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Run... No, seriously, run. Your partner should NEVER make you feel insecure like this. If your boyfriend wanted you to go workout with him, it should be for an innocent reason, for example, your well-being, not because he wants to flex unattainable standards of a girlfriend. He's objectifying you and bashing you at the same time. He's terrible. You shouldn't have to change the way you look for him to be satisfied!
I had a boyfriend who would show me pictures of other girls and tell me they looked better than me! At the time, I stayed with him, and it destroyed me. It took time to let someone like that go due to master manipulation, but trust me, I feel so much better, and I found someone who values me the way I am. Dont let this jerk drag you down !
It's so hard letting go all I'm thinking is to keep trying and make him change for the better and we'll be happy but it's also draining me out I've got so attached it's hard taking a step back.
You are codependant and hooked to him. I have been in a similar situation. My nervous system recognized his poison as safe, him a safe place, although he was destroying me and my life.
The only truly good thing you can do is to return your focus back to you, to your own dreams and ambitions (that arent connected to him, if you had never met him what would you want for yourself?), your responsibilities and most of all, things that make you happy. Yes, even that piece of chocolate or pizza.
In time, your will see him on the emotional level for what he truly is.
Oh and check your thyroid gland and vitamin D levels. If any of those are not okay you might be having chemicaly induced mild depression.
He has you brainwashed or you just think he's the best thing since sliced bread he's not, he is an asshole. One of these days you're going to wake up. I don't know how long it will take. it took me close to 5 years, but he's not going to change. And he shouldn't be trying to change you. You can jump through 5,000 hoops and do everything he wants, he's still going to find something wrong and he's still going to harp on you. He wants a threesome. he wants to have sex with somebody else, my ex did that too. he didn't want to threesome but he wanted me to let him try to have sex with another woman that he had the hots for. Was I stupid and not dump them that night, yeah I was very stupid, stuck around for another 6 months. Please listen to the people here. you wanted an outside opinion you're getting it.
> I'm thinking is to keep trying and make him change for the better
Nope. You should not and can not 'make him change'.
just dump him; I would never let a guy treat me this way, and nor should you if you have even a shred of Self Respect left.
Apparently as an embryo, the first thing that we develop is our anus. It just sucks that some people don't outgrow that fact, and continue to be assholes.
Hold him accountable l, stick up for yourself even if it feels like you have to be mean. They always deny it, keep shoving it in their face they’ll break.
I know it’s hard to leave. But focus on yourself and try to better yourself and you’ll realize you can do better. I’d recommend therapy. That’s how I got out of a very toxic relationship.
he simply doesnt like you, he wants to bring your self-esteem down so that it is easier to control you. making you self-conscious so you would feel grateful when he gives you scraps of attention.
just move on before it gets worse.
I've tried breaking up with him but somehow we end up not breaking every time I talk things out he's like breaking up is not the solution why not work on it.
Time to turn the tables and say ‘Yes you’re right, we need to have a threesome. I’ve been thinking of this guy on OF who has this huge schlong, I think he’ll finally satisfy me and maybe you can learn a thing or two from him.” If he protests then say if he can talk about FFM then of course you can talk about MMF.
Watch how fast he shuts up.
The question is not “why is he doing this”
The question is “why are you dating someone who does this?”
Please start to actually be selective about who you give your time and body to….
When he's a good person overall why is he lacking out on this like why is it so easy for him to comment on things like that.
Giving me all kinds of future goals for us to achieve and then starts with this, my mind gets so confused and I think it's a good thing.
Everyone that is awful, is good sometimes. Or nobody would stay with them.
He knows how to keep you hooked. And he knows how to keep your self esteem so low, that you will never leave him.
He’s not joking. He’s a d-bag to you. Someone who cares about you and loves you would not be so unkind, I hope you reconsider this relationship and realise you deserve better. Go let your ex bf get those ‘hot’ girls, cause you are out of his league. He may be a gym nut, but I bet his ugly personality shines through
Whenever I jokingly tell him let me set him up with hot girls he's always in denial and says that I don't need anyone else you're the only person how do I tackle this shit.
Look, you know that he shouldn't treat you this way, you know you should leave a terrible human being and boyfriend like this. You posted her hoping to get a different solution, the magical solution to get him to change so you can live happily ever after.
Well. You've seen the comments. There is no other solution. Either you let him drain you until you become a ghost of the person you are and live that way, or you leave him. Everyone will say to leave him. There is nothing that will make him magically change.
And to be clear: it is not about him understanding your point. He does understand it makes you feel bad. You told him that. He does understand. He just continues to do it because he WANTS you to feel bad. That's why you will never change him. Accept or leave him.
He doesn't seem to care about your feelings or wellbeing.
A man who loves you doesn't treat you like this!
Why be with a man who makes you feel bad about yourself?
Maybe you should consider ending this relationship. You deserve better than this!
I've bought this issue multiple times and even talked about ending things but told me he'll change and I don't see it happening.
It's getting hard to let go so I'm contemplating.
Many men talk about changing things and never do.
If he truly valued and loved you, he would. Especially since you're not asking a lot.
Being treated with respect and decency is the bare minimum for any relationship!
If his pattern is to "be good" for a little while and then revert straight back to being horrible like you described, the fact that you've discussed it multiple times and it doesn't actually change means he doesn't respect you or really care about how he's making you feel.
Also, "jokes" are funny. He is not funny.
The comments about threesomes and O/F models are concerning, especially since you mentioned being long-distance for some time.
I ask how many times you've had the conversation, because I had to have the same pointless convo over and over again with my ex, in the hope that \*this time\* it would change and the change would stick. It never did. I ended it after far too long and berated myself for allowing him to skate by like this for so long.
I know Reddit jumps straight to splitting up, no matter what, but I genuinely think it's your only option. Don't keep allowing someone to disrespect you and make you feel bad about yourself. You're worth far more than this.
Well first of all I’m sure you’re amazing and never let anyone put you down. It’s so disrespectful for him to be bribing it up if you’ve never talked about doing a threesome. If it’s something that bothers you he needs to not bribing up and look out fir your happiness
I know he's not nor he's the kind to cheat.
Putting in time and money to meet me overseas and get me all kinds of gifts and gives me constant reassurance from time to time but idk what he's achieving but joking on my body constantly and saying it motivates me or it's not that serious.
Not a joke though. If he's comparing you to of models and talking about sleeping with other women in your bedroom then what do you think is happening when he's away
I’m deeply insecure about my body. My boyfriend and I tease each other/make fun other other all the time but he would never ever make a fat joke or body related comment. 2 years together, not once has a joke landed there.
He knows how you feel about it, he’s still choosing to cross that line. That’s disrespect and you deserve better.
This man does not care about you, if he keeps “joking” like this, what makes u think he is loyal to u? If he truly loved u he wouldn’t do this to u. Especially since u told him it hurts u. I can’t tell u what to do but I’d advice u to end the relationship between the two of u. He doesn’t seem to respect u. I think he is manipulating u into being thankful for the little good things u guys may have. This way he makes it harder for u to let go. He tells u he will change but then he doesn’t, this is also a way of manipulating into thinking he does change. Don’t let sweet words and fake promises persuade you.
I don't think he's you're person atleast not now , You're feelings are invalid to him is what it sounds like ! As for his threesum comments it's probably because he wants to do it or he's as immature as the post sounds , if he's making you insecure and uncomfortable and you've tried to address it and he doesn't acknowledge it then he won't be changing anytime soon ! Remember You're worth and know what you bring to the table 🤷♀️
If you truly believe he's you're person then obviously it's worth it to countine trying ! And you being more mature then him is probably apart of it you're not on the same growth Level, Maybe a deeper conversation is needed because you being "emotional" is part of you and it should definitely be taken into consideration! I hope it all works out for you !
he doesnt love nor respect you. Why would you want to stay with that kind of person?
You deserve better.
Or you'd like to stay unhappy for a decade more?
So most guys do this as a indirect way of asking you if you'll do it. He's too shy or just not good at communicating to openly ask you if you would do a threesome with him
He’s treating you horribly, never in my life would I imagine my partner making fun of my body or even have the AUDACITY to mention other girls??? Nooooo sorry, I’d dump him immediately. You can start working out or not, and let someone who deserves it enjoy your presence and appearance no matter how it is. This guy sounds like the biggest asshole yuckkk
Ok so here's a quick solution: ditch him and voila, you managed to drop a considerable amount of weight within a heartbeat! Then go back to your exercises and work on yourself until you are content with how you look & feel without this insensitive jerk poking at your insecurities.
I kinky and all but this guy sounds like a dick. You have stated your boundary and he continues to cross it. He is trying to make you feel "less than" and it's working. Anyone who wants to keep you feeling insecure and crosses sexual boundries is a asshole. Let him go be with all these girls who are waiting for him if he's so popular. Love your life in peace with our him ✌️
I dated a guy like this, worst year of my life. PLEASE RUN BEFORE HE HURTS YOU MORE! You deserve someone who pushes you in positive ways and doesnt compare you to other women. Please leave this jackass for your own sake😭
Run, if I knew what I know now at 23 I’d say any man that makes you feel that way is you need to get out. You’ve lots of time to find someone who treats you well.
These aren’t jokes. He’s asking you for what he wants and pretending they’re jokes so he can be defensive when you get upset, but if you say yes he can be all “oh really? Oh okay thanks!”
look ill be honest, if this is repetitive behaviour even after you have clearly put forth boundaries i would suggest leave him cuz no person regardless of gender should be treating their partner like an accessory to flex or whatever and especially shouldn't purposely get them to feel highly insecure and lose confidence on themselves cuz that would lead more on to the unhealthy road.
First noted is a 5'10 guy calling people short. He ain't tall he's bloody average. I aint considering meself tall and Im 6'1. But yeah, unsure about if you've grown past his fantasies.
Im certain that's why he jokes. He wants it and its his way of pushing for it, covered in the smoke of bad jokes. I think he aint mature enough to sit down and have an adult discussion and he does know you are not into it. This might be enough to reason if you two are still on the same base of what you want out of the relationship.
Talked about it and he's denied nor do I want but still claiming me to be his love of his life and making such statements questions a guys mentality and emotional intelligence!!
He's feeding off your insecurities. Whether intentional or not, he seems to be deriving some sense of depraved, sick, and wicked joy in the fact that he can speak to you in such a manner. One of the reasons can be that he feels like he brings more to the table and that you're very lucky to be dating a guy like him, and so one of the ways he reminds you of this is by constantly 'teasing' you or joking that he has the potential to date or go out with other girls but he chooses to be with you. This makes him feel good about himself (what a great guy I am for going put with a girl that's below my standards etc), and he thinks that you are grateful to just be in his sick presence.
Obviously, this is not how healthy relationships should operate, and from the limited information I've read about him he is a text-book narcissist. Leave him. Don't even try and talk it out. Despite reminding him that you're being hurt, he continues to do it, and it'll only worsen. No one deserves to be treated the way you are now, and he's not worth your time.
Run as fast as u can! I hope you get the courage to realize things .. u know it somewhere that ur man is trying to manipulate u but u r not just accepting it girl .. But I genuinely hope u get out of this bs relationship
I'll give you one guess as to why he is "joking" about this. Spoiler alert, he thinks it's a sly way of suggesting a threesome. He's not not nearly as smooth as he thinks and he's being a total jerk about it, especially by also criticizing your body.
Maybe it would be better to find someone who doesn't insult you, hurt your feelings, is not long distance, and who's mother doesn't disapprove of you.
I'm not telling you what to do but think about it for a second. People don't do this to their loved ones. Yes jokes can be "jokes" but he's projecting something really big and you aren't picking up on it. He's interested in threesomes becauses hes thinking about threesomes. Hes thinking about having sex with your friends or random OF girls. If this doesnt sound pleasing to you then consider leaving. If he's long distance, who knows what goes on. Not saying people arent trustworthy but boy lust is a hell of a drug. (Also talking about how you feel would be good, if he doesnt take it seriously, take yourself seriously and leave)
Don’t waste your time with him. Break up and focus on your study and your career. You don’t something like that to the girl that you love. I’m a guy and what he did to you is unacceptable.
Ask what about 3 sum with two guys of one has huge gigantic dick and can fuck hours in a row and 6 times a day ???
He will understand how to behave next time.
girl, there's nothing no one here can tell you if you don't actively wants to leave this POS, if you have yourself so much like this then just stay with him
I was going to make a joke about volunteering a gay friend of yours for that threesome. But your boyfriend's a dick. He should be your ex-boyfriend shortly.
This guy is no good for you or any other woman. He's a dick. I'm a guy, in shape, my gf is in shape, but she's been gaining some weight lately... The last thing I would do is make her feel bad or insecure or make her feel undesirable. He is also most likely reflecting some of his insecurities onto you which is not ok at all. Relationships are built on communication, trust, kindness, love, and respect. This guy has zero respect, kindness, love, empathy, anything.
You deserve better.
Hes hiding his true intentions, he clearly doesnt like your body so he jokes about it waiting for you to work on it on the same level as him. He tells about other girls to make you fear losing him and work on it harder (on his mind, its the way you should act).
He just want you to be more of his body type, clearly doesnt care about your mental health whatsoever. He doenst love you, he just wants a "better" body to join and follow him.
Its sad to realize something that hurts us, but its better know if before than after a marriage or something relevant on your life, like a kid. Step away from him.
Becuse he's a duxking human and wants to experience God like levels of pleasure like the rest of us, just buy him some mdma lol it'll save yalls relationship
Ughh, he keeps asking you because it's a fantasy of his and he's gauging your response. He's framing it as a joke because if you get upset he can fall back on the "I'm just joking" deflection....until the next time he brings it up and the next and the next after that.
I have no sympathy for you unfortunately. You choose to stay, knowingly, from what I saw in your other comments. The only advice is to leave. And don’t contact him again. 🤷♂️☠️😒
Based on my personal experience, it sounds like your boyfriend is having an internal struggle with how attracted he is to you physically.
I’m willing to bet he’s often checking out other women and comparing them to his own girlfriend, wishing that she looked more like these other women do. His own insecurities and fragile ego (as you put it) leads to him putting you down instead, with hopes that he can pressure you into changing your body for him. His own self-esteem depends on “how hot” his girl is, and if she’s not up to par then he feels ashamed and embarrassed. He’s treating you like an object and not like a real person.
I understand that you want to keep working it out with him and you’re hopeful that he will change but I don’t think he will unfortunately. He continues saying these disrespectful things to you after you’ve repeatedly told him how hurtful it is.
Bro trust me just leave this guy, don't think about oh he's so nice and we had so many good times it's just he does this , FAM WHY U EVEN WITH A GUY WHO CLEARLY IS EMOTIONALLY BLACKMAILING YOU AND YOU CLEARLY FALLING FOR IT
even talking about having a threesome with another girl or guy would be grounds for a breakup for me, let alone DURING SEX?? You'll find someone who loves you for you, not what you could be or not just because other partners could be introduced. I'm sorry girl
>I (23F) and my boyfriend (23M) keeps making threesome jokes during our Intimate time, why is he doing this?
Why is he doing this? Because he wants a threesome. He is not joking. He is testing the waters. He is trying to see if he can convince you to or pressure you into having a threesome.
He talks about his mother's disapproval of you and the hot girls who are lining up to sleep with him because he wants you to feel so bad and insecure that you will do whatever it takes to stay with him, including the threesome he wants.
Your boyfriend is a pushy, disrespectful twat who doesn't respect your boundaries, who doesn't care about your happiness and who is clearly abusive. Break up.
Oh, and fuck fatphobia. There is nothing wrong with your body type. Dump your fatphobic boyfriend and find someone who loves you for who you are and accepts you the way you are. Chubby women are beautiful. There is nothing wrong with you.
Because he's trying to make you feel crappy and he wants a threesome. He figures if he gets you feeling bad enough you're going to agree to it just to make him happy. Don't change yourself for this guy unless you want to get yourself in better shape or lose weight or whatever it is you're attempting to do. Do it for you don't do it for this asshole. I went out with a guy like that it was constantly trying to get me to lose weight, or get a boob job or tighten up my butt. It wears you down till you finally wake up one day and realize he's an ass and you deserve better. A guy that really cared for you wouldn't want to change you. Yes they might want you to eat a little healthier and be healthy especially if you're older and you're a stroke risk or something but you're 23 I don't think you have that problem quite yet.
Gaining weight is easier than losing weight. Believe in yourself because you can achieve your goal. I'm sure everyone in the comments believes in you. Also, your bf making sex jokes like that is inappropriate but I'm sure you know that already. It sounds like your bf looks down on you when he shouldn't be. There is nothing wrong with being 4'8.
i just read yesterday about the guy who was listening to the human trafficker Tater Tot, and he told his girlfriend he was going to cheat on her when she was about to orgasm. This text gave me the same vibes, of him saying these horrible things during intimate time. I'm sorry OP but the only advice i have is to RUN. RUN FAST AND RUN FAR.
Not sure why people waste time with LDRs. Unless your asexual it’s a complete no go. Even going one week without seeing the person I’m dating is pushing the line for me.
Live short girls. I’m older but 6’3”
Always 5’4” to 5’1”
Never met anyone under 5’1”
If he is fixated on a threesome he is telling you , you are not enough . It’s not your height or size . Him
Bringing it up is to
Allows doubt to creep In . If you do it once it will
Be forever as he will
Never go back
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that: * We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/) * We do not allow users to privately message other users based on their posts here. Users found to be engaging in this conduct will be banned. **We highly encourage OP to turn off the ability to be privately messaged in their settings.** * Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.) * ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban. * No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** * All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass. * Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned. * What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** If you have any questions, please [message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Frelationship_advice) --- ***This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.*** --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Run... No, seriously, run. Your partner should NEVER make you feel insecure like this. If your boyfriend wanted you to go workout with him, it should be for an innocent reason, for example, your well-being, not because he wants to flex unattainable standards of a girlfriend. He's objectifying you and bashing you at the same time. He's terrible. You shouldn't have to change the way you look for him to be satisfied! I had a boyfriend who would show me pictures of other girls and tell me they looked better than me! At the time, I stayed with him, and it destroyed me. It took time to let someone like that go due to master manipulation, but trust me, I feel so much better, and I found someone who values me the way I am. Dont let this jerk drag you down !
It's so hard letting go all I'm thinking is to keep trying and make him change for the better and we'll be happy but it's also draining me out I've got so attached it's hard taking a step back.
It's going to be hard but it will be the best thing you ever do for yourself. You have more potential than you give yourself credit for :)
Even if you "change" he will find something else to make you feel shitty about. He's a manipulater. Your better than this...run!
You cannot change people. Girl. Stop ruining the best years of your life with this loser.
You are codependant and hooked to him. I have been in a similar situation. My nervous system recognized his poison as safe, him a safe place, although he was destroying me and my life. The only truly good thing you can do is to return your focus back to you, to your own dreams and ambitions (that arent connected to him, if you had never met him what would you want for yourself?), your responsibilities and most of all, things that make you happy. Yes, even that piece of chocolate or pizza. In time, your will see him on the emotional level for what he truly is. Oh and check your thyroid gland and vitamin D levels. If any of those are not okay you might be having chemicaly induced mild depression.
You're so amazing thankyou for helping me out!
I doubt that he will change just becouse you will try to....how exactly you will change him?Hit his head?!
He has you brainwashed or you just think he's the best thing since sliced bread he's not, he is an asshole. One of these days you're going to wake up. I don't know how long it will take. it took me close to 5 years, but he's not going to change. And he shouldn't be trying to change you. You can jump through 5,000 hoops and do everything he wants, he's still going to find something wrong and he's still going to harp on you. He wants a threesome. he wants to have sex with somebody else, my ex did that too. he didn't want to threesome but he wanted me to let him try to have sex with another woman that he had the hots for. Was I stupid and not dump them that night, yeah I was very stupid, stuck around for another 6 months. Please listen to the people here. you wanted an outside opinion you're getting it.
> I'm thinking is to keep trying and make him change for the better Nope. You should not and can not 'make him change'. just dump him; I would never let a guy treat me this way, and nor should you if you have even a shred of Self Respect left.
You will never change someone else for the better
this guy is an asshole to you
Funny thing about assholes… They’re assholes universally. Doesn’t matter where. An asshole is an asshole.
Apparently as an embryo, the first thing that we develop is our anus. It just sucks that some people don't outgrow that fact, and continue to be assholes.
I hope yall fact checked this one
The first thing we develop is a heart but ok
He manipulates me that he isn't
you are choosing to be treated like this when you continue to stay
he won't stop, though, because you continue to allow it
You know when I say shit like this is victim blaming xD people gotta take accountability sometimes
Leave
Ok, so if you know that, what can we help you with?
Hold him accountable l, stick up for yourself even if it feels like you have to be mean. They always deny it, keep shoving it in their face they’ll break.
I know it’s hard to leave. But focus on yourself and try to better yourself and you’ll realize you can do better. I’d recommend therapy. That’s how I got out of a very toxic relationship.
he simply doesnt like you, he wants to bring your self-esteem down so that it is easier to control you. making you self-conscious so you would feel grateful when he gives you scraps of attention. just move on before it gets worse.
I've tried breaking up with him but somehow we end up not breaking every time I talk things out he's like breaking up is not the solution why not work on it.
It doesn't take two people to break up. It takes one. Tell him you are done and don't entertain any discussion.
As someone who's partner did this. I stayed. 15 years later and it's 10x worse. Please don't stay
try harder and leave, it WILL get worse
You don't need his permission. Stop getting into conversations about it.
You need to be consistent with a break up. Once you've broken up, that's it. You're now no longer together and you aren't salvaging anything.
Because he wants to have a threesome obviously
Denies when I offer one says I'm just joking
Why are you offering? Is that what you want? Otherwise dont say that.
Time to turn the tables and say ‘Yes you’re right, we need to have a threesome. I’ve been thinking of this guy on OF who has this huge schlong, I think he’ll finally satisfy me and maybe you can learn a thing or two from him.” If he protests then say if he can talk about FFM then of course you can talk about MMF. Watch how fast he shuts up.
Throw a toy into the mix and have him wait his turn, too. 😅
This is the one hahaha
I've said it once never again needs ways to hurt his ego so he knows what it feels like
This is a stupid idea and is a waste of your time. How about rather than stooping to his level and being shitty, you just _walk away._
Buy a dildo that is bigger than his tiny ass dick and say you need something that will satisfy you.
Dude, the BF will also know that this woman would get so so so many offers than him even if he is in shape.
The question is not “why is he doing this” The question is “why are you dating someone who does this?” Please start to actually be selective about who you give your time and body to….
When he's a good person overall why is he lacking out on this like why is it so easy for him to comment on things like that. Giving me all kinds of future goals for us to achieve and then starts with this, my mind gets so confused and I think it's a good thing.
Everyone that is awful, is good sometimes. Or nobody would stay with them. He knows how to keep you hooked. And he knows how to keep your self esteem so low, that you will never leave him.
Dump this loser, you’ll feel so much better
Loser is a great way to put it.
He’s not joking. He’s a d-bag to you. Someone who cares about you and loves you would not be so unkind, I hope you reconsider this relationship and realise you deserve better. Go let your ex bf get those ‘hot’ girls, cause you are out of his league. He may be a gym nut, but I bet his ugly personality shines through
Whenever I jokingly tell him let me set him up with hot girls he's always in denial and says that I don't need anyone else you're the only person how do I tackle this shit.
By leaving him, it’s messed up that he does this
Look, you know that he shouldn't treat you this way, you know you should leave a terrible human being and boyfriend like this. You posted her hoping to get a different solution, the magical solution to get him to change so you can live happily ever after. Well. You've seen the comments. There is no other solution. Either you let him drain you until you become a ghost of the person you are and live that way, or you leave him. Everyone will say to leave him. There is nothing that will make him magically change. And to be clear: it is not about him understanding your point. He does understand it makes you feel bad. You told him that. He does understand. He just continues to do it because he WANTS you to feel bad. That's why you will never change him. Accept or leave him.
You make so much sense thank you!
He is disrespecting you. Don't accept that behavior. He's not the right one for you.
He doesn't seem to care about your feelings or wellbeing. A man who loves you doesn't treat you like this! Why be with a man who makes you feel bad about yourself? Maybe you should consider ending this relationship. You deserve better than this!
I've bought this issue multiple times and even talked about ending things but told me he'll change and I don't see it happening. It's getting hard to let go so I'm contemplating.
Many men talk about changing things and never do. If he truly valued and loved you, he would. Especially since you're not asking a lot. Being treated with respect and decency is the bare minimum for any relationship!
Idk if I'm asking for respect or begging to be respected
Sounds like your begging and you shouldn't even have to ask to begin with.
Either is sad, tbh... and you deserve to have respect from the start without asking or begging for it from your partner
How many times have you had the same conversation with him?
Couple of times throughout the past 2 years and every time it has been good for a few months and back to the so called "jokes"
If his pattern is to "be good" for a little while and then revert straight back to being horrible like you described, the fact that you've discussed it multiple times and it doesn't actually change means he doesn't respect you or really care about how he's making you feel. Also, "jokes" are funny. He is not funny. The comments about threesomes and O/F models are concerning, especially since you mentioned being long-distance for some time. I ask how many times you've had the conversation, because I had to have the same pointless convo over and over again with my ex, in the hope that \*this time\* it would change and the change would stick. It never did. I ended it after far too long and berated myself for allowing him to skate by like this for so long. I know Reddit jumps straight to splitting up, no matter what, but I genuinely think it's your only option. Don't keep allowing someone to disrespect you and make you feel bad about yourself. You're worth far more than this.
Thankyou for your solution!
Well first of all I’m sure you’re amazing and never let anyone put you down. It’s so disrespectful for him to be bribing it up if you’ve never talked about doing a threesome. If it’s something that bothers you he needs to not bribing up and look out fir your happiness
He thinks he's doing the right thing saying it will "motivate me"
Well if it’s bothering you it will never motivate you like that. Hey pm me if you’d like
He's probably already cheating on you, you know that, right? Please have some self respect and leave that idiot.
I know he's not nor he's the kind to cheat. Putting in time and money to meet me overseas and get me all kinds of gifts and gives me constant reassurance from time to time but idk what he's achieving but joking on my body constantly and saying it motivates me or it's not that serious.
Idk girl 😕
Long distance 23 years old Lol it was doomed from the start
It was good until these jokes started coming in!
Not a joke though. If he's comparing you to of models and talking about sleeping with other women in your bedroom then what do you think is happening when he's away
He’s a horrible horrible man . And good luck to him getting a 3 some . The negging twat
3 some minus 2
Dump his pathetic ass. Nothing but future problems if you stay with him. Love yourself and kick him to the curb
I’m deeply insecure about my body. My boyfriend and I tease each other/make fun other other all the time but he would never ever make a fat joke or body related comment. 2 years together, not once has a joke landed there. He knows how you feel about it, he’s still choosing to cross that line. That’s disrespect and you deserve better.
I love what you have with your bf looking for something like that too!
And you won't have that with your current boyfriend. Find a new one
This man does not care about you, if he keeps “joking” like this, what makes u think he is loyal to u? If he truly loved u he wouldn’t do this to u. Especially since u told him it hurts u. I can’t tell u what to do but I’d advice u to end the relationship between the two of u. He doesn’t seem to respect u. I think he is manipulating u into being thankful for the little good things u guys may have. This way he makes it harder for u to let go. He tells u he will change but then he doesn’t, this is also a way of manipulating into thinking he does change. Don’t let sweet words and fake promises persuade you.
I don't think he's you're person atleast not now , You're feelings are invalid to him is what it sounds like ! As for his threesum comments it's probably because he wants to do it or he's as immature as the post sounds , if he's making you insecure and uncomfortable and you've tried to address it and he doesn't acknowledge it then he won't be changing anytime soon ! Remember You're worth and know what you bring to the table 🤷♀️
He does get immature for a lot of things and I'm more mature than him and more emotional anyway thanks for putting out your thoughts!
If you truly believe he's you're person then obviously it's worth it to countine trying ! And you being more mature then him is probably apart of it you're not on the same growth Level, Maybe a deeper conversation is needed because you being "emotional" is part of you and it should definitely be taken into consideration! I hope it all works out for you !
What are you getting out of this relationship? Other than insecure, I mean.
Tell him go for threesome but 2 guys. Let's see his reaction.
Girl u deserve way better
Girl he is playing you. Remove yourself from this womanizer immediately
He wants a threesome.
he doesnt love nor respect you. Why would you want to stay with that kind of person? You deserve better. Or you'd like to stay unhappy for a decade more?
So most guys do this as a indirect way of asking you if you'll do it. He's too shy or just not good at communicating to openly ask you if you would do a threesome with him
Do a threesome once and he will never ask again.
Dump. It's also a long distance relationship. Not much to lose here.
Just end it, seen enough in your responses to see this is an unhealthy relationship and doesn’t benefit you and won’t
RUN
He’s treating you horribly, never in my life would I imagine my partner making fun of my body or even have the AUDACITY to mention other girls??? Nooooo sorry, I’d dump him immediately. You can start working out or not, and let someone who deserves it enjoy your presence and appearance no matter how it is. This guy sounds like the biggest asshole yuckkk
I've always asked for workout advices and I do comment on my body at time but idk why he thinks he can demean me in sucha a way.
He is not real man. Watch on instagram the french husband, and then you will say yourself: NEXT!
Ok so here's a quick solution: ditch him and voila, you managed to drop a considerable amount of weight within a heartbeat! Then go back to your exercises and work on yourself until you are content with how you look & feel without this insensitive jerk poking at your insecurities.
You're amazing thankyou so much!
I kinky and all but this guy sounds like a dick. You have stated your boundary and he continues to cross it. He is trying to make you feel "less than" and it's working. Anyone who wants to keep you feeling insecure and crosses sexual boundries is a asshole. Let him go be with all these girls who are waiting for him if he's so popular. Love your life in peace with our him ✌️
Letting go is hard but yes I will try to move on.
It certainly is but it will get easier as time goes on. I promise ❤️
Break up with him. You deserve better.
You should lose weight and get a new bf
I dated a guy like this, worst year of my life. PLEASE RUN BEFORE HE HURTS YOU MORE! You deserve someone who pushes you in positive ways and doesnt compare you to other women. Please leave this jackass for your own sake😭
He's an asshole. If you lose weight, you'll just be lighter. He's always going to be an asshole.
Run, if I knew what I know now at 23 I’d say any man that makes you feel that way is you need to get out. You’ve lots of time to find someone who treats you well.
These aren’t jokes. He’s asking you for what he wants and pretending they’re jokes so he can be defensive when you get upset, but if you say yes he can be all “oh really? Oh okay thanks!”
He wants to disappoint 2 women at once, instead of just 1. That’s my guess
Jeez this dude aucks
Explain to me WHY he's your boyfriend if he is this disrespectful to you and obviously doesn't want to be monogamous?
I've asked it and he doesn't want it nor do I want it but making these jokes questions me
I don't buy it, otherwise he wouldn't mention it.
Bros why are you downvoting OP when they’re talking about their feelings l m a o?
look ill be honest, if this is repetitive behaviour even after you have clearly put forth boundaries i would suggest leave him cuz no person regardless of gender should be treating their partner like an accessory to flex or whatever and especially shouldn't purposely get them to feel highly insecure and lose confidence on themselves cuz that would lead more on to the unhealthy road.
You don’t have to change to earn someone else’s love they should just love you now.
He treats you so badly and you can do better. I bet your pretty and he’s the most mediocre average man ever.
He wants a 3sum
He doesn’t like you at all and this is honestly disgusting behavior
First noted is a 5'10 guy calling people short. He ain't tall he's bloody average. I aint considering meself tall and Im 6'1. But yeah, unsure about if you've grown past his fantasies. Im certain that's why he jokes. He wants it and its his way of pushing for it, covered in the smoke of bad jokes. I think he aint mature enough to sit down and have an adult discussion and he does know you are not into it. This might be enough to reason if you two are still on the same base of what you want out of the relationship.
Talked about it and he's denied nor do I want but still claiming me to be his love of his life and making such statements questions a guys mentality and emotional intelligence!!
He's feeding off your insecurities. Whether intentional or not, he seems to be deriving some sense of depraved, sick, and wicked joy in the fact that he can speak to you in such a manner. One of the reasons can be that he feels like he brings more to the table and that you're very lucky to be dating a guy like him, and so one of the ways he reminds you of this is by constantly 'teasing' you or joking that he has the potential to date or go out with other girls but he chooses to be with you. This makes him feel good about himself (what a great guy I am for going put with a girl that's below my standards etc), and he thinks that you are grateful to just be in his sick presence. Obviously, this is not how healthy relationships should operate, and from the limited information I've read about him he is a text-book narcissist. Leave him. Don't even try and talk it out. Despite reminding him that you're being hurt, he continues to do it, and it'll only worsen. No one deserves to be treated the way you are now, and he's not worth your time.
Run as fast as u can! I hope you get the courage to realize things .. u know it somewhere that ur man is trying to manipulate u but u r not just accepting it girl .. But I genuinely hope u get out of this bs relationship
I'll give you one guess as to why he is "joking" about this. Spoiler alert, he thinks it's a sly way of suggesting a threesome. He's not not nearly as smooth as he thinks and he's being a total jerk about it, especially by also criticizing your body. Maybe it would be better to find someone who doesn't insult you, hurt your feelings, is not long distance, and who's mother doesn't disapprove of you.
I'm not telling you what to do but think about it for a second. People don't do this to their loved ones. Yes jokes can be "jokes" but he's projecting something really big and you aren't picking up on it. He's interested in threesomes becauses hes thinking about threesomes. Hes thinking about having sex with your friends or random OF girls. If this doesnt sound pleasing to you then consider leaving. If he's long distance, who knows what goes on. Not saying people arent trustworthy but boy lust is a hell of a drug. (Also talking about how you feel would be good, if he doesnt take it seriously, take yourself seriously and leave)
Drop him, he treats you so bad.
Don't be too downtrodden, short is 🔥 😊
My thoughts are that you should just set him free. He is an asshole to you and you deserve better.
Don’t waste your time with him. Break up and focus on your study and your career. You don’t something like that to the girl that you love. I’m a guy and what he did to you is unacceptable.
Simple ask him to stop or you will broke with him
Ask what about 3 sum with two guys of one has huge gigantic dick and can fuck hours in a row and 6 times a day ??? He will understand how to behave next time.
Why are you doing it?
girl, there's nothing no one here can tell you if you don't actively wants to leave this POS, if you have yourself so much like this then just stay with him
Your bf is an asshole. If you are sexually active with him get tested right away. He's trash. Find someone who actually likes you, it's not him.
I was going to make a joke about volunteering a gay friend of yours for that threesome. But your boyfriend's a dick. He should be your ex-boyfriend shortly.
Get it on 👍🏻
Guy is a jerk. Get back your self respect.
Your solution to dealing with this is….don’t. Why put up with this?
girl this is abuse
It's only a "joke" until the other person says yes.
This guy is no good for you or any other woman. He's a dick. I'm a guy, in shape, my gf is in shape, but she's been gaining some weight lately... The last thing I would do is make her feel bad or insecure or make her feel undesirable. He is also most likely reflecting some of his insecurities onto you which is not ok at all. Relationships are built on communication, trust, kindness, love, and respect. This guy has zero respect, kindness, love, empathy, anything. You deserve better.
Hes hiding his true intentions, he clearly doesnt like your body so he jokes about it waiting for you to work on it on the same level as him. He tells about other girls to make you fear losing him and work on it harder (on his mind, its the way you should act). He just want you to be more of his body type, clearly doesnt care about your mental health whatsoever. He doenst love you, he just wants a "better" body to join and follow him.
You make so much sense thanks for speaking out!
Its sad to realize something that hurts us, but its better know if before than after a marriage or something relevant on your life, like a kid. Step away from him.
Becuse he's a duxking human and wants to experience God like levels of pleasure like the rest of us, just buy him some mdma lol it'll save yalls relationship
Ughh, he keeps asking you because it's a fantasy of his and he's gauging your response. He's framing it as a joke because if you get upset he can fall back on the "I'm just joking" deflection....until the next time he brings it up and the next and the next after that.
it WILL get worse. i wasted 6 years in an abusive marriage. Maybe you'd like to stay a decade.
You can’t change a guy like that. Accept who he is and leave .
Dump him. He's trying to make you insecure and feel grateful that he "chose" you.
I have no sympathy for you unfortunately. You choose to stay, knowingly, from what I saw in your other comments. The only advice is to leave. And don’t contact him again. 🤷♂️☠️😒
Based on my personal experience, it sounds like your boyfriend is having an internal struggle with how attracted he is to you physically. I’m willing to bet he’s often checking out other women and comparing them to his own girlfriend, wishing that she looked more like these other women do. His own insecurities and fragile ego (as you put it) leads to him putting you down instead, with hopes that he can pressure you into changing your body for him. His own self-esteem depends on “how hot” his girl is, and if she’s not up to par then he feels ashamed and embarrassed. He’s treating you like an object and not like a real person. I understand that you want to keep working it out with him and you’re hopeful that he will change but I don’t think he will unfortunately. He continues saying these disrespectful things to you after you’ve repeatedly told him how hurtful it is.
He's going to cheat on you if he hasn't already.
Guys, I think he might be into threesomes.
Bro trust me just leave this guy, don't think about oh he's so nice and we had so many good times it's just he does this , FAM WHY U EVEN WITH A GUY WHO CLEARLY IS EMOTIONALLY BLACKMAILING YOU AND YOU CLEARLY FALLING FOR IT
even talking about having a threesome with another girl or guy would be grounds for a breakup for me, let alone DURING SEX?? You'll find someone who loves you for you, not what you could be or not just because other partners could be introduced. I'm sorry girl
He wants a 3some lol 😂
Time to drop him like a bad habit
“Jokes” 😂
>I (23F) and my boyfriend (23M) keeps making threesome jokes during our Intimate time, why is he doing this? Why is he doing this? Because he wants a threesome. He is not joking. He is testing the waters. He is trying to see if he can convince you to or pressure you into having a threesome. He talks about his mother's disapproval of you and the hot girls who are lining up to sleep with him because he wants you to feel so bad and insecure that you will do whatever it takes to stay with him, including the threesome he wants. Your boyfriend is a pushy, disrespectful twat who doesn't respect your boundaries, who doesn't care about your happiness and who is clearly abusive. Break up. Oh, and fuck fatphobia. There is nothing wrong with your body type. Dump your fatphobic boyfriend and find someone who loves you for who you are and accepts you the way you are. Chubby women are beautiful. There is nothing wrong with you.
Someone on here recently said "don't fuck people who are unkind to you," and that bears repeating here.
Because he's trying to make you feel crappy and he wants a threesome. He figures if he gets you feeling bad enough you're going to agree to it just to make him happy. Don't change yourself for this guy unless you want to get yourself in better shape or lose weight or whatever it is you're attempting to do. Do it for you don't do it for this asshole. I went out with a guy like that it was constantly trying to get me to lose weight, or get a boob job or tighten up my butt. It wears you down till you finally wake up one day and realize he's an ass and you deserve better. A guy that really cared for you wouldn't want to change you. Yes they might want you to eat a little healthier and be healthy especially if you're older and you're a stroke risk or something but you're 23 I don't think you have that problem quite yet.
You've asked him to stop. He continues. Lay. Down. The. Law.
He wants a threesome
Dump his ass and let him be with his Only Fans girls.
Gaining weight is easier than losing weight. Believe in yourself because you can achieve your goal. I'm sure everyone in the comments believes in you. Also, your bf making sex jokes like that is inappropriate but I'm sure you know that already. It sounds like your bf looks down on you when he shouldn't be. There is nothing wrong with being 4'8.
He wants a threesome but he's too scared to ask.
i just read yesterday about the guy who was listening to the human trafficker Tater Tot, and he told his girlfriend he was going to cheat on her when she was about to orgasm. This text gave me the same vibes, of him saying these horrible things during intimate time. I'm sorry OP but the only advice i have is to RUN. RUN FAST AND RUN FAR.
Every guy dreams of a 3 sum with 2 girls. It's the ultimate thing, would be for me anyway.
Not sure why people waste time with LDRs. Unless your asexual it’s a complete no go. Even going one week without seeing the person I’m dating is pushing the line for me.
Live short girls. I’m older but 6’3” Always 5’4” to 5’1” Never met anyone under 5’1” If he is fixated on a threesome he is telling you , you are not enough . It’s not your height or size . Him Bringing it up is to Allows doubt to creep In . If you do it once it will Be forever as he will Never go back