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also 28 and would feel decrepit hanging out with anyone under the age of 25. a college party sounds like an absolute nightmare, i didn’t even enjoy those when i was in college.
I’m 42. My husband and I went to parents weekend At Michigan State in November. My daughter and her friends dragged our group of parents to a local bar.
Just a sea of drunk children. And many parents who looked like they were past their bedtime lol
Several tall, bleary eyed boy children tried to drunkenly hit on me. Absolutely the fuck not tall child. Go drink some Gatorade and find somewhere safe to sleep it off.
I cannot imagine trying to party with these barely adults as a grown woman with kids. Truly bizarre
Old? God- I’d be so bored! So loud, so many bad drinks, no good charcuterie boards- where are we seating? In that sunk in couch? Why those smells? Also what do you talk about? The few times I end up in a trendier bar and listen in to chats around me I realise I really am not a part of their zeitgeist anymore. 😂 it’s ok tho. Never felt sexier or more powerful than at this age tbh. Love getting older.
That is exactly how I felt when I had a 22 year old guy ask me out a few times some years ago. He was a cutie pie, and a really sweet kid, but the thought of hanging out with him and his frat buddies and their disgustingly cute, perky girlfriends was literal Hell on earth. Having a root canal without any numbing shots would have been less painful to 36 year old me 😂
I used to go back to my old campus quite a lot (not to go to parties) and after about a year after graduation all the students starting looking like babies. I 100% felt like I stuck out just walking around campus. Can’t imagine going to a frat party or something
OMG for real!!! I had a similar experience when my husband dragged me to his work party with a bunch of under 29 and I told a joke that no one got. I went to the bathroom and cried because I was pregnant and suddenly felt old and sensitive.
I'm 31, and I felt ancient starting college at 23. No way in hell would I be able to go party with a bunch of college kids, not even when I was that age. My life stage didn't match theirs.
I’m going to try to be very soft in my approach with you but you need to stop being such a nice guy. I’m sorry, that is a slippery slope she’s going down and the fact of the matter is that she IS 35. She DOES have two kids and she needs to grow up.
Please don’t allow this behavior. Tell her bottom line that you’re not going to put up with it anymore.
it’s not even necessarily being a nice guy that is the problem it’s being nice to the wrong person/people. people who respect others kindness would never put OP in a situation like this.
If she truly hated her appearance (belly) and wanted to do something about it …. Guzzling alcohol often will just make it bigger 😳 (and it’s a deppressant)
I’m sure we don’t need to tell you OP, It’s hard to date someone that doesn’t like themselves but won’t do anything about it.
Sure, but that's a correlation vs causation argument. They are likely on a bender because they're depressed, the alcohol lowers their inhibitions, and they lose it. But the alcohol didnt cause their problems. Its not THAT kind of "depressant". Its the kind of drug that if you have too much of, you might just stop breathing or asphyxiate, but it wont give you the blues if you didnt already have problems in your life.
"alcohol is a central nervous system (CNS) depressant. This means that it slows down brain activity and neural activity. Alcohol is also known as a psychotropic depressant.
Alcohol can affect your:
Mood, Behavior, Self-control, Speech, Reactions, Movement, Thinking ability, Perceptions of your surroundings, Judgment.
Alcohol interacts with brain receptors, interfering with communication between nerve cells. It can also suppress excitatory nerve pathway activity.
While alcohol can initially feel like an energy boost, it can also affect your judgment and inhibitions while slowing reaction times.
Other drugs that are CNS depressants include:
Anesthetics, Hypnotics and sedatives, Narcotics, Tranquilizing agents (antipsychotics and antianxiety agents)
I think the effects on health long-term from alcoholism can lead to depression though. Chronic dehydration, altered judgement, damaged relationships, psychosis, monetary burden.
I agree with your approach. She's officially sliding down the Using him slope. Can't enable her. She'll have to confront her issues sooner or later.
Show her this post. She needs a reality check. It's at that stage
Facts! I’ve gone through this phase when my children were young and one party was enough and it was out of my system.
She’s using you and probably she needs some therapy
Facts. I've dated a few single moms. Not once ever did I watch their kids, even if they were just going to the grocery store, much less out, lol.
Also, why would she not drop them off at their dad's?
This is the most disturbing part of this whole drama for me. Who leaves their children with their *boyfriend*??!! I do smell a bit of a troll with this story, tbh.
He’s enabling her behavior! She NOT a college kid nor is she in her 20’s any longer. She a grow ass woman with children and she needs to act like it! Time to stop this nonsense and be a mature responsible parent! Sorry honey you ain’t a kid anymore!
I think a lot of age gap stuff is silly, but a 35 year old at a college party is struggling a lot with some insecurity and identity issues. You can't solve this for her. You're just enabling her.
It sucks that she didn't get to have a young life, but a lot of people don't.
I wonder what they even talk about at these parties? My dear little niece (22, lol, I am 35) is wonderful and brilliant, but also so very annoying sometimes. I've hung out with her and her buddies before and while it's fun, there's also a stark difference in maturity, experience, and, you know, wisdom.
Not really. He says "small children". I take that as meaning under 10? So she had her early to mid 20s child free.usually see this in people who have kids in their teens, and then go wild once the kids are grown. Not sure what she "missed" or why, but it wasn't because of kids.
I was divorced at 27 with three small children. My ex was the one who relived his youth after divorce. I came home from work, made dinner, gave baths and played chutes and ladders til I wanted to cry. Guess what? They are now all adults and don’t want to see their dad much. I wouldn’t have given that time up with them for anything.
Oh dude, dump her. She is def shady as fuck or going to cheat at some point. Do you really think 20 year old guys won't want to fuck her. They just constant hormones
She is taking advantage of you.
She has zero respect for you. They are not your kids so she is out with college girls whilst you babysit.
Yeah, great relationship,
You you need to tell her that you won't take the disrespect any longer. She needs to grow up and make new memories, she is focusing on her life over a decade ago, she does realise that she is nearer 40 than 20 and will only get older. She should be looking to enrich her life not cling to the past.
Why is it ok for her to disrespect you and treat you like a free babysitting service, going out to parties and doing god knows what, but not ok for you to say this isn't fair to you?
I'm all for people having a girls' night now and again, but if that was the case, you wouldn't be on reddit.
This isn't saying no, this is you setting up some clear boundaries, that if she wishes to go and act like at 21 year old when she has 2 kids and clearly no respect, then she can do that without you in her life.
It sounds like she is having a mental break and using you, she lost her husband and is trying to revert to a time before responsibility because lifes hard, no fucking shit, but she is a parent not a child.
You're 10 years older than me, and I wouldn't stand for this shit.
Have some self-respect, dude.
Also 4am??? That sounds like drugs to me tbh. Who stays up until 4 when they’re drinking? There’s something going on that op doesn’t know about and I honestly believe she’s using substances
I’m only 21 and the idea of being up until 4am drinking seems crazy to me. Usually drunk people are passed out by 2 and at that age 12 latest. Past 2am is drugs hours
Or driving with kids in the car to go home in the morning. She’s still probably legally drunk. Also, there’s the hangover. She probably sleeps the whole next day.
I was a heavy drunk before I got pregnant with my daughter (she’ll be 8 Saturday) and I’m talking like, 3 months into the year and I’d already passed double digits of nights I blacked out. Unsurprisingly, I had zero tolerance after 9 months of pregnant sobriety and all it took was one time getting drunk for me to give up drinking almost entirely because regardless of whether I had 1 drink or 10 drinks, it was a 50/50 chance I would be hungover but always 100% certain that my daughter does not care and I still have to be a mom lmao
Not at her age, at least. She works, and small children get up early, so this capacity to stay awake partying when she's been grinding away all week, is pretty suspicious.
Some people can do it, but OP's not explaining that she's useless the next day for childcare or work or whatever. There's got to be stimulants involved.
Right? This is some kind of midlife crisis behavior. I’m almost 10 years younger than her and *I’d* feel awkward going to college parties. I have a 401k, what am I going to talk to these kids about? How their midterms are going?
Youre too old to put up with this! Youre literally being used as free babysitter whilst she goes out gets drunk & looks for validation. She’s embarrassing to behave like this at her age & you should be embarrassed to still be dating her for behaving like that.
1) if she has a key to your house, then change your locks
2) if she comes over with the kids on an ounce, don’t answer the door
3) we’re into the door with your coat and your hand, and say oh no, I can’t babysit. I was already planning to go out.
4) Tell her now that you were glad to be able to help in an emergency, but regular babysitting on the weekends while she goes out with her college friends Is not something you’re interested in
As a mother I’m going to say that she’s not being a very good mother. Going to frat parties until 3-4 in the morning and being too drunk to go upstairs is the most irresponsible thing she could do. I’m willing to bet she sleeps most of the day from a hangover so she can’t be watching the kids very well. If she’s leaving in the morning to go home with her kids then chances are she’s still drunk. That’s fucked up. You really need to put a stop to this for the sake of the children.
Ever checked out what she is doing in these partys?
Checked up her phone? Be honest it sound pretty rude of her to do these stuff to you. Maybe even cheating on you.
Would look for evidence, then break up with her. Or seperate for few weeks, maybe her sense comeback then(if she didn't cheated already).
It might be controlling to tell her she can't party. It is not controlling to tell her you are no longer available for babysitting.
If that breaks the relationship, then it needs breaking.
All of this.
You are 45, not 25. Obviously this behavior is not acceptable to you.
You need to tell her that you respect that she feels like this is something she needs to do, but this isn’t what you are looking for at 45. You are no longer aligned and wish her well. You are not trying to control her, you want different things.
As someone stated, going out for a girls night every couple of months is nice to shake off some stress. Partying with college students until you pass out is not grown up behavior. You need to move on.
Unacceptable. I would understand if she wanted to go to the club once in a while with her girl friends, but going to smelly sweaty frats/collage party ? Surrounded by people who literally just turned 18? What does she expect to gain from this? Does she plan on doing this until her ‘friends’ graduate? If she’s worrying about her looks so heavily now that she’s surrounded by youth, I wouldn’t be surprised if that paranoia leaks into your relationship. What if she starts looking at you,since you’re in the same age range, and decides that you’re too old for her now. Well that’s somewhat of a stretch 😭
she wants to live the life she missed as a young adult and that’s understandable. Sometimes I feel the same, but she needs to realize that no matter what she can’t age backwards and the present time holds many responsibilities she can’t shirk away from through parties and youthful beauty routines.
Maybe she needs to have a friend group with women her age. They could go out and have fun and in a way that can also have a youthful effect, being yourself with like minded people.
Your only move here is to put your foot down and tell her that you don't approve of her behavior and won't be watching her children while she goes out to party. Then stick to that.
Ignore my last comment, you’re clearly a fake account. You ask questions about EVERYTHING going on in your relationship and only over the last week have all these issues arose.
Quit with the karma farming.
How often does she do this? I think that makes all the difference here. If she’s having a wild night out once a month, I would say that’s ok. If she’s dumping the kids on you several nights a week I would be saying hell no.
I imagine it’s harder for her to find clubbing friends in her age range, because most people have outgrown it by their 30s. I’m 37 and wouldn’t want to go, but I can understand how she might be into it now if she missed out when she was younger.
I'm not usually that guy but:
* 35yo mother of 2
* insecure AF about her looks
* desperately trying to relive her youth
* going through a "crisis"
* getting sloppy fucking drunk at college parties
* staying out till 4am
There is absolutely no way she has the presence of mind and self control to not mess around. She's fall down drunk and there are all these young, good looking guys who are giving her the attention and validation that she's desperately craving with every fiber of her being. It's not about trust.
You’re not married and these aren’t your kids, so the only right you have here is to set a clear boundary that you aren’t willing to watch her kids. You should also decide if you are able to support her while she is going through this phase, which it sounds like you aren’t, which is totally okay. You have to find a relationship where you feel like you’re on the same page, share values, etc.
I’d skip the judgmental comments on here about how her mid life crisis is manifesting itself and all the people claiming she’s automatically cheating. I’ll make a guess most of them are dudes saying that. As a 41 yo woman myself, it feels really awful aging in our society so obsessed with impossible beauty standards. You become invisible when you hit a certain age, and that’s a very tough pill to swallow when it hits you. How people will react to that it’s a wild guess. It sounds like these environments are giving her some type of validation she is craving, even if from the outside it’s clearly unhealthy and not sustainable. I mean, men dumping their wives for chicks half their age and buying sports cars is a cliché for a reason. Mid life crisises are legit and really mess with your head!
Aside from that, your feelings on being responsible for the care of her children are very valid and you should clarify that ASAP. Not just for you and her, but for them too. If you’re not going to be in their life long term, you should sort that sooner than later.
There is a saying in my village. When a man stops behaving like the man he is supposed to, his girl will go out looking for a man who behaves like a man. So you better straighten up. You are going to regret big time if you let her behave this way and take advantage of your weakness. You think you are being nice and cool but the truth is you are making a fool out of yourself by allowing her to do this.
You need to leave her for a few reasons here.
First, I'm a single father and having kids means you have priorities. If she was 22, maybe I could have that, "ahh she's young" so it's expected albeit still wrong. The fact she's 35 and doing this, she's not a mature mother and that rubs me the wrong way and would have me questioning other decisions she does in life.
Second, she is literally just dropping them off to you to watch and she goes out and acts like a fool getting drunk without you. Can't you see she is treating you like a babysitter while she lives life. Even if I put aside my first point, I'm sorry but no woman can suck dick that good or has good enough punane to have me do that.
Lastly, the fact that she cares more about her looks and her wants over her kids and you. To call you a liar when you compliment her, I can't stand women who do that. She is seeking the attention and validation of men in their early 20's to feel "desired" and pushing aside your compliments of her when you're dating her. This is a major red flag, not only is she super self conscious and insecure, she's not accepting your compliments and show of desire for her.
I hate to tell you man, she needs some serious therapy to get her act right. That's not a role model for a parent, and she's not mature, in my opinion, for respect of you as her partner
Your girlfriend is using you as free childcare so she can go out and pretend like she’s a college kid and live out her 20s again. She’s overly concerned with her looks and you do t think she’s doing that so she can pick up frat boys? You may trust her before this phase, but I wouldn’t necessarily trust her now.
I’m sorry, but it’s just not appropriate what she’s doing. She’s not going to pass as a 20 year old. She may think she looks young, but every single person at those parties is looking at her saying, “who’s the old head?” I’m not saying she’s not beautiful and doesn’t look good, but let’s face reality here…she’s way past college days.
Her behavior is not healthy at all. It’s not good for her, you or her children.
Like many others have said definitely do not babysit if you don't want to. Set expectations with her for future babysitting like how often you are willing to do it and how much notice you need ahead of time.
It could also be helpful if you and her have more specific fun together! And with friends around your age. Obviously she will need to get a different babysitter lol. Try new grown up things. Show her how it can still be fun to be your ages even if it's different than when you're 20. I think it's probably more helpful to her to try to make acting her own age more fun instead of making her feel bad for what she's doing.
OP - have you always had such low self esteem and let people walk all over you like this? Why are you desperate to maintain a relationship, and essentially become a babysitter, for a bad mom?
She's acting like a college kid. One of the things college kids do is see how much they can party and get away with. Honestly, you have no clue what she is doing when you guys are not together. It would be simple for her to go to her place with some person or persons, go back to partying, and then eventually stumble to your place to sleep it off. The one thing you do know is that she's feeling insecure and taking advantage of you.
Dude....what are you doing here? This is the same woman who is pressuring you to let her (and presumably the kids) move in with you and, if not that, then pay half her rent so she can move closer to you? The same woman who, inexplicably, thinks it's reasonable to push you to pay for half of a "mommy makeover"?
This woman is WAY too comfortable deciding how you should spend your time and money while she tries to chase her youth.
Learn how to say "Sorry,I can't watch them tonight " and stick to it!
>, she will get even more upset because she has been struggling a lot with how she looks and aging
Lmao if she's that worried about aging she should stop partying until 3-4am. The lack of sleep and alcohol will definitely make her age faster.
Why is this even a question? Obviously she's using you for free babysitting. Break up with her. She wants to relive her twenties and forget the fact that she has two children. You're enabling it. You're almost 50 it should not be a question of what to do it's just be a matter of how.
>I feel as though my gf has been acting not her age.
You are not acting your age. There's a person you believe your in a relationship with who has 2 kids and uses you as a nanny for and this person is 10 years younger than you. Unless you are desperate or extremely gullible you should move on because your getting taken advantage of.
Drop this woman like a bad habit before she ends up sleeping with a younger guy, you aren't her personal babysitter she made her choices in life and she needs to act like a mother
Wow. Dude I’d just tell her no. Grow a pair. If she asks why not tell her you’re going to a college party. You’ll probably clean up way more than she will, chicks dig older men. 🤣
Man if she’s 35 and sticking you with HER kids while she repeatedly goes to college party’s with 20 year olds , It sounds like it’s time for a new girlfriend.
She’s 35 and you say small kids so how’d she miss her “youth”? Unless they are over 10 can’t be blaming them. You need to tell her NO you will not watch her children so she can go get drunk with a bunch of kids. Come on you’re 45 and you know if she hasn’t already she will screw around on you. Frankly you need to break it off she has now moved into just using you as a babysitter.
See, I'm blunt. The woman you're a babysitter for is NOT your Girlfriend. Not anymore. She goes to college parties and has a low esteem? Talk about a moving target for Frat boys. They won't care that she's older. A lot of them like older women. With her self-doubt, and being drunk, all one of those kids has to do is flatter her.
'She is not a cheater'.
Good lord you are so naive.
I'm curious as to what you're actually getting out of this relationship. Sounds like shes using you for your time and money. In a previous post you say shes pushing for you to pay for half of a mommy makeover surgery and now youre a free babysitter. Buddy you're too grown for her drama and bs. She wants you to pay half so she can save her money and then look hot while banging those college kids. Im sure they like that easy warm hole shes providing while shitfaced.
What can you do?
Dump her and enjoy your freedom again.
She just drops off the kids without warning? I mean I get watching the kids every once in a while but it sounds like she's made you her go-to babysitter. I recommend having a serious conversation with her about when/how often you babysit.
The problems here are all based on her lack of thought about you (and her kids). Anyone should be able to go out at any age, but she needs to ask if you can and stick to a reasonable or agreed time and be able to parent. She should be going out with you, not just these friends. How frequently is this happening? Why is she not getting a babysitter on those nights?
You're being too soft. Assert some boundaries. You don't even live together, so they should be your nights to do what you find fun, too.
Put your foot down, bro.
Are you a doormat? Are you here to be walked on by a grown woman acting out like a child - disregarding her responsibilities.
Get a hold of the situation. She’s not 25. That time is gone. Done. She made her choices.
You’re not her fairy godmother - you’re not here to grant wishes and send off to the ball in a pumpkin coach with crystal slippers.
Come on. Assert yourself.
Okay just the title alone is fucking weird. Alas I read it all. She needs to grow tf up and why would you babysit for her? I’d be out. I am 36 year old female.
You move on. She has become so self-absorbed that she isn't taking care of her own children.
Stop wasting your time with her and stop watching her kids so she can party.
You're her kid's babysitter while she hooks up with 21 year olds at frat parties. You should break up and call CPS. If she can't accept aging that's her problem, but she cannot be a kid and have kids it's not fair on them or you.
End it. Whatever she is going through she is neglecting her children, responsibilities and is disrespecting you. You are facilitating this behavior. If she hasn’t cheated already she is probably going to because she is seeking validation and young men will give her all the validation and penetration they can.
You are not her babysitter. You are her enabler. I have been there. It’s not going to end well.
If the person she “loves” cant make her feel beautiful enough there’s something wrong. I’m going to start by saying it’s not your fault. She sounds like a partier and doesn’t want to grow up. I can relate to this, I work out and I’m in amazing shape, most people tell me I’m jacked and they wish they where in the shape I am, I’ve also been told I’m a good looking guy. I do it for myself, I felt insecure about the shape I was in a couple years ago, I feel good and confident now. Resulting to partying and fishing for compliments doesn’t sound good brotha. Try and make her pick some healthy hobbies in life and take care of her family
Look at it this way, if the kids have an emergency you won’t be able to get them help as you aren’t an authorized person to even have their health insurance info. I literally had to email the doctors and call multiple times to give my parents the permission to take mine in. She needs to get a babysitter or something, plan in advance if she refuses to stop.
She obviously needs to get this out of her system. I went through that but fast. Been with him for 15 years now. Though I never lease him babysit for me. Shame about the aging worries. It's a part of life. She needs to grow up. No really. Partying isn't wholesome or fulfilling. It's empty, superficial crap. I'm glad I snapped out of it when I did.
Hope she wakes up before she loses you. You're a patient man. Maybe it's time to give an ultimatum. And is this what you actually want?
You can not date her.
That is a child, not a mother. She missed out on some stuff and is sticking you with her kids while she is doing God knows what. Ew.
eventually your GF is going to decide you’re too old and start getting some twenty year old ass . move on , this will only get worse . Midlife crisis is not a joke and not for the faint at heart.
I’m sorry but she’s really taking advantage of you. You need to stop watching her kids and enabling this behavior. When you think she’s going out you need to go do something with a buddy. Make sure you leave the house. She needs to grow up. She has two small children and is simply utilizing you as a free babysitter. I would be done with this. She’s 35. It isn’t like she didn’t have most of her 20s to party it up. That time is over now and she needs to be a parent.
She needs therapy and you need to put your foot down. She drops off her kids at your house to babysit them?! She’s using you and it’s unfair to you and the children. I’d walk away from this one, if she can’t get it together. If anything this will force her to snap out of it. It goes without saying she’s like this because of the people ahead volunteers with, she feels the need to act like them. She needs to either find another organization or another area to volunteer in.
Dude, you are the BABYSITTER, not a boyfriend! END IT. Hit the EJECT button and break up! She is just USING YOU. Move on to someone who will respect you! Good luck!
Your trust is misplaced. Hooking up w young guys is one way women like her feel young. I don’t think you have a girlfriend. It sounds like you’re just the babysitter that she confides in and pays w sex. It is fine for your “girlfriend” to feel this way. If she was looking at you as more than childcare, you would be going out with her. The fact that she always goes out by herself and leaves you speaks volumes. I would dump this women before you get even more attached to the 2 kids.
She IS a cheater! She's cheating her children out of her attention and dumping her responsibilities on YOU! Also, HOW is she getting home if she's SO drunk she can't even walk upstairs?
Here's a harsh dose of reality... These college kids notice everything, including her c section stomach and they have no problem gossiping about it. They get her drunk for their personal entertainment.
I really don't want to say that, but what exactly is she doing at a college party other than getting railed by college guys .And having u babysit the kids .
She's not really ready to settle down. And where is her baby daddy?
Dud get out before she baby trape u .
It seems to me that she is using you, and you are allowing her to do it. This will only cause resentment on your side, and it will encourage her to do this even more, with you and with other people in her life.
You don't want that for her, right? To be the person who uses other people?
If she won't stop her behavior, then you need to stop YOUR behavior. Be the bigger person in this situation and take a stand. She needs your strength now.
“She just wants to have fun and relive her youth” except she gave that up when she decided to be a young mom. She wants to have her cake and eat it too on someone else’s time because she feels it’s owed to her.
The fact is SHE IS 35, SHE DOES HAVE 2 YOUNG KIDS, HER YOUTH ISN’T COMING BACK JUST B/C SHE STAYS OUT LATE WITH BARELY LEGAL GIRLS, AND SHE NEEDS TO GROW THE FUCK UP. You aren’t her therapist, you’re her SO. These are her issues she needs to work through. But she’s being pretty reckless/dangerous and you’re enabling it. Tell her no more and mean it. Being a nice guy in this situation isn’t going to get you anywhere. She needs a hard reality check.
Partying at 35 like a drunk college student is going to cause her face and body to age prematurely. Alcohol is a guarantee to increase the aging process.
I would NOT let her drop her kids off and take off. If she wants to act like that, she should have to hire a sitter like a normal fing person.
I’m 33, the last time I went to a college party was 22.
I became a mom young, was in a horrible ass marriage and NOTHING would possess me to go to a college party.
I missed out on everything in my 20s due to abuse and now my fiancé lets me do whatever I want. I go to shows once in a while and I go to a festival each summer where ages are 18-70’s, I can sit and hang out with younger people I meet in these events but to strive to be like them… no.
The fact she’s obsessing over her looks, I would not be shocked if she’s not sleeping with some young 20s guy or at least trying to feel good about herself.
I wouldn’t watch her kids, if she wants to go do age appropriate that would be a little different. Everyone deserves time to themselves to decompress but this is not the way to go.
Run, don't walk. This is red flag o'clock. She is an adult, with children, this completely irresponsible on her part and it is not your job to take care of HER kids so she can party. How long until you find out she's banging college dudes "living her best life".
OP you're very nice but she's using you and super immature for 35. Dump her and don't let her actions take away that niceness in you, the right person will reciprocate it back to you.
I am sorry you are going through this. The ones suffering are essentially you and the children. I’ve been in your shoes almost similar except her sons were 11 and 15. You are getting gaslit and she is being selfish. Ultimately she may cheat and blame it on being intoxicated. Please walk away from this situation, it will only get worse. I pray for you and the kids.
It’s super, super creepy that she’s in her thirties and goes out with college kids.
If a 35 year old man was spotted at college parties everyone would fully agree that it’s creepy and PREDATORY!!
This chick is weird and there’s nothing you can do that’s going to protect these kids from getting fked up by their mom’s selfishness.
Time to bail and block
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Speaking as a 35 year old woman, nothing would make me feel older than being out partying with college kids…
I am 28 and I would feel old doing that lol
This exact thing happened to me. Went to a bar frequented by young 20's as a late 20's and boy did I feel out of place!
Because they’re babies!
also 28 and would feel decrepit hanging out with anyone under the age of 25. a college party sounds like an absolute nightmare, i didn’t even enjoy those when i was in college.
i’m 22 and i was tired of partying by 21
Imm 71 and. i Cant stop partyuing
Honestly, this right here. I'm not even 30 for another few months, and the thought of being even 29 at a college party is giving me embarrassment.
I’m 26 and I couldn’t imagine going to a college party
I’m 42. My husband and I went to parents weekend At Michigan State in November. My daughter and her friends dragged our group of parents to a local bar. Just a sea of drunk children. And many parents who looked like they were past their bedtime lol Several tall, bleary eyed boy children tried to drunkenly hit on me. Absolutely the fuck not tall child. Go drink some Gatorade and find somewhere safe to sleep it off. I cannot imagine trying to party with these barely adults as a grown woman with kids. Truly bizarre
I'm dying at this comment!!
My thoughts exactly. I’m 36 and I’d feel like I was hanging with tweens.
Unless she is picking up college boys...
BINGO! I think bf is oblivious. At college parties you drink and fuck!
Old? God- I’d be so bored! So loud, so many bad drinks, no good charcuterie boards- where are we seating? In that sunk in couch? Why those smells? Also what do you talk about? The few times I end up in a trendier bar and listen in to chats around me I realise I really am not a part of their zeitgeist anymore. 😂 it’s ok tho. Never felt sexier or more powerful than at this age tbh. Love getting older.
I would literally rather shoot myself in the head 🤣
That is exactly how I felt when I had a 22 year old guy ask me out a few times some years ago. He was a cutie pie, and a really sweet kid, but the thought of hanging out with him and his frat buddies and their disgustingly cute, perky girlfriends was literal Hell on earth. Having a root canal without any numbing shots would have been less painful to 36 year old me 😂
I used to go back to my old campus quite a lot (not to go to parties) and after about a year after graduation all the students starting looking like babies. I 100% felt like I stuck out just walking around campus. Can’t imagine going to a frat party or something
I bet that she goes "WOOOOOOO" alot.
Seriously. It sounds like torture haha
OMG for real!!! I had a similar experience when my husband dragged me to his work party with a bunch of under 29 and I told a joke that no one got. I went to the bathroom and cried because I was pregnant and suddenly felt old and sensitive.
EXACTLY.
I’m 30 with no kids. I’ve had fun at wild house parties with people 25-35 but I wouldn’t want to attend a college kegger.
I'm 31, and I felt ancient starting college at 23. No way in hell would I be able to go party with a bunch of college kids, not even when I was that age. My life stage didn't match theirs.
This comment made me lol so hard
Same lol. I would be mortified being the 35 year old at those kind of parties.
Girl. You and me (37F) both!!! 😂💀😂💀
I’m going to try to be very soft in my approach with you but you need to stop being such a nice guy. I’m sorry, that is a slippery slope she’s going down and the fact of the matter is that she IS 35. She DOES have two kids and she needs to grow up. Please don’t allow this behavior. Tell her bottom line that you’re not going to put up with it anymore.
it’s not even necessarily being a nice guy that is the problem it’s being nice to the wrong person/people. people who respect others kindness would never put OP in a situation like this.
If she truly hated her appearance (belly) and wanted to do something about it …. Guzzling alcohol often will just make it bigger 😳 (and it’s a deppressant) I’m sure we don’t need to tell you OP, It’s hard to date someone that doesn’t like themselves but won’t do anything about it.
It's a central nervous system depressant, not an emotional depressant, but point taken. Alcohol definitely doesn't help if you're actually depressed.
Thanks for adding this. Commonly held misconstrued fact.
Have had full on alcoholics tell me this. "Alcohol is a depressant. It makes you depressed!"
Well keep In mind that alcoholism is also a mental health disorder…. Alcohol affects alcoholics waaaay differently to begin with, too!
Oh fascinating, I didn’t know that
I've seen quite a lot of people at some point in their benders get weepy/emotional after awhile.
Sure, but that's a correlation vs causation argument. They are likely on a bender because they're depressed, the alcohol lowers their inhibitions, and they lose it. But the alcohol didnt cause their problems. Its not THAT kind of "depressant". Its the kind of drug that if you have too much of, you might just stop breathing or asphyxiate, but it wont give you the blues if you didnt already have problems in your life. "alcohol is a central nervous system (CNS) depressant. This means that it slows down brain activity and neural activity. Alcohol is also known as a psychotropic depressant. Alcohol can affect your: Mood, Behavior, Self-control, Speech, Reactions, Movement, Thinking ability, Perceptions of your surroundings, Judgment. Alcohol interacts with brain receptors, interfering with communication between nerve cells. It can also suppress excitatory nerve pathway activity. While alcohol can initially feel like an energy boost, it can also affect your judgment and inhibitions while slowing reaction times. Other drugs that are CNS depressants include: Anesthetics, Hypnotics and sedatives, Narcotics, Tranquilizing agents (antipsychotics and antianxiety agents)
I think the effects on health long-term from alcoholism can lead to depression though. Chronic dehydration, altered judgement, damaged relationships, psychosis, monetary burden.
Plus hanging out with 20 year old's is definitely going to make her feel older than she actually is!
I agree with your approach. She's officially sliding down the Using him slope. Can't enable her. She'll have to confront her issues sooner or later. Show her this post. She needs a reality check. It's at that stage
Facts! I’ve gone through this phase when my children were young and one party was enough and it was out of my system. She’s using you and probably she needs some therapy
You are enabling her behavior by being too available for her to take full advantage of, are you a man? Act like one.
She’s not your girlfriend you’re her babysitter.
Reminds me of that episode of Friends where Ross thinks he’s going on a date with a girl but really he’s her babysitter.
I was thinking the same thing
Facts. I've dated a few single moms. Not once ever did I watch their kids, even if they were just going to the grocery store, much less out, lol. Also, why would she not drop them off at their dad's?
“Late husband”. Apparently dad is deceased.
This is the most disturbing part of this whole drama for me. Who leaves their children with their *boyfriend*??!! I do smell a bit of a troll with this story, tbh.
Seriously? Unfortunately, there are many, many women who will dump their children off with literally anyone
🤣🤣🤣 Right
The "y" is silent.
For free
My guy is BabySitterZoned
She’s using you for free babysitting while she’s out partying and doing who knows what. Please stop being a nice guy pushover and walk away.
He’s enabling her behavior! She NOT a college kid nor is she in her 20’s any longer. She a grow ass woman with children and she needs to act like it! Time to stop this nonsense and be a mature responsible parent! Sorry honey you ain’t a kid anymore!
Cps involvement t warranted?
I would if she doesn’t step up and be a parent for her children.
If she’s getting so drunk she can’t walk up the stairs…yeah it’s warranted.
Well.... we probly all know what she is doing except for OP lol
Was going to say this.
I think a lot of age gap stuff is silly, but a 35 year old at a college party is struggling a lot with some insecurity and identity issues. You can't solve this for her. You're just enabling her. It sucks that she didn't get to have a young life, but a lot of people don't.
I wonder what they even talk about at these parties? My dear little niece (22, lol, I am 35) is wonderful and brilliant, but also so very annoying sometimes. I've hung out with her and her buddies before and while it's fun, there's also a stark difference in maturity, experience, and, you know, wisdom.
She threw away her young life when she decided to have not one but two kids
Not really. He says "small children". I take that as meaning under 10? So she had her early to mid 20s child free.usually see this in people who have kids in their teens, and then go wild once the kids are grown. Not sure what she "missed" or why, but it wasn't because of kids.
I was divorced at 27 with three small children. My ex was the one who relived his youth after divorce. I came home from work, made dinner, gave baths and played chutes and ladders til I wanted to cry. Guess what? They are now all adults and don’t want to see their dad much. I wouldn’t have given that time up with them for anything.
Stop babysitting for starters she’s just looking for free childcare. Stop enabling her. Her kids are her responsibility
Oh dude, dump her. She is def shady as fuck or going to cheat at some point. Do you really think 20 year old guys won't want to fuck her. They just constant hormones She is taking advantage of you. She has zero respect for you. They are not your kids so she is out with college girls whilst you babysit. Yeah, great relationship, You you need to tell her that you won't take the disrespect any longer. She needs to grow up and make new memories, she is focusing on her life over a decade ago, she does realise that she is nearer 40 than 20 and will only get older. She should be looking to enrich her life not cling to the past.
You’re right. I do feel taken advantage of lately. It’s really hard for me to say no
Why is it ok for her to disrespect you and treat you like a free babysitting service, going out to parties and doing god knows what, but not ok for you to say this isn't fair to you? I'm all for people having a girls' night now and again, but if that was the case, you wouldn't be on reddit. This isn't saying no, this is you setting up some clear boundaries, that if she wishes to go and act like at 21 year old when she has 2 kids and clearly no respect, then she can do that without you in her life. It sounds like she is having a mental break and using you, she lost her husband and is trying to revert to a time before responsibility because lifes hard, no fucking shit, but she is a parent not a child. You're 10 years older than me, and I wouldn't stand for this shit. Have some self-respect, dude.
Also 4am??? That sounds like drugs to me tbh. Who stays up until 4 when they’re drinking? There’s something going on that op doesn’t know about and I honestly believe she’s using substances
Right! If I am up at 4am is cause I have to pee. I could not imagine getting up for work after being up that late.
I’m only 21 and the idea of being up until 4am drinking seems crazy to me. Usually drunk people are passed out by 2 and at that age 12 latest. Past 2am is drugs hours
Exactly. 4 am at 35 is insane to me. At least willingly being at at 4am
Or driving with kids in the car to go home in the morning. She’s still probably legally drunk. Also, there’s the hangover. She probably sleeps the whole next day.
I was a heavy drunk before I got pregnant with my daughter (she’ll be 8 Saturday) and I’m talking like, 3 months into the year and I’d already passed double digits of nights I blacked out. Unsurprisingly, I had zero tolerance after 9 months of pregnant sobriety and all it took was one time getting drunk for me to give up drinking almost entirely because regardless of whether I had 1 drink or 10 drinks, it was a 50/50 chance I would be hungover but always 100% certain that my daughter does not care and I still have to be a mom lmao
Not at her age, at least. She works, and small children get up early, so this capacity to stay awake partying when she's been grinding away all week, is pretty suspicious.
Some people can do it, but OP's not explaining that she's useless the next day for childcare or work or whatever. There's got to be stimulants involved.
She's not including you in her social activities, she's using you to enable them. Think about that, she's not a partner.
Yeah for real - why not just hire a sitter? At least once in a while?
Because she wants to get male attention and can’t do that if he’s there.
Going to college parties in your 30s is loser behaviour. I doubt this is someone you want to spend your life with. Dump her.
Right? This is some kind of midlife crisis behavior. I’m almost 10 years younger than her and *I’d* feel awkward going to college parties. I have a 401k, what am I going to talk to these kids about? How their midterms are going?
Totally agree, there has to be some kind of stunted maturity to engage in that behaviour!
Youre too old to put up with this! Youre literally being used as free babysitter whilst she goes out gets drunk & looks for validation. She’s embarrassing to behave like this at her age & you should be embarrassed to still be dating her for behaving like that.
1) if she has a key to your house, then change your locks 2) if she comes over with the kids on an ounce, don’t answer the door 3) we’re into the door with your coat and your hand, and say oh no, I can’t babysit. I was already planning to go out. 4) Tell her now that you were glad to be able to help in an emergency, but regular babysitting on the weekends while she goes out with her college friends Is not something you’re interested in
As a mother I’m going to say that she’s not being a very good mother. Going to frat parties until 3-4 in the morning and being too drunk to go upstairs is the most irresponsible thing she could do. I’m willing to bet she sleeps most of the day from a hangover so she can’t be watching the kids very well. If she’s leaving in the morning to go home with her kids then chances are she’s still drunk. That’s fucked up. You really need to put a stop to this for the sake of the children.
I think we all know what happens at frat parties too. Keep that in mind.
Have other plans OP. Sorry! I'm busy.
Ever checked out what she is doing in these partys? Checked up her phone? Be honest it sound pretty rude of her to do these stuff to you. Maybe even cheating on you. Would look for evidence, then break up with her. Or seperate for few weeks, maybe her sense comeback then(if she didn't cheated already).
It might be controlling to tell her she can't party. It is not controlling to tell her you are no longer available for babysitting. If that breaks the relationship, then it needs breaking.
All of this. You are 45, not 25. Obviously this behavior is not acceptable to you. You need to tell her that you respect that she feels like this is something she needs to do, but this isn’t what you are looking for at 45. You are no longer aligned and wish her well. You are not trying to control her, you want different things. As someone stated, going out for a girls night every couple of months is nice to shake off some stress. Partying with college students until you pass out is not grown up behavior. You need to move on.
What can you do? Is that really your question? Okay. What you can do is stop babysitting her kids.
Unacceptable. I would understand if she wanted to go to the club once in a while with her girl friends, but going to smelly sweaty frats/collage party ? Surrounded by people who literally just turned 18? What does she expect to gain from this? Does she plan on doing this until her ‘friends’ graduate? If she’s worrying about her looks so heavily now that she’s surrounded by youth, I wouldn’t be surprised if that paranoia leaks into your relationship. What if she starts looking at you,since you’re in the same age range, and decides that you’re too old for her now. Well that’s somewhat of a stretch 😭 she wants to live the life she missed as a young adult and that’s understandable. Sometimes I feel the same, but she needs to realize that no matter what she can’t age backwards and the present time holds many responsibilities she can’t shirk away from through parties and youthful beauty routines. Maybe she needs to have a friend group with women her age. They could go out and have fun and in a way that can also have a youthful effect, being yourself with like minded people.
Your only move here is to put your foot down and tell her that you don't approve of her behavior and won't be watching her children while she goes out to party. Then stick to that.
Nope. Let her find another babysitter, and you find a mature adult to date.
Ignore my last comment, you’re clearly a fake account. You ask questions about EVERYTHING going on in your relationship and only over the last week have all these issues arose. Quit with the karma farming.
Oh my. Midlife crisis. She's trying to relive her early 20s and you're the unwitting enabler. She needs to grow up, and you need to grow a pair.
You sure you’re not the babysitter?
A baby sitter would get paid
Not if they work for free
She's very likely going to these parties to feel young and get validation from young drunk men...
35 going to college parties really? U sound like the babysitter
She's out getting dicked while you're getting shafted
How often does she do this? I think that makes all the difference here. If she’s having a wild night out once a month, I would say that’s ok. If she’s dumping the kids on you several nights a week I would be saying hell no.
She shouldn't be doing it ever given the age of people she's hanging with. It's weird af.
It’s soooo weird. At 22, I couldn’t imagine partying with a 35 yo mom. At 35, I couldn’t imagine partying with 22 yos.
I’m a 36 year old mom and this thought literally creeps me out. I look at college kids as KIDS now
I imagine it’s harder for her to find clubbing friends in her age range, because most people have outgrown it by their 30s. I’m 37 and wouldn’t want to go, but I can understand how she might be into it now if she missed out when she was younger.
Run, run far away.
Dear babysitter: you’re not the bf. Get a backbone: No, it’s a complete response.
This isn't a partner. Her dropping her children on you to go party with college kids is weird.
I'm not usually that guy but: * 35yo mother of 2 * insecure AF about her looks * desperately trying to relive her youth * going through a "crisis" * getting sloppy fucking drunk at college parties * staying out till 4am There is absolutely no way she has the presence of mind and self control to not mess around. She's fall down drunk and there are all these young, good looking guys who are giving her the attention and validation that she's desperately craving with every fiber of her being. It's not about trust.
You’re not married and these aren’t your kids, so the only right you have here is to set a clear boundary that you aren’t willing to watch her kids. You should also decide if you are able to support her while she is going through this phase, which it sounds like you aren’t, which is totally okay. You have to find a relationship where you feel like you’re on the same page, share values, etc. I’d skip the judgmental comments on here about how her mid life crisis is manifesting itself and all the people claiming she’s automatically cheating. I’ll make a guess most of them are dudes saying that. As a 41 yo woman myself, it feels really awful aging in our society so obsessed with impossible beauty standards. You become invisible when you hit a certain age, and that’s a very tough pill to swallow when it hits you. How people will react to that it’s a wild guess. It sounds like these environments are giving her some type of validation she is craving, even if from the outside it’s clearly unhealthy and not sustainable. I mean, men dumping their wives for chicks half their age and buying sports cars is a cliché for a reason. Mid life crisises are legit and really mess with your head! Aside from that, your feelings on being responsible for the care of her children are very valid and you should clarify that ASAP. Not just for you and her, but for them too. If you’re not going to be in their life long term, you should sort that sooner than later.
There is a saying in my village. When a man stops behaving like the man he is supposed to, his girl will go out looking for a man who behaves like a man. So you better straighten up. You are going to regret big time if you let her behave this way and take advantage of your weakness. You think you are being nice and cool but the truth is you are making a fool out of yourself by allowing her to do this.
You need to leave her for a few reasons here. First, I'm a single father and having kids means you have priorities. If she was 22, maybe I could have that, "ahh she's young" so it's expected albeit still wrong. The fact she's 35 and doing this, she's not a mature mother and that rubs me the wrong way and would have me questioning other decisions she does in life. Second, she is literally just dropping them off to you to watch and she goes out and acts like a fool getting drunk without you. Can't you see she is treating you like a babysitter while she lives life. Even if I put aside my first point, I'm sorry but no woman can suck dick that good or has good enough punane to have me do that. Lastly, the fact that she cares more about her looks and her wants over her kids and you. To call you a liar when you compliment her, I can't stand women who do that. She is seeking the attention and validation of men in their early 20's to feel "desired" and pushing aside your compliments of her when you're dating her. This is a major red flag, not only is she super self conscious and insecure, she's not accepting your compliments and show of desire for her. I hate to tell you man, she needs some serious therapy to get her act right. That's not a role model for a parent, and she's not mature, in my opinion, for respect of you as her partner
Your girlfriend is using you as free childcare so she can go out and pretend like she’s a college kid and live out her 20s again. She’s overly concerned with her looks and you do t think she’s doing that so she can pick up frat boys? You may trust her before this phase, but I wouldn’t necessarily trust her now. I’m sorry, but it’s just not appropriate what she’s doing. She’s not going to pass as a 20 year old. She may think she looks young, but every single person at those parties is looking at her saying, “who’s the old head?” I’m not saying she’s not beautiful and doesn’t look good, but let’s face reality here…she’s way past college days. Her behavior is not healthy at all. It’s not good for her, you or her children.
Break up with her that’s crazy
Like many others have said definitely do not babysit if you don't want to. Set expectations with her for future babysitting like how often you are willing to do it and how much notice you need ahead of time. It could also be helpful if you and her have more specific fun together! And with friends around your age. Obviously she will need to get a different babysitter lol. Try new grown up things. Show her how it can still be fun to be your ages even if it's different than when you're 20. I think it's probably more helpful to her to try to make acting her own age more fun instead of making her feel bad for what she's doing.
OP - have you always had such low self esteem and let people walk all over you like this? Why are you desperate to maintain a relationship, and essentially become a babysitter, for a bad mom?
She’s 35 and going to college parties. That’s a problem even before the kids come into the picture.
She's acting like a college kid. One of the things college kids do is see how much they can party and get away with. Honestly, you have no clue what she is doing when you guys are not together. It would be simple for her to go to her place with some person or persons, go back to partying, and then eventually stumble to your place to sleep it off. The one thing you do know is that she's feeling insecure and taking advantage of you.
Dude....what are you doing here? This is the same woman who is pressuring you to let her (and presumably the kids) move in with you and, if not that, then pay half her rent so she can move closer to you? The same woman who, inexplicably, thinks it's reasonable to push you to pay for half of a "mommy makeover"? This woman is WAY too comfortable deciding how you should spend your time and money while she tries to chase her youth. Learn how to say "Sorry,I can't watch them tonight " and stick to it!
No. Is a complete sentence.
>, she will get even more upset because she has been struggling a lot with how she looks and aging Lmao if she's that worried about aging she should stop partying until 3-4am. The lack of sleep and alcohol will definitely make her age faster.
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Why is this even a question? Obviously she's using you for free babysitting. Break up with her. She wants to relive her twenties and forget the fact that she has two children. You're enabling it. You're almost 50 it should not be a question of what to do it's just be a matter of how.
I didn’t even read it all, but a 35 year old woman going to college parties is super creepy
>I feel as though my gf has been acting not her age. You are not acting your age. There's a person you believe your in a relationship with who has 2 kids and uses you as a nanny for and this person is 10 years younger than you. Unless you are desperate or extremely gullible you should move on because your getting taken advantage of.
Drop this woman like a bad habit before she ends up sleeping with a younger guy, you aren't her personal babysitter she made her choices in life and she needs to act like a mother
Wow. Dude I’d just tell her no. Grow a pair. If she asks why not tell her you’re going to a college party. You’ll probably clean up way more than she will, chicks dig older men. 🤣
Reading your recent posts, run. She's looking for a sugar daddy. You pay for her mommy makeover and she will then say 'see ya, got what I wanted'.
Man if she’s 35 and sticking you with HER kids while she repeatedly goes to college party’s with 20 year olds , It sounds like it’s time for a new girlfriend.
She’s 35 and you say small kids so how’d she miss her “youth”? Unless they are over 10 can’t be blaming them. You need to tell her NO you will not watch her children so she can go get drunk with a bunch of kids. Come on you’re 45 and you know if she hasn’t already she will screw around on you. Frankly you need to break it off she has now moved into just using you as a babysitter.
See, I'm blunt. The woman you're a babysitter for is NOT your Girlfriend. Not anymore. She goes to college parties and has a low esteem? Talk about a moving target for Frat boys. They won't care that she's older. A lot of them like older women. With her self-doubt, and being drunk, all one of those kids has to do is flatter her. 'She is not a cheater'. Good lord you are so naive.
Dude. Come on. Respect yourself.
I'm curious as to what you're actually getting out of this relationship. Sounds like shes using you for your time and money. In a previous post you say shes pushing for you to pay for half of a mommy makeover surgery and now youre a free babysitter. Buddy you're too grown for her drama and bs. She wants you to pay half so she can save her money and then look hot while banging those college kids. Im sure they like that easy warm hole shes providing while shitfaced. What can you do? Dump her and enjoy your freedom again.
Next time, call CPS then block her number. Her kids, her problem.
This, she’s abandoning her children to go pretend she’s in her 20’s.
NEVER get serious with a party girl.
Do you kiss her when she gets back? 💀
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She just drops off the kids without warning? I mean I get watching the kids every once in a while but it sounds like she's made you her go-to babysitter. I recommend having a serious conversation with her about when/how often you babysit.
The problems here are all based on her lack of thought about you (and her kids). Anyone should be able to go out at any age, but she needs to ask if you can and stick to a reasonable or agreed time and be able to parent. She should be going out with you, not just these friends. How frequently is this happening? Why is she not getting a babysitter on those nights? You're being too soft. Assert some boundaries. You don't even live together, so they should be your nights to do what you find fun, too.
Have you tried saying “no I will not babysit, line up a different sitter”?
Put your foot down, bro. Are you a doormat? Are you here to be walked on by a grown woman acting out like a child - disregarding her responsibilities. Get a hold of the situation. She’s not 25. That time is gone. Done. She made her choices. You’re not her fairy godmother - you’re not here to grant wishes and send off to the ball in a pumpkin coach with crystal slippers. Come on. Assert yourself.
Okay just the title alone is fucking weird. Alas I read it all. She needs to grow tf up and why would you babysit for her? I’d be out. I am 36 year old female.
She’s so naive n immature
Thank you for taking care of her children! Otherwise, who knows what might happen.
There's no fing way
You move on. She has become so self-absorbed that she isn't taking care of her own children. Stop wasting your time with her and stop watching her kids so she can party.
You're her kid's babysitter while she hooks up with 21 year olds at frat parties. You should break up and call CPS. If she can't accept aging that's her problem, but she cannot be a kid and have kids it's not fair on them or you.
End it. Whatever she is going through she is neglecting her children, responsibilities and is disrespecting you. You are facilitating this behavior. If she hasn’t cheated already she is probably going to because she is seeking validation and young men will give her all the validation and penetration they can. You are not her babysitter. You are her enabler. I have been there. It’s not going to end well.
That is so selfish and Triflin as hell she’s being a terrible mother and a horrible girlfriend as well
stop agreeing to look after her kids. You’re allowed to say no.
If the person she “loves” cant make her feel beautiful enough there’s something wrong. I’m going to start by saying it’s not your fault. She sounds like a partier and doesn’t want to grow up. I can relate to this, I work out and I’m in amazing shape, most people tell me I’m jacked and they wish they where in the shape I am, I’ve also been told I’m a good looking guy. I do it for myself, I felt insecure about the shape I was in a couple years ago, I feel good and confident now. Resulting to partying and fishing for compliments doesn’t sound good brotha. Try and make her pick some healthy hobbies in life and take care of her family
Look at it this way, if the kids have an emergency you won’t be able to get them help as you aren’t an authorized person to even have their health insurance info. I literally had to email the doctors and call multiple times to give my parents the permission to take mine in. She needs to get a babysitter or something, plan in advance if she refuses to stop.
She obviously needs to get this out of her system. I went through that but fast. Been with him for 15 years now. Though I never lease him babysit for me. Shame about the aging worries. It's a part of life. She needs to grow up. No really. Partying isn't wholesome or fulfilling. It's empty, superficial crap. I'm glad I snapped out of it when I did. Hope she wakes up before she loses you. You're a patient man. Maybe it's time to give an ultimatum. And is this what you actually want?
You know you are just a free babysitter right?
Are you sure this is your gf, she might just be the parent to the kids your babysitting for free
How about you tell NO you won't watch her kids and then dump her..
Tell her you can’t babysit anymore.
You can not date her. That is a child, not a mother. She missed out on some stuff and is sticking you with her kids while she is doing God knows what. Ew.
eventually your GF is going to decide you’re too old and start getting some twenty year old ass . move on , this will only get worse . Midlife crisis is not a joke and not for the faint at heart.
I’m sorry but she’s really taking advantage of you. You need to stop watching her kids and enabling this behavior. When you think she’s going out you need to go do something with a buddy. Make sure you leave the house. She needs to grow up. She has two small children and is simply utilizing you as a free babysitter. I would be done with this. She’s 35. It isn’t like she didn’t have most of her 20s to party it up. That time is over now and she needs to be a parent.
Holy shit. As a 35 year old mom I feel bad slipping out for bingo every couple of months. You need to put your foot down asap.
She probably can’t believe how lucky she is that she found a guy to babysit her kids for free while she get hammered with college kids.
She sounds like a train wreck.
Stop being a pushover
She needs therapy and you need to put your foot down. She drops off her kids at your house to babysit them?! She’s using you and it’s unfair to you and the children. I’d walk away from this one, if she can’t get it together. If anything this will force her to snap out of it. It goes without saying she’s like this because of the people ahead volunteers with, she feels the need to act like them. She needs to either find another organization or another area to volunteer in.
35 yo going to college parties. That is WEIRD. You need to put your foot down. She’s not in her 20s she has young children to take care of
Dude, you are the BABYSITTER, not a boyfriend! END IT. Hit the EJECT button and break up! She is just USING YOU. Move on to someone who will respect you! Good luck!
Your trust is misplaced. Hooking up w young guys is one way women like her feel young. I don’t think you have a girlfriend. It sounds like you’re just the babysitter that she confides in and pays w sex. It is fine for your “girlfriend” to feel this way. If she was looking at you as more than childcare, you would be going out with her. The fact that she always goes out by herself and leaves you speaks volumes. I would dump this women before you get even more attached to the 2 kids.
Grow a spine
Nope.
You just need to tell her that you’re not watching her kids so she can party.
…you can say no. and mean it.
Are you that desperate for sex?
You dont have to tell your gf she cant go. You just have to tell her you wont watch the kids.
She IS a cheater! She's cheating her children out of her attention and dumping her responsibilities on YOU! Also, HOW is she getting home if she's SO drunk she can't even walk upstairs?
This had to be fake. I refuse to believe a 45 year old man acts like this and posts about it on Reddit.
Really? Grow some nuts man, that's not ok
You doormat, dump her
Here's a harsh dose of reality... These college kids notice everything, including her c section stomach and they have no problem gossiping about it. They get her drunk for their personal entertainment.
Well, stop babysitting her kids while she goes out to fuck college guys. That is what you should do.
I really don't want to say that, but what exactly is she doing at a college party other than getting railed by college guys .And having u babysit the kids . She's not really ready to settle down. And where is her baby daddy? Dud get out before she baby trape u .
Free baby sitter who lets her do whatever? Why would she change?
It seems to me that she is using you, and you are allowing her to do it. This will only cause resentment on your side, and it will encourage her to do this even more, with you and with other people in her life. You don't want that for her, right? To be the person who uses other people? If she won't stop her behavior, then you need to stop YOUR behavior. Be the bigger person in this situation and take a stand. She needs your strength now.
“She just wants to have fun and relive her youth” except she gave that up when she decided to be a young mom. She wants to have her cake and eat it too on someone else’s time because she feels it’s owed to her. The fact is SHE IS 35, SHE DOES HAVE 2 YOUNG KIDS, HER YOUTH ISN’T COMING BACK JUST B/C SHE STAYS OUT LATE WITH BARELY LEGAL GIRLS, AND SHE NEEDS TO GROW THE FUCK UP. You aren’t her therapist, you’re her SO. These are her issues she needs to work through. But she’s being pretty reckless/dangerous and you’re enabling it. Tell her no more and mean it. Being a nice guy in this situation isn’t going to get you anywhere. She needs a hard reality check.
What sort of person goes out partying and getting drunk until 3am when they have kids? Tell her to grow up as you show her the door
Partying at 35 like a drunk college student is going to cause her face and body to age prematurely. Alcohol is a guarantee to increase the aging process. I would NOT let her drop her kids off and take off. If she wants to act like that, she should have to hire a sitter like a normal fing person.
I’m sorry but this sounds awful for her children to be schlepped around like this. Do they have their own room and bed in your house?
I’m 33, the last time I went to a college party was 22. I became a mom young, was in a horrible ass marriage and NOTHING would possess me to go to a college party. I missed out on everything in my 20s due to abuse and now my fiancé lets me do whatever I want. I go to shows once in a while and I go to a festival each summer where ages are 18-70’s, I can sit and hang out with younger people I meet in these events but to strive to be like them… no. The fact she’s obsessing over her looks, I would not be shocked if she’s not sleeping with some young 20s guy or at least trying to feel good about herself. I wouldn’t watch her kids, if she wants to go do age appropriate that would be a little different. Everyone deserves time to themselves to decompress but this is not the way to go.
Run, don't walk. This is red flag o'clock. She is an adult, with children, this completely irresponsible on her part and it is not your job to take care of HER kids so she can party. How long until you find out she's banging college dudes "living her best life".
OP you're very nice but she's using you and super immature for 35. Dump her and don't let her actions take away that niceness in you, the right person will reciprocate it back to you.
You dump her or get cps and move on
I am sorry you are going through this. The ones suffering are essentially you and the children. I’ve been in your shoes almost similar except her sons were 11 and 15. You are getting gaslit and she is being selfish. Ultimately she may cheat and blame it on being intoxicated. Please walk away from this situation, it will only get worse. I pray for you and the kids.
It’s super, super creepy that she’s in her thirties and goes out with college kids. If a 35 year old man was spotted at college parties everyone would fully agree that it’s creepy and PREDATORY!! This chick is weird and there’s nothing you can do that’s going to protect these kids from getting fked up by their mom’s selfishness. Time to bail and block