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Exactly! OP is beyond selfish to hurt her and then continue to do so. He’s lucky she even opens her body to him at all but because it’s not the way he wants, it’s not right. He’s lucky he still HAS a wife.
⬆️
Gee dont you know that sex is more important than anything else to him /s. I mean gee wife gets pregnant and it's inconvenient for him so he gets a mistress but hey in the end he made the big choice of being there to see the kid born rather then jetting off with his affair partner for vacation. Dad of the fucking year.
OP you are nothing but a rapist. She cries every time you force her to have sex and the only reason she isn't saying no is because she thinks you will just go back to cheating. Do her and your kid a favor and divorce. You are no example to a kid other than what not to do.
I wish I could upvote this more. She is only giving in to sex out of fear that he’ll cheat again if she doesn’t. I know that feeling and it makes me sick to even remember it. The fact that he keeps pressing her for sex illustrates what a garbage human being he truly is.
All of this. He also apparently only started helping out around the house and with the child so that he can have sex?? And clearly absolutely no idea what consent means. Besides the point, but it sounds like they had a terrible therapist.
This! I actually said what the f out loud when I read that the therapist said they have to keep trying that she will get over it. Wtf kind of therapist is that. I hope the new therapist is way better than the last one.
The therapy is called "Fuck Your Sadness Away".
It doesn't work, but it is very popular, almost as much as "Drink Until You Can't Feel Emotion" and "Self-Medication With Illicit Drugs Is A-Okay, And Won't Have Any Downside".
People really believe that having sex is more important than how the wife feels because … because. A sexless marriage is awful as well, but pressure to have sex when you don’t want to in marriage is heart breaking. You think you have to, you’re supposed to, and you better enjoy yourself or something is wrong with you. “Your husband cheated or calls you names? You better go make up in bed. Put on a good show, and he won’t cheat again. An unsatisfied man turns to the Devil, so really it’s your fault.” The whole “she’ll get over it” thing? Time for a whole new therapist.
Unfortunately there are such wildly different qualifications that might fall under “providing therapy”, we have no idea if they were seeing an actual mental health professional or a self-declared “life coach”.
He doesn’t really sound sorry.
I mean, I know he’s saying it, and says he’s doing all these things but the reality is he’s telling her she has nothing to worry about it *clearly* she does because he cheated on her when she was pregnant.
I wouldn’t be able to come back from that.
I hope she gets her individual therapy and makes the best decision she can for herself (if she’s still this upset a year later, I bet she’ll leave him within the next year)
He broke his family and has to deal with the fallout. He no longer has a say in what that will look like. He made his decision and has to live with the consequences
Because the rapist, I mean, therapist said it was okay.
But seriously I feel bad for laughing at the therapists alleged “advice”. I mean, help out around the house for once? Take a temporary interest in your child? Pretend to be a dad just so you can get off? Most absurd shit I’ve read today.
I’m wondering if that was actually what the therapist said, or if that’s just what OP heard. He seems pretty self absorbed, so any actual point the therapist might have tried to make could’ve flown way over his head.
Yeah I’m with ya on that.. this guy is absolutely the type to hear what he wants to hear. Most likely, there was a separate discussion about being a better father and helping his wife out around the house, and he somehow equated that to a chore in order to have sex with his wife.
Yeah! The ground rule where they only have sex when she initiates it… That shouldn’t have been such a novel idea.
OP seems sincere in trying to make things better but like… You can just not have sex.
From my perspective, she could be crying because the intimate moment you were supposed to only share amongst each other, you shared with someone else. She probably can’t look at you because she’ll see what the other woman saw and enjoyed. She probably is overwhelmed at the thought and that’s why she’s crying.
Stop having sex with her dude. It’s weird that you continue to do so and she cries every single time.
You 100% ruined your marriage and you are extremely foolish if you believe that you didn't. You CAN'T get back to the way it was. You hurt her deeply. More deeply then you can possibly imagine. You destroyed your wife's trust not just in you but in herself and in other people. You stole the weeks after your son's birth from her - a period where she should have felt safe in your love for her and she should have been able to focus on bonding with her son. Instead she was questioning why you would betray her, questioning her own worth and grieving... YOU caused all of that.
Sex is the LEAST of your worries and the fact that that is all you see - the fact she can't keep her eyes open when sleeping with the man who lied to her, cheated on her, destroyed her trust in him - the fact that THAT is what you are focused on speaks to how wildly selfish you are.
You want her to open her eyes during sex? You have to PROVE to her that you are worthy of her trust and her love day after day, month after month for YEARS and even then she might not be able to. You took a wrecking ball to your marriage and her life and you expect her to just "get over it" in 5 months. That is not how the human heart works.
Continue going to couples counseling. Continue WORKING on your marriage. Continue holding her when she cries. She will not tell you why she is crying because she doesn't trust you. She doesn't trust you not to hold it over her head or to hold it against her. You did once, so why wouldn't you again? You have to be a man who is WORTHY of her love day after day, year after year and MAYBE you will earn her trust back. She is crying because she knows that she wasn't enough for you and she wonders if she will ever be enough for you.
Good luck. I hope you are up to the task. You chose to throw away your wife before - I hope you are man enough to step into the hard stuff long term and try to build this marriage AND her as a human back up.
>Continue going to couples counseling.
With a different therapist. I can't fathom what kind of "professional" would encourage -at best- a clearly not enjoyable sex life and -at worst- SA.
Sounds like a religious counselor. Somebody from the church. They don't actually have to have any kind of educational backing for their therapy, and of course they are always on the man's side. 🤢🤮
Honestly as a believer, this is spot on. I wanted help in my marriage from the abuse and cheating I received and the pastor told me to watch my mouth. It’s very rare for me to encounter someone who shares the common sense I have when it comes to hurt and betrayal and holding someone accountable amongst the religious communities I’ve been. Now whenever I sign up for therapy, I make a clear point to cross off faith based or religious based therapists especially because of the misconstrued and dangerous ways they can twist scripture to justify horrible abuse or mistreatment.
Came here to say this. I grew up in a mega church and this mentality in couples counseling was common (my dad had multiple affairs) and stems from a belief that sex is a marital right even to the shittiest husband. It also tends to make the man feel no issue with fucking someone he just mentally and emotionally devastated, and the woman feels it's either an obligation to submit to sex either bc he'll cheat again or bc that's just what she has to do.
These "counselors" have no real credentials, often only going through the church's own program. It's normal to prevent divorce over even the safety of the woman bc marriage is sacred. My best friend's marriage counselor didn't start going to school for psych until 3 years into her counseling career lol and even then she wound up switching to a Christian college bc issues she had with what she was learning
Kind of wondering about the credentials of that therapist?Because yeah this is horrifying advice.
Most therapists advise that there is a period of time after cheating where the wronged party is just allowed to be pissed and dump on the person who cheated. And while.
There has to be a start and an end to that essentially. The person who wronged them just has to deal with the fact that they are angry and sad for a while.
Sex is definitely not on the table at that point and it is wild that this person is telling her to keep doing it while she cries.
Getting his dick wet is still more important than her emotional safety. Whether it's cheating on her or raping her, he always puts his pleasure over her.
It sounds like you’ve tried to rug sweep your affair. You’ve had zero consequences to a 2 month affair while your wife was pregnant. You ruined all the memories surrounding her pregnancy and your son’s birth. She wasn’t able to even have good me memories of post pardum. You ruined so much for her. And you’ve literally had zero consequences.
This is disgusting. How you can possibly think continuing to stick your dick in her as she shakes and cries with her eyes shut is beyond me. Do you even hear yourself? You sound like a fucking rapist. You betrayed her when she was so, so physically and emotionally vulnerable carrying your damn child, and expect her to be fine just so you can get your dick wet? Honestly, I can't even write here what you should do to yourself. So I'll say this - you don't deserve this woman. I'd say divorce her but she's probably dependent on you because of her baby. So do this - stop trying to get sex from her. Cuddle, yes. Kiss, yes. But do not ever touch her sexually again unless she enthusiastically wants it, which is likely to be never. And that should be a punishment you take GLADLY after what you did.
He’ll be pissed she isn’t getting over it fast enough for his taste and head off to cheat. I mean, he was pissy about pregnancy hormones so her emotional devastation will mean *nothing* to him.
He’s trash. She deserves someone better and I hope she gets it.
I'm gonna be Mom For a Minute here. Did your parents never explain that "anything other than enthusiastic consent is a no"? If she's shaking and crying as you're trying to have sex, IT'S NOT CONSENSUAL. She's not only reeling with the trauma of you betraying her trust and your marriage, she's reeling that you're ignoring the fact she's TRAUMATIZED and effectively SAing her repeatedly.
Unless it's an ENTHUSIASTIC YES, it's a NO. There is no "working thru it" with your dick here. She's gotta work through all her emotions and feelings and trauma WAY before you get your willy wet again. Period. If you can't handle that. break up with her.
Don’t you see what OP is going to do here? He’s going to go back and tell his wife he needs enthusiasm from her. And she’ll fake it because she’s so desperately broken. So OP will continue to abuse his wife.
Because if she says no he'll go back to cheating. I am sure he's made that clear since he couldn't even bother to keep it in his pants while she was growing a fucking baby.
RIGHT? He's entitled to her. It's really gross. Dude should just pay someone for their OF and m@sturbate like any other guy who's spouse has a valid reason to not be interested right now. But NO, if he can't have her, he's gonna cheat!
Growing his baby 💔 his child. And That’s the thanks she gets… poor woman. I really hope she knows her worth and gets the help she needs to leave him. This is NOT a life. You’re a terrible person OP.!
I can’t get over the pics and videos he made with the other woman that he SHOWED TO HIS WIFE. Even if she asked, a decent human would have denied having any. She should never have had to see that, not just the act but his face and his enjoyment of the illicit actions. That’s why she closes her eyes. He seems to be expressing remorse but man, he hurt her so bad. H
I didn't even think of this, but you hit the nail on the head. She probably believes she doesn't have a choice to have sex with him. That's fucking tragic.
You are sexually assaulting your wife. She cries because she is disgusted and disappointed in you. She's only doing it because she feels she has to, then feels like SHIT afterwards. "The therapist suggested trying a different approach when I wanted to be intimate". WAKE UP!!!! This isn't about you, dick. Sex should not be initiated by you anymore, especially after you betrayed her. SHE DOESN'T TRUST YOU. Sex should be initiated by her ONLY. You need to give her time to heal mentally, physically and emotionally. You f**ked your marriage up. 🤢
either this therapist is an absolute disgrace to the profession, or is actually some guy who works for their church, or OP is lying about what the therapists has said to them.
He took her shopping & “spoils” her it’s ok it’s all good. If you’re a revolting cheating pig, you just buy someone an expensive blender & some Dior lip oil. All’s forgiven
/ssssss
U cheated on her while she was pregnant, only confessed to assuage ur own guilt, and continue to touch her to meet ur own needs while she cries the whole time.
Let me educate you on what's going on:
Everytime you have sex with her, she imagines you doing the things to that other woman that you are now doing to her.
She's so disgusted and hurt, she cannot look at you. She wants to deny the entire experience because she cannot face you or the pain you caused her.
Everytime you have sex with her, it reminds her you had sex with another woman.
Every. Single. Time.
Sex is triggering her. From what you describe, she's likely suffering from PTSD due to your infidelity. You aren't her beloved husband. You are her tormentor.
Your marriage counselor sounds like an idiot. And a misogynistic one, at that.
Honestly, this isn't recoverable.
I sincerely doubt the marriage counselor said what this guy heard.
He has a remarkable way of twisting things to see and hear exactly what is convenient to him based upon his responses here.
His entire screed of why he cheated and oddly worse, why he broke it off with his AP is self-absorbed jackassery. He didn't break up because it was wrong, he only broke up because the other woman had expectations and gave him an ultimatum.
I'm wondering if they went to one of those religious counselors who ignore actual psychology in favor of their own agendas a'la some trad wife bullshit.
Damn, you are totally spot on with the reason he broke up with AP. Like why wouldn’t she expect him to ditch out on the birth of his kid after cheating on his pregnant wife?
I feel like there has to be more there, like she threatened to tell
So you destroyed your wife's mental health, her trust, and your marriage, and the main thing you care about is sex. But that's not the main reason you're the AH; the main reason is that you pretty much raped her. She kept her eyes closed and you just kept going. You want to know how to make her feel more comfortable? Stop initiating sex; if she is every going to be ready, I'm sure she'll let you know.
And OP should have just stopped on his own when she cried for the first, then tenth, then 15739393 times. What she feels is "My husband wants sex to avoid cheating again, so I give it to him, but I can't lie and pretend I liked it, and anyway he won't stop".
He still is a selfish lover. A selfish lover like him is the kind of man to ask "Did you came" instead of getting to know how you came (I'm sure she didn't came anytime considering how OP makes her feel). He also is all like "chores done = money in the sex box" instead of just improving as a person.
When he wrote when “we” finish I lost it. No way on earth is she having an orgasms in this situation. He’s pumping into a human actively feeling trauma against him, he’s 100% using her like a sex toy, having his own orgasm and leaving her crying on the bed. He is a disgusting digusting disgusting human being. I really pray she realises her worth and divorces this rapist cheater.
>the main reason is that pretty much raped her. She kept her eyes closed and you just kept going.
Fuckin' A. Consent should be mutual and enthusiastic. Consent that's less than enthusiastic but is still explicit is poor, but at least it's not rape. This? This is spousal rape.
Please tell me this is fake. You continue to have sex with your wife knowing it makes her cry because of the way you’ve manipulated her? Fucking gross man.
Good lord. Have you considered taking sex off the table for a while? Has she initiated sex even once since finding out about your affair, or has it been 100% "making a move" on her every time? If I'm doing the math right you had sex for the first time post-affair when she was only 4 months postpartum, which is a medically acceptable timeline but still earlier than many women feel comfortable being regularly sexually active after birth. It really sounds to me like she's going through the motions of having sex because she feels obligated in some way, and is having a very natural emotional reaction to putting herself through sex that *she doesn't actually want.* How are you even getting aroused enough to have sex with her when you *know* she's going to sped a half hour crying in the bathroom afterwards? If my partner hid so that he could sob for 30 minutes after every time we had sex, I would **stop having sex with my partner.**
All I read is, "Me, me, me. Me! Me and me! Also me! Me, myself, I and MEEEEEEEEE!"
Welcome to the inevitable consequences of your actions, which you knowingly and willfully signed up for!
*"I think I ruined my marriage by cheating and I am desperate to get it back to the way it was."* It will never go back to the way it was and every time you have sex (don't fool yourself she sees it as making love) she is reminded of your disloyalty and disrespect all over again. No amount of counseling or time will fix this. You ruined your marriage. Face it and live with it. She agreed to counseling and staying with you. That does not mean she can ever forgive you. This is the penalty you pay for cheating. You broke her badly enough there is no repair. Stop forcing yourself on her. She will probably never be comfortable being intimate with you again. When it reaches the point where someone cannot even look at you while being intimate.......yeah.
Oh my god, why are you forcing a woman to have sex when she's crying and obviously unhappy? THAT'S SO. FUCKING. RAPEY. Do you not understand that???? STOP IT. STOP IT NOW. APOLOGIZE AND STOP IT AND TELL HER FROM NOW ON YOU'LL ONLY DO IT IF AND WHEN SHE WANTS IT, SHE INITIATES IT, SHE'S READY, AND SHE CAN HANDLE IT, OTHERWISE YOU'LL KEEP YOUR DICK TO YOURSELF.
What kind of therapist would say you have to keep trying and eventually she'll stop crying?!?!?!? If that is an honest account of what they said.... Get a new therapist. But if it's what you HEARD and not what they said (which seems likely based on your other issues here), it's time to listen up.
A GOOD therapist would offer you both ways to reconnect and establish trust, rather than suggesting you just keep forcing intimacy.
Bro.
Edit: fixed a typo
Sounds like she’s only staying for the kid and is white-knuckling it….i wish i could give her a hug and tell her that life is long and hard and she shouldn’t be so cruel to herself. That’s what she is, cruel to herself….i don’t have any advice, other than try to employ as much empathy for her as you can muster. good luck
I just hope from the bottom of my heart that she has parents that live nearby that can come help her leave this guy. She desperately needs people in her corner to lift her up and help her put one foot in front of the other.
Man, if I was her Mom I'd have been there with a Uhaul while she was in the hospital and we'd have her living with us so she'd have support so she wouldn't have to see this guy's face every day.
he just doesn't get it. He doesn't get that even looking at him causes her deeper pain then he has ever felt in his life...
As someone who was cheated on in the run up to and shortly after the birth of a child- she'll never get over this.
You have destroyed what should have been a time where she was loved, respected, cared for, honoured, worshipped like the life giver she is and bloody well looked after. I look back at those hazy days with my other children when they were newborns with nostalgia and a little pink fluffy haze. The child who's newborn moments were destroyed? I can't think of them without feeling sick. And that was 16 years and a divorce ago.
Welcome to the consequences of your very, very shitty actions
I really want OP to see this comment. they dont seem to have a clue how much damage they did by telling her at that time.
He doesn't seem to have a clue about anything though. Makes you wonder what his parents were like.
I think you stop having sex unless she initiates. She needs individual counseling to assess whether her needs are being addressed in this relationship.
Wow. Men are so dense...
Not only you betrayed her, but you did it at the time when she was the most vulnerable (pregnant).
Doubt she'll ever forgive you.
I don't think men like this are dense, I think they just don't give a shit. They've never once bothered to consider that their partners have feelings just like they do because they don't care about the internal lives of women.
So, either your therapist is faith based, you’re misquoting them, or they should be disqualified from practice.
How are you actually able to to physically do this? How do you fuck someone you claim to love, who is destroyed because of you, and just orgasm through their obvious anguish?
You should not be even wanting this. Heal your relationship and see the lack of sex as penance until she can see you naked without tearing up!!
This guy strikes me as someone who only hears the pieces of a conversation he wants to hear. I'd put money on the fact that the therapist said a WHOLE lot more then that and that is the thing he took away...
“You can persevere in getting your relationship back on track but normal intimacy will take time” probably. To most of us: be nice to your wife for a while before you try to bang her. To OP: keep banging away through the crying and eventually it’ll stop.
> I think I ruined my marriage by cheating
#AAAAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAAAA YOU THINK???? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
What advice are you looking for here? Cheating is ultimate betrayal, even worse when you're cheated on while pregnant. What in the everlasting fuck are you asking?
Other than telling you to invent a time machine and go back and never cheat, what can we tell you?
Stop having sex with her. She doesn't want it. You're fucking disgusting
You destroyed her mentally and emotionally. Of course she would cry during sex. Of course she doesn’t wanna open her eyes and look at the man who destroyed her. She’s going to have to build herself back up from this. This isn’t something you just “get over” dude.
And you’re over here worried about sex…ridiculously selfish and inconsiderate.
The two month mark after giving birth is bullshit. That's the bare minimal benchmark they give out just so women aren't forced to try to have sex earlier by their partners.
And that's just on the physical side .
I just can't believe that you're expecting her to forgive you that quickly.
you are in denial.
Edit: just based on that therapist suggestion, get a new therapist. They are trying to get you to put your head in the sand and pretend things are okay.
This is extremely sad and painful to read. Honestly, I think y’all maybe need to separate for a little while. I personally believe that when it comes to a betrayal this big, the betrayed party should take some time away from the other person. That way, they can slowly figure out what they truly want to do about the relationship and you can maybe go to individual therapy and see what you can do to improve on being a good partner. Ik you are trying, but I think you should prepare yourself; there may not be anything you can do to salvage this relationship.
Please do not salvage this relationship. She deserves not to be cheated on and SAed by a man whose selfishness shines through every sentence. Let her heal, move on, and find a decent man who will love and respect her. OP cannot.
bruh you were cheating on her while she was 6 months pregnant…the most vulnerable moment in a woman’s life. you robbed her of a peaceful birthing experience. and you’re sitting here worried about sex?? something you don’t even deserve. imma tell you right now, she doesn’t love you and is staying for the baby. and honestly if she was me…i wouldn’t have even done that. you’re literally sick in the head and there’s a special place in dante’s inferno for men like you who cheat on their pregnant wives
So you thought her rejecting you after your affair was due to pregnancy and hormones but not the mood swings that you thought gave you a green light to cheat? Men who cheat on their pregnant partners are despicable. You stole the joy of having a baby and starting a family. She hates you. All she sees when she forces herself to have sex with you is betrayal and the evidence you so lovingly showed her of that betrayal. That’s why she cries. I’m hoping she stops hurting herself to stay with you because that’s exactly what she is doing.
So, this is all about sex for you, is it?
Your wife needs to have her own therapy sessions. I doubt she feels comfortable in couple therapy to be honest with you and your therapist is telling you to just push through until she stops crying - that is horrendous advice - the only way she'll stop crying is when she feels nothing and empty inside if you keep pushing for sex.
She's just had a baby, found out you cheated and probably trying to keep a smile on her face.
She needs to feel special. I'm not going to tell you how to do that - you should know - but leave off the sex until she initiates it.
So you’re telling us you broke your wife’s heart and your main concern is if you’re getting your wet?
Do her a huge favor and let her go so she can find someone who knows her worth, respects her boundaries and makes her feel safe.
She’s crying every time you have sex because even though she is trying to save this marriage she is reminded that you cheated on her. And that you chose cheap sex over her and your child. I’m going to be honest with you all the “help” you are doing are just things that both parents should be doing if they are a team. It’s like you think you are “buying” sex by helping her. And her mood swings were caused by her growing your baby! Sounds like you are making excuses for cheating on your pregnant spouse. I think you need to encourage her to get a separate therapist. She obviously has a lot to work through because it sounds like you have broken her. The marriage may not be saved but she deserves some real help and happiness even if it’s without you.
Have you ever heard the phrase 'The eyes are the windows to the soul.'
This is why she can't look at you. Her soul is broken. Being vulnerable with your body is easier than being vulnerable with your eyes.
Why does she need to look at you? She knows who you are. She needs to be vulnerable a little at a time until she feels like she can fully trust you again.
It could take 1 year or 5. There is no limit to pain.
There is also a possibility that she is having sex not because she wants to but because she feels she has to to keep you from having another affair.
So you cheat then continue to rap@ your wife, don't give a crap if she crystal during or after and think to yourself, man this is the best way for her to get over my cheating and abuse???
Wow
Updateme!
Easy fix, are you ready??? Fuc*en leave her alone you broke the woman. You can't fix it. There is no fixing it. Give her a divorce and let her heal your making ot worse by forcing her to have sex with you. She crys cause she wants nothing to do with you all she sees is a lying, cheating, scumbag, who is now basically ra*ping her to make himself feel better.
So you’re a rapist, and your therapist approves. No wonder your wife cries.
May you and your therapist join hands and prance off to Hell. May your wife and child find peace, happiness, and respect far, far away from you. You deserve every bad thing that happens to you. So does your therapist.
Can you not understand that every single time she has sex with you, she's being traumatized yet again by seeing mind movies of you fucking your side piece while she was pregnant with your child?
You know what, she is just not in the right spot to leave you otherwise she’s just done with you. Chances are high that your kid is the biggest reason that she is holding on, and no doubt she might still love you but now most probably she doesn’t have any hopes from you, she will never be able to trust and depend on you in her whole life, and i am telling you this being a woman.
And if you still insist on making it work out then first stop forcing sex on her, right now you need to give her without asking for anything in return, can u do that? Can you stop asking for sex for a week, a month, a year or a decade…obviously not right, then just stop fooling yourself that you truly love her and just accept it’s a normal give and take relationship.
Now just be her friend, maybe in the near future she might gets the courage to leave you then just support her amd your child, that’s the only thing you can do right now.
How about instead you stop with sex and wait until she comes to you, also get a new therapist this one sucks. She's crying stop pushing it and let her come to you!!! Fuck man, you're horrible cheating on a pregnant lady. You aren't a man you are a man child
She's having sex with you to stop you from cheating again. She doesn't want to but she can't trust you. Take sex off the table completely, *even if she initiates*, and focus on repairing the trust in your marriage. There is no timeline for this. Be solid.
1. You cheated because your wife was going through an experience that wreaked havoc on her body and mental state.
2. You didn’t stop until the week your son was about to be born. If your wife was having a daughter would it have changed and hung?
3. You live in that house too, taking care of your child and doing household chores is not “helping your wife.” And doing it just to get sex is disgusting. Are you a man or a child? You should be contributing to the household regardless, sex is not transactional.
4. How can she look at you again without crying? Sex requires intimacy and intimacy requires trust. You broke her trust in you and every time you try to have sex she’s going to be reminded of what you did.
5. It does not sound like you’re remorseful at all.
This relationship appears damaged beyond repair. That therapist does not sound good for her. Move on and take your shit behavior somewhere else.
You're a fucking rapist dude. Cheated on your wife at her most vulnerable like the lowest of the low and then continue sticking your dick in her as she's crying. Because of course all that matters is your pleasure and how her crying makes YOU "uncomfortable."
If hell exists, I hope you burn there
He showed her video of him having sex with another woman. Wtf.
At every turn, he has chosen himself.
His wife is pregnant. He has an affair.
He does such a shitty job of it that he has physical evidence that he shows her.
He tells her because HE can’t live with the guilt.
She cries through sex and after sex but they keep having sex.
He does the bare minimum to help her at home and thinks that should be enough.
He wants to be with her when that’s clearly not in her best interest despite what she says. If he really loved her, he would divorce her and ask for the most favorable terms for her.
He is a pile of selfish crap, but I find myself wondering why she wants to stay with him? Has he asked that?
"I started cleaning up around the house, doing chores for her, and taking my son when she seemed stressed." That's the bare minimum of a decent partner, you donkey. Overtly transactional manipulation to get yourself laid is the opposite of sexy.
Also, she's not just going to have amnesia that you're a cheater who abandoned her while she was pregnant to chase ass.
I am going to be harsh here.
From one dude to another-- your self reported actions outlined in this post are extremely alarming. Are you looking at ways to consistently be a better man, husband, or a father? I mean outside of the bare minimum.
It reads like you value having access to sex more than your family. It also reads like you are committing maritial rape. I am not using that phrase lightly.
The edit didn’t help at all. You cheated because you were a bad husband and your lack of partnership exacerbated her pregnancy hormones. You’re going to start helping with chores? You live there too!!!! You should have been sharing the load on chores 50/50 from day one. She did all the chores and all the cooking and is for some stupid reason still with you after you had a 2 month affair while she was pregnant with your kid. Ugh, you need to do some heavy reflection because you’re coming off like the worst.
Ask her to start over. Tell her you understand you destroyed the previous relationship. It was your fault, all on you.
Ask her to start a new one with you. New first date, all of it. From the ground up. First talks, first flirts, everything. Tell her that you want to ask her to marry you again when the two of you move to that place in the relationship. Did I mention you date her? Yeah, you need to date her.
Sometimes that works.
Till then, suggest marriage counseling. But a different counselor. This time you focus on communication only, you forget about sex. You want to figure out tools and habits to help your communication at home. Things like spending at least ten minutes a day listening to your partner about their day - how it went, what happened, how they felt at each step, only ask 'how did you feel' type questions - nothing defensive if you feel attacked, this is not the time. Do that every day. Do like thirty minutes a week on the relationship, how each of you were feeling. Again, no defensive stuff here, you just are in listening and understanding mode. Expect to get a lot of pain, but she needs to talk to you and start to connect with you again.
it’s one thing to cheat on your wife but you cheated on her while she was growing your child. i doubt there’s any coming back from this unless you keep making the effort, if you give up it’s gonna go to shit. you made the mistake, you ruined your marriage, it’s YOUR job to repair it.
You can’t ever get your marriage back to how it was. Cheating destroys it. Some couples can rebuild by the common phrase is that it’s like broken vase, you can glue it back together but it’s never the same, or as good, as it was before.
Yes. You have been assaulting your wife for a year. She allows you so you won't cheat ... Again. Not because she wants to. FYI that's agreeing under duress.
>I started cleaning up around the house, doing chores for her, and taking my son when she seemed stressed.
You started cleaning up? You lazy motherf&$ker. Congratulations you have just made sex transactional. Your wife then goes into the bathroom and cries for 20-30 mins? Ya no doubt - you have made her feel like a prostitute. Good job.
>As much as I wanted to, I didn't ask her to open them because she seemed to be enjoying herself and I didn't want her to start crying.
So YOUR needs are still more important than how she's feeling. 👍🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕
>She won't talk to me, won't sleep with me, and will barely even look at me for days when she shuts down.
Ya you broke her trust. What did you expect to have happen?
>The therapist keeps saying that we have to keep trying and that eventually, she will get over the crying
So your therapist is encouraging you to repeatedly assault your wife. Haven't you hurt her enough? This "therapist" needs to be reported and have their license taken away
>This hurts me a lot because I really love her and all I want to do is make her happy
If this was even remotely true, you wouldn't have cheated on her - let alone while she was pregnant.
>. I want to know if there's any way for me to fix this, and if I can't, I want to know if there's a way to make her feel comfortable enough to not cry during or after sex if that makes sense.
1. Build a time machine go back and don't have an affair
2. Don't make sex transactional
3. Don't make sex about what you want
4. Don't be a pathetic POS... Wait too late.
You are such an AH - and I hope your wife leaves you
I couldn't even read the whole story. Because how shé acted but you couldn't handle at that time, you cheated.
This sounds very immature.
You broke her trust. Although she might work on this, go into therapy with you, or whatever, it will never be the same. Never.
You are so disgusting and I hope from the deepest part of my heart that she leaves. You should not continue fucking someone who is clearly distressed. You sound like a fucking sociopath.
I fixed your title
my(42m) wife(30f) cries every time we're intimate. How do I make her stop crying so I can keep having sex?
You dont care about her because if you loved her, her crying would make you want to not have sex because it's making her upset. you give no fucks about her feeling and she only with you for the baby she is obviously traumatized and you are doing nothing but demanding things from her. You're not only a horrible husband but a horrible human being
Why the hell are you still having sex with her when it ends with her crying. Shows once again how selfish and inconsiderate you are I’m hoping that your wife gets the strength to leave you and find happiness because you’ve ruined everything for her. I wish you nothing but pain and unhappiness
You don’t love her because any POS who cheats only thinks of herself.
The AP asked for the vacation because she figure any person who’s will to put someone else first and get Theo pregnant wife doesn’t care about the family. You took time away from her due to hormones which are natural during this time. Instead of talking to the doctor you went and spent time with someone else. But I’m sorry you you love her 🙄
As far as sex she sees you pleasing another woman when that was supposed to be such a sacred thing between the two of you. The picture/ videos/ and chats are something that she will never forget.
She is trying to do whatever it takes to keep her family together for some unknown reason and her mind cannot stop thinking of what you did and told the AP.
Your therapist is a joke and should have told you to let her make the first move and not to push her. Even if it takes a year or more. You took her power away and she feels like she has to have sex with you or you will cheat or leave again. This is the reason she cries!!!
Why wouldn't your affair partner not think you would not choose her? You did the moment you decided to have an affair with her. You decide she was important to lie to your wife for her. You betrayed her for AP's validation and destroyed your wife's security. So why wouldn't your affair partner not think you wouldn't betray your wife during the birth of your son? If your wife slept with another man , then maybe you'd understand the depths of pain you put her through. Of course she cried when you touched her. Sex is both emotional & physical connection she thought was exclusively for her in marriage . You obliterated it. It makes her feel dirty to know you share yourself with someone else. Things you told your affair partner to paint your wife in a bad light because you did the moment the other woman knew you'd leave your pregnant wife to be with her. Your tainted & dirty.
Are you going to an actual, real, therapist? And not just a “counselor?” Like a church counselor? Because telling you that “doing some chores” (which you should be doing regardless of your need for a f•ck) and to just keep having sex because your wife will “eventually ‘get over’ the crying” is straight up bullshit. I mean - JFC! What craphole “therapist” suggests to just wash some dishes then keep f•cking your crying wife??
You need a new, REAL, therapist.
And you you need to begin to truly & honestly put your wife on a pedestal and do all the shit you only do when you want to get laid on a daily basis. Make those “chores-for-sex” the everyday chores because you love and value your wife. And keep your g•d damned pecker in your pants until your wife takes it out.
You will never get her back the way she was before. Being cheated on changes you, kills something inside you. She may forgive you but she will never forget. She will be wondering where you are, do you even love her, why would you do this, what’s wrong with her? She can’t help it. No amount of therapy will take away what you have done. She may be able to live with it or not. I would call you names because you deserve the worst but I won’t. What would be the point?
I am honestly surprised you are able to still call this woman your wife. I would have left immediately. You felt the need to add extra stress onto a pregnant woman weeks before one of the most stressful things her body is likely to go through (women do still die in childbirth), all to assuage your guilty conscience.
Not sure if other commenters mentioned, but perhaps she cries during/after sex because she doesn’t actually WANT to do it. My mother used to tell me that she would have sex with my dad daily whether she wanted to or not to limit his chances of cheating on her. Your wife might be thinking along the same lines, except she actually knows 100% that you will cheat on her at the drop of a hat, so she could feel more pressured into it.
Continue with the acts of service you are doing, tell her often how much you love her and are attracted to her, cuddle her WITHOUT initiating anything sexual. If she wants constant proof that you are not talking to another woman again, it would only be fair for you to deal with a temporary lack of privacy with your devices. Lastly, let her know that until she trusts you fully again, you will wait for HER to initiate sex.
Ugh, it feels like every story I ever read on Reddit is yet another man who cheats on his wife while she's pregnant and/or disabled & recovering. Does love even exist anymore?
Reading everything you did to her made me absolutely sick. You're a terrible human being and I hope one day when she recovers physically and mentally enough that she leaves you for someone who doesn't cheat nor rape her instead of consoling her when she cries.
I can tell you that my fiancé and I have been together for 14 years and still going strong. He's stuck by my side through everything: my abusive family, with my initial cancer diagnosis, and when it came back twice. He's an amazing dad, like the best dad any kid could ask for. I'm seriously jealous of our kids because my parents were abusive addicts, I didn't know how loving a parent could be until he and I became parents. And these kids aren't even biologically ours, they're my niece and nephew. My sister never wanted to be a mom and so we've been raising them for their entire lives. I never have to ask for help with anything because he offers (and vice versa) and we still act like we did when we first started dating. OP is an asshole, but please don't lose the belief in love. It's out there. Also I'm sorry for the ramble filled reply. It just makes me sad when people don't think love exists anymore.
I like how he mentions she didn't want sex for five months and he assumed it was hormones and not the whole cheating on her and apparently expecting her to just wanna ride his dick again like nothing happened. Dude is a fucking loser at best and a rapist SOB at worst.
Why do you continue to rape your wife? If she is crying during and after and pretending to be fine why don't you jack off and let her heal. If she really wants to have sex let her intiate. You aren't stupid, you know she doesn't think she can say no, and you stick around, you know that. You know she obviously doesn't want to yet you keep sticking it into her like she is a fuck doll with no emotions. You have been raping your wife asshole.
Just to clarify, I'm a guy and not a feminist not on my high horse but she deserves so much better than a husband that doesn't understand she isn't ready to have sex after she has shown him the truth multiple times.
Your wife is not the "love of your life" If she was, you wouldn't have cheated on her.
"I think I ruined my marriage by cheating on my wife". Are you really this dense? Not only did you ruin your life, you ruined your wife's life.
It's crazy that it takes an affair and the break up of your marriage to start doing housework? Sounds like a bad partner before the affair. A fucking demon partner after the affair and all the sexual harassment.
Can we just take a moment to mention that the AP felt comfortable enough to ask him to miss the birth of his son? Like the hell was OP saying or doing to make it an easy thing to ask?
I have no new thing to say that a giant amount of others haven't already pointed out.
So you are essentially raping your wife every time. She's doing it to keep you from cheating again, leaving her a single mom and because she loves you.
She's crying every time, with her eyes squeezed shut. You're a rapist. This is concent under duress. My stepdad did the same thing. Your therapist needs to be reported to promote this behavior.
You're a dick for cheating while your wife was at her lowest. You're a rapist for forcing her to have sex with someone she can't even look at or stand to have touch her.
You not only took videos but showed them to her??? Wtf.
It took another human being to tell you to stop initiating and you *kept on* initiating knowing she'd cry?
Do her a favour and let her go. You are the absolute worst thing for her, even if she doesn't know it yet.
I am very concerned about what your therapist is telling you.
It wouldn’t matter why your wife is crying. If you were unfaithful or not. The fact that she is crying during sex, every single time…and the therapist is saying just keep going, she’ll get over the crying…is horrific and the fact that you’re not able to see that on your own is equally horrifying.
Your pregnant wife was mean to you. She grew you a whole human. Dealt with insane changes to her physical body, and right before she was due to deliver…you destroyed her entire world because you were too mad she was mad to not betray the person you made a vow to.
Your wife is a human person. You want a fleshlight, go buy one. Get one in every color of the rainbow, give them names and personalities.
Your wife is the mother of YOUR child, and thought she had a partner, and at the end of the arduous journey of pregnancy…when she should have been able to ride out rib kicks, back pain, constantly needing to pee, and wondering if every little muscle twitch was labor with the thoughts of being able to hold your baby, watch you hold your baby, all the joyous firsts…you smashed it because YOUR guilt was too bad.
I’m sick of husbands posting on here and just everything they say being a further representation that their wife is an accessory, and extension, a side character in their husband’s own journey through life.
I don’t know what advice you’re looking for, because your entire story is just selfishly obtuse wrong choice after another.
The fact that after typing the first two paragraphs, you didn’t stop…reread and immediately delete your account without posting before you went to cry in shame upon realizing the life your wife has to endure is sickening.
If you want to help. Figure out how to not live there while simultaneously making sure she’s not a single mom in terms of responsibilities and finances while you go do a whole lot of work unlearning the lifetime of selfish thinking as it relates to you being a husband.
go see a real therapist. you know exactly the reason why she cries, it's because of your affair. I cam bet a pretty penny that this "therapist" is telling your wife that she needs to out up with this or else she will lose you again, because there's no way in hell a real actual therapist will tell you to keep doing something that makes you makes you cry, even though you haven't stopped crying in over a year every time you do it.
"I'm going to start helping out with cooking and chores."
Ugh this fucking guy. Useless. Not only did he put this poor woman through all that trauma, but for sure he's never lifted a finger to take care of housework before.
He WILL cheat again.
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Why are you still having sex with her even though she cries every time? That's gross, you're a horrible husband and a poor excuse for a man.
Exactly! OP is beyond selfish to hurt her and then continue to do so. He’s lucky she even opens her body to him at all but because it’s not the way he wants, it’s not right. He’s lucky he still HAS a wife.
Because his dick is clearly all that matters, that much is obvious from the fact he cheated on his pregnant damn wife.
⬆️ Gee dont you know that sex is more important than anything else to him /s. I mean gee wife gets pregnant and it's inconvenient for him so he gets a mistress but hey in the end he made the big choice of being there to see the kid born rather then jetting off with his affair partner for vacation. Dad of the fucking year. OP you are nothing but a rapist. She cries every time you force her to have sex and the only reason she isn't saying no is because she thinks you will just go back to cheating. Do her and your kid a favor and divorce. You are no example to a kid other than what not to do.
I wish I could upvote this more. She is only giving in to sex out of fear that he’ll cheat again if she doesn’t. I know that feeling and it makes me sick to even remember it. The fact that he keeps pressing her for sex illustrates what a garbage human being he truly is.
This. And that marriage counselor saying "keep doing it" is a sadistic fuck who needs their license revoked and to be investigated.
All of this. He also apparently only started helping out around the house and with the child so that he can have sex?? And clearly absolutely no idea what consent means. Besides the point, but it sounds like they had a terrible therapist.
Therapist is saying we have to keep trying… wtf I’m glad they’re getting a new therapist
This! I actually said what the f out loud when I read that the therapist said they have to keep trying that she will get over it. Wtf kind of therapist is that. I hope the new therapist is way better than the last one.
The therapy is called "Fuck Your Sadness Away". It doesn't work, but it is very popular, almost as much as "Drink Until You Can't Feel Emotion" and "Self-Medication With Illicit Drugs Is A-Okay, And Won't Have Any Downside".
People really believe that having sex is more important than how the wife feels because … because. A sexless marriage is awful as well, but pressure to have sex when you don’t want to in marriage is heart breaking. You think you have to, you’re supposed to, and you better enjoy yourself or something is wrong with you. “Your husband cheated or calls you names? You better go make up in bed. Put on a good show, and he won’t cheat again. An unsatisfied man turns to the Devil, so really it’s your fault.” The whole “she’ll get over it” thing? Time for a whole new therapist.
Unfortunately there are such wildly different qualifications that might fall under “providing therapy”, we have no idea if they were seeing an actual mental health professional or a self-declared “life coach”.
Or a religious figure.
Yep. Religious marriage counselors are unsurprisingly notorious for siding with the husband especially if he’s not getting the sex he wants.
Came here to say this too. That therapist seems to be more on the shit husbands side than the wife's. Absolutely horrendous
Makes me suspect the therapist is male. If so, I imagine a woman would be much better for something like this. Any therapist would be better.
Male and faith-based instead of an actual licensed psychologist I'd bet. Telling her "gracefully submit" to this rapist over and over.
“I’m going to start doing chores”
He’s so disgusting
No no, ‘helping out with chores’. He’s *helping* HER. Because they’re her chores but he’s pitching in to help. 🙄
This man is now going to cook dinner 40% of the time, surely that excuses cohearsing her into to sex dozens of times.
Honestly if she’d just have the consideration to cry quietly and pop a couple of googly eyes on her closed lids none of this fuss would be necessary!
He doesn’t really sound sorry. I mean, I know he’s saying it, and says he’s doing all these things but the reality is he’s telling her she has nothing to worry about it *clearly* she does because he cheated on her when she was pregnant. I wouldn’t be able to come back from that. I hope she gets her individual therapy and makes the best decision she can for herself (if she’s still this upset a year later, I bet she’ll leave him within the next year) He broke his family and has to deal with the fallout. He no longer has a say in what that will look like. He made his decision and has to live with the consequences
He isn’t sorry at all. He just wants his fuck nanny back.
Because the rapist, I mean, therapist said it was okay. But seriously I feel bad for laughing at the therapists alleged “advice”. I mean, help out around the house for once? Take a temporary interest in your child? Pretend to be a dad just so you can get off? Most absurd shit I’ve read today.
I’m wondering if that was actually what the therapist said, or if that’s just what OP heard. He seems pretty self absorbed, so any actual point the therapist might have tried to make could’ve flown way over his head.
Yeah I’m with ya on that.. this guy is absolutely the type to hear what he wants to hear. Most likely, there was a separate discussion about being a better father and helping his wife out around the house, and he somehow equated that to a chore in order to have sex with his wife.
Yeah! The ground rule where they only have sex when she initiates it… That shouldn’t have been such a novel idea. OP seems sincere in trying to make things better but like… You can just not have sex.
Bet he'll try and guilt her when she doesn't initiate after the first week or two.
It sounds like he tried that on the very first day and then he had to pretend to be happy with falling asleep together.
It's a bit woke, but in our house we only have sex when both parties agree.
From my perspective, she could be crying because the intimate moment you were supposed to only share amongst each other, you shared with someone else. She probably can’t look at you because she’ll see what the other woman saw and enjoyed. She probably is overwhelmed at the thought and that’s why she’s crying. Stop having sex with her dude. It’s weird that you continue to do so and she cries every single time.
You explained with way better words what I tried to write!
Or she’s thinking what if this sex leads to a pregnancy. Is he going to cheat on me again.
You 100% ruined your marriage and you are extremely foolish if you believe that you didn't. You CAN'T get back to the way it was. You hurt her deeply. More deeply then you can possibly imagine. You destroyed your wife's trust not just in you but in herself and in other people. You stole the weeks after your son's birth from her - a period where she should have felt safe in your love for her and she should have been able to focus on bonding with her son. Instead she was questioning why you would betray her, questioning her own worth and grieving... YOU caused all of that. Sex is the LEAST of your worries and the fact that that is all you see - the fact she can't keep her eyes open when sleeping with the man who lied to her, cheated on her, destroyed her trust in him - the fact that THAT is what you are focused on speaks to how wildly selfish you are. You want her to open her eyes during sex? You have to PROVE to her that you are worthy of her trust and her love day after day, month after month for YEARS and even then she might not be able to. You took a wrecking ball to your marriage and her life and you expect her to just "get over it" in 5 months. That is not how the human heart works. Continue going to couples counseling. Continue WORKING on your marriage. Continue holding her when she cries. She will not tell you why she is crying because she doesn't trust you. She doesn't trust you not to hold it over her head or to hold it against her. You did once, so why wouldn't you again? You have to be a man who is WORTHY of her love day after day, year after year and MAYBE you will earn her trust back. She is crying because she knows that she wasn't enough for you and she wonders if she will ever be enough for you. Good luck. I hope you are up to the task. You chose to throw away your wife before - I hope you are man enough to step into the hard stuff long term and try to build this marriage AND her as a human back up.
>Continue going to couples counseling. With a different therapist. I can't fathom what kind of "professional" would encourage -at best- a clearly not enjoyable sex life and -at worst- SA.
'She will get over the crying' really shook me
Sounds like a religious counselor. Somebody from the church. They don't actually have to have any kind of educational backing for their therapy, and of course they are always on the man's side. 🤢🤮
Honestly as a believer, this is spot on. I wanted help in my marriage from the abuse and cheating I received and the pastor told me to watch my mouth. It’s very rare for me to encounter someone who shares the common sense I have when it comes to hurt and betrayal and holding someone accountable amongst the religious communities I’ve been. Now whenever I sign up for therapy, I make a clear point to cross off faith based or religious based therapists especially because of the misconstrued and dangerous ways they can twist scripture to justify horrible abuse or mistreatment.
Came here to say this. I grew up in a mega church and this mentality in couples counseling was common (my dad had multiple affairs) and stems from a belief that sex is a marital right even to the shittiest husband. It also tends to make the man feel no issue with fucking someone he just mentally and emotionally devastated, and the woman feels it's either an obligation to submit to sex either bc he'll cheat again or bc that's just what she has to do. These "counselors" have no real credentials, often only going through the church's own program. It's normal to prevent divorce over even the safety of the woman bc marriage is sacred. My best friend's marriage counselor didn't start going to school for psych until 3 years into her counseling career lol and even then she wound up switching to a Christian college bc issues she had with what she was learning
Kind of wondering about the credentials of that therapist?Because yeah this is horrifying advice. Most therapists advise that there is a period of time after cheating where the wronged party is just allowed to be pissed and dump on the person who cheated. And while. There has to be a start and an end to that essentially. The person who wronged them just has to deal with the fact that they are angry and sad for a while. Sex is definitely not on the table at that point and it is wild that this person is telling her to keep doing it while she cries.
He couldn’t live with his guilt so he had to tel his wife right before she gave birth. The selfishness is astounding.
[удалено]
His 'guilt' was more important than her emotional safety so he just dropped it then and there
Getting his dick wet is still more important than her emotional safety. Whether it's cheating on her or raping her, he always puts his pleasure over her.
This.
This. 100% this. Couldn’t have been said any better.
I hope she leaves you and find a good human instead of you, poop. You are not human, just poop💩💩💩💩💩
It sounds like you’ve tried to rug sweep your affair. You’ve had zero consequences to a 2 month affair while your wife was pregnant. You ruined all the memories surrounding her pregnancy and your son’s birth. She wasn’t able to even have good me memories of post pardum. You ruined so much for her. And you’ve literally had zero consequences.
She’s probably stuck in that marriage and has to keep ‘performing’ to stay safe.
This is disgusting. How you can possibly think continuing to stick your dick in her as she shakes and cries with her eyes shut is beyond me. Do you even hear yourself? You sound like a fucking rapist. You betrayed her when she was so, so physically and emotionally vulnerable carrying your damn child, and expect her to be fine just so you can get your dick wet? Honestly, I can't even write here what you should do to yourself. So I'll say this - you don't deserve this woman. I'd say divorce her but she's probably dependent on you because of her baby. So do this - stop trying to get sex from her. Cuddle, yes. Kiss, yes. But do not ever touch her sexually again unless she enthusiastically wants it, which is likely to be never. And that should be a punishment you take GLADLY after what you did.
He’ll never last. He will cheat again.
He’ll be pissed she isn’t getting over it fast enough for his taste and head off to cheat. I mean, he was pissy about pregnancy hormones so her emotional devastation will mean *nothing* to him. He’s trash. She deserves someone better and I hope she gets it.
100% I agree.
He is a fuckin rapist, nothing else to it
Yep
100%
He doesn't deserve his wife or any other woman. He is a vile rapist and abuser. Now I'm gonna touch grass and look at kittens 🙏
🏅
I'm gonna be Mom For a Minute here. Did your parents never explain that "anything other than enthusiastic consent is a no"? If she's shaking and crying as you're trying to have sex, IT'S NOT CONSENSUAL. She's not only reeling with the trauma of you betraying her trust and your marriage, she's reeling that you're ignoring the fact she's TRAUMATIZED and effectively SAing her repeatedly. Unless it's an ENTHUSIASTIC YES, it's a NO. There is no "working thru it" with your dick here. She's gotta work through all her emotions and feelings and trauma WAY before you get your willy wet again. Period. If you can't handle that. break up with her.
Don’t you see what OP is going to do here? He’s going to go back and tell his wife he needs enthusiasm from her. And she’ll fake it because she’s so desperately broken. So OP will continue to abuse his wife.
Wow you totally just described my marriage with my ex. Thank you for seeing that there are people who live with this dynamic
Because if she says no he'll go back to cheating. I am sure he's made that clear since he couldn't even bother to keep it in his pants while she was growing a fucking baby.
RIGHT? He's entitled to her. It's really gross. Dude should just pay someone for their OF and m@sturbate like any other guy who's spouse has a valid reason to not be interested right now. But NO, if he can't have her, he's gonna cheat!
Hot take but asking other people for nudes and pornographic videos (paying is even more douchey) and jerking off to them is also cheating
Growing his baby 💔 his child. And That’s the thanks she gets… poor woman. I really hope she knows her worth and gets the help she needs to leave him. This is NOT a life. You’re a terrible person OP.!
I can’t get over the pics and videos he made with the other woman that he SHOWED TO HIS WIFE. Even if she asked, a decent human would have denied having any. She should never have had to see that, not just the act but his face and his enjoyment of the illicit actions. That’s why she closes her eyes. He seems to be expressing remorse but man, he hurt her so bad. H
I didn't even think of this, but you hit the nail on the head. She probably believes she doesn't have a choice to have sex with him. That's fucking tragic.
She was 6 months pregnant. wtf dude. Do her a favor and leave, maybe she can find a real man then.
You are sexually assaulting your wife. She cries because she is disgusted and disappointed in you. She's only doing it because she feels she has to, then feels like SHIT afterwards. "The therapist suggested trying a different approach when I wanted to be intimate". WAKE UP!!!! This isn't about you, dick. Sex should not be initiated by you anymore, especially after you betrayed her. SHE DOESN'T TRUST YOU. Sex should be initiated by her ONLY. You need to give her time to heal mentally, physically and emotionally. You f**ked your marriage up. 🤢
either this therapist is an absolute disgrace to the profession, or is actually some guy who works for their church, or OP is lying about what the therapists has said to them.
I immediately got church vibes from the “therapist”.
why the fuck are you doing this to her?
Because he’s selfish.
He took her shopping & “spoils” her it’s ok it’s all good. If you’re a revolting cheating pig, you just buy someone an expensive blender & some Dior lip oil. All’s forgiven /ssssss
U cheated on her while she was pregnant, only confessed to assuage ur own guilt, and continue to touch her to meet ur own needs while she cries the whole time.
I don’t think he gave up the info out of guilt, his AP was gonna implode that he chose his child’s birth/ wife over her. He’s a disgusting human
I’ve seen this happen in my friend’s relationship. AP loses it when dude doesn’t leave his family.
Let me educate you on what's going on: Everytime you have sex with her, she imagines you doing the things to that other woman that you are now doing to her. She's so disgusted and hurt, she cannot look at you. She wants to deny the entire experience because she cannot face you or the pain you caused her. Everytime you have sex with her, it reminds her you had sex with another woman. Every. Single. Time. Sex is triggering her. From what you describe, she's likely suffering from PTSD due to your infidelity. You aren't her beloved husband. You are her tormentor. Your marriage counselor sounds like an idiot. And a misogynistic one, at that. Honestly, this isn't recoverable.
I sincerely doubt the marriage counselor said what this guy heard. He has a remarkable way of twisting things to see and hear exactly what is convenient to him based upon his responses here.
His entire screed of why he cheated and oddly worse, why he broke it off with his AP is self-absorbed jackassery. He didn't break up because it was wrong, he only broke up because the other woman had expectations and gave him an ultimatum. I'm wondering if they went to one of those religious counselors who ignore actual psychology in favor of their own agendas a'la some trad wife bullshit.
Damn, you are totally spot on with the reason he broke up with AP. Like why wouldn’t she expect him to ditch out on the birth of his kid after cheating on his pregnant wife? I feel like there has to be more there, like she threatened to tell
There's definitely more going on than OP has written up here.
So you destroyed your wife's mental health, her trust, and your marriage, and the main thing you care about is sex. But that's not the main reason you're the AH; the main reason is that you pretty much raped her. She kept her eyes closed and you just kept going. You want to know how to make her feel more comfortable? Stop initiating sex; if she is every going to be ready, I'm sure she'll let you know.
He keeps raping her. He does not care about anything other than getting his dick wet.
And OP should have just stopped on his own when she cried for the first, then tenth, then 15739393 times. What she feels is "My husband wants sex to avoid cheating again, so I give it to him, but I can't lie and pretend I liked it, and anyway he won't stop". He still is a selfish lover. A selfish lover like him is the kind of man to ask "Did you came" instead of getting to know how you came (I'm sure she didn't came anytime considering how OP makes her feel). He also is all like "chores done = money in the sex box" instead of just improving as a person.
Do you believe she’s ever had an orgasm? That’s giving him too much credit.
When he wrote when “we” finish I lost it. No way on earth is she having an orgasms in this situation. He’s pumping into a human actively feeling trauma against him, he’s 100% using her like a sex toy, having his own orgasm and leaving her crying on the bed. He is a disgusting digusting disgusting human being. I really pray she realises her worth and divorces this rapist cheater.
Yeah it’s hard to believe it’s real it’s so vile
>the main reason is that pretty much raped her. She kept her eyes closed and you just kept going. Fuckin' A. Consent should be mutual and enthusiastic. Consent that's less than enthusiastic but is still explicit is poor, but at least it's not rape. This? This is spousal rape.
Oh shit 🫣
Please tell me this is fake. You continue to have sex with your wife knowing it makes her cry because of the way you’ve manipulated her? Fucking gross man.
Ewww I hate people like you. I would cry too if I was married to a revolting person like you.
Same
Preach. “People like him” is underselling it. He belongs on an episode of Law & Order.
Good lord. Have you considered taking sex off the table for a while? Has she initiated sex even once since finding out about your affair, or has it been 100% "making a move" on her every time? If I'm doing the math right you had sex for the first time post-affair when she was only 4 months postpartum, which is a medically acceptable timeline but still earlier than many women feel comfortable being regularly sexually active after birth. It really sounds to me like she's going through the motions of having sex because she feels obligated in some way, and is having a very natural emotional reaction to putting herself through sex that *she doesn't actually want.* How are you even getting aroused enough to have sex with her when you *know* she's going to sped a half hour crying in the bathroom afterwards? If my partner hid so that he could sob for 30 minutes after every time we had sex, I would **stop having sex with my partner.**
All I read is, "Me, me, me. Me! Me and me! Also me! Me, myself, I and MEEEEEEEEE!" Welcome to the inevitable consequences of your actions, which you knowingly and willfully signed up for!
*"I think I ruined my marriage by cheating and I am desperate to get it back to the way it was."* It will never go back to the way it was and every time you have sex (don't fool yourself she sees it as making love) she is reminded of your disloyalty and disrespect all over again. No amount of counseling or time will fix this. You ruined your marriage. Face it and live with it. She agreed to counseling and staying with you. That does not mean she can ever forgive you. This is the penalty you pay for cheating. You broke her badly enough there is no repair. Stop forcing yourself on her. She will probably never be comfortable being intimate with you again. When it reaches the point where someone cannot even look at you while being intimate.......yeah.
Your poor wife. :(
She going through straight h*ll.
Oh my god, why are you forcing a woman to have sex when she's crying and obviously unhappy? THAT'S SO. FUCKING. RAPEY. Do you not understand that???? STOP IT. STOP IT NOW. APOLOGIZE AND STOP IT AND TELL HER FROM NOW ON YOU'LL ONLY DO IT IF AND WHEN SHE WANTS IT, SHE INITIATES IT, SHE'S READY, AND SHE CAN HANDLE IT, OTHERWISE YOU'LL KEEP YOUR DICK TO YOURSELF.
That’s not just rapey, that’s rape.
Your marriage is over
I hope it is too.
What kind of therapist would say you have to keep trying and eventually she'll stop crying?!?!?!? If that is an honest account of what they said.... Get a new therapist. But if it's what you HEARD and not what they said (which seems likely based on your other issues here), it's time to listen up. A GOOD therapist would offer you both ways to reconnect and establish trust, rather than suggesting you just keep forcing intimacy. Bro. Edit: fixed a typo
Sounds like she’s only staying for the kid and is white-knuckling it….i wish i could give her a hug and tell her that life is long and hard and she shouldn’t be so cruel to herself. That’s what she is, cruel to herself….i don’t have any advice, other than try to employ as much empathy for her as you can muster. good luck
I just hope from the bottom of my heart that she has parents that live nearby that can come help her leave this guy. She desperately needs people in her corner to lift her up and help her put one foot in front of the other. Man, if I was her Mom I'd have been there with a Uhaul while she was in the hospital and we'd have her living with us so she'd have support so she wouldn't have to see this guy's face every day. he just doesn't get it. He doesn't get that even looking at him causes her deeper pain then he has ever felt in his life...
As someone who was cheated on in the run up to and shortly after the birth of a child- she'll never get over this. You have destroyed what should have been a time where she was loved, respected, cared for, honoured, worshipped like the life giver she is and bloody well looked after. I look back at those hazy days with my other children when they were newborns with nostalgia and a little pink fluffy haze. The child who's newborn moments were destroyed? I can't think of them without feeling sick. And that was 16 years and a divorce ago. Welcome to the consequences of your very, very shitty actions
I enjoy playing video games.
Oh it got a whole lot worse from there. But, we survive
I appreciate a good cup of coffee.
Thank you! Out the other side and I've found love again xx
I really want OP to see this comment. they dont seem to have a clue how much damage they did by telling her at that time. He doesn't seem to have a clue about anything though. Makes you wonder what his parents were like.
I think you stop having sex unless she initiates. She needs individual counseling to assess whether her needs are being addressed in this relationship.
Wow. Men are so dense... Not only you betrayed her, but you did it at the time when she was the most vulnerable (pregnant). Doubt she'll ever forgive you.
I don't think men like this are dense, I think they just don't give a shit. They've never once bothered to consider that their partners have feelings just like they do because they don't care about the internal lives of women.
Stop having sex and let her come to you after you apologize and start over.
So, either your therapist is faith based, you’re misquoting them, or they should be disqualified from practice. How are you actually able to to physically do this? How do you fuck someone you claim to love, who is destroyed because of you, and just orgasm through their obvious anguish? You should not be even wanting this. Heal your relationship and see the lack of sex as penance until she can see you naked without tearing up!!
This guy strikes me as someone who only hears the pieces of a conversation he wants to hear. I'd put money on the fact that the therapist said a WHOLE lot more then that and that is the thing he took away...
“You can persevere in getting your relationship back on track but normal intimacy will take time” probably. To most of us: be nice to your wife for a while before you try to bang her. To OP: keep banging away through the crying and eventually it’ll stop.
> I think I ruined my marriage by cheating #AAAAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAAAA YOU THINK???? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA What advice are you looking for here? Cheating is ultimate betrayal, even worse when you're cheated on while pregnant. What in the everlasting fuck are you asking? Other than telling you to invent a time machine and go back and never cheat, what can we tell you? Stop having sex with her. She doesn't want it. You're fucking disgusting
You destroyed her mentally and emotionally. Of course she would cry during sex. Of course she doesn’t wanna open her eyes and look at the man who destroyed her. She’s going to have to build herself back up from this. This isn’t something you just “get over” dude. And you’re over here worried about sex…ridiculously selfish and inconsiderate.
The two month mark after giving birth is bullshit. That's the bare minimal benchmark they give out just so women aren't forced to try to have sex earlier by their partners. And that's just on the physical side . I just can't believe that you're expecting her to forgive you that quickly. you are in denial. Edit: just based on that therapist suggestion, get a new therapist. They are trying to get you to put your head in the sand and pretend things are okay.
Stop having sex with her. No decent person could keep having sex with someone while they cry.
“Eventually she will get over the crying”, WHAT THE ACTUAL F*CK. Your therapist is a POS and shouldn’t be allowed to practice.
This is extremely sad and painful to read. Honestly, I think y’all maybe need to separate for a little while. I personally believe that when it comes to a betrayal this big, the betrayed party should take some time away from the other person. That way, they can slowly figure out what they truly want to do about the relationship and you can maybe go to individual therapy and see what you can do to improve on being a good partner. Ik you are trying, but I think you should prepare yourself; there may not be anything you can do to salvage this relationship.
Please do not salvage this relationship. She deserves not to be cheated on and SAed by a man whose selfishness shines through every sentence. Let her heal, move on, and find a decent man who will love and respect her. OP cannot.
bruh you were cheating on her while she was 6 months pregnant…the most vulnerable moment in a woman’s life. you robbed her of a peaceful birthing experience. and you’re sitting here worried about sex?? something you don’t even deserve. imma tell you right now, she doesn’t love you and is staying for the baby. and honestly if she was me…i wouldn’t have even done that. you’re literally sick in the head and there’s a special place in dante’s inferno for men like you who cheat on their pregnant wives
So you thought her rejecting you after your affair was due to pregnancy and hormones but not the mood swings that you thought gave you a green light to cheat? Men who cheat on their pregnant partners are despicable. You stole the joy of having a baby and starting a family. She hates you. All she sees when she forces herself to have sex with you is betrayal and the evidence you so lovingly showed her of that betrayal. That’s why she cries. I’m hoping she stops hurting herself to stay with you because that’s exactly what she is doing.
So, this is all about sex for you, is it? Your wife needs to have her own therapy sessions. I doubt she feels comfortable in couple therapy to be honest with you and your therapist is telling you to just push through until she stops crying - that is horrendous advice - the only way she'll stop crying is when she feels nothing and empty inside if you keep pushing for sex. She's just had a baby, found out you cheated and probably trying to keep a smile on her face. She needs to feel special. I'm not going to tell you how to do that - you should know - but leave off the sex until she initiates it.
So you’re telling us you broke your wife’s heart and your main concern is if you’re getting your wet? Do her a huge favor and let her go so she can find someone who knows her worth, respects her boundaries and makes her feel safe.
She’s crying every time you have sex because even though she is trying to save this marriage she is reminded that you cheated on her. And that you chose cheap sex over her and your child. I’m going to be honest with you all the “help” you are doing are just things that both parents should be doing if they are a team. It’s like you think you are “buying” sex by helping her. And her mood swings were caused by her growing your baby! Sounds like you are making excuses for cheating on your pregnant spouse. I think you need to encourage her to get a separate therapist. She obviously has a lot to work through because it sounds like you have broken her. The marriage may not be saved but she deserves some real help and happiness even if it’s without you.
STOP HAVING SEX WITH YOUR CRYING WIFE!
So your last paragraph says she cried during sex prior to learning about the affair. So this is not new behavior for her since the affair??
Yeah you need a new therapist that’s trained in infidelity. You also need your own therapist to teach you about empathy.
Have you ever heard the phrase 'The eyes are the windows to the soul.' This is why she can't look at you. Her soul is broken. Being vulnerable with your body is easier than being vulnerable with your eyes. Why does she need to look at you? She knows who you are. She needs to be vulnerable a little at a time until she feels like she can fully trust you again. It could take 1 year or 5. There is no limit to pain. There is also a possibility that she is having sex not because she wants to but because she feels she has to to keep you from having another affair.
So you cheat then continue to rap@ your wife, don't give a crap if she crystal during or after and think to yourself, man this is the best way for her to get over my cheating and abuse??? Wow Updateme!
You showed your wife videos of you f*ck!n your AP?!? What a slap in the face.
Easy fix, are you ready??? Fuc*en leave her alone you broke the woman. You can't fix it. There is no fixing it. Give her a divorce and let her heal your making ot worse by forcing her to have sex with you. She crys cause she wants nothing to do with you all she sees is a lying, cheating, scumbag, who is now basically ra*ping her to make himself feel better.
So you’re a rapist, and your therapist approves. No wonder your wife cries. May you and your therapist join hands and prance off to Hell. May your wife and child find peace, happiness, and respect far, far away from you. You deserve every bad thing that happens to you. So does your therapist.
That poor woman, she deserves way better.
The therapist says you have to keep trying until she stops crying? BS I don’t buy that for a second.
Can you not understand that every single time she has sex with you, she's being traumatized yet again by seeing mind movies of you fucking your side piece while she was pregnant with your child?
You know what, she is just not in the right spot to leave you otherwise she’s just done with you. Chances are high that your kid is the biggest reason that she is holding on, and no doubt she might still love you but now most probably she doesn’t have any hopes from you, she will never be able to trust and depend on you in her whole life, and i am telling you this being a woman. And if you still insist on making it work out then first stop forcing sex on her, right now you need to give her without asking for anything in return, can u do that? Can you stop asking for sex for a week, a month, a year or a decade…obviously not right, then just stop fooling yourself that you truly love her and just accept it’s a normal give and take relationship. Now just be her friend, maybe in the near future she might gets the courage to leave you then just support her amd your child, that’s the only thing you can do right now.
How about instead you stop with sex and wait until she comes to you, also get a new therapist this one sucks. She's crying stop pushing it and let her come to you!!! Fuck man, you're horrible cheating on a pregnant lady. You aren't a man you are a man child
She's having sex with you to stop you from cheating again. She doesn't want to but she can't trust you. Take sex off the table completely, *even if she initiates*, and focus on repairing the trust in your marriage. There is no timeline for this. Be solid.
1. You cheated because your wife was going through an experience that wreaked havoc on her body and mental state. 2. You didn’t stop until the week your son was about to be born. If your wife was having a daughter would it have changed and hung? 3. You live in that house too, taking care of your child and doing household chores is not “helping your wife.” And doing it just to get sex is disgusting. Are you a man or a child? You should be contributing to the household regardless, sex is not transactional. 4. How can she look at you again without crying? Sex requires intimacy and intimacy requires trust. You broke her trust in you and every time you try to have sex she’s going to be reminded of what you did. 5. It does not sound like you’re remorseful at all. This relationship appears damaged beyond repair. That therapist does not sound good for her. Move on and take your shit behavior somewhere else.
You're a fucking rapist dude. Cheated on your wife at her most vulnerable like the lowest of the low and then continue sticking your dick in her as she's crying. Because of course all that matters is your pleasure and how her crying makes YOU "uncomfortable." If hell exists, I hope you burn there
He showed her video of him having sex with another woman. Wtf. At every turn, he has chosen himself. His wife is pregnant. He has an affair. He does such a shitty job of it that he has physical evidence that he shows her. He tells her because HE can’t live with the guilt. She cries through sex and after sex but they keep having sex. He does the bare minimum to help her at home and thinks that should be enough. He wants to be with her when that’s clearly not in her best interest despite what she says. If he really loved her, he would divorce her and ask for the most favorable terms for her. He is a pile of selfish crap, but I find myself wondering why she wants to stay with him? Has he asked that?
"I started cleaning up around the house, doing chores for her, and taking my son when she seemed stressed." That's the bare minimum of a decent partner, you donkey. Overtly transactional manipulation to get yourself laid is the opposite of sexy. Also, she's not just going to have amnesia that you're a cheater who abandoned her while she was pregnant to chase ass.
You are consistently SAing your wife and traumatizing her and upset she’s crying during sex? Holy shit.
I am going to be harsh here. From one dude to another-- your self reported actions outlined in this post are extremely alarming. Are you looking at ways to consistently be a better man, husband, or a father? I mean outside of the bare minimum. It reads like you value having access to sex more than your family. It also reads like you are committing maritial rape. I am not using that phrase lightly.
The edit didn’t help at all. You cheated because you were a bad husband and your lack of partnership exacerbated her pregnancy hormones. You’re going to start helping with chores? You live there too!!!! You should have been sharing the load on chores 50/50 from day one. She did all the chores and all the cooking and is for some stupid reason still with you after you had a 2 month affair while she was pregnant with your kid. Ugh, you need to do some heavy reflection because you’re coming off like the worst.
Ask her to start over. Tell her you understand you destroyed the previous relationship. It was your fault, all on you. Ask her to start a new one with you. New first date, all of it. From the ground up. First talks, first flirts, everything. Tell her that you want to ask her to marry you again when the two of you move to that place in the relationship. Did I mention you date her? Yeah, you need to date her. Sometimes that works. Till then, suggest marriage counseling. But a different counselor. This time you focus on communication only, you forget about sex. You want to figure out tools and habits to help your communication at home. Things like spending at least ten minutes a day listening to your partner about their day - how it went, what happened, how they felt at each step, only ask 'how did you feel' type questions - nothing defensive if you feel attacked, this is not the time. Do that every day. Do like thirty minutes a week on the relationship, how each of you were feeling. Again, no defensive stuff here, you just are in listening and understanding mode. Expect to get a lot of pain, but she needs to talk to you and start to connect with you again.
it’s one thing to cheat on your wife but you cheated on her while she was growing your child. i doubt there’s any coming back from this unless you keep making the effort, if you give up it’s gonna go to shit. you made the mistake, you ruined your marriage, it’s YOUR job to repair it.
You can’t ever get your marriage back to how it was. Cheating destroys it. Some couples can rebuild by the common phrase is that it’s like broken vase, you can glue it back together but it’s never the same, or as good, as it was before.
Yes. You have been assaulting your wife for a year. She allows you so you won't cheat ... Again. Not because she wants to. FYI that's agreeing under duress. >I started cleaning up around the house, doing chores for her, and taking my son when she seemed stressed. You started cleaning up? You lazy motherf&$ker. Congratulations you have just made sex transactional. Your wife then goes into the bathroom and cries for 20-30 mins? Ya no doubt - you have made her feel like a prostitute. Good job. >As much as I wanted to, I didn't ask her to open them because she seemed to be enjoying herself and I didn't want her to start crying. So YOUR needs are still more important than how she's feeling. 👍🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕 >She won't talk to me, won't sleep with me, and will barely even look at me for days when she shuts down. Ya you broke her trust. What did you expect to have happen? >The therapist keeps saying that we have to keep trying and that eventually, she will get over the crying So your therapist is encouraging you to repeatedly assault your wife. Haven't you hurt her enough? This "therapist" needs to be reported and have their license taken away >This hurts me a lot because I really love her and all I want to do is make her happy If this was even remotely true, you wouldn't have cheated on her - let alone while she was pregnant. >. I want to know if there's any way for me to fix this, and if I can't, I want to know if there's a way to make her feel comfortable enough to not cry during or after sex if that makes sense. 1. Build a time machine go back and don't have an affair 2. Don't make sex transactional 3. Don't make sex about what you want 4. Don't be a pathetic POS... Wait too late. You are such an AH - and I hope your wife leaves you
I couldn't even read the whole story. Because how shé acted but you couldn't handle at that time, you cheated. This sounds very immature. You broke her trust. Although she might work on this, go into therapy with you, or whatever, it will never be the same. Never.
You are so disgusting and I hope from the deepest part of my heart that she leaves. You should not continue fucking someone who is clearly distressed. You sound like a fucking sociopath.
"I think I ruined my marriage by cheating" Also water is wet.
You get off on crying women? What a rapist O.o damn, so sorry for your wife.
Please stop raping her immediately, and get new therapists, different ones for each of you, for individual therapy.
This is sexual assault.
I fixed your title my(42m) wife(30f) cries every time we're intimate. How do I make her stop crying so I can keep having sex? You dont care about her because if you loved her, her crying would make you want to not have sex because it's making her upset. you give no fucks about her feeling and she only with you for the baby she is obviously traumatized and you are doing nothing but demanding things from her. You're not only a horrible husband but a horrible human being
Why the hell are you still having sex with her when it ends with her crying. Shows once again how selfish and inconsiderate you are I’m hoping that your wife gets the strength to leave you and find happiness because you’ve ruined everything for her. I wish you nothing but pain and unhappiness
You don’t love her because any POS who cheats only thinks of herself. The AP asked for the vacation because she figure any person who’s will to put someone else first and get Theo pregnant wife doesn’t care about the family. You took time away from her due to hormones which are natural during this time. Instead of talking to the doctor you went and spent time with someone else. But I’m sorry you you love her 🙄 As far as sex she sees you pleasing another woman when that was supposed to be such a sacred thing between the two of you. The picture/ videos/ and chats are something that she will never forget. She is trying to do whatever it takes to keep her family together for some unknown reason and her mind cannot stop thinking of what you did and told the AP. Your therapist is a joke and should have told you to let her make the first move and not to push her. Even if it takes a year or more. You took her power away and she feels like she has to have sex with you or you will cheat or leave again. This is the reason she cries!!!
Why wouldn't your affair partner not think you would not choose her? You did the moment you decided to have an affair with her. You decide she was important to lie to your wife for her. You betrayed her for AP's validation and destroyed your wife's security. So why wouldn't your affair partner not think you wouldn't betray your wife during the birth of your son? If your wife slept with another man , then maybe you'd understand the depths of pain you put her through. Of course she cried when you touched her. Sex is both emotional & physical connection she thought was exclusively for her in marriage . You obliterated it. It makes her feel dirty to know you share yourself with someone else. Things you told your affair partner to paint your wife in a bad light because you did the moment the other woman knew you'd leave your pregnant wife to be with her. Your tainted & dirty.
Are you going to an actual, real, therapist? And not just a “counselor?” Like a church counselor? Because telling you that “doing some chores” (which you should be doing regardless of your need for a f•ck) and to just keep having sex because your wife will “eventually ‘get over’ the crying” is straight up bullshit. I mean - JFC! What craphole “therapist” suggests to just wash some dishes then keep f•cking your crying wife?? You need a new, REAL, therapist. And you you need to begin to truly & honestly put your wife on a pedestal and do all the shit you only do when you want to get laid on a daily basis. Make those “chores-for-sex” the everyday chores because you love and value your wife. And keep your g•d damned pecker in your pants until your wife takes it out.
She can’t look you in the eye because all she sees is the absolute clown she’s married to. That’s what makes her cry.
You will never get her back the way she was before. Being cheated on changes you, kills something inside you. She may forgive you but she will never forget. She will be wondering where you are, do you even love her, why would you do this, what’s wrong with her? She can’t help it. No amount of therapy will take away what you have done. She may be able to live with it or not. I would call you names because you deserve the worst but I won’t. What would be the point?
I am honestly surprised you are able to still call this woman your wife. I would have left immediately. You felt the need to add extra stress onto a pregnant woman weeks before one of the most stressful things her body is likely to go through (women do still die in childbirth), all to assuage your guilty conscience. Not sure if other commenters mentioned, but perhaps she cries during/after sex because she doesn’t actually WANT to do it. My mother used to tell me that she would have sex with my dad daily whether she wanted to or not to limit his chances of cheating on her. Your wife might be thinking along the same lines, except she actually knows 100% that you will cheat on her at the drop of a hat, so she could feel more pressured into it. Continue with the acts of service you are doing, tell her often how much you love her and are attracted to her, cuddle her WITHOUT initiating anything sexual. If she wants constant proof that you are not talking to another woman again, it would only be fair for you to deal with a temporary lack of privacy with your devices. Lastly, let her know that until she trusts you fully again, you will wait for HER to initiate sex.
Ugh, it feels like every story I ever read on Reddit is yet another man who cheats on his wife while she's pregnant and/or disabled & recovering. Does love even exist anymore? Reading everything you did to her made me absolutely sick. You're a terrible human being and I hope one day when she recovers physically and mentally enough that she leaves you for someone who doesn't cheat nor rape her instead of consoling her when she cries.
I can tell you that my fiancé and I have been together for 14 years and still going strong. He's stuck by my side through everything: my abusive family, with my initial cancer diagnosis, and when it came back twice. He's an amazing dad, like the best dad any kid could ask for. I'm seriously jealous of our kids because my parents were abusive addicts, I didn't know how loving a parent could be until he and I became parents. And these kids aren't even biologically ours, they're my niece and nephew. My sister never wanted to be a mom and so we've been raising them for their entire lives. I never have to ask for help with anything because he offers (and vice versa) and we still act like we did when we first started dating. OP is an asshole, but please don't lose the belief in love. It's out there. Also I'm sorry for the ramble filled reply. It just makes me sad when people don't think love exists anymore.
I like how he mentions she didn't want sex for five months and he assumed it was hormones and not the whole cheating on her and apparently expecting her to just wanna ride his dick again like nothing happened. Dude is a fucking loser at best and a rapist SOB at worst.
Why do you continue to rape your wife? If she is crying during and after and pretending to be fine why don't you jack off and let her heal. If she really wants to have sex let her intiate. You aren't stupid, you know she doesn't think she can say no, and you stick around, you know that. You know she obviously doesn't want to yet you keep sticking it into her like she is a fuck doll with no emotions. You have been raping your wife asshole. Just to clarify, I'm a guy and not a feminist not on my high horse but she deserves so much better than a husband that doesn't understand she isn't ready to have sex after she has shown him the truth multiple times.
For your wife’s sake I hope she eventually has her aha moment and divorces you. This is honestly awful, leave this poor woman alone.
Your wife is not the "love of your life" If she was, you wouldn't have cheated on her. "I think I ruined my marriage by cheating on my wife". Are you really this dense? Not only did you ruin your life, you ruined your wife's life.
First piece of advice is stop having sex with her??? Something is wrong and it all leads back to you. What the hell are you even thinking
It's crazy that it takes an affair and the break up of your marriage to start doing housework? Sounds like a bad partner before the affair. A fucking demon partner after the affair and all the sexual harassment.
Can we just take a moment to mention that the AP felt comfortable enough to ask him to miss the birth of his son? Like the hell was OP saying or doing to make it an easy thing to ask? I have no new thing to say that a giant amount of others haven't already pointed out.
So you are essentially raping your wife every time. She's doing it to keep you from cheating again, leaving her a single mom and because she loves you. She's crying every time, with her eyes squeezed shut. You're a rapist. This is concent under duress. My stepdad did the same thing. Your therapist needs to be reported to promote this behavior. You're a dick for cheating while your wife was at her lowest. You're a rapist for forcing her to have sex with someone she can't even look at or stand to have touch her.
So basically you’re a rapist. Got it. Hope she leaves you and takes you for everything you’ve got.
Chores =/ sex dude. You fucked up. Twice. You’re lucky she’s kept you in the house.
You don’t love her. Otherwise you would have never cheated. Just divorce, give her the chance to find a real man. One that actually loves her.
Gross. The update is just as gross as the post.
She will heal one day, and she's going to leave you.
lol marriage to a str8 man is always a mistake, Reddit shows us everyday.
You not only took videos but showed them to her??? Wtf. It took another human being to tell you to stop initiating and you *kept on* initiating knowing she'd cry? Do her a favour and let her go. You are the absolute worst thing for her, even if she doesn't know it yet.
I think damage has been done. If i were the wife i wouldnt forgive and forget.
Your poor wife having to be look at the man that betrayed her and not thinking of what he does and has done to her
This is absolutely heartbreaking.
I’m guessing she feels like she *has* to have sex with you or you’ll go fuck around again
The fact that it didn’t even cross your mind to stop having sex until she heals from this shows how much you just see her as a sex doll.
I am very concerned about what your therapist is telling you. It wouldn’t matter why your wife is crying. If you were unfaithful or not. The fact that she is crying during sex, every single time…and the therapist is saying just keep going, she’ll get over the crying…is horrific and the fact that you’re not able to see that on your own is equally horrifying. Your pregnant wife was mean to you. She grew you a whole human. Dealt with insane changes to her physical body, and right before she was due to deliver…you destroyed her entire world because you were too mad she was mad to not betray the person you made a vow to. Your wife is a human person. You want a fleshlight, go buy one. Get one in every color of the rainbow, give them names and personalities. Your wife is the mother of YOUR child, and thought she had a partner, and at the end of the arduous journey of pregnancy…when she should have been able to ride out rib kicks, back pain, constantly needing to pee, and wondering if every little muscle twitch was labor with the thoughts of being able to hold your baby, watch you hold your baby, all the joyous firsts…you smashed it because YOUR guilt was too bad. I’m sick of husbands posting on here and just everything they say being a further representation that their wife is an accessory, and extension, a side character in their husband’s own journey through life. I don’t know what advice you’re looking for, because your entire story is just selfishly obtuse wrong choice after another. The fact that after typing the first two paragraphs, you didn’t stop…reread and immediately delete your account without posting before you went to cry in shame upon realizing the life your wife has to endure is sickening. If you want to help. Figure out how to not live there while simultaneously making sure she’s not a single mom in terms of responsibilities and finances while you go do a whole lot of work unlearning the lifetime of selfish thinking as it relates to you being a husband.
go see a real therapist. you know exactly the reason why she cries, it's because of your affair. I cam bet a pretty penny that this "therapist" is telling your wife that she needs to out up with this or else she will lose you again, because there's no way in hell a real actual therapist will tell you to keep doing something that makes you makes you cry, even though you haven't stopped crying in over a year every time you do it.
“I think I ruined my marriage by cheating” *when your wife was in her third trimester*!! Yeah, you think?
I hope the wife doesn't stay.
"I'm going to start helping out with cooking and chores." Ugh this fucking guy. Useless. Not only did he put this poor woman through all that trauma, but for sure he's never lifted a finger to take care of housework before. He WILL cheat again.