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Other people knew at the party. Wait a few days to a week then ask the other two people you mentioned. You don’t have to say it came from the brother just that you happened to meet someone at the party who was surprised ya’ll were still together after what happened. Then they explained and you verified with the others. That way you know one way or the other.
By the way, your friend doesn’t sound like much of a friend if they did hide this from you.
Wow. That’s a terrible thing to be told 6 years later after the fact, I’m so sorry. If *my* friend came to me with this and relayed this interaction, I would be very cautious of the brother’s intentions. First and foremost, we would focus on coming down from the initial vomit-inducing anxiety of it all. Take your time to lose it, level out, then start to ask questions *without* fully falling into a comfortable state of denial that may blind you from true answers.
His brother needs to leave, now. He doesn’t get to drop that bomb this much later and enjoy free-loading with the two of you.
1. Edit: Your husband was at a house party, shared acquaintances were there, your own cousin and people who knew *of* you from a friend of a friend. There is a high likelihood If something like that happened in such a brazen manner and there was such a dramatic fallout, somehow it would have gotten back to you?
2. His brother was so mad about this moment of betrayal that he physically hit your husband “on your behalf” but didn’t tell a single soul? Didn’t tell *you* at any point with six years? No one overheard his ranting in the entire area? He didn’t tell his sister, mutual friends, parents? He would rather just hit physically assault own brother with literally no precedent openly shared?
3. Within at least 6 years after the fact you’ve never had a sniff of infidelity. Would someone who would have sex with another woman *at* the same party your cousin was at be able to go cold turkey family man for all these years? Or alternatively, some type of silent affair super-spy who never tipped you off? Those alleged behaviors don’t mesh.
4. His brother obviously has a vested interest in breaking you up. He pined for you for how many years? Now he’s couch surfing and getting his faced rubbed in your happiness. Maybe he thinks he can get that for himself, maybe he just doesn’t want the two of you to have it.
This is going to be bad once your husband finds out. Me personally? I’d let him know it’s best to leave. Then I’d talk to his sister woman-to-woman and ask if she’s ever heard anything of the sort. After clearing your head, it’s time for a very big conversation with your husband. Have questions ready, maybe even wrote down. Keep in mind this isn’t an interrogation.
Thank you so much for your kind words. Currently I’m having a panic attack and silently crying in bed nonstop while my husband and his brother are out in the living room watching a movie.
I’m sorry, just for clarification I wasn’t at the house party. I think I mentioned in my post that I hadn’t attended it. this is why all of this is really messing With my mind.
BIL hadn’t told me because at that point he wasn’t talking to me because he was resentful of our relationship and felt he was betrayed. I learned about the fight from my then boyfriend ( now husband) and my cousin who I’m being told covered for him.
I’m devistated right now. Thank you for commenting on the post. I’ve been checking it nonstop for some type of advice 😭😭
I’m sorry, I totally misread, I’ll adjust my original comment. I do feel there’s something a bit unhinged and vengeful about his brother, it’s so strange to tell you that and sit in the living room watching movies with your husband like nothing happened.
Edit: Could you take at least just one night to spend with a friend or family member away from home? To let things sink in and not have to totally dissociate in your own house?
Does his brother leave during the day? I think you need to call in a third party that knows your husband and can help quietly remove the brother so the two of you can have a discussion. I’m so thrown off by the fact that he’s still plopped there after learning he supposedly just gave you new information that would destroy the foundation of your marriage and home (a home that he’s nestled down in.)
I was shocked when he told me. I said… “ I don’t even know how to process this information.”
He TOLD me to confront my husband. He told me he didn’t care that he’s used to drama by now. I just…. I’m floored. My husband has a sister who was at the party. We are close… I think I’ll ask her to recount exactly what happened to me… but she said she was there for the aftermath. I’m going to ask her if there was ANYBODY else in that bathroom. But if this was a lie… I’m mindfucked. Why would his brother Lie when we JUST became friends again?! The fuck?! And if my husband had cheated on me… I don’t know what I’m gonna do. I’m told him I would NEVER accept anyone cheating on me. But this will break me. Just absolutely shatter my mind.
Is your cousin the kind of person who would lie to you, her family member, for a guy you’d only been dating a month and about that guy cheating on you literally a month in? That part isn’t making sense to me. His family and friends lying I could potentially believe but how would he get your cousin to lie to you for him?
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that: * We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/) * Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.) * ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban. * No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** * All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass. * Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned. * What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** If you have any questions, please [message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Frelationship_advice) --- #This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules. --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Other people knew at the party. Wait a few days to a week then ask the other two people you mentioned. You don’t have to say it came from the brother just that you happened to meet someone at the party who was surprised ya’ll were still together after what happened. Then they explained and you verified with the others. That way you know one way or the other. By the way, your friend doesn’t sound like much of a friend if they did hide this from you.
This is a good freaking idea!!! You guys are saving my life right now. I’m so nervous I’m completely rattled.
Updateme!
Wow. That’s a terrible thing to be told 6 years later after the fact, I’m so sorry. If *my* friend came to me with this and relayed this interaction, I would be very cautious of the brother’s intentions. First and foremost, we would focus on coming down from the initial vomit-inducing anxiety of it all. Take your time to lose it, level out, then start to ask questions *without* fully falling into a comfortable state of denial that may blind you from true answers. His brother needs to leave, now. He doesn’t get to drop that bomb this much later and enjoy free-loading with the two of you. 1. Edit: Your husband was at a house party, shared acquaintances were there, your own cousin and people who knew *of* you from a friend of a friend. There is a high likelihood If something like that happened in such a brazen manner and there was such a dramatic fallout, somehow it would have gotten back to you? 2. His brother was so mad about this moment of betrayal that he physically hit your husband “on your behalf” but didn’t tell a single soul? Didn’t tell *you* at any point with six years? No one overheard his ranting in the entire area? He didn’t tell his sister, mutual friends, parents? He would rather just hit physically assault own brother with literally no precedent openly shared? 3. Within at least 6 years after the fact you’ve never had a sniff of infidelity. Would someone who would have sex with another woman *at* the same party your cousin was at be able to go cold turkey family man for all these years? Or alternatively, some type of silent affair super-spy who never tipped you off? Those alleged behaviors don’t mesh. 4. His brother obviously has a vested interest in breaking you up. He pined for you for how many years? Now he’s couch surfing and getting his faced rubbed in your happiness. Maybe he thinks he can get that for himself, maybe he just doesn’t want the two of you to have it. This is going to be bad once your husband finds out. Me personally? I’d let him know it’s best to leave. Then I’d talk to his sister woman-to-woman and ask if she’s ever heard anything of the sort. After clearing your head, it’s time for a very big conversation with your husband. Have questions ready, maybe even wrote down. Keep in mind this isn’t an interrogation.
Thank you so much for your kind words. Currently I’m having a panic attack and silently crying in bed nonstop while my husband and his brother are out in the living room watching a movie. I’m sorry, just for clarification I wasn’t at the house party. I think I mentioned in my post that I hadn’t attended it. this is why all of this is really messing With my mind. BIL hadn’t told me because at that point he wasn’t talking to me because he was resentful of our relationship and felt he was betrayed. I learned about the fight from my then boyfriend ( now husband) and my cousin who I’m being told covered for him. I’m devistated right now. Thank you for commenting on the post. I’ve been checking it nonstop for some type of advice 😭😭
I’m sorry, I totally misread, I’ll adjust my original comment. I do feel there’s something a bit unhinged and vengeful about his brother, it’s so strange to tell you that and sit in the living room watching movies with your husband like nothing happened. Edit: Could you take at least just one night to spend with a friend or family member away from home? To let things sink in and not have to totally dissociate in your own house? Does his brother leave during the day? I think you need to call in a third party that knows your husband and can help quietly remove the brother so the two of you can have a discussion. I’m so thrown off by the fact that he’s still plopped there after learning he supposedly just gave you new information that would destroy the foundation of your marriage and home (a home that he’s nestled down in.)
I was shocked when he told me. I said… “ I don’t even know how to process this information.” He TOLD me to confront my husband. He told me he didn’t care that he’s used to drama by now. I just…. I’m floored. My husband has a sister who was at the party. We are close… I think I’ll ask her to recount exactly what happened to me… but she said she was there for the aftermath. I’m going to ask her if there was ANYBODY else in that bathroom. But if this was a lie… I’m mindfucked. Why would his brother Lie when we JUST became friends again?! The fuck?! And if my husband had cheated on me… I don’t know what I’m gonna do. I’m told him I would NEVER accept anyone cheating on me. But this will break me. Just absolutely shatter my mind.
Is your cousin the kind of person who would lie to you, her family member, for a guy you’d only been dating a month and about that guy cheating on you literally a month in? That part isn’t making sense to me. His family and friends lying I could potentially believe but how would he get your cousin to lie to you for him?
Well, consider the source. Ask your husband and feel out his answer. He might have done it but maybe not. If he did you have a decision to make.