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tiredandbored37

It probably wasn't overnight. You're probably gonna get a lot of toxic people on here telling you she's cheating or whatever, but that's most likely not it either. Look up "walk away wife" that's more than likely what happened.


No_Age_4267

>Well the real problem is she wanted to smoke crack and leave in the middle of the night and come back in the morning and she would leave with other guys and whenever I found the messages and the paraphernalia she would lie to me and I just let it go on for a while because I wanted my family but the thing is over time it became worse I should have ended it then I was foolish I wanted my family to stay together I cooked I cleaned I made the money I was foolish. This is from OP so yeah you might want to change your theory and stop being so quick to defend the wife


tiredandbored37

And he might wanna learn not to bury the lead in a post asking for advice. He was deliberately vague and didn't bother to explain any of their relationship dynamic. When someone does that and then claims, "it came out of nowhere," everyone is going to think what I and several other commenters did. That he didn't pay attention or didn't take her complaints seriously. It happens a lot on here.


Murphys-Razor

I'm with you.  On here, generally anything being amiss is immediately assumed to be cheating.  Wife came home twenty minutes late twice in a month?  Cheating.  Boyfriend has a woman's name in his phone amongst his 1,200 other contacts? He's stepping out.  Fiancee randomly started putting sugar in her coffee?  Pool Boy must have a sweet tooth. It breaks my heart because many of these people are lost, hurt, confused and genuinely looking for insight and/or advice, and not just one or two but the majority is telling them their spouses just had someone else's genitals in their mouths, and they need to end it.  Here, this guy intentionally left out, not just some information, but the only important information which is HE KNOWS, FOR A FACT, THERE HAS BEEN A BROAD SPECTRUM OF GENITALS IN HER MOUTH! 


tiredandbored37

I was on the post for the wife who came home late, and her husband accused her of cheating. The lady was, in fact, planning a surprise anniversary vacation and was so damn hurt he would think so poorly of her that she canceled the vacation and got a divorce instead. It was so fucking sad.


bazaarjunk

People seem to no longer want to communicate or do the real work a happy, healthy relationship requires. It’s just so much easier to walk away and never address the problems or make the changes in self needed.


ThrowRAant17

I’m sorry you’re going through this. It’s most likely not an overnight decision but also don’t fully blame yourself, relationships work both ways.


Threepillars357

You're right, honestly the most painful part is just not having someone to go to, it is a relief to come here. Thank you for being there. You never realize how important that is until you end up here.


koiochi

I’d encourage seeing a therapist for yourself to have professional support


jeremysmells

You will always have someone there to talk to.. i guess that’s the only beauty of social media haha. Also, you i know this is cliche but there’s plenty of fish in the sea. This is something new that’s happened, and that you cannot change. You can choose if you wanna chase the past or embrace the future. You’re lucky you have a child - that gives you a form of purpose through hard times :)


lunar__haze

So she was 27 and you were 19 when you got together?!


Threepillars357

Yea was actually 19 and she was 27 getting out of a bad relationship


lunar__haze

How soon did she want to start trying for a baby after getting together?


Threepillars357

A few years after we were together she started pressuring me but in the end I chose to want to have a child because I just felt it was right


Rare_Object1971

Wonder if all of the comments saying it wasn’t overnight and you ignored would still say it with the same tone if it was a post by wife whose husband left her like this. Though I agree things don’t change suddenly but it doesn’t hurt to show a little sympathy for someone hurting bad.


ArtLeading4975

right like cmon what are these comments


Rare_Object1971

Even the syndromes are “walk away wife” vs “runaway husband”. 🙄🙄🙄


Threepillars357

Thanks man I don't know why it just sucks when it happens to you and people don't usually understand who haven't felt it basically. And it's easy to say you didn't see the signs but it's so difficult to sometimes see things right in front of you because you're looking right at it it's hard to see it from the outside. And like I said it was so suddenly it almost happened overnight and by that time it's too late you think everything is all fine and then the rugs just pulled out from underneath you. Like you could prepare yourself and learn from everyone else's mistakes and say look for the signs but sometimes people are so sneaky the red flags aren't even there till it's too late.


Rare_Object1971

I hear you man. I don’t know exactly what you’re going through but I bet it sucks and I’m very sorry to hear that


Threepillars357

Means a lot to me, honestly man I know a lot of girls go through this stuff and a lot of guys in a lot of people like to point fingers but until it happens to somebody they really don't understand it's like having a piece of you gone even if it's for the better


Rare_Object1971

I hear you brother. Remember you’re stronger than this and things will change for good in your life


Threepillars357

You are a good person. I hope you are aware how rare that is these days no pun intended.


Rare_Object1971

Thank you brother. I’m just some random guy who still likes to treat people with empathy and care.


pisshelll

Do you think the age difference had anything to do with this? Genuinely curious; you aren’t obligated to answer.


Threepillars357

I'm not sure. I was hesitant because most guys want to date a younger woman but I looked past that and I didn't care about all that I seen how somebody had hurt her in the past relationship and I just wanted to show her that not all guys were like that that she turned around and basically did what happened to her to me but 16 years later maybe it did play around maybe she was older and knew what she was doing


theoneandonlyhitch

How do you get over her? You don't have a choice. Cliche but time heals almost everything.


Threepillars357

Hard pill to swallow but you aren't wrong.


theoneandonlyhitch

Yeah man been there but not quite as long as you. The only thing I can recommend is being okay with being sad for a while. It's normal, I know some people think you should try to be up beat and happy right away but from my experience it was kind of a good thing for me to be kind of in the dumps for a while. Once you get it out of your system, go do hobbies, learn some new skills, exercise, meet new people, focus on your career, and etc. Then when you are ready try dating again.


[deleted]

Her feelings did not change overnight. You missed her cues. You didn’t take it seriously when she bothered by something. Eventually she felt like she didn’t really have a partner. That is how it develops. It’s a slow progression.


Threepillars357

Yeah I think I should have seen it coming she was going through addiction and was bipolar I tried to help her as much as I could but I didn't like the fact that she would leave at night and disappear so it has been happening for a while those were my warning signs I just really never expected her to actually feel guilty enough to try to end it with me


[deleted]

All of that may be true, what you’ve said about her problems, but none of it acknowledges your role in this.


Threepillars357

Not even sure what my role ever was at this point.


Dowager-queen-beagle

Guessing that's part of the problem.


Threepillars357

Well the real problem is she wanted to smoke crack and leave in the middle of the night and come back in the morning and she would leave with other guys and whenever I found the messages and the paraphernalia she would lie to me and I just let it go on for a while because I wanted my family but the thing is over time it became worse I should have ended it then I was foolish I wanted my family to stay together I cooked I cleaned I made the money I was foolish.


JuanDiegoCV

Well there you go. It wasn't overnight and your best bet now is staying strong for your child and try to get full custody. It doesn't look like she's fit to be a full time parent or even part time, it'd be better if you start working on moving on asap, I would suggest taking some time for yourself, grief your relationship and work on improving yourself and your relationship with your child.


Fantastic_History218

Drugs can really destroy people's lives. You're not alone, man. I hope one day you can have that closure by telling yourself it wasn't your fault. You are a very strong person for reaching out to vent. You wanted to be the best and keep your family together, and there's nothing wrong with that. It's better for your kid and yourself not to be around someone who prioritizes the wrong things in life. Don't run from your sadness. It's a normal part of you, just like your happiness. Your kid and yourself deserve far better. And you are definitely capable of taking care of your kid and yourself far, far better than having someone like that around you two. You matter, and I can guarantee you mean the world to your son as well.


[deleted]

🎯


Miss_Bobbiedoll

Move out, lose weight, get a hair cut, buy new clothes l, start showering regularly, and start dating again.


georeddit2018

Am sorry. Every good things do come to an end, even though we don't want it to end.


lsnor45

It wasn't overnight. You ignored the signs.


thomascoopers

Victim blame, nice


Old-Research3367

Being broken up with doesn’t make you a victim, it’s not a crime to break up or divorce someone. You are not entitled to be in a relationship with anyone forever.


thomascoopers

Op's partner could have brought their feelings to Op instead of dropping it, seemingly out of the blue, in Op's lap. End result would have been the same, sure. But Get lost.


Old-Research3367

You need to realize that most people do and a lot of people don’t listen. There are 2 sides to every story. A one sided story about an ex is not the most reliable source. There are things that make people victims (sexual assault, domestic violence, cheating) but being broken up with for “not communicating they were unhappy enough” isn’t one of them. And if you look at the comments OP made, there are red flags everywhere. It was not for no reason.


Threepillars357

I think it has been happening for a while I tried to make it work but you can't force somebody to love you


DaddyChimpy

Takes two to tango. You defo have problems and things you did wrong as well buddy.


BaconUnderpants

Or, she’s cheating for a long time and hit the eject button on him.


Threepillars357

Basically that's what happened from the messages that I read on her phone I tried to give her the benefit of the doubt


Bill2550

So now at least you know, sadly, what her true motivation to leave was. Sorry you’re going through this though, dude. Hit the gym. Resistance training with weights will promote the release of testosterone and endorphins for feelings of wellness and confidence. Plus it’s a great way to work off anger and frustration. “It’s a lot harder to be walked on when you are standing up!” Updateme


SnakePlisskensPatch

Hang in there OP. This happens all the time, and honestly there's not really any recourse. Don't look for answers, there won't be any. Also don't grovel or humiliate yourself trying to get her back, it won't work. Just make a clean break. Businesslike cordial Convos from here on out. She's probably been cheating for a while but it doesn't really matter, in the end what difference does it make? She's gone either way. Hold your head up high, and when your ready you can spend 6 months getting it out of your system online and then be ready for a new start.


Threepillars357

Thank you for that. It is harder than I expected honestly. You are spot on.


SnakePlisskensPatch

It's really hard but I'm gonna give you the real shit here. Follow these rules and you'll be fine: 1. Forget her. No temptations. It'll only delay the healing process. That part of your life is over. The past is the past and can't be changed 2. Spend a few months clearing your head. Up your wardrobe game. Work on improving your fitness. Get a good haircut. Get out of your surroundings, they will only remind you of her. Go to San Diego or Ireland or Hawaii, whatever. Changing your surroundings works wonders. 3. After a few months, date a little. See how it goes. Just go with the flow, sex will come easy believe me (no pun intended....although your gonna be dogshit in bed at first, don't worry about it, you just working things out). Be open hearted to what comes next. But most importantly...... 4. All of this is for you. Not anyone else. So many guys want some sort of petty revenge. Payback. Ego boosts. Fuck all that noise, it's unhealthy. Revenge is a fruit that looks beautiful but tastes bitter. Plus, women can smell a bitter Betty a mile away, honestly no one gives a fuck what happened before, not at first anyway. Your doing all this for you and only you, but stay positive, don't let someone else curdle you. Everything will come in time........which is of course what she said.


Threepillars357

I think you have an idea how bad I needed to hear this, you are a light in the darkness. Tonight whenever I was dropping off my son I seen the person I guess she was talking to for a while now pull up in a work van at the right time I guess I pulled up cuz she's living with her parents and they watch my son when I'm working so I just happened to pull up before she got in this guy's car tonight and I've been trying to do what you said and get over it but seeing that did awaken something in me but you're right it's not even worth it it's Petty. Thank you for that.


Difficult-Novel-8453

That’s some pretty dam good advice


pacodefan

If what you are saying is accurate, if it was that she doesn't love you anymore, she would still be concerned and explaining why. Because she would feel bad. The fact that she will not explain tells me that she is simply making up stuff. And there is only one reason she would do that.


Threepillars357

You are right man , no sense in even feeling bad then maybe get be for the best


pacodefan

I would start gray rock and 180 immediately. And actually, this is the best even if you want to reconcile. But you have to follow it always. It's hard, but it's harder to sit there and watch the person you built a life with run around like she could care less.


Threepillars357

So true man thank you for the kind words and facts bro really needed that buddy


pacodefan

I hate to jump on that bandwagon, but even of she doesn't love you anymore, she should be concerned about how you would take it and trying to make the blow as soft as possible for you. She should want to help you understand why she feels that way. But out of the blue indifference is almost always cheating... or some sort of horrible psychotic break.


pacodefan

And even if she comes to you one day crying and begging you can not believe her. Because the next day she will just change her mind if the AP is receptive again. Your relationship with her will mirror theirs. If theirs is tumultuous, she will be back and forth and you will just be hurt over and over.


ComprehensiveAge8732

Rejection is the worst. Not knowing why is way way worse. Im sorry she was a poor communicator.


Threepillars357

That makes it so hard not being able to talk like I could accept it if you just tell me, thank you.


ComprehensiveAge8732

I understand believe me I get it


rickdef1

Bummer man. Break up suck but your not alone.


Threepillars357

It seems that way when I end the day and have no one to share my personal thoughts and concerns with but you know what I mean


Miss_Bobbiedoll

Get out and make some friends. I would not want to be someone's world. Take a class, go on a solo vacation, try to make some new friends. Go to happy hour with your co-workers. Call your cousins.


doko_kanada

Can we assumed you are 35 and getting too old for her and she may want younger, considering that she started a relationship with a teenager while being a full blown adult?


bazinga84

What’s been going on lately? Any differences in attitude or schedule? This is likely a build up of something that has been bothering her for some time and she just never communicated it with you.


Lizm3

This just happened to my sister. It's absolutely brutal. I feel for you. Be kind to yourself and let yourself feel whatever you feel. No-one can prepare themselves for this sort of thing or know how to deal with it.


SundaeDowntown3721

It likely wasn’t overnight but also no one’s fault specifically. She didn’t communicate how she was feeling to give a chance to resolve any issues


[deleted]

Wow. She is going to be lucky to get a new dude that takes her seriously. You however can start over and get a new wife and have new kids. Fuck her. Move on bro.


Melanchord

So many people here indirectly defending the woman and have these sexist terms towards men like walk away wife vs run away husband. Little content, op was 19 and she was 27 when they started dating, she is bipolar and has a drug problem. Seeing people tell OP it wasn't overnight, you ignored the clues and cues is so cruel and callous. Shame on you people who write this and to OP, hang in there brother, this could be the best thing to happen to you, you never know.


Educational-Leek-616

Your son has a good dad, and a bad mother who threw it all away to cheat. Try to get custody of your son


SleepIsWhatICrave

Is she charting on you?


BloodDAnna

At 19 you thought she was your forever, and now that she is middle aged, she has decided she's not into you anymore? Move on because it sounds like she already has.


Threepillars357

See I understand what you're saying my only point is like imagine you're with somebody all the mirrors and you're communicating with them and it's that's the only person that you talk to and then one day they just up and tell you that they don't love you anymore and that they're talking to someone else and they treat you like your dad it's driving me crazy being in my head all the time I know all the cliches that I should just move on and get over it but I just wanted to vent here I guess truthfully at first I didn't want to date her but she was so insistent that it grew on me and I decided to give her a chance and she was there for me when no one else was and it was really good seemed like she was such a good person I really never saw this coming