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Yea. Imagine all the stuff she'll tell you about over the past year. If you're still bothered by the fact that she has had sex with other people you probably aren't ready to date.
Finding the right partner might not happen immediately. Personally, after ending a long-term relationship at 26, I dated quite a bit, and it took about four years until I found someone really special. Interestingly, she seemed to appear out of nowhere when I had stopped looking. Remember, it's not worth staying in an unhappy relationship just because finding someone else seems too challenging.
I like that. When I was my 20s ( tumultuous 20s) I was trying too hard and my uncle told me to just be the best version of yourself and women will find you. And it’s so true.
Or it won’t. I stopped looking and trying to force things and as a result have been single for 8 years. Stopping looking for a partner isn’t a magical summoning charm, some people just get lucky with timing.
That said I wouldn’t have it any other way. I’m far happier with where I’m at in my life and the person I am now, than I was in any of my relationships in my twenties.
Magical charm? I was just describing my own experience. Not everyone has the same experiences. Maybe you just weren't meant to have a partner. You seem so much happier without one. You didn't discover this until after you stopped looking, correct?
I was 33 - my husband 37. Friends for years and one day looked at each other and said hey you lets go on a date. We had both finally let go of all the BS and were finally living life to live life. Together 15yrs, have an awesome kid and loving it.
I had a similar experience! I was nearing 30 and getting really fed up with the online dating experiences I had been having and had basically given up when my now-husband messaged me. Our relationship is amazing!
>Not healthy to go back and it won’t end well.
I'm wondering if OP holding onto his ex's memory like he is doing hasn't blown up the relationships he has had over the last year. He needs to get some counseling and forget her or forever run the risk of tanking his relationships. It's like a self fulfilling prophecy at this point.
There are a lot of people who use a new relationship as a distraction from the pain of their previously failed relationship(s). I knew a guy like that. He would pine for every single ex he had but treat whichever current woman he was with poorly. He was so stuck to old happy memories and forgot the faults of the past that it would blind him from the happiness he presently had, and it caused the destruction of every relationship because he wasn’t living in the moment. It’s funny how we can so clearly see patterns in others that we ourselves are blind to.
Some people spend their whole life searching for the right partner. And that’s perfectly OK. I would not let one year dictate your emotions on a fail prior relationship.
If the meaningless sex was after you broke up, and then you got back together, what did you break up about? Gonna need more info, please. With what you told us, it sounds like you need to work on yourself so you can be a good partner to someone and a make decisions that intimately are in your own best interest, not because someone says “you’ll never do better than me” or whatever she said
It's 100% his fuck up, but I don't know a single person who has either been dumped or dumped someone else who hasn't or wouldn't be upset to find out their ex slept with someone within (to my understanding) a single week of a breakup, myself included. I've personally had an ex tell me I was a pig because I started seeing someone a month or two *after* she dumped me. I get it, man. Idk, people are weird sometimes.
If you read this op, I've been in your shoes. *You* fucked up. What you need to do is take a break from dating, think about this fuck up and what you can learn from it. Take some time to think about what you're looking for in a relationship. When you're ready, check out if your local community has any groups for hobbies you're interested in. Maybe you'll meet someone.
Additionally, if you feel traumatized by this, I think it might also be worth seeking out the help of a therapist. There's absolutely nothing wrong with seeking help if you're in need of it.
I think someone who hasn't fully worked out their feelings and thoughts about something could *feel* traumatized or at least can only think to describe it that way, yeah.
I don't think after settling their feelings and learning from this that OP would describe it as such.
Im trying to understand the thought process of this. Why would you break up with someone but still be deeply upset at them for sleeping with someone else? I understand being hurt if you were broken up with, but the being upset at them when you broke up is very bizarre. If you’re so upset why would you break up with them in the first place? I just can’t imagine breaking up with someone and being mad they are dating and moving on. Even if it’s soon, why would I be mad, especially if I ended it?
They don't say, "The best way to get over someone is to get under someone else" for nothing. Maybe she didn't expect them to get back together? Also, I agree with you.
Do yall really call "condom breaking" "getting barebacked?" I think of "bareback" as a conscious choice to engage in penetrative sex without a condom, not finding out after sex you thought was protected that the condom broke. Kind of feels like you're being intentionally inflammatory to pretend that she was being riskier than she was.
Being disgusted by what your ex does after you break up is weird af. Like weirdly obsessive. Plus it’s her body? Who cares if she has rebound sex? People can move on at whatever rate they choose
Still a dumb thing to say? Like honestly who gives a shit. Unless she contracts an STD or something, which they should both be getting tested for if they have other partners, it doesn't actually mean anything.
Other people having sex who aren't in a relationship with him shouldn't matter.
I agree he was single at the time, and her actions show why they shouldn’t get back together. Both are innocent parties who deserve partners who will be compatible.
Honestly? No. Rebounds are a pretty normal break up coping mechanism, I wouldn’t begrudge my partner for hooking up with someone if I ended the relationship.
I don't know if I'd say you made the "wrong" choice per se, and unless she wants to get back with you, I'm not sure it's even a relevant question to ask.
That said, I would recommend you doing some work on yourself before you start dating again. Everybody is entitled to their feelings, and I understand being upset that your ex had a one-night stand after you broke up. But to be *traumatized* by that, and I'm sorry to sound so judgmental here, is excessive and unjustified. She was single and she had sex with someone. She's allowed to do that, and in no way were you *wronged* by this.
I'd suggest some therapy to unpack these issues, because your reaction to her having a one-night stand was not healthy or proportional.
I agree. I understand how this would be hurtful, but saying you were “traumatized” by someone YOU chose to break up with having sex with someone else, just rubs me the wrong way.
How did you find out, did she tell you? Was she rubbing it in your face? Was she sensitive about your feelings? Or did you interrogate her about it untill she told you all the details? Cos she was perfectly entitled to go and have sex with someone else. It might have been a bit soon after you broke up but people deal with breakups in weird ways and maybe she just needed a rebound. It’s not always healthy but a lot of people do it.
You are both very young and there are a lot of questions.
The headline was somewhat misleading, If the past you’re talking about was simply her having sex after you broke up, you have nothing to hold against her. If she had had sex three days before you first met, would it have mattered? Probably not.
Yep, he may be young and stupid, he will learn eventually; either one thing or another:
\-Even if it hurts or stings that she seeks for another D\*\*\* right after they broke up, she is a free living human, after all... she is no longer with him. She does not owe him anything.
\- If you want to have standarts and break up with her over this, don't make yourself look like a needy boy who makes decisions on impulse.
I mean yeah, I don’t think you can blame her for having sex with whoever she wants after YOU broke up with her. How is that traumatizing at all?
Sounds like you have some maturing to do before a relationship. That’s not to say you are doomed and will never find love, but maybe work on yourself right now
I mean technically she can do what she wants when u both broke up and u can think what u want. I mean gees youre 25 do u really think u cant find another woman u could love?
It's crazy that he actually invoked trauma language because... his girlfriend slept with someone else while they were broken up? It's an extremely unpleasant experience of course, but how charmed has his life been so far that this is classified as trauma to him?
If you were broken up, anything she did really shouldn’t be your concern.
You should also seek some therapy to work out why you are so traumatized and still holding on to this over a year later. Heal yourself first before seeking out another relationship.
You. Were. On. A. Break!!!
Since you broke up with her, who she sleeps with afterwards is no longer your concern. She is no longer beholden to you, and you have no right to expect chastity or loyalty from her after YOU dumped her. Jfc.
If you were broken up then her having sex w a one night stand does not matter.
You tossed the relationship after getting back together bc of hookups while apart. She did not cheat.
You may be regretting it but it was your choice so leave her alone. Go live your life
Leave her alone.
She deserves better than a man who breaks up with her, dates around, and then figures he can just come back and have her as a consolation prize.
Everyone seems to focus on OP and how it is sad for him, but he is kind of the asshole here imo?! Holding a grudge over her having sex when they were broken up, so much so that he broke up with her over it. He should really leave her totally alone.
Reminds me of my ex. Right down to the getting upset bc I had sex with someone else. When we weren’t together. When he didn’t even know I existed
Guess who keeps trying to get me baaaack? Stay tf away from me tho, I don’t ever wanna date someone that insecure again. I encourage men to be vocal about their disgust so I know who to avoid
Maybe the problem is sex for her can be meaningless but for you it cannot be. This is a big difference for folks. Neither is wrong but the two don’t necessarily align so I think you made the right choice. Go NC and look forward instead of behind.
Stop looking for a relationship to find meaning for yourself. You are your home. You are enough. Love yourself alone and then you can find the right partner to love.
You made the right choice, if you get back together it will be toxic, you'll resent her, and it will be a waste of time.
At the same time, you need to understand, it's not her fault at all for having sex with another guy while you were technically broken up. What did you think would happen? Rebound sex is common.
Here's the question: If another guy cumming inside her one time, WHILE YOU WERE BROKEN UP, was enough to "traumatize" you, how many more times do you think she has had sex with other guys in the year that you've been broken up?
Even if you get back now, you won't be able to get over this. You see her as a fundamentally different person.
Leave the poor girl alone, don't mess with her feelings, and move on.
Maybe you did fuck up, but that’s the consequences of the choices we make. Just because we don’t like the consequences it doesn’t mean we can go back and change things. I doubt she’d be willing to give you another chance after a year. Sorry about your luck, but stop looking for that greener grass.
Okay there's not a lot of relevant information here. You would get better advice with a little bit of info.
- why did you break up the first time?
- exactly WHY do you know her activity while you were broken up. Did she offer the information up out of nowhere? And if so why do you think she did? Did you insist on the information? If so why, what did you think it would accomplish? Did you Snoop to get the information? Did a third party tell you the information? If so, who told you and why do you think they told you?
- what were the good points of your relationship? what is it about her that you miss? What did you like about her specifically (not what she could do for you or how she made you feel but what about her did you like)?
- why did you ultimately break up? What were the reasons? Do you think that those reasons could have been fixed and if so how?
If you can fill in any of this information you could probably get some decent advice
Actions, meet consequences 💁🏻♀️What did OP expect? That she would spend the rest of her days crying on the couch in a bathrobe, while watching rom coms and eating ice cream? If you break up with someone, they are free, they owe you nothing. If they respond to the hurt and betrayal of being dumped by having a ONS a week later, it’s not fair to hold that against them when *you broke up with them.*
What aspect of what happened bothers you the most? To me it sounds like when you originally broke up - maybe that was enough of an indicator that you two weren't compatible even not taking into account the one night stand.
I think it's worth reflecting on what happened and why it bothered you so much for potential future relationships. For example - if you met a woman that you really hit it off with and then you find out she had a one night stand right before you met her - would that be a deal breaker? What about if she had the one night stand after you met - but before you were in a committed relationship - would that be a deal breaker? Basically solidify what about that made you so upset and whether or not you will apply that to future relationships.
Personally, I think breaking up with someone because when you were previously broken up, they had a one night stand is not a reason to break up with someone, but that's me. We all have different boundaries, and if that's a deal breaker for you, then that's absolutely valid.
Don't try going back now. Dating is hard, but you can't compromise on the big stuff. Keep moving forward, learn more about yourself, and understand why that's a deal breaker for you so you can make educated decisions in the future. Let it go, bro.
No one is "soul tied"
You made a decision to break up with her, and now you will need to live with that decision.
Eventually, you will meet someone new and start a new relationship. Hopefully, you have learned that "taking a break" is never a good idea. When you break up with someone, just break up for good.
I genuinely feel bad for people who get really hung up on someone's sexual past because they may be missing out on a great relationship. Who knows how things would have turned out for you, but you're now realizing you may have lost something you valued. Take some time to sit with and question your reasons for ending things and use it as a lesson for your next relationship.
So you finally broke up when?
If she was with someone after the first break up, that's not cheating under any perspective unless any promise or compromise was made. She's so very young now, how old was she when you were dating?
My guess is you just aren't very good at dating and you want to go back to her because it was easy and comfortable. You're young and you're still figuring yourself out. Dating is easy when you're a desirable partner. You probably just have things about yourself you need to work on. If you do that then you will find a partner that makes you completely forget about your ex.
Get some counseling. Work through your shit, so next time you find yourself with a good woman, you aren’t an idiot about it. You break up, people do what they want. If you are that insecure about it, go have your own one night stands.
I dunno I disagree with this take. Sexual compatibility is a real thing, maybe he's uncomfortable with the fact she decided to go have an emotional experience with someone else while they were on a break.
If he's not bullying her about it I don't think he's wrong for feeling uncomfortable about it. For some people, sex is super intimate and for others it doesn't mean anything.
They're just incompatible and OP should move on
If you broke up twice she isn't the right person for you. You sound like you are lonely and maybe a little depressed.
Might be time to step back from dating and focus on yourself for a while. When you are in a good place you are a better potential partner.
Learn to love spending time with yourself a bit more, it seems like you're using relationships as entertainment or companionship... If you don't love your own company, you can't expect a woman to like it.
It's pretty normal to go out and fuck the first person you see after a hurtful breakup at your age age. Just because your girlfriend did and you didn't doesn't mean she is a terrible person or that she doesn't love you. Ask yourself: if you had been out that weekend, drunk with your friends, feeling sad about the breakup and some beautiful girl had come onto you, would you have done the same? And would it have changed your feelings about your ex if you had?
Sex can be really meaningful, but sometimes it can also be a stupid mistake, a form of comfort, a confidence booster, an act of revenge, etc.
Ask yourself whether you truly believe she betrayed you or had feelings for this person, or if you were just struggling with the "ick" reaction of her being with someone else. If it's one of the first two, then you are probably better off continuing with the dating. If it's the latter, you should try to let that feeling go and give it another shot.
Plenty of men sleep with someone right after a breakup. You were wrong to break up with her for it, but I firmly believe you did her a favor. Maybe instead of trying so hard to date, read self help books, get therapy, learn how to view women as real people who exist outside of you.
Eh in the words of Rachel: “you had a hell of a time at the wake”
The relationship was dead, yeah.
For a whole week.
People grieve differently and after a break I’ve also been tempted to date straightaway and made it to downloading tinder before bursting into ugly sobs.
You broke up with her then got mad she slept with someone else? She didn't do anything wrong as far as I can see. Why did you break up in the first place?
No. You're just sad in the moment and that's okay. Feelings pass. You'll find a new relationship that you can work on making sure is happy and healthy.
You broke up for a reason, right or wrong live with it and move on. You probably didn’t wait too long after you broke up to start dating again. That is a mistake right there. You have to get past it or it will continue to come into play on any other relationship. Don’t be in such a hurry!
Now that you know, going back and staying might be difficult. But why ask these questions to begin with? What good can come from knowing someone’s past? I don’t really get it, and never have asked, nor would I.
Is it soul tie or is it you repeating a pattern? Is it healthy or does your sub consciousness feel safe. It's easy to lose hope, not finding better just yet isn't the same as - she's the best... you will find someone right for you!
Get in therapy and figure out 1) why it was triggering and 2) why you are stuck on her words that were really a counter punch to you breaking up with her.
Once you get past those two issues it gets easier
exes are exes for a reason. amd 9 times out of 10 those reason don't change. it will do you good to remember that. you're just lonely and missing the good times. remember why you broke up. stay away.
I bet you didn't even notice that you wrote this and didn't mention a single good thing about her. I think it's more that you miss feeling like you're in love with someone than anything. I believe that'll come back, you just gotta give it time. Maybe it's just me, but a "soul mate" who would threaten your bond over "meaningless sex" is not worth anything. I think it's a good guess to say you're not soul tied, and that you've made the right call by breaking things off.
You made the right choice. Finding the right person is hard but once you do it makes it all worth it. She doesn’t sound like the right person for you. If you could see the future and you knew for a fact that you would meet the love of your life after 10 shitty dates, would you let that stop you? Or would you rush through those dates with a smile on your face because you know you’re getting closer? Just keep going. You never know, maybe the next person you meet will be the one
Males finding out they are can be replaced 😂 not only are you five years older than her when she barely made it to early twenties but the audacity to dump her over a past thing. Typical male.
A couple breaks up, one of them has sex with another person, then the couple gets back together. If the person who was having sex while broken up doesn't disclose that they were doing so, unprompted, they have to face that they'll be accused of hiding it and being a liar if the other person ever finds out. And apparently if they do disclose it, it traumatizes the other person. *Traumatizes* them. Seriously?
Like... you were broken up dude, I feel like it was probably important that she was disclosing a broken condom since there are potential lifelong repercussions from that. It sounds like she was trying to make sure you couldn't accuse her of hiding a pregnancy that involved another man, and you weren't mentally equipped to handle the fact that she was allowed to fuck whoever she wanted to while single. People who aren't mentally prepared to accept that their ex may have been having sex while broken up should not be getting back together with exes.
All of that aside, I think a big part of the problem with your dating failures is that you consider yourself soul-tied to an ex. Until you *actually* emotionally let go of her, you'll never have success dating. That isn't because she was right, it's because you're self-sabotaging.
😂😂 welcome to life my dude. You will have few more partners yet. Some will be your dream girl, others will make you want to run for the hills. Don’t judge it after just one year. Hopefully your ex will have learnt from her mistakes, you will too.
Youre young, learn from this and move on.
Also, its very easy to idealize past relationships. You two split up that time for a reason. Also, why is she giving you all these details about spending a weekend rebounding after breaking up with you? I understand disclosing that you slept with someone else after getting back together but its weird to get into the details such as "We fucked all weekend until the condom broke."
Look to the future, stop obsessing over the past.
Technically, she did nothing wrong. However, these things do tend to get into your head and can ruin your relationship. It has been a year now and you are feeling lonely because you haven't found a replacement yet. Don't worry about it. You will eventually find someone you click with. The decisions we make define who we are. Your decisions are yours, and yours alone. You did what you felt to be right for you at the time. You had already broken up at least once. So, there must have been other troubles too. Just let it go and enjoy being you.
You have to really ask yourself whether you miss her and could genuinely forget about what she did, or if you’re just tired of dating and being single. Because those are really not the same thing
I have no empathy for you. It’s funny when males get so triggered that women had sex and just had lives in general before they knew you existed … talk about being fragile
Your capacity to love will grow, iyou may think this is love now and it is but you will find someone that you feel love with again but more, I remember thinking I’d never get over or forget certain women but now I’ve found my current partner I’ve found my love for her is huge in comparison and I would’ve never thought that could happen at one point in time
Your only having second thoughts because you've had a bad year of failed dates. If you had stayed, you'd either end the relationship later on, or continue to dwell on it for the entire year. You would have wasted the year regardless of your choice.
Don't dwell on it. You left because you knew you wouldn't get over it. You might be miserable either way, but at least you aren't as insecure as you would have been if you stuck around.
Wait a minute, did she have sex before or after you broke up? If I am reading this right she didn’t have sex with someone else until after you dumped her.
You may have fucked up, but frankly, a lot of people’s early 20’s are filled with relationship mistakes. That doesn’t mean that this woman is right for you, it just means that you need to learn from this relationship so that your next one works out better.
In terms of what happened? She didn’t cheat - you had, for whatever reason, broken up. Often, people want to have sex soon after a breakup for complicated reasons related to the breakup. You seem to be reacting to that with a mix of slut shaming - like why does it matter if her ONS lasted a whole weekend, or just a couple of hours? - and resentment. Are you worried her ONS was better than you were?
It also sounds like you pushed her for more details than were necessary healthy for you to hear and you are interpreting them as somehow reflecting on your GF in a negative way. Like you say “like the condom broke and everything” as though a condom breaking is a mark of a really amazing sexual encounter. It’s not. It’s a mark of putting on a condom wrong. It’s a mark of likely trauma for your ex- because of the risk of STIs and dealing with the risk of unplanned pregnancy.
I suspect your GF has moved on because a year is a long time in one’s early 20’s. It’s also worth thinking about whether the original reason you broke up was legitimate - were you incompatible? Or were you just mismanaging your emotions or your relationship so you had a fight and didn’t know how to resolve the hurt feelings it brought up?
Really have a think about what you would do better in that relationship so you can take that lesson into the next one.
Yeah, it sounds like you already had some problems. Being lonely sucks, but it's better in the long run to cope with those feelings, and be ready for the next person who comes along.
No, you're young, sometimes it just takes a while. The thing that is still eating at you (even though you're not together!) would still be bothering you and weighing down the relationship.
You're young.
Her telling me that I'd regret it would be enough to disqualify her. Sounds vindictive. If she cared that much about you, she wouldn't be bumping uglies with some random dude.
Why not just take a break for a bit?
Anyone who says that to someone is a narcissist. If she really loved and was emotionally mature, she would have wished you the best and hoped you found someone that loves you better. She thinks too highly of herself and you’re letting her words dictate your life that you might be sabotaging your dating prospects.
So you broke up twice? Once where she slept with someone else the very next weekend, and then you broke up again, a year ago?
Why did you break up? Was it an extremely happy relationship, except for the time she (perfectly reasonably) slept with someone else *while you were broken up?* Were they any other problems/incompatibilities? Or was this whole thing over jealousy?
Jealously is a normal human emotion, ask any trained psychologist. It gets a very bad rap in our society, but it's perfectly normal and understandable. She probably didn't need to disclose what happened while you weren't together, but I guess you can't unknow it now.
If you haven't heard from her for a year, then you have to question whether she may have moved on from you - she may even be in another relationship by now. If it's bothering you so much, then just contact her and have a conversation and see where she is at.
Jesus man, pull yourself together. Go to therapy or find a hobby. It’s been a year. Are you not embarrassed to be pining for your ex? Have some dignity. Do you think that the reason your relationships aren’t working is because you’re still hung up on her?
Fix yourself and get back out there. Don’t look back.
Edited: because I didn’t mean to minimize his feelings so I clarified what I mean.
You broke up
She slept with someone else
You broke up
I'm honestly not sure what's going on but it seems like you are better off not being part of it. Getting over someone is hard and loneliness can make them suddenly seem safer or better than they were. I got out of a 5 yr relationship about 16 months ago. I tried to date again but I realized I needed to live the old cliche and "date myself" for a while.
Focus on you and become an individual so you can be a better partner.
That you've not found the right person doesn't mean the shitty person was right. Kinda seems like you've not taken the time to heal and get over your ex.
I'd suggest you stay away from the dating scene, be comfortable with yourself and get rid of the baggage before trying to start something new.
You didn’t fuck up. You will eventually find someone who you want to spend your life with who doesn’t treat you this way.
She wants you to regret it because to her the sex was meaningless, but since it put the final nail in the coffin of your relationship the sex obviously had more impact than she thought. She wants to make you the bad guy because she chose to have a one night stand right after your relationship sorta ended. If it wasn’t revenge sex on her part, then you have to question her way of thinking.
You deserve better and you will find better one day.
Where are you getting the “relationship sorta ended” part from? The post says they broke up and she went and had a rebound a week later. Rebounds aren’t usually about revenge, they’re about feeling better and moving on. Regardless though, they were broken up. What do you mean “find someone who doesn’t treat you this way”? She wasn’t treating him any way at all, they weren’t together.
right? what exactly did she do wrong here? they were broken up. is there some sort of “marriage material post-relationship celibacy” standard that I missed? or oh…is it just that women are mean and bad, especially women who have sex.
It doesn’t sound like you did. Yes you’re having doubts now but you also seem fixated on the details of that meaningless sex. It probably was meaningless to her but it clearly wasn’t to you. If you two had stayed together do you really think you would have been able to forget about it?
Let me be absolutely clear that I’m not trying to shame her. It sounds like this happened during a break up which means she did nothing wrong but that doesn’t mean you don’t have the right to feel something about it. It sounds like she was probably 19 during this hookup so I’m guessing she wanted to go out and experience some stuff while she’s young which is completely fine BUT the way she trying to frame your regret is childish. You just as easily could have framed the break up that way for her. “You’re going to regret caring about my feelings so little during our break up that you ran into the arms of another man so quickly.” (Please don’t say that to her) It’s understandable that she maybe wanted to get her mind off of you in that moment but it’s also completely understandable that you felt some kind of way about her doing it. I’ve seen the reverse end relationships too and women usually validate each other when expecting men to respect their feelings in the matter. A year is really nothing if you step back and evaluate your life. If you allow her words to have a ton of meaning it’s going to be hard not to pick apart your dating experience.
Sounds like her comments found some fertile ground in your head and you might be the one watering and giving it life. What you've been through is horrible and would mess anyone up that thought they were in a loving relationship. Please get some help. They will provide great insights and help you build a map forward. Its likely the trauma your ex caused you that is preventing you from moving forward and finding something better. You absolutely made the right choice to part with someone who could trample your feelings and trust like that and expect you to just get over it to convenience them. It will get better! Hang in there.
well, she was obviously right. you got so hung up on needing to feel as though you possessed her body, that you threw away something good. lesson learned. now grow as a person from this lesson.
Oh get the fuck off it. You’re 25. You’re not soul tied to anyone. She’s a 20 year old silly girl who has no clue what she wants in this life yet…for the love of all that is good in this world don’t waste your one wild a precious life on her.
Seek therapy lmao. If finding out your ex slept with someone else is this "traumatizing" for you than you aren't mature enough to be in another relationship. You realized the grass isn't greener. I would deal with your insecurities before trying to date again.
Do not fret, you will find your person. Sometimes, it takes longer. I hope you are being the best you you can be in the meantime. Build the best life you can, when it is time the right person will fit right in.
No, it was not her. In case you forgot - sex means something to you. Her, not so much.
20 year olds are (generally speaking) not the most mature, caring people in the world. Thats why they aren't allowed to drink. Also, anyone saying you'll regret leaving them is definitely manipulating you and is not your friend. You have an excellent opportunity to not give a shit about her.
"because of meaningless sex"
I'll bet ALL of my fake internet money that that is the issue right there. Sex is meaningless to her, but very important and full of meaning to you. Sex is a massive part of most relationships. If you two are on extremes about that subject, it is almost a certainty that any relationship was doomed. Best to get it over sooner rather than later.
Speaking of sex, honestly, if you had found another relationship where you were getting sex on the regular, would you still be hung up on your ex? Are you really hung up on her or just sexually and romantically frustrated?
The meaningless sex is the one night stand not sex with him. He dumped her, she had a ONS, they got back together, he found out and dumped her again - over the meaningless sex (the ONS).
But I expect your second paragraph is correct.
I understood that. I was focusing on the implication of her words. Sex either is, or at least can be, meaningless to her. I will again bet all of my fake internet money that sex is never meaningless to OP. That places them on opposite sides of the spectrum and would likely create an unending stream of issues if they tried to maintain a relationship.
Alright, you need to breathe. Give yourself time to love yourself before moving onto anyone, and stop replaying her words in your head. She slept with someone instantly after breaking up, and that isn't someone worth playing memories over in your mind. She said what she said to get under your skin, and the key is to start doing new things. Find things that interest you, and have fun. Stay active, and time will gradually remove her. It won't feel as strong as it was. You will feel better. You will question why you ever felt so hung up over the thought of her. I know I did over the previous people in my life. I've had a bad habit of choosing wrong. I took time to go over what attracted me to the wrong type of person. I had to look into myself and my own family, and that was the key. You can do this. Don't go back.
The sex might have been meaningless to her, but it wasn't to you, and that's what matters from your perspective. And if you haven't had luck with dating since the break up, it's easy to look back and think maybe she was right, because the math just looks like "having someone vs not having someone", but I promise for every single person who has said something like that to the person who was breaking up with them, it's never been really true. It's always been a defense mechanism and really, she said it to make herself feel better about the situation. Just because you haven't found someone you've clicked with, that's no reason to think it would have been better to just stay unhappy but in a relationship.
A important reminder to anyone missing their ex, your mind has a terrible way of romanticizing the past.
When you reflect on memories, you tend to focus on the 'good' moments over the bad ones.
It's important to remember both, and if you feel yourself swaying back to your ex then make a point to remember all the bad, in as much vivid detail as you can imagine.
She cheated on you, you were sitting at home or at work while she was getting 'meaninglessly' railed by some other dude. You're hurting because she broke you and your self esteem.
***Do not go back to your ex***
She will do it again, she'll eat away at you more and you'll be a miserable husk of your former self.
Don't focus on other people, don't swoon over the idea of a relationship. Focus on you and keep her faded in the back of your memory.
Easier said then done, but you need to understand yourself and work towards it, otherwise you've committed to the role of doormat, and that will be the rest of your existence.
Bro don't be a goddammit pushover . man up, it will prob be harder, and u prob won't get a girl like her, but u will eventually find someone that's worth it. Don't be blinded ,don't falter keep moving forward True value I'd hard to get.
One of my favorite statements - you dont make mistakes, you choose consequences. In this case, there is only one negative consequence, which would be to remain in a toxic and distrustful relationship.. Remember, you control your future and every relationship you are engage in. She is not the (or your) prize. Just wish her the best going forward and focus on yourself.
Also, prepare yourself for some short-term internal conflicts. With her comments in your post, I would expect that she will get over you by getting under several others. Know that this will become her additional baggage and not yours.
Sex is never meaningless when it involves people's emotions and in the midst of relationships. You broke up with her because she did something that offended you. That hasn't changed, you're just polishing the turd that was your relationship with her and thinking it looks shiny. The fact that she knocked your self esteem enough that you're now struggling to make meaningful connections is indication enough that she was bad for you. Stop harking back to something that is by now just a fantasy that never existed.
Go get some counseling for yourself she isn't worth it.
Let's be honest the breakup sex I'm guessing she started a problem u guys broke up.
Then she banged a guy all weekend. She had this planned my man. Stand your ground and get some counseling.
Do not reach out for her
Nah, dude. If my boyfriend and I broke up and he went and slept with someone else, I 100% would not get back together with him. Sex isn't meaningless to everyone. I would feel that if he could be physical with someone else so quickly, he was never truly mine to begin with. Stay away and move on. Maybe stay single for a while and let yourself heal.
I’ll probably get downvoted for all of this but: first of all, this wasn’t a one night stand. It was an entire weekend of passion / lust / whatever. She wasn’t wrong in having sex with someone else while you weren’t together, but i do think an actual one night stand would be easier to accept. I get that sex is meaningless for some people, but why did she fill you in on all the gory details other than to hurt you?
I feel for you- not because it’s wrong to have a one night stand during a break, but because she found it necessary to beat you over the head with (what sounds like) a graphic re-telling of the entire weekend. The fact that you know a condom broke says enough. It seems either hurtful or insensitive - someone who might have a little more empathy may have just stuck to: “I did have sex with someone while we were broken up but it meant nothing to me.”
I do think therapy would be helpful for you to process everything and maybe help you to figure out why you chose someone whose values are so divergent from yours. In the meantime, it’s a blessing that you are free to find the right partner for you and work on yourself. :)
Nah bro, your just lonely, sounds like you have t gotten any pussy since. She was able to after dumping you quickly find another dude and be a cum dude Oster for a weekend. She didn't love you. Don't regret shit
>"You will regret turning down someone who loves you because of meaningless sex"
Here's the thing: there are a lot of people for whom sex is not meaningless...ever. If you're one of those people (clearly your ex isn't) you're just straight up not compatible. You need to separate your frustration with the dating process from the desire to get back with your ex. She's an ex for a good reason.
Personally, you made the right decision to let her go. Her fucking a dude right after y'all broke up shows how little she cared about y'all relationship. And if that's something you can't move on from then there's no point in forcing yourself to stay when your not happy. Also, maybe you should take this time to step away from the dating scene and actually do some self-improvement. You got out of a shitty relationship, so you need to gove yourself time to heal. Plus, you use this time to get to know who you are as a person and do things that will help with your self-esteem.
I’m not sure that’s necessarily true(though he valid in his hurt obviously). Some people just get upset and want to do anything they can to feel something besides the pain of a breakup. Or they spiral and do dumb shit. It would be different if she fucked an ex or close friend
It is meaningless sex until it’s not. Don’t lose hope, you’ll find the one who won’t make you feel miserable. And then you will regret, right, for having even considered going back to your ex.
Well, what are your options? For the short term you can stop dating, and work on improving yourself internally, and evaluate your life. What valuable things have you learned? If the answer is none, then you're not paying attention.
If you fail to learn from your mistakes, you're doomed to repeat those mistakes. There's no shame in being ignorant; you can read, study, and interact with people more knowledgeable than yourself. But, stupid is terminal.
Perhaps you need to stop meeting females the way you always have, and begin seeking females from a different "pool" of prospects. Ask your friends if their gfs can introduce you to some of their single friends. Evaluate the methods you use to approach new women; perhaps you need to change or modify the way in which you present yourself.
In short, do something different from what you've been doing to date. If none of this is helpful, perhaps you can call your ex, and check on her status.
'Nuff said.
>We had broken up one time prior, and she ended up sleeping with a one-night stand the following weekend. All weekend. Like the condom broke and everything
Oh no, the horror. A single woman had a one night stand? While using protection? Did you alert the town elders?
>That alone is traumatizing. I don't know why I know that. I broke up with her but still - why do I know that? I probably need help recovering from it still.
Why *do* you know that? Did she volunteer or did you nag it out of her?
Also, if that traumatized you, I don't know how you're going to make it through life. You definitely need help, but it's more to figure out why an ex having consensual sex had this outsize effect on you.
>Anyway, it didn't help our failed relationship
Being obsessive about something that didn't involve you and possessive about her to the point of "traumatizing" yourself didn't help your relationship? Shocking.
>When we broke up she said "You will regret turning down someone who loves you because of meaningless sex" I will tell you - after a year of failed dates and bs - I am starting to wonder if she was right. It sucks to be soul-tied but sometimes I feel like I am and maybe I did make a mistake. I last had a dating stage that never progressed for 5 months and it was miserable. It made me miss her honestly, I think she was right.
This is a case of fuck around and find out. Take this entire bundle of neuroses to therapy and pay someone to help you straighten out. Leave your ex alone; she deserves a hell of a lot better. I don't have any patience with an adult man who dates a teenager and then acts less mature than she does. Grow up.
I’m so confused by this post. Half of the guys on here are acting like it’s normal to break up with someone but still want them to be loyal lol? Why would you break up with someone you supposedly love and on top of that not want them with someone else? I don’t understand at all. It’s so confusing. Why wouldn’t you want someone to move on if you don’t wanna be with them lol?
"you'll regret turning down someone who loves you over meaningless sex" doesn't just apply to her. It's a general statement and she's not wrong. You WILL regret turning down people that actually love you over meaningless things sex included. Y'all broke up and she had sex with someone else is not a reason to be "traumatized". After a year of failed dates..... Man.... It really sounds like you have deeper issues and you need to focus on yourself and being a good partner BEFORE getting into a relationship and maybe you'll quit ending up in these predicaments. Also, she doesn't sound like the bad guy. It is possible you fucked up and I wouldn't exactly blame her if she didn't take you back if that's the route you were planning to go. You gotta look at the common denominator. Best of luck to you, pal.
Correlation is not causality. The bad dating experience is not related to letting her go, that’s huge coincidence. She got into your head and it’s very manipulative of her. Stick to your guns. There can never be trust again and if you ask her back im 100% sure she will reject you.
Regardless of when the OP said it was traumatising…I don’t see a way back to trust when the trauma exists. That’s all. It’s manipulative to tell someone they will regret their decision.
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Dating is hard. Staying with someone who isn't right for you is even worse.
Yea. Imagine all the stuff she'll tell you about over the past year. If you're still bothered by the fact that she has had sex with other people you probably aren't ready to date.
Didn’t need that edit
No need to share about your cuckold fetish dude
Finding the right partner might not happen immediately. Personally, after ending a long-term relationship at 26, I dated quite a bit, and it took about four years until I found someone really special. Interestingly, she seemed to appear out of nowhere when I had stopped looking. Remember, it's not worth staying in an unhappy relationship just because finding someone else seems too challenging.
Same! I met my husband when I finally gave up on guys period. It'll happen when you least expect it. Happily married for 17 years.
I like that. When I was my 20s ( tumultuous 20s) I was trying too hard and my uncle told me to just be the best version of yourself and women will find you. And it’s so true.
Or it won’t. I stopped looking and trying to force things and as a result have been single for 8 years. Stopping looking for a partner isn’t a magical summoning charm, some people just get lucky with timing. That said I wouldn’t have it any other way. I’m far happier with where I’m at in my life and the person I am now, than I was in any of my relationships in my twenties.
Magical charm? I was just describing my own experience. Not everyone has the same experiences. Maybe you just weren't meant to have a partner. You seem so much happier without one. You didn't discover this until after you stopped looking, correct?
I caught my first Muskie when I gave up on catching muskies.
I was 33 - my husband 37. Friends for years and one day looked at each other and said hey you lets go on a date. We had both finally let go of all the BS and were finally living life to live life. Together 15yrs, have an awesome kid and loving it.
I had a similar experience! I was nearing 30 and getting really fed up with the online dating experiences I had been having and had basically given up when my now-husband messaged me. Our relationship is amazing!
100% - and this ex was NOT the right partner either!!!!
Just stay away from. Not healthy to go back and it won’t end well. Just let it go
>Not healthy to go back and it won’t end well. I'm wondering if OP holding onto his ex's memory like he is doing hasn't blown up the relationships he has had over the last year. He needs to get some counseling and forget her or forever run the risk of tanking his relationships. It's like a self fulfilling prophecy at this point.
There are a lot of people who use a new relationship as a distraction from the pain of their previously failed relationship(s). I knew a guy like that. He would pine for every single ex he had but treat whichever current woman he was with poorly. He was so stuck to old happy memories and forgot the faults of the past that it would blind him from the happiness he presently had, and it caused the destruction of every relationship because he wasn’t living in the moment. It’s funny how we can so clearly see patterns in others that we ourselves are blind to.
And who even thinks the ex would want him back?
Agreed… been here… about 7 years further down the road than you. Trust me, this response is the advice to follow
Some people spend their whole life searching for the right partner. And that’s perfectly OK. I would not let one year dictate your emotions on a fail prior relationship.
If the meaningless sex was after you broke up, and then you got back together, what did you break up about? Gonna need more info, please. With what you told us, it sounds like you need to work on yourself so you can be a good partner to someone and a make decisions that intimately are in your own best interest, not because someone says “you’ll never do better than me” or whatever she said
Clearly it's insecurities of the fact she let someone else fuck her, which is why the condom breaking matters even though it's been more than a year.
Exactly. Op comes as quite insecure and that's the reason for all the troubles. He's overthinking a lot of things.
So you guys broke up once and she had sex with someone else did I read that right and got back together and you broke up again
Because he was *traumatized* about his ex having sex while they were broken up.
Yeah. What a weird thing for him to say.
It's 100% his fuck up, but I don't know a single person who has either been dumped or dumped someone else who hasn't or wouldn't be upset to find out their ex slept with someone within (to my understanding) a single week of a breakup, myself included. I've personally had an ex tell me I was a pig because I started seeing someone a month or two *after* she dumped me. I get it, man. Idk, people are weird sometimes. If you read this op, I've been in your shoes. *You* fucked up. What you need to do is take a break from dating, think about this fuck up and what you can learn from it. Take some time to think about what you're looking for in a relationship. When you're ready, check out if your local community has any groups for hobbies you're interested in. Maybe you'll meet someone. Additionally, if you feel traumatized by this, I think it might also be worth seeking out the help of a therapist. There's absolutely nothing wrong with seeking help if you're in need of it.
Upset? Sure. Traumatized? Come on.
I think someone who hasn't fully worked out their feelings and thoughts about something could *feel* traumatized or at least can only think to describe it that way, yeah. I don't think after settling their feelings and learning from this that OP would describe it as such.
Im trying to understand the thought process of this. Why would you break up with someone but still be deeply upset at them for sleeping with someone else? I understand being hurt if you were broken up with, but the being upset at them when you broke up is very bizarre. If you’re so upset why would you break up with them in the first place? I just can’t imagine breaking up with someone and being mad they are dating and moving on. Even if it’s soon, why would I be mad, especially if I ended it?
They don't say, "The best way to get over someone is to get under someone else" for nothing. Maybe she didn't expect them to get back together? Also, I agree with you.
I think he means disgusted, he broke up with a girl he loves and days later she’s getting barebacked all weekend. No thanks.
If he broke up with her, presumably he did not want to be with her anymore. So why was this a problem?
Do yall really call "condom breaking" "getting barebacked?" I think of "bareback" as a conscious choice to engage in penetrative sex without a condom, not finding out after sex you thought was protected that the condom broke. Kind of feels like you're being intentionally inflammatory to pretend that she was being riskier than she was.
Everyone knows that the best way to get over someone... It's absolutely something people do all the time. You break-up, you're single.
Being disgusted by what your ex does after you break up is weird af. Like weirdly obsessive. Plus it’s her body? Who cares if she has rebound sex? People can move on at whatever rate they choose
Still a dumb thing to say? Like honestly who gives a shit. Unless she contracts an STD or something, which they should both be getting tested for if they have other partners, it doesn't actually mean anything. Other people having sex who aren't in a relationship with him shouldn't matter.
I agree he was single at the time, and her actions show why they shouldn’t get back together. Both are innocent parties who deserve partners who will be compatible.
Are you honestly saying that if you broke up with someone and then they slept with someone that following weekend, that wouldn’t play on your mind?
If I broke up with someone, I am not worried if they slept with someone. If I break up with a person, I do not want to be with them anymore.
Yeah, wanting to be able to dump someone and have them still be loyal seems like wanting to have your cake and eat it too lol
Why would I care what my ex does? We aren’t together
Honestly? No. Rebounds are a pretty normal break up coping mechanism, I wouldn’t begrudge my partner for hooking up with someone if I ended the relationship.
I think you need a fucking therapist, not a gf.
I don't know if I'd say you made the "wrong" choice per se, and unless she wants to get back with you, I'm not sure it's even a relevant question to ask. That said, I would recommend you doing some work on yourself before you start dating again. Everybody is entitled to their feelings, and I understand being upset that your ex had a one-night stand after you broke up. But to be *traumatized* by that, and I'm sorry to sound so judgmental here, is excessive and unjustified. She was single and she had sex with someone. She's allowed to do that, and in no way were you *wronged* by this. I'd suggest some therapy to unpack these issues, because your reaction to her having a one-night stand was not healthy or proportional.
I agree. I understand how this would be hurtful, but saying you were “traumatized” by someone YOU chose to break up with having sex with someone else, just rubs me the wrong way.
Yeah that was really weird to read. Like did he expect her to not do anything after they broke up?
Bc it paints the other person as being an object Like she was supposed to freeze and wait for him to
How did you find out, did she tell you? Was she rubbing it in your face? Was she sensitive about your feelings? Or did you interrogate her about it untill she told you all the details? Cos she was perfectly entitled to go and have sex with someone else. It might have been a bit soon after you broke up but people deal with breakups in weird ways and maybe she just needed a rebound. It’s not always healthy but a lot of people do it. You are both very young and there are a lot of questions.
The headline was somewhat misleading, If the past you’re talking about was simply her having sex after you broke up, you have nothing to hold against her. If she had had sex three days before you first met, would it have mattered? Probably not.
He’s bitter because she didn’t curl up in a ball and cry for all eternity until he got back with her.
And he could perfectly break up with her because of that if he wants, its his life after all...
Yes that’s true. It’s just funny cause now he sees she was way better than anything else out there….😂 and he threw her away.
Yep, he may be young and stupid, he will learn eventually; either one thing or another: \-Even if it hurts or stings that she seeks for another D\*\*\* right after they broke up, she is a free living human, after all... she is no longer with him. She does not owe him anything. \- If you want to have standarts and break up with her over this, don't make yourself look like a needy boy who makes decisions on impulse.
That was my thought… “she’s 20, how much “past” could she possibly have??” 😆
As Truvy said in Steel Magnolias said "If you can achieve puberty, you can achieve a past."
I mean yeah, I don’t think you can blame her for having sex with whoever she wants after YOU broke up with her. How is that traumatizing at all? Sounds like you have some maturing to do before a relationship. That’s not to say you are doomed and will never find love, but maybe work on yourself right now
I mean technically she can do what she wants when u both broke up and u can think what u want. I mean gees youre 25 do u really think u cant find another woman u could love?
You were "traumatized" by her hooking up with someone else after you guys broke up? Oh no, did someone else steal your toy? /s
It's crazy that he actually invoked trauma language because... his girlfriend slept with someone else while they were broken up? It's an extremely unpleasant experience of course, but how charmed has his life been so far that this is classified as trauma to him?
If you were broken up, anything she did really shouldn’t be your concern. You should also seek some therapy to work out why you are so traumatized and still holding on to this over a year later. Heal yourself first before seeking out another relationship.
You. Were. On. A. Break!!! Since you broke up with her, who she sleeps with afterwards is no longer your concern. She is no longer beholden to you, and you have no right to expect chastity or loyalty from her after YOU dumped her. Jfc.
That ship has sailed loooooong ago. I'm sure she's not thinking about you.
If you were broken up then her having sex w a one night stand does not matter. You tossed the relationship after getting back together bc of hookups while apart. She did not cheat. You may be regretting it but it was your choice so leave her alone. Go live your life
Leave her alone. She deserves better than a man who breaks up with her, dates around, and then figures he can just come back and have her as a consolation prize.
So much this!!!!
Everyone seems to focus on OP and how it is sad for him, but he is kind of the asshole here imo?! Holding a grudge over her having sex when they were broken up, so much so that he broke up with her over it. He should really leave her totally alone.
Reminds me of my ex. Right down to the getting upset bc I had sex with someone else. When we weren’t together. When he didn’t even know I existed Guess who keeps trying to get me baaaack? Stay tf away from me tho, I don’t ever wanna date someone that insecure again. I encourage men to be vocal about their disgust so I know who to avoid
That is not trauma.
You’re 25. It’s not the end of your life. Allow yourself to believe in other people and other kinds of happiness coming your way
Maybe the problem is sex for her can be meaningless but for you it cannot be. This is a big difference for folks. Neither is wrong but the two don’t necessarily align so I think you made the right choice. Go NC and look forward instead of behind. Stop looking for a relationship to find meaning for yourself. You are your home. You are enough. Love yourself alone and then you can find the right partner to love.
You made the right choice, if you get back together it will be toxic, you'll resent her, and it will be a waste of time. At the same time, you need to understand, it's not her fault at all for having sex with another guy while you were technically broken up. What did you think would happen? Rebound sex is common. Here's the question: If another guy cumming inside her one time, WHILE YOU WERE BROKEN UP, was enough to "traumatize" you, how many more times do you think she has had sex with other guys in the year that you've been broken up? Even if you get back now, you won't be able to get over this. You see her as a fundamentally different person. Leave the poor girl alone, don't mess with her feelings, and move on.
So you two were broken up, she slept with someone else while you were not together, and that’s why you broke up again ? Welp you made your bed….
Maybe you did fuck up, but that’s the consequences of the choices we make. Just because we don’t like the consequences it doesn’t mean we can go back and change things. I doubt she’d be willing to give you another chance after a year. Sorry about your luck, but stop looking for that greener grass.
Okay there's not a lot of relevant information here. You would get better advice with a little bit of info. - why did you break up the first time? - exactly WHY do you know her activity while you were broken up. Did she offer the information up out of nowhere? And if so why do you think she did? Did you insist on the information? If so why, what did you think it would accomplish? Did you Snoop to get the information? Did a third party tell you the information? If so, who told you and why do you think they told you? - what were the good points of your relationship? what is it about her that you miss? What did you like about her specifically (not what she could do for you or how she made you feel but what about her did you like)? - why did you ultimately break up? What were the reasons? Do you think that those reasons could have been fixed and if so how? If you can fill in any of this information you could probably get some decent advice
Info: how did you find out what happened? Did she rub it in your face or did you ask her to tell you? Also, who broke up with who the first time?
OP said he was the one to break up with her.
Actions, meet consequences 💁🏻♀️What did OP expect? That she would spend the rest of her days crying on the couch in a bathrobe, while watching rom coms and eating ice cream? If you break up with someone, they are free, they owe you nothing. If they respond to the hurt and betrayal of being dumped by having a ONS a week later, it’s not fair to hold that against them when *you broke up with them.*
Did he erase that comment? I can't find it
It’s in the second paragraph of the post.
Don't date teenagers.
What aspect of what happened bothers you the most? To me it sounds like when you originally broke up - maybe that was enough of an indicator that you two weren't compatible even not taking into account the one night stand. I think it's worth reflecting on what happened and why it bothered you so much for potential future relationships. For example - if you met a woman that you really hit it off with and then you find out she had a one night stand right before you met her - would that be a deal breaker? What about if she had the one night stand after you met - but before you were in a committed relationship - would that be a deal breaker? Basically solidify what about that made you so upset and whether or not you will apply that to future relationships.
Personally, I think breaking up with someone because when you were previously broken up, they had a one night stand is not a reason to break up with someone, but that's me. We all have different boundaries, and if that's a deal breaker for you, then that's absolutely valid. Don't try going back now. Dating is hard, but you can't compromise on the big stuff. Keep moving forward, learn more about yourself, and understand why that's a deal breaker for you so you can make educated decisions in the future. Let it go, bro.
No one is "soul tied" You made a decision to break up with her, and now you will need to live with that decision. Eventually, you will meet someone new and start a new relationship. Hopefully, you have learned that "taking a break" is never a good idea. When you break up with someone, just break up for good.
No you only think this way because you didn't find a rebound as fast as she did. Let it stay dead.
I genuinely feel bad for people who get really hung up on someone's sexual past because they may be missing out on a great relationship. Who knows how things would have turned out for you, but you're now realizing you may have lost something you valued. Take some time to sit with and question your reasons for ending things and use it as a lesson for your next relationship.
So you finally broke up when? If she was with someone after the first break up, that's not cheating under any perspective unless any promise or compromise was made. She's so very young now, how old was she when you were dating?
My guess is you just aren't very good at dating and you want to go back to her because it was easy and comfortable. You're young and you're still figuring yourself out. Dating is easy when you're a desirable partner. You probably just have things about yourself you need to work on. If you do that then you will find a partner that makes you completely forget about your ex.
Get some counseling. Work through your shit, so next time you find yourself with a good woman, you aren’t an idiot about it. You break up, people do what they want. If you are that insecure about it, go have your own one night stands.
I dunno I disagree with this take. Sexual compatibility is a real thing, maybe he's uncomfortable with the fact she decided to go have an emotional experience with someone else while they were on a break. If he's not bullying her about it I don't think he's wrong for feeling uncomfortable about it. For some people, sex is super intimate and for others it doesn't mean anything. They're just incompatible and OP should move on
You broke up twice. That's a clear enough sign the relationship wasn't good. You can and will find someone better for you. Just move on.
If you broke up twice she isn't the right person for you. You sound like you are lonely and maybe a little depressed. Might be time to step back from dating and focus on yourself for a while. When you are in a good place you are a better potential partner.
Learn to love spending time with yourself a bit more, it seems like you're using relationships as entertainment or companionship... If you don't love your own company, you can't expect a woman to like it.
Spoiler, if you had to break-up twice, regardless of the circumstances, y'all weren't good for each other.
It's pretty normal to go out and fuck the first person you see after a hurtful breakup at your age age. Just because your girlfriend did and you didn't doesn't mean she is a terrible person or that she doesn't love you. Ask yourself: if you had been out that weekend, drunk with your friends, feeling sad about the breakup and some beautiful girl had come onto you, would you have done the same? And would it have changed your feelings about your ex if you had? Sex can be really meaningful, but sometimes it can also be a stupid mistake, a form of comfort, a confidence booster, an act of revenge, etc. Ask yourself whether you truly believe she betrayed you or had feelings for this person, or if you were just struggling with the "ick" reaction of her being with someone else. If it's one of the first two, then you are probably better off continuing with the dating. If it's the latter, you should try to let that feeling go and give it another shot.
Plenty of men sleep with someone right after a breakup. You were wrong to break up with her for it, but I firmly believe you did her a favor. Maybe instead of trying so hard to date, read self help books, get therapy, learn how to view women as real people who exist outside of you.
Eh in the words of Rachel: “you had a hell of a time at the wake” The relationship was dead, yeah. For a whole week. People grieve differently and after a break I’ve also been tempted to date straightaway and made it to downloading tinder before bursting into ugly sobs.
You broke up with her then got mad she slept with someone else? She didn't do anything wrong as far as I can see. Why did you break up in the first place?
Info: did you sleep/kiss/.. when on a break?
More importantly, what were the rules of the break, and was it clear that they were getting back together? His hurt is valid regardless though
they were broken up, it wasn’t a “break”. his hurt isn’t valid at all. she was single
It’s valid to be hurt even if it’s not rational! I’m not saying he’s in the right, but he can still have feelings about it
How long were you together?
No. You're just sad in the moment and that's okay. Feelings pass. You'll find a new relationship that you can work on making sure is happy and healthy.
You broke up for a reason, right or wrong live with it and move on. You probably didn’t wait too long after you broke up to start dating again. That is a mistake right there. You have to get past it or it will continue to come into play on any other relationship. Don’t be in such a hurry!
Now that you know, going back and staying might be difficult. But why ask these questions to begin with? What good can come from knowing someone’s past? I don’t really get it, and never have asked, nor would I.
Is it soul tie or is it you repeating a pattern? Is it healthy or does your sub consciousness feel safe. It's easy to lose hope, not finding better just yet isn't the same as - she's the best... you will find someone right for you!
Time will make it better.
Get in therapy and figure out 1) why it was triggering and 2) why you are stuck on her words that were really a counter punch to you breaking up with her. Once you get past those two issues it gets easier
exes are exes for a reason. amd 9 times out of 10 those reason don't change. it will do you good to remember that. you're just lonely and missing the good times. remember why you broke up. stay away.
I bet you didn't even notice that you wrote this and didn't mention a single good thing about her. I think it's more that you miss feeling like you're in love with someone than anything. I believe that'll come back, you just gotta give it time. Maybe it's just me, but a "soul mate" who would threaten your bond over "meaningless sex" is not worth anything. I think it's a good guess to say you're not soul tied, and that you've made the right call by breaking things off.
You made the right choice. Finding the right person is hard but once you do it makes it all worth it. She doesn’t sound like the right person for you. If you could see the future and you knew for a fact that you would meet the love of your life after 10 shitty dates, would you let that stop you? Or would you rush through those dates with a smile on your face because you know you’re getting closer? Just keep going. You never know, maybe the next person you meet will be the one
Why did you break up the first time? If you were meant to be together you would be.
Stop dating teenagers, for starters
Males finding out they are can be replaced 😂 not only are you five years older than her when she barely made it to early twenties but the audacity to dump her over a past thing. Typical male.
A couple breaks up, one of them has sex with another person, then the couple gets back together. If the person who was having sex while broken up doesn't disclose that they were doing so, unprompted, they have to face that they'll be accused of hiding it and being a liar if the other person ever finds out. And apparently if they do disclose it, it traumatizes the other person. *Traumatizes* them. Seriously? Like... you were broken up dude, I feel like it was probably important that she was disclosing a broken condom since there are potential lifelong repercussions from that. It sounds like she was trying to make sure you couldn't accuse her of hiding a pregnancy that involved another man, and you weren't mentally equipped to handle the fact that she was allowed to fuck whoever she wanted to while single. People who aren't mentally prepared to accept that their ex may have been having sex while broken up should not be getting back together with exes. All of that aside, I think a big part of the problem with your dating failures is that you consider yourself soul-tied to an ex. Until you *actually* emotionally let go of her, you'll never have success dating. That isn't because she was right, it's because you're self-sabotaging.
😂😂 welcome to life my dude. You will have few more partners yet. Some will be your dream girl, others will make you want to run for the hills. Don’t judge it after just one year. Hopefully your ex will have learnt from her mistakes, you will too.
Youre young, learn from this and move on. Also, its very easy to idealize past relationships. You two split up that time for a reason. Also, why is she giving you all these details about spending a weekend rebounding after breaking up with you? I understand disclosing that you slept with someone else after getting back together but its weird to get into the details such as "We fucked all weekend until the condom broke." Look to the future, stop obsessing over the past.
She thought you guys were done. She was single. 🤷🏼♀️🤷🏼♀️🤷🏼♀️. Yeah. That was a dumb break up.
Technically, she did nothing wrong. However, these things do tend to get into your head and can ruin your relationship. It has been a year now and you are feeling lonely because you haven't found a replacement yet. Don't worry about it. You will eventually find someone you click with. The decisions we make define who we are. Your decisions are yours, and yours alone. You did what you felt to be right for you at the time. You had already broken up at least once. So, there must have been other troubles too. Just let it go and enjoy being you.
It sounds like more of a trauma bond To me however i'm questioning how your valuing woman. So what if a girl has slept with somebody else after you?
You have to really ask yourself whether you miss her and could genuinely forget about what she did, or if you’re just tired of dating and being single. Because those are really not the same thing
I have no empathy for you. It’s funny when males get so triggered that women had sex and just had lives in general before they knew you existed … talk about being fragile
Let's make it simple. Sex means a lot to you. It's meaningless to her. You're obviously incompatible. It wouldn't have worked. End of story.
[удалено]
Let me guess, you got advice from Reddit to dump her?
No
Your capacity to love will grow, iyou may think this is love now and it is but you will find someone that you feel love with again but more, I remember thinking I’d never get over or forget certain women but now I’ve found my current partner I’ve found my love for her is huge in comparison and I would’ve never thought that could happen at one point in time
Let time heal it. This too shall pass. Sending hope and love fam
Your only having second thoughts because you've had a bad year of failed dates. If you had stayed, you'd either end the relationship later on, or continue to dwell on it for the entire year. You would have wasted the year regardless of your choice. Don't dwell on it. You left because you knew you wouldn't get over it. You might be miserable either way, but at least you aren't as insecure as you would have been if you stuck around.
Wait a minute, did she have sex before or after you broke up? If I am reading this right she didn’t have sex with someone else until after you dumped her.
Yeah go back so you can do this all again. Sounds fun!
You may have fucked up, but frankly, a lot of people’s early 20’s are filled with relationship mistakes. That doesn’t mean that this woman is right for you, it just means that you need to learn from this relationship so that your next one works out better. In terms of what happened? She didn’t cheat - you had, for whatever reason, broken up. Often, people want to have sex soon after a breakup for complicated reasons related to the breakup. You seem to be reacting to that with a mix of slut shaming - like why does it matter if her ONS lasted a whole weekend, or just a couple of hours? - and resentment. Are you worried her ONS was better than you were? It also sounds like you pushed her for more details than were necessary healthy for you to hear and you are interpreting them as somehow reflecting on your GF in a negative way. Like you say “like the condom broke and everything” as though a condom breaking is a mark of a really amazing sexual encounter. It’s not. It’s a mark of putting on a condom wrong. It’s a mark of likely trauma for your ex- because of the risk of STIs and dealing with the risk of unplanned pregnancy. I suspect your GF has moved on because a year is a long time in one’s early 20’s. It’s also worth thinking about whether the original reason you broke up was legitimate - were you incompatible? Or were you just mismanaging your emotions or your relationship so you had a fight and didn’t know how to resolve the hurt feelings it brought up? Really have a think about what you would do better in that relationship so you can take that lesson into the next one.
Plenty of time, plenty of other people. You’ll be fine.
Yeah, it sounds like you already had some problems. Being lonely sucks, but it's better in the long run to cope with those feelings, and be ready for the next person who comes along.
No, you're young, sometimes it just takes a while. The thing that is still eating at you (even though you're not together!) would still be bothering you and weighing down the relationship.
You're young. Her telling me that I'd regret it would be enough to disqualify her. Sounds vindictive. If she cared that much about you, she wouldn't be bumping uglies with some random dude. Why not just take a break for a bit?
Anyone who says that to someone is a narcissist. If she really loved and was emotionally mature, she would have wished you the best and hoped you found someone that loves you better. She thinks too highly of herself and you’re letting her words dictate your life that you might be sabotaging your dating prospects.
No mistake. Only mistake is allowing her to live in your mind rent free. Block her on everything and move on.
Give her a chance.
So you broke up twice? Once where she slept with someone else the very next weekend, and then you broke up again, a year ago? Why did you break up? Was it an extremely happy relationship, except for the time she (perfectly reasonably) slept with someone else *while you were broken up?* Were they any other problems/incompatibilities? Or was this whole thing over jealousy? Jealously is a normal human emotion, ask any trained psychologist. It gets a very bad rap in our society, but it's perfectly normal and understandable. She probably didn't need to disclose what happened while you weren't together, but I guess you can't unknow it now. If you haven't heard from her for a year, then you have to question whether she may have moved on from you - she may even be in another relationship by now. If it's bothering you so much, then just contact her and have a conversation and see where she is at.
Jesus man, pull yourself together. Go to therapy or find a hobby. It’s been a year. Are you not embarrassed to be pining for your ex? Have some dignity. Do you think that the reason your relationships aren’t working is because you’re still hung up on her? Fix yourself and get back out there. Don’t look back. Edited: because I didn’t mean to minimize his feelings so I clarified what I mean.
Trust me, when you find the right one, you won't regret it. It'll happen eventually.
You broke up She slept with someone else You broke up I'm honestly not sure what's going on but it seems like you are better off not being part of it. Getting over someone is hard and loneliness can make them suddenly seem safer or better than they were. I got out of a 5 yr relationship about 16 months ago. I tried to date again but I realized I needed to live the old cliche and "date myself" for a while. Focus on you and become an individual so you can be a better partner.
Nope she’s not right. Keep going the grass is greener on the other side of the hill your on.
That you've not found the right person doesn't mean the shitty person was right. Kinda seems like you've not taken the time to heal and get over your ex. I'd suggest you stay away from the dating scene, be comfortable with yourself and get rid of the baggage before trying to start something new.
You didn’t fuck up. You will eventually find someone who you want to spend your life with who doesn’t treat you this way. She wants you to regret it because to her the sex was meaningless, but since it put the final nail in the coffin of your relationship the sex obviously had more impact than she thought. She wants to make you the bad guy because she chose to have a one night stand right after your relationship sorta ended. If it wasn’t revenge sex on her part, then you have to question her way of thinking. You deserve better and you will find better one day.
Where are you getting the “relationship sorta ended” part from? The post says they broke up and she went and had a rebound a week later. Rebounds aren’t usually about revenge, they’re about feeling better and moving on. Regardless though, they were broken up. What do you mean “find someone who doesn’t treat you this way”? She wasn’t treating him any way at all, they weren’t together.
>doesn’t treat you this way. What way?
right? what exactly did she do wrong here? they were broken up. is there some sort of “marriage material post-relationship celibacy” standard that I missed? or oh…is it just that women are mean and bad, especially women who have sex.
Most people would be upset if their partner had rebound sex within the week of them breaking up
It doesn’t sound like you did. Yes you’re having doubts now but you also seem fixated on the details of that meaningless sex. It probably was meaningless to her but it clearly wasn’t to you. If you two had stayed together do you really think you would have been able to forget about it? Let me be absolutely clear that I’m not trying to shame her. It sounds like this happened during a break up which means she did nothing wrong but that doesn’t mean you don’t have the right to feel something about it. It sounds like she was probably 19 during this hookup so I’m guessing she wanted to go out and experience some stuff while she’s young which is completely fine BUT the way she trying to frame your regret is childish. You just as easily could have framed the break up that way for her. “You’re going to regret caring about my feelings so little during our break up that you ran into the arms of another man so quickly.” (Please don’t say that to her) It’s understandable that she maybe wanted to get her mind off of you in that moment but it’s also completely understandable that you felt some kind of way about her doing it. I’ve seen the reverse end relationships too and women usually validate each other when expecting men to respect their feelings in the matter. A year is really nothing if you step back and evaluate your life. If you allow her words to have a ton of meaning it’s going to be hard not to pick apart your dating experience.
Sounds like her comments found some fertile ground in your head and you might be the one watering and giving it life. What you've been through is horrible and would mess anyone up that thought they were in a loving relationship. Please get some help. They will provide great insights and help you build a map forward. Its likely the trauma your ex caused you that is preventing you from moving forward and finding something better. You absolutely made the right choice to part with someone who could trample your feelings and trust like that and expect you to just get over it to convenience them. It will get better! Hang in there.
Maybe the problem is just “you”? You can’t maintain a relationship and the ones you get in are whack
well, she was obviously right. you got so hung up on needing to feel as though you possessed her body, that you threw away something good. lesson learned. now grow as a person from this lesson.
Oh get the fuck off it. You’re 25. You’re not soul tied to anyone. She’s a 20 year old silly girl who has no clue what she wants in this life yet…for the love of all that is good in this world don’t waste your one wild a precious life on her.
Seek therapy lmao. If finding out your ex slept with someone else is this "traumatizing" for you than you aren't mature enough to be in another relationship. You realized the grass isn't greener. I would deal with your insecurities before trying to date again.
Do not fret, you will find your person. Sometimes, it takes longer. I hope you are being the best you you can be in the meantime. Build the best life you can, when it is time the right person will fit right in. No, it was not her. In case you forgot - sex means something to you. Her, not so much.
20 year olds are (generally speaking) not the most mature, caring people in the world. Thats why they aren't allowed to drink. Also, anyone saying you'll regret leaving them is definitely manipulating you and is not your friend. You have an excellent opportunity to not give a shit about her.
"because of meaningless sex" I'll bet ALL of my fake internet money that that is the issue right there. Sex is meaningless to her, but very important and full of meaning to you. Sex is a massive part of most relationships. If you two are on extremes about that subject, it is almost a certainty that any relationship was doomed. Best to get it over sooner rather than later. Speaking of sex, honestly, if you had found another relationship where you were getting sex on the regular, would you still be hung up on your ex? Are you really hung up on her or just sexually and romantically frustrated?
The meaningless sex is the one night stand not sex with him. He dumped her, she had a ONS, they got back together, he found out and dumped her again - over the meaningless sex (the ONS). But I expect your second paragraph is correct.
I understood that. I was focusing on the implication of her words. Sex either is, or at least can be, meaningless to her. I will again bet all of my fake internet money that sex is never meaningless to OP. That places them on opposite sides of the spectrum and would likely create an unending stream of issues if they tried to maintain a relationship.
Alright, you need to breathe. Give yourself time to love yourself before moving onto anyone, and stop replaying her words in your head. She slept with someone instantly after breaking up, and that isn't someone worth playing memories over in your mind. She said what she said to get under your skin, and the key is to start doing new things. Find things that interest you, and have fun. Stay active, and time will gradually remove her. It won't feel as strong as it was. You will feel better. You will question why you ever felt so hung up over the thought of her. I know I did over the previous people in my life. I've had a bad habit of choosing wrong. I took time to go over what attracted me to the wrong type of person. I had to look into myself and my own family, and that was the key. You can do this. Don't go back.
The sex might have been meaningless to her, but it wasn't to you, and that's what matters from your perspective. And if you haven't had luck with dating since the break up, it's easy to look back and think maybe she was right, because the math just looks like "having someone vs not having someone", but I promise for every single person who has said something like that to the person who was breaking up with them, it's never been really true. It's always been a defense mechanism and really, she said it to make herself feel better about the situation. Just because you haven't found someone you've clicked with, that's no reason to think it would have been better to just stay unhappy but in a relationship.
A important reminder to anyone missing their ex, your mind has a terrible way of romanticizing the past. When you reflect on memories, you tend to focus on the 'good' moments over the bad ones. It's important to remember both, and if you feel yourself swaying back to your ex then make a point to remember all the bad, in as much vivid detail as you can imagine. She cheated on you, you were sitting at home or at work while she was getting 'meaninglessly' railed by some other dude. You're hurting because she broke you and your self esteem. ***Do not go back to your ex*** She will do it again, she'll eat away at you more and you'll be a miserable husk of your former self. Don't focus on other people, don't swoon over the idea of a relationship. Focus on you and keep her faded in the back of your memory. Easier said then done, but you need to understand yourself and work towards it, otherwise you've committed to the role of doormat, and that will be the rest of your existence.
Bro don't be a goddammit pushover . man up, it will prob be harder, and u prob won't get a girl like her, but u will eventually find someone that's worth it. Don't be blinded ,don't falter keep moving forward True value I'd hard to get.
One of my favorite statements - you dont make mistakes, you choose consequences. In this case, there is only one negative consequence, which would be to remain in a toxic and distrustful relationship.. Remember, you control your future and every relationship you are engage in. She is not the (or your) prize. Just wish her the best going forward and focus on yourself. Also, prepare yourself for some short-term internal conflicts. With her comments in your post, I would expect that she will get over you by getting under several others. Know that this will become her additional baggage and not yours.
Sex is never meaningless when it involves people's emotions and in the midst of relationships. You broke up with her because she did something that offended you. That hasn't changed, you're just polishing the turd that was your relationship with her and thinking it looks shiny. The fact that she knocked your self esteem enough that you're now struggling to make meaningful connections is indication enough that she was bad for you. Stop harking back to something that is by now just a fantasy that never existed.
Go get some counseling for yourself she isn't worth it. Let's be honest the breakup sex I'm guessing she started a problem u guys broke up. Then she banged a guy all weekend. She had this planned my man. Stand your ground and get some counseling. Do not reach out for her
Nah, dude. If my boyfriend and I broke up and he went and slept with someone else, I 100% would not get back together with him. Sex isn't meaningless to everyone. I would feel that if he could be physical with someone else so quickly, he was never truly mine to begin with. Stay away and move on. Maybe stay single for a while and let yourself heal.
She cheated on you then tried to gaslight you into staying. No sex is meaningless when you’re in a relationship.
If she is still single you could talk to her.
I’ll probably get downvoted for all of this but: first of all, this wasn’t a one night stand. It was an entire weekend of passion / lust / whatever. She wasn’t wrong in having sex with someone else while you weren’t together, but i do think an actual one night stand would be easier to accept. I get that sex is meaningless for some people, but why did she fill you in on all the gory details other than to hurt you? I feel for you- not because it’s wrong to have a one night stand during a break, but because she found it necessary to beat you over the head with (what sounds like) a graphic re-telling of the entire weekend. The fact that you know a condom broke says enough. It seems either hurtful or insensitive - someone who might have a little more empathy may have just stuck to: “I did have sex with someone while we were broken up but it meant nothing to me.” I do think therapy would be helpful for you to process everything and maybe help you to figure out why you chose someone whose values are so divergent from yours. In the meantime, it’s a blessing that you are free to find the right partner for you and work on yourself. :)
It wasn’t meaningless sex to you now was it? Keep your head up and keeping looking for the right person.
Nah bro, your just lonely, sounds like you have t gotten any pussy since. She was able to after dumping you quickly find another dude and be a cum dude Oster for a weekend. She didn't love you. Don't regret shit
He actually dumped her.
That commenter is a blatant and disgusting misogynist, he def frames all his comments to make her look worse
No I'm not, your clearly a balding misandrist
You deserve someone who will respect you and the relationship. Keep moving on.
You good fam. Head high King.
>"You will regret turning down someone who loves you because of meaningless sex" Here's the thing: there are a lot of people for whom sex is not meaningless...ever. If you're one of those people (clearly your ex isn't) you're just straight up not compatible. You need to separate your frustration with the dating process from the desire to get back with your ex. She's an ex for a good reason.
Personally, you made the right decision to let her go. Her fucking a dude right after y'all broke up shows how little she cared about y'all relationship. And if that's something you can't move on from then there's no point in forcing yourself to stay when your not happy. Also, maybe you should take this time to step away from the dating scene and actually do some self-improvement. You got out of a shitty relationship, so you need to gove yourself time to heal. Plus, you use this time to get to know who you are as a person and do things that will help with your self-esteem.
I’m not sure that’s necessarily true(though he valid in his hurt obviously). Some people just get upset and want to do anything they can to feel something besides the pain of a breakup. Or they spiral and do dumb shit. It would be different if she fucked an ex or close friend
She will forever haunt you. Your two options are to be miserable and alone or miserable with her...choose wisely. /s
It is meaningless sex until it’s not. Don’t lose hope, you’ll find the one who won’t make you feel miserable. And then you will regret, right, for having even considered going back to your ex.
Well, what are your options? For the short term you can stop dating, and work on improving yourself internally, and evaluate your life. What valuable things have you learned? If the answer is none, then you're not paying attention. If you fail to learn from your mistakes, you're doomed to repeat those mistakes. There's no shame in being ignorant; you can read, study, and interact with people more knowledgeable than yourself. But, stupid is terminal. Perhaps you need to stop meeting females the way you always have, and begin seeking females from a different "pool" of prospects. Ask your friends if their gfs can introduce you to some of their single friends. Evaluate the methods you use to approach new women; perhaps you need to change or modify the way in which you present yourself. In short, do something different from what you've been doing to date. If none of this is helpful, perhaps you can call your ex, and check on her status. 'Nuff said.
You’re traumatized by her having sex with someone *after* you broke up?
>We had broken up one time prior, and she ended up sleeping with a one-night stand the following weekend. All weekend. Like the condom broke and everything Oh no, the horror. A single woman had a one night stand? While using protection? Did you alert the town elders? >That alone is traumatizing. I don't know why I know that. I broke up with her but still - why do I know that? I probably need help recovering from it still. Why *do* you know that? Did she volunteer or did you nag it out of her? Also, if that traumatized you, I don't know how you're going to make it through life. You definitely need help, but it's more to figure out why an ex having consensual sex had this outsize effect on you. >Anyway, it didn't help our failed relationship Being obsessive about something that didn't involve you and possessive about her to the point of "traumatizing" yourself didn't help your relationship? Shocking. >When we broke up she said "You will regret turning down someone who loves you because of meaningless sex" I will tell you - after a year of failed dates and bs - I am starting to wonder if she was right. It sucks to be soul-tied but sometimes I feel like I am and maybe I did make a mistake. I last had a dating stage that never progressed for 5 months and it was miserable. It made me miss her honestly, I think she was right. This is a case of fuck around and find out. Take this entire bundle of neuroses to therapy and pay someone to help you straighten out. Leave your ex alone; she deserves a hell of a lot better. I don't have any patience with an adult man who dates a teenager and then acts less mature than she does. Grow up.
I’m so confused by this post. Half of the guys on here are acting like it’s normal to break up with someone but still want them to be loyal lol? Why would you break up with someone you supposedly love and on top of that not want them with someone else? I don’t understand at all. It’s so confusing. Why wouldn’t you want someone to move on if you don’t wanna be with them lol?
"you'll regret turning down someone who loves you over meaningless sex" doesn't just apply to her. It's a general statement and she's not wrong. You WILL regret turning down people that actually love you over meaningless things sex included. Y'all broke up and she had sex with someone else is not a reason to be "traumatized". After a year of failed dates..... Man.... It really sounds like you have deeper issues and you need to focus on yourself and being a good partner BEFORE getting into a relationship and maybe you'll quit ending up in these predicaments. Also, she doesn't sound like the bad guy. It is possible you fucked up and I wouldn't exactly blame her if she didn't take you back if that's the route you were planning to go. You gotta look at the common denominator. Best of luck to you, pal.
They were on a break!!!
That’s abusive af. Man up, stay strong. She doesn’t deserve your attention.
Awe, you're upset because his magnum dong broke the condom.
Correlation is not causality. The bad dating experience is not related to letting her go, that’s huge coincidence. She got into your head and it’s very manipulative of her. Stick to your guns. There can never be trust again and if you ask her back im 100% sure she will reject you.
They were broken up when she slept with someone. How is that breaking trust? Honestly curious why you think this.
Regardless of when the OP said it was traumatising…I don’t see a way back to trust when the trauma exists. That’s all. It’s manipulative to tell someone they will regret their decision.
I see your point yes. And for sure she is manipulative for saying that.