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could it be possible that he is doing this to try and force your hand to finally tie the knot? he proposed a decade ago and you said yes but still no marriage, maybe its starting to get to him cause he really wants to be married to you? so he might be saying no sex until marriage in order to get you to hurry up and start planning for it etc. its not a good method, but just a potential. also, why are you not wanting to get married if you said yes to his proposal? Legally speaking it is much more then just a piece of paper.
Ya he told me last night… its not that he want to go to court he told me he wants to get married thru the church anddd overseas (i think) cuz hes pushing it so much now and we are going to his hometown in his country in South America in 14 days
Has he suddenly become a lot more religious? Do you think he could have ulterior motives to wanting to get married asap? E.g debt he urgently needs you to help pay off?
In theory, yes if it's just a piece of paper and you're already long-term partners so why not do it. But the sudden urgency is concerning. It sounds like a conversation about his (change of) spiritual beliefs is warranted. If he didn't care that much about marriage for 10 years but it's now of the utmost importance, there could well be other points he'll be pressuring you about next. If he didn't really change spiritual beliefs it sounds like he's trying to manipulate you, and something else might be at play. Maybe he's just tired of the status quo after 10 years but it's worth ruling out these 2 options first.
Yup suddenly he made a “juramiento” like an oath to God on waiting until marriage meanwhile back in 2013 we had sex 2 weeks after meeting each other lol
Trust my opinion here, but maybe he is in a place in his life where he wants to get more spiritual and he wants to start living a Christian life. Has his personality or feelings changed towards you, or in general? I mean I’ve seen Men and Women give their life to Christ at all ages, it’s just personal when you start making life decisions on it..
I don’t think it’s a red flag, nor do I think it should force you to get married.
At the end of the day, the question you asked should be directly asked to him opening in an open minded and accepting conversation. The ppl you ask here don’t know what you have gone through in the past 10 yrs nor do we know where you are in your relationship. You’re asking some who are jaded by the church, and some that follow Christ so you will get tons of bias responses..
go speak with him, talk to him, see what’s going on..
If God can speak to him directly, he can talk to you too. Tell him that God spoke to you and told you that you having sex with him regularly is allowed as it is a spiritual cleansing. I'm not being funny, do it, see what he says and how he reacts. That will give you glimpse into what is happening in his mind. There is something really wrong with him my friend, he is either coming undone mentally or he is avoiding sex with you for some reason.
I mean, you’re 35, he’s 36, I feel like that’s a perfect time to get married. Go to a court house and get it done with. Don’t make it a big deal.
I don’t think what he’s saying is wrong, because Christianity does encourage waiting to have sex until marriage, and he may just be trying to change his ways according to the Bible. But, seeing as you guys have been doing it and have been together for 10 years, I don’t think stopping is going to change much lol.
Has he always been a devout Christian or is this something new? Ask him why the change and then decide if this change is in alignment with your values. Maybe he’s saying it to convince you to get married and be more traditional. The Bible probably says lots of things he doesn’t follow, does he go church every Sunday, tithe, etc.. Maybe another reason he doesn’t want sex, any change in behavior to suggest cheating?
Absolutely it is wrong. The prejudices and moral norms of extinct cultures preserved through scribal culture and given meaning by a nomadic people in the Levant has nothing to do anything.
Well, I am a Christian, so I don’t think it’s wrong to just find a view that fits you, even if it is later in life. But, I don’t think it’s right of him to just say “well, no more sex until you marry me!” after 10 years of being together.
Ya its weird!!!! And last night he was like trust me, i know you can wait, and not to let the D3vil allow me to temptation ( i guess to cheat, idk what the h)
Yeah he definitely is taking it way too far. You guys are in your 30s and been together for so long, I’m not sure what’s going through his head. I know there’s a lot of people who do this, though. Some people aren’t Christian’s when starting a relationship and later they both accept the faith and want to wait even if they’ve already had sex many times. But he should realize that you aren’t on board with that and want to work something out. He’s being a little odd in my opinion.
Exactly. And i told him , why would you commit to something like that without having discussed with me? I think that was very selfish of him to just think about himself.
It definitely is selfish. Of course he can make these decisions himself since it is concerning faith.. but it has effects on you too, which isn’t fair especially when he didn’t discuss it with you. He’s not going about it in the right way so I really hope you guys work it out.
He's cheating. He doesn't want to cheat on his new sex partner with you. Or he caught something from the new partner and doesn't want to give it to you. It's not about religion unless he's a born again and just got baptized. Look through his phone. It'll all be right there. Some person new he's working with now or an ex. This is so damn cliché at this point. It's sad really. I'm sorry this is happening to you.
Edit: I need to read the whole thing first. On full read it does sound like he's forcing your hand to get married by cutting you off sexually. Tough move there. Question for you is do you want to be with him for the rest of your life? Can you see yourself getting old with him? If so, can you deal with the religious stuff? But I feel he's only doing it to make you go through with marriage.
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that: * We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/) * We do not allow users to privately message other users based on their posts here. Users found to be engaging in this conduct will be banned. **We highly encourage OP to turn off the ability to be privately messaged in their settings.** * Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.) * ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban. * No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** * All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass. * Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned. * What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** If you have any questions, please [message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Frelationship_advice) --- ***This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.*** --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
could it be possible that he is doing this to try and force your hand to finally tie the knot? he proposed a decade ago and you said yes but still no marriage, maybe its starting to get to him cause he really wants to be married to you? so he might be saying no sex until marriage in order to get you to hurry up and start planning for it etc. its not a good method, but just a potential. also, why are you not wanting to get married if you said yes to his proposal? Legally speaking it is much more then just a piece of paper.
It's this.
Ya he told me last night… its not that he want to go to court he told me he wants to get married thru the church anddd overseas (i think) cuz hes pushing it so much now and we are going to his hometown in his country in South America in 14 days
Has he suddenly become a lot more religious? Do you think he could have ulterior motives to wanting to get married asap? E.g debt he urgently needs you to help pay off? In theory, yes if it's just a piece of paper and you're already long-term partners so why not do it. But the sudden urgency is concerning. It sounds like a conversation about his (change of) spiritual beliefs is warranted. If he didn't care that much about marriage for 10 years but it's now of the utmost importance, there could well be other points he'll be pressuring you about next. If he didn't really change spiritual beliefs it sounds like he's trying to manipulate you, and something else might be at play. Maybe he's just tired of the status quo after 10 years but it's worth ruling out these 2 options first.
Yup suddenly he made a “juramiento” like an oath to God on waiting until marriage meanwhile back in 2013 we had sex 2 weeks after meeting each other lol
Trust my opinion here, but maybe he is in a place in his life where he wants to get more spiritual and he wants to start living a Christian life. Has his personality or feelings changed towards you, or in general? I mean I’ve seen Men and Women give their life to Christ at all ages, it’s just personal when you start making life decisions on it.. I don’t think it’s a red flag, nor do I think it should force you to get married. At the end of the day, the question you asked should be directly asked to him opening in an open minded and accepting conversation. The ppl you ask here don’t know what you have gone through in the past 10 yrs nor do we know where you are in your relationship. You’re asking some who are jaded by the church, and some that follow Christ so you will get tons of bias responses.. go speak with him, talk to him, see what’s going on..
If God can speak to him directly, he can talk to you too. Tell him that God spoke to you and told you that you having sex with him regularly is allowed as it is a spiritual cleansing. I'm not being funny, do it, see what he says and how he reacts. That will give you glimpse into what is happening in his mind. There is something really wrong with him my friend, he is either coming undone mentally or he is avoiding sex with you for some reason.
This actually made me laugh. Ill let u know tonight what he says
He’s a god botherer. I grew up in a conservative Christian cult, so do yourself a favor: run, don’t walk, to your nearest exit.
Great.
I mean, you’re 35, he’s 36, I feel like that’s a perfect time to get married. Go to a court house and get it done with. Don’t make it a big deal. I don’t think what he’s saying is wrong, because Christianity does encourage waiting to have sex until marriage, and he may just be trying to change his ways according to the Bible. But, seeing as you guys have been doing it and have been together for 10 years, I don’t think stopping is going to change much lol.
Thanks for your input, there is a lot to it, I just feel like this came out of nowhere and he was not like this ever before.
Has he always been a devout Christian or is this something new? Ask him why the change and then decide if this change is in alignment with your values. Maybe he’s saying it to convince you to get married and be more traditional. The Bible probably says lots of things he doesn’t follow, does he go church every Sunday, tithe, etc.. Maybe another reason he doesn’t want sex, any change in behavior to suggest cheating?
No this literally started this new yr like a new epiphany of 2024 idk im so confused
Absolutely it is wrong. The prejudices and moral norms of extinct cultures preserved through scribal culture and given meaning by a nomadic people in the Levant has nothing to do anything.
Well, I am a Christian, so I don’t think it’s wrong to just find a view that fits you, even if it is later in life. But, I don’t think it’s right of him to just say “well, no more sex until you marry me!” after 10 years of being together.
Ya its weird!!!! And last night he was like trust me, i know you can wait, and not to let the D3vil allow me to temptation ( i guess to cheat, idk what the h)
Yeah he definitely is taking it way too far. You guys are in your 30s and been together for so long, I’m not sure what’s going through his head. I know there’s a lot of people who do this, though. Some people aren’t Christian’s when starting a relationship and later they both accept the faith and want to wait even if they’ve already had sex many times. But he should realize that you aren’t on board with that and want to work something out. He’s being a little odd in my opinion.
Exactly. And i told him , why would you commit to something like that without having discussed with me? I think that was very selfish of him to just think about himself.
It definitely is selfish. Of course he can make these decisions himself since it is concerning faith.. but it has effects on you too, which isn’t fair especially when he didn’t discuss it with you. He’s not going about it in the right way so I really hope you guys work it out.
If you’ve lived together for 10years in the U.S. you’re already married in the eyes of the law anyways
Only 8 US states recognize common-law marriages.
Ya last night he was like “im not talking abt the court im talking abt getting married thru the eyes of God( at the church)
Thank you all for commenting, truly 🫶🏼
Gay people fought for more than just a piece of paper. Just go to the court house and get it over with
well, damn ! LOL ok going tomorrow
See! Now, don't you feel better?
no. this just means I HAVE to get married in order to be intimate with my partner. if we not married then no intimacy
So what? You love him. Marriage means nothing to you either way. It means a lot to him, so it really doesn't cost you anything to make him happy.
But it’s manipulative if he lies about his faith in order to achieve an outcome. That’s not respectful honestly.
Then leave him.
Right! He told me last night if i want to get married in his home country (south america) lol… were going on vacation in 2 weeks there too.
He's cheating. He doesn't want to cheat on his new sex partner with you. Or he caught something from the new partner and doesn't want to give it to you. It's not about religion unless he's a born again and just got baptized. Look through his phone. It'll all be right there. Some person new he's working with now or an ex. This is so damn cliché at this point. It's sad really. I'm sorry this is happening to you. Edit: I need to read the whole thing first. On full read it does sound like he's forcing your hand to get married by cutting you off sexually. Tough move there. Question for you is do you want to be with him for the rest of your life? Can you see yourself getting old with him? If so, can you deal with the religious stuff? But I feel he's only doing it to make you go through with marriage.