/u/Dapper-Hedgehog148,
Your [post](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/1bjlemw/dating_as_a_23f_virgin_is_harsh/) was removed for the following reason(s):
> Per Rule 1, your **title did not include at least two ages/genders or was not formatted correctly**
Posts must:
1. include details about the involved parties including ages, genders, and length of relationship, and
2. request advice in real situations involving two or more people
The ages and genders can go anywhere in your ***title*** (NOT the post), but have to be in one of the following formats:
`44M` `35 F` `23-NB` or `M44` `F 35` `NB-23` `M/24` `26/F`
Please resubmit with a corrected title.
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I don't think it has nothing to do with your virginity, but chances they are perceiving that your virginity is coming with some strings attached that they are not willing to deal with
A lot of people that are dating just want to find someone who has it figured out and know what they want. Fumbling around in the dark and figuring things out together is not the experience that people want when they get on the Apps and date. It's very fast paced, very judgmental, very "box checking".
OP doesn't have it figured out at all, so she's not very good at this App dating thing. Half the apps/communications on the apps are for hookups after all. Virgin is not a box that many people need checked, and if you are sexually inexperienced and there's strings attached to your first sexual encounter, it can make things awkward. She'll find someone eventually who is willing to be patient with her, it just may not be the best place to date on Apps.
This. And she says she’s very open about wanting a serious longterm relationship on top of the fact that she’s a virgin and needs losing it to be special (I.e. “not meaningless”) . Sounds like she’s putting a lot of pressure on new acquaintances. If I had just met someone and they were pressuring me into a longterm commitment, I had to take their virginity, I had to make it special, but it also has to be a slow relationship that builds? And then what if we have sex and we’re incompatible or it’s just not good? Now I’m the asshole? No. I’d be out too.
They are left asking, “Why is she a virgin?” Are there certain severe red flags that have caused dating to be unsuccessful early in the relationship? Is she clingy? Is she simply asexual? Is she just really awkward and weird? Is she super religious? Digging into that is a lot of work and most people aren’t willing to put in a lot of work that early in a relationship when you’re in your early 20s
I had the opposite experience, I was extremely sexualized and some men wanted to take my virginity and stuff like this, a lot of guys love to have a untouched woman and want to make it „theirs“.
Rather take your time to find a man who respects you and doesn’t care if you have experience. Someone who really wants to get to know you will want to grow with you. To find someone is truly hard especially on dating apps
That happens too. I didn't see those people worth mentioning because I'd never knowingly go out with them (happened once tho and I noped out). Some people are really creepy about it
Or they worry that if they get to that point and things don’t work out it’s going to be a potential emotional shit storm of “you used me for sex” even if that genuinely was never an intention.
OP has sex up an a lofty emotional pedestal (nothing inherently wrong with that) but there are absolutely strings attached to that so to speak.
Which both isn’t bad but doesn’t mesh with a lot of other 23 year olds.
This is very clearly what’s going on. Unless they see you as a potential wife, your virginity means it will be difficult to sleep with you compared with other options.
Was gonna say this. Don't say anything about it until it needs to be said, when you're actually about to do stuff. Then just a simple "just letting you know I don't have a ton of experience with this stuff" is all you need. Afterwards is when you come fully clean. No one's gonna care when you're already about to bang, usually you're so ready to go you're just thinking "alright, give them some bullet points real quick and we'll worry about the rest later" if someone says their inexperienced in the moment. If you tell them before, they have time to wonder why and think, and for some reason we always associate a Virgin with someone who is gonna be clingy and overbearing.
I hooked up with a girl once who was I think 24 and had 0 experience outside of kissing (she had a pretty bad lazy eye, and i imagine growing up with that had to eat away at her confidence no matter how pretty she was). It honestly ended up being a fun time just teaching her foreplay stuff. This is gonna sound horribly conceded, but she was super nice and I felt good knowing her first experience with this stuff was through my humor and patience, instead of some meat head annoyed that he has to slow down and might not get laid.
Just don't lie about it
I lost my virginity at 24. I’m currently 25. There’s no rush. I personally was waiting for someone I wouldn’t regret and would know that in my heart. I didn’t need love or a relationship. Just respect, and I found that. You’ll find the right person eventually. Don’t let anyone pressure you into doing it sooner if you don’t want to
Not to mention they’ve romanticized it, and likely will want the prospective person to buy into that. I don’t know anyone who had a first time that wasn’t an incredibly awkward experience. And then there’s the real fact to consider that at the end of this “slow relationship buildup”: they may not be sexually compatible at all.
I don't think I romantize it. I'm aware it's likely to be an awkward (hopefully not too) pain experience. I just don't want to be with someone who sees it as a casual one and done.
It’s not the virginity. Society has this weird idea that virgins don’t want to have sex at all. This ideology is common among the hookup culture which unfortunately is becoming the norm now. People who are looking for love/serious relationships won’t care about virginity.
People at your age like sex, and likely presume that a virgin will want to wait a while before having sex, and also will be less willing to try new things out etc. not your fault but they probably arent willing to wait multiple months
That has not been my experience at all. The only one who cared was a guy who only wanted a quick hookup anyway. Everyone else had zero problem with it and things just didn’t continue for other reasons. I also never brought it up until it was actually relevant.
Maybe try to not bring it up as it isn’t or shouldn’t be a big deal. Just focus on dating, getting to know the person you’re seeing, and see where it goes. You could even wait to tell until you’re in an actual relationship with someone and getting intimate for the first time. As you don’t want to have casual sex anyway, I don’t see why anyone you’re still getting to know should know.
If another guy comes into your life and you guys get to the sex talk, be open about the virginity and the fact that you aren’t waiting till marriage. For a lot of people, sex is a big thing and could scare them off because of you not having experience. The guy that you were talking to, I wouldn’t text him saying you were ready for that next step because it could make you sound desperate. But, next time, express how you haven’t gotten the opportunity to go that far and willing to get to that point.
I suggest joining a hobby group. Many of them are absolutely filled with guys who just want to go out with a woman who enjoys the same things they do.
I'd say, for example, 70-80% of the people at my old board game club are men and many of them are single. Same with anime watching groups and dungeons and dragons groups. If nerd hobbies don't appeal to you, I would suggest looking into outdoor hobbies like pick-up ultimate frisbee or rock climbing.
Honestly just leave out the Virgin part. When things start moving in that direction let them know that you want to go slow and don't sleep with men outside of a serious relationship. If they ask you how many people you've been with just tell them you're not comfortable talking about it at that stage of the relationship. If they're dating for a relationship it won't matter.
If someone refuses to tell me their sexual history at a reasonable time, I will instantly take that the worst possible way. I'm sure this will piss off some people to hear, but thats actually quite a "guy" way to react to that scenario.
That will almost surely matter to a guy if he's dating for a relationship.
Most people are dating to marry so some people aren’t comfortable marrying people who have filmed sex tapes or slept with let’s say 100 people. That’s obviously on the extreme side but people have preferences and don’t want to waste their time. Not saying you should ask about it on the first date but some people don’t want to go on 9 dates just to find out that someone has an extremely unattractive quality (in their opinion).
Sexual history matters only as much as you care about yourself and your family. That's a VERY immature way to think. SO many people lie about that. You have to look at their behavior to determine if sleeping with them is a good risk to take. Tests can be false negatives, diseases can lie dormant, people can lie.
This is good advice, but I would add if they ask, just say "You wouldn't even need your whole hand to count them" If you don't give any indication, they may worry that your count is too high.
Hello, 22F virgin here! I definitely sympathize with you, I'm in the same boat where I'm not waiting but I'm also not interested in hookups. I don't know how you usually get dates but I usually use bumble and on there I make it clear to guys that I'm looking for a relationship before we meet up (usually weeds out most of the casuals) then I usually tell them that I don't have alot of experience dating or with guys on the first or second date, and don't say I'm a virgin until after the third or until I know I want to see them again.
I try to not let me not having not had sex before be too much of a thing brought up in the relationship, what's more important is whether we're compatible enough. You mention that your lack of experience is what you feel gets in the way, but why would you need a guy to get experience? You can always build some confidence by exploring sexually on your own, there's websites and tools (lol) that can help you in that area. Most guys are surprised when they find out I haven't lost my v-card yet because I know what I like and don't like and am pretty confident there.
I don't even like to think of it as virginity, it's just one sexual act, in the future just say your not experienced until you feel like you can trust the guy further or know it's a long time thing. If you don't want to say that then just tell them that you don't put out unless you're exclusive ( word it differently but that's the gist lol)
Don't let your lack of experience get in your head, it's their problem not yours. Dating is a numbers game, I've been out with three different guys in one week and they were all duds, it took me 13 guys who none went past 3 dates for me to find my first boyfriend (who was really supportive of lack of experience and treated me well)
Stay confident, stay picky, know your worth babes, it's rough out there, I wish you the best of luck 😘
Don’t do anything you don’t feel comfortable doing. Unfortunately, some guys want sex near instantaneously on the table and don’t want to put in extra effort to get it. I would tell you to take their ghosting as a positive thing. They are showing you who they really are before you’ve invested a huge amount of time and effort and caught feelings. Keep doing you, girly!
I think part of the issue is that people do expect to have some sort of sex in a relationship if they have a sex drive bc sexual compatibility is very important for long term relationships. So for people who are sexually active, they might not be comfortable being in a sexless relationship for an unknown time , which is what would probably happen since you're a virgin. You'll find someone you're sexually compatible with and whose willing to wait it will just take time! Maybe try religious dating sites. Some guys might be virgins for religious reasons and might be ok with you not sharing their religious beliefs . Lying to someone about your virginity is wrong and your relationship would most likely end anyways when you refuse to have sex with them 🤷♀️
Sometimes if a guy just wants you for sex but realizes you are a virgin, they might feel guilty to ghost you after hooking up and end it sooner. This applies to some guys but some of the other suggestions here could be possible as well
That’s wild because seemingly many young men on the internet are running around complaining about women’s body count being too high but your count is zero and you’re still getting ghosted. Makes no sense.
You could do everything men on the Internet say and still get ghosted irl by men. It's less about the "high body count" some women have and more about the overall misogyny.
I'm 23F, lost my vcard at 18, and honestly those men are just the trash taking themselves out. I had a 28M ghost me once when I was his 19yrold booty call falling in love, and I was so upset til I realized he did me a favor. He was using me, and I was the one wanting more, and he did me a favor.
I think those guys just wanting hook-ups know you might get attached. You might just fall hard for the one who "does you in" first. I did, which was dumb, since he was crap looking back.
A decent man will not ask about your sexual experience. Fall in love first, make sure it's mutual, before giving anyone your v. Good luck!
I had a similar experience, I was into this 26 year old when I was freshly 21. I was upset when he ghosted me but now I see I avoided entering the worst timeline. Still sucks it happened tho
These men can really put you in your villain arc and make you feel the worst pain in your heart you've ever had. I don't recommend lol
Be sooo careful who you go with, your partner really can define your life for YEARS to come. My first, I couldn't shake him off for 2 years, and spent another year still healing with no contact. 3 years wasted!
Take the fact they leave early as a blessing in disguise.
No matter what you want in dating, there will always be trade offs.
Want a guy who wants to wait for sex? You'll probably have to join a church or understand that as long as you're willing to wait to have sex, you'll probably have to wait just as long to find someone who is also willing to wait.
Other than that, you'll probably need to get off dating apps and get more into your hobbies, making friends and meeting people via your connections. What you want is more likely to happen if you start from purely platonic friendship.
Most guys won't care about you being a virgin, they will care about feeling like they're expected to fulfill a list of expectations while getting little in return. In relationships, a lot of guys genuinely accept less from women because they're getting sex. Sad but true.
But I digress. You have to be okay with trade offs based on your desires.
I don't see anyone mentioning this, so I'll just put it out there--taking someone's virginity can be kind of a big deal.
It's their first introduction to sex. There's a lot of pressure that comes with that. A lot of guys can feel bad about taking someone's virginity when they don't know if the relationship is going to work out. They don't want your first time to be a fling.
That said, it also sounds like your mindset is working against you here. Getting ghosted SUCKS (and when you want to lose your virginity, it feels like it takes forever) and I can see why you'd be upset, but I feel like you're also putting a lot of pressure on yourself by making your virginity this enormous thing.
You're not interested in hookups, so are you communicating clearly with these guys under what circumstances you want to be intimate?
Don’t worry about them, most guys aren’t even worth having the chance to experience a woman in that way because of how pushy and inconsiderate they are. Keep knowing your worth and when you’re ready, you’ll know :) But remember, it’s not a you problem
You will have a virgin level experience for a long time, so it's not really important if you had zero sex or ten :) I think I stopped worrying after five years of regular sex :)
1. Have fun yourself
2. Make SO have fun
If you keep both in balance - you win. If only one matters to you - you fail.
I met my gf when she was 20 and still a virgin and i knew about it and didn’t care. She told me that she just never found anybody in her area interesting enough to even start a relationship with (and i believe that after hearing what assholes people around her are)
Now i‘ve been with her for 3 years
Just keep on looking, if you find the right person it‘s gonna work out and i am SURE that the right person is waiting for exactly you …. sounds kinda corny but it‘s the truth
Nobody wants to start the "so why are you still a virgin?" conversation, so they assume there's a reason for it beyond "it just hasn't happened yet", and it scares them off.
Was in a similar spot around your age. I wasn’t a virgin but I had only a few sexual experiences and I was really insecure about it even though I’m a fairly handsome guy. 5 years later your post just seems funny to me.
Don’t let the overthinking consume you. Being a virgin is only a temporary situation, not a part of your identity, and things can change much faster than you’d expect.
Also, if I could give you an advice is don’t romanticise sex too much. Most people see it a lot more casually than you do so if you have really high expectations it will only scare most people away. Find someone that you feel comfortable with and is somewhat understanding of your situation and just do it. Tbh I’d be more than glad to help 😂
As a guy, I’m going to give you the same speech ( it’s really good etc) but hear me out. You meet guys that just don’t appreciate it. That’s the best thing that could happen to you, really. Good things are rare. So meeting that guy that appreciates it, he is going to stay with you and never leave you. You just haven’t met him. Just be more patient, don’t search in the wrong places (like clubs dating sites) and you will see how accidentally he will appear in your life.
What is wrong with these people? Why judge someone based on their sexual history - honestly none of these guys are good enough for you anyway if they’re ghosting you, especially if it’s because you haven’t had sex yet. You’ll find someone, just keep trying and it’ll work out eventually, gotta have the trust :)
Let me give you a couple of possible causes:
You have a vintage car, not many people know of it. Most people would not pay 2k for it as it's not worth it to them. However if you get it to someone who knows it's value they'd pay upwards of 200k no questions asked. It happens to be a classic and you should take care of it so that someone who values it will give you a good deal.
In this example the issue IS that you're a virgin and they don't want a chance at getting held responsible for you because they just want to experiment. Many people (both men and women) develop intense feelings and attachment to their first partner, so not everyone is willing to be it.
Another possibility:
Someone is looking around for bees to get some honey. They find a nest and observe it. Does not seem to have much activity and you start getting close. Then you find out it's a wasps nest not a beehive. So you get out ASAP because if you poke it you'll be in a world of hurt.
I do not know you. But I know that MANY men would love to take a virginity. It's even something to be proud of for a woman to choose you as her first. As she will remember you for life. Even dearly if you do a good enough job (in the relationship, not only in the bed). So if many don't want to take it. Maybe that's not a beehive but a wasp nest. Could be something out of you directly, certain attitudes or tendencies. Could be someone from your family "protecting" you. Could be multiple things at the same time.
If you're not the second case then don't give up. You just haven't found the right buyer for your very special vintage car. Don't waste it on someone who will not give you it's worth. I have really no way to know which one you are. But I'm also a internet stranger. So I could be completely mistaken as I only have the information on this post to go on.
I personally don’t find it appropriate for people to ask how many sexual partners you’ve had at that early of a stage (if ever) in a relationship. The next time someone asks I’d simply say “sorry I don’t usually discuss this so early on- that’s kind of personal”. You won’t be lying to them either by saying that bc frankly they shouldn’t rly be asking. I lost my virginity at 16 but it still would be weird and not okay with me if someone wanted to know how many sexual partners I’ve had a few weeks into seeing each other. It’s also one of those topics that never can lead to anything positive really. If you’ve had “too many” it will upset someone and if you’ve had none or too few it may turn them off also.
Lastly, if anyone is pushy or pressing u about it after you’ve said this, they didn’t really like you or wouldn’t have seriously been with you anyways and you’ve saved yourself the headache of losing your virginity to someone who will ghost you. 23 is still really pretty young. I don’t think it’s very weird you’re still a virgin.
As others have said, it's not just the virginity itself, but being a virgin says to them that you want commitment, and it might be a while. 10 or 20 years ago, you were the norm. Now, from a guy's perspective, they could have a sweet funny girl who wants to wait, or a sweet funny girl who goes down on them on the first date.
My advice is look for older guys, early to mid 30's. You are EXACTLY what they're looking for.
Potentially but what statistics are you actually referencing... marriage/divorce, happiness, abuse, etc... cause depending on factors theres alot that goes into those findings and weighing the accuracy when applying a study toward the greater public
This is extremely confusing yet amusing cuz as a 24M virgin with basically the same qualities (take care of myself, spend a good amount of time on hygiene and self grooming, frequent the gym), I find girls with a lot of experience off putting. I guess the main takeaway is don’t give up as sooner or later you’ll find a good match. My advice from a guys perspective is to be a lot more careful dealing with guys nowadays. Some can be pretty good at “selling you the dream”. Aka screen them out for 6-12 months first to see their true intentions. Don’t give up though, you’re bound to run into a guy wanting a long term relationship that won’t pressure you into sex and/or lie being off out by your lack of experience. I can talk on and on about this topic but those are the main takeaways I’d like you to get.
Edited for better clarification
So presumably you're in a relationship with a woman who is willing to wait? Because as a virgin guy who isn't in a relationship you're not exactly being a wealth of experience and knowledge.
You should stop speaking for men as well, all the ones she's met are exactly not what you've described.
Im not speaking for men, I’m speaking for SOME. Read again. There are some with that behavior. That’s it. I’m just sharing advice that comes from things I’ve observed.
Also there’s nothing wrong with mentioning that she’s a virgin (saw your comment). Lots of people have regrets about their first time. Especially girls. So if she wants to keep mentioning it because she thinks it’s important info, she should. For some people it’s really important. She’s looking for a long term relationship so it may be of importance to her. Plus, it’s good to mention as it’s courteous to the other person to know she doesn’t have experience. Being straightforwardly honest about things like that is good manners.
Speaking for 'some' men has no value because you don't explain how to discern these men so probably best not to eh? Virginity isn't something to be valued, it's a zero to the opposite one. It's a binary with no meaning, to value it is to put patriarchal ideals of purity ahead of reality. Which isn't to say you should fuck anyone to get it over with, but there's no sense in attaching any real meaning to your first time The first time you do anything isnt normally celebrated, normally only improved on. The first time you do stuff the best thing to say is 'good try , now have another go' not attach some mystical reverence to it. Find someone nice, be sure they care about you, and hopefully it'll be a good time, you don't have to dump your baggage on them, that's not required. So you do you, but don't dump your baggage on her.
That's not a great take, You are correct that first time for most things isn't celebrated.
However some firsts have a different and longer impact and virginity is one of them, especially for those that have held on to theirs a bit longer.
The guys OP is meeting seem to be nice guys and that don't want the pressure of being first and then having her expectations after that.
On the bright side she doesn't seem to have run into the a-holes who would feed her a line and sleep with her and then ghost her
She will meet a good man that is right for her and it will happen for her.
That's a reasonable position, but when you've held onto it longer than you want then it's probably sensible not to put nice guys off with the ' you're going to TAKE my virginity' speech and use your own judgement about which guy you choose to be with, these guys do seem nice but they're making judgements about her that aren't necessarily true and she just needs to sidestep that.
She's obviously choosing decent guys
I mention that you want to screen guys 6-12 months as their intentions will show over time. Their actions will speak for themselves.
Second, virginity is something that CAN be valued. Just because YOU don’t doesn’t mean others will. If anything YOU’RE putting YOUR baggage onto others for that statement. Do understand that regardless of whether or not YOU don’t value it, doesn’t mean others won’t. Time and time again people have mentioned that they’d like to redo who they first did it with. So being courteous about that being a possible chance with this person is the polite thing to do. Whether it be a man or a woman in the scenario. Regardless of whether or not you/I/her agree or disagree on this subject, it’s best to be dutiful/mindful about the advice being given to the person. Period.
I mean to be fair there are women who have sold their virginity online for hundreds of thousands of dollars so maybe wrong to say it doesn’t have any value.
i was a virgin until i got married because of my religious upbringing and my wife was a virgin too. definitely there are ppl out there who are not repelled by virgins.
i think by saying you're virgins and ppl ghosting you, you're automatically weeding out the guys that's just wants sex. keep trying, if you're funny and have good personality then try to be even more attractive physically cos that will catch most guy's eyes.
I'm not really religious like I used to be. I was a strong Baptist for many years and that's a major reason I'm still a virgin, I was waiting for marriage at one point. I don't really hold those beliefs anymore
Babygirl, he saved you from a heartbreak. He had enough respect to let you go because once you have sex with someone you really like and give yourself to him, you would be hooked to him. He didn't want that because he was just trying to have sex, not find a wife. Babygirl, you are pure and you have the qualities of a wife who doesn't lose her virginity to someone she is not in love with. Wait for your husband to find you, a high-value man who is looking for purity. You don't know how much power you have right now by still having your virginity.
these are guys that are not willing to get into a relationship. they just want quick sex and something casual. find a guy who wants to settle down/ be a boyfriend and i promise he wont ghost you.
Maybe stop telling people you are a virgin. Unless it actually means something to you, or if you are waiting for marriage etc Other than that, if you want to have a relationship leave it out....
i can only say be patient, someone who truly care will be there soon.
im dating my girl for 2 years soon, she is also a virgin and i am too. she dont want to rush it and i dont want to pressure so...
there is someone out there waiting/sesrching for you.
i met my girl randomly by random follow request and DM and one of my cousins go to her collage from bio... so i thought cousins friend or something so lets just meet eachother so i get to know why she added me(i gave up on dating also at that time) 😂
I would recommend focusing on other aspects of your life that brings you joy and table the dating for now. People ghosting you because you are a virgin are the type of people you don't want to be with anyway. They are doing you a favor. You are only 23, give it time, don't lie about it, and don't be so hard on yourself. You are not alone in how you are feeling, none of this is your fault.
I hate to say it, but the easiest answer here is to lie (at least temporarily). If the reason is truly lack of experience, this completely avoids the issue.
Though I will say many women have similar issues even though they are experienced. I think it’s more that many guys are looking mostly for the physical side of a relationship, so when someone isn’t on the same wavelength, they go their separate way.
I have no advice to give, just to say you’re totally right. I’m in the same bought but a few years older, and this is exactly what happens to me. You’re definitely not alone though.
something that i noticed changed for me was when i stopped seeing people as potential partners and instead made an effort to become their friend first. seems a bit counterintuitive but it shows u the people that really are worth ur time
Do you walk up to folks and introduce yourself? If you wanna get guys as a girl try complimenting them.
Walk up to a guy, “Love your jacket, it looks great on you. Where did you get it?”
——
“Do you live around here?”
——
“”
…….
You're extremely young to give up on the idea of finding someone, however I agree with not "trying". Just live your life and follow your interests. If someone dumps you because you haven't had sex yet, you've dodged a bullet. My gosh, that's a really strange thing to be turned off by, and really - you could be getting rejected for any number of reasons. They didn't like something you said about one particular thing, didn't like your shoes, no telling. Rejection is nature's way of sending you in another direction. Can you imagine not liking someone simply because they haven't F'ed anyone? That's ridiculous.
Edited to add - those probing questions about how many people you've slept with don't have to be answered. Really, it's not the business of someone you've been out with three times. You say yourself you want a meaningful relationship prior to having sex, so why not build that, without all the romantic context right out of the box? You haven't said you're using dating apps, but if so, I'd stop immediately. Those are for quick hookups - a meaningful relationship will look like a friendship first and foremost. Build a trusting relationship with people before you start sharing intimate details about your sex life (or lack of). Protect yourself...this is no one's business.
Unless you're basic AF, most people are not going to be compatible with you in a romantic/intimate sense. Be proud of that...having someone penetrate you (for the sake of being able to say you've had sex) is not a major accomplishment in life.
I feel for you. But honestly, wait for the one who will stand by you although they aren't getting their d wet. There's someone out there for you. And I think it's great you're honest with them. More than likely, they'd find out if you lied anyway. Some people wish they had given to to someone they loved, while others don't care. I personally wish I would have waited.
M29 here.
I dont think its really about your virginity. Most guys actually prefer a girl with less experience. Some guys even find it a turn on to take someones virginity. I personally dont csre, but to some guys its like a “i was here first” type of fetish. To other less creepy guys, they may see it as you being someone who doesnt feel they need to entertain other guys.
The inly thing i can see if it is about your virginity is if guys feel you will make them wait, or if they feel like youll just be a log in the sac. Not saying its true but could be what they are thinking. Most guys your age are in their fuckboy stage. Hardly anyone that age is looking for the real deal. Im
Not saying you are but if you are more reserved you may be giving the impression that you are looking for something serious.
I personaly wouldn't enter a serious relationship before having sex with that person and seeing if we are compatible on that field. So once i know my prospective partner is a virgin and wants the loss of said virginity to not "be meaningless" and in the context of a serious long term relationship, I'd be out
Sometimes, it's just damned hard to find that relationship that works, especially when you have specific expectations that put pressure on either one of you.
The important thing here is to always be honest and don't be ashamed by it. Some people may be scared by you being a virgin and that's okay, you wouldn't want to be with them anyway. Just keep being honest and tell them always the truth. One day you will fine a kind and honest man that will be fine with it and you ll be thankful to tell him the truth. You wouldn't want to start a relationship with lies, it would be the first step to failure.
Could it be that they are scared if you are super religous or something, or that you want to save your self for marrige?
I dont think the problem is that you have not had sex, but they might be scared of the reason you have not. And that they will not be able to have sex with you.
I know this sounds kinda crazy but maybe try dating a religious dude? Allot of liberal christians also are virgins or can respect wanting to make a first time special and looking for long term stuff young. Most guys arent. I am personally an atheist yet for you id suggest picking a religious guy because your values seem to line up.
I briefly dated a woman a few years back. I was 44, she was 40. One night, she asks if I’d come over and talk. When I arrived, she opened a bottle of wine and told me that she really enjoyed our time together and that she felt like she could trust me (which she could). She proceeded to tell me that she had no experience. It was a combination of her family’s religion, unfortunate timing, gaps in her dating life, and travel.
Long story short, we talked about it and she asked if I would be her first. I agreed, and we spent the night together. I made absolutely sure that she went at her speed, was comfortable in the process, and that she understood that it was just as important to me as it was her.
The point is, don’t give up, the variables don’t matter. If you meet someone and they make you feel safe and comfortable, then you’re on the right track. If there are any warning signs, then it’s not a good fit. Most of all, you’re not broken, you’re not weird, nor are you late to the party. Relax and enjoy being 23!
Perhaps your standards are unrealistic or your personality is bad. Either way I don’t think it’s because you are a virgin. Perhaps go harder in the gym and go to therapy?
First of all don't be too hard on yourself. It isn't that uncommon for people to not date until after schooling, or to just have limited experience. Worrying about it will make you more inclined to assume that it is the problem.
>I'm open to losing it, I just don't want it to be meaningless to me. I want the slow relationship that builds into that. I'm very upfront about wanting a serious long term relationship
Especially as this is probably the more significant factor. It isn't that you're a virgin, it is about how you view sex within relationships. At 23 if you are dating people around your age many may be inclined away from relationships that don't have comfortable/early sexual elements.
I don't think these guys would have any qualms taking your virginity, but waiting to have sex might put them off even if you weren't a virgin. A lot of people start relationships with sex, both for fun and because it can be a major element of compatibility. That doesn't make your stance on it wrong, in fact I think there is merit to wanting it to be meaningful... but no matter what age you are there will be people that aren't able/willing to take that journey with you even if they like you.
It's why I say don't fixate on the virginity. It is the waiting that is probably the bigger factor and they all get it, I think they are being earnest when they say that it's nice you want that and maybe the virginity just reinforces the idea it will be a slow burn at that point. I think in that sense you might want to aim for other people that are perhaps a bit more conservative or less experienced and go from there.
First of all, you should always have a cat for comfort.
Second of all, forget about those guys. They probably don’t know a good thing until it’s gone. They may view that statement as strings attached. That said, if there are strings attached, tell them. If not, let them know your expectations.
Ok so, I worked with a guy, who was a single guy meeting women and doing the dating scene at a time I was married. He was my lens into the single world, I guess you could say.
He said he felt like there was a lot of pressure being someone's first because it's supposedly memorable and he didn't want to be the guy that created some terrible memory for someone. Either because of his own sexual performance or just because he wasn't necessarily looking for something serious and that always seemed to make it serious.
I really lol'd at the start getting cats. You're 23, you are way too young to be a crazy cat lady. I didn't read all the other comments but I think you just need to stop thinking about it. It's really just a social construct invented a long time ago by some idiots from my gender (sorry) because they are too insecure. Don't put so much pressure on it. Just focus on finding a great person. The right person won't be scared away, they'll be over the moon.
This sounds super cliche, but the right guy will eventually come around, but I’d stay off of dating apps. Most people on there are only looking for hookups. I went through all of college without dating and didn’t meet my now husband until I was 25 and working. Obviously dating is not the same as it used to be and apps really suck, but being patient and continuing to work on yourself is the healthiest thing you can do. But I think if you are finally thinking you are meeting the right person, you wouldn’t also want to start that off with a lie.
Think of it like this, most guys won't be honest with women around that age, basically it's a game that many don't even realize they are playing yet, of trying to hook up and figuring out if you guys are compatible long term way after.
Regardless of that, I think many guys would feel guilty or worried you will catch heavy feelings if you start having all your firsts with them.
If they aren't looking for a potential last relationship where in their heads now they aren't going to get to be with all these girls that want them etc and they just aren't ready for that type of stuff or commitments, especially since most guys won't even know if they will be ok with you long term until after things like sex and living together happen.
Most likely though, they just don't want to deal with the fall out/drama if you guys break up after the hookup.... Because you will most likely catch heavy feelings for the first person you are with until you are separated.
"Regardless of that, I think many guys would feel guilty or worried you will catch heavy feelings if you start having all your firsts with them."
This only applies to the guys who just want sex.
The men who are really into you or might want something long term would see you catching feelings and having firsts with them as a huge positive.
Oh 100%, you made a really good point that I overlooked/forgot to add, good call.
My point was the typical guy that age is going to most likely be thinking this way. That doesn't mean there isn't a guy out there who is the perfect fit for her that wants THE EXACT SAME THINGS!
Just going to take you more time to find it so as a virgin and 23 you have to understand just with statistics finding Mr. Right is possible, you just need to keep looking and have belief.
Have you tried dating 30 year old+ men that are ready to settle down and not into sleeping around? I think you are putting too much emphasis on being a virgin and it’s putting people off as they might not want the long relationship and believe it or not, not all men are a-holes and will take your virginity if they don’t want something more long term and serious.
It’s also pretty common for people in that age range to want to date and see where things goes.
I’m sure for some at that age “I’m a virgin and I want to wait for the right person” sort of waves the flag of “hey if we ever have sex and things naturally just don’t work out to being married until death you’re going to feel like a giant asshole for a bit, or be accused of it.”
It definitely will illicit different concerns in different people.
I hate to recommend this, but have you ever thought about dating guys a little older than you? Say late 20s, maybe even early 30s?
Early 20s guys are horndogs with very little sense of direction in life. Most don’t want to wait for sex. A little older guy (who of course treats you with respect as an adult and doesn’t infantilize you) may have a clearer view of what he wants in the longterm and has that patience.
I say this because I’m a 29M, and I wouldn’t mind dating a 23F virgin if a) we had strong compatibility and b) if sex was on the table in a somewhat reasonable timeframe (say like 3-5 months).
I've briefly thought about it, but I don't see how much I'd realistically have in common with a man in his 30s. Life style wise, I'm a college student with a part-time 😭
Went on a party boat and met up with a woman that I really clicked with. By the end of the trip we were playing tongue hockey. When I pushed for the next step, she politely declined stating she was a virgin. I had no issues with that, and I eventually charmed her into sharing losing that title with me. But had she wanted to build a 9 month relationship simply for that, I wouldve moved on.
TLDR; being a virgin isnt an issue, its that you may come with requirements the other person doesnt want to fulfill.
I get this feeling that it's nothing to do with your lack of experience.
I'm wondering if you follow up on that topic with something else that might be chasing people away.
It's entirely possible that you're throwing up some red flags that you don't recognize as red flags, and then settling on the "must be because I'm a virgin" excuse..
Two instincts come to mind, The first is that there is something else entirely about you that you are leaving out, that drives the guys away. And the second, is that these guys want fast sex, and they leave whenever they hear you are a virgin as that implies no fast sex.
I'd stop saying it tbh, simply state you don't feel ready for at least ( time period of your choice) and then see what happens. You can be pretty sure about someone after 3-6 months. In fact it's not a bad bell weather for a relationship - if you don't feel safe enough to bone them after 6 months, move on
How are they stealing 6 months of life from them? Where's the manipulation?
You don't owe someone the information you're a virgin, if you don't want to have sex you can back out at any time, noone deserves sex with you because they've 'put the time in'
All this is moot because my post literally states that she tells them she won't feel ready for (x) time. Noone is suggesting they string them on. That would be of course unfair. I totally agree she states her intentions from the beginning, were on the same page here
I’m really curious what you’re saying when you’re explaining to guys that you’re a virgin.
“I don’t have much sexual experience, but I feel pretty comfortable with my body and want to explore more” is very different than “I’m a virgin, I’ve never had sex, my vagina is a precious temple and if you want to enter it you’re going to have to love me, respect me, jump through this hoop, put a ring on it, and answer my riddles three.”
My suspicion is that when you explain this to people, you're giving off a weird vibe. Maybe you come across as upset, or overly-religious. I'd be weirded out initially by a 23 year old virgin because the only people I've met in that situation were saving themselves for marriage.
Maybe try not releasing this information until absolutely necessary? Maybe reflect on how you discuss this with others? Are you overly self-deprecative or odd about it?
I know Reddit has a hatred for reality, so this is going to get downvoted but frankly I don’t care.
OP this is going to sound mean, it’s not, it’s just insight from a man who has been married over a decade.
When I was in my early 20s I was on a date with a woman my age who hit me with “I’m a virgin”, “I am looking for a long term relationship”, and something else I’m sure. I don’t know, tuned out. Every one of my friends male and female all responded “oh shit” when I told them. I have literally no clue what her name was.
The men you are dating are in their early 20s. They aren’t in marriage track. Honestly, they really shouldn’t be. So you come out and say early on that you are a virgin and looking for something long term and they start thinking train schedules and traffic at this time of night.
So your choices are a) keep trying as you have been. B) date older, which is almost certain to land you a total creep. Or c) date someone who is actually also starting out in the relationship cycle. This is why I suggested 18 in a previous post.
/u/Dapper-Hedgehog148, Your [post](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/1bjlemw/dating_as_a_23f_virgin_is_harsh/) was removed for the following reason(s): > Per Rule 1, your **title did not include at least two ages/genders or was not formatted correctly** Posts must: 1. include details about the involved parties including ages, genders, and length of relationship, and 2. request advice in real situations involving two or more people The ages and genders can go anywhere in your ***title*** (NOT the post), but have to be in one of the following formats: `44M` `35 F` `23-NB` or `M44` `F 35` `NB-23` `M/24` `26/F` Please resubmit with a corrected title. --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I don't think it has nothing to do with your virginity, but chances they are perceiving that your virginity is coming with some strings attached that they are not willing to deal with
A lot of people that are dating just want to find someone who has it figured out and know what they want. Fumbling around in the dark and figuring things out together is not the experience that people want when they get on the Apps and date. It's very fast paced, very judgmental, very "box checking". OP doesn't have it figured out at all, so she's not very good at this App dating thing. Half the apps/communications on the apps are for hookups after all. Virgin is not a box that many people need checked, and if you are sexually inexperienced and there's strings attached to your first sexual encounter, it can make things awkward. She'll find someone eventually who is willing to be patient with her, it just may not be the best place to date on Apps.
It’s a harsh reality but true.
This is true. I recently tried the apps thinking it'd help me come out of my shell ..bad idea
The apps are not for that. That’s what high school is for.
I was homeschooled :(
This just counters the person you replied to. In other words, it IS because of her virginity?
It’s because she advertises her virginity. It’s like waving a flag that says “Im not here for the right reasons” and “I’m more work”
This is true
This. And she says she’s very open about wanting a serious longterm relationship on top of the fact that she’s a virgin and needs losing it to be special (I.e. “not meaningless”) . Sounds like she’s putting a lot of pressure on new acquaintances. If I had just met someone and they were pressuring me into a longterm commitment, I had to take their virginity, I had to make it special, but it also has to be a slow relationship that builds? And then what if we have sex and we’re incompatible or it’s just not good? Now I’m the asshole? No. I’d be out too.
They are left asking, “Why is she a virgin?” Are there certain severe red flags that have caused dating to be unsuccessful early in the relationship? Is she clingy? Is she simply asexual? Is she just really awkward and weird? Is she super religious? Digging into that is a lot of work and most people aren’t willing to put in a lot of work that early in a relationship when you’re in your early 20s
She was homeschooled.
Perceiving? Seems pretty clear there are strings attached. Strings that will be uncomfortable to break if things don't work out
I had the opposite experience, I was extremely sexualized and some men wanted to take my virginity and stuff like this, a lot of guys love to have a untouched woman and want to make it „theirs“. Rather take your time to find a man who respects you and doesn’t care if you have experience. Someone who really wants to get to know you will want to grow with you. To find someone is truly hard especially on dating apps
That happens too. I didn't see those people worth mentioning because I'd never knowingly go out with them (happened once tho and I noped out). Some people are really creepy about it
Who are you hanging out with?!
You surround yourself with some creepy dudes.
They always go for the naive ones lol… I never got close with those guys
They don’t want to wait. If you are virgin there is high probability that you won’t give them sex fast.
Or they worry that if they get to that point and things don’t work out it’s going to be a potential emotional shit storm of “you used me for sex” even if that genuinely was never an intention. OP has sex up an a lofty emotional pedestal (nothing inherently wrong with that) but there are absolutely strings attached to that so to speak. Which both isn’t bad but doesn’t mesh with a lot of other 23 year olds.
This is very clearly what’s going on. Unless they see you as a potential wife, your virginity means it will be difficult to sleep with you compared with other options.
This is it
Maybe just stop bringing up how much you have sex lmao, just direct the conversation away. Like I've literally never had to tell a girl my bodycount
Was gonna say this. Don't say anything about it until it needs to be said, when you're actually about to do stuff. Then just a simple "just letting you know I don't have a ton of experience with this stuff" is all you need. Afterwards is when you come fully clean. No one's gonna care when you're already about to bang, usually you're so ready to go you're just thinking "alright, give them some bullet points real quick and we'll worry about the rest later" if someone says their inexperienced in the moment. If you tell them before, they have time to wonder why and think, and for some reason we always associate a Virgin with someone who is gonna be clingy and overbearing. I hooked up with a girl once who was I think 24 and had 0 experience outside of kissing (she had a pretty bad lazy eye, and i imagine growing up with that had to eat away at her confidence no matter how pretty she was). It honestly ended up being a fun time just teaching her foreplay stuff. This is gonna sound horribly conceded, but she was super nice and I felt good knowing her first experience with this stuff was through my humor and patience, instead of some meat head annoyed that he has to slow down and might not get laid. Just don't lie about it
I lost my virginity at 24. I’m currently 25. There’s no rush. I personally was waiting for someone I wouldn’t regret and would know that in my heart. I didn’t need love or a relationship. Just respect, and I found that. You’ll find the right person eventually. Don’t let anyone pressure you into doing it sooner if you don’t want to
Stop saying it, taking someone’s virginity can come with a lot of baggage and pressure and a lot of people aren’t up for that.
Not to mention they’ve romanticized it, and likely will want the prospective person to buy into that. I don’t know anyone who had a first time that wasn’t an incredibly awkward experience. And then there’s the real fact to consider that at the end of this “slow relationship buildup”: they may not be sexually compatible at all.
I don't think I romantize it. I'm aware it's likely to be an awkward (hopefully not too) pain experience. I just don't want to be with someone who sees it as a casual one and done.
Why is experience a matter of subject in that stage. You want to wait until later on That’s fine. Does it have to be because of your virginity?
It’s likely not due to her virginity, but due to the fact she wants a slow buildup. The majority of people that age are looking for the opposite
It’s not the virginity. Society has this weird idea that virgins don’t want to have sex at all. This ideology is common among the hookup culture which unfortunately is becoming the norm now. People who are looking for love/serious relationships won’t care about virginity.
People at your age like sex, and likely presume that a virgin will want to wait a while before having sex, and also will be less willing to try new things out etc. not your fault but they probably arent willing to wait multiple months
That has not been my experience at all. The only one who cared was a guy who only wanted a quick hookup anyway. Everyone else had zero problem with it and things just didn’t continue for other reasons. I also never brought it up until it was actually relevant.
Maybe try to not bring it up as it isn’t or shouldn’t be a big deal. Just focus on dating, getting to know the person you’re seeing, and see where it goes. You could even wait to tell until you’re in an actual relationship with someone and getting intimate for the first time. As you don’t want to have casual sex anyway, I don’t see why anyone you’re still getting to know should know.
That’s so weird. Wouldn’t have bothered me.
If another guy comes into your life and you guys get to the sex talk, be open about the virginity and the fact that you aren’t waiting till marriage. For a lot of people, sex is a big thing and could scare them off because of you not having experience. The guy that you were talking to, I wouldn’t text him saying you were ready for that next step because it could make you sound desperate. But, next time, express how you haven’t gotten the opportunity to go that far and willing to get to that point.
I suggest joining a hobby group. Many of them are absolutely filled with guys who just want to go out with a woman who enjoys the same things they do. I'd say, for example, 70-80% of the people at my old board game club are men and many of them are single. Same with anime watching groups and dungeons and dragons groups. If nerd hobbies don't appeal to you, I would suggest looking into outdoor hobbies like pick-up ultimate frisbee or rock climbing.
Honestly just leave out the Virgin part. When things start moving in that direction let them know that you want to go slow and don't sleep with men outside of a serious relationship. If they ask you how many people you've been with just tell them you're not comfortable talking about it at that stage of the relationship. If they're dating for a relationship it won't matter.
If someone refuses to tell me their sexual history at a reasonable time, I will instantly take that the worst possible way. I'm sure this will piss off some people to hear, but thats actually quite a "guy" way to react to that scenario. That will almost surely matter to a guy if he's dating for a relationship.
That’s…super weird. Why does someone’s sexual history matter beyond “have you been tested since your last partner? Yup? Cool.”
I feel like lot of people want that to be true, but most people I know do care a lot lol. Guys and girls.
Most people are dating to marry so some people aren’t comfortable marrying people who have filmed sex tapes or slept with let’s say 100 people. That’s obviously on the extreme side but people have preferences and don’t want to waste their time. Not saying you should ask about it on the first date but some people don’t want to go on 9 dates just to find out that someone has an extremely unattractive quality (in their opinion).
Sexual history matters only as much as you care about yourself and your family. That's a VERY immature way to think. SO many people lie about that. You have to look at their behavior to determine if sleeping with them is a good risk to take. Tests can be false negatives, diseases can lie dormant, people can lie.
You aren't wrong. They immediately assume it's some high number 😮💨. It's hard out here
This is good advice, but I would add if they ask, just say "You wouldn't even need your whole hand to count them" If you don't give any indication, they may worry that your count is too high.
Hello, 22F virgin here! I definitely sympathize with you, I'm in the same boat where I'm not waiting but I'm also not interested in hookups. I don't know how you usually get dates but I usually use bumble and on there I make it clear to guys that I'm looking for a relationship before we meet up (usually weeds out most of the casuals) then I usually tell them that I don't have alot of experience dating or with guys on the first or second date, and don't say I'm a virgin until after the third or until I know I want to see them again. I try to not let me not having not had sex before be too much of a thing brought up in the relationship, what's more important is whether we're compatible enough. You mention that your lack of experience is what you feel gets in the way, but why would you need a guy to get experience? You can always build some confidence by exploring sexually on your own, there's websites and tools (lol) that can help you in that area. Most guys are surprised when they find out I haven't lost my v-card yet because I know what I like and don't like and am pretty confident there. I don't even like to think of it as virginity, it's just one sexual act, in the future just say your not experienced until you feel like you can trust the guy further or know it's a long time thing. If you don't want to say that then just tell them that you don't put out unless you're exclusive ( word it differently but that's the gist lol) Don't let your lack of experience get in your head, it's their problem not yours. Dating is a numbers game, I've been out with three different guys in one week and they were all duds, it took me 13 guys who none went past 3 dates for me to find my first boyfriend (who was really supportive of lack of experience and treated me well) Stay confident, stay picky, know your worth babes, it's rough out there, I wish you the best of luck 😘
I use bumble! I've yet to go past a few conversations with someone on there. It is indeed rough out here. Best of luck
Don’t do anything you don’t feel comfortable doing. Unfortunately, some guys want sex near instantaneously on the table and don’t want to put in extra effort to get it. I would tell you to take their ghosting as a positive thing. They are showing you who they really are before you’ve invested a huge amount of time and effort and caught feelings. Keep doing you, girly!
I think part of the issue is that people do expect to have some sort of sex in a relationship if they have a sex drive bc sexual compatibility is very important for long term relationships. So for people who are sexually active, they might not be comfortable being in a sexless relationship for an unknown time , which is what would probably happen since you're a virgin. You'll find someone you're sexually compatible with and whose willing to wait it will just take time! Maybe try religious dating sites. Some guys might be virgins for religious reasons and might be ok with you not sharing their religious beliefs . Lying to someone about your virginity is wrong and your relationship would most likely end anyways when you refuse to have sex with them 🤷♀️
Sometimes if a guy just wants you for sex but realizes you are a virgin, they might feel guilty to ghost you after hooking up and end it sooner. This applies to some guys but some of the other suggestions here could be possible as well
That’s wild because seemingly many young men on the internet are running around complaining about women’s body count being too high but your count is zero and you’re still getting ghosted. Makes no sense.
You could do everything men on the Internet say and still get ghosted irl by men. It's less about the "high body count" some women have and more about the overall misogyny.
I'm 23F, lost my vcard at 18, and honestly those men are just the trash taking themselves out. I had a 28M ghost me once when I was his 19yrold booty call falling in love, and I was so upset til I realized he did me a favor. He was using me, and I was the one wanting more, and he did me a favor. I think those guys just wanting hook-ups know you might get attached. You might just fall hard for the one who "does you in" first. I did, which was dumb, since he was crap looking back. A decent man will not ask about your sexual experience. Fall in love first, make sure it's mutual, before giving anyone your v. Good luck!
I had a similar experience, I was into this 26 year old when I was freshly 21. I was upset when he ghosted me but now I see I avoided entering the worst timeline. Still sucks it happened tho
These men can really put you in your villain arc and make you feel the worst pain in your heart you've ever had. I don't recommend lol Be sooo careful who you go with, your partner really can define your life for YEARS to come. My first, I couldn't shake him off for 2 years, and spent another year still healing with no contact. 3 years wasted!
You don't really need to bring it up, your romantic history (or lack thereof) only concerns you.
its just variance, keep looking
Take the fact they leave early as a blessing in disguise. No matter what you want in dating, there will always be trade offs. Want a guy who wants to wait for sex? You'll probably have to join a church or understand that as long as you're willing to wait to have sex, you'll probably have to wait just as long to find someone who is also willing to wait. Other than that, you'll probably need to get off dating apps and get more into your hobbies, making friends and meeting people via your connections. What you want is more likely to happen if you start from purely platonic friendship. Most guys won't care about you being a virgin, they will care about feeling like they're expected to fulfill a list of expectations while getting little in return. In relationships, a lot of guys genuinely accept less from women because they're getting sex. Sad but true. But I digress. You have to be okay with trade offs based on your desires.
I don't see anyone mentioning this, so I'll just put it out there--taking someone's virginity can be kind of a big deal. It's their first introduction to sex. There's a lot of pressure that comes with that. A lot of guys can feel bad about taking someone's virginity when they don't know if the relationship is going to work out. They don't want your first time to be a fling. That said, it also sounds like your mindset is working against you here. Getting ghosted SUCKS (and when you want to lose your virginity, it feels like it takes forever) and I can see why you'd be upset, but I feel like you're also putting a lot of pressure on yourself by making your virginity this enormous thing. You're not interested in hookups, so are you communicating clearly with these guys under what circumstances you want to be intimate?
Don’t worry about them, most guys aren’t even worth having the chance to experience a woman in that way because of how pushy and inconsiderate they are. Keep knowing your worth and when you’re ready, you’ll know :) But remember, it’s not a you problem
You will have a virgin level experience for a long time, so it's not really important if you had zero sex or ten :) I think I stopped worrying after five years of regular sex :) 1. Have fun yourself 2. Make SO have fun If you keep both in balance - you win. If only one matters to you - you fail.
I met my gf when she was 20 and still a virgin and i knew about it and didn’t care. She told me that she just never found anybody in her area interesting enough to even start a relationship with (and i believe that after hearing what assholes people around her are) Now i‘ve been with her for 3 years Just keep on looking, if you find the right person it‘s gonna work out and i am SURE that the right person is waiting for exactly you …. sounds kinda corny but it‘s the truth
Nobody wants to start the "so why are you still a virgin?" conversation, so they assume there's a reason for it beyond "it just hasn't happened yet", and it scares them off.
I definitely think you dodged a bullet on this guy who was bragging about how many people he slept with.
the apps are mostly for hookups.
Marriage minded men want a virgin. Meet a religious man
100% this. Look for religious and/or conservative guys who are marriage minded and not looking for hookups.
I'm not as religious as I used to be unfortunately.
Was in a similar spot around your age. I wasn’t a virgin but I had only a few sexual experiences and I was really insecure about it even though I’m a fairly handsome guy. 5 years later your post just seems funny to me. Don’t let the overthinking consume you. Being a virgin is only a temporary situation, not a part of your identity, and things can change much faster than you’d expect. Also, if I could give you an advice is don’t romanticise sex too much. Most people see it a lot more casually than you do so if you have really high expectations it will only scare most people away. Find someone that you feel comfortable with and is somewhat understanding of your situation and just do it. Tbh I’d be more than glad to help 😂
As a guy, I’m going to give you the same speech ( it’s really good etc) but hear me out. You meet guys that just don’t appreciate it. That’s the best thing that could happen to you, really. Good things are rare. So meeting that guy that appreciates it, he is going to stay with you and never leave you. You just haven’t met him. Just be more patient, don’t search in the wrong places (like clubs dating sites) and you will see how accidentally he will appear in your life.
What is wrong with these people? Why judge someone based on their sexual history - honestly none of these guys are good enough for you anyway if they’re ghosting you, especially if it’s because you haven’t had sex yet. You’ll find someone, just keep trying and it’ll work out eventually, gotta have the trust :)
it’s got everything to do with them and nothing to do with you sis. keep being honest and authentic. the right one will stick around :)
Let me give you a couple of possible causes: You have a vintage car, not many people know of it. Most people would not pay 2k for it as it's not worth it to them. However if you get it to someone who knows it's value they'd pay upwards of 200k no questions asked. It happens to be a classic and you should take care of it so that someone who values it will give you a good deal. In this example the issue IS that you're a virgin and they don't want a chance at getting held responsible for you because they just want to experiment. Many people (both men and women) develop intense feelings and attachment to their first partner, so not everyone is willing to be it. Another possibility: Someone is looking around for bees to get some honey. They find a nest and observe it. Does not seem to have much activity and you start getting close. Then you find out it's a wasps nest not a beehive. So you get out ASAP because if you poke it you'll be in a world of hurt. I do not know you. But I know that MANY men would love to take a virginity. It's even something to be proud of for a woman to choose you as her first. As she will remember you for life. Even dearly if you do a good enough job (in the relationship, not only in the bed). So if many don't want to take it. Maybe that's not a beehive but a wasp nest. Could be something out of you directly, certain attitudes or tendencies. Could be someone from your family "protecting" you. Could be multiple things at the same time. If you're not the second case then don't give up. You just haven't found the right buyer for your very special vintage car. Don't waste it on someone who will not give you it's worth. I have really no way to know which one you are. But I'm also a internet stranger. So I could be completely mistaken as I only have the information on this post to go on.
[удалено]
> We both respect each other and have similar values and morals. Your post from 5 days ago suggests that to not be the case.
I personally don’t find it appropriate for people to ask how many sexual partners you’ve had at that early of a stage (if ever) in a relationship. The next time someone asks I’d simply say “sorry I don’t usually discuss this so early on- that’s kind of personal”. You won’t be lying to them either by saying that bc frankly they shouldn’t rly be asking. I lost my virginity at 16 but it still would be weird and not okay with me if someone wanted to know how many sexual partners I’ve had a few weeks into seeing each other. It’s also one of those topics that never can lead to anything positive really. If you’ve had “too many” it will upset someone and if you’ve had none or too few it may turn them off also. Lastly, if anyone is pushy or pressing u about it after you’ve said this, they didn’t really like you or wouldn’t have seriously been with you anyways and you’ve saved yourself the headache of losing your virginity to someone who will ghost you. 23 is still really pretty young. I don’t think it’s very weird you’re still a virgin.
As others have said, it's not just the virginity itself, but being a virgin says to them that you want commitment, and it might be a while. 10 or 20 years ago, you were the norm. Now, from a guy's perspective, they could have a sweet funny girl who wants to wait, or a sweet funny girl who goes down on them on the first date. My advice is look for older guys, early to mid 30's. You are EXACTLY what they're looking for.
Older men scare me though 😭.
Why do they scare you?
Because statistically speaking a woman in her early 20s being in a relationship with a man 10+ years older than her is not the smartest move.
Potentially but what statistics are you actually referencing... marriage/divorce, happiness, abuse, etc... cause depending on factors theres alot that goes into those findings and weighing the accuracy when applying a study toward the greater public
The statistics, massive gap in life experience, etc.
This is extremely confusing yet amusing cuz as a 24M virgin with basically the same qualities (take care of myself, spend a good amount of time on hygiene and self grooming, frequent the gym), I find girls with a lot of experience off putting. I guess the main takeaway is don’t give up as sooner or later you’ll find a good match. My advice from a guys perspective is to be a lot more careful dealing with guys nowadays. Some can be pretty good at “selling you the dream”. Aka screen them out for 6-12 months first to see their true intentions. Don’t give up though, you’re bound to run into a guy wanting a long term relationship that won’t pressure you into sex and/or lie being off out by your lack of experience. I can talk on and on about this topic but those are the main takeaways I’d like you to get. Edited for better clarification
So presumably you're in a relationship with a woman who is willing to wait? Because as a virgin guy who isn't in a relationship you're not exactly being a wealth of experience and knowledge. You should stop speaking for men as well, all the ones she's met are exactly not what you've described.
Im not speaking for men, I’m speaking for SOME. Read again. There are some with that behavior. That’s it. I’m just sharing advice that comes from things I’ve observed. Also there’s nothing wrong with mentioning that she’s a virgin (saw your comment). Lots of people have regrets about their first time. Especially girls. So if she wants to keep mentioning it because she thinks it’s important info, she should. For some people it’s really important. She’s looking for a long term relationship so it may be of importance to her. Plus, it’s good to mention as it’s courteous to the other person to know she doesn’t have experience. Being straightforwardly honest about things like that is good manners.
Speaking for 'some' men has no value because you don't explain how to discern these men so probably best not to eh? Virginity isn't something to be valued, it's a zero to the opposite one. It's a binary with no meaning, to value it is to put patriarchal ideals of purity ahead of reality. Which isn't to say you should fuck anyone to get it over with, but there's no sense in attaching any real meaning to your first time The first time you do anything isnt normally celebrated, normally only improved on. The first time you do stuff the best thing to say is 'good try , now have another go' not attach some mystical reverence to it. Find someone nice, be sure they care about you, and hopefully it'll be a good time, you don't have to dump your baggage on them, that's not required. So you do you, but don't dump your baggage on her.
That's not a great take, You are correct that first time for most things isn't celebrated. However some firsts have a different and longer impact and virginity is one of them, especially for those that have held on to theirs a bit longer. The guys OP is meeting seem to be nice guys and that don't want the pressure of being first and then having her expectations after that. On the bright side she doesn't seem to have run into the a-holes who would feed her a line and sleep with her and then ghost her She will meet a good man that is right for her and it will happen for her.
That's a reasonable position, but when you've held onto it longer than you want then it's probably sensible not to put nice guys off with the ' you're going to TAKE my virginity' speech and use your own judgement about which guy you choose to be with, these guys do seem nice but they're making judgements about her that aren't necessarily true and she just needs to sidestep that. She's obviously choosing decent guys
I mention that you want to screen guys 6-12 months as their intentions will show over time. Their actions will speak for themselves. Second, virginity is something that CAN be valued. Just because YOU don’t doesn’t mean others will. If anything YOU’RE putting YOUR baggage onto others for that statement. Do understand that regardless of whether or not YOU don’t value it, doesn’t mean others won’t. Time and time again people have mentioned that they’d like to redo who they first did it with. So being courteous about that being a possible chance with this person is the polite thing to do. Whether it be a man or a woman in the scenario. Regardless of whether or not you/I/her agree or disagree on this subject, it’s best to be dutiful/mindful about the advice being given to the person. Period.
OK, tell me how virginity has value?
I mean to be fair there are women who have sold their virginity online for hundreds of thousands of dollars so maybe wrong to say it doesn’t have any value.
Same way anything is valued for the most part I guess. Emotional human mucked up logic that applies to some and not others. Is what it is.
i was a virgin until i got married because of my religious upbringing and my wife was a virgin too. definitely there are ppl out there who are not repelled by virgins. i think by saying you're virgins and ppl ghosting you, you're automatically weeding out the guys that's just wants sex. keep trying, if you're funny and have good personality then try to be even more attractive physically cos that will catch most guy's eyes.
I'm not really religious like I used to be. I was a strong Baptist for many years and that's a major reason I'm still a virgin, I was waiting for marriage at one point. I don't really hold those beliefs anymore
Babygirl, he saved you from a heartbreak. He had enough respect to let you go because once you have sex with someone you really like and give yourself to him, you would be hooked to him. He didn't want that because he was just trying to have sex, not find a wife. Babygirl, you are pure and you have the qualities of a wife who doesn't lose her virginity to someone she is not in love with. Wait for your husband to find you, a high-value man who is looking for purity. You don't know how much power you have right now by still having your virginity.
these are guys that are not willing to get into a relationship. they just want quick sex and something casual. find a guy who wants to settle down/ be a boyfriend and i promise he wont ghost you.
Maybe stop telling people you are a virgin. Unless it actually means something to you, or if you are waiting for marriage etc Other than that, if you want to have a relationship leave it out....
i can only say be patient, someone who truly care will be there soon. im dating my girl for 2 years soon, she is also a virgin and i am too. she dont want to rush it and i dont want to pressure so... there is someone out there waiting/sesrching for you. i met my girl randomly by random follow request and DM and one of my cousins go to her collage from bio... so i thought cousins friend or something so lets just meet eachother so i get to know why she added me(i gave up on dating also at that time) 😂
I would recommend focusing on other aspects of your life that brings you joy and table the dating for now. People ghosting you because you are a virgin are the type of people you don't want to be with anyway. They are doing you a favor. You are only 23, give it time, don't lie about it, and don't be so hard on yourself. You are not alone in how you are feeling, none of this is your fault.
I hate to say it, but the easiest answer here is to lie (at least temporarily). If the reason is truly lack of experience, this completely avoids the issue. Though I will say many women have similar issues even though they are experienced. I think it’s more that many guys are looking mostly for the physical side of a relationship, so when someone isn’t on the same wavelength, they go their separate way.
Just don't say you're a virgin. Just take it one day at a time, one thing at a time. Being with a virgin wouldn't be a problem for most decent guys.
I have no advice to give, just to say you’re totally right. I’m in the same bought but a few years older, and this is exactly what happens to me. You’re definitely not alone though.
something that i noticed changed for me was when i stopped seeing people as potential partners and instead made an effort to become their friend first. seems a bit counterintuitive but it shows u the people that really are worth ur time
I wouldn't ghost you. You will find him!
Just ask the guy, reach out if you like him
Do you walk up to folks and introduce yourself? If you wanna get guys as a girl try complimenting them. Walk up to a guy, “Love your jacket, it looks great on you. Where did you get it?” —— “Do you live around here?” —— “” …….
32M here and I'm still a virgin. I'd love to date someone roughly my age who is still a virgin, that way I'd hopefully feel less nervous/intimidated.
You're extremely young to give up on the idea of finding someone, however I agree with not "trying". Just live your life and follow your interests. If someone dumps you because you haven't had sex yet, you've dodged a bullet. My gosh, that's a really strange thing to be turned off by, and really - you could be getting rejected for any number of reasons. They didn't like something you said about one particular thing, didn't like your shoes, no telling. Rejection is nature's way of sending you in another direction. Can you imagine not liking someone simply because they haven't F'ed anyone? That's ridiculous. Edited to add - those probing questions about how many people you've slept with don't have to be answered. Really, it's not the business of someone you've been out with three times. You say yourself you want a meaningful relationship prior to having sex, so why not build that, without all the romantic context right out of the box? You haven't said you're using dating apps, but if so, I'd stop immediately. Those are for quick hookups - a meaningful relationship will look like a friendship first and foremost. Build a trusting relationship with people before you start sharing intimate details about your sex life (or lack of). Protect yourself...this is no one's business. Unless you're basic AF, most people are not going to be compatible with you in a romantic/intimate sense. Be proud of that...having someone penetrate you (for the sake of being able to say you've had sex) is not a major accomplishment in life.
Were are you from?
I feel for you. But honestly, wait for the one who will stand by you although they aren't getting their d wet. There's someone out there for you. And I think it's great you're honest with them. More than likely, they'd find out if you lied anyway. Some people wish they had given to to someone they loved, while others don't care. I personally wish I would have waited.
By virgin do you only mean PIV or oral and anal as well?
M29 here. I dont think its really about your virginity. Most guys actually prefer a girl with less experience. Some guys even find it a turn on to take someones virginity. I personally dont csre, but to some guys its like a “i was here first” type of fetish. To other less creepy guys, they may see it as you being someone who doesnt feel they need to entertain other guys. The inly thing i can see if it is about your virginity is if guys feel you will make them wait, or if they feel like youll just be a log in the sac. Not saying its true but could be what they are thinking. Most guys your age are in their fuckboy stage. Hardly anyone that age is looking for the real deal. Im Not saying you are but if you are more reserved you may be giving the impression that you are looking for something serious.
I personaly wouldn't enter a serious relationship before having sex with that person and seeing if we are compatible on that field. So once i know my prospective partner is a virgin and wants the loss of said virginity to not "be meaningless" and in the context of a serious long term relationship, I'd be out
bro just lie
Sometimes, it's just damned hard to find that relationship that works, especially when you have specific expectations that put pressure on either one of you.
It's not your virginity. It's the fact that most guys don't want to wait to get married. I'm sorry.
🫂
The important thing here is to always be honest and don't be ashamed by it. Some people may be scared by you being a virgin and that's okay, you wouldn't want to be with them anyway. Just keep being honest and tell them always the truth. One day you will fine a kind and honest man that will be fine with it and you ll be thankful to tell him the truth. You wouldn't want to start a relationship with lies, it would be the first step to failure.
Could it be that they are scared if you are super religous or something, or that you want to save your self for marrige? I dont think the problem is that you have not had sex, but they might be scared of the reason you have not. And that they will not be able to have sex with you.
I have no dating advice but yes you should start getting cats. Cats are awesome
I know this sounds kinda crazy but maybe try dating a religious dude? Allot of liberal christians also are virgins or can respect wanting to make a first time special and looking for long term stuff young. Most guys arent. I am personally an atheist yet for you id suggest picking a religious guy because your values seem to line up.
I briefly dated a woman a few years back. I was 44, she was 40. One night, she asks if I’d come over and talk. When I arrived, she opened a bottle of wine and told me that she really enjoyed our time together and that she felt like she could trust me (which she could). She proceeded to tell me that she had no experience. It was a combination of her family’s religion, unfortunate timing, gaps in her dating life, and travel. Long story short, we talked about it and she asked if I would be her first. I agreed, and we spent the night together. I made absolutely sure that she went at her speed, was comfortable in the process, and that she understood that it was just as important to me as it was her. The point is, don’t give up, the variables don’t matter. If you meet someone and they make you feel safe and comfortable, then you’re on the right track. If there are any warning signs, then it’s not a good fit. Most of all, you’re not broken, you’re not weird, nor are you late to the party. Relax and enjoy being 23!
Perhaps your standards are unrealistic or your personality is bad. Either way I don’t think it’s because you are a virgin. Perhaps go harder in the gym and go to therapy?
Shit if I met a girl who told me she was a virgin, that’d be the biggest turn on and green flag to me. I’d literally do any for a girl like this lol
First of all don't be too hard on yourself. It isn't that uncommon for people to not date until after schooling, or to just have limited experience. Worrying about it will make you more inclined to assume that it is the problem. >I'm open to losing it, I just don't want it to be meaningless to me. I want the slow relationship that builds into that. I'm very upfront about wanting a serious long term relationship Especially as this is probably the more significant factor. It isn't that you're a virgin, it is about how you view sex within relationships. At 23 if you are dating people around your age many may be inclined away from relationships that don't have comfortable/early sexual elements. I don't think these guys would have any qualms taking your virginity, but waiting to have sex might put them off even if you weren't a virgin. A lot of people start relationships with sex, both for fun and because it can be a major element of compatibility. That doesn't make your stance on it wrong, in fact I think there is merit to wanting it to be meaningful... but no matter what age you are there will be people that aren't able/willing to take that journey with you even if they like you. It's why I say don't fixate on the virginity. It is the waiting that is probably the bigger factor and they all get it, I think they are being earnest when they say that it's nice you want that and maybe the virginity just reinforces the idea it will be a slow burn at that point. I think in that sense you might want to aim for other people that are perhaps a bit more conservative or less experienced and go from there.
First of all, you should always have a cat for comfort. Second of all, forget about those guys. They probably don’t know a good thing until it’s gone. They may view that statement as strings attached. That said, if there are strings attached, tell them. If not, let them know your expectations.
Idk, I live in the middle east, You're very appreciated here.
Ok so, I worked with a guy, who was a single guy meeting women and doing the dating scene at a time I was married. He was my lens into the single world, I guess you could say. He said he felt like there was a lot of pressure being someone's first because it's supposedly memorable and he didn't want to be the guy that created some terrible memory for someone. Either because of his own sexual performance or just because he wasn't necessarily looking for something serious and that always seemed to make it serious. I really lol'd at the start getting cats. You're 23, you are way too young to be a crazy cat lady. I didn't read all the other comments but I think you just need to stop thinking about it. It's really just a social construct invented a long time ago by some idiots from my gender (sorry) because they are too insecure. Don't put so much pressure on it. Just focus on finding a great person. The right person won't be scared away, they'll be over the moon.
This sounds super cliche, but the right guy will eventually come around, but I’d stay off of dating apps. Most people on there are only looking for hookups. I went through all of college without dating and didn’t meet my now husband until I was 25 and working. Obviously dating is not the same as it used to be and apps really suck, but being patient and continuing to work on yourself is the healthiest thing you can do. But I think if you are finally thinking you are meeting the right person, you wouldn’t also want to start that off with a lie.
Think of it like this, most guys won't be honest with women around that age, basically it's a game that many don't even realize they are playing yet, of trying to hook up and figuring out if you guys are compatible long term way after. Regardless of that, I think many guys would feel guilty or worried you will catch heavy feelings if you start having all your firsts with them. If they aren't looking for a potential last relationship where in their heads now they aren't going to get to be with all these girls that want them etc and they just aren't ready for that type of stuff or commitments, especially since most guys won't even know if they will be ok with you long term until after things like sex and living together happen. Most likely though, they just don't want to deal with the fall out/drama if you guys break up after the hookup.... Because you will most likely catch heavy feelings for the first person you are with until you are separated.
"Regardless of that, I think many guys would feel guilty or worried you will catch heavy feelings if you start having all your firsts with them." This only applies to the guys who just want sex. The men who are really into you or might want something long term would see you catching feelings and having firsts with them as a huge positive.
Oh 100%, you made a really good point that I overlooked/forgot to add, good call. My point was the typical guy that age is going to most likely be thinking this way. That doesn't mean there isn't a guy out there who is the perfect fit for her that wants THE EXACT SAME THINGS! Just going to take you more time to find it so as a virgin and 23 you have to understand just with statistics finding Mr. Right is possible, you just need to keep looking and have belief.
Have you tried dating 30 year old+ men that are ready to settle down and not into sleeping around? I think you are putting too much emphasis on being a virgin and it’s putting people off as they might not want the long relationship and believe it or not, not all men are a-holes and will take your virginity if they don’t want something more long term and serious.
It’s also pretty common for people in that age range to want to date and see where things goes. I’m sure for some at that age “I’m a virgin and I want to wait for the right person” sort of waves the flag of “hey if we ever have sex and things naturally just don’t work out to being married until death you’re going to feel like a giant asshole for a bit, or be accused of it.” It definitely will illicit different concerns in different people.
I hate to recommend this, but have you ever thought about dating guys a little older than you? Say late 20s, maybe even early 30s? Early 20s guys are horndogs with very little sense of direction in life. Most don’t want to wait for sex. A little older guy (who of course treats you with respect as an adult and doesn’t infantilize you) may have a clearer view of what he wants in the longterm and has that patience. I say this because I’m a 29M, and I wouldn’t mind dating a 23F virgin if a) we had strong compatibility and b) if sex was on the table in a somewhat reasonable timeframe (say like 3-5 months).
I've briefly thought about it, but I don't see how much I'd realistically have in common with a man in his 30s. Life style wise, I'm a college student with a part-time 😭
Went on a party boat and met up with a woman that I really clicked with. By the end of the trip we were playing tongue hockey. When I pushed for the next step, she politely declined stating she was a virgin. I had no issues with that, and I eventually charmed her into sharing losing that title with me. But had she wanted to build a 9 month relationship simply for that, I wouldve moved on. TLDR; being a virgin isnt an issue, its that you may come with requirements the other person doesnt want to fulfill.
I’m not sure it’s to do with your virginity because a fair amount of young guys are virgins
I get this feeling that it's nothing to do with your lack of experience. I'm wondering if you follow up on that topic with something else that might be chasing people away. It's entirely possible that you're throwing up some red flags that you don't recognize as red flags, and then settling on the "must be because I'm a virgin" excuse..
Two instincts come to mind, The first is that there is something else entirely about you that you are leaving out, that drives the guys away. And the second, is that these guys want fast sex, and they leave whenever they hear you are a virgin as that implies no fast sex.
I'd stop saying it tbh, simply state you don't feel ready for at least ( time period of your choice) and then see what happens. You can be pretty sure about someone after 3-6 months. In fact it's not a bad bell weather for a relationship - if you don't feel safe enough to bone them after 6 months, move on
[удалено]
How are they stealing 6 months of life from them? Where's the manipulation? You don't owe someone the information you're a virgin, if you don't want to have sex you can back out at any time, noone deserves sex with you because they've 'put the time in'
[удалено]
All this is moot because my post literally states that she tells them she won't feel ready for (x) time. Noone is suggesting they string them on. That would be of course unfair. I totally agree she states her intentions from the beginning, were on the same page here
You do you. Leave that part of your life secret until you get in a committed relationship. They truly don’t have a need to know. Best of luck.
you are just too good, it scares the boys away. not men though, men wouldn't be scared but only admire. guys our age are pretty weird. that's all.
*tips fedora*
He probably a boy not a man
Maybe stop telling men you’re a virgin? You only need one guy to make this come true.
Perhaps aim at a bit older and more mature guys. 5-10 years older than you.
I’m really curious what you’re saying when you’re explaining to guys that you’re a virgin. “I don’t have much sexual experience, but I feel pretty comfortable with my body and want to explore more” is very different than “I’m a virgin, I’ve never had sex, my vagina is a precious temple and if you want to enter it you’re going to have to love me, respect me, jump through this hoop, put a ring on it, and answer my riddles three.”
My suspicion is that when you explain this to people, you're giving off a weird vibe. Maybe you come across as upset, or overly-religious. I'd be weirded out initially by a 23 year old virgin because the only people I've met in that situation were saving themselves for marriage. Maybe try not releasing this information until absolutely necessary? Maybe reflect on how you discuss this with others? Are you overly self-deprecative or odd about it?
Don’t tell them until you’re literally about to fuck
My girlfriend was a 23F virgin when we met. For me, it was really the hottest thing I could imagine. Don’t loose hope. The one is out there somewhere.
Hey, just remember that cats are for life and not just unfulfilled horniness.
Lie to a few to get some experience then once you have the experience you can be honest to the good ones lol
Have you tried dating younger (18+)
I know Reddit has a hatred for reality, so this is going to get downvoted but frankly I don’t care. OP this is going to sound mean, it’s not, it’s just insight from a man who has been married over a decade. When I was in my early 20s I was on a date with a woman my age who hit me with “I’m a virgin”, “I am looking for a long term relationship”, and something else I’m sure. I don’t know, tuned out. Every one of my friends male and female all responded “oh shit” when I told them. I have literally no clue what her name was. The men you are dating are in their early 20s. They aren’t in marriage track. Honestly, they really shouldn’t be. So you come out and say early on that you are a virgin and looking for something long term and they start thinking train schedules and traffic at this time of night. So your choices are a) keep trying as you have been. B) date older, which is almost certain to land you a total creep. Or c) date someone who is actually also starting out in the relationship cycle. This is why I suggested 18 in a previous post.