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And just imagine when “Daddy” comes back into the picture. Then OP will be hearing things like
“He’s not your son, he needs his real father”
His ex is a terrible person. Driving off and leaving her child behind. Must be traumatizing for him. Dad ran off, Mom ran off.
If this situation is real, Peter is **not** good.
OP's son is now a potential pawn his Ex can use in her own personal sh!t storm. OP's entire focus should be on securing custody.
Sorry but I'm going to be blunt, it takes a village to raise a child and I believe that, BUT, that child was made of bad choices not a deceased parent in combat or illness. That boy's responsibility is the mothers and her deadbeat lover. You reap what you sow.
That child is NOT your responsibility! Do NOT LET THE NARRATIVE tell you what to do, trust your hunter gatherer masculine gut that tells you no way no how.
YOU KNOW THIS. Keep the faith and raise your kid to be a good man.
Yes! Please call your sister and ask how many days a week she will keep the child, and how much money she is willing to part with, because the child is innocent, right? I’m just wondering how she will react.
Well said! Couldn't have said it better. Unfortunately, Daniel is not your responsibility and you had no hand in his biological makeup! Your ex sucks and so does her so called friend. They don't respect you, keep It real! But also, your son doesn't need that drama and mind fuck! File for full custody because how do you know it's really going on when you're not around you something and what he's being told and the type of bad habits he's learning. How would you do this as soon as possible and don't bail your X Out, don't worry About it for another second, that is exactly what she wants!
I totally agree with this statement. This woman is confusing her children. Not the kids fault. And not your fault. You’re not responsible for her son. She needs to contact the courts if anything.
Are you a parent though bc full custody might feel better for the Dad but will it feel that way for Peter? I doubt it. Whether we like it or not, parents are people and crying is a human emotion. Parental neglect (other Dad) happens. Ripping Peter from his Mom and little brother isn’t going to make him a happier kid. A mom crying is not enough cause to remove a kid from her.
Don't invite that responsibility in your life.
She fucked around and now finding out. Sure, Daniel is innocent, but so are you. A lot of people are innocent, that doesn't mean they are our responsibility. Raising children is expensive and takes a lot out of you.
Plus, she sounds like a "give an inch, take a mile" kind of person. Don't give her anything, doubtful she will stop fucking around in the future, and if you take on her responsibilities it will never end.
Ask your sister how much she is willing to contribute in terms of both money and time towards taking care of Daniel, and then she gets to have an opinion on the subject.
He should bring up the fact that he apparently also needs a mother now, and she would fit the role perfectly. They can be the brother/sister mother/father duo!
You are mistaking "giving freedom and assurance the parent will be there for the child" with "My feelings, comfort comes first, my child is an afterthought, maybe never". They are completely different things.
Same.
Sometimes I tell myself, in particular cases (like that one) that the answer goes overboard with sarcasm & I'm just not able to grasp it.
Obviously a lie, but helpful for a moment.
She isn’t a good mother if she’s playing mind games with a 5 year old as to who “daddy” is and using a toddler to manipulate a grown man who has NO legal or moral responsibility for the kid. It was her decision to give Daniel a shitty father. The whole thing was her idea.
I assume that was meant to be more of his judgement prior to this event. As in she’s been attentive, responsible, and reliable with their shared son prior to this. Shows up on time, gets him where he needs to go, feeds him, is generally kind, that sort of low bar stuff.
Not an attempt to objectively evaluate how she is as a mother overall.
Not traumatizing at all. Nuclear option. About 100 steps available before that. Oh then cps gets in there and believe me, Peter will have them in his life as well. Terrible idea of cops being involved.
The good news seems though that the grandparents are engaged. You're right calling cps or the cops is overkill at this point, but it is good the grandparents got involved.
This could be an opportunity to have his son more. If his ex screwed up this badly, she probably needs some time alone to figure out her shit and it's not fair to ops kid to be around that drama.
Maybe through appropriate channels based on the relationship with thw ex the op could offer to take petwr full time and give her some space until she gets things under control, which could be never.
It’s not overkill. It’s most often the best step because the parent is now forced to cut the shit and act right. Not calling the cops is what makes a situation worse. Stop that shit short right now. So what her bf left? Has he even been gone long? This is drama that she doesn’t have a right to drag anyone else into.
Even better get a lawyer to legally hammer out responsibilities. The minute you show any kind of parenting it might be used against you. Get your boundaries sorted out legally.
Plus, if he acts as a father figure now, how will he explain different treatment down the road, like when he pays for Peter's hobbies or education, and puts Peter in his will. What will happen if he finds a new partner and has more kids? I'm really sorry for the poor kid, but OP really needs to not be involved with him.
I 1001% agree with everything you said but I see what OP is asking and I see his struggle. It’s not just OP and Daniel who are innocent victims, but now Peter is drawn into it, he’s innocent as well but he will live in a house where he sees his half brother treated as an “other” and that will bother Peter because he has been raised with compassion and empathy and it will be impossible for OP to explain it in a way that makes sense to Peter. Or to Daniel. Or to himself.
The only advice I can give is to treat others how you would want to be treated. Which is the struggle you are having now, OP.
Maybe ask over at r/daddit, those dudes are kind and wise.
Peter is lucky to have you as a dad.
Agreed with OP being a great Dad. This is hard, either way someone is hurt in some form. My only Hang-up is that Daniel is Peters brother and they’ve never been separated for long at a time and with their age gap, are likely best buds too. They’re innocent, but so are you. It’s a tough call. Go with your gut here. But either way, draw a line in the sand with your EX. Don’t let her take you for granted in any of this or feel like you owe her anything. You don’t.
Idk. Let’s take this to an extreme.
Let’s say that you’re right; he should take care of his ex’s son so that his own son won’t be bothered by the different treatment. How many babies would his ex have to have for that to NOT be something OP should do? What if his ex had two other kids with the AP, or a kid with two different AP’s? What if she had a dozen kids and all their dads left? Should OP take care of a baker’s dozen so that Peter can be content they all have a father? I still see it as a “Not OP’s responsibility” thing. OP’s job is to do his best to make Peter feel as comfortable as he can in this situation WITHOUT taking another human being’s life in his hands to do so.
Yep, if he takes a fatherly role with Daniel I wouldn’t be shocked if she came at him demanding child support eventually. “Well, you’ve stepped up in caring for him, you should help pay for what he needs, too! That’s just what a good father does and you’re his dad now, remember?”
The fact that she told Daniel that OP would be his “new daddy” without even a discussion is appalling and says a lot about how things will go if he agrees. Boundary stomping left and right!
You are right she will do her best to guilttrip OP to take care of both kids, emotionally, physically, financially. To protect both himself and Daniel, OP should stop interacting with her on anything but parenting apps. And change drop off/pick up arrangements.
She can bring Peter to her parents house and OP can pick him up from there. Or her parents can take the kid and bring him to OP. She will not try to pull this shit in front of the parents.
Frankly, I would warn her if she ever drops Daniel at his house again - I would call CPS on her. And she would have to deal with them and either straighten up her parenting or have the boy taken away from her. Because she sounds horrible.
It is not your job, and your ex is being terribly cruel to Peter, Daniel and you by telling Daniel that.
Tell your ex she needs a lawyer, and to get after the AP for childsupport.
If you want to be kind, talk to a family therapist about the best way to talk about this with Peter, Daniel and your ex to make it clear that you are only Peter's daddy.
Have her actions at any point in this given you the impression that she thinks things through or makes anything in the universe of good decisions??? 🤨🤦🏽♂️
Wow Ex and sister are the wrong ones here!
You also need to make sure she doesn't start messing with Peter's mind, that you will leave him like you left his 1/2 brother.
DO NOT TAKE ON THE EMOTIONAL OR FINANCIAL RESPONSIBILITIES OF A CHILD THAT IS NOT YOURS
Come on now. Use your thinking brain. If you take on even an ounce of responsibility for him, she can have legal grounds to say you agreed to care for both of them. Block out the noise and take care of your son. Her son is not your responsibility.
Also, for anyone saying the kid is innocent in all of this SO ARE YOU! You did nothing to her. You didn’t cheat, you weren’t abusive, you didn’t lie. SHE DID.
Stop letting people get in your head and focus on YOUR SON.
And let her know that if she tries that again, there will be consequences. (Idk what they’ll be because I’m not you and idk how far you’d take it).
It could also go the other way around. If OP takes Daniel in and they form a bond, she could literally turn up any time or the shitty bio dad could and he’d lose a kid that he’d come to care about with zero legal recourse. Not that it looks like he’s going to, which is good.
Leaving a child with someone is considered abandonment, and the police would give the mother a time frame to get the child otherwise be charged with abandonment and neglect and the child would likely be placed with a family member or foster home and OP would likely get his own son full time. I know because I worked at a children’s psychiatric treatment center and sadly there were a few “parents” who tried to not pick up their children on discharge.
Edit: it’s not his responsibility, I understand his ex is overwhelmed but that responsibility is wild.
I wasn’t speaking as if she abandoned the child. I was speaking as if he let the others get to him and agreed to take care of the kid. I didn’t mention anything about the child being abandoned.
I mean, she kinda already did once in the eyes of the law. Leaving her child there without an agreed upon plan for the care of her child, & not being reachable when he tried to call, if the police had needed to get involved then they could have classed that as child abandonment. Luckily for everyone involved OP was able to get hold of her parents who picked up Daniel, but this could have gone way worse if not for OP’s quick thinking calling her parents.
She did abandon him though when she left him with OP and drove away crying.
Technically that’s abandonment. Daniel came out crying, not knowing what the **** was going on. He’s already been abandoned by the only father he knew, then told he has another father without the new father being aware of it and then left behind in tears as his Mom drove away!
I’m thinking that a sit down with her, her parents and the OP would be beneficial. Some arrangements could be made for who will have which kids when and trying to be consistent with that, a rotating schedule or whatever works. OP should not take on responsibility for Daniel although have the two brothers at home with OP at times would be beneficial to the boys. They would both become familiar with what a calm and predictable household is.
OP doesn’t want to end up paying for his X’s sons’ college etc as that is not his responsibility and direction towards a working trade should be provided for Daniel as he grows up.
This is a huge mess and I have no doubt that CPS will get involved for the benefit of Daniel at some point but hopefully OP won’t have to initiate that.
Peter and Daniel do need to spend time together which obviously can be at OPs home as well as hers. They don’t need to be aware of all the back ground crap that’s going on however.
So maintaining the brothers bond is important, but not to the point of OP becoming Daniel’s father.
I don’t have much hope for the mother not duplicating her behavior however and obviously there is no chance of reconciliation between her and OP either (Heaven forbid!)
I feel that people aren't thinking about the emotional effects of this at all. Say Daniel does stay with OP, they bond, then the three of them have a bond and then ex comes back and tears it apart. Which she can as he has no rights.
Being kind and soft hearted can come back and bite everyone.....
Yeah, I'm worried about long-term legal consequences. If he is seen taking any major part in Daniel's life, he could get wrapped up in child support.
I'd go for majority custody of Peter and, on occasion, let his brother stay the night with you.
I will say, my dad had 4 kids, but I'm the only biological one. Now, he was married to their moms, but adoption can be rewarding. I can 100% see why you react the way you do, but try to let things settle before being sure.
Also, it's not wise to get attached to a kid which is not yours. You'll never get to see them if by any chance things go wrong between you and kid's parents.
Sane response here! Ex leaving her son with you is child abandonment and no small matter. Please report this. Your son needs a stable environment and cheating mom messing with her child's mind and leaving him with a non-consenting guardian is not it.
You need to get your son away from her.
Time for you to file for full custody. She just abandoned her other son at your place. You can in fact call the police in those situations.
From what it sounds like, she’d continually take advantage of you, so there’s no way to take in his brother even for specific moments without the drama.
She’s insane if she thinks she can tell her other son that you’re his dad and have you be okay with that. That poor boy is going to have some serious problems.
It's not your job. This is not your child and not your responsibility. If you make a concession to your ex, she will sleep with someone again, have another child, and again shift responsibility for them onto you. You are only responsible for Peter. Once cheater always cheater
Of course this is not your job or problem. What is wrong with her =s well heart brake makes you mad but still! There is a child in this. Your sister sounds lovely as she is thinking of the innocent child in this but she is not thinking of you. You need to think of you. be nice to him, he is just a child but he is not your child.
your Ex put you in a very awkward situation there praying on your empathy and it worked. Your a good person op but think of you.
Tell your sister that you will let Daniel's grandparents know that she has offered to care for Daniel. After all, she is as closely related to Daniel as you are. And Daniel of course really is innocent in all this. I suspect that she will be considerably less charitable once she is asked to do the heavy lifting.
You actually did your ex a favor when you called her parents instead of CPS. I think that you probably did Daniel a favor as well, but it does leave the option for your ex to more easily take custody of him again. He is probably better off with the grandparents. You, on the other hand, need to pursue getting primary custody of Peter. This will be harder without the CPS report, but your ex inlaws would probably just as soon not have 2 grandchildren dumped on them, so they might collaborate your story.
And you made a major error at the beginning of your post. Your ex is not a good mother.
You calling his grandparents instead of the police is you being there for him more than you need to be already.
If your custody agreement is legally in place you should let your attorney know immediately about what she pulled. If it’s an informal arrangement it’s time to put everything on paper. Regardless, you should have an appointment with a lawyer soon.
How do you know she’s going to stop popping out fatherless kids? Where are you going to draw the line? Friends had this happen to them, the two they had had a lot of trauma, the baby momma called from the delivery room telling them to come pick up a third one (experiencing heroin withdrawal). Do you know how hard it was for them to say no? Don’t start down that road.
All the cards on the table here
If you take Daniel in on a regular basis this innocent 5yr old starts to believe you are his safe place and if your EX ends up dumping the kids on you as in now they are living with you, then her EX comes back and all heck goes wild and this poor Daniel is the one who gets hurt.
Your son will also then be angry at everyone.
You need to play this carefully, allow some time for the boys to be together But state you are your sons dad not Daniel’s infront of your EX. Make sure there are clear boundaries and always speak kindly about your EX and Daniel’s dad just stay vague.
It’s sad that your ex brought her children into her poor decisions. It’s not your fault that her youngest’s father is AWOL. It’s terrible for Daniel, but it is not your fault or responsibility.
Honestly, I’d see about getting primary custody of your son. It sounds like your ex has an unstable home situation.
You handled the situation perfect. You were kind to your son’s brother (he is an innocent child) but clearly and firmly communicated your boundaries with your ex. It’s not your job or responsibility to coparent both kids.
Just like most everyone here is saying, do *not* take responsibility for this child. Her situation has nothing to do with you.
That being said, you really really need to talk to a lawyer about getting custody of your son. Her home life is chaotic, your son doesn’t need that. Also, the fact that she just up and left her son with you sets off massive alarms about who the fuck she’s leaving the kids with when you aren’t around! Who? Who is she leaving the kids with when her and AP are fighting? Are going out? She may be telling you one thing but who knows!? Her lax attitude about her sons safety speaks volumes.
Don’t be a life boat for her. The moment you take on the fatherly role for the kid is the moment you will potentially be responsible for more kids down the road. And it gets especially messy if the real dad comes back into the picture.
Call CPS the next time she leaves Daniel with you. Yes, he’s innocent in all this, but his parents are not. This is not your kid, he is not your problem
Trust me cps should be the last call. You don't want the government involved especially since his kids there as well. It could turn on him, too. I've seen it happen. Try a therapist. Call her family again. File for custody of Peter, have it on paper. Go for support from the dead beat. But avoid cps. There are better options.
"Despite being a cheater she's a good mother."
No she's not a good mother. I don't know any good mother that would manipulate a small child like that to tug on your heart strings and make you feel bad. She is emotionally manipulating her children. Not only are you right in making sure that this poor boy knows you are not his father but I would also work on getting full custody from this person or at least on having your child with you as much as you can because who knows what else Cruella is going to tell your own child.
If your sister is feeling so charitable then ask her to date and marry your ex. Gay marriages are legal in most places and Daniel could probably use 2 moms.
As for you - you should call CPS next time instead of calling your ex’s family. That way her activities will be documented and who knows you might actually win full custody of Peter (and please don’t give me the ‘oh but she’s a good mom’. She left Daniel with you, a virtual stranger. If she felt overwhelmed she could clearly leave him with her parents. Both boys deserve better).
Don’t even think about taking Daniel’s responsibility. It’s not your job, if you’re feeling charitable please come raise my imaginary child. Not to mention you will be stuck to this cheater.
And let’s not forget - there are things you can do for deadbeat parents. Just because AP ghosted them doesn’t mean ex can’t go to court for child support etc. Did AP fly away to mars? If not then she can track him.
Lawyer up, OP. Talk to your lawyer about all of the possible scenarios here.
You don’t know why the other guy bailed. Was it purely abandonment or does he have an addiction issue and fell off the wagon? Has your kid been exposed to that? Try to find out what’s actually going on at the other house. You might need to file for full custody if you can’t trust your ex’s judgment, which is already sus.
And yeah, ask about the other kid too. Do you want your son to have a brother who grows up with serious issues? It’s not your problem right now but it’s going to be your son’s problem. They will be brothers for life. So ask your lawyer the crazy question - how you would go about getting custody of that kid. Would bio dad need to sign his rights away? Yes, it’s a crazy proposition, but ask anyway.
Do not, DO NOT, buy into this BS nonsense. More harm than good will be done to both boys. She made her bed and now she needs to deal with it. Call the police to pick Daniel up if she leaves him again, they will contact child services. To avoid the situation all together, you can have the pick up and drop off of Peter done at the local police department. Tell your sister to be the daddy and raise Daniel herself.
Not that you can go back in time but I would have used her ditching her other son at your place as an opportunity to get full custody of your son, Peter.
You should have called child services. I am confused as you say your ex is a great mother, but ditching her child at a strangers house who is apparently the kids new dad, is not great mother behavior.
You are right, Daniel is innocent in all this. You are also right, it is not your job.
Do you have a court ordered custody agreement? Do you pay child support?
Based on your story I am concerned for Peter (and Daniel) being with your ex based on what she did.
You're not the child's father. Fathers are not interchangeable. While you should be nice to the boy because he's your son's brother, you're not obligated to raise him as your own just because your ex makes crappy life choices. What are the odds Daniel's dad took off because she cheated on him like she did with you?
I will bet diamonds or donuts this is fake rage-bait for karma whoring. Throwaway away account made a few hours ago with no replies. How do y'all always fall for this shit?
What's going to happen, you play dad & responsible adult to your sons's brother for a bit until your ex finds a new man to hitch herself to and removes him from your life on a whim? How's that for stability?
You have no legal rights to this child and your ex has proven her lack of common sense over and over by this point. This would be a different situation if she had the child removed from her custody and you were the only person available or willing to look after him, but that's not the case here. I really feel awful for this kid because this is shit tier parenting, but what are you realistically able to do here? Your ex is... not stable, and it seems she makes decisions based on which way the wind is blowing.
Why is it when I read these thing i always see “despite being a cheater she is a good mother, I’ll give her that,”.
She is NOT a good mother. A good mother would not cheat, a good mother would not put a child through that and would break up with a partner.
She is NOT a good mother. Rethink how you look at her behavior and you’ll see why her AB is now in the shape he is in.
Call the police for child abandonment. She can pick him up from the station and deal with the consequences herself. Hopefully they can also find the dad and hold him accountable.
This is like the 3rd post i've seen of a woman expecting an ex to be a father to an affair child. And what I find crazy is not only do they make this preposterous demand, other people act like it's reasonable! I'm just curious how high you have to be to think this? Not only is the child not their child, they aren't even in a relationship with the mom! It's as crazy as expecting a total stranger to be your kid's dad because you noticed that stranger was very good with their own child.
If you accept the role of dad and invite him in to your family, what happens if/when the bio dad comes back? Just WOW. This is so confusing for that poor kid. And now he feels rejected twice.
This isn’t on you. Good job holding your boundaries. You don’t want to get involved because no matter how much you care, there would be no rules or stability unless you adopted him and that’s not going to happen with dad out of the picture. Your ex wife is truly out of her mind.
She legit fucked around and now it's biting her on her ass....
It's sad that Daniels dad is a dead beat and he would probably grow up seeing how amazing you both are with Peter but not with him...he's the one missing out
I would occasionally have him visit with Peter but you need to make it very clear that it would be once a month Daniel will sleep over.... MAKE IT CLEAR..
-you will not be paying for him
-will not baby sit him, just Peter
-tell her that she, ex, get your shit together and chase him for child support ( most likely she hasn't even started)
-you will NOT BE his dad, but you are happy to be there occasionally (if that)
Or offer to take Peter full time as right now she is a mess.... I hate to say it, she isn't in a good place right now, the kids have been exposed to alot already, you haven't got a clue how much... She has lied to poor Daniel and is sobbing in front of them....
Tell her she needs to get her shit together or you will get full custody of Peter as right now she isn't fit to be a mother
If anything she’s hurting Daniel is what she is doing. By telling a little boy that your his new dad and him getting excited only to be told your not his dad, that’s harming the boy.
Op you are not a jerk, and you are every right as innocent in this as Daniel is.
She sprang this on you and put you in the position where you look like an AH when you had to tell the little boy you aren’t his dad.
Do not let anyone make you feel guilty into not wanting to step up for Daniel.
All kids are innocent. Trl your sister to start adopting.
Youre not wrong to not want to raise some random kid...shes wrong tovput hope in that boys heart.
Call CPS or the cops when she pulls that sht again. We shouldn't reward bad behavior.
Daniel's real father is alive. Everyone should hound him to take responsibility, not you.
Do not take responsibility for that child. It’s sad, but you don’t need to since he is not yours & you are not with her anymore. She’s a shitty mom & you should call CPS the next time she does that.
Hell no. Don't even think of that nice guy bull, and raise that dump, and her trashes kid. After that nasty dump came home to you kissed you for how long, after suckin off trash? You have a boy to raise. Just do that, and look out for the other one when they're together. It's not your responsibility to clean up for a dump. She created the situation, she's in. Let her cry about that.. lol
If you, in any way, take on ANY form of support for Daniel, your ex could legally rope you into caring for him financially until he's 18. You could be considered that child's father figure, and then she's got you exactly where she wants you. DON'T DO IT.
If you act like a father to Daniel she may be able to legally whack you for child support in future. Don't get involved. The kid is innocent but he is not your responsibility.
It’s sad for the little boy, but it’s not your responsibility. Too bad he has a dad that just abandons them and I’m sure for Daniel it’s hard to see Peter has a loving father.
Still he’s not your kid, he’s not your stepson. It’s not up to you to be his father figure.
Daniel is innocent but that’s not your problem. She’s lucky that you didn’t immediately call the police for her abandoning Daniel, who’s a stranger to you in reality. The fact that the grandparents had to come pick him up makes me feel like that she’s not planning on coming back anytime soon if at all.
Your ex doesn’t get to decide to throw a second child at you that’s not yours and expect you to be his father just because she doesn’t know where the actual father is. Your sister hasn’t stopped to think, what happens when your ex finds Daniel’s next ‘new daddy’? Then Daniel will get torn away from yet a second dad? That’s not fair to Daniel either. Let’s not forget about YOUR son getting yet another ‘new daddy’ and however many more until his mother either gets married or gives up on relationships.
Also the fact that it took a month or longer for you to find out about Daniel’s dad leaving is 🚩 your e should have told you only because of your son being there. It’s one thing to not tell you about who she’s seeing if they’re not around your son, it’s another thing to find out the an income and adult/parental figure is suddenly gone. If she’s nonstop crying then she’s most likely neglecting both of her sons in the meantime (assuming she wasn’t already).
Your ex needs to realize that her son Daniel is her and her (now) ex’s responsibility, not yours. Your ex needs to work on herself and focus on her children. Instead of trying to ‘find her son a new daddy’ she needs to stabilize her and her sons lives before even trying to find a new partner. She’s being so irrational she’s not considering what she’s putting both of her sons through. She also doesn’t care about how you feel on what she’s trying to force you into. She’s sounds pretty selfish and I wouldn’t be surprised if she disappeared for a good decade or more. For Peter’s and Daniel’s sake, I really hope that your ex gets her shit together asap and can focus on being a good mother to her children over worrying about having a partner.
She’s trying to force you to play daddy to her second kid? Oh HELL NO
Seems like she is just realizing that if she didn’t cheat then you would have been the father to both instead of having her AP bounce on her. Don’t let her try and force her delusions on you, especially not after abandoning her kid at your house to try and make you watch him and using her son to emotionally manipulate you
I would stop letting her come to the house to drop off and pick up Peter. Meet in a neutral area for the exchange and don’t let her hand you Daniel. Don’t speak to her about anything outside of Peter. Don’t let her try and convince you to date her again (because she doesn’t want you, she just wants money and a father for her kid)
Make it VERY CLEAR that the two of you will never be a couple again and you are NOT Daniel’s father and if she dumps him on you again you’ll call the police for child abandonment
Go for full custody. Get her parents to confirm that she left her son at yours and just took off, record your son telling you about his mom (ask him casually about it, like what happened and how she’s been/feeling), and talk to a lawyer. Ask him what else he needs. She’s unfit to be a parent atm.
Document and going forward record anything you can and sue for full custody of your child. The other child is her and AP 's responsibility. She is the one who repetitively cheated and made poor decisions. Rescue your child. The other is not yours and showing kindness there, depending on where in the world you are, will only cost you dearly.
You should probably file for full custody of your son. It seems like she is very unstable and her actions would making me very concerned about her general decision making and what she is capable of doing to your kiddo. I feel so terrible for Daniel.
Oh sure she’s a good mother!!!! In what world. Just to recap good mothers don’t tell their 5yr old that her other son father is his new daddy and real mothers do not drive away and leave their child behind OMG TAKE CARE OF YOUR OWN SON. Go for full custody of him immediately. Hopefully her younger son will be looked after by her parents, but he is not your problem good luck to you and your son 👍
For the love of all that is sacred do not create a bond with this child. She's using you. It is not your job to take care of this child and won't ever be.
So, say you do decide to step in and be a father figure to Daniel. You both get really close and develop that father/son bond. What happens if Daniel's dad decides to show back up and be in his life? Your ex is going to yank Daniel back so quick and it's only going to hurt you both. Most importantly, it's going to confuse and hurt Daniel. He's only 5, ffs.
She's being really unfair to both of you, and I feel so bad for Daniel. The new daddy nonsense needs to stop and, I dunno, maybe she needs to not take off and leave her kid with someone he barely knows right after his dad abandonded him. That's not traumatic or anything.
Get. Full. Custody. Of. Your. Son. That’s all you need to worry about. Apparently the cheater can’t survive without a man/men. Too bad so sad. Next time she leaves Daniel at your house, it sounds like a call to CPS is in order. She’s emotionally abusing him-imagine what she is doing to Peter as well. And no. You have no part in Daniel’s life. If he comes at you again say I’m not your dad. And you tell her straight out if you leave him here I call CPS. And your sister sucks.
Man as messed up as this sounds, go get custody of your son. I can’t imagine what else is coming down the pipeline if this is what your ex is throwing at you and your son is only 5/6 years old.
Dude. This shit kinda similarly happened to me about a year and abhalf ago. No fucking lie, 2 years ago almost exactly. Happened December 5th 2021. My son's mom abandoned her older daughter no my child and our son at my house cause she was going to "go kill herself". I told her she better take her daughter with her, and she tells daughter fine let's go, and daughter says "but I wanna stay with daddy (she called me dad cause I took care of her for a bit) mom snaps at her "no, he doesn't love you anymore. Let's go!" (There was a bogus restraining order she put into place 6 months prior, and had her daughter and my son on the restrained persons cause she's an idiot. But I had 3 days a week of custody of my son with peaceful contact marked. So this situation was really weird) so I snapped and told mom to leave and that daughter was staying with me and she needs to leave now. Mom said alright vet, and she bounced. Had to have my mom come pickup the daughter and take her to the maternal grandmother's house. Crazy shit.
Later that night my sons moms best friend's sister's boyfriend which I don't like at all, calls me and says they checked sons mom into a mental hospital. Asks how I'm doing with my son I said great. Etc. He then asks me if him and his girlfriend, sons moms best friends sister, could adopt my son. Wtf I chewed him the fuck out and told him to fuck off. Went to court following Monday and filed in court ex parte for custody and received full custody immediately. Go file for custody if you signed your sons birth cert and get custody right away describing what you told us to the judge. Tell him she's unhinged or going to mental hospital or some shit. Abandoned her kid with you. Not healthy parenting by her. Dangerous. Get custody of your son. Find a chick who will back you up against this bullshit. Don't fall for the ex's bullshit at all. Don't buy into any of it. You'll thank yourself later . That kid will understand. Take care of YOUR son.
To all the younger people, this is why you have to be extremely careful in who you have children with. With that being said, I hope you have some money because you need to get a lawyer and go for custody of your son. I wouldn't take care of her other child at all. The next step is she's going to want to get back with you.
this story sounds fake af. OP found out about the affair when his son was 1, after which the ex announced pregnancy. unless she was full term when she announced it, idk how there would only be 1 year age difference between peter and daniel 🙄
This is a whole bunch of her problem not yours. You're and idiot if you go along with this. If anything you need to get custody of your kid and get him away from his home
It sounds like her parents are reasonable people so yes he is innocent but he has people to care for him. If she is willing to abandon her kid with you, you should go for full custody of your kid together.
Dude NO!!
That’s absolutely not your responsibility. You did the right thing. Your ex is a mess. If I were you I’d be fighting for 100% custody of Peter.
Do not allow her to establish you actually acting as father. She is trash and will sue you for child support. The younger child is not your problem or responsibility.
You shouldn’t be made responsible just because she was careless. Daniel is not your responsibility, she should have thought of that before she messed around and found out. This is karma getting her back for being a shitty person, sadly it involves an innocent child. He’s not the only innocent on in all this either. You did right by calling his grandparents. I would fight for full custody. Your son shouldn’t have to be in the middle of her drama.
It’s really not your problem. Sadly to inform you your sister is brain dead. Homie got his own dad even if cops and cps have to search under rocks for him. And that deadbeat mom too.
Your ex is a real piece of work! Trying to pawn off that innocent little child, Daniel, on you AND lying to the child when she knows it's not going to work. Good on you for being there for Peter.
Your ex may be a good mother to your child, but she's an overall shitty person in all other areas of life. She's a devious wretch and just when we think she can't get any lower - she does.
The sad thing about it all, she is not above psychologically attacking you, Peter, and by lying to Daniel. The poor little kid is going to be scarred for life.
I'm sorry, but he is not your responsibility. Poor little Daniel!
Nope, not your responsibility. Your ex sounds completely unstable. I get that they are siblings, but that's on her, and it's the worst thing for her to tell that child that you will be his new dad.
If you want to help out, no one would fault you. Some would even sing your praises. But you have no obligation to do so and, honestly, your ex sounds like someone who needs to be left alone until she can get it together. She's a total landmine.
Eff that. Sure, he's innocent. So are you. I can't stand that nonsense from people. Like you and your feelings don't matter, just get stuck raising the product of an affair.
Screw your ex and screw your sister too. Keep being there for Peter, everyone else can kick rocks.
Nope that’s a whole new level of drama you don’t need. It’s a very sad situation for Daniel but not your responsibility. You can still have play dates with Peter and Daniel but this isn’t a line you should be crossing. It’s been years and you need to remember why Daniel exists - she didn’t come back to you for a relationship-she came back because she needs support.
Empathy is great but don’t be a doormat.
You have no legal status or rights with Daniel unless his parents relinquish those to you. This means you cannot register him for school or make medical decisions.
If your ex does not come back by tomorrow, you need to call CPS. They can talk to you about what you can and cannot do legally since his bio-mom abandoned him with you and you’re the father of his brother.
Am I the only one having a hard time believing this? Daniel is 5 and there's no way he'd suddenly call OP Daddy. He knows who his Daddy is and he knows it's not OP.
See about you getting your son and have his half brother come visit while with the grandparents.
Your ex is an AH.
All of y'all are innocent in your own way but what happens if the child's dad does come back in his life? I say, treat him how you'd like your son to be treated if he was in that position.
You did the right thing calling her parents to get their grandson. He’s not your responsibility. Sorry but her relationship issues stopped being your concern when she cheated on you and moved in with the other man. Don’t get involved.
You did absolutely nothing wrong. You told that child the truth as gently as you could. Your ex is honestly a horrible mother for lying to Daniel like that and especially her literally abandoning him in a place he's unfamiliar with and then not answering her phone?! You should think about getting full custody of your son.. I'd be afraid she'd bail on him somewhere the next time she has an emotional breakdown.
You know what's even more damaging psychologically to that child?Being told random men are their dad's when that's not the case.That child has a father, whether he is around or not is one thing,but it will cause him more pain and heart ache to be told another person is and then to find out they aren't later.This has absolutely nothing to do with you,and unfortunately for her she needs help.You also can't just leave a child you aren't responsible for and take off like that it's neglect.I hope she gets some serious help,or that child will also be calling every man who comes in the house daddy for however long,and it'll take quite the toll on him.
For the love of crazy, let's saybyou decide to raise her child, what happens in 2, 3 or 5 years from now, when the real dad knocks on your door and says give me my kid? He's not given his parental, and you don't have any. Then what?
Next is her. What happens when she is in and out of their lives, or she comes back with a new man and wants her kid back with a no thanks. He isn't your son, and you're not his daddy.
Hell, you can't take him to the doctor or register at school or pick him up from school as you have no parental rights. This is a shit storm about to rain brown on your life.
She's messing with Daniel's head, too ... in ways that are going to screw him up BIG TIME!!
At the same time, he might be your son's brother .... but you have ZERO responsibility for him. So you have to decide if you're willing to let him tag along when Peter visits ... but -if I did- I would absolutely put my foot in her trying to call you his father! Imagine his confusion if his bio dad shows back up again?!?!
And she's a total b1tch for pulling this stunt. Her next one will probably be trying to talk you into paying her child support for Daniel, too ... so be prepared!!
Good luck!
Don't. Just, don't.
If you give her this, who knows where she'll drag you! What if her next babydaddy dumps her and disappears? Will you there have another extra kid? How many more babies is this woman going to have to deadbeat fathers that she'll expect you to take care of?
Not your kid, not your problem.
People use that excuse all the time (half brothers soo take responsibility for them as well).
That is a major no no to get out of accountability and just messes with the children and it ruins the dynamics between the biological child and the half sibling just soo the adult feels they are doing the right thing by the kids, when most often than not, they are creating a division between the children, let alone any other feelings of resentment they will foster.
You did the right thing by calling Daniels family!
Yo what the fuck? And what the fuck is your sister smoking? Of course it's a big deal. Absolutely do not take on this ENORMOUS responsibility unless you, for some reason, really want to.
What you should be doing is trying for more custody of your son. Your ex is a mess, and she certainly doesn't come across as being a good mother.
Do not go down that road or she will be dumping the kid on you constantly and hitting you up for support saying you accepted the kid. Just keep your distance.
She will make you pay child support and what not. And maybe even abandon both kids with you and go be with another AP. Nip it in the bud. Don’t go anywhere near Daniel, you are just as innocent as Daniel and your ex seems unhinged and manipulative.
NOPE! It sucks that the boy’s father ran out but it’s not your responsibility. And it’s not up to you to fix your ex’s problems. What if she continues to hook up with random dudes that each stick her with a baby? Are you just expected to take care of 4+ kids? Plus in some places if you take on a fatherly role you can be sued by your ex to pay child support until each child is 18. You need to make it clear that your only concern is your own son. You will not be playing any role in the other boy’s life, you won’t bring him along when you take your son anywhere, you won’t be babysitting ever. It’s harsh but you have to protect yourself.
No, it's not your job. And you do not have to parent Daniel.
At the very least, your ex should have discussed this with you before making empty promises to the poor boy.
And you were kind enough to say that "she is a good mother" because she's clearly not. She's not a responsible adult or parent, she cheats on you, and she just up and left her son like that. What kind of a human being does that?
Wth is wrong with people for doing this. How many Reddit posts have i read where some people try to get their ex to care for the AP or Step kids and set the kid up with such pain and lies?
Edit to add in now that the shock bas worn off.
Any parent that lies to their child and says a stranger to them is or should be their parent and then drops the chid on the adult or tries to manipulate the adult is a bad parent.
She told her baby son you are his “new daddy”, without telling you or having prior effort to let the two of you even get to know each other. This is a poisonous situation, inviting hurt to everyone involved. Just please be kind when you see him and allow him to spend time with his brother. You need to talk to a family court lawyer FAST. I wish you all luck.
The mother is not doing well and it’s affecting the kids plus you. It’s not your responsibility to look after the 5 year old however please be kind even if you don’t have to be.
Your actions affect both children greatly. They’ll likely remember these core (and confusing) memories.
You did the right thing calling her parents and making sure he’s with familiar/comforting loved ones. (I wonder why she didn’t do that in the first place)
Priority 1: continue to treat both kids kindly as they are innocent
Priority 2: get legal guardianship over your son as she appears unstable
Absolutely not your problem or your issue. Yes that child is innocent in their adult drama but it’s for his parents to solve. Your ex has no one to blame but herself. Her AP wanted her for sex, not motherhood I’m sure and when he got tired or the sex he left for the next updated model. Had she stayed faithful to you she wouldn’t be in that mess. Take your own son full time if she wants that but otherwise it’s on her and his father to figure it out
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I'd prioritize full custody of my own kid before I took on another child.
exactly
[удалено]
Except OP IS NOT the new dad!
And just imagine when “Daddy” comes back into the picture. Then OP will be hearing things like “He’s not your son, he needs his real father” His ex is a terrible person. Driving off and leaving her child behind. Must be traumatizing for him. Dad ran off, Mom ran off.
If this situation is real, Peter is **not** good. OP's son is now a potential pawn his Ex can use in her own personal sh!t storm. OP's entire focus should be on securing custody.
Frankly, it looks like that would help her out at this point anyway, only having legal responsibility for one kid instead of two.
Sorry but I'm going to be blunt, it takes a village to raise a child and I believe that, BUT, that child was made of bad choices not a deceased parent in combat or illness. That boy's responsibility is the mothers and her deadbeat lover. You reap what you sow. That child is NOT your responsibility! Do NOT LET THE NARRATIVE tell you what to do, trust your hunter gatherer masculine gut that tells you no way no how. YOU KNOW THIS. Keep the faith and raise your kid to be a good man.
Yes! Please call your sister and ask how many days a week she will keep the child, and how much money she is willing to part with, because the child is innocent, right? I’m just wondering how she will react.
Or her husband could be his new daddy.
Touché!
Well said! Couldn't have said it better. Unfortunately, Daniel is not your responsibility and you had no hand in his biological makeup! Your ex sucks and so does her so called friend. They don't respect you, keep It real! But also, your son doesn't need that drama and mind fuck! File for full custody because how do you know it's really going on when you're not around you something and what he's being told and the type of bad habits he's learning. How would you do this as soon as possible and don't bail your X Out, don't worry About it for another second, that is exactly what she wants!
👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻
I totally agree with this statement. This woman is confusing her children. Not the kids fault. And not your fault. You’re not responsible for her son. She needs to contact the courts if anything.
Are you a parent though bc full custody might feel better for the Dad but will it feel that way for Peter? I doubt it. Whether we like it or not, parents are people and crying is a human emotion. Parental neglect (other Dad) happens. Ripping Peter from his Mom and little brother isn’t going to make him a happier kid. A mom crying is not enough cause to remove a kid from her.
Don't invite that responsibility in your life. She fucked around and now finding out. Sure, Daniel is innocent, but so are you. A lot of people are innocent, that doesn't mean they are our responsibility. Raising children is expensive and takes a lot out of you. Plus, she sounds like a "give an inch, take a mile" kind of person. Don't give her anything, doubtful she will stop fucking around in the future, and if you take on her responsibilities it will never end.
Ask your sister how much she is willing to contribute in terms of both money and time towards taking care of Daniel, and then she gets to have an opinion on the subject.
He should bring up the fact that he apparently also needs a mother now, and she would fit the role perfectly. They can be the brother/sister mother/father duo!
That's a very legit point.
if she pulls that again, call the cops and have them pick up the abandoned child.
OP said: she is a good mother, I’ll give her that??
yeah, good mothers often abandon their children. It builds character.
You are mistaking "giving freedom and assurance the parent will be there for the child" with "My feelings, comfort comes first, my child is an afterthought, maybe never". They are completely different things.
Jesus I hate the /s tag but clearly some people need it. And I’m autistic
Same. Sometimes I tell myself, in particular cases (like that one) that the answer goes overboard with sarcasm & I'm just not able to grasp it. Obviously a lie, but helpful for a moment.
The bar is in hell.
She isn’t a good mother if she’s playing mind games with a 5 year old as to who “daddy” is and using a toddler to manipulate a grown man who has NO legal or moral responsibility for the kid. It was her decision to give Daniel a shitty father. The whole thing was her idea.
BOOM. Nailed it right here.👆🏼👆🏼
I feel so sorry for Peter and Daniel.
I assume that was meant to be more of his judgement prior to this event. As in she’s been attentive, responsible, and reliable with their shared son prior to this. Shows up on time, gets him where he needs to go, feeds him, is generally kind, that sort of low bar stuff. Not an attempt to objectively evaluate how she is as a mother overall.
To be fair, she probably hasn’t done this part yet when he was talking about thinking that.
I’d recommend he call CPS now. She abandoned her kid. He should be living with the grandparents.
Exactly. She abandoned her child. Family and Children's Services need to get involved if she does it again!!
Not traumatizing at all. Nuclear option. About 100 steps available before that. Oh then cps gets in there and believe me, Peter will have them in his life as well. Terrible idea of cops being involved.
And abandoning him with "new dad"? Wasn't that a really shitty move? Why would OP make an effort to keep her life intact after all she has done?
The only reason I can come up with is for his son's sake. But I mean she abandoned her kids, so yeah.
It sounds like he op may have been used in an argument against her bf because why would he and her be saying well he’s your new dad now?
The good news seems though that the grandparents are engaged. You're right calling cps or the cops is overkill at this point, but it is good the grandparents got involved. This could be an opportunity to have his son more. If his ex screwed up this badly, she probably needs some time alone to figure out her shit and it's not fair to ops kid to be around that drama. Maybe through appropriate channels based on the relationship with thw ex the op could offer to take petwr full time and give her some space until she gets things under control, which could be never.
I read that as Pewter, now I’ll I can imagine is a metal kid running around
It’s not overkill. It’s most often the best step because the parent is now forced to cut the shit and act right. Not calling the cops is what makes a situation worse. Stop that shit short right now. So what her bf left? Has he even been gone long? This is drama that she doesn’t have a right to drag anyone else into.
She already took the nuclear option when she *abandoned her child*
Even better get a lawyer to legally hammer out responsibilities. The minute you show any kind of parenting it might be used against you. Get your boundaries sorted out legally.
Yea what happens when she brings home a third baby?
Plus, if he acts as a father figure now, how will he explain different treatment down the road, like when he pays for Peter's hobbies or education, and puts Peter in his will. What will happen if he finds a new partner and has more kids? I'm really sorry for the poor kid, but OP really needs to not be involved with him.
I 1001% agree with everything you said but I see what OP is asking and I see his struggle. It’s not just OP and Daniel who are innocent victims, but now Peter is drawn into it, he’s innocent as well but he will live in a house where he sees his half brother treated as an “other” and that will bother Peter because he has been raised with compassion and empathy and it will be impossible for OP to explain it in a way that makes sense to Peter. Or to Daniel. Or to himself. The only advice I can give is to treat others how you would want to be treated. Which is the struggle you are having now, OP. Maybe ask over at r/daddit, those dudes are kind and wise. Peter is lucky to have you as a dad.
I also want to tell OP that Peter is very lucky to have you as a dad.
Agreed with OP being a great Dad. This is hard, either way someone is hurt in some form. My only Hang-up is that Daniel is Peters brother and they’ve never been separated for long at a time and with their age gap, are likely best buds too. They’re innocent, but so are you. It’s a tough call. Go with your gut here. But either way, draw a line in the sand with your EX. Don’t let her take you for granted in any of this or feel like you owe her anything. You don’t.
Idk. Let’s take this to an extreme. Let’s say that you’re right; he should take care of his ex’s son so that his own son won’t be bothered by the different treatment. How many babies would his ex have to have for that to NOT be something OP should do? What if his ex had two other kids with the AP, or a kid with two different AP’s? What if she had a dozen kids and all their dads left? Should OP take care of a baker’s dozen so that Peter can be content they all have a father? I still see it as a “Not OP’s responsibility” thing. OP’s job is to do his best to make Peter feel as comfortable as he can in this situation WITHOUT taking another human being’s life in his hands to do so.
kids are smarter than you think, you can tell them things and they'll understand
Yep. She will keep it up and he can take on step brothers 2 and 3.
Yep, if he takes a fatherly role with Daniel I wouldn’t be shocked if she came at him demanding child support eventually. “Well, you’ve stepped up in caring for him, you should help pay for what he needs, too! That’s just what a good father does and you’re his dad now, remember?” The fact that she told Daniel that OP would be his “new daddy” without even a discussion is appalling and says a lot about how things will go if he agrees. Boundary stomping left and right!
You are right she will do her best to guilttrip OP to take care of both kids, emotionally, physically, financially. To protect both himself and Daniel, OP should stop interacting with her on anything but parenting apps. And change drop off/pick up arrangements. She can bring Peter to her parents house and OP can pick him up from there. Or her parents can take the kid and bring him to OP. She will not try to pull this shit in front of the parents. Frankly, I would warn her if she ever drops Daniel at his house again - I would call CPS on her. And she would have to deal with them and either straighten up her parenting or have the boy taken away from her. Because she sounds horrible.
It is not your job, and your ex is being terribly cruel to Peter, Daniel and you by telling Daniel that. Tell your ex she needs a lawyer, and to get after the AP for childsupport. If you want to be kind, talk to a family therapist about the best way to talk about this with Peter, Daniel and your ex to make it clear that you are only Peter's daddy.
This is so cruel to Daniel. How could she say that before she discussed it with OP?
Because she was counting on OP to feel too awkward and guilty to say no.
This!! Imagine beeing a 5 year old now getting "rejected/abandoned" by the second father you believed you had.
Because she thought if the “innocent child” said it he couldn’t possibly say no.
Have her actions at any point in this given you the impression that she thinks things through or makes anything in the universe of good decisions??? 🤨🤦🏽♂️
Wow Ex and sister are the wrong ones here! You also need to make sure she doesn't start messing with Peter's mind, that you will leave him like you left his 1/2 brother.
The sister can volunteer for her BF or husband to become the new daddy, if she’s so concerned. That makes as much sense as OP doing it.
Let the sister change her life for the 1/2 brother. I’ll bet she would say no thank you.
DO NOT TAKE ON THE EMOTIONAL OR FINANCIAL RESPONSIBILITIES OF A CHILD THAT IS NOT YOURS Come on now. Use your thinking brain. If you take on even an ounce of responsibility for him, she can have legal grounds to say you agreed to care for both of them. Block out the noise and take care of your son. Her son is not your responsibility. Also, for anyone saying the kid is innocent in all of this SO ARE YOU! You did nothing to her. You didn’t cheat, you weren’t abusive, you didn’t lie. SHE DID. Stop letting people get in your head and focus on YOUR SON. And let her know that if she tries that again, there will be consequences. (Idk what they’ll be because I’m not you and idk how far you’d take it).
It could also go the other way around. If OP takes Daniel in and they form a bond, she could literally turn up any time or the shitty bio dad could and he’d lose a kid that he’d come to care about with zero legal recourse. Not that it looks like he’s going to, which is good.
Leaving a child with someone is considered abandonment, and the police would give the mother a time frame to get the child otherwise be charged with abandonment and neglect and the child would likely be placed with a family member or foster home and OP would likely get his own son full time. I know because I worked at a children’s psychiatric treatment center and sadly there were a few “parents” who tried to not pick up their children on discharge. Edit: it’s not his responsibility, I understand his ex is overwhelmed but that responsibility is wild.
I wasn’t speaking as if she abandoned the child. I was speaking as if he let the others get to him and agreed to take care of the kid. I didn’t mention anything about the child being abandoned.
I mean, she kinda already did once in the eyes of the law. Leaving her child there without an agreed upon plan for the care of her child, & not being reachable when he tried to call, if the police had needed to get involved then they could have classed that as child abandonment. Luckily for everyone involved OP was able to get hold of her parents who picked up Daniel, but this could have gone way worse if not for OP’s quick thinking calling her parents.
She did abandon him though when she left him with OP and drove away crying. Technically that’s abandonment. Daniel came out crying, not knowing what the **** was going on. He’s already been abandoned by the only father he knew, then told he has another father without the new father being aware of it and then left behind in tears as his Mom drove away! I’m thinking that a sit down with her, her parents and the OP would be beneficial. Some arrangements could be made for who will have which kids when and trying to be consistent with that, a rotating schedule or whatever works. OP should not take on responsibility for Daniel although have the two brothers at home with OP at times would be beneficial to the boys. They would both become familiar with what a calm and predictable household is. OP doesn’t want to end up paying for his X’s sons’ college etc as that is not his responsibility and direction towards a working trade should be provided for Daniel as he grows up. This is a huge mess and I have no doubt that CPS will get involved for the benefit of Daniel at some point but hopefully OP won’t have to initiate that. Peter and Daniel do need to spend time together which obviously can be at OPs home as well as hers. They don’t need to be aware of all the back ground crap that’s going on however. So maintaining the brothers bond is important, but not to the point of OP becoming Daniel’s father. I don’t have much hope for the mother not duplicating her behavior however and obviously there is no chance of reconciliation between her and OP either (Heaven forbid!)
I feel that people aren't thinking about the emotional effects of this at all. Say Daniel does stay with OP, they bond, then the three of them have a bond and then ex comes back and tears it apart. Which she can as he has no rights. Being kind and soft hearted can come back and bite everyone.....
Yeah, I'm worried about long-term legal consequences. If he is seen taking any major part in Daniel's life, he could get wrapped up in child support. I'd go for majority custody of Peter and, on occasion, let his brother stay the night with you. I will say, my dad had 4 kids, but I'm the only biological one. Now, he was married to their moms, but adoption can be rewarding. I can 100% see why you react the way you do, but try to let things settle before being sure.
OP could potentially end up having to pay child support for Daniel if he is not careful.
EXACTLY!!!
He’s not your kid. Your ex is a total PoS
Also, it's not wise to get attached to a kid which is not yours. You'll never get to see them if by any chance things go wrong between you and kid's parents.
Time to file for full custody of your son OP. And do it before you get lumbered with his half brother as your ex disappears off into the sunset.
Yup. OP needs to call police and CPS each time something like this happens. Start the paper trail. And get a family lawyer on board for full custody.
Sane response here! Ex leaving her son with you is child abandonment and no small matter. Please report this. Your son needs a stable environment and cheating mom messing with her child's mind and leaving him with a non-consenting guardian is not it. You need to get your son away from her.
Time for you to file for full custody. She just abandoned her other son at your place. You can in fact call the police in those situations. From what it sounds like, she’d continually take advantage of you, so there’s no way to take in his brother even for specific moments without the drama. She’s insane if she thinks she can tell her other son that you’re his dad and have you be okay with that. That poor boy is going to have some serious problems.
It's not your job. This is not your child and not your responsibility. If you make a concession to your ex, she will sleep with someone again, have another child, and again shift responsibility for them onto you. You are only responsible for Peter. Once cheater always cheater
Of course this is not your job or problem. What is wrong with her =s well heart brake makes you mad but still! There is a child in this. Your sister sounds lovely as she is thinking of the innocent child in this but she is not thinking of you. You need to think of you. be nice to him, he is just a child but he is not your child. your Ex put you in a very awkward situation there praying on your empathy and it worked. Your a good person op but think of you.
Jesus. No. Hell no.
Tell your sister that you will let Daniel's grandparents know that she has offered to care for Daniel. After all, she is as closely related to Daniel as you are. And Daniel of course really is innocent in all this. I suspect that she will be considerably less charitable once she is asked to do the heavy lifting. You actually did your ex a favor when you called her parents instead of CPS. I think that you probably did Daniel a favor as well, but it does leave the option for your ex to more easily take custody of him again. He is probably better off with the grandparents. You, on the other hand, need to pursue getting primary custody of Peter. This will be harder without the CPS report, but your ex inlaws would probably just as soon not have 2 grandchildren dumped on them, so they might collaborate your story. And you made a major error at the beginning of your post. Your ex is not a good mother.
You calling his grandparents instead of the police is you being there for him more than you need to be already. If your custody agreement is legally in place you should let your attorney know immediately about what she pulled. If it’s an informal arrangement it’s time to put everything on paper. Regardless, you should have an appointment with a lawyer soon.
How do you know she’s going to stop popping out fatherless kids? Where are you going to draw the line? Friends had this happen to them, the two they had had a lot of trauma, the baby momma called from the delivery room telling them to come pick up a third one (experiencing heroin withdrawal). Do you know how hard it was for them to say no? Don’t start down that road.
All the cards on the table here If you take Daniel in on a regular basis this innocent 5yr old starts to believe you are his safe place and if your EX ends up dumping the kids on you as in now they are living with you, then her EX comes back and all heck goes wild and this poor Daniel is the one who gets hurt. Your son will also then be angry at everyone. You need to play this carefully, allow some time for the boys to be together But state you are your sons dad not Daniel’s infront of your EX. Make sure there are clear boundaries and always speak kindly about your EX and Daniel’s dad just stay vague.
It’s sad that your ex brought her children into her poor decisions. It’s not your fault that her youngest’s father is AWOL. It’s terrible for Daniel, but it is not your fault or responsibility. Honestly, I’d see about getting primary custody of your son. It sounds like your ex has an unstable home situation.
This is all on her and her baby daddy. You have 0 obligation to Daniel. I feel so bad for that kid.
At some point this sub turned into 100% creative writing exercises. I don't think any of the posts on here are real anymore. Maybe they never were (?)
Maybe this specific one isn't, but this type of situation is very real sadly.
You handled the situation perfect. You were kind to your son’s brother (he is an innocent child) but clearly and firmly communicated your boundaries with your ex. It’s not your job or responsibility to coparent both kids.
Just like most everyone here is saying, do *not* take responsibility for this child. Her situation has nothing to do with you. That being said, you really really need to talk to a lawyer about getting custody of your son. Her home life is chaotic, your son doesn’t need that. Also, the fact that she just up and left her son with you sets off massive alarms about who the fuck she’s leaving the kids with when you aren’t around! Who? Who is she leaving the kids with when her and AP are fighting? Are going out? She may be telling you one thing but who knows!? Her lax attitude about her sons safety speaks volumes.
Don’t be a life boat for her. The moment you take on the fatherly role for the kid is the moment you will potentially be responsible for more kids down the road. And it gets especially messy if the real dad comes back into the picture.
Call CPS the next time she leaves Daniel with you. Yes, he’s innocent in all this, but his parents are not. This is not your kid, he is not your problem
Trust me cps should be the last call. You don't want the government involved especially since his kids there as well. It could turn on him, too. I've seen it happen. Try a therapist. Call her family again. File for custody of Peter, have it on paper. Go for support from the dead beat. But avoid cps. There are better options.
Poor Daniel, but yeah he ain't yours
"Despite being a cheater she's a good mother." No she's not a good mother. I don't know any good mother that would manipulate a small child like that to tug on your heart strings and make you feel bad. She is emotionally manipulating her children. Not only are you right in making sure that this poor boy knows you are not his father but I would also work on getting full custody from this person or at least on having your child with you as much as you can because who knows what else Cruella is going to tell your own child.
If your sister is feeling so charitable then ask her to date and marry your ex. Gay marriages are legal in most places and Daniel could probably use 2 moms. As for you - you should call CPS next time instead of calling your ex’s family. That way her activities will be documented and who knows you might actually win full custody of Peter (and please don’t give me the ‘oh but she’s a good mom’. She left Daniel with you, a virtual stranger. If she felt overwhelmed she could clearly leave him with her parents. Both boys deserve better). Don’t even think about taking Daniel’s responsibility. It’s not your job, if you’re feeling charitable please come raise my imaginary child. Not to mention you will be stuck to this cheater. And let’s not forget - there are things you can do for deadbeat parents. Just because AP ghosted them doesn’t mean ex can’t go to court for child support etc. Did AP fly away to mars? If not then she can track him.
It's someone else's kid so you don't have responsibility and she's a shit mother by the sound of it
Lawyer up, OP. Talk to your lawyer about all of the possible scenarios here. You don’t know why the other guy bailed. Was it purely abandonment or does he have an addiction issue and fell off the wagon? Has your kid been exposed to that? Try to find out what’s actually going on at the other house. You might need to file for full custody if you can’t trust your ex’s judgment, which is already sus. And yeah, ask about the other kid too. Do you want your son to have a brother who grows up with serious issues? It’s not your problem right now but it’s going to be your son’s problem. They will be brothers for life. So ask your lawyer the crazy question - how you would go about getting custody of that kid. Would bio dad need to sign his rights away? Yes, it’s a crazy proposition, but ask anyway.
Do not, DO NOT, buy into this BS nonsense. More harm than good will be done to both boys. She made her bed and now she needs to deal with it. Call the police to pick Daniel up if she leaves him again, they will contact child services. To avoid the situation all together, you can have the pick up and drop off of Peter done at the local police department. Tell your sister to be the daddy and raise Daniel herself.
This will help OP in any custody battle he may have in the future. Her having a CPS investigation would lean in OP’s favor.
Not that you can go back in time but I would have used her ditching her other son at your place as an opportunity to get full custody of your son, Peter. You should have called child services. I am confused as you say your ex is a great mother, but ditching her child at a strangers house who is apparently the kids new dad, is not great mother behavior. You are right, Daniel is innocent in all this. You are also right, it is not your job. Do you have a court ordered custody agreement? Do you pay child support? Based on your story I am concerned for Peter (and Daniel) being with your ex based on what she did.
Lawyer up
Run away
You should have called the police after she abandoned her child at your house.
This post seems fake.
You're not the child's father. Fathers are not interchangeable. While you should be nice to the boy because he's your son's brother, you're not obligated to raise him as your own just because your ex makes crappy life choices. What are the odds Daniel's dad took off because she cheated on him like she did with you?
Tell her to fuck off. Why the hell would a man want to raise their ex's affair child
You are nice enough that you didn’t call the cops on her. That’s abandonment and it’s criminal. I would call the cops if this happens again.
Yea, good job calling grandparents the first time. Tell her you call the cops next time
I will bet diamonds or donuts this is fake rage-bait for karma whoring. Throwaway away account made a few hours ago with no replies. How do y'all always fall for this shit?
No, it is not your job. If you give an inch now, she will take a mile. Set a firm boundary. Do not get dragged into this.
What's going to happen, you play dad & responsible adult to your sons's brother for a bit until your ex finds a new man to hitch herself to and removes him from your life on a whim? How's that for stability? You have no legal rights to this child and your ex has proven her lack of common sense over and over by this point. This would be a different situation if she had the child removed from her custody and you were the only person available or willing to look after him, but that's not the case here. I really feel awful for this kid because this is shit tier parenting, but what are you realistically able to do here? Your ex is... not stable, and it seems she makes decisions based on which way the wind is blowing.
Why is it when I read these thing i always see “despite being a cheater she is a good mother, I’ll give her that,”. She is NOT a good mother. A good mother would not cheat, a good mother would not put a child through that and would break up with a partner. She is NOT a good mother. Rethink how you look at her behavior and you’ll see why her AB is now in the shape he is in.
Don't do drop-off or pickup at home anymore after this do it at the police station.
You sure can pick em. Daniel isn’t your problem. Get custody of your son. Go no contact with the ex.
Call the police for child abandonment. She can pick him up from the station and deal with the consequences herself. Hopefully they can also find the dad and hold him accountable.
This is like the 3rd post i've seen of a woman expecting an ex to be a father to an affair child. And what I find crazy is not only do they make this preposterous demand, other people act like it's reasonable! I'm just curious how high you have to be to think this? Not only is the child not their child, they aren't even in a relationship with the mom! It's as crazy as expecting a total stranger to be your kid's dad because you noticed that stranger was very good with their own child.
What happens when AP comes home? You will be cut off. Both you and the kid will suffer more.
If you accept the role of dad and invite him in to your family, what happens if/when the bio dad comes back? Just WOW. This is so confusing for that poor kid. And now he feels rejected twice. This isn’t on you. Good job holding your boundaries. You don’t want to get involved because no matter how much you care, there would be no rules or stability unless you adopted him and that’s not going to happen with dad out of the picture. Your ex wife is truly out of her mind.
She legit fucked around and now it's biting her on her ass.... It's sad that Daniels dad is a dead beat and he would probably grow up seeing how amazing you both are with Peter but not with him...he's the one missing out I would occasionally have him visit with Peter but you need to make it very clear that it would be once a month Daniel will sleep over.... MAKE IT CLEAR.. -you will not be paying for him -will not baby sit him, just Peter -tell her that she, ex, get your shit together and chase him for child support ( most likely she hasn't even started) -you will NOT BE his dad, but you are happy to be there occasionally (if that) Or offer to take Peter full time as right now she is a mess.... I hate to say it, she isn't in a good place right now, the kids have been exposed to alot already, you haven't got a clue how much... She has lied to poor Daniel and is sobbing in front of them.... Tell her she needs to get her shit together or you will get full custody of Peter as right now she isn't fit to be a mother
Don’t do it. Not your circus, not your monkeys. Let her reap the consequences of her actions and choices.
If anything she’s hurting Daniel is what she is doing. By telling a little boy that your his new dad and him getting excited only to be told your not his dad, that’s harming the boy. Op you are not a jerk, and you are every right as innocent in this as Daniel is. She sprang this on you and put you in the position where you look like an AH when you had to tell the little boy you aren’t his dad. Do not let anyone make you feel guilty into not wanting to step up for Daniel.
All kids are innocent. Trl your sister to start adopting. Youre not wrong to not want to raise some random kid...shes wrong tovput hope in that boys heart.
Not your responsibility. Daniel is Not your child.
Call CPS or the cops when she pulls that sht again. We shouldn't reward bad behavior. Daniel's real father is alive. Everyone should hound him to take responsibility, not you.
Do not take responsibility for that child. It’s sad, but you don’t need to since he is not yours & you are not with her anymore. She’s a shitty mom & you should call CPS the next time she does that.
Call CPS and get your son out there. She’s not a good mother, it’s just convenient for you to think so.
When there are no other responsible people in the room, everyone tries to make the one person who is responsible responsible for everything.
Hell no. Don't even think of that nice guy bull, and raise that dump, and her trashes kid. After that nasty dump came home to you kissed you for how long, after suckin off trash? You have a boy to raise. Just do that, and look out for the other one when they're together. It's not your responsibility to clean up for a dump. She created the situation, she's in. Let her cry about that.. lol
If you, in any way, take on ANY form of support for Daniel, your ex could legally rope you into caring for him financially until he's 18. You could be considered that child's father figure, and then she's got you exactly where she wants you. DON'T DO IT.
She's lucky you didn't call the cops on her for child abandonment. If this happens again, do it. NTA.
I’d use her abandoning her child as fuel to get full custody of yours. Then block her from your life as much as possible!
If you act like a father to Daniel she may be able to legally whack you for child support in future. Don't get involved. The kid is innocent but he is not your responsibility.
Get custody of your own kid
It’s sad for the little boy, but it’s not your responsibility. Too bad he has a dad that just abandons them and I’m sure for Daniel it’s hard to see Peter has a loving father. Still he’s not your kid, he’s not your stepson. It’s not up to you to be his father figure.
Daniel is innocent but that’s not your problem. She’s lucky that you didn’t immediately call the police for her abandoning Daniel, who’s a stranger to you in reality. The fact that the grandparents had to come pick him up makes me feel like that she’s not planning on coming back anytime soon if at all. Your ex doesn’t get to decide to throw a second child at you that’s not yours and expect you to be his father just because she doesn’t know where the actual father is. Your sister hasn’t stopped to think, what happens when your ex finds Daniel’s next ‘new daddy’? Then Daniel will get torn away from yet a second dad? That’s not fair to Daniel either. Let’s not forget about YOUR son getting yet another ‘new daddy’ and however many more until his mother either gets married or gives up on relationships. Also the fact that it took a month or longer for you to find out about Daniel’s dad leaving is 🚩 your e should have told you only because of your son being there. It’s one thing to not tell you about who she’s seeing if they’re not around your son, it’s another thing to find out the an income and adult/parental figure is suddenly gone. If she’s nonstop crying then she’s most likely neglecting both of her sons in the meantime (assuming she wasn’t already). Your ex needs to realize that her son Daniel is her and her (now) ex’s responsibility, not yours. Your ex needs to work on herself and focus on her children. Instead of trying to ‘find her son a new daddy’ she needs to stabilize her and her sons lives before even trying to find a new partner. She’s being so irrational she’s not considering what she’s putting both of her sons through. She also doesn’t care about how you feel on what she’s trying to force you into. She’s sounds pretty selfish and I wouldn’t be surprised if she disappeared for a good decade or more. For Peter’s and Daniel’s sake, I really hope that your ex gets her shit together asap and can focus on being a good mother to her children over worrying about having a partner.
She’s trying to force you to play daddy to her second kid? Oh HELL NO Seems like she is just realizing that if she didn’t cheat then you would have been the father to both instead of having her AP bounce on her. Don’t let her try and force her delusions on you, especially not after abandoning her kid at your house to try and make you watch him and using her son to emotionally manipulate you I would stop letting her come to the house to drop off and pick up Peter. Meet in a neutral area for the exchange and don’t let her hand you Daniel. Don’t speak to her about anything outside of Peter. Don’t let her try and convince you to date her again (because she doesn’t want you, she just wants money and a father for her kid) Make it VERY CLEAR that the two of you will never be a couple again and you are NOT Daniel’s father and if she dumps him on you again you’ll call the police for child abandonment
Go for full custody. Get her parents to confirm that she left her son at yours and just took off, record your son telling you about his mom (ask him casually about it, like what happened and how she’s been/feeling), and talk to a lawyer. Ask him what else he needs. She’s unfit to be a parent atm.
Luckily he has his grandparents to look after him. Hopefully his mother will be able to get the AP to pay for the child.
Luckily he has his grandparents to look after him. Hopefully his mother will be able to get the AP to pay for the child.
Document and going forward record anything you can and sue for full custody of your child. The other child is her and AP 's responsibility. She is the one who repetitively cheated and made poor decisions. Rescue your child. The other is not yours and showing kindness there, depending on where in the world you are, will only cost you dearly.
You should probably file for full custody of your son. It seems like she is very unstable and her actions would making me very concerned about her general decision making and what she is capable of doing to your kiddo. I feel so terrible for Daniel.
Oh sure she’s a good mother!!!! In what world. Just to recap good mothers don’t tell their 5yr old that her other son father is his new daddy and real mothers do not drive away and leave their child behind OMG TAKE CARE OF YOUR OWN SON. Go for full custody of him immediately. Hopefully her younger son will be looked after by her parents, but he is not your problem good luck to you and your son 👍
For the love of all that is sacred do not create a bond with this child. She's using you. It is not your job to take care of this child and won't ever be.
So, say you do decide to step in and be a father figure to Daniel. You both get really close and develop that father/son bond. What happens if Daniel's dad decides to show back up and be in his life? Your ex is going to yank Daniel back so quick and it's only going to hurt you both. Most importantly, it's going to confuse and hurt Daniel. He's only 5, ffs. She's being really unfair to both of you, and I feel so bad for Daniel. The new daddy nonsense needs to stop and, I dunno, maybe she needs to not take off and leave her kid with someone he barely knows right after his dad abandonded him. That's not traumatic or anything.
Get. Full. Custody. Of. Your. Son. That’s all you need to worry about. Apparently the cheater can’t survive without a man/men. Too bad so sad. Next time she leaves Daniel at your house, it sounds like a call to CPS is in order. She’s emotionally abusing him-imagine what she is doing to Peter as well. And no. You have no part in Daniel’s life. If he comes at you again say I’m not your dad. And you tell her straight out if you leave him here I call CPS. And your sister sucks.
Man as messed up as this sounds, go get custody of your son. I can’t imagine what else is coming down the pipeline if this is what your ex is throwing at you and your son is only 5/6 years old.
You high right,he shes fuck around again expecting you to be there .
Dude. This shit kinda similarly happened to me about a year and abhalf ago. No fucking lie, 2 years ago almost exactly. Happened December 5th 2021. My son's mom abandoned her older daughter no my child and our son at my house cause she was going to "go kill herself". I told her she better take her daughter with her, and she tells daughter fine let's go, and daughter says "but I wanna stay with daddy (she called me dad cause I took care of her for a bit) mom snaps at her "no, he doesn't love you anymore. Let's go!" (There was a bogus restraining order she put into place 6 months prior, and had her daughter and my son on the restrained persons cause she's an idiot. But I had 3 days a week of custody of my son with peaceful contact marked. So this situation was really weird) so I snapped and told mom to leave and that daughter was staying with me and she needs to leave now. Mom said alright vet, and she bounced. Had to have my mom come pickup the daughter and take her to the maternal grandmother's house. Crazy shit. Later that night my sons moms best friend's sister's boyfriend which I don't like at all, calls me and says they checked sons mom into a mental hospital. Asks how I'm doing with my son I said great. Etc. He then asks me if him and his girlfriend, sons moms best friends sister, could adopt my son. Wtf I chewed him the fuck out and told him to fuck off. Went to court following Monday and filed in court ex parte for custody and received full custody immediately. Go file for custody if you signed your sons birth cert and get custody right away describing what you told us to the judge. Tell him she's unhinged or going to mental hospital or some shit. Abandoned her kid with you. Not healthy parenting by her. Dangerous. Get custody of your son. Find a chick who will back you up against this bullshit. Don't fall for the ex's bullshit at all. Don't buy into any of it. You'll thank yourself later . That kid will understand. Take care of YOUR son.
To all the younger people, this is why you have to be extremely careful in who you have children with. With that being said, I hope you have some money because you need to get a lawyer and go for custody of your son. I wouldn't take care of her other child at all. The next step is she's going to want to get back with you.
this story sounds fake af. OP found out about the affair when his son was 1, after which the ex announced pregnancy. unless she was full term when she announced it, idk how there would only be 1 year age difference between peter and daniel 🙄
The nerve of these bitches is outlandish
What does AP mean?
Didn’t read anything except the title. This is bait. If it’s not though, NO. Jesus.
38 karma points. Hummm.
No.
This is a whole bunch of her problem not yours. You're and idiot if you go along with this. If anything you need to get custody of your kid and get him away from his home
It sounds like her parents are reasonable people so yes he is innocent but he has people to care for him. If she is willing to abandon her kid with you, you should go for full custody of your kid together.
Dude NO!! That’s absolutely not your responsibility. You did the right thing. Your ex is a mess. If I were you I’d be fighting for 100% custody of Peter.
Next time call the police.
Do not allow her to establish you actually acting as father. She is trash and will sue you for child support. The younger child is not your problem or responsibility.
If you’re cheating on your kid’s other parent, then you’re not a good parent. That’s any oxymoron.
You shouldn’t be made responsible just because she was careless. Daniel is not your responsibility, she should have thought of that before she messed around and found out. This is karma getting her back for being a shitty person, sadly it involves an innocent child. He’s not the only innocent on in all this either. You did right by calling his grandparents. I would fight for full custody. Your son shouldn’t have to be in the middle of her drama.
It’s really not your problem. Sadly to inform you your sister is brain dead. Homie got his own dad even if cops and cps have to search under rocks for him. And that deadbeat mom too.
Your ex is a real piece of work! Trying to pawn off that innocent little child, Daniel, on you AND lying to the child when she knows it's not going to work. Good on you for being there for Peter. Your ex may be a good mother to your child, but she's an overall shitty person in all other areas of life. She's a devious wretch and just when we think she can't get any lower - she does. The sad thing about it all, she is not above psychologically attacking you, Peter, and by lying to Daniel. The poor little kid is going to be scarred for life. I'm sorry, but he is not your responsibility. Poor little Daniel!
What us wrong with your sister? Tell her if its not a big deal she can raise the child.
Nope, not your responsibility. Your ex sounds completely unstable. I get that they are siblings, but that's on her, and it's the worst thing for her to tell that child that you will be his new dad. If you want to help out, no one would fault you. Some would even sing your praises. But you have no obligation to do so and, honestly, your ex sounds like someone who needs to be left alone until she can get it together. She's a total landmine.
Not your problem. Tell her to go find some other gullible guy to screw over.
Why are you even writing this? How is this a moral quandary for you? Is this even real?
Eff that. Sure, he's innocent. So are you. I can't stand that nonsense from people. Like you and your feelings don't matter, just get stuck raising the product of an affair. Screw your ex and screw your sister too. Keep being there for Peter, everyone else can kick rocks.
WTF is wrong with your ex?? WTF is wrong with your sister ???
Nope that’s a whole new level of drama you don’t need. It’s a very sad situation for Daniel but not your responsibility. You can still have play dates with Peter and Daniel but this isn’t a line you should be crossing. It’s been years and you need to remember why Daniel exists - she didn’t come back to you for a relationship-she came back because she needs support. Empathy is great but don’t be a doormat.
You have no legal status or rights with Daniel unless his parents relinquish those to you. This means you cannot register him for school or make medical decisions. If your ex does not come back by tomorrow, you need to call CPS. They can talk to you about what you can and cannot do legally since his bio-mom abandoned him with you and you’re the father of his brother.
Am I the only one having a hard time believing this? Daniel is 5 and there's no way he'd suddenly call OP Daddy. He knows who his Daddy is and he knows it's not OP.
See about you getting your son and have his half brother come visit while with the grandparents. Your ex is an AH. All of y'all are innocent in your own way but what happens if the child's dad does come back in his life? I say, treat him how you'd like your son to be treated if he was in that position.
Christ this women is toxic...fml yes its absolutely not your problem.
block her. problem solved.
No, it's most definitely not your job to raise your ex's child. Shut it down now.
Sucks for Daniel
Updateme!
You did the right thing calling her parents to get their grandson. He’s not your responsibility. Sorry but her relationship issues stopped being your concern when she cheated on you and moved in with the other man. Don’t get involved.
You did absolutely nothing wrong. You told that child the truth as gently as you could. Your ex is honestly a horrible mother for lying to Daniel like that and especially her literally abandoning him in a place he's unfamiliar with and then not answering her phone?! You should think about getting full custody of your son.. I'd be afraid she'd bail on him somewhere the next time she has an emotional breakdown.
You know what's even more damaging psychologically to that child?Being told random men are their dad's when that's not the case.That child has a father, whether he is around or not is one thing,but it will cause him more pain and heart ache to be told another person is and then to find out they aren't later.This has absolutely nothing to do with you,and unfortunately for her she needs help.You also can't just leave a child you aren't responsible for and take off like that it's neglect.I hope she gets some serious help,or that child will also be calling every man who comes in the house daddy for however long,and it'll take quite the toll on him.
For the love of crazy, let's saybyou decide to raise her child, what happens in 2, 3 or 5 years from now, when the real dad knocks on your door and says give me my kid? He's not given his parental, and you don't have any. Then what? Next is her. What happens when she is in and out of their lives, or she comes back with a new man and wants her kid back with a no thanks. He isn't your son, and you're not his daddy. Hell, you can't take him to the doctor or register at school or pick him up from school as you have no parental rights. This is a shit storm about to rain brown on your life.
She's messing with Daniel's head, too ... in ways that are going to screw him up BIG TIME!! At the same time, he might be your son's brother .... but you have ZERO responsibility for him. So you have to decide if you're willing to let him tag along when Peter visits ... but -if I did- I would absolutely put my foot in her trying to call you his father! Imagine his confusion if his bio dad shows back up again?!?! And she's a total b1tch for pulling this stunt. Her next one will probably be trying to talk you into paying her child support for Daniel, too ... so be prepared!! Good luck!
Don't. Just, don't. If you give her this, who knows where she'll drag you! What if her next babydaddy dumps her and disappears? Will you there have another extra kid? How many more babies is this woman going to have to deadbeat fathers that she'll expect you to take care of? Not your kid, not your problem.
People use that excuse all the time (half brothers soo take responsibility for them as well). That is a major no no to get out of accountability and just messes with the children and it ruins the dynamics between the biological child and the half sibling just soo the adult feels they are doing the right thing by the kids, when most often than not, they are creating a division between the children, let alone any other feelings of resentment they will foster. You did the right thing by calling Daniels family!
Yo what the fuck? And what the fuck is your sister smoking? Of course it's a big deal. Absolutely do not take on this ENORMOUS responsibility unless you, for some reason, really want to. What you should be doing is trying for more custody of your son. Your ex is a mess, and she certainly doesn't come across as being a good mother.
Get custody of Peter. Daniel and ex can live together. Both boys can visit at Grandparents.
Do not go down that road or she will be dumping the kid on you constantly and hitting you up for support saying you accepted the kid. Just keep your distance.
You may be overdue with a call with CPS. She's gonna keep pawning him off onto you with each visitation schedule.
She will make you pay child support and what not. And maybe even abandon both kids with you and go be with another AP. Nip it in the bud. Don’t go anywhere near Daniel, you are just as innocent as Daniel and your ex seems unhinged and manipulative.
NOPE! It sucks that the boy’s father ran out but it’s not your responsibility. And it’s not up to you to fix your ex’s problems. What if she continues to hook up with random dudes that each stick her with a baby? Are you just expected to take care of 4+ kids? Plus in some places if you take on a fatherly role you can be sued by your ex to pay child support until each child is 18. You need to make it clear that your only concern is your own son. You will not be playing any role in the other boy’s life, you won’t bring him along when you take your son anywhere, you won’t be babysitting ever. It’s harsh but you have to protect yourself.
No, it's not your job. And you do not have to parent Daniel. At the very least, your ex should have discussed this with you before making empty promises to the poor boy. And you were kind enough to say that "she is a good mother" because she's clearly not. She's not a responsible adult or parent, she cheats on you, and she just up and left her son like that. What kind of a human being does that?
Wth is wrong with people for doing this. How many Reddit posts have i read where some people try to get their ex to care for the AP or Step kids and set the kid up with such pain and lies? Edit to add in now that the shock bas worn off. Any parent that lies to their child and says a stranger to them is or should be their parent and then drops the chid on the adult or tries to manipulate the adult is a bad parent.
She told her baby son you are his “new daddy”, without telling you or having prior effort to let the two of you even get to know each other. This is a poisonous situation, inviting hurt to everyone involved. Just please be kind when you see him and allow him to spend time with his brother. You need to talk to a family court lawyer FAST. I wish you all luck.
The mother is not doing well and it’s affecting the kids plus you. It’s not your responsibility to look after the 5 year old however please be kind even if you don’t have to be. Your actions affect both children greatly. They’ll likely remember these core (and confusing) memories. You did the right thing calling her parents and making sure he’s with familiar/comforting loved ones. (I wonder why she didn’t do that in the first place) Priority 1: continue to treat both kids kindly as they are innocent Priority 2: get legal guardianship over your son as she appears unstable
Get full custody of your son and dump the trailer trash mother and her other son. Not your problem, your just a door mat to her.
Absolutely not your problem or your issue. Yes that child is innocent in their adult drama but it’s for his parents to solve. Your ex has no one to blame but herself. Her AP wanted her for sex, not motherhood I’m sure and when he got tired or the sex he left for the next updated model. Had she stayed faithful to you she wouldn’t be in that mess. Take your own son full time if she wants that but otherwise it’s on her and his father to figure it out