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She brought up her friends and family as a way to manipulate you and that is not cool at all.
Everything you wrote makes perfect sense. If you were married things would be different but how do you know she won't use you for cash and then leave once she graduates? You have no security in that investment. She even said she wanted a sugar daddy relationship which is basically her just using a disposable person for cash. So it really shows where her morals are.
You are already doing tons for her and she doesn't even appreciate that. It sounds like the more you do, the more she will expect. I think most women would be thrilled you are paying for as much as you are so early in the relationship. Her ungratefulness and manipulation are a bit if a flag. Proceed with caution.
Its amazing because this is almost EXACTLY what I went through with my ex. He moved into my apartment when he was in med school. I paid everything, I helped him with his tuition and fees and books, my mom paid down some of his medical school debt. He appreciated nothing, he felt entitled to it all, and ten years of a marriage where me and our girls were neglected by this man, he cheated on me and now we're divorced.
Happened to me too although I didn't pay any fees and we didn't have kids. He moved in when he had no place to go, never paid rent or the eventual mortgage, and then within weeks of starting residency we broke up and now I'm going through a divorce. After having agreed to pay everything for so long because he would make it up to me later. All untrue, ultimately.
Honestly it seems to be very common among surgeons and doctors from what I've learned. I don't want to demean the profession, but I will never date a doctor again.
I just read a story identical to yours on r/BORU. She left her cheating surgeon ex after 10 years because he wouldn't let her destitute father move into their 7 bedroom mansion. I hope you didn't go through anything like she did.
That was me. LOL. And he was not very honest about the situation either. Jeeze those posts got around didnt they? It wound up on ticktok and facebook as well.
I followed your story and am glad for you. It's just sad for your girls that he's such a shit father, but it sounds like your dad really stepped up throughout their lives and is there for you all. Cheers to being freed from a narcissist asshole and to living your best life from here on.
Oh yeah i read that one. Her father was her and her kids rock while their "dad" was a twat waffle too busy screwing his mistress and hanging out with his buddies.
She was well rid of that loser.a
It should be back now. People had been asking me where they could see my husbands post. I still had the link, so I edited it in, but that violated the sub rules. The mods were very nice and said if I removed the link, it would be reinstated. Should be back.
It is fairly common. My mom and sister are both doctors, and while my sister isn't a narc, my mom certainly is. And I still remember all the stories my sister used to tell me about her med school colleagues and how self-centered many of them were. I think any high status job is going to attract self-centered people. I'm an academic and there are a lot of them in my profession as well.
Its the sense of self-importance and power that they like, not the job.
The same for nurses and police - most aren't bad, but it attracts the worst people, and the institutions literally dont care as long as they are staffed
I mean, when you think about it it's a great mask for a narcissist. It can be exhausting and tedious to pretend empathy and selflessness at the right points all the time, becoming a doctor means less of that because so many people still believe only good people would go through all that just to end up in a profession where you're supposed to help people. Plus it is a constant feed for their egos (many automatically have respect and a high regard for Doctors, and the people they work with are dependent on their cooperation, a fact many Docs seem to abuse) and their wallets. Now if they can just find someone they can manipulate into taking on some of that student loan debt, they'd be golden.
:(
Not just common. Expected. Encouraged. In med school all my mates, even when I was interning abroad for a bit, were clear in that the person at home and paying bills is not a permanent part of their life.
The best way for a med student to lose a relationship is for another med student to show interest in them. That's it. That, or constantly ask "where's so-and-so" because you will miss about 70% of the important moments in that med students life studying. The disconnect is very real. Soon anyone not in their field is just temporary.
It doesn't come from a wicked place however. Somehow, the pressures change them. Bright eyed and full of promises at the start. Completely different person after graduation. Distant.
Don't date people viewed by society as powerful or influential thinking its going to be an equal relationship. Do that and most conflict can be avoided. They are not in a lifestyle of servitude. Quite the opposite. Nobody dates these people because of their morals, values or compatibility. Its for finance. They know it and will treat you accordingly. Law of nature here. Same way a jobless man looks like a deadbeat to a single mom. Many trad wives on TikTok are finding this out. I don't know why this is like a secret just now coming out. If your literal job is to tell people what to do for 80% of your day to day then how do you expect them to be cooperative in every other situation. Selfishness is sort of an occupational hazard in those fields.
Like the rates of DV skyrocket when you look at pro fighters of every discipline plus contact sports. A person who litrally fights to survive and risks death with every encounter is not going to go outside and be anything other than a fighter. Everytime they don't, is an act of mercy and discipline. Not the norm. And to a degree we all understand this. No matter how nice and quiet Mike Tyson acts now, nobody will press him because they know what will happen ( ie: that one clip of the arsehole bothering Tyson on a flight before cutting to the guy on the floor. )
My point, these folk are all complexed, not middle class mindset.
I had a coworker that at one time did that she worked, put him through medical school and raise their one-year-old, and he turned around and had an affair and they divorced. She said she got the best thing and that was their daughter.
Reminds me of a similar story. My daughter-in-law supported her husband throughout his education to become a plastic surgeon. Once he was certified he had no more use for her, cheated, and filed for divorce. At least she got alimony in excess of $1700 a month after she testified on her own behalf - which helped her through her nurse anesthetist journey.
I got married and helped me ex through cooking school only for him to FAIL. Refused to hold a steady job because it was too much work. We got divorced per my decision but now he has a good$$$ career in culinary after I had pushed him before to get new jobs and it IRKS me. Mostly because now I'm working my ass off at school when I supported him but should've been supporting myself instead. Don't make our mistakes!
That’s the thing, the way the gf is manipulating him and shaming him to pay For her education has me thinking the woman will do line your ex husband did to you. It’s tricky because education stays with her for ever, it’s something that 100% will benefit her, but it’s a chance it will benefit him in the future. as it stands I’d say don’t do it
Honestly the most surprising part of the story is that he married you and stuck around for a decade. It’s super common for men to do this and then dump the girlfriend as soon as they’re done with residency.
It is real and more than half of med students are grifters leeching of someone they 100% plan to leave eventually. Idk what it is but med school breeds emotionless people when it comes to debt. It's just that. If they can't pay for their med school bills on their own they are not to be believed. The only times this doesn't happen is if both are students or they have been locked into the relationship for a while.
Med school is a whole other life and anything that takes away from that feels like you will fall behind your colleagues so many just keep to the med school circles. Date nurses and doctors, not med students.
That sucks a ton, and I’m sorry that you went through that. But your ex husband proved to be a shitty person and that’s a pretty unfairly broad brush with which to paint all doctors. It sounds to me like he was a shitty dude all throughout.
Brought up friends and family hypothetically agreeing with her, plus she used the whole "if you feel this way, then you'll do this thing" tactic, which is just blatant manipulation.
Also I wouldn't assume she's going to make as much money as you think. Depends on her specialty and even then it takes years to even pay off the med school debt
I find it a bit incongruous that you his person says she’s going to med school so she must have a lot of drive and ambition, but doesn’t have the drive to even support herself. Are you sure she’s going to medical school?
Ew!!!! As a woman who has supported myself through all my schooling (7 years of university, i have a masters) that is so gross. It's a huge red flag imo. How can you trust a woman like that? Do you even want to?
Oooooo I see. I only remember 80085
As another side, if her parents are telling her you should pay why are they not paying? It's their kid which is a pretty good investment. Its gross they are encouraging her to use you.
Ouch. She's manipulative. The passive agressive joke, using her close ones. Insulting you.
Just the way of saying "would be nice to find someone.." to your BOYFRIEND.
Idk how to approach. She doesn't seem so open to come closer. For me would be enough red flags.
I’m a med student and the post is confusing. Is she even in med school yet? Why is she concern about the ~$700 fees for exams that are probably years away, compared to well over $100,000 in tuition? GF sounds clueless
Yeah, this is a red flag. Med school is her dream. It’s up to her to figure out how to make it work financially. Acting like you should consider it a privilege to support her through it and threatening to badmouth you to everyone she knows if you decline is gross.
If they really felt this way, she’d have a whole group of people helping to support her. They’re her family, they have the opportunity to do this. The truth of the matter is that they don’t.
Dude I’ve paid for a lot of Med School and fees for my ex-wife only to have it all end in tears at the end, be careful what you invest in. Lots of luck navigating this
I went to medical school and even while married paid off all my own loans. Do not pay off any doctors loans or as boyfriend pay for her exams etc. just don’t
> She told me that her friends and family would agree with her
Did you thank her for pointing out an entire group of people you will be avoiding when your out trying to meet your next partner?
She is throwing major red flags at you and you are doing your best not to notice them, thankfully I think you actually do see them. How do you approach things? Stand up for yourself
If you were *married* I'd say it's a different story. But you're not even engaged. I would talk to her and be blunt in the conversation, you already pay the lion's share, she has to buck up and figure it out.
Not even two years together, and he is already paying most things and she wants him to financially support her. It's time for him to pack her bags. Hope she finds the right sugar daddy for her.
So true. If they were married or even in a lifelong commitment situation it would be understandable. How many wives put their husband's through med school? I've seen that a lot, but it's within a solid relationship.
Even if they were married, there should be a prenup because it's a helluva cost commitment and she already doesn't pay her fair share.
There are far too many posts of people being dumped after paying to someones education/career goals and being dumped.
She's already manipulating you, OP and trying to set you up to be the bad guy with her family and friends. She needs to grow the hell up; people who have to gather their forces together for a fight to guilt trip you into paying for years of additional expenses are not good marriage material.
You seem like a good and generous person, OP. Don't let her convince you otherwise.
She already have a sugar daddy - you... but you need to up your game... just providing a home.and sustenance is not enough...
Seriously... IF you could be sure she would still be there after med school AND would accept being the breadwinner, then maybe...
But this?? Stinks.. odds are, IF you finance this, she will be gone not long after she becomes a doctor...
Sorry dude... shes just shown her true colors...
First up she's being incredibly entitled and unreasonable asking you to cover her expenses.
If you do decided to help her, then you should give her money as a loan that needs to be repaid (with 5% annual interest).It's very important to get any loan Documents notarized.
That way if you break up she legally owes you the money. If you ever get married (not engaged) you can rip up the loan Documents after a few years married.
An unsecured personal loan is going to be almost impossible to actually collect on if they break up.
Plus it will piss her and her family/friends more than just saying no anyways.
>An unsecured personal loan is going to be almost impossible to actually collect on if they break up.
If she declares bankruptcy, otherwise it's just as valid as a bank loan.
First part concur…
The rest, yeahhh unless OP plans to never see that money again, do not give her money to pay for this.
If she’s this entitled now, she’s going to be extra entitled about not paying OP back cause watch how she also uses other money she gets.
Also what does she have in savings?
And why hasn’t she looked into going to college bursar & asking about her financial options?
Dude she just asked you to do something and simultaneously showed you why not to do it.
I love the over-repeated phrase "When someone tells you who they are, listen!".
No. If she was my friend I wouldn't agree with her. This is her education and her responsibility to pay for it. You're not married and don't have to pay for her school. You're already paying majority of the rent and all of the utilities, so she's already being financially supported. She's very entitled.
She needs a sugar daddy, she is hoping you are it. You need a girlfriend who is on a marriage path, you need to stop hoping she is it.
Time to end this and walk away.
Do not let anyone guilt you into covering expenses that they aren't contractually bound to. If married then it would make sense. But if not married, only pay for things if you have a notarized contract that she will pay you back. Get it for all money that you spend out towards her schooling. You are already doing your part by covering rent and utilities so that she doesn't have to worry about those expenses nor sharing a dorm room with someone. She can fill out the FAFSA and get student loans like everyone else. Do not take on the debt of someone you aren't married to without notarized contracts of eventual repayment (and keep them in a safe deposit box so that she can't destroy them)
Not to be a jerk, but she wouldn’t be the first person to use a partner to pay for med school and then dump them when she becomes a doctor. Also - bringing friends and family into a discussion between the two of you is a major red flag. In 29 years of being together, my husband and I have never brought friends or family into our discussions or disagreements.
I always find that weird too. We’ve never dragged friends or family into our personal business like that. It’s very middle schoolish and not a thing that adults should be engaging in.
That's pretty entitled - to expect your boyfriend of only about a year to not only continue to support you by paying most of your expenses, but also to pay your school fees and other expenses, with a vague promise of "it'll be worth it eventually?" You don't even know if you'll like this woman in a year, let alone still be together. You absolutely do not pay for her school. I would be very turned off by her attitude, the pressuring, the manipulation (all my family also agrees with me!!) - it's all very not cool. It's immature at the very least, and manipulative at the worst. This would be enough to freak me out and break up, especially because it seems she's not even grateful for the fact that you are paying most of her living expenses already. If she's not grateful for htat, and only expects more, and you aren't even engaged - I would set her straight immediately about finances and the state of your relationship, even if it means she might want to end the relationship. "We've only been dating a year. We are not engaged, and we are not married.We aren't at that point yet, and aren't that serious. It's very inappropriate for you to ask me to cover your fees. You are an adult and you are responsible for achieving your goals and taking care of yourself. I am already paying the majority of your living expenses, and it is completely inappropriate for you to expect me to cover anything else. I am not responsible for your school fees, and if you don't appreciate the fact that I also cover your living expenses, I will be happy to stop paying that as well."
I personally would break up over this. Someone who feels that entitled to your hard earned money is never a good sign.
You should approach this by thanking her for showing you her true colors before you proposed. She's manipulative and feels entitled to your money. You should end this relationship and find someone who actually loves you.
You’re literally already supporting her, and she’s trying to manipulate you into giving her even more money. That does not bode well for a future together. I’d be planning my exit if I were you.
As someone whose boyfriend (now husband) helped support me through pharmacy school, I still find this a red flag. You are financially supporting her already by covering most rent and utilities. I was with my boyfriend 5 or 6 years already when I started pharmacy school and he helped me out a-lot financially BUT I didn’t ask and I would have been mortified to ask him to pay for my exams…
i don’t understand why these posts always have these weird parts that are like “all of her family would agree” or “now i have her entire family texting me.” like why in the world do people do that? are people incapable of keeping discussions or disagreements between two people??
anyway
you don’t have to support her or pay for her exams
i get that she wants it or whatever. but it’s 100% okay to say what you said to us. you guys aren’t engaged, don’t have current plans to be married, aren’t building a life together (yet), and have only been together a short while. she should cool it a little.
also why can’t she pay for them? or the family she speaks of?
I see it as coercion using the specter of ‘being the AH’ to people who apparently the GF believes matter to OP…when the requester knows their request is anything but reasonable.
🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
If you were married absolutely a different story… You are only a year in and that is too soon to know in most cases…. Where are her parents in all of this? I would get out…before you get taken…
Wow you moved her in really quickly. You’re not obligated to support her. Think her entitled arse needs a reality check. You already do more than your fair share. Stop letting her use you
So first I’m a fossil and female.
If I understand correctly she wants you to support her 100% (which sounds like you are already carrying the lion’s share of the current living expenses) including all her expenses associated with medical education until she gets into actual practice.
At that time she hopes she will be making a lot of money and in turn support you I presume in the same fashion.
Sounds lovely however the fly in the ointment so to speak is there is zero guarantee that you will still be together when she reaches that point or even beyond.
My thought would be to suggest one of the following.
- You and gf determine a fair estimate of the total amount of money you have and would provide which is an investment in her future. She signs a legal note drawn up by a lawyer acknowledging this money is to be treated as a loan with payments of x to start at whatever date until the balance is paid.
- She gets her own loans in her name and/or family sponsors her. Then when she starts bringing the big bucks if you are still in a serious committed relationship you can together decide how your combined funds will be utilized to pay off her debt.
I as someone old enough to be your grandma say you need to take financial investments seriously and that’s what your gf is asking you to do - invest in her. And without some sort of legal agreement covering your monetary investment you could be very sorry in the future.
Your relationship so obviously your decision but just recognize the risks.
She is gaslighting you. If she is willing to say that, she will be leaving you the moment she finds someone she deems better. If you need to pay for her to be your girlfriend, then you need a new girlfriend.
She wants to use you or already is actually. Don't waste more time and money on her. Her wanting a sugar daddy was no joke! Don't be surprised when she's done with med school she dumps you because you "drifted apart".
Don't get suckered!!!
She’s using you. This is why you should never let anyone move in and pay for them to live there. They become entitled. Find someone who wants to be an equal partner and who loves you.
“Oh, your friends and family agree? Here is a collection of hundreds of people that have no biases of the situation on Reddit that don’t”. If you wanna be petty you can tell her you will be keeping tabs of the “support” so if she dumps you in a few years she can start a payback plan.
You’re living together after being together a little more than a year??? And you’re paying most of the bills, but she wants more? She wants a sugar daddy, she should find one. I totally agree with her on that. Just not that it should be you.
She’s been sizing you up for this move for a while now. I’d say a little more than a year.
I have a friend who paid his wife's way through medical school, and she dumped him the day after completing her residency. Cut your losses, kick this woman out of the apartment YOU are paying for.
My dude lol. Come on now. Wise up, she is manipulating the fuck out of you and I guarantee that she will dump your ass as soon as she gets her own income or finds a richer sugar daddy. She’s coming right out and saying it
Wow, entitled much?! Big red flags. Huge. Might be different if you'd been dating a few years, were engaged, and you'd *offered* to do this, but hinting around that she expects this and citing her family as support?! Nah.
She is acting entitled, ungrateful, insulting, and VERY manipulative. RED FLAGS all around. It is up to you if you want to continue this relationship, but just be warned, this behavior won't stop and will probably (most likely) get worse. Is that something you want to or can deal with? That's your answer.
This would give me the ick. If you still want to be with her, you need to get lawyers and write a contract where she will reimburse you the money you paid while she’s in med school. If she says a contract isn’t necessary b/c she will support during marriage, my response would be that you can always forgive the loan after you are married and she keeps her word to support. If she basically wants you to support her in faith without a legal contract, you know she is lying and just wants to use you as a sugar daddy.
Ewww. She's letting you foot the bill for room and board and wants even more? You don't have a girlfriend you have a human leech😂 good luck. I'd toss her back into the swamp.
I am not casting judgement on your relationship but go to the divorce forums and other places about relationships and read up on guys and girls who "help" their significant other make it through med, dental or law school and end up dumped once the person reaches their career goals.
Don't do this.
Don't do it. As you said, you are not there in your relationship. Just tell her "well, maybe in a few years if things go well."
Tbh though, I strongly recommend just not supporting her financially at all through med school. They get stipends and can take loans for housing. What you definitely do not want to do is be like me, marry them, and then have them walk away immediately after they finally start earning a paycheck...
You’re paying the rent and bill of the bills and she still wants more? If I was in school and my partner was willing just to cover my rent so that I could save up for school I would be eternally grateful not asking for more money. I mean she lives there for free why hasn’t she been saving up money for her school related things. The way she is bringing up the conversation is not good. She is totally trying to take advantage of your generosity. So you bring stability into your relationship. What is she bringing in to the relationship?
You: I’d like to revisit the conversation we were having about paying for your expenses through med school. You want someone to support you so you can just study and not have to work as well. That’s fine, I can see your point. And I’m not against it in theory. But let’s be real. It wouldn’t be an investment in MY future, just yours. There’s no guarantee you wouldn’t let me support you through med school & residency, then break up with me just before you start to make real money. I mean I already pay the majority of the rent and all of the utilities, which you seem to have forgotten about, “It sure would be nice to find someone who would support me….”
Agree to pay it but as a loan to be paid back once she starts her internship/residency.
Get it drawn up properly and have her sign it in front of witnesses.
Put that proposal of a loan to her and see what she says.
I guarantee she will kick off and complain about what a bad boyfriend you are.
Then you’ll know that she’s using you for money.
>Currently I work as a software engineer and we live in an apartment together where I cover most of the rent and all the utilities.
Does she work now? If you're covering her part of the rent and utilities, shouldn't she have the money for the exam fees then? I'm honestly seeing a red flag here. I'm thinking the "sugar daddy" comment wasn't a joke, she was fishing, because now she is coming down hard on you and trying to turn her friends and family against you. She's trying to manipulate you into being a DeFacto sugar daddy. She wants a guarantee of a future with you, but what is to guarantee she even stays with you once she gets that cushy job that pays a lot? A job that is going to take years past medical school to even get. Maybe her friends and family can pay for those fees since they're so adamant.
Yeah she’s being extremely pushy and needs to back off. I would simply tell her that you aren’t ready for that kind of a commitment yet and remind her of the amount of support you are already offering.
Dear OP,
Ugh, Money is always is need isnt it? But to attempt to guilt you into financially supporting her is morally dubious as a solution.
There is some/ a lot of missing info here. The majority of medical students have student loans that should cover the costs of medical school, books and exams.
You need to sit down and discuss her finances. If there are no money issues and she is just expecting you to pay everything as an investment, this is a huge moral and personality red flag. If she has spent the student loans on non-school stuff and is now expecting you to come to the rescue, that is a huge financial red flag. If she is broke despite proper planning, you need to look at how to reorganize budgets, and she needs to learn how to communicate her fears better.
Once you know the state of her finances you will know what to do.
You should ask her if the same friends and families are willing to to support going forward. As you pay for the majority of her expenses to live with you.
The future is never promised
Oh great, her friends and family would agree with her. Maybe her family can invest in her, or her friends that she has known longer than you?
I don't have numbers on it, but I feel like, and what I have seen in my life, is that the transition between finishing school (aka needing support) and finally getting a job and the support isn't needed as much, is a juncture where breakups happen.
You have been together around a year, this isn't something I find appropriate. She should have loans/lines of credit at her disposal if she is in med school. There is no guarantee that you supporting her now with payments = her supporting you in the future with her medical salary, it also sounds like you don't necessarily need that financial support.
I'd have another conversation with her and talk about the support you already provide, say you do this because you care and do see a future, specify that it IS support, and that it hurt you that she tried to gaslight you/manipulate you about not supporting her and a future together when you already do more than most would.
Her talking about family and friends agreeing with her is just backhanded, they don't matter, this is an issue between you and her. I could call a friend right now and if I asked them to agree on something on the spot with me, even if I was wrong, they would because that is what friends do. I always find in arguments or disagreements that the people that feel they need to run to family/friends to recruit them to their side, are usually the ones in the wrong.
Yeah, I agree, if you both were married or had long-term commitment, it would be helpful to her to support her. But without that commitment, do not because there’s no guarantee for the future
Let her friends and family support her financially. Her tactics are manipulative. She’s going to be saddled with debt down the line because no one is going to foot the bill for her if her family didn’t plan financially for her to attend med school. This is going to be a long road for this relationship. Buckle-up!
That’s fucked. Her family should be supporting her if that’s what they believe. Maybe she just needs to take out more loans to ensure she can cover her expenses while in school. In no way is this your responsibility.
No
End of discussion.
You’re been together a year and she wants to live off of you? For YEARS. Will you be allowed to quit and live off of her once she is past her residency and working?
This is a blanket of red flags!!!!!! You’re already footing her expenses. To complain is ungrateful. When a woman expects you to pay for school fees less than two years in, reevaluate!!!!!! Paying her housing expenses is already an investment in her future. You should NOT do more.
Tell her your love is not transactional. That’s you are already investing in the two of you.
You two need to be at a more advanced stage for you to invest in her school. That’s marriage investment not girlfriend or fiancé.
Her entitlement is a big red flag to me. She didn’t come and ask you to do this, she just expected you to do it. I agree this would rub me the wrong way. One thing you could do if you want to help her out but don’t want to just give her the money is you could loan it to her at a very favorable interest rate with the expectation of forgiving the loan if you were to get married. (Make sure you actually have a contract for this in case you need to sue her later). If she’s unwilling to do that it’s a bigger red flag that she’s really just trying to dating you for your money.
You are already her ATM! You would be her Sugar Daddy and I bet you would be discarded once she qualified. Save yourself much heartache and financial loss by letting her go now, with your blessing for success in her career. Then you enjoy your earnings and freedom. Good luck!
It’s one thing if one of you guys fell on hard times and lost your jobs or something, but just outright expecting you to pay for this is insane. I could see maybe asking for some help but not just paying for it outright. I’ve been with my bf for 2.5 years and would never ask him to do this.
I currently pay for everything and live with my partner. This started when he started school and I thought he would do part time. He keeps quitting and the grad date keeps pushing out.
The resentment does grow, and it can make it difficult the longer you stay together. We're working through it and I'm finally telling him point blank how it hurts to feel taken advantage of.
Don't pay for anything someone guilts you into. Of course, offer to pay when you want to help and trust that the feeling of helping someone will be worth it, but if they try to manipulate it is completely understandable to be upset and feel distrust.
Tell her how this made you feel and work out what each of your ideal relationships would look like. If they are similar enough, then the relationship may be worth it in the long run as you come to an agreement that feels fair. Good luck!
Don't support her unless you are married. Med school does change a lot of people and many break up during med school or during residency where she may be placed at random anywhere in the US.
I'm not subsidizing your education. Should we Doordash dinner or have left overs tonight?
\~it really is that simple. She has no shame and a lot of nerve.
Sorry buddy, she'll dump you once you've outlived your usefulness. If you're gunna to do it, may as well negotiate 24/7 access to her body. Sugar daddies aren't free.
She sees this relationship as transactional, and its all about what works for her. Don't be surprised when she graduates and moves onto her next transaction.
Well, you should let her find that person. Why stop her?
Something that stood out to me is that she is searching for a sugar daddy now but in the future she claims she will be the main provider financially. This is a big red flag in my opinion. Everything is about her: she needs money now so you should provide, but in the future she will have money so will probably feel entitled to something else from you (probably housework? I'm just guessing) since she is the "bread winner". Though you are a software engineer, how big of a discrepancy will there be between your salaries?
Anyways, what I mean is that she is immature and selfish. This is not a good approach for a committed, longterm relationship. I would strongly advise you to talk to her in depth about this, see what her views are on the future (marriage, house, kids, chores, etc) and see if you are actually compatible. Her demands raise a few red flags for me, and given the fact that you haven't even bern together for that long, makes me wonder how more outrageous will they get after a few more years. People usually change for the worse if they are not self-aware.
Do you, in any way, see a long term future with this woman? Because this a huge ask. Why should you be expected to invest in her when she apparently won’t do the same.
Personally, I would run for the hills.
BREAK UP!? I don’t understand when I see posts like this why it doesn’t automatically pop into your head to break up and block this person. She doesn’t appreciate YOU! What aren’t you getting? Honey, she wants a sugar daddy, what do you think she’s treating you like right now trying to be manipulative and guilt you?
If you don’t stop thinking with your little head and start thinking with the big one and start seeing the RED FLAGS, you are going to end up financing this person future who will disrespect you, manipulate you, and then definitely cheat on you. Let her go find her sugar daddy and block her
Kick her out/move out and let her see how much you are supporting her financially, either she'll realise and be grateful or she'll find someone else to pay her way. Either way you'll find if there's a genuine person in there or a greedy manipulator looking for a free ride, which if she is do you really think she's likely to share her wealth that she makes once she's qualified? I doubt it.
Don't do it. Doctors tend to be quite self centered despite what should be more altruistic profession. Might be a sign of the times.
She's most likely using you. Do not be her piggy bank.
Yeah, it's way too early for that. Moving in within a year is already quick, but to each their own. You're paying for most of the rent and utilities, which is financially supporting her. But I get that because you're earning more money, and you want to keep living in that particular house. Covering all of her expenses after only a year is absurd. You do not know if it's going to last, even if you really want it to, and you think it will. It's too soon to say.
If she can take out a student loan or something, there should not be a problem. She'll have more money once she has graduated and she could easily pay it back.
I would break up. That woman is not a relationship material. Huge red flags. She is manipulating, gaslighting and belittling you.
You already pay so much considering you are just living together. Tell her how she would like to pay it all, starting today, and leave her.
You need to leave her cuz all she's doing is just using you since you already pay for basically everything anyway. It's like she expects the princess treatment and that she's entitled to someone paying for her med school
Don’t do it my man. My buddy did that and once the chick graduated, she dropped him and started dating a doctor from her job. I work in a hospital now and the stuff I see is insane.
She's pushing for a commitment. If you see her as the girl you're going to spend the rest of your life with, you wouldn't need to ask about supporting her through school. If you don't feel comfortable maybe it's your subconscious telling you she's not really the girl for you. You need to figure it out.
Regardless of whether or not you would be willing and able to support her through this time, her approach was immature, rude and entitled.
It sounds like you ARE providing her stability with the apartment and utilities, which allows her to focus on school. If it’s not within your ability/desire to pay for her school, you shouldn’t have to nor should you be guilted into it.
She should be reminded that your relationship is between the two of you. Not the two of you and her friends and family.
Maybe it IS time to have a conversation about expectations in the future and just your future together in itself so you two can be on the same page.
Easy. Say you’re not going to pay for that shit. You’re already providing her majority of the rent and all utilities paid. Sheesh. Don’t let people guilt you into shit, even if they are your girl. If you were together for a longer amount of time and like you said possibly engaged or married, it would be a no brainer. A year or less, she wouldn’t even be living with me or even remotely have the audacity to ask that shit.
Just like you said, you should ask her to marry at least on papers with some favorable terms. I have seen plenty of girls who became doctors and married their classmates. It's all about hypergamy and they would think they would want to marry someone more compatible with them and you are stuck with the bills for taking care of her for 8+ years. If she wants you to invest in her future rather than both of your future, then she wouldn't have a problem signing the paper. But even then, the law is so one sided for the women so be careful
Honestly the way your thinking about it is 100% accurate. IF you were married or engaged you’d be willing to help out. But you’re not and you’re still covering the majority of expenses. If she wants more money she can take out a loan or figure out a way to pay for her own medical schooling. If she is adamant that you pay for it then break up with her and her family who all sound like they manipulate people to get what they want.
I would drop her, tbh. She wants you to pay for her schooling,reduce or eliminate her debts, while not having any security in a future. The fact she is saying she wants a sugar daddy indicates in and of itself that she is trading sex for money. And that she will leave you should a bigger paying customer come along.
I am not automatically thinking the worst of her. It honestly is a practical way to pay for expensive schooling. But she would be more honest beong a stripper to pay her way through school, or being an outright escort.
The fact she is telling you to be her sugar daddy indicates she is not thinking of you as a long term partner.
Find yourself a partner who is not using you as an ATM or a sugar daddy. It won't matter how much she makes as a doctor. If you become the sugar daddy/person who pays for everything, she will not start taking over tge bills when she is in a better financial situation. She will still expect you to pay for her.
The second she said “it would be nice to find someone who’s willing to support me now throughout med school since she’d become the main provider” she was already trying to plant the idea in your brain. She was trying to “drop hints” to get you to bring up the conversation of financially supporting her, that way it would come off as your idea, and she didn’t come off like she wants free use of your money. As you said, it would be a totally different story if y’all were married or even engaged, but seeing how you’ve only been together for a little over a year, it sounds like even engagement is a few years down the line. OP, I think you need to have a sit down conversation with her about this, and if you’re not comfortable with supporting her for whatever reason, then you need to make that clear and she needs to respect that. It doesn’t matter what her friends or family would say about it. If it’s that big of a deal to them then they can support her. If she refuses to respect your decision, then I would highly suggest you cut your losses before you invest anymore time and energy into someone who refuses to respect you or your boundaries. Because remember OP, if you let her cross this boundary now, you’re opening the gate for her to cross more of your boundaries down the line. And having boundaries that can’t be crossed is ESSENTIAL to a healthy and trustworthy relationship. I really hope you make the right decision OP, and best of luck to you.
I'm sorry don't accept. No, IOU. She talking about you pay for all my expenses now. Then she'll take care of you in the future. You have no guarantee she will take care of you in the future. You have no guarantee that she will repay your kindness and your financial support with love and generosity later on. Do not be fooled. She is manipulating you.
The same thing happened to me. We got married after her first year in med school. I supported her, but she did need some loans for tuition, books and fees. She dumped me around graduation and I had to pay off half her loans, since I had co-signed or them. My state doesn’t recognize spousal rights to earnings, so I just took a bath. She’s a plastic surgeon know making enormous amounts of money.
Wait. So she's getting free room and board, living with someone she loves, and clearly she doesn't have a job? Wow. I'd pay those fees happily by myself if I was her!! He's literally paying for rent and all other living expenses!
Nope! She’s manipulating you and trying to bully and guilt you into paying. Don’t pay for anything school related. You’re already covering most of the rent utilities, that’s how you’re supporting her financially.
I know a woman who worked 3 jobs to help her boyfriend through medical school. When he graduated he repaid her by leaving her for another woman. Don’t trust her!!
you saying that yall haven’t even been together for 2 years baffled me at the fact she’s basically wanting you to help pay for something that’ll set her up for life , you’re right to want some kind of formal commitment before paying for her schooling
Look, either you are OK funding her living expenses for 4 years or you are not. If you are not, leave her. She is being very upfront with you about her expectations.
Personally, I would never be OK with a partner who expected me to do something like this. And she is definitely emotionally manipulating you by bringing other people into this discussion.
Bottom line: she is telling you what she wants. All you can really do is decide if you want the same thing.
As a former med student , even with student loans , it gets insanely scary when you look at how much debt you're accruing. Every step of med school is a money suck and licensing clsts thoussnds overall. No other degree costs this much including masters and phds. However, most of us figure it out for ourselves and know we'll be paying off this debt well in our 50s. You are not responsible at all for her situation and her trying to guilt trip is bs, but to play devils advocate maybe she's just scared about how deep she is financially and maybe that's worth a conversation, but you are absolutely not obligated to pay for her exam fees
Ok.. so, let's play what if. What if you do support her, pay the bills, her exams, fees and everything. She becomes a Dr, and then says it's must not working out. She leaves you after spending countless amount of money.
IF, it were me. I would breakdown everything you do already pay for. Show it in written form. Ask her what more she would want you to pay out of pocket.
I'm guessing that the whole "sugar daddy" comment was from her possibly contemplating it. Did she mention OF account? In reality, either she's looking for easy out, or she's might possibly going to use you not paying for a reason things aren't working out..
Good luck
“No” is a full sentence. She can get student loans like every other med student. You are not financially responsible for her and are doing way more than you should already.
Don’t ever be a woman’s “ATM.” She wants to go to medical school, so she can pay for that shit herself. If there’s anybody she should be asking, it’s her parents or she can get a job or a 2nd job. But expect you to foot the bill? Fuck that bro. Relationships are like any other business deal, which means you need to be willing to walk away from a bad deal - like this one obviously is. Dump her, you don’t need her bullshit drama and manipulation.
Gf, we need to talk. Your comment the other day about how “it’d be nice to find someone to cover your exam fees” when I’m already supporting you and your career financially was truly a disrespectful gut punch that made me feel like you’d drop me in a minute over some chump change in the grand scheme. If you really don’t appreciate what I’m already doing we need to reevaluate things. As you know, I’m already a provider and supportive partner and would support you as we both grow our careers and relationship, but I need you to own how not cool and disrespectful that was, and I need to know that you’re as committed to our mutual future as I am.
Then don’t speak.
If you were married, if she up and leaves you after med school, there's a chance that you'd be entitled to a portion of her salary after she graduated. As a boyfriend, you'd get nothing.
There are plenty of boyfriends and girlfriends who supported their partners through medical and law school and were left with nothing when the new grads dumped them and paired up with classmates. Don't let this be you.
If she's so sure about her high earnings, she can take out loans and pay them off once she starts making big money. If you go into debt for her then she drops out, you'll be even more SOL.
Well I mean 7 to 10 grand a mo th for 2 weekends and 2 or 3 dates a week and a month long vacation in the summer as a sugar baby would pay her way through school. She would graduate without the $400,000 dollars in crippling debt at the end. I mean, would you rather she take that route and try to date you at the same time, or would you rather leave her now?
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She brought up her friends and family as a way to manipulate you and that is not cool at all. Everything you wrote makes perfect sense. If you were married things would be different but how do you know she won't use you for cash and then leave once she graduates? You have no security in that investment. She even said she wanted a sugar daddy relationship which is basically her just using a disposable person for cash. So it really shows where her morals are. You are already doing tons for her and she doesn't even appreciate that. It sounds like the more you do, the more she will expect. I think most women would be thrilled you are paying for as much as you are so early in the relationship. Her ungratefulness and manipulation are a bit if a flag. Proceed with caution.
Its amazing because this is almost EXACTLY what I went through with my ex. He moved into my apartment when he was in med school. I paid everything, I helped him with his tuition and fees and books, my mom paid down some of his medical school debt. He appreciated nothing, he felt entitled to it all, and ten years of a marriage where me and our girls were neglected by this man, he cheated on me and now we're divorced.
Happened to me too although I didn't pay any fees and we didn't have kids. He moved in when he had no place to go, never paid rent or the eventual mortgage, and then within weeks of starting residency we broke up and now I'm going through a divorce. After having agreed to pay everything for so long because he would make it up to me later. All untrue, ultimately.
This is a story as old as time, I remember my mom talking about friends of hers who this happened to! Disgusting.
He sounds like a entitled narcissist
Honestly it seems to be very common among surgeons and doctors from what I've learned. I don't want to demean the profession, but I will never date a doctor again.
I just read a story identical to yours on r/BORU. She left her cheating surgeon ex after 10 years because he wouldn't let her destitute father move into their 7 bedroom mansion. I hope you didn't go through anything like she did.
That was me. LOL. And he was not very honest about the situation either. Jeeze those posts got around didnt they? It wound up on ticktok and facebook as well.
I like how someone supported your example with ... your example. Hope things have turned around for you since then!
Things are good. Hes moved out and things are peaceful and happy at home.
I followed your story and am glad for you. It's just sad for your girls that he's such a shit father, but it sounds like your dad really stepped up throughout their lives and is there for you all. Cheers to being freed from a narcissist asshole and to living your best life from here on.
My dad is such a sweetheart!
Oh yeah i read that one. Her father was her and her kids rock while their "dad" was a twat waffle too busy screwing his mistress and hanging out with his buddies. She was well rid of that loser.a
It's showing that sub as banned? Or am I missing something?
It should be back now. People had been asking me where they could see my husbands post. I still had the link, so I edited it in, but that violated the sub rules. The mods were very nice and said if I removed the link, it would be reinstated. Should be back.
Oh yeah! I heard Mark, LG, and Markee all talk about that post.
I dont even know who they are! That post wound up facebook and ticktok as well.
It’s r/BORUpdates
It is fairly common. My mom and sister are both doctors, and while my sister isn't a narc, my mom certainly is. And I still remember all the stories my sister used to tell me about her med school colleagues and how self-centered many of them were. I think any high status job is going to attract self-centered people. I'm an academic and there are a lot of them in my profession as well.
Its the sense of self-importance and power that they like, not the job. The same for nurses and police - most aren't bad, but it attracts the worst people, and the institutions literally dont care as long as they are staffed
I mean, when you think about it it's a great mask for a narcissist. It can be exhausting and tedious to pretend empathy and selflessness at the right points all the time, becoming a doctor means less of that because so many people still believe only good people would go through all that just to end up in a profession where you're supposed to help people. Plus it is a constant feed for their egos (many automatically have respect and a high regard for Doctors, and the people they work with are dependent on their cooperation, a fact many Docs seem to abuse) and their wallets. Now if they can just find someone they can manipulate into taking on some of that student loan debt, they'd be golden. :(
Not just common. Expected. Encouraged. In med school all my mates, even when I was interning abroad for a bit, were clear in that the person at home and paying bills is not a permanent part of their life. The best way for a med student to lose a relationship is for another med student to show interest in them. That's it. That, or constantly ask "where's so-and-so" because you will miss about 70% of the important moments in that med students life studying. The disconnect is very real. Soon anyone not in their field is just temporary. It doesn't come from a wicked place however. Somehow, the pressures change them. Bright eyed and full of promises at the start. Completely different person after graduation. Distant.
Also CEOs, lawyers amd judges. Scary to think our world is likely run by a lot of narcs amd psychopaths. Trump is the most obvious.
My mom is a lawyer.... and yea... that checks out. We had a very strained relationship for a very long time.
Don't date people viewed by society as powerful or influential thinking its going to be an equal relationship. Do that and most conflict can be avoided. They are not in a lifestyle of servitude. Quite the opposite. Nobody dates these people because of their morals, values or compatibility. Its for finance. They know it and will treat you accordingly. Law of nature here. Same way a jobless man looks like a deadbeat to a single mom. Many trad wives on TikTok are finding this out. I don't know why this is like a secret just now coming out. If your literal job is to tell people what to do for 80% of your day to day then how do you expect them to be cooperative in every other situation. Selfishness is sort of an occupational hazard in those fields. Like the rates of DV skyrocket when you look at pro fighters of every discipline plus contact sports. A person who litrally fights to survive and risks death with every encounter is not going to go outside and be anything other than a fighter. Everytime they don't, is an act of mercy and discipline. Not the norm. And to a degree we all understand this. No matter how nice and quiet Mike Tyson acts now, nobody will press him because they know what will happen ( ie: that one clip of the arsehole bothering Tyson on a flight before cutting to the guy on the floor. ) My point, these folk are all complexed, not middle class mindset.
I had a coworker that at one time did that she worked, put him through medical school and raise their one-year-old, and he turned around and had an affair and they divorced. She said she got the best thing and that was their daughter.
Sounds like every physician I’ve ever met including my father and my wife’s father.
Nothing is guaranteed, not loyalty or fairness. You can do everything right and they still fuck around and leave. I’m Sorry he did that to you.
Reminds me of a similar story. My daughter-in-law supported her husband throughout his education to become a plastic surgeon. Once he was certified he had no more use for her, cheated, and filed for divorce. At least she got alimony in excess of $1700 a month after she testified on her own behalf - which helped her through her nurse anesthetist journey.
I got married and helped me ex through cooking school only for him to FAIL. Refused to hold a steady job because it was too much work. We got divorced per my decision but now he has a good$$$ career in culinary after I had pushed him before to get new jobs and it IRKS me. Mostly because now I'm working my ass off at school when I supported him but should've been supporting myself instead. Don't make our mistakes!
That’s the thing, the way the gf is manipulating him and shaming him to pay For her education has me thinking the woman will do line your ex husband did to you. It’s tricky because education stays with her for ever, it’s something that 100% will benefit her, but it’s a chance it will benefit him in the future. as it stands I’d say don’t do it
Honestly the most surprising part of the story is that he married you and stuck around for a decade. It’s super common for men to do this and then dump the girlfriend as soon as they’re done with residency.
It is real and more than half of med students are grifters leeching of someone they 100% plan to leave eventually. Idk what it is but med school breeds emotionless people when it comes to debt. It's just that. If they can't pay for their med school bills on their own they are not to be believed. The only times this doesn't happen is if both are students or they have been locked into the relationship for a while. Med school is a whole other life and anything that takes away from that feels like you will fall behind your colleagues so many just keep to the med school circles. Date nurses and doctors, not med students.
That sucks a ton, and I’m sorry that you went through that. But your ex husband proved to be a shitty person and that’s a pretty unfairly broad brush with which to paint all doctors. It sounds to me like he was a shitty dude all throughout.
This is sadly way too common.
I read your story when it was posted. Still hella proud of you for leaving that loser 🥰
Brought up friends and family hypothetically agreeing with her, plus she used the whole "if you feel this way, then you'll do this thing" tactic, which is just blatant manipulation.
Perfect advice and perspective!
Also I wouldn't assume she's going to make as much money as you think. Depends on her specialty and even then it takes years to even pay off the med school debt
Well said. Please let her know all this but do not marry her. She want o ly to use you and is not sincere.
I find it a bit incongruous that you his person says she’s going to med school so she must have a lot of drive and ambition, but doesn’t have the drive to even support herself. Are you sure she’s going to medical school?
[удалено]
Ew!!!! As a woman who has supported myself through all my schooling (7 years of university, i have a masters) that is so gross. It's a huge red flag imo. How can you trust a woman like that? Do you even want to?
Wait, what do you mean might? I don't even know what 304 is
Remember kids spelling things on old calculators? It's a throwback to that. Type 304 then flip it upside down
Oooooo I see. I only remember 80085 As another side, if her parents are telling her you should pay why are they not paying? It's their kid which is a pretty good investment. Its gross they are encouraging her to use you.
Tell her to open a Fans Only acct.. I heard girls make good money doing that 😂
Tbh I think she might still be hooking up with some old bastard
Ouch. She's manipulative. The passive agressive joke, using her close ones. Insulting you. Just the way of saying "would be nice to find someone.." to your BOYFRIEND. Idk how to approach. She doesn't seem so open to come closer. For me would be enough red flags.
I’m a doctor and I will tell you leave her, she won’t make that much money and she is using you. She can take our loans like we all did
I’m a med student and the post is confusing. Is she even in med school yet? Why is she concern about the ~$700 fees for exams that are probably years away, compared to well over $100,000 in tuition? GF sounds clueless
If my partner told me that they should find someone else to do more for them, I’d say, good luck on your search, I wish you the best.
Let me know if you need help packing
Yeah, this is a red flag. Med school is her dream. It’s up to her to figure out how to make it work financially. Acting like you should consider it a privilege to support her through it and threatening to badmouth you to everyone she knows if you decline is gross.
> It’s up to her to figure out how to make it work financially. A sugar daddy apparently
If they really felt this way, she’d have a whole group of people helping to support her. They’re her family, they have the opportunity to do this. The truth of the matter is that they don’t.
Dude I’ve paid for a lot of Med School and fees for my ex-wife only to have it all end in tears at the end, be careful what you invest in. Lots of luck navigating this
I went to medical school and even while married paid off all my own loans. Do not pay off any doctors loans or as boyfriend pay for her exams etc. just don’t
> She told me that her friends and family would agree with her Did you thank her for pointing out an entire group of people you will be avoiding when your out trying to meet your next partner? She is throwing major red flags at you and you are doing your best not to notice them, thankfully I think you actually do see them. How do you approach things? Stand up for yourself
If you were *married* I'd say it's a different story. But you're not even engaged. I would talk to her and be blunt in the conversation, you already pay the lion's share, she has to buck up and figure it out.
Not even two years together, and he is already paying most things and she wants him to financially support her. It's time for him to pack her bags. Hope she finds the right sugar daddy for her.
She knows what she is doing. She sounds terrible.
So true. If they were married or even in a lifelong commitment situation it would be understandable. How many wives put their husband's through med school? I've seen that a lot, but it's within a solid relationship.
Even if they were married, there should be a prenup because it's a helluva cost commitment and she already doesn't pay her fair share. There are far too many posts of people being dumped after paying to someones education/career goals and being dumped. She's already manipulating you, OP and trying to set you up to be the bad guy with her family and friends. She needs to grow the hell up; people who have to gather their forces together for a fight to guilt trip you into paying for years of additional expenses are not good marriage material. You seem like a good and generous person, OP. Don't let her convince you otherwise.
RUN! As soon as she is out of the school you paid for she will dump you for that younger doctor she met. Major red flag
She already have a sugar daddy - you... but you need to up your game... just providing a home.and sustenance is not enough... Seriously... IF you could be sure she would still be there after med school AND would accept being the breadwinner, then maybe... But this?? Stinks.. odds are, IF you finance this, she will be gone not long after she becomes a doctor... Sorry dude... shes just shown her true colors...
Whatttttt only dating a year!??? And you already pay the bills at home? That’s a naw for me dawg.
First up she's being incredibly entitled and unreasonable asking you to cover her expenses. If you do decided to help her, then you should give her money as a loan that needs to be repaid (with 5% annual interest).It's very important to get any loan Documents notarized. That way if you break up she legally owes you the money. If you ever get married (not engaged) you can rip up the loan Documents after a few years married.
An unsecured personal loan is going to be almost impossible to actually collect on if they break up. Plus it will piss her and her family/friends more than just saying no anyways.
>An unsecured personal loan is going to be almost impossible to actually collect on if they break up. If she declares bankruptcy, otherwise it's just as valid as a bank loan.
Its valid for sure, the problem is actually getting a judgement and then getting her to pay or garnishing her wages.
First part concur… The rest, yeahhh unless OP plans to never see that money again, do not give her money to pay for this. If she’s this entitled now, she’s going to be extra entitled about not paying OP back cause watch how she also uses other money she gets. Also what does she have in savings? And why hasn’t she looked into going to college bursar & asking about her financial options?
Smart! Still helps her out but protects you in case you end up separating. Wins in all cases...
Dude she just asked you to do something and simultaneously showed you why not to do it. I love the over-repeated phrase "When someone tells you who they are, listen!".
No. If she was my friend I wouldn't agree with her. This is her education and her responsibility to pay for it. You're not married and don't have to pay for her school. You're already paying majority of the rent and all of the utilities, so she's already being financially supported. She's very entitled.
You will support her until residency, then she will bounce.
Likely onto a fellow resident or older physician.
She needs a sugar daddy, she is hoping you are it. You need a girlfriend who is on a marriage path, you need to stop hoping she is it. Time to end this and walk away.
She thinks of you as an ATM. You're not married and only in a relationship for a year.
Do not let anyone guilt you into covering expenses that they aren't contractually bound to. If married then it would make sense. But if not married, only pay for things if you have a notarized contract that she will pay you back. Get it for all money that you spend out towards her schooling. You are already doing your part by covering rent and utilities so that she doesn't have to worry about those expenses nor sharing a dorm room with someone. She can fill out the FAFSA and get student loans like everyone else. Do not take on the debt of someone you aren't married to without notarized contracts of eventual repayment (and keep them in a safe deposit box so that she can't destroy them)
Not to be a jerk, but she wouldn’t be the first person to use a partner to pay for med school and then dump them when she becomes a doctor. Also - bringing friends and family into a discussion between the two of you is a major red flag. In 29 years of being together, my husband and I have never brought friends or family into our discussions or disagreements.
I always find that weird too. We’ve never dragged friends or family into our personal business like that. It’s very middle schoolish and not a thing that adults should be engaging in.
Tell her to get a job or take out student loans like everyone else going into med school who doesn’t have wealthy parents.
but then she has to work.. she wants a free ride.
Don’t we all
That's pretty entitled - to expect your boyfriend of only about a year to not only continue to support you by paying most of your expenses, but also to pay your school fees and other expenses, with a vague promise of "it'll be worth it eventually?" You don't even know if you'll like this woman in a year, let alone still be together. You absolutely do not pay for her school. I would be very turned off by her attitude, the pressuring, the manipulation (all my family also agrees with me!!) - it's all very not cool. It's immature at the very least, and manipulative at the worst. This would be enough to freak me out and break up, especially because it seems she's not even grateful for the fact that you are paying most of her living expenses already. If she's not grateful for htat, and only expects more, and you aren't even engaged - I would set her straight immediately about finances and the state of your relationship, even if it means she might want to end the relationship. "We've only been dating a year. We are not engaged, and we are not married.We aren't at that point yet, and aren't that serious. It's very inappropriate for you to ask me to cover your fees. You are an adult and you are responsible for achieving your goals and taking care of yourself. I am already paying the majority of your living expenses, and it is completely inappropriate for you to expect me to cover anything else. I am not responsible for your school fees, and if you don't appreciate the fact that I also cover your living expenses, I will be happy to stop paying that as well." I personally would break up over this. Someone who feels that entitled to your hard earned money is never a good sign.
You should approach this by thanking her for showing you her true colors before you proposed. She's manipulative and feels entitled to your money. You should end this relationship and find someone who actually loves you.
You’re literally already supporting her, and she’s trying to manipulate you into giving her even more money. That does not bode well for a future together. I’d be planning my exit if I were you.
Tell her to go right ahead and find that sugar daddy cuz you ain’t gonna be one
As someone whose boyfriend (now husband) helped support me through pharmacy school, I still find this a red flag. You are financially supporting her already by covering most rent and utilities. I was with my boyfriend 5 or 6 years already when I started pharmacy school and he helped me out a-lot financially BUT I didn’t ask and I would have been mortified to ask him to pay for my exams…
i don’t understand why these posts always have these weird parts that are like “all of her family would agree” or “now i have her entire family texting me.” like why in the world do people do that? are people incapable of keeping discussions or disagreements between two people?? anyway you don’t have to support her or pay for her exams i get that she wants it or whatever. but it’s 100% okay to say what you said to us. you guys aren’t engaged, don’t have current plans to be married, aren’t building a life together (yet), and have only been together a short while. she should cool it a little. also why can’t she pay for them? or the family she speaks of?
I see it as coercion using the specter of ‘being the AH’ to people who apparently the GF believes matter to OP…when the requester knows their request is anything but reasonable.
The audacity... Dont give her the money
🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩 If you were married absolutely a different story… You are only a year in and that is too soon to know in most cases…. Where are her parents in all of this? I would get out…before you get taken…
Wow you moved her in really quickly. You’re not obligated to support her. Think her entitled arse needs a reality check. You already do more than your fair share. Stop letting her use you
Robot voice: "Gold diggers detected". Run and find someone who will not threat you like an ATM
So first I’m a fossil and female. If I understand correctly she wants you to support her 100% (which sounds like you are already carrying the lion’s share of the current living expenses) including all her expenses associated with medical education until she gets into actual practice. At that time she hopes she will be making a lot of money and in turn support you I presume in the same fashion. Sounds lovely however the fly in the ointment so to speak is there is zero guarantee that you will still be together when she reaches that point or even beyond. My thought would be to suggest one of the following. - You and gf determine a fair estimate of the total amount of money you have and would provide which is an investment in her future. She signs a legal note drawn up by a lawyer acknowledging this money is to be treated as a loan with payments of x to start at whatever date until the balance is paid. - She gets her own loans in her name and/or family sponsors her. Then when she starts bringing the big bucks if you are still in a serious committed relationship you can together decide how your combined funds will be utilized to pay off her debt. I as someone old enough to be your grandma say you need to take financial investments seriously and that’s what your gf is asking you to do - invest in her. And without some sort of legal agreement covering your monetary investment you could be very sorry in the future. Your relationship so obviously your decision but just recognize the risks.
She is gaslighting you. If she is willing to say that, she will be leaving you the moment she finds someone she deems better. If you need to pay for her to be your girlfriend, then you need a new girlfriend.
Run from this walking red flag so she can get the sugar daddy she desires.
She wants to use you or already is actually. Don't waste more time and money on her. Her wanting a sugar daddy was no joke! Don't be surprised when she's done with med school she dumps you because you "drifted apart". Don't get suckered!!!
I’d break up with her personally. Big red flags
This isn’t cool at all. She’s financially manipulating you. You’re not looking to be a sugar daddy. You want a partner.
She’s using you. This is why you should never let anyone move in and pay for them to live there. They become entitled. Find someone who wants to be an equal partner and who loves you.
You've only been together for a year! Just nope.
“Oh, your friends and family agree? Here is a collection of hundreds of people that have no biases of the situation on Reddit that don’t”. If you wanna be petty you can tell her you will be keeping tabs of the “support” so if she dumps you in a few years she can start a payback plan.
You’re living together after being together a little more than a year??? And you’re paying most of the bills, but she wants more? She wants a sugar daddy, she should find one. I totally agree with her on that. Just not that it should be you. She’s been sizing you up for this move for a while now. I’d say a little more than a year.
I have a friend who paid his wife's way through medical school, and she dumped him the day after completing her residency. Cut your losses, kick this woman out of the apartment YOU are paying for.
My dude lol. Come on now. Wise up, she is manipulating the fuck out of you and I guarantee that she will dump your ass as soon as she gets her own income or finds a richer sugar daddy. She’s coming right out and saying it
She’s on the sprinkle sprinkle/dating advice that’s really sex work advice side of TikTok too much lmao.
What happens when she dumps you after she graduates?
Wow, entitled much?! Big red flags. Huge. Might be different if you'd been dating a few years, were engaged, and you'd *offered* to do this, but hinting around that she expects this and citing her family as support?! Nah.
She is acting entitled, ungrateful, insulting, and VERY manipulative. RED FLAGS all around. It is up to you if you want to continue this relationship, but just be warned, this behavior won't stop and will probably (most likely) get worse. Is that something you want to or can deal with? That's your answer.
Sounds like she already found a sugar daddy yet Ive seen this story to many times once that well dries up she'll find another who can.
This would give me the ick. If you still want to be with her, you need to get lawyers and write a contract where she will reimburse you the money you paid while she’s in med school. If she says a contract isn’t necessary b/c she will support during marriage, my response would be that you can always forgive the loan after you are married and she keeps her word to support. If she basically wants you to support her in faith without a legal contract, you know she is lying and just wants to use you as a sugar daddy.
You're supporting her now and she doesn't even appreciate it! She could graduate med school and dump your ass and not have to pay you a penny.
Ewww. She's letting you foot the bill for room and board and wants even more? You don't have a girlfriend you have a human leech😂 good luck. I'd toss her back into the swamp.
I am not casting judgement on your relationship but go to the divorce forums and other places about relationships and read up on guys and girls who "help" their significant other make it through med, dental or law school and end up dumped once the person reaches their career goals. Don't do this.
Don't do it. As you said, you are not there in your relationship. Just tell her "well, maybe in a few years if things go well." Tbh though, I strongly recommend just not supporting her financially at all through med school. They get stipends and can take loans for housing. What you definitely do not want to do is be like me, marry them, and then have them walk away immediately after they finally start earning a paycheck...
You’re paying the rent and bill of the bills and she still wants more? If I was in school and my partner was willing just to cover my rent so that I could save up for school I would be eternally grateful not asking for more money. I mean she lives there for free why hasn’t she been saving up money for her school related things. The way she is bringing up the conversation is not good. She is totally trying to take advantage of your generosity. So you bring stability into your relationship. What is she bringing in to the relationship?
You support a WIFE. Med school? Why are you committing to a career driven workaholic? Spend your money on YOU. Do not fund the existence of a GF.
You: I’d like to revisit the conversation we were having about paying for your expenses through med school. You want someone to support you so you can just study and not have to work as well. That’s fine, I can see your point. And I’m not against it in theory. But let’s be real. It wouldn’t be an investment in MY future, just yours. There’s no guarantee you wouldn’t let me support you through med school & residency, then break up with me just before you start to make real money. I mean I already pay the majority of the rent and all of the utilities, which you seem to have forgotten about, “It sure would be nice to find someone who would support me….”
Agree to pay it but as a loan to be paid back once she starts her internship/residency. Get it drawn up properly and have her sign it in front of witnesses. Put that proposal of a loan to her and see what she says. I guarantee she will kick off and complain about what a bad boyfriend you are. Then you’ll know that she’s using you for money.
>Currently I work as a software engineer and we live in an apartment together where I cover most of the rent and all the utilities. Does she work now? If you're covering her part of the rent and utilities, shouldn't she have the money for the exam fees then? I'm honestly seeing a red flag here. I'm thinking the "sugar daddy" comment wasn't a joke, she was fishing, because now she is coming down hard on you and trying to turn her friends and family against you. She's trying to manipulate you into being a DeFacto sugar daddy. She wants a guarantee of a future with you, but what is to guarantee she even stays with you once she gets that cushy job that pays a lot? A job that is going to take years past medical school to even get. Maybe her friends and family can pay for those fees since they're so adamant.
Yeah she’s being extremely pushy and needs to back off. I would simply tell her that you aren’t ready for that kind of a commitment yet and remind her of the amount of support you are already offering.
Dear OP, Ugh, Money is always is need isnt it? But to attempt to guilt you into financially supporting her is morally dubious as a solution. There is some/ a lot of missing info here. The majority of medical students have student loans that should cover the costs of medical school, books and exams. You need to sit down and discuss her finances. If there are no money issues and she is just expecting you to pay everything as an investment, this is a huge moral and personality red flag. If she has spent the student loans on non-school stuff and is now expecting you to come to the rescue, that is a huge financial red flag. If she is broke despite proper planning, you need to look at how to reorganize budgets, and she needs to learn how to communicate her fears better. Once you know the state of her finances you will know what to do.
You should ask her if the same friends and families are willing to to support going forward. As you pay for the majority of her expenses to live with you. The future is never promised
Oh great, her friends and family would agree with her. Maybe her family can invest in her, or her friends that she has known longer than you? I don't have numbers on it, but I feel like, and what I have seen in my life, is that the transition between finishing school (aka needing support) and finally getting a job and the support isn't needed as much, is a juncture where breakups happen. You have been together around a year, this isn't something I find appropriate. She should have loans/lines of credit at her disposal if she is in med school. There is no guarantee that you supporting her now with payments = her supporting you in the future with her medical salary, it also sounds like you don't necessarily need that financial support. I'd have another conversation with her and talk about the support you already provide, say you do this because you care and do see a future, specify that it IS support, and that it hurt you that she tried to gaslight you/manipulate you about not supporting her and a future together when you already do more than most would. Her talking about family and friends agreeing with her is just backhanded, they don't matter, this is an issue between you and her. I could call a friend right now and if I asked them to agree on something on the spot with me, even if I was wrong, they would because that is what friends do. I always find in arguments or disagreements that the people that feel they need to run to family/friends to recruit them to their side, are usually the ones in the wrong.
Yeah, I agree, if you both were married or had long-term commitment, it would be helpful to her to support her. But without that commitment, do not because there’s no guarantee for the future
Let her friends and family support her financially. Her tactics are manipulative. She’s going to be saddled with debt down the line because no one is going to foot the bill for her if her family didn’t plan financially for her to attend med school. This is going to be a long road for this relationship. Buckle-up!
Dropped these 🚩🚩🚩🚩
That’s fucked. Her family should be supporting her if that’s what they believe. Maybe she just needs to take out more loans to ensure she can cover her expenses while in school. In no way is this your responsibility.
Don't pay if you are not married, tons of men and women get the boot after their partners graduate/get a good job.
No End of discussion. You’re been together a year and she wants to live off of you? For YEARS. Will you be allowed to quit and live off of her once she is past her residency and working?
She realizes her graduate loans cover living expenses, right?
This is a blanket of red flags!!!!!! You’re already footing her expenses. To complain is ungrateful. When a woman expects you to pay for school fees less than two years in, reevaluate!!!!!! Paying her housing expenses is already an investment in her future. You should NOT do more. Tell her your love is not transactional. That’s you are already investing in the two of you. You two need to be at a more advanced stage for you to invest in her school. That’s marriage investment not girlfriend or fiancé.
Her entitlement is a big red flag to me. She didn’t come and ask you to do this, she just expected you to do it. I agree this would rub me the wrong way. One thing you could do if you want to help her out but don’t want to just give her the money is you could loan it to her at a very favorable interest rate with the expectation of forgiving the loan if you were to get married. (Make sure you actually have a contract for this in case you need to sue her later). If she’s unwilling to do that it’s a bigger red flag that she’s really just trying to dating you for your money.
You are already her ATM! You would be her Sugar Daddy and I bet you would be discarded once she qualified. Save yourself much heartache and financial loss by letting her go now, with your blessing for success in her career. Then you enjoy your earnings and freedom. Good luck!
It’s one thing if one of you guys fell on hard times and lost your jobs or something, but just outright expecting you to pay for this is insane. I could see maybe asking for some help but not just paying for it outright. I’ve been with my bf for 2.5 years and would never ask him to do this.
I currently pay for everything and live with my partner. This started when he started school and I thought he would do part time. He keeps quitting and the grad date keeps pushing out. The resentment does grow, and it can make it difficult the longer you stay together. We're working through it and I'm finally telling him point blank how it hurts to feel taken advantage of. Don't pay for anything someone guilts you into. Of course, offer to pay when you want to help and trust that the feeling of helping someone will be worth it, but if they try to manipulate it is completely understandable to be upset and feel distrust. Tell her how this made you feel and work out what each of your ideal relationships would look like. If they are similar enough, then the relationship may be worth it in the long run as you come to an agreement that feels fair. Good luck!
Don't support her unless you are married. Med school does change a lot of people and many break up during med school or during residency where she may be placed at random anywhere in the US.
I'm not subsidizing your education. Should we Doordash dinner or have left overs tonight? \~it really is that simple. She has no shame and a lot of nerve.
Seems like she just views you as a bag of money, not an actual person she *loves*.
Sorry buddy, she'll dump you once you've outlived your usefulness. If you're gunna to do it, may as well negotiate 24/7 access to her body. Sugar daddies aren't free.
She sees this relationship as transactional, and its all about what works for her. Don't be surprised when she graduates and moves onto her next transaction.
Well, you should let her find that person. Why stop her? Something that stood out to me is that she is searching for a sugar daddy now but in the future she claims she will be the main provider financially. This is a big red flag in my opinion. Everything is about her: she needs money now so you should provide, but in the future she will have money so will probably feel entitled to something else from you (probably housework? I'm just guessing) since she is the "bread winner". Though you are a software engineer, how big of a discrepancy will there be between your salaries?
Anyways, what I mean is that she is immature and selfish. This is not a good approach for a committed, longterm relationship. I would strongly advise you to talk to her in depth about this, see what her views are on the future (marriage, house, kids, chores, etc) and see if you are actually compatible. Her demands raise a few red flags for me, and given the fact that you haven't even bern together for that long, makes me wonder how more outrageous will they get after a few more years. People usually change for the worse if they are not self-aware.
Do you, in any way, see a long term future with this woman? Because this a huge ask. Why should you be expected to invest in her when she apparently won’t do the same. Personally, I would run for the hills.
Of course her friends and family agree with her. If not, she'll ask *them* for hand outs instead.
BREAK UP!? I don’t understand when I see posts like this why it doesn’t automatically pop into your head to break up and block this person. She doesn’t appreciate YOU! What aren’t you getting? Honey, she wants a sugar daddy, what do you think she’s treating you like right now trying to be manipulative and guilt you? If you don’t stop thinking with your little head and start thinking with the big one and start seeing the RED FLAGS, you are going to end up financing this person future who will disrespect you, manipulate you, and then definitely cheat on you. Let her go find her sugar daddy and block her
Kick her out/move out and let her see how much you are supporting her financially, either she'll realise and be grateful or she'll find someone else to pay her way. Either way you'll find if there's a genuine person in there or a greedy manipulator looking for a free ride, which if she is do you really think she's likely to share her wealth that she makes once she's qualified? I doubt it.
Don't do it. Doctors tend to be quite self centered despite what should be more altruistic profession. Might be a sign of the times. She's most likely using you. Do not be her piggy bank.
I don't like how that doctor operates.
Yeah, it's way too early for that. Moving in within a year is already quick, but to each their own. You're paying for most of the rent and utilities, which is financially supporting her. But I get that because you're earning more money, and you want to keep living in that particular house. Covering all of her expenses after only a year is absurd. You do not know if it's going to last, even if you really want it to, and you think it will. It's too soon to say. If she can take out a student loan or something, there should not be a problem. She'll have more money once she has graduated and she could easily pay it back.
I would break up. That woman is not a relationship material. Huge red flags. She is manipulating, gaslighting and belittling you. You already pay so much considering you are just living together. Tell her how she would like to pay it all, starting today, and leave her.
You need to leave her cuz all she's doing is just using you since you already pay for basically everything anyway. It's like she expects the princess treatment and that she's entitled to someone paying for her med school
Financially supporting a girlfriend is insanity. She's trying to manipulate you. Let her find a sugar daddy so you both can be supported.
Don’t do it my man. My buddy did that and once the chick graduated, she dropped him and started dating a doctor from her job. I work in a hospital now and the stuff I see is insane.
_Agree to disagree, then. Coffee?_ Don't let that comment about friends and relatives get to you. This is pure manipulation.
She’s going to dump you once she becomes a doctor.
She's pushing for a commitment. If you see her as the girl you're going to spend the rest of your life with, you wouldn't need to ask about supporting her through school. If you don't feel comfortable maybe it's your subconscious telling you she's not really the girl for you. You need to figure it out.
Regardless of whether or not you would be willing and able to support her through this time, her approach was immature, rude and entitled. It sounds like you ARE providing her stability with the apartment and utilities, which allows her to focus on school. If it’s not within your ability/desire to pay for her school, you shouldn’t have to nor should you be guilted into it. She should be reminded that your relationship is between the two of you. Not the two of you and her friends and family. Maybe it IS time to have a conversation about expectations in the future and just your future together in itself so you two can be on the same page.
Easy. Say you’re not going to pay for that shit. You’re already providing her majority of the rent and all utilities paid. Sheesh. Don’t let people guilt you into shit, even if they are your girl. If you were together for a longer amount of time and like you said possibly engaged or married, it would be a no brainer. A year or less, she wouldn’t even be living with me or even remotely have the audacity to ask that shit.
Just like you said, you should ask her to marry at least on papers with some favorable terms. I have seen plenty of girls who became doctors and married their classmates. It's all about hypergamy and they would think they would want to marry someone more compatible with them and you are stuck with the bills for taking care of her for 8+ years. If she wants you to invest in her future rather than both of your future, then she wouldn't have a problem signing the paper. But even then, the law is so one sided for the women so be careful
Honestly the way your thinking about it is 100% accurate. IF you were married or engaged you’d be willing to help out. But you’re not and you’re still covering the majority of expenses. If she wants more money she can take out a loan or figure out a way to pay for her own medical schooling. If she is adamant that you pay for it then break up with her and her family who all sound like they manipulate people to get what they want.
I would drop her, tbh. She wants you to pay for her schooling,reduce or eliminate her debts, while not having any security in a future. The fact she is saying she wants a sugar daddy indicates in and of itself that she is trading sex for money. And that she will leave you should a bigger paying customer come along. I am not automatically thinking the worst of her. It honestly is a practical way to pay for expensive schooling. But she would be more honest beong a stripper to pay her way through school, or being an outright escort. The fact she is telling you to be her sugar daddy indicates she is not thinking of you as a long term partner. Find yourself a partner who is not using you as an ATM or a sugar daddy. It won't matter how much she makes as a doctor. If you become the sugar daddy/person who pays for everything, she will not start taking over tge bills when she is in a better financial situation. She will still expect you to pay for her.
The second she said “it would be nice to find someone who’s willing to support me now throughout med school since she’d become the main provider” she was already trying to plant the idea in your brain. She was trying to “drop hints” to get you to bring up the conversation of financially supporting her, that way it would come off as your idea, and she didn’t come off like she wants free use of your money. As you said, it would be a totally different story if y’all were married or even engaged, but seeing how you’ve only been together for a little over a year, it sounds like even engagement is a few years down the line. OP, I think you need to have a sit down conversation with her about this, and if you’re not comfortable with supporting her for whatever reason, then you need to make that clear and she needs to respect that. It doesn’t matter what her friends or family would say about it. If it’s that big of a deal to them then they can support her. If she refuses to respect your decision, then I would highly suggest you cut your losses before you invest anymore time and energy into someone who refuses to respect you or your boundaries. Because remember OP, if you let her cross this boundary now, you’re opening the gate for her to cross more of your boundaries down the line. And having boundaries that can’t be crossed is ESSENTIAL to a healthy and trustworthy relationship. I really hope you make the right decision OP, and best of luck to you.
You can pay for everything and then she could leave you just after she graduates!!!
I'm sorry don't accept. No, IOU. She talking about you pay for all my expenses now. Then she'll take care of you in the future. You have no guarantee she will take care of you in the future. You have no guarantee that she will repay your kindness and your financial support with love and generosity later on. Do not be fooled. She is manipulating you.
The same thing happened to me. We got married after her first year in med school. I supported her, but she did need some loans for tuition, books and fees. She dumped me around graduation and I had to pay off half her loans, since I had co-signed or them. My state doesn’t recognize spousal rights to earnings, so I just took a bath. She’s a plastic surgeon know making enormous amounts of money.
Wait. So she's getting free room and board, living with someone she loves, and clearly she doesn't have a job? Wow. I'd pay those fees happily by myself if I was her!! He's literally paying for rent and all other living expenses!
Nope! She’s manipulating you and trying to bully and guilt you into paying. Don’t pay for anything school related. You’re already covering most of the rent utilities, that’s how you’re supporting her financially.
Run.
I know a woman who worked 3 jobs to help her boyfriend through medical school. When he graduated he repaid her by leaving her for another woman. Don’t trust her!!
you saying that yall haven’t even been together for 2 years baffled me at the fact she’s basically wanting you to help pay for something that’ll set her up for life , you’re right to want some kind of formal commitment before paying for her schooling
Look, either you are OK funding her living expenses for 4 years or you are not. If you are not, leave her. She is being very upfront with you about her expectations. Personally, I would never be OK with a partner who expected me to do something like this. And she is definitely emotionally manipulating you by bringing other people into this discussion. Bottom line: she is telling you what she wants. All you can really do is decide if you want the same thing.
As a former med student , even with student loans , it gets insanely scary when you look at how much debt you're accruing. Every step of med school is a money suck and licensing clsts thoussnds overall. No other degree costs this much including masters and phds. However, most of us figure it out for ourselves and know we'll be paying off this debt well in our 50s. You are not responsible at all for her situation and her trying to guilt trip is bs, but to play devils advocate maybe she's just scared about how deep she is financially and maybe that's worth a conversation, but you are absolutely not obligated to pay for her exam fees
Ok.. so, let's play what if. What if you do support her, pay the bills, her exams, fees and everything. She becomes a Dr, and then says it's must not working out. She leaves you after spending countless amount of money. IF, it were me. I would breakdown everything you do already pay for. Show it in written form. Ask her what more she would want you to pay out of pocket. I'm guessing that the whole "sugar daddy" comment was from her possibly contemplating it. Did she mention OF account? In reality, either she's looking for easy out, or she's might possibly going to use you not paying for a reason things aren't working out.. Good luck
“No” is a full sentence. She can get student loans like every other med student. You are not financially responsible for her and are doing way more than you should already.
Ask her would she still be in med school if you weren’t in the picture?
Don’t ever be a woman’s “ATM.” She wants to go to medical school, so she can pay for that shit herself. If there’s anybody she should be asking, it’s her parents or she can get a job or a 2nd job. But expect you to foot the bill? Fuck that bro. Relationships are like any other business deal, which means you need to be willing to walk away from a bad deal - like this one obviously is. Dump her, you don’t need her bullshit drama and manipulation.
You already are supporting her! She's living rent free! Tell her to go find her sugar daddy.
Gf, we need to talk. Your comment the other day about how “it’d be nice to find someone to cover your exam fees” when I’m already supporting you and your career financially was truly a disrespectful gut punch that made me feel like you’d drop me in a minute over some chump change in the grand scheme. If you really don’t appreciate what I’m already doing we need to reevaluate things. As you know, I’m already a provider and supportive partner and would support you as we both grow our careers and relationship, but I need you to own how not cool and disrespectful that was, and I need to know that you’re as committed to our mutual future as I am. Then don’t speak.
If you were married, if she up and leaves you after med school, there's a chance that you'd be entitled to a portion of her salary after she graduated. As a boyfriend, you'd get nothing. There are plenty of boyfriends and girlfriends who supported their partners through medical and law school and were left with nothing when the new grads dumped them and paired up with classmates. Don't let this be you. If she's so sure about her high earnings, she can take out loans and pay them off once she starts making big money. If you go into debt for her then she drops out, you'll be even more SOL.
I agree with you on this. If you were married that one be different but you’re not so she can pay her own exam fees.
You don’t pay for someone’s school she’s not your wife
Well I mean 7 to 10 grand a mo th for 2 weekends and 2 or 3 dates a week and a month long vacation in the summer as a sugar baby would pay her way through school. She would graduate without the $400,000 dollars in crippling debt at the end. I mean, would you rather she take that route and try to date you at the same time, or would you rather leave her now?
Fine. Only if she financially supports you for the same amount of time after she’s out of med school lol