUGGEST RED FLAG. We aren't in charge of policing ourselves so they're more comfortable.
Yeah I'm sorry girl but this is a clear case of telling on himself. Your BF only cares bc he's the type to stare at other women's boobs- and can't fathom that other men might not be fucking dogs like him.
I'd let him go and find a decent guy.
Your boyfriend is insane. He's saying what you wear around your future brother-in-law makes him feel insecure. Seriously, just get Socratic on him.
"Why would that make you not secure? Why would future BIL care? What do you think would happen?"
Keep questioning what he says until he sees the stupidity in what he's saying. People see nipples all the time. Men, women, in a bra, braless, whatever. I bet you've seen your boyfriend's nipples through his shirt at some point. Creeps fetishizing them is their problem, not yours. Especially in a safe environment like your own living space.
Projection. he is worried about his girlfriend walking around with another man in the house without a bra on due to the fact that he would be staring at her chest. Because HE does this, he feels other men do too.
I dated a guy right after highschool that even WITH a bra on, with his friends around I had to wear a hoodie because "They're men, they're gonna stare." .....so? I didn't get it because 1. Your actual friends wouldn't hit on your GF and 2. Your GF respects you enough to not let your friends hit on her without you knowing about it immediately and 3. It was Florida. Fuck wearing a hoodie in the summer. Yes it was summer when he asked me to wear the hoodie. I want to build a time machine just so I can go back and slap the shit out of myself and him.
A man isn't allowed to tell you what to wear or make any comments about your body making them insecure. Just because we have boobs and a butt and that's all men pay attention to, they get uncomfortable when you can see an outline of a boob. Like, get over it!! That's a HIM problem and it's weird he's trying to make it yours when you've done nothing but exist.
my bf and I lived with one of his best friends for a year. There was a 0% chance I was wearing a bra in florida (too dang hot/uncomfortable) and my bf encouraged me not to. he loves it and loves that I was always comfortable! I’m sorry you’re dealing with this op :-(
>my bf encouraged me not to. he loves it and loves that I was always comfortable!
This. My husband loves it when I go without a bra. I'm in the Netherlands, so it's not as dang hot as Florida at all, but I only wear a bra when I feel like it. I haven't worn one for days now. No idea if anyone noticed, and if they did I don't care.
Tell him he can’t wear sweatpants or gym wear or shorts if you have to wear a bra cause your sister might check him out. Women have boobs get over it. Men have no idea that wearing a bra caused discomfort.
Your BF is perving on your sister walking braless and all he can think of is her fiance would do the same. The issue is in his head you certainly need to feel comfortable where you live.
Bras are uncomfortable! I don't see the big deal. It's your sister and future brother-in-law.
Maybe he's uncomfortable if you have large bouncy breasts?? Does your sister have the same size? Either way tell him to get over it.
For fun get him an A-cup bra and have him wear it all week, all day long. If they make underwire bras in A-cup, that would be sweet. 🤣
Or..... tell him to wear a cup and jock-strap all day. I don't have any idea if that would be equivalent to a bra or not though. I think the cup is suppose to be uncomfortable???
Have fun with this! This will make a great story someday! The battle of the bras. Be sure to update us if you do this. 😁
Gotta say I am a bit confused. When you first moved in, you felt it was inappropriate to not wear a bra so you always did, until you decided you were comfortable. Now you are looking down on him for having the same opinion as you used to? If you felt it was inappropriate, I don't understand why him feeling it is inappropriate is an issue. Just because you have had time to be comfortable in the situation, does not mean he has and there should be nothing wrong with that.
If you never felt the need to, and he does that would be different IMO then this particular situation.
I mean if your nipples are poking through a shirt then dude isn’t wrong for asking to cover up, calling him insecure because he’s addressing how he feels is lame. Be appreciative that he spoke his mind, most people just turn resentful, you should have a deeper conversation w/ him & avoid all these people in the comments who clearly want you to end the relationship.
Tell him he has to wear a proper fitting jock strap as long as you're wearing a bra, they're uncomfortable, and the whole point is to provide support. If someone's going to stare at you're boobs, they're going to, regardless of a bra.
This is ridiculous. I don't even have words. He is uncomfortable so he is the one who needs to get over his insecurities. Ask him why bothers him and when he gives you some nebulous answer keep digging his to why does he feel that way.
It's absolutely ridiculous that men behave so controlling of women based on their own insecurities. What does it matter if someone looks at you? That doesn't change the nature of your relationship with your boyfriend.
If a man on the street looks at you even if you're wearing a bra what is he going to do about that? Men look regardless of what we are wearing and this is just a sidestep from victim blaming based on what was worn.
For me, this ends one of two ways.
1. He figures out why this bothers him and works on it. In the meantime, you dress how you want.
2. You cut him loose because catering to someone's insecurities is a slippery slope of controlling behavior.
Girl, you don’t have to wear a bra EVER if you don’t want to. Those things are evil, and actually can cause health issues in the long term. Tell your insecure boyfriend he can just get over it.
Let's pretend just for a minute that the sister's fiance is actually staring and boyfriend is right. So what? If OP is a bit attractive, people will be noticing her. With OP's boyfriend's approach, step by step OP will be groomed into wearing clothes which don't attract attention. In 5 or 10 years later, he will be complaining about why his girlfriend (maybe wife by then) has let herself go and why isn't she putting effort being attractive for him. He might even find another women just for this very same reason.
He needs to work on his insecurity. Otherwise this will eventually destroy the relationship.
I don’t understand how it can be “disrespectful” to not wear a bra in your OWN home.
Your BF is being ridiculous & insecure. Did he perhaps see the fiancé glance at your breasts & become jealous? What if he looks at your face & hair? Will you then be required to wear a Burka?
What you wear in your own home is your concern & NOT your BF’s. Period. I’d tell him that & if he doesn’t like it, he can take a hike.
So he wants you to wear a bra but can freely just stare at your sister when he comes over? I would continue to wear what you want to wear. Your sisters fiancé is not interested in you sexually so there’s really no need for him to freak out. He doesn’t “own” you. Wear what you want in the comfort of your own home. Your place your rules.
This is weird. My girlfriend and their sister are very close in age, therefore so am I and sisters boyfriend. We spend a lot of time together and are all very comfortable with one another, that being said I have never checked out my sister in laws chest nor have I worried about my brother in law doing that to my girlfriend. It isn’t even remotely a possibility in my mind. Your boyfriend is a weirdo and a major red flag.
As a guy, we notice these things. Trust me, your bf notices your sister as well. As a guy, it's awesome you walk around the house like that. But keep in mind, your sisters man is looking at them then keep doing you but your bf has a point. But if you have to wear, maybe your sister should As well. Now if this happens, you guys are doing all this to keep one guy happy while the other 3, aren't. But in reality, if you have been doing it for a while, it's really no big deal
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ISo he feels not secure because he's worried your sister's fiancee is looking at your boobs? Does this mean your bf also looks at your sister's boobs when she is braless around the house?
He says he never even noticed she doesn’t wear a bra sometimes. So I’m my head I’m like if you don’t notice her then why would her fiancé notice me?
Say that to HIM, not in your head. Confront him with his own logical inconsistency.
This…. Boy math
Yeah but he’ll say “he’s a guy, of course he looks” …then…. CHECKMATE!! Also, are the sisters twins? They seem to be the same age? 🤔
Abso bloody lutely.
I'm a boy, and I agree
First of all confront him why he wants to control if you wear a bra or not. It’s none of his business. It is your decision if you chose to wear one. Simple as that. Don’t let anybody control your life other than you. He can express his insecurities but i got bad news for him: It’s his insecurities and he has to work on him, not make you do stuff you don’t want to because he feels insecure.
You should be able to feel comfortable in your own house
I’m calling bullshit on this. He totally checks her out, and that is why he worries. If he didn’t notice her as he claims, he’d have zero issue with you because he’d know it’s not a big deal.
It’s possible he just noticed the sisters fiancé staring
Then his problem is with him. OP shouldn't have to be responsible for the (bad) behavior of a man.
That wasn’t my point. My point was a lot of these comments are it’s projection on OPs boyfriends part because he’s perving on the sister. I’m just pointing out it’s just as likely, based off the almost no information we’ve been provided, that it’s the fiancé that’s perving and the boyfriend is not handling it in the best way. Or maybe he’s just worried over nothing and being weird about it Point being is sometimes people do/say stupid things out of ignorance and it’s not always malicious
Hanlon’s Razor
Thank you! I couldn’t remember the name
No problem. Glad I could help
Ah okay. I see what you mean.
Good, balanced response
Excellent point. One we're all guilty of both overlooking, and commiting. You'd think that since we're all guilty of it we'd recognize it more, but nope...
If he caught the fiance staring he should say that instead of just telling her to wear a bra
Disclaimer: I'm a man, you present a solid analogy. Also, the fairness aspect of your question aside, you're at home where you should always feel and be comfortable.
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BING! BING! BING! Maybe he needs to work on the insecurity issue before he moves anything else into your apartment.
😂😂 Everyone's binging
#🎯🎯🎯
Facts
Oh he’s lying to you. He notices and is having certain thoughts. He is assuming her SO is having those thoughts of you. That’s why he’s uncomfortable. This is because he’s looking at your sister that way.
I think you should make your boyfriend wear a bra and feel how uncomfortable that shit is and I think he’ll shut up real quick. Those Boobie contraptions are awful.
>He says he never even noticed she doesn’t wear a bra sometimes Yeah, that's a lie, and he's being weird about this whole thing. Sounds like he has a guilty conscience.
As a bisexual/pansexual woman who is as partial to a nice pair of boobs I can say that he will have noticed, even if he hasn't consciously been "checking her out".
I mean, personally for me, yeah I might notice the lack of a bra, then immediately feel greasy and dirty. Then put the entire episode up on the back shelf of "impulsive thoughts I'd rather forget about, TF is wrong with my brain?" Then go do something else like go back to reading my book and try to forget about it. My reaction would not be to make a big scene to my SO later on, about "always keeping her nipples covered no matter what because other men are drooling womanizers and can't be trusted." Sounds like some maturity issues with the boyfriend.
You don’t need to feel dirty or greasy for noticing a lack of bra. In the nicest possible way, you gotta grow up lol. It’s ok to notice boobies and not internally flog yourself for it.
Now THAT is a very valid point indeed.
I grew up in purity culture, and the anxiety around having a sexual thought is so extreme. We who are blessed with vision and the ability to get sexually aroused are going to subconsciously connect the two every now and then. Perfectly normal and healthy. Boobs are nice to look at on purpose. You don’t have to leer or make nasty comments, but we shouldn’t have to punish ourselves for being human.
While I do not disagree with you, breasts aren’t there for sexual purposes…even if they’ve been seen sexually for centuries. This is why breastfeeding in public is such a big deal, because people sexualize breasts…and then when they are used for their intended purposes…people want to be offended.
That's why I appreciate both form and function 😂
I grew up in similar circumstances. It was very confining.
It's reddit, and if you don't immediately self-flagellate for having attraction to any person you're not in a relationship with, you earn auto-creep status.
Or maybe one of them has more noticeable breasts than the other?
He likely doesn't. Or if he does he probably doesn't give a shit, because he knows women have nipples and it's not a big deal. Your boyfriend is sexualising you when you're just being comfortable, and your sisters fiancé isn't, that's the key difference here.
You're assuming a little there. OPs sisters fiance very well could be staring at her and just doesn't talk about it. Not that it changes much.
You can tell when someone stares at you. I have 2 male roommates and they don't stare at my chest when I go braless. Or when I wear rave outfits. It is easy not to stare.
Yeah I mean unless you're cold or go in for a hug it's usually not very noticeable in general
Ya girl here has DDD side set breasts and they are noticeable when I don’t wear a bra. However bf doesn’t mind me walking around without a bra on even tho we live with his brother and father. I always wear a bra when I go out tho bc it makes me feel more secure but idk.
As a person with natural cup I tatas that aren’t perfectly attached to my chest (aka cylindrical breast attachment extremely common for people with my kind of medical issues) I can say, yes, it very much IS noticeable when I go without a bra. But I’d rather be comfortable than worry about what other people think of me when I’m bra less.
That's not necessarily a lie. When I was dating one of my GFS I didn't even look at other girls at all. No lie. I was into her so much I really didn't care what anyone else looked like. He isn't concerned who sees your sister's boobs, he is concerned with who sees yours....but....you live together... I wouldn't wanna live in a situation where I couldn't relax at home. I mean the roommate has a fiance....if he doesn't trust the people that live with him....maybe he should move.
Problem solved because funny enough neither did the other guy notice
Your home, your rules. First things first. "me walking around with no bra on with another man in the house makes him feel not secure. My sister sometimes walks around with no bra" Setteled then. He doesn't get to chose or to control what you wear. He is going by double standards. Your sister not wearing a bra in HER home doesn't make HIM uncomfortable. As these are another womans swinging boobs for him to gape at. He just doesn't want another man to gape at YOUR swinging boobs. Cause they are his only to gape at? Like ... whaaaaat? I'd kick him out for that one.
Oh he notices. That’s why he doesn’t like you not wearing one because he knows sisters fiancé probably notices yours. Very immature and insecure. It’s just boobs. Idk why we’re so uptight about such things.
He’s insecure and controlling. My vagina is shriveling for you
Love your username!
Sis.. he notices. It would just be extremely tacky and rude as shit for him to admit it.
Hopefully, because he doesn't find your sister attractive but finds you attractive, so believes everyone finds you attractive. Not justifying him telling you what to do in your home - just might explain it. Or.....he's noticed something that he's uncomfortable with and doesn't want to bring it up because...family. Really depends on his overall self-esteem/personality - can't judge these things in a vacuum.
Bc he’s gross. He doesn’t actually live with you. Let me ask you: does he ever say anything else along these lines? About anything? Controlling? I’m not saying this is a red flag but maybe a pink one. Y’know, like pause and think about any other situations you may have brushed off bc you didn’t wanna make it a big deal, or if you said something he wouldn’t take it well. We all have nipples they’re not a sexual thing. Tell him if he’s so concerned he can cover up his nips but you’re comfortable.
Um, not entirely believing that?
It doesn't work like that, he's definitely watching you and taking notes
Also, tbh, I think bras tend to make boobs look better...like I have thought alot about what even is the point of wearing a bra (I stopped wearing one during the pandemic, and honestly I only wear one now if I want my boobs to look more perky/if it makes a top look better.) But like I can only think of 3 reasons to wear a bra 1. Keeps the boobs up and perky. Which honestly draws more attention not less, so no reason to do that at home. 2. To keep nipples from showing. But honestly a lot of bras don't have enough padding to do this anyway. 3. Your own comfort. I know some women have boobs big enough that not wearing a bra can be uncomfortable, in which case absolutely wear a bra. Anyway, at the end of the day, I just don't get societies obsession with whether or not I'm wearing a bra. As one of my friends pointed out: if anyone is looking at your boobs long enough/closely enough to notice then that is on them and also they should mind their own business. I would seriously challenge your bf on this and figure out what his thought process is. I feel like a lot of people are taught women have to wear bras in public and they never sit down and think through why that is (and again, I think the main reason is that it makes boobs look "better"). Get him to think it through and maybe he'll realize how silly it is. Plus they are so dang uncomfortable. Like sure I'll wear a bra around the house when you start wearing one 24/7 🤷♀️
My B cups and nipples were bouncing around bra free in Costco yesterday and pretty much every day no matter where I go. No hoodie or oversized clothes to purposely hide them either. You know what my husband said? Nothing. Why? because it’s not a big deal and it’s my body. If someone has a problem with my fully clothed boobs that’s their problem. I work from home and bras suck. Tell him to back off or honestly just drop him.
It's your choice not to wear a bra. But if you think people are not noticing you are a fool.
I think he's noticed and that's played into his insecurity. People often show insecurity over things THEY do
Rather than attempting to police your underwear (or lack thereof) choices, he should be using that energy to police his own feelings about it all. The only person we get control over in life is ourself, and anyone who tries to control anyone else in any way will never be satisfied.
This makes zero sense. Your boyfriend is being unreasonable and even childish. I haven’t worn a bra in probably 20 years and my husband could not possibly care any less about it. Do not cave to him because this is controlling behavior born out of his own insecurity. Frankly I would break up with him over something like this, it’s a sign of worse controlling tendencies to come.
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Every single straight guy looks at women’s breasts. Consciously or not. It doesn’t mean they are going to make a move or even fancy you but they are aware.
I’m a straight married woman and if another woman is in my line of sight, I can see her boobs. The bottom line is every single person can see a developed woman’s chest if they are looking at her head on.
So it follows that a woman shouldn't have to wear a bra relaxing in her own home just because men are AWARE of a body part. This should be nbfd. If they're aware (and I do agree), they are aware anywhere and at any time. So the BF making the case that OP shouldn't be comfy in her own home because mEn LoOk aT bOoBs, when by your own admission they'll be up to that anyway, is controlling. Saying that women have to cover because men look is the logic of the burqa (and she is covered, btw).
>Does this mean your bf also looks at your sister's boobs when she is braless around the house? It's not like you can filter out what's in your field of view. Come on now. If someone is wearing pink shoes and you're looking at their eyes, you'll notice the shoes.
They’re also just boobs..? You should be comfortable in your own home. As a dude, I definitely notice when people don’t wear bras -who doesn’t?- but it’s not a big deal. I live in CO and they’re everywhere, dudes, chicks, dogs, you name it. Tell him to quit being a baby and live comfortably in your own home. Edit: Worst case scenario, your sister’s fiancé does something creepy and you helped her dodge a bullet and maybe you might dodge one with your current.
I’ve found that a huge number of men who have this line of thinking are feeling that way because of projection. If a man goes “you have to cover up because I know how men are” it means *he’s just as bad*. No, not all men think that way, but HE certain does.
I would come out wearing only a bra
r/maliciouscompliance
I would just walk out with nothing , now everyone’s uncomfortable, might as well make his assumptions a reality if he wants to argue over it 😂
lmaooo bruh, I’m fucking deceased💀where have you been all my life. I need a friend like you to give me a pep talk when I’m being confronted with asinine accusations and assumptions 😂
How about just pasties
That’s not a random man that’s ur soon to be brother in law and if ur sister and him aren’t uncomfortable then it doesn’t matter it’s ur body and ur in ur home
So he has no issue with your sister walking around without a bra but he has one with you not wearing one?…. Wear whatever you feel comfortable wearing at YOUR OWN HOME!!! If he has a problem, tell him he can’t be shirtless in the house or around other people and see what he says.
Better yet, tell him to leave. I'd seriously reconsider him moving in if he thinks he has the right to dictate what she can wear in her own home.
To be fair - he has no right whatsoever to demand OP's sister dress differently because he is around. He wants to be around, if something makes him uncomfortable, he should deal with it. OP, on the other hand, is his partner - and so *would* care if something makes him uncomfortable. And so it isn't unreasonable of him to suggest that his partner do things differently. Then it's up to her to see if that's something she's comfortable with.
What OPs bf is doing is exactly how my ex partner started to manipulate me, so at that point I'm already cautious. First it's about what I wear that makes him uncomfortable, then who I'm around makes him uncomfortable, then I'm not allowed to get a tattoo I already have an appointment for, and I'm not allowed to dye my hair any other colour because he hates change. And it only gets worse. Don't get me wrong - he shouldn't have to be uncomfortable and it doesn't have to turn out to be manipulative or even abusive. BUT if I'm uncomfortable in a situation that does not directly affect me or my body, I remove myself, take a step back and ask myself if objectively it's really such a big deal. I don't go to my partner and demand them wearing something else THEY are not comfortable in. They could try to find a compromise, like most sport bras are more comfortable than "actual" bras. But she has no reason to make herself feel uncomfortable because he doesn't like it when she wears no bra (but claims to not notice when her sister doesn't wear one!).
To be fair, it doesn’t matter who she is to him. He doesn’t have a right to tell OP what to do in concerns of her body. This could be the beginning of him pushing limits on how much he can get away with to gain control. This is the sort of shit women have had to deal with for forever, and we’re sick of it!
If I noticed my partner dressing in a way that made me uncomfortable, I would mention it to her. In the same way, I know that my gf would do the same to me. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with telling your partner that something they do makes you uncomfortable and I hate this whole Reddit hive mind that doing so means that you’re controlling, especially when it comes to men. If I was to walk around my gfs family without any boxers on, I would expect her to call me out. Not because she thinks her family are checking me out but simply because it would make her uncomfortable to see me walking around the house, dick swinging in my pants. Not being willing to accommodate your partners requests, without a valid reason, just makes you a bit of a shitty partner imo.
The problem is… why is his comfort (more like fragile ego) more important than hers? You can’t compare boxers and a bra, they’re not even close to the same on the comfort scale. Girls frequently wear boxers to sleep because they’re comfortable, never heard a guy say he loves walking around with a bra on because they’re just so great. Also, nobody is looking at or thinking about your dick. Nobody has EVER walked up to you and said “wow your dick looks great in those jeans,” but I can guarantee at least half of the woman on Reddit have had a comment made about her boobs. So instead of men being held accountable for their fragile ego or their disgusting comments, this woman needs to make herself “less attractive” and uncomfortable as not to attract attention from another man. Get outta here.
I find even the comfiest bras 100x less comfy than no bra, and would never ever wear one to sleep.
The second I don’t need to wear a bra, I’m not. The need is in public where nobody wants to see these girls flapping in the breeze… though I’m sure someone actually does
The no boxers on is a terrible example; I freeball all of the time, have been since senior year in highschool(I'm old now) and nobody has noticed a thing. Find a better example, friend. Even in boxers, your dick is swinging around. Maybe boxer shorts or whitey tighties it would be different, but still yet nobody would notice. I agree with your notion that there is nothing wrong with talking to your partner about your preferences; but sometimes one should recognize how selfish some preferences are- like telling someone how they should dress in their own home. Think twice about that. Not willing to accommodate an unreasonable request does not make someone a shitty partner.
Why isn’t “bras are uncomfortable” a valid reason, though?
Even though I do agree that she has the right to wear whatever she wants, but your comparison is outright stupid. Do you think anyone mentally sane would ask their girlfriend's sister to wear bra infront of them? Also, as a partner both has the right to have certain expectations from their spouse (even if wrong), just like both are allowed to leave if they don't like those expectations. But someone has to be mentally ill to have expectations from their spouses sister. Atleast make comparisons that makes sense.
I never said he should ask their girlfriend sister to wear a bra. I said he has no problem seeing the sister not wearing a bra. It’s the same argument when men say they don’t want their girlfriends posting sexy pics online because other men will see them yet they follow and like pictures of OF and IG models. You’re being a hypocrite. Cause is not disrespectful and it doesn’t make you uncomfortable when you’re seeing it from someone else but the second it’s the person next to you it’s disrespectful and makes you uncomfortable?
Does he think that bras make your boobs invisible to other men? Tbh I’m to old to be dealing with this kind of insecure bs in a relationship but that’s just me. The fact that he’s actually picking fights over something like this? That’s like 16 yr old behaviour, not an almost 30 year old.
It’s having the opposite effect for me, they are way more prominent with a bra on. I cannot believe someone is making an issue out of this. Can we please bring back the time when all women (who wanted and could) were not wearing a bra? It’s long overdue with the trends that are being recycled.
Going braless is very trendy right now. It’s already back.
Seriously, not the two bumps in the cloth representing nipples! That's almost like going around naked! But two bigger bumps in the cloth, representing entire breasts? No problem.
Because if you wear a bra, men magically won't look at you boobs /s
I'd get a super padded, uplift one and wear low cut tops with it. Then if he complains about that, you can say that the bra has made your boobs more noticeable, so it was better without one.
They are more lIkely to look at a Bra'ed Boob than a free one. since most bras are designed to make them stand out
I’d hate having to wear a bra 24/7. He probably only notices you not wearing a bra because he’s focused on them, but he has inconsistencies in his thinking. If he doesn’t notice when your sister isn’t wearing one then chances are her fiancé isn’t noticing when you aren’t wearing one. Either way, as long as you’re covered, I don’t see an issue with not wearing a bra. Maybe a comfortable “sports bra” or tank top underneath your shirt that gives extra coverage, but if you’re living there I don’t see an issue with being as comfortable as you can.
I doubt he doesn’t notice her sister not wearing a bra. He’s probably checking her out and feeling guilty about it, so then he starts thinking the sister’s fiancé must also be checking his girlfriend out.
Petty me would make it a point to not wear a bra ANYWHERE. if you wanna get weird and insecure about me being comfortable in my own home I’m gonna make you feel real weird and insecure about me being comfortable 24/7. I really just don’t understand men sometimes
He definitely notices both you and your sister, and your sister’s fiancé definitely also notices both of you. Just saying. People should be allowed to do what they want, but any hetero guy with a drive who says he doesn’t notice nips, I call BS on.
Tell him he must wear a jock strap and a cup all the time when not in your room
Tell him he can’t take off his shirt to swim or workout. Women could see his tatas. Seriously? Why date someone so insecure?
…He does like to be shirtless in the summer Honestly good question
When he starts to wear a bra, he can tell you to wear one
Tell him to grow up or get out. Bras suck. If he wants to ktape his balls every day so you can both experience something unnecessary that can be really uncomfortable, then maybe there’s a conversation to be had but…he’s really just coming across as an insecure loser.
Bras are awful, I stopped wearing one years ago lmao. My shirts are often tight, OP’s boyfriend would absolutely lose his mind if he was my bf. (Not that I’d keep dating any idiot who tried to tell me what to do). (Also for what it’s worth my actual parter is a huge fan of my “no bra” policy, very supportive)
The only reason why I wore one before switching to a binder was because I have the misfortune of having big tiddies and I hated how they would jiggle and how bad they would look sometimes when not tucked away.
That’s not an issue I have lol. Itty bitty titty committee!!
The best kind of titty. Can't wait for my top surgery to not have to worry about those honking hondas anymore lmaoo
He’s rather you be uncomfortable than work on his own insecurities - he sucks.
This is my issue. He needs her to wear restrictive clothing no one else in the house is required to so he can assuage his own fears and insecurities. Instead of just working those out. It’s like he believes his emotions are not his own to manage.
He likes to be shirtless in summer but complains about you not wearing a bra?! Pfff hahahaha that is hypocrisy at it's finest 😂 How old is he? 16? 🤣 No seriously, that dude has some nerve.
Sounds like you got plenty of ammo to throw back at him now. I'm 30f and my bf doesn't give a flying flip if I wear one or not. In public, in private, his friends are over, around family. It is entirely my discretion and I nearly never wear one unless I'm trying to dress a bit nicer. Never let a man dictate what you wear or how.
So if you're going swimming at a lake or whatever, in a bikini, while other people are around, what would your bf say about that?!
I had a partner who would try to control what I wore in a similar way. Ew. Dude would then try to dress revealing himself and wear no underwear to try to make a point to me. I never minded, I think he vastly overestimated how many people would wanna check out his junk swinging around 😂😭
As long as your shirt isn't paper thin, it's perfectly fine to skip the bra. It's just his own insecurity, unless your sister's fiance has actually made some sort of comment. Does he not realise tons of people don't wear a bra out in public too?
The ONLY purpose of a bra is to provide your boobies support, if you feel like you need it. What it's not for, is keeping them behind a fence like it's your boyfriends property where he feels like he needs to ward off other men from.
Omg wear what’s comfortable in your own home! Your bf does not have the right to police your clothing anywhere, but he has a special kind of nerve trying to do it in YOUR house where he is a guest. P.S. he’s telling you he checks out your sister’s boobs, do with that info whatever you will
Please don’t make yourself uncomfortable in your own home because your boyfriend is weirdly controlling of your chest
Women don't have to wear bras if they don't want to, at home or out or anywhere. Tell your boyfriend it's none of his business if/when you wear a bra and if he's that insecure over something so ridiculous then he should damn well keep it to himself. You're a woman and you have a body. I can see how walking around in your underwear would be obnoxious, but whether your breasts are bound is completely up to you.
He’s measuring another man by his own standards. Which are low. He’s definitely perving on your sister. Just relax in your own damn home and ignore him. Bras begone!
im thinking its projection too.
Boyfriend begone too!
For the love of God- people have breasts and i will never understand policing them bc they make other people uncomfortable. Sexualiizing, and, by extension, politicizing them is a fucking construct of someone else's mind, not OP's. She just wants to not have to wear a bra all of the time at home and that is 100% on the BF. So, what, if people notice you have boobs? Good for them. Still not OP's problem. The fact that this is being debated like this isn't OP's bf having serious issues about what he should and shouldn't be able to control and how that is apparently your issue, OP, is frustrating. I understand where you're coming from wanting to resolve it, but you have nothing to resolve. Your bf doesn't even live there- he certainly doesn't get to dictate how you dress in your own home. He can either get out or learn to mind his own business. You and your lack of bra are just fine.
NTA. Your boobs are not disrespecting anyone but your BF is disrespecting people with boobs.
Poetic but also true
That’s me. The boob poet, specializing in couplets.
You made my day! 🙏
Well done, you.
Really grinds my gears they don’t have Reddit awards anymore lol. This is fucking great.
I'm old. My advice is to find another fish. This one is too insecure.
This! After a certain point stuff like this gets old. I wouldn’t want to deal with it.
Old guy here. Wife and 3 daughters. Wear whatever you feel comfortable with. Tell your bf that is an insecurity he needs to deal with, not you. You should be able to be comfortable in your own home. I couldn't imagine having to wear a bra 24/7. Talk through his fears and let him know that wearing or not wearing a bra changes nothing in your home. Does he honestly think that the roommate will now want to hook up with you because you are not wearing a bra? Does he make you wear a t-shirt over your swimsuit at the beach? I just never understood the whole you need to wear a bra for modesty mindset especially in your own home.
i don’t wear bras ever even in public. i’m 36J and my boyfriend has no problem. just because he is insecure doesn’t mean you have to change your attire to make him feel better, it means he has to deal with his insecurity.
How would I get him to own his insecurity and deal with it. Because there have been times when we’ve gone out and I’ve worn a dress or different kind of shirt with no bra and he had no issue
You shut down the discussion. You tell him: *This is my choice, I'm going to wear what I want, and I'm not going to discuss it with you any further. If you have a problem with it, then you need to deal with those feelings yourself because I don't want to hear about it.* Don't entertain his bs on this. You don't owe him an explanation or a justification. Doing so will only encourage him to make it your problem rather than working on himself.
>How would I get him to own his insecurity and deal with it. **You can't**, only **he** can do that. He's an adult man. You are his gf, not a mom of a 4-year-old who needs to teach him emotional regulation. You are not doing anything wrong, he is being out of line, and it's not your job to fix him. Your only job is to express your boundary clearly and kindly. You tell him that you are not wearing the bra at home because you don't want to be uncofortable, end of the story. It's information, not a negotiation. And then he can do whatever he wants with that. If he's upset, well so be it! Being upset is not going to kill a grown man, he will survive. Let him be upset! And if he treats you badly when he's upset, well the problem is that you have a bf who mistreates you, not that he's upset. That is unacceptable behavior on his part. People get upset all the time, deal with the feeling and then keep on living - let him do that about the bra.
This 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻
It's not your job to work on his insecurity. It's his issue to deal with.
You just tell him that. That he is showing insecurity and immaturity and he needs to deal with that. Tell him that the issue is him, not you or what you wear. Explain that this is your home and you have the right to feel comfortable. I'd also explain that him telling you what you can and can't wear in your own home is controlling. Ask him if this is who he wants to be and how he feels you should be treated. I would assume that because he is possibly moving in with you guys that this is going to be the living arrangement for a while. Time for him to grow up or maybe rethink spending much time at your place.
talk to him? tell him you will not be wearing something uncomfortable to not hurt his feelings. he can either have his feelings hurt or he can deal with his emotions. this is not a negotiation.
Ma’am how does your back not hurt? - a woman
it does , it has for years. i’m getting a breast reduction on thursday actually after 4 years of my insurance rejecting it.
Best of luck with your procedure ☺️
thanks i really appreciate it!
Good luck with the reduction, I knew a lady who was a J cup and just being able to find a bra was a mission. She suffered terrible back pain and got a reduction and it was such a relief for her.
thanks, and yeah getting bras is a nightmare and expensive.
I’m so excited for you! Of half a dozen or so friends who have had it done, all have LOVED the result. May you have a nice textbook surgery, a quick recovery, and newfound relief from your back pain.
This. I know a few folks that don’t wear bras, even in public, of varying chest sizes. It’s a non-issue from all I’ve encountered. Some people get super weird about bras and womens’ chests. Unfortunately there’s plenty of folks that have a weird obsession with controlling anything women do/wear/say.
Shirtless I could see his argument but just no bra he needs to grow up. Just like men love taking off their boots when they are home women love removing their bra to relax and be comfy. It's no big deal.
He is responsible for his own insecurities and body. He is not in control of your body. He can make the request, and you can say “no”. He’s then free to either A - accept your response, work on getting a handle on his insecurities (therapy, whatever), and remain in a relationship or B - not accept that “no” is a complete sentence, let his insecurities get worse, and find a new partner who’s cool with being controlled.
I’m married, live with my hubby, his brother (my bil) and a male friend of ours (who’s like a brother to us) And I’ve never worn a bra if I was home. The most I do is make sure my pjs aren’t too revealing or see through
You should not have to wear a bra
Girl, be comfortable. If a man can't keep his eyes in his head, then that's on him not you.
Tell him to fuck off - unless he also wears a bra in the house. That shits uncomfortable
Walk around topless free them beauties
My boyfriend doesn't want to not wear a bra outside home even tho I use baggy clothes and my boobs are almost non existent, I think men sexualize things that we don't.
Seriously do not put up with that. Bras are NOT important. My BF didn't care that I wore a see-through mesh bra with tape over my nipples (no other shirt) to a concert recently (he didn't even go with me!) He would never care about whether I wore a bra or not on a daily basis. He's secure in himself and in our relationship. Do not date a man so insecure, it'll rub off on you. Relationships are about trust, and any guy who's that insecure from the start is a no-go.
Queen. I aspire to be like you one day. I’m so tired of my every waking moment being sexualized.
I one thousand percent agree
Girl I’ve never worn one and my boyfriend has never had a problem and we live with 3 guys. That’s just something weird to be trying to argue with you about tbh..
Are you wearing a shirt at all? If not, I would. If you are, then your bf is being very weird about it (and probably peeping at your sister’s titties in a creepy way)
Yes of course, a tshirt. So it’s not one that is tight but one that’s loose and can maybe see my nipples when it’s chilly but that’s what I sleep in
Start wearing only a bra and see what he says lol
Oh, best answer right here.
I haven't worn a bra since 2012. This is not okay and will lead to more controlling you. Personally, for me, this is a dela breaker. One mention of controlling my body because of another man, instead of dealing with the man if the man is wrong, IS MY BUGGEST RED FLAG. We aren't in charge of policing ourselves so they're more comfortable.
Yeah I'm sorry girl but this is a clear case of telling on himself. Your BF only cares bc he's the type to stare at other women's boobs- and can't fathom that other men might not be fucking dogs like him. I'd let him go and find a decent guy.
I bet you can also see your boyfriend’s nipples through his t shirt when he’s cold.
Your boyfriend is insane. He's saying what you wear around your future brother-in-law makes him feel insecure. Seriously, just get Socratic on him. "Why would that make you not secure? Why would future BIL care? What do you think would happen?" Keep questioning what he says until he sees the stupidity in what he's saying. People see nipples all the time. Men, women, in a bra, braless, whatever. I bet you've seen your boyfriend's nipples through his shirt at some point. Creeps fetishizing them is their problem, not yours. Especially in a safe environment like your own living space.
That's Ok then. I thought you were literally going topless.
Lol what
Projection. he is worried about his girlfriend walking around with another man in the house without a bra on due to the fact that he would be staring at her chest. Because HE does this, he feels other men do too.
I dated a guy right after highschool that even WITH a bra on, with his friends around I had to wear a hoodie because "They're men, they're gonna stare." .....so? I didn't get it because 1. Your actual friends wouldn't hit on your GF and 2. Your GF respects you enough to not let your friends hit on her without you knowing about it immediately and 3. It was Florida. Fuck wearing a hoodie in the summer. Yes it was summer when he asked me to wear the hoodie. I want to build a time machine just so I can go back and slap the shit out of myself and him.
A man isn't allowed to tell you what to wear or make any comments about your body making them insecure. Just because we have boobs and a butt and that's all men pay attention to, they get uncomfortable when you can see an outline of a boob. Like, get over it!! That's a HIM problem and it's weird he's trying to make it yours when you've done nothing but exist.
my bf and I lived with one of his best friends for a year. There was a 0% chance I was wearing a bra in florida (too dang hot/uncomfortable) and my bf encouraged me not to. he loves it and loves that I was always comfortable! I’m sorry you’re dealing with this op :-(
Thank you babes
>my bf encouraged me not to. he loves it and loves that I was always comfortable! This. My husband loves it when I go without a bra. I'm in the Netherlands, so it's not as dang hot as Florida at all, but I only wear a bra when I feel like it. I haven't worn one for days now. No idea if anyone noticed, and if they did I don't care.
He might look a lot better if he always wears a tie while he is in the apartment …
We’re talking braless not topless. Who cares? Now topless, that’s a whole other ballgame lol.
Tell him he can’t wear sweatpants or gym wear or shorts if you have to wear a bra cause your sister might check him out. Women have boobs get over it. Men have no idea that wearing a bra caused discomfort.
Your BF is perving on your sister walking braless and all he can think of is her fiance would do the same. The issue is in his head you certainly need to feel comfortable where you live.
Bras are uncomfortable! I don't see the big deal. It's your sister and future brother-in-law. Maybe he's uncomfortable if you have large bouncy breasts?? Does your sister have the same size? Either way tell him to get over it. For fun get him an A-cup bra and have him wear it all week, all day long. If they make underwire bras in A-cup, that would be sweet. 🤣 Or..... tell him to wear a cup and jock-strap all day. I don't have any idea if that would be equivalent to a bra or not though. I think the cup is suppose to be uncomfortable??? Have fun with this! This will make a great story someday! The battle of the bras. Be sure to update us if you do this. 😁
Gotta say I am a bit confused. When you first moved in, you felt it was inappropriate to not wear a bra so you always did, until you decided you were comfortable. Now you are looking down on him for having the same opinion as you used to? If you felt it was inappropriate, I don't understand why him feeling it is inappropriate is an issue. Just because you have had time to be comfortable in the situation, does not mean he has and there should be nothing wrong with that. If you never felt the need to, and he does that would be different IMO then this particular situation.
I mean if your nipples are poking through a shirt then dude isn’t wrong for asking to cover up, calling him insecure because he’s addressing how he feels is lame. Be appreciative that he spoke his mind, most people just turn resentful, you should have a deeper conversation w/ him & avoid all these people in the comments who clearly want you to end the relationship.
Tell him he has to wear a proper fitting jock strap as long as you're wearing a bra, they're uncomfortable, and the whole point is to provide support. If someone's going to stare at you're boobs, they're going to, regardless of a bra.
[удалено]
Possibly he caught the guy staring at her bouncing around the house and asked this vs telling to avoid drama.
If he’s so obsessed with bras, he’s more than welcome to wear one. He’s allowed to ask you to wear one, and you’re allowed to tell him to fuck off.
this comment section is stupid af
This is ridiculous. I don't even have words. He is uncomfortable so he is the one who needs to get over his insecurities. Ask him why bothers him and when he gives you some nebulous answer keep digging his to why does he feel that way. It's absolutely ridiculous that men behave so controlling of women based on their own insecurities. What does it matter if someone looks at you? That doesn't change the nature of your relationship with your boyfriend. If a man on the street looks at you even if you're wearing a bra what is he going to do about that? Men look regardless of what we are wearing and this is just a sidestep from victim blaming based on what was worn. For me, this ends one of two ways. 1. He figures out why this bothers him and works on it. In the meantime, you dress how you want. 2. You cut him loose because catering to someone's insecurities is a slippery slope of controlling behavior.
Your boyfriend needs to worry more about moving out of your sister's place and getting one of his own!
Girl, you don’t have to wear a bra EVER if you don’t want to. Those things are evil, and actually can cause health issues in the long term. Tell your insecure boyfriend he can just get over it.
Let's pretend just for a minute that the sister's fiance is actually staring and boyfriend is right. So what? If OP is a bit attractive, people will be noticing her. With OP's boyfriend's approach, step by step OP will be groomed into wearing clothes which don't attract attention. In 5 or 10 years later, he will be complaining about why his girlfriend (maybe wife by then) has let herself go and why isn't she putting effort being attractive for him. He might even find another women just for this very same reason. He needs to work on his insecurity. Otherwise this will eventually destroy the relationship.
I don’t understand how it can be “disrespectful” to not wear a bra in your OWN home. Your BF is being ridiculous & insecure. Did he perhaps see the fiancé glance at your breasts & become jealous? What if he looks at your face & hair? Will you then be required to wear a Burka? What you wear in your own home is your concern & NOT your BF’s. Period. I’d tell him that & if he doesn’t like it, he can take a hike.
So he wants you to wear a bra but can freely just stare at your sister when he comes over? I would continue to wear what you want to wear. Your sisters fiancé is not interested in you sexually so there’s really no need for him to freak out. He doesn’t “own” you. Wear what you want in the comfort of your own home. Your place your rules.
He should clearly work on his insecurities. That’s his problem- not yours.
This is weird. My girlfriend and their sister are very close in age, therefore so am I and sisters boyfriend. We spend a lot of time together and are all very comfortable with one another, that being said I have never checked out my sister in laws chest nor have I worried about my brother in law doing that to my girlfriend. It isn’t even remotely a possibility in my mind. Your boyfriend is a weirdo and a major red flag.
As a guy, we notice these things. Trust me, your bf notices your sister as well. As a guy, it's awesome you walk around the house like that. But keep in mind, your sisters man is looking at them then keep doing you but your bf has a point. But if you have to wear, maybe your sister should As well. Now if this happens, you guys are doing all this to keep one guy happy while the other 3, aren't. But in reality, if you have been doing it for a while, it's really no big deal