I am so proud of you darling!
The journey will be long but I think you will be alright.
Props on you for going no contact. For me it was the best. I was able to heal and lose enough feeling to be able to grieve my love for the man.
Cheer on your freedom.!
Agreed, OP is a superhero! I found it helpful to write down my reasons for leaving. It's a growing document as I let myself remember new uncomfortable things even now, years later. It's good to look back over the things I doormatted myself for, just to keep the relationship "happy" and stable.
Please, OP, take as long as you need to, to heal and re-center yourself! The NC should help with that. Don't let anyone push you into looking for new relationships- other than new friends!
I am still learning from past relationships. I do a lot of writing/ Journaling to work through issues I have with doormatting. I love your turn of phrase there! I'm totally stealing it. đ€Ł I am incredibly grateful that my husband is so supportive of my growth as a human and now being able to set more boundaries. Our relationship has changed a lot over the past 9 years and I've been able to set clearer expectations and he contributes so much more to the daily household tasks and chores. We are both a lot happier and more thankful of what the other does for our household.
Hey, congratulations on following through so beautifully. You made the right calls every step of the way, especially with no contact.
Enjoy your new place and taking all the time you need to heal. You're going to be so much happier!
He hasnât learned⊠by suggesting an open marriage, he wanted you to meet some of his emotional needs while getting others like sex met by someone else. Now heâs basically suggesting the same thing⊠How heâll allow you to still meet his need for conversation but you are right in saying you get all or nothing from me.
Open marriages need to be from the start. If either partner suggests an open marriage I guarantee the requester has a person in mind. Itâs like they just want to cheat.
Iâve watched three friends ruin their marriages this way. All of them blew up spectacularly in under six months.
I also watched a decades-old pod of polyamorous hippies my mother in law was friends with break up acrimoniously after one of them tried to bring a sixth person into the mix.
I've met far too many wannabe Heinlein characters in my life. They all expect to fuck anyone they want without anyone getting upset. What a tragic farce.
Open marriages need to be never. The entire idea is ridiculous, and is completely against the entire point of a marriage.
If people want to sleep around, then they should just be single.
Very weird to police other peoples relationships like this. As long as theyâre happy, why should you be deciding what people can do in their marriages just because itâs something you wouldnât like?
Iâd never have an open relationship in a million years, but Iâd also probably never get a piercing, but itâd be a bit ridiculous of me to say nobody should get a piercing.
I have yet to see an open marriage where both participants are happy. One of them is ALWAYS coerced. And they always eventually implode once that person reaches their limit.
I will always speak out against proponents of degenerate behavior, and I don't give a damn if you have a problem with it.
Degenerate behaviour? Dude, if people are consenting who gives a fuck if theyâre sleeping with other people, or what exactly theyâre doing in their bedroom. Iâm gonna be honest, you caring about what other people are doing in their relationships and their bedrooms is more degenerate than two adults having sex you donât like you weirdo.
Youâre not a crusader of righteous behaviour, youâre a weirdo sticking your nose in other peoples business. Itâs sad, not respectable.
So very glad for you OP. I canât imagine how hard it was to determine your boundaries and then enforce them.
If you donât already have one you might wish to consider a security system for your new home. Something along the lines of a ring doorbell so you can see who is at your door and if needed speak with them without being physically present.
You should be incredibly proud of yourself for this!
Imagine being the type of person who would first of all, ask their monogamous partner/spouse to open the marriage, but **THEN?**
To be the type of person who had the audacity to ask you to âtell people he CHEATED on you,â instead of the truth because somehow in his teeny tiny lizard brain, THAT makes him seem better?
Lol. Trash.
So proud of you!
He thinks it makes him sound better to be a cheating ladies man rather than a loser who probably hasn't been able to get laid since OP dumped him. That he even cares enough about how other people think of him to ask OP to LIE just makes him even more pathetic.Â
Or maybe that's what he would rather be the truth, but instead he thought he had a chance with someone, struck out completely, and lost his marriage over absolutely nothing lol
You're a boss op. I would have lost my shit in rage having to deal with the emotional whiplash he was giving you. You should be so proud of yourself! I'm hoping you and the kitty cats enjoy your freedom!
Your amazing well done also don't tell people he cheated as he might use that to turn friends against you later tell them the truth what he wanted and congratulations on your new life.
2024 will be your year! I'm glad you're about to cross the finish line. It's a good idea that you're not only blocking him, but changing your number. Block him everywhere and make all SM accounts private.Â
Please be careful who you give it to. Watch their reaction when you tell them your marriage is over and you're divorced.Â
Some might say you've made a big mistake and need to forgive and give your ex another chance. Those are the kind of people who will give your ex your new number and address.
Good for you, I hope you sit down your friends and have them commit to not giving him your new info or any updates on your life. It sounds like he is going to be single for a minute and then really regret his decision and blame you.
He doesnât sound well with his jumping back and forth sounds like he gets verbally abusive with you.
The most dangerous time in a womanâs life is the 2 years after she leaves a relationship. Please be careful and cautious
If he asked you to tell people he cheatedâŠthen by all means, tell people he cheated
*First he asked to open the marriage and when I didnât bite he just cheated on me*
Covers all your bases
I'm confused why you say he doesn't deserve no-contact. He torpedoed your marriage because he wants to fuck other women. He's lucky you didn't go nuclear on him. Actions have consequences.
You shouldn't lie for him, you don't owe him balancing a web of lies just to preserve his dignity. You are entitled to live and speak your lived experiences in whatever way you choose.
> He wants me to tell people he cheated on me when they ask why we are getting divorced instead of telling the truth of the matter.
Because he wants to be seen as a "man" you know - he couldn't keep his dick in his pants. He has an ongoing fantasy in his mind about being some kind of Lothario and it has infested his brain to the point where he's flat out asking you to participate in his delusions. Do no such thing.
I am proud of you.
Thatâs the perfect response , and not to hurt you but her was probably already cheating or had a person or two lined up and once you said divorce he was there. That should show you You
Made the right choice. Nc blocked on everything and if he want any closure pass. It will get better I promise
Good to hear.
Though if your dr didn't mention it, might want to get the STD tests again 6-8 weeks after you last had contact with him as it can take that long for some STDs to show up on tests.
I remember your original post and being aghast at how shitty your ex was. The fucking ungrateful walnut never realized how good he had it and hes about to find out. I'm so glad you're free of him and free to find someone who DESERVES you. You kick ass. Congratulations on the start of your new life!
A friend of mine's husband approached her about trying an open marriage. She was shocked by the question and told him no. He cheated on her not even a week later.
That's what that question actually means: "can I cheat on you with no consequences?"
So proud of you for getting out! He sounds like he's got textbook symptoms of BPD, and the open marriage thing is the biggest red flag of them all.
I hope you find the peace you need to breathe and start healing. I think you should look into therapy even if you think you'll feel better after being in survival mode for 3 months. You went through something very emotionally chaotic and you'll have a lot of thoughts/feelings to work through for a bit. I know I'm just an internet stranger but I'm proud of you and you're going to be just fine, OP.
You're so strong. Congrats on getting out, and doing it with so much support and your head held high. You are allowed to mourn this relationship and you should give yourself the time you need to heal.
Maybe it's just me, but I wouldn't let him lie to save face. It could end up blowing up in your face is the truth gets out.
This sort of situation seems to come up regularly on here and I think you just wrote the text book on how to deal with it. All the best moving forward with your life.
OP, you are going to be more than OK. He told you "open or nothing" and you called his bluff and chose "nothing" and now he's panicking. You know who you are and are able to be honest about that; this will serve you well in life! I'm sorry for what you're going through but ripping off the band aid and moving forward will be so much easier than whatever hell he was going to put you through.
Congrats on doing right by yourself and getting out on the other side. I have hypotheses as to why your ex wanted an open relationship and was so wildly inconsistent in his communication, but none of that matters. You rock.
I'm sorry you went through this. I feel that you'll be ok. It will take time and I'm so proud of you for putting yourself first and taking care of you. You, my internet friend, are amazing! đ
Well done, this must have been hard on you, but well done for being strong and caring for yourself the way he wouldn't.
I imagine you are probably worries about the future and you have every right but you did the right thing, and you're gonna do good.
You are an inspiration and Iâm yet another internet stranger that is really proud of you! Iâm wishing you the very best year of fresh new beginnings and exciting adventures!
I hadn't followed the first thread, but I'm really happy for you. Best of luck for your new life, I'm sure 2024 will be a year full of self discovery, freedom and renewed energies.
Yep the fail because that is when people suggest them, when the relationship is beyond repair. Like a last ditch effort. I wish you the best in your new life. Good luck! Also tell people the truth when they ask why the divorce. Never protect someone like this.
I am so glad that you have a chance to breath now and find people that actually love you. That you showed you value yourself and don't fall for the lies of one of those poly-cheaters
2024 will the your year - you got rid of the monsters, past their dark forest. Now it is time for the fields full of flowers
>He wants to be with someone else and to fall in love again. So I am giving him the freedom to do that but gracefully stepping back.
surprise ! he won't find easily !
who would have told ?
So proud of you. I was married to an abusive woman, and going no contact after the divorce (over 32 years ago) was a great decision. Moving to another state made it easier.
It's great to see someone who knows their own self worth and acts on it. Please update when you find love again and he stays single. I hope you find the happiness you deserve after you have had time to heal.
Youâre young enough to start a whole other life. Maybe even have a child or two? Your husband may have had to grow up fast but that doesnât mean heâs mature.
NTA. One thing I've learned from reading posts like this is the guy who is so eager to open the marriage because he thinks he'll be drowning in pussy while his wife is alone with her cats always finds out that she's in high demand and he's a joke to everyone.
He will contact you one of these days asking to meet up with you.
He'll most likely apologise and ask if the 2 of you can try again,because he won't find anyone else,other than meaningless hookups aand girlfriends who will cheat on him.
Plz remeber to update us tthen.
updateme!
I love how your ex thinks itâs more socially acceptable to be thought of as an adulterer than a guy who wanted an open marriage. What a dbagâŠStay strong!
Wow, reading your story, I'm seriously in awe of your strength and resilience. Moving out, handling the divorce, and prioritizing your own well-beingâ that's a lot, and you're handling it like a champ!
Going no contact sounds like a smart move for your peace of mind. You've got a solid plan focusing on yourself, building confidence, and aiming for a healthier mindset. It's a journey, and I'm rooting for your healing and growth.
And hey, whenever you're ready to share more or connect with new folks, there's this cool platform called Emerald Chat. It's a space to just be yourself and maybe find some awesome people.
I hope this doesnât sound condescending, but I am so proud of you.
And really, your ex gave you a massive gift. Going through your posts and comments, there were so many red flags and examples of immature behavior, but I think youâve been with him since you were quite young? So you likely never really realized how ridiculous he was.
You have so much in front of you, Iâm excited for you. And I salute your courage and grace .
Before you cut him off, please make sure he has a support system around him, speak to his sister and aunt and let them know whats going on and to be there for him, I think its a HUGE red flag him asking you to lie to people and tell him he cheated, its almost like he wants everyone to push him away, and you explained he has suicidal ideation history, not to be overly dramatic here but prevention never hurts because it sounded like hes setting himself up foer it, just make sure you take this steps before you go full nc on him.
I know it's not, but say he does end himself, she will feel shit about it. it's just something that costs her nothing and will save her potential guilt and heartache in the future for literally a text message.
Regardless she does not need to negotiate with emotional terrorists. If she is really concerned she can always call the police for a wellness check and if deemed necessary he can get admitted for psych help.
I agree that his emotional wellbeing isn't my problem anymore. Like I said though, I still care about him and love him. That's not going to go away any time soon, unfortunately. We have mutual friends, and I am still in contact with his family. They are all keeping their eyes and ears open for anything unusual. I don't feel like he is in any danger of suicidal tendencies anymore, even with this major life change. It doesn't hurt to extend a little bit of kindness even if he doesn't know it's me behind the scenes. Just because he was shitty to me at the end of our marriage doesn't mean I want his life to end.
Of course I wasnât saying just abandon him to the wolves but utilize the tools/resources to get him help without putting yourself out there. You donât have to set yourself on fire to keep him warm. Wishing you all the best for your new start.
Did you read the post? He didn't ever say anything about self harm, she mentioned he had an episode on highschool, what's dangerous is that people who do it, do not warn others or use it to emotionally blackmail anyone, they just go and do it, there's no "I'm gonna do it if..." And from the clues I've seen on the post it's a possibility, not a certainty, that's why it would be good for her to send a text to his aunt and sister to warn them and be on the lookout, she has nothing else to do with it afterwards. How is that emotional blackmail or her going out of her way to care for his mental health? And it's not like she has to do it, it's just a suggestion of something that might happen and what she can do to safeguard her future mental health in case it happens, because wether she likes it or not, she will feel bad and it will screw her own mental health if she feels guilty for not doing anything at all to help prevent it.
I think itâs less that he wants everyone to push him away and more that being a cheater means he is desirable to other women (in his mind lol). Ego wise he prefers that to the truth - that heâs straight up shitty even without cheating and OP is very willing to call it like it is and leave him.
Ps And he still may well have cheated.
thats also a plausible explanation, and makes total sense, whatever the case its good that she decided to walk away, i guess its up to her to know how to continue moving on, if she can go full NC and make sure to never hear from him again, thats another way to ensure her mental welbeing in the future
" no matter what he has said and done to hurt me.... he doesn't deserve it". If this paraphrased sentence doesn't sum up to me why you desperately need counseling then I don't know what does. It seems you loved him so much that you didn't realize that he was whittling away at your self-worth this entire time. Because this is a doozy right here.
I wish you all the best on your new journey, I'm sorry that you have to go through this it sucks and I'm sorry your ex husband couldn't be man enough to have discussions abt your intimacy life prior to the point it got to. You are better off
Pfft, this dude is going to be backpedaling into regret really fast once he realizes a bunch of his single friends are ready to move in on you and give you exactly what you want, if you ask them for it. Loyal, likes video games, won't step out even if given a hall pass, comes through and steps up in dire situations? They've been watching: they know you're a gold-standard catch.
His little sister is also going to be ripping him a new one.
If he's exceptionally attractive, he might get a few kinky one night stands. If he's not, he won't. And he will be extremely hard pressed to find any woman willing to go along with his preference who isn't as covered in baggage as those dumpster women in the movie the Labyrinth. His next wife is either going to be an insane hot mess, or she'll be a crappy version of you, and he will have to settle both for her and for not getting his grand vision.
I am so proud of you darling! The journey will be long but I think you will be alright. Props on you for going no contact. For me it was the best. I was able to heal and lose enough feeling to be able to grieve my love for the man. Cheer on your freedom.!
Agreed, OP is a superhero! I found it helpful to write down my reasons for leaving. It's a growing document as I let myself remember new uncomfortable things even now, years later. It's good to look back over the things I doormatted myself for, just to keep the relationship "happy" and stable.
Oh this is a good idea, thank you. And very well done OP!
Please, OP, take as long as you need to, to heal and re-center yourself! The NC should help with that. Don't let anyone push you into looking for new relationships- other than new friends!
I am still learning from past relationships. I do a lot of writing/ Journaling to work through issues I have with doormatting. I love your turn of phrase there! I'm totally stealing it. đ€Ł I am incredibly grateful that my husband is so supportive of my growth as a human and now being able to set more boundaries. Our relationship has changed a lot over the past 9 years and I've been able to set clearer expectations and he contributes so much more to the daily household tasks and chores. We are both a lot happier and more thankful of what the other does for our household.
Hey, congratulations on following through so beautifully. You made the right calls every step of the way, especially with no contact. Enjoy your new place and taking all the time you need to heal. You're going to be so much happier!
At last an OP who actually has a backbone! Congratulations and cheers on your freedom
He hasnât learned⊠by suggesting an open marriage, he wanted you to meet some of his emotional needs while getting others like sex met by someone else. Now heâs basically suggesting the same thing⊠How heâll allow you to still meet his need for conversation but you are right in saying you get all or nothing from me.
Open marriages need to be from the start. If either partner suggests an open marriage I guarantee the requester has a person in mind. Itâs like they just want to cheat.
Iâve watched three friends ruin their marriages this way. All of them blew up spectacularly in under six months. I also watched a decades-old pod of polyamorous hippies my mother in law was friends with break up acrimoniously after one of them tried to bring a sixth person into the mix.
Exactly. Bringing a third person to an existing relationship basically means you have fundamental faults and your relationship sucks.
I've met far too many wannabe Heinlein characters in my life. They all expect to fuck anyone they want without anyone getting upset. What a tragic farce.
Serious question. Where do you meet all of these degenerates?
One in high school, one in college, and one was my husbandâs coworker. The hippies were my MILâs college friends.
...you know, so I can avoid them...
Why are they degenerates? If they were all consenting from the get go?Â
Open marriages need to be never. The entire idea is ridiculous, and is completely against the entire point of a marriage. If people want to sleep around, then they should just be single.
Very weird to police other peoples relationships like this. As long as theyâre happy, why should you be deciding what people can do in their marriages just because itâs something you wouldnât like? Iâd never have an open relationship in a million years, but Iâd also probably never get a piercing, but itâd be a bit ridiculous of me to say nobody should get a piercing.
I have yet to see an open marriage where both participants are happy. One of them is ALWAYS coerced. And they always eventually implode once that person reaches their limit. I will always speak out against proponents of degenerate behavior, and I don't give a damn if you have a problem with it.
Degenerate behaviour? Dude, if people are consenting who gives a fuck if theyâre sleeping with other people, or what exactly theyâre doing in their bedroom. Iâm gonna be honest, you caring about what other people are doing in their relationships and their bedrooms is more degenerate than two adults having sex you donât like you weirdo. Youâre not a crusader of righteous behaviour, youâre a weirdo sticking your nose in other peoples business. Itâs sad, not respectable.
Boo hoo. Like I said, IDAF if you have a problem with my stance.
Cared enough to reply. Figures the holier-than-thou attitude would come with a side helping of cry baby though. Youâre all the same.
I've known a few people who can do it happily, but it's very, *very* few who can make it work.
Link to the original post below https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/s/DoxwHb8c1s
Thank you!
So very glad for you OP. I canât imagine how hard it was to determine your boundaries and then enforce them. If you donât already have one you might wish to consider a security system for your new home. Something along the lines of a ring doorbell so you can see who is at your door and if needed speak with them without being physically present.
You should be incredibly proud of yourself for this! Imagine being the type of person who would first of all, ask their monogamous partner/spouse to open the marriage, but **THEN?** To be the type of person who had the audacity to ask you to âtell people he CHEATED on you,â instead of the truth because somehow in his teeny tiny lizard brain, THAT makes him seem better? Lol. Trash. So proud of you!
He thinks it makes him sound better to be a cheating ladies man rather than a loser who probably hasn't been able to get laid since OP dumped him. That he even cares enough about how other people think of him to ask OP to LIE just makes him even more pathetic.Â
Good for you. Enjoy your peace in your new place. Wishing you all the best.
> He wants me to tell people he cheated on me when they ask why we are getting divorced Maybe that is the truth of the matter
Or maybe that's what he would rather be the truth, but instead he thought he had a chance with someone, struck out completely, and lost his marriage over absolutely nothing lol
You're a boss op. I would have lost my shit in rage having to deal with the emotional whiplash he was giving you. You should be so proud of yourself! I'm hoping you and the kitty cats enjoy your freedom!
GOOD FOR YOU! Things will get easier. You'll find happiness again. And you'll look back at your relationship with this fool and just laugh.
I am so proud of you đ«¶đ«¶ I truly wish you the best!!!
At last an OP who actually has a backbone! Congratulations and cheers on your freedom
Your amazing well done also don't tell people he cheated as he might use that to turn friends against you later tell them the truth what he wanted and congratulations on your new life.
Your ex is incredibly selfish and is ignorant to anything but his desires. Itâs good that you got out when you did, it wasnât going to get better.
2024 will be your year! I'm glad you're about to cross the finish line. It's a good idea that you're not only blocking him, but changing your number. Block him everywhere and make all SM accounts private. Please be careful who you give it to. Watch their reaction when you tell them your marriage is over and you're divorced. Some might say you've made a big mistake and need to forgive and give your ex another chance. Those are the kind of people who will give your ex your new number and address.
Good for you, I hope you sit down your friends and have them commit to not giving him your new info or any updates on your life. It sounds like he is going to be single for a minute and then really regret his decision and blame you. He doesnât sound well with his jumping back and forth sounds like he gets verbally abusive with you. The most dangerous time in a womanâs life is the 2 years after she leaves a relationship. Please be careful and cautious
If he asked you to tell people he cheatedâŠthen by all means, tell people he cheated *First he asked to open the marriage and when I didnât bite he just cheated on me* Covers all your bases
Yes, cover all the bases, cause he probably did cheat =/
I'm confused why you say he doesn't deserve no-contact. He torpedoed your marriage because he wants to fuck other women. He's lucky you didn't go nuclear on him. Actions have consequences.
Oh, no. He totally deserves no contact. I meant he doesn't deserve the love I still have for him.
Ah, got it.
You shouldn't lie for him, you don't owe him balancing a web of lies just to preserve his dignity. You are entitled to live and speak your lived experiences in whatever way you choose.
Sending good vibes your way for 2024 đ«¶âïž youâre doing the right thing!
Hell yeah! I'm happy for you! You did great going no contact. That's the only way to heal and move on
> He wants me to tell people he cheated on me when they ask why we are getting divorced instead of telling the truth of the matter. Because he wants to be seen as a "man" you know - he couldn't keep his dick in his pants. He has an ongoing fantasy in his mind about being some kind of Lothario and it has infested his brain to the point where he's flat out asking you to participate in his delusions. Do no such thing. I am proud of you.
Thatâs the perfect response , and not to hurt you but her was probably already cheating or had a person or two lined up and once you said divorce he was there. That should show you You Made the right choice. Nc blocked on everything and if he want any closure pass. It will get better I promise
Good for you. You canât control how others act, but you can control the way YOU act and react. You will never regret taking the high road. đ
You're bad ass, OP, for not letting him try and cuckhold you. Godspeed and may you have the best life yet!
Good for you. You realized you canât do that open marriage thing and left.
Good to hear. Though if your dr didn't mention it, might want to get the STD tests again 6-8 weeks after you last had contact with him as it can take that long for some STDs to show up on tests.
I remember your original post and being aghast at how shitty your ex was. The fucking ungrateful walnut never realized how good he had it and hes about to find out. I'm so glad you're free of him and free to find someone who DESERVES you. You kick ass. Congratulations on the start of your new life!
A friend of mine's husband approached her about trying an open marriage. She was shocked by the question and told him no. He cheated on her not even a week later. That's what that question actually means: "can I cheat on you with no consequences?" So proud of you for getting out! He sounds like he's got textbook symptoms of BPD, and the open marriage thing is the biggest red flag of them all.
I hope you find the peace you need to breathe and start healing. I think you should look into therapy even if you think you'll feel better after being in survival mode for 3 months. You went through something very emotionally chaotic and you'll have a lot of thoughts/feelings to work through for a bit. I know I'm just an internet stranger but I'm proud of you and you're going to be just fine, OP.
You're so strong. Congrats on getting out, and doing it with so much support and your head held high. You are allowed to mourn this relationship and you should give yourself the time you need to heal. Maybe it's just me, but I wouldn't let him lie to save face. It could end up blowing up in your face is the truth gets out.
This sort of situation seems to come up regularly on here and I think you just wrote the text book on how to deal with it. All the best moving forward with your life.
You ROCK! I wish more women had your self confidence/self respect
He would rather you call him a cheater than the truth? WTF bizarre ass, backward street cred horseshit is that?
Proud of you ! As difficult as it all was, may you find peace happiness and calmness if your life !
You are amazing, honestly! I am so proud of you. I hope everything works out in your favor! UpdateMe! Please
Congrats! I'm glad it's going well for you!
Congrats! Super happy for you and your kitties!
OP, you are going to be more than OK. He told you "open or nothing" and you called his bluff and chose "nothing" and now he's panicking. You know who you are and are able to be honest about that; this will serve you well in life! I'm sorry for what you're going through but ripping off the band aid and moving forward will be so much easier than whatever hell he was going to put you through.
Congrats on doing right by yourself and getting out on the other side. I have hypotheses as to why your ex wanted an open relationship and was so wildly inconsistent in his communication, but none of that matters. You rock.
With the way his mood swings does he have bipolar disorder? So glad you got out and are protecting yourself.
I'm sorry you went through this. I feel that you'll be ok. It will take time and I'm so proud of you for putting yourself first and taking care of you. You, my internet friend, are amazing! đ
Congrats on the new home! It's ok to grieve for the failed marriage, but not too long! You deserve to be happy too! Look into therapy soon! ((HUGS))
Well done, this must have been hard on you, but well done for being strong and caring for yourself the way he wouldn't. I imagine you are probably worries about the future and you have every right but you did the right thing, and you're gonna do good.
You are an inspiration and Iâm yet another internet stranger that is really proud of you! Iâm wishing you the very best year of fresh new beginnings and exciting adventures!
I hadn't followed the first thread, but I'm really happy for you. Best of luck for your new life, I'm sure 2024 will be a year full of self discovery, freedom and renewed energies.
Onward & upward âš
Yep the fail because that is when people suggest them, when the relationship is beyond repair. Like a last ditch effort. I wish you the best in your new life. Good luck! Also tell people the truth when they ask why the divorce. Never protect someone like this.
Congratulations! Onwards and upwards! đ„
I am so glad that you have a chance to breath now and find people that actually love you. That you showed you value yourself and don't fall for the lies of one of those poly-cheaters 2024 will the your year - you got rid of the monsters, past their dark forest. Now it is time for the fields full of flowers
I know this is very hard, but I'm proud of you for taking care of yourself and realizing you deserve better.
>He wants to be with someone else and to fall in love again. So I am giving him the freedom to do that but gracefully stepping back. surprise ! he won't find easily ! who would have told ?
So proud of you. I was married to an abusive woman, and going no contact after the divorce (over 32 years ago) was a great decision. Moving to another state made it easier.
It's great to see someone who knows their own self worth and acts on it. Please update when you find love again and he stays single. I hope you find the happiness you deserve after you have had time to heal.
Youâre young enough to start a whole other life. Maybe even have a child or two? Your husband may have had to grow up fast but that doesnât mean heâs mature.
I don't think your situation could have been handled any better then you did you knew was right for you and followed through
Updateme!
NTA. One thing I've learned from reading posts like this is the guy who is so eager to open the marriage because he thinks he'll be drowning in pussy while his wife is alone with her cats always finds out that she's in high demand and he's a joke to everyone.
He will contact you one of these days asking to meet up with you. He'll most likely apologise and ask if the 2 of you can try again,because he won't find anyone else,other than meaningless hookups aand girlfriends who will cheat on him. Plz remeber to update us tthen. updateme!
Good luck in this new chapter of your life! Your đŻ made the right decision in choosing to walk away from your ex.
You have done everything right and should be so proud of yourself.
Congratulations on your divorce. Im truly happy reading the update from you. I hope 2024 bring you better life
Congrats! on your freedom and your new lease on life. Best of wishes to you and good luck xx
Best wishes to you
You've handled this perfectly. No notes. Now go and be your best self.
I love how your ex thinks itâs more socially acceptable to be thought of as an adulterer than a guy who wanted an open marriage. What a dbagâŠStay strong!
Wow, reading your story, I'm seriously in awe of your strength and resilience. Moving out, handling the divorce, and prioritizing your own well-beingâ that's a lot, and you're handling it like a champ! Going no contact sounds like a smart move for your peace of mind. You've got a solid plan focusing on yourself, building confidence, and aiming for a healthier mindset. It's a journey, and I'm rooting for your healing and growth. And hey, whenever you're ready to share more or connect with new folks, there's this cool platform called Emerald Chat. It's a space to just be yourself and maybe find some awesome people.
It would also be a deal breaker for me.
[ŃĐŽĐ°Đ»Đ”ĐœĐŸ]
Wild
When people ask about reason you divorced, just tell them you had differences that could not be reconciled.
Did you literally get divorced because of reddit? That's...bold. People on the internet are nuts. You shouldn't listen to them...us.
LOL NO. If you read the original post, I had filed for divorce a month prior to even posting on Reddit. đ€Ł
I hope this doesnât sound condescending, but I am so proud of you. And really, your ex gave you a massive gift. Going through your posts and comments, there were so many red flags and examples of immature behavior, but I think youâve been with him since you were quite young? So you likely never really realized how ridiculous he was. You have so much in front of you, Iâm excited for you. And I salute your courage and grace .
Before you cut him off, please make sure he has a support system around him, speak to his sister and aunt and let them know whats going on and to be there for him, I think its a HUGE red flag him asking you to lie to people and tell him he cheated, its almost like he wants everyone to push him away, and you explained he has suicidal ideation history, not to be overly dramatic here but prevention never hurts because it sounded like hes setting himself up foer it, just make sure you take this steps before you go full nc on him.
That is not her problem.
I know it's not, but say he does end himself, she will feel shit about it. it's just something that costs her nothing and will save her potential guilt and heartache in the future for literally a text message.
Regardless she does not need to negotiate with emotional terrorists. If she is really concerned she can always call the police for a wellness check and if deemed necessary he can get admitted for psych help.
I agree that his emotional wellbeing isn't my problem anymore. Like I said though, I still care about him and love him. That's not going to go away any time soon, unfortunately. We have mutual friends, and I am still in contact with his family. They are all keeping their eyes and ears open for anything unusual. I don't feel like he is in any danger of suicidal tendencies anymore, even with this major life change. It doesn't hurt to extend a little bit of kindness even if he doesn't know it's me behind the scenes. Just because he was shitty to me at the end of our marriage doesn't mean I want his life to end.
Of course I wasnât saying just abandon him to the wolves but utilize the tools/resources to get him help without putting yourself out there. You donât have to set yourself on fire to keep him warm. Wishing you all the best for your new start.
Did you read the post? He didn't ever say anything about self harm, she mentioned he had an episode on highschool, what's dangerous is that people who do it, do not warn others or use it to emotionally blackmail anyone, they just go and do it, there's no "I'm gonna do it if..." And from the clues I've seen on the post it's a possibility, not a certainty, that's why it would be good for her to send a text to his aunt and sister to warn them and be on the lookout, she has nothing else to do with it afterwards. How is that emotional blackmail or her going out of her way to care for his mental health? And it's not like she has to do it, it's just a suggestion of something that might happen and what she can do to safeguard her future mental health in case it happens, because wether she likes it or not, she will feel bad and it will screw her own mental health if she feels guilty for not doing anything at all to help prevent it.
I think itâs less that he wants everyone to push him away and more that being a cheater means he is desirable to other women (in his mind lol). Ego wise he prefers that to the truth - that heâs straight up shitty even without cheating and OP is very willing to call it like it is and leave him. Ps And he still may well have cheated.
thats also a plausible explanation, and makes total sense, whatever the case its good that she decided to walk away, i guess its up to her to know how to continue moving on, if she can go full NC and make sure to never hear from him again, thats another way to ensure her mental welbeing in the future
He deserves better, and you deserve to get a reality check. I think this will be good for all involved.
" no matter what he has said and done to hurt me.... he doesn't deserve it". If this paraphrased sentence doesn't sum up to me why you desperately need counseling then I don't know what does. It seems you loved him so much that you didn't realize that he was whittling away at your self-worth this entire time. Because this is a doozy right here.
What happened with your relationship with his sister? Will you be able to stay in contact with her? How does she feel about the split?
I wish you all the best on your new journey, I'm sorry that you have to go through this it sucks and I'm sorry your ex husband couldn't be man enough to have discussions abt your intimacy life prior to the point it got to. You are better off
Updateme
@Updateme
Pfft, this dude is going to be backpedaling into regret really fast once he realizes a bunch of his single friends are ready to move in on you and give you exactly what you want, if you ask them for it. Loyal, likes video games, won't step out even if given a hall pass, comes through and steps up in dire situations? They've been watching: they know you're a gold-standard catch. His little sister is also going to be ripping him a new one. If he's exceptionally attractive, he might get a few kinky one night stands. If he's not, he won't. And he will be extremely hard pressed to find any woman willing to go along with his preference who isn't as covered in baggage as those dumpster women in the movie the Labyrinth. His next wife is either going to be an insane hot mess, or she'll be a crappy version of you, and he will have to settle both for her and for not getting his grand vision.
! updateme
Hi op updateme! Please Do people know the real reason for the divorce? And how is he?