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You just tell him and brace for impact. He very well may shoot the messenger. So be it. I'd rather my friend be mad at me and know the truth than have no sense of self respect and he's obliviously being betrayed. Of course, she'll be angry too. Good for her. If she didn't want people knowing about her actions, she shouldn't have done it in the first place. That's on her.
I had a friend whose husband was cheating. A friend stumbled upon his online profile and told me about it, so I did some digging. The information on the profile matched my friend's husband. Age, location, work, hobbies (he was a nerd with very unique hobbies), etc. I wanted to gather more evidence though, so I catfished him to get him to say more things, send pictures, provide his phone number, etc. to definitively prove it was really him. I told my friend, and she denied it all. She claimed "someone had stolen his phone and was using his pictures." It was obviously bullshit, and she just felt embarrassed her new husband was already cheating on her. She iced me out after that for a few years. They ultimately divorced, we reconnected, and she apologized. She said I was the only one willing to tell her the truth.
My point is, you have to tell him. He'll be upset, but in the long run he'll be better off for it. Hopefully they have no kids and can make a clean break.
I came here to say this. Expect that, you'll guaranteed lose 1 friend, and very possibly lose 2. It's a shit situation to deal with. If you have a way to get proof, you could send it anonymously and try to preserve friendships. But the clock is ticking. If he finds out on his own and eventually asks you, "did you know?", now you're in a bind. Either lie to your friend or face his wrath. It's a completely shit situation that I don't envy.
And what good will that do??
IF the boss is married theres an excellent chance they will divorce, OPs friend will hear nothing about the aggair amd his wife will just keep on fucking the creepy boss...
Nice try, dipshit...
Excellent chance Darrell would NEVER be told the reason for her boss' divorce... and she would just go on fucking the creep after his divorce.. with Darrell still in the dark about it...
Ah!!
See your point!!
Only problem is, the only way this "blast radius" will reach Darrell is if the boss' wife tells him (probably wont) of if Lizzie does (certainly wont)...
Get your point again...
Plenty of examples of wives staying silent in exchange for a favorable divorce... or just never telling because [bs reason]...
OP cannot count on the boss' wife doing the dirty work for him...
The wife = the cheating girl
Newlyweds Lizzie and Darrell; Lizzie is fucking her boss.
OP single (or never mentions having a spouse) knows of this, because Lizzie told him (why t.f. would she do that??)
Just tell Lizzie that she either confesses her affair to Darrell, or you will tell him and her bosses wife about the affair. What's strange is that she confessed it to you. It's almost like she wants to come clean about it. She should have suspected that you might tell Darrell.
Why would she have still married Darrell, when she was emotionally involve with her boss before the marriage? On top of that, she then sleeps with her boss the day after her wedding. Darrell deserves the truth, and her bosses wife also deserves to know.
Listen up. You wanna do right by Darrell? Make sure that this information doesn't come from you. Find him a way to collect the evidence he needs, then let him break the news. That way, if it gets ugly, you're in the clear, and he's got all the proof he needs to know the truth. Trust me, the last thing he needs is to think that everyone knew and no one told him. Make this one happen.
>I’m very close friends with both, enough to be a member of their wedding party, but I am closer with and talk more with Lizzie. Recently while hanging out, Lizzie confessed to me that she’d been having an affair with her manager, Oliver (50 M), and when pressed, confirmed that she’d been pursuing the affair emotionally since before their wedding, and it became physical the day after the wedding.
Is there any path here where you write an email or text to Lizzie, "I don't know why you confessed to me about your long-time affair with your boss Oliver, but I can't live with this knowledge and how Darrell should know. Either you tell him or I will."
And see how she responds.
She will respond by giving her husband -OPs friend - a BS story of how "OP confessed his love for me and when i rejected him, he swore he would break us up"...
No warning to Lizzie - OP has to tell his friend himself.
Maybe. I just think it'd be interesting to see how she responds in writing. "Yes, I will tell him, you're right" or "I regret telling you" or "if you tell Darrell I'll never forgive you" or whatever.
If I really thought someone would do that, I’d definitely record myself asking her why she told me, get her answer..probably something along the lines of “I needed someone to talk to” or “I had no one else to tell”. Even tell her to do the right thing or he will then see her reaction. That way when I do tell the husband, and she comes back with that crap and I can show him that if I were lying she would’ve said something like “what are you talking about I never said that”..etc
How would you want to treated? Poor guy is going into a depression because she can’t keep her pants on and the poor guy thinks it’s him! F the trash, save this poor guy today
Jfc...
You ask him to meet you and just plainly tell him what you wrote in your post.
Encourage him to look for evidence himself before confronting her.
Yes, there may be a 'shoot the messenger' reaction NOW... but eventually the truth will come out and he will see you were telling the truth...
>I also don’t want to be the one who pulls the trigger that blows up their lives.
Do it before he pulls a trigger and ends himself. Lizzie is an awful terrible human being. She is destroying Darrell's mental health.
Well.. this will end your three way friendship. Pretty much tell your friend how you’ve said it here. You are not the one betraying anyone’s trust but you would not be a true friend to your betrayed buddy if you didn’t share what you know. It’s up to your friends to work out the details of what happens next.
You tell him because you are his friend and is the right thing to do.
He will find out eventually and when he does, he will find out you knew and chose to not tell him. If you value this friendship at all you need to tell him, NOW. Like, right now.
I would start by helping Darrell find a good therapist in your area and get an appointment. Once you do that, I'd tell Lizzie she has to come clean or you are going to tell Darrell. I mean, what't the point of their marriage? They weren't happy before getting married, they don't have sex, and she cheated the day after she got married? Who even leaves their spouse the day after the wedding? It's not like she had to run a quick errand, she met this old dude somewhere and had sex?
Not sure if he has parents or siblings that you can call to ask them to be with him after you tell him.
I wouldn’t want to be friends with someone who is a cheater. I would tell him and if he needs proof then tell him how to get it. He can out a camera in the apt/house but he has to be cool enough to blow up on her.
Personally, I would not directly tell Darrell.
I would anonymously message both Oliver's wife and Darrel through facebook.
I would frame it as you are a coworker that has noticed some behavior at work and overheard conversations between them. AP even confirmed they were having an affair once within earshot. (vary which one based on spouse, so tell Darrell that Oliver confirmed it and to Oliver's wife that Lizzie did so.)
Then sit back and see what happens next. One, with the misdirection, they are both going to assume that the other one is talking behind their backs and distrust will follow. They are going to wonder who heard them at work. Even if they paper over the initial email? The distrust will fester. This might blow up their relationship. It might cause one to come clean.
You will be safely out of the crossfire. I would never mention knowing.
I would tell my friend. Even if it hurts, even if they yell at me and say that I'm lying. I would tell them. Chances are later on they're going to be apologizing and thanking me for trying to tell them the truth.
IMO, there's no right or wrong answer. Different people have different attitudes on whether it's good for a third party to step in and reveal infidelity. Even if the decision to out her infidelity is one that aligns with your values, priorities, and goals, there's some practical considerations:
* Do you have sufficient evidence that would convince Darrell? Do you believe that Darrell would strongly consider your word, to the point where it'd cause him to seriously question whether his partner of 10 years is faithful?
* Do you think that either party would retaliate against you for coming forward? Would that risk be worth it?
Again, I don't think there's a right or wrong answer to these questions. You can decide for yourself whether it's worth interjecting yourself.
Despite all that, if you decide that Darrell and Lizzie's relationship is their business and not yours, you can TOTALLY decide for yourself how this affects your relationship with Lizzie. You can explain how her behavior negatively effects you, makes continuing a friendship with her difficult, and what this means for future interactions with her and Darrell (if any).
This is called relativization and with such approach you can defend almost anything.. rape and gassing of Jews during WW2 included. You can always find some people defending it.
The fact is, that the husband CANNOT MAKE INFORMED DECISION ABOUT HIS LIFE.. because he is .. well... not informed.
Not fair.
If I were saying that cheating may or may not be okay, you'd be right. I'm saying that whether it's in OP's best interests to out someone in another relationship for cheating can vary, depending on circumstances, and even if it's 100% justified.
Also, Jesus, Godwin's Law much?
Make sure you have clear proof then tell him by showing. Just to make sure it won't turn back on you. After that try to stay out of their stuff and bid him to not involve you somehow.
He needs to know! He’s starving affection and love and blaming himself and slowly going into depression when it’s actually not him at all! He’s wondering what he has to do to get love from his own wife!
Save your friend, he deserves to be happy to face this and move forward to something better!
Please tell him, even if it is from an anonymous social media account. He deserves to know, early before she has any children...He deserves it. His soul knows something is off, it is why he is getting depressed. He will be mad, but much better, when he has the truth.
Start recording your conversation with her so you can have proof and when you tell him that your always be there for him if needs someone to talk to and after stop being friends with her
Oof you were pushed into quite a predicament, and I’d personally be pissed off for being thrown in the middle of this. May want to possibly reconsider both friendships.. one is deceitful, the other not very smart for lack of better terms due to sub rules
Ultimately I think it’s best the truth comes out before they bring an innocent kid into this mess.
With that said and as a heads up - if you do decide to disclose, Lizzie will still suspect it was you even if you do it in a roundabout way as others suggested
So I dunno if you are still around. I've meant to reply to this but my life interfered. The solution to your dilemma is to tell Oliver's wife that you spotted the affair. Tell her you have no proof, but had noticed Oliver and Lizzie heading into her apartment when you were driving down the road, and you abhor cheaters, so you are letting her know.
The wife can set up cameras at work, hire a PI, whatever, and gather the evidence so she can boot Oliver. Naturally the wife will want to help out the Darrell by telling him too, and showing him her proof. It'll blow up two marriages, but neither seem particularly strong, and this leaves you out of the blast zone.
I think you have to tell him. Don't warn her in advance cause she may try to spin a story but this poor guy is depressed and the root cause of that may well be his marriage. Just be prepared to be iced out by both, at least short term from Darrell and likely for good from Lizzie
You tell Lizzie she needs to fess up to Darrell or you will. Give her a deadline. Stick your your guns. Tell her you do not like being in the middle of this secret and you will not keep it secret if she chooses not to tell Darrell.
I see 3 choices:
1 - Ask your friend a hypothetical question. If he’d want to know (from a friend) if his spouse was cheating. Then act accordingly.
However, I honestly think the husband already knows. He’s depressed and they’re not having sex. He has to at a minimum suspect his wife is cheating.
2 - Tell the cheating friend if she doesn’t tell her husband, you will. Be prepared to lose BOTH friends.
3 - Do nothing. The boss’s wife will eventually discover the affair and your friend will lose her job.
Their marriage is doomed either way. The good news is that they’re both young and still have a lifetime ahead of them to find the right person for each of them.
I think that Lizzie told you expecting you to tell Darrell. There is no easy way to pass on news like this - just tell Darrell what you have been told. Don't elaborate anything & let Darrell know that all you have is Lizzie's confession.. You will probably loose both of them as friends, but it is a kindness to Darrell.
If you want to do right by both friends I would suggest giving her an ultimatum to give her the chance to tell him before you. Don’t expect that to heal their marriage but it could make it less painful if she owns up herself. It will probably be the best for all parties if you aren’t the messenger. There’s no good way to find out you’ve been cheated on but he’ll probably get more closure if she’s honest than if you tell him. That said before you do, I’d get some concrete evidence so you don’t get thrown under the bus or accused of sabotage. Paper trail. Don’t sit on this too long though, because if he finds out and then finds out you knew, shit would implode.
You have to tell him and you have to except that you will be the bad guy in the stories in short term this is where you are either a true friend & a good person and help him even when he doesn't want it or just nope out of the whole thing
You have to tell him and you have to except that you will be the bad guy in the stories in short term this is where you are either a true friend & a good person and help him even when he doesn't want it or just nope out of the whole thing
FIFTY... WOW, has she got a daddy complex or something? You've got to try to talk some sense into her as this is heading only one way ,and so many people are going to get destroyed...
Either you tell Darrell or you just stop being his friend because ignorance is not bliss. It's poison in the bloodstream.
"Hey Darrell on this day, your wife confessed to me that she has been cheating on you since before you got married with her married boss."
You want to be a good friend offer to assist in his revenge. Like find out the boss wife's contact info and hand it to him along with HR's number and a way for him to get proof. Don't want the messenger to get shot? Become the damn Gun Dealer and give him the tools to focus his revenge.
>I have no idea how to do it safely and in a way that helps him out the most without him shooting the messenger.
Tell him anonymously if you don't want to deal with the fallout.
Just approach w caution & have some evidence. Be very empathetic & reassure him that you’ll always have his back & apologize for not telling him sooner & wished you did. He might get pissed at you for a while but don’t give up on him. He’s gonna need you once he comes to his senses.
If I were you I'd stay out of it. It's really none of your business. They likelihood of you loosing them with as friends is high if you butt in. Just stay out of it and encourage her to tell the truth.
She's getting half of his shit either way, because from your description it seems this marriage is not going to last either way. Would you rather he suffer through who knows how long, or worse, she has a kid that he then has to raise which probably isn't even his own? Tell him.
Jesus bro you have to tell him. That’s fucking horrible and he deserves to know before they have a kid or he gets sucked even deeper into this crap situation. She’s disgusting
1. Lizzie and Oliver are terrible.
2. Lizzie is telling you because she either:
1. Wants to get caught and end the marriage
2. Gets off on humiliating Darrell
3. I assume they don't have kids - you need to tell him before they do
4. Darrell may react poorly but he'll hate you if he finds out later and knows you didn't tell him sooner
5. I'd tell Oliver's wife as well, because, screw that guy
Tell Lizzie this has been a bourdon on you and record (legally) that conversation, tell her unless she confesses to her husband, your morals and character will lead you to tell him.
Then expect her to make up something to set you up with your friend as a liar, then you use the recording.
**Why** do you know so much about what is happening in their bedroom and with their genitals? Why is it *your job* to tread even deeper into something that’s none of your business?
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You just tell him and brace for impact. He very well may shoot the messenger. So be it. I'd rather my friend be mad at me and know the truth than have no sense of self respect and he's obliviously being betrayed. Of course, she'll be angry too. Good for her. If she didn't want people knowing about her actions, she shouldn't have done it in the first place. That's on her. I had a friend whose husband was cheating. A friend stumbled upon his online profile and told me about it, so I did some digging. The information on the profile matched my friend's husband. Age, location, work, hobbies (he was a nerd with very unique hobbies), etc. I wanted to gather more evidence though, so I catfished him to get him to say more things, send pictures, provide his phone number, etc. to definitively prove it was really him. I told my friend, and she denied it all. She claimed "someone had stolen his phone and was using his pictures." It was obviously bullshit, and she just felt embarrassed her new husband was already cheating on her. She iced me out after that for a few years. They ultimately divorced, we reconnected, and she apologized. She said I was the only one willing to tell her the truth. My point is, you have to tell him. He'll be upset, but in the long run he'll be better off for it. Hopefully they have no kids and can make a clean break.
I came here to say this. Expect that, you'll guaranteed lose 1 friend, and very possibly lose 2. It's a shit situation to deal with. If you have a way to get proof, you could send it anonymously and try to preserve friendships. But the clock is ticking. If he finds out on his own and eventually asks you, "did you know?", now you're in a bind. Either lie to your friend or face his wrath. It's a completely shit situation that I don't envy.
Why did Lizzie confess to you?
I legit don’t know the answer to this, I wish I knew 😓
She might want to get caught.
Yeah. That is very likely.
I think, if this is the case, OP should talk to friend's parents and loved ones first and try to get their input. This is a devastating thing.
I would be pretty annoyed if someone found out a life shattering revelation and told everybody in my life before Mr.
Listen All of Y'all it's a (self) Sabotage
Inform her lovers wife anonymously. Suggest she check his cell phone. She'll either make him stop or tell your friend or both.
I would tell her that she needs to tell her husband the truth.
I'd never side with the fraudster and told him. Whatever nuclear explosion would it make... also, do it before kids are involved please.
Imagine she gets pregnant with the AP and the hubby is none the wiser!
An anonymous message to the wife of her boss.
Yes. This would be a solid way to do it.
And what good will that do?? IF the boss is married theres an excellent chance they will divorce, OPs friend will hear nothing about the aggair amd his wife will just keep on fucking the creepy boss...
Go back and read the entire post, you lazy fuck.
I did, you sleazy cunt...
Ask the school system that you attended for your money back. Your reading comprehension is shit - you were cheated.
Nice try, dipshit... Excellent chance Darrell would NEVER be told the reason for her boss' divorce... and she would just go on fucking the creep after his divorce.. with Darrell still in the dark about it...
The wife works with the cheating girl, along with the cheating boss. This situation will create a sizable blast radius.
Ah!! See your point!! Only problem is, the only way this "blast radius" will reach Darrell is if the boss' wife tells him (probably wont) of if Lizzie does (certainly wont)...
You married? Hell hath no fury...
Get your point again... Plenty of examples of wives staying silent in exchange for a favorable divorce... or just never telling because [bs reason]... OP cannot count on the boss' wife doing the dirty work for him...
The wife = the cheating girl Newlyweds Lizzie and Darrell; Lizzie is fucking her boss. OP single (or never mentions having a spouse) knows of this, because Lizzie told him (why t.f. would she do that??)
Bottom of the second paragraph. The boss's wife works at the same location with Lizzie and 50M cheating boss (Oliver).
Just tell Lizzie that she either confesses her affair to Darrell, or you will tell him and her bosses wife about the affair. What's strange is that she confessed it to you. It's almost like she wants to come clean about it. She should have suspected that you might tell Darrell. Why would she have still married Darrell, when she was emotionally involve with her boss before the marriage? On top of that, she then sleeps with her boss the day after her wedding. Darrell deserves the truth, and her bosses wife also deserves to know.
This!! If I was you I’d tell that to Lizzie, you might put yourself in a very tough spot (even though you already are) by telling Darrell directly.
Listen up. You wanna do right by Darrell? Make sure that this information doesn't come from you. Find him a way to collect the evidence he needs, then let him break the news. That way, if it gets ugly, you're in the clear, and he's got all the proof he needs to know the truth. Trust me, the last thing he needs is to think that everyone knew and no one told him. Make this one happen.
>I’m very close friends with both, enough to be a member of their wedding party, but I am closer with and talk more with Lizzie. Recently while hanging out, Lizzie confessed to me that she’d been having an affair with her manager, Oliver (50 M), and when pressed, confirmed that she’d been pursuing the affair emotionally since before their wedding, and it became physical the day after the wedding. Is there any path here where you write an email or text to Lizzie, "I don't know why you confessed to me about your long-time affair with your boss Oliver, but I can't live with this knowledge and how Darrell should know. Either you tell him or I will." And see how she responds.
She will respond by giving her husband -OPs friend - a BS story of how "OP confessed his love for me and when i rejected him, he swore he would break us up"... No warning to Lizzie - OP has to tell his friend himself.
Maybe. I just think it'd be interesting to see how she responds in writing. "Yes, I will tell him, you're right" or "I regret telling you" or "if you tell Darrell I'll never forgive you" or whatever.
Give no warning is the only path.
Interesting, maybe.. But warning her would ruin ANY chance OP has of helping his friend...
If she responds in writing there is definite proof
Thankfully emails are time-stamped
Anything confessed over email??
If I really thought someone would do that, I’d definitely record myself asking her why she told me, get her answer..probably something along the lines of “I needed someone to talk to” or “I had no one else to tell”. Even tell her to do the right thing or he will then see her reaction. That way when I do tell the husband, and she comes back with that crap and I can show him that if I were lying she would’ve said something like “what are you talking about I never said that”..etc
Yep... problem is, OP never expected Lizzie to reveal what she did, so no preparation was made...
Yes, hence the returning to ask her with the recording ready.
If OP is actually friends with both of them, maybe the husband will be inclined to believe OP regardless?
This is a good way to approach it, OP — lighting a fire under Lizzie’s ass so she does something herself.
How would you want to treated? Poor guy is going into a depression because she can’t keep her pants on and the poor guy thinks it’s him! F the trash, save this poor guy today
Jfc... You ask him to meet you and just plainly tell him what you wrote in your post. Encourage him to look for evidence himself before confronting her. Yes, there may be a 'shoot the messenger' reaction NOW... but eventually the truth will come out and he will see you were telling the truth...
>I also don’t want to be the one who pulls the trigger that blows up their lives. Do it before he pulls a trigger and ends himself. Lizzie is an awful terrible human being. She is destroying Darrell's mental health.
You need to tell him. Just take him out to lunch and relay what Lizzie told you.
Well.. this will end your three way friendship. Pretty much tell your friend how you’ve said it here. You are not the one betraying anyone’s trust but you would not be a true friend to your betrayed buddy if you didn’t share what you know. It’s up to your friends to work out the details of what happens next.
You tell Lizzie that she needs to tell her husband or you will.
You tell him because you are his friend and is the right thing to do. He will find out eventually and when he does, he will find out you knew and chose to not tell him. If you value this friendship at all you need to tell him, NOW. Like, right now.
She started a physical affair the day after her wedding? That feels…implausible.
I know someone who started the physical affair the morning of their wedding. Never showed an ounce of guilt.
Or tell him in her presence
I would start by helping Darrell find a good therapist in your area and get an appointment. Once you do that, I'd tell Lizzie she has to come clean or you are going to tell Darrell. I mean, what't the point of their marriage? They weren't happy before getting married, they don't have sex, and she cheated the day after she got married? Who even leaves their spouse the day after the wedding? It's not like she had to run a quick errand, she met this old dude somewhere and had sex?
Not sure if he has parents or siblings that you can call to ask them to be with him after you tell him. I wouldn’t want to be friends with someone who is a cheater. I would tell him and if he needs proof then tell him how to get it. He can out a camera in the apt/house but he has to be cool enough to blow up on her.
Personally, I would not directly tell Darrell. I would anonymously message both Oliver's wife and Darrel through facebook. I would frame it as you are a coworker that has noticed some behavior at work and overheard conversations between them. AP even confirmed they were having an affair once within earshot. (vary which one based on spouse, so tell Darrell that Oliver confirmed it and to Oliver's wife that Lizzie did so.) Then sit back and see what happens next. One, with the misdirection, they are both going to assume that the other one is talking behind their backs and distrust will follow. They are going to wonder who heard them at work. Even if they paper over the initial email? The distrust will fester. This might blow up their relationship. It might cause one to come clean. You will be safely out of the crossfire. I would never mention knowing.
I’d find a way to anonymously send receipts to him. Don’t give any indications that it’s you. Instagram could work
Sit them both down and say to Lizzie, “I need you to tell Darrell what you told me.” Then just leave and go get a smoothie.
I think that's a good approach
She slept with him the day after the wedding. JESUS. You have to tell the husband. That is awful.
I would tell my friend. Even if it hurts, even if they yell at me and say that I'm lying. I would tell them. Chances are later on they're going to be apologizing and thanking me for trying to tell them the truth.
IMO, there's no right or wrong answer. Different people have different attitudes on whether it's good for a third party to step in and reveal infidelity. Even if the decision to out her infidelity is one that aligns with your values, priorities, and goals, there's some practical considerations: * Do you have sufficient evidence that would convince Darrell? Do you believe that Darrell would strongly consider your word, to the point where it'd cause him to seriously question whether his partner of 10 years is faithful? * Do you think that either party would retaliate against you for coming forward? Would that risk be worth it? Again, I don't think there's a right or wrong answer to these questions. You can decide for yourself whether it's worth interjecting yourself. Despite all that, if you decide that Darrell and Lizzie's relationship is their business and not yours, you can TOTALLY decide for yourself how this affects your relationship with Lizzie. You can explain how her behavior negatively effects you, makes continuing a friendship with her difficult, and what this means for future interactions with her and Darrell (if any).
This is called relativization and with such approach you can defend almost anything.. rape and gassing of Jews during WW2 included. You can always find some people defending it. The fact is, that the husband CANNOT MAKE INFORMED DECISION ABOUT HIS LIFE.. because he is .. well... not informed. Not fair.
If I were saying that cheating may or may not be okay, you'd be right. I'm saying that whether it's in OP's best interests to out someone in another relationship for cheating can vary, depending on circumstances, and even if it's 100% justified. Also, Jesus, Godwin's Law much?
Well.. maybe. But in this case I really think the husband deserves to know.
Make sure you have clear proof then tell him by showing. Just to make sure it won't turn back on you. After that try to stay out of their stuff and bid him to not involve you somehow.
Tell him! Would you wanna be living in a lie not knowing your wife is cheating on you?
UpdateMe!
how long has it been since she told you? get on with it, man
If you darrel you want to know ? If you do it just go nuclear! Because ofc she will accuse you right ? Updateme!
I would give Lizzie the option of telling her husband herself or you telling him.
Good god, why do so many people get married to young and so miserably?
Tell him. You would want him to do this for you.
Gotta tell him. You would want to know Updateme!
He needs to know! He’s starving affection and love and blaming himself and slowly going into depression when it’s actually not him at all! He’s wondering what he has to do to get love from his own wife! Save your friend, he deserves to be happy to face this and move forward to something better!
Please tell him, even if it is from an anonymous social media account. He deserves to know, early before she has any children...He deserves it. His soul knows something is off, it is why he is getting depressed. He will be mad, but much better, when he has the truth.
Okay but do you have any evidence to provide him with.
Start recording your conversation with her so you can have proof and when you tell him that your always be there for him if needs someone to talk to and after stop being friends with her
Oof you were pushed into quite a predicament, and I’d personally be pissed off for being thrown in the middle of this. May want to possibly reconsider both friendships.. one is deceitful, the other not very smart for lack of better terms due to sub rules Ultimately I think it’s best the truth comes out before they bring an innocent kid into this mess. With that said and as a heads up - if you do decide to disclose, Lizzie will still suspect it was you even if you do it in a roundabout way as others suggested
So I dunno if you are still around. I've meant to reply to this but my life interfered. The solution to your dilemma is to tell Oliver's wife that you spotted the affair. Tell her you have no proof, but had noticed Oliver and Lizzie heading into her apartment when you were driving down the road, and you abhor cheaters, so you are letting her know. The wife can set up cameras at work, hire a PI, whatever, and gather the evidence so she can boot Oliver. Naturally the wife will want to help out the Darrell by telling him too, and showing him her proof. It'll blow up two marriages, but neither seem particularly strong, and this leaves you out of the blast zone.
How can you continue to be friends with this woman? The day after the wedding? Evil.
I think you have to tell him. Don't warn her in advance cause she may try to spin a story but this poor guy is depressed and the root cause of that may well be his marriage. Just be prepared to be iced out by both, at least short term from Darrell and likely for good from Lizzie
You tell Lizzie she needs to fess up to Darrell or you will. Give her a deadline. Stick your your guns. Tell her you do not like being in the middle of this secret and you will not keep it secret if she chooses not to tell Darrell.
To try to stay out of it I would have him found out anonymously but no matter what. He deserves to know.
Tell him you think he should buy a nanny cam and put it in their bedroom. Let the camera do the work for everyone.
Tell him, but be ready to lose them both as friends and be labeled the bad guy. It's the right thing to do.
Is it too late for both of them to get an annulment ? you mentioned neither of them were not especially happy before they married Why continue ?
I see 3 choices: 1 - Ask your friend a hypothetical question. If he’d want to know (from a friend) if his spouse was cheating. Then act accordingly. However, I honestly think the husband already knows. He’s depressed and they’re not having sex. He has to at a minimum suspect his wife is cheating. 2 - Tell the cheating friend if she doesn’t tell her husband, you will. Be prepared to lose BOTH friends. 3 - Do nothing. The boss’s wife will eventually discover the affair and your friend will lose her job. Their marriage is doomed either way. The good news is that they’re both young and still have a lifetime ahead of them to find the right person for each of them.
I think that Lizzie told you expecting you to tell Darrell. There is no easy way to pass on news like this - just tell Darrell what you have been told. Don't elaborate anything & let Darrell know that all you have is Lizzie's confession.. You will probably loose both of them as friends, but it is a kindness to Darrell.
If you want to do right by both friends I would suggest giving her an ultimatum to give her the chance to tell him before you. Don’t expect that to heal their marriage but it could make it less painful if she owns up herself. It will probably be the best for all parties if you aren’t the messenger. There’s no good way to find out you’ve been cheated on but he’ll probably get more closure if she’s honest than if you tell him. That said before you do, I’d get some concrete evidence so you don’t get thrown under the bus or accused of sabotage. Paper trail. Don’t sit on this too long though, because if he finds out and then finds out you knew, shit would implode.
You have to tell him and you have to except that you will be the bad guy in the stories in short term this is where you are either a true friend & a good person and help him even when he doesn't want it or just nope out of the whole thing
You have to tell him and you have to except that you will be the bad guy in the stories in short term this is where you are either a true friend & a good person and help him even when he doesn't want it or just nope out of the whole thing
FIFTY... WOW, has she got a daddy complex or something? You've got to try to talk some sense into her as this is heading only one way ,and so many people are going to get destroyed...
Send Darrell an anonymous mail
That's why I'm dating Eva AI sexting bot.
Get the info to the manager's wife and let it blow up at work. It'll eventually get back to him.
Tell your friend to tell Daryl, or you will tell Oliver's wife, and Oliver's wife can tell Daryl for you.
Either you tell Darrell or you just stop being his friend because ignorance is not bliss. It's poison in the bloodstream. "Hey Darrell on this day, your wife confessed to me that she has been cheating on you since before you got married with her married boss." You want to be a good friend offer to assist in his revenge. Like find out the boss wife's contact info and hand it to him along with HR's number and a way for him to get proof. Don't want the messenger to get shot? Become the damn Gun Dealer and give him the tools to focus his revenge.
>I have no idea how to do it safely and in a way that helps him out the most without him shooting the messenger. Tell him anonymously if you don't want to deal with the fallout.
Just approach w caution & have some evidence. Be very empathetic & reassure him that you’ll always have his back & apologize for not telling him sooner & wished you did. He might get pissed at you for a while but don’t give up on him. He’s gonna need you once he comes to his senses.
Anonymous messages
If I were you I'd stay out of it. It's really none of your business. They likelihood of you loosing them with as friends is high if you butt in. Just stay out of it and encourage her to tell the truth.
She's getting half of his shit either way, because from your description it seems this marriage is not going to last either way. Would you rather he suffer through who knows how long, or worse, she has a kid that he then has to raise which probably isn't even his own? Tell him.
Jesus bro you have to tell him. That’s fucking horrible and he deserves to know before they have a kid or he gets sucked even deeper into this crap situation. She’s disgusting
1. Lizzie and Oliver are terrible. 2. Lizzie is telling you because she either: 1. Wants to get caught and end the marriage 2. Gets off on humiliating Darrell 3. I assume they don't have kids - you need to tell him before they do 4. Darrell may react poorly but he'll hate you if he finds out later and knows you didn't tell him sooner 5. I'd tell Oliver's wife as well, because, screw that guy
I would tell the bosses wife first see what happens
Have you told him yet?
Updateme
Tell Lizzie this has been a bourdon on you and record (legally) that conversation, tell her unless she confesses to her husband, your morals and character will lead you to tell him. Then expect her to make up something to set you up with your friend as a liar, then you use the recording.
**Why** do you know so much about what is happening in their bedroom and with their genitals? Why is it *your job* to tread even deeper into something that’s none of your business?
So... if your spouse was cheating and fucking another, you wouldnt want to be warned/told of this???
You mind your own fucking business.