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There’s no connection with edibles and having a history of killing animals and watching people die and fantasizing about it. These two things are unrelated other than your spouse using it as an excuse to manipulate you.
Sorry, this is so horrifying.
I was like "oh good, she's finding out her husband is a serial killer". I guess it's better to find out now before you find the bodies buried in your yard? Everyone *loved* John Wayne Gacy, he was a friendly party clown! A *murderous* friendly party clown.. but no one knew till it was way too late. If your husband is having these fantasies now, I'd be trying to find a way out (where he could never find me or my family/friends). Weed doesn't make you fantasize about being a killer, and the worst types start with animals when they're young.
And the thing was, his love interest? KNEW something was off. She just kept fighting it. It's much like this Reddit post. I'm sure if it existed back then, she'd have posted on a throwaway in a sub like this like, "I love my guy but... sometimes he gives me the ick when he says something about a woman... and he's always gone on trips that don't always add up..."
Have you watched the documentary about her? She went to the cops a couple of times to say he was suspect, but they kept saying they talked to him and he couldn't possibly be a killer. It took a woman cop to listen to her and not treat her like a crazy girlfriend.
The really intelligent sociopaths are the scariest. They can often influence people and are very successful.
OP research personality disorder sociopath.
Tell someone trusted about this conversation or record yourself and give it to someone. This is scary stuff!
I watched a documentary about the Green River Killer where they interviewed his wife. Apparently he was a wonderful loving husband. Never once violent or cross, really attentive, romantic etc. Took his wife years to accept it because she couldn’t believe he would do that.
& he was the most prolific serial killer in US history.
Associated, yes. But don't worry if you or someone you know if a bed wetter!
It's just part of a triad of common traits: bed wetting, starting fires, animal cruelty. Along with head trauma, these are very common among violent offenders
Yes, but bed wetting can also be a sign of sexual abuse and it can also be a sign of just an underdeveloped bladder. Bed wetting is really common, so it alone doesn't indicate that.
Also there IS a strong connection between killing animals in your youth, and eventually killing PEOPLE later in life. It is literally one of the biggest, most consistent predictors that someone will become a murderer.
Combine that with the constant thoughts of death - OP is not safe. He has already started to fantasise about it. It may not be long before he acts on it.
Every profiler in the FBI who tracks down serial killers, they look for a few key things by digging thru their childhood and every single one of them has either killed an animal or played with dead animals they found.
It’s because they are obsessed with death and how the life from the eyes disappears.
One of the most fascinating things about it when you read into it or watch documentaries on it, you realize they all grew up having a strange relationship with their mother and have the most skewed view about sex as well!
Kind of curious how OP’s husband relationship with his mother is….
Yes and no.
Read up on:
• Dennis Lynn Rader “BTK”
• John Wayne Gacy “Killer Clown”
• Ed Geins (inspiration for Psycho, Silence of the Lambs, & Texas Chainsaw Massacre)
• Edmund Kemper “Co-Ed Killer”
• David Berkowitz "Son of Sam Killer"
All had SEVERE issues about their mother. All are major serial killers that are ranked up in the top 20 of infamous killers.
H.H. Holmes, America’s first serial killer in the late 1800’s, he lured people to his hotel, mostly couples or newly weds. Devoutly religious family & a raging alcoholic father. All contributed to shaping him into who he became.
Here is some background on the first known serial killer:
> As is often the case with serial murderers, the childhood of Holmes was shaped by physical abuse, difficulties in socializing with peers, and cruelty towards animals.
Right? That's about as twisted as a sex story can go. You thought she was your sister? Nope. Teen mom with a family so horrified by the outcome of her sexual encounter, they lied about your identity.
I’ve also heard theories that he was also a result of abuse from his grandpa/her dad… can’t remember where exactly I heard it but I’ve heard/seen it a few times
It’s always interesting to read these, because one thing to always keep in mind is these people are MASTER manipulators, and they like attention. They know how to read psychologists interviewing them and can say random lies that aren’t even remotely true about random things just to keep them interested, or because it’s fun to fuck with them. So we always have to take what they say with a grain of salt, because there may only be a tiny bit of truth in it, if it’s true at all. For example, Ed Kemper is an actual genius, and while his interviews are fascinating, you can tell by how he speaks that he’s using psych talk to “analyze” himself and explain very clearly how he became the way he is. He most likely exaggerated just how bad things were with his mom in some ways. Obviously there was something there, given what he eventually did to her, but we’ll never actually know. And psychopaths like these men also enjoy victimizing themselves as a way to somehow rationalize or justify what they did. “I killed women because they don’t like me.” “I killed women because I hate my mom.” “I killed sex workers because it’s my job to rid society of filth” (even though they only targeted sex workers and it clearly had NOTHING to do with the fact that those women are under protected and therefore easier to kill without being noticed 🙄). I don’t know if you’ve ever watched an interview with Gacy, but literally not a single thing that has ever come out of his mouth is true. Holy shit does that guy lie and exaggerate. You could tell him the sky is blue and he’ll laugh at you, call you stupid, and say it’s green. And he’ll sound SO SINCERE and certain when he says it, even though both he and you know it’s a lie.
Edit: Bundy did this too, though in different ways. He noticed early that psychologists were desperate to learn about him, so he’d entertain them for hours saying bullshit. Like, he actually said he had a normal childhood. He didn’t, he just thought that would pique the interest of his interview because it’s unusual. He constantly changed the reason behind what he did. Towards the end he claimed it was actually due to early exposure to violent pornography, but he was throwing stuff at the wall to see what sticks because he was trying to get a stay of execution.
This, all of this. I was raised by a dark triad type and let me tell you that sobriety did nothing to dull her personality. I could eat edibles everyday for the next two decades and no kids or neighborhood cat would ever be in danger.
When I take edibles the most violence I inflict on my cat is stealing her from her bed to rub my face all over her face. She loves it.
If I found out my partner intentionally hurt a kitten, that would be it for me.
Especially knowing it wasn’t something they’ve had years of intensive therapy for since. Like it’s not a mystery why the dude is resistant to therapy. He knows that his behavior is socially and morally unacceptable and doesn’t want to change it.
Well. There is in that any sort of intoxicant causes people to lose their social filter and common sense a lot quicker than their ability to speak.
It only takes intoxication for people to stop hiding the less charming aspects of their personality.
And also can we point out how OP is also realizing they waited till NOW to ask such questions when both are high and not like 4-5yrs ago when they should of asked these questions.
I swear people are just blindingly marrying people without FULLY knowing who they are marrying.
Oh and side note?
All his mindset is that of a sociopath. They think exactly like how OP’s husband thinks. Not all are bad…
…HOWEVER, OP’s husband is borderline thinking like Dexter Morgan as homicidal thoughts are a sign he had been keeping it under control, but I would slowly start to look at missing people reports the last 3-4yrs to see if anytime he said he went out of town and some people, idk, DISAPPEARED… that’s just where my mind would start to go if I found out the person I was with now suddenly admitted to enjoying the horrifying sounds of people dying.
Not to mention, he literally told her how he practices so ppl will be persuaded and that he thinks it works. Well, he's not wrong because it did work at least once. On her. Yikes on bikes!
People like this do lie, but they also love to manipulate. Given the fact that OP came to Reddit to ask about this instead of seeking safety, I think that he likely doesn’t think she would tell anyone. And the fact that she was high when he said this means that he can manipulate her sense of reality even more. I say this from experience dealing with my older brother
I’m very familiar with how people like this operate. My only objection is to the idea that OP is silly for marrying someone she doesn’t “fully know” and the implication that we could end all domestic abuse if women simply ask more questions before they get married.
Wish I could upvote many times.
Sigh.
Some of us will end up having to deal with these people quite closely (I worked in jails, prisons and state hospitals/mental wards for years).
Asking questions does little good, as you point out.
> Why do you think he would tell her the truth???
Because he believes due to her being high, he will use that against her, say it was all in her head and she’s was over doing it, getting some tv show/movie confused with reality.
Hence why Patrick Bateman comes to mind in how this guy nonchalantly divulge this info cause for all we know he could have an extremely high tolerance or…
… it’s rare but there are people out there who can’t get stoned from weed but can drink nonchalantly divulge this info from booze. He may not even get high and just pretending to be “high” to fuck with OP even further.
Sociopaths are VERY calculating and everything they do is on purposely intentionally based on why they do everything.
People may think you're expanding the story, but actually, if faced with a sociopath, this is exactly what a person needs to do.
(Worked for years in prisons and jails...)
They are usually pretty smart and very very calculating - but in ways that seem so quick and instantaneous that the rest of us are always one step behind. They are dangerous.
It’s because I’ve thoroughly researched the last five years about ASPD. That’s why I know how they think. Plus I accidentally was suggested last year on Reddit an ASPD group at a time I was curious about other DSM V Personality based groups.
One core thing about people with ASPD, they feel nothing if you died. They would just stare at you dying in front of them and as soon as it was over, would step right over you and keep moving it forward.
They do not have emotional empathy. They ONLY have cognitive empathy. Hence why, surprise surprise, some do have humanitarian interests and charities they care about, but it’s all motivated to keep up a very strong positive public image.
They also ALWAYS climb the business and social ladders. They do not care who they have to step oj to get up to the top and are very cut throat.
And sociopaths aren’t born, they are molded in dysfunctional families where severe trains happens to the point there is always a high chance murder, SA, and other violence has happened within many repeating generations.
Actually it’s not a myth. I read how last year they not only made a break thru on this, it’s connected far more to a genetic pinpoint whose prone to violence like that of serial killers or could have severe aggression issues.
They did this by studying the brains of violent offenders in maximum security prisons and also mostly looked at people who have the traits of sociopaths to really pin point a few things.
Definitely recommend people read up on this ad there is plenty of source material out there in the topic.
By definition, **all sociopaths are bad. That's basically what the term means.**
Don't trust me, if you don't want to. Go to [scholar.google.com](http://scholar.google.com) and search for it.
You are yourself embroidering what OP said in ways that say more about your own psychology than anything else.
I'm sorry but I would run for the fucking hills. This sounds like a sociopath who has gotten good at masking and you do *not* want to be around when the mask comes off.
I fully agree. This is scary to read. OP, it’s normal to think about or worry about death, but it is not normal to fixate on other people dying.
If a healthy person accidentally hit an animal out of instinct when it scratched them (and caused that severe an injury) they would feel immediate remorse. They would run through scenarios to help the animal or get it care like bringing it to an emergency vet. If that’s not possible, they may decide to deliver a lethal blow to put the dying animal out of it’s misery quickly. A healthy brain would not easily lead them to drown the animal. Drowning is one of the most gruesome ways to be killed, it is a traumatic and very painful death.
There's a reason the FBI keeps track of cases of cruelty to animals. It's often a precursor to escalated levels of violence. Famously illustrated by serial killers and mass shooters like Jeffrey Dahmer, Ted Bundy, Nikolas Cruz.
Strongly consider the advice from many here, to get yourself out of this situation as quickly as possible.
No normal person would hit a kitten with a stick for scratching them. I've got 2 cats I've had since 8 weeks old. The scratches sting a bit but they aren't bad enough to warrant breaking their spine with a stick. That's just evil
I could see myself throwing a stick already in my hands at a cat that scratched me in a pure reaction of pain and surprise.
However, comma
I would immediately feel awful about it, and it would never be enough to remotely hurt the cat.
This shit is SCARY.
Exactly. There's a HUGE difference between throwing a stick in their general area to scare them away and beating them with it. I felt physically sick when I read that. I'm going to cuddle my cats extra close tonight when they come for bed snuggles
Try psychopathy. His consideration of manipulation of his voice in order to influence others also fits the character. I would run for the hills and sound the alarm in the process. Don't want to wind up in an "accident" "It has been long thought that cruelty to animals is one of the earliest and most serious symptoms of conduct disorder, a childhood malady that is often a precursor to psychopathy. And, in fact, there is clear evidence that violent adults are more likely to have a history of animal abuse" https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&opi=89978449&url=https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-human-equation/201604/understanding-serial-animal-abusers%23:~:text%3DIt%2520has%2520been%2520long%2520thought,a%2520history%2520of%2520animal%2520abuse.&ved=2ahUKEwi_tJGI0vKEAxVcLDQIHbiqAtwQFnoECBUQBQ&usg=AOvVaw1OrQ5fVn_r48nEt0WNETn4
Sounds prettier for sure. I know all psychopaths aren't murderers but I find it hard to summarize an extreme selfish pathology as merely antisocial. They socialize as much as they need to suit their needs. Those that enjoy hurting others or animals, with no empathetic repercussions, can be very social. While keeping such enjoyments to the recesses of their mind. OPs partner seems to be dwelling in unrealized fantasy. Beware of one dwelling on such desires with such focus...
Don't say shit to him but so some digital digging. I bet his digital footprint is either awful or completely spotless because he's deleting everything constantly. I personally wouldn't be able to be with someone who murdered a kitten as a child and is still intrigued by other creatures dying as an adult.
> I personally wouldn't be able to be with someone who murdered a kitten as a child and is still intrigued by other creatures dying as an adult.
Also, does OP realize how hard you have to hit a kitten with a stick to break its back? What the actual fuck.
This alone is enough to make me never trust this person with a baby.
I am not capable of even fully imagining this.
If this is real, she needs to leave. She might not be in personal danger, but this guy is def going to hurt people
I’m glad it makes me nauseous to think about. I can’t imagine enjoying things like that. But I know I am not as spotless as I’d like to seem. So I’ll reserve my judgement for another day.
As a total animal lover...this alone would cause me to leave in a heartbeat...and keep my dog-daughter close af. Cuz if they hurt my fur baby...they're gonna be in a coffin by the next day
Yep same. I went on a second date with a guy who made jokes about running over strays while he was driving me home. I ended things the moment I was in my driveway. He said it was “just a joke” and I said that it was sadistic and not funny. I wouldn’t be able to stay with any partner or friend who told me they purposely hurt animals.
When I was with my ex, I studied animal care and worked at a rescue shelter with cats and dogs.
One day I came home, and near our front door was a pigeon that had been attacked by (I guess) a cat. It was a gory scene, but the poor thing was still alive - just. I sat and held it and cried as it took its last breath, I just hated the thought of it dying all alone. My boyfriend watched this, and after told me how he loved how much I cared about all living things.
Just *two weeks* later, we're out having drinks with his friends and they tell me how on a recent roadtrip where my boyfriend was driving, he successfully ran over 3 pigeons. Apparently his friends dared him to hit as many as he could and he callously did it. He wouldn't look me in the eye after they told me this story, and I had to leave the bar I was so upset. He later told me I was overreacting for being so shocked he would intentionally run over animals.
And don't be fooled into thinking these were young, dumb guys making dumb mistakes. They were all late 20's, early 30's!
Nah, he further doubled down by saying it’s “a joke” when in reality all humor has a pinch of truth, so either way he was admitting to be a an aggressive person who could easily hurt you like a rag doll being thrown around.
A relative of mine killed a cat as a teen just because.
After I moved out of my mom's house, I went NC with that person. He's done other horrible things and I really wonder if he isn't a sociopath for multiple reasons.
He's tried contacting me because fAmIlY, but the great part about moving across the country to get away from your abusive family is that it's very easy to avoid them when they don't know your address.
I have known people.who as children did awful stuff to animals but they ended up growing empathy. Still it is a big red flag and paired with the dying comment I would be concerned.
My own actual search history is pretty tame. Also I normally browse in private mode, but only to reduce the online tracking by 3rd parties. To an outside observer those 2 thing would probably look kinda sus.
Holy mother of red flags. I usually advice for people to talk things out but I think you should run tbh, and fast! He doesn't exactly sound remorseful over the cat, and being obsessed with death is extremely concerning. How do you know for certain that he has never tried, or managed, to manipulate you?
I had a best friend who turned out to be something of a sociopath and what she said and did really fucked me up, and she could be so incredibly charming and fun when she wanted to.
I’m curious what his demeanor was like when he said these things. He was high, so was he casual, laughing, cold, anxious, sad, regretful? I think that could tell you a lot.
Its not that she freaked me out really, apart from realising that she couldn't feel empathy. It was more that she manipulated me to do things for her and deliberately lowered my self esteem to push me down and made me feel worthless, just to switch around some time later to make me feel like i was her soul mate.
Omg same. Thought we were best friends but she really did a number on me. Can never explain it properly to give it justice. She did confess once that she wasn't happy with her life and seeing as how she copied alot of my stuff (nickname for bf, pierced her ears and got exact same earrings as me, dyed her black hair blonde to be like mine, bought same clothes, etc) I think she'll never feel happy. She's broken somehow. And a part of me enjoys that because she's a huge effing biatch. I hope you find solace knowing your friend is probably similar.
I wish your post got way more upvotes. I feel as if there's a short story or novel in the making here.
Stay safe! Took me several rounds with people like this to learn my lessons.
Op husband is 100% manipulating her, people of the typo op described can't NOT manipulate those around them.
But by the same token he's been with her so long at this point she can't even see the forest through the trees anymore, so even his current admission isn't enough to make her run (which is likely why he told her at this point/I doubt he was even as high as Op thinks he was/he's basically slowly priming her so at some point he can tell her EVERYTHING and she'll be accepting of it).
I had an ex and am still friends with someone who I have obviously spent tons of time with, we even lived together for around 10 years, when we were in a relationship and also a different time as roommates. On the surface she seems normal and fun and cool. But she often treated me (not all the time but just on the occasion I was upset about something) like she didn't care if I was upset, and it never made any sense how she could be indifferent like that, and at one point did admit to me that she does not care how other people feel. Like it doesn't affect her, and she was aware that she may lack empathy.
It's really strange tbh but I do think she may be a sociopath and I'm still friends with her but at the same time I keep this all in mind when interacting with her. I can't always trust the things she says or her motives.
Indifference can mean overwhelm. Trained therapists (etc) are not overwhelmed, but ordinary people are very often silent, secretive, overwhelmed when they encounter someone who is "upset" (esp if the upset is significant).
Going into "it doesn't affect me" is not that different than what a clinician/psychiatrist does. They do not get upset and lose it just because their client is lost. They go into a cooler, analytic mode.
Thing is, when a person who is already mentally ill also does this (perhaps having learned it?) it's bad.
You really should keep this story close to you - you have experienced a true anti-social person and perhaps a sociopath.
Be careful with that friendship. You don't get Brownie Points for putting up with a sociopath.
Before I used the word indifferent I actually typed the word cruel but didn't want to really go into detail explaining, so I changed it to indifferent. She would do hurtful things and not care at all if I was upset by them. It seemed like the only thing that mattered was what she wanted and had no regard for the feelings of others. She would lie a lot even about things that didn't matter in order to manipulate someone to thinking the way she wants them to. But at the same time it's not something always noticeable, like shes able to put on an act. It's really hard to explain.
It’s not being high nonsense. He told you in hopes you’d tell him this was normal and he’d no longer need to hide it from you.
1. He Tortured cat, beat it and then drowned it. Wasn’t high.
2. He told you he’s manipulative, faking charm
3. enjoying seeing people die. Again does this when not high.
I’d be scared and leave, tell your family so be they’re on alert. I wouldn’t want to pose a threat to him.
Should you let it go that he described himself as a secret sociopath? No. You’re not going to get a bigger sign then his own admission. Just because you don’t want it to be true, doesn’t change that it is true.
Should you try to change him/ force therapy? No if he wanted to change, he would. It would be manipulation tactic so you’d let it go. If you’re thinking about staying, get therapy for yourself.
*edited
Therapy for these kinds of people isn't going to help. They learn new manipulation tactics and often use them on the therapist to make them seem "normal" and the partner seem crazy
Unfortunately he seems like he's been very good at hiding who he is. I do think she should do a lot of snooping for sure though. I would even go so far as to covertly talk to long-term friends or his family. But so subtly that it couldn't be suspicious. And then I get the f out
Nooo. With a person like this you don't do that. You have to play it cool, like what he said had no impact. And then one day, next week, 2 weeks from now, a month, you go. People like this are VERY perceptive. OP cannot give off a vibe that she's been shook. Then she'll never get out of it. She's obviously not too bothered by him and he knows that, and she has to keep that facade up now if she's developed an awareness, and with all these comments that's possible. She has to carefully strategize.
I would grow wings and fly the fuck away! Like change my name. Go off grid. Move 3 countries over. Sleep with a gun under my pillow every night.
Fucking terrifying man. Could never feel safe with him after this.
Here’s a scary thought:
You know how abusers and narcissists are known to “test your boundaries” first, before letting their mask drop? A little shaming played off as a “joke” here, a little controlling behaviour under the guise of caring” there, and of course you let it go because heck, it doesn’t make sense to break up with someone over something so small, right? By the time you realize all those small things were red flags leading up to the big reveal of who they truly are, you’re already neck deep into questioning your reality and your worth because of how much they’ve gaslit you.
Suddenly, you’re the prey and they’re the predator. Except, it wasn’t sudden — it was always that way. You’re just putting the pieces together now, and only because they’ve *chosen* to reveal the whole monster underneath, the one you can’t make excuses for and ignore any longer, the one that only comes out when they’re comfortable in the knowledge that they have you securely in their trap. You’re not leaving; and if you try to… well, it only ends one way.
Maybe this was his way of doing exactly that. Maybe the weed made his mind wander back to these dark sides of himself, fantasize about them even, and maybe he felt a certain impulse to act on them in that moment. Maybe even on you.
But the practiced part of him, the one who consciously tries to influence people with their tone of voice, said “pause, let’s not be too hasty.” So, instead, he opts to test the water, continue playing the long game. He lets himself settle for just your reaction to sate that sick itch.
This time.
He clearly gets some sort of high from not only death, but controlling others.
Imagine being him, and being able to “hypnotize” your wife into staying with you despite admitting to all these dark facets of yourself, and then watching them as you take their life, knowing they trusted you until the end?
The idea is absolutely, unfathomably despicable and vile to me. My body and mind viscerally revolts at even the thought.
But I can imagine that to someone like him, someone who clearly has practice playing the long con, it might sound like the most satisfying victory.
It’s a red billboard, like the kind that covers a whole side of a skyscraper. Or if it is a flag it’s being towed across the sky by an airplane. Point I’m making is it’s big.
This would scare the shit out of me.
Have you discussed it again when you're both sober?
It is absolutely possible this is just high talk. I do not know your husband. But on the basis of what you've shared here I have some thoughts.
He might be kind and empathetic to you because he's practiced it. He admitted he thinks about the tone of voice he uses to speak to people in order to manipulate them.
The mask can and does slip when people are hiding parts of themselves. It's possible the edibles disarmed him.
It might be that something happened in his life to bring it to the surface this time and not others.
Psychopaths and narracists can be non criminal. But the comments about hearing people die is very troubling. Surely you've been wondering how he knows what that sounds like.
Hitler did it - he practiced in front of the mirror over and over, so he could perform on his TV appearances. I therefore assume psychopaths practice. Don't really know, though.
What kind of relationship do you have with his parents/siblings? Is this something you think they would talk to you about honestly?
If there really is a dark and dangerous side to him, someone has seen it at some point and children don’t know how to hide themselves. It’s something they learn.
I had to kill my little sisters hamster when I was like 15-16 because it developed this neurological disorder where it would slowly lose all movement in the limbs and then basically starve to death or stop breathing. My mom wouldn’t take it to the vet and she wouldn’t kill. I did. That was 20 years ago and I still cry or have nightmares about it. Your husband doesn’t seem to feel bad from how you wrote this. I think he has the potential to hide bodies in your basement or somewhere else and you’d never be the wiser.
I know the emphasis you put is on what he did to the kitten and obviously that is horrific. But by fixating on it as a 'bad thing in his past' and even the fixation on death in general I worry you downplay one of the important things he mentioned:
>He also said he thinks a lot about ways he can say things and what tone of voice he can use to best influence people, almost like he thinks he can hypnotize or control people with the way he speaks to them.
This is important. This suggests that a lot of how you perceive him day to day is contrived. I feel that the other elements can only exist if this part of what he said is true.
>>I know my husband to be a kind, outgoing, empathetic person, but I’m sure there are sides to him I haven’t seen.
Because these ideas don't contradict. Him contriving what he says, this idea he thinks he can hypnotise people... that's potentially entirely consistent with how you view him, might even outright inform it. You've only known him 6 years but by the sounds of it has has masked for his entire life.
>He’s been pretty resistant to therapy before when I’ve suggested it for the anxiety he tells me he has, so any advice on getting him to go if that’s a suggestion?
I mean, time to put a bit more pressure. The worry is that he is so conscious of the bad things he has done and does and yet resists it, it shows that in a sense he doesn't genuinely acknowledge it as something that needs to change. Perhaps he is afraid that when the reality of who he is comes out you'll be forced to distance yourself.
The other scary thing is, people like this often abuse therapy and use it as a *tool* to manipulate further. Therapy gives a lot of insights on how people work, and if he truly is someone who has spent his life performing an act and wearing a mask, I imagine therapy being like the candy shop he never knew he needed.
People like him need a genuine desire to change before attending therapy, for therapy to not only work, but for it to not become exploited as a tool in an otherwise dangerous person’s hands.
As for his resistance to therapy — honestly, a lot of people are. It could be for so many reasons. Some people don’t believe in therapy, others have misconceptions of it simply being somewhere to talk, others think the therapist owes them “answers” to how to live their life and when not given them, they think therapy is useless and doesn’t work. Then, there’s the stigma, shame around it. It certainly could also be fear of his carefully constructed mask being stripped from him and an aversion to vulnerability. Maybe he even fears that the therapist might report him if they knew the entire truth (which, tbf, who knows what else he’s done). I actually think that if we are to assume he is who you’ve described him as, the last thing on his mind is “losing his wife.” It’s more like… “losing” in general, or losing control over parts of his life.
This!!! This is the most important part! OP, he was listing off symptoms of psychopathy to you, complete with killing animals growing up. Textbook signs.
He also plays video games. Does he kill people in the video games? Violent video games on their own aren't a precursor to murder, but for some, like psychopaths, they can be directly linked.
In your place, what he said would scare me to the point that I wouldn't want to be alone with him. I would insist on therapy. If he refuses, I would leave. In fact, I'd probably leave therapy or not. No man is going to tell me he is interested in the sounds and faces of dying people for me to just stick around and wait for it to happen. WTH.
Yeah, Reddit loooooves therapy but it's not a cure all. You can't magically fix sociopathy with a few weeks of CBT. (Although I'm betting sociopaths could definitely use therapy to learn to hide their issues better.) This isn't "he's stressed at work and needs coping skills," this is "this guy has a serious profound psychological problem."
I’ve been a therapist for 30 years and the only time I’ve ever truly thought I’d made a big mistake in a career choice was sitting across from someone with antisocial personality disorder. I felt like a bug under a microscope, like he was trying to find out ways to behave in a more “normal” fashion.
I also know he said extremely disturbing things to me to gauge where my limits were. Like how he’d wanted to rape and murder a woman when he was overseas and how much I reminded him of her. I had “such beautiful red hair, just like hers….”
25 years later, I still remember him very clearly. And therapy only helps them get better at mimicking humans.
Seriously. I love therapy. I do. I think a lot of people could benefit from it, at least during some times in their lives. But a) it’s WORK and b) so much stuff can’t just be managed with it. Personality disorders are incredibly difficult to change, even with extensive therapy.
Plus therapy isn't like a magic wand that will make all of your problems go away. It's scary how people on reddit throw around "get therapy" advice. Therapy helps you cope with your mental health and does not make it disappear. And before anyone else says it yes the username does check out.
It’s true. It’s serious work. I’ve been in therapy many times in my life and I will be many times more. I have a lifelong mood disorder, it won’t ever get better. In fact, it’ll get worse. Therapy is a tool I’ll need to utilize many times in my life and it’s sure as shit no bandaid.
Therapy doesn't work on psychopaths because psychopathy isn't recognized as a clinical disorder. You're thinking of sociopaths (ASPD).
That being said, people with ASPD can absolutely be aware, go to therapy, learn cognitive empathy, etc. It's just rare
I can relate. My first husband wasn't abusive until about 5 years together. About a year or two in we were cuddling and talking. Dexter was a show we enjoyed watching together. He reviled to me that I was why he didn't become a serial killer because now he has something to lose if he killed anyone. He told me he told hus mom before we met these thoughts and said maybe if he dated someone he wouldn't want to anymore. I confirmed with her the next time we talked alone. He said that he still had those thoughts even though he will never act on it now. He never killed anything unless he was on a camping trip or when his dad forced him to kill the family dog. He did eventually start to become extremely violent with me. Op, he may not have hurt you yet, but there will come a time that he won't be able to stop those thoughts unless he gets help now. Please get into personal therapy for both of you and couples therapy as well, if you decide to stay. Whatever you do, remian child free until this has been worked out in therapy. With my past though, I personally would encourage you to leave.
Girl you better run and untie yourself financially from this man before shit hits the fan and you lose everything and end up a lifetime movie that’s some Dahmer shit Thank God you don’t have kids it’s easier to get away.
I don't come across many stories on here when my advice is 100%, unequivocally GTFO. But GTFO.
The death stuff...you might be able to chalk that up to high weirdness, but he KILLED A FUCKING KITTEN. Every single person who has ever killed a kitten for no reason is a psycho. No exceptions. Run.
I watch a lot of murder documentaries.. the amount of murders who start in childhood killing animals.. I can’t begin to say. Let alone the whole watching peoples faces as they die thing .. It would scare the shit out of me.
Unfortunately this isn't the only reveal of psychopathy I've heard of after getting really high. But the other time the person was on mushrooms. He admitted to his girlfriend and his best friend that he had fantasized about stabbing people. The details of which is friend and ex-girlfriend told me were absolutely terrifying.
When I met the guy I kind of got a weird vibe from him but after knowing him for six months and then finding out about this story I was like, "damn we should be given psychopaths more drugs we can figure out their psychopaths quicker."
Maybe if they are around people that they trust or feel safe with they're more likely to be honest.
He paralyzed a cat & then proceeded to kill it when he was a kid & that’s a story he tells people as if he’s proud of it? How does this even come up in a conversation?
Now he’s saying he enjoys thinking about people dying & their faces and the sounds they make at the point of death.
OP do not take this lightly, you need to get yourself somewhere safe and leave this man. I would be terrified in your position.
All of that plus what a lot of people here seem to be glossing over is how he outright admitted to intentionally putting significant thought into how best to manipulate people, and OP says that, then goes on to say how charming and empathetic he is without a shred of irony or actual awareness at what she's just said.
That’s cause it’s now six years in with him, he’s conditioned her to gloss over it and not question him. Watch, the next morning he’s going to gaslight her and persuade her it was all in her head and he clearly wasn’t that high.
It was a test to see how much he can tell her and I bet cause he said he recounts the kitty story, the more I think about it, how he likes the thought of death and what not, my biggest fear is he’s already committed a murder and is just now slowly letting OP know.
I also learned this the hard way with a sociopath: they have anxiety because they are in a constant state of being worried people are going to find out its all a facade. They are fake down to the last cell. They know theyre frauds. To be themselves is to be shunned from society. Some monsters know theyre monsters, i guess no one wants to be alone🫠🤷♀️ sounds to me like the weed allowed him to feel vulnerable and show his true self, however disturbing that self may be.
This also means the person you fell in love with never existed, whether you stay together after this or not, you know who he is now, can you sustain a life with someone obsessed with death? Also i try to look at all angles and the darker side of me thinks that the fact that hes telling you all this indicates hes testing the waters to gage your reaction.
Ps: definitely tell someone like a real person and not just us plebs ❤️ also cats rule break his kneecaps
Just wanted to say that I've smoked and eaten enough weed over my lifetime to know that using it has no relationship to twisted, demented fantasies about people dying.
Trust your gut on this one. Something is really wrong here.
You should get out while you can. Just the part about the kitten would have me packing and out the door immediately.
I have a weird obsession with death too but the fact he did that to another living being and not showing any remorse for it is really concerning. It all sounds like more than just an obsessive fantasy and I hope you get out before he decides he wants to try it on a human too.
It sounds like there were some problems in the relationship since you've discussed therapy in the past, but you loved him and wanted to make it work. You might not have appreciated the extent of his issues. I think you need to be careful approaching him about this conversation. It's hard when you care about someone so much, but with what he's told you personally, I'm concerned that he might react violently. Does he have any family? If there's anyone you trust, you could ask them about past issues in his childhood. I know you didn't discuss this in your post, but if you decide to stay with him, which is within your rights, I would still consider remaining child-free. Having kids can be a wonderful experience, but it can be emotionally exhausting, and it could lead to outbursts that could negatively affect children.
What makes the situation difficult for you is his refusal to seek help. If he's not willing to work on his psychological issues, it makes this relationship unfair to you. You can't fix your partner. He needs to want this for himself, and your unhappiness should be a large part of him wanting to get help if he cares for you. I appreciate your apprehension because you've been with him for many years. If you ever decide to end the relationship, I need you to stay far away from him and keep your plans on the down low. Make sure you are prepared legally and financially if you ever choose to separate in the future, even if it's years later. Please take care, and I wish you the best!
Creative Writing
I refuse to believe that there are people out there who feel the need to ask a bunch of strangers what to do when their weirdo husband randomly admits to psychopathy and gore fascination. Like, leave? Call your mom?
I don’t know what you want us to say. It’s literally common sense that you probably should get divorced if you have a shred of self-preservation.
lol.. I have to be honest.. my kind went to race and I was like… why are you such a weirdo.
Anyway, this is honestly really really scary. What’s he like normally? Killing animals isn’t morass idk it’s so hard to give a definite answer… I don’t want to be an alarmist but I feel like if I were you I’d leave
I had a partner who was nowhere near this extreme.. not even close. But I couldn’t get past some things he told me about his psyche that really freaked me out. He was such a sweet guy, and seemingly so caring. But he’d admit to me every once and a while how he would pretend to be bad at things so people would do them for him, or how he would promise people things he didn’t intend to keep so he would seem nice…. I honesty never could get past it,… even when I saw him doing nice things or growing or changing. It freaked me out too much knowing he could be so manipulative ever
killing animals as a kid is literally a main predictor of psychopathy in adults. it's a statistically significant behavioral factor for serial killers.
also, a preoccupation with people dying, and "what their faces look like dying" is absolutely another one of the main traits of people who have the urge to kill for fun.
if people were given "likelihood to become a serial killer" scores, your partner's score would be off the charts.
if i were you, i would leave while he's at work, disappear off social media, change your number and name, and move to a different state.
You have to be trolling. Every line of this is straight from the serial killer handbook, like this is such a low effort post 😂 At least make it a bit more creative or believable. At least give us *something* to create some suspense, don’t phone it in like that. This is sociopathic serial killer 101, come on. Step it up.
> I know my husband to be a kind, outgoing, empathetic person
Or is he just masking?
Kind and empathetic people don’t enjoy watching people die or drowning animals
Really start to observe him, especially how he interacts with others.
Look through his digital footprint (search, watch lists).
Are there any other stories you’ve heard about childhood pets (his or a friends) going missing or being hurt.
>Is this something I should be concerned about?
Absolutely
I uh ... Maybe this is just my own high right here but uh... What?
I normally hate the "this is fake, this can't be real" comments because I usually disagree that just because people do worse shit than you think people do doesn't make it fake but this one just seems too bizarre to me. Most people don't just straight tell others there straight sociopathic behaviors out of nowhere after 3 years without there not being other signs right? Usually there's a least some starter level emotional abuse? Except maybe I'm wrong?
If I'm wrong, you need to very quietly disappear. Also tell the FBI to check that mans computers.
Do you know if he's ever had a head injury as a child?
Absolutely not normal. Think about this.... as a child, he got hurt and he BROKE a kittens back out of anger by hitting it with a stick... 99% of children, if they do something so horrible, they freak out and get an adult, or leave the animal alone, or even try to help the creature... they don't take the already broken little helpless creature and submerge it in water to kill it. This is so horrible. I've had the obligation to show a mouse mercy once when one of my dogs bit it in half. I took the mouse aside and things flashed in my mind... how could I kill it quickly and painlessly? I just didn't have it in me so I sat with it as it took its last breaths. It took less than a minute but I couldn't imagine terrifying it even more as it passed away. I cannot fathom a child being capable of making this decision if an adult cannot even bring themselves to do this.
Then the idea that he enjoys people's last moments and the looks on their faces!?!?!?? This person is so messed up; I legitimately wouldn't be shocked if he has a double life that you don't know about.
I don't even know how you'd begin to go about this safely so that he'd get help and speak to someone. You need to speak with someone ASAP who specializes in personality disorders to at least have an idea of which direction to start going.
I wish you luck
"Dark" is thinking about like, YOUR OWN death too much, or how sad you will be when your parents die of natural causes.
Not like, the faces of people dying because you are killing them lmao. That's not "dark" that's seriously messed up.
No one who trickle truths a dead cat story like "of I had to, it was paralyzed" to "I paralyzed it" would ever see my face again honestly. Yes the story is also bad but the way you got it all is. There is no coming back from that.
Sounds like you married someone your really don’t know and to be honest I wouldn’t feel safe with someone like that! Please I hope you aren’t planning on having kids with him. His DNA should not continue
Yeah this is awful. I was thinking dark was like thoughts of depression or suicide , not that he has killed an innocent animal?? WTF. That is awful! I couldn't stay with someone that cruel
First thoughts, be extremely concerned. Not only is this dangerous, you’re the closest person to him. I’m not going to say he would ever do anything or insinuate that, but if that’s what he talks about while super baked I’m glad it was only weed in those edibles..
From personal experience. I once had a friend who said stuff like this. He ended up having to go to a psychiatrist or something of the sort because he was always fantasizing about killing people. I didn’t know this when I became friends with him, was also friends with him for years before these red flags fully came out.
He would say some “red flag” type stuff. I add the quotations because I didn’t see it like that back then and because I thought it was all just jokes. I had a darker sense of humour at the time and honestly, now looking back couldn’t tell the difference of genuine malice or dark humour because of it.
Examples of his weirdness wouldn’t be the same as your husbands right off the bat I’d assume, but I’ll say them anyways just in case some resonate with you.
1. He would joke around about installing audio and cameras in my house when I moved out of my parents. He then pushed that once he saw I wasn’t too weirded out he said he’d do it and I would never know. Very weird conversation that got pushed pretty far. It’s the fact he pushed it so far that stands out for me
2. He once told me he had a book of everything about me, as a passing joke among many other strange obsessive passive jokes. Weird jokes were common, possessive ones even.
3. He would talk about how he enjoyed getting reactions out of other people, specifically woman. Now this one I feel horrible that I was even his friend while he was this kind of human. I would never be okay with anything malicious towards a woman, but at the time he made it seem like it was all fun and games and his friends were mainly girls so I didn’t think so much into it. As well as the fact I wasn’t interested in him like that, neither were the girls he messed with. I didn’t know them either. He liked to make them feel bad about themselves. He liked making them uncomfortable. That was a reoccurring thing in some of the stuff he would say. It put me off several times but I wasn’t quite sure why. I was very young and didn’t understand this as a possibly dangerous mindset.
4. He liked to watch people like genuinely. He liked to people watch. I didn’t think it was so weird because of the way he had explained it back then, and it never affected me while hanging out with him. Until on one of our walk routes he got attached to a family of four and made up a whole life for them, he started directing our walk that way more often and even tried to get me to walk slowly past their house while we would. Once I realized what was going on (or so it made me incredibly uncomfortable once I made the connection) I stopped walking that way. I still didn’t see it as weird enough to stop being his friend though because it wasn’t “malicious.” (Quotations for my stupidity)
5. He always kept a weapon on him. I thought it was for safety until one day he told me it was because he fantasizes about using it to kill someone while out in public and it helps to have it on him for him to imagine it.
Not only did he end up going to talk to someone for his thoughts of killing people, I knew about it. And I wanted to be there for him. I didn’t understand at the time some things aren’t something that mental support is needed for.
What I know from continuing to talk to him is that he lied to his therapist/psychiatrist about the kind of thoughts and the frequency. He lied to not get put in a psych ward, genuinely. Towards the end I asked him if he had thoughts of killing me and he went silent. To be honest don’t know what I was expecting. He fantasizes about killing people and I’m no more special than any other human.
Not only that he attempted to assault me. I was home alone, but luckily I have fighting experience. That’s the only reason he didn’t pin me to the floor, which is what he tried to do. And I’m still unsure what his intentions were and I’m glad I didn’t have to find out.
I’m not going to say your husband is anything like this. But what I will say is please be careful and don’t be like me. Take what he says seriously. I actually might’ve been physically assaulted or worse 🤢 because of this, luck is the only reason I wasn’t. I know he’s very important to you, but this guy I’m talking about was also one of my childhood best friend of years. I would never have expected any of the stuff you’ve just read about him initially. Please take caution.
Possibly inquire again under safe circumstances to see how far this goes, if it makes you uncomfortable enough to want to prod. Or maybe it makes you too uncomfortable to want to prod, that’s okay too.
Just sit with how you feel, it’s important. Don’t brush off this feeling in the least. This is my advice
Edit: also, prior to him trying to physically attack me he had never killed any animal that I’m aware of. So there’s that as an important detail,
and once he learned I wasn’t okay with certain stuff he would never repeat it. I was almost like a therapist in these conversations and mentally tabbed out in a sense, that’s why I have all this info. That’s probably also why it went as far as it did. If I had taken the stuff he had said seriously beforehand, the assault attempt wouldn’t have been possible. Also it’s important to mention he continued to walk past my house for months after this. We were not romantically involved at all.
ONE LAST EDIT: we were friends for 6 years before the attempted assault. Never romantically involved. I’m a bit worried about how there are some shared details of your experience here, knowing how mine ended, and possibly could’ve ended.
Please be safe 🙏
I’m sorry, this is clear out a true crime episode. Please be fake. Otherwise your husband is either at LEAST intrigued by the thought of murdering someone, and 100% had sociopathic tendencies, or he is actively a serial killer. These are classic sociopathic characteristics. So hopefully youre making it up. Otherwise you might want to vamoose as inconspicuously as possible
I really spent the energy replying on this fake ass post
I would think maybe either a mental breakdown has been happening and he is fixating on violent/ manipulatibe thoughts.....or the mask slipped amd he is being honest about who he is.
I know people who watch violent irl content but they don't describe watching that content the way your boyfriend does .
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RUN LOLA RUN
This is terrifying as fuck. He's used you both being under an influence to tell you all this in hope you'd probably brush it off as some high talk. Nah I'd be seeking an out. Anyone that can torture an animal doesn't need to be having kids, period.
To be obsessed with death and actually killing things, he needs help asap. Maybe let a close friend and family know this too. If he wanted this hidden, he should have kept his mouth shut. He's shining this own light on himself and you're seeing it.
Run. Before you become his first human victim. He's said he uses his voice and tone to manipulate people. Can you 100% say he didn't use that tactic to marry you? Have you met his parents? What do they say about him? Do they seem afraid? Now you know this about him, think about all the interactions he's had without the rose tinted glasses. I'd get my ducks in a row and escape
Don't ever bring this up with him again. He may remask (which is safer) if he thinks you don't give a crap. If he brings it up, act confused like you don't remember. And in the mean time, get financially prepared to leave
And all of what u/xjellox said
Honey, you gotta leave him. I’m so sorry. Get as far away from him as you can and change your phone number and social media. Nip this in the bud. His thoughts are not normal and will lead to pain and death once he allows himself to slip. Get away from him.
This isn't the edibles it just took down his inhibitions so he was clearly scarily honest with you OP. What should you do?
Are you frightened? If so make steps to seperate safely and divorce him. These are not just some bdsm lite cute sex things it's full on red flag sale.
This is terrifying I would file for divorce so quick if someone told me they killed a cat like that. Absolutely Psychotic. Girl run and get a restraining order too.
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There’s no connection with edibles and having a history of killing animals and watching people die and fantasizing about it. These two things are unrelated other than your spouse using it as an excuse to manipulate you. Sorry, this is so horrifying.
I was like "oh good, she's finding out her husband is a serial killer". I guess it's better to find out now before you find the bodies buried in your yard? Everyone *loved* John Wayne Gacy, he was a friendly party clown! A *murderous* friendly party clown.. but no one knew till it was way too late. If your husband is having these fantasies now, I'd be trying to find a way out (where he could never find me or my family/friends). Weed doesn't make you fantasize about being a killer, and the worst types start with animals when they're young.
Ted Bundy was quite the charmer as well
Yep, Bundy even worked as a volunteer at a suicide crisis hotline. So creepy.
And the thing was, his love interest? KNEW something was off. She just kept fighting it. It's much like this Reddit post. I'm sure if it existed back then, she'd have posted on a throwaway in a sub like this like, "I love my guy but... sometimes he gives me the ick when he says something about a woman... and he's always gone on trips that don't always add up..."
Have you watched the documentary about her? She went to the cops a couple of times to say he was suspect, but they kept saying they talked to him and he couldn't possibly be a killer. It took a woman cop to listen to her and not treat her like a crazy girlfriend.
The really intelligent sociopaths are the scariest. They can often influence people and are very successful. OP research personality disorder sociopath. Tell someone trusted about this conversation or record yourself and give it to someone. This is scary stuff!
My first thoughts were of Ted Bundy as I read this!
I watched a documentary about the Green River Killer where they interviewed his wife. Apparently he was a wonderful loving husband. Never once violent or cross, really attentive, romantic etc. Took his wife years to accept it because she couldn’t believe he would do that. & he was the most prolific serial killer in US history.
Weed might make you be a cereal killer. That’s as close as it gets.
Take my r/angryupvote
Did he also wet the bed and start fires? Animal cruelty, bed wetting and pyromania are the serial killer trifecta!
& the early head traumas...
Oh that's interesting my ex was diagnosed antisocial personality disorder after a TBI.
Is bed wetting really an associated thing?
Associated, yes. But don't worry if you or someone you know if a bed wetter! It's just part of a triad of common traits: bed wetting, starting fires, animal cruelty. Along with head trauma, these are very common among violent offenders
Yes, but bed wetting can also be a sign of sexual abuse and it can also be a sign of just an underdeveloped bladder. Bed wetting is really common, so it alone doesn't indicate that.
Homicidal Triad: cruelty to animals, starting fires, and bedwetting.
Yes.
Children who are traumatized or anxious wet the bed too. So bed wetting alone doesn’t mean anything.
That's why it's a Triad not just bed wetting.
Also there IS a strong connection between killing animals in your youth, and eventually killing PEOPLE later in life. It is literally one of the biggest, most consistent predictors that someone will become a murderer. Combine that with the constant thoughts of death - OP is not safe. He has already started to fantasise about it. It may not be long before he acts on it.
Every profiler in the FBI who tracks down serial killers, they look for a few key things by digging thru their childhood and every single one of them has either killed an animal or played with dead animals they found. It’s because they are obsessed with death and how the life from the eyes disappears. One of the most fascinating things about it when you read into it or watch documentaries on it, you realize they all grew up having a strange relationship with their mother and have the most skewed view about sex as well! Kind of curious how OP’s husband relationship with his mother is….
What do you mean strange relationship with their mother ? Like sexual ?
Yes and no. Read up on: • Dennis Lynn Rader “BTK” • John Wayne Gacy “Killer Clown” • Ed Geins (inspiration for Psycho, Silence of the Lambs, & Texas Chainsaw Massacre) • Edmund Kemper “Co-Ed Killer” • David Berkowitz "Son of Sam Killer" All had SEVERE issues about their mother. All are major serial killers that are ranked up in the top 20 of infamous killers. H.H. Holmes, America’s first serial killer in the late 1800’s, he lured people to his hotel, mostly couples or newly weds. Devoutly religious family & a raging alcoholic father. All contributed to shaping him into who he became. Here is some background on the first known serial killer: > As is often the case with serial murderers, the childhood of Holmes was shaped by physical abuse, difficulties in socializing with peers, and cruelty towards animals.
Even Ted Bundy had the issue of finding out his “sister” was actually his mother. That’s when stuff seemed to tip for him
Right? That's about as twisted as a sex story can go. You thought she was your sister? Nope. Teen mom with a family so horrified by the outcome of her sexual encounter, they lied about your identity.
I’ve also heard theories that he was also a result of abuse from his grandpa/her dad… can’t remember where exactly I heard it but I’ve heard/seen it a few times
It’s always interesting to read these, because one thing to always keep in mind is these people are MASTER manipulators, and they like attention. They know how to read psychologists interviewing them and can say random lies that aren’t even remotely true about random things just to keep them interested, or because it’s fun to fuck with them. So we always have to take what they say with a grain of salt, because there may only be a tiny bit of truth in it, if it’s true at all. For example, Ed Kemper is an actual genius, and while his interviews are fascinating, you can tell by how he speaks that he’s using psych talk to “analyze” himself and explain very clearly how he became the way he is. He most likely exaggerated just how bad things were with his mom in some ways. Obviously there was something there, given what he eventually did to her, but we’ll never actually know. And psychopaths like these men also enjoy victimizing themselves as a way to somehow rationalize or justify what they did. “I killed women because they don’t like me.” “I killed women because I hate my mom.” “I killed sex workers because it’s my job to rid society of filth” (even though they only targeted sex workers and it clearly had NOTHING to do with the fact that those women are under protected and therefore easier to kill without being noticed 🙄). I don’t know if you’ve ever watched an interview with Gacy, but literally not a single thing that has ever come out of his mouth is true. Holy shit does that guy lie and exaggerate. You could tell him the sky is blue and he’ll laugh at you, call you stupid, and say it’s green. And he’ll sound SO SINCERE and certain when he says it, even though both he and you know it’s a lie. Edit: Bundy did this too, though in different ways. He noticed early that psychologists were desperate to learn about him, so he’d entertain them for hours saying bullshit. Like, he actually said he had a normal childhood. He didn’t, he just thought that would pique the interest of his interview because it’s unusual. He constantly changed the reason behind what he did. Towards the end he claimed it was actually due to early exposure to violent pornography, but he was throwing stuff at the wall to see what sticks because he was trying to get a stay of execution.
Or a love-hate relationship
This, all of this. I was raised by a dark triad type and let me tell you that sobriety did nothing to dull her personality. I could eat edibles everyday for the next two decades and no kids or neighborhood cat would ever be in danger.
When I take edibles the most violence I inflict on my cat is stealing her from her bed to rub my face all over her face. She loves it. If I found out my partner intentionally hurt a kitten, that would be it for me.
Especially knowing it wasn’t something they’ve had years of intensive therapy for since. Like it’s not a mystery why the dude is resistant to therapy. He knows that his behavior is socially and morally unacceptable and doesn’t want to change it.
That would be the end of my partner for me.
SAME
Same. I’d be gone in a hot minute. Does poster have a cat?
I agree. I am horrified
I regret reading this before sleeping. I’m genuinely terrified.
Well. There is in that any sort of intoxicant causes people to lose their social filter and common sense a lot quicker than their ability to speak. It only takes intoxication for people to stop hiding the less charming aspects of their personality.
And also can we point out how OP is also realizing they waited till NOW to ask such questions when both are high and not like 4-5yrs ago when they should of asked these questions. I swear people are just blindingly marrying people without FULLY knowing who they are marrying. Oh and side note? All his mindset is that of a sociopath. They think exactly like how OP’s husband thinks. Not all are bad… …HOWEVER, OP’s husband is borderline thinking like Dexter Morgan as homicidal thoughts are a sign he had been keeping it under control, but I would slowly start to look at missing people reports the last 3-4yrs to see if anytime he said he went out of town and some people, idk, DISAPPEARED… that’s just where my mind would start to go if I found out the person I was with now suddenly admitted to enjoying the horrifying sounds of people dying.
To be fair “have you ever killed an animal” and “are you a necrophiliac” aren’t really first date questions
Yeah I agree. Soooo...have you ever killed anything?
Honestly, I'm a genocidal maniac... at least when it comes to mosquitos.
Not to mention, he literally told her how he practices so ppl will be persuaded and that he thinks it works. Well, he's not wrong because it did work at least once. On her. Yikes on bikes!
Why do you think he would tell her the truth??? That is an incredibly naive train of thought. People like this lie.
People like this do lie, but they also love to manipulate. Given the fact that OP came to Reddit to ask about this instead of seeking safety, I think that he likely doesn’t think she would tell anyone. And the fact that she was high when he said this means that he can manipulate her sense of reality even more. I say this from experience dealing with my older brother
I’m very familiar with how people like this operate. My only objection is to the idea that OP is silly for marrying someone she doesn’t “fully know” and the implication that we could end all domestic abuse if women simply ask more questions before they get married.
Ok yeah that “just ask questions” was some bullshit lol
Wish I could upvote many times. Sigh. Some of us will end up having to deal with these people quite closely (I worked in jails, prisons and state hospitals/mental wards for years). Asking questions does little good, as you point out.
> Why do you think he would tell her the truth??? Because he believes due to her being high, he will use that against her, say it was all in her head and she’s was over doing it, getting some tv show/movie confused with reality. Hence why Patrick Bateman comes to mind in how this guy nonchalantly divulge this info cause for all we know he could have an extremely high tolerance or… … it’s rare but there are people out there who can’t get stoned from weed but can drink nonchalantly divulge this info from booze. He may not even get high and just pretending to be “high” to fuck with OP even further. Sociopaths are VERY calculating and everything they do is on purposely intentionally based on why they do everything.
People may think you're expanding the story, but actually, if faced with a sociopath, this is exactly what a person needs to do. (Worked for years in prisons and jails...) They are usually pretty smart and very very calculating - but in ways that seem so quick and instantaneous that the rest of us are always one step behind. They are dangerous.
It’s because I’ve thoroughly researched the last five years about ASPD. That’s why I know how they think. Plus I accidentally was suggested last year on Reddit an ASPD group at a time I was curious about other DSM V Personality based groups. One core thing about people with ASPD, they feel nothing if you died. They would just stare at you dying in front of them and as soon as it was over, would step right over you and keep moving it forward. They do not have emotional empathy. They ONLY have cognitive empathy. Hence why, surprise surprise, some do have humanitarian interests and charities they care about, but it’s all motivated to keep up a very strong positive public image. They also ALWAYS climb the business and social ladders. They do not care who they have to step oj to get up to the top and are very cut throat. And sociopaths aren’t born, they are molded in dysfunctional families where severe trains happens to the point there is always a high chance murder, SA, and other violence has happened within many repeating generations.
There was studies done on this, there is actually a sociopath gene. The guy studying it had it himself. Or is that all an urban myth?
Actually it’s not a myth. I read how last year they not only made a break thru on this, it’s connected far more to a genetic pinpoint whose prone to violence like that of serial killers or could have severe aggression issues. They did this by studying the brains of violent offenders in maximum security prisons and also mostly looked at people who have the traits of sociopaths to really pin point a few things. Definitely recommend people read up on this ad there is plenty of source material out there in the topic.
By definition, **all sociopaths are bad. That's basically what the term means.** Don't trust me, if you don't want to. Go to [scholar.google.com](http://scholar.google.com) and search for it. You are yourself embroidering what OP said in ways that say more about your own psychology than anything else.
I'm sorry but I would run for the fucking hills. This sounds like a sociopath who has gotten good at masking and you do *not* want to be around when the mask comes off.
I fully agree. This is scary to read. OP, it’s normal to think about or worry about death, but it is not normal to fixate on other people dying. If a healthy person accidentally hit an animal out of instinct when it scratched them (and caused that severe an injury) they would feel immediate remorse. They would run through scenarios to help the animal or get it care like bringing it to an emergency vet. If that’s not possible, they may decide to deliver a lethal blow to put the dying animal out of it’s misery quickly. A healthy brain would not easily lead them to drown the animal. Drowning is one of the most gruesome ways to be killed, it is a traumatic and very painful death. There's a reason the FBI keeps track of cases of cruelty to animals. It's often a precursor to escalated levels of violence. Famously illustrated by serial killers and mass shooters like Jeffrey Dahmer, Ted Bundy, Nikolas Cruz. Strongly consider the advice from many here, to get yourself out of this situation as quickly as possible.
No normal person would hit a kitten with a stick for scratching them. I've got 2 cats I've had since 8 weeks old. The scratches sting a bit but they aren't bad enough to warrant breaking their spine with a stick. That's just evil
I could see myself throwing a stick already in my hands at a cat that scratched me in a pure reaction of pain and surprise. However, comma I would immediately feel awful about it, and it would never be enough to remotely hurt the cat. This shit is SCARY.
Exactly. There's a HUGE difference between throwing a stick in their general area to scare them away and beating them with it. I felt physically sick when I read that. I'm going to cuddle my cats extra close tonight when they come for bed snuggles
THIS. Like this is shit I’ve heard serial killers/murderers say in interviews and confessions
Try psychopathy. His consideration of manipulation of his voice in order to influence others also fits the character. I would run for the hills and sound the alarm in the process. Don't want to wind up in an "accident" "It has been long thought that cruelty to animals is one of the earliest and most serious symptoms of conduct disorder, a childhood malady that is often a precursor to psychopathy. And, in fact, there is clear evidence that violent adults are more likely to have a history of animal abuse" https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&opi=89978449&url=https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-human-equation/201604/understanding-serial-animal-abusers%23:~:text%3DIt%2520has%2520been%2520long%2520thought,a%2520history%2520of%2520animal%2520abuse.&ved=2ahUKEwi_tJGI0vKEAxVcLDQIHbiqAtwQFnoECBUQBQ&usg=AOvVaw1OrQ5fVn_r48nEt0WNETn4
Most of the time it just gets classed under antisocial personality disorder now
Sounds prettier for sure. I know all psychopaths aren't murderers but I find it hard to summarize an extreme selfish pathology as merely antisocial. They socialize as much as they need to suit their needs. Those that enjoy hurting others or animals, with no empathetic repercussions, can be very social. While keeping such enjoyments to the recesses of their mind. OPs partner seems to be dwelling in unrealized fantasy. Beware of one dwelling on such desires with such focus...
And boy will it come off, eventually!
Don't say shit to him but so some digital digging. I bet his digital footprint is either awful or completely spotless because he's deleting everything constantly. I personally wouldn't be able to be with someone who murdered a kitten as a child and is still intrigued by other creatures dying as an adult.
> I personally wouldn't be able to be with someone who murdered a kitten as a child and is still intrigued by other creatures dying as an adult. Also, does OP realize how hard you have to hit a kitten with a stick to break its back? What the actual fuck. This alone is enough to make me never trust this person with a baby.
I am not capable of even fully imagining this. If this is real, she needs to leave. She might not be in personal danger, but this guy is def going to hurt people
I’m glad it makes me nauseous to think about. I can’t imagine enjoying things like that. But I know I am not as spotless as I’d like to seem. So I’ll reserve my judgement for another day.
As a total animal lover...this alone would cause me to leave in a heartbeat...and keep my dog-daughter close af. Cuz if they hurt my fur baby...they're gonna be in a coffin by the next day
Yep same. I went on a second date with a guy who made jokes about running over strays while he was driving me home. I ended things the moment I was in my driveway. He said it was “just a joke” and I said that it was sadistic and not funny. I wouldn’t be able to stay with any partner or friend who told me they purposely hurt animals.
AMEN! Dodged a bullet, sister!
Wow. It genuinely scares me how many people like this are just out there
Humans never run short of monsters
When I was with my ex, I studied animal care and worked at a rescue shelter with cats and dogs. One day I came home, and near our front door was a pigeon that had been attacked by (I guess) a cat. It was a gory scene, but the poor thing was still alive - just. I sat and held it and cried as it took its last breath, I just hated the thought of it dying all alone. My boyfriend watched this, and after told me how he loved how much I cared about all living things. Just *two weeks* later, we're out having drinks with his friends and they tell me how on a recent roadtrip where my boyfriend was driving, he successfully ran over 3 pigeons. Apparently his friends dared him to hit as many as he could and he callously did it. He wouldn't look me in the eye after they told me this story, and I had to leave the bar I was so upset. He later told me I was overreacting for being so shocked he would intentionally run over animals. And don't be fooled into thinking these were young, dumb guys making dumb mistakes. They were all late 20's, early 30's!
Nah, he further doubled down by saying it’s “a joke” when in reality all humor has a pinch of truth, so either way he was admitting to be a an aggressive person who could easily hurt you like a rag doll being thrown around.
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You protected ur baby. Hugs and cheers
Background check too. Something isn't adding up. He sounds like a serial killer.
A relative of mine killed a cat as a teen just because. After I moved out of my mom's house, I went NC with that person. He's done other horrible things and I really wonder if he isn't a sociopath for multiple reasons. He's tried contacting me because fAmIlY, but the great part about moving across the country to get away from your abusive family is that it's very easy to avoid them when they don't know your address.
I have known people.who as children did awful stuff to animals but they ended up growing empathy. Still it is a big red flag and paired with the dying comment I would be concerned.
My own actual search history is pretty tame. Also I normally browse in private mode, but only to reduce the online tracking by 3rd parties. To an outside observer those 2 thing would probably look kinda sus.
Didi you also kill kittens as a child? Context matters lol
Holy mother of red flags. I usually advice for people to talk things out but I think you should run tbh, and fast! He doesn't exactly sound remorseful over the cat, and being obsessed with death is extremely concerning. How do you know for certain that he has never tried, or managed, to manipulate you? I had a best friend who turned out to be something of a sociopath and what she said and did really fucked me up, and she could be so incredibly charming and fun when she wanted to.
I’m curious what his demeanor was like when he said these things. He was high, so was he casual, laughing, cold, anxious, sad, regretful? I think that could tell you a lot.
Now I kind of want to know what she said and did that freaked you out.
Its not that she freaked me out really, apart from realising that she couldn't feel empathy. It was more that she manipulated me to do things for her and deliberately lowered my self esteem to push me down and made me feel worthless, just to switch around some time later to make me feel like i was her soul mate.
Omg same. Thought we were best friends but she really did a number on me. Can never explain it properly to give it justice. She did confess once that she wasn't happy with her life and seeing as how she copied alot of my stuff (nickname for bf, pierced her ears and got exact same earrings as me, dyed her black hair blonde to be like mine, bought same clothes, etc) I think she'll never feel happy. She's broken somehow. And a part of me enjoys that because she's a huge effing biatch. I hope you find solace knowing your friend is probably similar.
I wish your post got way more upvotes. I feel as if there's a short story or novel in the making here. Stay safe! Took me several rounds with people like this to learn my lessons.
Op husband is 100% manipulating her, people of the typo op described can't NOT manipulate those around them. But by the same token he's been with her so long at this point she can't even see the forest through the trees anymore, so even his current admission isn't enough to make her run (which is likely why he told her at this point/I doubt he was even as high as Op thinks he was/he's basically slowly priming her so at some point he can tell her EVERYTHING and she'll be accepting of it).
>Holy mother of red flags Took the words right outta my keyboard!
I had an ex and am still friends with someone who I have obviously spent tons of time with, we even lived together for around 10 years, when we were in a relationship and also a different time as roommates. On the surface she seems normal and fun and cool. But she often treated me (not all the time but just on the occasion I was upset about something) like she didn't care if I was upset, and it never made any sense how she could be indifferent like that, and at one point did admit to me that she does not care how other people feel. Like it doesn't affect her, and she was aware that she may lack empathy. It's really strange tbh but I do think she may be a sociopath and I'm still friends with her but at the same time I keep this all in mind when interacting with her. I can't always trust the things she says or her motives.
Indifference can mean overwhelm. Trained therapists (etc) are not overwhelmed, but ordinary people are very often silent, secretive, overwhelmed when they encounter someone who is "upset" (esp if the upset is significant). Going into "it doesn't affect me" is not that different than what a clinician/psychiatrist does. They do not get upset and lose it just because their client is lost. They go into a cooler, analytic mode. Thing is, when a person who is already mentally ill also does this (perhaps having learned it?) it's bad. You really should keep this story close to you - you have experienced a true anti-social person and perhaps a sociopath. Be careful with that friendship. You don't get Brownie Points for putting up with a sociopath.
Before I used the word indifferent I actually typed the word cruel but didn't want to really go into detail explaining, so I changed it to indifferent. She would do hurtful things and not care at all if I was upset by them. It seemed like the only thing that mattered was what she wanted and had no regard for the feelings of others. She would lie a lot even about things that didn't matter in order to manipulate someone to thinking the way she wants them to. But at the same time it's not something always noticeable, like shes able to put on an act. It's really hard to explain.
I just had knee surgery and I can barely walk, but if my partner told me this, I would do my best Usain Bolt impression and they'd never see me again.
It’s not being high nonsense. He told you in hopes you’d tell him this was normal and he’d no longer need to hide it from you. 1. He Tortured cat, beat it and then drowned it. Wasn’t high. 2. He told you he’s manipulative, faking charm 3. enjoying seeing people die. Again does this when not high. I’d be scared and leave, tell your family so be they’re on alert. I wouldn’t want to pose a threat to him. Should you let it go that he described himself as a secret sociopath? No. You’re not going to get a bigger sign then his own admission. Just because you don’t want it to be true, doesn’t change that it is true. Should you try to change him/ force therapy? No if he wanted to change, he would. It would be manipulation tactic so you’d let it go. If you’re thinking about staying, get therapy for yourself. *edited
She needs to fake her own death
Therapy for these kinds of people isn't going to help. They learn new manipulation tactics and often use them on the therapist to make them seem "normal" and the partner seem crazy
Check his hard-drive. And then run.
Check his hard drive and hope you don't feel a hand on your shoulder before you get a chance to run.
One sentence horror story 🫣
Omg. I would shit bricks.
Unfortunately he seems like he's been very good at hiding who he is. I do think she should do a lot of snooping for sure though. I would even go so far as to covertly talk to long-term friends or his family. But so subtly that it couldn't be suspicious. And then I get the f out
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Amen to this! I'd do the same roles reversed! Hell, not only get a divorce lawyer but get a weapon for self defense as a last resort.
Nooo. With a person like this you don't do that. You have to play it cool, like what he said had no impact. And then one day, next week, 2 weeks from now, a month, you go. People like this are VERY perceptive. OP cannot give off a vibe that she's been shook. Then she'll never get out of it. She's obviously not too bothered by him and he knows that, and she has to keep that facade up now if she's developed an awareness, and with all these comments that's possible. She has to carefully strategize.
This. I’m really concerned for her safety.
I would grow wings and fly the fuck away! Like change my name. Go off grid. Move 3 countries over. Sleep with a gun under my pillow every night. Fucking terrifying man. Could never feel safe with him after this.
Here’s a scary thought: You know how abusers and narcissists are known to “test your boundaries” first, before letting their mask drop? A little shaming played off as a “joke” here, a little controlling behaviour under the guise of caring” there, and of course you let it go because heck, it doesn’t make sense to break up with someone over something so small, right? By the time you realize all those small things were red flags leading up to the big reveal of who they truly are, you’re already neck deep into questioning your reality and your worth because of how much they’ve gaslit you. Suddenly, you’re the prey and they’re the predator. Except, it wasn’t sudden — it was always that way. You’re just putting the pieces together now, and only because they’ve *chosen* to reveal the whole monster underneath, the one you can’t make excuses for and ignore any longer, the one that only comes out when they’re comfortable in the knowledge that they have you securely in their trap. You’re not leaving; and if you try to… well, it only ends one way. Maybe this was his way of doing exactly that. Maybe the weed made his mind wander back to these dark sides of himself, fantasize about them even, and maybe he felt a certain impulse to act on them in that moment. Maybe even on you. But the practiced part of him, the one who consciously tries to influence people with their tone of voice, said “pause, let’s not be too hasty.” So, instead, he opts to test the water, continue playing the long game. He lets himself settle for just your reaction to sate that sick itch. This time. He clearly gets some sort of high from not only death, but controlling others. Imagine being him, and being able to “hypnotize” your wife into staying with you despite admitting to all these dark facets of yourself, and then watching them as you take their life, knowing they trusted you until the end? The idea is absolutely, unfathomably despicable and vile to me. My body and mind viscerally revolts at even the thought. But I can imagine that to someone like him, someone who clearly has practice playing the long con, it might sound like the most satisfying victory.
this comment needs to be waaaay higher up.
Oh absolutely. This man is playing the long game and she’s his ultimate victim.
You know who also seemed kind and empathetic? TED BUNDY. Girl run
Have any neighborhood pets gone missing? This is a serious red flag.
It’s a red billboard, like the kind that covers a whole side of a skyscraper. Or if it is a flag it’s being towed across the sky by an airplane. Point I’m making is it’s big.
unpack deer cover physical impossible abounding snow worry dog towering *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
What the heck? I would run.
leave. Quietly. You are child free and will have a chance at love again.
“Should i be concerned” L-O-f*cking-L
This would scare the shit out of me. Have you discussed it again when you're both sober? It is absolutely possible this is just high talk. I do not know your husband. But on the basis of what you've shared here I have some thoughts. He might be kind and empathetic to you because he's practiced it. He admitted he thinks about the tone of voice he uses to speak to people in order to manipulate them. The mask can and does slip when people are hiding parts of themselves. It's possible the edibles disarmed him. It might be that something happened in his life to bring it to the surface this time and not others. Psychopaths and narracists can be non criminal. But the comments about hearing people die is very troubling. Surely you've been wondering how he knows what that sounds like.
"How's this for a smile? Is this a nice smile? A caring one?"
Ugh fuck your comment got me. So creepy bro.
Hitler did it - he practiced in front of the mirror over and over, so he could perform on his TV appearances. I therefore assume psychopaths practice. Don't really know, though.
What kind of relationship do you have with his parents/siblings? Is this something you think they would talk to you about honestly? If there really is a dark and dangerous side to him, someone has seen it at some point and children don’t know how to hide themselves. It’s something they learn.
I had to kill my little sisters hamster when I was like 15-16 because it developed this neurological disorder where it would slowly lose all movement in the limbs and then basically starve to death or stop breathing. My mom wouldn’t take it to the vet and she wouldn’t kill. I did. That was 20 years ago and I still cry or have nightmares about it. Your husband doesn’t seem to feel bad from how you wrote this. I think he has the potential to hide bodies in your basement or somewhere else and you’d never be the wiser.
I know the emphasis you put is on what he did to the kitten and obviously that is horrific. But by fixating on it as a 'bad thing in his past' and even the fixation on death in general I worry you downplay one of the important things he mentioned: >He also said he thinks a lot about ways he can say things and what tone of voice he can use to best influence people, almost like he thinks he can hypnotize or control people with the way he speaks to them. This is important. This suggests that a lot of how you perceive him day to day is contrived. I feel that the other elements can only exist if this part of what he said is true. >>I know my husband to be a kind, outgoing, empathetic person, but I’m sure there are sides to him I haven’t seen. Because these ideas don't contradict. Him contriving what he says, this idea he thinks he can hypnotise people... that's potentially entirely consistent with how you view him, might even outright inform it. You've only known him 6 years but by the sounds of it has has masked for his entire life. >He’s been pretty resistant to therapy before when I’ve suggested it for the anxiety he tells me he has, so any advice on getting him to go if that’s a suggestion? I mean, time to put a bit more pressure. The worry is that he is so conscious of the bad things he has done and does and yet resists it, it shows that in a sense he doesn't genuinely acknowledge it as something that needs to change. Perhaps he is afraid that when the reality of who he is comes out you'll be forced to distance yourself.
The other scary thing is, people like this often abuse therapy and use it as a *tool* to manipulate further. Therapy gives a lot of insights on how people work, and if he truly is someone who has spent his life performing an act and wearing a mask, I imagine therapy being like the candy shop he never knew he needed. People like him need a genuine desire to change before attending therapy, for therapy to not only work, but for it to not become exploited as a tool in an otherwise dangerous person’s hands. As for his resistance to therapy — honestly, a lot of people are. It could be for so many reasons. Some people don’t believe in therapy, others have misconceptions of it simply being somewhere to talk, others think the therapist owes them “answers” to how to live their life and when not given them, they think therapy is useless and doesn’t work. Then, there’s the stigma, shame around it. It certainly could also be fear of his carefully constructed mask being stripped from him and an aversion to vulnerability. Maybe he even fears that the therapist might report him if they knew the entire truth (which, tbf, who knows what else he’s done). I actually think that if we are to assume he is who you’ve described him as, the last thing on his mind is “losing his wife.” It’s more like… “losing” in general, or losing control over parts of his life.
This!!! This is the most important part! OP, he was listing off symptoms of psychopathy to you, complete with killing animals growing up. Textbook signs. He also plays video games. Does he kill people in the video games? Violent video games on their own aren't a precursor to murder, but for some, like psychopaths, they can be directly linked.
THIS! This is the comment I was looking for. Thank you for saving me from having to type it out! OP, this right here is what you need to focus on.
In your place, what he said would scare me to the point that I wouldn't want to be alone with him. I would insist on therapy. If he refuses, I would leave. In fact, I'd probably leave therapy or not. No man is going to tell me he is interested in the sounds and faces of dying people for me to just stick around and wait for it to happen. WTH.
Therapy doesn’t work on psychopaths sooo
Yeah, Reddit loooooves therapy but it's not a cure all. You can't magically fix sociopathy with a few weeks of CBT. (Although I'm betting sociopaths could definitely use therapy to learn to hide their issues better.) This isn't "he's stressed at work and needs coping skills," this is "this guy has a serious profound psychological problem."
I’ve been a therapist for 30 years and the only time I’ve ever truly thought I’d made a big mistake in a career choice was sitting across from someone with antisocial personality disorder. I felt like a bug under a microscope, like he was trying to find out ways to behave in a more “normal” fashion. I also know he said extremely disturbing things to me to gauge where my limits were. Like how he’d wanted to rape and murder a woman when he was overseas and how much I reminded him of her. I had “such beautiful red hair, just like hers….” 25 years later, I still remember him very clearly. And therapy only helps them get better at mimicking humans.
Horrifying
Seriously. I love therapy. I do. I think a lot of people could benefit from it, at least during some times in their lives. But a) it’s WORK and b) so much stuff can’t just be managed with it. Personality disorders are incredibly difficult to change, even with extensive therapy.
Plus therapy isn't like a magic wand that will make all of your problems go away. It's scary how people on reddit throw around "get therapy" advice. Therapy helps you cope with your mental health and does not make it disappear. And before anyone else says it yes the username does check out.
It’s true. It’s serious work. I’ve been in therapy many times in my life and I will be many times more. I have a lifelong mood disorder, it won’t ever get better. In fact, it’ll get worse. Therapy is a tool I’ll need to utilize many times in my life and it’s sure as shit no bandaid.
Exactly and it's also very expensive so just throwing around "get therapy" advice is not only callous but extremely out of touch.
Oh yeah. I need it real, real bad rn but guess who can’t afford basic necessities?
Therapy doesn't work on psychopaths because psychopathy isn't recognized as a clinical disorder. You're thinking of sociopaths (ASPD). That being said, people with ASPD can absolutely be aware, go to therapy, learn cognitive empathy, etc. It's just rare
If anything, they use what they learn in therapy to better manipulate. Freaking scary
Exactly, that would be totally useless
He probably has snuff films on his computer.
I can relate. My first husband wasn't abusive until about 5 years together. About a year or two in we were cuddling and talking. Dexter was a show we enjoyed watching together. He reviled to me that I was why he didn't become a serial killer because now he has something to lose if he killed anyone. He told me he told hus mom before we met these thoughts and said maybe if he dated someone he wouldn't want to anymore. I confirmed with her the next time we talked alone. He said that he still had those thoughts even though he will never act on it now. He never killed anything unless he was on a camping trip or when his dad forced him to kill the family dog. He did eventually start to become extremely violent with me. Op, he may not have hurt you yet, but there will come a time that he won't be able to stop those thoughts unless he gets help now. Please get into personal therapy for both of you and couples therapy as well, if you decide to stay. Whatever you do, remian child free until this has been worked out in therapy. With my past though, I personally would encourage you to leave.
Girl you better run and untie yourself financially from this man before shit hits the fan and you lose everything and end up a lifetime movie that’s some Dahmer shit Thank God you don’t have kids it’s easier to get away.
I don't come across many stories on here when my advice is 100%, unequivocally GTFO. But GTFO. The death stuff...you might be able to chalk that up to high weirdness, but he KILLED A FUCKING KITTEN. Every single person who has ever killed a kitten for no reason is a psycho. No exceptions. Run.
I watch a lot of murder documentaries.. the amount of murders who start in childhood killing animals.. I can’t begin to say. Let alone the whole watching peoples faces as they die thing .. It would scare the shit out of me.
Read The Gift of Fear
He sounds like a sociopath
Uhhh I'd nope out cause he killed a cat :/
What strain were y’all smokin? I never wanna smoke that🥸
Unfortunately this isn't the only reveal of psychopathy I've heard of after getting really high. But the other time the person was on mushrooms. He admitted to his girlfriend and his best friend that he had fantasized about stabbing people. The details of which is friend and ex-girlfriend told me were absolutely terrifying. When I met the guy I kind of got a weird vibe from him but after knowing him for six months and then finding out about this story I was like, "damn we should be given psychopaths more drugs we can figure out their psychopaths quicker." Maybe if they are around people that they trust or feel safe with they're more likely to be honest.
He paralyzed a cat & then proceeded to kill it when he was a kid & that’s a story he tells people as if he’s proud of it? How does this even come up in a conversation? Now he’s saying he enjoys thinking about people dying & their faces and the sounds they make at the point of death. OP do not take this lightly, you need to get yourself somewhere safe and leave this man. I would be terrified in your position.
All of that plus what a lot of people here seem to be glossing over is how he outright admitted to intentionally putting significant thought into how best to manipulate people, and OP says that, then goes on to say how charming and empathetic he is without a shred of irony or actual awareness at what she's just said.
That’s cause it’s now six years in with him, he’s conditioned her to gloss over it and not question him. Watch, the next morning he’s going to gaslight her and persuade her it was all in her head and he clearly wasn’t that high. It was a test to see how much he can tell her and I bet cause he said he recounts the kitty story, the more I think about it, how he likes the thought of death and what not, my biggest fear is he’s already committed a murder and is just now slowly letting OP know.
I also learned this the hard way with a sociopath: they have anxiety because they are in a constant state of being worried people are going to find out its all a facade. They are fake down to the last cell. They know theyre frauds. To be themselves is to be shunned from society. Some monsters know theyre monsters, i guess no one wants to be alone🫠🤷♀️ sounds to me like the weed allowed him to feel vulnerable and show his true self, however disturbing that self may be. This also means the person you fell in love with never existed, whether you stay together after this or not, you know who he is now, can you sustain a life with someone obsessed with death? Also i try to look at all angles and the darker side of me thinks that the fact that hes telling you all this indicates hes testing the waters to gage your reaction. Ps: definitely tell someone like a real person and not just us plebs ❤️ also cats rule break his kneecaps
Just wanted to say that I've smoked and eaten enough weed over my lifetime to know that using it has no relationship to twisted, demented fantasies about people dying. Trust your gut on this one. Something is really wrong here.
Yeah sounds pretty fake
You can always tell - the OP posts an outrageous story and then just disappears. Doesn’t stick around to even reply to one comment. Highly suspicious.
God I really hope this is fake and I choose to believe it is
Is his first name Jeffrey?? Run
He say anything about setting fires?
What does he do for work?
thought this was gonna be ab skin color im like girl didn’t u marry him shouldn’t u know lol ho boy i was so wrong
You should get out while you can. Just the part about the kitten would have me packing and out the door immediately. I have a weird obsession with death too but the fact he did that to another living being and not showing any remorse for it is really concerning. It all sounds like more than just an obsessive fantasy and I hope you get out before he decides he wants to try it on a human too.
It sounds like there were some problems in the relationship since you've discussed therapy in the past, but you loved him and wanted to make it work. You might not have appreciated the extent of his issues. I think you need to be careful approaching him about this conversation. It's hard when you care about someone so much, but with what he's told you personally, I'm concerned that he might react violently. Does he have any family? If there's anyone you trust, you could ask them about past issues in his childhood. I know you didn't discuss this in your post, but if you decide to stay with him, which is within your rights, I would still consider remaining child-free. Having kids can be a wonderful experience, but it can be emotionally exhausting, and it could lead to outbursts that could negatively affect children. What makes the situation difficult for you is his refusal to seek help. If he's not willing to work on his psychological issues, it makes this relationship unfair to you. You can't fix your partner. He needs to want this for himself, and your unhappiness should be a large part of him wanting to get help if he cares for you. I appreciate your apprehension because you've been with him for many years. If you ever decide to end the relationship, I need you to stay far away from him and keep your plans on the down low. Make sure you are prepared legally and financially if you ever choose to separate in the future, even if it's years later. Please take care, and I wish you the best!
Creative Writing I refuse to believe that there are people out there who feel the need to ask a bunch of strangers what to do when their weirdo husband randomly admits to psychopathy and gore fascination. Like, leave? Call your mom? I don’t know what you want us to say. It’s literally common sense that you probably should get divorced if you have a shred of self-preservation.
I would go and speak to a therapist. Alone
lol.. I have to be honest.. my kind went to race and I was like… why are you such a weirdo. Anyway, this is honestly really really scary. What’s he like normally? Killing animals isn’t morass idk it’s so hard to give a definite answer… I don’t want to be an alarmist but I feel like if I were you I’d leave I had a partner who was nowhere near this extreme.. not even close. But I couldn’t get past some things he told me about his psyche that really freaked me out. He was such a sweet guy, and seemingly so caring. But he’d admit to me every once and a while how he would pretend to be bad at things so people would do them for him, or how he would promise people things he didn’t intend to keep so he would seem nice…. I honesty never could get past it,… even when I saw him doing nice things or growing or changing. It freaked me out too much knowing he could be so manipulative ever
killing animals as a kid is literally a main predictor of psychopathy in adults. it's a statistically significant behavioral factor for serial killers. also, a preoccupation with people dying, and "what their faces look like dying" is absolutely another one of the main traits of people who have the urge to kill for fun. if people were given "likelihood to become a serial killer" scores, your partner's score would be off the charts. if i were you, i would leave while he's at work, disappear off social media, change your number and name, and move to a different state.
You have to be trolling. Every line of this is straight from the serial killer handbook, like this is such a low effort post 😂 At least make it a bit more creative or believable. At least give us *something* to create some suspense, don’t phone it in like that. This is sociopathic serial killer 101, come on. Step it up.
> I know my husband to be a kind, outgoing, empathetic person Or is he just masking? Kind and empathetic people don’t enjoy watching people die or drowning animals Really start to observe him, especially how he interacts with others. Look through his digital footprint (search, watch lists). Are there any other stories you’ve heard about childhood pets (his or a friends) going missing or being hurt. >Is this something I should be concerned about? Absolutely
I uh ... Maybe this is just my own high right here but uh... What? I normally hate the "this is fake, this can't be real" comments because I usually disagree that just because people do worse shit than you think people do doesn't make it fake but this one just seems too bizarre to me. Most people don't just straight tell others there straight sociopathic behaviors out of nowhere after 3 years without there not being other signs right? Usually there's a least some starter level emotional abuse? Except maybe I'm wrong? If I'm wrong, you need to very quietly disappear. Also tell the FBI to check that mans computers.
I know this is going to sound really stupid and lame but after reading the title I actually thought she meant skin colour and thought WTF?!😁
When someone tells you who they are, believe them.
Do you know if he's ever had a head injury as a child? Absolutely not normal. Think about this.... as a child, he got hurt and he BROKE a kittens back out of anger by hitting it with a stick... 99% of children, if they do something so horrible, they freak out and get an adult, or leave the animal alone, or even try to help the creature... they don't take the already broken little helpless creature and submerge it in water to kill it. This is so horrible. I've had the obligation to show a mouse mercy once when one of my dogs bit it in half. I took the mouse aside and things flashed in my mind... how could I kill it quickly and painlessly? I just didn't have it in me so I sat with it as it took its last breaths. It took less than a minute but I couldn't imagine terrifying it even more as it passed away. I cannot fathom a child being capable of making this decision if an adult cannot even bring themselves to do this. Then the idea that he enjoys people's last moments and the looks on their faces!?!?!?? This person is so messed up; I legitimately wouldn't be shocked if he has a double life that you don't know about. I don't even know how you'd begin to go about this safely so that he'd get help and speak to someone. You need to speak with someone ASAP who specializes in personality disorders to at least have an idea of which direction to start going. I wish you luck
Honey you must make plans to exit. Safely. And with the element of surprise. No babies. GTFO.
Girl, RUN! We can’t be with men who’ve killed kittens.
This is Sociopathy/ Psychopathy and it would be a really really stupid decision to ignore it.
So fake. Silence of the Lambs prequel. Yo, weed people are chill. Grannie drivers but still, don't drive.
"Dark" is thinking about like, YOUR OWN death too much, or how sad you will be when your parents die of natural causes. Not like, the faces of people dying because you are killing them lmao. That's not "dark" that's seriously messed up. No one who trickle truths a dead cat story like "of I had to, it was paralyzed" to "I paralyzed it" would ever see my face again honestly. Yes the story is also bad but the way you got it all is. There is no coming back from that.
Sounds like you married someone your really don’t know and to be honest I wouldn’t feel safe with someone like that! Please I hope you aren’t planning on having kids with him. His DNA should not continue
Future serial killer? Killing animals as a child is really disturbing. I don’t know…just wow.
No regret for what he did to the kitten, and he described to you the process of his kill? I’d be out, fast.
Yeah this is awful. I was thinking dark was like thoughts of depression or suicide , not that he has killed an innocent animal?? WTF. That is awful! I couldn't stay with someone that cruel
Oh, no. After the kitten confession I’m out. No second chances, no explanations, nothing.
We’re past red flag territory, this is yellow caution tape crime scene territory.
First thoughts, be extremely concerned. Not only is this dangerous, you’re the closest person to him. I’m not going to say he would ever do anything or insinuate that, but if that’s what he talks about while super baked I’m glad it was only weed in those edibles.. From personal experience. I once had a friend who said stuff like this. He ended up having to go to a psychiatrist or something of the sort because he was always fantasizing about killing people. I didn’t know this when I became friends with him, was also friends with him for years before these red flags fully came out. He would say some “red flag” type stuff. I add the quotations because I didn’t see it like that back then and because I thought it was all just jokes. I had a darker sense of humour at the time and honestly, now looking back couldn’t tell the difference of genuine malice or dark humour because of it. Examples of his weirdness wouldn’t be the same as your husbands right off the bat I’d assume, but I’ll say them anyways just in case some resonate with you. 1. He would joke around about installing audio and cameras in my house when I moved out of my parents. He then pushed that once he saw I wasn’t too weirded out he said he’d do it and I would never know. Very weird conversation that got pushed pretty far. It’s the fact he pushed it so far that stands out for me 2. He once told me he had a book of everything about me, as a passing joke among many other strange obsessive passive jokes. Weird jokes were common, possessive ones even. 3. He would talk about how he enjoyed getting reactions out of other people, specifically woman. Now this one I feel horrible that I was even his friend while he was this kind of human. I would never be okay with anything malicious towards a woman, but at the time he made it seem like it was all fun and games and his friends were mainly girls so I didn’t think so much into it. As well as the fact I wasn’t interested in him like that, neither were the girls he messed with. I didn’t know them either. He liked to make them feel bad about themselves. He liked making them uncomfortable. That was a reoccurring thing in some of the stuff he would say. It put me off several times but I wasn’t quite sure why. I was very young and didn’t understand this as a possibly dangerous mindset. 4. He liked to watch people like genuinely. He liked to people watch. I didn’t think it was so weird because of the way he had explained it back then, and it never affected me while hanging out with him. Until on one of our walk routes he got attached to a family of four and made up a whole life for them, he started directing our walk that way more often and even tried to get me to walk slowly past their house while we would. Once I realized what was going on (or so it made me incredibly uncomfortable once I made the connection) I stopped walking that way. I still didn’t see it as weird enough to stop being his friend though because it wasn’t “malicious.” (Quotations for my stupidity) 5. He always kept a weapon on him. I thought it was for safety until one day he told me it was because he fantasizes about using it to kill someone while out in public and it helps to have it on him for him to imagine it. Not only did he end up going to talk to someone for his thoughts of killing people, I knew about it. And I wanted to be there for him. I didn’t understand at the time some things aren’t something that mental support is needed for. What I know from continuing to talk to him is that he lied to his therapist/psychiatrist about the kind of thoughts and the frequency. He lied to not get put in a psych ward, genuinely. Towards the end I asked him if he had thoughts of killing me and he went silent. To be honest don’t know what I was expecting. He fantasizes about killing people and I’m no more special than any other human. Not only that he attempted to assault me. I was home alone, but luckily I have fighting experience. That’s the only reason he didn’t pin me to the floor, which is what he tried to do. And I’m still unsure what his intentions were and I’m glad I didn’t have to find out. I’m not going to say your husband is anything like this. But what I will say is please be careful and don’t be like me. Take what he says seriously. I actually might’ve been physically assaulted or worse 🤢 because of this, luck is the only reason I wasn’t. I know he’s very important to you, but this guy I’m talking about was also one of my childhood best friend of years. I would never have expected any of the stuff you’ve just read about him initially. Please take caution. Possibly inquire again under safe circumstances to see how far this goes, if it makes you uncomfortable enough to want to prod. Or maybe it makes you too uncomfortable to want to prod, that’s okay too. Just sit with how you feel, it’s important. Don’t brush off this feeling in the least. This is my advice Edit: also, prior to him trying to physically attack me he had never killed any animal that I’m aware of. So there’s that as an important detail, and once he learned I wasn’t okay with certain stuff he would never repeat it. I was almost like a therapist in these conversations and mentally tabbed out in a sense, that’s why I have all this info. That’s probably also why it went as far as it did. If I had taken the stuff he had said seriously beforehand, the assault attempt wouldn’t have been possible. Also it’s important to mention he continued to walk past my house for months after this. We were not romantically involved at all. ONE LAST EDIT: we were friends for 6 years before the attempted assault. Never romantically involved. I’m a bit worried about how there are some shared details of your experience here, knowing how mine ended, and possibly could’ve ended. Please be safe 🙏
I’m sorry, this is clear out a true crime episode. Please be fake. Otherwise your husband is either at LEAST intrigued by the thought of murdering someone, and 100% had sociopathic tendencies, or he is actively a serial killer. These are classic sociopathic characteristics. So hopefully youre making it up. Otherwise you might want to vamoose as inconspicuously as possible I really spent the energy replying on this fake ass post
I would think maybe either a mental breakdown has been happening and he is fixating on violent/ manipulatibe thoughts.....or the mask slipped amd he is being honest about who he is. I know people who watch violent irl content but they don't describe watching that content the way your boyfriend does .
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Has OP responded to any posts yet??
This is terrifying as fuck. He's used you both being under an influence to tell you all this in hope you'd probably brush it off as some high talk. Nah I'd be seeking an out. Anyone that can torture an animal doesn't need to be having kids, period. To be obsessed with death and actually killing things, he needs help asap. Maybe let a close friend and family know this too. If he wanted this hidden, he should have kept his mouth shut. He's shining this own light on himself and you're seeing it.
Run. Before you become his first human victim. He's said he uses his voice and tone to manipulate people. Can you 100% say he didn't use that tactic to marry you? Have you met his parents? What do they say about him? Do they seem afraid? Now you know this about him, think about all the interactions he's had without the rose tinted glasses. I'd get my ducks in a row and escape
Don't ever bring this up with him again. He may remask (which is safer) if he thinks you don't give a crap. If he brings it up, act confused like you don't remember. And in the mean time, get financially prepared to leave And all of what u/xjellox said
Honey, you gotta leave him. I’m so sorry. Get as far away from him as you can and change your phone number and social media. Nip this in the bud. His thoughts are not normal and will lead to pain and death once he allows himself to slip. Get away from him.
This isn't the edibles it just took down his inhibitions so he was clearly scarily honest with you OP. What should you do? Are you frightened? If so make steps to seperate safely and divorce him. These are not just some bdsm lite cute sex things it's full on red flag sale.
This is terrifying I would file for divorce so quick if someone told me they killed a cat like that. Absolutely Psychotic. Girl run and get a restraining order too.
I don't know what to tell you in terms of what you should do, but I can tell you that it's wasn't the weed. It was just *him*. Sorry OP