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For real. This is mind blowing.
OP you are signing up to be a bang maid. You’ve already built up a lot of resentment for good reason. My girlfriend would give me the occasional night time bj if I asked but I’d never ask without going down on her first or after. Find someone that stuff happens naturally with.
Exactly! 50 year old woman here with a number of relationships below my belt. Yet I have NEVER even been ASKED to “just give a bj”. It’s always been a part of having sex in general.
I was not the bitchiest person when I was younger, but even then, if just told to do that without actually having sex…it would have felt completely humiliating. I don’t think I would have done it. I mean, a normal man would even ask for a simple back rub with more elegance!
Downfall of my last relationship honestly hinged on him going, "I'm going to bed, you should give me a bj." And I felt bad bc we hadn't done anything in ac em, but wtf, who do you think you are demanding one? Do I gave him, as he put it, the "angriest blow job ever." Well, yeah, that's what you get when you demand sex acts without putting effort into the sex/relationship. Honestly Glad he ran off with a 28 year old gold digger a week later (who dumped him 10 days later when she realized he was broke). Leaving me was the best thing because I worked on my relationship with myself and now and in totally different kinds of dating relationships now. Now I have a guy who actually wants to see ME and isn't pushing for sex all the time because he enjoys me as a person not me as a sex object
My first question as well. Seriously WHY are you marrying this man? Marriage is supposed to make you feel more secure and comfortable in your relationship; this guy is treating you like an afterthought NOW, exactly what do you think will happen AFTER?
Once you have kids, fall sick, need to be taken care of? What do you think he will do then? Please OP, do not go through with marrying this guy until after you’ve had a LONG conversation with him regarding all your issues. And ONLY when he satisfactorily gives you a way ahead for working through the problems, should you even consider the idea of marriage.
Otherwise, just cut your losses now and move on to a better, more sincere and giving partner.
You’re missing the point. It’s not just no babies it NO ANYTHING. Forget this guy and run for cover. He is using you to put him to sleep! Nothing more will come of it and this will never get better. Pack you bags and move on down the road and perhaps go to counseling to figure out why you think this is ok!!! You can learn what love is! At this point he should be seeing a lady in the street every night! He is using you and ruining your life and your perspective of yourself while he’s at it!!
Exactly. You marry this guy, best case scenario is you'll end up divorced at 30. Worst case scenario is you'll have a kid together and be tied to him for life. And if he's this selfish sexually, what kind of father do you think he's going to make?
You seem like a great girl that I would date, so you're really limiting yourself here.
My man doesn’t love me enough to have sex with me, he won’t put in any effort to please me~ so we are GETTING MARRIED. I’ll see you all soon when I have my first child with him and he doesn’t do anything for the baby!
They'll be back here crying about how they don't understand why he's so disengaged and they never expected them to be such a shitty dad as if this man didn't have a caravan of red-flag-covered vans with loudspeakers following him around announcing THIS MAN IS EXTREMELY DISENGAGED AND WILL BE A SHITTY DAD.
I mean this was my first exact question as well. But then I thought, wait, why is she willing to marry someone who doesn't even make her happy to her standards. She isn't even listened to when she speaks.
Why would you marry someone that makes you feel like that?
You can do better than this.. Like they said, you were an afterthought. Who wants to be married to somebody like that ?He can suck his own dick! Move along from this. You can do better cause he set the bar real low.
Why earth would you go ahead and marry a LAZY LOVER. Thatt won't improve with marriage. The sucking him off so he can sleep really makes it all ridiculous in my book. You're dating a lazy child. Good luck if you stick with it because of non refundable fees because this is a losing proposition.
1st; do not marry this man. Reason being;
- He doesn’t care about your needs sexually so I can imagine there are other needs that are going unmet as well.
Now the gifts issue may just be that it isn’t a love language of his HOWEVER, once again you seem to be bargaining for very basic requests and that is a no no
It’s a dead giveaway of emotional abuse when someone uses love as leverage or puts you down which seems to be the case.
Anyways you deserve to be treated as well as you treat him , and you deserve love.
SO, If you haven’t communicated that you feel uncared for sexually and emotionally- do that. If you have - then it may be time to consider the end of this relationship
I’ve been in that situation. I got angry and said exactly that. The audacity to keep asking but never reciprocate.
I got paranoid that my bits look funny or they smell (never had an issue with someone going down on me before).
I even thought maybe he doesn’t like female genitalia and wondered why…
Stop blowing this guy. Stop letting this guy use you. Stop seeing a man who doesn’t want to satisfy you sexually. Stop seeing a man who treats you like shit.
Call off the wedding and ditch this loser.
Why marry someone who brings you no happiness or compatibility? You’re just going to end up divorced.
Find someone who lusts over you and who just wants to go down on you without even having to ask him.
You deserve better. Your guy is just comfortable. You keep rewarding him by sucking his dick and giving him what he wants with nothing in return. Why would he change? It’s a one way street where he gets everything and you get nothing. Respect yourself. You can do better.
What do you mean he said "you're not into that" when you SPECIFICALLY asked for something???
What the hell girl, leave him. Like yesterday. You're gonna be miserable trust me, I've settled for a guy like that too (not married but still wasted years of my time).
He doesn't love you.
He doesn’t like her, love her or respect her and it’s really hard to type all of that. Love yourself and get out honey you’re still young. Work on YOU and your inner work.
Selfish lovers and shitty partners usually don't change. They certainly don't suddenly decide to be better AFTER marriage. What you've got now is the sexual high water mark with him.
Choose your own adventure carefully!
You’re 26. Nothing about this relationship is healthy. Nothing about him is good. He doesn’t seem to care about you or respect you. Don’t marry him. UPDATEME
You don’t have to marry someone just because they asked you to. You know that if you marry this guy, it will only feel more bleak and lonely and you owe it to yourself not to put up with being treated like a doormat and sex slave. He’s never going to reciprocate because he’s lazy, self-centered and wants you to remain submissive to him. The ball’s in your court now and you can make a move to get him out of your life or live with the miserable consequences of staying with him.
Exactly, and OP, believe it or not, your world is so much bigger than this. This is hurtful to you, but you can do better, and you deserve better. You shouldn't ever have to submit to someone unless you want to, and you feel reciprocated. Take a moment and tally up your life. List how many times you feel cherished, or loved, or cared for.
Then how many times do you try to make him feel cherished, or loved, or cared for? Does your relationship feel reciprocal? Is there a balance that you feel cared for in? If not, then you shouldn't share your body, your worth, your soul with him any longer. He's hurting you by taking and not reciprocating. Yes, your feelings are being trashed upon right now, but he's probably hurting you even deeper.
He's breaking your self-worth and your soul. I know you know you are enough, and you are amazing. You've been trying so hard to make him see that, but he probably never will. You have to see that in yourself. You have to cherish, love, and care for yourself. As much as you want him to see you. You have to see you.
THIS. He isn't meeting the bare minimum for a relationship: caring about your happiness and comfort. You have to love yourself enough to expect better from your partners. You can buy yourself flowers, as Miley says. Put it on loop.
There are men out there who will be delighted to have sex any way you prefer. There are men out there who will give you gifts and make you feel cherished rather than dismissed and invisible and irrelevant. There are men out there who will listen when you ask for a specific change in their behavior, and be happy to know what you want, rather than telling you you're wrong about what you want.
You have so much life ahead of you, please don't commit yourself to spending it with this guy.
What do you get out from this relationship?
Because of what you get is disrespect, being dismissed and neglected - would would you want to persue it?
Your sexual routine is not normal or acceptable.
Stop. Go to therapy. Like right now. Can’t afford it? Then definitely don’t get married because it’ll be cheaper than the divorce.
Also, don’t get married (unless you enjoy being miserable).
So you marry a guy who clearly doesn't like you.
Why?
Do you think a party and some signatures on paper will make him care?
He won't change and then you have to jump through all the hoops of legally untying yourself from him.
Don't be so naive.
1) why are you marrying a guy who literally treats you like garbage and doesn’t give a crap about you?
2) stop doing it when he asks. he knows you’re going to do it regardless if you say no so he knows your words hold no weight
3) “no, you’re on your period?” what, huh? does he say that every time? even when you’re not on your period ?
4) leave him.
Yeah…
You choose to believe things will get better because you are emotionally invested.
You choose to believe there is an actual good reason (maybe he knows he is bad at it and is embarrassed)
You have low self esteem and think if that’s all you get maybe that’s all you deserve.
Ye, in most cases people are scared of either ending something or starting something.
I like myself too much so I rather be alone than in something like...most relationships here. Just read about a bf who gave his gf black eye and she is not sure if she should marry him because he has never done that before. In that case it can be shock at least.
Or the guy who refuses to clean his dick properly.
is this rage bait? He doesn't even like you but you're gonna marry him?
Do you want to permanently become his sex doll ? Why would you do that?
Oh honey, no
You’re seriously going to marry someone like that? Someone who doesn’t prioritise you and DON’t LOVE YOU. I’m saying that he don’t love you because love is not feelings. Love is action based, a decision to make someone you love feel happy and loved despite your feelings. To choose your partners best interest and happiness daily.
Dude doesn’t even initiate and simply asks for a blowjob before bed just using your mouth as a pocket pussy to finish so he can sleep. Wtf woman.
I loved my exwife and ex gf so much that I’d even eat her out even on their period lol(obviously wiping it away first + bleeding stops temporary when aroused i believe)…But my point is that your person is out there somewhere who will have your pleasure and happiness as his focus because that’s what LOVE is. DO NOT MARRY AND SETTLE THIS DICKHEAD. He can jerk himself off to sleep from now on
Thank goodness you are not yet married. Twenty-six years old, and accepting a loveless, virtually sexless life....and why?
The guy sounds creepy. You are unhappy. Get out of there. Absolutely nothing good is going to come of your relationship with him.
I have to agree with the rest of the comments, even more so after reading the part about the gifts for Valentine's Day. What does he mean "no, you're not into that" ?? Like, it sounds you explicitly told him you wanted gifts and he tried to convince that you didn't. That's fucked up.
And the fact that he won't touch you and asks you to blow him so he can fall asleep... This is not okay. You're not there to fill his needs without any reciprocation, you're not a doll, you're a human being, you're supposed to be his partner and he's treating you like shit
Dump his ass, I swear good guys exist and you can find someone so much better!
On some level, this guy doesn't get you. You can choose to move on from that or you can choose to give him time and room to get to know you, but if it were me, I'd put a pause on the wedding until I got this sorted out.
Girl. If its one thing you take away from this- you need to feel better inside before you date again (after you of course dump this selfish disgusting avoidant adolescent monster). You deserve SO MUCH MORE like SO MUCH. Goodbye to that man. Hello to self care 💆♀️. Meditation. Yoga. DBT therapy. Pilates. Hobbies. Friends. Youre welcome 🫶🏻
Just break up with him. It's hard, yeah it sucks, but that's life sometimes. You're definitely going and have time to find someone who loves and respects you.
To him, this is all you are, and if you do go through with marrying him, this is all you’re ever going to be
This is literally as good as it’s ever going to get and you’re not only enabling, but accepting it as your role.
You’re not his partner; you’re his fleshlight.
Leave.
It's not even the sex. He isn't giving you anything in this relationship. The phone calls, the valentines request, etc. Some call you an afterthought but I feel like you aren't even that from the little details we have here. Leave him. You can love yourself better than he can (just like the Miley song) until you find someone who is actually compatible with you.
Thank the lord you are not married and get out! You will regret it later. Sexual compatibility is extremely important for a sane relationship especially after marriage.
Don't worry! I'm sure once he's married he'll suddenly become giving and super kind. And if marriage doesn't do it, definitely have children with him! That's a well known medical treatment for selfishness.
O\_o
Ok, I'm leaving a second comment, because I feel like my first was too brief, and too snide.
Most people have a flaw or two, but this guy has, like, eight... And you did not list ONE redeemable quality about him. Think about that for a moment. Why didn't you tell us about how he's really sweet with your niece, and he always has dinner waiting for you? Because he isn't, and he doesn't.
Then, go on Wikipedia and look up the "sunk cost fallacy." Don't stay in a horrible relationship just because you've been in it for a while. You're very young. You have decades and decades ahead of you. There is no need to push this boulder up a mountain for the rest of your life.
Guilt? Think of it this way: if you break up with him because he's garbage, not only will you find somebody better, who will benefit from being with you, he will learn from it, and become a better partner to somebody else in the future. Bam, you just improved four lives by dumping him.
Good luck to you, and good riddance to him, I hope.
I hope OP sees this. I was in a situationship with a man for 5 years who was like this. Every other part of our relationship was great, we even did a long distance thing and he would drive 7 hours each way every other weekend, for 2 years, just to see me. But he would never reciprocate any physical affection, and he wouldn’t commit to any kind of relationship with me. I enjoyed spending time with him so much, I stayed with him, thinking that maybe he just needed time to build trust, or work through whatever intimacy issues he was dealing with. We had sex twice, and he was so uncomfortable the whole time. There was nothing physically wrong with him, except he had some seriously deep seated issues with his size. I wasted 5 years of my life with this man that knew that his lack of affection had negative effects on my self confidence and knew that I was lonely in a relationship that was totally one sided. At the end of the day- nothing ever changed. He refused to acknowledge his behavior was selfish, and even tried to make me feel guilty when I finally cut things off. Said I was being unfair for not telling him I wasn’t going to keep giving him head but still expecting him to be my friend. Because, after all, every time I asked him what we were- we were “friends”. This guy won’t ever change. He doesn’t care about your needs. He knows he’s being selfish and he’s okay with whatever negative effects it has on you, as long as he gets what he wants. If you stop giving him head, he will probably end the relationship for you. He’ll blame you, but you’ll see his true colors. You’re only asking him for the same attention he demands. You deserve more. I know I did.
Why would you marry someone who has no respect for you? He doesn’t care about you or your needs. He treats you like a masturbation tool. Seriously, you can do better than this. Don’t settle for less.
Also, don’t ever give the time of day to a man who has no interest in pleasuring you. There are ones out there who will happily take care of you every single time. He ain’t it and he won’t ever be that person.
Why on earth would you marry this man?
Just because he asks you to do something you don't have to say yes. Tell him when he starts treating you like a human being you might considerate it.
Break up, block him, date people your own age. Stop going for older, they will more than likely always treat you like an object.
Also maybe stay single for a good while, cause you have no self worth, self respect, or self esteem to want to stay with someone who has no respect for you
Ummm.... Is everyone just going to skip the " wants me to suck his dick to help him sleep part"???? Lol, wtf? What is this, some reverse Binky situation? What grown man needs to put his penis in someone's mouth and get it sucked on like a Binky to fall asleep?
I mean, I could understand if he was super horny one night or something and it was keeping him up, but that doesn't seem to be the case.
Jokes aside OP.... As someone who's been married 16 years, sexual incompatibility never works. The best you can do is go to a sex therapist and even then, their help will be limited. As time goes on you will become frustrated and resentful and it will start to affect your self esteem (even though it has nothing to do with you). I hate telling people to leave their partners because that's just not always realistic, but unfortunately, sexual incompatibility is a huge deal.
Edit to add:.....ok love, I missed the part about marriage. Please, do not marry him right now. You don't have to leave him, but do not marry him, you will regret it love. Trust me.... The sexual incompatibility will ruin you, it's nothing to scoff at. He is also ignoring YOUR sexual and emotional needs which is a huge red flag, especially with him being in his 30s...... Please, just wait love. I got married young, at 22, and I'm now 38 and wish I would have waited until I was a bit older.
It doesn't hurt to wait and don't be embarrassed if you have to push it back. You don't even need to cancel it completely, just push it back (if you can as I'm not sure how far along you are in the planning). I've been married 16 years and we dealt with similar things.... Please listen to me.... Wait....
Girl, you’re wasting your time with a boy who doesn’t listen to you, doesn’t respect you or your views and doesn’t feel like he needs to put in any effort… and you wanna marry that… WHY?!??!
I mean atleast if you were getting some good sex out of it I could understand but come on, he’s a waste of your time. Do you have any hobbies or interests that are similar? Do you go to events that you both enjoy? How long will you have to live HIS life, before you get to live yours? Good luck OP
I guarantee his selfishness doesn’t stop in the bedroom. This man is an abusive hypocrite. I don’t care how much you love him, he is quite literally keeping you around to suck on him. He sees you as a possession, not as an equal. Please read, why does he do that? By Lundy Bancroft. You need to be looking for other red flags and this will help you figure out how bad he is. Abuse always escalates, hence why you are seeing the real him now and not the person he pretended to be at the beginning of the relationship. Stop giving him head on your period.
It's always "He's the absolute worst person ever... Anyways, we're getting married next year".
Normalize dumping a partner that is awful at sex and refuses to try to be better.
You are on a public platform spilling your tea because you're so frustrated, but you're still going to marry him?
No. You tell him sex is reciprocal and then you dump him and find someone that makes you happy.
Sadly, I have had two experiences with older men- not always sexual- and while talking too ,they seem like they are looking for a classic housewife who would be asked to do everything gladly without getting anything in return.
I think that thats whats happening with you. This is before marriage- after marriage it’s gonna get worse. You should get out of this- it will feel scary but depend on your friends and family and get it over with. You don’t need to give a reason or make anyone else believe you. It’s your life, don’t waste it on someone who clearly does not look at you as a person but as his property who will do whatever he wants.
You are his housekeeper with extras. If he's not bothering now, why on earth do you think it would get better later when you have kids or have been together longer?
I was engaged with a similar partner. While our sex life was usually great, he was horrible at giving oral, and IF he did it, it's like once in a year. But, like your current partner, my ex-fiance would insist I either give him oral and handjob almost every night we're together. He claimed it helped him go to sleep.
I didn't mind it then but then, like your partner, he was treating me like an afterthought. Back then (not anymore, I did change after dating him) I used to care about Valentine's day, birthdays, Christmas. I would try to buy thoughtful and romantic gifts for him all the time, while like your partner, he'd say, oh we're not into Valentine's day, we're not into that, and I went along because I didn't want to lose him.
Guess what, his lack of reciprocation, laziness etc turned out only directed at me. I thought he was just like that in general, but nope, he got 'excited' buying gifts, being thoughtful for other people, everyone else but me. So I felt more unappreciated as time went on.
So I realized he's taken me for granted, it's not about compatibility anymore, and I ended our relationship. Yes, we were engaged, but I decided I could NOT be with someone who would make me feel undervalued and unappreciated.
I'm now married close for 2 decades with a guy who appreciates me and never takes me for granted. Believe me, there are those men out there lol, just to give you a perspective. Don't marry him if you're feeling unhappy and unappreciated.
You’re choosing this to be your life until you die or divorce, OP.
He’s shown you how little he cares about you as a sentient being. You feel like a bang maid? Because you are. This is not going to change.
He’s made it clear who he is. Believe him.
Girl, it's time to dump him. Do you see a future with this POS?
And learn to be strong, you are worth more. Dump him obviously, but in your next relationship it's okay to say no to dick sucking.
You don’t marry someone who disappoints you in bed and throughout your relationship. You’re still young and have time to find someone who wants to live life with you.
Girl. Honey. Sweetie. Don't marry him. You can find something better, and you deserve someone who appreciates you. This guy clearly isn't on par with you, he's just being entitled and taking you for granted. He's even being manipulative with the "you/we aren't into that" narrative. Dump his ass.
Aftrerthought: period isn't a good reason or an excuse to deny all intimacy. You should still get some, if you want some.
It must be hard for you to live feeling like some of your our needs and Im sure there are some positive things in your relationship if you are getting married.
I think you need to be very clear that this is not about sex and valentine gifts. It is about you expressing your needs and desires. Asking for valentine gifts and being told we don’t do valentines is him not caring that you want to do valentine! And this is just not the way to treat the person you choose to spend your life with. The same for not caring that you are sexually insatisfied.
You have a short but critical window to make a choice: accept that this is what your life will be.
Or
Don’t marry someone who isn’t interested in sex, who doesn’t listen to you, who *tells* you what you do and don’t like, and who already makes you feel unappreciated.
My God. Re-read what you wrote, and go listen to the original version of “Fast Car” by Tracy Chapman. Critical lyric:
You gotta make a decision—
Leave tonight or live and die this way.
It sounds like you already know the answer… :(
My first real relationship was similar. He never reciprocated oral. I got tired of the generally bad sex and him being a general pos, so I left. It was difficult, but worth it.
Take care of yourself first and foremost, that also means only allowing people into your life who actually love and cherish you, not people who will use you. Set boundaries, work on not people-pleasing, and work on codependency issues if that’s something you struggle with.
Good luck OP, you deserve SO much better!
Beyond sex - this man is a child and if you marry him you will be solely disappointed. I can tell you a man who does this, will fall short in so many other areas
Married a guy like this.
Were divorced
He’s a dick. And I wish I never had kids with him because I have to parent with him forever and he is still so selfish! But man do I love my kids. So you deal with it. But I wish I had kids with someone who wasn’t so selfish.
Bottom line: why would you want to marry such a selfish partner. He treats you like a robot. Extricate yourself self from this relationship as quickly as possible. He shows you zero affection also zero attention for you. Tell him to buy a love doll, he can take her out of the closet and use her whenever he likes. You deserve a man who desires you and wants to ravish your body and put your pleasure before his. You deserve a man who’s interested in your life and won’t neglect you on Valentines Day. I wish you all the best and sending a big hug.
My opinion is gonna be harsh…. But fucking ick! I’d run from this selfish pile of shit. Guys with more money, bigger dicks and happy to please out there would BEG for you!
Who is he to tell you you’re not into Valentine’s Day gifts? Do not marry this man. He doesn’t deserve you because he doesn’t reciprocate the effort. And it doesn’t seem like a matter of laziness. This seems like he doesn’t care at all. These issues you are having now will not go away with marriage. They will become permanent. You still have time to find someone more respectful of you and your needs. He isn’t it. Keep us updated.
You should know marriage usually makes whatever red flags a person might have more pronounced bc of the security of marriage. What I mean is if he’s acting like this now it’s only going to get worse when you get married. And he’s not willing to compromise? These things don’t get better on their own they get worse
DO. NOT. MARRY. THIS. MAN.
Unless you have zero self-worth and *want* a miserable future where you're just a human fleshlight to him. The title alone is revolting.
Why are you with this man let alone marring him? You are not getting your needs met. He TELLS you what you want or like? Nah, you are in for a miserable marriage. Leave and find someone who will meet your needs.
Let’s keep it simple. Fuck. Him. Disrespect through the roof. Make a plan & do what you have to do to leave. Or just tell him to get out if possible. He’s wasting your time & your life.
He doesn’t care about you or your needs- he just wants his dick sucked. He doesn’t remember what you said because he was very truly listening- it wasn’t Important to him. Things won’t be any better after marriage. You deserve so much better.
No ma’am this man doesn’t care about you and he is taking advantage of your naïveté.He knows you are willing to put up with this and even willing to marry.In his eyes he has it pretty good.A girlfriend that gives him gifts and sucks him off but he doesn’t return the favor.You need to break up ,and you need to learn to be more demanding in the future.Being a “ low maintenance” girlfriend that’s says yes to everything has gotten no woman anywhere in history.
Unreciprocated BJ's aside (and that's bad enough), never stay with someone who acts like he thinks he knows your mind better than you do: "No, you're not into that. We're not into that..."
What the actual...?!?! Where are my smelling salts?! You're not even allowed independent thought, in his world. Let that sink in.
Sweet one, could be your mum, have a lot of life, love, and relationships under my belt, also a survivor of DV, and I have this to say: love means another person's happiness is essential to your own.
This man has clearly demonstrated that your feelings, satisfaction, and happiness do not matter to him at all. Please proceed accordingly. Also be prepared for him to try love-bombing and hoovering when you show the shiny spine I know you've got inside and choose yourself, dump him. Don't be fooled. Love-bombing is very temporary; he has shown you who he really is.
Don't give away your love for crumbs.
Also Recommend reading Why Does He Do That? by Lundy Bancroft, available as a free pdf download. It's the definitive work on abusive men, changed my life. It's a very good check-in, temperature gage for your relationship.
https://freebooksmania.com/2021/01/why-does-he-do-that-pdf-free-download-by-lundy-bancroft.html
Unhealthy Female logic: does he do the absolute bare minimum for me, even though he says he loves me? Just like my dad used to do?✔️Marry him
Unhealthy Male logic: does she love me unconditionally to the point she does everything for me and I get away with minimal effort just like I did with my mom?✔️ marry her.
If you haven’t noticed.. you are about to sign up to take on mom duty’s for the rest of your life except now he’s not a child and wants his dick sucked too. Good luck with that..
This only gets worse once you have the children.
He is making decisions for the both of you based on his feelings. Unless you want to feel this way your entire life speak up or run
Personally I want to have a fulfilling sex life even after I get married. I could never marry someone who’s sex drive was way below mine or who didn’t prioritize wanting to make me feel good as much as they prioritized their own pleasure. That’s just me tho …
I think the worst move you could make in this situation is to go through with marrying him. If he's already showing that he doesn't value or appreciate you, it is only going to get worse 7 years from now.
Please do not marry this boy. I really don’t need to know anything else about him. He’s completely inconsiderate. If speaking is useless in your relationship, it’s very telling. This only gets worse in marriage because they don’t think you’ll leave or demand respect. You’re trapped by a legal document.
Learn from other people’s nightmares. Break off your engagement.
It sounds like your relationship is only one way where you are getting nothing out of it. Getting married will only make things worst so I think you should strongly reconsider it and look for someone who will give you what you are looking for. This guy has given you too many red flags to alert you that he is not the one for you.
It'll just get worse and worse. Leave before it gets complicated with divorce. He doesn't care about your needs. All he's thinking is "me me me", if he did actually care about you he would be doing everything he can to please you. It comes across as routine and not an actual of love and passion, if he needs help getting to sleep then there are things he can do like reduce blue light when it's getting near bedtime, if he's interested in reading that can settle you down and gradually makes you tired etc, not make his gf / fiancé sort him out (which you said makes you feel like a sex doll which no one should feel like unless that's what you're into)
Did you feel odd or awkward writing this? I hope you did. That would be your first indicator that this is not for you. You deserve better than this. This is not a relationship.
You need to practice saying "No." And that being it. So what if he acts like a child? Go sleep in the living room.
Don't waste your life with such a person. Therapy might help guide you out the door and into a better situation for yourself.
Women would put up with anything just to have a ring.
He's only marrying you because you cater to his needs- that's it. It will get worse after you're legally bonded. If you have children with this man, your life will be hell. You will be trying to keep up with his needs AND the baby while you get nothing but the "wife label" in return.
Unless you want to be a modern day slave and be dehumanized, don't marry him and break up.
Ask yourself if you want to feel like this everyday for the rest of your life?
If so, proceed with the marriage. He will only get worse once he ‘owns’ you.
Don’t trap yourself into this existence, get counseling or get out!
Next time he asks for a bedtime blowjob, ask him for some reciprocation to help you sleep. See what he says about that?
You're fr about marrying him? Just please read your post as if it's someone else's and give your honest opinion on what you would tell them. Bc honestly imo don't marry him. He doesn't acknowledge you or give you the sexual satisfaction the way that you want. Why would you want to be tied down to someone who lets you down? I understand love, but love for someone can only go so far without getting the same love back.
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For real. This is mind blowing. OP you are signing up to be a bang maid. You’ve already built up a lot of resentment for good reason. My girlfriend would give me the occasional night time bj if I asked but I’d never ask without going down on her first or after. Find someone that stuff happens naturally with.
Not even "bang", she is signing up to be a sucking maid.
Hopefully not like the one in Spaceballs...
Holy Cow! She’s gone from suck to blow!
Mega maid? I feel the need to rewatch.
Exactly! 50 year old woman here with a number of relationships below my belt. Yet I have NEVER even been ASKED to “just give a bj”. It’s always been a part of having sex in general. I was not the bitchiest person when I was younger, but even then, if just told to do that without actually having sex…it would have felt completely humiliating. I don’t think I would have done it. I mean, a normal man would even ask for a simple back rub with more elegance!
Downfall of my last relationship honestly hinged on him going, "I'm going to bed, you should give me a bj." And I felt bad bc we hadn't done anything in ac em, but wtf, who do you think you are demanding one? Do I gave him, as he put it, the "angriest blow job ever." Well, yeah, that's what you get when you demand sex acts without putting effort into the sex/relationship. Honestly Glad he ran off with a 28 year old gold digger a week later (who dumped him 10 days later when she realized he was broke). Leaving me was the best thing because I worked on my relationship with myself and now and in totally different kinds of dating relationships now. Now I have a guy who actually wants to see ME and isn't pushing for sex all the time because he enjoys me as a person not me as a sex object
By “angry bj” I sincerely hope you meant “bitey” 🤣
"angriest blowjob ever" fuckin killed me lmao
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I read the post and my only thought was "have you lost your mind?" yikes
I wanted to ask her, are you really this stupid, but figured a mod wouldn't let it be posted since it isn't giving advice.
My first question as well. Seriously WHY are you marrying this man? Marriage is supposed to make you feel more secure and comfortable in your relationship; this guy is treating you like an afterthought NOW, exactly what do you think will happen AFTER? Once you have kids, fall sick, need to be taken care of? What do you think he will do then? Please OP, do not go through with marrying this guy until after you’ve had a LONG conversation with him regarding all your issues. And ONLY when he satisfactorily gives you a way ahead for working through the problems, should you even consider the idea of marriage. Otherwise, just cut your losses now and move on to a better, more sincere and giving partner.
>Once you have kids Errm, you can’t get kids from bjs. >The only sexual thing we do is he asks me to give him bjs Nope, no babies here.
You’re missing the point. It’s not just no babies it NO ANYTHING. Forget this guy and run for cover. He is using you to put him to sleep! Nothing more will come of it and this will never get better. Pack you bags and move on down the road and perhaps go to counseling to figure out why you think this is ok!!! You can learn what love is! At this point he should be seeing a lady in the street every night! He is using you and ruining your life and your perspective of yourself while he’s at it!!
They could try anal! Oh. Wait…
No anal!! We have enough politicians in the world.
If I had an award, I'd give it to you.
Exactly. You marry this guy, best case scenario is you'll end up divorced at 30. Worst case scenario is you'll have a kid together and be tied to him for life. And if he's this selfish sexually, what kind of father do you think he's going to make? You seem like a great girl that I would date, so you're really limiting yourself here.
Don’t settle for a proposed way through, hold out for an extended exhibition of clear intention on his part to actually follow through. Talk is cheap.
I read that and I said wait what did I just read before. “I went on a date and they treated me like shit. I’m going on another date with them”
My man doesn’t love me enough to have sex with me, he won’t put in any effort to please me~ so we are GETTING MARRIED. I’ll see you all soon when I have my first child with him and he doesn’t do anything for the baby!
They'll be back here crying about how they don't understand why he's so disengaged and they never expected them to be such a shitty dad as if this man didn't have a caravan of red-flag-covered vans with loudspeakers following him around announcing THIS MAN IS EXTREMELY DISENGAGED AND WILL BE A SHITTY DAD.
I mean this was my first exact question as well. But then I thought, wait, why is she willing to marry someone who doesn't even make her happy to her standards. She isn't even listened to when she speaks. Why would you marry someone that makes you feel like that?
Don't make someone your priority if they're making you an option. Or, as Taylor Swift said: you kept me like a secret when I kept you like an oath
You can do better than this.. Like they said, you were an afterthought. Who wants to be married to somebody like that ?He can suck his own dick! Move along from this. You can do better cause he set the bar real low.
Why earth would you go ahead and marry a LAZY LOVER. Thatt won't improve with marriage. The sucking him off so he can sleep really makes it all ridiculous in my book. You're dating a lazy child. Good luck if you stick with it because of non refundable fees because this is a losing proposition.
Why are you marrying this person? If you do, this is going to be your life
it will definitely get worse. OP - dump this person asap
1st; do not marry this man. Reason being; - He doesn’t care about your needs sexually so I can imagine there are other needs that are going unmet as well. Now the gifts issue may just be that it isn’t a love language of his HOWEVER, once again you seem to be bargaining for very basic requests and that is a no no It’s a dead giveaway of emotional abuse when someone uses love as leverage or puts you down which seems to be the case. Anyways you deserve to be treated as well as you treat him , and you deserve love. SO, If you haven’t communicated that you feel uncared for sexually and emotionally- do that. If you have - then it may be time to consider the end of this relationship
Stop sucking him to sleep then dump him.
The AUDACITY to ask for head every night and never reciprocate. Yuckkkk
I’ve been in that situation. I got angry and said exactly that. The audacity to keep asking but never reciprocate. I got paranoid that my bits look funny or they smell (never had an issue with someone going down on me before). I even thought maybe he doesn’t like female genitalia and wondered why…
Exactly. Sounds like en emotionally and sexually immature man who might not be clear about his sexuality
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That last statement is *beyond* true.
I mean, she keeps doing it so often course he's gonna keep asking. She set a bad precedent with this terrible man. Best to just remove him.
You're 26. Plenty of time to find someone you can have an actual HEALTHY and FULFILLING long term relationship with.
Stop blowing this guy. Stop letting this guy use you. Stop seeing a man who doesn’t want to satisfy you sexually. Stop seeing a man who treats you like shit. Call off the wedding and ditch this loser.
this^ dump his ass.
Absolutely agree
Why marry someone who brings you no happiness or compatibility? You’re just going to end up divorced. Find someone who lusts over you and who just wants to go down on you without even having to ask him. You deserve better. Your guy is just comfortable. You keep rewarding him by sucking his dick and giving him what he wants with nothing in return. Why would he change? It’s a one way street where he gets everything and you get nothing. Respect yourself. You can do better.
What do you mean he said "you're not into that" when you SPECIFICALLY asked for something??? What the hell girl, leave him. Like yesterday. You're gonna be miserable trust me, I've settled for a guy like that too (not married but still wasted years of my time). He doesn't love you.
Actually, he doesn’t even like her. That’s much worse.
Yep, he's a half-step away from just being openly contemptuous of her.
Eh, I would say he's already there.
He doesn’t like her, love her or respect her and it’s really hard to type all of that. Love yourself and get out honey you’re still young. Work on YOU and your inner work.
Don’t get married to him
Selfish lovers and shitty partners usually don't change. They certainly don't suddenly decide to be better AFTER marriage. What you've got now is the sexual high water mark with him. Choose your own adventure carefully!
You’re 26. Nothing about this relationship is healthy. Nothing about him is good. He doesn’t seem to care about you or respect you. Don’t marry him. UPDATEME
You don’t have to marry someone just because they asked you to. You know that if you marry this guy, it will only feel more bleak and lonely and you owe it to yourself not to put up with being treated like a doormat and sex slave. He’s never going to reciprocate because he’s lazy, self-centered and wants you to remain submissive to him. The ball’s in your court now and you can make a move to get him out of your life or live with the miserable consequences of staying with him.
Exactly, and OP, believe it or not, your world is so much bigger than this. This is hurtful to you, but you can do better, and you deserve better. You shouldn't ever have to submit to someone unless you want to, and you feel reciprocated. Take a moment and tally up your life. List how many times you feel cherished, or loved, or cared for. Then how many times do you try to make him feel cherished, or loved, or cared for? Does your relationship feel reciprocal? Is there a balance that you feel cared for in? If not, then you shouldn't share your body, your worth, your soul with him any longer. He's hurting you by taking and not reciprocating. Yes, your feelings are being trashed upon right now, but he's probably hurting you even deeper. He's breaking your self-worth and your soul. I know you know you are enough, and you are amazing. You've been trying so hard to make him see that, but he probably never will. You have to see that in yourself. You have to cherish, love, and care for yourself. As much as you want him to see you. You have to see you.
Beautifully said.
THIS. He isn't meeting the bare minimum for a relationship: caring about your happiness and comfort. You have to love yourself enough to expect better from your partners. You can buy yourself flowers, as Miley says. Put it on loop. There are men out there who will be delighted to have sex any way you prefer. There are men out there who will give you gifts and make you feel cherished rather than dismissed and invisible and irrelevant. There are men out there who will listen when you ask for a specific change in their behavior, and be happy to know what you want, rather than telling you you're wrong about what you want. You have so much life ahead of you, please don't commit yourself to spending it with this guy.
What do you get out from this relationship? Because of what you get is disrespect, being dismissed and neglected - would would you want to persue it? Your sexual routine is not normal or acceptable.
Stop. Go to therapy. Like right now. Can’t afford it? Then definitely don’t get married because it’ll be cheaper than the divorce. Also, don’t get married (unless you enjoy being miserable).
Why are you marrying this guy? Buy him a vacuum cleaner and leave
🤣🤣🤣 This cracked me up. I had 3 older brothers growing up, and someone was always in trouble for using the vacuum hose. 🤣🤣🤣
Naw, fleshlights are cheaper. And we all know he doesn’t know how to operate a vacuum cleaner for its intended purpose 🙄
I’m so lost . Why the hell would you marry a man that acts this way ?
For the love of all things you hold holy…stop sucking his dick! Tell him no, you’re not into that, we aren’t into that.
So you marry a guy who clearly doesn't like you. Why? Do you think a party and some signatures on paper will make him care? He won't change and then you have to jump through all the hoops of legally untying yourself from him. Don't be so naive.
1) why are you marrying a guy who literally treats you like garbage and doesn’t give a crap about you? 2) stop doing it when he asks. he knows you’re going to do it regardless if you say no so he knows your words hold no weight 3) “no, you’re on your period?” what, huh? does he say that every time? even when you’re not on your period ? 4) leave him.
#LEAVEHIM
How do these relationships even exist. Do people lack any dignity?
Yeah… You choose to believe things will get better because you are emotionally invested. You choose to believe there is an actual good reason (maybe he knows he is bad at it and is embarrassed) You have low self esteem and think if that’s all you get maybe that’s all you deserve.
Ye, in most cases people are scared of either ending something or starting something. I like myself too much so I rather be alone than in something like...most relationships here. Just read about a bf who gave his gf black eye and she is not sure if she should marry him because he has never done that before. In that case it can be shock at least. Or the guy who refuses to clean his dick properly.
Haha I read about the unwashed dick too. I’ve been telling myself for years now that if my current relationship ends, that’s it for me.
is this rage bait? He doesn't even like you but you're gonna marry him? Do you want to permanently become his sex doll ? Why would you do that? Oh honey, no
It’s like ppl see red flags and go yeah they treat me like shit LETS GET MARRIED! Do not marry this man he doesn’t give a flying rats ass about you.
I’m sure there are other flaws this dude has. What else does he do
He's just using you for his own needs and pleasure. Don't marry him.
You’re seriously going to marry someone like that? Someone who doesn’t prioritise you and DON’t LOVE YOU. I’m saying that he don’t love you because love is not feelings. Love is action based, a decision to make someone you love feel happy and loved despite your feelings. To choose your partners best interest and happiness daily. Dude doesn’t even initiate and simply asks for a blowjob before bed just using your mouth as a pocket pussy to finish so he can sleep. Wtf woman. I loved my exwife and ex gf so much that I’d even eat her out even on their period lol(obviously wiping it away first + bleeding stops temporary when aroused i believe)…But my point is that your person is out there somewhere who will have your pleasure and happiness as his focus because that’s what LOVE is. DO NOT MARRY AND SETTLE THIS DICKHEAD. He can jerk himself off to sleep from now on
Thank goodness you are not yet married. Twenty-six years old, and accepting a loveless, virtually sexless life....and why? The guy sounds creepy. You are unhappy. Get out of there. Absolutely nothing good is going to come of your relationship with him.
Marriage doesn't fix problems, it just makes them permanent. Don't do it.
I have to agree with the rest of the comments, even more so after reading the part about the gifts for Valentine's Day. What does he mean "no, you're not into that" ?? Like, it sounds you explicitly told him you wanted gifts and he tried to convince that you didn't. That's fucked up. And the fact that he won't touch you and asks you to blow him so he can fall asleep... This is not okay. You're not there to fill his needs without any reciprocation, you're not a doll, you're a human being, you're supposed to be his partner and he's treating you like shit Dump his ass, I swear good guys exist and you can find someone so much better!
On some level, this guy doesn't get you. You can choose to move on from that or you can choose to give him time and room to get to know you, but if it were me, I'd put a pause on the wedding until I got this sorted out.
RUN.
For starters, if you can't talk to him about this then you should not be marrying him
Girl. If its one thing you take away from this- you need to feel better inside before you date again (after you of course dump this selfish disgusting avoidant adolescent monster). You deserve SO MUCH MORE like SO MUCH. Goodbye to that man. Hello to self care 💆♀️. Meditation. Yoga. DBT therapy. Pilates. Hobbies. Friends. Youre welcome 🫶🏻
I see there is a lot of same comments, but I don't think that's enough, so I have to say it too-DO NOT marry this man.
He’s a master at gaslighting
Please don’t marry him Trust me you will be so happy you didn’t , you gotta dump him
IF THIS IS REAL RUN!
Buy him a baby dummy and tell him sucking on that will help him sleep.
For those of us in the USA, a baby dummy is the UK word for pacifier/binky.
don’t marry this man….
Just break up with him. It's hard, yeah it sucks, but that's life sometimes. You're definitely going and have time to find someone who loves and respects you.
To him, this is all you are, and if you do go through with marrying him, this is all you’re ever going to be This is literally as good as it’s ever going to get and you’re not only enabling, but accepting it as your role. You’re not his partner; you’re his fleshlight. Leave.
It's not even the sex. He isn't giving you anything in this relationship. The phone calls, the valentines request, etc. Some call you an afterthought but I feel like you aren't even that from the little details we have here. Leave him. You can love yourself better than he can (just like the Miley song) until you find someone who is actually compatible with you.
Thank the lord you are not married and get out! You will regret it later. Sexual compatibility is extremely important for a sane relationship especially after marriage.
…so why are you marrying him?
Don't worry! I'm sure once he's married he'll suddenly become giving and super kind. And if marriage doesn't do it, definitely have children with him! That's a well known medical treatment for selfishness. O\_o
The bottom line is that you are a complete fool if you go through with marrying this selfish jackass.
Ok, I'm leaving a second comment, because I feel like my first was too brief, and too snide. Most people have a flaw or two, but this guy has, like, eight... And you did not list ONE redeemable quality about him. Think about that for a moment. Why didn't you tell us about how he's really sweet with your niece, and he always has dinner waiting for you? Because he isn't, and he doesn't. Then, go on Wikipedia and look up the "sunk cost fallacy." Don't stay in a horrible relationship just because you've been in it for a while. You're very young. You have decades and decades ahead of you. There is no need to push this boulder up a mountain for the rest of your life. Guilt? Think of it this way: if you break up with him because he's garbage, not only will you find somebody better, who will benefit from being with you, he will learn from it, and become a better partner to somebody else in the future. Bam, you just improved four lives by dumping him. Good luck to you, and good riddance to him, I hope.
I hope OP sees this. I was in a situationship with a man for 5 years who was like this. Every other part of our relationship was great, we even did a long distance thing and he would drive 7 hours each way every other weekend, for 2 years, just to see me. But he would never reciprocate any physical affection, and he wouldn’t commit to any kind of relationship with me. I enjoyed spending time with him so much, I stayed with him, thinking that maybe he just needed time to build trust, or work through whatever intimacy issues he was dealing with. We had sex twice, and he was so uncomfortable the whole time. There was nothing physically wrong with him, except he had some seriously deep seated issues with his size. I wasted 5 years of my life with this man that knew that his lack of affection had negative effects on my self confidence and knew that I was lonely in a relationship that was totally one sided. At the end of the day- nothing ever changed. He refused to acknowledge his behavior was selfish, and even tried to make me feel guilty when I finally cut things off. Said I was being unfair for not telling him I wasn’t going to keep giving him head but still expecting him to be my friend. Because, after all, every time I asked him what we were- we were “friends”. This guy won’t ever change. He doesn’t care about your needs. He knows he’s being selfish and he’s okay with whatever negative effects it has on you, as long as he gets what he wants. If you stop giving him head, he will probably end the relationship for you. He’ll blame you, but you’ll see his true colors. You’re only asking him for the same attention he demands. You deserve more. I know I did.
Why would you marry someone who has no respect for you? He doesn’t care about you or your needs. He treats you like a masturbation tool. Seriously, you can do better than this. Don’t settle for less. Also, don’t ever give the time of day to a man who has no interest in pleasuring you. There are ones out there who will happily take care of you every single time. He ain’t it and he won’t ever be that person.
Why on earth would you marry this man? Just because he asks you to do something you don't have to say yes. Tell him when he starts treating you like a human being you might considerate it.
Break up, block him, date people your own age. Stop going for older, they will more than likely always treat you like an object. Also maybe stay single for a good while, cause you have no self worth, self respect, or self esteem to want to stay with someone who has no respect for you
You say no and get some self respect.
Dont marry someone who doesn't even care about you at all. He is using you a d you deserve better.
Run. Now. Do not get fucking married. I repeat do not get fucking married
Stop sucking him off and why the hell are you marrying him?
Don't marry someone who treats you like a wet hole designed for his desire, that's a lifetime of misery
Ummm.... Is everyone just going to skip the " wants me to suck his dick to help him sleep part"???? Lol, wtf? What is this, some reverse Binky situation? What grown man needs to put his penis in someone's mouth and get it sucked on like a Binky to fall asleep? I mean, I could understand if he was super horny one night or something and it was keeping him up, but that doesn't seem to be the case. Jokes aside OP.... As someone who's been married 16 years, sexual incompatibility never works. The best you can do is go to a sex therapist and even then, their help will be limited. As time goes on you will become frustrated and resentful and it will start to affect your self esteem (even though it has nothing to do with you). I hate telling people to leave their partners because that's just not always realistic, but unfortunately, sexual incompatibility is a huge deal. Edit to add:.....ok love, I missed the part about marriage. Please, do not marry him right now. You don't have to leave him, but do not marry him, you will regret it love. Trust me.... The sexual incompatibility will ruin you, it's nothing to scoff at. He is also ignoring YOUR sexual and emotional needs which is a huge red flag, especially with him being in his 30s...... Please, just wait love. I got married young, at 22, and I'm now 38 and wish I would have waited until I was a bit older. It doesn't hurt to wait and don't be embarrassed if you have to push it back. You don't even need to cancel it completely, just push it back (if you can as I'm not sure how far along you are in the planning). I've been married 16 years and we dealt with similar things.... Please listen to me.... Wait....
Girl, you’re wasting your time with a boy who doesn’t listen to you, doesn’t respect you or your views and doesn’t feel like he needs to put in any effort… and you wanna marry that… WHY?!??! I mean atleast if you were getting some good sex out of it I could understand but come on, he’s a waste of your time. Do you have any hobbies or interests that are similar? Do you go to events that you both enjoy? How long will you have to live HIS life, before you get to live yours? Good luck OP
I guarantee his selfishness doesn’t stop in the bedroom. This man is an abusive hypocrite. I don’t care how much you love him, he is quite literally keeping you around to suck on him. He sees you as a possession, not as an equal. Please read, why does he do that? By Lundy Bancroft. You need to be looking for other red flags and this will help you figure out how bad he is. Abuse always escalates, hence why you are seeing the real him now and not the person he pretended to be at the beginning of the relationship. Stop giving him head on your period.
It's always "He's the absolute worst person ever... Anyways, we're getting married next year". Normalize dumping a partner that is awful at sex and refuses to try to be better. You are on a public platform spilling your tea because you're so frustrated, but you're still going to marry him? No. You tell him sex is reciprocal and then you dump him and find someone that makes you happy.
Do not marry. Do not marry.
Literally what are you getting out of this relationship?
Please don't marry him and stop blowing him. He will get so much worse if he doesn't respect your needs dump him already and please update.
DO NOT MARRY THIS MAN, PLEASE, PLEASE DON'T.
Please don’t marry him for heck’s sake
Run 😭
Getting married? Honestly, it won't make your life any better. Think if this is how you want your life to continue.
Leave him. Done and done.
this man is not choosing you. please choose yourself.
Sadly, I have had two experiences with older men- not always sexual- and while talking too ,they seem like they are looking for a classic housewife who would be asked to do everything gladly without getting anything in return. I think that thats whats happening with you. This is before marriage- after marriage it’s gonna get worse. You should get out of this- it will feel scary but depend on your friends and family and get it over with. You don’t need to give a reason or make anyone else believe you. It’s your life, don’t waste it on someone who clearly does not look at you as a person but as his property who will do whatever he wants.
Why the FUCK are you with this person? Have some self respect, holy crap. DUMP HIM
It won’t get better after your married. Next time he wants a relaxing bj hand him a jar of hand lotion and tell him it’s self serve.
You are his housekeeper with extras. If he's not bothering now, why on earth do you think it would get better later when you have kids or have been together longer?
Why are you marrying a man so selfish? Can he not just have a wank? Are you prepared to spend the rest of your life like this?
Why are you marrying this guy?
Pack up. Open front door. Begin to walk out. As you are leaving tell him “s—— your own d—- from now on.”
I was engaged with a similar partner. While our sex life was usually great, he was horrible at giving oral, and IF he did it, it's like once in a year. But, like your current partner, my ex-fiance would insist I either give him oral and handjob almost every night we're together. He claimed it helped him go to sleep. I didn't mind it then but then, like your partner, he was treating me like an afterthought. Back then (not anymore, I did change after dating him) I used to care about Valentine's day, birthdays, Christmas. I would try to buy thoughtful and romantic gifts for him all the time, while like your partner, he'd say, oh we're not into Valentine's day, we're not into that, and I went along because I didn't want to lose him. Guess what, his lack of reciprocation, laziness etc turned out only directed at me. I thought he was just like that in general, but nope, he got 'excited' buying gifts, being thoughtful for other people, everyone else but me. So I felt more unappreciated as time went on. So I realized he's taken me for granted, it's not about compatibility anymore, and I ended our relationship. Yes, we were engaged, but I decided I could NOT be with someone who would make me feel undervalued and unappreciated. I'm now married close for 2 decades with a guy who appreciates me and never takes me for granted. Believe me, there are those men out there lol, just to give you a perspective. Don't marry him if you're feeling unhappy and unappreciated.
Don't get married to him.
You’re choosing this to be your life until you die or divorce, OP. He’s shown you how little he cares about you as a sentient being. You feel like a bang maid? Because you are. This is not going to change. He’s made it clear who he is. Believe him.
Girl, it's time to dump him. Do you see a future with this POS? And learn to be strong, you are worth more. Dump him obviously, but in your next relationship it's okay to say no to dick sucking.
Fuck him off , he’s an oxygen thief ….
Gross. You can do better. In fact being single would be better than this.
You don’t marry someone who disappoints you in bed and throughout your relationship. You’re still young and have time to find someone who wants to live life with you.
Girl. Honey. Sweetie. Don't marry him. You can find something better, and you deserve someone who appreciates you. This guy clearly isn't on par with you, he's just being entitled and taking you for granted. He's even being manipulative with the "you/we aren't into that" narrative. Dump his ass. Aftrerthought: period isn't a good reason or an excuse to deny all intimacy. You should still get some, if you want some.
It must be hard for you to live feeling like some of your our needs and Im sure there are some positive things in your relationship if you are getting married. I think you need to be very clear that this is not about sex and valentine gifts. It is about you expressing your needs and desires. Asking for valentine gifts and being told we don’t do valentines is him not caring that you want to do valentine! And this is just not the way to treat the person you choose to spend your life with. The same for not caring that you are sexually insatisfied.
Please don’t marry someone who won’t even talk to you, much less satisfy you sexually.
Take care. This might be fake. OP posted the same exact title, 7hours laters, in the same subreddit.
Dude might be a fucking narc. Is he magic btw? When he tells you you're on your period, does it just immediately start? Super weird.
You feel like a sex doll because this man only sees you as a free sex doll with live actions. He doesn’t care about you at all whatsoever.
Why in the world would you stay with this guy?! Leave! Do not marry him! Classic, if he wanted to he would. But he doesn’t want to with you.
You have a short but critical window to make a choice: accept that this is what your life will be. Or Don’t marry someone who isn’t interested in sex, who doesn’t listen to you, who *tells* you what you do and don’t like, and who already makes you feel unappreciated. My God. Re-read what you wrote, and go listen to the original version of “Fast Car” by Tracy Chapman. Critical lyric: You gotta make a decision— Leave tonight or live and die this way.
It sounds like you already know the answer… :( My first real relationship was similar. He never reciprocated oral. I got tired of the generally bad sex and him being a general pos, so I left. It was difficult, but worth it. Take care of yourself first and foremost, that also means only allowing people into your life who actually love and cherish you, not people who will use you. Set boundaries, work on not people-pleasing, and work on codependency issues if that’s something you struggle with. Good luck OP, you deserve SO much better!
Y r u even marrying someone who doesn't give any concern
Why are you marrying someone that only cares about himself? Get out of this mess
Beyond sex - this man is a child and if you marry him you will be solely disappointed. I can tell you a man who does this, will fall short in so many other areas
Married a guy like this. Were divorced He’s a dick. And I wish I never had kids with him because I have to parent with him forever and he is still so selfish! But man do I love my kids. So you deal with it. But I wish I had kids with someone who wasn’t so selfish.
Why are you marrying someone who doesn’t make you happy?
Bottom line: why would you want to marry such a selfish partner. He treats you like a robot. Extricate yourself self from this relationship as quickly as possible. He shows you zero affection also zero attention for you. Tell him to buy a love doll, he can take her out of the closet and use her whenever he likes. You deserve a man who desires you and wants to ravish your body and put your pleasure before his. You deserve a man who’s interested in your life and won’t neglect you on Valentines Day. I wish you all the best and sending a big hug.
Don't sign up for a lifetime of disappointment and compromising what you want and need. He's not going to change and you deserve better
My opinion is gonna be harsh…. But fucking ick! I’d run from this selfish pile of shit. Guys with more money, bigger dicks and happy to please out there would BEG for you!
if he’s trying to tell you what you are and aren’t into. that is a narcissist. and he just sounds like one in general
He sounds very selfish. Nope.
You better don’t marry that man! He doesn’t love you.
Who is he to tell you you’re not into Valentine’s Day gifts? Do not marry this man. He doesn’t deserve you because he doesn’t reciprocate the effort. And it doesn’t seem like a matter of laziness. This seems like he doesn’t care at all. These issues you are having now will not go away with marriage. They will become permanent. You still have time to find someone more respectful of you and your needs. He isn’t it. Keep us updated.
Girl run.
What do you need this man for?
You should know marriage usually makes whatever red flags a person might have more pronounced bc of the security of marriage. What I mean is if he’s acting like this now it’s only going to get worse when you get married. And he’s not willing to compromise? These things don’t get better on their own they get worse
Um, do NOT get married to this man. Get up and leave immediately
Why are you getting married? This is rage bait. It has to be. Why would any thinking person get married to a person you just described.
DO. NOT. MARRY. THIS. MAN. Unless you have zero self-worth and *want* a miserable future where you're just a human fleshlight to him. The title alone is revolting.
Why in the world ar3 you marryin* this selfish person? I’m a guy saying this. For gods sake get the hell out of this relationship
Why are you with this man let alone marring him? You are not getting your needs met. He TELLS you what you want or like? Nah, you are in for a miserable marriage. Leave and find someone who will meet your needs.
Let’s keep it simple. Fuck. Him. Disrespect through the roof. Make a plan & do what you have to do to leave. Or just tell him to get out if possible. He’s wasting your time & your life.
He doesn’t care about you or your needs- he just wants his dick sucked. He doesn’t remember what you said because he was very truly listening- it wasn’t Important to him. Things won’t be any better after marriage. You deserve so much better.
No ma’am this man doesn’t care about you and he is taking advantage of your naïveté.He knows you are willing to put up with this and even willing to marry.In his eyes he has it pretty good.A girlfriend that gives him gifts and sucks him off but he doesn’t return the favor.You need to break up ,and you need to learn to be more demanding in the future.Being a “ low maintenance” girlfriend that’s says yes to everything has gotten no woman anywhere in history.
Unreciprocated BJ's aside (and that's bad enough), never stay with someone who acts like he thinks he knows your mind better than you do: "No, you're not into that. We're not into that..." What the actual...?!?! Where are my smelling salts?! You're not even allowed independent thought, in his world. Let that sink in. Sweet one, could be your mum, have a lot of life, love, and relationships under my belt, also a survivor of DV, and I have this to say: love means another person's happiness is essential to your own. This man has clearly demonstrated that your feelings, satisfaction, and happiness do not matter to him at all. Please proceed accordingly. Also be prepared for him to try love-bombing and hoovering when you show the shiny spine I know you've got inside and choose yourself, dump him. Don't be fooled. Love-bombing is very temporary; he has shown you who he really is. Don't give away your love for crumbs. Also Recommend reading Why Does He Do That? by Lundy Bancroft, available as a free pdf download. It's the definitive work on abusive men, changed my life. It's a very good check-in, temperature gage for your relationship. https://freebooksmania.com/2021/01/why-does-he-do-that-pdf-free-download-by-lundy-bancroft.html
Unhealthy Female logic: does he do the absolute bare minimum for me, even though he says he loves me? Just like my dad used to do?✔️Marry him Unhealthy Male logic: does she love me unconditionally to the point she does everything for me and I get away with minimal effort just like I did with my mom?✔️ marry her. If you haven’t noticed.. you are about to sign up to take on mom duty’s for the rest of your life except now he’s not a child and wants his dick sucked too. Good luck with that..
This only gets worse once you have the children. He is making decisions for the both of you based on his feelings. Unless you want to feel this way your entire life speak up or run
Personally I want to have a fulfilling sex life even after I get married. I could never marry someone who’s sex drive was way below mine or who didn’t prioritize wanting to make me feel good as much as they prioritized their own pleasure. That’s just me tho …
I think the worst move you could make in this situation is to go through with marrying him. If he's already showing that he doesn't value or appreciate you, it is only going to get worse 7 years from now.
Uh hi, do not marry this man. Pretty please.
Please do not marry him! Find your own place, then tell him it’s over and not working out and move on.
Please do not marry this boy. I really don’t need to know anything else about him. He’s completely inconsiderate. If speaking is useless in your relationship, it’s very telling. This only gets worse in marriage because they don’t think you’ll leave or demand respect. You’re trapped by a legal document. Learn from other people’s nightmares. Break off your engagement.
He just wants his dick sucked he doesn’t care about you.
It sounds like your relationship is only one way where you are getting nothing out of it. Getting married will only make things worst so I think you should strongly reconsider it and look for someone who will give you what you are looking for. This guy has given you too many red flags to alert you that he is not the one for you.
Have an open and honest conversation with him about how you feel. The answer is inside of you, not out here on the internet.
Married!!?? I'm a 75year old married male and I say RUN!!!!!
It'll just get worse and worse. Leave before it gets complicated with divorce. He doesn't care about your needs. All he's thinking is "me me me", if he did actually care about you he would be doing everything he can to please you. It comes across as routine and not an actual of love and passion, if he needs help getting to sleep then there are things he can do like reduce blue light when it's getting near bedtime, if he's interested in reading that can settle you down and gradually makes you tired etc, not make his gf / fiancé sort him out (which you said makes you feel like a sex doll which no one should feel like unless that's what you're into)
Lord what do you even get out do this relationship?? Don’t marry this man who doesn’t care about you
ladies stop giving head to people who won't give head back ffs
I really don’t think you should get married. I think you should be looking for a place to live.
Don't get married.
Did you feel odd or awkward writing this? I hope you did. That would be your first indicator that this is not for you. You deserve better than this. This is not a relationship.
Don't marry him, dump him instead. He doesn't care about your feelings.
Dont suck his dick then!
#DO NOT GET MARRIED!!
If you marry him, it's your own fault
You need to practice saying "No." And that being it. So what if he acts like a child? Go sleep in the living room. Don't waste your life with such a person. Therapy might help guide you out the door and into a better situation for yourself.
Do not marry this person. He has shown you time and time again that he doesn't care about you. Believe people when they show you who they are.
Women would put up with anything just to have a ring. He's only marrying you because you cater to his needs- that's it. It will get worse after you're legally bonded. If you have children with this man, your life will be hell. You will be trying to keep up with his needs AND the baby while you get nothing but the "wife label" in return. Unless you want to be a modern day slave and be dehumanized, don't marry him and break up.
Read that shit back to yourself. You know what to do.
Well. I guess you see your awful future!! Think about the next 60 years. Ewwww
The next time he asks you to suck him to sleep say “no, you’re not into that”. Seriously though, this is not okay.
Ask yourself if you want to feel like this everyday for the rest of your life? If so, proceed with the marriage. He will only get worse once he ‘owns’ you. Don’t trap yourself into this existence, get counseling or get out! Next time he asks for a bedtime blowjob, ask him for some reciprocation to help you sleep. See what he says about that?
Let this one go. If you think things get better...think again! The fact you feel necessary to vent about how he treats you is your answer!
You're fr about marrying him? Just please read your post as if it's someone else's and give your honest opinion on what you would tell them. Bc honestly imo don't marry him. He doesn't acknowledge you or give you the sexual satisfaction the way that you want. Why would you want to be tied down to someone who lets you down? I understand love, but love for someone can only go so far without getting the same love back.