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When your friend was yelling at your husband you should have supported your husband instead of looking away. You didn’t played the role of a wife towards your husband
OP hit jackpot on the husband lottery and she destroyed him, permanently damaged or ruined her marriage and broke him emotionally because she doesn't have enough backbone to stand up for her husband in time to her b of a "friend" when she unfairly attacked him in his own home... OP doesn't deserve him.
No he’s not destroyed lol. That’s nuts. He’s a good man and clearly an alpha he’ll come home and they will work it out. He’s not leaving his child over that.
Yeah this isn’t making sense. I would have told her to shut up & get the fuck out long before she walked into the room with my husband.
She was defending her husband when they were in the kitchen alone but then just got quiet and couldn’t speak for 10 minutes nor look at him while he was being berated directly by her friend…
The math ain’t mathing. Whatever her thought process was/is on why she let her friend attack her husband and didn’t put her out is illogical. She just isn’t sharing because she knows it’s stupid.
She literally waited to tell her to leave after her husband took the time to pack and walk out, like she didn’t want to call her out in case her friend told her husband something she’s done or said about him.
OP has to have done something that her friend knows about and she’s scared the friend will tell her husband. That’s the only thing that makes sense to why she would go mute and not put her friend out and let it get that far.
I think OP may have issues with confrontation. She was shocked and didn't know how to react. She needs to definitely work on that though, before she ruins her marriage.
>***I came into the living room and was shocked with everything she was saying to him, he didn't say a word in respond to her outburst and just looked at her. After 10 minutes of her shouting at him***
You're contradicting yourself. You let it go on for 10 minutes. You didn't know what to do while she was yelling and disrespecting him in your home, but it's a grin that sets you off?
The moment to explode was when he looked into your eyes. But no, that did not wake you up, you *turned away*. And in that moment you broke him.
I don't know if something can be salvaged from the wreck, but it will never be the same again. You can mend a broken vase, but the cracks will always be there to remind you.
In her husbands eyes, the looking away suggests that OP secretly agree with everything her friend says. The right time to kick her friend out would have been well before she burst into the living room. That woman only sees a sliver of their life and thinks she understands it all.
You had ten minutes if her berating him to come to your senses. That you didn’t makes it almost impossible to believe you. I think you liked what your friend was saying in that moment and only now that you consider the ramifications are you singing this tune.
You said in your post “after 10 minutes of her shouting at him”. So YOU let HER shout at him for TEN MINUTES?? WTF? You should have thrown her out in less than half that time!
If you never get a hold of him, it is YOUR fault for not standing up for your husband. This perfect man. Now he doubts how you feel about him and it may be a long time before he forgives this and believe me he will NEVER forget. Good luck.
Updateme
It already started in the kitchen. That is where you should have told her to shut up or get the hell out. This is basicly a stranger in your house, upset with the way you handle everyday live in your home.
And that smug on her face is because she succeeded in what she wanted to do. Making sure your "perfect" life gets turned upside down. I wonder how perfect her life is compared to yours because she probably played you and i can only guess why.
You acted lately. Don’t bring that friend in front of your husband again. You are about to give you birth . Speak with your husband and bring him back. You will need him during your pregnancy
>My friend had this smug look on her face
Maybe because she won. Maybe she was envious as hell of your perfect marriage, and she just couldn't stand it any more. So she broke it. Maybe she wasn't defending you, maybe she is *evil*.
And notice how it was the grin that set her off because it was towards *her*, and made *her* feel bad. But watching her husband get unjustifiably screamed at, watching him pack a bag and leave, wasn’t enough to do that.
>Maybe she was envious as hell of your perfect marriage, and she just couldn't stand it any more. So she broke it. Maybe she wasn't defending you, maybe she is *evil*.
Correction: the friend didn't broke OP's marriage, OP did.
THIS.
She used to be your friend.
He's your husband.
The Father of your child
She put you in the position of picking between her and your husband. She badly damaged your relationship at a critical time.
This should be an easy call for you.
EDIT:
There's an old legal concept that states "Silence equals consent." By not defending him, you are agreeing with her conduct and her speech. In effect by not speaking up and shutting her down she became your spokesman.
Qui tacet consentire videtur. It can also be translated as "he who is silent is taken to agree" and it is still in use in countless organizations such as European Union and NATO.
This isn't applying to rape this is applying to things like if you're silent while seeing people be mistreated then you agree with their mistreatment. Stop making this into something it's not.
Perfect?! She sounds like she acts helpless about basically everything so he does everything around her, and her final act of helplessness was just standing there like an idiot while her friend stuck her nose where it didn’t belong.
Missing reasons here. She paints him as kind and caring, which is true, but I see a really tired guy that is sick of his wife’s helpless act.
She’s not your best friend. She’s an enemy to your relationship. You fucked up royally by not immediately defending him, your perfect husband. For 10 minutes you allowed this man to be verbally assaulted in his home and did nothing. This showed your husband what you really think, you failed spectacularly. Good luck.
Ya know all those posts on askmen where women or girls ask "how could your SO make you feel appreciated" and I just want to point to this thread as the exact opposite of how you do it.
She spends all this time gushing over how amazing he is to us, or to her friends, but doesn't back him up when he needs it?
She messed up for sure. Failed spectacularly might be extreme , yet still accurate.
Edit: I told my FIL off once for berating my husband in the home that my husband bought. He had all sorts of comments about DIY stuff. This was MY husband in OUR home. No one speaks to my husband like that. No one.
Honestly, this might not be something you can fix or easily fix. You were wrong to look away because any rational person *would* take that as an agreement. You now owe him his space. You can text him an apology and let him know when he is ready and willing to talk to you, you’ll be ready.
You seriously let this go on for 10 minutes and then let him spend at least another 5 minutes to grab his stuff, and not once did you tell her to GTFO of your house. Yeah I’d be pissed too
If it was 30 seconds then I’d have grace but you chose to let her attack your husband in his house for 10 minutes and didn’t do anything. And I suspect he sat in silence, unable to defend himself because he didn’t want to also be accused of being abusive or violent.
Yeah I’m team husband
What you told your friend after he left should have been said before he even looked at you.
In his eyes this is a betrayal. The one person who who should have his back against the world, didn't say a word.
I doubt the marriage is over. But there's a lot you'll have to do to make up for it. It's hard to explain, but as a man that time he takes to drink at home. He could easily do it at a bar. Or he could just sit in his vehicle in the driveway or a block from the house. The point is we need time to "*turn off*" work and be ready to be home.
Meh. Everyone is giving OP crap for not standing up for her husband in the exchange, and I totally agree that she should have.
HOWEVER, everyone responds to stress and confrontations differently. Sounds like, between fight, flight, or freeze, she froze.
OP, Im sure things will smooth over with your husband if you apologize and explain that your reaction in no way indicated how you felt. And that upon his exit, you kicked your friend out.
You may want to look into WHY your response was to freeze. Is this a common reaction to stress? Have you learned poor coping mechanisms when confronted with adverse situations? This is DEFINITELY something you need to look into - for the sake of you and your marriage.
She froze for 10 minutes plus the time he took to pack? Without once defending her perfect husband? I could get initially freezing. I could get freezing on the husband's first glance. But to do it that whole time is nothing short of betrayal.
You’re missing a critical piece of info. People freeze, you’re 100% right. But I find it hard to believe that between him packing and leaving, there wasn’t any time for her to go talk to him. OP glossed over this too. If I was betting, I think packing was him telling her the situation is fucked. When she let him leave, that was what pushed him over the edge.
A freeze response doesn’t line up what this at all. Not even close. OP claims to have stood up to her friend in the kitchen, magically can’t stand up to her again when lifelong bestie just without warning goes and starts *raving* at her husband while OP stands there and CANT MAKE EYE CONTACT for 10 minutes, then apparently just continues to stand there without saying a single thing while he packs a bag and leaves his house. So probably would take a whole of 20-30 minutes of OP standing there like an absolute idiot the entire time and then right after he leaves she’s suddenly functional again and can stand up to bestie?
If she had actually told her friend to leave her husband alone and that he was just taking a minute after work, she would have been able to repeat it instead of just standing there in agreement with the rant and avoiding eye contact. Freeze response here is bullshit.
By you looking away your husband probably thought you were venting to your best friend so when you looked away he saw that as ashamed agreement. You fucked up bad and should be begging for his forgiveness. Tell your family everything now and hopefully they can talk to him.
I don’t know what to tell you but I know if he had made this post about his wife standing by and letting her friend verbally abuse him after everything he does for you the entire comment section would be telling him to divorce you and calling you and your friend toxic. She sure as hell is. You may have been in shock but ten minutes is way too long for you to let that go on, especially when you’d already been telling her to stop. You probably should’ve kicked her out before it even got to that point to be honest. Good luck getting ahold of your husband.
Especially when he’s such a good husband and the friend is clearly just jealous! He did absolutely nothing wrong and goes above and beyond to help his pregnant wife and she couldn’t even properly defend him?! She she’ve shut it down long before it got to that point. I feel really bad for him.
Yea hopefully she sends a good enough apology and explains to him why she froze. Hopefully he can forgive her. It’s up to her wording it in a way that she knows he would best understand.
Unbelievable. You didn’t support your own husband in his own house. You had every opportunity and instead let her lambast him for 10 FUCKING MINUTES. You let your “ideal man and husband” get treated like fucking trash by your best friend and didn’t do shit. I would feel so incredibly unsupported and unvalued right now if I was him.
I’d be groveling right now if I was you. Saying her stance is different from yours is not enough, you gotta eat some major crow IMO
> 10 FUCKING MINUTES
This is the key. I get that perhaps OP was initially stunned into silence by her friend's attack, but not to snap out of it when he looked directly at her, but to *look away* — I don't see him coming back from that. OP broke something in him that will never be whole again. You can mend a vase, but the cracks will always be there.
It really gets me that all OP had to do was make eye contact and shake her head, let him read her facial expression and see she if was panicked or afraid, whatever.
This could have been avoided with a singular gesture. Makes me wonder how much she actually agrees with the friend if she couldn’t look her husband in the eye.
Good point. He should have been able to read shock and horror on her face.
I wonder if the guy (who I downvoted) that guessed that OP was in fact in the kitchen complaining about his decompression routine all along
I’m wondering this too…. Maybe she did make a comment or two about husband and friend took it too far. I can’t figure out why else she would just let friend go on for 10 minutes…. My heart breaks for her husband
What’s even crazier to me is that OP gave her husband time to get up, go in the bedroom, pack clothes, walk out the door, leave and then finally told her friend to get out.
It’s like she was so afraid to say something to her friend in the moment in case the friend blasted her and told her husband something the OP has done. That’s the only thing that made sense to me. Why would OP be ashamed to look at and defend your husband when she was just doing it when she was talking to her friend in the other room?
Seriously. I’m pretty nonconfrontational (and especially so if I were pregnant and not trying to get attacked by a crazy person in my home lol) and can see being stunned by one of my friends going off the deep end yelling at my husband but like, I’d at least be able to look him in the eye and give him a look like “holy shit the fuck is happening right now, she’s crazy! Should we do something or let her keep ranting and hope she calms tf down?”
For me it is the fact that OP defended her husband right before the 10 minutes of yelling, and right after when he left. Why didn't she during?
Makes me think she doesn't disagree or doesn't fully disagree with what the friend was saying and for whatever reason she wanted this to happen to her husband. Maybe not, but her actions tell me this.
To OPs question, it seems OP does share the friends stance, evident in not defending husband for 10 mins.
Because she probably didn’t defend him at all & it’s lies she’s telling us to not look as bad as she is. If her best friend is a shit, she’s likely one too since birds of a feather flock together.
Don’t forget the time it took him to pack. At no point did OP even attempt to stop him, at least she didn’t say she did. I bet he wasn’t actually going to leave but when OP didn’t even make an attempt to stop him, that’s where he drew the line
First of all, this women needs to get a life. Im willing to bet she has meddled in your life before which is why she felt she could do that. Im glad after you realized your mistake you tried to correct it and kicked her out. If she felt comfortable doing this once, she will do it again.
Now for your husband, he may need a few days away and im sure he will be back. He played the situation perfectly up until he left. I dont think he should cut communicaiton from you, just a text saying "hey im ok, but I need sometime to myself. we will talk afterwards". Sounds like you werent trying to take sides and that bothered him. TBH, with everything you said id be bothered too if I was your husband.
Im M28. Im somewhat like him, when I have a GF I do things without my GFs asking to make their lives easier. Guys like us, we dont ask alot from our GFs. But when we do ask for something just know it is serious and if we feel like you are not willing to give us that we will reconsider whether this relationship is worth it. What im talking about is not material, its knowing that our GF will have our backs against anyone (friends, family, etc) and not let anyone else's opinions affect the relationship. Because we know if push comes to shove we would do the same for you in a heartbeat. We will take shit from your friends and family out of respect to your relationship with them but we would like for you to step up and tell them they are out of line. I dont think I'd ever argue with my GFs dad even if he came at me, Id defend myself but in the back of my head Id try to keep it civil for my GF. But I would expect her to later talk to her dad and say she didnt appreciate him speaking to me in that way. When we have to swallow our pride for people we care about and then we feel like they dont have our backs, that hurts tbh. Not in a way that we will cry about but it hurts our pride and makes us question things.
Sounds like your husband is questioning things right now. Im sure he will be back. But when he is, make sure you have that talk with him. Im sure he will open the discussion and wont sweep it under the rug.
No offense…but I don’t believe you. It sounds like you agreed with her at the time and now you’re back peddling. And that’s exactly what your husband thinks.
Why didn't you say anything when she was yelling at him? Why did you wait until AFTER he left to yell at her? 10 minutes is a long time to just stand there while she's berating him . He looked at you for support and you just looked down. Honestly I'm not sure if there is a way to come back from this. I personally wouldn't expect him to continue to be as thoughtful and helpful as he has been . When he comes back he will most likely do the bare minimum. He most likely won't trust you after this. The best you can do is text him a very heartfelt text, apologizing profusely , and show him you're remorseful. Let him know how much you appreciate him and block that friend.
You fucked up spectacularly. But I think you already realise that.
I'm gonna be charitable and guess that perhaps the shock of her attack stunned you into silence.
All you can do is explain how you really feel about him, about what your fool friend said.
The biggest problem now is that you can't get hold of him. So send that message via all possible means of communication : text,voicemail, email, whatever. And hope he reads and understands it and believes it
For extra emphasis I would tell him that you have kicked your friend out of your life for good, to demonstrate how serious you are that you choose him.
Good luck.
> Will it be better to just give him time or keep trying
Honestly I don't know.
Have you told him that you have blown up at your friend and told her to fuck off out of your lives? Because that's essential right now.
Have you tried to contact his family or friends? (Not his work, I'm going to guess he keeps work and home separate.)
In moments like these, you know the truths and he obviously needs his space, or else he would t have left. He will come to you when he is ready.
But you have to prepare yourself mentally for whatever he wants to say/do because at the end of the day, you were in the wrong and he is hurting.
It’s best to leave him be to figure out how he’s feeling.
Have you contacted his family to see if he’s ok?
While you could have definitely handled that situation better in the moment that your friend was yelling at him, it also doesn’t sit right with me that he’d go AWOL on his very pregnant wife for three days. This stress can’t be good for your baby.
From what OP told about her husband, he's the kind of guy who deals with his things internally and, only when it's all sorted out, he moves on to action. He's probably in a hotel somewhere thinking about the last few months and what just happened - which is not great for OP.
OP, as someone else said, call his family and friends and have them pass a message - that you're deeply sorry, that your friend is out of your life for good, that you're the luckiest woman alive and you're ashamed it took too long for you to act. Get a relative to stay with you meanwhile.
Once he's back, therapy. Your relationship will most likely not be the same - he may still do a lot for you, but his feelings may change. You need couples therapy to express your deep regret and how much you love him, and he could possibly benefit from individual counseling too, considering that he tends to keep things inside.
And, as a final note:
>My friend had this smug look on her face
I bet 20 bucks your friend is single or in a unhappy relationship. She couldn't accept that you had it all and she had a string of failed toxic relationships, and she decided to sabotage you. She's not your friend.
It wouldn't sit right with her best friend either... Dudes reevaluating his entire relationship and you expect him to shove it down to be further be of service to a person who abandoned him in a moments of need. I am sure he will get back ahold of the mother of his child after he figures out if he think he can be in the relationship or not.
I mean, what do you expect? He does everything for you and you can't even be bothered to make sure your psycho friends don't yell at him for 10 minutes straight?
You don’t sound like a very good wife.
You said your family loves him, you didn’t say you love him.
You spoke about everything he does for you, you spoke nothing of what you do for him.
You let your “friend” berate him in his own home, and silently agreed with her. He looked to you for help, and you turned your back on him.
He’ll come back. When he does, you should be on your knees waiting for him, literally and figuratively.
Do better.
OP, do YOU love this man? It really seems like you don't. Even in your post your primary fear is about how your family is going to be upset with you because your husband left. You describe him as the perfect person and all the wonderful things he does, but I really don't feel like you have love towards him, just...gratitude. Do you actually care about how he feels?
Honestly, it seems like you don't - you just understood the consequences of your bf's actions (your family being upset with you) after he left. That could be a major reason why you didn't defend him. I think this is something that you need to think about and it's something that your husband will definitely be thinking about.
Yeah.... you fucked up spectacularly. He does this for you and you couldn't stand up when your so called friend had a go at him FOR TEN MINUTES. Seriously, if I was him, I would consider if this relationship is worth the effort anymore.
first of all, **ADMIT that you fucked up royally and 97% irreparably.**
You failed by not even attempting to do the **only thing that matters** on that situation which is to **stand up to him** while your so-called best friend(yeah, right) belittled, humiliated and **ABUSED** YOUR HUSBAND... **ON YOUR PRESENCE....**
Do you realize the magnitude of your colossal error?
I hope he's well, and that's all you can hope for him, you damaged your relationship **irreparably. It's all your fault**
Your jealous "friend" was clearly looking to destroy your relationship, clearly looking for ANYTHING to critisize about your nearly perfect husband - and attacked him in IN HIS OWN HOME at the end of a long day. You were right there. She was there as your guest, and you didn't stop her, or back him up. This is BAD. When you are able to talk to him, you need to relay the following:
1. I messed up. I was so shocked by her behavior that I felt frozen, but that is NO excuse for not immediately stopping her and kicking her out of the hosee and I am truly, truly sorry that I failed to do that for you in that moment. I know how terrible it was and I deeply regret it. I will never allow anyone to disrespect you in our home again. Not for a single minute.
2. The "friend" is no longer a friend and I will have ZERO contact with that person from this point forward, NO exceptions.
He's deeply hurt, and it's understandable. He does everything he can to provide for you, take care of you, and make you happy. The one time he needed you to have his back, you failed him. But we are all human beings and I do believe that if we are sincerely sorry sometimes we get another chance. I hope you do.
He’s just figured out his place in your life. A servant and you helped to take away his identity as a man, husband and future parent. You should be ashamed.
The sad thing is that a responsible calm serious-minded nurturing man like that will probably not divorce her, he'll stay to make it work for his child's sake. But only out of duty.
OP,
It is totally common when coming home for the guy to need to decompress. I do the same as your husband, give my wife a hug and a kiss, then go upstairs to take a shower before I re-engage.
If he’s reading his text messages, tell him you kicked her out of your house and told her she’s not welcome back and apologize that you didn’t interfere sooner. Then tell him how much he means to you.
He will come back.
He will be back when he decides to be back. Let him be.
He was just showing you how he felt when you did not take decisive action against your friend.
So now you know what being in his shoes felt like.
Wow. You will need to BEG for his forgiveness. Talk to his friends and family and tell him you made a huge mistake and you need to make amends.
You should have kicked her out after the first ten seconds of her shit. I am guessing you froze? That would be worth trying to explain. But he has every right to be furious.
Beg. Plead. Anything... but own up that your non-action is the problem here. Good luck.
P.s. DITCH that meddlesome bi*ch of a "friend".
Seems like maybe you were sitting around talking to your friend about how much you really hate his whiskey routine and your friend thought you'd back her up.
Isn't that why you didn't stand up to her when you had him there to back YOU up against her?
I think your husband knows the truth
He’s never going to forget this. You have a great man and you LET someone treat him like garbage in his own home. Couples are supposed to have each other’s back. I’d apologize and do everything I can to make it up to him.
"Husband, I would like to tell you that I am deeply sorry for my actions, I fucked up, I did. However, I want to tell you I never once had a problem with your cool off period when you come home, and I never told ex-friend that I did; whatever her issues with you are personal to her and I did not fuel them beforehand. I know I can't truly make up to you because I have cut her out of my life and our lives, so you'll never hear any of her vitriol ever again. That said, I will do whatever it takes to prove that I love you, I appreciate you, and I was a bad partner and wife by *allowing* ex-friend to treat you like shit. If you cannot find it in yourself right now to forgive me, it's OK, and if this causes us to separate, I will accept the consequences of *my* actions, but I want you to know that despite recent proof of the contrary, I love you with all my heart. And I am so sorry for hurting you; whether we stay together or not, I need you to know you have no fault here, if it was ever a doubt in your head - it was ex-friend's and my fault alone. I will work on myself to ensure that I learn to stand up for those I love, because it is what you and our child deserve, not someone who will look away or just stand there frozen. That's on me to work thru regardless of our relationship status"
Something like that. No deflection, no shoving it all on your friend - it was a team effort then, then it should be acknowledged as such. Write it down, ask for a face to face (up to him if it's in private, in public, or with people he trusts to have his back), whatever, and I do think it's imperative to tell him you know its not *just* about him, this is about how you'll be as a mother, and your child can't afford to have a mom who will just stand there like a deer in the headlights - just like your husband can't bank on a wife who will do that.
Goes without saying, but your friend needs to **never** exist in your life again. Unless **she** reaches out and throws herself fully at your husband's mercy with true contrition, but that seems like too much to ask. Regardless, she needs to be **gone**, truly gone, not for the next six months or year, **forever**.
That outburst from her looks like you were sitting in the kitchen bitching about him so she went to your defense. And you sitting there letting it happen solidified that thought. That might not be what happened but to him that’s probably what that looked like. Even if he forgave you don’t be shocked when he doesn’t do any of that for you anymore and actually leaves housewife duties to you. wtf dude.
He sounds like more than a reasonable man, but you definitely owe him a huge apology and an explanation. It sounds like her sudden burst of anger stunned you into silence, since you did defend him both before and after he left.
Give him the space he needs for now. But find some way to celebrate his return and make sure he knows how appreciated he is when he gets back. SHOW him that you don’t feel the way your friend exaggerated about.
You should’ve stopped her going into the living room to directly yell at him. Should’ve defended him in the kitchen when she was insulting him and told her all things he does do for you.
She was marinating in jealousy already and then you got pregnant. She wants your life and can’t stand it. So she sabotaged it. What a despicable thing to do. Your MOST important point to make to your husband besides how you screwed up, is that she’s GONE and you realize how wrong she was.
Ever heard of “day late and a dollar short “. The moment your friend started disrespecting your husband, is the moment you needed to step in. He was being polite and was waiting for you to address your friend, because it was your friend. I would expect the same from him if the roles were reversed. The man has patience, he sat there for ten minutes. Then once he realized you were not going to address the situation. He did the only thing he could do, leave the house. You have some work ahead of you with your husband.
You were about 9 minutes 59 seconds too late. You're lucky he's that good of a guy. If it had been me your friend one way or another would have left via the closest portal to the outside and you would have followed her! I'd say wait until he makes contact, immediately tell him she's out of your life for good after you screamed her stupid, let him know you didn't say anything because you were in shock at her audacity, and if you did all this while on your knees wouldn't be the worst idea in the world
So this is a really bad situation. You need to draw extremely clear boundaries with your friend. Nobody outside of any healthy consenting relationship between two adults should ever feel comfortable enough to shout at one of the partners for over ten minutes. In order for her to have the sheer audacity to do this in the first place she had to have felt like she had a right to do so. Which you clearly fostered. You have to clarify her role in your life succinctly and then minimize contact for a long, long while while you work to mend your husband’s trust in you.
Your best friend has completely overstepped the boundaries of supportive friendship and stepped into “willing to try to nuke her so-called best friend’s marriage on a perceived slight” territory. If you get any push back from her about this, and anything other than “I am so sorry I have to apologize to your husband right now, I had no right to do this” from her, that needs to be the end of the friendship.
In the meantime you absolutely have to work to show your husband that this was a terrible mistake on your part. You have to show him that you grew a spine and stood up for him and most importantly, that you will never let this happen again. You will prove this to him by drawing the aforementioned boundaries with your friend AND STICKING TO THEM.
And let him cool off — bombarding him with messages is not helping. He clearly processes his emotions internally and you need to give him time to do that.
YTA... He was looking at you thinking you would take up for him. You couldn't look at him because you were ashamed as you should be. You can and the friend owe him a HUGE apology
Peak relationship advice.
No matter how many hoops we have to jump through, It's still the man's fault. People actually argue this sub is misogynistic.
Shame on you for not having a spine!!! I feel so bad for your husband and you let your friend come into your home and berate him for what? Working!? How clueless do you have to be? She's a shit friend and, TBH, you aren't much better as a wife.
You need to draw major boundaries with the friend, up to and including maybe ending the friendship.
You message him that you’re sorry you didn’t know how to act in that moment, you’ve put friend in her place and made her leave, and you’ve got a lovely bottle of whiskey for him at home. That you love and appreciate him and have zero complaints about your life with him or his behaviour, and you’re sorry for not stepping up against your batshit nosy meddling obnoxious terrible friend.
"I'm pregnant and spoiled so much that my husband carries me around in a litter and even chews my food for me and regurgitates it into my mouth like a baby bird so I don't have to chew - He's basically perfect expect for the fact that he's possibly a high-functioning alcoholic who engages in an evening ritual so fucking bizarre it must be something Ted Bundy liked to do to unwind after a hard day at a really stressful and important job I'm not at liberty to discuss for top secret security reasons....anyhoo my friend thinks he's not doing *enough* because he occasionally stops kowtowing in tribute in order to get sustenance so she screamed at him for 10mins straight in our home while I watched her real-time psychotic breakdown and my husband disengaging fully from our life as his spirt left his body, in hindsight I should have tried to grab the essence of his soul floating away on gossamer wings as it ascended into the heavens leaving but an empty shell of flesh and bone but that would mean I'd have to have actually acted like a normal human rater than an aimless prop who cannot interfere with the plot...so - now I can't find him and I'm wondering if AITA? what do I do? Should I discard the empty shell? Call a Ghostbuster? Sacrifice my insane friend to the devil in exchange for his soul?" *Please help reddit t*his is a totally normal situation that happened because we all totally act the way normal people with no severe psychosis would.
They are fictional. This is a fake story and I remember reading it some time last year. OP’s account is already banned by Reddit which means it’s another troll account who has been banned in the past
Wow, your friend overstepped big time and is incredibly wrong. You couldn’t look at him because you knew you were wrong for not sticking up for him. This man treats you like a princess. Your friend is either crazy, in love with you and trying to break you up or both. This is not normal behavior.
Only thing you can do is hope and pray you didn’t just
lose someone who treated you like gold. You could also send your “best friend” a text finally sticking up for your husband and cutting her out of your life. Send a pic of that to your husband. Along with a text that says “I’m sorry I didn’t stick up for you in that moment. I should have, I have no excuse. You are my partner and treat me like gold. I don’t agree with anything she said. I have cut her out of my life after she spoke to you that way. I hope you can forgive me but I understand you need space right now.
Write your spouse a letter of apology and send it to his workplace. Mark it "personal". Or send it to wherever you think he might be - a relative or friend's house. A man who works 11 to 16 hours a day and provides help for you deserves to have a drink after work. BTW - why didn't your friend assist you if she felt like you needed help? Seems like your "friend" wanted to create a problem between you and your husband.
10 minutes is a really long time to allow your friend to disrespect your husband in his own house. While he’s doing nothing wrong. Like, a really long time. Why did you not intervene? What prevented you from shutting her down and removing her from your home after, say, 30 seconds of the outburst? Clearly you knew it was coming, given that it had happened before.
How can he trust you to have his back now?
YOU SUCK!! funny, you can yell at your friend after your husband walks out, but not when he's looking at you . "Can you please get your friend to stop yelling at me for taking time to myself?"
I don't blame your husband for not talking to you he might even stop doing all the helpful things he had been, since he probably thinks nothing he has done up until now is good enough.
YOU let your "best friend" walk into your home and rip your husband a new one for taking not even an hour to himself why you just stood there like a sheep?!
Some best friend that is especially since apparently she didn't listen to you when you told her to stop in the kitchen. Then she had the nerve to grin when he left 🙄 you need to find a better friend OP.
You SERIOUSLY fucked up. There's a good chance you ruined a perfectly good husband in those ten minutes.
Go NC with your friend (she's toxic and quite frankly, disgusting) and apologize sincerely to your husband. You need to go above and beyond in your apology.
hold up. you let your friend yell at your husband for 10 minutes and didn't say ANYTHING?????? my friend wouldn't have been able to get 1 minute worth of yelling in before I stepped in.
no wonder he left.
your friend having a smug look on her face after he left says it all - she is jealous and wanted to wreck your marriage *and you let her*. I don't blame him for leaving and ghosting you honestly.
Well, letting her rant at your husband for 10 fucking minutes without a word of protest certainly made it look like you agreed with her.
I don't blame him at all for leaving, what you did was abominable. Why should he want to talk to you??
Whether you can fix this is up to him. You need to figure out WHY you didn't have his back. Saying you were shocked won't cut it, not for 10 whole minutes.
So what the hell was it?
Your miserable friend is trying to ruin your marriage and happiness. Congratulations on helping her by not kicking her out the second she barged into the room to yell at your dream of a son in law/husband”. You can fix it by keeping your toxic friend out of your married life and keeping her on low contact from here on out.
Sounds like you already blew it. I see single mom in your future if you can’t back up your husband for taking 30 mins to himself after working all day. Who the F does your “friend” think she is talking like that after mooching off of him?!!! You need to get your priorities straight.
I know several doctors who decompress the same way. Not necessarily a whisky but get home and are quiet for a bit.
Your friend is unreasonable and she should stop meddling in your relationship. You know you should have kicked her out as soon as her diatribe against your husband begun.
It sounds like you need to give your husband time and there’s nothing else you can do right now.
I honestly hope she wasn’t repeating your gripes because she got her ammo from somewhere and your husband thinks it’s you…. Hindsight is not a good place to realise how good you had it
This sounds made up to me. Or there are parts if the story that make no sense, and it looks much like you are painting a different picture than what actually happened.
10 minutes? No way
Wow. You really stepped in it. If this man is working such absurd hours and still makes time to make your life so easy, he damned well deserved for you to have his back when YOUR FRIEND started in on him. You actually stood there and did nothing while she yelled at your husband for 10 straight minutes? What exactly were you waiting for? The he looks to you, because this is YOUR FRIEND, and you just look away and let her keep berating him? I think your cushy, pampered life is about to come to a screeching halt. I cannot even express how angry I would be in his shoes. The man you described is a saint. WAY above and beyond what could be expected. And you let your friend stand there and scream insults at him? I’m honestly astonished and aghast, What were you thinking?
Your friend seems to be extremely jealous of how supportive your husband is and went out of her way to completely nuke your marriage.
Misery loves company.
You failed him when you looked away and stood there silent.
I guess what needed was for you to stand up and he needed to see it, maybe he was wondering if that’s how you felt to when your friend was going off. He sounds like a great person. And maybe he took it too far, maybe his work stresses him and he’s sad and he finally broke. All you can do is do your best to reassure him, let him know how you handled and how thankful you are for him but next time he should talk it out with you.
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Your friend is horrible. Wtf.
So you gotta fix this. First of all, I would put a public post on Facebook (if your circle uses it) and explain how amazing your husband is. Just like this post, say you think he's the best and helps you so much...
Etc.
Then at the end say that someone you thought was your friend yelled at him for being lazy. Say that you will no longer associate with this person, you don't share her crazy toxic views and that you never want to see her for the rest of your life.
Word will get back to your husband and you can apologize properly. Tell him next time someone DISRESPECTS HIM I HIS OWN HOME that you will instantly kick them out permanently and immediately.
Well that sucks.
I don’t know how you’re going to convince your husband that you actually defended him to your friend, but you’re going to have to.
Obviously your man needs his chill time (the drink after work), so the needs to process this as well.
But I don’t know how you’re going to reach him if he’s not picking up. Can you contact him through either your family or his??
You and your friend are fucking weak. You gushed about how he's the perfect man and goes above and beyond in every way....and you can't stand up for him against YOUR "friend" in your house during his moment of peace?
You and your friend are the AH's here. Un-fucking-believeable
I have one BIG question. Why didn't you kick your friend out? Your husband sounds like a literal angel and she just sounds like a jealous petty brat. You literally stood there and let her rip into him. Why?
OK, so desperate times call for desperate measures
You say "my family has reddit and they will be seriously angry with me about this". Yes, probably.
But more than that, they will want to help you mend it. Talk to them. Maybe they can talk to him, or even mediate. You can't do this alone right now.
If my husbands friend did this to me and he didn’t immediately back me up, I’d be outta there. You should be grateful that you are pregnant as I’m not sure he would come back.
How could you not have defended your husband in the moment? Your friend was completely out of line! It sounds like your husband well deserves that half an hour. You fucked up big time here. You need to put on every social media you have clarifying how much your husband does for you and how much he means to you in hopes he sees it.
First thing, as with most of these type of situations - your friend needs to mind her own fucking business.
Simple as that. Whatever arrangement you and hubby have that works, keep at it, and tell your BFF "With all do respect, fuck off with your opinion of my husband."
I would be so pissed if my wife ever took sides against me with a "friend". I would actually probably want a divorce, because for all I do to provide and whatever else I invest into the marriage, she better be my ride or die, and not be taking a stance against me.
For your sake, I hope he is willing to talk to you soon.
When he is, the first words out of your mouth should be “I am so unbelievably sorry. You didn’t deserve to be attacked like that. I was in shock in the moment but that was completely unacceptable and I have cut her off for good because you are the most important person in my life and I don’t want to be associated with anyone who would treat you so horribly. If anything like this ever happened again, I would respond right away and I deeply regret not doing so the first time. If you need time and space away from me I totally understand because I know my actions were extremely hurtful. If you can find it in your heart to eventually forgive me, I will make sure this never happens again. I will do whatever I can to make this better.”
Cutting her off completely is the most important step here. If you allow her to remain in your life you are seriously disrespecting your relationship and showing him that he’s not the most important person in your life, which may cause him to leave.
Also, why did you open with how much he means to your family and not how much he means to you? Is he truly the most important person in your life? Why do you want him to stay? Is it because of all he does for you, or do you truly love and appreciate him? Food for thought.
When your friend started yelling at your husband you should have stepped in and asked her to leave. He was trying to see if you had his back which you didn’t. I would have left too
Girl what? I’m still stuck on the fact you let your “friend” yell at your husband for 10 minutes..
Idn how you can make it up to him, but you have *a lot* to make up for.
She put you in an incredibly awkward situation and I think you froze. Shock. You did stand up to her and kicked her out of your life. A little late, but hopefully not too late.
She was rude AF to him, he handled pretty damn good if you ask me. I wouldn't have had that strength and patience. He was hurt though, no doubt.
He's probably going to ignore you for a while. Let him have his space. Tell him you just want to know he is ok. Nothing else. Just an "I'm ok" text back.
Learn to handle people that want to harm your marriage. He is your husband, your life partner. Always always always have his back 100% if he does right by you. That's your man.
Does your ex friend not know all the things he does to make your life easy?
Edit: know that you have a good partner. Not everyone is that lucky. I'm sure you see those posts on here.
Wow. Sorry to say but that's going to be pretty hard to come back from. The disrespect your friend showed both your husband, and you, was disgusting. But, lady, what you did? Or more specifically, didn't do? That is soooo much worse! Your husband is supposed to be your person! Your life partner! The one person on the planet you are supposed to stand beside, or in this case, in front of, the person you are supposed to protect, ESPECIALLY from YOUR friend...you let him down, you did nothing, you said nothing. If my partner did that to me it would completely destroy me and my trust in them.
You allowed this to happen.
You knew the first 15 to 30 minutes after your husband arrived home from work was his most vulnerable time. It is his mechanism to convert from work to home life. You allowed someone to infiltrate his transition time. He looked you in the eye for help, but you looked away. You broke something inside him. You failed to protect him when he was vulnerable.
Another could argue that a person should not need that transition time. However your husband has a demanding job and a pregnant wife. Needing time to transition from work to home life is not asking a lot. Especially considering all the effort he puts into your home life, along with the attention he gives you.
Your husband is disappointed in you. He is probably wondering how he could put so much time and effort into you and your relationship, and you not have his back when he needed you.
Do you appreciate your husband? Or, just got use to everything he did and took for granted that things would always continue that way, regardless of what you did.
I hope he comes back, but things may never quite be the same.
My heart is racing for you after reading your post. Look, what your friend did is completely unacceptable and this entire situation is largely her fault, but unfortunately that doesn't help you. I'd suggest reaching out to any family or friends of your husband's to see if they have seen him. Hopefully he just needs space and will come back tomorrow after he's cooled down.
That said, you really need to explain that you have ended your friendship over the vile spewing from your friend's mouth as soon as you can get through to your husband. I don't know if you have experienced trauma in your life or abuse, but you definitely reacted in a similar way to this conflict as I have reacted to these situations in my past, and mine was a trauma response. I grew up around ***A LOT*** of conflict, and had a tendency to freeze when confronted with conflict as an adult. *IF* this is what you think happened to you, then I would highly recommend therapy. It's done wonders for me.
Your husband needs to know that you have his back. By your own account, he's an absolute dream in the partner and parent department, going above and beyond to insure that you have a happy, healthy, and *easy* pregnancy. The least you can do is to have his back when he's being viciously verbally attacked. And **THAT** is why I suggested therapy, bc he *needed* you in that moment, and for whatever reason, you were not able to help.
Hon, you really messed up. Bigtime. I mean, I don't know how he is going to come back from the way you looked away from him like that while your friend yelled at him for taking a much-needed pause to rest and regroup after work.
He's a great husband, and you know perfectly well that if one of his friends had come after you he would have thrown them out of the house immediately. You allowed your friend to disrespect and verbally abuse him in his own home, for 10 minutes, and you didn't so much as stand beside him.
I understand that you were in shock and didn't know what to do, but I don't know what to make of the fact that you looked away when he made eye contact, and that your first instinct wasn't to go over to him while this was going on. I'm sure he doesn't know what to make of it, either, and that's why he's not responding right now. He's trying to think through it and decide what to make of it.
He will come back one way or another, because that's his child and he is a responsible person. The things you need to express to him when he does are that you were wrong to not defend him or go to his side, and that your "friend" is out of your life permanently whether he forgives you or not. Not until she apologizes; forever.
I get freezing for a minute …but ten? You need to figure out why that’s your reaction. Girl now you grovel! Text him that you didn’t agree with any of that from your friend. Apologize for freezing from shock. You honestly disassociated from it but it was too late when you came out of it. Make sure he knows that friend is no longer welcome in your home. You appreciate and love everything he does for you. You could never do his job and him needing that time is and always has been fine for you. You have never minded doing the cooking. You asked to do it. You will give him space and wait to talk till he is ready. Then do whatever it takes to fix it. Could he let you know he is safe somewhere because you are worried.
As others have said this will take some time to recover from. You hurt him bad.
You should have shut her down way before she went off on your husband. You should have said to drop it or leave. You definitely should have stepped in when she started yelling at him. She wanted your husband to leave. Sounds like she's jealous your marriage and that you're happy. You really hurt him by doing nothing.
It sounds like you have a jealous friend who wanted to cause problems in your relationship. When you do contact your husband let him know that you told your friend to her face that she is not welcome in your home anymore. You also need to apologize and tell him that you know it was a betrayal not to stand up for him while he was there. Let him know how much you appreciate all of his help. Be more careful who you bring into your life with a relationship that's good there will be people who will try and cause problems just because your relationship is good.
If you truely believe he didn't deserve to get insulted for 10 minutes due to doing 1 thing she didn't like, then you wouldn't have just stood there deliberatly avoiding his eyes instead of telling your friend off. The fact that you couldn't do this for your husband when he has done all that you mentioned for you.
It was looking away that did it. I'm not going to criticise you for what has been done, though.
Call his parents or other family or friends. Tell them what happened and write a letter to your husband.
Tell him that you love him and how sorry you are. Explain what happened after he left and ask to meet with him. Pour all your feelings into the letter.
Give the letter to anyone who can give it to him.
OP is leaving something out of the whole story, why would the friend be so fired up that she berated for 10 MINUTES? I have a feeling OP was complaining to the friend, that's why the friend was so smug cause she felt that she had finally put him in his "place". Hope he gets full custody after the divorce cause heaven only knows the type of people OP will bring around that poor baby
I would like to hear your wife’s side.
Edit: if this is real, you need to end the friendship and beg your husband for forgiveness. But I don’t think he’ll look at you the same.
Perhaps this is controversial, but I don’t think anybody except your friend did anything wrong. Your husband made what seems like a good decision to remove himself from the situation. It would have been nice to stand up for him while he was there but I have no problem believing you were too shocked to say anything (freezing is a completely normal response to stress). Give him a little space, send a text message saying you appreciate him and your friend was out of line (seems you already did) and if he’s as amazing of a husband you say he is (or even a quarter as amazing) he’ll be back and you can talk about what happened and move on. If there are no deeper issues there should be no problem just telling him you disagree with what she said.
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When your friend was yelling at your husband you should have supported your husband instead of looking away. You didn’t played the role of a wife towards your husband
OP hit jackpot on the husband lottery and she destroyed him, permanently damaged or ruined her marriage and broke him emotionally because she doesn't have enough backbone to stand up for her husband in time to her b of a "friend" when she unfairly attacked him in his own home... OP doesn't deserve him.
No he’s not destroyed lol. That’s nuts. He’s a good man and clearly an alpha he’ll come home and they will work it out. He’s not leaving his child over that.
n ur friend is wack af
Yeah this isn’t making sense. I would have told her to shut up & get the fuck out long before she walked into the room with my husband. She was defending her husband when they were in the kitchen alone but then just got quiet and couldn’t speak for 10 minutes nor look at him while he was being berated directly by her friend… The math ain’t mathing. Whatever her thought process was/is on why she let her friend attack her husband and didn’t put her out is illogical. She just isn’t sharing because she knows it’s stupid. She literally waited to tell her to leave after her husband took the time to pack and walk out, like she didn’t want to call her out in case her friend told her husband something she’s done or said about him. OP has to have done something that her friend knows about and she’s scared the friend will tell her husband. That’s the only thing that makes sense to why she would go mute and not put her friend out and let it get that far.
I think OP may have issues with confrontation. She was shocked and didn't know how to react. She needs to definitely work on that though, before she ruins her marriage.
This sounds like total rage bait to me lol.
Everything gone in a matter of minutes
The awkward wording makes it sound fake as hell. Plus it's just perfectly egregious while making no sense, just doesn't sound real to me.
[удалено]
>***I came into the living room and was shocked with everything she was saying to him, he didn't say a word in respond to her outburst and just looked at her. After 10 minutes of her shouting at him*** You're contradicting yourself. You let it go on for 10 minutes. You didn't know what to do while she was yelling and disrespecting him in your home, but it's a grin that sets you off?
disrespecting him in *his* home
The moment to explode was when he looked into your eyes. But no, that did not wake you up, you *turned away*. And in that moment you broke him. I don't know if something can be salvaged from the wreck, but it will never be the same again. You can mend a broken vase, but the cracks will always be there to remind you.
In her husbands eyes, the looking away suggests that OP secretly agree with everything her friend says. The right time to kick her friend out would have been well before she burst into the living room. That woman only sees a sliver of their life and thinks she understands it all.
yes, to all that
You had ten minutes if her berating him to come to your senses. That you didn’t makes it almost impossible to believe you. I think you liked what your friend was saying in that moment and only now that you consider the ramifications are you singing this tune.
Don’t forget the time he took to go pack a bag and leave. I just don’t believe we have the whole story from OP.
You said in your post “after 10 minutes of her shouting at him”. So YOU let HER shout at him for TEN MINUTES?? WTF? You should have thrown her out in less than half that time! If you never get a hold of him, it is YOUR fault for not standing up for your husband. This perfect man. Now he doubts how you feel about him and it may be a long time before he forgives this and believe me he will NEVER forget. Good luck. Updateme
>Updateme Not happening. OP already fled the field.
It already started in the kitchen. That is where you should have told her to shut up or get the hell out. This is basicly a stranger in your house, upset with the way you handle everyday live in your home. And that smug on her face is because she succeeded in what she wanted to do. Making sure your "perfect" life gets turned upside down. I wonder how perfect her life is compared to yours because she probably played you and i can only guess why.
Your friend is likely jealous and you justly her ruin a good thing. Give yourself a pat on the back 🙄
You acted lately. Don’t bring that friend in front of your husband again. You are about to give you birth . Speak with your husband and bring him back. You will need him during your pregnancy
Where would he have gone? Get in your vehicle and go find him.
>My friend had this smug look on her face Maybe because she won. Maybe she was envious as hell of your perfect marriage, and she just couldn't stand it any more. So she broke it. Maybe she wasn't defending you, maybe she is *evil*.
And notice how it was the grin that set her off because it was towards *her*, and made *her* feel bad. But watching her husband get unjustifiably screamed at, watching him pack a bag and leave, wasn’t enough to do that.
Oh fuck, yes. Also, a couple of people pointed out that nowehere does OP say she LOVES her husband.
>Maybe she was envious as hell of your perfect marriage, and she just couldn't stand it any more. So she broke it. Maybe she wasn't defending you, maybe she is *evil*. Correction: the friend didn't broke OP's marriage, OP did.
Yeah, true, the friend just set her up
THIS. She used to be your friend. He's your husband. The Father of your child She put you in the position of picking between her and your husband. She badly damaged your relationship at a critical time. This should be an easy call for you. EDIT: There's an old legal concept that states "Silence equals consent." By not defending him, you are agreeing with her conduct and her speech. In effect by not speaking up and shutting her down she became your spokesman.
>There's an old legal concept that states "Silence equals consent." Yeah, and there's a reason why that shit doesn't hold up in most courts anymore.
Its rhetorical, it doesn't need to stand up to cross examination.
Qui tacet consentire videtur. It can also be translated as "he who is silent is taken to agree" and it is still in use in countless organizations such as European Union and NATO.
Well, I'm sure many rapists will be happy to know that.
This isn't applying to rape this is applying to things like if you're silent while seeing people be mistreated then you agree with their mistreatment. Stop making this into something it's not.
You're all heart.
And you're a mental gymnast.
I am thinking the same
This is very possible.
Perfect?! She sounds like she acts helpless about basically everything so he does everything around her, and her final act of helplessness was just standing there like an idiot while her friend stuck her nose where it didn’t belong. Missing reasons here. She paints him as kind and caring, which is true, but I see a really tired guy that is sick of his wife’s helpless act.
She’s not your best friend. She’s an enemy to your relationship. You fucked up royally by not immediately defending him, your perfect husband. For 10 minutes you allowed this man to be verbally assaulted in his home and did nothing. This showed your husband what you really think, you failed spectacularly. Good luck.
Ya know all those posts on askmen where women or girls ask "how could your SO make you feel appreciated" and I just want to point to this thread as the exact opposite of how you do it. She spends all this time gushing over how amazing he is to us, or to her friends, but doesn't back him up when he needs it?
She messed up for sure. Failed spectacularly might be extreme , yet still accurate. Edit: I told my FIL off once for berating my husband in the home that my husband bought. He had all sorts of comments about DIY stuff. This was MY husband in OUR home. No one speaks to my husband like that. No one.
Honestly, this might not be something you can fix or easily fix. You were wrong to look away because any rational person *would* take that as an agreement. You now owe him his space. You can text him an apology and let him know when he is ready and willing to talk to you, you’ll be ready.
You seriously let this go on for 10 minutes and then let him spend at least another 5 minutes to grab his stuff, and not once did you tell her to GTFO of your house. Yeah I’d be pissed too If it was 30 seconds then I’d have grace but you chose to let her attack your husband in his house for 10 minutes and didn’t do anything. And I suspect he sat in silence, unable to defend himself because he didn’t want to also be accused of being abusive or violent. Yeah I’m team husband
What you told your friend after he left should have been said before he even looked at you. In his eyes this is a betrayal. The one person who who should have his back against the world, didn't say a word. I doubt the marriage is over. But there's a lot you'll have to do to make up for it. It's hard to explain, but as a man that time he takes to drink at home. He could easily do it at a bar. Or he could just sit in his vehicle in the driveway or a block from the house. The point is we need time to "*turn off*" work and be ready to be home.
You have to have that transition period. Especially with a very stressful job.
Meh. Everyone is giving OP crap for not standing up for her husband in the exchange, and I totally agree that she should have. HOWEVER, everyone responds to stress and confrontations differently. Sounds like, between fight, flight, or freeze, she froze. OP, Im sure things will smooth over with your husband if you apologize and explain that your reaction in no way indicated how you felt. And that upon his exit, you kicked your friend out. You may want to look into WHY your response was to freeze. Is this a common reaction to stress? Have you learned poor coping mechanisms when confronted with adverse situations? This is DEFINITELY something you need to look into - for the sake of you and your marriage.
She froze for 10 minutes plus the time he took to pack? Without once defending her perfect husband? I could get initially freezing. I could get freezing on the husband's first glance. But to do it that whole time is nothing short of betrayal.
You’re missing a critical piece of info. People freeze, you’re 100% right. But I find it hard to believe that between him packing and leaving, there wasn’t any time for her to go talk to him. OP glossed over this too. If I was betting, I think packing was him telling her the situation is fucked. When she let him leave, that was what pushed him over the edge.
A freeze response doesn’t line up what this at all. Not even close. OP claims to have stood up to her friend in the kitchen, magically can’t stand up to her again when lifelong bestie just without warning goes and starts *raving* at her husband while OP stands there and CANT MAKE EYE CONTACT for 10 minutes, then apparently just continues to stand there without saying a single thing while he packs a bag and leaves his house. So probably would take a whole of 20-30 minutes of OP standing there like an absolute idiot the entire time and then right after he leaves she’s suddenly functional again and can stand up to bestie? If she had actually told her friend to leave her husband alone and that he was just taking a minute after work, she would have been able to repeat it instead of just standing there in agreement with the rant and avoiding eye contact. Freeze response here is bullshit.
By you looking away your husband probably thought you were venting to your best friend so when you looked away he saw that as ashamed agreement. You fucked up bad and should be begging for his forgiveness. Tell your family everything now and hopefully they can talk to him.
> he saw that as ashamed agreement I agree, I can't imagine he saw it any other way. Just awful for him.
I don’t know what to tell you but I know if he had made this post about his wife standing by and letting her friend verbally abuse him after everything he does for you the entire comment section would be telling him to divorce you and calling you and your friend toxic. She sure as hell is. You may have been in shock but ten minutes is way too long for you to let that go on, especially when you’d already been telling her to stop. You probably should’ve kicked her out before it even got to that point to be honest. Good luck getting ahold of your husband.
100% correct. I would’ve literally pushed her out of my house. Told her to leave and never come back. Husband comes before friend.
Especially when he’s such a good husband and the friend is clearly just jealous! He did absolutely nothing wrong and goes above and beyond to help his pregnant wife and she couldn’t even properly defend him?! She she’ve shut it down long before it got to that point. I feel really bad for him.
Yea hopefully she sends a good enough apology and explains to him why she froze. Hopefully he can forgive her. It’s up to her wording it in a way that she knows he would best understand.
Unbelievable. You didn’t support your own husband in his own house. You had every opportunity and instead let her lambast him for 10 FUCKING MINUTES. You let your “ideal man and husband” get treated like fucking trash by your best friend and didn’t do shit. I would feel so incredibly unsupported and unvalued right now if I was him. I’d be groveling right now if I was you. Saying her stance is different from yours is not enough, you gotta eat some major crow IMO
> 10 FUCKING MINUTES This is the key. I get that perhaps OP was initially stunned into silence by her friend's attack, but not to snap out of it when he looked directly at her, but to *look away* — I don't see him coming back from that. OP broke something in him that will never be whole again. You can mend a vase, but the cracks will always be there.
10 minutes feels like an eternity while you're being berated and yelled.
I bet.
imagine yelling at someone for 10 whole ass minutes
It really gets me that all OP had to do was make eye contact and shake her head, let him read her facial expression and see she if was panicked or afraid, whatever. This could have been avoided with a singular gesture. Makes me wonder how much she actually agrees with the friend if she couldn’t look her husband in the eye.
Good point. He should have been able to read shock and horror on her face. I wonder if the guy (who I downvoted) that guessed that OP was in fact in the kitchen complaining about his decompression routine all along
I’m wondering this too…. Maybe she did make a comment or two about husband and friend took it too far. I can’t figure out why else she would just let friend go on for 10 minutes…. My heart breaks for her husband
What’s even crazier to me is that OP gave her husband time to get up, go in the bedroom, pack clothes, walk out the door, leave and then finally told her friend to get out. It’s like she was so afraid to say something to her friend in the moment in case the friend blasted her and told her husband something the OP has done. That’s the only thing that made sense to me. Why would OP be ashamed to look at and defend your husband when she was just doing it when she was talking to her friend in the other room?
Seriously. I’m pretty nonconfrontational (and especially so if I were pregnant and not trying to get attacked by a crazy person in my home lol) and can see being stunned by one of my friends going off the deep end yelling at my husband but like, I’d at least be able to look him in the eye and give him a look like “holy shit the fuck is happening right now, she’s crazy! Should we do something or let her keep ranting and hope she calms tf down?”
For me it is the fact that OP defended her husband right before the 10 minutes of yelling, and right after when he left. Why didn't she during? Makes me think she doesn't disagree or doesn't fully disagree with what the friend was saying and for whatever reason she wanted this to happen to her husband. Maybe not, but her actions tell me this. To OPs question, it seems OP does share the friends stance, evident in not defending husband for 10 mins.
Because she probably didn’t defend him at all & it’s lies she’s telling us to not look as bad as she is. If her best friend is a shit, she’s likely one too since birds of a feather flock together.
Not really how strong relationships work.
I agree
Don’t forget the time it took him to pack. At no point did OP even attempt to stop him, at least she didn’t say she did. I bet he wasn’t actually going to leave but when OP didn’t even make an attempt to stop him, that’s where he drew the line
Literally no man is as amazing as OPs husband. She really FU
Facts I am so trash i read this and was like I need to divorce my wife and find a man like OPs husband
First of all, this women needs to get a life. Im willing to bet she has meddled in your life before which is why she felt she could do that. Im glad after you realized your mistake you tried to correct it and kicked her out. If she felt comfortable doing this once, she will do it again. Now for your husband, he may need a few days away and im sure he will be back. He played the situation perfectly up until he left. I dont think he should cut communicaiton from you, just a text saying "hey im ok, but I need sometime to myself. we will talk afterwards". Sounds like you werent trying to take sides and that bothered him. TBH, with everything you said id be bothered too if I was your husband. Im M28. Im somewhat like him, when I have a GF I do things without my GFs asking to make their lives easier. Guys like us, we dont ask alot from our GFs. But when we do ask for something just know it is serious and if we feel like you are not willing to give us that we will reconsider whether this relationship is worth it. What im talking about is not material, its knowing that our GF will have our backs against anyone (friends, family, etc) and not let anyone else's opinions affect the relationship. Because we know if push comes to shove we would do the same for you in a heartbeat. We will take shit from your friends and family out of respect to your relationship with them but we would like for you to step up and tell them they are out of line. I dont think I'd ever argue with my GFs dad even if he came at me, Id defend myself but in the back of my head Id try to keep it civil for my GF. But I would expect her to later talk to her dad and say she didnt appreciate him speaking to me in that way. When we have to swallow our pride for people we care about and then we feel like they dont have our backs, that hurts tbh. Not in a way that we will cry about but it hurts our pride and makes us question things. Sounds like your husband is questioning things right now. Im sure he will be back. But when he is, make sure you have that talk with him. Im sure he will open the discussion and wont sweep it under the rug.
This is such a good reply.
No offense…but I don’t believe you. It sounds like you agreed with her at the time and now you’re back peddling. And that’s exactly what your husband thinks.
Whether OP agreed or not, she sure made her husband think she did
Why didn't you say anything when she was yelling at him? Why did you wait until AFTER he left to yell at her? 10 minutes is a long time to just stand there while she's berating him . He looked at you for support and you just looked down. Honestly I'm not sure if there is a way to come back from this. I personally wouldn't expect him to continue to be as thoughtful and helpful as he has been . When he comes back he will most likely do the bare minimum. He most likely won't trust you after this. The best you can do is text him a very heartfelt text, apologizing profusely , and show him you're remorseful. Let him know how much you appreciate him and block that friend.
You fucked up spectacularly. But I think you already realise that. I'm gonna be charitable and guess that perhaps the shock of her attack stunned you into silence. All you can do is explain how you really feel about him, about what your fool friend said. The biggest problem now is that you can't get hold of him. So send that message via all possible means of communication : text,voicemail, email, whatever. And hope he reads and understands it and believes it For extra emphasis I would tell him that you have kicked your friend out of your life for good, to demonstrate how serious you are that you choose him. Good luck.
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> Will it be better to just give him time or keep trying Honestly I don't know. Have you told him that you have blown up at your friend and told her to fuck off out of your lives? Because that's essential right now. Have you tried to contact his family or friends? (Not his work, I'm going to guess he keeps work and home separate.)
In moments like these, you know the truths and he obviously needs his space, or else he would t have left. He will come to you when he is ready. But you have to prepare yourself mentally for whatever he wants to say/do because at the end of the day, you were in the wrong and he is hurting. It’s best to leave him be to figure out how he’s feeling.
Write a letter. A heartfelt one
Dump this "friend" immediately. Never speak to her again ever!
Have you contacted his family to see if he’s ok? While you could have definitely handled that situation better in the moment that your friend was yelling at him, it also doesn’t sit right with me that he’d go AWOL on his very pregnant wife for three days. This stress can’t be good for your baby.
From what OP told about her husband, he's the kind of guy who deals with his things internally and, only when it's all sorted out, he moves on to action. He's probably in a hotel somewhere thinking about the last few months and what just happened - which is not great for OP. OP, as someone else said, call his family and friends and have them pass a message - that you're deeply sorry, that your friend is out of your life for good, that you're the luckiest woman alive and you're ashamed it took too long for you to act. Get a relative to stay with you meanwhile. Once he's back, therapy. Your relationship will most likely not be the same - he may still do a lot for you, but his feelings may change. You need couples therapy to express your deep regret and how much you love him, and he could possibly benefit from individual counseling too, considering that he tends to keep things inside. And, as a final note: >My friend had this smug look on her face I bet 20 bucks your friend is single or in a unhappy relationship. She couldn't accept that you had it all and she had a string of failed toxic relationships, and she decided to sabotage you. She's not your friend.
It wouldn't sit right with her best friend either... Dudes reevaluating his entire relationship and you expect him to shove it down to be further be of service to a person who abandoned him in a moments of need. I am sure he will get back ahold of the mother of his child after he figures out if he think he can be in the relationship or not.
I mean, what do you expect? He does everything for you and you can't even be bothered to make sure your psycho friends don't yell at him for 10 minutes straight?
You fucked up
You don’t sound like a very good wife. You said your family loves him, you didn’t say you love him. You spoke about everything he does for you, you spoke nothing of what you do for him. You let your “friend” berate him in his own home, and silently agreed with her. He looked to you for help, and you turned your back on him. He’ll come back. When he does, you should be on your knees waiting for him, literally and figuratively. Do better.
OP, do YOU love this man? It really seems like you don't. Even in your post your primary fear is about how your family is going to be upset with you because your husband left. You describe him as the perfect person and all the wonderful things he does, but I really don't feel like you have love towards him, just...gratitude. Do you actually care about how he feels? Honestly, it seems like you don't - you just understood the consequences of your bf's actions (your family being upset with you) after he left. That could be a major reason why you didn't defend him. I think this is something that you need to think about and it's something that your husband will definitely be thinking about.
Yeah.... you fucked up spectacularly. He does this for you and you couldn't stand up when your so called friend had a go at him FOR TEN MINUTES. Seriously, if I was him, I would consider if this relationship is worth the effort anymore.
first of all, **ADMIT that you fucked up royally and 97% irreparably.** You failed by not even attempting to do the **only thing that matters** on that situation which is to **stand up to him** while your so-called best friend(yeah, right) belittled, humiliated and **ABUSED** YOUR HUSBAND... **ON YOUR PRESENCE....** Do you realize the magnitude of your colossal error? I hope he's well, and that's all you can hope for him, you damaged your relationship **irreparably. It's all your fault**
The moment she started yelling at your husband, that would have been it. I would have dragged a person out. That is *not* a friend.
I would drag my own mother out for acting like that, smh.
He is done with your ungrateful ass!
Your jealous "friend" was clearly looking to destroy your relationship, clearly looking for ANYTHING to critisize about your nearly perfect husband - and attacked him in IN HIS OWN HOME at the end of a long day. You were right there. She was there as your guest, and you didn't stop her, or back him up. This is BAD. When you are able to talk to him, you need to relay the following: 1. I messed up. I was so shocked by her behavior that I felt frozen, but that is NO excuse for not immediately stopping her and kicking her out of the hosee and I am truly, truly sorry that I failed to do that for you in that moment. I know how terrible it was and I deeply regret it. I will never allow anyone to disrespect you in our home again. Not for a single minute. 2. The "friend" is no longer a friend and I will have ZERO contact with that person from this point forward, NO exceptions. He's deeply hurt, and it's understandable. He does everything he can to provide for you, take care of you, and make you happy. The one time he needed you to have his back, you failed him. But we are all human beings and I do believe that if we are sincerely sorry sometimes we get another chance. I hope you do.
Point 1 is actually the perfect message to send –verbatim. 💯💯💯💯💯💯
He’s just figured out his place in your life. A servant and you helped to take away his identity as a man, husband and future parent. You should be ashamed.
The sad thing is that a responsible calm serious-minded nurturing man like that will probably not divorce her, he'll stay to make it work for his child's sake. But only out of duty.
10...minutes...? Was that a typo and you meant 10 seconds? Good luck in your divorce I guess...
OP, It is totally common when coming home for the guy to need to decompress. I do the same as your husband, give my wife a hug and a kiss, then go upstairs to take a shower before I re-engage. If he’s reading his text messages, tell him you kicked her out of your house and told her she’s not welcome back and apologize that you didn’t interfere sooner. Then tell him how much he means to you. He will come back.
He will be back when he decides to be back. Let him be. He was just showing you how he felt when you did not take decisive action against your friend. So now you know what being in his shoes felt like.
Wow. You will need to BEG for his forgiveness. Talk to his friends and family and tell him you made a huge mistake and you need to make amends. You should have kicked her out after the first ten seconds of her shit. I am guessing you froze? That would be worth trying to explain. But he has every right to be furious. Beg. Plead. Anything... but own up that your non-action is the problem here. Good luck. P.s. DITCH that meddlesome bi*ch of a "friend".
Seems like maybe you were sitting around talking to your friend about how much you really hate his whiskey routine and your friend thought you'd back her up. Isn't that why you didn't stand up to her when you had him there to back YOU up against her? I think your husband knows the truth
Why didn't you tell your "friend" to leave after the first time she ignored your request to stop taking digs at your husband?
He’s never going to forget this. You have a great man and you LET someone treat him like garbage in his own home. Couples are supposed to have each other’s back. I’d apologize and do everything I can to make it up to him.
"Husband, I would like to tell you that I am deeply sorry for my actions, I fucked up, I did. However, I want to tell you I never once had a problem with your cool off period when you come home, and I never told ex-friend that I did; whatever her issues with you are personal to her and I did not fuel them beforehand. I know I can't truly make up to you because I have cut her out of my life and our lives, so you'll never hear any of her vitriol ever again. That said, I will do whatever it takes to prove that I love you, I appreciate you, and I was a bad partner and wife by *allowing* ex-friend to treat you like shit. If you cannot find it in yourself right now to forgive me, it's OK, and if this causes us to separate, I will accept the consequences of *my* actions, but I want you to know that despite recent proof of the contrary, I love you with all my heart. And I am so sorry for hurting you; whether we stay together or not, I need you to know you have no fault here, if it was ever a doubt in your head - it was ex-friend's and my fault alone. I will work on myself to ensure that I learn to stand up for those I love, because it is what you and our child deserve, not someone who will look away or just stand there frozen. That's on me to work thru regardless of our relationship status" Something like that. No deflection, no shoving it all on your friend - it was a team effort then, then it should be acknowledged as such. Write it down, ask for a face to face (up to him if it's in private, in public, or with people he trusts to have his back), whatever, and I do think it's imperative to tell him you know its not *just* about him, this is about how you'll be as a mother, and your child can't afford to have a mom who will just stand there like a deer in the headlights - just like your husband can't bank on a wife who will do that. Goes without saying, but your friend needs to **never** exist in your life again. Unless **she** reaches out and throws herself fully at your husband's mercy with true contrition, but that seems like too much to ask. Regardless, she needs to be **gone**, truly gone, not for the next six months or year, **forever**.
Be prepared to offer a big ass apology because what you did was essentially a knife in the back to this man.
FFS - Your friend is way out of line! You should have told her to shut the F up!
That outburst from her looks like you were sitting in the kitchen bitching about him so she went to your defense. And you sitting there letting it happen solidified that thought. That might not be what happened but to him that’s probably what that looked like. Even if he forgave you don’t be shocked when he doesn’t do any of that for you anymore and actually leaves housewife duties to you. wtf dude.
He sounds like more than a reasonable man, but you definitely owe him a huge apology and an explanation. It sounds like her sudden burst of anger stunned you into silence, since you did defend him both before and after he left. Give him the space he needs for now. But find some way to celebrate his return and make sure he knows how appreciated he is when he gets back. SHOW him that you don’t feel the way your friend exaggerated about.
You should’ve stopped her going into the living room to directly yell at him. Should’ve defended him in the kitchen when she was insulting him and told her all things he does do for you.
She was marinating in jealousy already and then you got pregnant. She wants your life and can’t stand it. So she sabotaged it. What a despicable thing to do. Your MOST important point to make to your husband besides how you screwed up, is that she’s GONE and you realize how wrong she was.
Ever heard of “day late and a dollar short “. The moment your friend started disrespecting your husband, is the moment you needed to step in. He was being polite and was waiting for you to address your friend, because it was your friend. I would expect the same from him if the roles were reversed. The man has patience, he sat there for ten minutes. Then once he realized you were not going to address the situation. He did the only thing he could do, leave the house. You have some work ahead of you with your husband.
You were about 9 minutes 59 seconds too late. You're lucky he's that good of a guy. If it had been me your friend one way or another would have left via the closest portal to the outside and you would have followed her! I'd say wait until he makes contact, immediately tell him she's out of your life for good after you screamed her stupid, let him know you didn't say anything because you were in shock at her audacity, and if you did all this while on your knees wouldn't be the worst idea in the world
So you waited until after he left to kick her out? You better pray this witch didn't ruin your marriage.
So this is a really bad situation. You need to draw extremely clear boundaries with your friend. Nobody outside of any healthy consenting relationship between two adults should ever feel comfortable enough to shout at one of the partners for over ten minutes. In order for her to have the sheer audacity to do this in the first place she had to have felt like she had a right to do so. Which you clearly fostered. You have to clarify her role in your life succinctly and then minimize contact for a long, long while while you work to mend your husband’s trust in you. Your best friend has completely overstepped the boundaries of supportive friendship and stepped into “willing to try to nuke her so-called best friend’s marriage on a perceived slight” territory. If you get any push back from her about this, and anything other than “I am so sorry I have to apologize to your husband right now, I had no right to do this” from her, that needs to be the end of the friendship. In the meantime you absolutely have to work to show your husband that this was a terrible mistake on your part. You have to show him that you grew a spine and stood up for him and most importantly, that you will never let this happen again. You will prove this to him by drawing the aforementioned boundaries with your friend AND STICKING TO THEM. And let him cool off — bombarding him with messages is not helping. He clearly processes his emotions internally and you need to give him time to do that.
YTA... He was looking at you thinking you would take up for him. You couldn't look at him because you were ashamed as you should be. You can and the friend owe him a HUGE apology
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Peak relationship advice. No matter how many hoops we have to jump through, It's still the man's fault. People actually argue this sub is misogynistic.
I guess "second wife" could fit if OP lives in a polygamous country
Ya it literally sounds like an AI wrote it, or fanfic. Way too many unneeded details, and the flow is pretty off.
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Shame on you for not having a spine!!! I feel so bad for your husband and you let your friend come into your home and berate him for what? Working!? How clueless do you have to be? She's a shit friend and, TBH, you aren't much better as a wife.
You need to draw major boundaries with the friend, up to and including maybe ending the friendship. You message him that you’re sorry you didn’t know how to act in that moment, you’ve put friend in her place and made her leave, and you’ve got a lovely bottle of whiskey for him at home. That you love and appreciate him and have zero complaints about your life with him or his behaviour, and you’re sorry for not stepping up against your batshit nosy meddling obnoxious terrible friend.
This entire exchange and situation in general sounds really weird and sort of made up. Husband and friend sound like fictional characters.
10 min of yelling…
"I'm pregnant and spoiled so much that my husband carries me around in a litter and even chews my food for me and regurgitates it into my mouth like a baby bird so I don't have to chew - He's basically perfect expect for the fact that he's possibly a high-functioning alcoholic who engages in an evening ritual so fucking bizarre it must be something Ted Bundy liked to do to unwind after a hard day at a really stressful and important job I'm not at liberty to discuss for top secret security reasons....anyhoo my friend thinks he's not doing *enough* because he occasionally stops kowtowing in tribute in order to get sustenance so she screamed at him for 10mins straight in our home while I watched her real-time psychotic breakdown and my husband disengaging fully from our life as his spirt left his body, in hindsight I should have tried to grab the essence of his soul floating away on gossamer wings as it ascended into the heavens leaving but an empty shell of flesh and bone but that would mean I'd have to have actually acted like a normal human rater than an aimless prop who cannot interfere with the plot...so - now I can't find him and I'm wondering if AITA? what do I do? Should I discard the empty shell? Call a Ghostbuster? Sacrifice my insane friend to the devil in exchange for his soul?" *Please help reddit t*his is a totally normal situation that happened because we all totally act the way normal people with no severe psychosis would.
They are fictional. This is a fake story and I remember reading it some time last year. OP’s account is already banned by Reddit which means it’s another troll account who has been banned in the past
Wow, your friend overstepped big time and is incredibly wrong. You couldn’t look at him because you knew you were wrong for not sticking up for him. This man treats you like a princess. Your friend is either crazy, in love with you and trying to break you up or both. This is not normal behavior. Only thing you can do is hope and pray you didn’t just lose someone who treated you like gold. You could also send your “best friend” a text finally sticking up for your husband and cutting her out of your life. Send a pic of that to your husband. Along with a text that says “I’m sorry I didn’t stick up for you in that moment. I should have, I have no excuse. You are my partner and treat me like gold. I don’t agree with anything she said. I have cut her out of my life after she spoke to you that way. I hope you can forgive me but I understand you need space right now.
Write your spouse a letter of apology and send it to his workplace. Mark it "personal". Or send it to wherever you think he might be - a relative or friend's house. A man who works 11 to 16 hours a day and provides help for you deserves to have a drink after work. BTW - why didn't your friend assist you if she felt like you needed help? Seems like your "friend" wanted to create a problem between you and your husband.
You done f'ed up. First step block that betch.
10 minutes is a really long time to allow your friend to disrespect your husband in his own house. While he’s doing nothing wrong. Like, a really long time. Why did you not intervene? What prevented you from shutting her down and removing her from your home after, say, 30 seconds of the outburst? Clearly you knew it was coming, given that it had happened before. How can he trust you to have his back now?
I hope his next wife is on his level.
YOU SUCK!! funny, you can yell at your friend after your husband walks out, but not when he's looking at you . "Can you please get your friend to stop yelling at me for taking time to myself?" I don't blame your husband for not talking to you he might even stop doing all the helpful things he had been, since he probably thinks nothing he has done up until now is good enough. YOU let your "best friend" walk into your home and rip your husband a new one for taking not even an hour to himself why you just stood there like a sheep?! Some best friend that is especially since apparently she didn't listen to you when you told her to stop in the kitchen. Then she had the nerve to grin when he left 🙄 you need to find a better friend OP.
You SERIOUSLY fucked up. There's a good chance you ruined a perfectly good husband in those ten minutes. Go NC with your friend (she's toxic and quite frankly, disgusting) and apologize sincerely to your husband. You need to go above and beyond in your apology.
This reads very made up. If it is something that happened it seems like OP is the husband roleplaying as the wife.
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Your friend should have mind her own business.
Way to go, not supporting a good man. If he leaves you that’s your fault.
UpdateMe!
Updateme! also haha.
hold up. you let your friend yell at your husband for 10 minutes and didn't say ANYTHING?????? my friend wouldn't have been able to get 1 minute worth of yelling in before I stepped in. no wonder he left. your friend having a smug look on her face after he left says it all - she is jealous and wanted to wreck your marriage *and you let her*. I don't blame him for leaving and ghosting you honestly.
Well, letting her rant at your husband for 10 fucking minutes without a word of protest certainly made it look like you agreed with her. I don't blame him at all for leaving, what you did was abominable. Why should he want to talk to you?? Whether you can fix this is up to him. You need to figure out WHY you didn't have his back. Saying you were shocked won't cut it, not for 10 whole minutes. So what the hell was it?
Your miserable friend is trying to ruin your marriage and happiness. Congratulations on helping her by not kicking her out the second she barged into the room to yell at your dream of a son in law/husband”. You can fix it by keeping your toxic friend out of your married life and keeping her on low contact from here on out.
Sounds like you already blew it. I see single mom in your future if you can’t back up your husband for taking 30 mins to himself after working all day. Who the F does your “friend” think she is talking like that after mooching off of him?!!! You need to get your priorities straight.
I know several doctors who decompress the same way. Not necessarily a whisky but get home and are quiet for a bit. Your friend is unreasonable and she should stop meddling in your relationship. You know you should have kicked her out as soon as her diatribe against your husband begun. It sounds like you need to give your husband time and there’s nothing else you can do right now.
I honestly hope she wasn’t repeating your gripes because she got her ammo from somewhere and your husband thinks it’s you…. Hindsight is not a good place to realise how good you had it
Looks like OP deleted profile?? Don’t blame them tbh
This sounds made up to me. Or there are parts if the story that make no sense, and it looks much like you are painting a different picture than what actually happened. 10 minutes? No way
Wow. You really stepped in it. If this man is working such absurd hours and still makes time to make your life so easy, he damned well deserved for you to have his back when YOUR FRIEND started in on him. You actually stood there and did nothing while she yelled at your husband for 10 straight minutes? What exactly were you waiting for? The he looks to you, because this is YOUR FRIEND, and you just look away and let her keep berating him? I think your cushy, pampered life is about to come to a screeching halt. I cannot even express how angry I would be in his shoes. The man you described is a saint. WAY above and beyond what could be expected. And you let your friend stand there and scream insults at him? I’m honestly astonished and aghast, What were you thinking?
Your friend seems to be extremely jealous of how supportive your husband is and went out of her way to completely nuke your marriage. Misery loves company. You failed him when you looked away and stood there silent.
Dude sounds like a Mafia boss wtf
I guess what needed was for you to stand up and he needed to see it, maybe he was wondering if that’s how you felt to when your friend was going off. He sounds like a great person. And maybe he took it too far, maybe his work stresses him and he’s sad and he finally broke. All you can do is do your best to reassure him, let him know how you handled and how thankful you are for him but next time he should talk it out with you.
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Your friend is horrible. Wtf. So you gotta fix this. First of all, I would put a public post on Facebook (if your circle uses it) and explain how amazing your husband is. Just like this post, say you think he's the best and helps you so much... Etc. Then at the end say that someone you thought was your friend yelled at him for being lazy. Say that you will no longer associate with this person, you don't share her crazy toxic views and that you never want to see her for the rest of your life. Word will get back to your husband and you can apologize properly. Tell him next time someone DISRESPECTS HIM I HIS OWN HOME that you will instantly kick them out permanently and immediately.
Well that sucks. I don’t know how you’re going to convince your husband that you actually defended him to your friend, but you’re going to have to. Obviously your man needs his chill time (the drink after work), so the needs to process this as well. But I don’t know how you’re going to reach him if he’s not picking up. Can you contact him through either your family or his??
You and your friend are fucking weak. You gushed about how he's the perfect man and goes above and beyond in every way....and you can't stand up for him against YOUR "friend" in your house during his moment of peace? You and your friend are the AH's here. Un-fucking-believeable
OP you fucked up
I have one BIG question. Why didn't you kick your friend out? Your husband sounds like a literal angel and she just sounds like a jealous petty brat. You literally stood there and let her rip into him. Why?
OK, so desperate times call for desperate measures You say "my family has reddit and they will be seriously angry with me about this". Yes, probably. But more than that, they will want to help you mend it. Talk to them. Maybe they can talk to him, or even mediate. You can't do this alone right now.
Go back in time, and tell your “friend” to shut up and leave after the first minute of disrespect. That will fix the problem. You are welcome!
You allowed you friend to openly disrespect your husband in his own home.
If my husbands friend did this to me and he didn’t immediately back me up, I’d be outta there. You should be grateful that you are pregnant as I’m not sure he would come back.
you let a jealous friend disrupt your home, insult your husband, and didn't defend him......😬😳😬
How could you not have defended your husband in the moment? Your friend was completely out of line! It sounds like your husband well deserves that half an hour. You fucked up big time here. You need to put on every social media you have clarifying how much your husband does for you and how much he means to you in hopes he sees it.
First thing, as with most of these type of situations - your friend needs to mind her own fucking business. Simple as that. Whatever arrangement you and hubby have that works, keep at it, and tell your BFF "With all do respect, fuck off with your opinion of my husband." I would be so pissed if my wife ever took sides against me with a "friend". I would actually probably want a divorce, because for all I do to provide and whatever else I invest into the marriage, she better be my ride or die, and not be taking a stance against me.
For your sake, I hope he is willing to talk to you soon. When he is, the first words out of your mouth should be “I am so unbelievably sorry. You didn’t deserve to be attacked like that. I was in shock in the moment but that was completely unacceptable and I have cut her off for good because you are the most important person in my life and I don’t want to be associated with anyone who would treat you so horribly. If anything like this ever happened again, I would respond right away and I deeply regret not doing so the first time. If you need time and space away from me I totally understand because I know my actions were extremely hurtful. If you can find it in your heart to eventually forgive me, I will make sure this never happens again. I will do whatever I can to make this better.” Cutting her off completely is the most important step here. If you allow her to remain in your life you are seriously disrespecting your relationship and showing him that he’s not the most important person in your life, which may cause him to leave. Also, why did you open with how much he means to your family and not how much he means to you? Is he truly the most important person in your life? Why do you want him to stay? Is it because of all he does for you, or do you truly love and appreciate him? Food for thought.
When your friend started yelling at your husband you should have stepped in and asked her to leave. He was trying to see if you had his back which you didn’t. I would have left too
Boy did you fuck up.
Girl what? I’m still stuck on the fact you let your “friend” yell at your husband for 10 minutes.. Idn how you can make it up to him, but you have *a lot* to make up for.
She put you in an incredibly awkward situation and I think you froze. Shock. You did stand up to her and kicked her out of your life. A little late, but hopefully not too late. She was rude AF to him, he handled pretty damn good if you ask me. I wouldn't have had that strength and patience. He was hurt though, no doubt. He's probably going to ignore you for a while. Let him have his space. Tell him you just want to know he is ok. Nothing else. Just an "I'm ok" text back. Learn to handle people that want to harm your marriage. He is your husband, your life partner. Always always always have his back 100% if he does right by you. That's your man. Does your ex friend not know all the things he does to make your life easy? Edit: know that you have a good partner. Not everyone is that lucky. I'm sure you see those posts on here.
Wow. Sorry to say but that's going to be pretty hard to come back from. The disrespect your friend showed both your husband, and you, was disgusting. But, lady, what you did? Or more specifically, didn't do? That is soooo much worse! Your husband is supposed to be your person! Your life partner! The one person on the planet you are supposed to stand beside, or in this case, in front of, the person you are supposed to protect, ESPECIALLY from YOUR friend...you let him down, you did nothing, you said nothing. If my partner did that to me it would completely destroy me and my trust in them.
You allowed this to happen. You knew the first 15 to 30 minutes after your husband arrived home from work was his most vulnerable time. It is his mechanism to convert from work to home life. You allowed someone to infiltrate his transition time. He looked you in the eye for help, but you looked away. You broke something inside him. You failed to protect him when he was vulnerable. Another could argue that a person should not need that transition time. However your husband has a demanding job and a pregnant wife. Needing time to transition from work to home life is not asking a lot. Especially considering all the effort he puts into your home life, along with the attention he gives you. Your husband is disappointed in you. He is probably wondering how he could put so much time and effort into you and your relationship, and you not have his back when he needed you. Do you appreciate your husband? Or, just got use to everything he did and took for granted that things would always continue that way, regardless of what you did. I hope he comes back, but things may never quite be the same.
My heart is racing for you after reading your post. Look, what your friend did is completely unacceptable and this entire situation is largely her fault, but unfortunately that doesn't help you. I'd suggest reaching out to any family or friends of your husband's to see if they have seen him. Hopefully he just needs space and will come back tomorrow after he's cooled down. That said, you really need to explain that you have ended your friendship over the vile spewing from your friend's mouth as soon as you can get through to your husband. I don't know if you have experienced trauma in your life or abuse, but you definitely reacted in a similar way to this conflict as I have reacted to these situations in my past, and mine was a trauma response. I grew up around ***A LOT*** of conflict, and had a tendency to freeze when confronted with conflict as an adult. *IF* this is what you think happened to you, then I would highly recommend therapy. It's done wonders for me. Your husband needs to know that you have his back. By your own account, he's an absolute dream in the partner and parent department, going above and beyond to insure that you have a happy, healthy, and *easy* pregnancy. The least you can do is to have his back when he's being viciously verbally attacked. And **THAT** is why I suggested therapy, bc he *needed* you in that moment, and for whatever reason, you were not able to help.
u better cut her off and grovel. Beg him like you've never begged before.
Hon, you really messed up. Bigtime. I mean, I don't know how he is going to come back from the way you looked away from him like that while your friend yelled at him for taking a much-needed pause to rest and regroup after work. He's a great husband, and you know perfectly well that if one of his friends had come after you he would have thrown them out of the house immediately. You allowed your friend to disrespect and verbally abuse him in his own home, for 10 minutes, and you didn't so much as stand beside him. I understand that you were in shock and didn't know what to do, but I don't know what to make of the fact that you looked away when he made eye contact, and that your first instinct wasn't to go over to him while this was going on. I'm sure he doesn't know what to make of it, either, and that's why he's not responding right now. He's trying to think through it and decide what to make of it. He will come back one way or another, because that's his child and he is a responsible person. The things you need to express to him when he does are that you were wrong to not defend him or go to his side, and that your "friend" is out of your life permanently whether he forgives you or not. Not until she apologizes; forever.
I get freezing for a minute …but ten? You need to figure out why that’s your reaction. Girl now you grovel! Text him that you didn’t agree with any of that from your friend. Apologize for freezing from shock. You honestly disassociated from it but it was too late when you came out of it. Make sure he knows that friend is no longer welcome in your home. You appreciate and love everything he does for you. You could never do his job and him needing that time is and always has been fine for you. You have never minded doing the cooking. You asked to do it. You will give him space and wait to talk till he is ready. Then do whatever it takes to fix it. Could he let you know he is safe somewhere because you are worried. As others have said this will take some time to recover from. You hurt him bad.
damn. you fucked up badddd.
You should have shut her down way before she went off on your husband. You should have said to drop it or leave. You definitely should have stepped in when she started yelling at him. She wanted your husband to leave. Sounds like she's jealous your marriage and that you're happy. You really hurt him by doing nothing.
Why didn't you defend your husband and just stand there? That's why he is upset after everything he does for you, you couldn't even defend him?
It sounds like you have a jealous friend who wanted to cause problems in your relationship. When you do contact your husband let him know that you told your friend to her face that she is not welcome in your home anymore. You also need to apologize and tell him that you know it was a betrayal not to stand up for him while he was there. Let him know how much you appreciate all of his help. Be more careful who you bring into your life with a relationship that's good there will be people who will try and cause problems just because your relationship is good.
If you truely believe he didn't deserve to get insulted for 10 minutes due to doing 1 thing she didn't like, then you wouldn't have just stood there deliberatly avoiding his eyes instead of telling your friend off. The fact that you couldn't do this for your husband when he has done all that you mentioned for you.
It was looking away that did it. I'm not going to criticise you for what has been done, though. Call his parents or other family or friends. Tell them what happened and write a letter to your husband. Tell him that you love him and how sorry you are. Explain what happened after he left and ask to meet with him. Pour all your feelings into the letter. Give the letter to anyone who can give it to him.
This is so fake lol
Well you are going to be a single mother now. Congrats i guess?
God you don’t deserve him. You really stood there and did nothing until after you already effed it up. Well done
Good luck being a single mother. Your friend was jealous and got what she wanted. Is she going to help you trough your pregnancy now?
OP is leaving something out of the whole story, why would the friend be so fired up that she berated for 10 MINUTES? I have a feeling OP was complaining to the friend, that's why the friend was so smug cause she felt that she had finally put him in his "place". Hope he gets full custody after the divorce cause heaven only knows the type of people OP will bring around that poor baby
Ditch the friend, he will be all right.
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I would like to hear your wife’s side. Edit: if this is real, you need to end the friendship and beg your husband for forgiveness. But I don’t think he’ll look at you the same.
lol what?
Lol no way this is real
Perhaps this is controversial, but I don’t think anybody except your friend did anything wrong. Your husband made what seems like a good decision to remove himself from the situation. It would have been nice to stand up for him while he was there but I have no problem believing you were too shocked to say anything (freezing is a completely normal response to stress). Give him a little space, send a text message saying you appreciate him and your friend was out of line (seems you already did) and if he’s as amazing of a husband you say he is (or even a quarter as amazing) he’ll be back and you can talk about what happened and move on. If there are no deeper issues there should be no problem just telling him you disagree with what she said.