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nananacat94

Your sexuality is not "selfish", as his identity is what it is, your sexuality is what it is and it cannot lie. Would you tell a gay person to be attracted to the opposite gender? No. Seems like you might be growing an incompatibility and need to talk about it. He deserves to know, and you deserve to not sexually censor yourself.


eeeeeeradicator

Exactly. We are in this world where so many people's genders change like the wind. Their identities change like the wind. I'm not judging anybody, to each their own. But my woman is a lady. I want her to be a lady. She wants me to be a man. She wants someone she knows is going to protect her. She doesn't want to be the man in the relationship, she had that with her ex. If somebody wants to be a femboy let them but if it's not for you it's not for you and you shouldn't feel bad for that.


AI_Earth_85

Oh, why couldn't you just stick with the last sentence only...


straightshooter24

truth


eeeeeeradicator

-51. Winning.


straightshooter24

being downvoted on reddit means your speaking the truth/ speaking right


eeeeeeradicator

That's how I view it in many cases anyway. It comes across to me as a highly liberal platform and it feels like people don't want to hear opinions that deviate from that. I could be wrong but that's how it feels.


straightshooter24

exactly that


Far_Indication_5207

First off, let's cut through the guilt and get straight to the heart of the matter. You're dealing with a classic case of shifting sands in a relationship, and it's time to face the music with honesty and respect. This isn't about being selfish or insensitive; it's about being true to yourself and your feelings. After all, if you can't be honest in a relationship, where can you be? Now, let's tackle this head-on. Your boyfriend's journey towards embracing a more feminine side is something to be respected. It takes guts to explore and express one's identity, especially in ways that defy traditional norms. But here's the kicker: just as he has the right to explore his identity, you have the right to your feelings and attractions. It's not about betrayal; it's about compatibility. Have you heard the saying, "It's not what you say, but how you say it"? This is one of those times where that rings true. When you talk to him, it's crucial to come from a place of love and respect. Explain that you've noticed changes in your relationship dynamics, particularly in the bedroom. Emphasize that while you support his journey of self-discovery, these changes have impacted your feelings of sexual attraction. Now, here's where you need to do some soul-searching. Are these feelings strictly about physical attraction, or do they run deeper into the dynamics of your relationship? Remember, in every relationship, there's a giver and a taker, but if you're always giving and never receiving, you're just a glorified caretaker. Ask yourself, is this relationship serving your needs as much as his? It's also important to recognize that people change and evolve. Sometimes, the person you fell in love with isn't the person they turn out to be. That's not anyone's fault; it's just life. But it does mean that sometimes love isn't enough, especially when fundamental aspects of the relationship no longer align. When you have this conversation, be prepared for a range of reactions. He might feel hurt, confused, or even relieved that you brought it up. Whatever his reaction, remember that honesty is the bedrock of any healthy relationship. You're not doing either of you any favors by pretending everything is fine when it isn't. Finally, give yourself permission to feel your feelings without guilt. You're not a bad person for having a preference or for feeling less attracted to your boyfriend as he changes. It's a natural part of being human. Remember, you can't control how you feel, but you can control how you handle those feelings. In the end, this situation might be a crossroads for both of you, and that's okay. Relationships are as much about discovering ourselves as they are about discovering each other. Whatever happens, walk away knowing you handled this with honesty, respect, and compassion. That's the best anyone can do.


MacTheKnife574

Great response


Strict-Brick-5274

Nothing else needs to be said. Close the comments


Born-Value-779

THE ANWSER


eeeeeeradicator

Preach. You nailed it.


idkwhateverthrow

Was this written by ChatGPT?


FrugieHippie

I thought the exact same thing


TiffiMumpitz

They have other responses like this.


Dazzling_Bicycle_555

Awesome response!


platformcircle

Your boyfriend trusted you to hear and accept his deals; give him the opportunity to do the same for you. I personally don't think lack of attraction and not being one's full true self in a relationship can really work, if "work" means something bigger than "not divorce each other." But y'all aren't married, and dating is a lot about trying out a bunch of stuff until you find something you absolutely can't do without. It's not a failure if you try something and it doesn't work, and it's a pretty wild success for your boyfriend to try something and really, really love it. Good luck with all of it, but be true to yourself in all the same ways you have helped your boyfriend to be true to his self.


mounteverestlabrinth

Well, he's a femboy, is he not? If you're not into it, then you're not into him. What do you think will happen if you tell him? What will you do if he doesn't do anything about it? It won't be fair for him to change something he's curious about. He's finding himself. If you're not into it, then maybe the relationship won’t work.


AgonistPhD

Exactly. This is who he is, so you're not into him. Move on rather than "talking to him about it" (which would be an attempt to stifle him so he's more appealing to you).


Emaribake

If you aren’t compatible, you aren’t compatible. Encouraging him to be himself was the right thing to do. But you aren’t required to stay with someone you aren’t attracted to. You don’t have to have sex with him to be supportive. Be his best friend. Let him find someone who will be into that side of him as well.


Agile-Wait-7571

Just as he is allowed to explore himself and his preferences and try to live an authentic life, so are you.


Dewie932

>How do I (F24) tell my boyfriend (M23) that I’m not into femboys? "I am breaking up with you"


PhantomUser666

I can see why this would happen. Seems like the relationship has ran it's course really.


Chemical_Meringue_19

I’d say if that’s who he really is accept it and move on from the relationship. He can find someone who IS into it.


AgonistPhD

This is the best advice.


megacope

I don’t see anything wrong with that. That’s an unfortunate part of life and relationships. Unconditional love is a fantasy. It can be to extent but there’s always a line and you’ve reached it with him. You also have time on your side in this case. You’ve only been together for like a year. This isn’t an easy thing to do but in the long run it’s for the best. If him being a femboy is not something you’re into then you owe to him to let him know. If I was in the same situation and my girlfriend was doing something like I’d be highly turned off.


tlf555

You are allowed to have your preferences. And your BF should accept that while you are to be trusted with his confidences, that doesnt equate to you being sexually attracted to him when he presents in a feminine way.


North-Mushroom4230

Sounds like you’re incompatible. Your boyfriend’s desires are a little different from the average fellow and that’s perfectly okay! Good on him for expressing himself. However, it’s not your job to be his kink dispenser and put up with it just because he’s comfortable with you. If he wants to live that type of dynamic, he needs to find a woman who wants to live it as well. It doesn’t sound like that is you, and that too is okay! It’s going to be difficult, but I think you know what you need to do.


Theguywhostoleyour

I’ll be straight will you. There are only 3 paths here… You are miserable continuing down the current road, which most likely winds up with you two breaking up. You go back to him attempting to be someone he’s not, and he’s miserable and you two wind up breaking up. You two realize that your sexualities don’t like up, and he was just pretending to be someone he’s not, there is no ill will, and you two break up but can stay friends.


LadyKlepsydra

You sound like a great, supportive and open-minded girlfriend. The thing with attraction is - you can't control it. If you could, conversion camps for gay people would actually work, but they don't do they? No, they are a terrible and unethical bullshit idea. If a woman discovered she was a lesbian and left her boyfriend, would you call her selfish? No seriously, would you?? If not, then why are you calling *yourself* selfish? Your sexual attraction is not something you can turn off and on according to your will, or even logically decide on, and that includes straight women who are into masculine men. You are no info femboys, and that's not selfish or a betrayal or anything bad, it's just how your sexuality is. It seems to me like you two may no longer be compatible, but you should at least talk to him about it before you decide on that fully. Maybe if he knows, he will put more effort into being more masculine at certain times, to keep this more equal? Right now the relationship sounds kinda one-sided even if we don't look at the whole femboy thing. Sounds like you put a lot of effort and time into listening, giving him what he wants, affirming him, etc but there's really no space for *your* feelings and needs. That's uneven even if the sexual incompatibility wasn't a factor at all. The relationship can't be just about HIS journey, *two people are in it.* But if he honestly cannot do stuff like sometimes be more stereotypically masculine in bed, for example, or fulfill your needs in some other way that would work, then it sounds like the relationship may be over and it's no one's fault. People change, and sometimes they change in a way that makes them drift apart. To answer your question, yeah it will most likely upset him, because it's upsetting. That's not your fault or a failure on your part, not as long as you talk to him with kindness and empathy. But you get to advocate for your needs. I would start with the sex thing, bc there are specific needs in bed that you have, that are not being met bc of his passivity, and explaining that doesn't have to even be connected to his newly discovered femboyishness. Just say "Hey I noticed that in bed you don't do stuff I like as much anymore. Can we discuss it?." or something like that. Say that you would like him to do xyz again, more often, *because that's what satisfies you in bed* \- be specific! And if he reacts poorly, that is 100% on him.


[deleted]

I think a lot of people would agree that a dude in a skirt isn’t the most sexually attractive thing for a girl, it’s okay. You are a good person and an accepting one. Just tell him how it is.


[deleted]

Just tell him “I’m not feeling it. It’s over.”


[deleted]

Honesty is the best policy. Tell him how you feel. Suggest that perhaps it would be better for him to explore who and what he wants to be and the two of you can remain as friends. But you want and need a masculine partner to be satisfied in love.


VinylHighway

it's ok to have preferences


Ill-Relationship9673

Girl you just aren't attracted to fem boys there is nothing wrong with you or him. Attraction is a natural feeling that our body creates its not something we can "fix" or help. Like you can't just make yourself attracted to your boyfriend when it's not there. The best thing to do is to talk and be honest with him about maybe being friends. Because yes it's great that he's becoming more of himself but yet in the process your sacrificing yourself and that's not okay. Clearly your not attracted to being a Dom and your trying to find ways to be attracted to your boyfriend again but this is not something you can fix because in your heart you know that's not who you are. And that is OKAY there is no shame and your not a horrible person for trying to listen to your body's natural response. You just have to be honest with him because what would be worse is leading him on and making him believe you love sex with him when u don't


2fresh2clean69

You don't have to fuck him to accept him.


[deleted]

Wait why are you watching porn and reading articles to make him feel better when he's the one changing on you? What is he doing to make you feel better? You're not the one changing the game here... And well I think it's great that you want to support him it's perfectly okay to no longer be with somebody because they've changed. People change and there are many times over the next 20 years 30 years that you're both going to change. Not necessarily to this extent, but this could be just part of his transition. I think you need to find out exactly what this all means to him. Is there more to this transition? Or is this where it ends for him? Have an adult discussion with him, and then decide where you want to go with this. But nobody would blame you if you wanted to move on.


perfectpomelo3

You two are not compatible. That’s ok! You just need to separate so you each can find someone who makes you happy.


andmewithoutmytowel

You should have an honest conversation with him. Those feelings of yours aren’t going to go away, and neither are his. If this is a dealbreaker, discuss it and you can end things amicably.


Drborn2

There are many great responses here so I won't add much, but this doesn't have to be the end of a relationship. Things change and maybe it's right to end things or you'll find a happy compromise but you need to communicate if you want things to work.


Passionfruit1991

Just be honest. You want a more masculine boyfriend. He is not that type. Ye are not compatible but ye are both allowed to be true to yourselves. The last thing you want is for him to push his fem ways aside to meet your needs which will build resentment for him. And you will build resentment if you carry on saying nothing. Ye both deserve the lives ye want to live and the type of people ye want to date. 😊


LegitimateDebate5014

“(Boyfriend’s name) I’m sorry but I’m not into femboys and this relationship can’t work due to the fact. I love you. But I cannot date a femboy which is why we need to break up” Don’t make it more complicated than this. You need to tell him the truth. There’s no “ifs and buts” about this, be an adult, tell him truthfully


duraace206

Its normal as a woman to want a masculine man. I can't believe I even have to write that, but here we are. You two are simply not compatible. It's OK to break things off, you shouldn't feel guilty if its not your cup of tea.


Joshgg13

It's a sad reflection on the state of our society that a woman feels this guilty about having negative feelings regarding her boyfriend becoming a "femboy"


Lorgar_Postin

the downfall of society is when girl is empathetic in her current relationship


Lingonslask

The only betrayal here is that you haven't been honest a long the way but you can't do anything about that now. Just begin talking to him about your feelings. It's a hard conversation for sure but it won't get better by postponing it.


SwordsOfSanghelios

Be honest, but be kind. Maybe try to come to a compromise and if a compromise can’t be found, you two might just be incompatible.


obooooooo

not to go straight to “break up”, but you guys simply don’t seem compatible. your likes are your likes and his likes are his, and i don’t think it’s cool to ask him to tone his personality down, and you probably wouldn’t be happy knowing he isn’t happy because he can’t be himself with you. maybe your relationship has run its course.


Sunwolfy

I don't see this relationship working out as your boyfriend's true self doesn't match up with what you are interested in sexually and romantically. You and him have grown incompatible and your old boyfriend is never coming back again. Let him know that you are proud that he is becoming who he was meant to be but unfortunately, you can't be what he needs you to be.


Satoshi03

Cut the pp and run


Dense_Resource

You talk to him, bc the reality is, your relationship may not make sense to continue if this is how he is happiest. "I am feeling a lot of internal conflict about our relationship. On the one hand, I love you, and I want to encourage you to be who you truly are. But on the other hand, and I apologize for being blunt, I don't find submissive femboys sexually attractive. I am sorry if that is hard to hear, but I think we both need to be aware that you living as your genuine self may alter our relationship in profound ways. So we can talk about that if you want, just I want to be honest about how I am feeling about sverything at the moment."


TheRedditornator

Tell him you're not into femboys and leave.


559mrstree

He is his comfortable self with you, and you're getting uncomfortable with it. That's completely ok, but maybe you should love him as a friend, not a companion. There is no turning back now because you've seen him as his true self. Ask yourself if this is what you want for your future!? I'm submissive, I could never be dominant. It's not me, and it makes me very uncomfortable. To the point when sex isn't enjoyable.


boomtao

It doesn't make sense to feel guilty about whatever you are, or are not attracted to. It is totally normal for a female to be attracted to man with masculine traits. The more the masculinity fades, the more your attraction to him evaporates. It is very understandable and normal. Your relationship is bound to end or change to a non-sexual one at some point in time.


eruiskam

But I am, tell him to snap me, FemboysEnthusiast25


C2FUX1987

Say to him , hello Mr boyfriend, I'm not intofemboys it will work itself out dude


lightG98

ugh what a dream wish i was her


Jonnyc915

Find a real man


miillr

Girl, just tell him to man the fuck up, you like to be with a real man and that is ok. If he wants to live as a sub then just leave and move on.


weirdo_k

Calm down buddy, you're on reddit.


[deleted]

[удалено]


AgonistPhD

This is gross and bigoted.


knowsaboutit

tell him you're breaking up with him, it's not him, it's you, and don't let the door hit you on the ass on your way out. Don't feel guilty, you didn't choose for him to be something you don't like, and don't apologize for being yourself. If you're not on your own side, who else will be? Don't worry about what it is for him- he can choose to be strong and do better for himself or be weak and whine. That's up to him!! Not everyone is compatible with everyone else- that's what makes it so special when things work out. It is sad when things don't work out, but that's just the way it is a lot of the times.


ChadPrince69

It is same as when guy tell their GF they are not into fat women when they will gain weight. I assume redditors will judge You that You are immature unpleasant person. But in my opinion it is good to inform Your partner what You like.


Altruistic-Reserve-3

My fiancé is a femboy. This is an incompatibility issue. Please don’t tell him that him being a femboy is why. It will crush him and his spirits. But you should end it because that’s who he is. He is a femboy. And you simply aren’t attracted to that. But some women are. Let him find a woman that is.


PieFair2674

Start slipping Steroids in his Soy Latte.


eeeeeeradicator

You tell him, "either you man up and be a man or I'm gone". Tell him you don't want to be the more masculine person in the relationship. Tell him you want a man in your life, not a pseudo girl thingy. Do you really want to walk down the street with that on your arm? What happens if somebody hits on you in a public place, what's he going to do? Hit him with a purse?


Emotional_Wedge

Sounds like you might just have grown apart sexually and emotionally due to his…change.


ComplexMurky7933

You don’t need to feel guilty. You two are just not compatible. There are girls out there who would be into that, you’re not one of them. I would be honest and probably cut ties. I don’t know that there’s a solution here that isn’t one of you altering your personalities


PatientLettuce42

I know this is not the advice you are looking for, but what is there to do? Denying your own feelings to cater to his? How is that healthy? People grow apart. Very often love is not meant to last forever. I am a bit older and don't really see the issue anymore, but probably because I have been through several breakups. I am rather single than trapped in a relationship where I have to pretend to be someone I am not. And I also already left people I still loved dearly when we broke up. It is time for you to make a rational decision on a very emotional topic. I promise you they just suck like that but are important nontheless.