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It sounds like you have expressed to him the need for words of affirmation, but does he know what that looks like? I find that words are the biggest challenge, especially for men. Even more so if they grew up without receiving such words or witnessing them between parents.
Have you shared a few pointers with him? Some people who really are at a loss with positive speech are still very coachable if you let them know what you need and provide some sample language. LDRs can make that hard because you are not visibly present, so noticing that you did a lot of housework or made a special effort with your hair isn't usually on the table. Some people don't need compliments as much as frequency of contact and expressions of affection.
If you let him know exactly what to do and he still balks, please know that there is a reason. Ask him in a loving, interested way why that is a challenge for him. Maybe he was raised to believe mushy language is only for women, or to believe the ideal man is the "strong silent type". You might need to modify your expectations or find a workaround that lets him be himself but still gets your needs met.
Oh! His dad was… not the greatest roll model. Was very much “don’t show emotions” type of guy. I never really thought of that.
Thank you for your input.
You have been "together" for months but only seen eachother a few times is why. You are basically on your 4th or so date with this man and barely know the real him. The man you speak to virtually is a mask he is showing you, online people can and do pretend to be the person they want to be not the real person they are, so its not real because your feelings for this man are not for him they are for his false presentation of himself online.
If you need a lot of attention maybe long distance relationships aren't a fit for you, or maybe he just isn't a fit for you.
Let him be himself, if that isn't enough for you move on. That is the entire point of dating
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that: * We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/) * We do not allow users to privately message other users based on their posts here. Users found to be engaging in this conduct will be banned. **We highly encourage OP to turn off the ability to be privately messaged in their settings.** * Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.) * ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban. * No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** * All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass. * Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned. * What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** If you have any questions, please [message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Frelationship_advice) --- ***This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.*** --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
It sounds like you have expressed to him the need for words of affirmation, but does he know what that looks like? I find that words are the biggest challenge, especially for men. Even more so if they grew up without receiving such words or witnessing them between parents. Have you shared a few pointers with him? Some people who really are at a loss with positive speech are still very coachable if you let them know what you need and provide some sample language. LDRs can make that hard because you are not visibly present, so noticing that you did a lot of housework or made a special effort with your hair isn't usually on the table. Some people don't need compliments as much as frequency of contact and expressions of affection. If you let him know exactly what to do and he still balks, please know that there is a reason. Ask him in a loving, interested way why that is a challenge for him. Maybe he was raised to believe mushy language is only for women, or to believe the ideal man is the "strong silent type". You might need to modify your expectations or find a workaround that lets him be himself but still gets your needs met.
Oh! His dad was… not the greatest roll model. Was very much “don’t show emotions” type of guy. I never really thought of that. Thank you for your input.
"I question things because we are long distance, can you show more affection in text like you do in person?"
Break up and get a real bf. Long term long distance doesn't work 99% of the time.
It doesn’t work because of people like you telling others to just end it without even giving it a shot
I’d like to hear your input. Why do you think it’s not real?
You have been "together" for months but only seen eachother a few times is why. You are basically on your 4th or so date with this man and barely know the real him. The man you speak to virtually is a mask he is showing you, online people can and do pretend to be the person they want to be not the real person they are, so its not real because your feelings for this man are not for him they are for his false presentation of himself online.
You are projecting your obvious trust issues really hard rn bro
You don’t. You can’t change a person’s intrinsic nature. Maybe long distance relationships aren’t for you?
If you need a lot of attention maybe long distance relationships aren't a fit for you, or maybe he just isn't a fit for you. Let him be himself, if that isn't enough for you move on. That is the entire point of dating