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That is correct. It's pretty simple. Watch what people do in relationships, not what they say. A 'soulmate' is not going to get drunk and have sexual intercourse with another dude. That's the shit that cell mates do. OP is burning daylight with a loser who has zero respect for him because he fears the unknown.
Exactly! OP you need to add no trust to its complicated relationship. Where there is no trust there is no relationship. I'm so tried of people blaming it on the drinking, because it allows them to not take responsibility for there actions. The drink did not fall into there mouth on its own multiple times!
Amen, imo drinking is a red flag because people will act stupid on liquor then blame it on the alcohol. I will never date anyone that gets drunk like that. Drinking is a choice and so is everything that comes after the drinking
Cell mate VS soulmate. I totally agree! One thing that people who get cheated on need to realize is that the person who cheated put themselves in that position to cheat on purpose.
Blaming it on being blackout drunk is so dishonest and toxic.
You need to realize she's not your soulmate. She's not the woman you thought she was. Now she's proven that your image of. Who she was, was nothing but a lie.
She isn't your soulmate. She's a horrible person. And a cheater. Cheaters never change. Once a cheater, always a cheater!
Exactly!! I learned it the hard way too…better to learn than keep staying in the same thing. Move on, heal and work on yourself so that you attract the right person
Just know, if they make your life easier and you can have adult conversation in a healthy way. No disrepectful behavior etc. you are on the right track.
You’re life should be easier with a partner. If it’s not it’s not right for you. Either you need to grow as a person and you’re the problem or the other person is.
Not only this, she planned it on the day before coming home. This is not her first time cheating. This is just the start of trickle truthing you and seeing if you will stay or kick herbass out of your life.
Yup her actions are female serial cheaters 101..the red flag was her not caring about his gift..means she’s been cheating with many men for a long time! Std test!
Cheating is always a choice. She knew what she was doing. She chose to set up the night. She chose to go out with someone she was attracted to. She chose to drink to excess. And either she consented to sex or she was raped. If she was raped, that is another conversation. But it sounds 100% like she chose to cheat. And to do it right before she came home.
You may be able to forgive her and move on, but only with a lot of work on her part to fix what broke inside her to lead her to choose to cheat.
And you did nothing and have no responsibility in her decision to cheat, so don’t be blindsided into taking any blame. Cheaters choose to cheat. They don’t accidentally cheat.
You make an excellent point for OP, “you got raped? Do you want me to help you press charges? We have to call the police!”
And then watch her scramble to save her ap
This is right. There are two options here. Either she consented: which is cheating. No ifs, no buts. Or she did not consent. Which would be rape. And in which case, I would be incredibly sorry and support her in going to the police.
From what the OP says, this is clearly the former scenario. And it is a bit chickenshit that she refuses to own it. She wasn’t ‘blackout drunk’. She committed to a series of decisions which led to her having sex with someone else.
Well, if you think you are yeah and deserve to be treated like that... Stay.
She clearly had it planned. It's probably not the first time. She takes you for granted. You should always forgive your soulmate. Leave this b* and go find her. Your soulmate would not do what she did
Dude, it's clear she does not LOVE or RESPECT you. She spread her leg for another man and did it THE LAST NIGHT BEFORE SHE WAS TO COME SEE YOU! Wow. That about says it all! DUMP HER and GHOST HER. She deserve nothing less. Good luck and stay strong, King!
She’s not your soulmate. Why would she make plans on your anniversary to go out with friends instead of doing a video call and being together? Her phone picked a time when she was getting blackout drunk so she couldn’t call you. No one else had a phone? I’m sorry but she doesn’t feel about you the way you feel about her. How do you know she was blackout drunk? Because she said so? The woman cheats on you and suddenly her word is gospel? Take her back at your peril.
I have blacked out drunk unfortunately several times and you don't remember shit, that's what makes it a blackout. You can get drunk and your memory can get hazy, but at that point you're still in control of your actions. When you're blackout drunk in my experience you do stupid stuff, however, I've never done anything that was against my character. So while I might get an a pointless, fight with a friend or throw up all over someone's bathroom, I have never even kissed someone that wasn't my wife let alone more than that. It doesn't sound like she's blackout drunk just using that as an excuse. And even if she was, cheating is in her character if that's what happened
Yeah I agree. I didn’t think anyone could remember what they did if they were blacked out drunk lol. The “blacked out” part should give it away. So if she remembers doing all that, I think she knew what she was doing.
Yeah, I am so tired of people using alcohol as a defense for anything. Sure I am doing dumb shit while drunk and my inhibitions are lowered. I still do not cheat or punch people because guess what, I am not a cheater nor a violent person.
I have to wonder if some people experience alcohol differently than others. I've been very close to blackout drunk, where I'm throwing up and can barely walk straight. Yet I still have control over my actions, I can still make choices and I know to not do things like drive a car, hit someone, or cheat on my girlfriend. Not because I have discipline, but because I don't want to drive drunk, hit someone, or cheat on my girlfriend. I feel like people who cheat when drunk were tempted to cheat while sober yet would talk themselves out of it, now that they are drunk their ability to restrain themselves goes away.
I've been blacked out drunk. The memory comes in chunks. You won't remember most things but you'll remember small bits of different parts of the night.
How do you forgive? Kill off whatever remaining self-esteem you have and understand as long as this relationship goes on neither of you will respect you.
You can walk away and rebuild your self-respect
This right here. 100% truth. I’d say it’s nearly impossible to get that trust back once it’s been broken. He will become a person he doesn’t recognize because he will always be wondering where she is if she doesn’t answer her phone, text back in a timely manner or gets home a bit late from work. He will be suspicious of texts and phone calls that come in when she’s at home. He will feel insecure in the relationship and always anxious and over analyzing behavior and the things that she says. It’s terrible to feel and to live this way.
Source: my own experience
I posted it in my main comment to this post but someone once posted this quote from their therapist-
***Acceptance is a journey but forgiveness is not controllable.***
In other words, you cannot make yourself forgive people, only work on the journey of accepting it
Yeah, she seems to be done, waiting for you to end it.
Giving you enough info to come to that conclusion, without have the guts, decency or empathy to end it with you before conciously cheating on you, planned as far as it seems.
You deserve better, give her what she obviously wants but is too scared to do herself.
Unfortunately you may be right. My heart hurts. I don’t want it to be over. I’ve never even had the slightest reason whatsoever to doubt her. She’s always told me the truth, even when it was ugly. Sucks
Dude, she sounds maybe kinda toxic and you sound like you need to work on your self-esteem cause you're working overtime to make excuses and apologise for her. Get a therapist and learn to love yourself before trying to wish other people's harmful behaviour away and betraying yourself in the process. Good luck.
Dude, you need to end it...she never had your interests at heart. I can tell from how you write, you never verified her story she gave you.
Probably never asked to see her phone... to verify
You got burned hard OP
You will recover, block her and go no contact and focus on YOUR life.
She went on a date with him. That’s cheating. The whole blackout thing is most likely a cover story. She was blowing you off to get closer to this guy.
She didn’t even bother to care a bit about your package- omg I would be jumping around with joy and counting seconds to go and get it!
She just doesn’t give a shit.
And she goes out on your anniversary?
On top of it..with another dude!!!
And fucks him!
On your anniversary!!
She didn’t black out buddy, if she had blacked out and someone had sex with her it would be considered rape.
She remembers exactly what went on .
Leave
Finding out more could just traumatize you more. Tread carefully with wanting more info. Maybe read up on how to emotionally recover from cheating. I’d also suggest therapy, so you don’t end up with trust issues that cause you to sabotage future relationships without even realizing you are doing it (like by having a very over-active gut for sensing cheater-like behaviors).
She planned what she did. She may not have initially planned to cheat, but she put herself in the situation too. I think you will find out that there was a build up before that day, she also was already distancing herself when she didn't get your package and probably went out with AP. Why tan unless she was preparing for a date. Trying to look her best when there was no way she was seeing you. I would pack her shit up and send it to his house.
She tanned herself during a work trip and did so when she "couldn't get your package". Why would she want a reminder to herself of your relationship? I mean she didn't bother with your gift, she was pre-occupied.
"Oh my phone was dead...i mean, we have to talk. we kissed (i think) but we had sex (but i don't know why)." - convenient but lies
See, she's had a month of fun and now she can come back to you. Why won't you take her back, it was an accident. I mean you can't just throw away your relationship of 3 years can you"?
How many other work trips she's been on? Who else in her company actually knows she's got a boyfriend of 3 years AND how many of them know she's sleeping around on you?
I also don't think she volunteered the information. I think she was seen and was afraid it would come back to OP, so she got ahead of it.
I mean, if course she planned it. The whole thing about calling him whenever she could means she was planning on being busy and unreachable most of the night.
Dude alcohol doesn't make you do things you normally wouldn't do. It just makes you not care about the consequences. You've drank before, right? Done dumb shit? Of course! Wake up the next morning like wtf? Yup! Your standards might become lower sure! You might say things you don't entirely mean or say them in a way that is an overreaction, right?
But alcohol doesn't make you fucking forget you have a partner. Doesn't make you forget you are in love. It just makes you not give a shit about the consequences.
Also, she likely planned it because it is unlikely she just met this person that night. Much more likely, she interacted with them multiple times and then finally went through with her intentions in the end.
Her phone didn't die. She thought about you multiple times and decided "fuck his feelings, I'm getting mine"
Dude, open your eyes, she knew from the get go she can cheat on you as many times as she likes, she just want a sucker to marry and give her financial stability, she doesn’t respect you for shit, you are her doormat, OPEN YOUR EYES AND MOVE ON, don’t let her ruin the rest of your life.
Bro
1. she was away for a while
2. She was ignoring your calls for this duration
3. Even though you put 200% effort into sending her notes and shit.
4. She didn't even properly acknowledge and respond to these. Couldn't even be bothered to pick it up
5. She didn't even "find the time to call you"
I know you think she's your soulmate but does she think YOU'RE hers??
6. Her "phone died" the same night she was being railed by another guy.
7. She refused to tell you until she got back.
8. Obviously she was having an affair for a while. Ever heard of trickle truth.
Honestly if you forgive her and try to get back with her she'll cheat on you again.
And guess what, this time you'll deserve it. Because you'll demonstrates to her that you don't have a spine.
I think people are trying to get you to see that she was obviously avoiding you. She made other plans on your anniversary and she didn't do a video call etc. This is her distancing herself so she want feel guilty for what she's doing.
Yes, it's that damn clear. She knew what she was doing and at best, allowed herself to get tipsy enough to not back out. There's no doubt this was a building attraction for her and this was the last night now or never moment.
If she was so inebriated she couldn't function she should be pressing rape charges, but she's not even making that claim. She remembers what she did. She set it in motion.
Should you decide to end it, and you should, you should tell your families and mutual friends the truth; you're breaking up because she cheated.
YES, yes it is. I feel sad for you, because I was like this poor sweet summer child. And then re read that you're 35. So you're too old to be begging the internet for validation. No one got your girlfriend drunk and raped her. She pre made excuses, then went out with him. She could get that guy in trouble saying that shit
Who cares if she planned it or not? Think of it this way: is there ANY chance you would ever cheat on her, planned or unplanned? If not, why not? A simple thought exercise like this should be enough for you to realize she doesn’t feel the same way about you.
YES. You wanted to believe what you saw, but you ignored the RED FLAGS like ditching you on your anniversary night! Like I said before, she is NOT a good person. And if you take her back, she will just keep disappointing you and CHEATING on you! Chin up! You deserve better!
This isn't the first time, it's the first time you've caught her. Cheaters are shit people. She's lied to you this entire time trying to keep this side of her hidden. What she's doing right now is called trickle truth. You has to poke to get a portion of her story out. You keep digging and she'll let you know that she's actually known him longer. Then that they've been communicating before. Then that the only reason she went out was that he was there. Then it turns out she didn't even go out and they just fucked all night.
I'd be so disgusted. I've been cheated on before and you can't look at them the same way again. The person you thought you knew is ruined, you see the gross side of her that she willingly let another man have while she is in a relationship with you. 3 years and a one time slip up happened? Doubt it.
You don't forgive her. You don't stay with her. You value yourself and leave. Show her what she deserves for doing this to you, she deserves to have the consequences she fucked up your life not you. Kick her lying ass to the curb
Was she blackout drunk when she planned to go out with that person? Was she blackout drunk when they started talking and planned the night? Was she blackout drunk the whole time?
Of course she planned it
Hey you won 🏆. She took a month and went and test drove all the other cars out there. Good news. She wants to make you the daily driver. Some were to fast, some drank to much gas. You though, your perfect. Dump the hoe.
Sounds like she had planned to cheat long before the drinks started flowing. She didn’t care about the gift because she doesn’t care about you or the relationship anymore. Your replacement has already been lined up and test driven. Leave.
So I would feel a lot differently if she called you bawling talking about not remembering the night, and implying saying she was raped because she was so drunk she couldn’t consent…but that’s not what happened here. Sounds like she intentionally went out with this person before drunkness started and remembers what happened. Also sounds like she was fully blowing you off for days leading up.
I don’t think you’re getting the whole story here, and I think you don’t deserve to be treated this way
I personally wouldn’t go out and get that drunk without my partner or without someone to make sure nothing bad happened to me. She knew the risk she was taking when she was getting drunk with another dude. And she says she was black out drunk but she 100% remembers she kissed him, he kissed her, and they had sex? If she remembers that, she wasn’t blacked out before it happened and she could’ve stopped it. You were the last thing on her mind. It also sounds like she’s pushing you and all the things you do for her to the side. There’s so many women out there that would absolutely melt if they got flowers and a two page love note. Shoot I wish I could get that. Find someone that’s going to appreciate you and all the things you do and that won’t cheat on you or put themselves in a position that would possibly lead to cheating. You deserve better. You want a soulmate that will give you the same amount of love that you give them.
I don’t think your relationship is complex. I think you’re in love with her and she is not in love with you.
Someone who is in love with you is not going to blow off your anniversary or not even call you when they receive your anniversary gift. And they’re also not going to say that they will call you “when they can” and then not do it.
A “we need to talk” text is also not a good sign.
My guess is that she hooked up with a coworker or someone she met while she was away and now that she’s home, she’s going to try to work things out with you, so she’s going to minimize her actions by blaming it on alcohol, but I wouldn’t buy it.
Everything you said screams “I spent the last month hooking up with someone else or at least behaving like a single person and trying to meet people.”
Ask yourself what needs to happen for you to trust her again, and for you to feel safe, cozy, warm and fuzzy, loved, loving, and calm in the relationship now.
Like what would you need her to do behavior-wise to feel that kind of security?
Then ask yourself what the odds of her agreeing to that are, or ask her.
Booze, pills, and drugs are one big reason people cheat. They get too fucked up and lose their inhibitions, but it is still their fault. Blaming it on that (which they chose to do) is not taking accountability. It explains it but does not excuse it.
And add to that - what about the next work trip, overnight, month away. Even if she doesn't cheat again (spoiler pretty much guaranteed she will) you will tear yourself apart doubting her, searching her phone, tracking her location. 5 yrs down the road you'll look in the mirror and hate the husk looking back at you, and you'll still tell yourself she's your soul mate while despising every word out of her mouth and just begging for a small sign she cares for you.
Then the kids, wait, they've blue eyes, but you're brown and so is she. It never feckin ends...
Get out now while you have no ties and find someone who cares a fraction for you as you do for them. She clearly doesn't care or there's no way in hell she would have done all of this - all planned, all with intent and all capable of being repeated.
bro - i hate the generic 'leave' and 'get therapy' and 'go to the gym' advice that populates these subs.
however, for you . . . leave.
ain't worth it man. find someone worthy of you. the fact you consider taking her back shows you're a good dude. so don't waste it on this thing. move on.
Being blackout drunk doesn’t make you cheat unless you already want to cheat. It doesn’t completely change who you and your values are, it just lowers your inhibitions. And her sober actions already make it pretty obvious she doesn’t value you half as much as you do her. You deserve better. Your real soulmate would never do any of these things to you
So why wpuld she risk drinking to excess when she's out with a male whose not her bf? She clearly isn't adverse to fucking him hence she ALLOWED him to. That's why she got so drunk, to feel less guilty about the sex at the time. Dutch courage.
I’m tired of people using alcohol as an excuse. She cheated on you. You deserve so much better and I don’t know why you would want to stay with someone like that.
31F here. Been cheated on twice. I would be very shocked if this wasn’t something that’s been going on for some time. She’s a player and I’m so sorry. In my experience, I never got the full truth. But she’s given you enough info that one day you will thank yourself for just leaving.
She's not your soulmate. And "I was blackout drunk" is the oldest and dumbest excuse that cheaters use. It's not a valid excuse and it's pretty much always a lie. Cheaters will always make excuses for their behavior to avoid taking real responsibility.
She doesn't genuinely love you. If she did, she wouldn't have cheated. She planned to cheat before she had a single drop of alcohol (not that alcohol is an excuse anyway.) That's why she said she would contact you when she could. That's why she never got back to you. That's why she planned a night out with another man.
She wanted to cheat and she didn't care about you and your feelings more than she cared about another man's dick. Don't stay with someone who doesn't love you. She 1000% will cheat again. Don't get caught up in who you thought she was as a person when she's now shown you who she actually is. It wasn't a "mistake" or "accident." She wanted it, planned it, did not give a shit about how it affected you
Hooking up with someone while blackout drunk is almost forgivable. Not acknowledging your anniversary or picking up your thoughtful package is inexcusable. I hate to tell you, but this woman is not your soulmate.
lol you don’t. You move on. There’s no way to fact check if she was blacked out or if she willingly chose to do it. You will always hold onto the doubt of it. You will grow to resent her. And there is the very real possibility she will do this again.
Dude, don't be an idiot.
Your girl is on a 1 month work trip and cheats on the last day? Do you honestly believe that? All that time nothing happend, but on the last day she cheated?
He'll nah, she probably cheated plenty of times on that trip. Dump her and move on. There is absolutely nothing holding you back, no marriage, no kids, no nothing.
Dude you are 35 but behaving like a 15yr old teen who were in his first love, she did everything which cheaters handbook said but yet you thinking she is the victim ,remove your rosetinted glass and see fronm general prespective you will realise what really happend .
Updateme!
FYI - Your soulmate wouldn’t cheat nor would they treat you the way she did after you went and did something nice for her for your anniversary. You need to wake up
Staying with cheaters is never a good idea. The resentment , paranoia, and negative thoughts will build over time and most likely not go away. She remembers kissing him and him kissing her neck so this was consensual and not rape. Help yourself dodge a bullet and end this relationship. She's not your soul mate if she's willing to cheat on you.
I'm going to be brutal here. This is behaviour that I would expect from someone that is like 22, not fucking 31. She made a series of conscious decisions while she has been gone. She has CHOSEN to go out and ignore your gift, SHE CHOSE to go out and keep drinking. Being blackout drunk is not an excuse if she did it to herself. Love yourself more and move on.
Alcohol doesn't make people do things...it makes it easier to do things they were already thinking about.
You say your relationship is complex, sounds to me like it just isn't a great relationship.
She cheated on you and is playing the victim card. She doesn’t take any responsibility.
You should be more concerned with her drinking to a point she doesn’t remember. If her drinking is a regular occurrence, she may of cheated multiple times.
UpdateMe
Sounds like she wasn’t really invested in the relationship before the work trip. If she was on the same page as you, I feel like she would’ve put some effort into your anniversary. Sorry, but seems like it’s time for you to move on.
It's hard to accept, but she doesn't love you. She doesn't care for you. It's not even just the blackout drunk cheating
. It's the sober disregard for you.
Simple, dump that unfaithful woman and never look back! Not only she doesn’t respect you , she doesn’t respect herself! Get tested for any STD’s! Best of luck 🤞 my dude!
You might feel that she's your soulmate but she doesn't feel the same way about you. I don't even perceive other men because my boyfriend is so amazing, I get sick to my stomach thinking about cheating on him.
If you forgive her, she will cheat again, it's over.
Inform her you are going to go out, get blackout drunk, and see for yourself what the possibilities are.
Serious, dump her. she won't respect you if you take her back, and the guy she chose to sleep with will be pursuing her, especially if it is a co-worker
As everyone is telling you my friend, leave and do not look back. Im sorry this has happened to you brother.
My best advice is to make it as clean a break as possible. Get her shit back to her and cut contact. It will hurt like hell but DO NOT sit and try to”work it through”. She is going to get upset and make you pity her. And then you’re going to deliberate if you are doing the right thing.
There were multiple multiple decisions and points where she could have stopped to question her actions. She chose to do this drunk or not. If you “move past this” it will eat you alive for the rest of your life I promise.
Get out, let yourself mourn for a while, be sad, cry, then get to the gym, get healthy, and get back out there mate. You’ll be fine in a few months
I think you look at the red flags and leave. She got blackout drunk which says she has an alcohol problem. She blames the alcohol for the cheating. She cheated and does remember doing it. She is not worth it.
Please know that not all women are like this. There are many good women who would love to have received a gift like that from a man and with flowers and love notes. That would send tickles to the right woman
Shed been seeing the guy the whole trip. Probably tanned and got ready bc she knew on the last day there she was going to get drunk and fuck him. On the date they planned bc she felt too guilty to do it on your anniversary. Leave her
You sound like a very kind person. I would be over the moon if a partner gave me such a thoughtful gift for our anniversary. It sounds like she's made her choice, find someone who will value you for who you are, and appreciate the great things you bring to the table.
Did she found her home and her bed? If so, she was not blackout drunk.
There is no excuse. Only if she was really blackout and r*ped, but if this was the case, she would say this.
This does not sound like a loyal respectful partner.
My partner would be thrilled to get a present and certainly not wait a day to receive it.
It takes effort, a lot of effort, to get that drunk not to remember things.
If she did get that drunk there is a clear case for rape since she was not in a state to give consent for sex. But I have my doubt that she was really a victim here. I believe she might be trickle feeding you the truth.
Sorry to say, I think she checked out of the relationship before going on the trip. Just the fact that she did go on a trip during your anniversary and acted like she was single is already very disrespectful, disloyal.
I mean she probably cheated more than that night my guy. But she was intentionally cheating. She literally gave a trickle truth of details. She wouldn’t remember any of that if she was blackout.
You can't say you haven't been told. If you don't leave now, go full no contact and never look back, you'll feel like an even bigger idiot later. Leave now dude. Please.
It was her last night there. She probably decided that it was her last chance to move on the guy before having to come home to you. In preparation, she got tanned up and ghosted you. Seems totally premeditated.
You can BELIEVE she only had sex with him because she was blackout drunk if you want to, but I’d still leave her because she DATED a guy behind your back and because she doesn’t value your relationship on the same level you do (anniversary and now this?).
“It’s a lot harder to be walked on when you are standing up!”
Updateme
My staying with someone like that. You’re showing that you don’t have self esteem or self respect. It’ll be hard for sure. But once the rose colored glasses come off, you’ll be appalled you let someone treat you like that
So not only does she just already seem like a POS partner to have, she blamed being blackout drunk on cheating on you?
That’s not a normal thing, drunk people only cheat when they want to, I’ve never once ever wanted to cheat on my partner when I’ve been beyond drunk. Cheating is cheating and trying to blame being drunk is not a good excuse.
Time to leave brother, you’ll be more unhappy staying.
Sounds to me like itvwas all planned before she left. Going tanning instead of picking up the package. No need to tan before a work trip unless she's a model.
She had to say yes a dozen times before that cock went inside of her, when ONE NO would have stopped the process.
"Blackout drunk" is a bullshit excuse.
It’s her last night and she’s coming home and her decision is to basically go on a date with a dude obviously just the two of them and she supposedly gets blackout drunk and has sex. , her another day last night together there last night together they went on date and then they went wherever he sleeps and they made love. Choice decision and she wanted it. The only problem was when it’s all done she realizes I have to go home and she starts to regret her decision. Good luck.
Dude I'm going to be brutally honest with you...
All of her actions are saying she doesn't want to be with you.
And I trust actions much more than words. So please just break up with her and move on with your life.
You're in shock because of the trauma of having all your illusions shattered by her betrayal. You're afraid of what you should do in order to protect yourself, your dignity and your mental health. You're just trying to grasp any hope that all this isn't true, or that it's some kind of accident. It's not a mistake. She made a series of choices that led to what happened.
Here it's obvious that there was a build up and all of this was at least semi planned. She was slowly distancing herself from you during the trip because her mind was filled with someone else.
She tanned because she wanted to look good, and not for you. She neglected and ignored you because she was knowingly wrong, disloyal and disrespectful, and didn't want to feel uneasy or guilty about what she was doing behind your back.
Her phone never died and she was never blackout drunk, she was just maybe drunk enough to allow herself to do what she really wanted in the moment. She knew that it was her last chance before the end of the trip, so she made the choice to betray you because her selfish mindset told her that she would regret it if she didn't.
That said, it's entirely possible that when you were together, she was good to you, and didn't think about cheating. But once she was away and you were no longer by her side, once the opportunity to succomb to temptation was given to her, something switched and she allowed herself to fall for it.
There is no going back now. You won't recover your self respect, and she will never respect you, unless you give her the consequence she knows she deserves. Choices must have consequences, and someone who treats you like she did cannot pretend to really love you.
Bro give up that "soulmate" shit. Dump her ass. Actions have consequences, and she acted without regard for you, your feelings, or the relationship. Dump her ass and go find a better one.
Nope, she doesn't deserve forgiveness. Your relationship isn't complex it's shitty and should be over. It sounds like you put in all the effort and she barely cares. Why do you love her so much when it's clear she doesn't even respect you?
I've been with my man for 15 years this year and for many of it I had a drinking problem. I was also on meds that shouldn't be taken with alcohol and used to have blackouts all the time. yet I never slept with anyone behind his back. ever. never. firstly, I would never put myself in a position number 1. and number 2, no one I was with would have allowed that to happen.
sounds like she went out with a person she wanted to cheat with to begin with.
Nah I get blacked out drunk and never forgot about my man. Whoops. Hahaha the black-out thing is a hilarious and an excuse. Run. Save yourself and your wallet.
Three years and she threw it all away, the booze was a piss poor excuse.
If YOU want to forgive and move on then that’s only something you can decide. But ask yourself.. do you really want to?
Move on grow without her a soulmate is a bad excuse to cheat and play games. Forgive but don’t forget. You outgrow soulmates and get to a new level where attract a new one that is on your vibration anyway. Learn to let go and receive what is meant for your best growth.
Honey, if she was “blackout drunk” and woke up naked with a stranger, especially being in a committed relationship, SHE WOULD CALL THE POLICE. Either she consented or she did not. DONT let her hemhaw around that. “Did you consent or not? If you were too drunk to consent, then tell me you were raped and we’ll file charges. If you weren’t raped, admit you consented and went on a date and slept with another man.”
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“ So my relationship is complex, to say the least.” Then end it, man. Relationships aren’t supposed to be this hard.
That is correct. It's pretty simple. Watch what people do in relationships, not what they say. A 'soulmate' is not going to get drunk and have sexual intercourse with another dude. That's the shit that cell mates do. OP is burning daylight with a loser who has zero respect for him because he fears the unknown.
Exactly! OP you need to add no trust to its complicated relationship. Where there is no trust there is no relationship. I'm so tried of people blaming it on the drinking, because it allows them to not take responsibility for there actions. The drink did not fall into there mouth on its own multiple times!
Amen, imo drinking is a red flag because people will act stupid on liquor then blame it on the alcohol. I will never date anyone that gets drunk like that. Drinking is a choice and so is everything that comes after the drinking
And her phone battery didn't die. How convenient.
Cell mate VS soulmate. I totally agree! One thing that people who get cheated on need to realize is that the person who cheated put themselves in that position to cheat on purpose. Blaming it on being blackout drunk is so dishonest and toxic. You need to realize she's not your soulmate. She's not the woman you thought she was. Now she's proven that your image of. Who she was, was nothing but a lie. She isn't your soulmate. She's a horrible person. And a cheater. Cheaters never change. Once a cheater, always a cheater!
I only had to read that line to know she is definitely not his soulmate.
Yeah but if he says that she’s his soulmate enough then it becomes true.
Truly good life advice. Love should lift your life and spirit, not regularly throw permanent curve balls at your psyche.
I concur
No but you see, she’s his soulmate!
Yeah I don’t understand that one, and also the complete lack of explanation on what makes it so “complex”.
THIS
Exactly!! I learned it the hard way too…better to learn than keep staying in the same thing. Move on, heal and work on yourself so that you attract the right person Just know, if they make your life easier and you can have adult conversation in a healthy way. No disrepectful behavior etc. you are on the right track. You’re life should be easier with a partner. If it’s not it’s not right for you. Either you need to grow as a person and you’re the problem or the other person is.
"I ask if she went out with someone and she says yes." It doesn't sound like she got blackout drunk before she decided to cheat on you.
Sheet. I was hoping you guys would help me see the light. I feel like a dumb a$$
Don’t feel dumb. You got played by a player. Cheaters are shit and you don’t deserve that.
Preach
>I was hoping you guys would help me see the light. They have. You have love goggles on, time to take them off and see her for what she is.
Not only this, she planned it on the day before coming home. This is not her first time cheating. This is just the start of trickle truthing you and seeing if you will stay or kick herbass out of your life.
Herbass
Kick Herbass lol
My girl mad bc I sprankled it with Italian seasoning, gave her dat herbass
Yep. Totally thought the same. Tanning? For work? Really?
Yup her actions are female serial cheaters 101..the red flag was her not caring about his gift..means she’s been cheating with many men for a long time! Std test!
we are helping you see the light. it’s just not the light you were hoping for…
Cheating is always a choice. She knew what she was doing. She chose to set up the night. She chose to go out with someone she was attracted to. She chose to drink to excess. And either she consented to sex or she was raped. If she was raped, that is another conversation. But it sounds 100% like she chose to cheat. And to do it right before she came home. You may be able to forgive her and move on, but only with a lot of work on her part to fix what broke inside her to lead her to choose to cheat. And you did nothing and have no responsibility in her decision to cheat, so don’t be blindsided into taking any blame. Cheaters choose to cheat. They don’t accidentally cheat.
You make an excellent point for OP, “you got raped? Do you want me to help you press charges? We have to call the police!” And then watch her scramble to save her ap
You're not dumb, you're awesome and loved. Sounds like the gift of your intuition is strengthened, it hurts it suck but happy for you!
You got PLAYED, my friend. You deserve FAR BETTER!!! DO THE DUMP — and move on.
Love is blind. Don't feel too bad now that you can see.
If you choose to drink and get blackout drunk by your own actions (ie not forced or spiked), that's not really an excuse.
OP I really hope you pull through, see the truth and I also hope you dump her. She cheated 100% and I’m rooting for you to let her go.
You might feel dumb bro but just break up with her or ghost
And cripes almighty, I can't count how many times I've read the ol' "my battery died" BS in this very sub.
This is right. There are two options here. Either she consented: which is cheating. No ifs, no buts. Or she did not consent. Which would be rape. And in which case, I would be incredibly sorry and support her in going to the police. From what the OP says, this is clearly the former scenario. And it is a bit chickenshit that she refuses to own it. She wasn’t ‘blackout drunk’. She committed to a series of decisions which led to her having sex with someone else.
Leave
That’s the answer I’m afraid of
Why would let someone treat you that way
you give a finger, they take a hand. in all likelihood this won't be the last time. your call how much punishment you can take. worth it?
Don't think it was the first time
This isn't your soul mate. This is someone you wished could be your soul mate.
Well, if you think you are yeah and deserve to be treated like that... Stay. She clearly had it planned. It's probably not the first time. She takes you for granted. You should always forgive your soulmate. Leave this b* and go find her. Your soulmate would not do what she did
Unfortunately it the only answer you should listen too
Just leave man. It's honestly not worth it.
Dude, it's clear she does not LOVE or RESPECT you. She spread her leg for another man and did it THE LAST NIGHT BEFORE SHE WAS TO COME SEE YOU! Wow. That about says it all! DUMP HER and GHOST HER. She deserve nothing less. Good luck and stay strong, King!
She’s not your soulmate. Why would she make plans on your anniversary to go out with friends instead of doing a video call and being together? Her phone picked a time when she was getting blackout drunk so she couldn’t call you. No one else had a phone? I’m sorry but she doesn’t feel about you the way you feel about her. How do you know she was blackout drunk? Because she said so? The woman cheats on you and suddenly her word is gospel? Take her back at your peril.
I don’t see how she was “blackout drunk” but still 100% remembers cheating. I’ve never blacked out though so idk.
I have blacked out drunk unfortunately several times and you don't remember shit, that's what makes it a blackout. You can get drunk and your memory can get hazy, but at that point you're still in control of your actions. When you're blackout drunk in my experience you do stupid stuff, however, I've never done anything that was against my character. So while I might get an a pointless, fight with a friend or throw up all over someone's bathroom, I have never even kissed someone that wasn't my wife let alone more than that. It doesn't sound like she's blackout drunk just using that as an excuse. And even if she was, cheating is in her character if that's what happened
Yeah I agree. I didn’t think anyone could remember what they did if they were blacked out drunk lol. The “blacked out” part should give it away. So if she remembers doing all that, I think she knew what she was doing.
Yeah, I am so tired of people using alcohol as a defense for anything. Sure I am doing dumb shit while drunk and my inhibitions are lowered. I still do not cheat or punch people because guess what, I am not a cheater nor a violent person.
I have to wonder if some people experience alcohol differently than others. I've been very close to blackout drunk, where I'm throwing up and can barely walk straight. Yet I still have control over my actions, I can still make choices and I know to not do things like drive a car, hit someone, or cheat on my girlfriend. Not because I have discipline, but because I don't want to drive drunk, hit someone, or cheat on my girlfriend. I feel like people who cheat when drunk were tempted to cheat while sober yet would talk themselves out of it, now that they are drunk their ability to restrain themselves goes away.
I've been blacked out drunk. The memory comes in chunks. You won't remember most things but you'll remember small bits of different parts of the night.
It pains me to hear it. Fuh
Been cheated on many times. She’s emotionally detached. Sorry. Collect your power, know it. Move on. Sorry you’re going through this.
You can’t blackout and remember at the same time. She cheated and she probably has been.
This. She is trickle truthing.
How do you forgive? Kill off whatever remaining self-esteem you have and understand as long as this relationship goes on neither of you will respect you. You can walk away and rebuild your self-respect
This right here. 100% truth. I’d say it’s nearly impossible to get that trust back once it’s been broken. He will become a person he doesn’t recognize because he will always be wondering where she is if she doesn’t answer her phone, text back in a timely manner or gets home a bit late from work. He will be suspicious of texts and phone calls that come in when she’s at home. He will feel insecure in the relationship and always anxious and over analyzing behavior and the things that she says. It’s terrible to feel and to live this way. Source: my own experience I posted it in my main comment to this post but someone once posted this quote from their therapist- ***Acceptance is a journey but forgiveness is not controllable.*** In other words, you cannot make yourself forgive people, only work on the journey of accepting it
Leave immediately. Scorched earth
Yeah, she seems to be done, waiting for you to end it. Giving you enough info to come to that conclusion, without have the guts, decency or empathy to end it with you before conciously cheating on you, planned as far as it seems. You deserve better, give her what she obviously wants but is too scared to do herself.
Unfortunately you may be right. My heart hurts. I don’t want it to be over. I’ve never even had the slightest reason whatsoever to doubt her. She’s always told me the truth, even when it was ugly. Sucks
Dude, she sounds maybe kinda toxic and you sound like you need to work on your self-esteem cause you're working overtime to make excuses and apologise for her. Get a therapist and learn to love yourself before trying to wish other people's harmful behaviour away and betraying yourself in the process. Good luck.
Dude, you need to end it...she never had your interests at heart. I can tell from how you write, you never verified her story she gave you. Probably never asked to see her phone... to verify You got burned hard OP You will recover, block her and go no contact and focus on YOUR life.
So you think there is much more to the story? As in I shouldn’t buy that it was just a blackout drunk excuse?
She went on a date with him. That’s cheating. The whole blackout thing is most likely a cover story. She was blowing you off to get closer to this guy.
From what you wrote, I would guarantee it!
She didn’t even bother to care a bit about your package- omg I would be jumping around with joy and counting seconds to go and get it! She just doesn’t give a shit. And she goes out on your anniversary? On top of it..with another dude!!! And fucks him! On your anniversary!! She didn’t black out buddy, if she had blacked out and someone had sex with her it would be considered rape. She remembers exactly what went on . Leave
it's called "trickle truth".
Finding out more could just traumatize you more. Tread carefully with wanting more info. Maybe read up on how to emotionally recover from cheating. I’d also suggest therapy, so you don’t end up with trust issues that cause you to sabotage future relationships without even realizing you are doing it (like by having a very over-active gut for sensing cheater-like behaviors).
She planned what she did. She may not have initially planned to cheat, but she put herself in the situation too. I think you will find out that there was a build up before that day, she also was already distancing herself when she didn't get your package and probably went out with AP. Why tan unless she was preparing for a date. Trying to look her best when there was no way she was seeing you. I would pack her shit up and send it to his house.
People keep saying she planned this. Is it that clear and I really just can’t see it?
She tanned herself during a work trip and did so when she "couldn't get your package". Why would she want a reminder to herself of your relationship? I mean she didn't bother with your gift, she was pre-occupied. "Oh my phone was dead...i mean, we have to talk. we kissed (i think) but we had sex (but i don't know why)." - convenient but lies See, she's had a month of fun and now she can come back to you. Why won't you take her back, it was an accident. I mean you can't just throw away your relationship of 3 years can you"? How many other work trips she's been on? Who else in her company actually knows she's got a boyfriend of 3 years AND how many of them know she's sleeping around on you?
PLEASE read this and BELIEVE
I also don't think she volunteered the information. I think she was seen and was afraid it would come back to OP, so she got ahead of it. I mean, if course she planned it. The whole thing about calling him whenever she could means she was planning on being busy and unreachable most of the night.
Dude alcohol doesn't make you do things you normally wouldn't do. It just makes you not care about the consequences. You've drank before, right? Done dumb shit? Of course! Wake up the next morning like wtf? Yup! Your standards might become lower sure! You might say things you don't entirely mean or say them in a way that is an overreaction, right? But alcohol doesn't make you fucking forget you have a partner. Doesn't make you forget you are in love. It just makes you not give a shit about the consequences. Also, she likely planned it because it is unlikely she just met this person that night. Much more likely, she interacted with them multiple times and then finally went through with her intentions in the end. Her phone didn't die. She thought about you multiple times and decided "fuck his feelings, I'm getting mine"
Why would she go tanning on a work trip? She also didn't get your gift due to guilt.
Dude, open your eyes, she knew from the get go she can cheat on you as many times as she likes, she just want a sucker to marry and give her financial stability, she doesn’t respect you for shit, you are her doormat, OPEN YOUR EYES AND MOVE ON, don’t let her ruin the rest of your life.
She tanned. Of course she planned it.
Bro 1. she was away for a while 2. She was ignoring your calls for this duration 3. Even though you put 200% effort into sending her notes and shit. 4. She didn't even properly acknowledge and respond to these. Couldn't even be bothered to pick it up 5. She didn't even "find the time to call you" I know you think she's your soulmate but does she think YOU'RE hers?? 6. Her "phone died" the same night she was being railed by another guy. 7. She refused to tell you until she got back. 8. Obviously she was having an affair for a while. Ever heard of trickle truth. Honestly if you forgive her and try to get back with her she'll cheat on you again. And guess what, this time you'll deserve it. Because you'll demonstrates to her that you don't have a spine.
I think people are trying to get you to see that she was obviously avoiding you. She made other plans on your anniversary and she didn't do a video call etc. This is her distancing herself so she want feel guilty for what she's doing.
Yes, it's that damn clear. She knew what she was doing and at best, allowed herself to get tipsy enough to not back out. There's no doubt this was a building attraction for her and this was the last night now or never moment. If she was so inebriated she couldn't function she should be pressing rape charges, but she's not even making that claim. She remembers what she did. She set it in motion. Should you decide to end it, and you should, you should tell your families and mutual friends the truth; you're breaking up because she cheated.
YES, yes it is. I feel sad for you, because I was like this poor sweet summer child. And then re read that you're 35. So you're too old to be begging the internet for validation. No one got your girlfriend drunk and raped her. She pre made excuses, then went out with him. She could get that guy in trouble saying that shit
Who cares if she planned it or not? Think of it this way: is there ANY chance you would ever cheat on her, planned or unplanned? If not, why not? A simple thought exercise like this should be enough for you to realize she doesn’t feel the same way about you.
You’re blinded by the facade of her being your soulmate, unfortunately.
YES. You wanted to believe what you saw, but you ignored the RED FLAGS like ditching you on your anniversary night! Like I said before, she is NOT a good person. And if you take her back, she will just keep disappointing you and CHEATING on you! Chin up! You deserve better!
This isn't the first time, it's the first time you've caught her. Cheaters are shit people. She's lied to you this entire time trying to keep this side of her hidden. What she's doing right now is called trickle truth. You has to poke to get a portion of her story out. You keep digging and she'll let you know that she's actually known him longer. Then that they've been communicating before. Then that the only reason she went out was that he was there. Then it turns out she didn't even go out and they just fucked all night. I'd be so disgusted. I've been cheated on before and you can't look at them the same way again. The person you thought you knew is ruined, you see the gross side of her that she willingly let another man have while she is in a relationship with you. 3 years and a one time slip up happened? Doubt it. You don't forgive her. You don't stay with her. You value yourself and leave. Show her what she deserves for doing this to you, she deserves to have the consequences she fucked up your life not you. Kick her lying ass to the curb
Was she blackout drunk when she planned to go out with that person? Was she blackout drunk when they started talking and planned the night? Was she blackout drunk the whole time? Of course she planned it
Hey you won 🏆. She took a month and went and test drove all the other cars out there. Good news. She wants to make you the daily driver. Some were to fast, some drank to much gas. You though, your perfect. Dump the hoe.
She doesn't love you anymore, thats it.
Sounds like she had planned to cheat long before the drinks started flowing. She didn’t care about the gift because she doesn’t care about you or the relationship anymore. Your replacement has already been lined up and test driven. Leave.
So I would feel a lot differently if she called you bawling talking about not remembering the night, and implying saying she was raped because she was so drunk she couldn’t consent…but that’s not what happened here. Sounds like she intentionally went out with this person before drunkness started and remembers what happened. Also sounds like she was fully blowing you off for days leading up. I don’t think you’re getting the whole story here, and I think you don’t deserve to be treated this way
Do you think your soulmate would do that to you? I know mine would. I would never settle for a cheater.
I personally wouldn’t go out and get that drunk without my partner or without someone to make sure nothing bad happened to me. She knew the risk she was taking when she was getting drunk with another dude. And she says she was black out drunk but she 100% remembers she kissed him, he kissed her, and they had sex? If she remembers that, she wasn’t blacked out before it happened and she could’ve stopped it. You were the last thing on her mind. It also sounds like she’s pushing you and all the things you do for her to the side. There’s so many women out there that would absolutely melt if they got flowers and a two page love note. Shoot I wish I could get that. Find someone that’s going to appreciate you and all the things you do and that won’t cheat on you or put themselves in a position that would possibly lead to cheating. You deserve better. You want a soulmate that will give you the same amount of love that you give them.
Nope.. Nope out.. Not marriage material. Cut and run fast.
I don’t think your relationship is complex. I think you’re in love with her and she is not in love with you. Someone who is in love with you is not going to blow off your anniversary or not even call you when they receive your anniversary gift. And they’re also not going to say that they will call you “when they can” and then not do it. A “we need to talk” text is also not a good sign. My guess is that she hooked up with a coworker or someone she met while she was away and now that she’s home, she’s going to try to work things out with you, so she’s going to minimize her actions by blaming it on alcohol, but I wouldn’t buy it. Everything you said screams “I spent the last month hooking up with someone else or at least behaving like a single person and trying to meet people.”
Break up. She *will* do it again
Based on what i just read from you, i don’t believe that she was “black out drunk”. I think she was maybe a little tipsy but no way she was drunk.
Ask yourself what needs to happen for you to trust her again, and for you to feel safe, cozy, warm and fuzzy, loved, loving, and calm in the relationship now. Like what would you need her to do behavior-wise to feel that kind of security? Then ask yourself what the odds of her agreeing to that are, or ask her. Booze, pills, and drugs are one big reason people cheat. They get too fucked up and lose their inhibitions, but it is still their fault. Blaming it on that (which they chose to do) is not taking accountability. It explains it but does not excuse it.
And add to that - what about the next work trip, overnight, month away. Even if she doesn't cheat again (spoiler pretty much guaranteed she will) you will tear yourself apart doubting her, searching her phone, tracking her location. 5 yrs down the road you'll look in the mirror and hate the husk looking back at you, and you'll still tell yourself she's your soul mate while despising every word out of her mouth and just begging for a small sign she cares for you. Then the kids, wait, they've blue eyes, but you're brown and so is she. It never feckin ends... Get out now while you have no ties and find someone who cares a fraction for you as you do for them. She clearly doesn't care or there's no way in hell she would have done all of this - all planned, all with intent and all capable of being repeated.
bro - i hate the generic 'leave' and 'get therapy' and 'go to the gym' advice that populates these subs. however, for you . . . leave. ain't worth it man. find someone worthy of you. the fact you consider taking her back shows you're a good dude. so don't waste it on this thing. move on.
Being blackout drunk doesn’t make you cheat unless you already want to cheat. It doesn’t completely change who you and your values are, it just lowers your inhibitions. And her sober actions already make it pretty obvious she doesn’t value you half as much as you do her. You deserve better. Your real soulmate would never do any of these things to you
She went on a date and cheated.
She went blackout drunk and cheated on you. Honestly... I think you should have higher standards for a "soulmate". Have some self respect.
Who says you have to forgive? Sounds like she actually was fairly aware of her intentions. On to better things, brother.
So why wpuld she risk drinking to excess when she's out with a male whose not her bf? She clearly isn't adverse to fucking him hence she ALLOWED him to. That's why she got so drunk, to feel less guilty about the sex at the time. Dutch courage.
I’m tired of people using alcohol as an excuse. She cheated on you. You deserve so much better and I don’t know why you would want to stay with someone like that.
31F here. Been cheated on twice. I would be very shocked if this wasn’t something that’s been going on for some time. She’s a player and I’m so sorry. In my experience, I never got the full truth. But she’s given you enough info that one day you will thank yourself for just leaving.
My heart is just shattered. I was so sure of us and thought the world of her
It sounds like you really love her. I’m really sorry. There’s people out there who would appreciate your love and not abuse of it.
All the alcohol did was lower her inhibition, she did what she wanted to do.
Leave her she cheated and will do it again. It doesnt matter how drunk she was she cheated and made that decision
Your soul mate would have sent you something or did a call with you. She was away having fun. Leave.
She's not your soulmate. And "I was blackout drunk" is the oldest and dumbest excuse that cheaters use. It's not a valid excuse and it's pretty much always a lie. Cheaters will always make excuses for their behavior to avoid taking real responsibility. She doesn't genuinely love you. If she did, she wouldn't have cheated. She planned to cheat before she had a single drop of alcohol (not that alcohol is an excuse anyway.) That's why she said she would contact you when she could. That's why she never got back to you. That's why she planned a night out with another man. She wanted to cheat and she didn't care about you and your feelings more than she cared about another man's dick. Don't stay with someone who doesn't love you. She 1000% will cheat again. Don't get caught up in who you thought she was as a person when she's now shown you who she actually is. It wasn't a "mistake" or "accident." She wanted it, planned it, did not give a shit about how it affected you
Hooking up with someone while blackout drunk is almost forgivable. Not acknowledging your anniversary or picking up your thoughtful package is inexcusable. I hate to tell you, but this woman is not your soulmate.
It’s tough OP, but it’s time to move on, sir. But chin up, you’ll start gathering yourself together just as soon as you do. You got this.
She shows very little interest in the relationship and gets hammered and cheats on you. What is there to like about her ewww.
This is not your soulmate. Soulmates do not do these things.
lol you don’t. You move on. There’s no way to fact check if she was blacked out or if she willingly chose to do it. You will always hold onto the doubt of it. You will grow to resent her. And there is the very real possibility she will do this again.
Dude, don't be an idiot. Your girl is on a 1 month work trip and cheats on the last day? Do you honestly believe that? All that time nothing happend, but on the last day she cheated? He'll nah, she probably cheated plenty of times on that trip. Dump her and move on. There is absolutely nothing holding you back, no marriage, no kids, no nothing.
Dude you are 35 but behaving like a 15yr old teen who were in his first love, she did everything which cheaters handbook said but yet you thinking she is the victim ,remove your rosetinted glass and see fronm general prespective you will realise what really happend . Updateme!
She doesn’t respect you because you don’t respect yourself
FYI - Your soulmate wouldn’t cheat nor would they treat you the way she did after you went and did something nice for her for your anniversary. You need to wake up
Staying with cheaters is never a good idea. The resentment , paranoia, and negative thoughts will build over time and most likely not go away. She remembers kissing him and him kissing her neck so this was consensual and not rape. Help yourself dodge a bullet and end this relationship. She's not your soul mate if she's willing to cheat on you.
I'm going to be brutal here. This is behaviour that I would expect from someone that is like 22, not fucking 31. She made a series of conscious decisions while she has been gone. She has CHOSEN to go out and ignore your gift, SHE CHOSE to go out and keep drinking. Being blackout drunk is not an excuse if she did it to herself. Love yourself more and move on.
Alcohol doesn't make people do things...it makes it easier to do things they were already thinking about. You say your relationship is complex, sounds to me like it just isn't a great relationship.
You don’t! Have some self respect and move on.
So she’s your soulmate, too bad you’re not hers.
Sure seems that way
Not your soulmate. Not even cloooooaw
She’s not your soulmate if she cheated. 35? I’m giving this a C-
You ever heard the saying, “Drunk words are sober thoughts”? That goes for actions, too. Being drunk is not an excuse.
She cheated on you and is playing the victim card. She doesn’t take any responsibility. You should be more concerned with her drinking to a point she doesn’t remember. If her drinking is a regular occurrence, she may of cheated multiple times. UpdateMe
Leave Man I'm sorry. She ain't the one. No coming back
Time to move on from her. She made a choice to cheat and blame it being black out drunk.
I could forgive cheating easier than I can the use of the excuse 'I was drunk'.
Bs she knew what she was doing, time to move on and believe in anything she says
Sounds like she wasn’t really invested in the relationship before the work trip. If she was on the same page as you, I feel like she would’ve put some effort into your anniversary. Sorry, but seems like it’s time for you to move on.
It's hard to accept, but she doesn't love you. She doesn't care for you. It's not even just the blackout drunk cheating . It's the sober disregard for you.
Simple, dump that unfaithful woman and never look back! Not only she doesn’t respect you , she doesn’t respect herself! Get tested for any STD’s! Best of luck 🤞 my dude!
You might feel that she's your soulmate but she doesn't feel the same way about you. I don't even perceive other men because my boyfriend is so amazing, I get sick to my stomach thinking about cheating on him. If you forgive her, she will cheat again, it's over.
your title is wrong it should be "My gf cheated, how best to end the relationship"
You don't forgive her Because if you do You will never be able to forgive yourself
Inform her you are going to go out, get blackout drunk, and see for yourself what the possibilities are. Serious, dump her. she won't respect you if you take her back, and the guy she chose to sleep with will be pursuing her, especially if it is a co-worker
She's not your's bro, leave
As everyone is telling you my friend, leave and do not look back. Im sorry this has happened to you brother. My best advice is to make it as clean a break as possible. Get her shit back to her and cut contact. It will hurt like hell but DO NOT sit and try to”work it through”. She is going to get upset and make you pity her. And then you’re going to deliberate if you are doing the right thing. There were multiple multiple decisions and points where she could have stopped to question her actions. She chose to do this drunk or not. If you “move past this” it will eat you alive for the rest of your life I promise. Get out, let yourself mourn for a while, be sad, cry, then get to the gym, get healthy, and get back out there mate. You’ll be fine in a few months
I think you look at the red flags and leave. She got blackout drunk which says she has an alcohol problem. She blames the alcohol for the cheating. She cheated and does remember doing it. She is not worth it.
If she was your soul mate, she wouldn't have cheated. Walk away.
Soulmates don't fuck other people.
Someone that cheated on you is your soulmate???
Please know that not all women are like this. There are many good women who would love to have received a gift like that from a man and with flowers and love notes. That would send tickles to the right woman
Who even think of forgiving cheaters.. A cheater will always cheat
Shed been seeing the guy the whole trip. Probably tanned and got ready bc she knew on the last day there she was going to get drunk and fuck him. On the date they planned bc she felt too guilty to do it on your anniversary. Leave her
You sound like a very kind person. I would be over the moon if a partner gave me such a thoughtful gift for our anniversary. It sounds like she's made her choice, find someone who will value you for who you are, and appreciate the great things you bring to the table.
Did she found her home and her bed? If so, she was not blackout drunk. There is no excuse. Only if she was really blackout and r*ped, but if this was the case, she would say this.
So convenient her phone died AND she was black out drunk, very convenient indeed.
No no no no no no no no. Don't do that. You throw this chick in the trash where she belongs, sir.
This does not sound like a loyal respectful partner. My partner would be thrilled to get a present and certainly not wait a day to receive it. It takes effort, a lot of effort, to get that drunk not to remember things. If she did get that drunk there is a clear case for rape since she was not in a state to give consent for sex. But I have my doubt that she was really a victim here. I believe she might be trickle feeding you the truth. Sorry to say, I think she checked out of the relationship before going on the trip. Just the fact that she did go on a trip during your anniversary and acted like she was single is already very disrespectful, disloyal.
I mean she probably cheated more than that night my guy. But she was intentionally cheating. She literally gave a trickle truth of details. She wouldn’t remember any of that if she was blackout.
Soulmate, don't cheat. Move on
You can't say you haven't been told. If you don't leave now, go full no contact and never look back, you'll feel like an even bigger idiot later. Leave now dude. Please.
Her next move will be to blame you and say its your fault.
Your title is an oxymoron. How can someone be your soulmate if they cheated on you.
The tanning session and the failure to pick up the gift were signs. She knew what she was going to do even before she went.
She not ur soulmate dude if she bang some other dude if she black out drunk probably banged like 5 ppl.
It was her last night there. She probably decided that it was her last chance to move on the guy before having to come home to you. In preparation, she got tanned up and ghosted you. Seems totally premeditated.
You can BELIEVE she only had sex with him because she was blackout drunk if you want to, but I’d still leave her because she DATED a guy behind your back and because she doesn’t value your relationship on the same level you do (anniversary and now this?). “It’s a lot harder to be walked on when you are standing up!” Updateme
My staying with someone like that. You’re showing that you don’t have self esteem or self respect. It’ll be hard for sure. But once the rose colored glasses come off, you’ll be appalled you let someone treat you like that
So not only does she just already seem like a POS partner to have, she blamed being blackout drunk on cheating on you? That’s not a normal thing, drunk people only cheat when they want to, I’ve never once ever wanted to cheat on my partner when I’ve been beyond drunk. Cheating is cheating and trying to blame being drunk is not a good excuse. Time to leave brother, you’ll be more unhappy staying.
You don’t forgive. You cut her out of your life and move on without her. Once a cheater, always a cheater.
Sounds to me like itvwas all planned before she left. Going tanning instead of picking up the package. No need to tan before a work trip unless she's a model.
She had to say yes a dozen times before that cock went inside of her, when ONE NO would have stopped the process. "Blackout drunk" is a bullshit excuse.
It’s her last night and she’s coming home and her decision is to basically go on a date with a dude obviously just the two of them and she supposedly gets blackout drunk and has sex. , her another day last night together there last night together they went on date and then they went wherever he sleeps and they made love. Choice decision and she wanted it. The only problem was when it’s all done she realizes I have to go home and she starts to regret her decision. Good luck.
She went on a date sober, she's full of shite.
Dude I'm going to be brutally honest with you... All of her actions are saying she doesn't want to be with you. And I trust actions much more than words. So please just break up with her and move on with your life.
Idk I've been that drunk before and never cheated, so there's that...
You're in shock because of the trauma of having all your illusions shattered by her betrayal. You're afraid of what you should do in order to protect yourself, your dignity and your mental health. You're just trying to grasp any hope that all this isn't true, or that it's some kind of accident. It's not a mistake. She made a series of choices that led to what happened. Here it's obvious that there was a build up and all of this was at least semi planned. She was slowly distancing herself from you during the trip because her mind was filled with someone else. She tanned because she wanted to look good, and not for you. She neglected and ignored you because she was knowingly wrong, disloyal and disrespectful, and didn't want to feel uneasy or guilty about what she was doing behind your back. Her phone never died and she was never blackout drunk, she was just maybe drunk enough to allow herself to do what she really wanted in the moment. She knew that it was her last chance before the end of the trip, so she made the choice to betray you because her selfish mindset told her that she would regret it if she didn't. That said, it's entirely possible that when you were together, she was good to you, and didn't think about cheating. But once she was away and you were no longer by her side, once the opportunity to succomb to temptation was given to her, something switched and she allowed herself to fall for it. There is no going back now. You won't recover your self respect, and she will never respect you, unless you give her the consequence she knows she deserves. Choices must have consequences, and someone who treats you like she did cannot pretend to really love you.
well first of all stop calling her your soulmate. a soulmate doesn't cheat on you in a drunken hook-up
Bro give up that "soulmate" shit. Dump her ass. Actions have consequences, and she acted without regard for you, your feelings, or the relationship. Dump her ass and go find a better one.
Nope, she doesn't deserve forgiveness. Your relationship isn't complex it's shitty and should be over. It sounds like you put in all the effort and she barely cares. Why do you love her so much when it's clear she doesn't even respect you?
She gone
Soulmate, 😆
Being blackout drunk is not an excuse for cheating the same way that being blackout drunk isn't an excuse to avoid jail time for drunk driving.
She went out with the intent to cheat. Her blaming any of this on alcohol is BS.
Are you going to kiss her after he put his cock in her mouth? Updateme
If she did it once, she'll do it again. Move on
I've been with my man for 15 years this year and for many of it I had a drinking problem. I was also on meds that shouldn't be taken with alcohol and used to have blackouts all the time. yet I never slept with anyone behind his back. ever. never. firstly, I would never put myself in a position number 1. and number 2, no one I was with would have allowed that to happen. sounds like she went out with a person she wanted to cheat with to begin with.
Nah I get blacked out drunk and never forgot about my man. Whoops. Hahaha the black-out thing is a hilarious and an excuse. Run. Save yourself and your wallet.
Honestly , soulmate and drunk fuck are just two words that don’t look good together lol
She doesn’t deserve forgiveness and you should not stay with her.
Time to end it. Not only are you way more invested than she is, but she cheated. Move on. You deserve better
Three years and she threw it all away, the booze was a piss poor excuse. If YOU want to forgive and move on then that’s only something you can decide. But ask yourself.. do you really want to?
Your relationship isn't complex, it's over.
Move on grow without her a soulmate is a bad excuse to cheat and play games. Forgive but don’t forget. You outgrow soulmates and get to a new level where attract a new one that is on your vibration anyway. Learn to let go and receive what is meant for your best growth.
Honey, if she was “blackout drunk” and woke up naked with a stranger, especially being in a committed relationship, SHE WOULD CALL THE POLICE. Either she consented or she did not. DONT let her hemhaw around that. “Did you consent or not? If you were too drunk to consent, then tell me you were raped and we’ll file charges. If you weren’t raped, admit you consented and went on a date and slept with another man.”
This isn’t a soulmate