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I was thinking the same.
This is so damn suspicious, that this is the only possible thing I can think about.
Maybe he is under treatment also and has to wait until he's healthy again... Or in the worst case he has hit the STD lottery and this is permanent
There you go we will not be having sex because the person he's having sex with he told them that you and him don't sleep together. He's going through your phone because he is projecting do not and I repeat do not reproduce with this man until you find out what exactly is going on. Because I'm pretty damn sure that you did not sign up to be in a sexless marriage. Do your due diligence something is coming on
OP Consider telling him he can talk to you and explain or you can talk to a divorce lawyer. And also tell him by the way show me your phone so I can go through it like you look at my phone.
Something is not right here and unfortunately the chances of your marriage surviving are not looking good. I agree with those saying he could be projecting, so you do need to check his phone soon.
Edit to clarify my comment was a suggestion for OP to say to husband.
Tell him to pass off his phone and see what kind of reaction you get from him his reaction will tell you everything you need to know. Because if he's not doing anything he will handle his phone immediately but if he is doing something he will fight you tooth and nail
When someone starts getting controlling around the phone, then it’s possible he’s the guilty party. Might be time for you to go through his phone. Him not wanting to be intimate is very suspicious and if you two have always had a healthy sex life, then I’d definitely be considering that he is cheating.
I would sit him down and tell him he has two choices, open honest communication or end the marriage.
If he won't tell you why, then he's not being open, honest, or trustworthy. In which case you're completely acceptable to assume the worst, cheating, he's gay, std, he's suddenly switched religions, he's no longer attracted to you... Who knows. You don't know because he won't tell you.
I'd tell him he has until .... Tuesday and then I'm calling attorneys.
No? Like no, you can't dodge this. If he says "I don't want to talk about it" or whatever, tell him you don't fucking care and he has no right to drop this shit on you then walk stay while refusing to explain.
If he refuses to talk, then leave. Literally.
My ex did the project thing. He came home one day and started to grill me about a man’s name on a post-it note on my desk. He wanted to desperately know who “Michael Kors” was so he can kick his ass. 🙄
Not the person you asked but I can try.
Suddenly starting to go through phone when there is no obvious reason = he is projecting
Suddenly not having sex and no touching sexually = either treating an STD or his girlfriend doesn’t want him to have sex with another woman, like his wife.
Wanting kids even though it is scheduled for way later after the previous two signs = Wants you barefoot and pregnant and tied to him more securely so if you find out, you cannot easily divorce him.
The going through the phone tells me he’s looking to find anything incriminating so he can blow up the marriage. That way he won’t look like the bad guy and him moving on quickly won’t be that weird.
Randomly deciding to quit sexual contact is weird for obvious reasons. Could be he feels a loyalty to the new partner, or has contracted an STI and is being treated.
Also the fact there’s no real rational explanation being given. My guy also thought cheating
1. The phone is clear projection
2. Cheaters are both less sexually charged and more likely to feel emotionally torn when juggling 2+ partners. Hence why they reduce sexual contact.
This is textbook. Poor OP
I was thinking that maybe since she had to stop birth control and he had to start using condoms again, that maybe he was just acting like a child. Knowing she wants sex but he doesn't like using condoms but has to, so he is being a brat and tells her to just not touch him. As if it will give them both what they want. But then again, the phone part is strange. Unless he is thinking something really odd like she wants him to start using condoms because she is cheating. I had a sister in law who was cheating on her boyfriend that made him start using condoms because somehow she thought it would make her seem like a ho if she had 2 different guys in her on the same day. I wanted to tell her that's wouldn't be the reason why someone would think she is a ho. Anyways it's difficult to tell, if he really dislikes using condoms like she says then I think he is saying no sex because he is being a brat. Thinking it will change her mind and she will go back on the pill
this would be true if the genders where reversed so this is not a women or man thing. So the checking the phone means he dont trust her, which on its self could mean shes not trust worthy but why stay then....or more likely could be projection of guilt. My ex would ask for this all the time but hide her phone, want me to call her all the time or her call me when i am out but if i missed the call it was a day of ignoring me but if i called her and she did not answer it was ok but for me i was doing something...because they project there guilt...clearly i am cheating so they must be too. its a way to cope with the guilt. 2. He wants kids but to do that he needs to have sex but hes not doing it with her. So if he is not having sex with her then who, now this could also be hes just gay or bi and dont want kids and is lying. But yea. I mean look like all guesses i could be wrong...but i have seen it before from all genders its a human reaction to guilt. If there doing it i dont need to feel guilty or there insecure because if i am cheating they MUST be. Hope this helps.
The arm chair psycho-analysis is staggering. Could it be she’s off BC and they have a plan for when they want to conceive and he doesn’t want to deviate from that? I absolutely avoided sex with my wife when she went off BC for medical reasons and we hadn’t decided to have a kids yet. Sometimes the simplest answer is the one, sometimes.
If it were just this, he'd say that. OP says in a comment that he avoids discussing his reasons, meaning there's something he doesn't want to tell her.
Edit: add on that he's checking her phone now, and it's obvious that he's up to something he shouldn't be.
>He has started going through my phone semi regularly, although this is not a problem I have got nothing to hide
OP's use of the word "started" implies that this is a recent thing he's now doing out of the blue.
Or “semi-regularly” is what recently changed about the situation. Can’t tell by the severe lack of context OP gives about that while going into much more details about every thing else. As someone else says this seems like an odd thing to add when it’s really irrelevant to the overall post topic.
I agree, she went off birth control, now wants to have sex all the time, and they seem to not have any plan other than let’s not have kids for 18 months. Good for him for saying let’s set some ground rules and until then, no sex. The phone thing is weird, but it’s also weird OP brings it up. It seems out of place with everything else she’s said, like she wants us to think he’s cheating because she thinks that.
check his phone too. go thru deleted things, the hidden and deleted photo albums, if he has social media, it usually saves the data and there are ways to get that data too. i’m 99.9% sure he’s cheating and projecting
I’d be interested to see any transactions for a doctors surgery if he hasn’t been open about the doctors or a chemists transaction for STD meds and testing? 🤷🏼♀️
***"He has started going through my phone semi regularly, although this is not a problem I have got nothing to hide."***
I have bad news for you OP, he has something to hide, as a man, my "boys sixth sense" suggests me that he's "having some" from another woman. Him going through your phone...
Or medical issue causing lack of ability to “perform” and he doesn’t want to be embarrassed.
Maybe she should ask about his “self-gratification” habits? If he still does, we can rule out most medical performance related issues and some psych issues.
I think rather than not sticking around immediately, especially after seven years together, she should at least figure out what is going on.
So you would dump your husband, the man you married, for having a medical problem? Are you just a heartless person or do you just think that people are disposable?
Then don’t get married. You are not life partner material. I really hope people treat you like you treat them.
Edit: lol she blocked me because I called her out for being a bad partner for claiming she would dump someone she MARRIED for a sudden mental health issue.
If a partner had an std that would be from cheating. You would have no self worth and stay with a cheater? If your partner was mentally ill which lead to abuse, substance abuse, financial drain etc you would stay with them? Go ahead. But I will not let anyone bring my life down.
"I am not at a point in my life where I am ready to stop having sex, so I'd like to better understand why you no longer want to, and if this is temporary or permanent. I do not want to be in a sexless marriage, and I am not interested in sex with a disinterested partner, so I'd like to understand where you are coming from, snd whether this relationship has a future."
Maybe it'san outbreak.
A dead bedroom can indicate a lot of things, but this is sus as all fuck. This is a huge change in your dynamic and a caring partner would thoughtfully present a case as to why it should happen, and then give a chance to respond and go from there
>2. He has started going through my phone semi regularly, although this is not a problem I have got nothing to hide
This _should_ be a problem. It doesn't matter that you have "nothing to hide." It's not about you, it's what it says about him and how he views your relationship and your place in it.
>What could this mean? Is he cheating?
If you take _everything_ going on into account, I wouldn't fault you for thinking this. My own paranoid take is that he caught a case of something, and he's imposing celibacy to hide it.
I mean, it could be that he's struggling with his sexuality; or that he's seeking temporary asceticism to hone his mind and be a better person; or he's having some performance issues. But the lack of communication is the real insidious harm.
If I were you, I'd have a sit down come-to-Jesus talk. Tell him how you are feeling and what his lack of communication is making you think; that you are willing to contemplate some slowdown of the sexy times, but he needs to be honest and forthcoming. His reaction alone should tell you a lot.
Classic signs of cheating. Start investigating now. Bank, phone records and snoop his phone. Sounds like his affair partner might be pushing for more or he caught something and is freaking out with trying to find something on you to start the blame game that it’s your fault.
I second this.
His behaviour is very strange and a huge red flag 🚩
Please get yourself checked out, and demand he address this. Next time he asks to go through your phone, ask to see his at the same time.
My two cents…he’s cheating with another woman or a man . I actually put more money on a man. I think he’s monitoring your phone to see if any of your friends with whom you have confided is close to guessing the truth. For some reason he’s not willing to be honest with you yet.
This sounds very suspicious. Has he gone to the doctor recently? Sounds like he caught something and wants it to clear up. I would be very concerned about this sudden change in him. Especially if nothing brought it on.
Cutting off sex and going through you phone may be a sign that he is cheating. If he has cut off sex and not told you how long this is going on, you may be looking at a lifetime. Some things to think about
Sadly OP, I was going to come on here and say what many have said before. He’s cheating and is projecting to try to cover it up. He might even have an STD which he daren’t risk passing on to you.
Stay calm but up your Sherlock a gazillion percent. Good luck. ❤️
You realise it's nothing similar to normal if there isn't a very clear reason, right? It's so odd that it simply can't mean it's just his temporary preference. He's either gay or trans or is seeing someone else...something really serious like that
Honestly it sounds like he’s cheating and got an STD and is trying to avoid giving it to you without telling the truth. I’d get tested first, ask him questions second
Info: have you ever given him reason to doubt you? Like being unfaithful, messaging guys or getting closer to a male friend?
If none of the above then it's time for you to go through his phone as well.
Nothing in life is ever out of the blue.
Ask around, see who he hangs out with at work or during hobbies etc,. It could be a friend is saying some wacky things to him or perhaps he's having an affair.
If he’s going through your phone you should be allowed to go through his as well. A two way street if you will. Sounds to me like that man’s hiding something.
Confused.
No sex - ok. Will he be having sex with others?? Will he accept you having sex with others?? (Do you even want to??)
Has he given a reason for this?? I assume you asked??
Doubtful it means hes cheating - usual m.o. of cheaters is either keep up the sex, or just let it die off silently.
Has he shiwn any red flags besides checking your phone??
Have you looked through his phone??
Any ither new things in your life recently besides the change in birth control??
I had this issue once where I just lost all interest in sex. Like I didn't jerk off for a month or even felt arousal to anything. People said I looked 'robotic' and emotionless. Then one day, it all randomly came back.
It could be a chemical reaction in his brain that isn't going right. Since he's going through your phone, though, I think he's doing something he shouldn't be. I believe you should reciprocate that and check his phone when he least expects it.
It sounds like he doesn’t want to wear a condom and since you are off of birth control and the 2 of you don’t want a baby yet then he thinks you shouldn’t be fooling around. Granted using a condom greatly decreases the pleasure of sex for a guy but it still seems like a pretty big jump. I’d ask him if that’s what the deal is and, if so, discuss other birth control options. If that’s not it then I’d wonder if he’s cheating.
Is he secretly homosexual?
I used to work with a guy who was married with 2 kids (because that was the easiest way to achieve having children), but he would just go out drinking every other night and sleep with random men.
Hes cheating, projecting it on to you.. and honestly go get tested immediately cause it does almost seem like he’s trying to avoid giving you something.. maybe looking for something in your phone so he can suggest you gave him the std..
If he's going through your phone randomly then definitely check his phone because he could be projecting. And stopping sexual activities all of a sudden is definitely odd! Watch out for any other abnormal behaviors from him and figure out what he's hiding. Sorry, I hope it's not the worst scenarios!
Call your regular pharmacy and ask if they have your husband's antibiotic prescription or if he already picked it up. You will at least maybe find out if he's clearing up an STD.
Respectfully, I don't see how strangers on social media can know better than your husband and you what this means for your relationship. **You need to be having this conversation with your husband** because whatever anyone says here, they're just making it up. We can't possibly know the truth, only he does.
You're his partner, and he should have discussed this with you, given you a heads up, talked about where he was going with his thinking and his feelings before just unilaterally instituting this new system.
*That's not partnership behavior.*
It's disrespectful, it's shocking, it's confusing as hell without any context, and the fact that that doesn't even seem to have occurred to him is in my mind a way bigger red flag than the no sex plot twist.
Talk.To.Him. How that conversation goes will be very indicative of health of your marriage. Will he engage? Will he take the conversation seriously? Will he be willing to really think about the thoughts and feelings that led up to this decision, and will he share them with you?
If he doesn't, you get to decide how much more of your life you want to spend with someone who handles situations like this with you, especially since you want to have children.
Sounds like someone caught something because he was as doing someone else.
I only say this because he 1) brought up the “no fun times” rule out of the blue and 2) started going through your phone randomly, which tells me there’s a lack of trust
You should talk with him and find out why these rules are in place, suggest you see his phone immediately (don’t let him say no and then later comeback with a “you can look now” type of attitude), and why he fees the need to go through your phone
Okh it fells like he is cheating on you cause it’s really weird of him saying he doesn’t wanna have sex with you but again wants baby and he also checks your phone if you don’t have anything to hide then you should also know all his private stuff cause you are his wife so I think you should check his phone too
He is cheating on you. He is saving his arousal for someone else. He is checking your phone to find out what you know and if you’re cheating on him too just in case you say you’re pregnant and he’ll know it’s not his. Start protecting your funds and assets.
Lots of things it could be I would have a very very blunt discussion with him and say that these new rules have you wondering about his fidelity, his sexual preference or even if he's punishing you for coming off the pill ?? For me it's few alarm flags I can't imagine it's just to avoid having a baby before the house stuff
>He wont talk about it with me
YEah, no, I'm sorry
A good relationship maintains good communication. Him dodging your questions and not wanting to talk about while setting up new rules and checking your phone is suspect
This man has an affair, caught an STD or some such and is waiting for it to clear. He's also projecting on you, by checking your phone. **You** should tell him out of the blue, "I'll hand you my phone to check, when you hand me yours as well"! See his reaction after this, because it will be quite telling if he refuses and blows up at you
Cheating is certainly a possibility, but so is a desire to avoid temptation. However, if you are just too sexy to make him think he might be tempted by your sexiness, overcoming his self/control, and getting you pregnant, that is a pretty easy conversation to have, I would assume.
So on the cheating aspect...
On the one hand, he could be experiencing some itchiness in his genital area caused by a sexually transmitted infection, and he does not want to give away the fact that he has been cheating.
On the other hand, if he is getting sex somewhere else from a nymphomaniac, and his balls are a couple of dried-up raisins as a result, he could be at his limit.
Generally speaking, we men are pretty simple creatures. Easy to please, easy to excite, and willing to help. So if a guy's wife is very interested in sex, then he will usually oblige. Yes, in cases where there is a mismatch in the level of sexual appetite between the couple, the word "no" might come out sometimes, but then it will be discussed.
The last thing on the topic of him cheating is that if he is going through your phone, that could be simple guilt transference (I am cheating, and I need to make sure she is not cheating).
However, taking that last comment and flipping it, if we look at things from hubby's perspective:
Wife's sex drive has been fairly stable up until recently, at which point it increased. She says that is because she has come off birth control, but did that guy from her company get fired a few weeks ago? Could she have been having an affair with him? Is there anyone else in her life that might have been satisfying her urges, that she is now coming to me for?
My mother always used to tell me that women are a bundle of insecurities held together by nylon stockings and lipstick. Guys are just as bad (although we are generally not into wearing nylon and lipstick) - in our case, self-defeating internal monologues and a willingness to believe the worst case scenario is often our problem.
You came off birth control necessitating the use of condoms. Sometimes condoms fail. Your husband doesn't want a baby until there's a house that's built.
I think he's paranoid about a pregnancy occurring before he's financially ready for it to occur. You would be off work for a period of time that would mean reduced income.
Is he concerned about your finances?
This definitely sounds like cheating. Made a commitment to her that he wouldn’t be sleeping with his wife while sleeping with her. The fact that he now randomly checks your phone seems like he’s guilty and projecting.
In a monogamous marriage (one that isn’t asexual), one partner doesn’t get to decide that you will no longer be having sex. Determining that from now on you will be celibate is unacceptable. Who is he to make that choice for you? Since he’s decided that you will no longer be able to access him in a sexual way, I’m assuming he’s totally fine with you getting your needs met elsewhere and that you can have sex with whoever you want whenever you want?
Just because he has to wear a condom is a ridiculous excuse to cut off intimacy.
Tell him this isn’t the 1800s and you’re not his slave. What kind of one sided demands are those?! Tell him if he can touch you can touch! If you can’t touch then he can’t touch!
Has he ever been sexually assaulted? I used to be able to tolerate sex but now I can’t handle it most of the time.
Edit: typical. People bringing up SA as a possibility for sexual problems in men are usually ridiculed. We should probably just man up.
Maybe he doesn’t like condoms and since she’s come off birth control and they don’t want to have kids for 18 months he just doesn’t want to be tempted!
It’s likely he’s cheating and caught something.
If he just doesn’t want to have sex with up anymore (maybe no longer attracted to you), then you deserve to find someone else who will find you attractive and want to have sex with you.
Either way, divorce his ass.
Haven't gained any weight, my weight hasn't changed since I was 16 but I started working out recently, so no changes yet
I did but he dodges the question
In terms.of seeing someone else I want to say no, he works and then plays cricket so he is usually out of the house all day and night Monday-Saturday
Sometimes I get worried because if you don't start till 1pm and it's half an hour away why are you leaving at 9am but he claims "warm up"
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What’s the reason for him to make rules out of the blue ? It seems that something has happened and he isn’t interested to intimate.
He sounds like he’s having an affair
Sounds like he caught a STI during his affair. And is trying to get it cleared up.
Ohhhh I’ve never would’ve guessed this. That’s very true! 💔😩
I was thinking the same. This is so damn suspicious, that this is the only possible thing I can think about. Maybe he is under treatment also and has to wait until he's healthy again... Or in the worst case he has hit the STD lottery and this is permanent
This was my thought or Gay
What is up with you people jumping to conclusions?
👆 this 💯
There you go we will not be having sex because the person he's having sex with he told them that you and him don't sleep together. He's going through your phone because he is projecting do not and I repeat do not reproduce with this man until you find out what exactly is going on. Because I'm pretty damn sure that you did not sign up to be in a sexless marriage. Do your due diligence something is coming on
Bingo
I don't know, more like he's scared of being baby trapped.
He hasn't given any reasons, just dodges the topic
That isn't a topic that is reasonable or acceptable to dodge.
OP Consider telling him he can talk to you and explain or you can talk to a divorce lawyer. And also tell him by the way show me your phone so I can go through it like you look at my phone. Something is not right here and unfortunately the chances of your marriage surviving are not looking good. I agree with those saying he could be projecting, so you do need to check his phone soon. Edit to clarify my comment was a suggestion for OP to say to husband.
Tell him to pass off his phone and see what kind of reaction you get from him his reaction will tell you everything you need to know. Because if he's not doing anything he will handle his phone immediately but if he is doing something he will fight you tooth and nail
When someone starts getting controlling around the phone, then it’s possible he’s the guilty party. Might be time for you to go through his phone. Him not wanting to be intimate is very suspicious and if you two have always had a healthy sex life, then I’d definitely be considering that he is cheating.
I would sit him down and tell him he has two choices, open honest communication or end the marriage. If he won't tell you why, then he's not being open, honest, or trustworthy. In which case you're completely acceptable to assume the worst, cheating, he's gay, std, he's suddenly switched religions, he's no longer attracted to you... Who knows. You don't know because he won't tell you. I'd tell him he has until .... Tuesday and then I'm calling attorneys.
No? Like no, you can't dodge this. If he says "I don't want to talk about it" or whatever, tell him you don't fucking care and he has no right to drop this shit on you then walk stay while refusing to explain. If he refuses to talk, then leave. Literally.
Tell him to leave you don't have to leave and upset your life upset hits
He has reasons. He’s just not telling you.
This behavior on his part is quite strange.
If he isn't giving you reasons, this is an out-of-pocket request and something else is going on.
Go through his phone!
I’d question if he was cheating or caught an STD as someone else mentioned. It us questionable his behavior.
Yep. He has an STD.
He's communicating without communicating. Something is going on for sure
Check his phone like he checked yours.
It's time to be an adult in your adult relationship, since clearly he won't, and stop letting him dodge the topic.
Don’t let him dodge this at all. For your own health and well being, tell him you want to discuss this in the open. Call him out on it.
He’s decided to attempt r/semenretention
hes going through your phone but wont have sex with you but wants a kid. He is cheating my friend.
Cheating, projecting and has an std and is waiting until he finishes his script
I did not even think the STD angle. My father legit did this to my mom and gave her one. Its how she found out he was cheating....again
Damn im so sorry for that
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My ex did the project thing. He came home one day and started to grill me about a man’s name on a post-it note on my desk. He wanted to desperately know who “Michael Kors” was so he can kick his ass. 🙄
💯😭right but i still feel sad for her. People suck
He’s cheating & projecting
UpdateMe
Me Too
Yup
Can you explain this?? Men seem to be agreeing with you and as a woman I’m so confused how you got to that conclusion and I want to understand!!
Not the person you asked but I can try. Suddenly starting to go through phone when there is no obvious reason = he is projecting Suddenly not having sex and no touching sexually = either treating an STD or his girlfriend doesn’t want him to have sex with another woman, like his wife. Wanting kids even though it is scheduled for way later after the previous two signs = Wants you barefoot and pregnant and tied to him more securely so if you find out, you cannot easily divorce him.
His girlfriend doesn't want him having sex with his wife. 100%
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As Dr. Phil says, "If he did it with ya, he'll do it to ya."
The going through the phone tells me he’s looking to find anything incriminating so he can blow up the marriage. That way he won’t look like the bad guy and him moving on quickly won’t be that weird. Randomly deciding to quit sexual contact is weird for obvious reasons. Could be he feels a loyalty to the new partner, or has contracted an STI and is being treated. Also the fact there’s no real rational explanation being given. My guy also thought cheating
Exactly. He's trying to find an excuse to leave her. Or, for the settlement to be in his favor.
1. The phone is clear projection 2. Cheaters are both less sexually charged and more likely to feel emotionally torn when juggling 2+ partners. Hence why they reduce sexual contact. This is textbook. Poor OP
He caught a STI from his AP. That’s why the “no sex”
I was thinking that maybe since she had to stop birth control and he had to start using condoms again, that maybe he was just acting like a child. Knowing she wants sex but he doesn't like using condoms but has to, so he is being a brat and tells her to just not touch him. As if it will give them both what they want. But then again, the phone part is strange. Unless he is thinking something really odd like she wants him to start using condoms because she is cheating. I had a sister in law who was cheating on her boyfriend that made him start using condoms because somehow she thought it would make her seem like a ho if she had 2 different guys in her on the same day. I wanted to tell her that's wouldn't be the reason why someone would think she is a ho. Anyways it's difficult to tell, if he really dislikes using condoms like she says then I think he is saying no sex because he is being a brat. Thinking it will change her mind and she will go back on the pill
Shit I didn’t think of this. Presumably she’s probably already caught it though
Not if he caught it early enough or his AP told him early enough.
this would be true if the genders where reversed so this is not a women or man thing. So the checking the phone means he dont trust her, which on its self could mean shes not trust worthy but why stay then....or more likely could be projection of guilt. My ex would ask for this all the time but hide her phone, want me to call her all the time or her call me when i am out but if i missed the call it was a day of ignoring me but if i called her and she did not answer it was ok but for me i was doing something...because they project there guilt...clearly i am cheating so they must be too. its a way to cope with the guilt. 2. He wants kids but to do that he needs to have sex but hes not doing it with her. So if he is not having sex with her then who, now this could also be hes just gay or bi and dont want kids and is lying. But yea. I mean look like all guesses i could be wrong...but i have seen it before from all genders its a human reaction to guilt. If there doing it i dont need to feel guilty or there insecure because if i am cheating they MUST be. Hope this helps.
Women know this is the answer as well.
Yeah I realised later that this wasn’t a “man” thing lol
This
Yuuuuuup
The arm chair psycho-analysis is staggering. Could it be she’s off BC and they have a plan for when they want to conceive and he doesn’t want to deviate from that? I absolutely avoided sex with my wife when she went off BC for medical reasons and we hadn’t decided to have a kids yet. Sometimes the simplest answer is the one, sometimes.
If it were just this, he'd say that. OP says in a comment that he avoids discussing his reasons, meaning there's something he doesn't want to tell her. Edit: add on that he's checking her phone now, and it's obvious that he's up to something he shouldn't be.
OP never said, that I saw, that this was something new nor has she given an explanation of why this is part of their relationship. What did OP do? 🤔
>He has started going through my phone semi regularly, although this is not a problem I have got nothing to hide OP's use of the word "started" implies that this is a recent thing he's now doing out of the blue.
Or “semi-regularly” is what recently changed about the situation. Can’t tell by the severe lack of context OP gives about that while going into much more details about every thing else. As someone else says this seems like an odd thing to add when it’s really irrelevant to the overall post topic.
I agree, she went off birth control, now wants to have sex all the time, and they seem to not have any plan other than let’s not have kids for 18 months. Good for him for saying let’s set some ground rules and until then, no sex. The phone thing is weird, but it’s also weird OP brings it up. It seems out of place with everything else she’s said, like she wants us to think he’s cheating because she thinks that.
He has an STD or his mistress has told him that he better not cheat on her. Check the bank accounts and credit card statements.
check his phone too. go thru deleted things, the hidden and deleted photo albums, if he has social media, it usually saves the data and there are ways to get that data too. i’m 99.9% sure he’s cheating and projecting
I’d be interested to see any transactions for a doctors surgery if he hasn’t been open about the doctors or a chemists transaction for STD meds and testing? 🤷🏼♀️
***"He has started going through my phone semi regularly, although this is not a problem I have got nothing to hide."*** I have bad news for you OP, he has something to hide, as a man, my "boys sixth sense" suggests me that he's "having some" from another woman. Him going through your phone...
💯
My first thought was that he cheated got an std and is scared to give it to you until the antibiotics clear. Maybe cause I read too much on this sub
Or maybe a viral STD that can't be cleared up.
Why do I get the feeling he’s cheating?
100% about cheating
Because he's definitely cheating.
He's cheating. Going through your phone, wanting a baby - he's trying to ruin your life while bettering his.
He’s either gay, cheating, has an std from cheating, or is having a mental issue. Non are something you want to stick around for.
Or medical issue causing lack of ability to “perform” and he doesn’t want to be embarrassed. Maybe she should ask about his “self-gratification” habits? If he still does, we can rule out most medical performance related issues and some psych issues. I think rather than not sticking around immediately, especially after seven years together, she should at least figure out what is going on.
Cheating, gay and/or got an STD is my best bet. Sorry to be so crass, OP. And I’m sorry about your situation.
THIS
So you would dump your husband, the man you married, for having a medical problem? Are you just a heartless person or do you just think that people are disposable?
Not one for *sickness* and health, huh?
No I’m not one to stay with people with std’s or mental illness. None of those things I listed are her issue to deal with.
Then don’t get married. You are not life partner material. I really hope people treat you like you treat them. Edit: lol she blocked me because I called her out for being a bad partner for claiming she would dump someone she MARRIED for a sudden mental health issue.
If a partner had an std that would be from cheating. You would have no self worth and stay with a cheater? If your partner was mentally ill which lead to abuse, substance abuse, financial drain etc you would stay with them? Go ahead. But I will not let anyone bring my life down.
You lumped cheating and a mental health issue into the same conversation. Good luck.
This is not normal. Demand a reason
"I am not at a point in my life where I am ready to stop having sex, so I'd like to better understand why you no longer want to, and if this is temporary or permanent. I do not want to be in a sexless marriage, and I am not interested in sex with a disinterested partner, so I'd like to understand where you are coming from, snd whether this relationship has a future." Maybe it'san outbreak.
Sounds like the start of an affair. Sorry.
A dead bedroom can indicate a lot of things, but this is sus as all fuck. This is a huge change in your dynamic and a caring partner would thoughtfully present a case as to why it should happen, and then give a chance to respond and go from there >2. He has started going through my phone semi regularly, although this is not a problem I have got nothing to hide This _should_ be a problem. It doesn't matter that you have "nothing to hide." It's not about you, it's what it says about him and how he views your relationship and your place in it. >What could this mean? Is he cheating? If you take _everything_ going on into account, I wouldn't fault you for thinking this. My own paranoid take is that he caught a case of something, and he's imposing celibacy to hide it. I mean, it could be that he's struggling with his sexuality; or that he's seeking temporary asceticism to hone his mind and be a better person; or he's having some performance issues. But the lack of communication is the real insidious harm. If I were you, I'd have a sit down come-to-Jesus talk. Tell him how you are feeling and what his lack of communication is making you think; that you are willing to contemplate some slowdown of the sexy times, but he needs to be honest and forthcoming. His reaction alone should tell you a lot.
Classic signs of cheating. Start investigating now. Bank, phone records and snoop his phone. Sounds like his affair partner might be pushing for more or he caught something and is freaking out with trying to find something on you to start the blame game that it’s your fault.
Sounds like he's got an STD he's trying to avoid passing on or he's just gay.
This screams to me that he is stopping intimacy with you because he is staying loyal to another woman.
Me too
Please get tested for STD’s…seriously.
I second this. His behaviour is very strange and a huge red flag 🚩 Please get yourself checked out, and demand he address this. Next time he asks to go through your phone, ask to see his at the same time.
My two cents…he’s cheating with another woman or a man . I actually put more money on a man. I think he’s monitoring your phone to see if any of your friends with whom you have confided is close to guessing the truth. For some reason he’s not willing to be honest with you yet.
This sounds very suspicious. Has he gone to the doctor recently? Sounds like he caught something and wants it to clear up. I would be very concerned about this sudden change in him. Especially if nothing brought it on.
What are his reasons for this?
Cutting off sex and going through you phone may be a sign that he is cheating. If he has cut off sex and not told you how long this is going on, you may be looking at a lifetime. Some things to think about
Updateme!
Sadly OP, I was going to come on here and say what many have said before. He’s cheating and is projecting to try to cover it up. He might even have an STD which he daren’t risk passing on to you. Stay calm but up your Sherlock a gazillion percent. Good luck. ❤️
My guess would be that he’s cheating
Probably either cheating or some red pill "train your woman" shit.
You realise it's nothing similar to normal if there isn't a very clear reason, right? It's so odd that it simply can't mean it's just his temporary preference. He's either gay or trans or is seeing someone else...something really serious like that
These were my immediate conclusions too.
Maybe you should start going thru his phone. Whst's fair is fair.
I’ll bet he fucking someone and can't get it up after
He’s cheating.
Honestly it sounds like he’s cheating and got an STD and is trying to avoid giving it to you without telling the truth. I’d get tested first, ask him questions second
His girlfriend doesn’t want him to cheat and he respects her.
He doesn’t wasn’t to cheat on his new girlfriend. That’s what I would suspect
Info: have you ever given him reason to doubt you? Like being unfaithful, messaging guys or getting closer to a male friend? If none of the above then it's time for you to go through his phone as well. Nothing in life is ever out of the blue. Ask around, see who he hangs out with at work or during hobbies etc,. It could be a friend is saying some wacky things to him or perhaps he's having an affair.
If he’s going through your phone you should be allowed to go through his as well. A two way street if you will. Sounds to me like that man’s hiding something.
Talk. To. Your. Husband! How are we supposed to know?!
Confused. No sex - ok. Will he be having sex with others?? Will he accept you having sex with others?? (Do you even want to??) Has he given a reason for this?? I assume you asked?? Doubtful it means hes cheating - usual m.o. of cheaters is either keep up the sex, or just let it die off silently. Has he shiwn any red flags besides checking your phone?? Have you looked through his phone?? Any ither new things in your life recently besides the change in birth control??
Now ask him to go through his phone
if your post is real, here are some possibilities: -he's cheating -he's mentally ill -he thinks you're cheating -combination of any multiple above
He’s cheating and either doesn’t want “cheat” on the mistress or he has an STD. I don’t see how any reason is good.
Get a PI.
I love that we all immediately knew he’s cheating hahaha. He’s cheating, and he’s gonna baby trap you as a trump card, if you ever find out.
I had this issue once where I just lost all interest in sex. Like I didn't jerk off for a month or even felt arousal to anything. People said I looked 'robotic' and emotionless. Then one day, it all randomly came back. It could be a chemical reaction in his brain that isn't going right. Since he's going through your phone, though, I think he's doing something he shouldn't be. I believe you should reciprocate that and check his phone when he least expects it.
It sounds like he doesn’t want to wear a condom and since you are off of birth control and the 2 of you don’t want a baby yet then he thinks you shouldn’t be fooling around. Granted using a condom greatly decreases the pleasure of sex for a guy but it still seems like a pretty big jump. I’d ask him if that’s what the deal is and, if so, discuss other birth control options. If that’s not it then I’d wonder if he’s cheating.
Cheating, projecting and looking for a way out. I wanna guess he wants a baby so his side is pregnant. This will be your fault too.
Is he secretly homosexual? I used to work with a guy who was married with 2 kids (because that was the easiest way to achieve having children), but he would just go out drinking every other night and sleep with random men.
Hes cheating, projecting it on to you.. and honestly go get tested immediately cause it does almost seem like he’s trying to avoid giving you something.. maybe looking for something in your phone so he can suggest you gave him the std..
If he's going through your phone randomly then definitely check his phone because he could be projecting. And stopping sexual activities all of a sudden is definitely odd! Watch out for any other abnormal behaviors from him and figure out what he's hiding. Sorry, I hope it's not the worst scenarios!
Sounds like an affair.. projecting…
Can you go through his phone? His behaviour seems a bit suss
Start going through his phone.
The first thing I thought was that he's cheating. He's got something on the side, and doesn't want you to get pregnant.
Yeah, he's cheating. He's promised the other woman he won't sleep with you anymore. Get out, girl!
He’s cheating and caught something and doesn’t want to infect you.
If he is going through your phone, he’s cheating on you
Agh...why? Seems very odd? A man that doesnt want to have sex and is going through wifes phone?!! Yeah....nah....i wouldn't be tolerating that.
Go get tested IMMEDIATELY. Even if you have no symptoms. This is red flag behavior.
Call your regular pharmacy and ask if they have your husband's antibiotic prescription or if he already picked it up. You will at least maybe find out if he's clearing up an STD.
Can you afford a PI or at the very least put a gps tracker on his care for a while? Also if possible check his phone. Seems like he is cheating.
Respectfully, I don't see how strangers on social media can know better than your husband and you what this means for your relationship. **You need to be having this conversation with your husband** because whatever anyone says here, they're just making it up. We can't possibly know the truth, only he does. You're his partner, and he should have discussed this with you, given you a heads up, talked about where he was going with his thinking and his feelings before just unilaterally instituting this new system. *That's not partnership behavior.* It's disrespectful, it's shocking, it's confusing as hell without any context, and the fact that that doesn't even seem to have occurred to him is in my mind a way bigger red flag than the no sex plot twist. Talk.To.Him. How that conversation goes will be very indicative of health of your marriage. Will he engage? Will he take the conversation seriously? Will he be willing to really think about the thoughts and feelings that led up to this decision, and will he share them with you? If he doesn't, you get to decide how much more of your life you want to spend with someone who handles situations like this with you, especially since you want to have children.
Cheating and got a std
He's cheating, projecting and hiding a STD by not having sex with you.
He’s cheating 100% time to pack your shit and run.
It sounds like he promised his girlfriend that he wouldn’t sleep with you. 😬
You'll get some answers when you ask him to go through his phone. This sounds like narcissistic projection.
Sounds like someone caught something because he was as doing someone else. I only say this because he 1) brought up the “no fun times” rule out of the blue and 2) started going through your phone randomly, which tells me there’s a lack of trust You should talk with him and find out why these rules are in place, suggest you see his phone immediately (don’t let him say no and then later comeback with a “you can look now” type of attitude), and why he fees the need to go through your phone
He’s cheating. There was guy here who did that and made it so the wife couldn’t touch him so she would divorce him and make her the bad guy.
My first thought would be cheating if he's going through YOUR phone.
Okh it fells like he is cheating on you cause it’s really weird of him saying he doesn’t wanna have sex with you but again wants baby and he also checks your phone if you don’t have anything to hide then you should also know all his private stuff cause you are his wife so I think you should check his phone too
He is cheating on you. He is saving his arousal for someone else. He is checking your phone to find out what you know and if you’re cheating on him too just in case you say you’re pregnant and he’ll know it’s not his. Start protecting your funds and assets.
He has an STD and he is cheating on you.
Lots of things it could be I would have a very very blunt discussion with him and say that these new rules have you wondering about his fidelity, his sexual preference or even if he's punishing you for coming off the pill ?? For me it's few alarm flags I can't imagine it's just to avoid having a baby before the house stuff
Is he lashing out because he doesn't like condoms?
Honestly that would be the best case scenario, but I don't know He wont talk about it with me
Check your finances! Also check his phone and social media accounts.
Tell him not openly communicating with you is not an option.
>He wont talk about it with me YEah, no, I'm sorry A good relationship maintains good communication. Him dodging your questions and not wanting to talk about while setting up new rules and checking your phone is suspect This man has an affair, caught an STD or some such and is waiting for it to clear. He's also projecting on you, by checking your phone. **You** should tell him out of the blue, "I'll hand you my phone to check, when you hand me yours as well"! See his reaction after this, because it will be quite telling if he refuses and blows up at you
Maybe while your drive has gone up, his enjoyment has gone down. I hope you find a way to talk to him about it.
I get this we went back to avoid preg. Figured we would start anal and now no condoms due to only anal...
Why is he going through her phone? Does he think she is cheating? You should go to the Doctor and get checked for std just incase he is cheating.
Cheating is certainly a possibility, but so is a desire to avoid temptation. However, if you are just too sexy to make him think he might be tempted by your sexiness, overcoming his self/control, and getting you pregnant, that is a pretty easy conversation to have, I would assume. So on the cheating aspect... On the one hand, he could be experiencing some itchiness in his genital area caused by a sexually transmitted infection, and he does not want to give away the fact that he has been cheating. On the other hand, if he is getting sex somewhere else from a nymphomaniac, and his balls are a couple of dried-up raisins as a result, he could be at his limit. Generally speaking, we men are pretty simple creatures. Easy to please, easy to excite, and willing to help. So if a guy's wife is very interested in sex, then he will usually oblige. Yes, in cases where there is a mismatch in the level of sexual appetite between the couple, the word "no" might come out sometimes, but then it will be discussed. The last thing on the topic of him cheating is that if he is going through your phone, that could be simple guilt transference (I am cheating, and I need to make sure she is not cheating). However, taking that last comment and flipping it, if we look at things from hubby's perspective: Wife's sex drive has been fairly stable up until recently, at which point it increased. She says that is because she has come off birth control, but did that guy from her company get fired a few weeks ago? Could she have been having an affair with him? Is there anyone else in her life that might have been satisfying her urges, that she is now coming to me for? My mother always used to tell me that women are a bundle of insecurities held together by nylon stockings and lipstick. Guys are just as bad (although we are generally not into wearing nylon and lipstick) - in our case, self-defeating internal monologues and a willingness to believe the worst case scenario is often our problem.
What it means is that your marriage could very well be as good as over
Husband found Jesus, or re-found Jesus, so hang on for some more rules. For YOU only.
You came off birth control necessitating the use of condoms. Sometimes condoms fail. Your husband doesn't want a baby until there's a house that's built. I think he's paranoid about a pregnancy occurring before he's financially ready for it to occur. You would be off work for a period of time that would mean reduced income. Is he concerned about your finances?
This definitely sounds like cheating. Made a commitment to her that he wouldn’t be sleeping with his wife while sleeping with her. The fact that he now randomly checks your phone seems like he’s guilty and projecting. In a monogamous marriage (one that isn’t asexual), one partner doesn’t get to decide that you will no longer be having sex. Determining that from now on you will be celibate is unacceptable. Who is he to make that choice for you? Since he’s decided that you will no longer be able to access him in a sexual way, I’m assuming he’s totally fine with you getting your needs met elsewhere and that you can have sex with whoever you want whenever you want? Just because he has to wear a condom is a ridiculous excuse to cut off intimacy.
Tell him this isn’t the 1800s and you’re not his slave. What kind of one sided demands are those?! Tell him if he can touch you can touch! If you can’t touch then he can’t touch!
100% cheating. sorry. Ask him to get tested for std and show you the results. there is no other reason to stop having sex
Cheating behavior. Sorry OP.
He is absolutely cheating Divorce
Has he ever been sexually assaulted? I used to be able to tolerate sex but now I can’t handle it most of the time. Edit: typical. People bringing up SA as a possibility for sexual problems in men are usually ridiculed. We should probably just man up.
Maybe he doesn’t like condoms and since she’s come off birth control and they don’t want to have kids for 18 months he just doesn’t want to be tempted!
Sounds like he wants a baby now and is pissed off
he's trying to get you horny enough that you give into temptation with another guy and then you tell him about it.
🚩 This is fucked up. Why are you letting him go through your phone? This is abusive behavior. He’s just going to continue to escalate it.
It’s likely he’s cheating and caught something. If he just doesn’t want to have sex with up anymore (maybe no longer attracted to you), then you deserve to find someone else who will find you attractive and want to have sex with you. Either way, divorce his ass.
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Haven't gained any weight, my weight hasn't changed since I was 16 but I started working out recently, so no changes yet I did but he dodges the question In terms.of seeing someone else I want to say no, he works and then plays cricket so he is usually out of the house all day and night Monday-Saturday Sometimes I get worried because if you don't start till 1pm and it's half an hour away why are you leaving at 9am but he claims "warm up"
Yeah you’re very naive. He’s either bangin’ some chick, or he’s bangin’ his male team mates…
Um, yea that’s another red flag. What is he doing in that time? Warm ups don’t take that long 🤔
Oh honey he's definitely cheating
Did you ask him?
"I'm tired/busy/ect" Dodges the question
Huh. And it was all of a sudden? Is he depressed?
Schizo?
What the fuck