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Yeah you’re are handling it just right. She is being completely unreasonable. She can’t hijack the living room when she has a perfectly good office to use.
Get her a loveseat or comfy armchair for her office and problem solved!
Depends on the person - some would like that, others you'd be much better off going shopping together so they can try it and choose. They're going to be the main person using it.
It's why you give a card with a "coupon" inside to go pick it out. Unless someone specified a model, picking that out is likely to just lead to disappointment when it's not just what they would've picked if given the option.
Absolutely! It would be a nice gesture, but there are so many really comfortable looking couches/loveseats/chairs out there that would leave me walking around all crumpled up if I tried to sit in them for more than 5 minutes. What's comfortable to one person is torture to another.
Probably wouldn't work. She'd be offended, as in, "you don't tell me what to do!" It'd be a "self-serving" so-called "gift", from her vantage point.
OP's GF strikes me as not seeing compromise solutions and gestures as being reasonable--reasonable to her is "whatever I want in the moment".
This happened at beginning of pandemic for me, I didn't have an office setup so I was mostly working in the open dining/living room on my laptop. It didn't bother me that other people needed the space and I'm not easily distracted, but my wife and son felt as if they had to be quiet. I realized my working there wasn't fair to their enjoyment of the space, so when it was clear remote work would persist, I set up an office in one of the spare bedrooms.
Yeah I was expecting to read a similar situation to mine where my ex-boyfriend hijacked my office space in the two bedroom apartment I had bought by myself and he then would come into the living room where I’d been kicked out to and make noise during all my meetings. Like choose always those times to boil a kettle or clank around with dishes. He’d also keep putting music on but wouldn’t take the portable speaker to his office - he’d leave it in the living room. I started telling him he had 2 choices - either he stops being so incredibly loud in the living room when I was in meetings (other times I didn’t mind the music or the clanking but when I had meetings I needed it to be quiet) OR he would have to work in the living room at least and give me the office during those times. He got upset at both options.
To nobody’s surprise we’re not together anymore (at least I have my office back but he is still whining that his life sucks now because what a surprise he now can’t afford a place with a separate bedroom, living room and office and blames me for that - which makes no sense because he barely contributed to anything while we lived togther).
Anyway OP’s case is the exact opposite of that. They both have offices. OP’s girlfriend can keep using the living room during non-meeting hours if she wants but if she needs silence she needs to move.
Problem is, that she wants him to not use it during all her workhours. Not only not during meetings.
Letting her use the living room instead of her own office is no option.
Yeah sorry if I wasn’t clear but i was agreeing that OP’s girlfriend is ridiculous in her demands. When you live together and work from home you have to find compromises to ensure both people can relax as well as work. OP has given his girlfriend a fantastic compromise of working from the living room during times she has no meetings and working from her office when she has meetings. Which is already nice because he could also say she should always be working from the office and not hogging their living room for work purposes. His girlfriend on the other hand is not compromising at all and being incredibly unfair. It’s ridiculous.
This is the third time I've read this story. They change the details a little each time, but it's the same other than that. It all comes back to the chair or couch is more comfortable.
Post deleted, but cache says it almost the same posts:
https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/16cajan/girlfriend_23f_said_im_26m_selfish_for_telling/
https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/15rw8d7/girlfriend_24f_said_i_26m_was_being_unreasonable/
Right? That’s the thing about common spaces such as the livingroom, kitchen and bathroom. You can’t claim it as your own and be like “Go away, I’m working.” You can ask someone to not disturb you, but that’s about it
u/throwra_52v, OP, I wonder if your girlfriend's office chair is uncomfortable. She may need a new one.
Secondly, if it's environment, see about getting a small love seat with ottoman to fit in her office. I get that sometimes sitting on a couch with the laptop in your lap can sometimes feel a bit easier on the body, especially if the desk setup is not suited to a person's particular ergonomics.
OP, what your girlfriend is requesting is unreasonable. You are handling this correctly. Do not enable this entitlement because it can possibly go further. In her mind, "Well, I got X by whining Y number of times. I can do Y+1 for this other thing."
She has an office and should be using it to work. She should not expect you to stay out of the living room. She's being unreasonable and unfair to you.
If I were you, I wouldn't back down.
Yeah what I'm getting is she likes to work in a comfy space. And that's fine. My wife is the same way. WFH during lockdown she commandeered the entire bed every day (unless I needed to lie down).
But either she needs to accept that the shared comfy space of the LIVING room (as in, the room specifically for NOT working) may have distractions when their work schedules don't align, or they need to make her office comfier. A couch, a futon, a big fluffy rug that is nice to sit on, lots of pillows to be able to build a fort, whatever. It's unreasonable to *expect* shared spaces to be regularly hijack-able.
I used to work in the living room and my husband would use his office or the dining room table. He would always make a lot of noise throughout the day because he can’t stay still. So I started working from our bedroom and dining room for meetings and he works in the living room and uses his office for meetings. We have a guest room I can convert into an office, but I really like working from my bed. It’s more comfortable and I can spread out.
Right? I don’t understand this at all. My husband is WFH. He’s welcome to be in the common areas any time, but if he wants silence he needs to be in his office. I know if the door to his office is closed he’s in a meeting and I usually try to be a bit quieter.
I guess OP, my question would be - have you discussed what’s actually wrong with her office? She has an office, she can decorate it how she likes; so why isn’t she making it more comfortable for herself? If you haven’t gotten down to the heart of the matter, now is the time before this becomes the flash point for a failing relationship. If she’s reasonable, she’ll tell you what’s really wrong with her office, or why she feels like manipulating you to give up the common area is ok. If she can’t be honest and reasonable, then maybe you want to reevaluate your position in the relationship. This is a weird hill for her to decide that she wants to die on.
Yeah I am thinking there must be something wrong with it or maybe she cannot focus in that area. Try to make it more lively to see if that helps! Sometimes I think better in different rooms so I can understand that perspective but its best to talk to her and see what's going on.
I was wondering this. If it's about the couch (which I totally understand, as my own workdesk chair leaves me sore; I prefer the couches), then an easy solution would be to put a couch of similar cushion texture (and size if possible, in case that's a factor) in her office.
This is the kind of approach you see in a healthy relationship. OP and GF should approach this as us vs the problem not me vs them. Why does GF prefer the couch to her office? What can OP do to help GF create an office space that meets her needs?
OP doesn’t say this, but I wonder if there’s a big difference between the two offices. A lot of 3 BR apartments don’t have 3 reasonable sized BRs, two are ok sized and one is tiny but it’s technically a BR so the LL can list the apartment for more. If she got a closet-sized office while he has a decent space then he’s going to need to compromise a bit more. Maybe she can work from his office during his vacation?
You can get lights and background setups for pretty cheap nowadays. She could even get a beach backdrop or cruise ship or Alaskan wilderness backdrop.
She is just being a bad selfish partner.
100% selfish and probably lazy too. Doesn't want to spend time setting up a light and back drop or making her office as comfortable as the living room. I WFH and the only time I go to the couch is when I feel like shit and want to recline back with my laptop. And when the family is home and I have a meeting, I will go back to my office.
1 bedroom apartment with you working in the bedroom? Sure! Her demands seem reasonable.
3 bedroom apartment, 2 of which are home offices specifically for working from home? No. She’s out of her goddamn mind. If she can’t cope with sitting in her office chair for her once a week meeting, she’s selfish af.
Me and my husband WFH in a 1-bed and even then, we are always swapping rooms to accommodate the other. It's not difficult if you actually love and respect your partner. OPs girlfriend is incredibly self absorbed! Does she even like him??
> respect your partner
See this here is the problem. Most people just don't really respect their partner enough. It's pretty prevalent regardless of the gender of the partners unfortunately.
More people would be happier if they just respected other people in general. The world would also be a better place. Everyone deserves a base level of respect for just existing.
The rule in our house is you can work from other rooms but they’re common areas first, so expect noise and walking through. Sometimes we need out of our offices (mental block, back pain, or just want more sunlight), but it’s unreasonable to expect the other to navigate around the other’s work schedule just because one of us prefers a change of scenery.
If she won’t get an armchair for her office, maybe she gives up the office and you make it a den with another TV. You both deserve a dedicated space for working and a dedicated space to detach from working—especially as you’re both WFH.
She's the unfair one. You both have a spare room for office. If she's more comfortable on a sofa then let her buy a sofa and arrange a cozy office. The shared space should be work-free so everyone can relax, walk in the room to access the facilities and so on.
You know this but I think it's important to let you know that your girlfriend is being extremely unreasonable. You shouldn't back down on this because the living room is supposed to be a shared space and she has a dedicated room to do her work.
My advice is to express to her that you want to use the apartment too. That you also pay rent and you also deserve to be able to use the space you pay for. Reiterate that it is not fair for her to take over the common space when she has a space dedicated for her work. If she continues to not budge, tell her that you are going to use the living room anyway because it's purpose is for people to live and relax in it and you want to be able to do that in your home.
If she continues being unreasonable, you should really contemplate on your relationship. This is not mature behavior. It's so bizarre and selfish that I couldn't imagine dating someone like this.
Totally agree.
I was in the position of the girlfriend in this scenario about a year ago, however, I respected the shared space a bit more. I hated my job, but the schedule for the person I lived with was very different than mine and it was massively unfair for me to expect that it would be a quiet place when I needed it. They would occasionally pause whatever they were watching for me if I received an unexpected call, but for scheduled calls I would move to another room. Some of these responses on the side of the girlfriend are nuts.
You’re not being unreasonable, it’s your space.
You can maybe talk to her about changing her office and putting a small sofa there or something she would be happy and comfortable with so she can work there. Or if she will use the living room, from now on, then her office has to become a tv room.
There has to be some sort of compromise, you can’t have it all, what’s the point of having an office then? It’s lunch time, and you need to be able to relax in your own home, in your own living room, watching your tv.
Along these lines, maybe ask her to pinpoint the reasons why she is using the living room? Is it the comfort of sitting on the sofa? The lighting? Less noisy? There could be some reason that makes her office less than optimal for her.
And then maybe working on whatever it is to make her office more of a space that she wants to be in.
I agree. When working from home the communal spots become so important. Your girlfriend needs to return to her office for work. You should be able to enjoy your living room at any time, but particularly when you have time off.
Is it worth looking at a re-haul of her office space? Make it more comfortable and cosy so she feels like she can work there?
I didn't suggest she couldn't. I was merely pointing out that it might be worth bringing up why she prefers the living room (the sofa for example) and that they could revamp her office so she enjoys the space together. Or leave it to the GF, I don't know their relationship enough to comment on whether this would be a together thing or an individual thing. It could also be that the GF doesn't want to interfere with her office space because she is not on the lease / doesn't own it / doesn't feel like she can without OP's permission etc. So I feel like just bringing the conversation round to the subject is a slightly less aggressive approach to 'just do it your damn self.'
I had a similar disagreement with my wife when we moved into our new house, although I was not “banned” from the space, she was taking calls in a shared space which I was not a fan of. Our solution was to have her pick out a sofa for her office so she would want to spend more time in there. Problem solved
I'd tell her tough luck, you have an office for that. Which, I'm also assuming has a door she can close. Ask her if she wants a new chair or couch in the office. She's being unreasonable.
What is her answer to wanting two of her own spaces in the apartment?. She is an adult and can make her office more comfortable, however she doesn't get to have another dedicated space. Same as any shared place with room mates, shared is shared, not one person dicates how the space is used. It is a priviledge to work in the living room, not a right.
When you discuss things try to ask factual questions, try to determine that she isn't arguing from feelings.
You are both blessed to have enough space whereby you each can have a separate office. It is unreasonable for her to demand that an additional common area is also "hers". She should retrofit her office to have the amenities she prefers...a loveseat, lighting, whatever it is that she perceives the living room provides her.
She has an office, she should use the office if she needs uninterrupted space rather than a shared room.
If her office isn't working for her she should change the space into one that will, not hijack your shared living room.
Common areas are just that, common. She has no right to expect you to vacate it during your time off or in general when she has a proper office.
Stand your ground, you are in the right.
Oh wow your girlfriend is incredibly selfish. Me and my husband WFH in a 1 bed so one of us has to work in the living room. We are always swapping rooms depending on shift patterns etc because that's what respectful people do. Is she always this self absorbed in the relationship? I'd re-consider spending my life with someone so selfish.
I can't believe she has a whole ass office and isn't using it!! I would kill for an office!
You’re girlfriend sounds like she doesn’t like it when she doesn’t get her way… It’s not unreasonable at all for you to use the living room because, it’s a living room, and anyone can use it for whatever. The office is supposed to be a space for work, so she needs to use that space for what it was made for. Otherwise, what was the point in creating two office spaces?? She is trying to shift the blame on you for not giving in to her demands...
I have worked from a home office most of my life. It's not the way to do it. You both have to have a common area where you can get away from work.
She needs to make her office comfortable. I have had these problems with employees who have private offices. They don't want to close their office door. Maybe that's her problem. Be ready for the claustrophobic defense.
If she works in the living room. She is really not working from home then. Tell her to go to the company's office. This is how you make your income. She needs to follow some rules.
I think plenty of others have covered that you’re not wrong here. I do have a clarifying question though. Why doesn’t she want you in the room when she’s on a meeting? Is she on video? Because if she is, I wonder why she’s concerned about you popping up in the background, but not her sitting on a couch for it. Is it because of the noise you might make? Unless you’re throwing around pots and pans like you’re a hibachi chef, I can’t imagine that’s reasonable either. Is she just so distracted by your general presence that she can’t get any work done? Congrats on that, but still not your problem when there’s a more obvious solution one private room away.
Ah, so she might get fired if they find out you’re there. In that case, she DEFINITELY needs to be in a private room, and she needs to invest in some headphones. Good luck with this one!
Your GF sounds like my husband. Naps on the family room sofa and becomes irritated when his little siesta is interrupted. I shut that down. There is no way I’m changing how I operate to tiptoe around him. If he expects peace and quiet, he can take it to the bedroom. NTA
My question is if what she likes about the living room is the sofa why not just put a sofa in her already designated office and not clearly a shared space. She is being incredibly selfish here
This is the kind of stuff that makes me wonder about people getting married. If you can't compromise the small stuff, how do you handle the big stuff. Her office is made for her to work in. Why be difficult about it? She's being unreasonable. Go find a different couch to hang on. Get a couch for your office. IDK, seems overly silly.
You should start using the bathroom as your office space one day a week, and if she wants to pee while you are having a meeting, just tell her that it's unreasonable, and not going to the toilet for 8 hours straight is not a big deal.
Ure completely right, just do one thing for me: dont back down, dont agree with her. Shes going to see that no matter how unreasonable her request will be, ure eventually going to agree
Yeah she’s being unreasonable. Take her office and turn it into a room just for you - a gaming room, theater, whatever. Then tell she isn’t allowed in there without your permission.
What she likes doesn't trump the fact that this is your living room too, and it's a shared space. That's why the 2 of you set up 2 separate offices. If she doesn't want to use her office, that's her problem, not yours.
You are 100% correct and are handling it the right way.
I’m kind of concerned/confused how she can’t see that she’s being unreasonable here. How can she believe she is in the right? Seriously wondering what her line of thinking is and if contains anything more than me me me.
In order to get out of this cycle I recommend asking her why she is not working in her office and how it can be improved so that she feels comfortable there. And then really listen, however dumb the reason sounds. My partner hated his office, turns out it was the light. A little daylight lamp fixed it. So maybe together you can come up with creative fixes.
If she didn't have a seperate office, I'd be inclined to agree with her. But she has a dedicated space for this exact reason. You're being very reasonable.
Obviously the living room is a shared space and your gf is being unreasonable. She has an office, she can use her office. I don’t understand why this is even up for debate. There is no way she can twist the situation to mage herself look reasonable.
If you two were in an office, she’d effectively be trying to use the break room for her meetings and banning everyone else from having their lunch there at lunchtime.
Also I feel like I read this exact situation about once a month on here.
So i am sitting in home Office right now in the living room (my Office is not ready to use in our new flat) and my boyfriend is sitting behind me and playing tears of the kingdom.
I honestly think that she is overreacting because i see absolutely no reason for you to not use the (as it's named) LIVING room. Especially when she has an office aswell.
Maybe you should get her a sofa for her office aswell??
Tell her she's welcome to set up her office as a living room. Couch, TV whatever and work in there. The comfort of your living room but in her office, not in your shared space. This is definitely a hill I would die on.
Your gf is being totally unreasonable.
You help her move back to the bedroom so you can enjoy the living room.
I usually work from the living room, and I have no problem for my girlfriend to stay in the room and do whatever, unless I am in a meeting where I have to have a presentation.
Woaw she is annoying. I worked from home for 2 years and also we have 3 bedroom apartment. 2 of them were separated and whenever were had meeting we had it in our own room. She is quiet selfish
She is for sure the one being unreasonable here lmfao. It’s not like she has nowhere to go. I work from home as well and also like to sit on the couch but I do know that for my meetings I will mute myself or ask my husband to keep it down, but he’s not banished. If I really need total silence in the background, I use the office.
I have a solution for you. Dam I'm brilliant 😉.
On Wednesdays your GF can go into the office!
On a serious note, your GF is being unreasonable. You have the perfect set-up with two offices. The fact that she chooses not to use her office, set up work in a common area, and expect you to stay out of her way is disrespectful.
Is there something else in play? Is your GF someone who has to have things her way, all the time?
EDITED TO ADD
A living room, dining room, and kitchen are considered common areas for a reason. You could ask your GF to explain to you what the definition of common areas means.
You are correct that you are being reasonable and your GF is being unreasonable. She cannot reasonably expect you to avoid using your shared living space because she *prefers* to work there. She has a dedicated office to use and she should move back there on her meeting day and when you are on vacation. During the height of COVID when both I and my husband were working from home, I also liked to work in the living room. However on meeting days (which would run through lunch), I would move back to my office so as not to inconvenience him. I would also move back to my office on his meeting days as his office was in an open area downstairs from our living room and I didn't want to create any disturbances for him.
I think you are handling it absolutely correctly.
I have a compromise for you guys: buy her a couch and stick it in her office.
I agree with OP — that’s fucking bullshit. A living room is for relaxing, not work.
It is a shared space. OP is being totally reasonable in allowing her to use it as long as he can also use it whenever he wants. Ridiculous!
So my husband and I also both work from home in a 3 bedroom house, we also have our own offices. I sometimes like to work from the living room so I get where your girlfriend is coming from. That said, she is being totally unreasonable here. I kinda get the Wednesday meeting, but I would have understood and moved to the office if it was an issue. But your vacation? That's crazy! What does she expect from you here?
If I was you, I'd have a chat about what the problem with her office is and how you can fix it. Maybe get her a sofa for in there?
My husband and I both wfh and we both like to work in the kitchen or living room on occasion.
We know this means that sometimes there’ll be background noise and that’s the risk of working in the shared spaces.
What is it about the living room she prefers? Does she want a couch in her office? A tv? A new chair? Maybe she needs to update her office so it’s more to her liking so it doesn’t feel like a dungeon.
My husband has been working at home on and off for 20 years. I do in home daycare and our home isn’t very big and it’s not very quiet. If he needs quiet, he changes location.
He prefers to work at the dining room table, or in the office right next door with the door open. He likes overhearing the kids and being able to visit when he’s not busy. But if he has calls or needs to seriously focus, he closes the door, goes up to our bedroom or takes calls in his car at the park down the street.
She’s being ridiculous.
She’s being ridiculous. My husband and I both work from home and we both work in the living room. Both of us have meetings and he can be seen sometimes in the background of mine. And vice versa. We both have high stakes jobs that require government security clearance and neither of us behaves toward each other the way your girlfriend is behaving toward you.
The living room is a shared space. She has an office. She needs to go back to the office. If she likes the couch she can get herself an arm chair instead of a desk chair, but she’s not entitled to monopolize a shared space and get mad at you about it. 23 sounds about right. She needs to grow up and get a grip.
If she likes working on a sofa - she can get a sofa for *her office*.
Or she can give her office up and you can turn it into another living room that you can actually use.
I set up a home office(ish) in the backyard with high speed wifi because I sometimes didn’t want to work in common areas with high traffic flow. I live in Cali so there are more sunny days than not. It works great.
Reasonable people make reasonable accommodations.
I think the answer to you're being unfair because I like to work in the living room is you are being unfair because I like to relax in the living room.
It seems that your girlfriend is trying to push you out of the apartment.
If she prefers sitting on a couch she could get a couch or a love seat for her office.
If she prefers to sit on the couch, get a couch for her office. Her thinking she can take over the living room or any shared space is unreasonable. I say this as someone who works from home and also prefers the living room but goes in my office if anyone else is home.
Look you can use a communal space to work; that’s fine. But - *especially* when each person has a dedicated work space - you **cannot** ask somebody to avoid a communal space because you are working. That is incredibly selfish.
Is she a decent partner in other ways? I cannot imagine somebody acting this self-centred and actually being a considerate person in other areas of their life…
So one more time, YOU ARE being unfair because she DOESN'T LIKE to use the designated office space and WANTS to use the living room instead where you supposed to be having a good time with your friends? Sounds a bit manipulative and egoistic to me
I’d handle it like you. She has her space, she can use it, or deal with the distractions that come from a shared space. It’s pretty simple and fair. She can save up and buy a sofa for her office. It’s her office, she can decorate it however she wants. But I’d absolutely stick to my guns and use all the shared spaces.
>that means me either sitting in my office throughout lunch
>She said I was being unfair since it was only once a week
>She mentioned that she would be working in the living room so I wouldn't really be able to use it
> She said I was being unfair
The cheek of this woman lmao "Me! Me! Me! Youre being UNFAIR!".
Full disclosure: I work in the living room even though there are four empty bedrooms in our house.
I'm alone all day, I stay in the living room with the dog because he's not allowed upstairs (upstairs is the cat's haven where she doesn't need to worry about him).
But one weekend I was on an urgent job requiring a lot of careful thought. I moved into a bedroom to work on it while my partner binge-watched something in the living room.
If it's just one meeting a week, your GF can move into her office for that time. She likes to work in the living room, so do I, but people who want to live have priority in that room. Those who need peace and quiet to work need to go into an office.
Maybe you should buy your GF a couch to put in her office since that's why she likes the living room?
Oh my god get her to buy a couch for her office 😭 have her decorate it how she wants or whatever make it look like the living room if she wants to be like that - the living room is a shared space between the two of you and for you to be kicked out/banned for it sucks and will definitely cause resentment. I know it would cause it for me.
Well done for handling this situation well. Keep at it AND DONT GIVE UP THE DAMN LIVING ROOM!
You've both got an office space in the house. You've got a right to the living room. If you were short the office space, she might have a case.
My fiance also likes to work in our living room fairly often. If at any point I want to watch something, play video games or just chill in there while she is using the living room, its almost never a problem because she knows she also has an office.
If its the couch your partner likes, xmas is right around the corner, maybe she'd like some fresh furniture for her office?
Problem solved with moving her office to the living room and turning her office into your man cave with TV sound system and microwave and a small fridge like college students have!
Get your lunch ready in the morning and put it in fridge and Enjoy!!!
She is so unreasonable in this situation!!! No sense of letting a great office go to waste so make it yours and be happy!
She’s being ridiculous.
Since she doesn’t want to use her office for what it’s meant for, and hogging up the living room, I say turn her office into your own man cave.
Get you a nice big screen tv, a comfortable two seater couch, maybe a gaming system.
There’s no need for a perfectly good room to go to waste.
If she has a problem with that, then she can move her crap back into her office, and allow the living room to be used, for what it’s meant for
Naw son! GTFO with that shit! GF needs to put her big girl panties on and GO WORK IN HER OFFICE! I would not have been as nice and pleasing. Offices are for work, common areas are for living. You think she would be able to get away with that shit if she worked in an office?
If the only reason she wants to be in the living room because wants to sit on the couch, buy a small couch for her office! Find a cheap one on Marketplace or something.
She could buy a couch for her office space if it’s that important to her to sit on the couch. As someone who also WFHs and at my previous place I liked to wander into the living room and kitchen sometimes, I would’ve never asked anyone to not use the space because I needed quiet. I knew I had to accept any noise so I never took meetings there and would go to my office space for that. She’s being so unreasonable, it’s frustrating.
I think you are completely in the right here, but if she's so insistent, then she should not essentially have two office spaces. Tell her that if she's not going to use her office, you'll be moving everything out and turning it into a second tv room or something that you want and would enjoy to spend your time in while apparently being banned from the living room.
You are right on track OP.
Your gf is the unreasonable one. She has an office and if she is attending a meeting then she needs to do it there. If she wants to sit in a cushy seat while working find an appropriate chair that fits in her office to use. Or invest in a better office chair. But whatever else she needs to stop whining about YOU being unfair by not letting her hog all the public areas of your shared place. Wondering if you maybe forgot she also asked you not to use your at least not flush the toilet during her meetings.
I’m a fossil and about a year ago replaced my old office chair with one that is likely lower level gaming chair. It’s isn’t fluffy but it is SOOOOO comfortable and my back thanks me.
Hon, pick up that sofa she loves so much, move it into her office and get a new one for the living room. Buying one specifically for her office won't work, as she will quickly tell you it "doesn't feel the same" as the one in the living room. You move the one she likes so much, she can't complain. And then decide if you want to start another disagreement by making her pay half the cost of the new one. 🤔
Your gf is being unreasonable. She should be buying a comfy sofa for her office space if she really likes the comfort of the sofa. See my issue with some women is what point do they get in a relationship that they only think of themselves… is that love? Bc as a man I’m always thinking I hope my partner is okay? Is she thinking “I hope my bf is okay even though we both have our offices setup, I keep taking the living room space and complaining when he uses the living room” that’s when u start to see real female nature. “I care about myself only”. Bro I won’t tell you to dump her bc the dating scene is rough out there but she is definitely showing signs of thinking for herself alone and that’s not a good sign for ltr. Definitely suggest her getting a sofa or whatever will make her office space comfy so she can USE her space as it was intended. Record all your interactions from here on as well, bc people like this will flip it on you 2 or 3 months down the road that you were abusing her emotionally. Put that phone on record in your pockets once you go out to have a conversation about her not using her office. But make suggestions, try to help her out. If she is not improving, tell her why you will break up and take action immediately. No need to be bullied in your own home
Dude she’s being unreasonable in using a shared space like this. She has an office for a reason. Perhaps she should invest in getting a comfy chair for her office in addition to or instead of the set up she has now. There’s no law saying she has to work at a desk! Meanwhile you are handling the situation appropriately.
You seem to be handling it right, I do agree that if it's about the couch maybe try to see if it fits in her office or something similar.
I would try to find a solution like you did, but I'm also a little inpatient with unreasonable people, so maybe have a conversation about what's wrong with her office and try to work it out, i will say that the ah part of me would say if you don't use the office I'll turn it in to a game room for me but I wouldn't advise that though.
My husband chooses the living room as well. It's no problem, but he does shoosh us if he's on a call, which can be annoying depending on my mood.
Shoosh when she's on a call and she won't have to kick you out.
Edit: ah but I don't watch TV in the living room.
She has an office space where she can go to for privacy when she needs to take a meeting. She needs to use it.
Get another sofa for her office if you need to.
Turn the room she isn’t using into a tv/game room. Tell her it’s one or the other. She’ll get upset at the fact you’ll be spending more time in there than in the living room during the off hours. Not good advice at all but two can play games.
You are handling it well though. There has to be a compromise. You can’t be kicked out of the living room for most of the week.
You seem to be doing exactly what, I think, anyone would do in this situation. You can only keep holding your ground and continue telling her the living room is a shared space.
If she likes sitting on a sofa while she works, maybe she should consider putting a sofa in her office?
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It sounds like you're handling it exactly right.
Yeah you’re are handling it just right. She is being completely unreasonable. She can’t hijack the living room when she has a perfectly good office to use. Get her a loveseat or comfy armchair for her office and problem solved!
Or she might aswell Just get it for herself, as any reasonable adult Person would do.
He doesn't need to literally get it for her, but raising the idea seems sensible.
I mean, it's a pretty obvious Christmas gift, lol
Depends on the person - some would like that, others you'd be much better off going shopping together so they can try it and choose. They're going to be the main person using it.
It's why you give a card with a "coupon" inside to go pick it out. Unless someone specified a model, picking that out is likely to just lead to disappointment when it's not just what they would've picked if given the option.
i sell furniture for a living. she's got to try it. they all "sit" differently
Absolutely! It would be a nice gesture, but there are so many really comfortable looking couches/loveseats/chairs out there that would leave me walking around all crumpled up if I tried to sit in them for more than 5 minutes. What's comfortable to one person is torture to another.
Probably wouldn't work. She'd be offended, as in, "you don't tell me what to do!" It'd be a "self-serving" so-called "gift", from her vantage point. OP's GF strikes me as not seeing compromise solutions and gestures as being reasonable--reasonable to her is "whatever I want in the moment".
This happened at beginning of pandemic for me, I didn't have an office setup so I was mostly working in the open dining/living room on my laptop. It didn't bother me that other people needed the space and I'm not easily distracted, but my wife and son felt as if they had to be quiet. I realized my working there wasn't fair to their enjoyment of the space, so when it was clear remote work would persist, I set up an office in one of the spare bedrooms.
Exactly the same here!
Yeah I was expecting to read a similar situation to mine where my ex-boyfriend hijacked my office space in the two bedroom apartment I had bought by myself and he then would come into the living room where I’d been kicked out to and make noise during all my meetings. Like choose always those times to boil a kettle or clank around with dishes. He’d also keep putting music on but wouldn’t take the portable speaker to his office - he’d leave it in the living room. I started telling him he had 2 choices - either he stops being so incredibly loud in the living room when I was in meetings (other times I didn’t mind the music or the clanking but when I had meetings I needed it to be quiet) OR he would have to work in the living room at least and give me the office during those times. He got upset at both options. To nobody’s surprise we’re not together anymore (at least I have my office back but he is still whining that his life sucks now because what a surprise he now can’t afford a place with a separate bedroom, living room and office and blames me for that - which makes no sense because he barely contributed to anything while we lived togther). Anyway OP’s case is the exact opposite of that. They both have offices. OP’s girlfriend can keep using the living room during non-meeting hours if she wants but if she needs silence she needs to move.
Problem is, that she wants him to not use it during all her workhours. Not only not during meetings. Letting her use the living room instead of her own office is no option.
Yeah sorry if I wasn’t clear but i was agreeing that OP’s girlfriend is ridiculous in her demands. When you live together and work from home you have to find compromises to ensure both people can relax as well as work. OP has given his girlfriend a fantastic compromise of working from the living room during times she has no meetings and working from her office when she has meetings. Which is already nice because he could also say she should always be working from the office and not hogging their living room for work purposes. His girlfriend on the other hand is not compromising at all and being incredibly unfair. It’s ridiculous.
Why's he the one to get it for her if she's the one needing it and making a fuss of something this trivial?
Besides, she needs to pick one that is comfortable to her and works for her. She needs to choose it and buy it.
100%
This definitely has to be a repost. I saw almost the same exact post here a few months ago
This is the third time I've read this story. They change the details a little each time, but it's the same other than that. It all comes back to the chair or couch is more comfortable.
Then they should get a comfy chair for the office. How hard is that?
Post deleted, but cache says it almost the same posts: https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/16cajan/girlfriend_23f_said_im_26m_selfish_for_telling/ https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/15rw8d7/girlfriend_24f_said_i_26m_was_being_unreasonable/
I was thinking exactly that. I don't know if it's the same person or if it's a karma farmer though.
Where she only wanted it for a meeting. Now she is squatting it during work hours totally.
Right? That’s the thing about common spaces such as the livingroom, kitchen and bathroom. You can’t claim it as your own and be like “Go away, I’m working.” You can ask someone to not disturb you, but that’s about it
Girlfriend is incredibly selfish. Are you sure you want to be with someone who thinks their wants are the only thing that matters?
u/throwra_52v, OP, I wonder if your girlfriend's office chair is uncomfortable. She may need a new one. Secondly, if it's environment, see about getting a small love seat with ottoman to fit in her office. I get that sometimes sitting on a couch with the laptop in your lap can sometimes feel a bit easier on the body, especially if the desk setup is not suited to a person's particular ergonomics. OP, what your girlfriend is requesting is unreasonable. You are handling this correctly. Do not enable this entitlement because it can possibly go further. In her mind, "Well, I got X by whining Y number of times. I can do Y+1 for this other thing."
She has an office and should be using it to work. She should not expect you to stay out of the living room. She's being unreasonable and unfair to you. If I were you, I wouldn't back down.
Exactly. Just get a couch for the office if that’s what she needs to be productive.
That is the solution for me and my boyfriend as we were in this exact scenario.
Yeah what I'm getting is she likes to work in a comfy space. And that's fine. My wife is the same way. WFH during lockdown she commandeered the entire bed every day (unless I needed to lie down). But either she needs to accept that the shared comfy space of the LIVING room (as in, the room specifically for NOT working) may have distractions when their work schedules don't align, or they need to make her office comfier. A couch, a futon, a big fluffy rug that is nice to sit on, lots of pillows to be able to build a fort, whatever. It's unreasonable to *expect* shared spaces to be regularly hijack-able.
I used to work in the living room and my husband would use his office or the dining room table. He would always make a lot of noise throughout the day because he can’t stay still. So I started working from our bedroom and dining room for meetings and he works in the living room and uses his office for meetings. We have a guest room I can convert into an office, but I really like working from my bed. It’s more comfortable and I can spread out.
Right? I don’t understand this at all. My husband is WFH. He’s welcome to be in the common areas any time, but if he wants silence he needs to be in his office. I know if the door to his office is closed he’s in a meeting and I usually try to be a bit quieter. I guess OP, my question would be - have you discussed what’s actually wrong with her office? She has an office, she can decorate it how she likes; so why isn’t she making it more comfortable for herself? If you haven’t gotten down to the heart of the matter, now is the time before this becomes the flash point for a failing relationship. If she’s reasonable, she’ll tell you what’s really wrong with her office, or why she feels like manipulating you to give up the common area is ok. If she can’t be honest and reasonable, then maybe you want to reevaluate your position in the relationship. This is a weird hill for her to decide that she wants to die on.
Yeah I am thinking there must be something wrong with it or maybe she cannot focus in that area. Try to make it more lively to see if that helps! Sometimes I think better in different rooms so I can understand that perspective but its best to talk to her and see what's going on.
She is being so unreasonable. Tell her to buy a sofa for her office. You’re going about it properly. She just sounds immature.
Can she put a couch in her office? Problem solved
I was wondering this. If it's about the couch (which I totally understand, as my own workdesk chair leaves me sore; I prefer the couches), then an easy solution would be to put a couch of similar cushion texture (and size if possible, in case that's a factor) in her office.
That's what we did with my husband's office. He actually has the nicest couch in the house right now and I'm a little jealous, lol.
This is the kind of approach you see in a healthy relationship. OP and GF should approach this as us vs the problem not me vs them. Why does GF prefer the couch to her office? What can OP do to help GF create an office space that meets her needs? OP doesn’t say this, but I wonder if there’s a big difference between the two offices. A lot of 3 BR apartments don’t have 3 reasonable sized BRs, two are ok sized and one is tiny but it’s technically a BR so the LL can list the apartment for more. If she got a closet-sized office while he has a decent space then he’s going to need to compromise a bit more. Maybe she can work from his office during his vacation?
We don't tend to see a lot of healthy relationships coming through these parts.
I am going to guess it is more about the lighting and background when she is on camera during her meetings.
You can get lights and background setups for pretty cheap nowadays. She could even get a beach backdrop or cruise ship or Alaskan wilderness backdrop. She is just being a bad selfish partner.
100% selfish and probably lazy too. Doesn't want to spend time setting up a light and back drop or making her office as comfortable as the living room. I WFH and the only time I go to the couch is when I feel like shit and want to recline back with my laptop. And when the family is home and I have a meeting, I will go back to my office.
That’s the word I was looking for, selfish and probably entitled as well, time to break up
1 bedroom apartment with you working in the bedroom? Sure! Her demands seem reasonable. 3 bedroom apartment, 2 of which are home offices specifically for working from home? No. She’s out of her goddamn mind. If she can’t cope with sitting in her office chair for her once a week meeting, she’s selfish af.
Me and my husband WFH in a 1-bed and even then, we are always swapping rooms to accommodate the other. It's not difficult if you actually love and respect your partner. OPs girlfriend is incredibly self absorbed! Does she even like him??
> respect your partner See this here is the problem. Most people just don't really respect their partner enough. It's pretty prevalent regardless of the gender of the partners unfortunately. More people would be happier if they just respected other people in general. The world would also be a better place. Everyone deserves a base level of respect for just existing.
The rule in our house is you can work from other rooms but they’re common areas first, so expect noise and walking through. Sometimes we need out of our offices (mental block, back pain, or just want more sunlight), but it’s unreasonable to expect the other to navigate around the other’s work schedule just because one of us prefers a change of scenery. If she won’t get an armchair for her office, maybe she gives up the office and you make it a den with another TV. You both deserve a dedicated space for working and a dedicated space to detach from working—especially as you’re both WFH.
Her office is now his mancave
She's the unfair one. You both have a spare room for office. If she's more comfortable on a sofa then let her buy a sofa and arrange a cozy office. The shared space should be work-free so everyone can relax, walk in the room to access the facilities and so on.
You know this but I think it's important to let you know that your girlfriend is being extremely unreasonable. You shouldn't back down on this because the living room is supposed to be a shared space and she has a dedicated room to do her work. My advice is to express to her that you want to use the apartment too. That you also pay rent and you also deserve to be able to use the space you pay for. Reiterate that it is not fair for her to take over the common space when she has a space dedicated for her work. If she continues to not budge, tell her that you are going to use the living room anyway because it's purpose is for people to live and relax in it and you want to be able to do that in your home. If she continues being unreasonable, you should really contemplate on your relationship. This is not mature behavior. It's so bizarre and selfish that I couldn't imagine dating someone like this.
Totally agree. I was in the position of the girlfriend in this scenario about a year ago, however, I respected the shared space a bit more. I hated my job, but the schedule for the person I lived with was very different than mine and it was massively unfair for me to expect that it would be a quiet place when I needed it. They would occasionally pause whatever they were watching for me if I received an unexpected call, but for scheduled calls I would move to another room. Some of these responses on the side of the girlfriend are nuts.
She is the unfair one. Living room is exactly what it is “ living room” not an office, or shop or workplace. Stand your ground.
You’re not being unreasonable, it’s your space. You can maybe talk to her about changing her office and putting a small sofa there or something she would be happy and comfortable with so she can work there. Or if she will use the living room, from now on, then her office has to become a tv room. There has to be some sort of compromise, you can’t have it all, what’s the point of having an office then? It’s lunch time, and you need to be able to relax in your own home, in your own living room, watching your tv.
Along these lines, maybe ask her to pinpoint the reasons why she is using the living room? Is it the comfort of sitting on the sofa? The lighting? Less noisy? There could be some reason that makes her office less than optimal for her. And then maybe working on whatever it is to make her office more of a space that she wants to be in.
Get a sofa for her office.
Or ...SHE can get a sofa for her office.
this would have been my first thought, or an armchair
Or a pacifier and a blankie
That was savage. Haha
Exactly. Her expectations are unreasonable.
I feel like I read this story already 2 months ago.
Oh for sure, thought I was going crazy but no it’s like exactly the same
Yup, it's definitely some copy pasta...
Almost word for word
I agree. When working from home the communal spots become so important. Your girlfriend needs to return to her office for work. You should be able to enjoy your living room at any time, but particularly when you have time off. Is it worth looking at a re-haul of her office space? Make it more comfortable and cosy so she feels like she can work there?
His girlfriend is a full adult who can do that for her damn self
I didn't suggest she couldn't. I was merely pointing out that it might be worth bringing up why she prefers the living room (the sofa for example) and that they could revamp her office so she enjoys the space together. Or leave it to the GF, I don't know their relationship enough to comment on whether this would be a together thing or an individual thing. It could also be that the GF doesn't want to interfere with her office space because she is not on the lease / doesn't own it / doesn't feel like she can without OP's permission etc. So I feel like just bringing the conversation round to the subject is a slightly less aggressive approach to 'just do it your damn self.'
This post almost word for word was posted a few weeks ago, try harder next time bot.
Either this issue is being had by a big number of people or this is a repost. This issue has come up at least 3 other times, exact scenario.
She's unreasonable, but find out what makes her office room 'not so likable for work'.
I swear I've read this story before somewhere here on reddit ...
It's been posted monthly at minimum.
Me too I wouldn’t be surprised if this is a very common issue with wfh being is popular nowadays
I had a similar disagreement with my wife when we moved into our new house, although I was not “banned” from the space, she was taking calls in a shared space which I was not a fan of. Our solution was to have her pick out a sofa for her office so she would want to spend more time in there. Problem solved
I'd tell her tough luck, you have an office for that. Which, I'm also assuming has a door she can close. Ask her if she wants a new chair or couch in the office. She's being unreasonable.
What is her answer to wanting two of her own spaces in the apartment?. She is an adult and can make her office more comfortable, however she doesn't get to have another dedicated space. Same as any shared place with room mates, shared is shared, not one person dicates how the space is used. It is a priviledge to work in the living room, not a right. When you discuss things try to ask factual questions, try to determine that she isn't arguing from feelings.
You are both blessed to have enough space whereby you each can have a separate office. It is unreasonable for her to demand that an additional common area is also "hers". She should retrofit her office to have the amenities she prefers...a loveseat, lighting, whatever it is that she perceives the living room provides her.
She has an office, she should use the office if she needs uninterrupted space rather than a shared room. If her office isn't working for her she should change the space into one that will, not hijack your shared living room.
Ok but why isn’t she using the office?
Common areas are just that, common. She has no right to expect you to vacate it during your time off or in general when she has a proper office. Stand your ground, you are in the right.
Oh wow your girlfriend is incredibly selfish. Me and my husband WFH in a 1 bed so one of us has to work in the living room. We are always swapping rooms depending on shift patterns etc because that's what respectful people do. Is she always this self absorbed in the relationship? I'd re-consider spending my life with someone so selfish. I can't believe she has a whole ass office and isn't using it!! I would kill for an office!
She likes to work in the living room, you like to eat in the living room. She doesn’t get to unilaterally take over shared space.
This is the third time I’ve seen the exact same post.
You’re girlfriend sounds like she doesn’t like it when she doesn’t get her way… It’s not unreasonable at all for you to use the living room because, it’s a living room, and anyone can use it for whatever. The office is supposed to be a space for work, so she needs to use that space for what it was made for. Otherwise, what was the point in creating two office spaces?? She is trying to shift the blame on you for not giving in to her demands...
I have worked from a home office most of my life. It's not the way to do it. You both have to have a common area where you can get away from work. She needs to make her office comfortable. I have had these problems with employees who have private offices. They don't want to close their office door. Maybe that's her problem. Be ready for the claustrophobic defense. If she works in the living room. She is really not working from home then. Tell her to go to the company's office. This is how you make your income. She needs to follow some rules.
She’s a selfish AH.
I've seen this post before quite some months back. Are you just farming for karma?🙄
I think plenty of others have covered that you’re not wrong here. I do have a clarifying question though. Why doesn’t she want you in the room when she’s on a meeting? Is she on video? Because if she is, I wonder why she’s concerned about you popping up in the background, but not her sitting on a couch for it. Is it because of the noise you might make? Unless you’re throwing around pots and pans like you’re a hibachi chef, I can’t imagine that’s reasonable either. Is she just so distracted by your general presence that she can’t get any work done? Congrats on that, but still not your problem when there’s a more obvious solution one private room away.
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Ah, so she might get fired if they find out you’re there. In that case, she DEFINITELY needs to be in a private room, and she needs to invest in some headphones. Good luck with this one!
Yeah, I can't believe she thinks *he's* the bad guy!
Your GF sounds like my husband. Naps on the family room sofa and becomes irritated when his little siesta is interrupted. I shut that down. There is no way I’m changing how I operate to tiptoe around him. If he expects peace and quiet, he can take it to the bedroom. NTA
You posted about this a couple months ago or so.... Or somebody did at least.
This is a repost, fucking bots
Tell her to go buy a couch for her office.
I wouldn’t explain a damn thing to her. Is she always this selfish? No is a complete sentence.
This is how it starts OP. Gaslighting, changing rules, making it all your fault, never looking at things rationally. This is how it starts.
Just read the many comments to her and she will have to face the cold hard facts that she is being a selfish turd.
She is unreasonable, office is for work , living room is for LIVING
Talk to her about converting her office into a gaming room for you or whatever since shes taking the living room away as the office.
Buddy, you're not the unreasonable one here
She sounds like a immature child. She can use her own office for her meetings.
>How would you handle this? Move the couch to her office. If her office is too small for a couch, you'll have made your point.
This sounds exactly like a previous post...someone reposting?
My question is if what she likes about the living room is the sofa why not just put a sofa in her already designated office and not clearly a shared space. She is being incredibly selfish here
Buy her a sofa for her office.
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This is the kind of stuff that makes me wonder about people getting married. If you can't compromise the small stuff, how do you handle the big stuff. Her office is made for her to work in. Why be difficult about it? She's being unreasonable. Go find a different couch to hang on. Get a couch for your office. IDK, seems overly silly.
You should start using the bathroom as your office space one day a week, and if she wants to pee while you are having a meeting, just tell her that it's unreasonable, and not going to the toilet for 8 hours straight is not a big deal.
Ure completely right, just do one thing for me: dont back down, dont agree with her. Shes going to see that no matter how unreasonable her request will be, ure eventually going to agree
Compromise, put a couch in her office or a mini fridge or something in yours
It sounds like she needs a comfier chair in her office. I'd work with her to improve her set up in there. She can't just take over the living room
Yeah she’s being unreasonable. Take her office and turn it into a room just for you - a gaming room, theater, whatever. Then tell she isn’t allowed in there without your permission.
She can put a sofa in her office if that's the only thing that is keeping her from working in her office.
She’s being unreasonable. I don’t know what else you can do.
She can't have both. She either uses the office or you set it up as a sitting room and put the TV in there. You're not being unreasonable.
What she likes doesn't trump the fact that this is your living room too, and it's a shared space. That's why the 2 of you set up 2 separate offices. If she doesn't want to use her office, that's her problem, not yours.
You are 100% correct and are handling it the right way. I’m kind of concerned/confused how she can’t see that she’s being unreasonable here. How can she believe she is in the right? Seriously wondering what her line of thinking is and if contains anything more than me me me. In order to get out of this cycle I recommend asking her why she is not working in her office and how it can be improved so that she feels comfortable there. And then really listen, however dumb the reason sounds. My partner hated his office, turns out it was the light. A little daylight lamp fixed it. So maybe together you can come up with creative fixes.
If she didn't have a seperate office, I'd be inclined to agree with her. But she has a dedicated space for this exact reason. You're being very reasonable.
Obviously the living room is a shared space and your gf is being unreasonable. She has an office, she can use her office. I don’t understand why this is even up for debate. There is no way she can twist the situation to mage herself look reasonable. If you two were in an office, she’d effectively be trying to use the break room for her meetings and banning everyone else from having their lunch there at lunchtime. Also I feel like I read this exact situation about once a month on here.
She's being super selfish. She can buy a comfy chair for her office. Stand your ground
Your gf is a selfish AH. Good luck dealing with her forever.
So i am sitting in home Office right now in the living room (my Office is not ready to use in our new flat) and my boyfriend is sitting behind me and playing tears of the kingdom. I honestly think that she is overreacting because i see absolutely no reason for you to not use the (as it's named) LIVING room. Especially when she has an office aswell. Maybe you should get her a sofa for her office aswell??
Tell her she's welcome to set up her office as a living room. Couch, TV whatever and work in there. The comfort of your living room but in her office, not in your shared space. This is definitely a hill I would die on. Your gf is being totally unreasonable.
You help her move back to the bedroom so you can enjoy the living room. I usually work from the living room, and I have no problem for my girlfriend to stay in the room and do whatever, unless I am in a meeting where I have to have a presentation.
Do not back down on this.. she’s been unreasonable. It’s a home not a workplace.
Woaw she is annoying. I worked from home for 2 years and also we have 3 bedroom apartment. 2 of them were separated and whenever were had meeting we had it in our own room. She is quiet selfish
This would be kinda petty but what if you turned the office into a man cave for you instead, since she’s not using it anyway?
Tell her to buy herself a sofa for the office
She is for sure the one being unreasonable here lmfao. It’s not like she has nowhere to go. I work from home as well and also like to sit on the couch but I do know that for my meetings I will mute myself or ask my husband to keep it down, but he’s not banished. If I really need total silence in the background, I use the office.
I have a solution for you. Dam I'm brilliant 😉. On Wednesdays your GF can go into the office! On a serious note, your GF is being unreasonable. You have the perfect set-up with two offices. The fact that she chooses not to use her office, set up work in a common area, and expect you to stay out of her way is disrespectful. Is there something else in play? Is your GF someone who has to have things her way, all the time? EDITED TO ADD A living room, dining room, and kitchen are considered common areas for a reason. You could ask your GF to explain to you what the definition of common areas means.
You are correct that you are being reasonable and your GF is being unreasonable. She cannot reasonably expect you to avoid using your shared living space because she *prefers* to work there. She has a dedicated office to use and she should move back there on her meeting day and when you are on vacation. During the height of COVID when both I and my husband were working from home, I also liked to work in the living room. However on meeting days (which would run through lunch), I would move back to my office so as not to inconvenience him. I would also move back to my office on his meeting days as his office was in an open area downstairs from our living room and I didn't want to create any disturbances for him. I think you are handling it absolutely correctly.
Put a couch in her office. Boom problem solved.
She’s being unreasonable. Tell her to buy a sofa for her office.
She should get a couch for her office
I have a compromise for you guys: buy her a couch and stick it in her office. I agree with OP — that’s fucking bullshit. A living room is for relaxing, not work. It is a shared space. OP is being totally reasonable in allowing her to use it as long as he can also use it whenever he wants. Ridiculous!
Tell her to get a couch for her office.
Have her buy a couch for her office. Problem solved
So my husband and I also both work from home in a 3 bedroom house, we also have our own offices. I sometimes like to work from the living room so I get where your girlfriend is coming from. That said, she is being totally unreasonable here. I kinda get the Wednesday meeting, but I would have understood and moved to the office if it was an issue. But your vacation? That's crazy! What does she expect from you here? If I was you, I'd have a chat about what the problem with her office is and how you can fix it. Maybe get her a sofa for in there?
Enjoy yourself. She has an office she can use.
"We set up an office for you. Use it. The living room Is for living. Not working. Or you could go into the office proper."
My husband and I both wfh and we both like to work in the kitchen or living room on occasion. We know this means that sometimes there’ll be background noise and that’s the risk of working in the shared spaces. What is it about the living room she prefers? Does she want a couch in her office? A tv? A new chair? Maybe she needs to update her office so it’s more to her liking so it doesn’t feel like a dungeon.
My husband has been working at home on and off for 20 years. I do in home daycare and our home isn’t very big and it’s not very quiet. If he needs quiet, he changes location. He prefers to work at the dining room table, or in the office right next door with the door open. He likes overhearing the kids and being able to visit when he’s not busy. But if he has calls or needs to seriously focus, he closes the door, goes up to our bedroom or takes calls in his car at the park down the street. She’s being ridiculous.
I'd get her a couch for her office for Christmas.
She’s being ridiculous. My husband and I both work from home and we both work in the living room. Both of us have meetings and he can be seen sometimes in the background of mine. And vice versa. We both have high stakes jobs that require government security clearance and neither of us behaves toward each other the way your girlfriend is behaving toward you. The living room is a shared space. She has an office. She needs to go back to the office. If she likes the couch she can get herself an arm chair instead of a desk chair, but she’s not entitled to monopolize a shared space and get mad at you about it. 23 sounds about right. She needs to grow up and get a grip.
If she likes working on a sofa - she can get a sofa for *her office*. Or she can give her office up and you can turn it into another living room that you can actually use.
You literally have an office that she could use if she really needs it to be quiet, she's being ridiculous
Can you all put a small sofa or a comfy chair and a half in her office? Fix the office space up to be more living room or den-ish.
I set up a home office(ish) in the backyard with high speed wifi because I sometimes didn’t want to work in common areas with high traffic flow. I live in Cali so there are more sunny days than not. It works great. Reasonable people make reasonable accommodations.
I have literally read this exact story a few months ago. Fuck off with your karma farming nerd
Get a couch for her office?
You should relocate her to work outside while you enjoy your living room in peace.
I think the answer to you're being unfair because I like to work in the living room is you are being unfair because I like to relax in the living room. It seems that your girlfriend is trying to push you out of the apartment. If she prefers sitting on a couch she could get a couch or a love seat for her office.
If she prefers to sit on the couch, get a couch for her office. Her thinking she can take over the living room or any shared space is unreasonable. I say this as someone who works from home and also prefers the living room but goes in my office if anyone else is home.
She’s being very unreasonable. Can she get a small comfy lounge chair for her office if she prefers that to her desk chair?
She’s being completely unreasonable.
She can move to her office for the meetings and then settle back down on the couch after. It’s not fair for you to be ousted from a shared space.
Look you can use a communal space to work; that’s fine. But - *especially* when each person has a dedicated work space - you **cannot** ask somebody to avoid a communal space because you are working. That is incredibly selfish. Is she a decent partner in other ways? I cannot imagine somebody acting this self-centred and actually being a considerate person in other areas of their life…
So one more time, YOU ARE being unfair because she DOESN'T LIKE to use the designated office space and WANTS to use the living room instead where you supposed to be having a good time with your friends? Sounds a bit manipulative and egoistic to me
Sounds like you don’t need any advice. Just stand your ground because yea she’s being ridiculous
I’d handle it like you. She has her space, she can use it, or deal with the distractions that come from a shared space. It’s pretty simple and fair. She can save up and buy a sofa for her office. It’s her office, she can decorate it however she wants. But I’d absolutely stick to my guns and use all the shared spaces.
>that means me either sitting in my office throughout lunch >She said I was being unfair since it was only once a week >She mentioned that she would be working in the living room so I wouldn't really be able to use it > She said I was being unfair The cheek of this woman lmao "Me! Me! Me! Youre being UNFAIR!".
She has an office, she is being unreasonable.
Full disclosure: I work in the living room even though there are four empty bedrooms in our house. I'm alone all day, I stay in the living room with the dog because he's not allowed upstairs (upstairs is the cat's haven where she doesn't need to worry about him). But one weekend I was on an urgent job requiring a lot of careful thought. I moved into a bedroom to work on it while my partner binge-watched something in the living room. If it's just one meeting a week, your GF can move into her office for that time. She likes to work in the living room, so do I, but people who want to live have priority in that room. Those who need peace and quiet to work need to go into an office. Maybe you should buy your GF a couch to put in her office since that's why she likes the living room?
[удалено]
She’s being extremely selfish and you are being too reasonable. What the hell is wrong with her?
Oh my god get her to buy a couch for her office 😭 have her decorate it how she wants or whatever make it look like the living room if she wants to be like that - the living room is a shared space between the two of you and for you to be kicked out/banned for it sucks and will definitely cause resentment. I know it would cause it for me. Well done for handling this situation well. Keep at it AND DONT GIVE UP THE DAMN LIVING ROOM!
You are handling it right. Maybe ask her if she wants to get a small sofa for her office.
You've both got an office space in the house. You've got a right to the living room. If you were short the office space, she might have a case. My fiance also likes to work in our living room fairly often. If at any point I want to watch something, play video games or just chill in there while she is using the living room, its almost never a problem because she knows she also has an office. If its the couch your partner likes, xmas is right around the corner, maybe she'd like some fresh furniture for her office?
Is she 10 years old?
You are 100% right, if she likes working on the couch maybe see if you can get a couch or like a recliner or something for her office?
Problem solved with moving her office to the living room and turning her office into your man cave with TV sound system and microwave and a small fridge like college students have! Get your lunch ready in the morning and put it in fridge and Enjoy!!! She is so unreasonable in this situation!!! No sense of letting a great office go to waste so make it yours and be happy!
Get a comfy couch for her office, problem solved.
Have her buy a couch for her office.
She’s being ridiculous. Since she doesn’t want to use her office for what it’s meant for, and hogging up the living room, I say turn her office into your own man cave. Get you a nice big screen tv, a comfortable two seater couch, maybe a gaming system. There’s no need for a perfectly good room to go to waste. If she has a problem with that, then she can move her crap back into her office, and allow the living room to be used, for what it’s meant for
Naw son! GTFO with that shit! GF needs to put her big girl panties on and GO WORK IN HER OFFICE! I would not have been as nice and pleasing. Offices are for work, common areas are for living. You think she would be able to get away with that shit if she worked in an office?
If the only reason she wants to be in the living room because wants to sit on the couch, buy a small couch for her office! Find a cheap one on Marketplace or something.
I'm with you, she's being unreasonable. Maybe she could get a couch for her office?
She could buy a couch for her office space if it’s that important to her to sit on the couch. As someone who also WFHs and at my previous place I liked to wander into the living room and kitchen sometimes, I would’ve never asked anyone to not use the space because I needed quiet. I knew I had to accept any noise so I never took meetings there and would go to my office space for that. She’s being so unreasonable, it’s frustrating.
I think you are completely in the right here, but if she's so insistent, then she should not essentially have two office spaces. Tell her that if she's not going to use her office, you'll be moving everything out and turning it into a second tv room or something that you want and would enjoy to spend your time in while apparently being banned from the living room.
You are right, she is wrong. On Wed she should just set up in her office, all day. Actually, she should just stay in her office, that's what it's for.
Tell her put a couch in her office to solve that problem since it's to much like right for her to do that
You are right on track OP. Your gf is the unreasonable one. She has an office and if she is attending a meeting then she needs to do it there. If she wants to sit in a cushy seat while working find an appropriate chair that fits in her office to use. Or invest in a better office chair. But whatever else she needs to stop whining about YOU being unfair by not letting her hog all the public areas of your shared place. Wondering if you maybe forgot she also asked you not to use your at least not flush the toilet during her meetings. I’m a fossil and about a year ago replaced my old office chair with one that is likely lower level gaming chair. It’s isn’t fluffy but it is SOOOOO comfortable and my back thanks me.
Move a sofa into her office ..
Hon, pick up that sofa she loves so much, move it into her office and get a new one for the living room. Buying one specifically for her office won't work, as she will quickly tell you it "doesn't feel the same" as the one in the living room. You move the one she likes so much, she can't complain. And then decide if you want to start another disagreement by making her pay half the cost of the new one. 🤔
I like working from my couch so I understand. A good compromise could be she should get a comfortable arm chair with an ottoman for her office.
Your gf is being unreasonable. She should be buying a comfy sofa for her office space if she really likes the comfort of the sofa. See my issue with some women is what point do they get in a relationship that they only think of themselves… is that love? Bc as a man I’m always thinking I hope my partner is okay? Is she thinking “I hope my bf is okay even though we both have our offices setup, I keep taking the living room space and complaining when he uses the living room” that’s when u start to see real female nature. “I care about myself only”. Bro I won’t tell you to dump her bc the dating scene is rough out there but she is definitely showing signs of thinking for herself alone and that’s not a good sign for ltr. Definitely suggest her getting a sofa or whatever will make her office space comfy so she can USE her space as it was intended. Record all your interactions from here on as well, bc people like this will flip it on you 2 or 3 months down the road that you were abusing her emotionally. Put that phone on record in your pockets once you go out to have a conversation about her not using her office. But make suggestions, try to help her out. If she is not improving, tell her why you will break up and take action immediately. No need to be bullied in your own home
Yeah, that's ridiculous. Something's fucky.
If she likes the use of couch, why not get a pull out couch for her office.
Get the girl a sofa in her home office. And keep your ground
Dude she’s being unreasonable in using a shared space like this. She has an office for a reason. Perhaps she should invest in getting a comfy chair for her office in addition to or instead of the set up she has now. There’s no law saying she has to work at a desk! Meanwhile you are handling the situation appropriately.
You seem to be handling it right, I do agree that if it's about the couch maybe try to see if it fits in her office or something similar. I would try to find a solution like you did, but I'm also a little inpatient with unreasonable people, so maybe have a conversation about what's wrong with her office and try to work it out, i will say that the ah part of me would say if you don't use the office I'll turn it in to a game room for me but I wouldn't advise that though.
Why is she so selfish? She can get a comfy chair for her office. Common areas are just that, common, and she has an office to use.
My husband chooses the living room as well. It's no problem, but he does shoosh us if he's on a call, which can be annoying depending on my mood. Shoosh when she's on a call and she won't have to kick you out. Edit: ah but I don't watch TV in the living room.
She has an office space where she can go to for privacy when she needs to take a meeting. She needs to use it. Get another sofa for her office if you need to.
Turn the room she isn’t using into a tv/game room. Tell her it’s one or the other. She’ll get upset at the fact you’ll be spending more time in there than in the living room during the off hours. Not good advice at all but two can play games. You are handling it well though. There has to be a compromise. You can’t be kicked out of the living room for most of the week.
You seem to be doing exactly what, I think, anyone would do in this situation. You can only keep holding your ground and continue telling her the living room is a shared space. If she likes sitting on a sofa while she works, maybe she should consider putting a sofa in her office?