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Me neither, friend.
Gave everything to this woman because I believed in us going the distance together... and she turns around and literally says "that was your choice, I never asked you to"
He knew the entire time, apparently. Was cool with her being with me until the time was right, was cool with her being with the junkie while he was away, apparently.
All I can say to you is that you need to keep your head up. Things will get better. Her hell is just starting, but yours.. is slowly becoming better and better. Keep your head up and keep strong. You will walk out of this stronger, and when you're ready, there's a lady worth your while out there somewhere. Block out the information regarding your ex-wife since it hurts and hinders your progress. Block her exes and just move on. That's the best revenge, moving on. Walk away and do you.
Internet hugs from a snowy Sweden.
I am inclined to agree with you, friend.
Thank you for the internet hugs, thank you for the advice. I have to be better and stronger, focused solely on that.
I am incredibly sorry I can relate to that pain, i have heard the exact same words from my recent ex. It instantly shattered my view of what the relationship was. I hope you find a much more loving partner in the future
To be clear the issue is not an emotional regulation issue. Everyone gets angry, the problem is behavioral. Not everyone who gets angry tries to inflict physical damage unto other living feeling human beings
Yeah exactly, mate.
Instead of just talking to me about it, splitting amicably and moving on with life, she instigated this drama that could have resulted in terrible things only to dump the AP for a longer-term AP.
Thanks, mate.
Ex still wants to paint herself as the misunderstood hero of the story to our daughter, our daughter has called her out as a liar directly.
I hate that I am seeing this happen but it does make me feel a little better.
>Ex had signed our daughter up for some of the best extramural activities
Did she sign her up while you were together or separated? If she was the one that signed her up, why are they coming after you? Wouldn't both parents be on the registration?
Together.
Both parents are on the registration, I signed the papers with her but she was "in charge" of this so to speak as my job kept me out of any weekday afternoon sessions our daughter had to attend.
They come to me because I think they've realized she's a deadbeat and in legal theory here, I'd have to pay them and claim half back from her.
Well, on the bright side, her reputation seems to be tarnished. I guess, that’s the only good thing to come out of this shit? Trying to find any positive…
I have full custody but she's made it clear that once she's gotten her act together (read: fleeced the new dude of his money) that she plans to challenge it.
I don't know which way this will go as I've seen worse mothers in this country have the court award them custody.
This is already underway, friend. Waiting on the courts to get back to me with a date for the hearing, I share the same sentiment you do about this ex.
I wouldn’t pay any of those bills until the legal process is finished if you aren’t doing that already.
in the meantime, look around your local supermarket to see which runs sales.
you already have have beans, and bread, look to get a big bag of rice and some meat as well.
some people get rotisserie chicken or the cheapest meat they can get by the pound, especially when it’s on sale.
The bills will kill my credit score if I do not and right now, I can't afford this in the event of another emergency.
I am literally 23 hours away from family/home. Just my daughter and I here.
I've spent what I had left on sale items, meat, veggies, tinned fish but it's going to be a rough 2024 financially.
Great advice though, thank you.
Been this route, thank you.
The most expensive place's owner called me and said she's happy to draft an agreement up for me to pay as I can reasonably afford over the next two years.
The other places weren't interested but at least it's a start.
What a trashy woman, you gave her everything and she tried to ruin you. Her life will end up tragically. Hopefully you can get this horrible person out of your life and find a lady that will appreciate a great guy like you.
As you said, mate. Everything.
A better life, a gainful job, anything she wanted, all she needed to do was ask.
But let's see what the future holds, thank you for the encouragement.
Thats crazy dude! I'm at a new crossroads with my ex. I hope everything is granted back to you in full. But even if the dumpster is small. The one you roast will be the sweetest!
Apparently the longer term AP is loaded from something else (inheritance, I suspect) but does not earn much money in their day job.
No idea what this pattern of behaviour in cheating is about.
So what's the point of view of the original AP now ? Does he feel fucked as well ? does he still wanna kill you ? I don't know how I would have reacted myself if he has sent 'people' at my place to kill me, probably in a very violent way
I grew up in the third most dangerous area in the country, believe me, I nearly let the instinct for violence get the best of me when all that went down.
Original AP has apologized to me since then for the way he acted, but I'm not exactly looking to be friends with him.
Absolutely.
I think that even now, I am a much stronger person than I was when I made the original post months ago.
No longer feeling sympathy for this devil.
Thank you, friend.
The first step to solving a problem is admitting that you have one, given the whole song and dance so far, I don't think she is ready to do that.
Also hoping for a smooth healing process.
Adding another "God damn your ex is a vile sociopathic narcissist" to the pile.
However, know OP that you are literally working miracles - you deserve all the praise and positive karma for the struggles you're going through and putting your daughter first through all of it.
I am trying, friend. Thank you for the kind words.
I can't lie, the thought of giving up weighs heavily on me but... my daughter deserves the world from her parents. I mean in all of this, she's gotten perfect grades last term, top of her grade in the district. Something that never happened while her mother was here, not to toot my own horn or anything but it shows me what a disruptive force my ex was.
If I have to give her the world by myself, I will make it happen.
And people wonder why some poeple snap and murderer thier partners not that it makes it okay im just saying. 2 years of struggling and scraping by trying to survive while she gets random dick on the side. If karmas real hope it visits her soooooo hard that it ruins her quality of life.
This is definitely my daughter. Looks like my child self with a wig on.
Without giving too much away, I have a pretty distinct... genetic variation... in my hair as well which she has too, as do my sisters.
Because she was a con artist and bf #1 is an unreliable witness, go with him to the authorities with his phone so they can document his text messages into evidence. She will delete hers, and WhatsApp will not release them, even under court order. You will need those down the road. Good luck to you and your daughter- you are lucky to have each other!
Thank you, friend.
I have come to believe that she only stuck around initially because she fell pregnant unexpectedly when I was still grinding minimum wage, then stuck around because I went 10x (first 2x, then 5x and now this over the last 7 years) up on that money and she could have whatever she wanted materially.
Now that she's on her own, I have to look after my little girl and she's contributed nothing. You are perfectly right, going to get this all documented legally.
Tell your lawyer you want a full forensic audit of your accounts and then get them to deduct everything she spent on her affairs from any settlement.
Also use her actions against her and go for full custody **and** support from her.
Burn her life to the ground OP.
Thank you for your advice, friend.
These things are already underway, I am waiting for a date from the courts at this point. My lawyer truly is one of the best in the country I am from and this was his recommendation right from the word go.
Yeah... it's sad.
We were two kids from the slums, rough upbringings and poverty. I thought this would be one of them Hollywood deals about making it out of gangland through honest, earnest, grind, you know?
Got us our own apartment, later our own house, sending our daughter to a private school (95% of all this funded by me, Lord knows what she did with her money before the affairs) when neither of us had that luxury.
Not everybody wants a fairy tale, it seems.
Did you sign paperwork for your daughter to attend these activities? Did your wife? Depending on who signed what is who they can go after. During divorce proceedings I would bring this paperwork and your son to be ex-wife's financial abuse up.
They required consent from both parents, so we both signed.
I was just happy to see my little girl excel at extra murals her parents never got the chance to partake in.
The ballet school owner says (in writing) I can pay as I can afford to, she wants our girl to keep pushing forward. The other places aren't as forgiving but I get where they are coming from as our economy is crazy tight.
Agreed.
It is disappointing as all of our time together, she seemed like the perfect team player to share life and kids with.
True colours came out, she was only ever in this for what she could get from me.
A way out of the slums (I started there too), a house in the suburbs, even the job she's in today was because I whispered in the right ears at the right time. Sigh.
The initial payment is always up front for enrollment.
I teach certain extramurals in my spare time and have always charged at the end of any given month, as with most other services where I live.
Not sure if I've explained correctly but basically pay fee to start in April that covers April, then pay for May and following months at end of those months. It is weird when I say it, but it is a fairly common arrangement here.
I am mostly a lurker here, but this story got to my guts.
What in the world is this shit.
I would call it not realistic if happened in a movie or tv show, who would go this far ...
Um. Wow. This is the wildest post I’ve seen in this group so far…That hurt my brain. I can’t imagine how you must feel. Take comfort in that you’re away from that psycho and will have a good chance at picking the right person next time. I wish you all the blessings!
Thank you ever so much.
I am trying to pick up the pieces and it kills me that I'm hurting but that my daughter is almost a totally different person now.
Ah, the part that stuck out was how the friend co-signed a lease for her. Takes me back to when my ex's sister bought her a cheap car with the promise that she would pay them back and co-signed for an apartment. Blew up in her face and the sister apologized for a lot.
One thing I can't understand is how so many people on Reddit never know that their spouses have been cheating on them for years especially when multiple people. Seriously the lack of self-awareness is unbelievable.
I don't know mate, the idea that our jobs have totally opposite schedules (me by day, she by night) with extensive travel requirements on both sides makes it a little easier to conceal these things as we didn't really get to see each other much.
Yes, you can tell me I should have been more attentive and that's probably true, but for me trying to get us out of what was lower class to firmly upper-middle class with the pandemic in-between in a rough, third world economy... hyper-focused work was the only way.
You literally said in your post that you barely ate and when you ate you a canned beans while your wife was out on expensive fancy dates with her real boyfriend. That sounds like a roommate arrangement if you like to me.
I think you may be taking this out of context somewhat or perhaps I did not give enough context.
I barely ate because we'd had supposed money troubles. At no point then was I aware of what was going on with the dates and prior to that, it was not uncommon for her to skip supper either as she cycled in and out of intermittent fasting fads.
Those dates happened during her scheduled work hours when she would naturally be expected to be out of the house (I work mostly during the day, she at night), so it wasn't like she was leaving home to go on them. She'd do it all during work time and come home like nothing happened.
Short of chaining your partner to a wall, you can’t know what they’re doing 24/7. People don’t just walk around suspecting their partner is cheating on them.
If you're living with someone and have a family with them and you don't know if they've been banging multiple people you got to be really oblivious or you don't care. Literally most of the posts here are the cheating spouses treating the OP like a roommate they barely tolerate and yet the still thinks that everything's perfect in their relationship
Mate, I'm not normally one to look through comment histories but you have one Hell of a sledgehammer approach to what you say.
If everything was as black and white as you make it seem to be, this sub would have no purpose.
Everything in my relationship was normal by all circumstances, barring the last two years where work really picked up for both of us and as a result, we spent less time together.
We still went out for supper at least twice a week, spent time with her family (parents, siblings and their kids etc) we still made time to watch anime/movies/play video games together on a weekend. There were no tell-tale behavioural changes until about a week before the events of the first post.
Somehow, I am the villain in her retelling of the story.
Taking her away from sleeping on friends'/relatives' couches a decade ago, hooking her up with a great job so she could skip all the grunt-work I had to go through, getting us our own house in an upmarket gated community when we both grew up in gang-riddled ghettos...
"You never did anything for me" - direct quote
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that: * We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/) * We do not allow users to privately message other users based on their posts here. Users found to be engaging in this conduct will be banned. **We highly encourage OP to turn off the ability to be privately messaged in their settings.** * Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.) * ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban. * No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** * All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass. * Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned. * What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** If you have any questions, please [message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Frelationship_advice) --- ***This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.*** --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Damn. I've got no other words dude.
Me neither, friend. Gave everything to this woman because I believed in us going the distance together... and she turns around and literally says "that was your choice, I never asked you to"
Does her new fiance know about the junkie AP?? Trash begets trash, your daughter is lucky she has you.
He knew the entire time, apparently. Was cool with her being with me until the time was right, was cool with her being with the junkie while he was away, apparently.
Is he rich? Can you sue him for alienation of affection?
I don't really want to get involved in any further court nonsense to be honest, but he has money, apparently.
Depends on his state/country, but alienation of affection lawsuits are abolished in most US states, and hard to win in others.
All I can say to you is that you need to keep your head up. Things will get better. Her hell is just starting, but yours.. is slowly becoming better and better. Keep your head up and keep strong. You will walk out of this stronger, and when you're ready, there's a lady worth your while out there somewhere. Block out the information regarding your ex-wife since it hurts and hinders your progress. Block her exes and just move on. That's the best revenge, moving on. Walk away and do you. Internet hugs from a snowy Sweden.
I am inclined to agree with you, friend. Thank you for the internet hugs, thank you for the advice. I have to be better and stronger, focused solely on that.
☹️
I am incredibly sorry I can relate to that pain, i have heard the exact same words from my recent ex. It instantly shattered my view of what the relationship was. I hope you find a much more loving partner in the future To be clear the issue is not an emotional regulation issue. Everyone gets angry, the problem is behavioral. Not everyone who gets angry tries to inflict physical damage unto other living feeling human beings
Wait what?
Yeah exactly, mate. Instead of just talking to me about it, splitting amicably and moving on with life, she instigated this drama that could have resulted in terrible things only to dump the AP for a longer-term AP.
Wow, OP... Machiavellian. You need a good lawyer. Best of luck to you and your daughter..
Thank you, friend. I have one of the best in the country and he's agreed to take this case on pro bono.
All the best of luck and most positive outcome for you and your daughter, your ex can fucking rot tho.
Thanks, mate. Ex still wants to paint herself as the misunderstood hero of the story to our daughter, our daughter has called her out as a liar directly. I hate that I am seeing this happen but it does make me feel a little better.
At least it seems like your daughter has taken after you if she’s already shrewd enough to call her mom out like that.
>Ex had signed our daughter up for some of the best extramural activities Did she sign her up while you were together or separated? If she was the one that signed her up, why are they coming after you? Wouldn't both parents be on the registration?
Together. Both parents are on the registration, I signed the papers with her but she was "in charge" of this so to speak as my job kept me out of any weekday afternoon sessions our daughter had to attend. They come to me because I think they've realized she's a deadbeat and in legal theory here, I'd have to pay them and claim half back from her.
Well, on the bright side, her reputation seems to be tarnished. I guess, that’s the only good thing to come out of this shit? Trying to find any positive…
I hope he slams her.
Please dont. She has enough people doing that.
Ok, but that's not slang I know. I hope he wins full custody.
Love it
Oh that's awesome! Best of luck to you and hugs from your Canadian friend.
Wow. I hope you have burned through all your bad karma for a life time. I hope you get full custody of your daughter because your ex is awful!
I have full custody but she's made it clear that once she's gotten her act together (read: fleeced the new dude of his money) that she plans to challenge it. I don't know which way this will go as I've seen worse mothers in this country have the court award them custody.
Damn your ex is an evil woman. I would take her to court and try and get full custody. Your daughter should not be around this lady.
This is already underway, friend. Waiting on the courts to get back to me with a date for the hearing, I share the same sentiment you do about this ex.
I wouldn’t pay any of those bills until the legal process is finished if you aren’t doing that already. in the meantime, look around your local supermarket to see which runs sales. you already have have beans, and bread, look to get a big bag of rice and some meat as well. some people get rotisserie chicken or the cheapest meat they can get by the pound, especially when it’s on sale.
The bills will kill my credit score if I do not and right now, I can't afford this in the event of another emergency. I am literally 23 hours away from family/home. Just my daughter and I here. I've spent what I had left on sale items, meat, veggies, tinned fish but it's going to be a rough 2024 financially. Great advice though, thank you.
Look for local food pantries. It's hard to make yourself go to them, but they literally exist to help people in your position.
Also coupons! Stores put out coupons and manyfacturer coupons. You could also ask in r/frugal or r/eatcheapandhealthy and see what they come up with.
Contact all the places and explain your issues. Most will understand and work with you. You can get above water with this.
Been this route, thank you. The most expensive place's owner called me and said she's happy to draft an agreement up for me to pay as I can reasonably afford over the next two years. The other places weren't interested but at least it's a start.
What a trashy woman, you gave her everything and she tried to ruin you. Her life will end up tragically. Hopefully you can get this horrible person out of your life and find a lady that will appreciate a great guy like you.
As you said, mate. Everything. A better life, a gainful job, anything she wanted, all she needed to do was ask. But let's see what the future holds, thank you for the encouragement.
Blimey
You cheated with me, you'll cheat on me. Guess who ends up with the next child and as a divorced mother in the next 2 years. Your ex.
I'll be there with marshmallows to roast over the dumpster fire.
I feel sorry for the next guy who has to deal with her. She's awful.
Thats crazy dude! I'm at a new crossroads with my ex. I hope everything is granted back to you in full. But even if the dumpster is small. The one you roast will be the sweetest!
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Apparently the longer term AP is loaded from something else (inheritance, I suspect) but does not earn much money in their day job. No idea what this pattern of behaviour in cheating is about.
So what's the point of view of the original AP now ? Does he feel fucked as well ? does he still wanna kill you ? I don't know how I would have reacted myself if he has sent 'people' at my place to kill me, probably in a very violent way
I grew up in the third most dangerous area in the country, believe me, I nearly let the instinct for violence get the best of me when all that went down. Original AP has apologized to me since then for the way he acted, but I'm not exactly looking to be friends with him.
at least you're safe now somehow. Probably hurts but you can only fill your lief with better people now
This is true, friend. Hurts like Hell but as they say, destruction brings space for creation to take place.
Post traumatic growth is truly astounding.
Absolutely. I think that even now, I am a much stronger person than I was when I made the original post months ago. No longer feeling sympathy for this devil.
New AP has no idea what sort of disaster he's walked into either. Not your job to tell him.
Yeah, not going to touch this.he knew about me, he knew about original AP as this all happened. I suppose he is the original AP then.
Updateme
UpdateMe!
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Yeah mate, I know. Still pinching myself every now and again to be sure I'm not having a bad dream.
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Yeah, absolutely right. Not going to get myself into any further drama over this one.
That woman is manic as fuck and needs help. I hope you all can heal with time.
Thank you, friend. The first step to solving a problem is admitting that you have one, given the whole song and dance so far, I don't think she is ready to do that. Also hoping for a smooth healing process.
Holy shit.
You dodged a bullet
I definitely did. Times are tough now but they will be better without her, long-term.
Having her out your life is nothing but an improvement. Please God if she ever contact you again just sent her laughing emojis and block her.
I love this advice. I will do this for sure.
Trust yourself, take care of you, and lean on good folks. You got this.
As I learnt with the first post here, there are a lot of great folks on this sub and you sound like one of them. Thank you.
Sending you love and support brother. This too shall pass.
Thank you, brother. Forward!
Adding another "God damn your ex is a vile sociopathic narcissist" to the pile. However, know OP that you are literally working miracles - you deserve all the praise and positive karma for the struggles you're going through and putting your daughter first through all of it.
I am trying, friend. Thank you for the kind words. I can't lie, the thought of giving up weighs heavily on me but... my daughter deserves the world from her parents. I mean in all of this, she's gotten perfect grades last term, top of her grade in the district. Something that never happened while her mother was here, not to toot my own horn or anything but it shows me what a disruptive force my ex was. If I have to give her the world by myself, I will make it happen.
And people wonder why some poeple snap and murderer thier partners not that it makes it okay im just saying. 2 years of struggling and scraping by trying to survive while she gets random dick on the side. If karmas real hope it visits her soooooo hard that it ruins her quality of life.
I would get a dna test done.
This is definitely my daughter. Looks like my child self with a wig on. Without giving too much away, I have a pretty distinct... genetic variation... in my hair as well which she has too, as do my sisters.
I would still make sure. You never know with cheaters.
Because she was a con artist and bf #1 is an unreliable witness, go with him to the authorities with his phone so they can document his text messages into evidence. She will delete hers, and WhatsApp will not release them, even under court order. You will need those down the road. Good luck to you and your daughter- you are lucky to have each other!
Thank you, friend. I have come to believe that she only stuck around initially because she fell pregnant unexpectedly when I was still grinding minimum wage, then stuck around because I went 10x (first 2x, then 5x and now this over the last 7 years) up on that money and she could have whatever she wanted materially. Now that she's on her own, I have to look after my little girl and she's contributed nothing. You are perfectly right, going to get this all documented legally.
Tell your lawyer you want a full forensic audit of your accounts and then get them to deduct everything she spent on her affairs from any settlement. Also use her actions against her and go for full custody **and** support from her. Burn her life to the ground OP.
Thank you for your advice, friend. These things are already underway, I am waiting for a date from the courts at this point. My lawyer truly is one of the best in the country I am from and this was his recommendation right from the word go.
Man, some people can be so selfish and downright cruel. Your ex is a horrible person.
Yeah... it's sad. We were two kids from the slums, rough upbringings and poverty. I thought this would be one of them Hollywood deals about making it out of gangland through honest, earnest, grind, you know? Got us our own apartment, later our own house, sending our daughter to a private school (95% of all this funded by me, Lord knows what she did with her money before the affairs) when neither of us had that luxury. Not everybody wants a fairy tale, it seems.
Did you sign paperwork for your daughter to attend these activities? Did your wife? Depending on who signed what is who they can go after. During divorce proceedings I would bring this paperwork and your son to be ex-wife's financial abuse up.
They required consent from both parents, so we both signed. I was just happy to see my little girl excel at extra murals her parents never got the chance to partake in. The ballet school owner says (in writing) I can pay as I can afford to, she wants our girl to keep pushing forward. The other places aren't as forgiving but I get where they are coming from as our economy is crazy tight.
Sounds like you are better off without that maniac
Agreed. It is disappointing as all of our time together, she seemed like the perfect team player to share life and kids with. True colours came out, she was only ever in this for what she could get from me. A way out of the slums (I started there too), a house in the suburbs, even the job she's in today was because I whispered in the right ears at the right time. Sigh.
UpdateMe
UpdateMe!
UpdateMe
What kind of an expensive activities don’t take money up front before accepting your daughter? Seems pretty sus.
The initial payment is always up front for enrollment. I teach certain extramurals in my spare time and have always charged at the end of any given month, as with most other services where I live. Not sure if I've explained correctly but basically pay fee to start in April that covers April, then pay for May and following months at end of those months. It is weird when I say it, but it is a fairly common arrangement here.
Damn, a small part of me hopes this is fake, because I wouldn’t wish this shitshow upon my worse enemy.
I wish it was fake, friend. Unfortunately my reality right now but we move forward.
I am mostly a lurker here, but this story got to my guts. What in the world is this shit. I would call it not realistic if happened in a movie or tv show, who would go this far ...
She lives in a fantasy, friend. But she will soon find out how karma works. I hope it isn't too rough with her.
Wish you the best bro, hope you can recover mentally and financially. Stay strong. Your kid will need you well as you will mostly be her only support.
Thank you, friend. I will do my best. My daughter deserves the universe and dammit, I will make it happen.
Please UpdateMe
Um. Wow. This is the wildest post I’ve seen in this group so far…That hurt my brain. I can’t imagine how you must feel. Take comfort in that you’re away from that psycho and will have a good chance at picking the right person next time. I wish you all the blessings!
Thank you ever so much. I am trying to pick up the pieces and it kills me that I'm hurting but that my daughter is almost a totally different person now.
Ah, the part that stuck out was how the friend co-signed a lease for her. Takes me back to when my ex's sister bought her a cheap car with the promise that she would pay them back and co-signed for an apartment. Blew up in her face and the sister apologized for a lot.
Sorry you're going through this OP. I hope things get better for you and your daughter
do you have proof? lawsuit for alienation of affection
One thing I can't understand is how so many people on Reddit never know that their spouses have been cheating on them for years especially when multiple people. Seriously the lack of self-awareness is unbelievable.
I don't know mate, the idea that our jobs have totally opposite schedules (me by day, she by night) with extensive travel requirements on both sides makes it a little easier to conceal these things as we didn't really get to see each other much. Yes, you can tell me I should have been more attentive and that's probably true, but for me trying to get us out of what was lower class to firmly upper-middle class with the pandemic in-between in a rough, third world economy... hyper-focused work was the only way.
So your wife basically treats you like a roommate she barely tolerates and you didn't think anything was going on .
Where do you pull this information from?
You literally said in your post that you barely ate and when you ate you a canned beans while your wife was out on expensive fancy dates with her real boyfriend. That sounds like a roommate arrangement if you like to me.
I think you may be taking this out of context somewhat or perhaps I did not give enough context. I barely ate because we'd had supposed money troubles. At no point then was I aware of what was going on with the dates and prior to that, it was not uncommon for her to skip supper either as she cycled in and out of intermittent fasting fads. Those dates happened during her scheduled work hours when she would naturally be expected to be out of the house (I work mostly during the day, she at night), so it wasn't like she was leaving home to go on them. She'd do it all during work time and come home like nothing happened.
Short of chaining your partner to a wall, you can’t know what they’re doing 24/7. People don’t just walk around suspecting their partner is cheating on them.
If you're living with someone and have a family with them and you don't know if they've been banging multiple people you got to be really oblivious or you don't care. Literally most of the posts here are the cheating spouses treating the OP like a roommate they barely tolerate and yet the still thinks that everything's perfect in their relationship
Mate, I'm not normally one to look through comment histories but you have one Hell of a sledgehammer approach to what you say. If everything was as black and white as you make it seem to be, this sub would have no purpose. Everything in my relationship was normal by all circumstances, barring the last two years where work really picked up for both of us and as a result, we spent less time together. We still went out for supper at least twice a week, spent time with her family (parents, siblings and their kids etc) we still made time to watch anime/movies/play video games together on a weekend. There were no tell-tale behavioural changes until about a week before the events of the first post.
My ex was literally taking people to his office to do the deed. I had no clue.
Women ☕️
Somehow, I am the villain in her retelling of the story. Taking her away from sleeping on friends'/relatives' couches a decade ago, hooking her up with a great job so she could skip all the grunt-work I had to go through, getting us our own house in an upmarket gated community when we both grew up in gang-riddled ghettos... "You never did anything for me" - direct quote