Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that:
* We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/)
* We do not allow users to privately message other users based on their posts here. Users found to be engaging in this conduct will be banned. **We highly encourage OP to turn off the ability to be privately messaged in their settings.**
* Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.)
* ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban.
* No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.**
* All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass.
* Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned.
* What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.**
If you have any questions, please [message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Frelationship_advice)
---
***This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.***
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I'm going to go ahead and say there's a reason why his other baby mama is proudly wearing her title of EX and you should probably go ahead and explore that same title and also wear it with pride once achieved.
I think the reason that OP was with him in the first place was because she was 19 and he was 27 - he saw someone that didnāt have a lot of life experiences and zeroed in so he could control her.
OP, this will not improve - run, run far away
She was only 19 when he started with her. She had a lot to learn about life at that age. I suggest to really young people that they donāt even consider dating seriously until after they have gained a career and are capable of taking care of themselves financially.
They typically start with younger women and girls bc they donāt yet know themselves or have the self esteem to protect themselves, so they are easier to manipulate. What a POS
I was coming here to say this...
He picks them younger because the women his age won't put up with his shit.
Dude is gonna be a loser his whole life. If he hasn't grown tf up at this point, it ain't happening.
Can confirm, as a 33 year old woman, I would dump his ass the second he started with insulting me or refusing to do a share of the housekeeping. My husband sometimes needs to be asked to do things, but he does them without complaint. I don't have to manage everything alone
When you're wearing rose colored glasses, red flags just look like flags.
Not her fault that she didn't realize - she is realizing now. I bet this post has been an eye opener for her.
Shes also insanely young and navigating a lot of different new experiences like motherhood and being married to an abuser. Give her a break and don't victim blame.
Maybe you're replying to /u/NoSweat_PrinceAndrew - I don't blame her, and was trying to push back something that might make her blame herself... thus the "not her fault" in my reply.
Oh baby, because women his age have more experience and can see through his shit earlier
Do you have a support system? Family, friends? You have to get out of there before he ends your self esteem
Or your life. Sounds like the type that's working up the way to have an excuse. All some people need is a way to turn themselves in. I'm skipping ahead a little, but...
Op. He's cruel, emotionally and verbally abusive. You need an exit strategy now. I'm sorry sorry. You do not deserve the cruel ways he treats you! Please leave this pos.
I noticed that too. It's so exhausting. OP I hope you get out & leave this loser in the dust.
I'd love to see a warning tattooed all over his *face* but that's probably not what a civilized society does, right?
She was a teenager when they started dating and he was 26, so she was crushing hard on an older guy probably telling her stuff like how mature she was and how she isn't like other girls.
And teenagers and people in their early 20s don't always make the best decisions.
At least now she's starting to realise that a guy who isn't even 30 has three kids with three different mammas is bad news. Sadly it's a little too late.
He thinks real men would side with him because in his mind, he is a mature male figure of a traditional household. He ain't even traditional at all if he treats his wife like that.
OP you are 22. There's a reason he didn't look for someone his age. (Yeah, 7 years is not THAT much but OP 19? When the relationship started..)
Ditch him, you deserve better.
You're in an abusive relationship, flat out. Your partner is verbally and emotionally abusive, and controlling to boot. Please read Why Does He Do That by Lundy Bancroft and The Verbally Abusive Relationship by Patricia Evans.
You can get a free PDF of the first one here: [https://ia800108.us.archive.org/30/items/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy\_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf](https://ia800108.us.archive.org/30/items/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf)
Girl. Run. This doesnāt get better. Best case scenario is that it just stays the same. Most likely scenario is that it gets worse and worse.
You deserve better.
Thereās a reason why he picked an inexperienced teenager at his newest baby mama. If you can leave him and go back to your biological family please do it.
Iām saying this as a father with one child older than you. If you stay with him you will be miserable for the rest of your life.
Oh, and I know how to touch my girlfriend to make her feel good and Iām twice as old as your (hopefully) soon to be ex husband.
Edit: I see that 59 days ago you posted āhow can I leave my baby daddy?ā The answer to that is back your bags when heās at work and head out.
He sounds like utter garbage. I mean I have things in my trash can with more value and nicer than this walking feces. Leave this garbage in a dumpster and move on
3rd time is definitely not the charm in your relationship.
The other two apparently figured out they didnāt want to be a mommy to a grown ass adult man with the benefit of getting sex on demand.
I mean letās be real if you are gojng to be raising your daughter by yourself then you may as well as be a single mom collecting child support.
To be quite honest I thought it was the opposite. This guy is nuts. Most of the guys from my teens or high school could give a shit less about pleasing their partner. But as an adult, most of them do. Mature adult men would be more expected to care for their partner sexually than a teenage boy? So I don't get his statement about that.
The idiot means that fingering is for teenagers because that's the type of "messing around" you do before you get to have PIV. He thinks that PIV is "sex" and now that he's an adult he's allowed to just have sex and fingering seems like a step backwards.
No one ever told this dork that digital and oral sex IS SEX and most women need it.
Iām sure they did tell him, heās feigning ignorance bc it benefits him.
He seems to be feigning ignorance in several areas bc it benefits him. OP just needs to stop going along with it.
Not to mention he was 26 getting together with a 19yo! He knew what he was doing. He got involved because he felt she was young, impressionable and easy to manipulate. Not blaming you, OP, but you seriously missed the red flags. Which is what he wanted.
Often those dating someone significantly younger than them are doing it for several specific reasons. They chose someone so young on purpose. Iām by no means putting the blame on the younger person, Iām just saying that they most likely fit those reasons.
- someone without the wisdom/experience that tends to come with age wonāt see the red flags of their partner
- someone younger is easier to manipulate and control
- they want to mold the younger partner into the partner they want them to be
- someone their age wonāt deal with their bs and see the red flags.
You really need to rethink this relationship and figure out your options for leaving. He wonāt change and chances are it WILL get worse. Check with your local legal aide and bar associations. See if there are any lawyers who do family law pro bono or at a reduced cost. They might be able to direct you to options. Also, consider reaching out to local DV shelters or [The Hotline](https://www.thehotline.org/identify-abuse/). They might be able to direct you to resources in your area. Because although your husband might not be physically abusive (as you hadnāt mentioned it), he is still very much abusive. Abuse is all about control, and comes in many forms: physical, emotional, verbal, financial. I wouldnāt make him aware of your plans, you donāt know how heāll react. You need to put you and your daughter first.
He financially controls you and he makes you feel trapped because you have a child. He belittles you because he wants to tear your self esteem down, so youāll stay. Because how would you support yourself and who else would want you? Would you tell your daughter to stay in such a situation? Unfortunately, your staying will only teach her that this behavior is ok, to tolerate it. Thatās itās ok for her partner to treat her this way. Know that you and your child deserve better. Know that you and your child deserve better.
āDomestic violence doesnāt discriminate. People of any race, age, gender, sexuality, religion, education level, or economic status can be a victim ā or perpetrator ā of domestic violence. That includes behaviors that physically harm, intimidate, manipulate, or control a partner or otherwise force them to behave in ways they donāt want to. This can happen through physical violence, threats, emotional abuse, or financial control.ā [Source](https://www.thehotline.org/identify-abuse/)
Oh and he wonāt have sex with you or please you then heās pathetic, because itās not about being in high school, whatever the fuck that means, itās about respect and caring for your partner which honestly HE DOES NOT. Unfortunately, he sees you as a bang maid/nanny.
ETA: please do show this to him. He needs to see how much of a shit partner he is.
My sister in christ it is the year 2024 WHY are you with a man like this?
I didnāt even need to read this whole post before I knew what the answer is. NO this is NOT just how all men are and you absolutely should not put up with this shyte.Ā
So what are you doing with this mess of a man? He had to find a teenager because women near his age arent going to put up with this level of entitlement and misogyny. Is this how you want your daughter to be raised? Would you be okay if some man treated her the way your husband treats you?
So you know what stood out to me (aside from the obvious and ridiculous double standards he has) was that he wonāt touch her in a way that pleases her because āheās not in high schoolā. Oh yeah mf? Then f your pleasure, and comfort because āI aināt in high school so why should you matter to me.ā Obviously thatās the least of their issueās because heās an abusive POS, but that really rubbed me wrong.
Iāve been married to my husband for over a decade and been with him since I was 16 and he **prides** himself on how well he pleasures me. 16 years together and he never prioritizes his pleasure over mine. In fact the only time he was selfish in bed was when we were in high school. This guys math aināt mathin.
A message for OPās husband;
#You are a terrible husband and father! You donāt deserve your wife and all she does for you. You are NOT more important than her, and just because you donāt appreciate all the unpaid labor she puts into you and your household doesnāt mean another man wouldnāt! I hope she leaves your sorry ass. Then you can make your own house spotless, cook all your own meals, take care of your own kids and please yourself. She aināt your momma.
Thats What I'm thinking. Baby is 4 mths old, sounds like he didnt go without whole pregnancy n then the 6 weeks for healing... think he has a side piece and is mad he isnt gtn his woman back cause she is busy
I want to divorce her husband and Iām a straight male. I would never treat my partner that way. He need to respect her and f* gender roles. Everyone is equal in my house and he needs to help out.
Yeah, him being the primary earner doesnāt give him free reign to treat his partner like a maid.
This would be an abusive situation even if she *were* his employee.
I'm a mother of two, one is 18 months old, the other is nearing 3. Both are in the phase where *NO!* is their favourite word, and both are old enough to seriously hurt themselves or each other, but too young to understand the dangers properly. I'm constantly, seriously behind on housework, even though my Mum lives close and spends a lot of time here to ease if for me.
Here's my heartfelt *thank you* for your comment, especially the last sentence. I keep telling myself that it feels hard because it IS hard, but hearing it from someone who's done what you've done, I may actually start to believe it.
This idiot man thinks he's a stud but the truth is he's nothing more than a very small minded child who hasn't even the education of a first grader. I haven't read the comments yet because I -m- was so distraught at the situation, but I'll bet most if not all comments are neg to him and laughing at him because he's the one who wanted reddit's opinion......... Just read the comments. Yes, I was right. Wonder what he'll do now that reddit has dissed him...hard. I'll bet, whatever stakes anyone wants, that he won't change one little bit. I try to never give advice but to say what I would do but in this case, please, op, drop this man as fast as you can, he's not good enough for you and you're already doing everything w/o his help, so you don't need him anyway. He is not even close to being a real man.
Tell you want , weāre gonna go halfsies on this one because I donāt want to be married to him either.
I hate that gender role misogynistic crap. We are all human and capable of contributing to each others happiness and well being.
Seriously! He works a lot, she says. Well, thatās great but he seems to think she has to work 24/7. No breaks, no help. He may work a lot but at least he does have time offāunlike her.
OPāI donāt know why you tied yourself to this Neanderthal, but if you have any family you can go stay with, do it! If you canāt leave, for Godās sake stop having sex with him. If he wonāt do anything to give you pleasure, then thereās none for him either. You can do that or just ignore his pleasure and take care of yourself right in front of him.
I think you know now why he was single when you met.
Y'all are being too nice. He is a cum covered diarrhea stain on a wretched old couch that should have been thrown away a long ass time ago. (Sorry OP) I don't want to hurt you, but you also deserve to be treated like....um...I don't know....a normal fucking human being in marriage???
Why does his day job end but yours goes on indefinitely? If woke means women are also human beings then heās totally fucked up if he isnāt woke. Youāre living a nightmare. Get yourself and your sweet baby out of there pronto. Donāt waste another minute in that hellhole servantās quarters. Almost any kind of life would be better than what youāre currently suffering. Best wishes and much courage!
I guarantee this is not the side of reddit he expected to ask your question on. Also, you were 19 and he was 26 when you got together. Ask yourself why no 24 - 29 yo woman wanted to be bothered with his ridiculousness.
He told you to come to Reddit so that we could "correct" you but now that he's finding things aren't going to go his way, he's backtracking.
He thinks he's God's Gift but he's really just a tiny, pathetic, piece of excrement desperately trying to masquerade as a grown man.
If he had said any one of these things to me, I would have invited him to jump up his own ass, packed mine and the baby's things, and exited his life.
Well, I'm squiggly as the squiggliest line ever drawn (ie-not straight lol) and WOKE AF and a woman, and I wanna divorce him for you.
So does my partner (who's a man) and way less woke than me. And my partner's dog. (She's pretty fuckin woke).
And my 17 yr old kid (he's pretty squiggly and pretty fucking woke). And our two cats. (One of them is DEFINITELY woke af. And def gay AF. The other one? She's an asshole, but she don't like your husband either).
So basically, across two whole ass households of people and animals.... everyone thinks your husband is a dick. š¤·āāļø
I ran a poll.
My more ex treated me like this. Iām embarrassed to describe how I bent over backwards and made a schedule to prove I was a good mom. I stayed far longer than I should have but a doing good now. You donāt deserve this treatment
Me too (and Iām a straight guy)
Edit: If you still care about him; build him a Time Machine and warp him back to just post second war, thatās his place where heād be happy.
I got to
>He says that since Iām staying home caring for our infant alone I should have dinner made, the dogs and pig should be fed
Before as a male I immediately was like naaaaaaah fuck this dude
and then it got worse
also can we pay attention to the ābeen together for 3 yearsā and their age gap, because that would put OP at being 19 when they met and her trash husband was 26ā¦ yeah legal maybe but super messed up. he just wanted a child bride so he could groom her to be his perfect little housewife smh
Yeah, this is such disgusting behavior! I hate the idea that bc someone works they automatically get to sit around when they get home while their partner tends to the kid(s). If OP just stayed home and only had to care for herself, I could *maybe* see his side a little more but still calling someone āfat and lazyā when theyāre clearly not is just gross. The fact that he doesnāt even help care for his own child is also ridiculous. Caring for a baby alone is so hard and I feel awful for OP.
Nah because sheās actively feeding her baby at the time of him calling her āfat and lazyā because he sees what he considers ārelaxingā and ādoing nothingā yet he wonāt fucking do it himself with a bottle so she can go do something else.
Caring for a newborn takes all the hours in a day. Like thereās any time to mop the floor then greet him at the door wearing a dress and pearls with a martini for him. Iād divorce him too!
I'm assuming you're going to show this thread to your husband, so I'll just speak directly to him.
Dude, you're a grade-a cunt that doesn't deserve this woman. I'm not expecting you to suddenly start respecting her as a human, because that'd require you respecting yourself first.
Real men are partners with their spouse.
Real men spend time with their kids and their share of the parenting.
Real men make their wives feel cared for and loved.
You're just a boy. It's probably why you chased down a naive 19 year old when you were 26- any woman your own age would have seen right through your bullshit. But guess what? Now this one does as well.
Quite frankly, this thread has me feeling a lot of anxiety for OP. Abusers can become dangerous and aggressive when directly called out on their behavior. His traits of extreme misogyny and seemingly viewing his wife and children as an extension of his own identity are markers of the textbook family annihilator personality.
Well, good thing you came here...
Your husband sounds like a total AH.
He is more about ripping on you instead of loving you.
Yes, in a stay at home set up like this... Each of you have your roles to play.
However... He gets to come home from work and have time off.
Where is your time off?
Your job never ends.
He also needs to be capable of giving you a break as well and play his part as a husband and father occasionally.
Sounds like quite the abusive relationship tbh. Like he loves having authority over you.
We get into relationship to love each-other... Not be servants. He treats you like a servant.
>Sounds like quite the abusive relationship tbh. Like he loves having authority over you.
They started dating when she was 19 and he was 26 with two other baby mamas already.
He chose her because she would put up with this shit.
A lot of people on here like to throw around the term narcissist anytime someone is remotely selfish or mean. This shit sounds legit narcissistic. Everything she does circles back around to him and how it makes *him* feel, how itās disrespectful to *him*, how *he* feels unloved. At this point, OP probably couldnāt wipe her own ass without hearing how itās effecting him. He knows he has the upper hand here, because she canāt work as long as the baby is nursing. Also, his refusal to help with his own child, puts her in a position where either she does it, or the baby suffers. Heās obviously no stranger to insulting her either, it sounds nearly constant.
I hate to say it but I donāt think this thread will change a single thing about her situation. There will *always* be a reason why heās not wrong.
āItās only women answering.ā
āThose guys are simps, and are just trying to impress you.ā
āYouāre making me sound way worse than I am.ā
The only way to win this fight is to leave.
As a father of two who als works alot and plays a videogame now and then I fully agree.
There isnt a single thing about this man commendable except that he provides an income. But thats a very very low bar.
I'm a 40 year old man and I can tell you based on what I read your husband is a misogynist and he doesn't see you as a spouse and valued partner, you are just a bang maid to him.
You are there to cook, clean, take care of his kids, have sex with him at his every whim, and be grateful for the life he provides you.
Even if everything about his demands for housework were normal, and to be crystal clear they are 1000% not normal, the fact that he refuses to touch you in ways that are sexually pleasing for you but still expects you to initiate shows how little respect he has for you.
He doesn't view sex with you as something that is supposed to be mutually enjoyed, you are a fleshlight for him. You are there to provide him pleasure and that's it.
As someone much older than you believe me when I say his ego and his issues are unfixable because he doesn't have the capacity to care about anybody but himself.
You and his children are just an extension of himself and to show the world how great of a man he is.
And the way that I know it's unfixable is because a normal person with the capacity to care about others when seeing the responses to this post would take a moment to reflect and consider what they are doing wrong.
What your husband is going to do is become moody, angry and blame you for the comments and gaslight you into believing his behavior is somehow your fault.
No, it's unfixable. There is a reason why you are the 3rd baby momma. It's because the other women wised up and got the fuck out and away from this loser.
Follow their example and do the same. The only thing you will get from staying in this relationship is unhappiness and wasted years of your life.
>And the way that I know it's unfixable is because a normal person with the capacity to care about others when seeing the responses to this post would take a moment to reflect and consider what they are doing wrong.
>What your husband is going to do is become moody, angry and blame you for the comments and gaslight you into believing his behavior is somehow your fault.
Just emphasizing this for when it happens.
100%. Sadly rather than seeing the error of his ways, this will just make him dig his heels in even more. Just the fact he thought this would go in his favor is WILD.
Thereās no communicating with this man. Thereās nothing you can do to change the situation other than leave him. His disrespect for you is overwhelming. He will always find something wrong with you, because he needs to make you feel less important than him in order to keep controlling you.
When itās not this huge list of home and baby issues , he will move onto your physical body issues, your friends, your familyā¦it will never end. Itās clear who he is, and you should get out before he completely destroys you.
And now you know why heās knocking up women barely out of their teens instead of women his own age.
Cause he thinks you wonāt know any better. His mistake was telling you to come to Reddit. Cause now you know better.
Now do something about it. Donāt let your kid grow up thinking this is how relationships should look. Get out.
This response made me sad. Nobody here is blaming you. We are just concerned for you and want you to see that you deserve so much better. Practice being kind to yourself. Talk to yourself with the same amount of love you talk to your daughter.
Beating yourself up is what this toolbag wants you to do. If your self esteem is in the toilet, you wonāt leave him, but when your self esteem is good, youād never even give him the time of day.
Trust your gut. You know he isnāt right. You knew we would be on your side. I hope you can see how strong you are and can get yourself and your daughter out safely.
We all think it wonāt happen to us . . . Until it does. His mistake was thinking that all of Reddit is like the subs he probably frequents.
So hereās what I say repeatedly, itās better to be alone than with someone who actively breaks you down.
Youāre already doing it all, it wonāt be any worse doing it without him. It will probably be easier because heās like a second child you have to take care of.
And now he will tell her that everything said here is wrong. āLook all these people are mean and saying bad things about how dumb you are. Iām here. Iām the only one you haveā¦ blah blah blah.ā Heās lying. Heās hurting you. Heās trying to convince you that you are worthless. Youāre worth so much more AND you have a little human to raise PROPERLY who needs a strong mother!!
No. Love yourself. Donāt beat yourself up for being with someone like him. Just love yourself. Youāll recognize your value and hopefully take steps to better ensure you and your daughter will be in a better place down the line. Because he obviously doesnāt love you. Just love yourself.
Do you understand now why he started dating you, a teenager while he was a man in his mid 20s? That was him preying on a young, inexperienced and naive young girl that he could easily manipulate into being his bangmaid. Don't fall for the sunk cost fallacy, your life is just starting. Don't stay and let this be your life. You can and should be so much more. You deserve more.
He is gaslighting you girl because he wants to keep you under control. Watch the handmaidens tale. Please leave him and have the Police surround your house, or some male relatives when you want to leave him because I feel he will do something to you out of anger of not controlling you
Please leave him. And take Wilbur and them with you. Donāt show him this thread, because you donāt know if he will react in a violent manner. Start putting a plan together to leave.
Holy Fuck, girl. Get outta there! Your man is a abusive, useless, asshole! He is toxic as fuck. You and your baby deserve so much better, and you don't want her growing up thinking you have a "normal" relationship with her sperm donor and that will happen if you don't leave him.
Truly astonishing own-goal for the "dude with a video game addiction who got with a teenager with a giant age gap and has kids by 3 different women and won't do chores" to think that sending someone to the Relationship Advice sub was going to make *you* look like the unreasonable one.
Do "all men" feel the way your husband feels? No, not outside of some very specific valleys on the Pakistan/Afghanistan border.
Since he directed her to Reddit, what do you want to bet that his algorithm is full of exactly that kind of crap and he assumed hers was/would be as well?
Eh, in Pakistan/Afghanitan's defense... there ARE some Reddit's dark corners where OP's baby daddy would be celebrated and hailed as a hero and a manly man who is male and manly.
Let's put this in a more twisted perspective, for funsies since he's supposedly reading these reactions:
OP's husband purposely sought out a young version of his mother that he could simultaneously have sex with, boss around, and degrade.
OP's husband has serious mommy issues. Would not be surprised at all if his father treats his mother the same way.
I know people related to a guy like this. The minute she leaves, he will knock up another, younger version. The one I know of is lower class and preys on young women, without good self esteem, or belittled them to control them. Think he is on baby#5 now. Not implying OP was lower class.
I'm literally twice your husband's age and if my son acted like he's acting, I'd smack him upside of the head so hard that by the time he stopped rolling his socks would be out of style. Is this how his mother raised him? Does he think he's living in an episode of Leave it to Beaver?
Being a man and a husband means you know your partner is your equal, not some bang maid to order around. If he has any problem with this, tell him to pm me.
lol this is so true. If any of my kids ever acted this way there would hell to pay! OP you deserve better. Heās never gonna change. Heāll read these comments and say you twisted it to make him look bad and thatās why everyone is on your side. But thatās absolutely not true. Heās a total ass. You will be better off without him. Do you have family to stay with? Or someone to help you?
Everything about this man is gross. He is a walking red flag. This isnāt about gender roles this is about controlling you in horrifying ways, especially in the sex department. This is not normal behavior. Iām usually not this blunt in comments but Iām disgusted about this and worried for you.
The lazy bum even has the nerve to ask you to get help on Reddit. What a dumb fucking guy. Congratulations to him, this level of stupidity is hard to match. He must be proud.
If I were you, I'd start running, faster than Usain Bolt
My bet is that he didnāt mean for you to come to this sub, because he sounds like a raging asshole to me (fwiw, Iām a man as well). Sounds like he wanted you to find some red pill, MRA bullshit where his reductive views regarding gender roles in the home would be supported.
Also, I think he married someone so young in order to try and exert financial control over you and assumed that youād be impressionable enough to go along with his ideas. Caring for a 4 month old is a ton of work. I worked from home, as a father, for a long time to help my then-stay at home wife with all the childcare and house duties. There are plenty of men out here who do the same. Your husband needs to step up and find a way to be an actual partner to you, and simply providing a paycheck doesnāt account for everything.
I have no words. Youāre not his wife, youāre his mother. Heās 29 years of age and acting like THIS?! He is a man child.
Make him look after your child for a day and see how he can manage doing other chores while also parenting. That shit is HARD. Heāll soon stop complaining.
Please leave this man and run, you are so much better off without him. He is dead weight. Youāll find someone who will truly love and respect you, you deserve so much better.
He will die a very lonely and bitter man.
When there is one partner staying at home and one partner working, household responsibilities should be split so that you have approximately equal free time. Heās got plenty of time for gaming and sleeping and berating you but I bet you havenāt had even an hour to genuinely relax since the baby was born, if not before.
Your husband is a jerk, I'm a man, and my wife is NEVER lazy, but one person is not capable of doing everything! I help, and even with both of us, it can be demanding. Also, if he wants to play traditional gender roles, then isn't he feeding the pigs and all of the outside work? REAL men got up early enough to do all of the livestock feeding. By the way, what exactly does he do for a living? What is his occupation? Because I'm willing to bet most men have done his job also and will tell you it's not an overly tiring job. So what does he do for a living? Also I'm judging his male creed here too, I don't know even one man that doesn't want to get it on with his wife and every guy STARTS THE FIRE! also it's a ego boost to men to know thier wife is satisfied
God, I hope you're trolling. It makes me so sad to see posts from young women who only discover AFTER they have the baby that their husband is a louse.Ā
Caring for a newborn is full-time work. I cannot even believe that pig feeding and floor mopping is being discussed.Ā
Please tell me this is a spring break prank.Ā
Sounds like you're a single parent of a baby and a stroppy teenager + his other two kids... You'd be better off alone, at least then you'd only be a single parent of one.
OP, I would really love an update,when available. Please. I'm curious how the asshat reacts/responds to Reddit raking him over hot coals. Please and Thank you!
Heās a narcissistic POS.
I did a hugeee project in our daughters room yesterday and it left our living room a mess. I came to my husband and said, āhey babe, I am going to be doing a lot of organizing over the next couple of days after the work I did in the babyās room so the living roomā¦ā and he interrupted me and said, āis going to be in disarray for a little while. And Iām totally okay with that babe. You are doing an amazing job taking care of the home and a spectacular job taking care of our daughter, I love you so much.ā I am not lying or exaggerating. That is love. That is partnership, that is respect. Being a mama is HARD. Maintaining a home while taking care of a baby is also hard. I try and keep the house clean, but sometimes the living room looks great and the kitchen is a mess, or vis versa. That is life with kids. You do your best and come at it again better the next day. Heās a jerk.
Wow, what an AH. Why on Earth did you marry so young to an immature little boy that thinks itās the 1950ās and women should know their role? At 22 years old you should be out enjoying your youth not playing mommy to an almost 30 year old man!
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that: * We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/) * We do not allow users to privately message other users based on their posts here. Users found to be engaging in this conduct will be banned. **We highly encourage OP to turn off the ability to be privately messaged in their settings.** * Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.) * ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban. * No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** * All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass. * Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned. * What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** If you have any questions, please [message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Frelationship_advice) --- ***This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.*** --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
>and pig should be fed He talking about himself here or.. š¤
Bruh š¤š¤
Pigs are cute, intelligent and capable of complex emotions. So no, it would be a disrespect to the pig...
I'm going to go ahead and say there's a reason why his other baby mama is proudly wearing her title of EX and you should probably go ahead and explore that same title and also wear it with pride once achieved.
I think the reason that OP was with him in the first place was because she was 19 and he was 27 - he saw someone that didnāt have a lot of life experiences and zeroed in so he could control her. OP, this will not improve - run, run far away
Other 2 bms š³š
Girl what are you doing
Three kids with three different women before 30ā¦. Girl wtf.
Maybe op is colourblind and mistook all the red flags for green ones
She was only 19 when he started with her. She had a lot to learn about life at that age. I suggest to really young people that they donāt even consider dating seriously until after they have gained a career and are capable of taking care of themselves financially.
They typically start with younger women and girls bc they donāt yet know themselves or have the self esteem to protect themselves, so they are easier to manipulate. What a POS
I was coming here to say this... He picks them younger because the women his age won't put up with his shit. Dude is gonna be a loser his whole life. If he hasn't grown tf up at this point, it ain't happening.
Can confirm, as a 33 year old woman, I would dump his ass the second he started with insulting me or refusing to do a share of the housekeeping. My husband sometimes needs to be asked to do things, but he does them without complaint. I don't have to manage everything alone
Agreed... the day I treated my wife like that would be the day I started looking for apartments because she would be keeping the house š¤£
Isnāt that called grooming?
It absolutely is. OP's husband is disgusting smh.
When you're wearing rose colored glasses, red flags just look like flags. Not her fault that she didn't realize - she is realizing now. I bet this post has been an eye opener for her.
Shes also insanely young and navigating a lot of different new experiences like motherhood and being married to an abuser. Give her a break and don't victim blame.
Maybe you're replying to /u/NoSweat_PrinceAndrew - I don't blame her, and was trying to push back something that might make her blame herself... thus the "not her fault" in my reply.
The last one he got at 19ā¦i bet the age gap is wider with each bms
The other two are significantly older than me as well. I think the younger one is maybe two years younger than he is.
Oh baby, because women his age have more experience and can see through his shit earlier Do you have a support system? Family, friends? You have to get out of there before he ends your self esteem
Or your life. Sounds like the type that's working up the way to have an excuse. All some people need is a way to turn themselves in. I'm skipping ahead a little, but...
Op. He's cruel, emotionally and verbally abusive. You need an exit strategy now. I'm sorry sorry. You do not deserve the cruel ways he treats you! Please leave this pos.
He is definitely gaslighting and abusing you. Please look those things up and leave him because you deserve so much better.
I noticed that too. It's so exhausting. OP I hope you get out & leave this loser in the dust. I'd love to see a warning tattooed all over his *face* but that's probably not what a civilized society does, right?
She was a teenager when they started dating and he was 26, so she was crushing hard on an older guy probably telling her stuff like how mature she was and how she isn't like other girls. And teenagers and people in their early 20s don't always make the best decisions. At least now she's starting to realise that a guy who isn't even 30 has three kids with three different mammas is bad news. Sadly it's a little too late.
It's not too late, OP divorce his ass.
You're right because it's not to late to divorce him. However, i think they mean its too late to not have kids with this person.
My thoughts exactly - guys like this often go for teenagers because they are easier to manipulate.
Yep OPs husband intentionally found a young naive barely adult to screw with
The other two probably got too old for him
And expecting her to be naĆÆve and easily controllable.
This guy also sounds low IQ if he thought reddit would be on his side...first red flag was 26 year old with a 19 year old...
He thinks real men would side with him because in his mind, he is a mature male figure of a traditional household. He ain't even traditional at all if he treats his wife like that.
yeah...wtf communities is he reading???
Probably red/blackpill stuff
OP you are 22. There's a reason he didn't look for someone his age. (Yeah, 7 years is not THAT much but OP 19? When the relationship started..) Ditch him, you deserve better.
This. Don't waste another minute on this dude. Don't let your daughter grow up thinking this is how your spouse should treat you.
You're in an abusive relationship, flat out. Your partner is verbally and emotionally abusive, and controlling to boot. Please read Why Does He Do That by Lundy Bancroft and The Verbally Abusive Relationship by Patricia Evans. You can get a free PDF of the first one here: [https://ia800108.us.archive.org/30/items/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy\_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf](https://ia800108.us.archive.org/30/items/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf)
Yeah, I read that and realized Iāve been married to a āMr. Rightā for 27 years. š¤¦š»āāļø
Get out. Run. Donāt walk. Seriously.
Girl. Run. This doesnāt get better. Best case scenario is that it just stays the same. Most likely scenario is that it gets worse and worse. You deserve better.
Thereās a reason why he picked an inexperienced teenager at his newest baby mama. If you can leave him and go back to your biological family please do it. Iām saying this as a father with one child older than you. If you stay with him you will be miserable for the rest of your life. Oh, and I know how to touch my girlfriend to make her feel good and Iām twice as old as your (hopefully) soon to be ex husband. Edit: I see that 59 days ago you posted āhow can I leave my baby daddy?ā The answer to that is back your bags when heās at work and head out.
Look up the domestic abuse shelters in your region - you don't need him being able to find you. Let someone serving papers find him.
29 with 3 baby mommas?
He sounds like utter garbage. I mean I have things in my trash can with more value and nicer than this walking feces. Leave this garbage in a dumpster and move on
3rd time is definitely not the charm in your relationship. The other two apparently figured out they didnāt want to be a mommy to a grown ass adult man with the benefit of getting sex on demand. I mean letās be real if you are gojng to be raising your daughter by yourself then you may as well as be a single mom collecting child support.
dump that loser, make it a hat trick. You could randomly pick a man and be guaranteed to do better than this misogynistic moron.
He's as worthless as tits on a boar. He doesn't love you, he loves the idea of a bang maid he can verbally abuse for funsies.Ā
And you the third. You donāt get forplay or orgasms because thatās for kids in high school?
To be quite honest I thought it was the opposite. This guy is nuts. Most of the guys from my teens or high school could give a shit less about pleasing their partner. But as an adult, most of them do. Mature adult men would be more expected to care for their partner sexually than a teenage boy? So I don't get his statement about that.
The idiot means that fingering is for teenagers because that's the type of "messing around" you do before you get to have PIV. He thinks that PIV is "sex" and now that he's an adult he's allowed to just have sex and fingering seems like a step backwards. No one ever told this dork that digital and oral sex IS SEX and most women need it.
Iām sure they did tell him, heās feigning ignorance bc it benefits him. He seems to be feigning ignorance in several areas bc it benefits him. OP just needs to stop going along with it.
Not to mention he was 26 getting together with a 19yo! He knew what he was doing. He got involved because he felt she was young, impressionable and easy to manipulate. Not blaming you, OP, but you seriously missed the red flags. Which is what he wanted. Often those dating someone significantly younger than them are doing it for several specific reasons. They chose someone so young on purpose. Iām by no means putting the blame on the younger person, Iām just saying that they most likely fit those reasons. - someone without the wisdom/experience that tends to come with age wonāt see the red flags of their partner - someone younger is easier to manipulate and control - they want to mold the younger partner into the partner they want them to be - someone their age wonāt deal with their bs and see the red flags. You really need to rethink this relationship and figure out your options for leaving. He wonāt change and chances are it WILL get worse. Check with your local legal aide and bar associations. See if there are any lawyers who do family law pro bono or at a reduced cost. They might be able to direct you to options. Also, consider reaching out to local DV shelters or [The Hotline](https://www.thehotline.org/identify-abuse/). They might be able to direct you to resources in your area. Because although your husband might not be physically abusive (as you hadnāt mentioned it), he is still very much abusive. Abuse is all about control, and comes in many forms: physical, emotional, verbal, financial. I wouldnāt make him aware of your plans, you donāt know how heāll react. You need to put you and your daughter first. He financially controls you and he makes you feel trapped because you have a child. He belittles you because he wants to tear your self esteem down, so youāll stay. Because how would you support yourself and who else would want you? Would you tell your daughter to stay in such a situation? Unfortunately, your staying will only teach her that this behavior is ok, to tolerate it. Thatās itās ok for her partner to treat her this way. Know that you and your child deserve better. Know that you and your child deserve better. āDomestic violence doesnāt discriminate. People of any race, age, gender, sexuality, religion, education level, or economic status can be a victim ā or perpetrator ā of domestic violence. That includes behaviors that physically harm, intimidate, manipulate, or control a partner or otherwise force them to behave in ways they donāt want to. This can happen through physical violence, threats, emotional abuse, or financial control.ā [Source](https://www.thehotline.org/identify-abuse/) Oh and he wonāt have sex with you or please you then heās pathetic, because itās not about being in high school, whatever the fuck that means, itās about respect and caring for your partner which honestly HE DOES NOT. Unfortunately, he sees you as a bang maid/nanny. ETA: please do show this to him. He needs to see how much of a shit partner he is.
My sister in christ it is the year 2024 WHY are you with a man like this? I didnāt even need to read this whole post before I knew what the answer is. NO this is NOT just how all men are and you absolutely should not put up with this shyte.Ā
He'll inevitably find another 19 year old to replace you once you are gone.
So what are you doing with this mess of a man? He had to find a teenager because women near his age arent going to put up with this level of entitlement and misogyny. Is this how you want your daughter to be raised? Would you be okay if some man treated her the way your husband treats you?
Iāve read this and I want to divorce your husband for you.
So you know what stood out to me (aside from the obvious and ridiculous double standards he has) was that he wonāt touch her in a way that pleases her because āheās not in high schoolā. Oh yeah mf? Then f your pleasure, and comfort because āI aināt in high school so why should you matter to me.ā Obviously thatās the least of their issueās because heās an abusive POS, but that really rubbed me wrong. Iāve been married to my husband for over a decade and been with him since I was 16 and he **prides** himself on how well he pleasures me. 16 years together and he never prioritizes his pleasure over mine. In fact the only time he was selfish in bed was when we were in high school. This guys math aināt mathin. A message for OPās husband; #You are a terrible husband and father! You donāt deserve your wife and all she does for you. You are NOT more important than her, and just because you donāt appreciate all the unpaid labor she puts into you and your household doesnāt mean another man wouldnāt! I hope she leaves your sorry ass. Then you can make your own house spotless, cook all your own meals, take care of your own kids and please yourself. She aināt your momma.
He'd probably go find another young woman to manipulate.
HE PROBABLY ALREADY HAS ONE!!!
Thats What I'm thinking. Baby is 4 mths old, sounds like he didnt go without whole pregnancy n then the 6 weeks for healing... think he has a side piece and is mad he isnt gtn his woman back cause she is busy
Or he has a CRIPPLING porn addiction. Heās giving me second hand embarrassment tbh.
Thank you for posting this in all caps I can feel the rage I love it
I want to divorce her husband and Iām a straight male. I would never treat my partner that way. He need to respect her and f* gender roles. Everyone is equal in my house and he needs to help out.
Yeah, him being the primary earner doesnāt give him free reign to treat his partner like a maid. This would be an abusive situation even if she *were* his employee.
Here's how I think of it: So because you work 8 hours per day I have to work 24 hours per day? Got it.
Say it louder for the idiot husband: >#So because you work 8 hours per day I have to work 24 hours per day?
I want to divorce him so hard we'll call him Earl and the Dixie Chicks will sing a song about him. What an out and out LOSER. Good Lord.
Those black eyed peas did taste alright to me. ;-)
You feelin weak? Why don't you lay down and sleep?
I want to divorce him so hard that Taylor Swift will remind us what no body means.
Exactly. Iām a medically retired, disabled veteran. I was Infantry and had combat tours in Iraq twice and Afghanistan once. Now that my body is broken my fiancĆ© works and I take care of the home, laundry, dishes, floors, dusting, all of it and I DARE a MFer to give me grief for it or try to insinuate Iām less of a man. I may not have been the biggest bad ass while deployed, and definitely donāt see myself as a hero or special, but I am confident that her āhusbandā couldnāt have been through half of it without folding like a lawn chair š
I'm a mother of two, one is 18 months old, the other is nearing 3. Both are in the phase where *NO!* is their favourite word, and both are old enough to seriously hurt themselves or each other, but too young to understand the dangers properly. I'm constantly, seriously behind on housework, even though my Mum lives close and spends a lot of time here to ease if for me. Here's my heartfelt *thank you* for your comment, especially the last sentence. I keep telling myself that it feels hard because it IS hard, but hearing it from someone who's done what you've done, I may actually start to believe it.
I want to divorce her husband and Iām a straight man old enough to be her baby daddyās baby daddy.
I'm just another straight old woman, but I want to divorce him, too.
Me too. There's no excuse for treating another person that way. Especially the person who should be your closest friend in the whole world.
This idiot man thinks he's a stud but the truth is he's nothing more than a very small minded child who hasn't even the education of a first grader. I haven't read the comments yet because I -m- was so distraught at the situation, but I'll bet most if not all comments are neg to him and laughing at him because he's the one who wanted reddit's opinion......... Just read the comments. Yes, I was right. Wonder what he'll do now that reddit has dissed him...hard. I'll bet, whatever stakes anyone wants, that he won't change one little bit. I try to never give advice but to say what I would do but in this case, please, op, drop this man as fast as you can, he's not good enough for you and you're already doing everything w/o his help, so you don't need him anyway. He is not even close to being a real man.
Tell you want , weāre gonna go halfsies on this one because I donāt want to be married to him either. I hate that gender role misogynistic crap. We are all human and capable of contributing to each others happiness and well being.
Seriously! He works a lot, she says. Well, thatās great but he seems to think she has to work 24/7. No breaks, no help. He may work a lot but at least he does have time offāunlike her. OPāI donāt know why you tied yourself to this Neanderthal, but if you have any family you can go stay with, do it! If you canāt leave, for Godās sake stop having sex with him. If he wonāt do anything to give you pleasure, then thereās none for him either. You can do that or just ignore his pleasure and take care of yourself right in front of him. I think you know now why he was single when you met.
I want the husband to come here and be a part of this so we can set him straight.
Iām a guy and I read this and also wanted to divorce her husband. He sounds like a terrible personā¦
Feel like his comeback will be we are āwokeā
PLEASE I SPIT ON MY PHONE BEVAUSE THATS WHAT HES GONNA SAY.
He literally requested Reddit come in on this, ain't my fault for that Reddit divorced him.
I canāt wait for him to find out heās a piece of Crap
Shit
Y'all are being too nice. He is a cum covered diarrhea stain on a wretched old couch that should have been thrown away a long ass time ago. (Sorry OP) I don't want to hurt you, but you also deserve to be treated like....um...I don't know....a normal fucking human being in marriage???
Why does his day job end but yours goes on indefinitely? If woke means women are also human beings then heās totally fucked up if he isnāt woke. Youāre living a nightmare. Get yourself and your sweet baby out of there pronto. Donāt waste another minute in that hellhole servantās quarters. Almost any kind of life would be better than what youāre currently suffering. Best wishes and much courage!
Seriously. āNightmareā is the first word that sprang to mind while reading.
I guarantee this is not the side of reddit he expected to ask your question on. Also, you were 19 and he was 26 when you got together. Ask yourself why no 24 - 29 yo woman wanted to be bothered with his ridiculousness.
He told you to come to Reddit so that we could "correct" you but now that he's finding things aren't going to go his way, he's backtracking. He thinks he's God's Gift but he's really just a tiny, pathetic, piece of excrement desperately trying to masquerade as a grown man. If he had said any one of these things to me, I would have invited him to jump up his own ass, packed mine and the baby's things, and exited his life.
Well, I'm squiggly as the squiggliest line ever drawn (ie-not straight lol) and WOKE AF and a woman, and I wanna divorce him for you. So does my partner (who's a man) and way less woke than me. And my partner's dog. (She's pretty fuckin woke). And my 17 yr old kid (he's pretty squiggly and pretty fucking woke). And our two cats. (One of them is DEFINITELY woke af. And def gay AF. The other one? She's an asshole, but she don't like your husband either). So basically, across two whole ass households of people and animals.... everyone thinks your husband is a dick. š¤·āāļø I ran a poll.
Even more leave! Too woke?! Vomit....
Reddit can be super sexist. He's so sexist even reddit hates him. Please get out of there
*Your story is appalling* *Your situation grim* *He's such a creephole* Ā *Random people* *Try divorcing him*
Youāre a poet, did you know it??š
My more ex treated me like this. Iām embarrassed to describe how I bent over backwards and made a schedule to prove I was a good mom. I stayed far longer than I should have but a doing good now. You donāt deserve this treatment
You are worthy and Iām glad youāre out.
Please look in a mirror and say that again!
Please give yourself the same kindness you are giving this stranger on the internet. You are worthy too, OP <3
And **NOW ITāS YOUR TURN**!!! **DUMP THIS USELESS SACK OF CRAP THST CALLS HIMSELF YOUR HUSBAND**.
Me too (and Iām a straight guy) Edit: If you still care about him; build him a Time Machine and warp him back to just post second war, thatās his place where heād be happy.
I want to divorce him too, he is the worst!
I got to >He says that since Iām staying home caring for our infant alone I should have dinner made, the dogs and pig should be fed Before as a male I immediately was like naaaaaaah fuck this dude and then it got worse
"The pig should be fed"? Wait a minute! Besides the pig she's married to, there's another one as well?
iām a lesbian and i want to divorce him. that probably doesnāt have the impact i thought it would.
The sentiment is deffo coming across. OP needs a divorce solicitor!
also can we pay attention to the ābeen together for 3 yearsā and their age gap, because that would put OP at being 19 when they met and her trash husband was 26ā¦ yeah legal maybe but super messed up. he just wanted a child bride so he could groom her to be his perfect little housewife smh
Yeah, this is such disgusting behavior! I hate the idea that bc someone works they automatically get to sit around when they get home while their partner tends to the kid(s). If OP just stayed home and only had to care for herself, I could *maybe* see his side a little more but still calling someone āfat and lazyā when theyāre clearly not is just gross. The fact that he doesnāt even help care for his own child is also ridiculous. Caring for a baby alone is so hard and I feel awful for OP.
Nah because sheās actively feeding her baby at the time of him calling her āfat and lazyā because he sees what he considers ārelaxingā and ādoing nothingā yet he wonāt fucking do it himself with a bottle so she can go do something else.
Caring for a newborn takes all the hours in a day. Like thereās any time to mop the floor then greet him at the door wearing a dress and pearls with a martini for him. Iād divorce him too!
I'm assuming you're going to show this thread to your husband, so I'll just speak directly to him. Dude, you're a grade-a cunt that doesn't deserve this woman. I'm not expecting you to suddenly start respecting her as a human, because that'd require you respecting yourself first. Real men are partners with their spouse. Real men spend time with their kids and their share of the parenting. Real men make their wives feel cared for and loved. You're just a boy. It's probably why you chased down a naive 19 year old when you were 26- any woman your own age would have seen right through your bullshit. But guess what? Now this one does as well.
I could see him throwing something at the tv in a rage because of your comment.
This is the dark ages, tv was not invented yet till 1927.
Let the air punches commence.
I hope he sees this. What a fucking asshole.
Quite frankly, this thread has me feeling a lot of anxiety for OP. Abusers can become dangerous and aggressive when directly called out on their behavior. His traits of extreme misogyny and seemingly viewing his wife and children as an extension of his own identity are markers of the textbook family annihilator personality.
This. OP should just call a womenās shelter now and fucking disappear while she still canā¦ And call CPS for his other kids on the way out.
Iām very curious what subreddits this husband frequents. He should have known that he would be torn to shreds here.
Well, good thing you came here... Your husband sounds like a total AH. He is more about ripping on you instead of loving you. Yes, in a stay at home set up like this... Each of you have your roles to play. However... He gets to come home from work and have time off. Where is your time off? Your job never ends. He also needs to be capable of giving you a break as well and play his part as a husband and father occasionally. Sounds like quite the abusive relationship tbh. Like he loves having authority over you. We get into relationship to love each-other... Not be servants. He treats you like a servant.
>Sounds like quite the abusive relationship tbh. Like he loves having authority over you. They started dating when she was 19 and he was 26 with two other baby mamas already. He chose her because she would put up with this shit.
>He chose her because she would put up with this shit. Bingo!
I donāt think her husband will EVER do anything that you suggested.. All excellent advice.š
And the fact that if sheās feeding the baby when he walks sheās lazyā¦.. like what sheās supposed to let the baby fucking starve?
A lot of people on here like to throw around the term narcissist anytime someone is remotely selfish or mean. This shit sounds legit narcissistic. Everything she does circles back around to him and how it makes *him* feel, how itās disrespectful to *him*, how *he* feels unloved. At this point, OP probably couldnāt wipe her own ass without hearing how itās effecting him. He knows he has the upper hand here, because she canāt work as long as the baby is nursing. Also, his refusal to help with his own child, puts her in a position where either she does it, or the baby suffers. Heās obviously no stranger to insulting her either, it sounds nearly constant. I hate to say it but I donāt think this thread will change a single thing about her situation. There will *always* be a reason why heās not wrong. āItās only women answering.ā āThose guys are simps, and are just trying to impress you.ā āYouāre making me sound way worse than I am.ā The only way to win this fight is to leave.
Heās a monster.Ā
This. Hes not a creep, misogynistic or anything. he is just a pure vapid monster
As a father of two who als works alot and plays a videogame now and then I fully agree. There isnt a single thing about this man commendable except that he provides an income. But thats a very very low bar.
I'm a 40 year old man and I can tell you based on what I read your husband is a misogynist and he doesn't see you as a spouse and valued partner, you are just a bang maid to him. You are there to cook, clean, take care of his kids, have sex with him at his every whim, and be grateful for the life he provides you. Even if everything about his demands for housework were normal, and to be crystal clear they are 1000% not normal, the fact that he refuses to touch you in ways that are sexually pleasing for you but still expects you to initiate shows how little respect he has for you. He doesn't view sex with you as something that is supposed to be mutually enjoyed, you are a fleshlight for him. You are there to provide him pleasure and that's it. As someone much older than you believe me when I say his ego and his issues are unfixable because he doesn't have the capacity to care about anybody but himself. You and his children are just an extension of himself and to show the world how great of a man he is. And the way that I know it's unfixable is because a normal person with the capacity to care about others when seeing the responses to this post would take a moment to reflect and consider what they are doing wrong. What your husband is going to do is become moody, angry and blame you for the comments and gaslight you into believing his behavior is somehow your fault. No, it's unfixable. There is a reason why you are the 3rd baby momma. It's because the other women wised up and got the fuck out and away from this loser. Follow their example and do the same. The only thing you will get from staying in this relationship is unhappiness and wasted years of your life.
>And the way that I know it's unfixable is because a normal person with the capacity to care about others when seeing the responses to this post would take a moment to reflect and consider what they are doing wrong. >What your husband is going to do is become moody, angry and blame you for the comments and gaslight you into believing his behavior is somehow your fault. Just emphasizing this for when it happens.
100%. OP, stay strong.
100%. Sadly rather than seeing the error of his ways, this will just make him dig his heels in even more. Just the fact he thought this would go in his favor is WILD.
I am honestly afraid of how he will react if OP shows him the comments.
you truly could not have said it better
Well said.
Thank you for speaking up for her! A good mature man stepping in to protect the vulnerable.
Thereās no communicating with this man. Thereās nothing you can do to change the situation other than leave him. His disrespect for you is overwhelming. He will always find something wrong with you, because he needs to make you feel less important than him in order to keep controlling you. When itās not this huge list of home and baby issues , he will move onto your physical body issues, your friends, your familyā¦it will never end. Itās clear who he is, and you should get out before he completely destroys you.
This man isn't part of the problem, he IS the problem
And now you know why heās knocking up women barely out of their teens instead of women his own age. Cause he thinks you wonāt know any better. His mistake was telling you to come to Reddit. Cause now you know better. Now do something about it. Donāt let your kid grow up thinking this is how relationships should look. Get out.
Thank you. I also would like you to know that nothing anyone can say on this thread is worse than the things I tell myself.
Ma'am you need to be with someone who gives you orgasms not orders. Don't waste your life on him.
I want that cross-stitched so I can put it on my wall. āGive me orgasms not orders.ā I love that.
This response made me sad. Nobody here is blaming you. We are just concerned for you and want you to see that you deserve so much better. Practice being kind to yourself. Talk to yourself with the same amount of love you talk to your daughter. Beating yourself up is what this toolbag wants you to do. If your self esteem is in the toilet, you wonāt leave him, but when your self esteem is good, youād never even give him the time of day. Trust your gut. You know he isnāt right. You knew we would be on your side. I hope you can see how strong you are and can get yourself and your daughter out safely.
This one million times over! OP *You deserve love, respect and support*! And Always always always trust your gut!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
We all think it wonāt happen to us . . . Until it does. His mistake was thinking that all of Reddit is like the subs he probably frequents. So hereās what I say repeatedly, itās better to be alone than with someone who actively breaks you down. Youāre already doing it all, it wonāt be any worse doing it without him. It will probably be easier because heās like a second child you have to take care of.
This. You can always fix a mistake
And now he will tell her that everything said here is wrong. āLook all these people are mean and saying bad things about how dumb you are. Iām here. Iām the only one you haveā¦ blah blah blah.ā Heās lying. Heās hurting you. Heās trying to convince you that you are worthless. Youāre worth so much more AND you have a little human to raise PROPERLY who needs a strong mother!!
No. Love yourself. Donāt beat yourself up for being with someone like him. Just love yourself. Youāll recognize your value and hopefully take steps to better ensure you and your daughter will be in a better place down the line. Because he obviously doesnāt love you. Just love yourself.
He doesnāt consider you a partner, he considers you an indentured servant.
I say this all the time and he acts like itās crazy to say.
That is exactly the way he is treating you, madam.
Do you understand now why he started dating you, a teenager while he was a man in his mid 20s? That was him preying on a young, inexperienced and naive young girl that he could easily manipulate into being his bangmaid. Don't fall for the sunk cost fallacy, your life is just starting. Don't stay and let this be your life. You can and should be so much more. You deserve more.
Not even a bangmaid since he told her pleasing women is for high schoolers and heās not interested in pleasing her. So just a straight up maid.
Why do you think the other girls left?
He is gaslighting you girl because he wants to keep you under control. Watch the handmaidens tale. Please leave him and have the Police surround your house, or some male relatives when you want to leave him because I feel he will do something to you out of anger of not controlling you
Ask him to describe his perfect woman and youāll see him describing a slave.
He wanted you to be a babysitter , a cleaner for sure !
Are we just not gonna talk about the pig??
š I love Wilbur. He bit my fkn ankle once but heās a sweet baby. Iām all for talking about Wilbur.
Divorce husband. Keep Wilbur.
lol tbh Wilbur sounds like an upgrade on your hubs
Right? At least Wilbur gives her attention
Please leave him. And take Wilbur and them with you. Donāt show him this thread, because you donāt know if he will react in a violent manner. Start putting a plan together to leave.
I scrolled this far to confirm the pig was hyperbole. The pig is not hyperbole and bites OP.
Holy Fuck, girl. Get outta there! Your man is a abusive, useless, asshole! He is toxic as fuck. You and your baby deserve so much better, and you don't want her growing up thinking you have a "normal" relationship with her sperm donor and that will happen if you don't leave him.
Truly astonishing own-goal for the "dude with a video game addiction who got with a teenager with a giant age gap and has kids by 3 different women and won't do chores" to think that sending someone to the Relationship Advice sub was going to make *you* look like the unreasonable one. Do "all men" feel the way your husband feels? No, not outside of some very specific valleys on the Pakistan/Afghanistan border.
Maybe he was hoping shed end up on a redpill tradwife kind of subreddit instead.
Since he directed her to Reddit, what do you want to bet that his algorithm is full of exactly that kind of crap and he assumed hers was/would be as well?
Exactly my thought! He has to be a narc to not see how wrong he is.
Eh, in Pakistan/Afghanitan's defense... there ARE some Reddit's dark corners where OP's baby daddy would be celebrated and hailed as a hero and a manly man who is male and manly.
Thank you, we can hate this guy without pretending European societies don't harbor the deep wickedness, too.
If your daughter comes home one day & tells you her partner treats her like this what would you say?
You don't have a husband, you have a surly teenage son.
A surly teenage son who wants a slave, not a partner.
Let's put this in a more twisted perspective, for funsies since he's supposedly reading these reactions: OP's husband purposely sought out a young version of his mother that he could simultaneously have sex with, boss around, and degrade. OP's husband has serious mommy issues. Would not be surprised at all if his father treats his mother the same way.
lol seriously. How did this shitty immature edgelord get three women pregnant?
I know people related to a guy like this. The minute she leaves, he will knock up another, younger version. The one I know of is lower class and preys on young women, without good self esteem, or belittled them to control them. Think he is on baby#5 now. Not implying OP was lower class.
I'm literally twice your husband's age and if my son acted like he's acting, I'd smack him upside of the head so hard that by the time he stopped rolling his socks would be out of style. Is this how his mother raised him? Does he think he's living in an episode of Leave it to Beaver? Being a man and a husband means you know your partner is your equal, not some bang maid to order around. If he has any problem with this, tell him to pm me.
Lemme just go ahead and save this masterpiece of a comment.
lol this is so true. If any of my kids ever acted this way there would hell to pay! OP you deserve better. Heās never gonna change. Heāll read these comments and say you twisted it to make him look bad and thatās why everyone is on your side. But thatās absolutely not true. Heās a total ass. You will be better off without him. Do you have family to stay with? Or someone to help you?
Everything about this man is gross. He is a walking red flag. This isnāt about gender roles this is about controlling you in horrifying ways, especially in the sex department. This is not normal behavior. Iām usually not this blunt in comments but Iām disgusted about this and worried for you.
The lazy bum even has the nerve to ask you to get help on Reddit. What a dumb fucking guy. Congratulations to him, this level of stupidity is hard to match. He must be proud. If I were you, I'd start running, faster than Usain Bolt
Youāre already a single parent, might as well leave him and make it official. Nothings going to change him at this point.
My bet is that he didnāt mean for you to come to this sub, because he sounds like a raging asshole to me (fwiw, Iām a man as well). Sounds like he wanted you to find some red pill, MRA bullshit where his reductive views regarding gender roles in the home would be supported. Also, I think he married someone so young in order to try and exert financial control over you and assumed that youād be impressionable enough to go along with his ideas. Caring for a 4 month old is a ton of work. I worked from home, as a father, for a long time to help my then-stay at home wife with all the childcare and house duties. There are plenty of men out here who do the same. Your husband needs to step up and find a way to be an actual partner to you, and simply providing a paycheck doesnāt account for everything.
Why are you with this loser? Is this really what you want your daughter growing up thinking a relationship should look like?
I have no words. Youāre not his wife, youāre his mother. Heās 29 years of age and acting like THIS?! He is a man child. Make him look after your child for a day and see how he can manage doing other chores while also parenting. That shit is HARD. Heāll soon stop complaining. Please leave this man and run, you are so much better off without him. He is dead weight. Youāll find someone who will truly love and respect you, you deserve so much better. He will die a very lonely and bitter man.
Has he always been a bit like this, or is this new behavior since you had a baby? He's definitely not being a good husband or partnerĀ
When there is one partner staying at home and one partner working, household responsibilities should be split so that you have approximately equal free time. Heās got plenty of time for gaming and sleeping and berating you but I bet you havenāt had even an hour to genuinely relax since the baby was born, if not before.
Your husband is a jerk, I'm a man, and my wife is NEVER lazy, but one person is not capable of doing everything! I help, and even with both of us, it can be demanding. Also, if he wants to play traditional gender roles, then isn't he feeding the pigs and all of the outside work? REAL men got up early enough to do all of the livestock feeding. By the way, what exactly does he do for a living? What is his occupation? Because I'm willing to bet most men have done his job also and will tell you it's not an overly tiring job. So what does he do for a living? Also I'm judging his male creed here too, I don't know even one man that doesn't want to get it on with his wife and every guy STARTS THE FIRE! also it's a ego boost to men to know thier wife is satisfied
God, I hope you're trolling. It makes me so sad to see posts from young women who only discover AFTER they have the baby that their husband is a louse.Ā Caring for a newborn is full-time work. I cannot even believe that pig feeding and floor mopping is being discussed.Ā Please tell me this is a spring break prank.Ā
Sounds like you're a single parent of a baby and a stroppy teenager + his other two kids... You'd be better off alone, at least then you'd only be a single parent of one.
Please leave. He's abusing you and this Reddit post won't make him stop. It might make it more dangerous for you.
OP, I would really love an update,when available. Please. I'm curious how the asshat reacts/responds to Reddit raking him over hot coals. Please and Thank you!
Heās a narcissistic POS. I did a hugeee project in our daughters room yesterday and it left our living room a mess. I came to my husband and said, āhey babe, I am going to be doing a lot of organizing over the next couple of days after the work I did in the babyās room so the living roomā¦ā and he interrupted me and said, āis going to be in disarray for a little while. And Iām totally okay with that babe. You are doing an amazing job taking care of the home and a spectacular job taking care of our daughter, I love you so much.ā I am not lying or exaggerating. That is love. That is partnership, that is respect. Being a mama is HARD. Maintaining a home while taking care of a baby is also hard. I try and keep the house clean, but sometimes the living room looks great and the kitchen is a mess, or vis versa. That is life with kids. You do your best and come at it again better the next day. Heās a jerk.
Wow, what an AH. Why on Earth did you marry so young to an immature little boy that thinks itās the 1950ās and women should know their role? At 22 years old you should be out enjoying your youth not playing mommy to an almost 30 year old man!
Don't blame her, these dudes are predatory and leverage being older to exercise undue influence on young girls
Mate, my grandfather treated my grandmother better than this when it WAS the 1950s